Love Languages for Deeper Connections in Special Needs Families

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This episode explores the profound impact of love languages in the context of special needs, focusing on how tailored expressions of love can strengthen relationships between caregivers and individuals with disabilities. Understanding and adapting to unique love languages fosters emotional security, enhancing connection and empathy. 

• Exploring love languages and their relevance to families with disabilities 
• The importance of recognizing personal love language preferences 
• Emotional needs of children with disabilities and love expression 
• Practical examples of demonstrating love through shared activities 
• Encouragement for caregivers to adapt their expressions of love 
• Key takeaways for building more inclusive and loving relationships 

For deeper dives into these topics and more, check out indispensable-people.com and visit Amazon to purchase the books "The Indispensable Kid" and "Gospel Accessibility and the Indispensable People." Thank you.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hi, my name is Tracy Correll and welcome to
Indispensable People.
I'm a wife, mom, teacher,pastor and missionary and I
believe that every person shouldhave the opportunity to know
Christ, grow in Him and serveHim with the gifts that he has
given, no matter their ability.
Over 65 million Americans havea disability.
That's 25% of the population.

(00:26):
However, over 80% of them arenot inside the walls of our
church.
Let's dive into those hardtopics biblical foundations,
perceptions and world-changingideas.
Hey, hey, and welcome to thisepisode of Indispensable People.

(00:53):
Today we're talking about thelove languages.
You may have heard this before,especially in the realm of
marriages, and we are going todive into some of that.
But I really want to take avery different look at the love
languages and how they impactindividuals with disabilities,

(01:14):
especially in a parent-caregivertype relationship, but also in
a ministerial, pastor, leaderperson kind of relationship as
well.
So there's actually a book thatis specifically written called

(01:40):
Sharing Love Abundantly inSpecial Needs Families, and it
is written by the same authorthat wrote all about the love
languages, and it is GaryChapman, and it says the five
love languages for parentsraising children with
disabilities, and I had comeacross this book a month or so
ago.
Each beginning of a new year Ireally kind of get excited about

(02:06):
kind of investigating some new,new information, new books, new
blogs, new whatever that's outthere, new ways of thinking.

(02:27):
I want to be open to otherperspectives and things that
exist for my own benefit and myown growth, but also so that, as
I encounter individuals withdisabilities, with different
perspectives or those of theirparents and caregivers with them
that we can have somefoundational discussions and
conversations and different waysof looking at things and

(02:52):
understanding of where someoneelse is coming from is so so
very valuable.
And so we have been discussing,as a ministry that I'm a part
of, we've been discussingspecifically ministering to the
family of those that are marriedand have a child with a
disability, isolation,depression, all kinds of things

(03:29):
that impact these families.
And you know, another person inministry and I were having some
conversations about this bookbecause we were all reading it
and we really wanted to go.
You know we were looking forsome necessarily kind of I mean,

(03:50):
everybody wants some kind ofearth-shaking information.
Right, when you're reading tolearn and you're reading to grow
, you're looking for somethingthat you had never seen before,
but oftentimes it's notnecessarily something that
you've never seen before, butit's often a different
perspective that opens your eyesto a different way of thinking.
So first I'm going to assume alittle bit of awareness of the

(04:14):
five love languages, but I'mgoing to give you a little bit
of a background.
So the quick guide to five lovelanguages is everybody receives
and gives love in different ways, and there's primarily five
ways that happens.
Words of affirmation, that is,unsolicited compliments, whether

(04:37):
verbal, written, kind of wordsof appreciation.
It could be as simple as I loveyou or you're doing a great job
, things like that.
It could be as simple as I loveyou or you're doing a great job
, things like that.
Quality time is giving someoneyour full, undivided attention,
spending time with someone,having conversations with them,
doing an activity, sharing somekind of memory, making
experiences.
The other is gifts or receivinggifts any purchased, handmade,

(05:01):
tangible gift to let someoneknow that you care.
Another love language is actsof service, doing helpful things
for another person, such as,you know, setting the table,
walking the dog, doing thedishes.
All that kind of service and my, my family, that is not there,

(05:30):
that is not my husband, is wordsof affirmation.
My daughter is physical touchand quality time and my sons are
quality time and gifts.
And so I said I was talking tomy daughter about the five love
languages and she was like, well, what is yours?
And I said acts of service.
And she, you know, I tried toexplain to her what that means

(05:55):
and so I said so, if you canimagine, you know a house full
of people who don't think thatway.
And I explained to her thatwhen someone does something for
me or takes care of something,takes something off my plate,
that shows me love.
And then she was like, oh,because it came to her

(06:17):
realization that that's not whatother people do.
And I was explaining to her indifferent situations and she was
like, I mean, jaw dropped, likeI never thought of it that way.
And she actually said you mustfeel really unloved.

(06:41):
It's kind of mind blowing inthe fact that if you only love
people the way you prefer to beloved, you're missing out
probably a very big piece ofwhat they have, what you could
offer to them.
So the last one I had mentionedkind of in that talking, was
physical touch and that's, youknow, hugs sitting next to each

(07:09):
other, you know that kind ofstuff.
So I go through all of thosethings to say.
This was my mind-blowing,life-changing thought process.

(07:30):
A lot of times I have seen and Ihave heard of, you know,
parents, especially with kiddos,who maybe have like sensory
issues or whatever they're like.
You know, the parents are likeI can't hug them, they don't
want to hug, I can't give them akiss, you know, like those very
regular, typical types ofshowing love.
Right, they don't work becausethat's actually the opposite of
their preference and what theyneed to feel comfortable and

(07:52):
calm and all that kind of stuff.
And those parents have beensomewhat devastated because
they're going how do I give orshow love to my child?
I can't love my child and Ilove the love languages because

(08:14):
oftentimes the way that we wantto be loved is or we want to
share love becomes more about usthan about them.
Because if that child does notprefer a hug, does not prefer a
kiss, does not prefer to snuggleor be held or those kinds of
things, if you don't do them,they're not missing out, they're

(08:39):
not at a deficit because youhaven't given them those things.
However, you feel like you'reat a deficit because you've not
been able to love in the waythat you received love.
But the love language pointsout to us that it's not about

(09:00):
yourself, it's not about you.
When you share love withsomeone, we do it in their
preferences, in their kind ofways and um.
I'm going to give you some verysimple examples, and this could
be any anyone.
My um, my nathan, when he wasborn, he was not a snuggler, he

(09:23):
was a like.
He didn't want to be rocked, tobe put to sleep, he didn't want
to be held.
He would probably be so verymad, but he won't listen to this
, so it's okay.
When he was a baby, you put himin his crib, pat his bottom and
he'd fall asleep.

(09:43):
There was no holding.
Pat his bottom and he'd fallasleep.
There was no holding.
My son, noah, however, when hewas a baby, you had to not only
hold him, but hold him tightlyand pat him, and then, when he
fell asleep, he could be putdown.

(10:13):
My daughter, emma, at this pointin stage in her life, she is um
, hug, um, lean on you, put yourhead out, you know, put your
head on you and she isdefinitely um, a physical touch,
um person.
But my boys, at this age andstage of life, are not at all so
.
So it's just I can't do what Ican do for Emma, for my boys,
because they won't feel the sameabout it.

(10:35):
That isn't saying anythingabout them giving or receiving
love, but it is telling me howNoah will.
You can give him the least bitof anything and he is going to

(10:57):
be so thankful that you thoughtof him.
My Emma loves a good gift.
Nathan is kind of at the age andstage of life where he's like,
ok, thanks, but gifts aren'tnecessarily his thing.
But gifts aren't necessarilyhis thing.
Now did he call his dadyesterday and say, after his dad
worked a 12 hour shift at night, and say, hey, dad, you wanna

(11:19):
go to lunch and so they couldspend time together?
The other day my son bought atruck for the first time and he
called and he was like hey, mom,you wanna go for a ride.
It was the quality time.
So I say all this to say as anencouragement to you as a

(11:40):
volunteer in a room, as a leader, maybe as a parent, as a
caregiver or whatever, thateveryone has a different love
language and if we can identifythe way that someone else
experiences love, even if itdoesn't look like the typical
way, doesn't mean that you'renot building a relationship

(12:03):
doesn't mean that thatindividual is not feeling love.
They're actually probablyfeeling more love if you have
tailored and been very specificto their love language, and so I
want to remind you that.
When we consider children soGary Chapman says child

(12:23):
psychologists affirm thatchildren have certain basic
emotional needs that must be metif they are to be emotionally
stable, and one of those basicneeds is for love and affection,
but it can come in differentways.
Okay, so I was speaking with afriend of mine who shared a
little bit about a relationshipwith a person in her family, and

(12:45):
they said you know, when I seethem, they absolutely want to
hug, but they don't want this.
So, knowing how to engage thatmeets those needs of that person
, whether it's in a closeness,whether it's more hands-on,
whether it's a littlestandoffish, whatever it is,

(13:07):
we're finding the way that theyfeel loved and we can do it in
that way, and I think that takesthe stress off of thinking that
you're not meeting those needs.
It might be in helping yourchild put their socks on, which
is something that they strugglewith.
Maybe it is, you know, sittingnext to them while they complete

(13:27):
tasks that are difficult.
Maybe it's listening to themtalk whenever they're struggling
with something or excited aboutsomething.
There are all kinds of ways todo that, and this book also not
only does it focus on the lovelanguages for families and with

(13:48):
children, but it also focuses onthat as parents, because of the
stress that is on parentsduring that time.
I would say that there are somepieces and parts that really do
help considering the differentways to do something with

(14:11):
someone.
They give you some suggestionsand it's just, you know, words
of affirmation.
You can do all kinds of things,whether it's here's something
you might be thinking, okay,words of affirmation, and you
see parents putting notes intheir child's lunchbox and you
think, well, my child can't readnotes in their child's lunchbox
, and you think, well, my childcan't read.

(14:32):
So how do I do that?
Draw them a picture right,there are all kinds of ways and
even more so, draw them apicture of something that they
are highly interested in andthat will put a smile on their
face.
Let them know that they've beenthought of.
You can tell them I love you,even if they don't necessarily

(14:54):
like the touch of a hug.
Spending time with them,finding things to do that are
specific with them make a big,big difference, doing things
that they love to do.
When my son, noah, was younger,thomas the train was second to
none and if you wanted to catchhis attention you were going to

(15:17):
do it through thomas the train.
Whether you're singing thesongs on the show with him,
whether you're building traintracks on the floor with him, um
, go shopping and buy a newtrain, um, whatever those kinds
of things, it was very excitingfor him.
It helped him to, you know,peak on his interests, talk

(15:37):
about things that he loved and Igot to be involved in it with
him and that later on developedinto Matchbox Cars and later
from that, legos and nowcomputer stuff.
My son will talk my ear offabout computer things that I
have no understanding of, butI'm going to sit and listen and

(16:00):
I'm going to ask him questionsand participate in the
conversation because I want himto know that even though I don't
give a crud, I don't care oneleast bit about the memory or
the speed of his gaming computer, of the things that he designs,
because I just don't understandall of that kind of stuff.

(16:22):
I'm sort of like a little oldlady in that aspect.
I'm going to listen to himbecause I know it matters to him
, that's his interest, that'shis level, that's what he likes
to talk about all the time.
And just because it's not theway that I receive love doesn't
mean that I can't make sure thathe feels loved in the way that

(16:44):
he receives and feels love.
And I think that takes away thepressure of a parent of a child
with special needs who doesn'tfeel and experience love in the
same way that maybe anotherchild does.
We can love people in the waythat they feel it, they accept

(17:05):
it in the way that they feelmost loved, and that is going to
be the earth shattering, mindblowing change in the
relationships that you buildwith people with special needs,
because you want to be loved inthe way you feel loved, and I
want to be loved in the way thatI feel loved, and so do all

(17:28):
people.
And we don't have to let thebarriers of a disability or the
misunderstandings of thedisability or the sensory
preferences that are indicatedbecause of a disability stop us
from sharing love.
We find it and do it in the waythat it can best be received by

(17:49):
those we are trying to share itwith, whether it's in our
schools, whether it's in ourministries, whether it's in our
homes, whether it's in thegrocery store or at the park or
down the street, we can sharethe love of Jesus inside of us
and with others and for eachother in ways that are best

(18:09):
received by those who are on thereceiving end.
Do I know everything aboutdisability ministry?
Do I have all the answers?
Have I done everythingperfectly?
I have absolutely not, but weare going to continue this
conversation so that people ofall abilities can have the
opportunity to know Christ, growin Him and serve Him with the

(18:32):
gifts that he has given them.
For deeper dives into thesetopics and more, check out
indispensablepeoplecom and visitAmazon to purchase the books
the Indispensable Kid and GospelAccessibility and the
Indispensable People.
Thank you.