S5: Ep: 79 "Silver Lining: A Coaching Farewell"

Send us a text

What if the real victory isn't about winning gold, but about the journey and growth along the way? Join me on Infinite Love with Kate as I recount our thrilling adventure in the world of Special Olympics basketball coaching. This episode is a heartfelt reflection on the recent tournament where our dedicated teams, Team Red and Team Black, both proudly secured silver medals. Amid the victories and celebrations, we also faced the challenges of sports politics and the complex dynamics of tournament bracket decisions. As I prepare for my impending resignation after 15 years of coaching, I share the logistical hurdles we encountered, including unexpected changes and limited practice time. Through it all, my unwavering commitment to the athletes and their development shines through.

Explore the emotional rollercoaster that is coaching, as I reflect on self-awareness and personal growth in a competitive sports environment. I discuss unhealed behaviors observed in a recent meeting and contrast them with my own healing journey and improved communication skills. The episode also highlights the importance of self-care, especially as I navigate physical pain post-surgery. Despite frustrations with perceived unfairness, celebrate our team's resilience and the immense gratitude we have for the supportive community of parents and athletes. As we look toward the upcoming state competitions, I express hope for positive change, trusting in divine timing and cherishing the athletes as the true gift of this special program.

Support the show

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, welcome back to another episode of Infinite Love
with Kate.
I believe we are on episode 79.
Well, let's just start off withhappy first full moon of the
new year.
But don't you worry, I took offtoday and not because it was a
full moon, but because yesterdaymy other two friends slash

(00:23):
co-workers, slash coaches forSpecial Olympics we had our big
tournament for the year forbasketball and I cannot believe
it even happened.
I mean, it was so quick.
I don't know where the timewent, but I'm grateful for it.
But it was intense.
And I say that because there'sso much to unpack when it comes

(00:44):
to sports, let alone SpecialOlympics, let alone politics and
unhealed people.
So where do I even begin?
Well, I want to start off withamazing news Both of our teams,
we have two actual teams thatcompete, team Red, team Black,
go Raptors.
They both received second place, which is silver medals.

(01:06):
So that's awesome.
Kudos to them.
Big shout out to both of ourbasketball teams and the coaches
and the parents who all showedup on a snowy morning and a very
early morning and again, it's aSunday.
Who would like to get up and besomewhere at 730 in the morning
?
Not me.
So our adventure started early.
I got to my friend's house, hadto wait a very long time for

(01:28):
her to get ready.
Then we headed out.
We made it just in time we gotrolling.
We each had to separate.
Unfortunately, just by the waythey scheduled our games, both
of our teams played at the sametime but two separate courts, so
we didn't get to see each otherplay.
So they came and visited usafter the first game, which was
nice.
We unfortunately lost the firstbig game.

(01:49):
We actually got blown out ofthe water.
Now, we knew this.
Going in as coaches, we knew.
You see, what I failed tomention was a couple days
earlier, back on Wednesdayrewind time, we had to go to the
seating meeting where all thecoaches gather and we basically
sit there and argue or we'resupposed to communicate, argue

(02:10):
about where our team shouldplace, which bracket, what I've
learned over the years this is15 years doing this and sadly
this is my last year coaching,as I am resigning from the
position for many reasons, butI'll get to that later.
So we sat down.
It was going smoothly.

(02:31):
Our one team is a very low team.
They're beautiful, they'reamazing, their skill set is very
new.
So we knew that that would justautomatically be first bracket.
Nobody could argue.
They played us.
Yeah, they agreed we definitelybelong in the first bracket.
So that was subtle.
That was the easy bracket.
Now, in the past years, what wedid was we kind of lined it up

(02:52):
bracket to bracket, so who wouldplay next, who's the next skill
level after that?
But we were jumping all overthe place and there was one team
that, pretty much whoever theyplayed, they blew them all out
of the water.
So they knew they were in thehighest bracket and they even
said that they probably shouldjust get a ticket to state.
And I know that that'ssometimes not fair.
However, if your competition ismuch weaker, why put them all

(03:16):
through that?
Why go through a bracket whereeveryone's just going to get
blown out of the water?
This is where it kind of wentall wrong and it was unfortunate
, but it saw it coming.
Everyone's just gonna get blownout of the water.
This is where it kind of wentall wrong and it was unfortunate
, but it stopped coming and weas coaches, we had to just kind
of bite our tongue in the senseof why waste that energy yelling
and screaming and arguing?
I know that we're there toadvocate for our team and we did

(03:38):
that.
However, there comes a pointwhere you kind of have to stop
and say, hey, we're not going towin this battle right now in
this second, because you hadabout 19 other coaches against
us.
Now here's the factor I'm veryconfident when it comes to
advocating for our kids.
I have been.
I'm not here to lie, I'm nothere to change scores, fix

(03:58):
things, just so we can godownstate.
It takes so much work andeffort and energy to go
downstate.
Do we want to go?
Yeah, for the kids' sake, butfor an honest reason I'll never
want to go downstate justbecause you know I'll never try
to wiggle my way through.
Just because If I honestlybelieve that our kids deserve
that spot, I will argue andfight for them.

(04:19):
Otherwise you won't hear mearguing.
But somewhere along the line ofSpecial Olympics it has gotten
ugly, and I've heard this frommany districts, so many
different areas.
Illinois has a very I'm notcertain how many district
divisions there are, but thereare several suburbs.
And then the city is its ownseparate entity, but there are

(04:42):
several suburbs throughout theentire Illinois and they each
have a division.
So we're Area E.
Let's just make it simple,simplify that.
So we have about 20-somethingschool districts within our area
.
So then we all compete, thenwhoever wins gold medal, that
goes to state, and then there'sabout a plethora like

(05:03):
100-something teams that play,whether you're high school level
, junior high level or you'readult level, and you all compete
.
You know, and it's a greatexperience, it's exciting, but
there's so much that goes intoit.
One you have to play as manyteams as you can.
I don't know what happened tothis year, but I know that the
headquarters moved, which thenshuffled paperwork around, which

(05:23):
then pushed all these datesforward, and then the place that
we were going to have ourcompetition, they were
overbooked, so that moved ourtournament up to this past
weekend, which is very early forus.
So, to say the least, wehaven't had a lot of practice.
We haven't had a lot of games.
You have to have three games toqualify to participate.
We at least got that in.

(05:44):
Sadly, normally we get a lotmore in, but the problem was we
only had one other team that wehad to cancel with, or actually
two other teams we had to cancelwith because of scheduling.
We sent out an email.
It's our job to send out anemail to all schools.
Not one single person wanted toplay against us.
I don't know what happened inthe last two or three years this
is when it all started but forsome reason, somehow we just

(06:08):
have this bad name attached tous.
I don't know if it's because weplay fair and nobody else does.
I don't know, but it'sunfortunate because when it
comes time to doing thesemeetings, we can't argue because
all of a sudden it's well, wedidn't play them, so we have no
idea.
But then I feel it's done onpurpose and it shouldn't have to
be that way.

(06:28):
If coaches have something aproblem with each other, that
should always be separate fromhaving our students suffer.
I've never understood that, soto say the least.
We didn't get to play a lot ofthe teams that we actually
normally would play in the past,and we know that there's one
person who is the ringleader ofit.
And lo and behold, during thetournament we saw that her team

(06:52):
blew out.
A team blew them out of thewater.
So that tells us right there.
They never belonged in thatbracket, but she was the
ringleader and then, when shewas done with setting up her
bracket, she decided to go aheadand speak on our part.
She's never played us.
She stopped playing us foryears but felt the need to speak
on our part and it waspainfully eerie because she did
that the year before and set usup and the year before and set

(07:12):
us up.
So, besides the point, we let itgo because we're like you can't
argue with someone who's sounhealed who is always
projecting it clearly alwaysfinds karma, because, no matter
what the situation is, karmaalways finds her and I truly
believe in that.
The more unhealed you are andthe more you project evil energy
outward, you're going toreceive your karma.
Now, unfortunately, that karmaaffects her kids and nobody else

(07:36):
seems to problem with that butme.
I think it's painful to watchthis unfold all the time.
So this tournament we got blownout of the water because they
put us in the highest bracket.
Our kids should have beenplaying with a lot of the other
teams and there's nothing betterthan a game that's back-to-back
, like 20-22, 24-26, close calls.
That's a game.

(07:56):
That is how we ended up winningstate the one year we won by
two baskets, but we were alwaysdown during that game.
It was so intense but it was sobeautiful.
That's what makes magic.
That's what our kids thrive offof Whether you win or lose.
I will always tell the kidskeep your head up high and you
always have good sportsmanship,no matter what.

(08:16):
You always congratulate theother team, no matter what,
because in the end I want tomake sure I'm teaching the kids
the importance of values andmorals, right from wrong,
because my job as a teacher isnever done, which also includes
being on the court as a coach,and majority of these kids are
kids in my program that Ialready teach or will be
teaching because they come fromthe academics as well.

(08:37):
So it was hard to know as acoach, going into this game and
talking to the other coach aboutthe respect of okay, make sure
you win.
I get that.
We don't want to completelyblow us out of the water, but we
want them to see that the scorelegitimately shows a huge win
to then validate when we go backlater to put in a bid for a

(09:01):
wild card.
And what this means is we mayhave lost, we may have come in
second place, which is great,but we now have an opportunity
for our lead director to take itto state and say, hey, there
was nobody else to put thisbracket, but then they kind of
sacrifice.
Can we get them a bid for stateand they'll either accept it or
not.

(09:22):
There's one problem with this.
I love it, I'm hopeful for it.
However, the lead person is alsothe one that's been allowing
these arguments and theseconfrontations and these
political scandals to kind of goabout, because she's close
friends with the one person whodecides to speak on all her
halves and, as a leader.
If I were in that position, Iwould literally go to the people

(09:44):
who aren't abiding by whatshe's asking them.
She makes it a leader.
If I were in that position, Iwould literally go to the people
who aren't abiding by whatshe's asking them.
She makes it a point Make sureyou all play each other.
I can't stress this enough.
However, she always looks at usas if it's us.
But we have proof, we haveemails that have gone out.
We've done this, we've donethat.
We've reached out to everyone.
Nobody is returning the emailsto play our kids.
So done that.
We've reached out to everyone.

(10:05):
Nobody is returning the emailsto play our kids.
So again, that shows immaturityon the adult end.
Right, it's not the kid's fault, it's the adult's.
Now she, as the leader, couldthen go up to each one of them
and say listen, this is the lasttime I'm going to tell you, or
we're going to have to pull yourteam out, because we can't have
this.
We can't have arguments duringa meeting, you know,
unfortunately, because she can't.

(10:26):
I mean she could create aschedule and then it really does
hurt everyone, you know,because no one.
She won't know who belongswhere, but she'll just put it in
there.
So I would hate for that tohappen, because you would want
to at least be able to utilizeyour voice.
That's what you're there for asa coach, as an advocate, but
everyone, everyone is there tomake it downstate.
Now, when we went downstate, wehad both teams go and we've

(10:47):
gone downstate a couple of timesand we've lost.
Sometimes we've lost veryclosely, which were beautiful,
and sometimes we've losthorribly, which means that we
were placed in the wrong bracket, no matter what, again out of
our control.
I don't think there's any realeasy way of defining how this
works.
You hope that there'll bebetter ways, but coaches can

(11:07):
always lie on paper.
When you rate your kids and Iwouldn't say that they're always
lying Some people are brand newand some of these rating scales
that we put our kids through.
It's very flat.
It's so broad that it doesn'treally give you wiggle room to
say, okay, it's this or this.
You don't have a choice.
It's really hard to give yourratings.
So I know for us, we sit therefor hours debating.
We're like, but it's this orthis, but we don't want it to

(11:29):
look like that.
I mean we go through everysingle detailed line without
straying towards.
Let's lie so we can look likethis.
No, again, we're not pushing forstate if it's not meant to be,
because that is a wholepandemonium in itself.
Meant to be, because that is awhole pandemonium in itself.
Booking hotels, going throughthe grief, talking to parents

(11:52):
when parents have to come with,renting a bus, working with a
million different staff membersto then get the money, the
compensation, to go to it.
There's so many details thatlie behind all of this.
It's stressful and again,that's something I'm sitting
here like I'm going to state.
Coaches go sometimes becausethey know that it's going to be
fun.
They put their kids to bed,they leave them with their
parents and then they hit thebars and they have a blast.
That's not why we go.

(12:12):
That's the last thing we thinkof.
We're too exhausted.
But you see that there's alwayssomething, there's always a
purpose and a reason behind it.
And I can't speak on everyone,but I can speak on us and what
we do for our kids, and that'sadvocate for the right reasons,
for the healthiest reasons.
I have yelled at parents, evenon my own team, who are
disrespectful.

(12:32):
I don't, I don't accept it.
I don't tolerate it.
All of our kids have specialneeds.
Therefore, we treat everybodywith kindness.
You can't heckle your ownplayers or other players, even
as a parent.
I won't allow it.
I don't justify it.
It's not accepted.
So you see, like I'm alwaysthere, paying attention not only
to what other people are doingto us but also to our own and

(12:56):
how we're handling ourselves.
And again, we're not perfect.
I'm not perfect.
I have said some not-so-kindthings.
But I know there's a better wayof speaking and I know last
year I got out of hand a littlebit, but I was angry and I
projected instead of responded,and I own that.
But that is where thedifference lies Healed versus
unhealed.
So when I sat in that meetingon Wednesday, I heard a lot of

(13:19):
unhealed people and it waspainful and we had one coach
don't even know who this guy wasyell out well, at least you'll
get second place, so take it.
I'm sorry, what right do youhave of our kids accepting
second place when they can fightfor first?
Don't you get to fight forfirst?
But it's okay for you to fightfor first, but you're telling me

(13:40):
, just take it.
Would you tell that to our kids?
Would you say it to our face?
Like I don't even think thatman thought it through, what he
said to us and how inappropriatethat was and how our leader
heard it and said nothing.
You know, and there was even onepoint where our leader said she
moved one of the teams over andshe's like you know what.
They took one for the team lastyear.

(14:01):
We don't want to do that tothem again.
Well, so did we last year.
We don't want to do that tothem again.
Well, so did we.
We lost by a lot of points lastyear.
We got like blown out for oursecond game after we won the
first game, which was close.
The second game we just gotblown out of the water.
And she knew and we said it andsomebody else agreed they did
get, they did take one from theteam and she didn't do the same
thing as she did for the otherteam, move us over.

(14:22):
She just ended the meeting.
Well, that's it, we're done.
Because she didn't want to hearit anymore and we weren't even
the ones speaking.
It was frustrating.
So again, we took one for theteam and again we went into this
game yesterday knowing that wewere going to get blown out.
So I told the coach I go, don'ttake it easy on us.
Second half, don't?
I want the score to be whatit's supposed to be.

(14:43):
I want it to reflect what it'ssupposed to be.
I want it to show that whatthey're doing is so
inappropriately.
They could make this choice.
They should bring it to stateprior to these tournaments and
say, hey, what if we do have oneteam?
What if we do have one teamthat cannot play anybody?
What do we do in this situation?
Should we just allow them?

(15:05):
Because everybody there thatnight of the meeting was in
agreements?
I can see if nobody is, ifthere's some fine, that's a
debate that we should put in thebracket, but if everybody
agrees, then yes.
So here we are.
We take second place both teams.
And it was amazing.
Now, our lowest team, they gotblown out of the water, I guess

(15:26):
for the second game, but youcan't do anything about it
because we were in the rightbracket.
However, we wanted to make surewhen we did bring it up, when
we put the bid in for acomplaint to hopefully go
downstate, we basically toldthem you know, we know that we
were in the right bracket withour lowest team.
We can't argue that.
However, please take a look atthe other team that placed
themselves in a bracket thatthey shouldn't have.

(15:47):
Mark it as a note for the nextyear that that's not okay, you
know, and maybe have thesemeetings go a little bit longer
next year, I don't know.
But again, I won't be there.
I might be there just to assistthe new coaches.
Otherwise, I'm going to runvery far away from these
meetings because I don't agreewith them and I don't agree with

(16:09):
how adults behave and I onlyhope for the best.
I only hope that it does changefor the better.
I really do.
I hope people see what theirreflection is.
And can you love this personthat's reflecting outwardly?
I know I do so.
I know that I'm in the rightwith what I'm doing.
I'm confident in that.
So here I am today.
I got home yesterday and I wasin a lot of pain and a lot of it

(16:32):
has to do with standing for solong and moving.
My body isn't used to it yet.
I thought it was one aging, buttwo just because of the surgery
.
Everywhere that my body hurtwas partly like where I had the
incisions, and it was painful.
I even stretched with the team,but even my body hurt to

(16:53):
stretch.
So I definitely know what I'llbe doing from here on out.
Starting every day is getting agood stretch in, because I'm
over here ready to start workingout.
And I don't know if I mean Iwas on my feet for at least
seven hours, eight hours,standing, moving, coaching, and
I got home and I just wanted aheating pad and a deep tissue
massage.
But, to say the least, it wasfun.

(17:15):
It was fun to talk with thecoaches, it was fun to share the
experiences we get home and wehad a group thread going on with
the parents.
I asked if they could sharephotos and overall it was just a
lot of thank yous from theparents.
We felt seen, we felt heard, wefelt appreciated and there's
just nothing greater than that,you know, as a gift.

(17:37):
So we feel blessed.
So we feel blessed that we'resurrounded by amazing parents,
that we're surrounded by amazingathletes.
They are the ultimate gift tothis program.
I truly believe I've beenblessed for 15 years coaching
these guys, and I won't go intofull detail because my season's
not over yet, so I'm going tohope for the best with State and

(17:59):
how it turns out.
I believe in divineintervention, divine timing, and
whatever universe has for us inSOAR is meant to be.
We already won state once andwe will hold that forever in our
hearts because of theinsurmountable work that was put
into it, not just on our end,but by admin that really truly
supported us, by our own peers,our own teachers and our

(18:22):
programs that supported us, ourparents and then, on top of it,
our athletes.
How amazing they were.
They deserve it, you know, andthey earned it.
So we're blessed again.
So here I am on my day off andrealizing it's the full moon and
it doesn't feel so weird.
I did wake up feeling a littleoff, but not off in the sense of
like oh God, negativity, but inthe sense of like newness, like

(18:45):
what's coming in, something'sdifferent, something's changed.
But then then I got thisamazing message from this woman,
laura, who I just recently wasa guest speaker on her podcast
and I'll talk more about thatnext week because that's when
I'll air it.
But I listened.
I sat in bed and I listened.
After I slept 12 hours.
I turned it on and I was proudof myself.

(19:09):
I loved the whole podcast.
It was so easy talking to thisamazing, beautiful soul.
She just has this presence andenergy about her that puts you
to ease and the conversationflowed like we had been friends
forever.
She's very good at interviewing.
Conversation flowed like we hadbeen friends forever.
She's very good at interviewing.
She's very good at listening.
It was probably the mostpeaceful and harmonizing moment

(19:30):
I experienced in a while just tosit there and then to hear
myself speaking confidently anda story I share all the time.
But it's just the presence.
I could feel my energy shiftedand I was proud of myself in not
an egotistical way, but just ina beautiful, compassionate way
for myself, and I haven't feltthat in a long time.

(19:53):
So that made me smile about theway I felt about myself, and
not questioning it or notmocking myself, you know, with
jokes aside.
So I just carried thatbeautiful energy with me in the
morning, got up and did my thingand got showered and I'm up
here.
I didn't know what I was goingto talk about per se.

(20:13):
I knew I was going to go theroute of Special Olympics, just
because talking about trustingand being present in the moment
and understanding that there aremany unhealed versions of
people all around us and thatsometimes it's how we handle
those situations by sitting withit, by optimizing that negative

(20:34):
energy into beautiful energyfor yourself, pushing that back
out to the world.
And that's what the wholepurpose is.
I believe is why God's sourceuniverse does that for us.
It puts us in a room with allthis energy.
What do you do with it?
Do you take it home with you?
Do you fester and sit in it andallow it to become your toxic

(20:59):
energy?
Or do you take it home with you, process it but then transmute
it all back out to the universeas positive energy, with a
positive attitude?
And I chose positivity becauseI don't want that energy to sit
with me.
I don't want that energy tostay with me because the way my
life is going, it's up and upand up and up, and I like it, I

(21:19):
love it that way.
This is how I desire it to be.
But it takes work too.
The world's not just going tohand you a beautiful platter
silver platter of everythingbeautiful and positive.
You have to put the work in too, and so I had a conversation
with someone who reached out tome today talking about the fear
of TikTok leaving and not beingable to communicate, and I

(21:40):
basically just shared with themthat there's no need to worry
about the what-ifs of tomorrow,next week, next month, because
all that's doing is you holdingon to this negative, toxic
energy and bringing it with you.
We're not guaranteed tomorrow,so why worry about what tomorrow
brings?
There's a divine purpose forwhatever happens.
If this app closes, it's goingto redirect you to something

(22:03):
even more beautiful whichincludes me, if I might just be
one milestone, one beautifulrock that you pick up on your
journey amongst millions, andthat's going to be okay.
So take it for what it givesyou in the moment and utilize
that energy to help you to growyou, to teach you, to push you
forward.
Don't be so afraid of beingisolated or being alone, because

(22:27):
if you're going to hold thatfear, you're always going to
feel that alone.
You're going to take that withyou, and the whole purpose of
our journey isn't to just have amillion people right here at
our fingertips.
It's to be grateful for everysoul that comes into none of our
lives.
They all serve a divine purpose, a divine gift.
Let go of the attachment of theunknown, let go of the fear.

(22:49):
I was that person.
I know I get it.
I was completely attached,especially to the unknown.
So I attach the majority of mylife to fear of the unknown, of
things I can't control because Idon't know when they're going
to happen or what is going tohappen.

(23:10):
So if I can leave any lastingmessages out there, just let go.
Just be present.
Just be grateful for what youhave right here, right now, in
this moment, and cherish it.
And dance.
Get up and dance and begrateful for the moment of dance
right here in this moment.
Celebrate Binge, watch yourfavorite show right now, if
that's what you desire to do.
If the sun is shining, get out.
Go for that walk.
Do the things that excite youbecause they make you feel alive

(23:31):
, they make you feel presentright here.
Put that phone down, step awayfrom the what ifs, the unknowns,
the fear, the attachment.
You're going to be okay.
You will always be able toredefine who you are and serve
your purpose, as long as you letgo.
I'm Kate and this is InfiniteLove, and I thank you for

(23:52):
joining me on another amazingepisode.
Until next week, take care,stay abundant, stay blessed.