September 17, 2025 • 14 mins
In this episode of the Infinitely Precious Podcast, James Henry reflects on the challenge of reactivity—those moments when irritation, fear, or anger trigger an immediate response we later regret. Sharing both personal stories and practical insights, he contrasts the quick reactions that diminish dignity with the mindful, responsive way modeled by Jesus. Through practices like meditation, breath prayers, pausing before speaking, and noticing the body’s signals of rising anger, James encourages listeners to cultivate self-awareness and choose responses that bring peace rather than escalate conflict. He reminds us that while reactivity can feel powerful in the moment, true strength lies in slowing down, breathing, and responding with compassion. Above all, he reassures listeners that even when we fail, grace invites us to try again, remembering always that we are infinitely precious and unconditionally loved.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Intro (00:00):
Welcome to the infinitely precious podcast produced by
(00:03):
infinitely precious LLC. Yourhost is James Henry. Remember,
you are infinitely precious andunconditionally loved for the
gift you already are.
James (00:13):
Hello, beloved. It's me, James. And I am coming to you,
with a weekly thought. So ifyou're joining me, I just wanted
to share some thoughts. I don'tknow about you, but in recent
days, I have found myselfstruggling with something called
(00:36):
reactivity.
Reactivity, it's when somethingirritating or difficult comes
across our path. It could be anemail. It could be a
conversation often about a topicthat we are struggling with
personally. And in the moment wejust want to say whatever comes
(01:00):
up inside of us. And what comesup inside of us sometimes is not
really pretty.
You see it a lot. It happenswhen people sort of get caught
off guard. And what is saidmakes them very angry and they
say something in response thatoftentimes is inappropriate. And
(01:22):
if you're anything like me andyou've done that, and I've had
plenty of years in my life to bereactive and say things I'm
sorry I said, you regret thosemoments when you do it. You
regret having just said whatevercame to your mind.
Well, m here to say that Jesusmodeled a different kind of way.
(01:46):
And that we can, as people offaith, find a way to step back
from the fray. And instead ofbeing reactive, let our buttons
get pushed, so to speak, we canbe responsive. How do we do it?
(02:10):
How do we do it?
When somebody says something tous about our political view from
the complete opposite side orsomeone questions whether we are
people of integrity or peoplequestion our value in an
organization or a place. Maybein our family there's great
(02:33):
stress that we're facing. Maybewe're sitting in traffic yet
again. And if you're watchingthis in Northern Virginia,
sitting in traffic is just areality that we live with every
day. What can we do about it?
And how do we respond? And forsome of us, it is screaming at
the person in the car in frontof us or the person who cuts us
(02:56):
off or the slow way peoplerespond to traffic signals
because they re busy looking attheir phone or distracted by
something else altogether. Andin those reactive moments, we
just say whatever s on our mind.A long time ago, the first thing
that came to my mind is aboutand for me it s a story about
(03:21):
when my children were small andthey were sitting in the back
seat and we were in the processof going somewhere. The funny
thing is, as I remember it, wewere in the car and we were
getting ready to pass throughFalls Church where I live now.
And as we were entering town,somebody cut me off and it
(03:44):
scared me. And in a moment offear, now when my children were
little, let's say that was morethan twenty years ago, twenty
three, twenty four years agowhen they were little and I said
something ugly. Let's imagine Isaid two of the bad words that
(04:07):
my children weren't allowed tosay. No one in our family was
allowed to say, shut up stupid,both shut up, which is not one
word, I realize that, and stupidwere bad words to be said. And
for my children to say thosewords was to put themselves into
time out because shut up istaking away a person's right to
(04:29):
express themselves in an uglyway and calling someone or
labeling someone stupid is alsodehumanizing.
So that would get them introuble. Let's imagine that I
said something like that tosomeone who cut me off in a
moment while we were driving.And a little voice from the back
(04:52):
seat who had learned all thelessons said, daddy, you know,
that hurts God s feelings andthe person in front of us, their
feelings too. Now, of course,the windows were closed and I
don t think the people in frontof me had heard a word I said.
But that s what we always toldour children about reactive
(05:16):
moments when we say somethingugly, maybe even worse than shut
up or stupid to someone elsethat we encounter.
And when we do, what we do isrob them of their dignity. We
take away something from themand we demean ourselves by
(05:44):
labeling someone else, beingless than we could. And we've
all had those reactive moments.You know, if you are following
social media, it's so easy toread something that makes you
angry. If you have any politicalleanings whatsoever and you live
in The United States, you areregularly triggered, either by
(06:07):
people on the left or people onthe right, or people who are too
centrist, by everything.
You just react. And I'm here tosay that it's possible to not be
reactive. I find myself muchless reactive now than I once
(06:27):
was. I'm not saying that I amcompletely nonreactive, I am
saying that I am less prone toreactivity than I once was. So,
the reason it s possible to bethat is because I have learned,
(06:49):
first of all, to be self aware,to recognize the signs in myself
that m feeling the pressurerise, I m feeling the desire to
respond, m feeling my anger, andI can feel it in a tightness
that sometimes happens in mygut, sometimes happens in my
(07:12):
fists, and sometimes I can feelthe signals.
I know what the signs are in myown body when I am getting
frustrated or angry. I can feelthat rising. And because I have
a daily meditation practice,mindfulness practice, sitting
(07:35):
silently, where I keeppracticing letting go of things
that rise up, One of the thingsthat life has taught me about
when I see those things risingin me, when I feel them rising
in me is I don't have to letthem out. I can let them go
without letting them out in somekind of verbal expression. I
(07:59):
don't have to say what's on mywhat's the first thing that
comes to my mind.
I don't have to type it when Isee something on social media or
an irritating email comes myway. I don't have to say it. I
can feel it coming up, I can seeit coming up, and I can let it
go. Reactivity makes us feelpowerful in the moment. We feel
(08:26):
like we've said something andwe've taken back a little of the
power, but what we've reallydone is let go of any
possibility of being the one whobrings a peaceful resolution to
a conversation.
It becomes much more difficultwhen we let our reactivity run
wild. Instead, we have created asituation where now everyone is
(08:49):
riled up in that is engaged andit usually escalates back and
forth. Reactivity begetsreactivity begets reactivity.
Well, if when I feel that risingup, not only do I practice
letting go and if I can't seemto let it go, if I take an
(09:09):
opportunity just to take a deepbreath. Breathing out slowly.
Now, you don't have to make thenoise that I just did because
then it sounds like you'resighing or you can it, you know,
(09:30):
your frustration may show inyour face. It just is the way
that it is sometimes, and peoplewill be able to read that, but
they don't have to hear whateverthe thought was that rose up in
you. And so what would it belike to take just a little
pause? You know, I was raisedwhen you feel angry, count to
(09:50):
10. And if you still feel angryafter 10, count to 10 again.
You keep going, you let it go.So one way to do it is just to
breathe. Another way is to havea simple mantra or breath prayer
that you bring up. Be at peace.Be at peace.
(10:14):
Be at peace. Have mercy. Havemercy. Have mercy. And you don't
have to say that out loud like Ijust did, but you couldn't have
read my mind if I said thosethings to myself.
They can be something you beginor practice to repeat in your
mind. And as you repeat thosemantras, what's interesting, you
(10:39):
slow down your breathing, youspeak those mantras, and instead
of focusing on what is makingyou angry enough to be reactive,
you find a space to step back.You find a space to not react,
maybe to simply respond. You getto make an active choice.
(11:02):
Reactivity is less about youractive choice and more about
just self defense.
It's that fight or flight freezeresponse that happens inside of
you and fight is the first thingthat comes out. You can calm the
fight flight response inside ofyourself, particularly when it s
(11:22):
a conversation. There s a reasonwhy we have the evolutionary
need to run or to fight for selfprotection, but if we re in a
conversation, we don have tofight, we do not have to run
away, we can find another way.And so the breathing actually
(11:44):
slows down the override of ourbrain that wants us to fight or
run away. It slows it down bystopping to breathe.
What ends up happening for us isin that moment we get to
respond. We become calmer. Wecan perhaps respond more
(12:09):
compassionately. There areeveryday triggers that we all
face. So, try a short breath.
Try a mantra that might work foryou. Try journaling about where
you notice reactivity, what arethe situations, and try to avoid
(12:30):
those or at least prepareyourself for those moments when
they come up. Finding what'sunderneath your reactive
moments, that can help you learnmore about who you are, because
reactivity tells you more aboutwho you are than who the other
person is. Their statement mighthave said something about who
they are, but the way you react,the way that you have a visceral
(12:53):
response, that says somethingabout you. Not about them, but
about you, and about how youhear what they're saying.
Choose wisely how you engage theworld. Don't let your buttons be
pushed. Be more like Jesus evenwhen confronted in his everyday
(13:14):
journey. He took time, he wasslow about it, my favorite story
about that is from John chaptereight when there is a woman
caught in adultery and he writeson the, he writes in the sand.
He takes time rather than reactand say something immediately,
he writes in the sand and thenlater when he has gathered
himself, that is how I picturedanyway, he responds.
(13:38):
You can do the same thing.Modeled it for us there and
other places as well. So if youfind yourself reactive, ready to
jump on the next news story, theissues with shootings or other
kinds of things that arehappening, our political world
in which we live, slow down,bring peace to the situation,
(14:00):
not reactivity. And if you fail,there is always grace. There is
always room to apologize and sayI was reactive, I am sorry and
try again.
Try again and try again. Nomatter what though, remember
this, you are infinitelyprecious and unconditionally
(14:21):
loved for the gift you alreadyare. I hope this has been
helpful to you. I welcome yourcomments and your thoughts if
you would like to share them.Until the next time.
Welcome to the infinitely precious podcast produced by
(00:03):
infinitely precious LLC. Yourhost is James Henry. Remember,
you are infinitely precious andunconditionally loved for the
gift you already are.
James (00:13):
Hello, beloved. It's me, James. And I am coming to you,
with a weekly thought. So ifyou're joining me, I just wanted
to share some thoughts. I don'tknow about you, but in recent
days, I have found myselfstruggling with something called
(00:36):
reactivity.
Reactivity, it's when somethingirritating or difficult comes
across our path. It could be anemail. It could be a
conversation often about a topicthat we are struggling with
personally. And in the moment wejust want to say whatever comes
(01:00):
up inside of us. And what comesup inside of us sometimes is not
really pretty.
You see it a lot. It happenswhen people sort of get caught
off guard. And what is saidmakes them very angry and they
say something in response thatoftentimes is inappropriate. And
(01:22):
if you're anything like me andyou've done that, and I've had
plenty of years in my life to bereactive and say things I'm
sorry I said, you regret thosemoments when you do it. You
regret having just said whatevercame to your mind.
Well, m here to say that Jesusmodeled a different kind of way.
(01:46):
And that we can, as people offaith, find a way to step back
from the fray. And instead ofbeing reactive, let our buttons
get pushed, so to speak, we canbe responsive. How do we do it?
(02:10):
How do we do it?
When somebody says something tous about our political view from
the complete opposite side orsomeone questions whether we are
people of integrity or peoplequestion our value in an
organization or a place. Maybein our family there's great
(02:33):
stress that we're facing. Maybewe're sitting in traffic yet
again. And if you're watchingthis in Northern Virginia,
sitting in traffic is just areality that we live with every
day. What can we do about it?
And how do we respond? And forsome of us, it is screaming at
the person in the car in frontof us or the person who cuts us
(02:56):
off or the slow way peoplerespond to traffic signals
because they re busy looking attheir phone or distracted by
something else altogether. Andin those reactive moments, we
just say whatever s on our mind.A long time ago, the first thing
that came to my mind is aboutand for me it s a story about
(03:21):
when my children were small andthey were sitting in the back
seat and we were in the processof going somewhere. The funny
thing is, as I remember it, wewere in the car and we were
getting ready to pass throughFalls Church where I live now.
And as we were entering town,somebody cut me off and it
(03:44):
scared me. And in a moment offear, now when my children were
little, let's say that was morethan twenty years ago, twenty
three, twenty four years agowhen they were little and I said
something ugly. Let's imagine Isaid two of the bad words that
(04:07):
my children weren't allowed tosay. No one in our family was
allowed to say, shut up stupid,both shut up, which is not one
word, I realize that, and stupidwere bad words to be said. And
for my children to say thosewords was to put themselves into
time out because shut up istaking away a person's right to
(04:29):
express themselves in an uglyway and calling someone or
labeling someone stupid is alsodehumanizing.
So that would get them introuble. Let's imagine that I
said something like that tosomeone who cut me off in a
moment while we were driving.And a little voice from the back
(04:52):
seat who had learned all thelessons said, daddy, you know,
that hurts God s feelings andthe person in front of us, their
feelings too. Now, of course,the windows were closed and I
don t think the people in frontof me had heard a word I said.
But that s what we always toldour children about reactive
(05:16):
moments when we say somethingugly, maybe even worse than shut
up or stupid to someone elsethat we encounter.
And when we do, what we do isrob them of their dignity. We
take away something from themand we demean ourselves by
(05:44):
labeling someone else, beingless than we could. And we've
all had those reactive moments.You know, if you are following
social media, it's so easy toread something that makes you
angry. If you have any politicalleanings whatsoever and you live
in The United States, you areregularly triggered, either by
(06:07):
people on the left or people onthe right, or people who are too
centrist, by everything.
You just react. And I'm here tosay that it's possible to not be
reactive. I find myself muchless reactive now than I once
(06:27):
was. I'm not saying that I amcompletely nonreactive, I am
saying that I am less prone toreactivity than I once was. So,
the reason it s possible to bethat is because I have learned,
(06:49):
first of all, to be self aware,to recognize the signs in myself
that m feeling the pressurerise, I m feeling the desire to
respond, m feeling my anger, andI can feel it in a tightness
that sometimes happens in mygut, sometimes happens in my
(07:12):
fists, and sometimes I can feelthe signals.
I know what the signs are in myown body when I am getting
frustrated or angry. I can feelthat rising. And because I have
a daily meditation practice,mindfulness practice, sitting
(07:35):
silently, where I keeppracticing letting go of things
that rise up, One of the thingsthat life has taught me about
when I see those things risingin me, when I feel them rising
in me is I don't have to letthem out. I can let them go
without letting them out in somekind of verbal expression. I
(07:59):
don't have to say what's on mywhat's the first thing that
comes to my mind.
I don't have to type it when Isee something on social media or
an irritating email comes myway. I don't have to say it. I
can feel it coming up, I can seeit coming up, and I can let it
go. Reactivity makes us feelpowerful in the moment. We feel
(08:26):
like we've said something andwe've taken back a little of the
power, but what we've reallydone is let go of any
possibility of being the one whobrings a peaceful resolution to
a conversation.
It becomes much more difficultwhen we let our reactivity run
wild. Instead, we have created asituation where now everyone is
(08:49):
riled up in that is engaged andit usually escalates back and
forth. Reactivity begetsreactivity begets reactivity.
Well, if when I feel that risingup, not only do I practice
letting go and if I can't seemto let it go, if I take an
(09:09):
opportunity just to take a deepbreath. Breathing out slowly.
Now, you don't have to make thenoise that I just did because
then it sounds like you'resighing or you can it, you know,
(09:30):
your frustration may show inyour face. It just is the way
that it is sometimes, and peoplewill be able to read that, but
they don't have to hear whateverthe thought was that rose up in
you. And so what would it belike to take just a little
pause? You know, I was raisedwhen you feel angry, count to
(09:50):
10. And if you still feel angryafter 10, count to 10 again.
You keep going, you let it go.So one way to do it is just to
breathe. Another way is to havea simple mantra or breath prayer
that you bring up. Be at peace.Be at peace.
(10:14):
Be at peace. Have mercy. Havemercy. Have mercy. And you don't
have to say that out loud like Ijust did, but you couldn't have
read my mind if I said thosethings to myself.
They can be something you beginor practice to repeat in your
mind. And as you repeat thosemantras, what's interesting, you
(10:39):
slow down your breathing, youspeak those mantras, and instead
of focusing on what is makingyou angry enough to be reactive,
you find a space to step back.You find a space to not react,
maybe to simply respond. You getto make an active choice.
(11:02):
Reactivity is less about youractive choice and more about
just self defense.
It's that fight or flight freezeresponse that happens inside of
you and fight is the first thingthat comes out. You can calm the
fight flight response inside ofyourself, particularly when it s
(11:22):
a conversation. There s a reasonwhy we have the evolutionary
need to run or to fight for selfprotection, but if we re in a
conversation, we don have tofight, we do not have to run
away, we can find another way.And so the breathing actually
(11:44):
slows down the override of ourbrain that wants us to fight or
run away. It slows it down bystopping to breathe.
What ends up happening for us isin that moment we get to
respond. We become calmer. Wecan perhaps respond more
(12:09):
compassionately. There areeveryday triggers that we all
face. So, try a short breath.
Try a mantra that might work foryou. Try journaling about where
you notice reactivity, what arethe situations, and try to avoid
(12:30):
those or at least prepareyourself for those moments when
they come up. Finding what'sunderneath your reactive
moments, that can help you learnmore about who you are, because
reactivity tells you more aboutwho you are than who the other
person is. Their statement mighthave said something about who
they are, but the way you react,the way that you have a visceral
(12:53):
response, that says somethingabout you. Not about them, but
about you, and about how youhear what they're saying.
Choose wisely how you engage theworld. Don't let your buttons be
pushed. Be more like Jesus evenwhen confronted in his everyday
(13:14):
journey. He took time, he wasslow about it, my favorite story
about that is from John chaptereight when there is a woman
caught in adultery and he writeson the, he writes in the sand.
He takes time rather than reactand say something immediately,
he writes in the sand and thenlater when he has gathered
himself, that is how I picturedanyway, he responds.
(13:38):
You can do the same thing.Modeled it for us there and
other places as well. So if youfind yourself reactive, ready to
jump on the next news story, theissues with shootings or other
kinds of things that arehappening, our political world
in which we live, slow down,bring peace to the situation,
(14:00):
not reactivity. And if you fail,there is always grace. There is
always room to apologize and sayI was reactive, I am sorry and
try again.
Try again and try again. Nomatter what though, remember
this, you are infinitelyprecious and unconditionally
(14:21):
loved for the gift you alreadyare. I hope this has been
helpful to you. I welcome yourcomments and your thoughts if
you would like to share them.Until the next time.
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