From Motherhood to Muscle: Vanessa's Transformation

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Have you ever wondered how personal challenges can transform into profound strengths? In this heartfelt episode of InkTales, we sit down with Vanessa, an inspiring educator and mother of five, whose journey into teaching was sparked by her oldest son's learning disability. Vanessa shares how her dedication to teaching high school students with special needs and her own personal transformation into fitness were driven by her family's needs and love. Listen as she recounts her evolution from struggling with basic exercises to becoming a bodybuilding and powerlifting competitor, all while balancing her roles as a devoted mother and committed educator.

As we explore the importance of dedicated educators, we reflect on our own experiences and the impact of seeing students as more than just numbers. The conversation delves into parenting and teaching strategies that emphasize discipline, commitment, and perseverance. Through anecdotes from our personal lives, including stories about our own children and classroom experiences, we highlight the values needed to prepare children for future success. This episode underscores the crucial role of creating an open and supportive environment in both teaching and parenting.

The episode also takes you on an emotional journey through the significance of tattoos, featuring Vanessa's deeply personal stories of her own body art. From a tribute to her grandmother to symbolic tattoos that represent personal growth and family connections, Vanessa's tattoos are more than just ink on skin—they are powerful symbols of love and resilience. We also discuss heartfelt stories of honoring loved ones through tattoos, including a father's Vietnam veteran service and the anticipation of future tributes. These narratives beautifully capture the essence of using tattoos as a form of emotional expression and remembrance.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:07):
Hi, you're listening to the Inktails podcast, a show
where I go out in the city, meetnew people and get the stories
behind our tattoos.
I'm Tenoch.
Come join me on my journeyToday on the show.

Speaker 2 (00:19):
I'm in La Quinta, california, with my guest,
vanessa.
Vanessa, welcome to the show.
Thank you, hello.
It's good to see you again.
Good to see you.
Our second attempt show.
I'm in lakinta, california withmy guest vanessa vanessa
welcome to the show.
Thank you, hello, it's good tosee you again good to see you
our second attempt I know in amuch quieter setting, which is
nice.

Speaker 3 (00:32):
But yeah, last time we?

Speaker 2 (00:33):
uh, definitely we made a really good attempt, but
uh, traffic was a little tooloud I mean like snowbird season
just doesn't seem to end aroundhere anymore.

Speaker 3 (00:41):
that's so I get it.
Actually, this is Pazawit Bigwin.

Speaker 2 (00:49):
Yeah, we're at Tequila's in La Quinta, so it's
very nice, very quiet.
Drinks are popping, I knowwe're having some good drinks,
had a good littlepre-conversation before our
podcast, but I like to start itoff really easy.
So why don't you tell me alittle bit about yourself, what
you do and some of the hobbiesthat you like, and we'll get

(01:12):
into the whole tattoo storystuff, all?

Speaker 3 (01:14):
right, all right.
Well, let's see.
First and foremost, I'm a mom.
That's like my main title.
I'm a mother of five.
I have four boys and onedaughter.
Main title I'm a mother of five, I have four boys and, uh, one
daughter.
Uh, we are very active family.
Everybody's always doingsomething, um, from football,
boxing, um even being active inschool in the communities.

(01:34):
Myself, I'm an educator, so Iwork with students with special
needs it's important job it's.
I love it.
I honestly do like and I teachhigh school kids.
So the amount of sarcasm I likecome into, you know contact
with on a daily basis, it'sawesome because they get it.
They get the sarcasm I like.

(01:56):
Don't get me wrong, littles arecool, but high school is where
it's at um sass level.
Absolutely, Absolutely.
So it's like that's like titfor tat all day long, but it
makes the time go by.

Speaker 2 (02:09):
So what made you get into education?

Speaker 3 (02:12):
My son, my oldest son .
So he has a learning disability, so he's very, very hyper and
when he was younger I didn'tknow what to do.
It was, you know, he was justoff the chain everywhere,
couldn't sit still and as aresult of that, his behavior was
very negative in some senses.

(02:33):
Only because he just didn'tknow what to do with himself.
Okay, and the teachers that hehad when he was younger also
didn't know how to deal with hisbehavior.
And since he was my first childand I had him very young I
didn't, I was learning as well.
So we came into contact withthis really amazing resource
teacher, ms Osborne.

(02:54):
She bless her, like bless her.
She took him in and just workedwith him right away and she
knew what to do, like she justhad him under her wing.
She allowed me to come in,observe, help out in the class,
do anything that I possiblycould with the time that I had,
okay, and she's the one whoactually pushed me into becoming

(03:15):
a teacher.
She's like you have a lot ofpatience, you should do it.
And, of course, when she saidthat, I was like lady, no,
absolutely not deal with.
You know, other people's babykids.
You know I'm just like no, um,no, kids are great, but you know
there's some that are just alittle off the chain and um, but
she was right, she ended upbeing right and I started

(03:38):
substitute teaching and I justloved it.
I look forward going to workevery single day and while I was
working towards getting my ummasters, I was doing
pharmacology and that at thesame time, and just teaching one
teaching one each day isdifferent.
You never know what you'regoing to get.
Um, all these differentpersonalities in one room and

(03:59):
you get to like, yes, you'reteaching, but you're also giving
life lessons at the same time.
Right, so that to me, is worthit all, to be honest, because I
made a lot of mistakes in myyounger years.
So working with students whereat the age where I started
making some questionabledecisions, was where I feel I

(04:20):
need to be and I still feel likea strong pull.
That's where I belong to thisday.
Um, besides, from being ateacher in my own personal time,
um, I got into fitness alsobecause of my oldest son kind of
threw a jab he threw a jab oneday.
He's like oh, we're kind of acouch potato family.
I was like, oh man, as I'mfalling asleep on the couch,

(04:43):
breathing hard you know, I waslike, oh, it sucked to hear, but
he wasn't wrong.
So I put myself into the gym.
I started up at this local gymhere called Fit 42.
Okay, just to kind of get youknow everything moving, man,

(05:03):
those coaches kicked my butt.
I couldn't do a single push-up.
I couldn't run a lap, literallyto like, curve, to curve.
I was like forget it and it'slike to see where I started to
where I am now.
Um, I did bodybuildingcompetitions, placed in
bodybuilding competitions.
Never thought I'd do that in mylife Power lifting competitions

(05:26):
.
I'm going to have my next powerlifting competition in eight
weeks.

Speaker 1 (05:29):
It's exciting.

Speaker 3 (05:30):
I'm super stoked, super, super stoked, and it's
like the journey has been insane.
It's like it's a consistentjourney.
It is not meant for adestination.
That's not what it's about.
Like you're constantly growing,constantly changing, evolving
as a person and you know, andyour body's constantly evolving
too, because as you age, youknow, you still get to push your

(05:51):
barriers, and don't you have tolearn not to set an age limit?
I feel like a lot of peoplethink like, oh, I'm a mom, oh,
I'm in my 30s, you know, or Idon't have time?
I mean, that was me.
We have excuses, dude, I had an.
Oh, I still have a bag ready onstandby for a lot of things you

(06:15):
know and they all sound prettygood.
I've learned to master themquite a bit, but anytime you
need one right, just pull oneout you know, here's my mom bag.
It's on standby.
You know I was like, but nowI'm like.
You know, enough is enough.
You know it's time to just stopthat because at the end of the
day, I am an.
I am a mom, like I said, firstand foremost I am an example.

(06:36):
So I don't want my kids todevelop those habits.
So I really do feel likeeverything that I go into, I
feel like give it a hundredpercent, because I want them to
know that if you really want toachieve something and if you
want to be the difference, youhave to go out there and give it
your all.
And if you don't, then you'regoing to sit here like why

(06:58):
didn't I get this?
Or why didn't I get that?
Well, did you give iteverything you had?
And if you can't sit there andsay, without a doubt, yes, then
I don't want to hear youcomplain.

Speaker 2 (07:07):
Yeah, and sometimes you got to realize everything
you have is different every day.

Speaker 3 (07:10):
Every single day it's a little bit different.

Speaker 2 (07:13):
It's not always the same.

Speaker 3 (07:14):
I mean like you can sit there in the morning, wake
up, have your clothes laid out,your food in the fridge, you
know, wake up every on time, getout the door and you're like
morning's great boom, yourstarbucks ordering ready, boom,
there's an accident on thefreeway.
Oh well, at least my starbucksorder was late.

(07:36):
But now I get to sit in thistraffic jam and you know I'm
still late.

Speaker 2 (07:40):
But you know what life's good when you forget your
shoes or something importantyou're like forget it.

Speaker 3 (07:45):
Man, I forgot my laptop for work once.
I was like so teaching?
Today we're back to thefundamentals.
Open your books, that was.
And the kids were looking at melike no iPads, no this, no that
.
I'm like.

Speaker 2 (07:58):
They're like what's that book?

Speaker 3 (08:09):
Welcome to when I was in school, where we just had to
focus on actually payingattention to what the teacher
was saying.
And you know, as I said, Iteach sped, so they're just
looking at me like lady, you'recrazy.
Every day.
I talk to myself quite oftenand I'll answer myself, which I
feel is normal.

Speaker 2 (08:18):
Now, and how long have you been teaching now?

Speaker 3 (08:23):
and so I entered education in 2007.

Speaker 2 (08:27):
Okay, yeah, about 2007 and seven years, yeah, you
still have the love for it Ilove it every day like I look,
see it.
Your, your face lights up whenyou talk thank you, thank you.

Speaker 3 (08:39):
It's like there.
It's the kids through the yearsthat just made the biggest
difference for me me Evenrunning into them in the store
or just in a public setting, andthey still know me by name.
That is the deal that I signedup for.

Speaker 2 (08:57):
Yeah, well, I'm like we definitely do need a lot of
good teachers that influence ourkids in a positive way, Not
just treat them as a number andpush them through.

Speaker 3 (09:09):
Yeah, I completely agree on that, because there's,
unfortunately, educators in thefield that I'm sure that we
remember from our youth thatwere questionable.

Speaker 2 (09:25):
I'm trying to think of a way to say it that's not
offensive they don't knowthey're in here, they know, they
know what's up, you know it'slike say it man, I could drop
names right now, like be like weneed to have a meeting in hr,
like oh, why, um?

Speaker 3 (09:40):
but it's like at the end of the day, like I can.
I know I can only control whathappens within my classroom,
right.
So as long as I know, when theycome into my classroom, I check
in with them.
I do check in.
I stand by the door.
I'm like how's it going, how'syour day so far?
Now, if you want to talk to meafter class, feel free.
Now I leave my door open forthem because, unfortunately,

(10:04):
when I was in high school orjust in any kind of academic
setting, I didn't have that opendoor.

Speaker 2 (10:09):
OK.

Speaker 3 (10:12):
I didn't feel like that door was open, because a
lot of where I grew up it wasTeachers were really not really
kind.
You are just literally likehere's your grade, go on, you
know, and I wasn't.
I'm not going to sit here andsay I was a mess.

(10:34):
It's kind of horrible actually.
I would talk all the time.
I would talk all the time.
I couldn't stop talking and theteachers would.
I had, like, designated desks,and maybe this is why my son was
the way he was.
I had designated desks andmaybe this is why my son was the
way he was.
I had designated desks likeliterally in front of the
teacher, away from my peers.
But it's like, even though Ihad that behavior, that talking
and all that stuff, I was thetop student.

(10:55):
I was straight A's all the time.
So now that I'm an educator,obviously I know I was bored now
.

Speaker 2 (11:05):
It was just too easy for you even now I do.

Speaker 3 (11:08):
I feel like that sometimes I'm like I get bored
really easily, so I'll findmyself doing like all these
multitasking or taking on otherjobs like Saturday school,
summer school, home, hospital,um, just to keep my mind busy,
because if I'm sitting still fortoo long I get really anxious.

Speaker 1 (11:31):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (11:32):
And yeah, it totally explains why.
But I wouldn't change itbecause I mean I feel like I
have, like I work my butt off tobe where I am and I'm very
blessed and fortunate to havethe opportunities I do to make

(11:52):
money so my kids can fulfilltheir dreams and have goals that
are going to get them advancedplaces in life.

Speaker 2 (12:01):
Right.

Speaker 3 (12:02):
And in society.

Speaker 2 (12:02):
So we want to advance right.

Speaker 3 (12:04):
Absolutely Honestly, anything and everything I do is
for them advanced places in life, right in a society.
So, so we want to expand, right, absolutely.
I honestly, anything andeverything I do is for them.
They are, they are, and sothat's why, when they're like,
mom, I'm really interested inthis, I try to nourish that with
every fiber of my, to make surethat, okay, if this is
something you truly want, we'regoing to give it a hundred

(12:26):
percent, all gap, no rings.
And if you've ever you decidethat you, this is not something
that you really want, you needto show me why.
Because I'm not gonna.
I'm like kind of that, I'm notgonna let you be like one day to
the next, like no, I don't, yes, I do.
No, that's not no, if you'recommitted, you're committed,
you're committed and you'regoing to stay disciplined.

(12:46):
Like the other day, my son wastelling me Mom, I don't feel
like going to the gym today.
I'm like, excuse me why?
He's like well, you know I'mtired.
We did this in this schooltoday.
Like, okay, so what makes itany different from any other day
?
Well, today I'm just reallytired.

(13:08):
I was like that doesn't soundlike anything out of the
ordinary for me, dude.
I was like it's still about toget it done.
I was like, if you want this,bad enough, you're going to show
up.
And I said, if not the personwho wins, or that you feel this
competition or whatever you have, I mean, your goals are in the
future, they're going to be likewell, I felt like I didn't want

(13:31):
to go one day, but guess what,I got up and went anyway.

Speaker 2 (13:35):
I think that's a good life.
Lesson you know.
Stay disciplined, you still gotto do the work.

Speaker 3 (13:40):
Nobody's going to do it for you Nobody.
And even with, like eatingright and you know, and even
with sport, just like anythingyou do in life, I always make
sure I tell my students yourname is on this, not mine.
I prove myself in this level oflife.
And now I said I'm not going tosit here and do it for you,

(14:00):
because I feel like a lot ofkids now and a lot of students
are sitting there waitingpatiently for the teacher to say
okay, she's going to get tiredof explaining it and waiting for
an answer.
She's just going to give it tohim.
I've seen it.
I've seen it.
I've seen teachers and be likehere you go.
These are the answers.
This is exactly what you needto study for.
Go study.
No, dude, absolutely not.

(14:22):
That's not how things are goingto run in here.
I'm going to?
No dude, absolutely not.
That's not how things are gonnarun in here.
I'm gonna teach you how tofunction and operate in life.
See, you can be successful, butI'm not gonna give you any road
maps, dude.
You're just like.
I'm gonna show you this is whatyou gotta look out for, this
and this and this, but I'm notgonna sit there and give you the
answer key.
That's not.
Well then, what's then?
What's the purpose?

(14:43):
right it makes you think likeit's like already playing a game
, but you know who's going towin.
Why would you want to play?
You know, Absolutely not, andthat's what I teach my kids.
It's like would you be ascommitted if you knew what your
outcome was going to be?
They're like well, no, I'm likeokay then.

(15:03):
And you know, I kind of Italked to my kids like I would
have wished somebody would havetalked to me when I was younger
right like straight up, tell medon't bs, don't sugarcoat it
with me.
Is this realistic, is thissomething I should shoot for?
And I tell them.
I was like, do you see yourselfin that position?

(15:25):
Like, then, go for it.
That's just how I leave it.

Speaker 2 (15:31):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (15:32):
All in all, my kids are my driving force.
That's good.
They're just it for me, that'sit.
I just look at them and likeall I need, so you're a mom.

Speaker 2 (15:42):
Yeah, you're an educator, yep, and you love to
do powerlifting, and you saidyou also did bodybuilding, did
bodybuilding.
So does that make up everythingthat you are, or do you have
any other side interests thatyou did before we find out when
and why you got your first ex?

Speaker 3 (16:02):
Oh man.
So I didn't have a strongfoundation of family when I grew
as I grew up.
So, like my, everything was mygrandmother.

Speaker 2 (16:17):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (16:17):
And she was my first tattoo.
I got the cross of prayinghands with her name on my back.
And I got that when I was sixand to get a you know permission
right off for that one.

Speaker 2 (16:31):
But uh, did she know that you were getting it or was
she still?
Was she around?

Speaker 3 (16:34):
No, she um.
My grandmother passed when Iwas eight years old.

Speaker 2 (16:37):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (16:38):
Um, unfortunately she she passed away right in front
of me.

Speaker 2 (16:41):
Wow.

Speaker 3 (16:48):
Um.

Speaker 2 (16:48):
We were trying to get her into the car to go to the
hospital and she just collapsedright there.

Speaker 3 (16:51):
Okay, that must have been very traumatic for you.
That was because I didn't knowat that moment that she had
passed on until several dayslater.

Speaker 2 (17:02):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (17:02):
So I was told that she was in the hospital
recovering, but I found outlater on that that wasn't
actually the case.
When we were staying with afamily friend, my grandma kept
the whole entire family togethermy aunts, my uncles, cousins
all in close contact.
So when she passed away therewas this immediate shift.
Everybody just went for what mygrandmother had and it wasn't

(17:27):
really remembering her for whoshe was.

Speaker 2 (17:30):
Right.

Speaker 3 (17:31):
So my grandmother was born a day before me.
We used to do combinationbirthdays.

Speaker 2 (17:37):
She always used to say that was the best man.
So she has a kid right Likeyou're five, six years old man,
to celebrate with your grandma.
Oh, dude, it was dope, becausemy has a kid right Like you're
five, six years old man Tocelebrate with your grandma.

Speaker 3 (17:45):
Oh, dude, it was dope , because my grandma man, she
didn't hold back Like and I'mgoing to say I was a favorite.
I'm just going to say it rightnow.
I don't care if my sisters hearme, you're the favorite.

Speaker 2 (17:57):
I was a favorite, just put it out there.

Speaker 3 (18:05):
Just going to put it.
It's better they find out thisway.
Um, she was everything so, likewhen we had our combination
birthdays and we did stufftogether.
It was just and she heard meand she saw me because I was a
middle child, so you know, and Iwas a very, very quiet,
reserved.
I know it's really hard tobelieve, but I really was swear.
Uh, I was at a point when Ilike I didn't talk for like a
really long time and people wereworried why I wasn't talking.

Speaker 2 (18:26):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (18:27):
Yeah, that was that quiet kid, but she was just the
easiest person to be around.
She accepted me, she supportedme and who she was and what she
did for me I wanted my children,okay.
So she to me, is the a personof just a good human being.

(18:48):
So I carry her in a veryspecial place.
So when I got that tattooed her, it was very um, it was very
emotional for me.

Speaker 2 (18:57):
So even now when I talk about her I was like so
when did you know that that'swhat you wanted to get like?
How old were you?
And when did it come to lightthat, like, as as soon as I can,
I'm going to get this Like whenI was like.

Speaker 3 (19:09):
I want to say when I was like well, not to even know
what tattoos like were and whatit took to get them.

Speaker 2 (19:14):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (19:15):
I've, I've always had an obsession with, you know,
with ink, with just with bodyart.
All that.
It was just a form ofexpression.
So as soon as I saw liketattoos, like my dad has tattoos
actually all over the place,and he didn't get more until,
like he separated from my mom,of course, but like when we did
see him, when he'd come visit usfrom colorado, he would just

(19:38):
show them to us and explain andI was like you know, those are
badass.
I was like about 12 and I wantsome.
Yeah, I was like I was like dothey hurt?
And he's like not to me.
I was like my dad's like thishorn ass.
So I'm just like, okay, theydidn't hurt to him.

Speaker 2 (19:53):
That doesn't tell me anything, so I'm just gonna go
in and well, yeah, let's talkabout that, because the tattoo
that you got it it's not small,no, and it's also in like the
dead center of your back.

Speaker 3 (20:07):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (20:08):
So talk to me about what he experienced was like,
not only on like the pain levelof how the like the needle felt
there, but also like theemotions that you went through,
knowing that because, like yousaid, you know like you talk
about when you get a little bitemotional like how did?

Speaker 3 (20:22):
that feel for you when you were on the chair and
then like when it was done whatdid you feel, even just the
initial sketching, with theartist explaining to him I
wanted the praying hands becausemy grandmother used to collect
praying hands, so as a verysymbolic connection, and the
rosary because my grandmotherwas very religious.
Okay, just breaking downeverything to him piece by piece

(20:46):
, how I wanted it and I was also.
He wanted to go bigger, but Iwas like nah, bro.

Speaker 2 (20:50):
I mean it's already pretty big.
Yeah, it's pretty prominent.

Speaker 3 (20:52):
Yeah.
So I was like, and he's like,okay, okay, okay.
So he's like about this size.
So he was negotiating with me alittle bit.
I was trying to you know, um, Ihaven't heard that word I was
like, okay, it's my first one,but when he was doing, it didn't

(21:15):
hurt, it didn't hurt.
It was actually the mostfeeling of just utter just
relief.
I feel like it's something thatI needed to do for so long and
I felt like she wasn't trulycelebrated as she should have
been.
Okay, and this was kind of likeme finally saying like thanks,
grandma.
You know, I'm never gonnaforget you.
You know, even though I don'thave, unfortunately, access to a

(21:39):
lot of pictures and a lot ofthings that did belong to her,
that's something that no onecould take from me.
So that was like a really bigand when I got it, I did, I
cried, I was very emotional.
I was a quiet car ride home,but a very happy.
I felt like immediate peace.

Speaker 2 (22:01):
Do you feel like that was your way of like grieving
away with all that emotion as anadult?
Because she asked when you wereso young.

Speaker 3 (22:08):
Yes, because grieving in my family, like my mom's a
very emotional woman, um, but Ialso.
But I felt like I I didn't feelappropriate greeting with her.
I know that's not, it's hard tolike understand, like you
shouldn't be wanting greetingwith your family, but I didn't

(22:32):
feel like that was appropriateat that time.
And even like when I was likeremembering her and still having
, you know, seeing when I didlive with my mother, seeing all
the items around the home thatdid belong to my grandmother,
and just I felt displaced fromthem.
But this I felt immediateconnection, immediate, this is

(22:56):
mine.
You can't take this away fromme.
And once I got the tattoo I did, I cried my eyes out.
Once I got the tattoo, I did, Icried my eyes out.
The next day I went she'sburied in a forest lawn in
Pasadena.
Okay, I could walk to her gravenow and just out of pure memory

(23:17):
from when I was a kid Wow, yeah, and just standing over her
grave and just like you know,talking with her, I cried for
hours, hours, and I was, I feltimmediate peace.
I was just like I already toldmyself.
I said I bought the plot.

(23:38):
I said told my mom, sorry, youcan't have it.
And I said I feel like it's.
You know she wants to be thereanyway.
Where?

Speaker 2 (23:47):
you're meant to be.

Speaker 3 (23:48):
It is where I'm meant to be and I made sure all my
kids knew everybody that Igenuinely love and trust.
I said this is where when it'smy turn, this is where I'm going
to be, this is who I belong.
So yeah, big emotional tattoo,like anything I get on my skin

(24:14):
now is it doesn't hold a flame.

Speaker 2 (24:15):
it doesn't hold a flame.
Don't go home on that first one, huh yeah, that one.

Speaker 3 (24:18):
And that's why I I still tell people to this day if
you're gonna get a tattoo, youbetter make sure it means
something.
Man, don't get somethingbecause it looks like freaking
badass, cool, like, if that'syou, that's OK, but I mean like,
make sure the first one, you'renever going to forget your
first tattoo.
And that's true, and you knowwhat?
I made sure it was a damn goodone.

(24:39):
And now, and even now, I cantalk about it and smile.
There's don't get me wrong,there's one on on my skin right
now that I'm like bro what thehell and we'll get it.
Well, we'll get into that one,but you know that first one was
was it All?

Speaker 2 (24:55):
right, that's a very, very good first one.
Thank, you.

Speaker 3 (25:01):
I can understand why it's very emotional.
Grandmas are, grandmas are,grandmas are special Dude Like
moms are obviously very special.

Speaker 2 (25:08):
There's something different.
If you have the right grandma,right yeah.

Speaker 3 (25:12):
Oh man, there's some ones, that one of the ones that
did your nails.

Speaker 2 (25:15):
There's just something like extra tender
about a good grandma.

Speaker 3 (25:18):
Absolutely, a hundred percent.
I can't.
I know it sounds like kind oflike cheesy, but I can't wait to
the day that I get to fulfillthe role that she.
You know, that's just kind oflike a dream of mine.

Speaker 2 (25:30):
All right.
So, moving on from that one,I'm going to kind of stay in the
same area.
Tell me about this flowertattoo that you have on like the
back of, like the base of yourneck.

Speaker 3 (25:43):
See, that's where we get into the nitty grgritty oh,
we're going from one emotion toanother.
That was a not a smart girlmoment okay and I say girl
because not yet a woman okay, sowe all get involved in these
relationships?
We really shouldn't, okay.
So there was a tattoounderneath that flower.

Speaker 2 (26:02):
Oh, this is a cover-up.
It's a cover-up.
Oh yeah, let's get into that.
Before we figure out why we putout this flower, let's talk
about what's underneath thisflower.

Speaker 3 (26:12):
It's a name.

Speaker 2 (26:13):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (26:15):
Of a guy that meant a lot to me when I was going
through a very dark time andunfortunately, this guy hurt me
in more ways than anybodypossibly could okay so I was
like a hundred percent aboutthis guy, hundred percent how
old were you?

(26:35):
Dude, I was.

Speaker 2 (26:38):
I was 21, I wasn't that young but old enough to
know, old enough not to be astupid mom.

Speaker 3 (26:44):
but here I am.
You know, I had just moved outto the valley by myself.

Speaker 2 (26:52):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (26:53):
And I had my children .
I had broken up with theirfather, I was working.

Speaker 2 (27:00):
So let's just say it's not the baby daddy.

Speaker 3 (27:04):
Oh, none of them.
No, no, it's not.

Speaker 2 (27:06):
Just to be clear.
Just to be clear, it's not thebaby daddy, oh, none of them.
No, no, no, it's not.

Speaker 3 (27:09):
So just to be clear, just to be clear, it's not a
baby daddy.
It's not a baby daddy, okay,okay, yeah.
So I just moved out here, andwhen I was moving out here, it
was rough, I was struggling.
It was just me and four kids.
Basically, I was working threejobs.
I was working an overnight joband two daytime jobs, rotating

(27:32):
between those three in a day,sleeping a couple hours, and I
was going to school for mybachelor's program.

Speaker 2 (27:39):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (27:39):
So, if you imagine what that's like hell.

Speaker 2 (27:44):
So Sounds built already.
Yeah, I was.

Speaker 3 (27:49):
I was already tired so I was like vulnerable because
you could talk to me.
I probably don't understandwhat you were saying most of the
time, but there was thisindividual at one of my jobs
that I had an immediate sparkwith, Immediate, and he, you
know, of course he was a smoothtalker, sweet guy.

(28:10):
You know we were seeing eachother.
We're in the break room.
One day One gal walks in andwe're just, you know, chilling
and we had been serious and shewas like hey, how's your white?

Speaker 2 (28:24):
And I was like whoa what?
Did you say it out loud, orwere you just like in your head
thinking?

Speaker 3 (28:31):
I was like oh, whoa in my head.
But uh, when she, you know, shesat and had lunch with us, all
this stuff and then, um, hetexted me, he's like hey, and I
was like, dude, whoa, what theheck like.
I was hurt, hurt, and I hadliterally just got his name said

(28:53):
on the back of my neck, so itwas like fresh fresh, fresh and
so red around the edges.
Man, I was like the guy.
But I'm not gonna sit here andsay like I was dumb for getting
that tattoo.
I was dumb, okay, I was dumb.
I'm just gonna say it like that.
Some of you, it's your man'sname, that's your business, but

(29:14):
I'm just saying for mepersonally.
I was dumb.

Speaker 2 (29:17):
Um, I had to wait for that ink to heal and then I had
to wait for money so how longdid you carry that, knowing you
wanted to get it off before youactually can do the cover?

Speaker 3 (29:29):
like at least six to seven months before I could
afford it Because, remember, I'ma single mom.
And tattoos are not cheap.
No, they aren't, Especially onethat you got to go over like
that's a dark flower.
Okay, it's dark for a reason.

Speaker 2 (29:45):
Okay, so why the flower?
Like, is there a symbolicreason you got that particular
flower?
Or is it just like, like thisone's dark and it'll do the job?

Speaker 3 (29:54):
I mean, it was initially like that, but
anything, flowers have a specialplace with me too.
So with my grandma, as samegoes back to my grandma.
Um, I would walk up to herhouse and we would go there to
visit and you would smell theflowers.
And same thing from mychildhood with my mother.
She had the walkway rose allthe way up, okay.

(30:15):
So it's kind of like it's asymbol of strength for me,
symbol of like rebirth.
You can start again like okay,it didn't come out as you wanted
this time, I may not havebloomed today, but I'll bloom
bloom tomorrow, you know.
So that's why I have the roseover there.

Speaker 2 (30:33):
That's good.
That's good that you covered itup, not good for the reasoning
I got it.

Speaker 3 (30:37):
I mean.

Speaker 2 (30:37):
I still to this day.

Speaker 3 (30:38):
I kind of like I've had to put my head down for that
one, like uh, and you know thething about cover-ups is like no
matter what you cover it upwith with, you'll always know
exactly so it's always like atwo-edged sword.

Speaker 2 (30:50):
Right, it's like there's a good side of it, like
oh, I'm glad I covered it up,but then there's a bad side of
it, and whatever memories andhave attached to it on the other
side, exactly no matter whatemotional bombs right away, okay

(31:11):
, um, and usually kind of liketo ease into emotional bombs
right okay so let's talk aboutthis dinosaur that's for my baby
.
All right, let's talk aboutthis okay tell everybody where
it is and then just tell meabout it.

Speaker 3 (31:26):
So so on my calf, I have, well, my whole calf, I
should say I have a land beforetime piece.
So in the land before timepiece I have a little foot that
is licking mom's face.

Speaker 2 (31:48):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (31:49):
So my son, jackson is , was dinosaur themed from the
gate.
Everything, yeah, everything,dinosaur Everything.
But the reason why I got thattattoo is because when he kissed
me, he didn't lick me, hewouldn't kiss me.
I was like, okay, well, here weare.

Speaker 2 (32:10):
And it's all tongue for mine.

Speaker 3 (32:12):
Spanish speaking listeners.
I would just I'm like okay.
So I saw that and it's justimmediate.
I was like that's it, that's itfor Jackson.
I try to have every somethingfor each of my children.
Okay, and that was just every.
Every time I look, I just smilebecause I just think of him as

(32:33):
a like a new babe, just like Iwas his whole world and I still
am, how old is?

Speaker 2 (32:40):
uh, where does that child fall into you being?
He's my youngest he's myyoungest, so how old is he now?

Speaker 3 (32:46):
seven.

Speaker 2 (32:46):
He just turned seven and how does he feel about it?
He loves it like that.
He knows that, yeah he does.

Speaker 3 (32:51):
He's like that's my tattoo.
All my kids know their tattoo.
Okay, yeah, they all know sodefinitely in a different
direction right, so that's goodum, how did that one feel?

Speaker 2 (33:04):
because I'm like it's in the cat, like in the cafe,
that one heard it off I mean ordid you?
Have like same thing.
Do you have any emotionsgetting that?

Speaker 3 (33:09):
but put on like I was just pure happy with that one.
Yeah, I'm not gonna lie, I fellasleep, fell asleep.
I'm a sleeper when I gettattoos, yeah, except for like
the rib one.
We'll get into that, but therib yeah, and other than that, I
was standing knocked out thewhole time like it's.
It's therapy for me, I knowI've heard.

Speaker 2 (33:29):
I've heard that a lot .
You know like there's somethingthat happens when, like you get
a tattoo.
You know people say like Idon't need therapy, I need
another tattoo Because, like youcan have, depending on the way
you get it, all sorts of thingsyou can have.
It's just a big release of like.
It's just sigh when it's done.

Speaker 3 (33:49):
Yes, and it's like looking at the finished product
be like, okay, this is it'sreset, done, ready to go, and I
think I'm due for a reset button.
Well, I knew there all right.

Speaker 2 (34:00):
So then, right underneath that, we have a name
alejandro.

Speaker 3 (34:05):
Okay, who is?
Alejandro and why did we gowith the name?

Speaker 2 (34:09):
right underneath the dinosaur.

Speaker 3 (34:10):
So that was my second tattoo.
Kept it simple.

Speaker 2 (34:14):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (34:16):
Now, though, he's coming up with this design, he
says, because he says it's notfair.
Well, first off, alejandro ismy oldest son, he's 18.

Speaker 2 (34:25):
Okay, that's a jacked old bodybuilder one.

Speaker 3 (34:28):
No, no, no, this is my.

Speaker 2 (34:29):
Wait, there's another one.
Yeah, my oldest is 18.
Is that the one that's in theAir Force?
Yes, okay.

Speaker 3 (34:33):
That's my Air Force son and he's graduating from
boot camp in a couple days.

Speaker 2 (34:37):
So are you going to get some kind of like Air Force
things?
They probably have somethingspecial already, or you don't
know.

Speaker 3 (34:47):
I don't it.
He's just like.
You'll know when you know I'mthinking about it, I want to
make sure, like it's really nicebecause it's going to be on
there and it's going to bebetter than my brothers and my
sister.
He's so super competitive.

Speaker 2 (34:58):
Okay.
So let me ask has he picked thespot of where he wants the
statue to be?

Speaker 3 (35:03):
Oh, it's still going to be right there.

Speaker 2 (35:04):
Okay, I didn't know if he claimed like a different
real estate on your body andsaid no, he wants to go up the
shin.

Speaker 3 (35:09):
I said, what's your problem?
And he's like why not?
I was like there's like a wholeshin bone there.

Speaker 2 (35:15):
He's like I don't see an issue yeah, I'm like wait
till you get one on your shinbone and you tell me if there's
an issue.

Speaker 3 (35:21):
I love my son but he's he won't.
No, I think he's gonna befurging skin to the end.
I love him so much and he'she's not happen.
But, alejandro, that is myfirst.
Oh, frank there.

Speaker 2 (35:34):
Okay, so we're just going to go right across and go
to this nice red rose.

Speaker 3 (35:41):
That is a cover up.

Speaker 2 (35:42):
Okay, let's get into that cover.

Speaker 3 (35:44):
So that's just a simple one, really, Because,
okay, so I had a really goodfriend of mine just fresh out
and he was doing tattoos.
I was trying to be a goodfriend.
He's like, yeah, let me tellyour son's name, Noah.
I was like all right.

Speaker 2 (36:01):
Did he misspell it?

Speaker 3 (36:03):
No, dude, totally looked super weird like
miscolored and the letters werekind of janky and I was just
like I carried it for so long.

Speaker 2 (36:14):
How long did you have like that?

Speaker 3 (36:16):
six years like that, and I was like, and I started
getting I was getting other inkon me in the meantime, just like
you know.
And then my son, who's actuallycalling me like mom, I want
mine to look nice.

Speaker 2 (36:31):
I was like that's funny that kids realize like
even they realize like that isnot that's not, it, that is not
high level but you know,actually I misspoke.

Speaker 3 (36:41):
It was six years before I realized I needed to do
something about it, but it wasactually.
This one was only six, butcoverable like maybe two years
okay, so I'm walking around withthat thing like a champ man.
I was like hi, ankle socks,like I divided myself.

Speaker 2 (37:03):
I had that chola vibe going for you yeah, man.

Speaker 3 (37:06):
I was like, oh, thug life, noah on my ankle, you know
, just I'm rocking it hard and,dude, it was like, finally, he's
like mom, come on, you can't.
I was like, what do you want?
He's like well, I know youreally like roses and he's like
this.
He's so god I love he has sucha good heart because he's like
mom, one of these days I'm gonnabuy you whatever you want.

(37:28):
He's always been like that andhe's like.
He's like one thing I reallywish I could is like he's going
to buy you whatever you want.
He's always been like that.
And he's like.
One thing I really wish I couldis like I know you love flowers
.
I wish I could buy you roses.
What about some roses?

Speaker 2 (37:40):
How old is Noah?

Speaker 3 (37:41):
He's 14.

Speaker 2 (37:44):
Okay, that's the.

Speaker 3 (37:44):
This is my entrepreneur kid.

Speaker 2 (37:45):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (37:46):
Trying to hustle any way he can, doing meal preps,
doing all this stuff.
Now he's like Mom.
He's like I got you, momAnything I can do for you.
He has such a good heart.
He's really sweet and this isthe bodybuilder, one with a
heart of gold.

Speaker 2 (38:04):
I think that's really sweet of him to realize and it
shows how much he cares aboutyou, that he realizes what you
like and he wanted to kind oftake what you like to symbolize
him.

Speaker 3 (38:18):
Yeah I think it's really sweet, such a kind heart
for that kid.
It really is like I know.
I always look at him and I tellhim like kid, are you like?
you sure you're mine he's such agenuinely good person and I
mean, like we all have ourmoments where we're like, okay,
I need to redirect.
Sorry, but he always is verythoughtful of my emotions and

(38:38):
sees, I think, more than others,what I really do every day to
make a lot of things possible.
He's a good kid, very blessed,different, personalities all the
way around.
All my kids, man, we're veryblessed, different personalities
all the way around.

Speaker 2 (38:51):
Tell my kids that, man, it kind of sounds like it's
just based on their ownindividual tattoos and how they
express themselves it's crazy,though they came from the same
mother, you would think theywould have something in common,
but absolutely not.

Speaker 3 (39:03):
Maybe the dark humor, maybe they're all so different.
They're a blast man.

Speaker 2 (39:11):
The kids are gross, okay, so this is Rib Peas.

Speaker 1 (39:15):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (39:15):
We got another flower scene with a hummingbird.

Speaker 3 (39:19):
That's my mother, okay, so my mother's always
loved hummingbirds and she'salways had a green thumb.
My mom could grow anything.
Okay, I wish she grew someother things.
She grows lots of flowers.

Speaker 2 (39:33):
Sorry, mom, you know that hummingbird is the only
bird that can fly backwards.

Speaker 3 (39:39):
I did not know that We've had our moments of
backwards and forwards in ourrelationship.

Speaker 2 (39:45):
That's an appropriate word for her I really feel like
it is actually.

Speaker 3 (39:50):
Her and I have had a tug-of-war relationship but as
I've gotten older I'veunderstood.
You know her vantage point andyou know where she really a lot
of you know, and that's why Ireally felt like it was really
symbiotic to get something forher, because, you know, I got
something for my dad first andshe was kind of like you know

(40:13):
what the hell mom, you know somany words, you know.
And I was like, well, I didn'tknow what to do.
And it just hit me one dayhummingbirds.
There was always hummingbirdsin our garden.
All around.
Everywhere you look in thehouse there was something
stained glass or a figurinehummingbird that are angels,
okay.

(40:33):
And I was like, no, I'm sorry,mom you know, we're not really
you get a hummingbird.
We're, we've done some things.
They're not very angelic, so soI went for the hummingbird, and
whenever I do say hummingbird,I think of my mother.

Speaker 2 (40:54):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (40:54):
I do.
I'm like I got to call my momEspecially if I know I haven't
spoken to her in a real while or, you know, in some time Because
I understand life happens and Iknow she understands that about
me too, especially being a busybee with my mom.
That's what we used to call herwhen we were younger busy bee,
my so we used to call her whenwe were younger.
My friend Teresa gave her thatnickname.
She understands she's like yougot five, I get it.
She only had us three girls, soshe was always on the go with us

(41:17):
and she always tells me I canimagine with five, yeah, she's
like.
And boys I'm like.
Yeah, I'm big stinky boys he'slike.
Yeah, so love my mom.

Speaker 2 (41:28):
Okay, so that symbolizes your mom.
So you mentioned that your dadhad some pretty cool tattoos,
right, and you said you alsohave a tattoo for your dad.
I do so kind of walk me throughthe process.
I was bored.
And it's just too easy for youto put on your body because your
dad has badass tattoos.

(41:48):
I would feel individual tosymbolize a person like that in
ink.
That's just my perspective, butI want to know your perspective
on that and what you ended upgetting and how your dad reacted
to that once he saw it, is he?

Speaker 3 (42:04):
still around my dad's it's actually his birthday
today.

Speaker 2 (42:08):
Happy birthday dad 75 .

Speaker 3 (42:11):
Vietnam vet Navy, seal Big.
I have the most respect in theworld for my dad.
He's been through it and he's,you know, a cancer survivor.
He's, you know, he's a verygood man and a very hard man in
my younger years, um, so he'svery disciplined, very, you know

(42:35):
, very proud of me because so hehas, like a scotch, irish,
celtic crosses, celtic seals,family crests, very things that
are very prideful of it.
So I was like what can I evenget man for my dad?
And right away I just thoughtsparrows.

Speaker 2 (42:55):
I knew it was a sparrow.
I'm looking through the photosand I'm like I guarantee you you
got the sparrows, because Ithink, for how you described on
some badass tattoos, I'm likethat's a very American
traditional kind of tattoo.
Yes, and I feel like a personwho gets tattoos would really
understand and respect that.

Speaker 3 (43:11):
Absolutely Especially well because he is a seal right
Underwater, seeing birds right.
He helped me out in the waterall the time and he did two
tours in him.

Speaker 2 (43:23):
Wow.

Speaker 3 (43:23):
So I got a squirrel for each tour.

Speaker 2 (43:26):
Well, thank you for your service for sure.

Speaker 3 (43:31):
Dad's a bad man.
I just look at him every daylike how do you do it, you know?

Speaker 2 (43:36):
and he's just like it was different time then and you
think of, like everythingthat's involved in that right.
You know like going like.

Speaker 3 (43:45):
And there was politics man.
No one wanted that you know,and just to think that he was
right in the middle, living it,breathing it and you know, doing
what was asked and what hisorder to do.
Or you know, and I just havethe highest respect for my dad
because I know there's I do notI firmly believe there's things
that he's done and he's seen andthat I'm safe and cozy in my

(44:08):
bed because of a lot of thingsthat he's done.
So never go against my dad'sword.

Speaker 2 (44:13):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (44:14):
What he says is it?
There's no but or anything.
Even as a grown woman, it's it.
My dad says I don't want him.
Okay, that's cool.
All right, we're not doing it.

Speaker 2 (44:26):
So when you knew what you were going to get, did you?

Speaker 3 (44:29):
consult your dad, or did you just get it and show it
to him?
I just got it.
I just got it and what was hisreaction?
Like I've never seen my dad crybefore.
That was my first time.
He, um, that was around thetime that we found out that he

(44:50):
had a pancreatic cancer.
Um, it's gone.
He now he's in recession, but,um, it made.
I think my personal belief islike when he had that um, it
really kind of made, put thingsa lot of perspective for him,
that because he had just beensuch a hard man his whole life
that you know like it was timeto you know, just let emotions
flow, and he did.

(45:10):
And, like I said, I've neverseen him cry, I've never seen
him vulnerable and when he, youknow, was explaining that he'll
tell anybody, he'll hear if Igot my tattoos out, he'd be like
those are for me proud dadproud, dad super proud, and you
know he's so, he's so proud ofyou know it was all his children
and he'll brag about us.
You know we don't.
I don't question the love mydad has for me at all.

(45:34):
You know what I mean.
Like he did things that hedidn't have to do and when I was
younger, you know he stepped upand he didn't.
And not a day goes by that Iwouldn't call anybody else my
dad, that I wouldn't look toanybody else for guidance, and
he's just he doesn't.
What else was that?

Speaker 2 (45:56):
Well, I'm I'm almost like, um, a little bit
speechless about that, justbecause it's uh, it's a very
touchy subject for me to feellike I have a great relationship
with my dad and, uh, you know,we're saying I'm going to get a
tattoo that symbolizes.
I have one for my mom alreadyand I'm going to get one for him
Today or yesterday I told himand it was the first time I saw
him show any emotion, that heknows that I'm getting something

(46:20):
for him, so it was really cooland I'm like I can't ask my dad.
That's dope.
I talk about my dad all thetime.
It always makes me want to cry.

Speaker 3 (46:27):
It's so awesome You're you know what, and the
fact that you guys were able toshare that emotion together.
You know what I mean Same thing, he doesn't show emotion.

Speaker 2 (46:36):
So the fact that he showed like joy and happiness, I
was like.
I'm going to get that soonerthan I thought, just because,
like he finally showed a littleemotion about it, cause he was
very opposed to tattoos in thebeginning, I see.
And now, when they told me I'mgetting this for you, he's like,
it's like yeah there you go, mybrothers, we're gonna get it.
We're supposed to get ittogether.
Okay, uh, we may not, but we'restill gonna get the same one.

(46:57):
So he was really happy aboutthat that's the same, so that's
why I like your story is alittle touching, oh, that's.

Speaker 3 (47:02):
I'm so happy for you.
You gotta show me when you gotit done also heck yeah,
absolutely, and I want to seelike a video you got to do like
a video reaction.

Speaker 2 (47:10):
Right when he sees it .
Yes, Everything, Check it out.
I'm like this one's for youpops.

Speaker 3 (47:15):
Heck yeah, I'll be like no other space right here.
That's just for you.

Speaker 2 (47:18):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (47:18):
It's honest, Honestly there's.
I feel like that's such a wayto show ultimate respect.
Yeah, it is, and how long agodid you get?

Speaker 2 (47:36):
that for your dad, man, I've had this one since
2000.

Speaker 3 (47:38):
So it's been a while, it's been a minute, I want to
say going on a decade.

Speaker 1 (47:44):
Wow, okay, I spaced out tattoos.

Speaker 3 (47:48):
You know financial funding does have a factor.

Speaker 2 (47:51):
Yeah, like we said earlier, my tattoos are not
cheap, not at all.
You get addicted, you want oneanother one.
Next thing you know, likethere's more than three zeros
behind that.
Yeah.
When you're thinking of whatyou want to get Exactly.
So we have three left.
Okay, I'm not really sure whichone I want to finish with.

(48:13):
I'll decide that after we gowith this one but I'm going to
go with the small tattoo thatyou have behind your ear that
looks like a heart in a musicalnote.
Music is a special thing for me.

Speaker 3 (48:22):
Okay.
So I was actually taught thepiano when I was younger.
Um, to my shame, I didn'tfollow up with it.
I was, um, when I was youngerTo my shame, I didn't follow up
with it.
I think that's why now I makesure I follow and I finish with
everything that I do.
I was discouraged.
I was sad that I wasn't as goodas everybody else, but now I

(48:45):
kind of have it right there as areminder that you gave up one
thing okay and even now that's alittle passion and I'm kind of
working in my scenes actually,as I'm rebuilding my music
knowledge and I want to startplaying again, um, because,

(49:06):
music is therapy, yeah no, Itotally agree.

Speaker 2 (49:08):
Whether you play it or you listen to it or you write
lyrics like, it's a great wayto express emotion and like
release whatever you have insideof you, whether it's good or
bad or you're not feelinganything.
It just helps you connect, youknow.
So it's very special.

Speaker 3 (49:23):
Very centering.
You know, especially when I'mon the trails.
That's another.
That's trails.
That's my hobby.
I love hiking.

Speaker 2 (49:35):
I love the wilderness .

Speaker 3 (49:36):
I love to get up and go wherever I end up, that's it.
I'm always looking for new,beautiful scenery and just
things to explore.
I like the quiet.
It's not so much the quiet, Idon't want to say, but it's like
when you close your eyes, it'sjust your surround.
It's the tranquility.

Speaker 2 (49:56):
Yeah, exactly it's like the sounds of nature.

Speaker 3 (49:59):
Yes, the constant.
I constantly seek it.
So that's why I say like if mywife would have taken a
different direction, I totallywould have been like out in the
nitty gritty Wilderness.
Wilderness and archaeology,actually Archaeology, esotology.
I would have been travelingeverywhere I could have passed
and gone.

Speaker 2 (50:20):
The female Indiana Jones.
Huh, absolutely, I love Indiana.

Speaker 3 (50:24):
Jones Love Indiana Jones.
They don't give them enoughcredit.
But music was just kept to me,grounded, no, no matter what I
was going losses and familylosses of our kids, births of
children, ending ofrelationships music was there.
So and I keep this with mebecause it's like I may have

(50:48):
lost it some along the way, butI'm going to get it and it's
just kind of like a reminder,like hey, I'm still here, okay.

Speaker 2 (50:56):
Yeah, yeah.
And, like I can like now thatyou talk about it a little bit
more, I can see the symbolism ofnot only what it is and where
it's placed right Because themusic is right by your ear.

Speaker 3 (51:07):
Yeah, and it's also like a half a heart, so it shows
that love that you have for it.
All music, I don't discriminate.

Speaker 2 (51:16):
Okay, so we have two left.
I think I've made my decisionof what I want to go with, right
.
So we have let's see, let'stalk about that the lady on your
thigh.

Speaker 3 (51:34):
Betty Page.
Oh man, I wish that she wasalive in my age bracket.
She is my definition of abeautiful woman, of a beautiful
woman, wallace, just in everysense of the word.
When I look at her, I seeconfidence, okay, I see just

(52:00):
like there's just a shh Knowingwhere she is in life, knowing
what she wants, and she's goingto take it from me.
She doesn't care who you are,you don't intimidate her.
She's like strength to me andit's more than just like her
looking sexy and being veryblurry, but it's kind of like a
commanding presence and in a way, it's how I wasn't for so long,

(52:23):
because I was.
You know, I've always been aheavier set girl.
I've always been very like,always covered and secure with.
You know how I look, and everytime I look at her she just
reminds me of who the hell I am.
You know like I am.
I can.
I have to talk to myself up, Isee.

(52:43):
Even so, I can talk myself upright now, like I'm a beautiful
woman, I have a good heart.
If I want something, I can goout there and get it and nobody
can stop me.
And you know what I mean.
I dare you to get in my way andthat's just like man.
When I look at that it's likecome at me, you know, I'm ready
for anything.
It's just like she's also kindof like my mental reset and I

(53:06):
have her there for a purpose,because my thighs are the
biggest thing to hear in mypants, don't go on the right way
one day.
Or you know, I'm just waking upone morning not feeling like I'm
the queen.
I am, I'm down at her and I'mlike put your chin a little

(53:29):
higher, you know, shoulders back, get in there, get it done.
You are who you think you areand be humble enough to learn,
but still know that you can goin there and command your
presence.
You know, and yeah, she's allthat for me, man, like there was
a Betty Page walking right bythis window.
I'd stop and talk to her andsay how you doing?
I'm a very straight woman butI'd be like, hey, girl, hey, how

(53:52):
you doing.

Speaker 2 (53:52):
How you doing.
Here's what I want to knowabout that sense.

Speaker 3 (54:03):
Where were you in your stage of life when you got
crisis, utter crisis?
I was, you know, I just had mytwo kiddos.
I was 18.

Speaker 2 (54:06):
Okay, that, with that piece, I was so she's been with
you for a while.

Speaker 3 (54:11):
But you've been with me for a long time and, man, I
was going through it.
I was in a toxic relationship,financially struggling,
currently being evicted.
My kids were.
They were eating, I wasn't.
It was just bad.

(54:32):
The gas was $5 a gallon Backthen 2013.
Wow, man, barely.
And it was just.
It was really rough.
Rough, because looking at Now,thinking about where I was now,

(54:53):
it's even more appreciative,right, like it is true, when you
look at these tattoos and theyremind you of where you were
when you were getting them.
Think about where you were andwhere you are.
It's kind of like a time jump.

Speaker 2 (55:08):
Yeah, that's why I love talking to people about it.
It's definitely a journey backin time.
It gives you a window to whosomeone really is back in time.
It gives you a window to whosomeone really is, no matter if
people say it doesn't meananything.
If you can really talk to them,there's always a meaning behind
it and it starts to tell astory of who someone is, or who

(55:31):
they were and who they are now.

Speaker 3 (55:32):
I remember sitting in that chair.
Yeah, I remember sitting inthat chair.
Man, I remember sitting in thatchair drinking that.
Corona, 18 years old.
God, it was even earlier than2013.
What am I talking about?
2009?
Don't start aging me people um.

Speaker 2 (55:55):
I was going through it so what feeling did you get
on that one when that was done?
You saw it because that's, I'lltell you this that's a pretty
freaking bold tattoo there.
Thank you, it's bold, it's abig expression, right yeah and
people can look at that andthink of it many different ways
oh yeah, but it's like.
I look at it, it's like to me.
I see someone with that.

(56:15):
I look at and see what theperson's like and I'm like do
they have the same confidence asthat tattoo?
Cause that's fucking bold andthat's like.
That shows like I have thisconfidence about that.
No one can take away just causeit's such a big piece and like
what it is, yeah, so statementfor sure, yeah.
There's definitely a statementpiece.

Speaker 3 (56:34):
And when I got it done, that was the intention to
remind myself you are not avictim.
You are going to get throughthis, like you've gone through
everything, and you're going tostill keep to grow.
You're a strong woman and youare a symbol of strength.

(56:54):
Now be a symbol of strength forothers, and I honestly strive
to do that every day.
You know, with anybody I comeinto contact with, you know I'm,
you know I have my moments, youknow where I.
You know I falter, I secondguess myself, but, like I said,
I just look down there and I'mjust like and I flash back, like

(57:16):
you said, and it's like you'vebeen through so much worse.
Why are you even upset?
You find yourself caught inyour tattoos.
I do so what I just like.
Look at them and I just have asmile and I'm just like and you
were a minso when you got thatone you've been through a lot.

Speaker 2 (57:35):
You've been through a lot.

Speaker 3 (57:36):
You and I been through a lot you and I Seen a
lot of BS, you know but and noregrets at all.
Honestly, not a single one.

Speaker 2 (57:48):
That's good because I kind of saved it up for the end
, but my final decision of whatI want to go with and finish up
our podcast with today is theentire sleeve that you have on
your arm that has like a doorand a bunch of intricate flowers
.

Speaker 3 (58:05):
let's get into that and the key the secret garden.
So when I was younger I didn'treally have the ideal playing
outside and doing all that stuffexperience as a kid.
I had to grow up at a veryyoung age, so I've always lost
myself in books.

(58:25):
I read a lot and one of mychildhood favorites was the
Secret Garden.
Now, another connection thatmakes obviously, I said, was my
mother and my grandmother,because when I think of flowers
pardon I think of my grandmother.

(58:50):
So when I was getting this done,it was kind of like combining
everything together, okay.
So it's kind of like combiningeverything together, okay.
So it's kind of like puttingtogether just my life, in all
honesty, just like everythingthat I've had to overcome, like

(59:10):
the door of adversity, doorsbeing slammed in my face
constantly and having to figureit out on my own.
So in a sense, I am my own key.
I didn't depend on others foranything, any handouts, any help
, any assistance at all.
I did it all, and even movinghere I did it on purpose, so I

(59:31):
would have to learn how to serve, and then I also did it so
others weren't leeching off,okay.
So that's what that too, too.
But the secret garden for mewas kind of like my mental
escape ticket.
That book got me out of a lot ofsituations that I didn't I

(59:51):
wouldn't recommend other kids tobe exposed to or to see.
So a lot of people you knowlike they'll listen.
Like I said, music was therapy,therapy.
But for me it was when I wasyounger.
It was reading, reading, andthen it went into music and then
it went into, you know, liftingweights.
You know, over time I've justconstantly evolved, but this

(01:00:13):
just Childhood, straight here,when I want to say from the age
of six I was reading chapterbooks.
Ok, yeah, so that's why I waslike picture books.

Speaker 2 (01:00:25):
Don't cut it anymore.

Speaker 3 (01:00:25):
No they don't.
I needed something to engulf,to just kind of like create a
new world in a sense, and ifanything, this is just me
building it and it's just thebeginning.
I plan on doing a wholewraparound and having my scenes
of playing on the swings as akid and down here.

(01:00:50):
It's kind of going to be likedown by my farm is going to be
kind of like the finish line.
I'm not going to get that doneuntil I'm much older.
See where life takes me yeah,see where life takes me.
It's going to get that doneuntil I'm much older.
See where life takes me.
See where life takes me.
It's going to go right downthis side, right here, from
elbow all the way to my littlemonkey man.

Speaker 2 (01:01:10):
Who's the little little monkey man?

Speaker 3 (01:01:12):
This is for my son, jojo.
Okay, so he gets all butthurtabout it now, but when he was
little he looked just like thisman.
He had little, cute, littleadorable big brown eyes just
staring up at me, a little tinyvoice, and I almost lost him.
I almost lost him so like whenI he's just like, just this

(01:01:35):
sweet little face of just pureinnocence and joy.
Um, he was a baby for such along time.
I thought this was just sofitting.
We used to call him mojo jojowhen he was little, powerpuff
girls.
And I was like no, I'm about toget mojo jojo on the room, I'm
about to do that.
But I was like okay, well,we'll do a little monkey,

(01:01:57):
because his theme when he was ababy was monkeys.
So I was like that's why I didit.
And I told him, because he usedto be like mom, he's saying I
look like a monkey.
And I was like no, joseph, calmdown, it's because you're being
, when you're a little, yeah,little monkeys, the little
cartoon-like monkeys.
He's like okay, okay, I waslike calm down, kid, maybe he

(01:02:18):
was ready to fire.
He was a good kid.

Speaker 2 (01:02:22):
Sounds good, so are we missing anything?

Speaker 3 (01:02:24):
My daughter, my little lady, my ladybug on my
other arm here.
Did she choose that?
No, you did.
I did so.
Her theme was ladybugs.
When she was little, everythinghas it's.
It's all set in stone for me,but she's my only daughter, my

(01:02:45):
only little lady, and um boys,one little lady one little lady
and man, is she just man?
She's my daughter.
I'm just going to say she issassy and all that.
She'll tell you what she'sthinking.
She doesn't care if it hurtsyour feelings understood, but
she's gonna make it known whatshe has to say and I'm proud of

(01:03:08):
her.
She is strength in every senseof the word.
She's gonna move mountains.
She's gonna, you know, shakethe world with her presence.
She's, you know, she's goingthrough her trials and
tribulations for life lessonsearly, as I did.
Um, not in the same severity,thank you, jesus.

(01:03:29):
Uh, but she is learning andgrowing and I'm very proud of
her and I always, I never,hesitate to say that that's my
doll, that's my only baby girl.
I wouldn't have it any other way.
I know she always wonders.

(01:03:50):
She's like I'm the only girl.
You forget about me.
I'm like, no, with anything, Ithink of you first because
you're my girl.
But I said so.
I said but even if you're theonly girl, I know that you're
going to be okay.
I said but trust me, I check mynew first.
I don't think I check my newlast.
It will think nothing like that.

(01:04:12):
Okay, mom, but she keeps me incheck too.
So it's all good.
Can't wait to see what she does.

Speaker 2 (01:04:24):
I'm sure she'll do great things with, you know,
with a good mother figure likeyourself.

Speaker 3 (01:04:28):
Thank you, I'm excited to see.

Speaker 2 (01:04:31):
I think that brings us to the end, doesn't it?

Speaker 3 (01:04:32):
Yeah, no more tattoos to record at this time, at
least for now.
To be continued.
I know I'm not done.
I'm still an open canvas.

Speaker 2 (01:04:43):
It was really great to have you on the show.
I really appreciate youspending the time here.

Speaker 3 (01:04:49):
Thank you.
Thank you Sharing your storywith everybody.
Thank you for having me.
Thank you All right.

Speaker 2 (01:04:54):
Well, this is your host, Tanot, on another episode
of the Intel Podcast and anotherepisode of the.

Speaker 1 (01:04:59):
Inktales Podcast.
Thanks for joining me this weekfor another episode.
Don't forget to follow us onInstagram at the Inktales
Podcast, and our website atinktalespodcastcom, where you
can see photos of all our guestsand their tattoos.
Please subscribe to the show tohear more fun stories from
exciting guests.
Who knows it?
Mip, you, you.