December 18, 2024 • 32 mins
Ever felt like Mercury was microwaving your life? Join me this week on Infinite Love as I humorously recount the chaotic weather swings from a heat wave to a polar plunge, and how they left me hunkered down with a cold and marathoning Law & Order. As Mercury in retrograde adds to the holiday stress, I share the ups and downs faced by my students and myself, all while holding out hope for a week of unexpected joys like secret gift exchanges and hockey games. With Mercury finally easing up, I'm asking for your positive vibes to carry us through what’s bound to be a smoother ride ahead.
This episode also navigates the soulful waters of embracing my Pisces identity, with all its emotional richness and sensitivity. Stereotypes be damned, I reflect on how perceptions have changed and the importance of setting boundaries with those who judge. From childhood daydreams to adult realities, I share the art of balancing fantasy and grounding oneself through meaningful connections. As we explore these themes, I remind you of the beauty in trusting life’s unpredictable journey, the power of rest without guilt, and how our upbringing shapes our views. Let's stay true to who we are, even when life throws its wild curveballs.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome back to another episode on Infinite Love
with Kate.
That's right me.
So before I begin, obviously Ihave to cut you off on this
amazing weather heat wave wewere having last week.
Well, it's back, and by back Imean WTF.
I don't even know what's goingon.
Obviously, there's a lotchanging in the atmosphere
(00:22):
because San Francisco just gottheir first tornado.
Things are changing and we'reto blame.
That's all I'm going to sayabout that.
Another heat wave, a Midwestheat wave is what I call it.
It is like 50-something degreestoday.
Last week, when I was tellingyou there was a heat wave, we
also then dove right into whatwe call a polar plunge and it
(00:47):
was freezing all week Freezing.
I thought it would kind of youknow tread.
No, it just dove right into it.
It said, oh, really nice day,but I'm going to give you a
really cold day, seven degrees,but it's really going to feel
like zero or negative, dependingon where you're at.
Thanks, that was great.
Here's what that did to me.
(01:08):
Friday I got home from work andI was ready for bed.
Not gonna lie, I went to diveright in.
But there's something about melike sometimes I'm stubborn when
it comes to if I don't feelgood or anything, or if I'm
really tired, I'm stubborn,because I just want eight hours
of solid sleep.
I don't want to go to bed earlyand then wake up at two in the
(01:30):
morning, wide awake with nothingto do.
Who wants that?
So I waited until as long as Icould, I'm pretty sure because I
really wasn't feeling good,besides being tired from the
week.
I just wasn't.
Because I really wasn't feelinggood, besides being tired from
the week, I just wasn't.
My head, my face, the headaches, the stuffiness, it was just,
it was pretty.
I was a hot mess.
(01:53):
I dove right into bed, I believearound 7.45, I was out.
Well, I didn't wake up untilaround the same time 7.45, 8
o'clock in the morning, and Ithought, wow, that's damn near
12 hours of sleep.
But I never got out of bed.
I went back to bed, I rolledover and I was in and out.
Then I finally got up, mademyself breakfast, brought
(02:13):
breakfast back to bed and threwin a little law and order for
you, because there's nothinggreater than me and Mariska and
I was pretty much catnappingthroughout the entire day.
I could not fight it, I couldnot keep my eyes open, I just
wasn't feeling it.
And finally I realized I didn'thave any of my over-the-counter
(02:33):
medicine left and I was notabout to get in the car I mean,
I look disgusting but I stillloved me and I just had the
energy to do it.
But I still loved me and I justhad the energy to do it.
So I did grab some ibuprofenand knocked out.
Finally, I believe, I went tobed around 9.45 and woke up
today, same thing.
I woke up about around 8.45.
(02:55):
So I got a lot of sleep in andI thought okay, I do feel better
, let's get up, you moldy littlebear, and get in the shower,
make breakfast and see where ittakes you.
And ta-da, here I am, on to thenext episode of Infinite Love
With you.
So today's episode, after Igive you the recap, is what is
(03:19):
on my mind, and that is I'm aPisces.
That pretty much probably saysit all.
And that is I'm a Pisces.
That pretty much probably saysit all.
But before I get to that, I'mgrateful because today ends
Mercury in retrograde, or, as Ilike to call it, mercury is
microwaving.
Because damn, damn, damn damnto the emotions and the energies
all around.
(03:39):
I did really well balancing, Idid my best, I think, because I
was so exhausted this week Iwasn't even emotional, but I'll
get back to that in a minute.
The impact this had on mystudents, oh lord, I felt bad.
There was a lot going on.
Plus it's the holidays, whichmeans they're off for two weeks,
(04:02):
and some of them don't likethat.
They like to be at school withtheir friends, their peers.
They just want to be seen, theywant to be heard.
And I get it.
And it's hard.
It's a hard thing to deal with.
So there was a lot of thatgoing on putting out fires,
trying to help, assist or stopbehaviors before they went any
(04:22):
further.
It was hard because it takes ateam.
It's not just something I coulddo.
As gifted as I am, I cannot doit all and it literally takes a
team to do this and you couldtell everyone's just wiped out
and it's showing.
Unfortunately, we have one moreweek left, four days for the
(04:42):
students, five days for staff.
We've got this, at least Ibelieve we do.
I'm hoping, with Mercury sayinggoodbye, that we'll have a good
week.
I'm hoping Fingers crossed and,if you're out there, say prayer
, say a couple, say a millionfor me, please, not just for me.
Say some for my students please, but it looks like it'll be a
(05:05):
great week because we have asurprise grab bag going on where
all the staff were assignedstudents so we all bought some
gifts for them.
So they have no idea that'scoming.
On Tuesday, we're going to seea hockey game on Wednesday it's
going to be cold but that'll bereally cool for them to
experience and Thursday's ourbig Christmas pajama day Put on
(05:29):
a Christmas movie, make hotcocoa and just have fun.
So basically, I keep tellingmyself we just got to get
through Monday.
If we can get through Monday,it's just a normal school class
changing day.
We've got this.
Wait till next week's episode.
Bye, I'm going to go into Idon't know what I just said
(05:50):
there.
I really don't.
This is where my mind goes.
It goes into conversation, butalso 10 steps ahead to the next
thing I want to talk about Toall my friends and family.
Sorry, anyways, pisces, I'm aPisces, true and true, but I
want to talk about this.
There's something I what I kindof came across a couple of
(06:13):
videos where, like, if you're aPisces, blah, blah, blah and
they're 99% true, of course.
However, as the years have goneby and I've been watching these
videos or coming across andlistening.
They're not all that true.
And I say this because,obviously, with time changing
(06:34):
healing the journey andeverything else perspectives
being open to and not so closedoff, it's far different.
Closed off, it's far different.
But I also think of it this wayis I got taunted a lot for
being a Pisces, over-emotional,you're too sensitive.
And now, going back, because Idid a deep reflection, a deep
(06:56):
dive on this, because I've beenworking with my life chart
lately, I've been diving deepinto it, understanding it a
little bit more.
This kind of stuff is reallyhard for me to just dive into, I
don't always get it and Ibasically need to find a guide
to kind of teach me how to lookat this chart.
But that's a whole differentstory.
(07:17):
The whole point is I was divinginto, you know, peeling back
the layers of being a Pisces inmy childhood and in my teenage
years and the amount of judgmentI got, and not just saying, oh,
you're a Pisces, shut up,you're crying.
It wasn't just that, but it wasjust like you're so emotional,
oh, you're too sensitive.
(07:37):
From family, from friends, fromeveryone.
People had no problem judgingme to my face, at least.
I mean, should I be grateful?
Sure, however, there's reaction, there's response and of course
, I had reaction because thisall came from a very wounded
place, always feeling like I hadto defend myself, never feeling
(08:00):
like I was heard right.
So when I was going back to it,I realized something, though
it's that mirrored reflectionhow easy is it for everyone to
judge people, but yet they willnever turn that finger back into
themselves and judge themselvesfor actually being the one to
(08:21):
instigate, to start something byprovoking, by judging.
Judgment comes from a verywounded person.
So you want to call me out formy emotions, my sensitivity, but
you don't want to call yourselfout for being a bully, for
being wounded, for maybe you'vebeen picked on and it's easier
(08:45):
to deflect that onto somebodyelse.
And who better than a Pisces?
Who better than a sensitivesoul?
Because I've always seen itwhere I benefit you when
everything is good.
But when I'm emotional or whenI'm trying to set a boundary and
I didn't set boundaries verywell back then it's easier for
(09:05):
you then to get mad and gettriggered and not take the
trigger back to yourself andtake the trigger and project
outwardly to me.
So much easier.
And I kind of just giggled as Ithought about this.
I was like, wow, this is themajority of my life, cool.
But I don't blame those whojudge me.
They turn the finger inward,right?
(09:27):
I didn't set boundaries and Idid not walk away when I should
have, and I let those feelingseat at me.
I let those judgments stay withme, held on to it instead of
released it, let it go.
So there's the difference.
And that's why I'm talkingabout this today is because, yes
, I'm a beautiful, sensitive,creative soul.
(09:49):
Yes, my mind might always be inthe clouds, in the daydreams,
but they're not daydreams.
But they're not daydreams.
(10:13):
They're literally me, peelingback layers of life and not
always romanticizing about it,hostizing the unknown, the quest
for answers for life, for thedualities of life.
That's where my brain goes attimes when I am, you know,
daydreaming.
I don't find myself daydreamingas much as I used to, because
what I did back then, when I wasa child, that was my escapism.
I admit it, I own it.
I was always, always in theclouds, dreaming of the what-ifs
(10:34):
, dreaming of the could-bes, thewould, would-bes, the things
that could change me, that couldtake me out of that situation
and put me in a healthier onewithout ever having to do the
work.
Put that two together.
It's crazy how you're able tosee things now that you couldn't
see then.
And I, I get it, but yeah, sowhen I do hear it, I giggle.
(10:59):
Now about Pisces and theJudgment and blah, blah, blah,
blah.
There are some great qualitiesand great traits.
Don't get me wrong.
I love myself enough to knowthese traits and I love that I
could see the difference and thetransformations of what a
Pisces overall is.
And it's not just aboutemotions but about finding
balance.
It's about finding peace within.
(11:21):
It's about regulating.
It's about aligning andattracting those you align with
and then removing those you donot align with.
And then you're not soemotional anymore, you're stable
, you're not sensitive, you'restrong Something to think about.
So again, I don't know a lotabout horoscopes and all the
(11:43):
astrology and who works wellwith who.
Honestly, you could say, okay,taurus and Leo, or blah, blah,
blah.
That just kind of goes over myhead.
But I look at it like thisYou're a soul, I'm a soul and we
all will not align, and that isokay and that is obvious.
(12:04):
But when I look at people andconnections now, it's more so.
You don't have to be perfectand you don't have to be on this
100% healing journey, justenough to know that you're doing
the work for yourself.
You know, just enough to knowthat you're doing the work for
yourself, you know, Do you knowwhat I mean?
That you're not afraid tocommunicate those things too
(12:25):
openly.
And, when you're able to dothat with another soul, have an
honest conversation, even if itscares you a little bit, even if
you know it may trigger theother person.
You're saying it with empathy,you're saying it with compassion
, so you're not just ripping therug right underneath them.
Those are the connections Idesire.
(12:47):
So whether I don't label youlike oh my God, you're Leo, out,
get out.
It's just if you're kind, ifyou're compassionate, if you're
kind, if you're compassionate,if you're honest, if you have
humility and integrity, if youlove yourself, confident, but
(13:08):
not overzealous with it, those,it's like that quiet confidence,
you don't need to be heard, youdon't need to be seen.
Confident, you don't need to beheard, you don't need to be
seen.
You don't need to put on afacade for anyone.
You don't change like achameleon around different
people.
I've witnessed that way toomuch in my life and you never
(13:30):
know the person you're reallygoing to get.
You can see them for who theyare, for who they could be, for
their higher selves, but you'llnever really establish a
beautiful foundation with aconnection and connection I mean
friendship, you know anything,because it's always changing and
(13:54):
not changing in the way ofgrowth Over time.
I'm talking changing within thepeople that are around them,
that come in and out throughoutthe day like a revolving door.
So you're watching thesepersonalities come out and these
changes and you're wonderingwhat am I connecting here with?
Someone that's trying too hard,someone that's trying to
(14:14):
impress you, someone that wantsyou to see this of them but not
this of them.
I get it I mean I've done it,but I'm at that age now and I'm
at that stage where that's alldifferent and that's what I love
about life and if it means thatI'm not going to make a million
(14:35):
connections a day, that's fine.
I was talking to someone aboutbeing an extrovert and an
introvert and I was born anintrovert, very close with
family and friends.
I grew up to become anextrovert, but it wasn't in the
right way, if that makes sense.
Like I didn't have thatpersonality just whimsically
(14:59):
come out of me.
I always forced thatpersonality.
If I was really close with you,you got to see that personality
.
Anyone that's really close tome whether I'm able to really
let my walls down will see thatpersonality come out in me back
then.
So I would have these extrovertmoments and I think there is a
term but I can't even try topronounce it.
(15:20):
So, looking back, I find myselfmore introverted, but I love
people.
I live in a.
I live, I work at a job that'svery extroverted.
I'm around people all the timeand it comes natural and easy to
me now, to be honest, to beopen.
Sometimes I'm too vocal,especially at work.
I come to kind of stand in mypower and my worth and my light
(15:44):
and really advocate for our kids, because I've seen enough.
I've watched them go throughenough that it's sickening, it's
maddening how little respectand love the higher-ups have for
our kids.
They say they want everythingto benefit our kids, but they're
not there in the trenches.
So they're the ones pulling theplugs away from the programs,
(16:07):
away from the incentives, awayfrom the paychecks.
They're the ones destroyingeverything for our kids, while
they pat themselves on the backand do whatever it is they need
to do to feed their egos.
I don't know I it.
It befuddles me how people cantruly lose sight of who they are
(16:30):
, of their character, for power,for money, for for fame, for
attention, for anything.
And I love that this journey hastaken me on a humble ride so I
can stay humble and staygrounded, because when I started
my journey of speaking ofTikTok, it wasn't to go viral.
(16:53):
You know, in a way it is youdesire that.
There's the portion of you, theego, that wants to be seen.
And then, as the healingjourney went on, I just wanted
to share whatever I could tohelp whomever I could.
You didn't have to have aconversation back with me and
tell me that I was helping you.
I just wanted to put my storyout and be as honest and vocal
(17:14):
and vulnerable as I could be andthere were slip-ups and be as
honest and vocal and vulnerableas I could be, and there were
slip ups and there were ups andthere was a lot of downs with my
journey doing that and that'scalled growth, it's not called
judgment.
I'm not going to judge myself,because I'm not perfect and I
can't say that enough and theway the world and society works
on these apps.
(17:35):
It can be scary, because whatyou wish for and I'll just
reference this once only becauseshe's kind of in the hot seat I
hate even saying this word thehot tua girl.
With all that's going on, thechaos that's crumbling around
her, it's almost better for itto crumble for her.
(17:58):
Do I want to see her go to jailfor the mishaps?
No, I hope that people see thatit's not her but her team
that's doing this to her.
You're going to make poordecisions because you want to
trust everyone, and even yourclosest people can't be trusted.
It's unfortunate, but as you goalong with this journey, you
(18:23):
start realizing that people canchange and will change for
either the better or for theworse.
Those decisions, universe isgoing to say I got you.
Here's your karmic lessonyou're going to have to face now
and unfortunately, I think thatshe probably had every
opportunity to change this pathfor herself, but her team got so
(18:45):
lost in the millions and themoney and the dollar signs that
her name's attached to it.
They don't have to go down forit.
She does so, of course.
Now you're looking back at thesepeople that you trusted and
what hurts more, I mean youcould go to jail.
You've discredited who you are.
(19:07):
You've lost loved ones becausethey no longer care about you.
They dropped you like a hotpancake.
They dropped you like a hotpancake.
It's life's lessons and they'realways going to be there.
So you got to be careful.
What you wish for sure.
She did that interview and shecame out of a bar and she was
drunk and she said that and itgrabbed a lot of attention.
(19:30):
But she had the choice of nevergoing down that path.
But it's a ride that you'rewilling to take.
You know, and I think there wasa lot of that where I'm really
trusting the journey and whereit's taking me.
I had a friend that literallydid everything by a timeline and
(19:52):
it just stuck.
It made me feel stuck in somekind of timeline, like yeah, if
I do this, I'm going to do thisin three years.
And I always wondered then likewhy was I rushing the process?
And I always wondered then likewhy was I rushing the process?
Why was I rushing the journeyof learning?
I've learned so much andhonestly I'll say this over and
(20:13):
over this time since I began,this journey doesn't even feel
like it's been that long,literally, as I'm like replaying
it right now in my head.
It feels very short, likeyesterday, a week ago, a month
ago.
It's absurdity and madness.
Yet it's this beautiful journeyof oh my God, I did go through
(20:37):
a lot of shit like a lot ofthings and a lot of lessons, and
this in a long period of time.
Yet it doesn't feel very longand I love that because I feel
like I was present majority ofthe time in the moment.
Now could I have been moreactive and proactive with doing
things?
Yes, I'll take accountabilityon that, but I listen.
(21:01):
So this weekend I did not shamemyself.
I did not shame myself.
I did not guilt myself and Italked about it earlier Because
I'm stubborn when I'm sick orwhen I'm exhausted.
I don't want more chaos and theonly person that's creating the
chaos is my head, like I'mdoing that.
So I allowed myself you knowwhat You're tired sleep.
(21:22):
I don't care if you sleep 18hours in a day.
Sleep If it allows you, ifuniverse allows you, if your
body allows you, do it.
It doesn't matter if you wakeup at one in the morning and
you're wide awake, do it.
And it wasn't Like I literallylistened and I stayed asleep and
it was the best thing everbecause clearly I got rid of
(21:44):
whatever I needed to get rid offor the holidays.
I'm going to be off for twoweeks.
This Friday is our last day, soI want to utilize those two
weeks.
I want to have fun.
There's a lot of family partiesplanned and there's a lot of
downtime that I get to have tomyself.
And normally I'd be you know,on a flight somewhere, but I
told myself that this year Ikind of want to stay grounded.
I want be you know on a flightsomewhere, but I told myself
(22:05):
that this year I kind of want tostay grounded.
I want to stay close to home.
I trust it.
I don't know what it means, butI'm not going to dive into it,
I'm not going to peel back thoselayers.
So I'm on this family soul chatgroup.
They're amazing we're talkingabout.
I haven't had a lot of energyto talk either, share things,
(22:25):
and then when things come up Iwill share.
But basically I did share that.
I'm just trusting.
I'm trusting the rest.
I'm trusting the quietness ofit, the stillness.
I'm not forcing messages tocome out of me.
I'm not racing to respondBecause I have to pour out of me
(22:48):
.
I'm not racing to respondbecause I have to pour back into
me, and that was another videoI came across about how people
exhaust themselves.
They wipe themselves outbecause they're always dot, dot,
dot, dot dot.
I have to do X, y and Z.
I have to do this for thatperson.
I have to do this to fill thevoid.
I was that person the peoplepleaser, the make sure
everyone's happy to the pointwhere I was nothing.
(23:11):
And so when life changed and Istarted pouring back into me, I
got a couple comments of you'reselfish, you're a judgment, I'm
not going to feel bad.
And there's that difference offuck around and find out.
I'm not saying fuck around withme and find out, but I'm saying
fuck around and find out,you're going to get a different
(23:32):
version of me because thisversion of me is my most
healthiest, perfect, nope, gonnastill learn a lesson or two.
Gonna get triggered, of course.
Am I waiting for those triggers?
No, I'm living life, I'm beingpresent.
As long as I stay true and Istay honest, then I'm still
going to continue to progress inlife and still become abundant
(23:57):
because I'm putting in theeffort.
So yeah, I'm not really herefor the games, the lies.
I don't even care if you callthem white lies, just don't.
I'm not here for the judgments,whether it's to my face or
behind my back.
It's even worse if it's behindmy back, but I'm not losing
sleep overnight because you wantto talk something, go for it,
(24:20):
do it.
It's your life.
You're wasting your precioustime, spending time honoring me
by judging me, doesn't it soundsilly?
(24:41):
The big groups, the communitygroup and I witnessed a share
somebody had of theirconversation with their child,
and what I witnessed outside,looking in, was conditioning at
its finest the parentconditioning the child to hate,
(25:08):
to divide, to separate, and itbroke my heart in a way that
also made my eyes go big,because I've never really
witnessed that Felt it formyself.
I've learned a lot from life,but I've never actually
witnessed that conditioningtaking place in a key moment in
life where you could, as aparent, teach your child to
(25:30):
still choose love, not judgment.
Now, do I know the whole story?
No, do I believe that the childwas speaking appropriately?
Yes, I mean, this kid wasbeautiful.
The way he spoke was amazing.
You could tell he's a veryeducated boy.
But it was the final statementfrom the parent to choose a
(25:54):
racial statement, a hatestatement that just my soul kind
of sunk and I'm thinking I lovethe boy's response.
He didn't even dive into it, hedidn't try to acknowledge it.
You could almost feel that hewas like ew, gross mom.
But that's going to be his life.
Later he's going to probablygive her the lesson I'm hoping,
(26:18):
instead of conforming into thathate narrative.
I hope for the best for thiskid because if he's that
talented in speaking sobeautifully at such a young age,
in that inquisitive, thatthere's hope that he could still
continue to choose himself andchoose to speak from his own
(26:41):
point of view and not allow whathis parents are teaching him or
what his mother was spewing tohim, you know, and it's our job
as humans to watch ourselves, tobe careful of what we choose to
say Because, remember, what wewere taught was also conditioned
to us.
That comes from a woundedperson, an ego-centered person.
(27:03):
Not everyone's going to see it,understand it or do it.
I'm sure people who listen tothis, even if it's only once,
judge me in some way.
I'm sure that I sound crazy tosome people and I'm okay, it
doesn't stop me and I don't hangon to that notion anymore.
(27:26):
But I used to.
I used to attach myself toeverything and then my emotional
bottle just kept filling untilit was ready to explode.
Which I talked about before isthe drinking I didn't drink
often, but there were thoseoccasional times when I did
(27:46):
drink too much that I releasedthe demons.
I released the emotionalbaggage I was holding on to.
I released all the suppressionof emotion that I felt from
others, even if it wasn't mine.
I just released it all.
I released all the fear.
I released my ego, which wouldbe the fear of saying something
when I should have saidsomething.
(28:06):
When I felt those things thatwere out of alignment, I should
have said something, but I heldon to it and then I would
release it when I was drunk.
It was a horrible web.
I wove Web, I wove Leave webwove.
I don't know if that soundedweird, but I'm sure it's right.
If it's not, well, it's my newlingo for the day.
(28:30):
So I guess, while being sickfor a week and I also got to lay
around and think about thingslike being a Pisces and being
over-emotional and someone wastelling me that during work or
in retrograde they were very andI had a couple moments.
It is kind of weird without auterus that, um, I don't know
when I would have got my period.
(28:51):
So that kind of helps you.
Now you kind of don't see itlike.
You kind of go through stillsome of the same motions, but I
couldn't tell you.
I probably should keep track,but I don't, um, but I haven't
been.
I I've been too wiped out toeven have emotion.
And I will say this, though, asa healing point in my life,
(29:11):
when I would be too exhausted orsick, that would be a time when
I'd be triggered to become veryemotional and I haven't been.
So I love that I can still seemyself growing and healing and
not ignoring emotion, notnumbing or anything.
(29:31):
I'm just not even running.
I'm acknowledging and embracing, and that includes resting,
sleeping, even if I don't wantto sleep my weekend away,
because then I have two weeks tokind of frolic and be me and do
me and do all the things I loveto do, including this.
So I am looking forward to thatbreak and I'm looking forward
(29:54):
to seeing my family all together.
I am not looking forward to thecold weather but fingers
crossed, we can continue some ofthese heat waves the Midwest I
was, which is funny.
I was coming across old videos.
I don't know who's posting them, but it's like Chicago 1982.
I would have been two years oldat the time and it was like the
(30:17):
warmest day in Chicago and itwas like 64 degrees out.
I said excuse you, and thenthey showed one where it was the
same date but it was 1994.
So I would have been graduating8th grade or no middle of 8th
grade year and it was like thecoolest day and it was like
negative.
Even though it was likenegative, 17, I said uh, uh.
(30:40):
But it's really cool to seethose old videos of Chicago.
And that was just somethingthat randomly came to my mind.
But yeah, so back to being onmy life path journey.
Astrology on full moon.
This full moon, the cold moon,was all weekend.
It actually is tonight, but itstarted Friday, which also did
(31:05):
not help our student energies.
Plus, it was Friday 13th.
Luckily, our kids were not toobad on that day, but that
Thursday before it was justpandemonium.
So Mercury is microwaving.
Today is the last day and Iguess it's the sign of the
Pisces in Virgo.
I don't know.
I'm giggling because I'm likewell, what does that all mean
(31:28):
per se?
I'm just here for the journey,here for the ride.
Figure it out when it happens.
I don't know if there's anyintervening.
I don't know maybe, but if youhave anything to share, please
shoot me a message.
I'd love to hear.
I love learning, so anyone thathas any educational insight,
send it forward.
(31:49):
But otherwise, stay blessed,stay warm, stay you.
Thank you for another amazingday with infinite love with Kate
.
Take care.
Welcome back to another episode on Infinite Love
with Kate.
That's right me.
So before I begin, obviously Ihave to cut you off on this
amazing weather heat wave wewere having last week.
Well, it's back, and by back Imean WTF.
I don't even know what's goingon.
Obviously, there's a lotchanging in the atmosphere
(00:22):
because San Francisco just gottheir first tornado.
Things are changing and we'reto blame.
That's all I'm going to sayabout that.
Another heat wave, a Midwestheat wave is what I call it.
It is like 50-something degreestoday.
Last week, when I was tellingyou there was a heat wave, we
also then dove right into whatwe call a polar plunge and it
(00:47):
was freezing all week Freezing.
I thought it would kind of youknow tread.
No, it just dove right into it.
It said, oh, really nice day,but I'm going to give you a
really cold day, seven degrees,but it's really going to feel
like zero or negative, dependingon where you're at.
Thanks, that was great.
Here's what that did to me.
(01:08):
Friday I got home from work andI was ready for bed.
Not gonna lie, I went to diveright in.
But there's something about melike sometimes I'm stubborn when
it comes to if I don't feelgood or anything, or if I'm
really tired, I'm stubborn,because I just want eight hours
of solid sleep.
I don't want to go to bed earlyand then wake up at two in the
(01:30):
morning, wide awake with nothingto do.
Who wants that?
So I waited until as long as Icould, I'm pretty sure because I
really wasn't feeling good,besides being tired from the
week.
I just wasn't.
Because I really wasn't feelinggood, besides being tired from
the week, I just wasn't.
My head, my face, the headaches, the stuffiness, it was just,
it was pretty.
I was a hot mess.
(01:53):
I dove right into bed, I believearound 7.45, I was out.
Well, I didn't wake up untilaround the same time 7.45, 8
o'clock in the morning, and Ithought, wow, that's damn near
12 hours of sleep.
But I never got out of bed.
I went back to bed, I rolledover and I was in and out.
Then I finally got up, mademyself breakfast, brought
(02:13):
breakfast back to bed and threwin a little law and order for
you, because there's nothinggreater than me and Mariska and
I was pretty much catnappingthroughout the entire day.
I could not fight it, I couldnot keep my eyes open, I just
wasn't feeling it.
And finally I realized I didn'thave any of my over-the-counter
(02:33):
medicine left and I was notabout to get in the car I mean,
I look disgusting but I stillloved me and I just had the
energy to do it.
But I still loved me and I justhad the energy to do it.
So I did grab some ibuprofenand knocked out.
Finally, I believe, I went tobed around 9.45 and woke up
today, same thing.
I woke up about around 8.45.
(02:55):
So I got a lot of sleep in andI thought okay, I do feel better
, let's get up, you moldy littlebear, and get in the shower,
make breakfast and see where ittakes you.
And ta-da, here I am, on to thenext episode of Infinite Love
With you.
So today's episode, after Igive you the recap, is what is
(03:19):
on my mind, and that is I'm aPisces.
That pretty much probably saysit all.
And that is I'm a Pisces.
That pretty much probably saysit all.
But before I get to that, I'mgrateful because today ends
Mercury in retrograde, or, as Ilike to call it, mercury is
microwaving.
Because damn, damn, damn damnto the emotions and the energies
all around.
(03:39):
I did really well balancing, Idid my best, I think, because I
was so exhausted this week Iwasn't even emotional, but I'll
get back to that in a minute.
The impact this had on mystudents, oh lord, I felt bad.
There was a lot going on.
Plus it's the holidays, whichmeans they're off for two weeks,
(04:02):
and some of them don't likethat.
They like to be at school withtheir friends, their peers.
They just want to be seen, theywant to be heard.
And I get it.
And it's hard.
It's a hard thing to deal with.
So there was a lot of thatgoing on putting out fires,
trying to help, assist or stopbehaviors before they went any
(04:22):
further.
It was hard because it takes ateam.
It's not just something I coulddo.
As gifted as I am, I cannot doit all and it literally takes a
team to do this and you couldtell everyone's just wiped out
and it's showing.
Unfortunately, we have one moreweek left, four days for the
(04:42):
students, five days for staff.
We've got this, at least Ibelieve we do.
I'm hoping, with Mercury sayinggoodbye, that we'll have a good
week.
I'm hoping Fingers crossed and,if you're out there, say prayer
, say a couple, say a millionfor me, please, not just for me.
Say some for my students please, but it looks like it'll be a
(05:05):
great week because we have asurprise grab bag going on where
all the staff were assignedstudents so we all bought some
gifts for them.
So they have no idea that'scoming.
On Tuesday, we're going to seea hockey game on Wednesday it's
going to be cold but that'll bereally cool for them to
experience and Thursday's ourbig Christmas pajama day Put on
(05:29):
a Christmas movie, make hotcocoa and just have fun.
So basically, I keep tellingmyself we just got to get
through Monday.
If we can get through Monday,it's just a normal school class
changing day.
We've got this.
Wait till next week's episode.
Bye, I'm going to go into Idon't know what I just said
(05:50):
there.
I really don't.
This is where my mind goes.
It goes into conversation, butalso 10 steps ahead to the next
thing I want to talk about Toall my friends and family.
Sorry, anyways, pisces, I'm aPisces, true and true, but I
want to talk about this.
There's something I what I kindof came across a couple of
(06:13):
videos where, like, if you're aPisces, blah, blah, blah and
they're 99% true, of course.
However, as the years have goneby and I've been watching these
videos or coming across andlistening.
They're not all that true.
And I say this because,obviously, with time changing
(06:34):
healing the journey andeverything else perspectives
being open to and not so closedoff, it's far different.
Closed off, it's far different.
But I also think of it this wayis I got taunted a lot for
being a Pisces, over-emotional,you're too sensitive.
And now, going back, because Idid a deep reflection, a deep
(06:56):
dive on this, because I've beenworking with my life chart
lately, I've been diving deepinto it, understanding it a
little bit more.
This kind of stuff is reallyhard for me to just dive into, I
don't always get it and Ibasically need to find a guide
to kind of teach me how to lookat this chart.
But that's a whole differentstory.
(07:17):
The whole point is I was divinginto, you know, peeling back
the layers of being a Pisces inmy childhood and in my teenage
years and the amount of judgmentI got, and not just saying, oh,
you're a Pisces, shut up,you're crying.
It wasn't just that, but it wasjust like you're so emotional,
oh, you're too sensitive.
(07:37):
From family, from friends, fromeveryone.
People had no problem judgingme to my face, at least.
I mean, should I be grateful?
Sure, however, there's reaction, there's response and of course
, I had reaction because thisall came from a very wounded
place, always feeling like I hadto defend myself, never feeling
(08:00):
like I was heard right.
So when I was going back to it,I realized something, though
it's that mirrored reflectionhow easy is it for everyone to
judge people, but yet they willnever turn that finger back into
themselves and judge themselvesfor actually being the one to
(08:21):
instigate, to start something byprovoking, by judging.
Judgment comes from a verywounded person.
So you want to call me out formy emotions, my sensitivity, but
you don't want to call yourselfout for being a bully, for
being wounded, for maybe you'vebeen picked on and it's easier
(08:45):
to deflect that onto somebodyelse.
And who better than a Pisces?
Who better than a sensitivesoul?
Because I've always seen itwhere I benefit you when
everything is good.
But when I'm emotional or whenI'm trying to set a boundary and
I didn't set boundaries verywell back then it's easier for
(09:05):
you then to get mad and gettriggered and not take the
trigger back to yourself andtake the trigger and project
outwardly to me.
So much easier.
And I kind of just giggled as Ithought about this.
I was like, wow, this is themajority of my life, cool.
But I don't blame those whojudge me.
They turn the finger inward,right?
(09:27):
I didn't set boundaries and Idid not walk away when I should
have, and I let those feelingseat at me.
I let those judgments stay withme, held on to it instead of
released it, let it go.
So there's the difference.
And that's why I'm talkingabout this today is because, yes
, I'm a beautiful, sensitive,creative soul.
(09:49):
Yes, my mind might always be inthe clouds, in the daydreams,
but they're not daydreams.
But they're not daydreams.
(10:13):
They're literally me, peelingback layers of life and not
always romanticizing about it,hostizing the unknown, the quest
for answers for life, for thedualities of life.
That's where my brain goes attimes when I am, you know,
daydreaming.
I don't find myself daydreamingas much as I used to, because
what I did back then, when I wasa child, that was my escapism.
I admit it, I own it.
I was always, always in theclouds, dreaming of the what-ifs
(10:34):
, dreaming of the could-bes, thewould, would-bes, the things
that could change me, that couldtake me out of that situation
and put me in a healthier onewithout ever having to do the
work.
Put that two together.
It's crazy how you're able tosee things now that you couldn't
see then.
And I, I get it, but yeah, sowhen I do hear it, I giggle.
(10:59):
Now about Pisces and theJudgment and blah, blah, blah,
blah.
There are some great qualitiesand great traits.
Don't get me wrong.
I love myself enough to knowthese traits and I love that I
could see the difference and thetransformations of what a
Pisces overall is.
And it's not just aboutemotions but about finding
balance.
It's about finding peace within.
(11:21):
It's about regulating.
It's about aligning andattracting those you align with
and then removing those you donot align with.
And then you're not soemotional anymore, you're stable
, you're not sensitive, you'restrong Something to think about.
So again, I don't know a lotabout horoscopes and all the
(11:43):
astrology and who works wellwith who.
Honestly, you could say, okay,taurus and Leo, or blah, blah,
blah.
That just kind of goes over myhead.
But I look at it like thisYou're a soul, I'm a soul and we
all will not align, and that isokay and that is obvious.
(12:04):
But when I look at people andconnections now, it's more so.
You don't have to be perfectand you don't have to be on this
100% healing journey, justenough to know that you're doing
the work for yourself.
You know, just enough to knowthat you're doing the work for
yourself, you know, Do you knowwhat I mean?
That you're not afraid tocommunicate those things too
(12:25):
openly.
And, when you're able to dothat with another soul, have an
honest conversation, even if itscares you a little bit, even if
you know it may trigger theother person.
You're saying it with empathy,you're saying it with compassion
, so you're not just ripping therug right underneath them.
Those are the connections Idesire.
(12:47):
So whether I don't label youlike oh my God, you're Leo, out,
get out.
It's just if you're kind, ifyou're compassionate, if you're
kind, if you're compassionate,if you're honest, if you have
humility and integrity, if youlove yourself, confident, but
(13:08):
not overzealous with it, those,it's like that quiet confidence,
you don't need to be heard, youdon't need to be seen.
Confident, you don't need to beheard, you don't need to be
seen.
You don't need to put on afacade for anyone.
You don't change like achameleon around different
people.
I've witnessed that way toomuch in my life and you never
(13:30):
know the person you're reallygoing to get.
You can see them for who theyare, for who they could be, for
their higher selves, but you'llnever really establish a
beautiful foundation with aconnection and connection I mean
friendship, you know anything,because it's always changing and
(13:54):
not changing in the way ofgrowth Over time.
I'm talking changing within thepeople that are around them,
that come in and out throughoutthe day like a revolving door.
So you're watching thesepersonalities come out and these
changes and you're wonderingwhat am I connecting here with?
Someone that's trying too hard,someone that's trying to
(14:14):
impress you, someone that wantsyou to see this of them but not
this of them.
I get it I mean I've done it,but I'm at that age now and I'm
at that stage where that's alldifferent and that's what I love
about life and if it means thatI'm not going to make a million
(14:35):
connections a day, that's fine.
I was talking to someone aboutbeing an extrovert and an
introvert and I was born anintrovert, very close with
family and friends.
I grew up to become anextrovert, but it wasn't in the
right way, if that makes sense.
Like I didn't have thatpersonality just whimsically
(14:59):
come out of me.
I always forced thatpersonality.
If I was really close with you,you got to see that personality
.
Anyone that's really close tome whether I'm able to really
let my walls down will see thatpersonality come out in me back
then.
So I would have these extrovertmoments and I think there is a
term but I can't even try topronounce it.
(15:20):
So, looking back, I find myselfmore introverted, but I love
people.
I live in a.
I live, I work at a job that'svery extroverted.
I'm around people all the timeand it comes natural and easy to
me now, to be honest, to beopen.
Sometimes I'm too vocal,especially at work.
I come to kind of stand in mypower and my worth and my light
(15:44):
and really advocate for our kids, because I've seen enough.
I've watched them go throughenough that it's sickening, it's
maddening how little respectand love the higher-ups have for
our kids.
They say they want everythingto benefit our kids, but they're
not there in the trenches.
So they're the ones pulling theplugs away from the programs,
(16:07):
away from the incentives, awayfrom the paychecks.
They're the ones destroyingeverything for our kids, while
they pat themselves on the backand do whatever it is they need
to do to feed their egos.
I don't know I it.
It befuddles me how people cantruly lose sight of who they are
(16:30):
, of their character, for power,for money, for for fame, for
attention, for anything.
And I love that this journey hastaken me on a humble ride so I
can stay humble and staygrounded, because when I started
my journey of speaking ofTikTok, it wasn't to go viral.
(16:53):
You know, in a way it is youdesire that.
There's the portion of you, theego, that wants to be seen.
And then, as the healingjourney went on, I just wanted
to share whatever I could tohelp whomever I could.
You didn't have to have aconversation back with me and
tell me that I was helping you.
I just wanted to put my storyout and be as honest and vocal
(17:14):
and vulnerable as I could be andthere were slip-ups and be as
honest and vocal and vulnerableas I could be, and there were
slip ups and there were ups andthere was a lot of downs with my
journey doing that and that'scalled growth, it's not called
judgment.
I'm not going to judge myself,because I'm not perfect and I
can't say that enough and theway the world and society works
on these apps.
(17:35):
It can be scary, because whatyou wish for and I'll just
reference this once only becauseshe's kind of in the hot seat I
hate even saying this word thehot tua girl.
With all that's going on, thechaos that's crumbling around
her, it's almost better for itto crumble for her.
(17:58):
Do I want to see her go to jailfor the mishaps?
No, I hope that people see thatit's not her but her team
that's doing this to her.
You're going to make poordecisions because you want to
trust everyone, and even yourclosest people can't be trusted.
It's unfortunate, but as you goalong with this journey, you
(18:23):
start realizing that people canchange and will change for
either the better or for theworse.
Those decisions, universe isgoing to say I got you.
Here's your karmic lessonyou're going to have to face now
and unfortunately, I think thatshe probably had every
opportunity to change this pathfor herself, but her team got so
(18:45):
lost in the millions and themoney and the dollar signs that
her name's attached to it.
They don't have to go down forit.
She does so, of course.
Now you're looking back at thesepeople that you trusted and
what hurts more, I mean youcould go to jail.
You've discredited who you are.
(19:07):
You've lost loved ones becausethey no longer care about you.
They dropped you like a hotpancake.
They dropped you like a hotpancake.
It's life's lessons and they'realways going to be there.
So you got to be careful.
What you wish for sure.
She did that interview and shecame out of a bar and she was
drunk and she said that and itgrabbed a lot of attention.
(19:30):
But she had the choice of nevergoing down that path.
But it's a ride that you'rewilling to take.
You know, and I think there wasa lot of that where I'm really
trusting the journey and whereit's taking me.
I had a friend that literallydid everything by a timeline and
(19:52):
it just stuck.
It made me feel stuck in somekind of timeline, like yeah, if
I do this, I'm going to do thisin three years.
And I always wondered then likewhy was I rushing the process?
And I always wondered then likewhy was I rushing the process?
Why was I rushing the journeyof learning?
I've learned so much andhonestly I'll say this over and
(20:13):
over this time since I began,this journey doesn't even feel
like it's been that long,literally, as I'm like replaying
it right now in my head.
It feels very short, likeyesterday, a week ago, a month
ago.
It's absurdity and madness.
Yet it's this beautiful journeyof oh my God, I did go through
(20:37):
a lot of shit like a lot ofthings and a lot of lessons, and
this in a long period of time.
Yet it doesn't feel very longand I love that because I feel
like I was present majority ofthe time in the moment.
Now could I have been moreactive and proactive with doing
things?
Yes, I'll take accountabilityon that, but I listen.
(21:01):
So this weekend I did not shamemyself.
I did not shame myself.
I did not guilt myself and Italked about it earlier Because
I'm stubborn when I'm sick orwhen I'm exhausted.
I don't want more chaos and theonly person that's creating the
chaos is my head, like I'mdoing that.
So I allowed myself you knowwhat You're tired sleep.
(21:22):
I don't care if you sleep 18hours in a day.
Sleep If it allows you, ifuniverse allows you, if your
body allows you, do it.
It doesn't matter if you wakeup at one in the morning and
you're wide awake, do it.
And it wasn't Like I literallylistened and I stayed asleep and
it was the best thing everbecause clearly I got rid of
(21:44):
whatever I needed to get rid offor the holidays.
I'm going to be off for twoweeks.
This Friday is our last day, soI want to utilize those two
weeks.
I want to have fun.
There's a lot of family partiesplanned and there's a lot of
downtime that I get to have tomyself.
And normally I'd be you know,on a flight somewhere, but I
told myself that this year Ikind of want to stay grounded.
I want be you know on a flightsomewhere, but I told myself
(22:05):
that this year I kind of want tostay grounded.
I want to stay close to home.
I trust it.
I don't know what it means, butI'm not going to dive into it,
I'm not going to peel back thoselayers.
So I'm on this family soul chatgroup.
They're amazing we're talkingabout.
I haven't had a lot of energyto talk either, share things,
(22:25):
and then when things come up Iwill share.
But basically I did share that.
I'm just trusting.
I'm trusting the rest.
I'm trusting the quietness ofit, the stillness.
I'm not forcing messages tocome out of me.
I'm not racing to respondBecause I have to pour out of me
(22:48):
.
I'm not racing to respondbecause I have to pour back into
me, and that was another videoI came across about how people
exhaust themselves.
They wipe themselves outbecause they're always dot, dot,
dot, dot dot.
I have to do X, y and Z.
I have to do this for thatperson.
I have to do this to fill thevoid.
I was that person the peoplepleaser, the make sure
everyone's happy to the pointwhere I was nothing.
(23:11):
And so when life changed and Istarted pouring back into me, I
got a couple comments of you'reselfish, you're a judgment, I'm
not going to feel bad.
And there's that difference offuck around and find out.
I'm not saying fuck around withme and find out, but I'm saying
fuck around and find out,you're going to get a different
(23:32):
version of me because thisversion of me is my most
healthiest, perfect, nope, gonnastill learn a lesson or two.
Gonna get triggered, of course.
Am I waiting for those triggers?
No, I'm living life, I'm beingpresent.
As long as I stay true and Istay honest, then I'm still
going to continue to progress inlife and still become abundant
(23:57):
because I'm putting in theeffort.
So yeah, I'm not really herefor the games, the lies.
I don't even care if you callthem white lies, just don't.
I'm not here for the judgments,whether it's to my face or
behind my back.
It's even worse if it's behindmy back, but I'm not losing
sleep overnight because you wantto talk something, go for it,
(24:20):
do it.
It's your life.
You're wasting your precioustime, spending time honoring me
by judging me, doesn't it soundsilly?
(24:41):
The big groups, the communitygroup and I witnessed a share
somebody had of theirconversation with their child,
and what I witnessed outside,looking in, was conditioning at
its finest the parentconditioning the child to hate,
(25:08):
to divide, to separate, and itbroke my heart in a way that
also made my eyes go big,because I've never really
witnessed that Felt it formyself.
I've learned a lot from life,but I've never actually
witnessed that conditioningtaking place in a key moment in
life where you could, as aparent, teach your child to
(25:30):
still choose love, not judgment.
Now, do I know the whole story?
No, do I believe that the childwas speaking appropriately?
Yes, I mean, this kid wasbeautiful.
The way he spoke was amazing.
You could tell he's a veryeducated boy.
But it was the final statementfrom the parent to choose a
(25:54):
racial statement, a hatestatement that just my soul kind
of sunk and I'm thinking I lovethe boy's response.
He didn't even dive into it, hedidn't try to acknowledge it.
You could almost feel that hewas like ew, gross mom.
But that's going to be his life.
Later he's going to probablygive her the lesson I'm hoping,
(26:18):
instead of conforming into thathate narrative.
I hope for the best for thiskid because if he's that
talented in speaking sobeautifully at such a young age,
in that inquisitive, thatthere's hope that he could still
continue to choose himself andchoose to speak from his own
(26:41):
point of view and not allow whathis parents are teaching him or
what his mother was spewing tohim, you know, and it's our job
as humans to watch ourselves, tobe careful of what we choose to
say Because, remember, what wewere taught was also conditioned
to us.
That comes from a woundedperson, an ego-centered person.
(27:03):
Not everyone's going to see it,understand it or do it.
I'm sure people who listen tothis, even if it's only once,
judge me in some way.
I'm sure that I sound crazy tosome people and I'm okay, it
doesn't stop me and I don't hangon to that notion anymore.
(27:26):
But I used to.
I used to attach myself toeverything and then my emotional
bottle just kept filling untilit was ready to explode.
Which I talked about before isthe drinking I didn't drink
often, but there were thoseoccasional times when I did
(27:46):
drink too much that I releasedthe demons.
I released the emotionalbaggage I was holding on to.
I released all the suppressionof emotion that I felt from
others, even if it wasn't mine.
I just released it all.
I released all the fear.
I released my ego, which wouldbe the fear of saying something
when I should have saidsomething.
(28:06):
When I felt those things thatwere out of alignment, I should
have said something, but I heldon to it and then I would
release it when I was drunk.
It was a horrible web.
I wove Web, I wove Leave webwove.
I don't know if that soundedweird, but I'm sure it's right.
If it's not, well, it's my newlingo for the day.
(28:30):
So I guess, while being sickfor a week and I also got to lay
around and think about thingslike being a Pisces and being
over-emotional and someone wastelling me that during work or
in retrograde they were very andI had a couple moments.
It is kind of weird without auterus that, um, I don't know
when I would have got my period.
(28:51):
So that kind of helps you.
Now you kind of don't see itlike.
You kind of go through stillsome of the same motions, but I
couldn't tell you.
I probably should keep track,but I don't, um, but I haven't
been.
I I've been too wiped out toeven have emotion.
And I will say this, though, asa healing point in my life,
(29:11):
when I would be too exhausted orsick, that would be a time when
I'd be triggered to become veryemotional and I haven't been.
So I love that I can still seemyself growing and healing and
not ignoring emotion, notnumbing or anything.
(29:31):
I'm just not even running.
I'm acknowledging and embracing, and that includes resting,
sleeping, even if I don't wantto sleep my weekend away,
because then I have two weeks tokind of frolic and be me and do
me and do all the things I loveto do, including this.
So I am looking forward to thatbreak and I'm looking forward
(29:54):
to seeing my family all together.
I am not looking forward to thecold weather but fingers
crossed, we can continue some ofthese heat waves the Midwest I
was, which is funny.
I was coming across old videos.
I don't know who's posting them, but it's like Chicago 1982.
I would have been two years oldat the time and it was like the
(30:17):
warmest day in Chicago and itwas like 64 degrees out.
I said excuse you, and thenthey showed one where it was the
same date but it was 1994.
So I would have been graduating8th grade or no middle of 8th
grade year and it was like thecoolest day and it was like
negative.
Even though it was likenegative, 17, I said uh, uh.
(30:40):
But it's really cool to seethose old videos of Chicago.
And that was just somethingthat randomly came to my mind.
But yeah, so back to being onmy life path journey.
Astrology on full moon.
This full moon, the cold moon,was all weekend.
It actually is tonight, but itstarted Friday, which also did
(31:05):
not help our student energies.
Plus, it was Friday 13th.
Luckily, our kids were not toobad on that day, but that
Thursday before it was justpandemonium.
So Mercury is microwaving.
Today is the last day and Iguess it's the sign of the
Pisces in Virgo.
I don't know.
I'm giggling because I'm likewell, what does that all mean
(31:28):
per se?
I'm just here for the journey,here for the ride.
Figure it out when it happens.
I don't know if there's anyintervening.
I don't know maybe, but if youhave anything to share, please
shoot me a message.
I'd love to hear.
I love learning, so anyone thathas any educational insight,
send it forward.
(31:49):
But otherwise, stay blessed,stay warm, stay you.
Thank you for another amazingday with infinite love with Kate
.
Take care.
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