March 17, 2025 • 51 mins
What does it take to transform from walking with your head down to commanding every room you enter? Christine O'Banner—the statuesque beauty from "Too Hot to Handle" and "Perfect Match"—reveals her powerful journey from crippling insecurity to radiant self-confidence.
Standing 6'1" with a Nigerian-Dutch background, Christine once struggled profoundly with her height, hair texture, and place in the world. She shares the devastating childhood moment when a friend told her they couldn't play together anymore because she was "ugly"—a comment that shaped years of her self-perception. Through tears and triumph, Christine explains how she discovered her natural beauty only after humidity ruined a straightened hairstyle, revealing the curls she'd forgotten existed beneath years of conformity.
Her path through the modeling industry exemplifies the brutal standards women face—dyeing her hair blonde, developing eating disorders, and changing herself to fit others' expectations before finally embracing her authentic self. The conversation takes a powerful turn when Christine reveals her current dating philosophy: "I don't want to be somebody's maybe, I want to be somebody's absolutely." She candidly discusses her decision to wear a purity ring and how removing physical intimacy from dating has protected her heart while filtering out men with superficial intentions.
The most profound wisdom comes when she reflects on past relationships, particularly the painful lesson of "chasing someone's potential rather than accepting who they actually are." Her mantra—"If you don't plan to marry me, get out of my husband's way"—serves as a battle cry for women everywhere to stop giving "wife privileges" to men who haven't earned them.
Ready to walk into rooms like your name is on the building? This conversation isn't just about Christine's story—it's about recognizing that you're a diamond meant to shine without apology. Follow Christine's journey and join the movement of choosing yourself first.
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Speaker 1 (00:23):
Hey, hey, hey, guys, and welcome back to In the
Passenger Seat with your girl,alethea Crimmins.
Hold up, Before I go anyfurther, make sure you like,
subscribe and comment if youlike this, and I know you're
going to like it because, hey,like we, I am with you and you
are with me.
Okay, so let's get into who isin the passenger seat today.
(00:43):
Baby, I'm excited to introducethis beautiful young lady, honey
.
She is gorgeous.
She has been on two realityshows.
Baby, she is everything andeverything is her, from fashion
to lifestyle to makeup.
She is the total package, honey.
She is too hot to handle and ifyou do not believe me, watch
(01:09):
this clip and see for yourself.
I need attention.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Turn your head my way , I'm gonna wreck you.
I really don't have to do muchto stand out.
I am a 6'1 goddess with longlegs that go on for days.
You all seen me on.
Too Hot to Handle.
I had some special tricks witha banana.
If you know, you know.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
What are you doing?
Speaker 2 (01:26):
I'm doing Chantel.
Oh my God.
But I'm no dummy.
I know all my states inalphabetical order Alabama,
alaska, arizona, virginia,wisconsin, wyoming, beauty and
brains.
So do you work out?
Speaker 1 (01:48):
I do Pilates.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Yeah, I do Pilates.
You're flexible, the feetbehind the head.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
You have to find out.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
I'll tell you that's yes, ladies, I apologize in
advance because I'm about totake your man Ready Go.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
Hey B, you see it for yourself, honey.
She is too hot to handle.
Baby, let me introduce you tothe beautiful, the fabulous, the
phenomenal, christine O'Bannon.
Hello, hello, what's going on?
Gorgeous.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
I'm good, I'm loving this color on you.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
it's gorgeous, I mean it's, it is, the pink is just
matching.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
It's matching my melanin, okay it's my favorite
color, so so I like how wevibing.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
I like how we vibing yes, honey, let me just get into
how you are looking, sun kissedtoday, like, yes, yes, oh, oh,
give me, oh, give me a littlepose, give me a little pose,
give me a little one-two pose.
Oh, oh, yes, yes, I'm loving it.
(02:57):
So for the people that do notknow who you are, can you please
introduce yourself?
Speaker 2 (03:04):
Okay, I am Christina O'Bina.
Banner.
I am a six one, goddess, withlong legs that go on for days.
I have been seen on too hot tohandle and perfect match.
I'm a model full-time contentcreator and my background is I
am nigerian and dutch and a lotof people don't know that, but
fun fact so I love how you saidI don't have to do much to stand
(03:29):
out.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
I don't like.
I love that energy like baby.
I don't have to do much like I,because I'm me, because because
I am her, I am her.
So I do not have to do much tostand out.
Have you always had this typeof confidence in yourself and
(03:51):
who you are?
Speaker 2 (03:52):
oh, no, no, no, no, let's talk about it.
I would love to go back in timeand show, like younger
Christine, who she is today.
Yes, you would just be allsnaps, but I was very insecure
about my height.
I was very insecure about myhair, I was very insecure about
my body, and it's because I gotbullied and majority of the boys
(04:15):
were men, um, so I would feelvery insecure about those things
and so, even when it came tolike my height, I would wear
like, oh my, it was OD.
I wouldn't even want to wearsneakers to school.
I would want to wear flats likeI'm talking flats with like
soles, like this, because Iwouldn't even want to be a
centimeter taller than I was.
(04:36):
Like I wanted to hide, andobviously I'm 6'1, there's no
hiding, so wearing your headdown, walking around, trying to
listen, wearing small baby heelsduring homecoming because I
don't want to appear tallerwasn't going to make me any
shorter, so it's like as I gotolder I learned to embrace it,
because it it looks crazywalking into a room with your
(05:00):
head down and, yes, it does likejust having insecure written
all over you.
But it's more you command therooms you walk into.
When you walk in withconfidence and so the moment
that light bulb hit, I was like,oh, like, why was I insecure in
the first case?
Speaker 1 (05:18):
listen, I, because growing up, like I am 5'8" and
growing up I was always tallerthan all the boys and like I was
called Jolly Green, giant andall kind of other things and I
was like, okay, but maybe youjust need to grow the hell up.
Like maybe you're the problem,not me, but yeah, like I got
(05:43):
bullied a lot growing up.
Problem not me.
So but yeah, like I got bullieda lot growing up.
So I totally understand meembracing my naturalness as a
woman of color.
That was.
That was difficult because Iwould see everybody around me
with different hair textures andthings of that nature and I
have coarse hair.
(06:03):
So, of course, like I was like,oh, you have nappy hair and
this of that nature and I havecoarse hair.
So, of course, like I was like,oh, you have nappy hair and
this and that and the other.
And I was like, oh, my gosh,like I'm not beautiful because
my hair isn't long, it isn'tstraight, it doesn't do that.
So we got bullied because of it.
So I totally understand how youwould feel, the way that you
(06:25):
felt and I love how you saidthat you would walk with your
head held down, because I woulddo the same thing and people
read that type of energy as soonas you walk in the room, like
they're like okay, well, shedoesn't feel good about herself.
So why should I feel good abouther, like, why should I think
highly of her when she doesn'teven think highly of herself?
(06:48):
But, honey, now, just like yousaid, when you walk in a room,
you command attention.
Baby, I walk in a room like myname is on the building.
Okay, that is how I enter everyroom Like my name is on, like I
own it, and that is how itshould be.
So can you tell people how youovercame all of this?
(07:10):
How did you learn how toembrace who you are?
Because people will look at younow and be like, how does she
ever not feel good about her?
Like she's gorgeous.
But how did you learn how tocombat that and be who you are
right now?
Speaker 2 (07:28):
it's kind of weird because I wouldn't even know at
what point that became a thing.
I know, when it came to likeconfidence in my hair.
That really came about when Ifinally did the big chop and I
transitioned, and during, um, myfreshman year of high school.
So, growing up, when it came tomy hair, I perceived it as ugly
(07:51):
.
So before I moved to America, Ilived in, um, I was born in the
Netherlands and so I went to aschool all white school and I
was the only colored girl.
I was the darkest girl in theclass.
Oh wow, like I was the darkestgirl in the class.
Oh wow, like I was the darkestgirl in the class.
And you know, even though theysay kids don't see color, I did
notice that there was somethingdifferent about me and it came
(08:13):
to a point where even one of myI guess it was like a friend but
her mother found out that mydad was black and didn't want
her child to play with meanymore.
And so then, coming to America,I was very shy, I was very
reserved, and I remember one ofmy best friends during daycare
she told me I was sitting on theswing.
(08:33):
I remember it.
I was staring at this acorn onthe floor and she comes up to me
and she's like hey, I just wantto let you know I can't be your
friend anymore because you'reugly.
My brother said I can't befriends with ugly people and
that was the foundation to myinsecurities for years.
So from that moment I didn'tknow.
Okay, I was like what is makingme different to where I'm ugly?
(08:55):
So I used the color of my skinand my hair to say I'm ugly.
I ended up going to school withpredominantly Hispanic and Black
people, but I was noticingeverybody around me had perms.
So I went as far as to take,you know, like the beeswax.
I have my hair in a slickedback ponytail and because my mom
wasn't putting no heat on myhair, I would add a whole bunch
(09:17):
of beeswax and slather it on myhair.
Girl, no, I would get it out.
And I was trying everything tojust like to fit in because I
saw everybody else doing same,like that sudden transition into
like natural hair culture, towhere people started embracing
their natural hair.
So my freshman year of highschool, I I got perms, like in
(09:42):
middle school.
Then, all of a sudden, Iremember I was I guess I't know
why?
But I didn't go back to thesalon so I was just
straightening my hair, doinglike little braid outs, whatever
, but I forgot I had a curlpattern.
So I remember it's humid inHouston, like humid.
So I had my hair straightenedout for an event and all of a
(10:03):
sudden it's so humid outside, mycurls start to form and then
the ends are straight and atthat moment I was like I got
curls, so my hair is not napping, like popping.
I have like oh, like this isbeautiful.
I go home and straight cuts myhair like I cut no professional
(10:24):
needed.
I said I got this.
I took the scissors and I cutoff all the straight part.
And that's when I started toembrace, like, my natural hair.
Granted, was I taking care ofit properly the inside time?
No, but I started embracing mynatural hair.
And as for my height, I thinkeven oh, when it comes to
confidence in that, I think thattook way longer to gain
(10:46):
confidence in, because even whenI was in college, I remember I
graduated in 2019.
But I remember clearly that,like the guys that I would talk
to the moment I put heels on andI would be taller to them, they
would make me feel veryuncomfortable and somebody
else's discomfort being aroundme makes me uncomfortable, so it
(11:07):
made me insecure about that.
But that was a moment in my lifealso where I was seeking male
validation and so what they weresaying or how they felt did
affect me.
And I want to say, like maybe itis right before, like too hot
to handle, or during the COVIDperiod, that I kind of had a
shift and a time to, likereflect on myself and reflect on
(11:28):
who I am, and that's when myconfidence came up, but it
definitely wasn't an overnightthing.
And also, when I am nervous orwhen I am shy, I get louder.
I kind of learned that when Iwas in school presenting in
front of the class, because Idon't want nobody to read me and
be like, oh, she's nervous,she's shy.
No, I get louder.
And I think I tap into thisalter ego, especially when I was
on Too Hot to Handle andPerfect Match.
(11:50):
I tap into this alter ego tobattle the feelings of anxiety
that I may have or the feelingsof being shy, because it is like
I am her and it's like theinner voice in me starts to
portray when my alter ego comesout.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
Oh, I think that you and I well, I know that you and
I do the exact same thing,because I too, I try to mask.
When I'm uncomfortable, I tryto mask my insecurities and then
like, people will notice well,people won't notice, but I'll
notice because I'm like, yeah,and then I'll just start being
this totally different person.
I'll put on this persona tomask what I really feel about me
(12:40):
at that time.
And it's very hard not to dothat because you don't want
people to see who you are andhow you really feel.
But you can only be fake for solong.
And I have stopped trying tofake it, to make it because they
, I, I no longer want to fit in.
(13:02):
I want to stand out Like, Iwant to be who, who I am, and if
you don't like it, you can goto hell, because I'm not living
for you, I'm living for me, andthat's something that I had to
learn is to stop seekingvalidation from other people,
because if I'm not trying topark my car, I don't need
(13:24):
anything validated from anybodyexcept my parking.
So if you're not doing that,then I don't need it.
So, yeah, I totally understand,because I would seek validation
from men.
I would seek validation from myfriends, I'd seek validation
from my mom.
It's like it was a constantthing of me wanting to say look
(13:50):
at me, look what I'm doing, seeme, hear me, know that I am
enough, know that I am enough asI am.
And I heard you say that whenyou put on heels, it would make
them feel uncomfortable and inturn, then you would feel
uncomfortable with yourself.
(14:10):
I have learned, baby if you areuncomfortable with me, then
that is your issue.
It is not mine, because I amthe sun and I was meant to shine
and I will do it withoutpermission.
The sun will come out.
Now you said that youstraightened your hair and then
(14:32):
it got hot and the sun did notgive a damn that.
You just did your hair.
The sun said I don't give adamn about you or your hair.
I'm going to come out and I'mgoing to shine.
But with that, it made you seehow beautiful you really are.
It's not our job to make peoplefeel comfortable with us.
(14:58):
That's not our job, nor is itour concern.
Right, if you don't like me,you're going to be okay, but I'm
going to still be me tomorrow,okay, okay, tomorrow, okay, okay
(15:20):
.
So how?
Speaker 2 (15:21):
did all this transition into you being on
reality tv?
Okay, so I never okay.
So it's weird because when Iwas, like in high school, I
always felt I was different andit was like people would be like
, oh, that's delusional.
But I always felt like I wasmeant to be on tv, or I was
meant to be big, or I was meantto be more than what my
circumstances were.
Yes, um at all.
(15:41):
So it was okay.
We would see the lights getswitched off, the gas would get
switched off, like I didn't growup with money.
So to say that to to people whoprobably are struggling with
the same thing as like, girl bye, like you think you you're
gonna go on tv, okay, anyways.
I remember when I switched myum social media handles to top
model chrissy because I wasspeaking into existence, that I
(16:03):
was come on, they laughed likein the hallway.
They started laughing at me andthey were like top model
chrissy, ha ha ha.
But yeah, that was just.
That was just.
That was.
That was funny.
But I always knew that that'ssomething I wanted to do and I
wanted to become somebody.
I wanted to be more than whatmy circumstances were.
So fast forward to COVID I.
(16:24):
Prior to COVID, I actually livedin New York and I was trying to
get signed to a modeling agency.
I went through so much.
I went through an eatingdisorder, I dyed the color of.
I went through an eatingdisorder.
I dyed the color of my hairblonde because I was noticing a
pattern in what the modelingagencies were having.
They were having all theseblonde white girls.
And I was like, okay, so youwant blonde, I'll show you
blonde.
So I was so easy to manipulatemyself and change myself because
(16:47):
I wanted to be accepted by theindustry.
So I remember going to anotheragency and they were like, oh,
like the blonde hair is cool,but it would only make sense if
your eyes were like colored.
And so I went back, my hairback black.
And also the biggest thing waslike my, my size, like I needed
to be skinnier.
So I was doing any andeverything to become skinnier.
(17:10):
I went as far as to go toDallas to work out with this
model fitness trainer who trainsall the Victoria's Secret
models.
So I became skinnier.
He eventually started giving mefree classes because he said
you came all the way here fromNew York Like I love this, this
is amazing.
And then COVID hit.
So I went back to Houston.
I lived with my parents andduring COVID it was like one of
(17:32):
those moments where I had like arealization that life is short,
because I almost lost my dad toCOVID.
It was very bad.
I remember everybody jokingaround about COVID being fake.
People were going outpracticing like social
distancing and I was literallyat home taking care of my dad.
He was about to pass away and I, during the moment of COVID,
(17:53):
like I got really, really closeto my cousin.
So we used to take walks andtalk about our dreams and our
plans and we were like fillingeach other's cups and she got me
into watching Love Island andso I was like, oh, I love this.
You know there's nothing elseto do but to watch tv.
So I was like, oh, right likean amazing show.
And then she was like I can seeyou doing something like that,
(18:14):
you should audition.
And I was like, and now youjust put a bug in my ear,
because now I'm like, okay,right, like you, right, I am her
, I should audition okay mind.
I was used to consistentlyhearing no from all these
modeling ages, all theseopportunities.
All I knew was no, so I didn't.
I was just like, okay, whatever, I auditioned for that.
I went through the process ofit.
This would have been for LoveIsland season three, but it
(18:36):
didn't work out.
Eventually they had a change ofheart.
I was bawling my eyes outbecause I wanted to use reality
TV to boost my modeling career.
I was like the industry doesn'twant me.
I'll show you I'm somebody.
So let me go on this show andbecome somebody, so that you'll
accept me.
And it still didn't work out.
Um, so then I was in like thiscasting portal and then I
(18:57):
received like this email for um,like a show called love
overboard, and I was like whatis this?
Like the love overboard?
Like I don't know what this is,but it's like hot young um
people trying to get togetherfor the summer and have a crazy
thing.
I was like, um, that doesn'tsound like my tea.
But then I started seeing whoit was.
I started doing my research andI was like I think maybe this
(19:21):
might be too hard to handle,because I'm an investigator.
Ask any of my exes, I will findout.
So, okay, come on, detective.
And so I found I put, I put twoand two together.
So then I was like, whatever,I'm just gonna apply, because
what like?
They're probably gonna say no.
But they started respondingreally fast and I was like am I
(19:43):
getting a yes?
So then, as time was progressing, I just remember being on the
boat on too hot to handle andfeeling like I was in a dream
because at the time we didn'tknow it was too hot to handle,
and so because I was on a boat,I was like, oh, like I'm not,
this is not too hot to handle.
I'm on a different show.
But then when Lana came out andI sat here, I literally sat
(20:03):
there and I was like I'm onNetflix, like girl life, like I
really everything I've done likehas led me to this point and
I'm really here.
And yeah, then I was on too hotto handle and I didn't even
expect to fall for nobody.
I didn't expect none of that.
I just came in on some.
This is for my career, I'mgoing to get it.
(20:24):
I remember sharing a bed withDre and everybody had a bed with
a couple and I was just like Ididn't come this far just to be
this far.
So if you're not in a couple,if there's not enough action
going on, you're not gettingscreen time, and I was like no,
this is for my career.
This is to set my familyfinancially free.
(20:45):
I have so many things that Ineed to fight for, so I fought
and it worked out.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
Girl, I love, I love and I hope that people are
listening.
Do not let a no stop you, donot let a no get in your way.
And you kept going, even thoughyou kept hearing no.
Time after time after time.
Again, somebody is going togive you a yes.
If that door closes, baby,there's always a window.
(21:15):
There's always a window, baby,climb through that bitch and
make your way.
Climb through the windowbecause, baby, I don't need your
door.
Let me get this window up andget my ass in there.
And I love how you said that youmanifested who you were going
(21:36):
to be from young Top model.
Listen, y'all ain't got tothink that I am top model
material.
I do so.
I'm going to manifest that,manifest who you want to be.
Put that in the atmosphere.
I love how you said who youwere before you became who you
(21:57):
are.
You already said I am a model,I am going to be somebody.
And you kept hearing no after no.
And yes, we may have changedour ways, but just because you
change who you are doesn't meanthat you are going to get your
yes.
And just imagine if you wouldhave changed all that and you
(22:22):
would have gotten that yes, youwouldn't have been happy with
that yes, because look at howmuch you would have had to
change in order to be that.
Then you would have had to keepbeing that because they
wouldn't want you.
They would want the you thatyou showed them, which really
wasn't your real self.
(22:43):
And oftentimes we change who weare to get a yes and we have to
keep that up.
And it's hard to keep that upbecause that's not who we really
are.
So I applaud you for stayingtrue to who you really are.
And look at what you got.
(23:03):
Like you didn't even know thatthat was going to happen.
Like you had no idea.
But even though you felt like,okay, they're going to tell me,
no, right, you still took thatshot.
You still kept going.
So let that be a lesson tosomebody listening you may get a
(23:23):
million and one no's.
Keep going because you neverknow that next time might just
be that, next time, that nexttime might be your time.
So you got to keep going.
So let's talk about while youwere on the show and I know
y'all saw that clip Because itwould.
(23:47):
I can't let this show go onwithout mentioning the banana.
Is that a learn skill?
Like?
What Is that a learned skillLike what how do we become a
banana expert?
Speaker 2 (24:06):
You see, I don't know Like I was.
Just I was trying to give him atease Girl.
I knew he was like real horny,so, like everything I did on
like Too Hot to Handle, Iexaggerated.
I exaggerated it because I waslike I know exactly what I need
to do and so I knew him.
I knew he himself was a veryhorny boy, so I know exactly how
(24:30):
to wind him.
So that's, yeah, that's what Idid yeah, I was.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
I was like okay, skills, because everybody don't
have those, like you know,banana skills, okay.
So I'm just listen, because me,being a pusitarian like I, I
don't have banana skills becauseI don't eat bananas, I eat
(25:01):
peaches.
That's a different subject, butI don't know nothing about
banana-isms.
But listen, I was impressed, Iwas impressed.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
It's funny because recently my brother was like me
and my brother were just talkingabout like a whole bunch of
things and he was like it'd bepissing me off because, like all
my cause, he plays basketballand he's in the G league.
For now he plays for longIsland, but before he played for
the Raptors.
And he was like you think Ilike hearing like my teammates
(25:40):
talk about you in that bananatrick.
I was like, oh, like I reallydidn't consider like my family,
like my bad he's, like no, it'sso annoying, like I didn't want
to look at that.
I was like my man, oops, bye,I'm like screen time
(26:01):
Entertainment.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
I mean yes, I mean yeah.
I mean sometimes you got togive a little, you know.
Now, as I was scrolling nowbefore, I ask that like, how did
this affect your dating life?
Like, once the like show wasover, like, were you like
(26:26):
flooded with dms?
Like, did your, did your datinglife change and how is dating
now?
Like, how are you dating nowsince you have this new sense of
self-worth, self-value?
Like, how are you with guys anddating?
(26:48):
Like, do you still seek thatvalidation or are you
comfortable with yourself now?
That is just like you're goingto take me as I am.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
Oh, that's a great question.
So I remember the reason me andLouis had so much chemistry is
because he understood me and hewas able to make me feel
comfortable being weird and Iknow on the show a lot of it was
just showing horniness, but offcamera we were goofing off like
.
Our chemistry was unmatched andwith my previous experience in
(27:20):
dating, every guy that I waswith was too serious.
Or if I would.
You know, when you kind of testthe waters, say a little
something weird to see theirreaction, to see, are you fully
yes for?
them, they would always make mefeel uncomfortable with fully
allowing myself to open up tothem, so the vibe just wasn't
there.
So I always thought that I wasthe problem and then I realized
I'm not the problem and so,though that didn't work out, it
(27:43):
did give me a perspective on wow, like I can be myself Like it.
It opened new doors in datingand so, dm wise, like
surprisingly, when I had lessfollowers and like 2000
followers, there was morecelebrities, basketball players
and all that stuff in my DMS andmy views now is actually
surprisingly dry, like I don'tknow if the number intimidates
(28:07):
them, that I have a lot offollowers.
That it may be like, oh, she'sprobably going to curve me Cause
she thinks she's somebody.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
They kind of preferred it low key Cause when
it was low key, oh, it wasflooded, but now that I'm yeah,
after the show, it it's now thatyou say yeah, yeah, cause when,
when I had a like, a smallernumber, it it was like and now,
(28:35):
like, when you see the numbers,it's like, oh well, well, she,
she would never.
Yeah, yes, I would, because Iam still regular.
Like, like I, I am regular atthe end of the day.
Yeah, so yeah, I, I, I, yeah Ican get that.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
Yeah, they get.
You know, guys, they getintimidated real fast.
But, um, like after perfectmatch, okay.
So after two hot to handle, youknow, me and Louis didn't work
out.
And then I ended up in thislong-term situationship with
Nigel and I did go in therecomfortable with myself,
learning the pieces and thethings that I learned when I was
(29:14):
with Louis.
That was it didn't work out.
Um, I was too forgiving, andthat's like I just feel, like
every relationship that I'vebeen in now I'm more attentive
to like the things that I couldhave done better.
And so I like reflected on myrelationship with Nigel, for
example, and realized that I wastoo forgiving and that I needed
(29:35):
to stop chasing somebody'spotential and take them for what
they are.
And so it's because I guess myproblem was I was looking, for
example, at like the grace andthe love of my parents'
relationship.
They've been married for 30years, about to be 31 years, and
so I compare so many things tolike what their marriage was
(29:56):
like.
But I couldn't do that becauseI wasn't married.
I was giving grace andforgiveness and giving the
benefit of the doubt to somebodywho didn't even make me his
girlfriend, and so that wasreally a moment where I was like
, wow, like after I realizedeverything.
It was one of the worstheartbreaks that I ever had to
deal with.
So when perfect match came out,the hate from people on me and
(30:17):
him, even winning the show ontop of dealing with the
heartbreak, was a lot for me.
So this the plot twist whereyou gonna be gagged.
So in the beginning of the year,when I was um of last year,
when I was with Nigel, mybrother got me to become close
to God and so I started buildingmy relationship with God, but
for the wrong reason, under thewrong foundation.
So I started getting God so Ican get closer to Nigel.
(30:41):
And it wasn't, you know, Iwanted Nigel to love me, but I
wanted God to change that.
Instead of saying, god, I wantyou to make Nigel love you so
his heart can change, so that hecan eventually love me and show
like the love of Jesus.
And it was the wrong foundation.
(31:01):
I started asking God for signsand I started misinterpreting
the signs.
Like I remember, there were somany arguments that we would
have and there was a point intime where we didn't talk for a
long time and I was gettingreally close to God and I asked
God a prayer and I was like Lord, I want him to text me with the
heart of forgiveness and I wanthim to understand, and, yada,
yada, yada.
(31:21):
I kid you not.
That day he sent me a paragraphand ended it with a Bible verse
and I was like this was fromGod.
And then there was a time whereI started, I started reading the
Bible and I, randomly, beforegoing to bed, I crave something
I've never drunk in my life.
I craved milk with honey.
Who drinks that?
(31:42):
I, I drunk milk with honey.
And then I opened my Bible andI started reading.
And then I started readingabout the only time where I read
these words about being led tothe land of milk and honey, when
the Israelites were led to theland of milk and honey.
Okay, taking it as God is nowlooking back, I'm like, instead
of taking that as in, god istelling me that he's going to
(32:05):
give me abundance and blessings,because that's what that was
giving, that's what thatsignifies.
I was taking it as, oh, god'stelling me that Nigel is going
to be mine and that I need toride it through.
So I was polluting myself.
I was having dreams about himbeing with his ex ended up all
being confirmed.
I was having dreams that hismom looked me in my eyes and
(32:27):
told me, um, like, when I waslike, oh, like, I love your son,
she was like, I don't know whoyou are.
I had that dream, ignored it.
So I was ignoring a lot of redflags because I was taking sign.
I was taking sign.
(32:48):
I was taking signs that I askedfrom God and, like, fitting it
into a puzzle piece that didn'tfit.
Oh, girl, it was bad.
And then, after, after me andNigel ended in July, um, like,
beginning of July, june, julythat's when things were getting
rocky I found out about his ex.
I DM'd her on instagram.
I said, girl, call me.
And so then she called me andthen we started facetiming and I
found out that he was with theboth of us the same time and
then I said, girl, like, are youcool with me adding him to this
(33:08):
facetime call?
Okay, and I did, and so we wentin on him and I was so hurt
that I ended up havingresentment towards God because I
was like God to be the man forme, went through a period of
resentment and I don't know atwhat moment a sudden light bulb
(33:29):
switched in my head and I was,like I don't, I don't want to
seek, like this, this validationfrom these relationships that
I'm in, like I don't want toseek, like these, this
validation from theserelationships that I'm in, like
I don't want to be this way.
I don't want.
I'm tired of hearing you're agood person but like I girl
listen.
I am you know what I'm sayingLike I'm tired of letting that
(33:52):
actually take me and take a tollon me.
So actually in November Iactually got a purity ring
because I've been working on myrelationship with God and so
yellow little miss, too hot tohandle, little miss pop, that
little miss banana is nowwaiting till marriage to have
sex.
And how it's changed myperspective on dating.
(34:13):
I feel like it's like it wasmeant to be.
The damage that was done wasmeant to be done, because now my
thought process on it is I wantto be able to be with the man
who sees me beyond the lustfulaspect of it, like I don't want
you to seek me because you wantto sleep with me.
I want you to be with mebecause you genuinely see a
(34:34):
future with me.
Look, we're only getting older.
Okay, I don't want a family.
I do want to get married and Ifeel like sending setting those,
um, those values helps you.
We out the men that are bs.
So recently my ex tried to comeback in the picture.
I don't want him back but let'ssay hypothetically I was
(34:54):
attracted to him and I wouldhave wanted him back.
He sent me, me flowers.
He wanted to.
He wanted, in January, for usto go on a trip together.
And so then I was like okay,the intentions are about to be
tested.
So I told him I was like, ohyeah, you know, honestly I don't
see you as anything more than afriend, but I do want to let
you know, like I'm cool, causehe wants to take me on a date.
(35:15):
I'm I'm like I'm cool withkicking it with you and going on
this little date with you, butI just want to let you know that
I'm abstinent now and I'mwaiting till marriage.
So I don't know if this may bewhat you want.
And fans were exposed.
At that moment he was like, ohno, I ain't on that.
Yada, yada, yada.
And just like that the energyshifted, so we stopped
(35:35):
conversing and that was like anempowering moment for me,
because I was like, wow, like Ireally am saving myself a lot of
pain and a lot of damage,because I go back to, like my
old relationships.
If I would have took that out,if I would have took the sex out
because I also do believe insoul ties If I would have took
all of that out, how much wouldI have spared my heart, how much
(36:01):
would I have spared my heart,like would I have protected
myself a lot more because Idecided to save myself for
marriage and I don't know, Ilike it is harder because you
know this generation, it is allabout sex but at the same time,
like I do see people who theyget married a lot faster, I
wouldn't have been insituationships, I wouldn't have
been somebody's.
(36:22):
Maybe I would have beensomebody's absolutely because
they knew exactly what theywanted.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, Rewind, rewind,
rewind, baby, because somebodysomewhere in this world needs to
hear that again.
Baby, I do not want to besomebody's what.
Maybe you want to be their what.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
I forgot what I said.
Hold on.
Speaker 1 (36:47):
She said I'm not trying to be somebody's.
Maybe I want to be somebody's.
Absolutely Do not bare minimumme.
Speaker 2 (37:03):
Yeah, I am nobody's maybe I am not bare minimum like
and that comes with knowingyour worth, realizing that there
are so many.
There are so many fish in thesea that listen, settling for
one person and allowing that oneperson to rip you apart and
strip you of your confidence,that you're settling for one
person and allowing that oneperson to rip you apart and
strip you of your confidencethat you spent so much time
building?
(37:23):
Because on tv people see thisconfident woman but it's like
the moment I love somebody, myweaknesses start to show, so
that can easily be stripped away.
So, going back to bodypositivity, I told you how I
took all this time to learn toembrace my body and to love my
height and to love Like I usedto stuff my bras when I was
(37:44):
younger, trying to pretend I hadboobs.
I was the last one to haveboobs in my in my middle school.
Speaker 1 (37:49):
And I was number one, oh girl.
Speaker 2 (37:55):
So long for me to like embrace that, look, or guys
telling me to this day theystill say it.
They're like you know, youwould be even badder if you had,
if your butt was bigger or ifyou have boobs, and it's like I
don't care about.
I can look at that now and belike ugh, bye.
Made me question my body andeverything that I built, because
(38:18):
I remember this is obviouslybefore my, my purity journey
that when I asked him a questionabout um, like why he didn't
give back shots, he said becauseI didn't have the body for it.
And so there was a lot of thingsthat he would say about my body
and his.
He wasn't attracted to me fullyand he was.
He had admitted that he wasforcing himself to be attracted
(38:41):
to me, which, oh my gosh, beingattracted to me should be a
force, like it's easy to go.
But because of my body, becausethe type of women that he goes
after are the women that havevery curvaceous bodies, and so
for me, because it was comingfrom somebody that I loved, I
did allow that to get to me andI did allow that to kind of make
(39:02):
me take 20 steps back when Itook so many steps forward in
building my confidence.
Speaker 1 (39:13):
The one thing that really there was a lot of things
that stood out, what you said,and I feel like women, really
women, we really need to listento this conversation and have
more conversations aboutchoosing ourselves and not
choosing other people.
But when you said and us aswomen, women, we do this a lot
(39:43):
you said I had to stop chasinghis potential Women.
We do this a lot.
We chase the person that wewant them to be and not actually
the one that we see in our face.
We chase who we hope that theycan be.
We chase who we want them todesperately be so badly, but the
(40:06):
person that they are isactually in our face and we
don't see that.
And then, another thing thatyou said, because I have done
this several, several times, Ihave prayed, and prayed, and
prayed and asked God, god, sendme a sign.
And then the sign would comeand I would misconstrue it, or
(40:30):
or I would see a sign and thinkin my mind that that sign came
from God.
But really that was me, becausesometimes we create our own
signs and we see things that wewe want to see and and then we
say, oh God, that that was you.
(40:50):
No, baby, that was you, causeyou.
You cause this is what youwanted to see.
You wanted this man to be yourman, and so you in your mind
create oh well, he sent a Bibleverse that must have been God.
No, and some people will use,like, if you tell them little
(41:18):
things about you, some peoplewill use that to manipulate you,
and then we fall for thatmanipulation.
So let me just throw thislittle Bible verse in here,
because I know that she lovesGod and it's like oh God, that
was you.
Uh-uh, baby, that is what youwanted to see, that's what you
(41:44):
wanted to see.
You will know that.
You know that.
You know that.
You know when it comes from himor when it comes from you, yep,
yep.
And that's things that we don'talways see, like we.
We create signs because we wantsomething so bad that we will
(42:05):
do anything to make it happen.
But we have to stop chasingpeople's potential.
Stop chasing who we want themto be and see who they actually
are.
Yeah, and choose us, becausedoesn't choosing you feel so
good it does, it does.
Speaker 2 (42:25):
And then you it's like you, you have like a
special lens that you can kindof see people for the bs that
they are, and it's like didn'thave that lens, you would have
gave it a chance.
You would have wasted yearscrying over a situation that
could have been avoided had youhad a little bit more
discernment in the situation andI love that you said.
Speaker 1 (42:48):
When I took the, the sex out, I realized how much
heartache it it saved me from sowhen I started to choose myself
first, because sex is not onlyfor you, it's also for them, but
it's so.
When I took that out, when Ijust chose me and I didn't
(43:09):
choose them and I chose myself,I'm realizing I'm actually
saving myself from hurt, I'msaving myself from heartache,
and then you can actually seewho they really are, because
when you choose you, youactually see the real them and
then you'll see, well, will youactually choose me too, because
(43:31):
I'm choosing me Now.
Will you choose me too?
Let me see how you match up.
Let me see if, like, ourenergies match.
Or are you just choosing me foryour pleasure, but you're not
choosing me for the long run?
(43:51):
Mm-hmm, I am just a temporaryfix.
Yep, yep.
And sometimes the people in ourlives, the relationships, are
really not relationships,they're just situations, they
are temporary fixes.
Like you are just there justfor a little while, but not for
(44:14):
the long haul.
Yeah, yeah, just for a littlewhile, but not for the long haul
.
Yeah yeah, baby, you will notuse me for medicinal purposes.
Like you're not going to use mefor that.
Yeah, I want to be just likeyou said.
I want to be somebody'sabsolutely.
Yeah, I don't want to besomebody's maybe, or somebody's
(44:38):
right now.
Yeah, I want to be yourabsolutely.
And that brings me to a postthat I saw, that you said and
when, when I tell you, Ihollered, I was like, yes, girl,
you said if you do not plan tomarry me, get out of my husband
(45:00):
way.
If you are dating me, and ifyou have no intentions on
marrying me, baby, get out of myhusband way, because my husband
is looking for me.
Speaker 2 (45:16):
No, I don't got time to be wasted on you, boo Bye.
Speaker 1 (45:22):
My husband is looking and you blocking my husband,
blessing because I'm a blessing,you blocking my husband,
blessing, get out of the way sothat my husband can find me,
right, because you're messing itup.
And I was like girl yes, girlyes, and I love.
Speaker 2 (45:45):
We do this a lot where we are giving wife, yeah,
and we're not even a girlfriend,but we're giving a wife I'm so
big on that, I'm so big on notgiving a wife to men that don't
(46:06):
even make you girlfriend, evenif you are a girlfriend get.
A man loves a chase.
They love like.
There's this book that's calledwhy Men Love Bitches, and so
basically it explains themindset of a man.
Men love a good chase.
They even talked aboutwithholding from sex for a while
, like outside of like you know,like for me it's for religious
(46:28):
reasons, but there it's like menlove a chase.
You have to wind them and yeah,that that book was basically
what you're saying right now,like putting all of that
together.
Speaker 1 (46:40):
And then it's like you wonder why they don't want
to marry you.
Well, why would I, when you'realready giving me wife?
So I don't have to marry youbecause you're giving me wife.
Speaker 2 (46:56):
Yeah, they have nothing to look forward to
because at all all that.
All that there is is papers anda ring and it's like you're
already doing everythingtogether.
So my rule for myself is I'mnot moving in with a man.
No man, I'm sorry I ain'tcooking with him.
We could cook in the kitchentogether, but I'm not cooking
for him.
I don't care if you look at me,but oh, you can't cook.
No, I'll cook for my husband.
(47:17):
I will submit to my husband,but I will not be submissive
towards a man who hasn't earnedmy submission.
Speaker 1 (47:23):
That part, that part, like I'm not washing your
clothes, like I'll, like I'll doyou favors every night, now and
then, but but, but don't getcomfortable asking me to do
things that you would ask yourwife, yeah, to do.
Yeah, don't, don't.
Don't get too comfortablethinking, oh well, and men will
(47:46):
like they'll see just how muchrope, oh well, let me, let me,
let me ask her to go pick thisup.
Well, let me ask, say hey, youwant to cook?
Cook for me now, it, now, if Ichoose to make you breakfast, I
will, but then it'll start well,hey, um well, cook me dinner.
Well then, it'll be like ohwell, why?
(48:09):
Why, you didn't cook for me?
Uh-uh, uh-uh, no expectations.
Yeah, it's not none of that.
It's not you.
You have not earned the rightto expect anything for me.
Yep, you have not earned that,right.
Yeah, you're not my husband, soyou cannot give me those type
of expectations.
(48:29):
Baby, we can talk about thisall day.
Listen, no, literally, becauseit's so many women that needs to
hear this and need to know thatyou are the prize.
Yes, your mere presence is apresence.
You are a gift.
(48:50):
Yeah, and you should not loweryour standards just because
somebody cannot afford you.
That's on them, that's not onyou.
So choose you first and watchhow the doors open up.
The right person is going tofind you.
But you have to get out of yourway.
You have to choose you first,you have to love you first and
(49:12):
then open yourself up to allowother people to come in and love
you and know that it's rightfor you.
Oh you, girl, you have justgiven me so much to think about
and just to reflect on, and Iknow that you did for so many
(49:32):
other people that are listeningnow.
If people want more of you, ifthey want to find more of you,
where can they?
Speaker 2 (49:40):
find you?
They can find me on Instagramand TikTok at Christine O'Banner
, and I'm going to start.
I know I'm a yapper.
I'm trying to get better atYouTube.
It's just the editing processof it.
But subscribe to me on YouTubeat Christine O'Banner and I'll
soon start making more long formvideos.
Speaker 1 (50:00):
I love it guys.
Oh, you have been just apleasure having on.
I hope that this will not bethe last time that we will have
you in the passenger seat withme.
Guys, go and follow her, go andget some knowledge.
Just go and see how she haschanged her life for the better,
(50:25):
how she chose her, and you canas well listen.
I need y'all to know that youare a diamond.
You are a diamond and do notlet anybody make you think that
you are not.
You were meant to shine.
So go out there and beultraviolet.
Choose yourself, love yourself,because you deserve it.
(50:46):
Okay, so, as you go out thereand be great in their face,
remember to be great in your own.
Keep being fabulous like I knowyou can be, and, as always, you
have a good day on purpose.
Hey, hey, hey, guys, and welcome back to In the
Passenger Seat with your girl,alethea Crimmins.
Hold up, Before I go anyfurther, make sure you like,
subscribe and comment if youlike this, and I know you're
going to like it because, hey,like we, I am with you and you
are with me.
Okay, so let's get into who isin the passenger seat today.
(00:43):
Baby, I'm excited to introducethis beautiful young lady, honey
.
She is gorgeous.
She has been on two realityshows.
Baby, she is everything andeverything is her, from fashion
to lifestyle to makeup.
She is the total package, honey.
She is too hot to handle and ifyou do not believe me, watch
(01:09):
this clip and see for yourself.
I need attention.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Turn your head my way , I'm gonna wreck you.
I really don't have to do muchto stand out.
I am a 6'1 goddess with longlegs that go on for days.
You all seen me on.
Too Hot to Handle.
I had some special tricks witha banana.
If you know, you know.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
What are you doing?
Speaker 2 (01:26):
I'm doing Chantel.
Oh my God.
But I'm no dummy.
I know all my states inalphabetical order Alabama,
alaska, arizona, virginia,wisconsin, wyoming, beauty and
brains.
So do you work out?
Speaker 1 (01:48):
I do Pilates.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Yeah, I do Pilates.
You're flexible, the feetbehind the head.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
You have to find out.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
I'll tell you that's yes, ladies, I apologize in
advance because I'm about totake your man Ready Go.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
Hey B, you see it for yourself, honey.
She is too hot to handle.
Baby, let me introduce you tothe beautiful, the fabulous, the
phenomenal, christine O'Bannon.
Hello, hello, what's going on?
Gorgeous.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
I'm good, I'm loving this color on you.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
it's gorgeous, I mean it's, it is, the pink is just
matching.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
It's matching my melanin, okay it's my favorite
color, so so I like how wevibing.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
I like how we vibing yes, honey, let me just get into
how you are looking, sun kissedtoday, like, yes, yes, oh, oh,
give me, oh, give me a littlepose, give me a little pose,
give me a little one-two pose.
Oh, oh, yes, yes, I'm loving it.
(02:57):
So for the people that do notknow who you are, can you please
introduce yourself?
Speaker 2 (03:04):
Okay, I am Christina O'Bina.
Banner.
I am a six one, goddess, withlong legs that go on for days.
I have been seen on too hot tohandle and perfect match.
I'm a model full-time contentcreator and my background is I
am nigerian and dutch and a lotof people don't know that, but
fun fact so I love how you saidI don't have to do much to stand
(03:29):
out.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
I don't like.
I love that energy like baby.
I don't have to do much like I,because I'm me, because because
I am her, I am her.
So I do not have to do much tostand out.
Have you always had this typeof confidence in yourself and
(03:51):
who you are?
Speaker 2 (03:52):
oh, no, no, no, no, let's talk about it.
I would love to go back in timeand show, like younger
Christine, who she is today.
Yes, you would just be allsnaps, but I was very insecure
about my height.
I was very insecure about myhair, I was very insecure about
my body, and it's because I gotbullied and majority of the boys
(04:15):
were men, um, so I would feelvery insecure about those things
and so, even when it came tolike my height, I would wear
like, oh my, it was OD.
I wouldn't even want to wearsneakers to school.
I would want to wear flats likeI'm talking flats with like
soles, like this, because Iwouldn't even want to be a
centimeter taller than I was.
(04:36):
Like I wanted to hide, andobviously I'm 6'1, there's no
hiding, so wearing your headdown, walking around, trying to
listen, wearing small baby heelsduring homecoming because I
don't want to appear tallerwasn't going to make me any
shorter, so it's like as I gotolder I learned to embrace it,
because it it looks crazywalking into a room with your
(05:00):
head down and, yes, it does likejust having insecure written
all over you.
But it's more you command therooms you walk into.
When you walk in withconfidence and so the moment
that light bulb hit, I was like,oh, like, why was I insecure in
the first case?
Speaker 1 (05:18):
listen, I, because growing up, like I am 5'8" and
growing up I was always tallerthan all the boys and like I was
called Jolly Green, giant andall kind of other things and I
was like, okay, but maybe youjust need to grow the hell up.
Like maybe you're the problem,not me, but yeah, like I got
(05:43):
bullied a lot growing up.
Problem not me.
So but yeah, like I got bullieda lot growing up.
So I totally understand meembracing my naturalness as a
woman of color.
That was.
That was difficult because Iwould see everybody around me
with different hair textures andthings of that nature and I
have coarse hair.
(06:03):
So, of course, like I was like,oh, you have nappy hair and
this of that nature and I havecoarse hair.
So, of course, like I was like,oh, you have nappy hair and
this and that and the other.
And I was like, oh, my gosh,like I'm not beautiful because
my hair isn't long, it isn'tstraight, it doesn't do that.
So we got bullied because of it.
So I totally understand how youwould feel, the way that you
(06:25):
felt and I love how you saidthat you would walk with your
head held down, because I woulddo the same thing and people
read that type of energy as soonas you walk in the room, like
they're like okay, well, shedoesn't feel good about herself.
So why should I feel good abouther, like, why should I think
highly of her when she doesn'teven think highly of herself?
(06:48):
But, honey, now, just like yousaid, when you walk in a room,
you command attention.
Baby, I walk in a room like myname is on the building.
Okay, that is how I enter everyroom Like my name is on, like I
own it, and that is how itshould be.
So can you tell people how youovercame all of this?
(07:10):
How did you learn how toembrace who you are?
Because people will look at younow and be like, how does she
ever not feel good about her?
Like she's gorgeous.
But how did you learn how tocombat that and be who you are
right now?
Speaker 2 (07:28):
it's kind of weird because I wouldn't even know at
what point that became a thing.
I know, when it came to likeconfidence in my hair.
That really came about when Ifinally did the big chop and I
transitioned, and during, um, myfreshman year of high school.
So, growing up, when it came tomy hair, I perceived it as ugly
(07:51):
.
So before I moved to America, Ilived in, um, I was born in the
Netherlands and so I went to aschool all white school and I
was the only colored girl.
I was the darkest girl in theclass.
Oh wow, like I was the darkestgirl in the class.
Oh wow, like I was the darkestgirl in the class.
And you know, even though theysay kids don't see color, I did
notice that there was somethingdifferent about me and it came
(08:13):
to a point where even one of myI guess it was like a friend but
her mother found out that mydad was black and didn't want
her child to play with meanymore.
And so then, coming to America,I was very shy, I was very
reserved, and I remember one ofmy best friends during daycare
she told me I was sitting on theswing.
(08:33):
I remember it.
I was staring at this acorn onthe floor and she comes up to me
and she's like hey, I just wantto let you know I can't be your
friend anymore because you'reugly.
My brother said I can't befriends with ugly people and
that was the foundation to myinsecurities for years.
So from that moment I didn'tknow.
Okay, I was like what is makingme different to where I'm ugly?
(08:55):
So I used the color of my skinand my hair to say I'm ugly.
I ended up going to school withpredominantly Hispanic and Black
people, but I was noticingeverybody around me had perms.
So I went as far as to take,you know, like the beeswax.
I have my hair in a slickedback ponytail and because my mom
wasn't putting no heat on myhair, I would add a whole bunch
(09:17):
of beeswax and slather it on myhair.
Girl, no, I would get it out.
And I was trying everything tojust like to fit in because I
saw everybody else doing same,like that sudden transition into
like natural hair culture, towhere people started embracing
their natural hair.
So my freshman year of highschool, I I got perms, like in
(09:42):
middle school.
Then, all of a sudden, Iremember I was I guess I't know
why?
But I didn't go back to thesalon so I was just
straightening my hair, doinglike little braid outs, whatever
, but I forgot I had a curlpattern.
So I remember it's humid inHouston, like humid.
So I had my hair straightenedout for an event and all of a
(10:03):
sudden it's so humid outside, mycurls start to form and then
the ends are straight and atthat moment I was like I got
curls, so my hair is not napping, like popping.
I have like oh, like this isbeautiful.
I go home and straight cuts myhair like I cut no professional
(10:24):
needed.
I said I got this.
I took the scissors and I cutoff all the straight part.
And that's when I started toembrace, like, my natural hair.
Granted, was I taking care ofit properly the inside time?
No, but I started embracing mynatural hair.
And as for my height, I thinkeven oh, when it comes to
confidence in that, I think thattook way longer to gain
(10:46):
confidence in, because even whenI was in college, I remember I
graduated in 2019.
But I remember clearly that,like the guys that I would talk
to the moment I put heels on andI would be taller to them, they
would make me feel veryuncomfortable and somebody
else's discomfort being aroundme makes me uncomfortable, so it
(11:07):
made me insecure about that.
But that was a moment in my lifealso where I was seeking male
validation and so what they weresaying or how they felt did
affect me.
And I want to say, like maybe itis right before, like too hot
to handle, or during the COVIDperiod, that I kind of had a
shift and a time to, likereflect on myself and reflect on
(11:28):
who I am, and that's when myconfidence came up, but it
definitely wasn't an overnightthing.
And also, when I am nervous orwhen I am shy, I get louder.
I kind of learned that when Iwas in school presenting in
front of the class, because Idon't want nobody to read me and
be like, oh, she's nervous,she's shy.
No, I get louder.
And I think I tap into thisalter ego, especially when I was
on Too Hot to Handle andPerfect Match.
(11:50):
I tap into this alter ego tobattle the feelings of anxiety
that I may have or the feelingsof being shy, because it is like
I am her and it's like theinner voice in me starts to
portray when my alter ego comesout.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
Oh, I think that you and I well, I know that you and
I do the exact same thing,because I too, I try to mask.
When I'm uncomfortable, I tryto mask my insecurities and then
like, people will notice well,people won't notice, but I'll
notice because I'm like, yeah,and then I'll just start being
this totally different person.
I'll put on this persona tomask what I really feel about me
(12:40):
at that time.
And it's very hard not to dothat because you don't want
people to see who you are andhow you really feel.
But you can only be fake for solong.
And I have stopped trying tofake it, to make it because they
, I, I no longer want to fit in.
(13:02):
I want to stand out Like, Iwant to be who, who I am, and if
you don't like it, you can goto hell, because I'm not living
for you, I'm living for me, andthat's something that I had to
learn is to stop seekingvalidation from other people,
because if I'm not trying topark my car, I don't need
(13:24):
anything validated from anybodyexcept my parking.
So if you're not doing that,then I don't need it.
So, yeah, I totally understand,because I would seek validation
from men.
I would seek validation from myfriends, I'd seek validation
from my mom.
It's like it was a constantthing of me wanting to say look
(13:50):
at me, look what I'm doing, seeme, hear me, know that I am
enough, know that I am enough asI am.
And I heard you say that whenyou put on heels, it would make
them feel uncomfortable and inturn, then you would feel
uncomfortable with yourself.
(14:10):
I have learned, baby if you areuncomfortable with me, then
that is your issue.
It is not mine, because I amthe sun and I was meant to shine
and I will do it withoutpermission.
The sun will come out.
Now you said that youstraightened your hair and then
(14:32):
it got hot and the sun did notgive a damn that.
You just did your hair.
The sun said I don't give adamn about you or your hair.
I'm going to come out and I'mgoing to shine.
But with that, it made you seehow beautiful you really are.
It's not our job to make peoplefeel comfortable with us.
(14:58):
That's not our job, nor is itour concern.
Right, if you don't like me,you're going to be okay, but I'm
going to still be me tomorrow,okay, okay, tomorrow, okay, okay
(15:20):
.
So how?
Speaker 2 (15:21):
did all this transition into you being on
reality tv?
Okay, so I never okay.
So it's weird because when Iwas, like in high school, I
always felt I was different andit was like people would be like
, oh, that's delusional.
But I always felt like I wasmeant to be on tv, or I was
meant to be big, or I was meantto be more than what my
circumstances were.
Yes, um at all.
(15:41):
So it was okay.
We would see the lights getswitched off, the gas would get
switched off, like I didn't growup with money.
So to say that to to people whoprobably are struggling with
the same thing as like, girl bye, like you think you you're
gonna go on tv, okay, anyways.
I remember when I switched myum social media handles to top
model chrissy because I wasspeaking into existence, that I
(16:03):
was come on, they laughed likein the hallway.
They started laughing at me andthey were like top model
chrissy, ha ha ha.
But yeah, that was just.
That was just.
That was.
That was funny.
But I always knew that that'ssomething I wanted to do and I
wanted to become somebody.
I wanted to be more than whatmy circumstances were.
So fast forward to COVID I.
(16:24):
Prior to COVID, I actually livedin New York and I was trying to
get signed to a modeling agency.
I went through so much.
I went through an eatingdisorder, I dyed the color of.
I went through an eatingdisorder.
I dyed the color of my hairblonde because I was noticing a
pattern in what the modelingagencies were having.
They were having all theseblonde white girls.
And I was like, okay, so youwant blonde, I'll show you
blonde.
So I was so easy to manipulatemyself and change myself because
(16:47):
I wanted to be accepted by theindustry.
So I remember going to anotheragency and they were like, oh,
like the blonde hair is cool,but it would only make sense if
your eyes were like colored.
And so I went back, my hairback black.
And also the biggest thing waslike my, my size, like I needed
to be skinnier.
So I was doing any andeverything to become skinnier.
(17:10):
I went as far as to go toDallas to work out with this
model fitness trainer who trainsall the Victoria's Secret
models.
So I became skinnier.
He eventually started giving mefree classes because he said
you came all the way here fromNew York Like I love this, this
is amazing.
And then COVID hit.
So I went back to Houston.
I lived with my parents andduring COVID it was like one of
(17:32):
those moments where I had like arealization that life is short,
because I almost lost my dad toCOVID.
It was very bad.
I remember everybody jokingaround about COVID being fake.
People were going outpracticing like social
distancing and I was literallyat home taking care of my dad.
He was about to pass away and I, during the moment of COVID,
(17:53):
like I got really, really closeto my cousin.
So we used to take walks andtalk about our dreams and our
plans and we were like fillingeach other's cups and she got me
into watching Love Island andso I was like, oh, I love this.
You know there's nothing elseto do but to watch tv.
So I was like, oh, right likean amazing show.
And then she was like I can seeyou doing something like that,
(18:14):
you should audition.
And I was like, and now youjust put a bug in my ear,
because now I'm like, okay,right, like you, right, I am her
, I should audition okay mind.
I was used to consistentlyhearing no from all these
modeling ages, all theseopportunities.
All I knew was no, so I didn't.
I was just like, okay, whatever, I auditioned for that.
I went through the process ofit.
This would have been for LoveIsland season three, but it
(18:36):
didn't work out.
Eventually they had a change ofheart.
I was bawling my eyes outbecause I wanted to use reality
TV to boost my modeling career.
I was like the industry doesn'twant me.
I'll show you I'm somebody.
So let me go on this show andbecome somebody, so that you'll
accept me.
And it still didn't work out.
Um, so then I was in like thiscasting portal and then I
(18:57):
received like this email for um,like a show called love
overboard, and I was like whatis this?
Like the love overboard?
Like I don't know what this is,but it's like hot young um
people trying to get togetherfor the summer and have a crazy
thing.
I was like, um, that doesn'tsound like my tea.
But then I started seeing whoit was.
I started doing my research andI was like I think maybe this
(19:21):
might be too hard to handle,because I'm an investigator.
Ask any of my exes, I will findout.
So, okay, come on, detective.
And so I found I put, I put twoand two together.
So then I was like, whatever,I'm just gonna apply, because
what like?
They're probably gonna say no.
But they started respondingreally fast and I was like am I
(19:43):
getting a yes?
So then, as time was progressing, I just remember being on the
boat on too hot to handle andfeeling like I was in a dream
because at the time we didn'tknow it was too hot to handle,
and so because I was on a boat,I was like, oh, like I'm not,
this is not too hot to handle.
I'm on a different show.
But then when Lana came out andI sat here, I literally sat
(20:03):
there and I was like I'm onNetflix, like girl life, like I
really everything I've done likehas led me to this point and
I'm really here.
And yeah, then I was on too hotto handle and I didn't even
expect to fall for nobody.
I didn't expect none of that.
I just came in on some.
This is for my career, I'mgoing to get it.
(20:24):
I remember sharing a bed withDre and everybody had a bed with
a couple and I was just like Ididn't come this far just to be
this far.
So if you're not in a couple,if there's not enough action
going on, you're not gettingscreen time, and I was like no,
this is for my career.
This is to set my familyfinancially free.
(20:45):
I have so many things that Ineed to fight for, so I fought
and it worked out.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
Girl, I love, I love and I hope that people are
listening.
Do not let a no stop you, donot let a no get in your way.
And you kept going, even thoughyou kept hearing no.
Time after time after time.
Again, somebody is going togive you a yes.
If that door closes, baby,there's always a window.
(21:15):
There's always a window, baby,climb through that bitch and
make your way.
Climb through the windowbecause, baby, I don't need your
door.
Let me get this window up andget my ass in there.
And I love how you said that youmanifested who you were going
(21:36):
to be from young Top model.
Listen, y'all ain't got tothink that I am top model
material.
I do so.
I'm going to manifest that,manifest who you want to be.
Put that in the atmosphere.
I love how you said who youwere before you became who you
(21:57):
are.
You already said I am a model,I am going to be somebody.
And you kept hearing no after no.
And yes, we may have changedour ways, but just because you
change who you are doesn't meanthat you are going to get your
yes.
And just imagine if you wouldhave changed all that and you
(22:22):
would have gotten that yes, youwouldn't have been happy with
that yes, because look at howmuch you would have had to
change in order to be that.
Then you would have had to keepbeing that because they
wouldn't want you.
They would want the you thatyou showed them, which really
wasn't your real self.
(22:43):
And oftentimes we change who weare to get a yes and we have to
keep that up.
And it's hard to keep that upbecause that's not who we really
are.
So I applaud you for stayingtrue to who you really are.
And look at what you got.
(23:03):
Like you didn't even know thatthat was going to happen.
Like you had no idea.
But even though you felt like,okay, they're going to tell me,
no, right, you still took thatshot.
You still kept going.
So let that be a lesson tosomebody listening you may get a
(23:23):
million and one no's.
Keep going because you neverknow that next time might just
be that, next time, that nexttime might be your time.
So you got to keep going.
So let's talk about while youwere on the show and I know
y'all saw that clip Because itwould.
(23:47):
I can't let this show go onwithout mentioning the banana.
Is that a learn skill?
Like?
What Is that a learned skillLike what how do we become a
banana expert?
Speaker 2 (24:06):
You see, I don't know Like I was.
Just I was trying to give him atease Girl.
I knew he was like real horny,so, like everything I did on
like Too Hot to Handle, Iexaggerated.
I exaggerated it because I waslike I know exactly what I need
to do and so I knew him.
I knew he himself was a veryhorny boy, so I know exactly how
(24:30):
to wind him.
So that's, yeah, that's what Idid yeah, I was.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
I was like okay, skills, because everybody don't
have those, like you know,banana skills, okay.
So I'm just listen, because me,being a pusitarian like I, I
don't have banana skills becauseI don't eat bananas, I eat
(25:01):
peaches.
That's a different subject, butI don't know nothing about
banana-isms.
But listen, I was impressed, Iwas impressed.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
It's funny because recently my brother was like me
and my brother were just talkingabout like a whole bunch of
things and he was like it'd bepissing me off because, like all
my cause, he plays basketballand he's in the G league.
For now he plays for longIsland, but before he played for
the Raptors.
And he was like you think Ilike hearing like my teammates
(25:40):
talk about you in that bananatrick.
I was like, oh, like I reallydidn't consider like my family,
like my bad he's, like no, it'sso annoying, like I didn't want
to look at that.
I was like my man, oops, bye,I'm like screen time
(26:01):
Entertainment.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
I mean yes, I mean yeah.
I mean sometimes you got togive a little, you know.
Now, as I was scrolling nowbefore, I ask that like, how did
this affect your dating life?
Like, once the like show wasover, like, were you like
(26:26):
flooded with dms?
Like, did your, did your datinglife change and how is dating
now?
Like, how are you dating nowsince you have this new sense of
self-worth, self-value?
Like, how are you with guys anddating?
(26:48):
Like, do you still seek thatvalidation or are you
comfortable with yourself now?
That is just like you're goingto take me as I am.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
Oh, that's a great question.
So I remember the reason me andLouis had so much chemistry is
because he understood me and hewas able to make me feel
comfortable being weird and Iknow on the show a lot of it was
just showing horniness, but offcamera we were goofing off like
.
Our chemistry was unmatched andwith my previous experience in
(27:20):
dating, every guy that I waswith was too serious.
Or if I would.
You know, when you kind of testthe waters, say a little
something weird to see theirreaction, to see, are you fully
yes for?
them, they would always make mefeel uncomfortable with fully
allowing myself to open up tothem, so the vibe just wasn't
there.
So I always thought that I wasthe problem and then I realized
I'm not the problem and so,though that didn't work out, it
(27:43):
did give me a perspective on wow, like I can be myself Like it.
It opened new doors in datingand so, dm wise, like
surprisingly, when I had lessfollowers and like 2000
followers, there was morecelebrities, basketball players
and all that stuff in my DMS andmy views now is actually
surprisingly dry, like I don'tknow if the number intimidates
(28:07):
them, that I have a lot offollowers.
That it may be like, oh, she'sprobably going to curve me Cause
she thinks she's somebody.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
They kind of preferred it low key Cause when
it was low key, oh, it wasflooded, but now that I'm yeah,
after the show, it it's now thatyou say yeah, yeah, cause when,
when I had a like, a smallernumber, it it was like and now,
(28:35):
like, when you see the numbers,it's like, oh well, well, she,
she would never.
Yeah, yes, I would, because Iam still regular.
Like, like I, I am regular atthe end of the day.
Yeah, so yeah, I, I, I, yeah Ican get that.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
Yeah, they get.
You know, guys, they getintimidated real fast.
But, um, like after perfectmatch, okay.
So after two hot to handle, youknow, me and Louis didn't work
out.
And then I ended up in thislong-term situationship with
Nigel and I did go in therecomfortable with myself,
learning the pieces and thethings that I learned when I was
(29:14):
with Louis.
That was it didn't work out.
Um, I was too forgiving, andthat's like I just feel, like
every relationship that I'vebeen in now I'm more attentive
to like the things that I couldhave done better.
And so I like reflected on myrelationship with Nigel, for
example, and realized that I wastoo forgiving and that I needed
(29:35):
to stop chasing somebody'spotential and take them for what
they are.
And so it's because I guess myproblem was I was looking, for
example, at like the grace andthe love of my parents'
relationship.
They've been married for 30years, about to be 31 years, and
so I compare so many things tolike what their marriage was
(29:56):
like.
But I couldn't do that becauseI wasn't married.
I was giving grace andforgiveness and giving the
benefit of the doubt to somebodywho didn't even make me his
girlfriend, and so that wasreally a moment where I was like
, wow, like after I realizedeverything.
It was one of the worstheartbreaks that I ever had to
deal with.
So when perfect match came out,the hate from people on me and
(30:17):
him, even winning the show ontop of dealing with the
heartbreak, was a lot for me.
So this the plot twist whereyou gonna be gagged.
So in the beginning of the year,when I was um of last year,
when I was with Nigel, mybrother got me to become close
to God and so I started buildingmy relationship with God, but
for the wrong reason, under thewrong foundation.
So I started getting God so Ican get closer to Nigel.
(30:41):
And it wasn't, you know, Iwanted Nigel to love me, but I
wanted God to change that.
Instead of saying, god, I wantyou to make Nigel love you so
his heart can change, so that hecan eventually love me and show
like the love of Jesus.
And it was the wrong foundation.
(31:01):
I started asking God for signsand I started misinterpreting
the signs.
Like I remember, there were somany arguments that we would
have and there was a point intime where we didn't talk for a
long time and I was gettingreally close to God and I asked
God a prayer and I was like Lord, I want him to text me with the
heart of forgiveness and I wanthim to understand, and, yada,
yada, yada.
(31:21):
I kid you not.
That day he sent me a paragraphand ended it with a Bible verse
and I was like this was fromGod.
And then there was a time whereI started, I started reading the
Bible and I, randomly, beforegoing to bed, I crave something
I've never drunk in my life.
I craved milk with honey.
Who drinks that?
(31:42):
I, I drunk milk with honey.
And then I opened my Bible andI started reading.
And then I started readingabout the only time where I read
these words about being led tothe land of milk and honey, when
the Israelites were led to theland of milk and honey.
Okay, taking it as God is nowlooking back, I'm like, instead
of taking that as in, god istelling me that he's going to
(32:05):
give me abundance and blessings,because that's what that was
giving, that's what thatsignifies.
I was taking it as, oh, god'stelling me that Nigel is going
to be mine and that I need toride it through.
So I was polluting myself.
I was having dreams about himbeing with his ex ended up all
being confirmed.
I was having dreams that hismom looked me in my eyes and
(32:27):
told me, um, like, when I waslike, oh, like, I love your son,
she was like, I don't know whoyou are.
I had that dream, ignored it.
So I was ignoring a lot of redflags because I was taking sign.
I was taking sign.
(32:48):
I was taking signs that I askedfrom God and, like, fitting it
into a puzzle piece that didn'tfit.
Oh, girl, it was bad.
And then, after, after me andNigel ended in July, um, like,
beginning of July, june, julythat's when things were getting
rocky I found out about his ex.
I DM'd her on instagram.
I said, girl, call me.
And so then she called me andthen we started facetiming and I
found out that he was with theboth of us the same time and
then I said, girl, like, are youcool with me adding him to this
(33:08):
facetime call?
Okay, and I did, and so we wentin on him and I was so hurt
that I ended up havingresentment towards God because I
was like God to be the man forme, went through a period of
resentment and I don't know atwhat moment a sudden light bulb
(33:29):
switched in my head and I was,like I don't, I don't want to
seek, like this, this validationfrom these relationships that
I'm in, like I don't want toseek, like these, this
validation from theserelationships that I'm in, like
I don't want to be this way.
I don't want.
I'm tired of hearing you're agood person but like I girl
listen.
I am you know what I'm sayingLike I'm tired of letting that
(33:52):
actually take me and take a tollon me.
So actually in November Iactually got a purity ring
because I've been working on myrelationship with God and so
yellow little miss, too hot tohandle, little miss pop, that
little miss banana is nowwaiting till marriage to have
sex.
And how it's changed myperspective on dating.
(34:13):
I feel like it's like it wasmeant to be.
The damage that was done wasmeant to be done, because now my
thought process on it is I wantto be able to be with the man
who sees me beyond the lustfulaspect of it, like I don't want
you to seek me because you wantto sleep with me.
I want you to be with mebecause you genuinely see a
(34:34):
future with me.
Look, we're only getting older.
Okay, I don't want a family.
I do want to get married and Ifeel like sending setting those,
um, those values helps you.
We out the men that are bs.
So recently my ex tried to comeback in the picture.
I don't want him back but let'ssay hypothetically I was
(34:54):
attracted to him and I wouldhave wanted him back.
He sent me, me flowers.
He wanted to.
He wanted, in January, for usto go on a trip together.
And so then I was like okay,the intentions are about to be
tested.
So I told him I was like, ohyeah, you know, honestly I don't
see you as anything more than afriend, but I do want to let
you know, like I'm cool, causehe wants to take me on a date.
(35:15):
I'm I'm like I'm cool withkicking it with you and going on
this little date with you, butI just want to let you know that
I'm abstinent now and I'mwaiting till marriage.
So I don't know if this may bewhat you want.
And fans were exposed.
At that moment he was like, ohno, I ain't on that.
Yada, yada, yada.
And just like that the energyshifted, so we stopped
(35:35):
conversing and that was like anempowering moment for me,
because I was like, wow, like Ireally am saving myself a lot of
pain and a lot of damage,because I go back to, like my
old relationships.
If I would have took that out,if I would have took the sex out
because I also do believe insoul ties If I would have took
all of that out, how much wouldI have spared my heart, how much
(36:01):
would I have spared my heart,like would I have protected
myself a lot more because Idecided to save myself for
marriage and I don't know, Ilike it is harder because you
know this generation, it is allabout sex but at the same time,
like I do see people who theyget married a lot faster, I
wouldn't have been insituationships, I wouldn't have
been somebody's.
(36:22):
Maybe I would have beensomebody's absolutely because
they knew exactly what theywanted.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, Rewind, rewind,
rewind, baby, because somebodysomewhere in this world needs to
hear that again.
Baby, I do not want to besomebody's what.
Maybe you want to be their what.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
I forgot what I said.
Hold on.
Speaker 1 (36:47):
She said I'm not trying to be somebody's.
Maybe I want to be somebody's.
Absolutely Do not bare minimumme.
Speaker 2 (37:03):
Yeah, I am nobody's maybe I am not bare minimum like
and that comes with knowingyour worth, realizing that there
are so many.
There are so many fish in thesea that listen, settling for
one person and allowing that oneperson to rip you apart and
strip you of your confidence,that you're settling for one
person and allowing that oneperson to rip you apart and
strip you of your confidencethat you spent so much time
building?
(37:23):
Because on tv people see thisconfident woman but it's like
the moment I love somebody, myweaknesses start to show, so
that can easily be stripped away.
So, going back to bodypositivity, I told you how I
took all this time to learn toembrace my body and to love my
height and to love Like I usedto stuff my bras when I was
(37:44):
younger, trying to pretend I hadboobs.
I was the last one to haveboobs in my in my middle school.
Speaker 1 (37:49):
And I was number one, oh girl.
Speaker 2 (37:55):
So long for me to like embrace that, look, or guys
telling me to this day theystill say it.
They're like you know, youwould be even badder if you had,
if your butt was bigger or ifyou have boobs, and it's like I
don't care about.
I can look at that now and belike ugh, bye.
Made me question my body andeverything that I built, because
(38:18):
I remember this is obviouslybefore my, my purity journey
that when I asked him a questionabout um, like why he didn't
give back shots, he said becauseI didn't have the body for it.
And so there was a lot of thingsthat he would say about my body
and his.
He wasn't attracted to me fullyand he was.
He had admitted that he wasforcing himself to be attracted
(38:41):
to me, which, oh my gosh, beingattracted to me should be a
force, like it's easy to go.
But because of my body, becausethe type of women that he goes
after are the women that havevery curvaceous bodies, and so
for me, because it was comingfrom somebody that I loved, I
did allow that to get to me andI did allow that to kind of make
(39:02):
me take 20 steps back when Itook so many steps forward in
building my confidence.
Speaker 1 (39:13):
The one thing that really there was a lot of things
that stood out, what you said,and I feel like women, really
women, we really need to listento this conversation and have
more conversations aboutchoosing ourselves and not
choosing other people.
But when you said and us aswomen, women, we do this a lot
(39:43):
you said I had to stop chasinghis potential Women.
We do this a lot.
We chase the person that wewant them to be and not actually
the one that we see in our face.
We chase who we hope that theycan be.
We chase who we want them todesperately be so badly, but the
(40:06):
person that they are isactually in our face and we
don't see that.
And then, another thing thatyou said, because I have done
this several, several times, Ihave prayed, and prayed, and
prayed and asked God, god, sendme a sign.
And then the sign would comeand I would misconstrue it, or
(40:30):
or I would see a sign and thinkin my mind that that sign came
from God.
But really that was me, becausesometimes we create our own
signs and we see things that wewe want to see and and then we
say, oh God, that that was you.
(40:50):
No, baby, that was you, causeyou.
You cause this is what youwanted to see.
You wanted this man to be yourman, and so you in your mind
create oh well, he sent a Bibleverse that must have been God.
No, and some people will use,like, if you tell them little
(41:18):
things about you, some peoplewill use that to manipulate you,
and then we fall for thatmanipulation.
So let me just throw thislittle Bible verse in here,
because I know that she lovesGod and it's like oh God, that
was you.
Uh-uh, baby, that is what youwanted to see, that's what you
(41:44):
wanted to see.
You will know that.
You know that.
You know that.
You know when it comes from himor when it comes from you, yep,
yep.
And that's things that we don'talways see, like we.
We create signs because we wantsomething so bad that we will
(42:05):
do anything to make it happen.
But we have to stop chasingpeople's potential.
Stop chasing who we want themto be and see who they actually
are.
Yeah, and choose us, becausedoesn't choosing you feel so
good it does, it does.
Speaker 2 (42:25):
And then you it's like you, you have like a
special lens that you can kindof see people for the bs that
they are, and it's like didn'thave that lens, you would have
gave it a chance.
You would have wasted yearscrying over a situation that
could have been avoided had youhad a little bit more
discernment in the situation andI love that you said.
Speaker 1 (42:48):
When I took the, the sex out, I realized how much
heartache it it saved me from sowhen I started to choose myself
first, because sex is not onlyfor you, it's also for them, but
it's so.
When I took that out, when Ijust chose me and I didn't
(43:09):
choose them and I chose myself,I'm realizing I'm actually
saving myself from hurt, I'msaving myself from heartache,
and then you can actually seewho they really are, because
when you choose you, youactually see the real them and
then you'll see, well, will youactually choose me too, because
(43:31):
I'm choosing me Now.
Will you choose me too?
Let me see how you match up.
Let me see if, like, ourenergies match.
Or are you just choosing me foryour pleasure, but you're not
choosing me for the long run?
(43:51):
Mm-hmm, I am just a temporaryfix.
Yep, yep.
And sometimes the people in ourlives, the relationships, are
really not relationships,they're just situations, they
are temporary fixes.
Like you are just there justfor a little while, but not for
(44:14):
the long haul.
Yeah, yeah, just for a littlewhile, but not for the long haul
.
Yeah yeah, baby, you will notuse me for medicinal purposes.
Like you're not going to use mefor that.
Yeah, I want to be just likeyou said.
I want to be somebody'sabsolutely.
Yeah, I don't want to besomebody's maybe, or somebody's
(44:38):
right now.
Yeah, I want to be yourabsolutely.
And that brings me to a postthat I saw, that you said and
when, when I tell you, Ihollered, I was like, yes, girl,
you said if you do not plan tomarry me, get out of my husband
(45:00):
way.
If you are dating me, and ifyou have no intentions on
marrying me, baby, get out of myhusband way, because my husband
is looking for me.
Speaker 2 (45:16):
No, I don't got time to be wasted on you, boo Bye.
Speaker 1 (45:22):
My husband is looking and you blocking my husband,
blessing because I'm a blessing,you blocking my husband,
blessing, get out of the way sothat my husband can find me,
right, because you're messing itup.
And I was like girl yes, girlyes, and I love.
Speaker 2 (45:45):
We do this a lot where we are giving wife, yeah,
and we're not even a girlfriend,but we're giving a wife I'm so
big on that, I'm so big on notgiving a wife to men that don't
(46:06):
even make you girlfriend, evenif you are a girlfriend get.
A man loves a chase.
They love like.
There's this book that's calledwhy Men Love Bitches, and so
basically it explains themindset of a man.
Men love a good chase.
They even talked aboutwithholding from sex for a while
, like outside of like you know,like for me it's for religious
(46:28):
reasons, but there it's like menlove a chase.
You have to wind them and yeah,that that book was basically
what you're saying right now,like putting all of that
together.
Speaker 1 (46:40):
And then it's like you wonder why they don't want
to marry you.
Well, why would I, when you'realready giving me wife?
So I don't have to marry youbecause you're giving me wife.
Speaker 2 (46:56):
Yeah, they have nothing to look forward to
because at all all that.
All that there is is papers anda ring and it's like you're
already doing everythingtogether.
So my rule for myself is I'mnot moving in with a man.
No man, I'm sorry I ain'tcooking with him.
We could cook in the kitchentogether, but I'm not cooking
for him.
I don't care if you look at me,but oh, you can't cook.
No, I'll cook for my husband.
(47:17):
I will submit to my husband,but I will not be submissive
towards a man who hasn't earnedmy submission.
Speaker 1 (47:23):
That part, that part, like I'm not washing your
clothes, like I'll, like I'll doyou favors every night, now and
then, but but, but don't getcomfortable asking me to do
things that you would ask yourwife, yeah, to do.
Yeah, don't, don't.
Don't get too comfortablethinking, oh well, and men will
(47:46):
like they'll see just how muchrope, oh well, let me, let me,
let me ask her to go pick thisup.
Well, let me ask, say hey, youwant to cook?
Cook for me now, it, now, if Ichoose to make you breakfast, I
will, but then it'll start well,hey, um well, cook me dinner.
Well then, it'll be like ohwell, why?
(48:09):
Why, you didn't cook for me?
Uh-uh, uh-uh, no expectations.
Yeah, it's not none of that.
It's not you.
You have not earned the rightto expect anything for me.
Yep, you have not earned that,right.
Yeah, you're not my husband, soyou cannot give me those type
of expectations.
(48:29):
Baby, we can talk about thisall day.
Listen, no, literally, becauseit's so many women that needs to
hear this and need to know thatyou are the prize.
Yes, your mere presence is apresence.
You are a gift.
(48:50):
Yeah, and you should not loweryour standards just because
somebody cannot afford you.
That's on them, that's not onyou.
So choose you first and watchhow the doors open up.
The right person is going tofind you.
But you have to get out of yourway.
You have to choose you first,you have to love you first and
(49:12):
then open yourself up to allowother people to come in and love
you and know that it's rightfor you.
Oh you, girl, you have justgiven me so much to think about
and just to reflect on, and Iknow that you did for so many
(49:32):
other people that are listeningnow.
If people want more of you, ifthey want to find more of you,
where can they?
Speaker 2 (49:40):
find you?
They can find me on Instagramand TikTok at Christine O'Banner
, and I'm going to start.
I know I'm a yapper.
I'm trying to get better atYouTube.
It's just the editing processof it.
But subscribe to me on YouTubeat Christine O'Banner and I'll
soon start making more long formvideos.
Speaker 1 (50:00):
I love it guys.
Oh, you have been just apleasure having on.
I hope that this will not bethe last time that we will have
you in the passenger seat withme.
Guys, go and follow her, go andget some knowledge.
Just go and see how she haschanged her life for the better,
(50:25):
how she chose her, and you canas well listen.
I need y'all to know that youare a diamond.
You are a diamond and do notlet anybody make you think that
you are not.
You were meant to shine.
So go out there and beultraviolet.
Choose yourself, love yourself,because you deserve it.
(50:46):
Okay, so, as you go out thereand be great in their face,
remember to be great in your own.
Keep being fabulous like I knowyou can be, and, as always, you
have a good day on purpose.
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