February 18, 2024 • 34 mins
Feeling like you can’t find fulfillment without achieving external goals? Are you sacrificing your happiness to chase success? We've all caught ourselves in the cycle of thinking that reaching a certain milestone will bring us joy, but today, we're flipping that script.
In this episode, I delve deep into the myth of "once I achieve X, then I'll feel Y," revealing a powerful perspective shift that can take you from surviving to thriving.
From presence and acceptance to widening your perspective, I'll guide you through the steps to unlock your inner purpose and unleash your fullest potential.
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Clarity Lab — Step into the next chapter of your work with a full-body "Yes. That's it.". https://michelledowker.thrivecart.com/clarity/
Disclaimer:
This podcast is for informational & inspirational purposes only. Nothing shared is intended as medical, psychological, or personalized advice, and should not be used as a substitute for professional support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Michelle Dowker (00:00):
Today I want to talk about a phrase that I
commonly see and a perspectiveshift on how we think about
achieving the things that wewant and the goals that we want
to accomplish.
I see over and over again atendency to have the mindset and
the perspective of once Iachieve X, then I'm going to
(00:25):
feel Y, right.
So some examples might be onceI make more money, then I'll be
a success.
Once I lose weight, then I'llbe happy with myself.
Once I get my chronic illnesscondition under control, then
I'll be happy.
These are just a couple ofthousands of different examples
(00:49):
of this.
Once I achieve X, then I'llfeel Y.
I've done this myself.
It works to a certain extent,but there is a better way and a
better perspective that will getyou past just surviving results
into thriving results.
And here's the perspective flip.
(01:11):
Finding happiness is an insidejob.
Finding satisfaction withyourself is an inside job.
Seeking satisfaction fromexternal things like how you
look, what other people think ofyou, achieving degrees, status,
money, job promotions, all thedifferent things, will not give
(01:35):
you what you think it's going togive you.
If you have not found a way toestablish that satisfaction from
within, I mean sure topically,you can say okay, well, what if
I'm not financially secure?
Making more money is going tomake me more happy?
Okay, to an extent, yes, andthe thing is, though, is that
(01:59):
once, say, for example, you makemore money, new problems are
going to show up, new desires,and then, believing that you
need more in order to get moreof what you're chasing, it
becomes an endless cycle, andit's kind of what fuels the rat
race of this constant go, push,need more, need more in order to
(02:22):
accomplish some sense ofsatisfaction by chasing external
goals, other people'sacceptance and validation,
external goals of achievingmaterial things, achieving
status, achieving position,achieving money.
I'm not saying that any ofthose things are wrong, but what
(02:43):
I'm saying is that there's aperspective here.
If you want to end the viciouscycle, and that is instead of
thinking once I achieve X, thenI'll feel Y it's about thinking,
I feel Y about myself and, as aresult, I achieve X.
If you're happy with yourselfand you are confident about who
(03:07):
you are, and you are alignedwith the things that you enjoy
doing, and you are standing inyour power and your center and
operating from that place andgiving from inner overflow in
your work, then you willnaturally bring success to you.
So once you are happy andaligned with yourself, as a
(03:31):
result, you become a success.
And, to tease this out in amore logical manner, think of it
like this when you're happywith yourself and you accept
yourself and you are operatingfrom this place where you can
deliver the most impact in yourwork, because you are operating
from your gifts and owning them,as a result, you show up
(03:53):
differently and people sensethat they pick up on that and
they want what you have to offer.
You will become a magnet forthe people who are meant to be
impacted from what you are hereto deliver in your work.
Versus, if you are not happywith yourself and you are maybe
(04:14):
doing something that you don'tnecessarily love, but you're
chasing financial success, thenyou're not going to be fully
authentic and people are goingto feel that.
Or maybe you are seekingvalidation from other people
instead of feeling confident andaccepting yourself, and so the
work that you're doing you'redoing in order to gain
(04:37):
validation, so that you feelbetter about yourself, and that
impacts how you show up in yourwork and how you respond to your
clients, and that's going toimpact your success as well.
Another example would be so say, for example, with autoimmunity
.
This is a big one that I'veworked through myself and I've
(05:00):
worked with many, many clientswho have struggled with
autoimmunity.
Oftentimes there's this desireof once I get my condition under
control, then I'm going to behappy with myself.
Now here's the thing aboutautoimmunity.
One of the patterns, theenergetic patterns that I see
(05:21):
over and over and over againwith this condition, is that
there is this tendency to havethis inner dialogue of there's
something about myself that Idon't accept.
And if you think about thislogically, autoimmunity is in a
nutshell there's some part ofthe immune system that is
(05:42):
thinking that there is some partof you that is foreign, that it
doesn't accept, that is tryingto eliminate.
I see this energeticassociation of typically there
is something within that personthat they don't accept within
themselves, that they're tryingto hide or eliminate about
(06:03):
themselves, maybe so that theycould feel better about
themselves or be accepted byother people.
And this was the case formyself.
There were so many things aboutmyself that I didn't accept
about myself and it was eatingaway at me One of the pieces of
the puzzle that I've seen overand over again when I was
working with people withautoimmunity, to get better
(06:27):
control over their conditions.
One of the main things that wewere doing is I was helping to
guide them to accept themselves,to become happy with themselves
, regardless of their conditionand their state, and find
acceptance with that.
What happens when they do thatis they disarm the inner judge
(06:51):
and that inner judge takes a lotof energy and it puts a lot of
stress and strain on the nervoussystem.
And, as I've mentioned beforeand I'll mention again, the
nervous system is the bridgebetween the inner emotional
terrain and every single organsystem in your body and
physiological system in yourbody.
And if that nervous system hastoo much stress and strain on it
(07:16):
for too long a period of time,it becomes dysregulated and that
will impact your physicalsystems, that will impact your
physiology, it impacts yourhealth and with autoimmunity it
is seen that nervous systemdysregulation triggers and
worsens physical symptoms.
(07:37):
And once we do that deeperinner work of finding acceptance
with yourself and findinghappiness from within,
regardless of your externalsituation, what happens is all
of that pressure on the nervoussystem eases and then what
happens?
(07:58):
The body has a better chance toregulate itself, to optimize
itself, to regain balance andwhat happens naturally is that
those autoimmune symptoms tendto lessen and ease and sometimes
even go into remission.
(08:19):
And I use this example of healthbecause I've had enough years
of experience now to share withyou these stories of how this
actually works.
But this can be translated toevery single aspect of your life
, including and especially yourbusiness success and the
(08:40):
enjoyment that you're gettingfrom your business.
So now I know you're probablythinking well, okay, michelle,
so how do you do that?
How do you find happinesswithin yourself without chasing
the X, without chasing thestatus, without chasing the
business success, withoutchasing the money, without
chasing better control over yoursymptoms, without chasing
(09:03):
whatever it is that you thinkthe external thing is that's
going to bring you the happiness?
How do you find the happinessfirst?
How do you find that innersuccess first?
How do you find that innerdesire that you're wanting to
feel from achieving the externalthing?
Doing a little bit ofreflection before I hit record,
(09:24):
there's three.
There's many things, butthere's top three that spoke to
me that I wanted to talk abouthere.
That might be helpful for youas you're discovering and
journeying through this yourself, and you might already be on
this road of having figured outa lot of this.
(09:46):
Whether or not this is brand newto you or this is old hat for
you, these reminders are alwayshelpful and every time you hear
them, depending on where you arein the path, you're likely
going to see it from a differentperspective.
That's the way my work works.
Oftentimes, this journey ofstepping into more of your
(10:09):
deeper inner purpose is a spiralrather than linear.
So oftentimes you go throughthis cycle of awareness and
understanding and acceptance andintegration and alchemization
and transformation, only to bebrought back to the initial
(10:31):
thing that brought you to doingthis inner transformation and
inner purpose work and inneridentity work.
And the original theme willlikely come back to you, but in
a new way, almost like you'veshed a layer and now there's
this completely new layerunderneath it to take a look at,
but in a completely new way.
(10:54):
And every time that you do oneof these cycles in the spiral,
you move deeper and deeper intoyour center, more aligned with
who you are, and as you do, thenthere's less and less influence
from the external world.
That's pulling you in differentdirections, kind of like
(11:14):
growing those deep roots of atree, like I mentioned in the
last podcast episode, and thedeeper the roots, the less
likely you are to be uprooted inthe big windstorms of life.
Coming back to the threedifferent things that I thought
about today to consider when itcomes to finding why, within
(11:36):
yourself first, instead ofneeding to rely on achieving X
in order to get it, those threethings that I've come up with
are presence, acceptance andperspective.
Starting with presence, whenyou're thinking, once I achieve
X, then I'll finally feel whyYou're thinking about the future
(11:57):
, you're thinking about in thefuture.
If I get this, then I'll feelthis instead of being in the
present moment.
And here's the thing is whenyou're focused on the future,
you have less and less focus onthe now, and the now is the only
moment that you can controlwith your actions.
(12:20):
And what happens is if the lessand less attention you have on
the now, the less and lesscontrol you have over your
actions and, as a result, theless and less in control you
feel.
And what tends to happen thenis the subconscious mind will
(12:43):
sense this feeling of not beingin control, and there is this
survival response of I don'tfeel in control.
So, in order to try to regain asense of control, I need to
prepare for the future, I needto plan, I need to think, I need
to think of all the what ifs, Ineed to think of all the
situations.
I need to be thinking ahead inorder to regain this control
(13:07):
that I feel like I've lost.
But the problem is that themore and more you start to think
about the future, with the whatifs and the anxieties and the
worries and the planning of butonce I get this in the future,
this, the less and less focusyou have on the present and the
less and less your control is inthe present, on your present
(13:28):
moment actions, and the more andmore your subconscious will try
to regain that sense of controlthrough focusing on the future.
And it creates again a viciouscycle, just like that vicious
cycle of once I achieve X, thenI'm going to feel Y.
It's the same thing of once Ithink about the future, then
(13:49):
I'll feel in control.
But it's an illusion.
It's an illusion that actuallywill keep you caught in this
constant cycle that will neverbring you peace.
One point to consider is reallynoticing where your focus is.
How much do you focus on thefuture versus how much are you
focused on what you're actuallydoing right now?
(14:10):
And I know this is easier saidthan done and I'm not going to
go into a lot of detail in thisparticular episode about that.
Know that mindfulness is oneway to consider looking at how
to readjust your focus to thepresent moment, and mindfulness
(14:30):
isn't just about sitting on acushion and meditating.
That is one way that you can goabout practicing mindfulness,
but it's certainly not the onlyway.
And know that science has begunlooking at mindfulness as a way
of helping people to feelbetter about themselves.
It's often used in places likethe military and with emergency
(14:55):
service operators, firefighters,police officers, those types of
things In order to help them toprevent PTSD and help to manage
and treat PTSD.
It really is one piece of thepuzzle if you haven't looked at
this yet to consider in terms ofwhere you're noticing your
(15:17):
presence.
So I just want to mention, forthis particular episode, the
first step is awareness.
So pay attention how much ofyour focus is on the present
moment and what you're doingright now and what's happening
right now, and how you're doingthings right now and how you're
focused on the actions that youdo right now, no matter how
(15:41):
mundane the action is.
This is a really helpful trickthat you can use.
To practice mindfulness is totake those mundane activities
that you typically don't usuallyfocus on, like brushing your
teeth, for example.
Oftentimes, when we're brushingour teeth I know for myself I
(16:02):
have been locked in thinking ofthings like well, what am I
going to make for supper today?
What am I going to wear?
What does my day going to looklike, instead of actually
focusing on the action ofbrushing your teeth?
And so if you instead spendthose two minutes brushing your
teeth and actually payingattention to the action of
brushing your teeth, the motionthat you're making, the pressure
(16:24):
that you're putting on atoothbrush, the sound of the
toothbrush, the taste of thetoothpaste, for example whatever
you feel is most appealing toyou to focus on, as long as it's
in the present, you'll probablynotice that your mind will
easily go into focusing on thefuture.
Oh, I don't need to focus onthis.
I need to focus on what my dayis going to look like.
(16:45):
I need to focus on planning.
What am I going to take out ofthe freezer for supper?
It can be a little bit of apractice of herding cats, right?
So your mind will wander.
Become aware that your mind iswandering and then rain it back
into the present.
Okay, I see where my mind isgoing, without judgment.
I'm just going to bring it backto the present.
(17:06):
I can think about that in twominutes when I'm done this
exercise, but for now I'm goingto re-focus on brushing my teeth
, for example.
This is one of a milliondifferent ways that you can
practice focusing on the presentmoment and strengthening your
muscle of being present, so thatyou can feel more in control of
(17:30):
your actions, and that makes adifference.
It makes a difference not onlyin the actions that you're
taking, but especially if youhave clientele, if you're a
coach, if you're a practitioner,if you're working with other
people, if you're helping otherpeople, it is imperative that
(17:51):
you are present.
I know for myself it is superimportant for me to be
completely present with myclient when I'm on a client call
with them.
If my mind is wandering andthinking about other things
while they're speaking, there'sonly so much that I'm going to
be able to pick up about whatthey're saying and how they're
(18:11):
saying it and the energy behindit and what they're looking for,
and there's only so much I'mgoing to be able to channel with
them the answers that they'relooking for and provide
suggestions and provide strategyand put puzzle pieces together
for them.
If my mind is not fully focusedon what is happening right now,
as I'm in conversation withthem, I like to call this
(18:33):
therapeutic presence.
It's not only effective andhelpful to improve the level of
service that you can provide foryour client and, as a result,
the results that they can getfrom having a consultation with
you, but being fully andcompletely present with somebody
.
They feel that throughcoherence, they pick up on that
(18:58):
energy and that in itself can behealing.
That in itself can be helpfulfor them, because now they have
an exemplar to attune to, to bepresent with someone who's
present.
That in itself can change awhole lot, and this is also
something that can help you interms of improving your success.
(19:18):
If you're ex that you'redesiring right.
Once I achieve ex, then I'llfeel why.
If your ex is business success,one of the ways that you're
going to achieve more businesssuccess is actually to be
present when you are operatingin your business, especially
when you are connecting withother people, it makes a huge
(19:40):
difference.
Now, the next word on the listthat I've mentioned is
acceptance.
This is huge and I know it'snot always easy In order for you
to achieve what you want, andespecially to feel what you want
, there needs to be a level ofacceptance of what is.
(20:02):
Accepting what is in thepresent moment, even if you
don't like it.
It doesn't mean that you lovewhat's happening in the present
moment.
It just means that you acceptthat it is what it is, because
when you fight against it, itwill control you.
You will always be left feelinglike you have to run away from
(20:23):
it or avoid it or change it, andthat will control your actions,
your thoughts and your feelings.
And instead of you feeling incontrol control is a whole topic
for another day, by the wayinstead of you feeling in
control, that thing that you'renot accepting is going to
control you Always.
If you are thinking once Iachieve X, then I'll finally
(20:48):
achieve Y, and you don't acceptwhere you are in comparison to
that X that you want to achieve,then that thing is always going
to be there, impacting how youoperate, how you think, what
you're doing, and it might causeyou to actually never fully
(21:08):
achieve the thing that you'relooking for Acceptance.
I think I will have to do awhole podcast on that another
day, because this is a hugetopic.
And this is the thing.
The things that we don't acceptare the things that are going to
cause us suffering, based onthe Buddhist concept of the Four
(21:29):
Noble Truths, when you rejectsomething, when you don't accept
something, when you aredesiring something to be
different than what it is, thenit will always cause suffering.
And there is a remedy for thatsuffering, and that remedy is to
let go of the desiring to letgo of trying to run away from
(21:52):
what is, because it sets up awhole set of inner judging that
will control you and impact yournervous system and, as a result
, it impacts your health, itimpacts how your body operates
and it impacts yourrelationships, on a personal
(22:13):
level, on a business level,everything.
The remedy for the suffering isacceptance.
Now, that doesn't mean that yousit back and do nothing and
just accept your lot in life andsay, okay, well, I guess I'm
never going to get out of this.
No, there is still going to beaction to take Present moment,
focused action in your flow,with acceptance that things are
(22:36):
the way they are.
It can change, but the more yougrasp onto that need for change
, the more you're no longergoing to be focused on the
present moment and the moreyou're not going to be able to
find that inner sense of thepeace or happiness, the why that
(22:56):
you're looking for, right, onceI achieve X, then I'll feel why
.
The more you don't accept whatis, the less you're going to
feel why.
Plain and simple.
And finally, the third wordthat came to me before I hit
record.
So we've talked about presenceand acceptance, and the third
word is perspective, and this isbig Perspective how you're
(23:20):
looking at things, how you seesomething, how else can you look
at this situation?
How else can you look atyourself?
There's always different waysto look at and consider anything
.
And here's the thing the morethat you're stuck in stress and
survival mode, it's like we'relooking through a peephole
(23:44):
versus the entire picture and itreally narrows down the
possibility of what we're seeing.
It narrows down our perspective.
The more in survival and stressmode we are, the more we don't
accept where we are and we don'taccept ourselves, the more in
stress and survival mode we are,and it really narrows down the
(24:08):
number of possibilities that wecan see and consider.
And so when I work with peoplein mentorship and we work on
deepening their presence anddeepening their acceptance,
especially with themselves andwho they are, and they move more
into this thriving overflow.
(24:30):
Their perspective widens.
They can see more and more ofwhat's possible, what other ways
to look at things.
And when you do, you can seethe picture of what's actually
happening, not just what youthink is happening based on your
survival or stress moderesponses.
And when you can see the biggerpicture, that's when solutions
(24:54):
show up, that's when you canstart to see oh, I see what's
happening.
And when you see it differently, everything changes, including
how you think about and react tothat situation or that person
and yourself.
Perspective is absolutelyeverything.
(25:14):
Coming back to the originalpoint of this conversation today
this tendency to think with theperspective of once I achieve X
, then I'll feel Y.
Once I achieve financialsuccess, then I'll feel stable.
Once I get control over mychronic illness, then I'll feel
at peace.
Once I achieve this promotion,then I'll feel happy.
(25:38):
These are just examples.
There's so many more things toconsider here, but usually it's
the once I achieve X, then I'llfeel Y.
So here's the perspective flipI feel Y and, as a result, I can
achieve X.
So, for example, I'm happy withmyself and, as a result, I am
(25:59):
experiencing success.
I feel calm and accept myselfand, as a result, I'm seeing my
chronic health conditions arebecoming more stable.
I am happy with myself and Iknow myself and I accept myself
and, as a result, I show updifferently in the people sense
(26:19):
that and more and more peopleare showing up and want what I
have to offer and my business isblowing up, for example.
So can you see how flipping theperspective of how you are
thinking and engaging withyourself and with life and how
you are showing up as a resultof these thoughts and this
(26:42):
perspective can changeabsolutely everything about how
your life is unfolding for you.
And again, presence, acceptanceand perspective are three
points to consider here in termsof creating this perspective
flip about how you're decidingto operate in your life and show
(27:04):
up in your life and how you arelooking at your goals, and this
will set you up for finding adeeper sense of inner purpose,
if you feel Y within yourselffirst, without needing to chase
an external thing in order foryou to feel that.
There's a lot more that I cansay about this, but I think this
(27:25):
is enough for today in order tomaybe just get you thinking a
little bit differently if you'venever considered this, and if
you have considered this and youdo know about this, I hope this
is giving you another layer toreflect on and chew on, to help
you deepen what you already knowabout this path and about this
(27:46):
perspective, so that you cancontinue to evolve and deepen
the inner purpose within you bydeepening what it is that you're
hoping and desiring to achievefrom within you first, first and
foremost and this is the thingit's not about okay, well, it's
(28:06):
just about achieving thisfeeling.
There's more to it than that.
That I will explain more when Italk about the four levels of
consciousness.
But it's really important toestablish all of this within
yourself first and be rock solidin that, so that now you can go
out and connect with thecollective, so that you can help
(28:29):
the collective achieve the same.
But if you are going at it fromthis place of but I want other
people to feel this withouthaving an established it within
yourself first, then there'sgoing to be this bypass effect
that happens and that willresult in you not being able to
(28:51):
fully break that cycle ofconstant chasing, amongst other
things.
So I hope that this was helpfulfor you, if this sounds like the
path that you're on and youknow that deepening your center
and your connection withyourself and widening your own
personal perspectives so thatyou can deepen those feelings of
(29:17):
strong inner knowing andconfidence with yourself and
your work, so that you can feelmore fulfilled and really
connect to doing what reallymakes you the happiest.
This is what my work is about.
If this makes sense to you andyou've already done this to a
degree and you are looking to godeeper with this these are the
(29:41):
types of people that really getthe best results from my
particular approach andmethodology.
If that sounds like somethingyou're looking for, definitely
go to the show notes and checkout the different one on one
service options that I haveavailable.
I only have a limited number ofspots to work with someone in a
(30:03):
mentorship and through an eightweek intensive.
It is by application only tomake sure that we are a good fit
, because it's when we are botha good fit to work together is
when the magic really happens.
That's when you're really goingto get those quantum leaps and
breakthroughs, to really deepenand achieve that inner sense of
(30:27):
whatever it is that you'reseeking within yourself and find
your flow so that all thethings that you desire the
fulfillment, the satisfaction,the success doubles, triples and
expands exponentially thedeeper you go to deepen those
feelings of satisfaction andacceptance and connection and
(30:50):
centeredness within yourself.
First and foremost I see it overand over and over again If you
are an ideal fit, you probablyalready have a sense of that and
you know that when you haveguidance to walk through the
labyrinth with you, to have aSherpa walking beside you, that
(31:11):
you know that you can see moreof what you can't yet see more
efficiently and effectively thanif you're trying to figure it
out on your own.
And so if that sounds like you,definitely check out all the
service options that I have inthe show notes and reach out to
me if any of those feel likethey could be a fit for you and
we can have a chat and see ifthat is an option for you.
(31:34):
I also have a really great freeresource that you can download
as a starting point.
It's one of the introductoryexercises that I guide my own
mentorship clients through sothat they can deepen their own
inner connection with their ownintuition and trust and knowing
to find their own answers.
So if that interests youdefinitely go check out the free
(31:57):
resource in the show notes aswell.
I look forward to speaking toyou again next week.
Today I want to talk about a phrase that I
commonly see and a perspectiveshift on how we think about
achieving the things that wewant and the goals that we want
to accomplish.
I see over and over again atendency to have the mindset and
the perspective of once Iachieve X, then I'm going to
(00:25):
feel Y, right.
So some examples might be onceI make more money, then I'll be
a success.
Once I lose weight, then I'llbe happy with myself.
Once I get my chronic illnesscondition under control, then
I'll be happy.
These are just a couple ofthousands of different examples
(00:49):
of this.
Once I achieve X, then I'llfeel Y.
I've done this myself.
It works to a certain extent,but there is a better way and a
better perspective that will getyou past just surviving results
into thriving results.
And here's the perspective flip.
(01:11):
Finding happiness is an insidejob.
Finding satisfaction withyourself is an inside job.
Seeking satisfaction fromexternal things like how you
look, what other people think ofyou, achieving degrees, status,
money, job promotions, all thedifferent things, will not give
(01:35):
you what you think it's going togive you.
If you have not found a way toestablish that satisfaction from
within, I mean sure topically,you can say okay, well, what if
I'm not financially secure?
Making more money is going tomake me more happy?
Okay, to an extent, yes, andthe thing is, though, is that
(01:59):
once, say, for example, you makemore money, new problems are
going to show up, new desires,and then, believing that you
need more in order to get moreof what you're chasing, it
becomes an endless cycle, andit's kind of what fuels the rat
race of this constant go, push,need more, need more in order to
(02:22):
accomplish some sense ofsatisfaction by chasing external
goals, other people'sacceptance and validation,
external goals of achievingmaterial things, achieving
status, achieving position,achieving money.
I'm not saying that any ofthose things are wrong, but what
(02:43):
I'm saying is that there's aperspective here.
If you want to end the viciouscycle, and that is instead of
thinking once I achieve X, thenI'll feel Y it's about thinking,
I feel Y about myself and, as aresult, I achieve X.
If you're happy with yourselfand you are confident about who
(03:07):
you are, and you are alignedwith the things that you enjoy
doing, and you are standing inyour power and your center and
operating from that place andgiving from inner overflow in
your work, then you willnaturally bring success to you.
So once you are happy andaligned with yourself, as a
(03:31):
result, you become a success.
And, to tease this out in amore logical manner, think of it
like this when you're happywith yourself and you accept
yourself and you are operatingfrom this place where you can
deliver the most impact in yourwork, because you are operating
from your gifts and owning them,as a result, you show up
(03:53):
differently and people sensethat they pick up on that and
they want what you have to offer.
You will become a magnet forthe people who are meant to be
impacted from what you are hereto deliver in your work.
Versus, if you are not happywith yourself and you are maybe
(04:14):
doing something that you don'tnecessarily love, but you're
chasing financial success, thenyou're not going to be fully
authentic and people are goingto feel that.
Or maybe you are seekingvalidation from other people
instead of feeling confident andaccepting yourself, and so the
work that you're doing you'redoing in order to gain
(04:37):
validation, so that you feelbetter about yourself, and that
impacts how you show up in yourwork and how you respond to your
clients, and that's going toimpact your success as well.
Another example would be so say, for example, with autoimmunity
.
This is a big one that I'veworked through myself and I've
(05:00):
worked with many, many clientswho have struggled with
autoimmunity.
Oftentimes there's this desireof once I get my condition under
control, then I'm going to behappy with myself.
Now here's the thing aboutautoimmunity.
One of the patterns, theenergetic patterns that I see
(05:21):
over and over and over againwith this condition, is that
there is this tendency to havethis inner dialogue of there's
something about myself that Idon't accept.
And if you think about thislogically, autoimmunity is in a
nutshell there's some part ofthe immune system that is
(05:42):
thinking that there is some partof you that is foreign, that it
doesn't accept, that is tryingto eliminate.
I see this energeticassociation of typically there
is something within that personthat they don't accept within
themselves, that they're tryingto hide or eliminate about
(06:03):
themselves, maybe so that theycould feel better about
themselves or be accepted byother people.
And this was the case formyself.
There were so many things aboutmyself that I didn't accept
about myself and it was eatingaway at me One of the pieces of
the puzzle that I've seen overand over again when I was
working with people withautoimmunity, to get better
(06:27):
control over their conditions.
One of the main things that wewere doing is I was helping to
guide them to accept themselves,to become happy with themselves
, regardless of their conditionand their state, and find
acceptance with that.
What happens when they do thatis they disarm the inner judge
(06:51):
and that inner judge takes a lotof energy and it puts a lot of
stress and strain on the nervoussystem.
And, as I've mentioned beforeand I'll mention again, the
nervous system is the bridgebetween the inner emotional
terrain and every single organsystem in your body and
physiological system in yourbody.
And if that nervous system hastoo much stress and strain on it
(07:16):
for too long a period of time,it becomes dysregulated and that
will impact your physicalsystems, that will impact your
physiology, it impacts yourhealth and with autoimmunity it
is seen that nervous systemdysregulation triggers and
worsens physical symptoms.
(07:37):
And once we do that deeperinner work of finding acceptance
with yourself and findinghappiness from within,
regardless of your externalsituation, what happens is all
of that pressure on the nervoussystem eases and then what
happens?
(07:58):
The body has a better chance toregulate itself, to optimize
itself, to regain balance andwhat happens naturally is that
those autoimmune symptoms tendto lessen and ease and sometimes
even go into remission.
(08:19):
And I use this example of healthbecause I've had enough years
of experience now to share withyou these stories of how this
actually works.
But this can be translated toevery single aspect of your life
, including and especially yourbusiness success and the
(08:40):
enjoyment that you're gettingfrom your business.
So now I know you're probablythinking well, okay, michelle,
so how do you do that?
How do you find happinesswithin yourself without chasing
the X, without chasing thestatus, without chasing the
business success, withoutchasing the money, without
chasing better control over yoursymptoms, without chasing
(09:03):
whatever it is that you thinkthe external thing is that's
going to bring you the happiness?
How do you find the happinessfirst?
How do you find that innersuccess first?
How do you find that innerdesire that you're wanting to
feel from achieving the externalthing?
Doing a little bit ofreflection before I hit record,
(09:24):
there's three.
There's many things, butthere's top three that spoke to
me that I wanted to talk abouthere.
That might be helpful for youas you're discovering and
journeying through this yourself, and you might already be on
this road of having figured outa lot of this.
(09:46):
Whether or not this is brand newto you or this is old hat for
you, these reminders are alwayshelpful and every time you hear
them, depending on where you arein the path, you're likely
going to see it from a differentperspective.
That's the way my work works.
Oftentimes, this journey ofstepping into more of your
(10:09):
deeper inner purpose is a spiralrather than linear.
So oftentimes you go throughthis cycle of awareness and
understanding and acceptance andintegration and alchemization
and transformation, only to bebrought back to the initial
(10:31):
thing that brought you to doingthis inner transformation and
inner purpose work and inneridentity work.
And the original theme willlikely come back to you, but in
a new way, almost like you'veshed a layer and now there's
this completely new layerunderneath it to take a look at,
but in a completely new way.
(10:54):
And every time that you do oneof these cycles in the spiral,
you move deeper and deeper intoyour center, more aligned with
who you are, and as you do, thenthere's less and less influence
from the external world.
That's pulling you in differentdirections, kind of like
(11:14):
growing those deep roots of atree, like I mentioned in the
last podcast episode, and thedeeper the roots, the less
likely you are to be uprooted inthe big windstorms of life.
Coming back to the threedifferent things that I thought
about today to consider when itcomes to finding why, within
(11:36):
yourself first, instead ofneeding to rely on achieving X
in order to get it, those threethings that I've come up with
are presence, acceptance andperspective.
Starting with presence, whenyou're thinking, once I achieve
X, then I'll finally feel whyYou're thinking about the future
(11:57):
, you're thinking about in thefuture.
If I get this, then I'll feelthis instead of being in the
present moment.
And here's the thing is whenyou're focused on the future,
you have less and less focus onthe now, and the now is the only
moment that you can controlwith your actions.
(12:20):
And what happens is if the lessand less attention you have on
the now, the less and lesscontrol you have over your
actions and, as a result, theless and less in control you
feel.
And what tends to happen thenis the subconscious mind will
(12:43):
sense this feeling of not beingin control, and there is this
survival response of I don'tfeel in control.
So, in order to try to regain asense of control, I need to
prepare for the future, I needto plan, I need to think, I need
to think of all the what ifs, Ineed to think of all the
situations.
I need to be thinking ahead inorder to regain this control
(13:07):
that I feel like I've lost.
But the problem is that themore and more you start to think
about the future, with the whatifs and the anxieties and the
worries and the planning of butonce I get this in the future,
this, the less and less focusyou have on the present and the
less and less your control is inthe present, on your present
(13:28):
moment actions, and the more andmore your subconscious will try
to regain that sense of controlthrough focusing on the future.
And it creates again a viciouscycle, just like that vicious
cycle of once I achieve X, thenI'm going to feel Y.
It's the same thing of once Ithink about the future, then
(13:49):
I'll feel in control.
But it's an illusion.
It's an illusion that actuallywill keep you caught in this
constant cycle that will neverbring you peace.
One point to consider is reallynoticing where your focus is.
How much do you focus on thefuture versus how much are you
focused on what you're actuallydoing right now?
(14:10):
And I know this is easier saidthan done and I'm not going to
go into a lot of detail in thisparticular episode about that.
Know that mindfulness is oneway to consider looking at how
to readjust your focus to thepresent moment, and mindfulness
(14:30):
isn't just about sitting on acushion and meditating.
That is one way that you can goabout practicing mindfulness,
but it's certainly not the onlyway.
And know that science has begunlooking at mindfulness as a way
of helping people to feelbetter about themselves.
It's often used in places likethe military and with emergency
(14:55):
service operators, firefighters,police officers, those types of
things In order to help them toprevent PTSD and help to manage
and treat PTSD.
It really is one piece of thepuzzle if you haven't looked at
this yet to consider in terms ofwhere you're noticing your
(15:17):
presence.
So I just want to mention, forthis particular episode, the
first step is awareness.
So pay attention how much ofyour focus is on the present
moment and what you're doingright now and what's happening
right now, and how you're doingthings right now and how you're
focused on the actions that youdo right now, no matter how
(15:41):
mundane the action is.
This is a really helpful trickthat you can use.
To practice mindfulness is totake those mundane activities
that you typically don't usuallyfocus on, like brushing your
teeth, for example.
Oftentimes, when we're brushingour teeth I know for myself I
(16:02):
have been locked in thinking ofthings like well, what am I
going to make for supper today?
What am I going to wear?
What does my day going to looklike, instead of actually
focusing on the action ofbrushing your teeth?
And so if you instead spendthose two minutes brushing your
teeth and actually payingattention to the action of
brushing your teeth, the motionthat you're making, the pressure
(16:24):
that you're putting on atoothbrush, the sound of the
toothbrush, the taste of thetoothpaste, for example whatever
you feel is most appealing toyou to focus on, as long as it's
in the present, you'll probablynotice that your mind will
easily go into focusing on thefuture.
Oh, I don't need to focus onthis.
I need to focus on what my dayis going to look like.
(16:45):
I need to focus on planning.
What am I going to take out ofthe freezer for supper?
It can be a little bit of apractice of herding cats, right?
So your mind will wander.
Become aware that your mind iswandering and then rain it back
into the present.
Okay, I see where my mind isgoing, without judgment.
I'm just going to bring it backto the present.
(17:06):
I can think about that in twominutes when I'm done this
exercise, but for now I'm goingto re-focus on brushing my teeth
, for example.
This is one of a milliondifferent ways that you can
practice focusing on the presentmoment and strengthening your
muscle of being present, so thatyou can feel more in control of
(17:30):
your actions, and that makes adifference.
It makes a difference not onlyin the actions that you're
taking, but especially if youhave clientele, if you're a
coach, if you're a practitioner,if you're working with other
people, if you're helping otherpeople, it is imperative that
(17:51):
you are present.
I know for myself it is superimportant for me to be
completely present with myclient when I'm on a client call
with them.
If my mind is wandering andthinking about other things
while they're speaking, there'sonly so much that I'm going to
be able to pick up about whatthey're saying and how they're
(18:11):
saying it and the energy behindit and what they're looking for,
and there's only so much I'mgoing to be able to channel with
them the answers that they'relooking for and provide
suggestions and provide strategyand put puzzle pieces together
for them.
If my mind is not fully focusedon what is happening right now,
as I'm in conversation withthem, I like to call this
(18:33):
therapeutic presence.
It's not only effective andhelpful to improve the level of
service that you can provide foryour client and, as a result,
the results that they can getfrom having a consultation with
you, but being fully andcompletely present with somebody
.
They feel that throughcoherence, they pick up on that
(18:58):
energy and that in itself can behealing.
That in itself can be helpfulfor them, because now they have
an exemplar to attune to, to bepresent with someone who's
present.
That in itself can change awhole lot, and this is also
something that can help you interms of improving your success.
(19:18):
If you're ex that you'redesiring right.
Once I achieve ex, then I'llfeel why.
If your ex is business success,one of the ways that you're
going to achieve more businesssuccess is actually to be
present when you are operatingin your business, especially
when you are connecting withother people, it makes a huge
(19:40):
difference.
Now, the next word on the listthat I've mentioned is
acceptance.
This is huge and I know it'snot always easy In order for you
to achieve what you want, andespecially to feel what you want
, there needs to be a level ofacceptance of what is.
(20:02):
Accepting what is in thepresent moment, even if you
don't like it.
It doesn't mean that you lovewhat's happening in the present
moment.
It just means that you acceptthat it is what it is, because
when you fight against it, itwill control you.
You will always be left feelinglike you have to run away from
(20:23):
it or avoid it or change it, andthat will control your actions,
your thoughts and your feelings.
And instead of you feeling incontrol control is a whole topic
for another day, by the wayinstead of you feeling in
control, that thing that you'renot accepting is going to
control you Always.
If you are thinking once Iachieve X, then I'll finally
(20:48):
achieve Y, and you don't acceptwhere you are in comparison to
that X that you want to achieve,then that thing is always going
to be there, impacting how youoperate, how you think, what
you're doing, and it might causeyou to actually never fully
(21:08):
achieve the thing that you'relooking for Acceptance.
I think I will have to do awhole podcast on that another
day, because this is a hugetopic.
And this is the thing.
The things that we don't acceptare the things that are going to
cause us suffering, based onthe Buddhist concept of the Four
(21:29):
Noble Truths, when you rejectsomething, when you don't accept
something, when you aredesiring something to be
different than what it is, thenit will always cause suffering.
And there is a remedy for thatsuffering, and that remedy is to
let go of the desiring to letgo of trying to run away from
(21:52):
what is, because it sets up awhole set of inner judging that
will control you and impact yournervous system and, as a result
, it impacts your health, itimpacts how your body operates
and it impacts yourrelationships, on a personal
(22:13):
level, on a business level,everything.
The remedy for the suffering isacceptance.
Now, that doesn't mean that yousit back and do nothing and
just accept your lot in life andsay, okay, well, I guess I'm
never going to get out of this.
No, there is still going to beaction to take Present moment,
focused action in your flow,with acceptance that things are
(22:36):
the way they are.
It can change, but the more yougrasp onto that need for change
, the more you're no longergoing to be focused on the
present moment and the moreyou're not going to be able to
find that inner sense of thepeace or happiness, the why that
(22:56):
you're looking for, right, onceI achieve X, then I'll feel why
.
The more you don't accept whatis, the less you're going to
feel why.
Plain and simple.
And finally, the third wordthat came to me before I hit
record.
So we've talked about presenceand acceptance, and the third
word is perspective, and this isbig Perspective how you're
(23:20):
looking at things, how you seesomething, how else can you look
at this situation?
How else can you look atyourself?
There's always different waysto look at and consider anything
.
And here's the thing the morethat you're stuck in stress and
survival mode, it's like we'relooking through a peephole
(23:44):
versus the entire picture and itreally narrows down the
possibility of what we're seeing.
It narrows down our perspective.
The more in survival and stressmode we are, the more we don't
accept where we are and we don'taccept ourselves, the more in
stress and survival mode we are,and it really narrows down the
(24:08):
number of possibilities that wecan see and consider.
And so when I work with peoplein mentorship and we work on
deepening their presence anddeepening their acceptance,
especially with themselves andwho they are, and they move more
into this thriving overflow.
(24:30):
Their perspective widens.
They can see more and more ofwhat's possible, what other ways
to look at things.
And when you do, you can seethe picture of what's actually
happening, not just what youthink is happening based on your
survival or stress moderesponses.
And when you can see the biggerpicture, that's when solutions
(24:54):
show up, that's when you canstart to see oh, I see what's
happening.
And when you see it differently, everything changes, including
how you think about and react tothat situation or that person
and yourself.
Perspective is absolutelyeverything.
(25:14):
Coming back to the originalpoint of this conversation today
this tendency to think with theperspective of once I achieve X
, then I'll feel Y.
Once I achieve financialsuccess, then I'll feel stable.
Once I get control over mychronic illness, then I'll feel
at peace.
Once I achieve this promotion,then I'll feel happy.
(25:38):
These are just examples.
There's so many more things toconsider here, but usually it's
the once I achieve X, then I'llfeel Y.
So here's the perspective flipI feel Y and, as a result, I can
achieve X.
So, for example, I'm happy withmyself and, as a result, I am
(25:59):
experiencing success.
I feel calm and accept myselfand, as a result, I'm seeing my
chronic health conditions arebecoming more stable.
I am happy with myself and Iknow myself and I accept myself
and, as a result, I show updifferently in the people sense
(26:19):
that and more and more peopleare showing up and want what I
have to offer and my business isblowing up, for example.
So can you see how flipping theperspective of how you are
thinking and engaging withyourself and with life and how
you are showing up as a resultof these thoughts and this
(26:42):
perspective can changeabsolutely everything about how
your life is unfolding for you.
And again, presence, acceptanceand perspective are three
points to consider here in termsof creating this perspective
flip about how you're decidingto operate in your life and show
(27:04):
up in your life and how you arelooking at your goals, and this
will set you up for finding adeeper sense of inner purpose,
if you feel Y within yourselffirst, without needing to chase
an external thing in order foryou to feel that.
There's a lot more that I cansay about this, but I think this
(27:25):
is enough for today in order tomaybe just get you thinking a
little bit differently if you'venever considered this, and if
you have considered this and youdo know about this, I hope this
is giving you another layer toreflect on and chew on, to help
you deepen what you already knowabout this path and about this
(27:46):
perspective, so that you cancontinue to evolve and deepen
the inner purpose within you bydeepening what it is that you're
hoping and desiring to achievefrom within you first, first and
foremost and this is the thingit's not about okay, well, it's
(28:06):
just about achieving thisfeeling.
There's more to it than that.
That I will explain more when Italk about the four levels of
consciousness.
But it's really important toestablish all of this within
yourself first and be rock solidin that, so that now you can go
out and connect with thecollective, so that you can help
(28:29):
the collective achieve the same.
But if you are going at it fromthis place of but I want other
people to feel this withouthaving an established it within
yourself first, then there'sgoing to be this bypass effect
that happens and that willresult in you not being able to
(28:51):
fully break that cycle ofconstant chasing, amongst other
things.
So I hope that this was helpfulfor you, if this sounds like the
path that you're on and youknow that deepening your center
and your connection withyourself and widening your own
personal perspectives so thatyou can deepen those feelings of
(29:17):
strong inner knowing andconfidence with yourself and
your work, so that you can feelmore fulfilled and really
connect to doing what reallymakes you the happiest.
This is what my work is about.
If this makes sense to you andyou've already done this to a
degree and you are looking to godeeper with this these are the
(29:41):
types of people that really getthe best results from my
particular approach andmethodology.
If that sounds like somethingyou're looking for, definitely
go to the show notes and checkout the different one on one
service options that I haveavailable.
I only have a limited number ofspots to work with someone in a
(30:03):
mentorship and through an eightweek intensive.
It is by application only tomake sure that we are a good fit
, because it's when we are botha good fit to work together is
when the magic really happens.
That's when you're really goingto get those quantum leaps and
breakthroughs, to really deepenand achieve that inner sense of
(30:27):
whatever it is that you'reseeking within yourself and find
your flow so that all thethings that you desire the
fulfillment, the satisfaction,the success doubles, triples and
expands exponentially thedeeper you go to deepen those
feelings of satisfaction andacceptance and connection and
(30:50):
centeredness within yourself.
First and foremost I see it overand over and over again If you
are an ideal fit, you probablyalready have a sense of that and
you know that when you haveguidance to walk through the
labyrinth with you, to have aSherpa walking beside you, that
(31:11):
you know that you can see moreof what you can't yet see more
efficiently and effectively thanif you're trying to figure it
out on your own.
And so if that sounds like you,definitely check out all the
service options that I have inthe show notes and reach out to
me if any of those feel likethey could be a fit for you and
we can have a chat and see ifthat is an option for you.
(31:34):
I also have a really great freeresource that you can download
as a starting point.
It's one of the introductoryexercises that I guide my own
mentorship clients through sothat they can deepen their own
inner connection with their ownintuition and trust and knowing
to find their own answers.
So if that interests youdefinitely go check out the free
(31:57):
resource in the show notes aswell.
I look forward to speaking toyou again next week.
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