Narcissists, Boundaries, and Peace, Oh My!!!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome back everybody.
You are officially in thepassenger seat with your girl,
alethea Crimmins.
Look, the weather was kind ofiffy outside, so that's why I'm
not in my car.
But guess what?
The show must go on, so we haveto just move locations.
But here I am, baby.
We are not just talking aboutsurviving, we are talking about

(00:21):
thriving honey.
Okay.
So listen, today we are divinginto something juicy but very
necessary, and y'all ask meabout this all the time how to

(00:42):
deal with narcissisticpersonalities.
Yep, we going there.
We going there Because some ofy'all out here thinking that you
the problem, y'all really outhere thinking that you are the
problem, when really you arejust surrounded by a grown-up
toddler with a God complex.
That is all that this is.
I mean sips tea and we going tospill it Because I mean, why do

(01:05):
you always think that you arethe problem?
You are not the problem.
So stop making yourself thevillain in your own story.
That is not your ministry boo.
That is not who you are.
We have to understand that.
It's not you, it's them.
So let's just dive into exactlywhat a narcissist is, baby.

(01:26):
Let's get this straight Anarcissist isn't just someone
who takes a lot of selfies andalways in the mirror.
No, ma'am, pam, a narcissist issomeone who thinks the world is
their runway and everybody elseis just background noise.
How many people do we know likethat?
I'm sure y'all just sittingthere just thinking, yeah, I

(01:50):
know somebody like that rightnow.
But here is what makes themstand out.
Here is what actually makesthem a narcissist.
They have a grandiose sense ofself.
Like baby.
They think that they areBeyonce, baby.
Like they think they areBeyonce, oprah and Jesus all

(02:13):
rolled up in to one.
They don't have empathy foranything or anybody.
Like they can watch you cry andstill be more upset about their
coffee order that was wrongthan worried about you and why
you are so upset.
And let's not get started on themanipulation.

(02:34):
They will twist your words likea pretzel at the mall, baby.
Yes, they will, because that iswhat they do.
They need constant admiration,and I mean constant.
If you don't clap every timethey breathe, then suddenly you
are the villain and don't youdare criticize them, because

(02:56):
then they'll act like youstabbed them in the ego, which
you probably did, and you did itby accident, like you wouldn't
even know.
But this is what they do.
But don't get it twisted,because I know that some of
y'all were like well, no, that'snot always the case, and you're
right, not everyone who'sselfish or self-centered is a

(03:20):
narcissist.
But when these traits arechronic and they become harmful
to others, especially inrelationships, baby, it is time
to open your eyes and payattention.
It is time to see what isstaring you in the face, because
sometimes we don't see themwaving the red flags that are

(03:42):
right in front of us, likethey're in our face, and
sometimes we just do not see itor we don't want to see it
because we have these rosecolored glasses on.
So let me show you how to spota narcissist without pulling out
your magnifying glass and takethese rose colored glasses that

(04:05):
we like to wear off.
So there's a cheat sheet tothis that I've learned.
Number one is everything isabout them.
You tell them that your Mimipassed away and somehow it turns
into their story about how theyonce had a dog named Mimi Bitch

(04:27):
.
I wasn't talking about your dog, I was talking about me.
So how did this turn into youand your dog?
Like the fuck, love bombing istheir superpower.
They come in hot with the gifts, the flattery, the baby, you're
my everything Like ooh, maybethis is love.

(04:47):
I ain't never felt like this inmy life.
Then, boom, baby.
Next week you are crying inyour car Talking about I'm not
going to cry, I'm not wonderingwhat the hell you did wrong.
Number three they neverapologize.
They do not hold themselvesaccountable.
Number three they neverapologize.
They do not hold themselvesaccountable, and if they do,

(05:14):
it's one of them.
Fake ass apologies like I'msorry, you feel like that and oh
no, baby, I mean, that's not anapology, that's a trap.
They are trying to.
Number four gaslight you,because that is what they do.
They are pros at gaslighting.
They will straight up dosomething shady in your face and
tell you it never happened.
Oh no, I didn't say that,that's, that's, that's not what

(05:34):
I said.
And then you sit herequestioning yourself the whole
time, Like you have amnesia,like you wondering, wondering,
like wait, did I just fuck up?
Like is my?
Did I see it wrong?
No, they feed off of control.
Whether it's emotionalmanipulation or just jabs, they

(06:02):
need to feel superior.
Does that sound familiar?
If you're nodding your headright now, you know this.
It's not your fault.
You are not crazy.
You're just dealing withsomeone who doesn't operate from
a place of empathy or mutualrespect.

(06:26):
I'm sorry, but you're dealingwith a narcissistic personality.
I know because I've done it formost of my life.
I've done it with my mom, I'vedone it in relationships.
So how do you deal with thesetype of people without losing
your fucking mind Because ithappens Now?

(06:49):
Here is the real.
You may not be able to changethem because you can't, because
they have to want to be able tochange themselves, but you can
change you, you can change howyou react.
So let me give you some toolson how to protect your peace and
just keep yourself good.

(07:11):
Okay, so let's get into thereason that you are really here,
because I know y'all reallywant to know how to deal.
Number one the word y'all hate.
The people.
Pleasers hate this word.
Boundaries, baby.
And I don't mean being nice.
Well, if you don't mind, nobitch, no.

(07:32):
What I mean is that does notwork for me.
Period, full stop.
No return policy.
No is a complete sentence thatdoes not need an explanation.
Do not take the bait.
They will poke, prod andprovoke you like it's their
full-time job, baby.

(07:53):
Let them talk to themselves Ifthey want drama.
Guess what?
You're busy, you're booked, youdon't have time.
That's not your ministry.
Listen, give them nothing,don't say anything, be silent,
keep it boring as hell.
Dry Dryer than a Popeye'sbiscuit oh, I guess I ain't

(08:16):
going to be getting asponsorship from them but drier
than a biscuit with no drink andyou'll see how fast they move
on.
When they cannot get a reactionfrom you, they like to get a
reaction.
Do not give them one.
It's all about your peace.
Protect your peace like it'syour last piece of cheesecake.

(08:38):
Piece of cheesecake.
Block them, mute them, distanceyourself.
Whatever it is that you need todo to sleep at night without
grinding your teeth, do it, doit for you.
Go to therapy, look in themirror and tell yourself

(09:01):
affirmations, give yourself peptalks, baby, do it all.
Rebuild that self-worth, thatself-esteem that they tried to
tear down.
Because, guess what?
You were never broken.
You never were.
You were just standing in frontof someone who could not see
your worth.
If it smacked them in the damnface, that is not your fault.

(09:23):
It's not your fault.
They are not healed, they arenot fixed, and you need to
remember that you are not theirfixer.
You can't love someone intoempathy.
You can't sacrifice your peacehoping that they'll change.
That's not love.

(09:44):
That's emotional survival.
That's emotional survival.
And you deserve so much morethan just living to survive.
You deserve so much more thanjust living to survive you need

(10:08):
to thrive.
So how do you take that powerback from somebody like that?
Let's be real.
You're not going to fix them.
You cannot fix a narcissist.
This is not HGTV.
You cannot renovate a toxicpersonality.

(10:30):
But let me tell you what you cando.
What you can do is choose you.
You can choose you.
You can say no, I'm notshrinking myself to keep someone
else feeling tall.
You can say I deserve my peace.

(10:51):
I deserve people who pour intome, not drain me, deplete me.
I deserve to be happy.
I deserve to be happy and saythat shit with your whole chest.
Mean it.
Because when you realize thatyou don't have to participate in

(11:11):
someone else's emotional circus, baby, you become free.
You should not be held inbondage.
You should not be allowingother people to hold you hostage
.
Let me tell you something frommy heart from my heart because
I've been there.
You are not here to beanybody's emotional punching bag

(11:38):
.
You are not responsible fortheir healing.
You're not responsible forhealing somebody who doesn't
even see that they have wounds.
That's not your job, this isyour life.
You get to choose peace, youget to choose joy.

(12:01):
You get to say enough is enough.
And when you do, you're notjust surviving, baby, you
driving.
You are now in the driver'sseat, it is your call.
You should be in the driver'sseat.
Okay, all right, now listen, Ihope that this has helped

(12:24):
somebody today because, baby, ithas blessed me and that is our
ride on the passenger seat today.
Baby, if you felt seen,convicted or maybe you just
laughed share this with somebody, somebody who really needs to
see it.
Listen, let's stop lettingtoxic folks live rent-free in

(12:46):
our heads, because we deserve somuch more.
Do me a favor, subscribe to thechannel, leave me a little five
star love and remember the bestglow up is healing, setting
boundaries and walking away withyour peace and your edges

(13:06):
intact.
With your peace and your edgesintact.
Okay, until next time.
Keep shining, keep slaying.
Listen, be great in your ownface and then you can turn
around and be great in theirs.
Baby, you stay in the driver'sseat of your own life.

(13:27):
Stay in the driver's seat ofyour own life.
Stay in the driver's seat ofyour own life and know that you
deserve peace.
You deserve happiness, and donot let anybody take that from
you.
Hear Now, as you continue to befabulous, like I know, you can
be baby, you go out there and bethe boundary building bitch.

(13:49):
I know you can be baby.
You go out there and be theboundary building bitch.
I know you can be.
And, as always, you have a goodday on purpose.
Yeah, you're welcome.