August 21, 2024 • 16 mins
What happens when life throws you a curveball and your body feels like a stranger? Join me, Kate, on Infinite Love as I share my deeply personal journey with uterine fibroids and the upcoming surgery that promises to restore harmony with my body. Through laughter with friends who jokingly ask if I'm "25 weeks along" to the struggles of tying my shoes, I recount the physical and emotional rollercoaster of dealing with fibroids. Despite the discomfort, I hold a profound sense of gratitude and optimism, underscoring the incredible resilience of women and the importance of genuine support from friends and colleagues.
Healing isn't just about the physical—it’s a holistic journey of self-reflection and personal growth. During a heartfelt breakfast chat with a friend, we dive into the fears and anxieties surrounding my surgery, uncovering the power of vulnerability and open dialogue. We celebrate the different energies our friends bring into our lives, highlighting how unfiltered honesty and authenticity can help us mirror each other's strength and grow. Tune in to be inspired by stories of resilience, the importance of authentic friendships, and the beauty found in embracing life's challenges together. Thank you for listening to another enriching episode of Infinite Love with Kate.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, it's Kate, back at you with another episode of
Infinite Love T-minus two weekstomorrow.
I don't normally do countdowns,but let me tell you I am ready
for this countdown, not becauseit's two weeks to my last
episode, but I'm off for a month.
I can't believe it.
(00:20):
Season four is coming to an end, but we'll talk more about that
next week.
Right now, my T-minus countdownis.
I'm ready.
I'm ready for my upcomingsurgery.
I am ready to breathe again,I'm ready to feel like myself
again.
I'm ready to feel realigned tomy body.
(00:41):
So I know I shared a little bithere and there about going to
the doctors before my trip,after my trip, finding out that
I had uterine fibroids and I amonly getting bigger by the
minute.
When I say I am mirroringpregnancy, I am mirroring
pregnancy.
Last time I was at the doctorshe basically said I was 24 weeks
(01:04):
.
I'm probably 26 weeks now.
I just went to breakfast with afriend and I told her I hadn't
seen her in a while, probablyalmost a year, and I said brace
yourself, looking a littledifferent.
Everyone at work, they're usedto it.
I mean, there's no hiding it.
I have no clothes to hide it.
I don't go out and buymaternity clothes to cover it up
.
It is what it is and I amembracing it.
(01:28):
I have to.
You can't hide it and I'm notgoing to sit there and feel
uncomfortable in my own body.
Even though I feeluncomfortable, I'm not going to
allow it to make meuncomfortable in my own body.
So majority of my friends haveall been pregnant and those that
have, who see me, they're justlike good God.
But the best conversations Ihave as of late are how amazing
(01:51):
my friends, my colleagues, mysupport group, my closest
peoples are when they say I amso ready for this to be over for
you.
And I know that they mean sowell because as energetic as I
try to be at work, as energeticas I try to be in life, I'm
(02:12):
obviously not the same person,because I'm out of breath
Majority of the time.
My insides are basically justall being smashed by these
fibroids and I'm grateful.
And you're gonna think weird,but I am grateful.
I'm grateful for the experienceof what it does feel like to be
pregnant.
Honestly, I mean, I look thepart, I feel the part.
(02:33):
Why not pretend to play thepart?
So when I went out to breakfastwith my friend, I was trying to
get into her minivan and ofcourse I have to to like use the
handle to lift myself up, notbecause, not only because of my
weight gain, but I'm short,let's not play games.
I mean, I'm short and I'm 44years old, not as limber that I
(02:55):
think I am sometimes.
So I was like ta-da, I'm likeholding my belly and her face
drops.
And she's like wait what?
And so of course I gotta playalong with this.
I'm like, yeah, 25 weeks, likeI told you, I had a surprise.
She goes, you know, and she'sher look was priceless.
And she's like, oh my god,congratulations.
But I have so many questions.
(03:15):
And I was like, oh god, shereally believes me.
I'm like, okay, okay, I'm justkidding.
I said I explained the wholestory.
I'm like, no, there's severaluterine fibroids and I just had
a biopsy.
So my doctor said there'sactually more growing and
they're just growing and growing, and growing.
And even my doctor cannot waitfor me to have these removed
because he knows that this mustbe so uncomfortable.
(03:38):
I'll backtrack to the biopsy ina minute.
So we're laughing about it andI'm telling her and I'm
describing the whole scenarioand she's like, oh good, god,
how are you doing that?
You know she has several kids,her person, her own.
Yeah, she's little tiny, likeme, so she knows the feelings
and I told her I was like thisis crazy.
(03:59):
I was like I can't even bendover to tie my shoes at times.
I'm like it just gets worse,especially when I'm on my period
, like it just gets worse.
I'm over it.
So we're laughing, we're havinga good laugh about it.
And you know she was telling meif I needed anything.
She only lives a block away.
I needed anything, she'd comeover.
I said no, you know, I guessrefreshing to have a whole month
(04:24):
off, not that the recoverysounds amazing, but honestly I
just had emergency herniasurgery during the pandemic.
That was horrifyingly painfulfor a hot second.
So I'm just hoping it's all thesame.
And then I bounce back quick.
That's my mentality and that'swhat I'm gonna go with.
And honestly, I have to feel somuch better than how I feel now
(04:45):
.
So I'm not just thinking of theyou know the day I come home
and how painful that is, but I'mthinking overall, the long run,
that I'm going to feel so muchbetter that I'm going to be back
on my feet, running and workingout, doing everything I want to
do and matching my high energyto my physicality, to my body's
(05:05):
energy.
So I can't wait to feel fullyaligned.
That's my excitement.
So, yes, even though there's anegative, I'm taking all the
positives with me.
And here I am out of breath,which explains my entire year of
episodes where I kept talkingabout how I'm out of breath, not
knowing that my organs weregetting crushed, that my
(05:26):
intestines were getting pushedup to my lungs.
It's great.
You women, seriously, I'm goingto tell you over and over,
women are rock stars.
Men you cannot.
Seriously, I'm gonna tell youover and over, women are rock
stars, men you cannot.
If there are men listening, youdo not have the audacity to
ever make judgment on women andtheir bodies and what they go
through.
Because, my god, women gotta dothis.
For nine months I'm over herejust struggling, just trying to,
(05:48):
just trying, trying to juststay aflo.
I probably would float rightnow in the water with this belly
, but yeah, so here I amtrucking along, living large, no
pun intended.
And this past Thursday I had abiopsy and that was probably the
worst experience of my life.
I had to go through this wholeprep work, not going to share
(06:09):
too much because you don't needto hear it, but I will say that
my inner child wounds, my traumalike was re-sparked because
just of the numbing that theyhad to give me.
My fibroids are so massive thateverything was in the way and
every time he would move myfibroids over, I'd push down
another organ and so when theygave me the shot, it literally
(06:30):
was felt in my spine, then roseto my head, my face went numb,
my ears went numb and I wasliterally having an out of body
experience and the tears justflowed and I just screamed
mother, you know, finish therest of the sentence and I felt
so bad.
But I didn't have time to feelbad because the pain and the
trauma and the out ofbodyexperience I didn't know which
(06:53):
one to deal with first.
There was so much to deal withand I was just trying to stay
balanced and trying to figureout what just happened and
knowing that I had to preparemyself for shot number two and
it was the same pain, except forI didn't have the out-of-body
experience I just screamed andcried and then I just did my
deep breathing and that's whenmy doctor told me he's like when
(07:16):
is your surgery?
I'm like September 3rd.
He's like okay, I am so happyto hear that.
I'm glad you chose a soonerdate because this needs to come
out now.
And I'm grateful I did thatbecause, honestly, I really
contemplated waiting untilChristmas break.
(07:36):
What was I thinking?
I probably would have been 36weeks pregnant by then, with my
fictitious gremlin growinginside me.
I don't, there's no way.
There is no way.
So yeah, here I am ready toburst at the seams, but I'm
already week.
Was it week two?
Week three?
Week three into work and I thisis what's blowing my mind is
(08:00):
week three Granted?
Week one is all meetings.
Week two was the first week ofstudents last week.
We're in week three and we'rewe're trucking along, we're
moving things as fast as we canwith the limited energy any of
us have.
I'm trying, I'm really, reallytrying.
I come home and I'm useless.
I mean, I thought I was justaging, but man, no, I'm useless
(08:25):
and it takes every ounce of meto motivate myself and I know
this goes around for everybody,because anyone I talk to who
isn't carrying a gremlin saysthe same thing.
I think it's just that beingoff of work and then you go back
, you're just drained.
But I've had all this energy,like that's why I don't align.
I have all this energy.
I want to do so many differentthings and I can't, so it's like
(08:49):
I don't know which to deal with.
So I just sit in my couch andI'm like, ah, okay, I'm cool,
I'm relaxed, I'm ready and I getnothing done.
But today I had to do this.
I had to start my podcastbecause I did not want to be up
all night editing, because,let's face it, I would not be up
all night editing.
So here we are, living life on aMonday night, ready for bed.
(09:11):
Can't wait.
What about you?
What are you doing over there,the world?
How's your week going?
How's your life going?
I want to hear about your life.
In fact, that is what I'mprobably going to start doing
next week before I say mygoodbyes and my thank yous and
whatnot, to close out seasonfour, which, honestly, has been
the craziest, wildest seasonI've had.
(09:32):
I've loved every part of thisseason.
I've learned so much throughthis season and I've really
experienced life through thisseason, taking my podcast on the
go.
It's been an adventure and Ikind of think I'm gonna continue
this and I know, while I healover the month's break.
Normally, I would love to, youknow, get a head start, but I
(09:53):
know that probably won't happen.
I'm gonna really dive deep intowhat my goal is when I return.
Love to you know, get a headstart, but I know that probably
won't happen.
I'm going to really dive deepinto what my goal is when I
return to season five, you know,before closing out another
amazing year.
So if you have any suggestions,feel free to hit me up with an
email, a message, a text message.
When you click on to any of mylinks, it's the first, the first
(10:14):
message up.
It'll say click here.
If you'd like to leave amessage, do it.
I ask do you have anysuggestions or ideas or
questions?
Hit me up with those messages.
I love when people share.
I love hearing back from youjust as much as I love sharing
with all of you.
You know, it's always amazingto connect with the audience.
(10:36):
So any message is a greatmessage.
So I welcome all and I'm opento receiving all in my highest
good.
I want to say thank you.
Thank you for sitting alonghere with me, listening to me
ramble on about my health, aboutwhat's been going on in my life
these past few months, honestly, as I have navigated slowly but
(11:00):
surely, listened to my body,I've listened to my intuition,
I've become the voice for myself, the advocate speaking up for
myself when others may havelooked over it, and it's really
allowed me to get to where I'mat.
And again, I know my surgery isin two weeks from today.
Wow, and yes, I'm nervous.
(11:21):
Nobody really wants to go underfor a surgery and I know it's
something I've really beenworking on since my surgery
during the pandemic, when Ireally crumbled under pressure,
under anxiety, and all this fearwas coming out of me, you know,
and there was not much I coulddo.
(11:43):
However, there was parts of methat knew I could control it,
but I wasn't ready yet.
I was still going through thewhole healing process.
I was still in the beginningstages and by reflecting back
onto that situation, I knew Icould identify that I have a
huge fear of the hospital, of myinner child trauma that I had
(12:06):
to navigate through it, that Ihad to sit with and work through
.
And I've done a lot over theyears.
I've really come a long way, soI don't have that much anxiety
built up again.
Once the day comes, it may cometo surface, but I'm not afraid
at all.
(12:26):
I don't fear, and I was justtelling my friend while we were
out for breakfast that throughthis whole healing journey, that
is the one thing.
When we were talking about lifeand death, I said I'm not
afraid of death.
I used to always be afraid ofdeath.
Nobody wants to die.
I don't want to die young.
But I told her that these lastcouple years have really made me
(12:47):
proud of the place I'm at, thestrength I have, that I have no
regrets, that I have come intounion with my own self and
that's key.
So death doesn't scare me.
I'm not feeling like I'd haveany shortcomings and I wouldn't
want anyone to suffer from God,help my soul, you know, not
(13:08):
speaking or manifesting death,but I would not want anyone to
suffer because of my loss.
Take my love with you, takewhat I've done with my life with
you.
Don't grieve which I know ishard because we all naturally
grieve.
You grieve your own self.
I've learned that was probablyone of my hardest stages in life
was grieving my own self.
For every time I was healingand losing that old, unhealed
(13:32):
version of me, I would grievethat person because now you're
stepping into the new,uncomfortable, unknown parts of
you and they're not really builtup yet, but they're growing
just like a butterfly goingthrough the stages and you can
sense and feel the changes butyet you're still uncomfortable.
That experience alone is kindof what grief is.
(13:54):
When you go through the changesand it's uncomfortable and
there's anxiety and there'smoments of loss of breath, you
just you want to run from yourown self for a hot second and
then you realize who you are andeach time you go through this
process, these changes, you comeout brighter, stronger,
(14:14):
healthier version of you, yourmost highest version.
So that's where I'm at and myfriend was really proud of me
for that.
You know, because that's a hardconversation to have with
someone.
You just don't.
Most people don't want to talkabout that, most people can't.
And I get it and I understandit and I respect it and we were
at a place where we could talkabout it and she was proud of of
me and it was nice to hear suchreaction back.
(14:38):
You know, versus judgment itcould have easily been a
judgment and she didn't, and Ireally enjoyed talking to her
because we were very open, we'revery honest, we're very
vulnerable and we're real.
We're about as real as you canget with each other.
Because why hold back?
Why sugar, sugarcoat, why lie?
It is what it is and this ishow far we've gotten in our
(15:04):
lives.
So why hold back?
Let's put it all on the tableand just be, and I hope people
out there have those friendslike that.
We have multitude of friends inour lives and they all come in
different sizes, shapes, forms,packages in different sizes,
shapes, forms, packages,energies, loves, lights, and you
respect and enjoy thosefriendships.
And it's nice that everyone isso different.
And this is why I love her somuch is because it's the brutal
(15:27):
truth.
What you see is what you got.
There's no BS around it,there's no white lies, there's
nothing, just pure confidence,pure sass.
And I used to be so intimidatedby her because of that.
But that was the insecure meFacing the mirror, a reflection
of what I desired to beConfident, standing in your
(15:50):
power, and she did that at sucha young age.
So now it's nice because wemirror that back and forth to
each other and that's growthright there for me and I'll take
it and I'll run with it andI'll never turn back from it.
So thank you again for anotheramazing, amazing episode of
(16:10):
Infinite Love with Kate.
Have a beautiful, beautiful dayand remember to love yourself,
love your body, love your light.
Hey, it's Kate, back at you with another episode of
Infinite Love T-minus two weekstomorrow.
I don't normally do countdowns,but let me tell you I am ready
for this countdown, not becauseit's two weeks to my last
episode, but I'm off for a month.
I can't believe it.
(00:20):
Season four is coming to an end, but we'll talk more about that
next week.
Right now, my T-minus countdownis.
I'm ready.
I'm ready for my upcomingsurgery.
I am ready to breathe again,I'm ready to feel like myself
again.
I'm ready to feel realigned tomy body.
(00:41):
So I know I shared a little bithere and there about going to
the doctors before my trip,after my trip, finding out that
I had uterine fibroids and I amonly getting bigger by the
minute.
When I say I am mirroringpregnancy, I am mirroring
pregnancy.
Last time I was at the doctorshe basically said I was 24 weeks
(01:04):
.
I'm probably 26 weeks now.
I just went to breakfast with afriend and I told her I hadn't
seen her in a while, probablyalmost a year, and I said brace
yourself, looking a littledifferent.
Everyone at work, they're usedto it.
I mean, there's no hiding it.
I have no clothes to hide it.
I don't go out and buymaternity clothes to cover it up
.
It is what it is and I amembracing it.
(01:28):
I have to.
You can't hide it and I'm notgoing to sit there and feel
uncomfortable in my own body.
Even though I feeluncomfortable, I'm not going to
allow it to make meuncomfortable in my own body.
So majority of my friends haveall been pregnant and those that
have, who see me, they're justlike good God.
But the best conversations Ihave as of late are how amazing
(01:51):
my friends, my colleagues, mysupport group, my closest
peoples are when they say I amso ready for this to be over for
you.
And I know that they mean sowell because as energetic as I
try to be at work, as energeticas I try to be in life, I'm
(02:12):
obviously not the same person,because I'm out of breath
Majority of the time.
My insides are basically justall being smashed by these
fibroids and I'm grateful.
And you're gonna think weird,but I am grateful.
I'm grateful for the experienceof what it does feel like to be
pregnant.
Honestly, I mean, I look thepart, I feel the part.
(02:33):
Why not pretend to play thepart?
So when I went out to breakfastwith my friend, I was trying to
get into her minivan and ofcourse I have to to like use the
handle to lift myself up, notbecause, not only because of my
weight gain, but I'm short,let's not play games.
I mean, I'm short and I'm 44years old, not as limber that I
(02:55):
think I am sometimes.
So I was like ta-da, I'm likeholding my belly and her face
drops.
And she's like wait what?
And so of course I gotta playalong with this.
I'm like, yeah, 25 weeks, likeI told you, I had a surprise.
She goes, you know, and she'sher look was priceless.
And she's like, oh my god,congratulations.
But I have so many questions.
(03:15):
And I was like, oh god, shereally believes me.
I'm like, okay, okay, I'm justkidding.
I said I explained the wholestory.
I'm like, no, there's severaluterine fibroids and I just had
a biopsy.
So my doctor said there'sactually more growing and
they're just growing and growing, and growing.
And even my doctor cannot waitfor me to have these removed
because he knows that this mustbe so uncomfortable.
(03:38):
I'll backtrack to the biopsy ina minute.
So we're laughing about it andI'm telling her and I'm
describing the whole scenarioand she's like, oh good, god,
how are you doing that?
You know she has several kids,her person, her own.
Yeah, she's little tiny, likeme, so she knows the feelings
and I told her I was like thisis crazy.
(03:59):
I was like I can't even bendover to tie my shoes at times.
I'm like it just gets worse,especially when I'm on my period
, like it just gets worse.
I'm over it.
So we're laughing, we're havinga good laugh about it.
And you know she was telling meif I needed anything.
She only lives a block away.
I needed anything, she'd comeover.
I said no, you know, I guessrefreshing to have a whole month
(04:24):
off, not that the recoverysounds amazing, but honestly I
just had emergency herniasurgery during the pandemic.
That was horrifyingly painfulfor a hot second.
So I'm just hoping it's all thesame.
And then I bounce back quick.
That's my mentality and that'swhat I'm gonna go with.
And honestly, I have to feel somuch better than how I feel now
(04:45):
.
So I'm not just thinking of theyou know the day I come home
and how painful that is, but I'mthinking overall, the long run,
that I'm going to feel so muchbetter that I'm going to be back
on my feet, running and workingout, doing everything I want to
do and matching my high energyto my physicality, to my body's
(05:05):
energy.
So I can't wait to feel fullyaligned.
That's my excitement.
So, yes, even though there's anegative, I'm taking all the
positives with me.
And here I am out of breath,which explains my entire year of
episodes where I kept talkingabout how I'm out of breath, not
knowing that my organs weregetting crushed, that my
(05:26):
intestines were getting pushedup to my lungs.
It's great.
You women, seriously, I'm goingto tell you over and over,
women are rock stars.
Men you cannot.
Seriously, I'm gonna tell youover and over, women are rock
stars, men you cannot.
If there are men listening, youdo not have the audacity to
ever make judgment on women andtheir bodies and what they go
through.
Because, my god, women gotta dothis.
For nine months I'm over herejust struggling, just trying to,
(05:48):
just trying, trying to juststay aflo.
I probably would float rightnow in the water with this belly
, but yeah, so here I amtrucking along, living large, no
pun intended.
And this past Thursday I had abiopsy and that was probably the
worst experience of my life.
I had to go through this wholeprep work, not going to share
(06:09):
too much because you don't needto hear it, but I will say that
my inner child wounds, my traumalike was re-sparked because
just of the numbing that theyhad to give me.
My fibroids are so massive thateverything was in the way and
every time he would move myfibroids over, I'd push down
another organ and so when theygave me the shot, it literally
(06:30):
was felt in my spine, then roseto my head, my face went numb,
my ears went numb and I wasliterally having an out of body
experience and the tears justflowed and I just screamed
mother, you know, finish therest of the sentence and I felt
so bad.
But I didn't have time to feelbad because the pain and the
trauma and the out ofbodyexperience I didn't know which
(06:53):
one to deal with first.
There was so much to deal withand I was just trying to stay
balanced and trying to figureout what just happened and
knowing that I had to preparemyself for shot number two and
it was the same pain, except forI didn't have the out-of-body
experience I just screamed andcried and then I just did my
deep breathing and that's whenmy doctor told me he's like when
(07:16):
is your surgery?
I'm like September 3rd.
He's like okay, I am so happyto hear that.
I'm glad you chose a soonerdate because this needs to come
out now.
And I'm grateful I did thatbecause, honestly, I really
contemplated waiting untilChristmas break.
(07:36):
What was I thinking?
I probably would have been 36weeks pregnant by then, with my
fictitious gremlin growinginside me.
I don't, there's no way.
There is no way.
So yeah, here I am ready toburst at the seams, but I'm
already week.
Was it week two?
Week three?
Week three into work and I thisis what's blowing my mind is
(08:00):
week three Granted?
Week one is all meetings.
Week two was the first week ofstudents last week.
We're in week three and we'rewe're trucking along, we're
moving things as fast as we canwith the limited energy any of
us have.
I'm trying, I'm really, reallytrying.
I come home and I'm useless.
I mean, I thought I was justaging, but man, no, I'm useless
(08:25):
and it takes every ounce of meto motivate myself and I know
this goes around for everybody,because anyone I talk to who
isn't carrying a gremlin saysthe same thing.
I think it's just that beingoff of work and then you go back
, you're just drained.
But I've had all this energy,like that's why I don't align.
I have all this energy.
I want to do so many differentthings and I can't, so it's like
(08:49):
I don't know which to deal with.
So I just sit in my couch andI'm like, ah, okay, I'm cool,
I'm relaxed, I'm ready and I getnothing done.
But today I had to do this.
I had to start my podcastbecause I did not want to be up
all night editing, because,let's face it, I would not be up
all night editing.
So here we are, living life on aMonday night, ready for bed.
(09:11):
Can't wait.
What about you?
What are you doing over there,the world?
How's your week going?
How's your life going?
I want to hear about your life.
In fact, that is what I'mprobably going to start doing
next week before I say mygoodbyes and my thank yous and
whatnot, to close out seasonfour, which, honestly, has been
the craziest, wildest seasonI've had.
(09:32):
I've loved every part of thisseason.
I've learned so much throughthis season and I've really
experienced life through thisseason, taking my podcast on the
go.
It's been an adventure and Ikind of think I'm gonna continue
this and I know, while I healover the month's break.
Normally, I would love to, youknow, get a head start, but I
(09:53):
know that probably won't happen.
I'm gonna really dive deep intowhat my goal is when I return.
Love to you know, get a headstart, but I know that probably
won't happen.
I'm going to really dive deepinto what my goal is when I
return to season five, you know,before closing out another
amazing year.
So if you have any suggestions,feel free to hit me up with an
email, a message, a text message.
When you click on to any of mylinks, it's the first, the first
(10:14):
message up.
It'll say click here.
If you'd like to leave amessage, do it.
I ask do you have anysuggestions or ideas or
questions?
Hit me up with those messages.
I love when people share.
I love hearing back from youjust as much as I love sharing
with all of you.
You know, it's always amazingto connect with the audience.
(10:36):
So any message is a greatmessage.
So I welcome all and I'm opento receiving all in my highest
good.
I want to say thank you.
Thank you for sitting alonghere with me, listening to me
ramble on about my health, aboutwhat's been going on in my life
these past few months, honestly, as I have navigated slowly but
(11:00):
surely, listened to my body,I've listened to my intuition,
I've become the voice for myself, the advocate speaking up for
myself when others may havelooked over it, and it's really
allowed me to get to where I'mat.
And again, I know my surgery isin two weeks from today.
Wow, and yes, I'm nervous.
(11:21):
Nobody really wants to go underfor a surgery and I know it's
something I've really beenworking on since my surgery
during the pandemic, when Ireally crumbled under pressure,
under anxiety, and all this fearwas coming out of me, you know,
and there was not much I coulddo.
(11:43):
However, there was parts of methat knew I could control it,
but I wasn't ready yet.
I was still going through thewhole healing process.
I was still in the beginningstages and by reflecting back
onto that situation, I knew Icould identify that I have a
huge fear of the hospital, of myinner child trauma that I had
(12:06):
to navigate through it, that Ihad to sit with and work through
.
And I've done a lot over theyears.
I've really come a long way, soI don't have that much anxiety
built up again.
Once the day comes, it may cometo surface, but I'm not afraid
at all.
(12:26):
I don't fear, and I was justtelling my friend while we were
out for breakfast that throughthis whole healing journey, that
is the one thing.
When we were talking about lifeand death, I said I'm not
afraid of death.
I used to always be afraid ofdeath.
Nobody wants to die.
I don't want to die young.
But I told her that these lastcouple years have really made me
(12:47):
proud of the place I'm at, thestrength I have, that I have no
regrets, that I have come intounion with my own self and
that's key.
So death doesn't scare me.
I'm not feeling like I'd haveany shortcomings and I wouldn't
want anyone to suffer from God,help my soul, you know, not
(13:08):
speaking or manifesting death,but I would not want anyone to
suffer because of my loss.
Take my love with you, takewhat I've done with my life with
you.
Don't grieve which I know ishard because we all naturally
grieve.
You grieve your own self.
I've learned that was probablyone of my hardest stages in life
was grieving my own self.
For every time I was healingand losing that old, unhealed
(13:32):
version of me, I would grievethat person because now you're
stepping into the new,uncomfortable, unknown parts of
you and they're not really builtup yet, but they're growing
just like a butterfly goingthrough the stages and you can
sense and feel the changes butyet you're still uncomfortable.
That experience alone is kindof what grief is.
(13:54):
When you go through the changesand it's uncomfortable and
there's anxiety and there'smoments of loss of breath, you
just you want to run from yourown self for a hot second and
then you realize who you are andeach time you go through this
process, these changes, you comeout brighter, stronger,
(14:14):
healthier version of you, yourmost highest version.
So that's where I'm at and myfriend was really proud of me
for that.
You know, because that's a hardconversation to have with
someone.
You just don't.
Most people don't want to talkabout that, most people can't.
And I get it and I understandit and I respect it and we were
at a place where we could talkabout it and she was proud of of
me and it was nice to hear suchreaction back.
(14:38):
You know, versus judgment itcould have easily been a
judgment and she didn't, and Ireally enjoyed talking to her
because we were very open, we'revery honest, we're very
vulnerable and we're real.
We're about as real as you canget with each other.
Because why hold back?
Why sugar, sugarcoat, why lie?
It is what it is and this ishow far we've gotten in our
(15:04):
lives.
So why hold back?
Let's put it all on the tableand just be, and I hope people
out there have those friendslike that.
We have multitude of friends inour lives and they all come in
different sizes, shapes, forms,packages in different sizes,
shapes, forms, packages,energies, loves, lights, and you
respect and enjoy thosefriendships.
And it's nice that everyone isso different.
And this is why I love her somuch is because it's the brutal
(15:27):
truth.
What you see is what you got.
There's no BS around it,there's no white lies, there's
nothing, just pure confidence,pure sass.
And I used to be so intimidatedby her because of that.
But that was the insecure meFacing the mirror, a reflection
of what I desired to beConfident, standing in your
(15:50):
power, and she did that at sucha young age.
So now it's nice because wemirror that back and forth to
each other and that's growthright there for me and I'll take
it and I'll run with it andI'll never turn back from it.
So thank you again for anotheramazing, amazing episode of
(16:10):
Infinite Love with Kate.
Have a beautiful, beautiful dayand remember to love yourself,
love your body, love your light.
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