April 11, 2025 • 11 mins
In this episode of the Infinitely Precious Podcast, James reflects on the deeply human impulse to fix everything—ourselves, others, situations beyond our control—and how that impulse can sometimes pull us away from presence, love, and true healing. Through the lens of a personal journey with his father’s recent hospitalization, he shares how surrender, not control, became the gateway to deeper connection. Drawing from spiritual wisdom and lived experience, James invites us to consider what it means to let go of our fixing mindset and simply be. It’s a gentle yet powerful reminder that transformation often begins not with doing, but with being present.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Intro (00:00):
Welcome to the infinitely precious podcast produced by
(00:03):
infinitely precious LLC. Yourhost is James Henry. Remember,
you are infinitely precious andunconditionally loved for the
gift you already are.
James (00:11):
Hello. It's me, James, and we have another opportunity
to reflect together on thepodcast about a topic that seems
important or at least arises inme for us to talk about today.
As I think about something thatI have been learning recently, I
(00:34):
that was both freeing andchallenging. It was my need and
perhaps our need, perhaps youwill experience the exact same
need to let go of trying to fixeverything or everyone, even
yourself, even myself. The ideathat we can fix things is borne
(00:58):
out in our society wheneverything is broken, people
purport to know how to fix thosethings.
And I'm not saying that weshouldn't try to solve problems,
but oftentimes our fixes are notreally fixes. They're born out
(01:18):
of really good intentions.Oftentimes, they're born out of
love, the desire to help someoneout or fix a broken what we
perceive to be a brokensituation they find themselves
in. There's the desire to seethat come to some kind of
important fruition and to getthem out of that what we
(01:40):
perceive to be stuck place. Sowe want to fix them.
With someone who is sick, wewant to fix their illness, bring
them back to whatever theirprevious state was or perhaps so
that love brings us to a placewhere, you know, we want to help
(02:05):
someone because of love, becauseof our desire to control
situations sometimes. Andsometimes, it's just something
because of our own anxiety,because we feel anxious because
of whatever we perceive to bebroken and we feel like fixing
it is important. Again, I'll saythat there are situations in
(02:30):
which we need to work forsolutions, but oftentimes those
solutions are not simple or easyfixes that we can simply adjust
a knob somewhere or movesomething somewhere to fix
things. I learned this onceagain. I reflected with you on
(02:53):
this on Tuesday's podcast, butmy father, my 96 year old father
has been in the hospital for acouple of weeks, first ICU and
then a step down unit, and nowhe's doing rehab to PT and OT to
get back in shape before hecomes home again.
(03:15):
And in the midst of all of whatwas going on, I'm his medical
power of attorney and was hisspokesperson, I was getting lots
of information synthesizing thatinformation and wishing there
were a way I could easily fixsome of the challenges he was
facing. And the truth is Ilearned over the ten days I got
(03:39):
to be in person with him thatwhat really was needed was not
my attempt to fix anything thatwas broken. I did advocate for
him and they and doctors andnurses and other professionals
helped him move along and triedvarious approaches to help him
(04:00):
in the healing process. But whatmy most important work was to be
present with dad, to surrenderin the moment to knowing I
couldn't fix anything about whatwas happening. All I could do
was really be present with thatbecause every moment that I was
(04:20):
distracted by the desire to fixsomething to change the outcome,
that's what I talked about onTuesday and they're corollaries
of each other, I missed beingthere.
Now, I don't know about he hasmade great physical progress, to
(04:43):
the wonderful professionals atthe hospital, But in terms of
healing, that's so much biggerthan whether or not we can root
out whatever our medicalailments are. Healing is a whole
person approach and the desireto fix things is trying to pull
(05:04):
someone aspect out and bring itback into some form of balance
that we perceive to be thecorrect balance, our desire to
fix it, to control it, to makeit better. I lived in that place
and in letting go of that, Ireally experienced the real
(05:28):
presence of being with dad, hishaving the opportunity to really
be with me because I was reallythere in the room with him,
sometimes when he was sleeping,sometimes when he was talking,
sometimes when he was awake andwe were silent together,
sometimes when he was eating ameal. In all of those things, I
(05:49):
was able to be present, and thatwas a kind of healing in itself,
a healing in our relationship,in our sense of connection. I've
always felt that my relationshipwith dad was good.
There's great love and mutualrespect for one another in that
(06:11):
relationship. But this was anopportunity for us to just kind
of talk about whatever was onhis mind. He was always
interested in how other membersof the household were doing, my
mom to whom he's been marriedfor seventy years, and my
siblings and my wife and my andhis grandchildren, all were
(06:36):
points of conversation. Andthere was just a lot of love in
the room and it was experienced.Now, you know, we don't
ultimately know what the outcomewill be even though he's out of
the hospital and doing, youknow, physical therapy and
occupational therapy, speechtherapy to get back home again.
(06:58):
We don't know what the ultimateoutcome will be, but I do know
that our relationship was madestronger by those days together
without me desiring to fix andbe distracted by my desire to
fix. It also reminded me ofsomething important that I think
(07:18):
is really vital in our livestogether and that is most
spiritual growth comes fromsurrender, not control. Maybe
all spiritual growth comes fromsurrender and not control. I
can't simply will to know Godbetter. One of my favorite
(07:40):
verses is from Psalm 46 verse 10in the English translation and
it says, be still and know thatI am God.
And if you listen to that andmeditate on that phrase, you
aren't doing anything. You'rebeing. Being still and being
(08:04):
open to knowing. What's powerfulabout the knowing of that word
is it's not in the modernintellectual sense. It is in a
deeper, more intimate kind ofinner knowing, a way of being
present with and connecting to.
It's a relational knowing. Morethan simply gaining knowledge
(08:26):
for the brain, it is coming toutilize all of our senses to
know this presence, the one thatwe would call God. Such a tiny
word, three letters, that ismeant to contain an infinite
mystery. I'm often struck bythat. So surrender is actually
(08:51):
the gateway to growing in ourspiritual journey and it's a
wonderful invitation.
So if you are busy trying to fixthings in your life or in the
life of others, and if you'relike me, you probably are, I
(09:15):
want to invite you to ponderabout letting go of the desire
to fix that takes you out ofthis moment and look for
solutions. I'm not saying don'twork for solutions to the big
problems of this world becausethere are a lot and they need
work. But part of that islearning to be present with more
(09:35):
than just a fixing mind, youknow, kind of letting go of the
fixer in you and be presentbecause the very thing that may
begin to bring balance back to asituation may rise in the
silence of you're not trying tofix it. So some things to
(09:56):
reflect on. I want to suggestsome questions that you might
reflect on.
What part of you feelsuncomfortable when something is
unresolved? You know, that's thefixer in you. What and the fixer
in me. What is it that feelsuncomfortable with the
(10:22):
unresolved, like I felt when Iwas in the hospital with my dad
for the last couple of weeks?Where might I be called to
release control and trust theprocess?
It's another good question.Where might you do that? And
(10:43):
what does it feel like in yourbody to stop fixing and just be
present? What does it feel liketo slow down and stop and simply
be where you are? What does thatfeel like for you?
I don't know if this has beenparticularly helpful. Was it's
certainly been one of thelessons I've been learning
(11:06):
relearning, if you will, overthe last several weeks. A
reminder, I'm not a fixer. Thereare things that I can bring more
balance to, but a lot of thingsare beyond my control and
attempting to fix them onlydistracts me from being present,
which may keep me from bringingthe healing and the hope and the
(11:31):
love to the moment because I'mso focused on the fixing. No
matter whether or not you'refixer and you're caught up in
the fixing or not, I want toremind you, you are infinitely
precious and unconditionallyloved for the gift you already
are.
Until the next time, I wish youall the very best in your
(11:51):
letting go of fixing.
Welcome to the infinitely precious podcast produced by
(00:03):
infinitely precious LLC. Yourhost is James Henry. Remember,
you are infinitely precious andunconditionally loved for the
gift you already are.
James (00:11):
Hello. It's me, James, and we have another opportunity
to reflect together on thepodcast about a topic that seems
important or at least arises inme for us to talk about today.
As I think about something thatI have been learning recently, I
(00:34):
that was both freeing andchallenging. It was my need and
perhaps our need, perhaps youwill experience the exact same
need to let go of trying to fixeverything or everyone, even
yourself, even myself. The ideathat we can fix things is borne
(00:58):
out in our society wheneverything is broken, people
purport to know how to fix thosethings.
And I'm not saying that weshouldn't try to solve problems,
but oftentimes our fixes are notreally fixes. They're born out
(01:18):
of really good intentions.Oftentimes, they're born out of
love, the desire to help someoneout or fix a broken what we
perceive to be a brokensituation they find themselves
in. There's the desire to seethat come to some kind of
important fruition and to getthem out of that what we
(01:40):
perceive to be stuck place. Sowe want to fix them.
With someone who is sick, wewant to fix their illness, bring
them back to whatever theirprevious state was or perhaps so
that love brings us to a placewhere, you know, we want to help
(02:05):
someone because of love, becauseof our desire to control
situations sometimes. Andsometimes, it's just something
because of our own anxiety,because we feel anxious because
of whatever we perceive to bebroken and we feel like fixing
it is important. Again, I'll saythat there are situations in
(02:30):
which we need to work forsolutions, but oftentimes those
solutions are not simple or easyfixes that we can simply adjust
a knob somewhere or movesomething somewhere to fix
things. I learned this onceagain. I reflected with you on
(02:53):
this on Tuesday's podcast, butmy father, my 96 year old father
has been in the hospital for acouple of weeks, first ICU and
then a step down unit, and nowhe's doing rehab to PT and OT to
get back in shape before hecomes home again.
(03:15):
And in the midst of all of whatwas going on, I'm his medical
power of attorney and was hisspokesperson, I was getting lots
of information synthesizing thatinformation and wishing there
were a way I could easily fixsome of the challenges he was
facing. And the truth is Ilearned over the ten days I got
(03:39):
to be in person with him thatwhat really was needed was not
my attempt to fix anything thatwas broken. I did advocate for
him and they and doctors andnurses and other professionals
helped him move along and triedvarious approaches to help him
(04:00):
in the healing process. But whatmy most important work was to be
present with dad, to surrenderin the moment to knowing I
couldn't fix anything about whatwas happening. All I could do
was really be present with thatbecause every moment that I was
(04:20):
distracted by the desire to fixsomething to change the outcome,
that's what I talked about onTuesday and they're corollaries
of each other, I missed beingthere.
Now, I don't know about he hasmade great physical progress, to
(04:43):
the wonderful professionals atthe hospital, But in terms of
healing, that's so much biggerthan whether or not we can root
out whatever our medicalailments are. Healing is a whole
person approach and the desireto fix things is trying to pull
(05:04):
someone aspect out and bring itback into some form of balance
that we perceive to be thecorrect balance, our desire to
fix it, to control it, to makeit better. I lived in that place
and in letting go of that, Ireally experienced the real
(05:28):
presence of being with dad, hishaving the opportunity to really
be with me because I was reallythere in the room with him,
sometimes when he was sleeping,sometimes when he was talking,
sometimes when he was awake andwe were silent together,
sometimes when he was eating ameal. In all of those things, I
(05:49):
was able to be present, and thatwas a kind of healing in itself,
a healing in our relationship,in our sense of connection. I've
always felt that my relationshipwith dad was good.
There's great love and mutualrespect for one another in that
(06:11):
relationship. But this was anopportunity for us to just kind
of talk about whatever was onhis mind. He was always
interested in how other membersof the household were doing, my
mom to whom he's been marriedfor seventy years, and my
siblings and my wife and my andhis grandchildren, all were
(06:36):
points of conversation. Andthere was just a lot of love in
the room and it was experienced.Now, you know, we don't
ultimately know what the outcomewill be even though he's out of
the hospital and doing, youknow, physical therapy and
occupational therapy, speechtherapy to get back home again.
(06:58):
We don't know what the ultimateoutcome will be, but I do know
that our relationship was madestronger by those days together
without me desiring to fix andbe distracted by my desire to
fix. It also reminded me ofsomething important that I think
(07:18):
is really vital in our livestogether and that is most
spiritual growth comes fromsurrender, not control. Maybe
all spiritual growth comes fromsurrender and not control. I
can't simply will to know Godbetter. One of my favorite
(07:40):
verses is from Psalm 46 verse 10in the English translation and
it says, be still and know thatI am God.
And if you listen to that andmeditate on that phrase, you
aren't doing anything. You'rebeing. Being still and being
(08:04):
open to knowing. What's powerfulabout the knowing of that word
is it's not in the modernintellectual sense. It is in a
deeper, more intimate kind ofinner knowing, a way of being
present with and connecting to.
It's a relational knowing. Morethan simply gaining knowledge
(08:26):
for the brain, it is coming toutilize all of our senses to
know this presence, the one thatwe would call God. Such a tiny
word, three letters, that ismeant to contain an infinite
mystery. I'm often struck bythat. So surrender is actually
(08:51):
the gateway to growing in ourspiritual journey and it's a
wonderful invitation.
So if you are busy trying to fixthings in your life or in the
life of others, and if you'relike me, you probably are, I
(09:15):
want to invite you to ponderabout letting go of the desire
to fix that takes you out ofthis moment and look for
solutions. I'm not saying don'twork for solutions to the big
problems of this world becausethere are a lot and they need
work. But part of that islearning to be present with more
(09:35):
than just a fixing mind, youknow, kind of letting go of the
fixer in you and be presentbecause the very thing that may
begin to bring balance back to asituation may rise in the
silence of you're not trying tofix it. So some things to
(09:56):
reflect on. I want to suggestsome questions that you might
reflect on.
What part of you feelsuncomfortable when something is
unresolved? You know, that's thefixer in you. What and the fixer
in me. What is it that feelsuncomfortable with the
(10:22):
unresolved, like I felt when Iwas in the hospital with my dad
for the last couple of weeks?Where might I be called to
release control and trust theprocess?
It's another good question.Where might you do that? And
(10:43):
what does it feel like in yourbody to stop fixing and just be
present? What does it feel liketo slow down and stop and simply
be where you are? What does thatfeel like for you?
I don't know if this has beenparticularly helpful. Was it's
certainly been one of thelessons I've been learning
(11:06):
relearning, if you will, overthe last several weeks. A
reminder, I'm not a fixer. Thereare things that I can bring more
balance to, but a lot of thingsare beyond my control and
attempting to fix them onlydistracts me from being present,
which may keep me from bringingthe healing and the hope and the
(11:31):
love to the moment because I'mso focused on the fixing. No
matter whether or not you'refixer and you're caught up in
the fixing or not, I want toremind you, you are infinitely
precious and unconditionallyloved for the gift you already
are.
Until the next time, I wish youall the very best in your
(11:51):
letting go of fixing.
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