September 19, 2024 • 28 mins
Ever had a misunderstanding that blew up into a major issue, only to realize it could have been avoided with better communication? Join me in the lounge as I recount a personal story about a financial misunderstanding involving my godson's mother, and learn how clear and honest communication can be the glue that holds relationships together. We discuss the essence of trust, built through consistent actions and honesty, and how relationships are a dynamic give-and-take rather than a perfect 50/50 split. Discover the pivotal role of being truthful and reliable to ensure promises are kept and communication remains open.
But that’s not all—we also delve into maintaining healthy relationships by valuing mutual respect and navigating the dangers of one-sided dynamics. Reflecting on past mistakes, I stress the importance of genuine love that should come naturally and urge men to express their feelings while encouraging women to respect those expressions. We challenge the outdated notion of "happy wife, happy life" and advocate for a balanced, mutual effort to uplift each other. Through personal anecdotes and lessons from trusted family members, gain insights on overcoming childhood traumas and past experiences that influence adult relationships, ensuring love remains a rewarding yet not inherently hard journey.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Holla, I'm waiting for you.
She's holding on to that kid.
Relax, it's gonna be okay, girl.
We better be in love.
Oh yeah, with two.
With two, no, you choose one orthe other.
What?
We're now in the lounge.
What's going on?
Everybody?
This is your boy, j Stone,coming to you live with another
(00:21):
edition of In the Lounge withStone and B.
Today we're going to be talkingabout that thing that we all
want to find in a person.
Or we say can I trust you?
My grandmother used to say Ican trust you as far as I can
throw you.
That means she can't trust you.
But we don't want that.
We want that real trust, thattrust that if they go across the
(00:43):
world, you know that they'rerepresenting you the right way,
that is, through love, throughjoy, through peace, through the
whole thing.
They ain't doing nothing crazyand you on the other side of the
earth ain't doing nothing crazyeither.
So, ladies and gentlemen, sitback, relax.
Um, call a friend, call an able, call a loved one.
(01:03):
Tell them your boy, jay stone,is on the air and we're talking
about trust and the relationship.
Tune in.
What's going on.
I'm back to you.
Oh, so let's do this.
I'm going to put myself in it.
And so I want to say a week agoI give it three days three days
(01:25):
ago I was out chilling, kickingit, and I got home tired, laid
on the couch.
My phone started ringing.
I didn't hear it until thefifth ring.
I'm sorry, the fifth time theycalled and it was the young lady
that I am currently involvedwith.
(01:46):
She asked me a question.
She said who is a certainperson and why are you sending
her money?
My question was to her how doyou know I'm sending her money?
What are you snooping andlooking at?
And it went from never mind,it's okay, I should have did
(02:07):
this.
I shouldn't do that.
She got mad, upset or whatever.
Me happy now.
Yes, I could have told her thatwas my godson's mother and it
wasn't for the girl, it was forthe young man that he asked me a
question.
I was there to help him and Iwas.
(02:29):
I was able to help him and Idid, and we kept on going.
The reason she called wasbecause it was a woman on there
and she thought me and her waskicking it, doing something and
I had.
I have to realize now it wasn'tthe fact that it wasn't a trust
issue, it was the fact that shehad issues in her past
(02:50):
relationship that made herquestion.
What she seen right then andthere.
So what I should have just toldher is hey, that's nothing for
you to worry about.
This is that person, this iswhat she is to me, and that is
point blank and all.
So to say this is true.
(03:11):
Sometimes you just have to let aperson know what they want, to
hear their information and letthem keep going.
Now I can truly honestly tellyou now, being in a relationship
Is work, work.
It's a 24 hour, 365 days.
I said three 24 hours, 24 hours, 365 days a year.
(03:41):
There is no off days, there'sno vacations, there's nobody
that you can tag in.
Well, if you got a relationshipthat you and your partner's in
that tagging position, but mostof these relationships ain't
nobody tagging in you with, youin there with her and she in
there with, and that's what itis.
(04:02):
So be true to your word andfollow through with your actions
.
This is what truth is.
Truth is being true to yourword.
If you're going to tell a woman, hey, I will be there to fix
(04:22):
your toilet at 545 in themorning, make sure you're there
at 545 in the morning with toolsin hand ready to fix the toilet
.
You know, because she islooking at every word you say
and some women hang on thosewords.
The point of building trust isfor others to believe what you
(04:43):
say.
Keep in mind mind.
However, the building of trustrequires not only to keep the
promise, but also not to make apromise that you can't keep.
Oh, so meaning, if you know youcan't do something and you tell
the person yeah, I can do it, Ican do it.
Why not just come out and betruthful, like you know what I
(05:04):
can't do something and you tellthe person yeah, I can do it, I
can do it.
Why not just come out and betruthful, like you know what I
can't do, that right now I don'thave the means to do it.
You know I can't do it.
You know, because the wholething about a relationship, the
relationship is a 50 50.
And I can't even say that.
Let me, let me go back.
(05:25):
Realistic is not 50 50.
Stop saying that, because it'snot true, because you might walk
in the house and be on 90.
She only got 10.
Guess what?
Y'all ain't gonna break up.
You put that 90 with that 10,you got 100.
You know, she might be on, on,on, on 50 and, and, uh, and you,
you, you, you, you, you, yougot 50.
Y'all put that together, okay,that's a 50, 50.
(05:46):
But I might be on 75.
She come with 25.
That's you go, you know so, so,so it's, it's, it's what the
person has that you make up forshe, she feeling for me, I
feeling for her.
That's the relationship part.
(06:07):
Being truthful is telling mewhat I have, telling you what I
can do, telling you what is, uh,what's my means, and not
holding it, wait, not saying, oh, I can do this, I can do that
and lie, no, because my dumb hasalways said one lie leads to
another lie needs to.
Another lie leads to anotherlie leads to another lie leads
to another lie leads to anotherlie, and you will continue lying
until you be at the end of yourbridge, trying to fall off and
(06:29):
be like, oh, my god, I need help, you know.
So it's easier and better totell a person the truth and let
them sort out what they can andcannot do, and I like like that.
So, learn how to communicateeffectively with each other.
Oh, that's the number.
I always tell people thiscommunication with each other
(06:53):
inside of this relationship iskey, and truthful communication
is key.
Why I say truthfulcommunication?
Sitting in line to each otherwon't work for anything.
Truthful communication is key.
Poor communication is a majorreason why relationships break
(07:14):
down.
Good communication includesbeing clear about what you have
or have not committed to andwhat has been agreed upon so and
so.
Because you have an agreement,that means there was a
conversation before which, I sayagain, every couple needs to
(07:34):
sit and have a conversation.
What are your expectations ofme and what's my expectations of
you?
Oh, see, that's the thing aboutit.
We get in these relationships.
Well, oh, he looked good.
Oh, he got muscles.
Oh, she got a big ass.
Oh, she cute.
Oh, but what's the what's thewhole thing of the relationship?
(07:56):
Why am I here?
Why am I in this relationshipwith you?
Can we sit and talk and tell me, let me tell you my expectation
and let me tell, and you letlet you tell me what you
expected me?
Now, see, another one is see,that's the truth.
And communication, because wegot to be truthful as far.
(08:17):
Also, we communicate.
Remind yourself that it takestime to build and learn and earn
trust.
It takes time to build and earntrust.
The word, key word here is earnTrust is not just thrown out
and given, because it's been somany women, so many men been
(08:38):
screwed over in thisrelationship game that they have
trust issues and it is hard fora person to trust you.
So now what you have to do isshow them that you can trust on
that trust.
Little steps, little things,it's not many things you know.
Just show them.
Hey, you know what.
He went out of town.
(08:58):
He came back.
I haven't heard anything.
Hey, okay, cool, many women,when they don't trust you, to
ask a lot of questions.
Be truthful with thosequestions, be true, so I'm sorry
, be truthful with the answersthat you give them and and
honestly, honestly, let a personbe honest with a person.
Let them.
(09:18):
Let them decide if they want tobe with you.
I was talking to a how can I saythis?
A professional escort releaser?
A professional escort releaseror a professional escort
(09:43):
releaser?
That's what.
A professional escort releaseror a professional?
Yeah, a professional escortreleaser?
That's what I'll say.
And he said the biggest thingto do is tell the truth and
allow a person to decide if theywant to do it or don't.
Because if you sit and just lieto a person and lie and scheme
your way there.
There will be no truth in that.
(10:03):
You have to lie all the waythrough.
He said lying is the worstthing you could ever do because,
for one, you got to think of alie and continue to think of
that lie and continue to thinkof that lie.
Telling the truth comes out andnatural.
He said I'd rather be naturaland authentic than sit and lie
to a person.
Now, building trust is a dailycommitment.
(10:25):
Don't make a mistake ofexpecting too much too soon.
In order to build trust, firsttake small steps and take on
small ideas not ideas, but takeon small commitments and then
(10:46):
you will start seeing the trustgrow between you and your
partner.
You will also see that she orhe won't ask you so many
questions.
Now take the time to makedecisions and think before you
(11:06):
act so quickly.
A lot of people do actions andthey be upset and they say, oh,
forget it, I'm going to leave,I'm out of here, I'm leaving,
I'm going.
I can't deal with this.
Why?
Because past hurts.
They even got hurt in the past,lied to in the past, screwed
over in the past.
Things took it from them in thepast and I keep telling, I keep
(11:37):
saying whatever happened to youin your previous relationship,
don't bring it to the one youhave now.
I had a podcast.
Don't let your ex, don't letyour ex mess up your next.
That means everything he did toyou.
Don't bring it over here to toto do whatever Johnny did.
Don't bring it up to Mark,because Mark ain't have nothing
to do with Johnny and you.
You broke up with Johnny.
Leave Johnny over there in thecorner.
You and Mark have something new.
Have something fresh.
(11:58):
Let Mark make his mistakes.
Don't punish him for whateverJohnny did.
Same thing with the man.
Whatever Sarah did to you,you're over here with Margaret.
Don't punish Margaret for whatSarah did.
And this is the problem.
We say we get into relationships, we go into one and go back, go
(12:19):
into one relationship and jumpout of that one and go into
another.
No, heal first.
Take the time to heal.
That is healing from the trustfactor.
That is healing from the lovefactor.
That is healing from just beinghuman.
Make sure you heal yourselfbefore you go into another
(12:43):
relationship.
Hmm, value the relationship thatyou have.
That's the key word.
Value.
Value the relationship that youhave.
We have seen so manyrelationships only one-sided.
He's doing so much for her,he's bending over backwards, so
(13:09):
he values their relationship andshe only values what he can do
for her, or is vice versa?
He found out he got eight otherwomen and he got three of them
bidding over backwards andanother one doing a cartwheel
and this, and that he onlyvalues the, the sexual favors or
or the gifts he gets.
(13:29):
No, when you get into arelationship, value that person
and value that relationship youtwo have.
You two value each otherbecause he will rise you and you
should rise him.
So when you're in arelationship and you look over
time, he should be making youbetter and you should be making
him better.
(13:50):
Do not take them for granted.
Value their relationship anddon't take that person for
granted.
Because I'm going to tell youthis you start taking people for
granted, they leave and youthink about it and you say, dang
, I should have done.
I could have done, like rightnow, like my whole situation,
(14:10):
that I told you in the firstthing.
I'm saying here now what Ishould have done is tell her who
she was and let it go.
But no, my thing is I had toask the question.
Answer a question was aquestion because I wanted to
know how you knew theinformation.
But that was not the real pointof the whole matter.
(14:33):
The point of the whole mattershe's been hurt before and I
should have kept caught that andsaid hey, not, don't, let me
let this linger on.
So let me nip this, tell youwho it is and tell you why I did
what I did.
Uh, and that would have been abetter thing.
Yes, yes, I learned from mymistakes and that's the problem.
(14:54):
Some of us don't learn from ourmistakes.
In relationship.
Always be honest, always.
I don't care if it looks likeit's going to hurt the person.
I don't care if it feels likeshe go.
Soon as I tell her this truth,or soon as I tell him this truth
(15:15):
, he going to leave.
Let them decide what they wantto do and most of the time when
you're honest with the person,they see that and be like.
You know what I'm going tostick around, I like him, I love
him.
I love her.
I like her.
You know, let me help you withthe problem.
(15:38):
Or let me see what's going on,let me see how was.
Yeah, if I don't, if I'm notsticking with you, I can still
be your friend or, however, soalways do what you believe to be
to do is right.
Nine times out of ten, half thetime, yeah, we was raised by our
mother, and if we weren'traised by our mother and a
father was raised by our motheror your auntie or whoever raised
(15:58):
you taught you right from wrong.
Anyway, that comes natural.
Right from Rome comes natural.
You know it's right, you knowit's wrong.
You know it's wrong to lie to aperson because once you lie to
them, you feel it.
This is what you feel.
You feel, oh, I got away withit, but dang, you know what I
shouldn't even do that.
Then you start thinking about.
Then you, like you, you're,you're conscious, like, let me
(16:19):
blow it off, I forget.
Okay, I got away with.
I'm keep pushing.
No, no, no, I got a partner thatthat truly wants to be a pimp.
Why, I don't know.
And I have told him you're nota pimp.
Pimps don't lie.
The reason I'm saying this isbecause a pimp will have 14
(16:43):
different women, or fivedifferent women, and each and
every last one of them know eachother.
They know why they at what theydo and how they do.
They know who the top hold andwho the bottom hold.
But if you out here playingaround, running around and Kiki
don't know who Lisa is and Lisadon't know who Kiki is, or Lisa
(17:07):
ain't seen Sarah or whoeverthese people are, you channel
deal with.
You're not a pimp, you You'rejust a nigga around here trying
to screw every female around andyou're lying.
See, you're going to be like myold man.
Papa was a road to stone and,trust me, that stone will find
its way, being crushed andbroken.
Trust and believe me, what Ican truly say is this A
(17:37):
relationship is 24 hours work,but it is worth it.
If you put the time in, if youput the dedication in it's, if
you put the love in, it is nothard to love a person.
It should never be hard to lovea person.
It's the easiest and simplething because your heart comes
(18:00):
with love.
It implements love.
It implements love.
It should be love everywhereyou go.
Once again, don't hide yourfeelings, brothers.
I know we were raised upsometimes that the boys don't
men.
Don't cry, brother.
If you feel or you got a feelingor you feel that you've been
treated wrong, and you have anopportunity to express that and
(18:21):
talk to that.
Express it with your voice andnot your hands.
Never put your hands on a woman.
Never, never abuse a woman.
Never physically abuse a woman.
Never verbally abuse a woman.
If you have to, if you have thetime to open up and tell a
woman how you feel, let her know.
And, women, you never, never,never use that against a man.
(18:44):
Once he opens up to you, neverbring it back up and never use
it against him, because he willalways, always shut down.
You will never get anythingelse out of him.
Never, never.
This is the thing about it isdon't hide your feelings, but be
careful in who you tell thesefeelings to, and don't go out
(19:08):
willy-nilly, just open yourmouth and start talking to
everybody and say I feel thisway, I feel that way, I'm this,
I'm that, I'm this.
No, because those feelingssometimes be construed for other
things, and when it's construedfor other things, we then don't
know what to do.
So or it's construed forsomething else, or or made to
(19:32):
make you look weak and you'renot weak.
This is the part that we say,wow, I should have kept my mouth
closed, I should have nevertold her anything.
And then when she say what'swrong, you go here it is Nothing
, I'm okay, everything is good,and he's dying in the inside.
But now he knows he can't trustyou.
(19:54):
Another thing is, brothers never, never, never dismiss your lady
.
If she's telling you how shefeels, listen, trust me.
I'm telling you from experience.
Listen to what she's tellingyou and implement what she's
(20:14):
telling you.
If you love her, if you careabout her, never let her go away
from an argument or fight,feeling dismissed or feeling
like, oh, and you feel like Iwon the argument.
There is no one that's winningan argument.
If you're in a relationship,any arguments you have, there is
(20:35):
no winner.
There's always just a solutionto keep the peace.
So there is no.
And another thing I heard theseold couples say this Don't go to
bed mad.
I used to understand.
I used to wonder like, why?
Why we can't go to bed mad.
I'm awake up and I'm mad at youagain.
No, no.
(20:56):
Once you got, once I got alittle older, I understood, if I
go to bed mad and I die, guesswhat?
There's going to be somehaunting the person that's alive
, because they never got achance to get it right and you
never want to put that on aperson.
So if you have an argument withyour loved one or you have an
argument with your wife or yourman or whatever, sit down and
(21:18):
talk about it.
I understand sometimes it getsheated that you don't want to
talk.
Go somewhere, take a break,relax yourself and talk.
Talk it out.
Come back, talk it out.
Now.
If you're a woman, I'm gonnatell you this if you see your
man walking away, don't gofollowing behind him.
(21:39):
Don't go following behind himtalking crap.
Fuck you, don't do that.
If you see him walking away, hesaid baby, I need some time,
give him the time.
Same thing with you brothers.
If you see that, go there, dothat.
Now another thing when you guyshave arguments, it's between
you two.
It ain't between your mama, herdaddy, her friends, her
(22:03):
girlfriends.
No, none of that.
Why?
Because this is what happensOnce you finish arguing and
y'all done got together andy'all cool and good and loving
on each other and sucking oneach other, doing whatever you
want to do with each other.
When, thanksgiving coming, hecome around.
Guess what?
The family still found out whathe done did.
Because you done sit there andtold and they looking at him all
(22:25):
sideways and crooked he likewhat's going on?
You done told everything whenyou are in a relationship,
especially if you're in arelationship and you done get
married you gotta see two things.
Who's up there holding yourhand?
It ain't three or two things.
Who's up there holding yourhand?
It ain't three or four people,it's just you and that woman or
(22:47):
that man and that woman Y'all upthere holding each other's hand
.
And that's where thatrelationship ends.
They give you a ring.
The ring has a circle.
Ain't nothing in there breakingthat circle or anything.
You go to God with your thingsand you deal with it that way.
It is not a hard thing to love.
It is a simple thing to love.
(23:07):
It is a simple thing to betruthful.
And also also this is my numberone and last thing that I want
to talk to you and tell youabout Admit your mistakes, tell
the truth, keep an open dialect,an open thing of conversation.
(23:28):
Do not deflect your oh well,you did this, no, it's not about
what she did, it's about whatyou did.
Oh, you did this yesterday, oryou did this last week.
Why can't, nope, nope, you didthis yesterday.
Oh, you did this last week.
Why can't, nope, nope, admityour mistakes.
My grandma always told me ifyou want to see change in a
(23:48):
person.
You change first and thenthey'll follow you, ooh, ooh.
So I say this to to be honest.
To be honest Admit yourmistakes and she will follow.
Admit your mistakes and he willfollow Once again.
(24:13):
Love is not hard.
It is some steps into love andyou know we got most people that
jump into it.
Oh, I love that first sight.
I got a question Once you hearthat, is that two people saying
I love you at first sight, or isjust that one person saying it
to you and then the other persongrows to love you?
Somebody asked that for me.
(24:35):
But I just want to come andtalk to you guys about
truthfulness and being truthfulin a relationship.
It is very, very crucial.
It's very, very necessary.
It's very, very needed.
We got so many people that justthink a lot Thinking line is
(24:59):
hey, lie to her, she'll be okay.
No, stop lying to people.
You know what.
I'm going to say this and thenI'm going to close this out.
Trust in a relationship isfeeling safe, feeling confident,
allowing a person to bevulnerable and open without
(25:21):
boundaries or without forms orquibbles, and also knowing your
boundaries in your relationship.
Trust can also affect howpeople feel about others and how
people see you and how peoplesee you.
(25:46):
Also, when you tell a personsomething, keep your word.
My uncle, long time ago, heused to tell me your word is
your bond.
A man's word is his bond.
No matter what you do, keepyour word.
(26:07):
I remember he used to tell me,friday I'm going to take you to
get your haircut.
And what's crazy is I look forhim every Friday and he will be
there.
He will be there.
So, oh yeah.
And if you got some kids I'mnot even going to get up on kids
and fathers, fathers if youever tell a kid you gonna pick
(26:28):
him up, go pick her up, go pickhim up, be there.
This relationship thing, thistrust thing, it goes deep
because the reason a lot ofpeople don't trust is because
sometimes their parents let themdown or the people that's
supposed to be there for themare not there anymore and they
(26:49):
let them down.
So we, as as as as goinggetting older and getting grown,
we have a lot of childhoodtrauma.
We got a good, got a lot ofchildhood lies to us and
everything, and then we're stilltrying to work these out and
our grown selves, and then, whenwe get in relationships.
We toss all the stuff thathappened to us in our childhood,
(27:11):
all the stuff that happened tous when we were in a
relationship, and we toss thaton the other person and say,
here, hear me, here's me andhere's all my problems and my
baggage and if I got kids herethey have to deal with it.
No, that's not how arelationship works.
How a relationship works is wework together to make each other
(27:32):
better.
That happy wife, happy life,not true.
Work together to make eachother better.
This is your boy, jay Stone,signing off.
Glad you stopped by Hope.
I said something that willpique your interest, that you
(27:54):
can listen to me again.
Tell a friend, tell a neighbor,trust and believe.
Love is not hard.
It is work, but it's not hard.
I'm your boy, jay stone.
I'm out, peace.
Holla, I'm waiting for you.
She's holding on to that kid.
Relax, it's gonna be okay, girl.
We better be in love.
Oh yeah, with two.
With two, no, you choose one orthe other.
What?
We're now in the lounge.
What's going on?
Everybody?
This is your boy, j Stone,coming to you live with another
(00:21):
edition of In the Lounge withStone and B.
Today we're going to be talkingabout that thing that we all
want to find in a person.
Or we say can I trust you?
My grandmother used to say Ican trust you as far as I can
throw you.
That means she can't trust you.
But we don't want that.
We want that real trust, thattrust that if they go across the
(00:43):
world, you know that they'rerepresenting you the right way,
that is, through love, throughjoy, through peace, through the
whole thing.
They ain't doing nothing crazyand you on the other side of the
earth ain't doing nothing crazyeither.
So, ladies and gentlemen, sitback, relax.
Um, call a friend, call an able, call a loved one.
(01:03):
Tell them your boy, jay stone,is on the air and we're talking
about trust and the relationship.
Tune in.
What's going on.
I'm back to you.
Oh, so let's do this.
I'm going to put myself in it.
And so I want to say a week agoI give it three days three days
(01:25):
ago I was out chilling, kickingit, and I got home tired, laid
on the couch.
My phone started ringing.
I didn't hear it until thefifth ring.
I'm sorry, the fifth time theycalled and it was the young lady
that I am currently involvedwith.
(01:46):
She asked me a question.
She said who is a certainperson and why are you sending
her money?
My question was to her how doyou know I'm sending her money?
What are you snooping andlooking at?
And it went from never mind,it's okay, I should have did
(02:07):
this.
I shouldn't do that.
She got mad, upset or whatever.
Me happy now.
Yes, I could have told her thatwas my godson's mother and it
wasn't for the girl, it was forthe young man that he asked me a
question.
I was there to help him and Iwas.
(02:29):
I was able to help him and Idid, and we kept on going.
The reason she called wasbecause it was a woman on there
and she thought me and her waskicking it, doing something and
I had.
I have to realize now it wasn'tthe fact that it wasn't a trust
issue, it was the fact that shehad issues in her past
(02:50):
relationship that made herquestion.
What she seen right then andthere.
So what I should have just toldher is hey, that's nothing for
you to worry about.
This is that person, this iswhat she is to me, and that is
point blank and all.
So to say this is true.
(03:11):
Sometimes you just have to let aperson know what they want, to
hear their information and letthem keep going.
Now I can truly honestly tellyou now, being in a relationship
Is work, work.
It's a 24 hour, 365 days.
I said three 24 hours, 24 hours, 365 days a year.
(03:41):
There is no off days, there'sno vacations, there's nobody
that you can tag in.
Well, if you got a relationshipthat you and your partner's in
that tagging position, but mostof these relationships ain't
nobody tagging in you with, youin there with her and she in
there with, and that's what itis.
(04:02):
So be true to your word andfollow through with your actions
.
This is what truth is.
Truth is being true to yourword.
If you're going to tell a woman, hey, I will be there to fix
(04:22):
your toilet at 545 in themorning, make sure you're there
at 545 in the morning with toolsin hand ready to fix the toilet
.
You know, because she islooking at every word you say
and some women hang on thosewords.
The point of building trust isfor others to believe what you
(04:43):
say.
Keep in mind mind.
However, the building of trustrequires not only to keep the
promise, but also not to make apromise that you can't keep.
Oh, so meaning, if you know youcan't do something and you tell
the person yeah, I can do it, Ican do it.
Why not just come out and betruthful, like you know what I
(05:04):
can't do something and you tellthe person yeah, I can do it, I
can do it.
Why not just come out and betruthful, like you know what I
can't do, that right now I don'thave the means to do it.
You know I can't do it.
You know, because the wholething about a relationship, the
relationship is a 50 50.
And I can't even say that.
Let me, let me go back.
(05:25):
Realistic is not 50 50.
Stop saying that, because it'snot true, because you might walk
in the house and be on 90.
She only got 10.
Guess what?
Y'all ain't gonna break up.
You put that 90 with that 10,you got 100.
You know, she might be on, on,on, on 50 and, and, uh, and you,
you, you, you, you, you, yougot 50.
Y'all put that together, okay,that's a 50, 50.
(05:46):
But I might be on 75.
She come with 25.
That's you go, you know so, so,so it's, it's, it's what the
person has that you make up forshe, she feeling for me, I
feeling for her.
That's the relationship part.
(06:07):
Being truthful is telling mewhat I have, telling you what I
can do, telling you what is, uh,what's my means, and not
holding it, wait, not saying, oh, I can do this, I can do that
and lie, no, because my dumb hasalways said one lie leads to
another lie needs to.
Another lie leads to anotherlie leads to another lie leads
to another lie leads to anotherlie, and you will continue lying
until you be at the end of yourbridge, trying to fall off and
(06:29):
be like, oh, my god, I need help, you know.
So it's easier and better totell a person the truth and let
them sort out what they can andcannot do, and I like like that.
So, learn how to communicateeffectively with each other.
Oh, that's the number.
I always tell people thiscommunication with each other
(06:53):
inside of this relationship iskey, and truthful communication
is key.
Why I say truthfulcommunication?
Sitting in line to each otherwon't work for anything.
Truthful communication is key.
Poor communication is a majorreason why relationships break
(07:14):
down.
Good communication includesbeing clear about what you have
or have not committed to andwhat has been agreed upon so and
so.
Because you have an agreement,that means there was a
conversation before which, I sayagain, every couple needs to
(07:34):
sit and have a conversation.
What are your expectations ofme and what's my expectations of
you?
Oh, see, that's the thing aboutit.
We get in these relationships.
Well, oh, he looked good.
Oh, he got muscles.
Oh, she got a big ass.
Oh, she cute.
Oh, but what's the what's thewhole thing of the relationship?
(07:56):
Why am I here?
Why am I in this relationshipwith you?
Can we sit and talk and tell me, let me tell you my expectation
and let me tell, and you letlet you tell me what you
expected me?
Now, see, another one is see,that's the truth.
And communication, because wegot to be truthful as far.
(08:17):
Also, we communicate.
Remind yourself that it takestime to build and learn and earn
trust.
It takes time to build and earntrust.
The word, key word here is earnTrust is not just thrown out
and given, because it's been somany women, so many men been
(08:38):
screwed over in thisrelationship game that they have
trust issues and it is hard fora person to trust you.
So now what you have to do isshow them that you can trust on
that trust.
Little steps, little things,it's not many things you know.
Just show them.
Hey, you know what.
He went out of town.
(08:58):
He came back.
I haven't heard anything.
Hey, okay, cool, many women,when they don't trust you, to
ask a lot of questions.
Be truthful with thosequestions, be true, so I'm sorry
, be truthful with the answersthat you give them and and
honestly, honestly, let a personbe honest with a person.
Let them.
(09:18):
Let them decide if they want tobe with you.
I was talking to a how can I saythis?
A professional escort releaser?
A professional escort releaseror a professional escort
(09:43):
releaser?
That's what.
A professional escort releaseror a professional?
Yeah, a professional escortreleaser?
That's what I'll say.
And he said the biggest thingto do is tell the truth and
allow a person to decide if theywant to do it or don't.
Because if you sit and just lieto a person and lie and scheme
your way there.
There will be no truth in that.
(10:03):
You have to lie all the waythrough.
He said lying is the worstthing you could ever do because,
for one, you got to think of alie and continue to think of
that lie and continue to thinkof that lie.
Telling the truth comes out andnatural.
He said I'd rather be naturaland authentic than sit and lie
to a person.
Now, building trust is a dailycommitment.
(10:25):
Don't make a mistake ofexpecting too much too soon.
In order to build trust, firsttake small steps and take on
small ideas not ideas, but takeon small commitments and then
(10:46):
you will start seeing the trustgrow between you and your
partner.
You will also see that she orhe won't ask you so many
questions.
Now take the time to makedecisions and think before you
(11:06):
act so quickly.
A lot of people do actions andthey be upset and they say, oh,
forget it, I'm going to leave,I'm out of here, I'm leaving,
I'm going.
I can't deal with this.
Why?
Because past hurts.
They even got hurt in the past,lied to in the past, screwed
over in the past.
Things took it from them in thepast and I keep telling, I keep
(11:37):
saying whatever happened to youin your previous relationship,
don't bring it to the one youhave now.
I had a podcast.
Don't let your ex, don't letyour ex mess up your next.
That means everything he did toyou.
Don't bring it over here to toto do whatever Johnny did.
Don't bring it up to Mark,because Mark ain't have nothing
to do with Johnny and you.
You broke up with Johnny.
Leave Johnny over there in thecorner.
You and Mark have something new.
Have something fresh.
(11:58):
Let Mark make his mistakes.
Don't punish him for whateverJohnny did.
Same thing with the man.
Whatever Sarah did to you,you're over here with Margaret.
Don't punish Margaret for whatSarah did.
And this is the problem.
We say we get into relationships, we go into one and go back, go
(12:19):
into one relationship and jumpout of that one and go into
another.
No, heal first.
Take the time to heal.
That is healing from the trustfactor.
That is healing from the lovefactor.
That is healing from just beinghuman.
Make sure you heal yourselfbefore you go into another
(12:43):
relationship.
Hmm, value the relationship thatyou have.
That's the key word.
Value.
Value the relationship that youhave.
We have seen so manyrelationships only one-sided.
He's doing so much for her,he's bending over backwards, so
(13:09):
he values their relationship andshe only values what he can do
for her, or is vice versa?
He found out he got eight otherwomen and he got three of them
bidding over backwards andanother one doing a cartwheel
and this, and that he onlyvalues the, the sexual favors or
or the gifts he gets.
(13:29):
No, when you get into arelationship, value that person
and value that relationship youtwo have.
You two value each otherbecause he will rise you and you
should rise him.
So when you're in arelationship and you look over
time, he should be making youbetter and you should be making
him better.
(13:50):
Do not take them for granted.
Value their relationship anddon't take that person for
granted.
Because I'm going to tell youthis you start taking people for
granted, they leave and youthink about it and you say, dang
, I should have done.
I could have done, like rightnow, like my whole situation,
(14:10):
that I told you in the firstthing.
I'm saying here now what Ishould have done is tell her who
she was and let it go.
But no, my thing is I had toask the question.
Answer a question was aquestion because I wanted to
know how you knew theinformation.
But that was not the real pointof the whole matter.
(14:33):
The point of the whole mattershe's been hurt before and I
should have kept caught that andsaid hey, not, don't, let me
let this linger on.
So let me nip this, tell youwho it is and tell you why I did
what I did.
Uh, and that would have been abetter thing.
Yes, yes, I learned from mymistakes and that's the problem.
(14:54):
Some of us don't learn from ourmistakes.
In relationship.
Always be honest, always.
I don't care if it looks likeit's going to hurt the person.
I don't care if it feels likeshe go.
Soon as I tell her this truth,or soon as I tell him this truth
(15:15):
, he going to leave.
Let them decide what they wantto do and most of the time when
you're honest with the person,they see that and be like.
You know what I'm going tostick around, I like him, I love
him.
I love her.
I like her.
You know, let me help you withthe problem.
(15:38):
Or let me see what's going on,let me see how was.
Yeah, if I don't, if I'm notsticking with you, I can still
be your friend or, however, soalways do what you believe to be
to do is right.
Nine times out of ten, half thetime, yeah, we was raised by our
mother, and if we weren'traised by our mother and a
father was raised by our motheror your auntie or whoever raised
(15:58):
you taught you right from wrong.
Anyway, that comes natural.
Right from Rome comes natural.
You know it's right, you knowit's wrong.
You know it's wrong to lie to aperson because once you lie to
them, you feel it.
This is what you feel.
You feel, oh, I got away withit, but dang, you know what I
shouldn't even do that.
Then you start thinking about.
Then you, like you, you're,you're conscious, like, let me
(16:19):
blow it off, I forget.
Okay, I got away with.
I'm keep pushing.
No, no, no, I got a partner thatthat truly wants to be a pimp.
Why, I don't know.
And I have told him you're nota pimp.
Pimps don't lie.
The reason I'm saying this isbecause a pimp will have 14
(16:43):
different women, or fivedifferent women, and each and
every last one of them know eachother.
They know why they at what theydo and how they do.
They know who the top hold andwho the bottom hold.
But if you out here playingaround, running around and Kiki
don't know who Lisa is and Lisadon't know who Kiki is, or Lisa
(17:07):
ain't seen Sarah or whoeverthese people are, you channel
deal with.
You're not a pimp, you You'rejust a nigga around here trying
to screw every female around andyou're lying.
See, you're going to be like myold man.
Papa was a road to stone and,trust me, that stone will find
its way, being crushed andbroken.
Trust and believe me, what Ican truly say is this A
(17:37):
relationship is 24 hours work,but it is worth it.
If you put the time in, if youput the dedication in it's, if
you put the love in, it is nothard to love a person.
It should never be hard to lovea person.
It's the easiest and simplething because your heart comes
(18:00):
with love.
It implements love.
It implements love.
It should be love everywhereyou go.
Once again, don't hide yourfeelings, brothers.
I know we were raised upsometimes that the boys don't
men.
Don't cry, brother.
If you feel or you got a feelingor you feel that you've been
treated wrong, and you have anopportunity to express that and
(18:21):
talk to that.
Express it with your voice andnot your hands.
Never put your hands on a woman.
Never, never abuse a woman.
Never physically abuse a woman.
Never verbally abuse a woman.
If you have to, if you have thetime to open up and tell a
woman how you feel, let her know.
And, women, you never, never,never use that against a man.
(18:44):
Once he opens up to you, neverbring it back up and never use
it against him, because he willalways, always shut down.
You will never get anythingelse out of him.
Never, never.
This is the thing about it isdon't hide your feelings, but be
careful in who you tell thesefeelings to, and don't go out
(19:08):
willy-nilly, just open yourmouth and start talking to
everybody and say I feel thisway, I feel that way, I'm this,
I'm that, I'm this.
No, because those feelingssometimes be construed for other
things, and when it's construedfor other things, we then don't
know what to do.
So or it's construed forsomething else, or or made to
(19:32):
make you look weak and you'renot weak.
This is the part that we say,wow, I should have kept my mouth
closed, I should have nevertold her anything.
And then when she say what'swrong, you go here it is Nothing
, I'm okay, everything is good,and he's dying in the inside.
But now he knows he can't trustyou.
(19:54):
Another thing is, brothers never, never, never dismiss your lady
.
If she's telling you how shefeels, listen, trust me.
I'm telling you from experience.
Listen to what she's tellingyou and implement what she's
(20:14):
telling you.
If you love her, if you careabout her, never let her go away
from an argument or fight,feeling dismissed or feeling
like, oh, and you feel like Iwon the argument.
There is no one that's winningan argument.
If you're in a relationship,any arguments you have, there is
(20:35):
no winner.
There's always just a solutionto keep the peace.
So there is no.
And another thing I heard theseold couples say this Don't go to
bed mad.
I used to understand.
I used to wonder like, why?
Why we can't go to bed mad.
I'm awake up and I'm mad at youagain.
No, no.
(20:56):
Once you got, once I got alittle older, I understood, if I
go to bed mad and I die, guesswhat?
There's going to be somehaunting the person that's alive
, because they never got achance to get it right and you
never want to put that on aperson.
So if you have an argument withyour loved one or you have an
argument with your wife or yourman or whatever, sit down and
(21:18):
talk about it.
I understand sometimes it getsheated that you don't want to
talk.
Go somewhere, take a break,relax yourself and talk.
Talk it out.
Come back, talk it out.
Now.
If you're a woman, I'm gonnatell you this if you see your
man walking away, don't gofollowing behind him.
(21:39):
Don't go following behind himtalking crap.
Fuck you, don't do that.
If you see him walking away, hesaid baby, I need some time,
give him the time.
Same thing with you brothers.
If you see that, go there, dothat.
Now another thing when you guyshave arguments, it's between
you two.
It ain't between your mama, herdaddy, her friends, her
(22:03):
girlfriends.
No, none of that.
Why?
Because this is what happensOnce you finish arguing and
y'all done got together andy'all cool and good and loving
on each other and sucking oneach other, doing whatever you
want to do with each other.
When, thanksgiving coming, hecome around.
Guess what?
The family still found out whathe done did.
Because you done sit there andtold and they looking at him all
(22:25):
sideways and crooked he likewhat's going on?
You done told everything whenyou are in a relationship,
especially if you're in arelationship and you done get
married you gotta see two things.
Who's up there holding yourhand?
It ain't three or two things.
Who's up there holding yourhand?
It ain't three or four people,it's just you and that woman or
(22:47):
that man and that woman Y'all upthere holding each other's hand
.
And that's where thatrelationship ends.
They give you a ring.
The ring has a circle.
Ain't nothing in there breakingthat circle or anything.
You go to God with your thingsand you deal with it that way.
It is not a hard thing to love.
It is a simple thing to love.
(23:07):
It is a simple thing to betruthful.
And also also this is my numberone and last thing that I want
to talk to you and tell youabout Admit your mistakes, tell
the truth, keep an open dialect,an open thing of conversation.
(23:28):
Do not deflect your oh well,you did this, no, it's not about
what she did, it's about whatyou did.
Oh, you did this yesterday, oryou did this last week.
Why can't, nope, nope, you didthis yesterday.
Oh, you did this last week.
Why can't, nope, nope, admityour mistakes.
My grandma always told me ifyou want to see change in a
(23:48):
person.
You change first and thenthey'll follow you, ooh, ooh.
So I say this to to be honest.
To be honest Admit yourmistakes and she will follow.
Admit your mistakes and he willfollow Once again.
(24:13):
Love is not hard.
It is some steps into love andyou know we got most people that
jump into it.
Oh, I love that first sight.
I got a question Once you hearthat, is that two people saying
I love you at first sight, or isjust that one person saying it
to you and then the other persongrows to love you?
Somebody asked that for me.
(24:35):
But I just want to come andtalk to you guys about
truthfulness and being truthfulin a relationship.
It is very, very crucial.
It's very, very necessary.
It's very, very needed.
We got so many people that justthink a lot Thinking line is
(24:59):
hey, lie to her, she'll be okay.
No, stop lying to people.
You know what.
I'm going to say this and thenI'm going to close this out.
Trust in a relationship isfeeling safe, feeling confident,
allowing a person to bevulnerable and open without
(25:21):
boundaries or without forms orquibbles, and also knowing your
boundaries in your relationship.
Trust can also affect howpeople feel about others and how
people see you and how peoplesee you.
(25:46):
Also, when you tell a personsomething, keep your word.
My uncle, long time ago, heused to tell me your word is
your bond.
A man's word is his bond.
No matter what you do, keepyour word.
(26:07):
I remember he used to tell me,friday I'm going to take you to
get your haircut.
And what's crazy is I look forhim every Friday and he will be
there.
He will be there.
So, oh yeah.
And if you got some kids I'mnot even going to get up on kids
and fathers, fathers if youever tell a kid you gonna pick
(26:28):
him up, go pick her up, go pickhim up, be there.
This relationship thing, thistrust thing, it goes deep
because the reason a lot ofpeople don't trust is because
sometimes their parents let themdown or the people that's
supposed to be there for themare not there anymore and they
(26:49):
let them down.
So we, as as as as goinggetting older and getting grown,
we have a lot of childhoodtrauma.
We got a good, got a lot ofchildhood lies to us and
everything, and then we're stilltrying to work these out and
our grown selves, and then, whenwe get in relationships.
We toss all the stuff thathappened to us in our childhood,
(27:11):
all the stuff that happened tous when we were in a
relationship, and we toss thaton the other person and say,
here, hear me, here's me andhere's all my problems and my
baggage and if I got kids herethey have to deal with it.
No, that's not how arelationship works.
How a relationship works is wework together to make each other
(27:32):
better.
That happy wife, happy life,not true.
Work together to make eachother better.
This is your boy, jay Stone,signing off.
Glad you stopped by Hope.
I said something that willpique your interest, that you
(27:54):
can listen to me again.
Tell a friend, tell a neighbor,trust and believe.
Love is not hard.
It is work, but it's not hard.
I'm your boy, jay stone.
I'm out, peace.
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