October 13, 2024 • 31 mins
Is it possible to break free from past relationship mistakes and build healthier connections in the future? This episode explores that very question, promising a path to understanding and healing. We tackle the often tricky transition from old flames to fresh starts, emphasizing how crucial it is to allow each new relationship the chance it deserves, unburdened by the ghosts of relationships past. Through a series of thought-provoking discussions, we encourage listeners to extend trust to new partners until proven otherwise and to judge them based on their own merits rather than past grievances.
Our conversation moves into the intricate dance of communication and honesty that is vital for any healthy relationship. We shed light on the baggage that many of us unknowingly bring into new relationships, which can lead to misunderstandings and even self-sabotage. Highlighting personal stories like that of Bruce and Christina, we underscore the importance of addressing personal issues such as anxiety or depression openly with your partner. It's not about a perfect split of responsibilities but about being there for one another through life's ups and downs, fostering mutual respect and a shared commitment to thriving together.
Finally, we delve into the importance of healing before stepping into a new romantic chapter. Personal growth, we argue, is the cornerstone of future happiness. Taking the time to heal, forgiving past transgressions, and communicating openly about your journey can prevent repeating past mistakes. We draw parallels to the notion of unnecessary suffering in relationships, advocating instead for finding someone who truly appreciates and respects you. Join us as we guide you through the process of letting go of bitterness, promoting personal growth, and ensuring that past relationships do not cast a shadow over your future.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
relax, it's gonna be okay, girl.
Oh yeah, what two?
What two?
No, you choose one or the other.
What's going on?
Everybody?
This is your boy, jay stone,coming to you live with another
edition of In the Lounge withStone and B man.
I am sitting here really excitedabout what I'm about to tell
(00:30):
you because I believe it's goingto be a very helpful thing to
many, many people out there.
You know we want ourrelationship run, so we're going
to run this one, as the topicof it is going to be don't let
your ex mess up your next.
Don't let your ex mess up yournext.
(00:53):
So we're sitting back in thestudio after recording and we
were talking about we had acouple of people here that had
and we were talking about we hada couple of people here that
had relationships.
And you know some relationshipsit doesn't matter how long in a
relationship was a person.
(01:13):
If you're in a relationshipmore than six months, that
person done put something in you, a memory.
They done put a bad memory agood memory.
They done put the way they talk, the way they smile, their
voices in your head.
It's something that hasembedded into your cerebellum
and just sit there like, hey,whatever.
(01:34):
Now, if it went longer and therelationship is not good, that
means they done did some dirtylittle stuff.
They done cheated, they donelied, they done did some other
little dirt things underhandedor whatever.
May have you and that's under.
That's right there.
So what I say, and I mean don'tlet your ex mess up your next.
(01:56):
Before you step into anotherrelationship with anybody I
don't care who it is, what it is, especially if it's somebody
who you like, you know whateverDo not make him pay for the
mistakes that next man made orthat next woman made.
Whatever's going on in thatother ex relationship and that
(02:17):
other relationship, let it be inthe past.
You are now in the present withsomeone new.
It don't matter if he saidsomething like the other one did
.
That don't mean he's going todo it.
You know, give a person thebenefit of the doubt, give him a
chance before you just say, oh,he's just like that.
Or, like most ladies say, allmen are dogs or all men are the
(02:40):
same, which is not true.
All men are not the same, allwomen are not the same.
People need to give people achance.
Yes, there's some people outthere that are no good dirty
down dogs that will lie to youin a drop of a hat.
But it's also people out therethat are good.
They should not pay for themistakes someone else made.
(03:01):
I should not have to deal withthe fact of it matter that the
woman that I want to be withdon't want to be intimate with
me because of something happenedin a past or former or past
life that was another guy orwhatever.
How about this?
How about?
How about letting someone knowwhat's going on with you when
(03:27):
you see him and he sees you, andy'all get together and y'all
want to meet up or y'all likeeach other, y'all feeling each
other's vibe or whatever Great,beautiful, love it.
How about having a conversationof having said, hey, I just got
a relationship.
You know I like you, but Idon't want to bring you into
this.
That and the third, give himthe opportunity of saying, hey,
(03:48):
you know what?
I don't want to deal with that,but I thank you for letting me
know what's going on.
But no, most people say forgetit.
And this is the way you getover a person is to get on top
of another person.
Bull crap, because you about todo some dirty, dirty stuff.
Why?
Because right now.
If there's an inkling ofsomething that's going on in
(04:11):
your previous relationship isgoing on here, oh you, you
checking phones.
You don't believe nothing.
He's saying.
Everything he come out hismouth is a lie, but you don't
want to let him go.
But once again, I tell everybody, if you're in a relationship,
check this out.
Trust that man, show that manlove, trust that woman, show
(04:35):
that woman love, until they giveyou a reason not to trust them
or love them.
That's when you do it.
Them, that's when you do it.
If there is no reason or youbelieve what.
Somebody told you something, orI think, I think, man fucker.
I think, because that, I think,is messing up.
When you are now, when you arenow in a relationship with a
(05:02):
person that you hear they'retalking about a relationship,
they're talking about love,they're talking about
togetherness, they're talkingabout intimacy, they're talking
about, they're talking about afamily together.
You might well, you might wantto stick around to see what's
really going on with that.
You might want to stick aroundto see is that the right thing
you want to hear, or or is it,is it, is it good or whatever,
(05:24):
because we, we, we tend to, wetend to mess.
When something's going good, wetend to self-sabotage each
other or ourselves.
You know, I can't say eachother, but I can say ourselves.
What I have seen is this a mangets with a woman that has just
got a of a relationship and I'mtalking about everything is
(05:46):
going good.
He is in there, taking care offamily and loving on her and
being there for her and tryingto buy everything, trying to
make her happy, trying to makeit.
This and everything he does ismet with resistance, because
this is something that Charles,the man who she used to be with,
(06:09):
used to do.
Oh, charles would give meflowers, but then next week he'd
go out and cheat on me.
Well, charles used to do this.
Then next week he'd go and belying somewhere.
Well, charles used to bringwomen into the house.
Are you, finna, do that?
Why would you bring up anotherman's name?
Or why would you bring up whathe used to do in this
relationship?
Same thing with a man?
Oh, this woman used to goaround and screw every Tom, dick
(06:33):
and Harry.
Are you going to cheat on me?
Are you going to do this?
Yes, there's going to bequestions out there to find out,
you know.
Are you going to do this.
This is something that should betalked about before.
Hey, move in with me, you know,be with me, you know, let these
(06:54):
people know what they'regetting into.
If there's some problems, ifthere's some women out there or
some men out there that hasanxiety, that has depression,
that has something wrong withthem mentally or whatever else
it is and I'm not knocking it.
What I'm saying is this beforeyou step into a relationship
with somebody and you don't tellthem what's really going on
with you, that's wrong on yourpart.
You need to open up and behonest on every end.
(07:16):
Now I'm looking at this.
You and on top of this, youcannot be married or want to be
married, or want to get with aman, a a man and be secretive,
or be with a woman and want tobe secretive.
If you want my whole, if youwant my money, my time, my
energy, my love, you got toreceive.
(07:37):
When I'm shooting out, I wantit back.
If I'm shooting out affection,I want affection back.
If I'm shooting out love, Iwant love back.
If I'm shooting out affection,I want affection back.
If I'm shooting out love, Iwant love back.
If I'm shooting out time, Iwant time back.
This is not a relationship on aone-sided deal.
It doesn't work like that.
Relationships doesn't work likethat and I want everybody to
(07:59):
believe this.
Everyone keeps saying oh, ourrelationship is 50-50.
Bullshit.
There is no relationship, thereis no marriage, there is no
boyfriend or girlfriend, thereis no fiance.
That is 50-50.
None, you know why.
Check this out.
What about that?
Woman can't cook, you cook it.
What about that man can't cook,you cook it.
(08:20):
What about that man don't haveenough money to pay all the
bills?
You help him with the bills.
So guess what?
He paying 40, you paying therest of that.
It's no 50-50.
Sometime you might come in nowand he is spit burnt, only got
10%.
You got to come with this 90.
Can you do that?
(08:42):
Because these real vows thatsays for better or for worse,
for richer or for, for sicknessand in health.
Huh, so if I'm sick, you can'tleave me.
You got to be there to takecare of me.
If I'm rich, you're going to bethere.
But if I go dead broke, be thesame way, be there to help me
(09:02):
get the money.
Don't be there and be like oh,you broke, bastard, you ain't
this, you ain't that, you ain'tthis, you ain't that.
But this is half the time withpeople going on because we don't
have a conversation.
And I keep telling everybody ifyou get out of a relationship
that was not good for you, thathurt you, that brought you down,
you that, that, that, that,that, that that brings you down
(09:28):
men, male or female do not jumpinto another relationship.
Heal first, heal first, thenget into that relationship and
do not make a man pay foranother man's sins.
That does not work.
Don't make a woman pay foranother woman's sins.
That does not work.
Don't make a woman pay foranother woman's sins.
What she do, make her pay forthat, what he do, make him pay
(09:49):
for that If it's wrong.
But if it's something elsesomeone else did and you didn't
get back at them at the time, oryou didn't, you didn't get your
get back, or you didn't getyour leg back, or however you
want to call it.
Hey, check this out.
Do not do that.
Leave them alone, let them go.
Let them go.
If it's your time to be withthem, it'll be right, it'll come
(10:13):
back around.
He or she will swing the blockback around, but most of the
time, most of the time, most ofthe time when a person has been
(10:38):
hurt, a person has been lied toor lied on or however, you or,
or, or a scorned woman, or or anupset man or whatever, because
this is the crazy part about itA woman can cheat on a man and
he will go ballistic out hismind.
He will go ballistic out hismind.
This is the reason why Becausea woman, when a woman cheats, a
woman cheats for love, a womancheats to say, hey, I might want
to be with this man.
You understand, a man justcheats to get a bus out.
Okay, 15, 20 minutes.
(10:59):
I'm going to be honest with you.
Women that has men, that hasother women, he will never leave
.
He's going to stick with thatwoman.
You're nothing but a hop off,jump off.
Stop listening and believing inwhat he's saying.
I'm going to leave my wife.
I'm tired of that.
No, he's not.
He loves him.
Busted in her and busted in youtoo.
(11:20):
And because it's easy, it'sconvenient, it's our best way to
go.
Now listen to this.
I'm going to tell you thehonest to God truth right here.
Once you start pressuring him,he's going to see an exit, or
try to find an exit out of there.
Stop messing with married men.
Y'all can do better than that.
(11:40):
I'm telling you now Stopmessing with married men.
I don't care if you've beenhurt by somebody else.
Stop going out there andmessing with trying to marry men
.
Honestly, most men will tell youI'm married.
Most men will tell you I'mmarried, I got somebody else.
Then if you go for it, oh whocares, that's on you.
If you see this man got a ringon his finger, stop approaching
(12:02):
him.
You see this man I told you hey, I got, I'm married.
Stop approaching him, stoppushing it, stop doing that.
But most women hey, they'regoing to do what they want to do
.
And most men, most men, willsee a woman married.
But he can't do you like, I cando you, baby, I can do this, I
can do that.
Women.
Don't fall for that shit.
(12:23):
Don't do that.
Women.
Don't fall for that shit.
Don't do that.
Because if that man at home istrying the best that he can and
you pick him, don't go out thereand try to pick somebody else
and hurt him.
Don't do that.
If that man got laid off on hisjob but when you get home, your
house is clean, you got food onthe table and he's asking you
(12:44):
how was your day cherish thatman?
Love that man, care for thatman, work.
When you get home, your houseis clean, you got food on the
table and he's asking you howwas your day Cherish that man?
Love that man, care for thatman, work that man into a job.
Love that man all the way intoa job, baby, and, trust me, he
going to show you the love rightback.
But if you sitting there tryingto say, oh, you need to get off
your feet, you ain't doing thisand you ain't doing that.
But you done got their homeworkdone, done, got bathed.
(13:09):
They in a bed laying down.
He done cooked dinner.
They done ate.
He sitting there waiting on youhouse clean, your car full of
gas, but you ain't got no job.
Figure out how he did it.
Don't worry about how he did it.
Be thankful that he there doingit.
This is the problem.
This is the problem right here.
This is the problem.
(13:29):
It's so much of these exes thatembedded themselves into your
new relationship.
I was sitting down, we was inthe studio and a scenario came
up.
Scenario was and let me evenstop that so you get that it
(13:51):
wasn't a scenario, it was thereal truth.
Man goes and gets married to awoman a little younger than him.
He has kids already.
He done got a divorce.
He has kids.
He has kids the age of 10, 14,and 13.
And so what happens is the newwife don't want nothing to do
with them kids and don't wanthim to do nothing with the kids
(14:13):
or the old lady.
They ask what should he do?
He shouldn't be married to her.
That's what my answer was,because neither woman it doesn't
matter if it was, uh, ex-wifeor new wife.
(14:34):
Check this out.
If new wife don't like ex-wife,it don't matter If new wife
don't like them kids.
That's the problem.
If she don't like kids or don'twant to be around the kids or
don't want him to be around thekids, he don't need to be
married to her because them kidscome first In every
relationship you get.
If you got a kid, that kidcomes first.
(14:54):
Why?
That kid didn't ask to be here.
Y'all laid down and got him.
So my whole thing with that isthis Check this out.
He didn't ask to be here.
Your job is to take care of himall the way up until whenever,
and don't do that that age of oh, we're going to take care of
them all the way up untilwhenever, that age of, oh, we're
going to take care of you untilyou're 18.
(15:15):
That's a lie.
That's a lie.
You're going to take care ofthat child until that child gets
old enough to do whatever youwant to do.
And then, if you're old and hestill needs help, you're still
going to be there for him.
That's the role of a parent Old, young in between.
(15:35):
If that child needs your help,you're going to be right there
for him.
That's how it works.
Now I say this Don't let your exmess up your next.
All the stuff he did, let it gofirst, before you find that
(15:56):
next.
This is what the steps you needto take to do Release, let go
Forgive, heal, forgive, heal,heal some more, heal a little
bit more, and then maybe you cango out and find something that
(16:28):
will suit you, that will love onyou, that will care for you.
Don't have your guards up sohigh, but put them up.
Be careful, make sure you watchall red flags.
This is what we don't do.
Sometimes we see the red flagsand we just go blind because, oh
I, I just want to be withsomebody.
No, I don't be with somebodythat tough.
If you see a red flag you don'tlike, address that red flag and
(16:49):
if that red flag doesn't goaway, you go away.
So we say to women don't bepicky.
We say to men don't be picky.
No, what I'll say is this Pickwho you want to be with, pick
(17:13):
who you want to love, and ifthey reciprocate that love back
to you, you know, I found you agood one.
Now, if they don't do that,don't go run into another one,
because you're about to haveanother bad relationship.
(17:34):
And guess what?
It's not going to be his fault,it's going to be your fault,
because you're bringing oldluggage, old bags, old things
into this new relationship.
That, trust me, it's going tosurface up.
I don't care how much you thinkyou can pull it down, push it
down and like oh, that's OK,can't nobody see it?
(17:55):
I'm going to cover it up, I'mgoing to mask it up.
He didn't hurt me that bad Fhim.
I don't care if he wouldn't gethim.
And this is what I found outMost women go and get men after
the man that messed them over.
Have a woman.
I'm going to give you thisthing.
It's a lady.
It's a guy named Bruce and alady named Christina.
(18:18):
Bruce and Christina wastogether and Bruce went on and
did what most dudes do.
He went and got him a good oldjob and found him somebody at
the job and they didn't last.
But now you was with christina.
You done cheated on her.
Christina found out.
She's mad upset, want to fightone of this, one of that.
(18:39):
They broke up boom, boom.
Christina somewhere boohooingand whatever else.
Charles is doing what?
Charles somewhere I mean sorry,bruce somewhere living his life
like a high life.
He's enjoying it.
Finally he ends up with a ladyand they are kicking it, having
a good time, whatever, andChristina walks into the
(19:02):
restaurant they were in with abunch of her friends, oh my God.
Then Christina got to get a man.
Boom.
But guess what's wrong withthis thing?
Christina now goes and gets aman and everything Bruce done
did to her.
This man is paying for it andhe's looking like what the did?
I just do, I didn't do anything.
(19:24):
She don't have patience.
Her emotions is everywhere.
She is upset at everythingunder the sun.
There's no smiles, there's nojoy, there's no happiness.
And right now I already knowhow he feels.
He's at the point of I'm gonnaget the out of here and I can't
(19:46):
deal with this.
And guess what?
I don't blame him.
So if you are listening, youngbrother the young brother that's
with Christina check this out,sit her down, let her know that
you're not Bruce and you didn'tdo the things that Bruce did,
(20:08):
but she's going to allow Bruceto mess up the relationship that
you got.
Now.
I know you didn't know thisbecause she didn't sit down and
tell you this and you didn'teven ask.
You just seen a beautiful smile, because she is beautiful.
You seen a beautiful smile anda nice body.
Got dug it.
What did?
(20:29):
Was it Belle Beard DeVoe?
I think that girl is poison.
Don't trust a big butt to smile.
Nigga, got dug it.
I told you don't do it.
That girl is poison and Iwouldn't call her poison, but I
would call her damaged goods andshe needs to be repaired.
And the thing about it is thisit takes time.
(20:49):
Don't rush the repair.
Don't rush the repair.
Don't rush the repair to yourheart, don't rush the repair to
your mind, because, again, whenyou get into a relationship,
it's not just a heart thing,it's a mental thing, it's always
a mental thing, it's always,always, always a mental thing.
(21:10):
I'm just telling people yes,don't let someone else mess up
something else.
Good, if they was in your lifeand they were screwing you over
or messing you over or notfeeling you or not doing good,
or not there to support you inyour endeavors or whatever, let
them go and, like I said, heal,heal, heal some more so you can
(21:34):
love again.
To love again is a wonderfulthing.
This is what sometimes we do.
We put up walls and we Pushaway people.
Because if, if, if we bringsomebody in and they give you a
recognizable pattern to the samething someone else was doing to
(21:55):
you, you push them away insteadof sitting and talking to them
telling them hey, this was that,unpack the emotions, unpack
your emotions, let your emotionsout.
Most of the time, we just pushthem in, push them in, push them
in and keep going.
Goddug it.
If you've ever seen anoverstuffed briefcase or an
overstuffed bag, guess what?
(22:17):
It starts ripping at the seams.
And that's what we have ashumans.
That's what we do that littlethat we don't pack so much away,
that that little, bitty, bitty,bitty, bitty bitty problem
finna become big because youdon't got so much in there.
You finna explode a bloom andeverything finna come out and
it's going to blast out on thewrong person because you packed
(22:39):
it all and said, oh, it's OK, oh, don't worry about it, oh, it's
fine, I'm good, I'm fine.
When you're not good, whenyou're not fine, say I'm not
good, say I'm not fine andexpress yourself.
This is, this is a, this is areason I believe a lot of people
have mental illness.
Not not, not, not saying mentalillnesses because we don't talk
(23:02):
, but I'm saying a lot of peopleneed to express themselves.
That's what I'll say Expressyourself, get your, get your
thoughts out.
Get your thoughts out, not notjust writing them down.
Write them down in the journalis good, Damn.
Write them down in the journal,it's good.
But sometimes, most times,people need to just talk and let
(23:24):
somebody hear how they feel.
Most women go through so manybreakups, so many heartaches
because most men get out thereand want to just poke and stroke
and bounce out.
And then what happens is a manwant to poke and stroke and
bounce out A woman that lockedin and fell in love with you.
Man say I can't deal with you,I got to go, boom Now.
Now you think you, I done gavethis man the best of me and then
he done left me.
(23:46):
Oh my God, this is another.
And see, this is the best partabout a woman A woman has
friends that they can sit downand lean on and rely on A
brother.
Man, you can't sit around andcry, man, bump that, get on,
let's find another.
No, it don't work like that.
(24:08):
It don't work like that.
Love is fragile.
Love is real, but love willhave you doing some dumb, crazy
stuff.
For sure, man, I was married for20, for 22, 20, 21, 22 years.
And I'm gonna let you knowsomething it had you doing some
dumb stuff.
We got dug in.
I was chasing the guy down anice cream truck just to make her
(24:30):
happy.
I, the little small things,just to make the woman happy.
You understand, see, did I wantto get divorced?
No, no, no, I was cool, I wasgreat, I was happy, I was set in
to what I wanted, to what Iliked.
We was locked in.
But the thing about it is thisshe didn't know what she wanted.
(24:52):
21 years, 22 years, you're stillnot understanding and you're
not.
What you want is you're stillnot understanding and you know
what you want.
You still don't understand orsee how far I can go or how I
can do.
You still don't understand thatat this point we might not have
the money that you're lookingfor, but if you look back there,
we was at that point.
But now we're here.
We got houses, we got cars, wegot this.
(25:13):
Slow down, relax yourself andlet me regroup.
I can make it If you, if you beby my side, I can make it, but
God dog it.
Sometimes they don't want to beby your side and you let them
go.
Now the problem is this Now Ido have another sugar with me,
but the thing about it is thisis her ex then put so much in
(25:40):
the mental frame that it'shurting her way more than she
sees?
So we had a conversation about alot of things and you know,
most women don't want to reallyopen up and let you know because
(26:02):
they think that you're going touse whatever you tell them
against them.
Mama lets you know some men andwomen if your man or your woman
comes and opens up to you aboutwhatever, however, whoever,
whenever, don't reopen that.
Don't open your mouth againstthat, don't do anything, because
why?
Once you do that and use thatagainst them, it's shutdown time
(26:25):
.
You will never hear from themagain and it'll be your own
fault, no one's fault, but yours.
I just.
I'm just just.
I'm just shooting some thingsout and letting you know that
don't let somebody else mess up.
A good thing.
This is in business, this is ina relationship, this is in love
(26:46):
, this is in whatever else.
If you don't found, if your exand you and your ex done
separated and moved on, you doneseen somebody else you want to
be with, before you even openyour mouth to them, re-evaluate
yourself.
That means look at yourself inthe mirror and say am I hurting?
Did he hurt me?
(27:06):
If he hurt me, will I hurt thisperson?
Because what I've learned?
Misery loves company and Ialready seen that that that
thing of a hurt person hurtpeople, hurt hurts.
So if you, if you're hurt from aperson, get healing, get your
(27:29):
healing, get your time, get yourhealing, get your time.
Let that person know hey, Ilike you, you like me, but just
let's stay right now as friends.
I want to heal first.
I want to heal before I stepinto here and be with you.
And let him know this, or lether know this If you find
(27:53):
somebody that you want to bewith at that time, don't
hesitate.
You do that.
You do that.
But I want to heal and if awoman or a man ever tells you
this, respect that and walk away, because they're saving you
from a month or a year or sixmonths or years down the line of
(28:15):
misery.
Because when you're paying forsomebody else's sins, that is so
, so much.
Only person I know that paidfor somebody else's sins and was
okay with it was Jesus andhonestly, if you read the book,
he wasn't okay.
He asked God to please takethis bitter cup away from me,
(28:37):
but he knew what he had to doand he had to do it as, being in
a relationship, you don't haveto go through that.
You shouldn't have to gothrough that.
You should be able to sit downwith a person.
Tell them this is what I'mgoing through, this is who I am,
(28:59):
love me or let me go.
I tell everybody and I'mletting y'all know don't let
your ex mess up.
Your next.
This is your boy, jay Stone.
Telling you, advising you haveyou been in a relationship and
(29:19):
it done?
Telling you, advising you ifyou've been in a relationship
and it didn't hurt you, didn'tlie, cheated on you, took your
money, had a baby on you,whatever it is heal For one.
Sit back, forgive, forget, letgo.
One, sit back, forgive, forget,let go, heal, heal some more
(29:48):
and then go out, let go.
All that bitterness, all thatanger, all that pain, and then
find yourself somebody who,who's the top of the time, who's
loving, who's caring, who'sthis and who's that, and you go
back and see that person who didall that to you trust me, you
(30:11):
would be so much better off andyou look and see his life, or
her life, is not as all as it isglamor and clean, ladies and
gentlemen, it has been, it is.
I am so excited too.
I'm so thankful that you guysstopped in and listened to me
talk about don't let your next,don't let your ex mess up your
(30:34):
next.
It's some more to this.
It's a long going saga saga,but I'm just letting you guys
know if you're in pain orhurting, don't jump onto
somebody else, because that'smore pain, that's more hurt,
that's more, that's more ofsomething you don't need.
Ladies and gentlemen, this isyour boy, j stone, signing off
(30:58):
peace.
relax, it's gonna be okay, girl.
Oh yeah, what two?
What two?
No, you choose one or the other.
What's going on?
Everybody?
This is your boy, jay stone,coming to you live with another
edition of In the Lounge withStone and B man.
I am sitting here really excitedabout what I'm about to tell
(00:30):
you because I believe it's goingto be a very helpful thing to
many, many people out there.
You know we want ourrelationship run, so we're going
to run this one, as the topicof it is going to be don't let
your ex mess up your next.
Don't let your ex mess up yournext.
(00:53):
So we're sitting back in thestudio after recording and we
were talking about we had acouple of people here that had
and we were talking about we hada couple of people here that
had relationships.
And you know some relationshipsit doesn't matter how long in a
relationship was a person.
(01:13):
If you're in a relationshipmore than six months, that
person done put something in you, a memory.
They done put a bad memory agood memory.
They done put the way they talk, the way they smile, their
voices in your head.
It's something that hasembedded into your cerebellum
and just sit there like, hey,whatever.
(01:34):
Now, if it went longer and therelationship is not good, that
means they done did some dirtylittle stuff.
They done cheated, they donelied, they done did some other
little dirt things underhandedor whatever.
May have you and that's under.
That's right there.
So what I say, and I mean don'tlet your ex mess up your next.
(01:56):
Before you step into anotherrelationship with anybody I
don't care who it is, what it is, especially if it's somebody
who you like, you know whateverDo not make him pay for the
mistakes that next man made orthat next woman made.
Whatever's going on in thatother ex relationship and that
(02:17):
other relationship, let it be inthe past.
You are now in the present withsomeone new.
It don't matter if he saidsomething like the other one did
.
That don't mean he's going todo it.
You know, give a person thebenefit of the doubt, give him a
chance before you just say, oh,he's just like that.
Or, like most ladies say, allmen are dogs or all men are the
(02:40):
same, which is not true.
All men are not the same, allwomen are not the same.
People need to give people achance.
Yes, there's some people outthere that are no good dirty
down dogs that will lie to youin a drop of a hat.
But it's also people out therethat are good.
They should not pay for themistakes someone else made.
(03:01):
I should not have to deal withthe fact of it matter that the
woman that I want to be withdon't want to be intimate with
me because of something happenedin a past or former or past
life that was another guy orwhatever.
How about this?
How about?
How about letting someone knowwhat's going on with you when
(03:27):
you see him and he sees you, andy'all get together and y'all
want to meet up or y'all likeeach other, y'all feeling each
other's vibe or whatever Great,beautiful, love it.
How about having a conversationof having said, hey, I just got
a relationship.
You know I like you, but Idon't want to bring you into
this.
That and the third, give himthe opportunity of saying, hey,
(03:48):
you know what?
I don't want to deal with that,but I thank you for letting me
know what's going on.
But no, most people say forgetit.
And this is the way you getover a person is to get on top
of another person.
Bull crap, because you about todo some dirty, dirty stuff.
Why?
Because right now.
If there's an inkling ofsomething that's going on in
(04:11):
your previous relationship isgoing on here, oh you, you
checking phones.
You don't believe nothing.
He's saying.
Everything he come out hismouth is a lie, but you don't
want to let him go.
But once again, I tell everybody, if you're in a relationship,
check this out.
Trust that man, show that manlove, trust that woman, show
(04:35):
that woman love, until they giveyou a reason not to trust them
or love them.
That's when you do it.
Them, that's when you do it.
If there is no reason or youbelieve what.
Somebody told you something, orI think, I think, man fucker.
I think, because that, I think,is messing up.
When you are now, when you arenow in a relationship with a
(05:02):
person that you hear they'retalking about a relationship,
they're talking about love,they're talking about
togetherness, they're talkingabout intimacy, they're talking
about, they're talking about afamily together.
You might well, you might wantto stick around to see what's
really going on with that.
You might want to stick aroundto see is that the right thing
you want to hear, or or is it,is it, is it good or whatever,
(05:24):
because we, we, we tend to, wetend to mess.
When something's going good, wetend to self-sabotage each
other or ourselves.
You know, I can't say eachother, but I can say ourselves.
What I have seen is this a mangets with a woman that has just
got a of a relationship and I'mtalking about everything is
(05:46):
going good.
He is in there, taking care offamily and loving on her and
being there for her and tryingto buy everything, trying to
make her happy, trying to makeit.
This and everything he does ismet with resistance, because
this is something that Charles,the man who she used to be with,
(06:09):
used to do.
Oh, charles would give meflowers, but then next week he'd
go out and cheat on me.
Well, charles used to do this.
Then next week he'd go and belying somewhere.
Well, charles used to bringwomen into the house.
Are you, finna, do that?
Why would you bring up anotherman's name?
Or why would you bring up whathe used to do in this
relationship?
Same thing with a man?
Oh, this woman used to goaround and screw every Tom, dick
(06:33):
and Harry.
Are you going to cheat on me?
Are you going to do this?
Yes, there's going to bequestions out there to find out,
you know.
Are you going to do this.
This is something that should betalked about before.
Hey, move in with me, you know,be with me, you know, let these
(06:54):
people know what they'regetting into.
If there's some problems, ifthere's some women out there or
some men out there that hasanxiety, that has depression,
that has something wrong withthem mentally or whatever else
it is and I'm not knocking it.
What I'm saying is this beforeyou step into a relationship
with somebody and you don't tellthem what's really going on
with you, that's wrong on yourpart.
You need to open up and behonest on every end.
(07:16):
Now I'm looking at this.
You and on top of this, youcannot be married or want to be
married, or want to get with aman, a a man and be secretive,
or be with a woman and want tobe secretive.
If you want my whole, if youwant my money, my time, my
energy, my love, you got toreceive.
(07:37):
When I'm shooting out, I wantit back.
If I'm shooting out affection,I want affection back.
If I'm shooting out love, Iwant love back.
If I'm shooting out affection,I want affection back.
If I'm shooting out love, Iwant love back.
If I'm shooting out time, Iwant time back.
This is not a relationship on aone-sided deal.
It doesn't work like that.
Relationships doesn't work likethat and I want everybody to
(07:59):
believe this.
Everyone keeps saying oh, ourrelationship is 50-50.
Bullshit.
There is no relationship, thereis no marriage, there is no
boyfriend or girlfriend, thereis no fiance.
That is 50-50.
None, you know why.
Check this out.
What about that?
Woman can't cook, you cook it.
What about that man can't cook,you cook it.
(08:20):
What about that man don't haveenough money to pay all the
bills?
You help him with the bills.
So guess what?
He paying 40, you paying therest of that.
It's no 50-50.
Sometime you might come in nowand he is spit burnt, only got
10%.
You got to come with this 90.
Can you do that?
(08:42):
Because these real vows thatsays for better or for worse,
for richer or for, for sicknessand in health.
Huh, so if I'm sick, you can'tleave me.
You got to be there to takecare of me.
If I'm rich, you're going to bethere.
But if I go dead broke, be thesame way, be there to help me
(09:02):
get the money.
Don't be there and be like oh,you broke, bastard, you ain't
this, you ain't that, you ain'tthis, you ain't that.
But this is half the time withpeople going on because we don't
have a conversation.
And I keep telling everybody ifyou get out of a relationship
that was not good for you, thathurt you, that brought you down,
you that, that, that, that,that, that that brings you down
(09:28):
men, male or female do not jumpinto another relationship.
Heal first, heal first, thenget into that relationship and
do not make a man pay foranother man's sins.
That does not work.
Don't make a woman pay foranother woman's sins.
That does not work.
Don't make a woman pay foranother woman's sins.
What she do, make her pay forthat, what he do, make him pay
(09:49):
for that If it's wrong.
But if it's something elsesomeone else did and you didn't
get back at them at the time, oryou didn't, you didn't get your
get back, or you didn't getyour leg back, or however you
want to call it.
Hey, check this out.
Do not do that.
Leave them alone, let them go.
Let them go.
If it's your time to be withthem, it'll be right, it'll come
(10:13):
back around.
He or she will swing the blockback around, but most of the
time, most of the time, most ofthe time when a person has been
(10:38):
hurt, a person has been lied toor lied on or however, you or,
or, or a scorned woman, or or anupset man or whatever, because
this is the crazy part about itA woman can cheat on a man and
he will go ballistic out hismind.
He will go ballistic out hismind.
This is the reason why Becausea woman, when a woman cheats, a
woman cheats for love, a womancheats to say, hey, I might want
to be with this man.
You understand, a man justcheats to get a bus out.
Okay, 15, 20 minutes.
(10:59):
I'm going to be honest with you.
Women that has men, that hasother women, he will never leave
.
He's going to stick with thatwoman.
You're nothing but a hop off,jump off.
Stop listening and believing inwhat he's saying.
I'm going to leave my wife.
I'm tired of that.
No, he's not.
He loves him.
Busted in her and busted in youtoo.
(11:20):
And because it's easy, it'sconvenient, it's our best way to
go.
Now listen to this.
I'm going to tell you thehonest to God truth right here.
Once you start pressuring him,he's going to see an exit, or
try to find an exit out of there.
Stop messing with married men.
Y'all can do better than that.
(11:40):
I'm telling you now Stopmessing with married men.
I don't care if you've beenhurt by somebody else.
Stop going out there andmessing with trying to marry men
.
Honestly, most men will tell youI'm married.
Most men will tell you I'mmarried, I got somebody else.
Then if you go for it, oh whocares, that's on you.
If you see this man got a ringon his finger, stop approaching
(12:02):
him.
You see this man I told you hey, I got, I'm married.
Stop approaching him, stoppushing it, stop doing that.
But most women hey, they'regoing to do what they want to do
.
And most men, most men, willsee a woman married.
But he can't do you like, I cando you, baby, I can do this, I
can do that.
Women.
Don't fall for that shit.
(12:23):
Don't do that.
Women.
Don't fall for that shit.
Don't do that.
Because if that man at home istrying the best that he can and
you pick him, don't go out thereand try to pick somebody else
and hurt him.
Don't do that.
If that man got laid off on hisjob but when you get home, your
house is clean, you got food onthe table and he's asking you
(12:44):
how was your day cherish thatman?
Love that man, care for thatman, work.
When you get home, your houseis clean, you got food on the
table and he's asking you howwas your day Cherish that man?
Love that man, care for thatman, work that man into a job.
Love that man all the way intoa job, baby, and, trust me, he
going to show you the love rightback.
But if you sitting there tryingto say, oh, you need to get off
your feet, you ain't doing thisand you ain't doing that.
But you done got their homeworkdone, done, got bathed.
(13:09):
They in a bed laying down.
He done cooked dinner.
They done ate.
He sitting there waiting on youhouse clean, your car full of
gas, but you ain't got no job.
Figure out how he did it.
Don't worry about how he did it.
Be thankful that he there doingit.
This is the problem.
This is the problem right here.
This is the problem.
(13:29):
It's so much of these exes thatembedded themselves into your
new relationship.
I was sitting down, we was inthe studio and a scenario came
up.
Scenario was and let me evenstop that so you get that it
(13:51):
wasn't a scenario, it was thereal truth.
Man goes and gets married to awoman a little younger than him.
He has kids already.
He done got a divorce.
He has kids.
He has kids the age of 10, 14,and 13.
And so what happens is the newwife don't want nothing to do
with them kids and don't wanthim to do nothing with the kids
(14:13):
or the old lady.
They ask what should he do?
He shouldn't be married to her.
That's what my answer was,because neither woman it doesn't
matter if it was, uh, ex-wifeor new wife.
(14:34):
Check this out.
If new wife don't like ex-wife,it don't matter If new wife
don't like them kids.
That's the problem.
If she don't like kids or don'twant to be around the kids or
don't want him to be around thekids, he don't need to be
married to her because them kidscome first In every
relationship you get.
If you got a kid, that kidcomes first.
(14:54):
Why?
That kid didn't ask to be here.
Y'all laid down and got him.
So my whole thing with that isthis Check this out.
He didn't ask to be here.
Your job is to take care of himall the way up until whenever,
and don't do that that age of oh, we're going to take care of
them all the way up untilwhenever, that age of, oh, we're
going to take care of you untilyou're 18.
(15:15):
That's a lie.
That's a lie.
You're going to take care ofthat child until that child gets
old enough to do whatever youwant to do.
And then, if you're old and hestill needs help, you're still
going to be there for him.
That's the role of a parent Old, young in between.
(15:35):
If that child needs your help,you're going to be right there
for him.
That's how it works.
Now I say this Don't let your exmess up your next.
All the stuff he did, let it gofirst, before you find that
(15:56):
next.
This is what the steps you needto take to do Release, let go
Forgive, heal, forgive, heal,heal some more, heal a little
bit more, and then maybe you cango out and find something that
(16:28):
will suit you, that will love onyou, that will care for you.
Don't have your guards up sohigh, but put them up.
Be careful, make sure you watchall red flags.
This is what we don't do.
Sometimes we see the red flagsand we just go blind because, oh
I, I just want to be withsomebody.
No, I don't be with somebodythat tough.
If you see a red flag you don'tlike, address that red flag and
(16:49):
if that red flag doesn't goaway, you go away.
So we say to women don't bepicky.
We say to men don't be picky.
No, what I'll say is this Pickwho you want to be with, pick
(17:13):
who you want to love, and ifthey reciprocate that love back
to you, you know, I found you agood one.
Now, if they don't do that,don't go run into another one,
because you're about to haveanother bad relationship.
(17:34):
And guess what?
It's not going to be his fault,it's going to be your fault,
because you're bringing oldluggage, old bags, old things
into this new relationship.
That, trust me, it's going tosurface up.
I don't care how much you thinkyou can pull it down, push it
down and like oh, that's OK,can't nobody see it?
(17:55):
I'm going to cover it up, I'mgoing to mask it up.
He didn't hurt me that bad Fhim.
I don't care if he wouldn't gethim.
And this is what I found outMost women go and get men after
the man that messed them over.
Have a woman.
I'm going to give you thisthing.
It's a lady.
It's a guy named Bruce and alady named Christina.
(18:18):
Bruce and Christina wastogether and Bruce went on and
did what most dudes do.
He went and got him a good oldjob and found him somebody at
the job and they didn't last.
But now you was with christina.
You done cheated on her.
Christina found out.
She's mad upset, want to fightone of this, one of that.
(18:39):
They broke up boom, boom.
Christina somewhere boohooingand whatever else.
Charles is doing what?
Charles somewhere I mean sorry,bruce somewhere living his life
like a high life.
He's enjoying it.
Finally he ends up with a ladyand they are kicking it, having
a good time, whatever, andChristina walks into the
(19:02):
restaurant they were in with abunch of her friends, oh my God.
Then Christina got to get a man.
Boom.
But guess what's wrong withthis thing?
Christina now goes and gets aman and everything Bruce done
did to her.
This man is paying for it andhe's looking like what the did?
I just do, I didn't do anything.
(19:24):
She don't have patience.
Her emotions is everywhere.
She is upset at everythingunder the sun.
There's no smiles, there's nojoy, there's no happiness.
And right now I already knowhow he feels.
He's at the point of I'm gonnaget the out of here and I can't
(19:46):
deal with this.
And guess what?
I don't blame him.
So if you are listening, youngbrother the young brother that's
with Christina check this out,sit her down, let her know that
you're not Bruce and you didn'tdo the things that Bruce did,
(20:08):
but she's going to allow Bruceto mess up the relationship that
you got.
Now.
I know you didn't know thisbecause she didn't sit down and
tell you this and you didn'teven ask.
You just seen a beautiful smile, because she is beautiful.
You seen a beautiful smile anda nice body.
Got dug it.
What did?
(20:29):
Was it Belle Beard DeVoe?
I think that girl is poison.
Don't trust a big butt to smile.
Nigga, got dug it.
I told you don't do it.
That girl is poison and Iwouldn't call her poison, but I
would call her damaged goods andshe needs to be repaired.
And the thing about it is thisit takes time.
(20:49):
Don't rush the repair.
Don't rush the repair.
Don't rush the repair to yourheart, don't rush the repair to
your mind, because, again, whenyou get into a relationship,
it's not just a heart thing,it's a mental thing, it's always
a mental thing, it's always,always, always a mental thing.
(21:10):
I'm just telling people yes,don't let someone else mess up
something else.
Good, if they was in your lifeand they were screwing you over
or messing you over or notfeeling you or not doing good,
or not there to support you inyour endeavors or whatever, let
them go and, like I said, heal,heal, heal some more so you can
(21:34):
love again.
To love again is a wonderfulthing.
This is what sometimes we do.
We put up walls and we Pushaway people.
Because if, if, if we bringsomebody in and they give you a
recognizable pattern to the samething someone else was doing to
(21:55):
you, you push them away insteadof sitting and talking to them
telling them hey, this was that,unpack the emotions, unpack
your emotions, let your emotionsout.
Most of the time, we just pushthem in, push them in, push them
in and keep going.
Goddug it.
If you've ever seen anoverstuffed briefcase or an
overstuffed bag, guess what?
(22:17):
It starts ripping at the seams.
And that's what we have ashumans.
That's what we do that littlethat we don't pack so much away,
that that little, bitty, bitty,bitty, bitty bitty problem
finna become big because youdon't got so much in there.
You finna explode a bloom andeverything finna come out and
it's going to blast out on thewrong person because you packed
(22:39):
it all and said, oh, it's OK, oh, don't worry about it, oh, it's
fine, I'm good, I'm fine.
When you're not good, whenyou're not fine, say I'm not
good, say I'm not fine andexpress yourself.
This is, this is a, this is areason I believe a lot of people
have mental illness.
Not not, not, not saying mentalillnesses because we don't talk
(23:02):
, but I'm saying a lot of peopleneed to express themselves.
That's what I'll say Expressyourself, get your, get your
thoughts out.
Get your thoughts out, not notjust writing them down.
Write them down in the journalis good, Damn.
Write them down in the journal,it's good.
But sometimes, most times,people need to just talk and let
(23:24):
somebody hear how they feel.
Most women go through so manybreakups, so many heartaches
because most men get out thereand want to just poke and stroke
and bounce out.
And then what happens is a manwant to poke and stroke and
bounce out A woman that lockedin and fell in love with you.
Man say I can't deal with you,I got to go, boom Now.
Now you think you, I done gavethis man the best of me and then
he done left me.
(23:46):
Oh my God, this is another.
And see, this is the best partabout a woman A woman has
friends that they can sit downand lean on and rely on A
brother.
Man, you can't sit around andcry, man, bump that, get on,
let's find another.
No, it don't work like that.
(24:08):
It don't work like that.
Love is fragile.
Love is real, but love willhave you doing some dumb, crazy
stuff.
For sure, man, I was married for20, for 22, 20, 21, 22 years.
And I'm gonna let you knowsomething it had you doing some
dumb stuff.
We got dug in.
I was chasing the guy down anice cream truck just to make her
(24:30):
happy.
I, the little small things,just to make the woman happy.
You understand, see, did I wantto get divorced?
No, no, no, I was cool, I wasgreat, I was happy, I was set in
to what I wanted, to what Iliked.
We was locked in.
But the thing about it is thisshe didn't know what she wanted.
(24:52):
21 years, 22 years, you're stillnot understanding and you're
not.
What you want is you're stillnot understanding and you know
what you want.
You still don't understand orsee how far I can go or how I
can do.
You still don't understand thatat this point we might not have
the money that you're lookingfor, but if you look back there,
we was at that point.
But now we're here.
We got houses, we got cars, wegot this.
(25:13):
Slow down, relax yourself andlet me regroup.
I can make it If you, if you beby my side, I can make it, but
God dog it.
Sometimes they don't want to beby your side and you let them
go.
Now the problem is this Now Ido have another sugar with me,
but the thing about it is thisis her ex then put so much in
(25:40):
the mental frame that it'shurting her way more than she
sees?
So we had a conversation about alot of things and you know,
most women don't want to reallyopen up and let you know because
(26:02):
they think that you're going touse whatever you tell them
against them.
Mama lets you know some men andwomen if your man or your woman
comes and opens up to you aboutwhatever, however, whoever,
whenever, don't reopen that.
Don't open your mouth againstthat, don't do anything, because
why?
Once you do that and use thatagainst them, it's shutdown time
(26:25):
.
You will never hear from themagain and it'll be your own
fault, no one's fault, but yours.
I just.
I'm just just.
I'm just shooting some thingsout and letting you know that
don't let somebody else mess up.
A good thing.
This is in business, this is ina relationship, this is in love
(26:46):
, this is in whatever else.
If you don't found, if your exand you and your ex done
separated and moved on, you doneseen somebody else you want to
be with, before you even openyour mouth to them, re-evaluate
yourself.
That means look at yourself inthe mirror and say am I hurting?
Did he hurt me?
(27:06):
If he hurt me, will I hurt thisperson?
Because what I've learned?
Misery loves company and Ialready seen that that that
thing of a hurt person hurtpeople, hurt hurts.
So if you, if you're hurt from aperson, get healing, get your
(27:29):
healing, get your time, get yourhealing, get your time.
Let that person know hey, Ilike you, you like me, but just
let's stay right now as friends.
I want to heal first.
I want to heal before I stepinto here and be with you.
And let him know this, or lether know this If you find
(27:53):
somebody that you want to bewith at that time, don't
hesitate.
You do that.
You do that.
But I want to heal and if awoman or a man ever tells you
this, respect that and walk away, because they're saving you
from a month or a year or sixmonths or years down the line of
(28:15):
misery.
Because when you're paying forsomebody else's sins, that is so
, so much.
Only person I know that paidfor somebody else's sins and was
okay with it was Jesus andhonestly, if you read the book,
he wasn't okay.
He asked God to please takethis bitter cup away from me,
(28:37):
but he knew what he had to doand he had to do it as, being in
a relationship, you don't haveto go through that.
You shouldn't have to gothrough that.
You should be able to sit downwith a person.
Tell them this is what I'mgoing through, this is who I am,
(28:59):
love me or let me go.
I tell everybody and I'mletting y'all know don't let
your ex mess up.
Your next.
This is your boy, jay Stone.
Telling you, advising you haveyou been in a relationship and
(29:19):
it done?
Telling you, advising you ifyou've been in a relationship
and it didn't hurt you, didn'tlie, cheated on you, took your
money, had a baby on you,whatever it is heal For one.
Sit back, forgive, forget, letgo.
One, sit back, forgive, forget,let go, heal, heal some more
(29:48):
and then go out, let go.
All that bitterness, all thatanger, all that pain, and then
find yourself somebody who,who's the top of the time, who's
loving, who's caring, who'sthis and who's that, and you go
back and see that person who didall that to you trust me, you
(30:11):
would be so much better off andyou look and see his life, or
her life, is not as all as it isglamor and clean, ladies and
gentlemen, it has been, it is.
I am so excited too.
I'm so thankful that you guysstopped in and listened to me
talk about don't let your next,don't let your ex mess up your
(30:34):
next.
It's some more to this.
It's a long going saga saga,but I'm just letting you guys
know if you're in pain orhurting, don't jump onto
somebody else, because that'smore pain, that's more hurt,
that's more, that's more ofsomething you don't need.
Ladies and gentlemen, this isyour boy, j stone, signing off
(30:58):
peace.
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