53. Turning Toward Your Partner During Tough Times

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When illness enters a relationship, it can create emotional distance just when connection is needed most. As a spousal caregiver or cancer caregiver, you may find yourself overwhelmed by responsibilities, emotionally drained, and feeling like all the care is one-sided. The simple moments that once brought you and your partner closer can feel strained or even disappear, making it harder to stay emotionally connected.

In this episode, I explore how to bridge that emotional gap by focusing on “bids for connection”—those small, everyday moments when your partner reaches out for attention, comfort, or understanding. These bids might be as simple as a glance, a sigh, or a casual, “I miss how we used to watch movies together.” Recognizing these moments and learning how to respond can make the difference between feeling isolated and staying emotionally connected.

We’ll dive into why it’s so easy to miss these bids, especially during the stress and emotional strain of illness, and how our own exhaustion or feelings of resentment can get in the way. I’ll also share practical strategies for both recognizing your partner’s bids and making your own, even when you’re running on empty. Because sometimes, you need to step away before you can step closer.

If you’re a spousal caregiver or cancer caregiver feeling the emotional distance that illness can create, this episode will give you tools to reconnect and support your partner in a way that strengthens your relationship.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• What “bids for connection” are and why they’re crucial for emotional intimacy
• How illness changes the way partners give and receive bids
• The common reasons we miss or ignore bids (and how to avoid them)
• Ways to recognize subtle, non-verbal bids during caregiving
• How to give meaningful bids, even when you're emotionally drained
• The three ways to respond to bids—and which one strengthens your bond
• Why stepping away sometimes helps you step closer
• Simple tools to maintain emotional closeness, even during the hardest times

References:

🔗 Learn more about bids for connection at The Gottman Institute

As a Resiliency Coach for people who are caregiving for their partner, I'm here to support YOU, the caregiver. Learn more about my work at www.coachmarika.com.