October 13, 2025 • 57 mins
The room laughed—and Hope chose to build a bigger stage. That’s the energy we bring into this conversation with author, artist, and activist Hope Giselle, a world-changer who turned rejection at a conservative HBCU into a blueprint for queer visibility, campus safety, and unapologetic self-worth. We trace the path from “you’ll never perform here” to founding a student organization, producing a two-hour AIDS benefit in drag, and facing the hidden fees and institutional traps designed to shut it all down. What could have been an end became a playbook: document everything, gather allies, anticipate gatekeeping, and refuse to shrink.
We go deeper at a dorm window where despair almost won—and two Black men from student affairs broke the door off its hinges to pull Hope back. That moment complicates the easy narratives and shows what real allyship can look like in Black communities. From there, we explore the “free” chapter of Hope’s life: a marriage that holds her accountable with love, a circle that won’t let her shrink her height or her light, and a boundary with family that protects her peace. If you’ve wrestled with body image, gendered expectations, or the pressure to be smaller to make others comfortable, this is a practical guide. Hope’s line will stick with you: “Everything exclusive goes on sale.” Set your price. Run your race. Keep your pen.
We also preview Not Your Average Girl—Hope’s new documentary with grassroots screenings in Atlanta, Miami, LA, and DC—and her expanding HIV and AIDS advocacy, including USCHA in Washington, DC. Come for the story; stay for the frameworks you can use today: how to navigate hostile systems, build chosen family, and live out loud without apology. If this conversation moved you, tap follow, share it with someone who needs the reminder, and leave a review to help others find the show. Your voice helps us reach the people still standing at their own window.
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SPEAKER_01 (00:21):
Hello, hello, hello, and welcome back to In the
Passenger Seat with yourPositivity Queen and
neighborhood hot girl, AletheaCrimis, baby.
Do I have a treat for you today?
Listen, I have been after thiswoman for the longest time, and
I'm finally able to have her onmy podcast.
Listen, if you do not know whoshe is after today, she is
(00:45):
someone that you will neverforget.
Not only is she an archactivist, she is an author, an
artist.
She is not just making waves,honey.
She is making a damn tsunami.
She is putting the world onnotice.
Listen, she is a force.
(01:06):
That's all I can say.
She is a force.
So I want to introduce you now.
Put your hands together for thefabulous, the amazing, the
talented, the phenomenal.
I need to keep you with mewherever I go.
SPEAKER_00 (01:23):
Because if that's everybody say that when I
introduce them, like damn, canyou say that?
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_03 (01:33):
Like you on payroll.
Just come on.
SPEAKER_01 (01:39):
Because everybody needs to know that you don't,
you're not an influencer.
You are a world changer.
Like you put people on noticeand you let the world know
exactly what is going on and howwe can do to change it and what
(02:01):
we should not be doing.
Like what while we're herewatching memes the world.
The world happening.
So for those of us who do notknow who you are, and if you
don't know, I need where haveyou been?
Um can you please introduceyourself and tell us just a
(02:22):
little bit about who you are,what you do, and why you do it?
SPEAKER_03 (02:27):
Absolutely.
Uh so my name is Hope DesignGodzi.
I am an award-winning activist,an author, an author, an
actress, a model.
Um, and when I say activist, Ido mean on all fronts.
I'm not just an activist fortrans people.
I am an activist who happens tobe trans, right?
(02:50):
Um, and I don't consider myselfto be an influencer.
I'm a person who has influence,which are two different things,
right?
I don't wake up and and seek toget a paycheck from making
videos.
I'm a person who, you know, I'ma person who uses my influence
in order to be able to givepeople a way to make a paycheck,
if you will.
So um, those are things thatreally motivate me.
(03:12):
I've been doing this work forthe last 15 years or so of my
life.
Everything from bodily autonomyto racism to um the rights of
women and immigrants and HIV,body positivity, all of the
things, those are just likethings that are passionate.
And because I'm anintersectional being and all of
those things have affected me, Iwant to make sure that people
(03:32):
understand that you can talkabout more than one thing and
that my life does not revolvearound the fact that I'm a trans
person navigating the world.
I'm still black, I'm a woman, Inavigate what it means to go
through mental health.
My father passed away from HIV.
You know, there's so manydifferent things about me that I
could focus on.
And so choosing to ride thetrans wave because that's what
(03:53):
everybody wants, like clickbaitabout just was never my style.
And that's really garnered me tobe in spaces like NASA, like
Harvard, like BET, all of thesedifferent things and people and
corporations that I've workedfor over the years.
And I'm just really gratefulbecause not every black trans
woman you're gonna meet has thisstory.
SPEAKER_01 (04:10):
As I'm reading your bio, you just I'm I am just more
in awe of you than I alreadywas.
Like just woman to woman, likeI'm not a trans woman black,
woman to woman, you inspire me.
(04:32):
Like you, you inspire me.
So I like I need to tell youthis to your face.
You are an inspiration.
Like you co-founded the firstLGBT organization at a
(04:53):
conservative H B C U, where mostpeople would tell you to be
silent, where most people wouldtell you to shrink, where most
people would tell you this isnot where you belong.
What was the moment that youknew that you could no longer
stay silent?
(05:13):
I don't think I was episoding.
Like, let's be very clear.
SPEAKER_03 (05:16):
Like, I I am not, I I've never been one of those
people that feels like I have toshut up because I'm not the
majority of folks, right?
Um, and so I think from thefirst day, hell, even before I
got there, I remember my mamacalled.
Like once my dorm, once my dormgot assigned, my mama called and
was like, hey, look, now my babydifferent.
(05:40):
I will never forget thatconversation.
It was not gonna do and what youknow, my mama was very clear
with them people like my baby isdifferent, and what y'all are
not about to do, because if Ihave to come up here, it's gonna
be a problem.
SPEAKER_01 (05:54):
Because what y'all not gonna do is play in my baby
face, yeah.
Like this is what y'all notgoing to do, so I'm just let
letting you know, as a blackmama, don't make me come up
here, don't make me come uphere, make me come up here
because because if I do, ally'all gonna get it.
(06:14):
I love that though.
Like she was a typical blackmama protecting her black
daughter, like I mean, but youknow, that that's the funny
thing about it is like shewasn't protecting her black
daughter at the time.
SPEAKER_03 (06:28):
I hadn't transitioned, I didn't
transition until um the end ofsophomore year.
I want to say, I want to say Igot I transitioned like the end
of sophomore year going intojunior year.
Um, so that was just, you know,my mama just being, I think,
overprotective and and kind ofsort of setting the tone, like
letting people know, like, I'mleaving him here, but he's not
alone.
(06:48):
So don't try it, you know.
Um, and I think that that was athing that really set the tone
with the adults on campus, likebecause there were other queer
kids there.
And I had heard some of thestories, and like you don't like
when I think about it, like nowhindsight 2020, I didn't see
anybody else's like parents orlike hear about anybody else's
parents like coming up to theschool.
(07:10):
Um, my my best friend during thetime, Mitchell, you know, him
and I, like we talked about ourmoms frequently, but like all
the other like queer kids oncampus, it was a very estranged
and distant relationship.
And for me, that didn't happenuntil after I transitioned.
Like after I transitioned, meand my mom stopped talking
completely.
But um like those firstformidable years, like people
(07:30):
just didn't have relationshipswith their parents, and that was
just very interesting to me.
Um, but a lot of my get up andgo was, I was never supposed to,
the funny fact about it was Iwas never supposed to be
anywhere near Alabama at all.
Um, I busted my behind to getevery scholarship I could find.
I graduated top 10% of my class.
I got, you know, I didn't haveto pay a dime.
(07:53):
I don't owe anybody anything formy undergrad um degree, none of
that.
And the the thing that was veryinteresting was I got accepted
to my dream school in Mayu.
And my mom was like, Yeah, theywant$5,000 up front for this
dorm, and I'm not taking out aloan to get it.
And I was like, But mom, I'm I'ma presidential scholar.
(08:15):
I have extra scholarship money,like you're gonna get this money
back.
I'll pay you as soon as therefund check hit.
Like, it's not like take out theloan and I will give it back to
you, you know?
And she was just like, no.
And so literally, she got offthe phone with the people and
she looked over at me and shesaid, You gotta find somewhere
to go.
Like that was the conversation.
There was no negotiation, therewas no, let's talk about it.
(08:36):
There was no, I know you workedhard for this, none of that.
I I wanted to go to NYU from thetime that I let go of my dreams
of going to UCLA.
I from the time that I was likefive to about 10, I was like
UCLA because I wanted to be alawyer.
And I ended up going to a magnetschool, found theater, found
dance, and I was like, okay,cool, NYU.
And that had been the only thingthat I talked about from the
(08:57):
time that I was about teen tothe time that it was time to
graduate and go to college.
And so to be told that all of myhard work was gonna go down the
drain in five seconds, I didn'treally know what to do.
And so I knew that I wasn't, Ididn't want to stay in Miami.
I didn't want to be anywherenear Florida, I didn't want to
be anywhere where my mama couldpop into her car and in 45
(09:19):
minutes or less, she could comeand like get me because I knew
that she would.
And so um, it just so happenedthat her godsister called right
after that conversationhappened, and her godsister was
like, well, you know, if heliked theater, you know, Alabama
State has a really great theaterprogram.
I, you know, I used to go thereand so maybe check that out.
And it didn't matter to me thatit was in Alabama, it was away
(09:41):
from Florida.
So I was like, say less, youknow, and I applied that night.
I woke up the next morning to anadmissions letter, and it was,
you know, history.
Um I thought that I was gonnahave the same theater experience
that I would have had at NYU inAlabama because I was like,
well, it's theater.
Like all the queer kids are intheater.
And baby, that was, I was in fora rude awakening.
(10:04):
It was, it was not that, youknow.
It was not that at all.
Um, so I had to advocate formyself very, very early and let
these people know that youweren't going to tell me that I
couldn't, you know, do a thingbecause I wasn't masculine
outside of the theater.
Like, if I can play this role onthe stage, what does it matter
that I wear tutos in my freetime?
(10:25):
You know, like but they theythey didn't see it that way.
And to me, I felt like it waseven more of a testament to
their ability to teach.
Like, if you have this veryqueer wears tutus, nail polish
and acrylics young man walkingaround campus, and then we go to
see the color purple and he'splaying Mr.
convincingly, to me, that wouldhave just been like, yeah, and
(10:49):
we did that, you know.
Like I would have, you know, butthey didn't they didn't see it
that way.
SPEAKER_01 (10:54):
This is you sh showing your talent, like it's
not you what what you want me todo?
Yeah, but they would rather putyou in a box.
Yeah, they would rather me notperform at all.
So how did after all of that youend up making this uh phenomenal
(11:16):
shift and change in this school?
SPEAKER_03 (11:21):
Um, so when the theater told me that I would
never perform on the stage aslong as I look like that, um,
and that that's a literal motionthat the director of the theater
department made towards.
SPEAKER_01 (11:32):
I've been I've been given the this.
Yeah.
Um I've been given that.
SPEAKER_03 (11:40):
And so that lady looked at me in front of my
entire class and was just like,as long as you look like that, I
don't care how talented you are,you'll never perform on this
stage.
And um I was like, oh, okay,bet.
This ain't the only way toperform on stage on campus.
Fuck y'all, you know.
And so um I was like, I want tofind a place where queer people
(12:02):
can, you know, kind of go andwhere we can just be and we can
brainstorm and we can build ourown performances.
And there were other queer kidsin the in the theater department
that just kind of sort of playedit small.
And I was just not about playingit small, but they supported me.
And so um I went through all therig and row to figure out how to
create a club and how to do thethings, and it took months, and
it took months because theadvisors for like the people who
(12:25):
have to approve whether or notthe club is like a legal club on
campus, all of these differentthings, they had meeting after
meeting with me about whether ornot I was sure I wanted to do
this.
Um, and they said that like backin the early 90s or something
like that, uh, some kids didhave like an unofficial like
meeting space.
And the football players came inand threw pizza at them.
(12:48):
And that was the end of that,you know, those kids' meeting on
on campus.
And what I recognized was thatyou weren't looking out for me,
you were trying to scare mebecause y'all didn't, y'all
didn't want the club.
And so they were having all ofthese meetings and trying to
tell me all of these horrorstories about the way that kids
were treated in the past whenthey tried to gather, not even
have a club, but just gather.
(13:09):
And I was like, okay, and ifthey come and try to throw pizza
at us, I'm beating the ass.
Like it's just that simple.
Like, I'm serious, you know.
Um, and I had already been in acouple of fights on campus, so I
was not the queen to try.
So they they that had all thatword had already gotten around
about me.
So I don't think that that wasthe what was gonna happen.
So finally, after like a coupleof months of them piddle
(13:30):
peddling around, they could notfigure out anything to not
justify.
I had all of my paperwork, I hadan advisor, I had people that
were willing to like support, Ihad enough members, you know,
all of the things.
And so they finally approved it.
And my first thing that I wantedto do was an AIDS benefit
concert for the Montgomery AIDSoutreach.
And this concert was essentiallyjust me and Drag for two hours.
(13:57):
But I mean, hey, hey, come on.
We called it, we called it theBeyonce experience.
Um, but it was literally, it wasjust me doing a Beyonce concert
rendition for two hours with abunch of different queer kids
and singants that agreed to be apart of this conversation, uh,
this performance.
And it was crazy because I gotone of the largest, hardest
(14:21):
venues to get at Alabama State,which is the Acadome.
And I got it during one of thehardest weeks to get it, which
is Homecoming Week.
And um it was beautiful.
We did the performance, weraised$1,200 for the Montgomery
Age Outreach, and then the balldropped because they set me up.
So they knew that there were allof these hidden fees that I
(14:44):
would have to pay, right?
So there was a hidden fee forthe lighting, there was a hidden
fee for the sound guy, there wasa hidden fee for the fog
machine, there was a hidden feefor the DJ, like there were all
of these different things.
And so we thought that like alot of this stuff was being
gifted to us and offered to usas a club who, you know, has the
things.
(15:05):
And so basically, after we didall of that, we raised the
money.
We we were like in a hype forthe club.
They were just like, so um, weneed y'all to pay X, Y, and Z by
so and so.
And if y'all don't, then we'redisbanding your club.
And they knew that we didn'thave the money to pay off those
things.
And they knew they knew whenthey agreed to let us do it that
it was gonna be a one and done.
So they would never have to dealwith our club again.
(15:27):
And um, that's exactly whathappened.
We couldn't raise, I think itwas about$5,500 that they needed
to pay off all of these people.
And the people still got paid.
So it wasn't the fact that theydidn't have the money, it was
that they knew that that was theloophole to get us to no longer
be able to have a legitimizedclub because we would be in debt
until we paid that$5,000 or that$5,500 off.
(15:48):
So, like there was a there wassomething at every turn with
them.
And um, fortunately, a graduatestudent by the name of Darien
Aaron came back.
Um, and Darien, Darien had heardwhat I was doing, and he created
something different and asked meto come and be a part of that
because he heard you know whathappened, and so that was
beautiful.
Um, unfortunately, Amplified,which is the club that Darien uh
(16:08):
did, is also no longer atAlabama State because there's
just no queer support.
There's no um, there's no adultor any advisor that is willing
to like keep it going and advisequeer students at Alabama State
about how to navigate this.
And so while the legend of HopeGiselle still haunts the halls
of Alabama State University, theclub is just like the safe space
(16:30):
is no longer there becausethere's nobody that cares about
whether or not queer kids onthat campus have a safe space.
And they never have.
If you don't build it, then theythey're not going to provide it
to whether they provide spacesfor every other faction of
people, including theimmigrants.
Like, you know, y'all have allof these things for the African
folks and the uh the Asian folksthat y'all fly into Alabama
(16:51):
State University, but the blackqueer students that live in the
area, that grew up in the area,that understand black culture,
y'all have less care for us thany'all do for these foreigners,
you know, and so it was justinteresting, and it always has
been.
SPEAKER_01 (17:06):
But in all of this, you uh made an impact on
somebody's life.
You changed somebody's life,absolutely affected somebody's
life in a positive way thatwould not have been able to get
that same thing somewhere else.
(17:28):
If this is not a message tosomebody, y'all need to hear
everything that Hope just said.
I wanted to go here.
This is what my heart was seton.
But baby, I'm gonna get on mypulpit for just a little while.
Your heart was set on going toone place.
(17:49):
You said God, this is where Iwant to go.
But God said, No, this is whereyou want to go, but this is
where I need you to be.
I need you to be here.
You don't need to go to NYUbecause I can't use you there.
I can't use you there.
I need you to go where I can useyou.
(18:11):
Yeah, uh, and that's exactlywhat happened.
Uh uh and so many times peopleoften wonder why I am here.
This is not where I wanted uh uhto be because I can't have you
there, I can use you here.
Come on, you can make a changehere, you can make an impact
here.
People are going to know who youare here.
(18:33):
You don't need to go over there.
Absolutely.
That's exactly what you did.
Absolutely.
You made a change and you arestill making changes, even
though you now just imagine whatlife would have been like if you
would have gotten into NYU andlike everything would have been
roses and grade and ground andwhatever, but then you wouldn't
(18:57):
have impacted all of the livesthat you did, and and still to
this, you may have become atotally different person than
who you are right now.
Absolutely.
But being there gave you roots,being there gave you a purpose
that you continue to walk in tothis day.
(19:18):
You continue to walk in that,but had you not had that
experience, who knows where hopeGiselle would be right now.
You needed to be there.
SPEAKER_03 (19:38):
I still it's it's crazy because since I've
graduated, I still have everyevery semester there's a trans
girl that graduates that thatcomes back, and I mean I don't
know these little girls.
I ain't been in I ain't been incollege in years, you know, and
I will every every year there'sa new trans girl that's like, I
heard about you, and you know,thank you so much, because I
(19:58):
know that some of the stuff thatwe got was because of you, and
they be telling stories aboutyou from campus and the
cafeteria ladies still betalking about you, like, you
know, so I I know that I didwhat I needed to do in that
space.
And even though the club doesnot exist, I know that the girls
and the boys and and the thethey're safe on that or safer
(20:20):
than they would have been onthat campus before I got there.
SPEAKER_01 (20:23):
Because of the impact that you made.
SPEAKER_03 (20:25):
Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_01 (20:26):
Because of the impact that you made, be because
you were placed exactly whereyou needed to be.
Y'all, like I y'all, y'all knowthat I find a message in
everything.
And like as you you was talking,I was like, Woo, glory.
SPEAKER_03 (20:45):
Yeah, I'm like there's there's so many.
I mean, I I almost jumped out ofthe window on that campus, you
know, like that that's the thecraziest part.
Um it and I think everythinghappens for a reason because I
wasn't even talking to my mama,like at that at this particular
time.
I think me and my mama had justreconciled our third argument of
(21:06):
the year.
And you know, this particularday, I wasn't feeling it.
I don't know why I wasn'tfeeling it.
And my mama called me and I wasjust walking into the calf.
And it's very rare that I wasever like that honest with my
mom at that age or like that Iwas very dismissive of her.
But she called me that day and Iwas like, mama, not today.
You know, like I hope I don'tsound disrespectful, but you
(21:28):
know, I was just like, nottoday.
I don't, I don't, I ain't gotit.
And my mama, who was a very likeblack mama, would never usually
take that on the chin.
But for whatever reason, hermother's intuition just was
like, okay, call me when youfeel better.
And so I was very glad that Ididn't have to argue with her or
have the back and forth aboutwhat was wrong, because I didn't
know what was wrong.
(21:48):
I just wasn't feeling it thatday.
And um, so we're having this, wehad that conversation in the
calf.
And as I'm walking through, likealmost right after I hung up the
phone on her, these footballplayers see me walking by and
they the whole table just startslaughing.
And now that causes like anotherset of people to start laughing.
And now, even though I felt,even though it was only a couple
(22:11):
of people at those two tables,it felt like the entire room was
was laughing at me.
SPEAKER_01 (22:18):
I get it.
SPEAKER_03 (22:19):
And so, you know, I'm I'm I'm doing that, and like
once that laughter broke out, itwas like something in my spirit
broke, and I just turned around.
I didn't want to eat no more.
I went back to my room.
And I, when I got there, I wasjust like, let me see how far
this window opened.
That was the first part of theconversation.
So let me see how far thiswindow opened.
I just need some fresh air.
(22:40):
And so like I lifted the windowand surprisingly it went all the
way up.
And usually at college campuses,that's you they don't do that,
especially when you're on thefifth floor like I was.
So um, you know, I'm on thefifth floor and I'm at first I
stick my head out, the breeze isgoing, and then I'm sitting in
the windowsill, and I'm justsitting up there, just chilling.
And part of me just was hopingthat somebody would look up and
(23:03):
be like, say something.
SPEAKER_01 (23:06):
I've been there.
Oh, I've been there.
SPEAKER_03 (23:09):
Oh you know, I I I I will say that that was a a cry
for attention and help.
I'm not, I'm not gonna even holdyou.
That that was a moment where Ijust I wanted some attention.
Like, let me see who gives ashit that I'm just sitting here.
And you know, I'm I'm sittingthere for like 10 minutes and
people are looking up.
Nobody, nobody's sayinganything.
Like nobody's nobody's evenbeing like, oh damn, like you
(23:32):
sitting, like nobody's sayinganything.
People are just looking up andwalking away and looking up and
walking away.
There's not even a crowd ofpeople like looking around
because people are like, oh,they're a gay boy at the window.
Like nothing, nothing.
And um I think like after thatfirst 10 minutes went by and I
saw that many people just didn'tgive a shit.
Like I just started, likeprofusely crying.
I was I was two seconds fromletting that windowsill go.
(23:54):
And these two men who were inthe office of student
advisement, Dr.
Height and um Dr.
Ray, they came banging andbursting through my door.
They broke my door off thehinges.
And I remember before I couldeven think straight about what
(24:15):
was going on, Dr.
Height had grabbed me, barehooked me, and threw me onto my
bed, and Mr.
Ray was slamming the window.
And um after, you know, I satthere and cried for a minute.
We all baby, we all sat thereand cried for a minute.
Like these two heterosexualmen's men of the campus, like
these were the guys on campus.
(24:36):
These two men were the men thatyou talked to when you were a
student and you had a problem oncampus.
And you know, that we're alljust sitting there crying.
And finally, when I had hadenough, like I was like, Thank
you.
And I remember Dr.
Height was like, Thank yourmama.
He was like, I don't know whatyou said to her.
He said, I don't know what yousaid to her.
But he was like, She called usand she forced us to come and
(24:58):
check on you.
And I'm glad that we did it.
SPEAKER_01 (25:01):
Because mamas know.
Mamas know.
Oh, girl, like that.
Just gave me chance because mymamas know, and you you ain't
even gonna say say that much,and mamas know, and thank God
that mama knows okay, you youyou need your minute, but
something is wrong with my baby.
Yeah.
Oh, but but I've but I've beenwhere where where you've been,
(25:26):
so I totally understand exactlywhat you are talking about.
And I'm sure that there arepeople out there listening and
watching right now that havealso been on that ledge with
you, screaming, hoping thatsomebody would look up and say,
look at me.
I need help, and nobody ishearing you.
(25:47):
It it is like you are in thisglass cage, and everybody just
keeps walking by and you're andyou're banging on it.
Help me, help me, help me, butnobody is seeing you, and it's
like all you want to do is jump.
All you want to do is jump.
(26:08):
I I I had that exact samemoment, and that was the moment
that I realized that nobody wascoming to save me.
I had to save myself.
I I had to because my I had tosave me.
I couldn't wait on anybody else,I couldn't expect anybody else
(26:32):
to save me because let's behonest, it's not their job, it's
mine.
It's mine, but I'm so happy thatyour mom was like, I know that
something is wrong.
Go and get my baby.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (26:51):
Yeah, like it was uh like a week or so afterwards, it
was funny.
They, you know, they called meinto their office just to do a
check-in or whatever.
And so they gave me the realrundown of how everything
happened.
And uh Mr.
Ray said, Your mama called meand she said, Mr.
Ray, I don't know what you'redoing, I don't care what you're
doing, but you need to get to mybaby's room and you need to get
there now.
(27:11):
And mind you, I told my mom Iwas going to the catch.
So how she knew to send them tomy room, I have no idea, you
know.
And so then Mr.
Hype, Dr.
Height said that your mamacalled and gave me the same
call.
And we both happened to bewalking in the same direction at
the same time.
And we was like, Oh, give MissDanielle call.
You give Miss Danielle calledme.
(27:32):
So now they kind of died.
And so it would it was thefunniest thing because it like
afterwards when I talked to mymama about it, she said, Oh no,
I cuss them out.
I cussed them out to make surethey were going there.
SPEAKER_01 (27:47):
So you retelling this story, like I can see that
there's some emotions going onthere, but you reliving it and
retelling it.
Yeah, what is entering yourmind?
What thoughts are going throughyour head as you have to relive
this moment because it is allover your face, like um, there's
(28:14):
a couple of things.
SPEAKER_03 (28:14):
I think one is that um I think that that's one of
the reasons why I'll never giveup on black men.
Black people, especially queerpeople, and especially black
trans women, we have some of themost disgusting experiences with
black men, whether it be thelack of ability to just name
that they love us, whether it bebeating on us because they can't
(28:37):
understand their attractions forus, whether it be the fact that
they've been trained that we aresomehow the enemy for whatever
reason, you know, all of thesedifferent things.
And, you know, maybe having afather that wasn't accepting,
maybe having a grandfather or,you know, people in your life,
big brothers, whomever, um, thattreated you wrong.
And I know so many trans women,black trans women specifically,
(29:00):
that are scarred and jaded andsay, fuck black men because of
that, and and want you to doaway and dispose of.
And I also know that there areso many people outside of the
community that believe that thereason that people are queer or
trans or gay or whatever isbecause we have these negative
ideations about black men.
And thinking about that storyreminds me that like in my life,
(29:22):
I've been saved and loved on andheard and cared for in some of
my most vulnerable moments byblack men, heterosexual black
men, you know.
Um, and and remembering, youknow, both uh Mr.
Ray and Dr.
Heitch, uh, God rest both oftheir souls, I believe.
(29:43):
Uh Mr.
Dr.
Heitch passed away and and sodid Mr.
Ray.
Um but being able to to reallylike think about the fact that
these two black men who hadother things to do, there are so
many students on that campus.
You know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_00 (30:01):
Like dropped everything.
SPEAKER_01 (30:03):
They dropped whatever they were doing.
A little queer boy.
It's always the ones that youleast expect.
Yeah.
That you least expect.
Oh.
SPEAKER_03 (30:14):
And they they dropped everything, you know,
like just because somebody mamacalled and was like, I got a
feeling.
Like, my mama didn't even, itwasn't like my mama got on the
phone and said, Oh, I just gotup the phone, my child.
She in the window, go get her.
Like right.
SPEAKER_01 (30:27):
No, it would it was like, look, I I I know that I
know that I know that somethingis wrong.
Y'all, y'all, y'all better goright now because I'm because
because I'm because I'm tellingyou, if she she did that little
black black mama thing, if Ihave to go up there, it's gonna
be a problem.
Okay, yeah, all the way.
Now, earlier you gave us a listof your actress model, activist,
(30:57):
artist.
Um, you are also an author oftwo best selling book books.
I let me say that again.
Author of two best sellers.
Something that's some people hadto to buy, but she she she did
not.
Oh no?
(31:18):
Okay.
Um I did not know that you couldbuy that because chapter of your
life would you say that you'reon right now?
SPEAKER_03 (31:38):
Oh, um, this chapter is called free.
This one right here is calledfree.
Um elaborate.
I feel the most free right nowthan I have ever felt in my
entire life.
I have an amazing husband thatloves my dirtiest of draws.
I'm talking about the ones withthe crunch.
I'm talking about the ones Idone left the penny liner in, I
(32:00):
got a little funk on them.
He loved them too.
Like my husband loves mydirtiest.
My husband loves my dirtiestpair of draws.
And um to have somebody that canhold me accountable while loving
me, that can give me grace, thatcan show me strength, that is
(32:25):
going to make sure that I'mtaking care of myself before I
take care of community.
Um I don't have no worries.
I can't tell you what some ofthe bills cost.
I don't know how much shit costsaround here.
I have no idea.
I don't know.
You know, I have a couple oflittle odds and ends that I pay
for, and most of them aresubscription.
Like, you know, but I don't, Idon't, I, I know that like I
(32:50):
know the account information ifI ever needed to get, but like
on a day-to-day, just thinkingabout like I can't tell you how
much we pay to be in here forreal.
I can't tell you what the lightdeal costs, I can't tell you
what the water bill is.
I can't tell you, you know, whatsome of these things are.
I could pay them on my own.
We could split it 50-50, but Ihave somebody that does not want
that.
My husband's entire goal afterfive years of us really being
(33:13):
locked in was to retire mebecause every day he was
watching me get up and activateand do all of these things and
work and this plane and thatplane and every other week a
plane and just all of theseamazing things.
And I have a solid circle offriends, and people don't talk
about how amazing and howcomforting and how um beautiful
(33:34):
that can be to have realmotherfuckers around you that
want to see you win and thatthat wanna that check in on you
and that that love you, youknow, for real for and they
don't need nothing in returnexcept for you to show that love
back, you know.
SPEAKER_01 (33:49):
I need you to I'ma I'm gonna I'm gonna need you to
repeat for the people in thenosebleeds that don't pay
attention, you said to havefriends, to have real people
around you.
How how important is that to youto have this circle of friends,
(34:15):
people that keep you grounded?
How important and do youconsider because I know for me
my my family and I like I I Ihave my family that I was born
into, and then I have my familythat I chose.
So, how important is chosenfamily to you?
(34:39):
Oh, very.
SPEAKER_03 (34:40):
I think especially, you know, right now, I I told
that beautiful story about mymom.
My mom is still, my mom is is mymother, but I don't like her.
My mom is a good mother, butshe's not a good person.
Um and a lot of people don'trecognize that those two things
can live in the same place.
My mom did and is doing the bestthat she can do.
(35:04):
Parents do not get a handbook,they don't nobody knows how to
make this work.
And and, you know, kids aredifferent.
Everybody, you know, even if yougot multiple, each one of those
multiples are different people.
Um, but uh what I've realized asI've gotten older is that if my
mama wasn't my mama, I wouldn'tfuck with her.
So why am I putting up withdealing with her just because
(35:24):
she's my mama and I don't haveto do that?
SPEAKER_01 (35:32):
The mouthful that you just said, because I swear I
feel the exact same way about mymother.
Like if my mama wasn't my mama,I wouldn't not fuck with her
either because oh, baby, the thethe like truth that I live in is
different from the truth thatshe lives in, and a lot of my
(35:54):
body image things that I had to,my body image issues that I had
to deal with and that I foughtwith came from from my mother.
And you also talk about bodyimage, um, which can be very
brutal in uh today's world thatwe live in and coming from a
(36:20):
plus size woman, like this issomething that we have dealt
with and deal with some more andcontinue to deal with.
How do you keep living in yourtruth in who you are, and you
remain so confident in who youare and not worry about the
(36:45):
opinions of the world and whatthey have to say?
How do you because I feel likethis is going to help so many
people because the world tellsus what we should not be, how we
should not look, how you shouldtalk, how you shouldn't talk.
The world is like always in ourear, but you stand true and firm
(37:08):
in who you are, and you do itwith such grace and you do it
with such confidence.
How do you continue to do thatwhen the world is always in your
ear?
So if I'm there's a couple ofthings I have to be honest
about.
SPEAKER_03 (37:26):
I know that I am traditionally aesthetically
pleasing to people.
Like we can't like knock thatout, regardless of weight,
height, trans, not trans, I knowthat I'm a traditionally
attractive person to mostpeople, right?
Um, and so that's a thing thatlike I can sit in comfort with.
I think that everything else isthe is the things that people
(37:47):
tell me about what women aresupposed to look like.
And that's where the beating ofyourself up comes into play.
Um, but I remind myself thateverybody is different.
Every woman is different, everywoman looks different.
And and and and also I again, itgoes back to that circle.
I have a circle of people whocan see when I make that post or
(38:07):
when I'm making that video, howI'm like maneuvering so that my
shoulders look smaller, they cansee me shrinking myself when
we're in public, you know, orwhen I'm with my homegirls and
we're out and I'm the tallestgirl with them, and they see how
I'm kind of like, you know,doing my best to look like the,
you know, and my people are justlike no ma'am.
SPEAKER_01 (38:27):
Absolutely not, don't do that.
Absolutely not.
Like, why are you girl?
Why, you know, see, you youcould never be be with me and
and do and and do no shit shitlike that.
You could never, baby.
SPEAKER_03 (38:42):
But over the years, I've I've stopped doing because
I I there's a confidence thatcomes from having people that
you know see you as you seeyourself.
It's it's one thing to beaffirming to ourselves, it's one
thing to speak life intoourselves.
Everybody's talking aboutaffirmation, affirmation,
affirmation.
Those self-affirmations arebeautiful and they're great and
they're awesome.
But having people around youthat remind you, like, hey, hey,
(39:07):
I see that crown slipping, babygirl.
We don't do that around herebecause I'm not, I ain't friends
with ugly bitches, right?
I ain't friends with bitchesthat's not confident.
So if you unless you're tellingme, like, are you are you trying
to sell me something?
You trying to tell, like, and II have a group chat.
Um, and and this group chatconsists of uh two trans men and
and one other trans girl, andthese are my these are my
(39:28):
brothers and my sister.
And every now and then we got toget each other together.
And you know, we we have to pulleach other up uh about the floor
sometimes.
And having a husband who is likeone of my husband's favorite
lines is when I went to the wifestore, I didn't ask them to give
me the worst one that they had.
I didn't ask for the budgetversion of a wife.
(39:49):
I asked for the top of the topof the line, whichever version
was gonna be best.
So unless you telling me that Ipicked a cheap version of a
wife, I don't, I don't, youknow, I don't know what you're
trying to say here.
And you gotta Savannah.
SPEAKER_00 (40:05):
You can't Savannah.
SPEAKER_03 (40:09):
And so that that confirmed with my own ability to
remind myself that what I do toto upkeep to make me feel good
is enough.
Whether the people on theoutside are okay with that,
whether it suits their fancy,whether they like the hair,
whether they don't like thehair, whether they like the shoe
or the fit, like that does notmatter.
(40:31):
Because before I left the house,I was like, oh, I feel good in
this.
Ooh, I look good in this.
Ooh, I feel great about me.
Whatever y'all got to say when Ihit the streets ain't on me.
That's a you thing.
And reminding myself, yeah, I'mnot gonna make it mine, and I'm
not gonna make it a me thing.
SPEAKER_01 (40:49):
Yeah, we have to stop asking the world for
permission and be who the fuckwe are.
Be great.
Stop the world in their face,stop letting the world write
your story and remember that youare the one holding the pen.
Yes, I've told y'all before thatwe are supposed to have main
(41:13):
character energy at all times,but understand that the reason
that you are the main characteris because you are also the
script writer.
The reason that you are the maincharacter in your story is
because you are also the scriptwriter.
So you decide who you aresupposed to be in your story.
(41:35):
Nobody else can do that but you.
So stop allowing this world oranybody else to hold that pen.
That is in your hands.
So now you have to choose whatstory you want to write for
yourself for yourself, baby.
It's just that now we have cometo my favorite part of the show
(42:04):
as Alethea, where you send inyour questions to me, and we
answer them live on the show.
So the question for today isAlethea, I'm learning to accept
my identity and my body, but Istill catch myself trying to
(42:28):
shrink, soften, or change tomake other people comfortable.
We just talked about this.
And how do I stop trying to fitinto somebody else's idea of me?
SPEAKER_03 (42:42):
Reminding people that everybody is in a search
and everybody is in acompetition to be exclusive.
Everybody wants to be the one,the only one, the first one to
do the thing, all of thesedifferent things, but everything
exclusive goes on sale.
If you don't know who you are asa person, if you are not sure of
who you are as a person andyou're basing who you are off of
(43:06):
other people's market value,when they go on sale, so will
you.
But if you've priced yourselfwithin your own lane, can't
nobody come through and repriceyour sticker when they feel like
their value has been deflatedever.
So reminding yourself thatrunning your race will never
(43:28):
leave you boxed in is the thingthat I want you to leave this
conversation with and go forthinto your life.
I run my own race, I make my ownprice, and you can never put me
on sale because I right decidehow much this costs over here,
and you'll never be able toafford it.
SPEAKER_01 (43:47):
Baby, now if y'all hear me, if y'all hear me,
regurgitate what hope just said.
Just go and I'm going to tag youbecause honey, that that that
shit right there was a mic dropmoment, baby.
(44:07):
Everything that is exclusive cango on sale.
If they are on sale, then so areyou.
Yes.
I hope that y'all out heretaking notes because, baby, I am
(44:29):
going to go and re-watch thisover and over to get all these
gems that you are dropping.
What do you have that is comingup that we should know about,
that we should get ready for,that we should be because
because because I know that yougot something come coming up.
I do tell us, tell us.
SPEAKER_03 (44:51):
I do.
So the one thing that I can tellyou all about is I have a
documentary.
It's called Not Your AverageGirl.
Um yes, and that is gonna becoming out at the end of the
month.
We're shooting for August 22nd,but don't hold me because my
videographer's like a littletime.
But yeah, but it'll definitelybe out at the end of August,
early September, definitely.
We're doing smaller screenings.
(45:13):
If you follow my Instagram,which is at Hope Disel, um you
will be able to figure out.
But we're doing small screeningsin Atlanta, Miami, LA, and uh
DC.
Uh so we'll be popping throughthose cities and then we'll also
be doing a virtual screening umsoon, and those details will be
out.
But if you could support just bywatching it, giving it a little
(45:37):
thumbs up, I think that we'regoing to do the uh in-person
tour first, and then we're gonnado a virtual screening via the
YouTube because I want this tobe available for a lot of
people.
I was talking to some folksabout putting out the film
festival circuit, but the waythat the politics work around
that, I'm just not necessarilysure that I want to lean into
it.
So I think that making it freeand for the people is more of
(46:00):
the lane that I want to go.
So that's something that I'mreally, really excited about,
um, as well as the fact that I'mgonna be partnering up with NMAC
uh to do a lot of researcharound HIV and AIDS.
Um and so y'all will be seeingme uh do a lot of different work
with the HIV and AIDS community.
Uh, I'll be at the USCHAconference in Washington, DC
(46:23):
from September 4th to September7th.
So if you want to come out andsee me there, that would be
awesome and amazing.
Um and there's something elsethat I know I'm forgetting, but
there's a couple of bookingscoming up.
And if you follow my Instagramandor uh go to my website,
you'll be able to see all ofthose things.
And it's just hope jazzelle.com.
Um, you'll be able to see whereI'm gonna be, what's coming up,
(46:46):
what's happening.
You'll also be able to purchasemy books and there's there's
merch um on there and all ofthat jazz.
But just know I am I'm around.
The girl is I'm I'm I'm floppingand bopping and doing the things
and just really excited to shareall of those things with y'all.
SPEAKER_01 (47:00):
I always like to end my shows with something called
pass it on.
And a lot of my followers areLGBTQ.
Um a lot of them are also transand women.
(47:20):
Yeah, and I know that somebodysomewhere is watching this, and
you are their uh Shiro.
Like you, you are the personthat they look up to and aspire
to be.
If you can go back, before howdoes that even make you feel to
(47:45):
hear that?
Because I'm I'm look looking atyou and like you you just take
taking this all in, like, yeah,this this is me.
How does that make you feel?
SPEAKER_03 (47:55):
It's still surreal when when the kids come up to,
and not even just the kids, likeI have elders that come up to me
like, girl, you know, you aredoing it, you know, and you
know, people that are inspiredby me, that are older than me,
and people that are just I I'mI'm grateful because there was a
time in my career where all Iwanted to do was to be the voice
(48:18):
that I didn't have growing up.
And now I feel like I've becomesomewhat of that thing that I've
been seeking to be, and and Inever want to lose myself in
that.
And so it just feels good totake it in and not let it sit
over me or sit on me like somesort of cape that I get to wear
and walk around like, yeah, ofcourse you bitches are inspired
by me, right?
(48:39):
And so I always want to ingestit so that it lives within me
and it doesn't live on me, and Idon't feel like it's a thing
that I can put on and take offto make other people feel away.
And so if you see that, thatthat's just because I'm trying
to, I'm trying to get as much ofit inside so that I don't wear
it like a cake, but that I I Iingest it like medicine to
(49:00):
remind me of why I'm doing this.
SPEAKER_01 (49:02):
If you had a message that you would pass on to the
younger version of yourself,that version of yourself that
was in college, that was readyto jump, that version of
yourself that they tried to castout and make you feel like you
(49:26):
had to be a certain type of way,that version of yourself that
did not know who she wouldbecome.
What would you say to thatyounger version of yourself?
And I need you to close youreyes and just envision him right
now.
(49:46):
Talk to him as you right now,talk to him as hope because I
know that this message is goingto inspire somebody else.
So look at that young boy thatwas you and talk to him right
now as hope.
SPEAKER_03 (50:05):
If you jump now, there's no going back.
If you jump now, they win.
If you jump now, it is all over,and you know, you know that
there's something deeper thanthis moment.
Take a breath, take some time tothink about this, but we can't
do it right here.
I need you to pull back.
I need you to take some time toreally think about who you're
trying to be, and this ain'tgonna get you there.
You know that.
(50:26):
You know that you've got so muchmore to do, so many more
people's lives to change.
There is so much work that iscoming, all the things that you
have wanted, all the things thatyou desire, just know that those
things will be yours.
Everything that you are thinkingabout right now, that you
believe is so impossible, thatyou think it's so far off.
Just give it time.
It is coming sooner than youthink it is, and it is gonna
(50:47):
come in more abundance thanyou've ever believed that you
were worth, that you weredeserving of.
That love that you were seeking,that thing that you think don't
exist for you, baby.
He is coming.
And he's not going to beambiguous, he's gonna be black
and he's going to love youopenly.
You are gonna have a family, youare going to travel the world
(51:08):
with that family.
You are going to break bridgewith people from all different
races, and they are going tolove you for you.
You will no longer have to hidewho you are, and there are gonna
be so many people that areinspired by you.
But not if you sit here.
You gotta get out of thiswindow.
SPEAKER_01 (51:32):
You got out of the window.
You got out of the window.
Girl, let let's let that go.
This this this you you needed torelease this, like you need to
release this.
Because you got out of thewindow.
And there's so many peoplethat's still on that ledge.
(51:58):
And what you said just now, youmay have just saved a life.
Oh Jesus.
Thank you from the the bottom ofmy heart for not jumping.
(52:29):
Because I wouldn't know you andyou wouldn't have inspired me.
So thank you for being who youare.
Thank you for saving yourself.
Because in saving yourself, yousave so many other lives.
So I love you for exactly whoyou are.
SPEAKER_03 (52:51):
I love you back.
I need you to also know, likeyou, we, we had our moment
already in the DM.
Like your content has beencontent that has picked me up on
days when I was like, you know,I ain't got it.
I don't have it today.
I don't have the positivitytoday.
I don't have the, and I scrolland I come across one of them
videos like, yes, you do.
(53:13):
You know, and it it it it it isthat friendly reminder from
family that ain't your family.
These parasocial relationships,they can be toxic, but some of
them are some of the mostpositive relationships you're
gonna have when you when youwhen you see that alethea video
right on time.
When you when you and there havebeen so many days that I've seen
the alethea video right on time.
(53:36):
And I know that some of thosedays you weren't talking to us.
You turned that camera on foryou.
You turned that camera on foryou.
I I I those I felt thosemessages too.
Like that ain't for me, butthank you for sharing.
Thank you, you know.
And and I I even for being in aspace of in a in a room where so
(53:58):
many people lean on thenegativity and and the
clickbait, having a platformbuilt on uplifting other people
as you climb yourself, not toomany people can do that,
especially as they're goingthrough their own storm.
So thank you.
SPEAKER_01 (54:13):
And I love you too, but just who you are.
Thank you for like you're thefirst you're the first person to
actually see that.
Like usually I have to tellpeople that.
But you're the first person everthat actually saw and said out
(54:36):
loud.
I I know that some some of thosevideos weren't for me, they were
for you.
But I mean, thank you.
But I but but I know that I Ilook looked in your eyes and
knew that you you you weretalking talking to you, and you
are exactly right because ofwhat what what you are watching
is me healing in real time.
Facts, and I'm still healingevery day, so that's why I do
(54:59):
what I do.
So not so not only can I healothers, I can heal myself.
I'm healing right now as I'mtalking to you.
See now and my my my makeup looktoo good, right?
SPEAKER_00 (55:13):
We're not doing it.
SPEAKER_01 (55:15):
No flitter, no flitter, snap back, snap back.
Whoo, okay.
All right, hope.
Thank you.
SPEAKER_00 (55:24):
Thank you.
SPEAKER_01 (55:26):
Thank you so much for being on this show.
Like you have shown us thatliving out loud isn't just a
choice, like it's not a choice,it is a necessity.
Like that is something that wehave to do.
Like you taught us that thepeople who matter will meet you
(55:46):
where you are.
You don't have to go and findthem.
And the the ones who don't,hashtag FTP, fuck them people
and continue to live your life.
Thank you for riding shotgun inthe passenger seat today, y'all.
Listen, if this has touched youin any type of way, like I know
(56:07):
it has, because it has touchedme, like I'm trying not to let
my eyes, you know, because Ilook so cute.
But if you out here bawlingright now, if this is for you or
somebody that you know, like,comment, share, keep this going,
know that I love you, know thatyou can be exactly who you were
meant to be.
You do not have to try to beanybody else, you do not have to
(56:31):
fit in a box to appease peoplethat you that don't mean
anything.
They are irrelevant to yourlife.
The best thing that you couldpossibly be in this world is
yourself.
So go out there and be exactlythat.
Be great in your own face, thenturn around, be extraordinary in
(56:52):
theirs.
Till next time you have a goodday on purpose.
Hello, hello, hello, and welcome back to In the
Passenger Seat with yourPositivity Queen and
neighborhood hot girl, AletheaCrimis, baby.
Do I have a treat for you today?
Listen, I have been after thiswoman for the longest time, and
I'm finally able to have her onmy podcast.
Listen, if you do not know whoshe is after today, she is
(00:45):
someone that you will neverforget.
Not only is she an archactivist, she is an author, an
artist.
She is not just making waves,honey.
She is making a damn tsunami.
She is putting the world onnotice.
Listen, she is a force.
(01:06):
That's all I can say.
She is a force.
So I want to introduce you now.
Put your hands together for thefabulous, the amazing, the
talented, the phenomenal.
I need to keep you with mewherever I go.
SPEAKER_00 (01:23):
Because if that's everybody say that when I
introduce them, like damn, canyou say that?
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_03 (01:33):
Like you on payroll.
Just come on.
SPEAKER_01 (01:39):
Because everybody needs to know that you don't,
you're not an influencer.
You are a world changer.
Like you put people on noticeand you let the world know
exactly what is going on and howwe can do to change it and what
(02:01):
we should not be doing.
Like what while we're herewatching memes the world.
The world happening.
So for those of us who do notknow who you are, and if you
don't know, I need where haveyou been?
Um can you please introduceyourself and tell us just a
(02:22):
little bit about who you are,what you do, and why you do it?
SPEAKER_03 (02:27):
Absolutely.
Uh so my name is Hope DesignGodzi.
I am an award-winning activist,an author, an author, an
actress, a model.
Um, and when I say activist, Ido mean on all fronts.
I'm not just an activist fortrans people.
I am an activist who happens tobe trans, right?
(02:50):
Um, and I don't consider myselfto be an influencer.
I'm a person who has influence,which are two different things,
right?
I don't wake up and and seek toget a paycheck from making
videos.
I'm a person who, you know, I'ma person who uses my influence
in order to be able to givepeople a way to make a paycheck,
if you will.
So um, those are things thatreally motivate me.
(03:12):
I've been doing this work forthe last 15 years or so of my
life.
Everything from bodily autonomyto racism to um the rights of
women and immigrants and HIV,body positivity, all of the
things, those are just likethings that are passionate.
And because I'm anintersectional being and all of
those things have affected me, Iwant to make sure that people
(03:32):
understand that you can talkabout more than one thing and
that my life does not revolvearound the fact that I'm a trans
person navigating the world.
I'm still black, I'm a woman, Inavigate what it means to go
through mental health.
My father passed away from HIV.
You know, there's so manydifferent things about me that I
could focus on.
And so choosing to ride thetrans wave because that's what
(03:53):
everybody wants, like clickbaitabout just was never my style.
And that's really garnered me tobe in spaces like NASA, like
Harvard, like BET, all of thesedifferent things and people and
corporations that I've workedfor over the years.
And I'm just really gratefulbecause not every black trans
woman you're gonna meet has thisstory.
SPEAKER_01 (04:10):
As I'm reading your bio, you just I'm I am just more
in awe of you than I alreadywas.
Like just woman to woman, likeI'm not a trans woman black,
woman to woman, you inspire me.
(04:32):
Like you, you inspire me.
So I like I need to tell youthis to your face.
You are an inspiration.
Like you co-founded the firstLGBT organization at a
(04:53):
conservative H B C U, where mostpeople would tell you to be
silent, where most people wouldtell you to shrink, where most
people would tell you this isnot where you belong.
What was the moment that youknew that you could no longer
stay silent?
(05:13):
I don't think I was episoding.
Like, let's be very clear.
SPEAKER_03 (05:16):
Like, I I am not, I I've never been one of those
people that feels like I have toshut up because I'm not the
majority of folks, right?
Um, and so I think from thefirst day, hell, even before I
got there, I remember my mamacalled.
Like once my dorm, once my dormgot assigned, my mama called and
was like, hey, look, now my babydifferent.
(05:40):
I will never forget thatconversation.
It was not gonna do and what youknow, my mama was very clear
with them people like my baby isdifferent, and what y'all are
not about to do, because if Ihave to come up here, it's gonna
be a problem.
SPEAKER_01 (05:54):
Because what y'all not gonna do is play in my baby
face, yeah.
Like this is what y'all notgoing to do, so I'm just let
letting you know, as a blackmama, don't make me come up
here, don't make me come uphere, make me come up here
because because if I do, ally'all gonna get it.
(06:14):
I love that though.
Like she was a typical blackmama protecting her black
daughter, like I mean, but youknow, that that's the funny
thing about it is like shewasn't protecting her black
daughter at the time.
SPEAKER_03 (06:28):
I hadn't transitioned, I didn't
transition until um the end ofsophomore year.
I want to say, I want to say Igot I transitioned like the end
of sophomore year going intojunior year.
Um, so that was just, you know,my mama just being, I think,
overprotective and and kind ofsort of setting the tone, like
letting people know, like, I'mleaving him here, but he's not
alone.
(06:48):
So don't try it, you know.
Um, and I think that that was athing that really set the tone
with the adults on campus, likebecause there were other queer
kids there.
And I had heard some of thestories, and like you don't like
when I think about it, like nowhindsight 2020, I didn't see
anybody else's like parents orlike hear about anybody else's
parents like coming up to theschool.
(07:10):
Um, my my best friend during thetime, Mitchell, you know, him
and I, like we talked about ourmoms frequently, but like all
the other like queer kids oncampus, it was a very estranged
and distant relationship.
And for me, that didn't happenuntil after I transitioned.
Like after I transitioned, meand my mom stopped talking
completely.
But um like those firstformidable years, like people
(07:30):
just didn't have relationshipswith their parents, and that was
just very interesting to me.
Um, but a lot of my get up andgo was, I was never supposed to,
the funny fact about it was Iwas never supposed to be
anywhere near Alabama at all.
Um, I busted my behind to getevery scholarship I could find.
I graduated top 10% of my class.
I got, you know, I didn't haveto pay a dime.
(07:53):
I don't owe anybody anything formy undergrad um degree, none of
that.
And the the thing that was veryinteresting was I got accepted
to my dream school in Mayu.
And my mom was like, Yeah, theywant$5,000 up front for this
dorm, and I'm not taking out aloan to get it.
And I was like, But mom, I'm I'ma presidential scholar.
(08:15):
I have extra scholarship money,like you're gonna get this money
back.
I'll pay you as soon as therefund check hit.
Like, it's not like take out theloan and I will give it back to
you, you know?
And she was just like, no.
And so literally, she got offthe phone with the people and
she looked over at me and shesaid, You gotta find somewhere
to go.
Like that was the conversation.
There was no negotiation, therewas no, let's talk about it.
(08:36):
There was no, I know you workedhard for this, none of that.
I I wanted to go to NYU from thetime that I let go of my dreams
of going to UCLA.
I from the time that I was likefive to about 10, I was like
UCLA because I wanted to be alawyer.
And I ended up going to a magnetschool, found theater, found
dance, and I was like, okay,cool, NYU.
And that had been the only thingthat I talked about from the
(08:57):
time that I was about teen tothe time that it was time to
graduate and go to college.
And so to be told that all of myhard work was gonna go down the
drain in five seconds, I didn'treally know what to do.
And so I knew that I wasn't, Ididn't want to stay in Miami.
I didn't want to be anywherenear Florida, I didn't want to
be anywhere where my mama couldpop into her car and in 45
(09:19):
minutes or less, she could comeand like get me because I knew
that she would.
And so um, it just so happenedthat her godsister called right
after that conversationhappened, and her godsister was
like, well, you know, if heliked theater, you know, Alabama
State has a really great theaterprogram.
I, you know, I used to go thereand so maybe check that out.
And it didn't matter to me thatit was in Alabama, it was away
(09:41):
from Florida.
So I was like, say less, youknow, and I applied that night.
I woke up the next morning to anadmissions letter, and it was,
you know, history.
Um I thought that I was gonnahave the same theater experience
that I would have had at NYU inAlabama because I was like,
well, it's theater.
Like all the queer kids are intheater.
And baby, that was, I was in fora rude awakening.
(10:04):
It was, it was not that, youknow.
It was not that at all.
Um, so I had to advocate formyself very, very early and let
these people know that youweren't going to tell me that I
couldn't, you know, do a thingbecause I wasn't masculine
outside of the theater.
Like, if I can play this role onthe stage, what does it matter
that I wear tutos in my freetime?
(10:25):
You know, like but they theythey didn't see it that way.
And to me, I felt like it waseven more of a testament to
their ability to teach.
Like, if you have this veryqueer wears tutus, nail polish
and acrylics young man walkingaround campus, and then we go to
see the color purple and he'splaying Mr.
convincingly, to me, that wouldhave just been like, yeah, and
(10:49):
we did that, you know.
Like I would have, you know, butthey didn't they didn't see it
that way.
SPEAKER_01 (10:54):
This is you sh showing your talent, like it's
not you what what you want me todo?
Yeah, but they would rather putyou in a box.
Yeah, they would rather me notperform at all.
So how did after all of that youend up making this uh phenomenal
(11:16):
shift and change in this school?
SPEAKER_03 (11:21):
Um, so when the theater told me that I would
never perform on the stage aslong as I look like that, um,
and that that's a literal motionthat the director of the theater
department made towards.
SPEAKER_01 (11:32):
I've been I've been given the this.
Yeah.
Um I've been given that.
SPEAKER_03 (11:40):
And so that lady looked at me in front of my
entire class and was just like,as long as you look like that, I
don't care how talented you are,you'll never perform on this
stage.
And um I was like, oh, okay,bet.
This ain't the only way toperform on stage on campus.
Fuck y'all, you know.
And so um I was like, I want tofind a place where queer people
(12:02):
can, you know, kind of go andwhere we can just be and we can
brainstorm and we can build ourown performances.
And there were other queer kidsin the in the theater department
that just kind of sort of playedit small.
And I was just not about playingit small, but they supported me.
And so um I went through all therig and row to figure out how to
create a club and how to do thethings, and it took months, and
it took months because theadvisors for like the people who
(12:25):
have to approve whether or notthe club is like a legal club on
campus, all of these differentthings, they had meeting after
meeting with me about whether ornot I was sure I wanted to do
this.
Um, and they said that like backin the early 90s or something
like that, uh, some kids didhave like an unofficial like
meeting space.
And the football players came inand threw pizza at them.
(12:48):
And that was the end of that,you know, those kids' meeting on
on campus.
And what I recognized was thatyou weren't looking out for me,
you were trying to scare mebecause y'all didn't, y'all
didn't want the club.
And so they were having all ofthese meetings and trying to
tell me all of these horrorstories about the way that kids
were treated in the past whenthey tried to gather, not even
have a club, but just gather.
(13:09):
And I was like, okay, and ifthey come and try to throw pizza
at us, I'm beating the ass.
Like it's just that simple.
Like, I'm serious, you know.
Um, and I had already been in acouple of fights on campus, so I
was not the queen to try.
So they they that had all thatword had already gotten around
about me.
So I don't think that that wasthe what was gonna happen.
So finally, after like a coupleof months of them piddle
(13:30):
peddling around, they could notfigure out anything to not
justify.
I had all of my paperwork, I hadan advisor, I had people that
were willing to like support, Ihad enough members, you know,
all of the things.
And so they finally approved it.
And my first thing that I wantedto do was an AIDS benefit
concert for the Montgomery AIDSoutreach.
And this concert was essentiallyjust me and Drag for two hours.
(13:57):
But I mean, hey, hey, come on.
We called it, we called it theBeyonce experience.
Um, but it was literally, it wasjust me doing a Beyonce concert
rendition for two hours with abunch of different queer kids
and singants that agreed to be apart of this conversation, uh,
this performance.
And it was crazy because I gotone of the largest, hardest
(14:21):
venues to get at Alabama State,which is the Acadome.
And I got it during one of thehardest weeks to get it, which
is Homecoming Week.
And um it was beautiful.
We did the performance, weraised$1,200 for the Montgomery
Age Outreach, and then the balldropped because they set me up.
So they knew that there were allof these hidden fees that I
(14:44):
would have to pay, right?
So there was a hidden fee forthe lighting, there was a hidden
fee for the sound guy, there wasa hidden fee for the fog
machine, there was a hidden feefor the DJ, like there were all
of these different things.
And so we thought that like alot of this stuff was being
gifted to us and offered to usas a club who, you know, has the
things.
(15:05):
And so basically, after we didall of that, we raised the
money.
We we were like in a hype forthe club.
They were just like, so um, weneed y'all to pay X, Y, and Z by
so and so.
And if y'all don't, then we'redisbanding your club.
And they knew that we didn'thave the money to pay off those
things.
And they knew they knew whenthey agreed to let us do it that
it was gonna be a one and done.
So they would never have to dealwith our club again.
(15:27):
And um, that's exactly whathappened.
We couldn't raise, I think itwas about$5,500 that they needed
to pay off all of these people.
And the people still got paid.
So it wasn't the fact that theydidn't have the money, it was
that they knew that that was theloophole to get us to no longer
be able to have a legitimizedclub because we would be in debt
until we paid that$5,000 or that$5,500 off.
(15:48):
So, like there was a there wassomething at every turn with
them.
And um, fortunately, a graduatestudent by the name of Darien
Aaron came back.
Um, and Darien, Darien had heardwhat I was doing, and he created
something different and asked meto come and be a part of that
because he heard you know whathappened, and so that was
beautiful.
Um, unfortunately, Amplified,which is the club that Darien uh
(16:08):
did, is also no longer atAlabama State because there's
just no queer support.
There's no um, there's no adultor any advisor that is willing
to like keep it going and advisequeer students at Alabama State
about how to navigate this.
And so while the legend of HopeGiselle still haunts the halls
of Alabama State University, theclub is just like the safe space
(16:30):
is no longer there becausethere's nobody that cares about
whether or not queer kids onthat campus have a safe space.
And they never have.
If you don't build it, then theythey're not going to provide it
to whether they provide spacesfor every other faction of
people, including theimmigrants.
Like, you know, y'all have allof these things for the African
folks and the uh the Asian folksthat y'all fly into Alabama
(16:51):
State University, but the blackqueer students that live in the
area, that grew up in the area,that understand black culture,
y'all have less care for us thany'all do for these foreigners,
you know, and so it was justinteresting, and it always has
been.
SPEAKER_01 (17:06):
But in all of this, you uh made an impact on
somebody's life.
You changed somebody's life,absolutely affected somebody's
life in a positive way thatwould not have been able to get
that same thing somewhere else.
(17:28):
If this is not a message tosomebody, y'all need to hear
everything that Hope just said.
I wanted to go here.
This is what my heart was seton.
But baby, I'm gonna get on mypulpit for just a little while.
Your heart was set on going toone place.
(17:49):
You said God, this is where Iwant to go.
But God said, No, this is whereyou want to go, but this is
where I need you to be.
I need you to be here.
You don't need to go to NYUbecause I can't use you there.
I can't use you there.
I need you to go where I can useyou.
(18:11):
Yeah, uh, and that's exactlywhat happened.
Uh uh and so many times peopleoften wonder why I am here.
This is not where I wanted uh uhto be because I can't have you
there, I can use you here.
Come on, you can make a changehere, you can make an impact
here.
People are going to know who youare here.
(18:33):
You don't need to go over there.
Absolutely.
That's exactly what you did.
Absolutely.
You made a change and you arestill making changes, even
though you now just imagine whatlife would have been like if you
would have gotten into NYU andlike everything would have been
roses and grade and ground andwhatever, but then you wouldn't
(18:57):
have impacted all of the livesthat you did, and and still to
this, you may have become atotally different person than
who you are right now.
Absolutely.
But being there gave you roots,being there gave you a purpose
that you continue to walk in tothis day.
(19:18):
You continue to walk in that,but had you not had that
experience, who knows where hopeGiselle would be right now.
You needed to be there.
SPEAKER_03 (19:38):
I still it's it's crazy because since I've
graduated, I still have everyevery semester there's a trans
girl that graduates that thatcomes back, and I mean I don't
know these little girls.
I ain't been in I ain't been incollege in years, you know, and
I will every every year there'sa new trans girl that's like, I
heard about you, and you know,thank you so much, because I
(19:58):
know that some of the stuff thatwe got was because of you, and
they be telling stories aboutyou from campus and the
cafeteria ladies still betalking about you, like, you
know, so I I know that I didwhat I needed to do in that
space.
And even though the club doesnot exist, I know that the girls
and the boys and and the thethey're safe on that or safer
(20:20):
than they would have been onthat campus before I got there.
SPEAKER_01 (20:23):
Because of the impact that you made.
SPEAKER_03 (20:25):
Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_01 (20:26):
Because of the impact that you made, be because
you were placed exactly whereyou needed to be.
Y'all, like I y'all, y'all knowthat I find a message in
everything.
And like as you you was talking,I was like, Woo, glory.
SPEAKER_03 (20:45):
Yeah, I'm like there's there's so many.
I mean, I I almost jumped out ofthe window on that campus, you
know, like that that's the thecraziest part.
Um it and I think everythinghappens for a reason because I
wasn't even talking to my mama,like at that at this particular
time.
I think me and my mama had justreconciled our third argument of
(21:06):
the year.
And you know, this particularday, I wasn't feeling it.
I don't know why I wasn'tfeeling it.
And my mama called me and I wasjust walking into the calf.
And it's very rare that I wasever like that honest with my
mom at that age or like that Iwas very dismissive of her.
But she called me that day and Iwas like, mama, not today.
You know, like I hope I don'tsound disrespectful, but you
(21:28):
know, I was just like, nottoday.
I don't, I don't, I ain't gotit.
And my mama, who was a very likeblack mama, would never usually
take that on the chin.
But for whatever reason, hermother's intuition just was
like, okay, call me when youfeel better.
And so I was very glad that Ididn't have to argue with her or
have the back and forth aboutwhat was wrong, because I didn't
know what was wrong.
(21:48):
I just wasn't feeling it thatday.
And um, so we're having this, wehad that conversation in the
calf.
And as I'm walking through, likealmost right after I hung up the
phone on her, these footballplayers see me walking by and
they the whole table just startslaughing.
And now that causes like anotherset of people to start laughing.
And now, even though I felt,even though it was only a couple
(22:11):
of people at those two tables,it felt like the entire room was
was laughing at me.
SPEAKER_01 (22:18):
I get it.
SPEAKER_03 (22:19):
And so, you know, I'm I'm I'm doing that, and like
once that laughter broke out, itwas like something in my spirit
broke, and I just turned around.
I didn't want to eat no more.
I went back to my room.
And I, when I got there, I wasjust like, let me see how far
this window opened.
That was the first part of theconversation.
So let me see how far thiswindow opened.
I just need some fresh air.
(22:40):
And so like I lifted the windowand surprisingly it went all the
way up.
And usually at college campuses,that's you they don't do that,
especially when you're on thefifth floor like I was.
So um, you know, I'm on thefifth floor and I'm at first I
stick my head out, the breeze isgoing, and then I'm sitting in
the windowsill, and I'm justsitting up there, just chilling.
And part of me just was hopingthat somebody would look up and
(23:03):
be like, say something.
SPEAKER_01 (23:06):
I've been there.
Oh, I've been there.
SPEAKER_03 (23:09):
Oh you know, I I I I will say that that was a a cry
for attention and help.
I'm not, I'm not gonna even holdyou.
That that was a moment where Ijust I wanted some attention.
Like, let me see who gives ashit that I'm just sitting here.
And you know, I'm I'm sittingthere for like 10 minutes and
people are looking up.
Nobody, nobody's sayinganything.
Like nobody's nobody's evenbeing like, oh damn, like you
(23:32):
sitting, like nobody's sayinganything.
People are just looking up andwalking away and looking up and
walking away.
There's not even a crowd ofpeople like looking around
because people are like, oh,they're a gay boy at the window.
Like nothing, nothing.
And um I think like after thatfirst 10 minutes went by and I
saw that many people just didn'tgive a shit.
Like I just started, likeprofusely crying.
I was I was two seconds fromletting that windowsill go.
(23:54):
And these two men who were inthe office of student
advisement, Dr.
Height and um Dr.
Ray, they came banging andbursting through my door.
They broke my door off thehinges.
And I remember before I couldeven think straight about what
(24:15):
was going on, Dr.
Height had grabbed me, barehooked me, and threw me onto my
bed, and Mr.
Ray was slamming the window.
And um after, you know, I satthere and cried for a minute.
We all baby, we all sat thereand cried for a minute.
Like these two heterosexualmen's men of the campus, like
these were the guys on campus.
(24:36):
These two men were the men thatyou talked to when you were a
student and you had a problem oncampus.
And you know, that we're alljust sitting there crying.
And finally, when I had hadenough, like I was like, Thank
you.
And I remember Dr.
Height was like, Thank yourmama.
He was like, I don't know whatyou said to her.
He said, I don't know what yousaid to her.
But he was like, She called usand she forced us to come and
(24:58):
check on you.
And I'm glad that we did it.
SPEAKER_01 (25:01):
Because mamas know.
Mamas know.
Oh, girl, like that.
Just gave me chance because mymamas know, and you you ain't
even gonna say say that much,and mamas know, and thank God
that mama knows okay, you youyou need your minute, but
something is wrong with my baby.
Yeah.
Oh, but but I've but I've beenwhere where where you've been,
(25:26):
so I totally understand exactlywhat you are talking about.
And I'm sure that there arepeople out there listening and
watching right now that havealso been on that ledge with
you, screaming, hoping thatsomebody would look up and say,
look at me.
I need help, and nobody ishearing you.
(25:47):
It it is like you are in thisglass cage, and everybody just
keeps walking by and you're andyou're banging on it.
Help me, help me, help me, butnobody is seeing you, and it's
like all you want to do is jump.
All you want to do is jump.
(26:08):
I I I had that exact samemoment, and that was the moment
that I realized that nobody wascoming to save me.
I had to save myself.
I I had to because my I had tosave me.
I couldn't wait on anybody else,I couldn't expect anybody else
(26:32):
to save me because let's behonest, it's not their job, it's
mine.
It's mine, but I'm so happy thatyour mom was like, I know that
something is wrong.
Go and get my baby.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (26:51):
Yeah, like it was uh like a week or so afterwards, it
was funny.
They, you know, they called meinto their office just to do a
check-in or whatever.
And so they gave me the realrundown of how everything
happened.
And uh Mr.
Ray said, Your mama called meand she said, Mr.
Ray, I don't know what you'redoing, I don't care what you're
doing, but you need to get to mybaby's room and you need to get
there now.
(27:11):
And mind you, I told my mom Iwas going to the catch.
So how she knew to send them tomy room, I have no idea, you
know.
And so then Mr.
Hype, Dr.
Height said that your mamacalled and gave me the same
call.
And we both happened to bewalking in the same direction at
the same time.
And we was like, Oh, give MissDanielle call.
You give Miss Danielle calledme.
(27:32):
So now they kind of died.
And so it would it was thefunniest thing because it like
afterwards when I talked to mymama about it, she said, Oh no,
I cuss them out.
I cussed them out to make surethey were going there.
SPEAKER_01 (27:47):
So you retelling this story, like I can see that
there's some emotions going onthere, but you reliving it and
retelling it.
Yeah, what is entering yourmind?
What thoughts are going throughyour head as you have to relive
this moment because it is allover your face, like um, there's
(28:14):
a couple of things.
SPEAKER_03 (28:14):
I think one is that um I think that that's one of
the reasons why I'll never giveup on black men.
Black people, especially queerpeople, and especially black
trans women, we have some of themost disgusting experiences with
black men, whether it be thelack of ability to just name
that they love us, whether it bebeating on us because they can't
(28:37):
understand their attractions forus, whether it be the fact that
they've been trained that we aresomehow the enemy for whatever
reason, you know, all of thesedifferent things.
And, you know, maybe having afather that wasn't accepting,
maybe having a grandfather or,you know, people in your life,
big brothers, whomever, um, thattreated you wrong.
And I know so many trans women,black trans women specifically,
(29:00):
that are scarred and jaded andsay, fuck black men because of
that, and and want you to doaway and dispose of.
And I also know that there areso many people outside of the
community that believe that thereason that people are queer or
trans or gay or whatever isbecause we have these negative
ideations about black men.
And thinking about that storyreminds me that like in my life,
(29:22):
I've been saved and loved on andheard and cared for in some of
my most vulnerable moments byblack men, heterosexual black
men, you know.
Um, and and remembering, youknow, both uh Mr.
Ray and Dr.
Heitch, uh, God rest both oftheir souls, I believe.
(29:43):
Uh Mr.
Dr.
Heitch passed away and and sodid Mr.
Ray.
Um but being able to to reallylike think about the fact that
these two black men who hadother things to do, there are so
many students on that campus.
You know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_00 (30:01):
Like dropped everything.
SPEAKER_01 (30:03):
They dropped whatever they were doing.
A little queer boy.
It's always the ones that youleast expect.
Yeah.
That you least expect.
Oh.
SPEAKER_03 (30:14):
And they they dropped everything, you know,
like just because somebody mamacalled and was like, I got a
feeling.
Like, my mama didn't even, itwasn't like my mama got on the
phone and said, Oh, I just gotup the phone, my child.
She in the window, go get her.
Like right.
SPEAKER_01 (30:27):
No, it would it was like, look, I I I know that I
know that I know that somethingis wrong.
Y'all, y'all, y'all better goright now because I'm because
because I'm because I'm tellingyou, if she she did that little
black black mama thing, if Ihave to go up there, it's gonna
be a problem.
Okay, yeah, all the way.
Now, earlier you gave us a listof your actress model, activist,
(30:57):
artist.
Um, you are also an author oftwo best selling book books.
I let me say that again.
Author of two best sellers.
Something that's some people hadto to buy, but she she she did
not.
Oh no?
(31:18):
Okay.
Um I did not know that you couldbuy that because chapter of your
life would you say that you'reon right now?
SPEAKER_03 (31:38):
Oh, um, this chapter is called free.
This one right here is calledfree.
Um elaborate.
I feel the most free right nowthan I have ever felt in my
entire life.
I have an amazing husband thatloves my dirtiest of draws.
I'm talking about the ones withthe crunch.
I'm talking about the ones Idone left the penny liner in, I
(32:00):
got a little funk on them.
He loved them too.
Like my husband loves mydirtiest.
My husband loves my dirtiestpair of draws.
And um to have somebody that canhold me accountable while loving
me, that can give me grace, thatcan show me strength, that is
(32:25):
going to make sure that I'mtaking care of myself before I
take care of community.
Um I don't have no worries.
I can't tell you what some ofthe bills cost.
I don't know how much shit costsaround here.
I have no idea.
I don't know.
You know, I have a couple oflittle odds and ends that I pay
for, and most of them aresubscription.
Like, you know, but I don't, Idon't, I, I know that like I
(32:50):
know the account information ifI ever needed to get, but like
on a day-to-day, just thinkingabout like I can't tell you how
much we pay to be in here forreal.
I can't tell you what the lightdeal costs, I can't tell you
what the water bill is.
I can't tell you, you know, whatsome of these things are.
I could pay them on my own.
We could split it 50-50, but Ihave somebody that does not want
that.
My husband's entire goal afterfive years of us really being
(33:13):
locked in was to retire mebecause every day he was
watching me get up and activateand do all of these things and
work and this plane and thatplane and every other week a
plane and just all of theseamazing things.
And I have a solid circle offriends, and people don't talk
about how amazing and howcomforting and how um beautiful
(33:34):
that can be to have realmotherfuckers around you that
want to see you win and thatthat wanna that check in on you
and that that love you, youknow, for real for and they
don't need nothing in returnexcept for you to show that love
back, you know.
SPEAKER_01 (33:49):
I need you to I'ma I'm gonna I'm gonna need you to
repeat for the people in thenosebleeds that don't pay
attention, you said to havefriends, to have real people
around you.
How how important is that to youto have this circle of friends,
(34:15):
people that keep you grounded?
How important and do youconsider because I know for me
my my family and I like I I Ihave my family that I was born
into, and then I have my familythat I chose.
So, how important is chosenfamily to you?
(34:39):
Oh, very.
SPEAKER_03 (34:40):
I think especially, you know, right now, I I told
that beautiful story about mymom.
My mom is still, my mom is is mymother, but I don't like her.
My mom is a good mother, butshe's not a good person.
Um and a lot of people don'trecognize that those two things
can live in the same place.
My mom did and is doing the bestthat she can do.
(35:04):
Parents do not get a handbook,they don't nobody knows how to
make this work.
And and, you know, kids aredifferent.
Everybody, you know, even if yougot multiple, each one of those
multiples are different people.
Um, but uh what I've realized asI've gotten older is that if my
mama wasn't my mama, I wouldn'tfuck with her.
So why am I putting up withdealing with her just because
(35:24):
she's my mama and I don't haveto do that?
SPEAKER_01 (35:32):
The mouthful that you just said, because I swear I
feel the exact same way about mymother.
Like if my mama wasn't my mama,I wouldn't not fuck with her
either because oh, baby, the thethe like truth that I live in is
different from the truth thatshe lives in, and a lot of my
(35:54):
body image things that I had to,my body image issues that I had
to deal with and that I foughtwith came from from my mother.
And you also talk about bodyimage, um, which can be very
brutal in uh today's world thatwe live in and coming from a
(36:20):
plus size woman, like this issomething that we have dealt
with and deal with some more andcontinue to deal with.
How do you keep living in yourtruth in who you are, and you
remain so confident in who youare and not worry about the
(36:45):
opinions of the world and whatthey have to say?
How do you because I feel likethis is going to help so many
people because the world tellsus what we should not be, how we
should not look, how you shouldtalk, how you shouldn't talk.
The world is like always in ourear, but you stand true and firm
(37:08):
in who you are, and you do itwith such grace and you do it
with such confidence.
How do you continue to do thatwhen the world is always in your
ear?
So if I'm there's a couple ofthings I have to be honest
about.
SPEAKER_03 (37:26):
I know that I am traditionally aesthetically
pleasing to people.
Like we can't like knock thatout, regardless of weight,
height, trans, not trans, I knowthat I'm a traditionally
attractive person to mostpeople, right?
Um, and so that's a thing thatlike I can sit in comfort with.
I think that everything else isthe is the things that people
(37:47):
tell me about what women aresupposed to look like.
And that's where the beating ofyourself up comes into play.
Um, but I remind myself thateverybody is different.
Every woman is different, everywoman looks different.
And and and and also I again, itgoes back to that circle.
I have a circle of people whocan see when I make that post or
(38:07):
when I'm making that video, howI'm like maneuvering so that my
shoulders look smaller, they cansee me shrinking myself when
we're in public, you know, orwhen I'm with my homegirls and
we're out and I'm the tallestgirl with them, and they see how
I'm kind of like, you know,doing my best to look like the,
you know, and my people are justlike no ma'am.
SPEAKER_01 (38:27):
Absolutely not, don't do that.
Absolutely not.
Like, why are you girl?
Why, you know, see, you youcould never be be with me and
and do and and do no shit shitlike that.
You could never, baby.
SPEAKER_03 (38:42):
But over the years, I've I've stopped doing because
I I there's a confidence thatcomes from having people that
you know see you as you seeyourself.
It's it's one thing to beaffirming to ourselves, it's one
thing to speak life intoourselves.
Everybody's talking aboutaffirmation, affirmation,
affirmation.
Those self-affirmations arebeautiful and they're great and
they're awesome.
But having people around youthat remind you, like, hey, hey,
(39:07):
I see that crown slipping, babygirl.
We don't do that around herebecause I'm not, I ain't friends
with ugly bitches, right?
I ain't friends with bitchesthat's not confident.
So if you unless you're tellingme, like, are you are you trying
to sell me something?
You trying to tell, like, and II have a group chat.
Um, and and this group chatconsists of uh two trans men and
and one other trans girl, andthese are my these are my
(39:28):
brothers and my sister.
And every now and then we got toget each other together.
And you know, we we have to pulleach other up uh about the floor
sometimes.
And having a husband who is likeone of my husband's favorite
lines is when I went to the wifestore, I didn't ask them to give
me the worst one that they had.
I didn't ask for the budgetversion of a wife.
(39:49):
I asked for the top of the topof the line, whichever version
was gonna be best.
So unless you telling me that Ipicked a cheap version of a
wife, I don't, I don't, youknow, I don't know what you're
trying to say here.
And you gotta Savannah.
SPEAKER_00 (40:05):
You can't Savannah.
SPEAKER_03 (40:09):
And so that that confirmed with my own ability to
remind myself that what I do toto upkeep to make me feel good
is enough.
Whether the people on theoutside are okay with that,
whether it suits their fancy,whether they like the hair,
whether they don't like thehair, whether they like the shoe
or the fit, like that does notmatter.
(40:31):
Because before I left the house,I was like, oh, I feel good in
this.
Ooh, I look good in this.
Ooh, I feel great about me.
Whatever y'all got to say when Ihit the streets ain't on me.
That's a you thing.
And reminding myself, yeah, I'mnot gonna make it mine, and I'm
not gonna make it a me thing.
SPEAKER_01 (40:49):
Yeah, we have to stop asking the world for
permission and be who the fuckwe are.
Be great.
Stop the world in their face,stop letting the world write
your story and remember that youare the one holding the pen.
Yes, I've told y'all before thatwe are supposed to have main
(41:13):
character energy at all times,but understand that the reason
that you are the main characteris because you are also the
script writer.
The reason that you are the maincharacter in your story is
because you are also the scriptwriter.
So you decide who you aresupposed to be in your story.
(41:35):
Nobody else can do that but you.
So stop allowing this world oranybody else to hold that pen.
That is in your hands.
So now you have to choose whatstory you want to write for
yourself for yourself, baby.
It's just that now we have cometo my favorite part of the show
(42:04):
as Alethea, where you send inyour questions to me, and we
answer them live on the show.
So the question for today isAlethea, I'm learning to accept
my identity and my body, but Istill catch myself trying to
(42:28):
shrink, soften, or change tomake other people comfortable.
We just talked about this.
And how do I stop trying to fitinto somebody else's idea of me?
SPEAKER_03 (42:42):
Reminding people that everybody is in a search
and everybody is in acompetition to be exclusive.
Everybody wants to be the one,the only one, the first one to
do the thing, all of thesedifferent things, but everything
exclusive goes on sale.
If you don't know who you are asa person, if you are not sure of
who you are as a person andyou're basing who you are off of
(43:06):
other people's market value,when they go on sale, so will
you.
But if you've priced yourselfwithin your own lane, can't
nobody come through and repriceyour sticker when they feel like
their value has been deflatedever.
So reminding yourself thatrunning your race will never
(43:28):
leave you boxed in is the thingthat I want you to leave this
conversation with and go forthinto your life.
I run my own race, I make my ownprice, and you can never put me
on sale because I right decidehow much this costs over here,
and you'll never be able toafford it.
SPEAKER_01 (43:47):
Baby, now if y'all hear me, if y'all hear me,
regurgitate what hope just said.
Just go and I'm going to tag youbecause honey, that that that
shit right there was a mic dropmoment, baby.
(44:07):
Everything that is exclusive cango on sale.
If they are on sale, then so areyou.
Yes.
I hope that y'all out heretaking notes because, baby, I am
(44:29):
going to go and re-watch thisover and over to get all these
gems that you are dropping.
What do you have that is comingup that we should know about,
that we should get ready for,that we should be because
because because I know that yougot something come coming up.
I do tell us, tell us.
SPEAKER_03 (44:51):
I do.
So the one thing that I can tellyou all about is I have a
documentary.
It's called Not Your AverageGirl.
Um yes, and that is gonna becoming out at the end of the
month.
We're shooting for August 22nd,but don't hold me because my
videographer's like a littletime.
But yeah, but it'll definitelybe out at the end of August,
early September, definitely.
We're doing smaller screenings.
(45:13):
If you follow my Instagram,which is at Hope Disel, um you
will be able to figure out.
But we're doing small screeningsin Atlanta, Miami, LA, and uh
DC.
Uh so we'll be popping throughthose cities and then we'll also
be doing a virtual screening umsoon, and those details will be
out.
But if you could support just bywatching it, giving it a little
(45:37):
thumbs up, I think that we'regoing to do the uh in-person
tour first, and then we're gonnado a virtual screening via the
YouTube because I want this tobe available for a lot of
people.
I was talking to some folksabout putting out the film
festival circuit, but the waythat the politics work around
that, I'm just not necessarilysure that I want to lean into
it.
So I think that making it freeand for the people is more of
(46:00):
the lane that I want to go.
So that's something that I'mreally, really excited about,
um, as well as the fact that I'mgonna be partnering up with NMAC
uh to do a lot of researcharound HIV and AIDS.
Um and so y'all will be seeingme uh do a lot of different work
with the HIV and AIDS community.
Uh, I'll be at the USCHAconference in Washington, DC
(46:23):
from September 4th to September7th.
So if you want to come out andsee me there, that would be
awesome and amazing.
Um and there's something elsethat I know I'm forgetting, but
there's a couple of bookingscoming up.
And if you follow my Instagramandor uh go to my website,
you'll be able to see all ofthose things.
And it's just hope jazzelle.com.
Um, you'll be able to see whereI'm gonna be, what's coming up,
(46:46):
what's happening.
You'll also be able to purchasemy books and there's there's
merch um on there and all ofthat jazz.
But just know I am I'm around.
The girl is I'm I'm I'm floppingand bopping and doing the things
and just really excited to shareall of those things with y'all.
SPEAKER_01 (47:00):
I always like to end my shows with something called
pass it on.
And a lot of my followers areLGBTQ.
Um a lot of them are also transand women.
(47:20):
Yeah, and I know that somebodysomewhere is watching this, and
you are their uh Shiro.
Like you, you are the personthat they look up to and aspire
to be.
If you can go back, before howdoes that even make you feel to
(47:45):
hear that?
Because I'm I'm look looking atyou and like you you just take
taking this all in, like, yeah,this this is me.
How does that make you feel?
SPEAKER_03 (47:55):
It's still surreal when when the kids come up to,
and not even just the kids, likeI have elders that come up to me
like, girl, you know, you aredoing it, you know, and you
know, people that are inspiredby me, that are older than me,
and people that are just I I'mI'm grateful because there was a
time in my career where all Iwanted to do was to be the voice
(48:18):
that I didn't have growing up.
And now I feel like I've becomesomewhat of that thing that I've
been seeking to be, and and Inever want to lose myself in
that.
And so it just feels good totake it in and not let it sit
over me or sit on me like somesort of cape that I get to wear
and walk around like, yeah, ofcourse you bitches are inspired
by me, right?
(48:39):
And so I always want to ingestit so that it lives within me
and it doesn't live on me, and Idon't feel like it's a thing
that I can put on and take offto make other people feel away.
And so if you see that, thatthat's just because I'm trying
to, I'm trying to get as much ofit inside so that I don't wear
it like a cake, but that I I Iingest it like medicine to
(49:00):
remind me of why I'm doing this.
SPEAKER_01 (49:02):
If you had a message that you would pass on to the
younger version of yourself,that version of yourself that
was in college, that was readyto jump, that version of
yourself that they tried to castout and make you feel like you
(49:26):
had to be a certain type of way,that version of yourself that
did not know who she wouldbecome.
What would you say to thatyounger version of yourself?
And I need you to close youreyes and just envision him right
now.
(49:46):
Talk to him as you right now,talk to him as hope because I
know that this message is goingto inspire somebody else.
So look at that young boy thatwas you and talk to him right
now as hope.
SPEAKER_03 (50:05):
If you jump now, there's no going back.
If you jump now, they win.
If you jump now, it is all over,and you know, you know that
there's something deeper thanthis moment.
Take a breath, take some time tothink about this, but we can't
do it right here.
I need you to pull back.
I need you to take some time toreally think about who you're
trying to be, and this ain'tgonna get you there.
You know that.
(50:26):
You know that you've got so muchmore to do, so many more
people's lives to change.
There is so much work that iscoming, all the things that you
have wanted, all the things thatyou desire, just know that those
things will be yours.
Everything that you are thinkingabout right now, that you
believe is so impossible, thatyou think it's so far off.
Just give it time.
It is coming sooner than youthink it is, and it is gonna
(50:47):
come in more abundance thanyou've ever believed that you
were worth, that you weredeserving of.
That love that you were seeking,that thing that you think don't
exist for you, baby.
He is coming.
And he's not going to beambiguous, he's gonna be black
and he's going to love youopenly.
You are gonna have a family, youare going to travel the world
(51:08):
with that family.
You are going to break bridgewith people from all different
races, and they are going tolove you for you.
You will no longer have to hidewho you are, and there are gonna
be so many people that areinspired by you.
But not if you sit here.
You gotta get out of thiswindow.
SPEAKER_01 (51:32):
You got out of the window.
You got out of the window.
Girl, let let's let that go.
This this this you you needed torelease this, like you need to
release this.
Because you got out of thewindow.
And there's so many peoplethat's still on that ledge.
(51:58):
And what you said just now, youmay have just saved a life.
Oh Jesus.
Thank you from the the bottom ofmy heart for not jumping.
(52:29):
Because I wouldn't know you andyou wouldn't have inspired me.
So thank you for being who youare.
Thank you for saving yourself.
Because in saving yourself, yousave so many other lives.
So I love you for exactly whoyou are.
SPEAKER_03 (52:51):
I love you back.
I need you to also know, likeyou, we, we had our moment
already in the DM.
Like your content has beencontent that has picked me up on
days when I was like, you know,I ain't got it.
I don't have it today.
I don't have the positivitytoday.
I don't have the, and I scrolland I come across one of them
videos like, yes, you do.
(53:13):
You know, and it it it it it isthat friendly reminder from
family that ain't your family.
These parasocial relationships,they can be toxic, but some of
them are some of the mostpositive relationships you're
gonna have when you when youwhen you see that alethea video
right on time.
When you when you and there havebeen so many days that I've seen
the alethea video right on time.
(53:36):
And I know that some of thosedays you weren't talking to us.
You turned that camera on foryou.
You turned that camera on foryou.
I I I those I felt thosemessages too.
Like that ain't for me, butthank you for sharing.
Thank you, you know.
And and I I even for being in aspace of in a in a room where so
(53:58):
many people lean on thenegativity and and the
clickbait, having a platformbuilt on uplifting other people
as you climb yourself, not toomany people can do that,
especially as they're goingthrough their own storm.
So thank you.
SPEAKER_01 (54:13):
And I love you too, but just who you are.
Thank you for like you're thefirst you're the first person to
actually see that.
Like usually I have to tellpeople that.
But you're the first person everthat actually saw and said out
(54:36):
loud.
I I know that some some of thosevideos weren't for me, they were
for you.
But I mean, thank you.
But I but but I know that I Ilook looked in your eyes and
knew that you you you weretalking talking to you, and you
are exactly right because ofwhat what what you are watching
is me healing in real time.
Facts, and I'm still healingevery day, so that's why I do
(54:59):
what I do.
So not so not only can I healothers, I can heal myself.
I'm healing right now as I'mtalking to you.
See now and my my my makeup looktoo good, right?
SPEAKER_00 (55:13):
We're not doing it.
SPEAKER_01 (55:15):
No flitter, no flitter, snap back, snap back.
Whoo, okay.
All right, hope.
Thank you.
SPEAKER_00 (55:24):
Thank you.
SPEAKER_01 (55:26):
Thank you so much for being on this show.
Like you have shown us thatliving out loud isn't just a
choice, like it's not a choice,it is a necessity.
Like that is something that wehave to do.
Like you taught us that thepeople who matter will meet you
(55:46):
where you are.
You don't have to go and findthem.
And the the ones who don't,hashtag FTP, fuck them people
and continue to live your life.
Thank you for riding shotgun inthe passenger seat today, y'all.
Listen, if this has touched youin any type of way, like I know
(56:07):
it has, because it has touchedme, like I'm trying not to let
my eyes, you know, because Ilook so cute.
But if you out here bawlingright now, if this is for you or
somebody that you know, like,comment, share, keep this going,
know that I love you, know thatyou can be exactly who you were
meant to be.
You do not have to try to beanybody else, you do not have to
(56:31):
fit in a box to appease peoplethat you that don't mean
anything.
They are irrelevant to yourlife.
The best thing that you couldpossibly be in this world is
yourself.
So go out there and be exactlythat.
Be great in your own face, thenturn around, be extraordinary in
(56:52):
theirs.
Till next time you have a goodday on purpose.
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