December 10, 2024 • 22 mins
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What happens when life throws a curveball as daunting as a cancer diagnosis? Join on today's In the Rising Podcast episode with the remarkable Deb Krier, who shares her transformative journey from a stage zero to a stage three cancer diagnosis. Deb's story of resilience is not just about survival; it's about thriving with a warrior mindset and the healing power of humor. Discover how she turned her personal battle into a beacon of hope through her platform, tryingnottodie.live, inspiring others facing similar challenges to harness the power of positivity in their own lives.
Deb offers heartfelt insights into the courage required to ask for help and the importance of honest dialogue between patients and loved ones. By sharing real experiences, she highlights how illness can reshape relationships and personal outlooks. This episode is a powerful reminder of the role self-awareness and positivity play in navigating life's toughest moments, shedding light on how humor and honesty can become lifelines in the darkest times.
Rising Within Life Coaching - By Bettina Brown
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Bettina Brown (00:05):
Hello and welcome to In the Rising a health and
wellness podcast for those goingthrough and those supporting
those going through cancer.
My name is Bettina Brown andI'm board certified in physical
therapy, wound care andlymphedema, and you know, for me
cancer is very personal.
It's affected my friends, myimmediate and my not so
(00:25):
immediate family, and thereforeI created this podcast and
fitafterbreastcancercom toaddress the multiple dimensions
of our lives during and afterrecovery.
Hello, hello, today my guest isDeb Krier.
It took a little time for us toactually connect, but I'm so,
(00:49):
so glad that we did and I amreally excited for you all to
listen to an amazing, incredible, hopeful person share her
experience.
Her website istryingnottodielive.
Her website istryingnottodielive and she
(01:09):
really has a calling on her tohelp support others and support
those who are supporting thosegoing through cancer kind of
like me, but sometimes it doestake a life change to get you to
that point.
Either way, enough of that.
I am really excited for you toget to hear Deb Krier that I am
really excited for you to get tohear Deb Krier.
I want to pause and just saythat this takes a lot of bravery
and courage to share your storyand I think that taking that
(01:32):
initial pause is importantbecause Well, thank you.
Deb Krier (01:36):
Thank you, yes, I will answer any question you ask
.
So don't hesitate on that.
The good, the bad.
So don't hesitate on that.
The good, the bad, the ugly.
But I tell you what I'm funny.
Bettina Brown (01:46):
And I like to be funny.
Deb Krier (01:48):
And my philosophy.
I mean, you know, humor healsthe endorphins, yada yada, all
that stuff.
But I also know that,especially with my care
providers, they have really hardjobs and so if I can make them
laugh, I'm going to make themlaugh.
You know, I had a great time.
(02:10):
I was really surprised whenthey removed my port last week.
I was alert the entire time.
I mean, it was just a local.
Now they covered up my face,but I told them.
I said now you understand, I'mgoing to jibber, jabber at you
the whole time and at one pointI said see, you're going to.
I told you you'd wish you wouldhave knocked me out, but you
(02:30):
know cause?
I, you know we they wereplaying Christmas carols and I'm
like sing along.
Bettina Brown (02:36):
And I, you know, let's just start there for a
moment, because I it was one ofmy questions and the background
is I was working with a patientwho had just moved to New Mexico
, where I live, and she did allof her cancer treatment at Johns
Hopkins, and one thing she saidas we were working on things,
she said, you know, because shewas spunky, you know she laughed
(03:00):
a lot, and that was somethingthat is more uncommon in my
office, laughed a lot, and thatwas something that is more
uncommon in my office.
And she said, you know, I askedmy doctors at Johns Hopkins
what is the number one thing Ican do?
And they said have a positiveattitude and remember to laugh,
right?
So I'd like you to just shareabout, like, were you always
humorous?
Or like, how did you navigatethat?
(03:21):
Because some people are morelighthearted, right?
Just in general, I've alwaysbeen the jibber jabber kid.
Deb Krier (03:27):
You know my, my school report cards would have
said never shuts up and sitsdown, um, you know, and?
And I never met somebody that Ididn't want to chat with.
Uh, you know, and, andsometimes I'm.
You know, they're not alwaysappropriate, but I do believe
that your, your mental attitude,is very important in this.
(03:47):
Many years ago I worked for anoncologist in Denver absolutely
wonderful man and I remember himtelling patients now I was
office staff, I'm not medicallytrained, but I remember him
telling patients 99% of this isin your brain.
If you think you will getbetter, you will get better.
Maybe it's for five days, butyou will get better.
(04:10):
And if you think you're goingto die, you're going to die.
And he said it's all about thattime period in between and how
you live it.
As to how you're actually goingto live it.
Bettina Brown (04:24):
And that's powerful and it takes away the
victim mentality that it'sempowering.
Deb Krier (04:30):
I ain't no victim, I'm a warrior.
It even says it on my arm.
Bettina Brown (04:35):
That's awesome.
That's awesome.
So, cher, you have this awesomecareer.
I've looked you up LinkedInthis and consultant this and
amazing that.
And then you have thisdisclaimer on there, this other
thing that you have going onbecause of your personal life
(04:55):
and the challenge and thewarrior that came out of that
trying not to die dot live andI'd like you to share a little
bit about that moment ofdiagnosis to I'm creating a
website.
Deb Krier (05:11):
Well, you know my original diagnosis.
I good kid you know I had gonein for my annual mammogram and
they called and said you need tocome back Now.
In addition to working for anoncologist, I also spent several
years working for the AmericanCancer Society.
So I tell people I know justenough to be dangerous, right?
And I knew that.
That was not why I didn't smilepretty.
(05:32):
And so I went back and what Iwas diagnosed with was stage
zero about this, too much cancerwith micro calcifications.
So no lump, no bump, no,anything like that.
It just these things that womenof a certain age get as we age
(05:54):
happens to everybody.
In a very rare instance orunique, because I like to be
unique.
It does cause problems.
And so, you know, I spentseveral months talking to a
breast surgeon.
She did some biopsies.
Those all came back negative,you know, and and and then we
decided let's pull some lymphnodes and eight of 12 lymph
(06:16):
nodes were positive.
So I went from stage zero tostage three, just poof, and and
I didn't have an oncologist.
So then got the oncologist and,who I absolutely love, love,
love and excuse me, we decidedto get it Now.
I chose to do traditionaltreatment.
(06:40):
I was going to do chemo surgery, radiation.
I tell people, you got tochoose what works for you.
That was what I thought wasgoing to work for me throughout
(07:01):
my body.
And I got a reaction because,like I said, I'm unique and I'm
special.
I got a reaction to the veryfirst chemo treatment that less
than 1% of people get and atthat point in time I was the
only person that ever survivedit.
It caused an issue that made mego into septic shock.
I live five minutes from thehospital.
They carted me off down there.
The doctors argued over howfast I was going to die that day
(07:24):
because I was in septic shockand I very distinctly remember
thinking wait a minute, I get tovote in and out of surgery, icu
, all sorts of things, notalways my little chipper self,
right, but you know, and so youknow.
(07:46):
Then obviously got out, had adouble mastectomy, had a
complication from that that thedoctor had never seen.
Because, hello, special, unique.
And I tell people can I benormal?
I just want to go back normalagain.
But then things went actuallyreally pretty well.
I sailed through radiation, hadabsolutely no complications
from it, which was a littleunexpected because I am a
(08:09):
freckly little redheaded kid andso they were all kind of
surprised by that.
But you know, aside frombasically the complications that
were caused more from septicshock than anything I, you know,
just kind of gotten back tohaving my life.
I mean, you know, my kidneyswere very severely damaged and
(08:30):
so I've had some other things,I've had quite a few medical
procedures, but you know I didkeep working this whole time.
I tell people hospitals anddoctor's offices have really
good Wi-Fi.
As long as I have my phone Ican work.
Working this whole time I tellpeople hospitals and and uh uh,
doctor's offices have reallygood wifi.
As long as I have my phone, Ican work my phone or a laptop
right.
You know we just keep goingalong.
And, um, so have an absolutelyfabulous business coach who
(08:50):
knows my story and several yearsago, after a discussion about
what to do on, you know, withsome LinkedIn training that I
was giving she, she kind ofpaused and she shook her finger
at me and I thought, oh, oh dear, what have I done?
And and she said, you know, youdidn't you, you didn't go
(09:14):
through what you have gonethrough without using it to help
others.
And I said, yeah, but I don'twant to be cancer girl.
That was just not really what Iwanted to do, but I also knew
she was right and so you startedthis initiative of trying not
to die, dot live.
The name trying not to die comesfrom several things.
The first part is the fact thatwhen I was so sick, my mother
came.
You know, I'm an only child andI was literally on a death
(09:37):
store.
So she came out and one of thetimes when one of my wonderful
medical people came and went, Igot the disapproving mother face
and I went what?
And she said you did not saythank you.
And I said, oh, for God's mom,I'm trying to not die here.
And later on I thought about itand I thought you know that is
so true.
Anytime we have somethingcatastrophic, serious that
(09:59):
happens to us, we get so focusedon trying to not die that we
forget that we have to live.
And tryingnottodiecom was taken.
How rude.
And GoDaddy, I believe, iswhere I get my URLs
suggestedlive, and I thought,duh, right, and so that's really
(10:22):
where that came about, and soit's just an initiative to
advocate for those who are onthis journey, whether they
themselves are the actual cancerwarriors or maybe they're
supporting them.
They're the loved ones, thecoworkers, the medical people.
How can we get through thisjourney a little bit better?
Bettina Brown (10:41):
And that's an incredible story.
I mean, you really were tryingnot to die.
You were at death's door andthe door got slammed in your
face and that's a blessing forall of the other people who can
give an act of service.
Is there a time throughout thatwhere people were trying to
(11:09):
support you and you thought Iknow what they mean or their
intentions are, but how they'resupporting me is not what I need
and I don't know how to tellthem?
I don't want to be rude.
I do want to tell them.
I'm trying not to die.
Share your thoughts on that.
Deb Krier (11:26):
You know, I think a lot of times it was when they
did nothing, and it was they didnothing because they didn't
know what to do.
You know they didn't want tomake me feel worse.
They didn't want me thinking,you know to, to, to be thinking
about it, and I tell people, youknow that elephant's in that
room, let's address it.
So you know you want to say hey, Bettina, I know you're going
(11:50):
through this and I'm reallysorry.
Then you could decide how muchfurther you want that
conversation to go, decide howmuch further you want that
conversation to go.
You know, and, and, but youknow I had, I had people who
were very well-meaning and sentlots of information that I
didn't want to hear about orread.
I always did, you know, cause Ithought there might be
something in there.
But you know, it was more thepeople who just really didn't
(12:15):
know what to do, and so whathappened was that I would think
they didn't love me and ofcourse they did.
They just really didn't knowwhat to do.
It is almost like a death right.
We don't know what to say and Itell people this is a grieving
process.
Our lives are never the same.
(12:36):
Now my technical diagnosis isstage four, triple positive
metastatic breast cancer.
Stage four is not consideredcurable.
Now I'm on year nine with withnothing, um, and now I have had
two other cancer diagnosis butthey have been unrelated, so
I've had three totally separatecancers.
Um, but but yeah, people, justthey.
(12:58):
They don't know what to do,they don't know what to say, and
so they do nothing, and wereally do think they don't love
us, you know, and, and so we allhave to give ourselves the
grace to honor that.
You know, and.
But it's also, you know, as, asthe person going through it, I
need to.
I can't expect that they'regoing to read my mind, you it.
I can't expect that they'regoing to read my mind, you know.
(13:21):
I can't expect that they'regoing to say, hey, do you want
me to bring you dinner, if Ihaven't said I need somebody to
bring me dinner, or I need a hug, or I need you to come sit with
me.
You know, whatever it is, weneed to speak up ourselves.
And it's not that we're whining, it's not that we're
complaining, we're just beinghonest.
(13:42):
And that is one of the bestthings is we just have to be
honest with everybody and honestwith ourselves to say I need a
little help today.
Bettina Brown (13:50):
Yeah, when you talk about honesty with yourself
and you're working andadvocating for people and their
loved ones, family, friends, etcetera.
Do you feel that being honestwith yourself is something that
we find easy to do, or is thatsomething that people kind of
(14:11):
hide from more consistently?
Deb Krier (14:15):
I'm pausing because I'm thinking it's kind of both.
You know, I want everything tobe okay also, so I lie to myself
I can get through this, I'mgoing to be fine.
You know and I don't want toacknowledge that, more than
likely my expiration date gotmoved up Now I could just as
(14:35):
easily get hit by a bus tomorrow, right?
So you really don't know.
But I think to actually faceour own mortality is a pretty
scary thing.
You know, and and, and.
So we don't, we ignore it.
You know and and and.
We also push through when weshouldn't.
(14:56):
You know I I just had my portout.
I was sharing with you earlierthat I had my port out and
because I'm allergic to surgicalglue, they actually they didn't
stitch it, they just putSteri-Strips.
So I have this open wound.
It's a couple inches, and thedoctors told me now you need to
behave yourself for a week or so.
Let it be.
You know, I got stuff to doRight and I would go to the
(15:19):
point of okay, I'm going to fallover, when I should have
stopped a little bit earlier,put an ice pack on my shoulder
and said it's okay.
But I think in many cases we aswomen do that right?
You know, we keep going wheneverybody's sick, and we're sick
too, but we just got to keepgoing, you know, and and or
(15:40):
whatever it is.
That's just kind of what we do,and and sometimes it actually
makes things worse, do you?
Bettina Brown (15:49):
feel with your experience.
And then the two additionalcancers right, I've had someone
who had five different kinds ofcancer.
Yikes, and you don't hear thatso often.
I think people think it's a oneand done.
Deb Krier (16:02):
Right.
Bettina Brown (16:04):
And sometimes you're fortunate that way, and
sometimes you just get some more.
Right, you just get some more.
What would you say your view ison life?
Deb Krier (16:19):
that is either the same or different after this
experience.
Several things.
The first is obviously, youknow, keep up on your medical
exams and everything folks youknow, make sure that you know if
there's something there you'regoing to catch it early.
My second cancer was basal cellcarcinoma, which sounds
(16:40):
absolutely horrible, but it'sactually a very easy to treat.
Skin cancer and I, like I saidfreckly little redhead kid, that
was kind of a given that thatwas probably going to happen at
some point.
And then my third cancer wasthyroid cancer and we actually
found it, looking for somethingelse, and they went, oh, that's
not there, but oh, by the way.
(17:00):
And so you know there's that.
But one of the things you know.
The second thing I've done isreally tried to eliminate toxic
people messaging all sorts ofstuff just from my life which,
let's be honest, it's been achallenge.
The elections make stuff alittle.
You know all of those things.
But just because it's theredoesn't mean you can't change
the channel or you don't have toread it, right.
(17:22):
But then the third thing is todon't put off things.
You know we've got our bucketlists right.
Don't say in 20 years I'm goingto do whatever it is.
You know, do it now, do it whenyou can.
You know, I've told my husbandthat the next big thing on our
bucket list is a cruise toAntarctica and I'm going to go
(17:56):
see penguins, you know, and thatwould be something that you
would think, oh, we'll do muchlater in life, right, as a
retired person.
But you know, let's why, why notdo it now, you know?
And or even if it's just, let'sgo out for breakfast today, you
know, don't, don't put thosethings off, because you really
don't know.
You know there were three timesthat my husband was told I was
not going to make it, becauseyou really don't know.
You know there were three timesthat my husband was told I was
not going to make it andobviously, three times I went.
(18:16):
But who knows what's going tohappen the fourth time, and that
could be tomorrow, that couldbe 20, 30 years from now, you
know.
And but yeah, don't put stuffoff.
And finally, the last thing begrateful and tell people that
you love them.
You know, that's just kind ofone of those things.
Bettina Brown (18:34):
Yeah Well, thanks for sharing that and the
importance of the gratitude andof doing things now.
I've shared a few times on thispodcast that because of the way
the cancer is in my family, Igot genetically tested and I do
have the breast cancer gene oneof them, and I know that just
because you have a gene doesn'tmean you get it.
(18:54):
But when you have components,high stress high stress, and
stress does not have to come,and toxins just don't have to
come from the food you eat theenvironment that you're in I
cannot share with you how manywomen I worked with that were in
stressful personalrelationships and that you start
(19:16):
to catch patterns.
And the thing that I noticedafter I did not have cancer.
I had a cancer scare but I waslike I'm going to live now and
I'm not really into sendingChristmas cards every year, so I
don't send them every year.
I'm going to take that time forsomething else and that's
really important to have thatjoy in life, because that itself
is contagious and healing,Right, Right, you know, and, and
(19:42):
you never know I mean you knowwhen you're grateful and saying
thank you, smiling at people.
Deb Krier (19:48):
Maybe you made their day, you know they, maybe.
Maybe they were having an offday and you were the only person
that was nice to them, you know, and so why not be that one
person, and maybe somebody willgo ooh, she was nice, I'll be
nice also.
Bettina Brown (20:02):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Share a little bit more likewhere can people find you,
connect with you, learn from you.
Deb Krier (20:10):
Well.
Again, thank you so much forthis wonderful opportunity.
The website iswwwtryingnottodielive and you'll
find all sorts of resourcesthere.
This podcast will be postedthere, but lots of resources,
and there is a link there to ourprivate Facebook group.
I encourage anyone to join thegroup, whether you have been
(20:35):
anywhere around someone withcancer or not.
We try and keep it fun andupbeat, but it is a support
community, so sometimes thereare some things that you know
are maybe a little sad, but itis a great place, and so please
join us on the Facebook group,and you can always find me on
LinkedIn and on Facebook, andI'm the only redhead, deb Krier.
Bettina Brown (20:58):
Thank you so much for listening to this podcast.
I have two requests One, if youfeel that Deb Krier and her
personality, her redheadedpersonality is someone that you
feel connects with you,resonates with you, or you know
someone who feel that wouldbenefit from this podcast,
please share it.
(21:18):
It does so much to put thispodcast and words of
encouragement in the hands andears of those that really need
it.
And the second request is ifyou feel or you know someone who
feels that would benefit fromChristian life coaching.
I have Rising Within LifeCoaching, which goes along with
In the Rising podcast, and Ihave the website below.
(21:40):
It is faith-based, but I alsomake no pretenses that I am the
person who knows it all.
I don't.
I am just another person goingthrough life, trying to make
connections and helping supportother people in ways I've been
supported myself.
So thank you again forcontinuing this podcast.
It is almost its fifthanniversary and I'm so proud and
(22:03):
honored to be with all of youand until the next time, let's
keep building one another up.
Hello and welcome to In the Rising a health and
wellness podcast for those goingthrough and those supporting
those going through cancer.
My name is Bettina Brown andI'm board certified in physical
therapy, wound care andlymphedema, and you know, for me
cancer is very personal.
It's affected my friends, myimmediate and my not so
(00:25):
immediate family, and thereforeI created this podcast and
fitafterbreastcancercom toaddress the multiple dimensions
of our lives during and afterrecovery.
Hello, hello, today my guest isDeb Krier.
It took a little time for us toactually connect, but I'm so,
(00:49):
so glad that we did and I amreally excited for you all to
listen to an amazing, incredible, hopeful person share her
experience.
Her website istryingnottodielive.
Her website istryingnottodielive and she
(01:09):
really has a calling on her tohelp support others and support
those who are supporting thosegoing through cancer kind of
like me, but sometimes it doestake a life change to get you to
that point.
Either way, enough of that.
I am really excited for you toget to hear Deb Krier that I am
really excited for you to get tohear Deb Krier.
I want to pause and just saythat this takes a lot of bravery
and courage to share your storyand I think that taking that
(01:32):
initial pause is importantbecause Well, thank you.
Deb Krier (01:36):
Thank you, yes, I will answer any question you ask
.
So don't hesitate on that.
The good, the bad.
So don't hesitate on that.
The good, the bad, the ugly.
But I tell you what I'm funny.
Bettina Brown (01:46):
And I like to be funny.
Deb Krier (01:48):
And my philosophy.
I mean, you know, humor healsthe endorphins, yada yada, all
that stuff.
But I also know that,especially with my care
providers, they have really hardjobs and so if I can make them
laugh, I'm going to make themlaugh.
You know, I had a great time.
(02:10):
I was really surprised whenthey removed my port last week.
I was alert the entire time.
I mean, it was just a local.
Now they covered up my face,but I told them.
I said now you understand, I'mgoing to jibber, jabber at you
the whole time and at one pointI said see, you're going to.
I told you you'd wish you wouldhave knocked me out, but you
(02:30):
know cause?
I, you know we they wereplaying Christmas carols and I'm
like sing along.
Bettina Brown (02:36):
And I, you know, let's just start there for a
moment, because I it was one ofmy questions and the background
is I was working with a patientwho had just moved to New Mexico
, where I live, and she did allof her cancer treatment at Johns
Hopkins, and one thing she saidas we were working on things,
she said, you know, because shewas spunky, you know she laughed
(03:00):
a lot, and that was somethingthat is more uncommon in my
office, laughed a lot, and thatwas something that is more
uncommon in my office.
And she said, you know, I askedmy doctors at Johns Hopkins
what is the number one thing Ican do?
And they said have a positiveattitude and remember to laugh,
right?
So I'd like you to just shareabout, like, were you always
humorous?
Or like, how did you navigatethat?
(03:21):
Because some people are morelighthearted, right?
Just in general, I've alwaysbeen the jibber jabber kid.
Deb Krier (03:27):
You know my, my school report cards would have
said never shuts up and sitsdown, um, you know, and?
And I never met somebody that Ididn't want to chat with.
Uh, you know, and, andsometimes I'm.
You know, they're not alwaysappropriate, but I do believe
that your, your mental attitude,is very important in this.
(03:47):
Many years ago I worked for anoncologist in Denver absolutely
wonderful man and I remember himtelling patients now I was
office staff, I'm not medicallytrained, but I remember him
telling patients 99% of this isin your brain.
If you think you will getbetter, you will get better.
Maybe it's for five days, butyou will get better.
(04:10):
And if you think you're goingto die, you're going to die.
And he said it's all about thattime period in between and how
you live it.
As to how you're actually goingto live it.
Bettina Brown (04:24):
And that's powerful and it takes away the
victim mentality that it'sempowering.
Deb Krier (04:30):
I ain't no victim, I'm a warrior.
It even says it on my arm.
Bettina Brown (04:35):
That's awesome.
That's awesome.
So, cher, you have this awesomecareer.
I've looked you up LinkedInthis and consultant this and
amazing that.
And then you have thisdisclaimer on there, this other
thing that you have going onbecause of your personal life
(04:55):
and the challenge and thewarrior that came out of that
trying not to die dot live andI'd like you to share a little
bit about that moment ofdiagnosis to I'm creating a
website.
Deb Krier (05:11):
Well, you know my original diagnosis.
I good kid you know I had gonein for my annual mammogram and
they called and said you need tocome back Now.
In addition to working for anoncologist, I also spent several
years working for the AmericanCancer Society.
So I tell people I know justenough to be dangerous, right?
And I knew that.
That was not why I didn't smilepretty.
(05:32):
And so I went back and what Iwas diagnosed with was stage
zero about this, too much cancerwith micro calcifications.
So no lump, no bump, no,anything like that.
It just these things that womenof a certain age get as we age
(05:54):
happens to everybody.
In a very rare instance orunique, because I like to be
unique.
It does cause problems.
And so, you know, I spentseveral months talking to a
breast surgeon.
She did some biopsies.
Those all came back negative,you know, and and and then we
decided let's pull some lymphnodes and eight of 12 lymph
(06:16):
nodes were positive.
So I went from stage zero tostage three, just poof, and and
I didn't have an oncologist.
So then got the oncologist and,who I absolutely love, love,
love and excuse me, we decidedto get it Now.
I chose to do traditionaltreatment.
(06:40):
I was going to do chemo surgery, radiation.
I tell people, you got tochoose what works for you.
That was what I thought wasgoing to work for me throughout
(07:01):
my body.
And I got a reaction because,like I said, I'm unique and I'm
special.
I got a reaction to the veryfirst chemo treatment that less
than 1% of people get and atthat point in time I was the
only person that ever survivedit.
It caused an issue that made mego into septic shock.
I live five minutes from thehospital.
They carted me off down there.
The doctors argued over howfast I was going to die that day
(07:24):
because I was in septic shockand I very distinctly remember
thinking wait a minute, I get tovote in and out of surgery, icu
, all sorts of things, notalways my little chipper self,
right, but you know, and so youknow.
(07:46):
Then obviously got out, had adouble mastectomy, had a
complication from that that thedoctor had never seen.
Because, hello, special, unique.
And I tell people can I benormal?
I just want to go back normalagain.
But then things went actuallyreally pretty well.
I sailed through radiation, hadabsolutely no complications
from it, which was a littleunexpected because I am a
(08:09):
freckly little redheaded kid andso they were all kind of
surprised by that.
But you know, aside frombasically the complications that
were caused more from septicshock than anything I, you know,
just kind of gotten back tohaving my life.
I mean, you know, my kidneyswere very severely damaged and
(08:30):
so I've had some other things,I've had quite a few medical
procedures, but you know I didkeep working this whole time.
I tell people hospitals anddoctor's offices have really
good Wi-Fi.
As long as I have my phone Ican work.
Working this whole time I tellpeople hospitals and and uh uh,
doctor's offices have reallygood wifi.
As long as I have my phone, Ican work my phone or a laptop
right.
You know we just keep goingalong.
And, um, so have an absolutelyfabulous business coach who
(08:50):
knows my story and several yearsago, after a discussion about
what to do on, you know, withsome LinkedIn training that I
was giving she, she kind ofpaused and she shook her finger
at me and I thought, oh, oh dear, what have I done?
And and she said, you know, youdidn't you, you didn't go
(09:14):
through what you have gonethrough without using it to help
others.
And I said, yeah, but I don'twant to be cancer girl.
That was just not really what Iwanted to do, but I also knew
she was right and so you startedthis initiative of trying not
to die, dot live.
The name trying not to die comesfrom several things.
The first part is the fact thatwhen I was so sick, my mother
came.
You know, I'm an only child andI was literally on a death
(09:37):
store.
So she came out and one of thetimes when one of my wonderful
medical people came and went, Igot the disapproving mother face
and I went what?
And she said you did not saythank you.
And I said, oh, for God's mom,I'm trying to not die here.
And later on I thought about itand I thought you know that is
so true.
Anytime we have somethingcatastrophic, serious that
(09:59):
happens to us, we get so focusedon trying to not die that we
forget that we have to live.
And tryingnottodiecom was taken.
How rude.
And GoDaddy, I believe, iswhere I get my URLs
suggestedlive, and I thought,duh, right, and so that's really
(10:22):
where that came about, and soit's just an initiative to
advocate for those who are onthis journey, whether they
themselves are the actual cancerwarriors or maybe they're
supporting them.
They're the loved ones, thecoworkers, the medical people.
How can we get through thisjourney a little bit better?
Bettina Brown (10:41):
And that's an incredible story.
I mean, you really were tryingnot to die.
You were at death's door andthe door got slammed in your
face and that's a blessing forall of the other people who can
give an act of service.
Is there a time throughout thatwhere people were trying to
(11:09):
support you and you thought Iknow what they mean or their
intentions are, but how they'resupporting me is not what I need
and I don't know how to tellthem?
I don't want to be rude.
I do want to tell them.
I'm trying not to die.
Share your thoughts on that.
Deb Krier (11:26):
You know, I think a lot of times it was when they
did nothing, and it was they didnothing because they didn't
know what to do.
You know they didn't want tomake me feel worse.
They didn't want me thinking,you know to, to, to be thinking
about it, and I tell people, youknow that elephant's in that
room, let's address it.
So you know you want to say hey, Bettina, I know you're going
(11:50):
through this and I'm reallysorry.
Then you could decide how muchfurther you want that
conversation to go, decide howmuch further you want that
conversation to go.
You know, and, and, but youknow I had, I had people who
were very well-meaning and sentlots of information that I
didn't want to hear about orread.
I always did, you know, cause Ithought there might be
something in there.
But you know, it was more thepeople who just really didn't
(12:15):
know what to do, and so whathappened was that I would think
they didn't love me and ofcourse they did.
They just really didn't knowwhat to do.
It is almost like a death right.
We don't know what to say and Itell people this is a grieving
process.
Our lives are never the same.
(12:36):
Now my technical diagnosis isstage four, triple positive
metastatic breast cancer.
Stage four is not consideredcurable.
Now I'm on year nine with withnothing, um, and now I have had
two other cancer diagnosis butthey have been unrelated, so
I've had three totally separatecancers.
Um, but but yeah, people, justthey.
(12:58):
They don't know what to do,they don't know what to say, and
so they do nothing, and wereally do think they don't love
us, you know, and, and so we allhave to give ourselves the
grace to honor that.
You know, and.
But it's also, you know, as, asthe person going through it, I
need to.
I can't expect that they'regoing to read my mind, you it.
I can't expect that they'regoing to read my mind, you know.
(13:21):
I can't expect that they'regoing to say, hey, do you want
me to bring you dinner, if Ihaven't said I need somebody to
bring me dinner, or I need a hug, or I need you to come sit with
me.
You know, whatever it is, weneed to speak up ourselves.
And it's not that we're whining, it's not that we're
complaining, we're just beinghonest.
(13:42):
And that is one of the bestthings is we just have to be
honest with everybody and honestwith ourselves to say I need a
little help today.
Bettina Brown (13:50):
Yeah, when you talk about honesty with yourself
and you're working andadvocating for people and their
loved ones, family, friends, etcetera.
Do you feel that being honestwith yourself is something that
we find easy to do, or is thatsomething that people kind of
(14:11):
hide from more consistently?
Deb Krier (14:15):
I'm pausing because I'm thinking it's kind of both.
You know, I want everything tobe okay also, so I lie to myself
I can get through this, I'mgoing to be fine.
You know and I don't want toacknowledge that, more than
likely my expiration date gotmoved up Now I could just as
(14:35):
easily get hit by a bus tomorrow, right?
So you really don't know.
But I think to actually faceour own mortality is a pretty
scary thing.
You know, and and, and.
So we don't, we ignore it.
You know and and and.
We also push through when weshouldn't.
(14:56):
You know I I just had my portout.
I was sharing with you earlierthat I had my port out and
because I'm allergic to surgicalglue, they actually they didn't
stitch it, they just putSteri-Strips.
So I have this open wound.
It's a couple inches, and thedoctors told me now you need to
behave yourself for a week or so.
Let it be.
You know, I got stuff to doRight and I would go to the
(15:19):
point of okay, I'm going to fallover, when I should have
stopped a little bit earlier,put an ice pack on my shoulder
and said it's okay.
But I think in many cases we aswomen do that right?
You know, we keep going wheneverybody's sick, and we're sick
too, but we just got to keepgoing, you know, and and or
(15:40):
whatever it is.
That's just kind of what we do,and and sometimes it actually
makes things worse, do you?
Bettina Brown (15:49):
feel with your experience.
And then the two additionalcancers right, I've had someone
who had five different kinds ofcancer.
Yikes, and you don't hear thatso often.
I think people think it's a oneand done.
Deb Krier (16:02):
Right.
Bettina Brown (16:04):
And sometimes you're fortunate that way, and
sometimes you just get some more.
Right, you just get some more.
What would you say your view ison life?
Deb Krier (16:19):
that is either the same or different after this
experience.
Several things.
The first is obviously, youknow, keep up on your medical
exams and everything folks youknow, make sure that you know if
there's something there you'regoing to catch it early.
My second cancer was basal cellcarcinoma, which sounds
(16:40):
absolutely horrible, but it'sactually a very easy to treat.
Skin cancer and I, like I saidfreckly little redhead kid, that
was kind of a given that thatwas probably going to happen at
some point.
And then my third cancer wasthyroid cancer and we actually
found it, looking for somethingelse, and they went, oh, that's
not there, but oh, by the way.
(17:00):
And so you know there's that.
But one of the things you know.
The second thing I've done isreally tried to eliminate toxic
people messaging all sorts ofstuff just from my life which,
let's be honest, it's been achallenge.
The elections make stuff alittle.
You know all of those things.
But just because it's theredoesn't mean you can't change
the channel or you don't have toread it, right.
(17:22):
But then the third thing is todon't put off things.
You know we've got our bucketlists right.
Don't say in 20 years I'm goingto do whatever it is.
You know, do it now, do it whenyou can.
You know, I've told my husbandthat the next big thing on our
bucket list is a cruise toAntarctica and I'm going to go
(17:56):
see penguins, you know, and thatwould be something that you
would think, oh, we'll do muchlater in life, right, as a
retired person.
But you know, let's why, why notdo it now, you know?
And or even if it's just, let'sgo out for breakfast today, you
know, don't, don't put thosethings off, because you really
don't know.
You know there were three timesthat my husband was told I was
not going to make it, becauseyou really don't know.
You know there were three timesthat my husband was told I was
not going to make it andobviously, three times I went.
(18:16):
But who knows what's going tohappen the fourth time, and that
could be tomorrow, that couldbe 20, 30 years from now, you
know.
And but yeah, don't put stuffoff.
And finally, the last thing begrateful and tell people that
you love them.
You know, that's just kind ofone of those things.
Bettina Brown (18:34):
Yeah Well, thanks for sharing that and the
importance of the gratitude andof doing things now.
I've shared a few times on thispodcast that because of the way
the cancer is in my family, Igot genetically tested and I do
have the breast cancer gene oneof them, and I know that just
because you have a gene doesn'tmean you get it.
(18:54):
But when you have components,high stress high stress, and
stress does not have to come,and toxins just don't have to
come from the food you eat theenvironment that you're in I
cannot share with you how manywomen I worked with that were in
stressful personalrelationships and that you start
(19:16):
to catch patterns.
And the thing that I noticedafter I did not have cancer.
I had a cancer scare but I waslike I'm going to live now and
I'm not really into sendingChristmas cards every year, so I
don't send them every year.
I'm going to take that time forsomething else and that's
really important to have thatjoy in life, because that itself
is contagious and healing,Right, Right, you know, and, and
(19:42):
you never know I mean you knowwhen you're grateful and saying
thank you, smiling at people.
Deb Krier (19:48):
Maybe you made their day, you know they, maybe.
Maybe they were having an offday and you were the only person
that was nice to them, you know, and so why not be that one
person, and maybe somebody willgo ooh, she was nice, I'll be
nice also.
Bettina Brown (20:02):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Share a little bit more likewhere can people find you,
connect with you, learn from you.
Deb Krier (20:10):
Well.
Again, thank you so much forthis wonderful opportunity.
The website iswwwtryingnottodielive and you'll
find all sorts of resourcesthere.
This podcast will be postedthere, but lots of resources,
and there is a link there to ourprivate Facebook group.
I encourage anyone to join thegroup, whether you have been
(20:35):
anywhere around someone withcancer or not.
We try and keep it fun andupbeat, but it is a support
community, so sometimes thereare some things that you know
are maybe a little sad, but itis a great place, and so please
join us on the Facebook group,and you can always find me on
LinkedIn and on Facebook, andI'm the only redhead, deb Krier.
Bettina Brown (20:58):
Thank you so much for listening to this podcast.
I have two requests One, if youfeel that Deb Krier and her
personality, her redheadedpersonality is someone that you
feel connects with you,resonates with you, or you know
someone who feel that wouldbenefit from this podcast,
please share it.
(21:18):
It does so much to put thispodcast and words of
encouragement in the hands andears of those that really need
it.
And the second request is ifyou feel or you know someone who
feels that would benefit fromChristian life coaching.
I have Rising Within LifeCoaching, which goes along with
In the Rising podcast, and Ihave the website below.
(21:40):
It is faith-based, but I alsomake no pretenses that I am the
person who knows it all.
I don't.
I am just another person goingthrough life, trying to make
connections and helping supportother people in ways I've been
supported myself.
So thank you again forcontinuing this podcast.
It is almost its fifthanniversary and I'm so proud and
(22:03):
honored to be with all of youand until the next time, let's
keep building one another up.
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