In Two Deep

Have you ever wondered whether there is anything deeper going on behind a simple conflict such as “You never take out the trash!”? In this episode, we explore a powerful tool for working through conflict based on the concepts of roles and role switching. We walk you through step-by-step: How to start with what looks like a “me vs. you” disagreement,  to finding deeper “roles” underneath, to arriving at a place of shared understandi...

Patterns develop in our long-term relationships that can be very difficult to break. Oftentimes, these patterns are due to trauma (big or small) from our childhood leaving a hole of unmet needs that we bring into our adult relationships. We long for the perfect listener, caretaker, or champion that we never had. We unconsciously treat our partner as the one who can finally meet that need and fill that hole, not realizing that this ...

Somewhere deep inside us, we may dream that our "perfect" romantic relationship will be a kind of Eden—a safe space where we enter fully healed and are met with unconditional love from a partner who meets all of our needs. The problem is, romantic partnership is not that place and our partner is not that perfect person. Then what? In this episode, David and Lisa take a deep and serious dive into what they mean by "ma...

Ever find yourself or your partner getting defensive whenever you're having a conflict? In this episode, we unpack "defensiveness" and offer three cures: have regular fights with your inner critic so you don't project it on to your partner, create a team spirit atmosphere when you're working on issues your partner brings to you, and add big doses of humor and grace.

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How do you find intimacy together in the midst of a conflict, without re-escalating? In this episode, we explore what we call The Walk & Talk. Using an example from our own relationship, we model how to create spaciousness by walking side-by-side together instead of sitting across from one another, tabling the content of the conflict for another moment, and using your self-awareness to share what comes up for each of you emotio...

Forbidden communication. Uncomfortable topics. Self sovereignty. Taking the road less traveled. 

Emotional intimacy in relationship asks us to go outside our comfort zones, to go over edges in our identities and bring in feelings and experiences that we normally would keep to ourselves. In this episode, we discuss these issues and the roles they play in deepening intimacy. 

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Instead of focusing solely on the goals or intentions you’ve set forth for the new year, find out how your nighttime dreams can offer meaningful shifts for your intimate relationship. In this episode, Lisa and David each explore one of their recent nighttime dreams and its meaning for their relationship to deepen the learning for listeners.

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Welcome back for Season 2! Let's jump right in. 

Many of us have internal voices that tell us things like “Don’t be selfish,” “Put your needs / impulses / desires away,” “Listen more,” “Share everything with your partner” or any number of messages that serve to imprison us, shame us, or tell us we don’t matter. We then project these internal "ghosts" on to our partner as if they are the culprit who has stopp...

Join us for the Season 1 finale where we pause to debrief and share our reflections on this co-creative podcast project. We unpack how we've addressed criticism (both inner and outer), how we've danced with our different communication styles both on and off-mic, how we've wrestled with a sense of responsibility to deliver the next episode on time vs. a desire for spontaneity, play, and fun. We break it all down for y...

“Why do people break up, and then turn around and make up?” Al Green sings in “Let’s Stay Together." Is there an intelligence behind the cycle of coming together, coming apart, and then coming back together again?

Yes, there is! In addition to our powerful efforts to make a forever break from an unhealthy relationship, we all look to create a place of security and safety—a place that allows us to deeply bond—and then we shake t...

Learn more about transforming conflict into intimacy. When is it too soon to say "I'm sorry?" How might your conflict style be different than your partner's? Why is it helpful to take a break during a fight? What does a resolution to a conflict really look like? Join us as we unpack these questions and more!

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This week we explore what it means to practice "clean conflict"—making intimacy from conflict rather than painful messes that build scar tissue and resentment. Whether you tend to avoid conflict or you find yourself in the midst of difficult, painful conflicts on a regular basis—or anywhere in between—this episode is for you. Learn how to de-escalate conflicts, communicate more directly, and care for your vulnerability. 

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The new year invites us to dream about our relationships. It offers us a distinctive opportunity to consider the roles we've been playing that need updating and the patterns that once served us but are now well-worn ruts longing for new pathways. In this episode, we offer listeners the opportunity to reflect on the first time they met their partners or friends to remember what was so unique, magical, or captivating about that ...

We haven't always thought about emotional intimacy or our happiness in relationships in the ways we do today. Capitalism, sexism, and a culture that negates feelings have narrowed our vision of what it means to be close and connected. In this episode, Lisa leads us through the historical development of emotional intimacy from ancient times to the present day. What follows is an animated conversation between David and Lisa abou...

Your partner is feeling unwell; or maybe you are. Can you create intimacy out of this experience? Is there a message that your body symptoms carry for your relationship? Is it time to reprioritize or begin a new path together? This week, with Lisa feeling unwell, we've created a special episode for you. David takes to the mic while Lisa types messages, soothing her sore throat. We explore the meaning and wisdom of our own illn...

Ever take that vacation together that looked great on paper or in photos but left you feeling less than close and connected or fell short in meeting your individual needs? We have, too. Whether you’re the kind of couple who loves to see and do it all on your trips, or prefer to have no agenda whatsoever, we talk about how to make your vacations work best for your individual and relationship needs, sharing stories about our own vaca...

We know you want to speak your truth, tell your partner what you think and feel. But, what if it causes hurt, conflict, misunderstanding, or a rift in your relationship? Listen in to this week's episode where we take a deep dive into the complex territory of truth-telling and compassion. For more info., visit www.intwodeep.com.

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While our intended communication may say one thing, our bodies, moods, tones, and behavior may be saying another. Others notice it when our eyes roll, when we're looking at our phone instead of listening, or not doing what we said we would. We may be trying to be a "good partner" but our unintended communication creates distance. However, when explored and acknowledged, it can also create intimacy. This week we discu...

What does a "successful" relationship look like? Smiling faces on a holiday card  with 2.2 kids and 1.7 cars; one where you always get along, never have conflict, and have sex at all the right times? This paradigm often leaves couples feeling like failures. This week, we redefine relationship success as noticing, highlighting, and celebrating moments of  emotional intimacy with your partner. Join us as we discuss being op...