July 30, 2025 • 49 mins
What if the “good girl” in you isn’t your personality—it’s a nervous system survival strategy? In this rich and revealing episode, embodiment coach Beth Clayton breaks down the “good girl” protector archetypes and how they live in the body. We talk about how early conditioning around approval and belonging shapes our adult patterns of people-pleasing, achievement, and avoidance—and what it takes to begin reclaiming choice. This conversation is both tender and activating, especially for women who are ready to trade performance for presence and rewrite the rules of their own lives.
Topics:
- “Good girl” conditioning + protector archetypes
- Nervous system work + body-based healing
- Patriarchal performance patterns
- Embodiment as rebellion
- Shame, self-worth, and visibility
- Unlearning people-pleasing
- Power, softness, and reclaiming voice
- Self-liberation through body awareness
If you loved today’s episode, please leave a review and share your favorite takeaways by screenshotting this episode and tagging us on Instagram! We also have a free monthly community call on the first Wednesday of every month, join here!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
UNKNOWN (00:00):
um
SPEAKER_01 (00:02):
To even question what you've been told is true is
incredibly courageous.
It doesn't always feel likecourage, what looks like courage
to other people.
For me, it feels like survival.
This is our personal medicine.
SPEAKER_00 (00:15):
If I'm surrounded by thinkers, by lovers, by passion,
by integrity, then I really dothink that I know who I am.
SPEAKER_03 (00:21):
There is a peace that is indescribable when
you're being who you are andyou're living your purpose.
I'm not going to come to the endof my life and be like, I didn't
live the life I was meant tolive.
SPEAKER_02 (00:30):
Can I be so comfortable in the idea This is
the Inner
SPEAKER_06 (00:40):
Rebel Podcast.
Every time I talk to you, Beth,I want to paint my wall green.
You look really good in thatroom.
It is really good.
It just looks like a hug, like ahug from nature.
I love it.
(01:01):
Thank you so much.
We call the color that my wallsare because we painted the whole
house this color.
I call it postpartum gray.
It was really representative oflike what my mental state was
when we moved in and painted.
Can you see my whole
SPEAKER_04 (01:15):
head?
I don't know if you're puttingthis anywhere
SPEAKER_02 (01:16):
in terms of video.
You see your whole head.
It's a beautiful head in abeautiful green room.
SPEAKER_06 (01:20):
A beautiful whole head.
Thank you.
Well, let's just dive in becauseI know what's going to
organically unfold.
So we have a dear friend with ustoday, Beth Clayton.
Welcome, Beth.
I'm so happy to have you here.
Hi.
I'm so glad to meet you.
Nice to meet you too.
And Beth is a transformationalcoach, mentor, and embodiment
guide, certified teacher ofIshtara Body, dedicated to
(01:41):
helping women break free fromthe confines of good girl
conditioning, which both Jessand I are very excited to dive
into today, and to awaken theirsacred rebel.
With over 15 years of personalexploration and professional
experience, Beth empowers womento shed patterns of
people-pleasing, perfectionism,self-silencies, and
over-functioning, unlocking alife filled with authenticity,
(02:03):
aliveness, creativity, purpose,and deep connection.
Welcome, Beth.
SPEAKER_04 (02:09):
Thank you.
Thank you so much, Beth.
So good to be with you again.
It's been a hot minute.
SPEAKER_06 (02:14):
I know.
It's like a fun friend catch up.
SPEAKER_04 (02:17):
I know.
It feels good in my body and itfeels good in my soul.
SPEAKER_02 (02:20):
And you two go back a few years.
Can you tell me how you knoweach other?
SPEAKER_04 (02:24):
Yes.
We met in the June's program,Beauty Unleashed.
And that was what?
Four or five years ago.
Four or five
SPEAKER_06 (02:30):
years ago.
2020.
Yeah.
Early 2020.
Yeah,
SPEAKER_04 (02:32):
that's right.
So almost five years.
So we've been through it.
Our own personal journeys, Ithink kind of started, not
started, but there was like asort of a gate opening that
happened for both of us duringthat time.
And it's been really cool Thankyou so much
SPEAKER_06 (02:56):
for having me.
Like, look at how...
She's had a whole journey.
A whole fucking journey.
And it's beautiful.
And so we'll dive into thattoday.
(03:18):
But it's really...
It's so special to get to be...
in such a metamorphosis with youand witnessing what has happened
in five years.
And I can't believe it's beenfive years, which is also wild
in and of itself.
Yeah.
We went through a whole pandemictogether.
That's how we got to know eachother.
(03:38):
Pandemic,
SPEAKER_04 (03:39):
young children, career shifts and changes and
leadership.
So many things happened for bothof us during that time that I
think we were on parallel pathswith.
So I'm excited to kind of pullthe threads today
SPEAKER_02 (03:52):
on
SPEAKER_04 (03:53):
all of it.
SPEAKER_02 (03:54):
We start with a question that I'm really excited
to ask you because I know thatthis is something that is very
deep in your heart.
We want to know what is yourrelationship with your inner
rebel?
SPEAKER_04 (04:06):
Okay.
SPEAKER_02 (04:08):
So
SPEAKER_04 (04:09):
number one, I feel like I've always had an inner
rebel and I think most women, Ilike to relate to the inner
rebel and the part of us who'salways existed, the part of us
who is very much a part of ourauthenticity from the beginning
and has always fought for us.
And it's always been a littlewild and it's always colored
(04:29):
outside the lines as it were.
To me, they represent theuntamed part of us before the
good girl conditioning reallystarted to set in for all of us
in different ways.
And I relate to it as good girlconditioning only because I
speak to teach mostly women orhumans who were assigned female
(04:50):
at birth in their earlyformative experience, since that
affects so much.
But I feel like we can't eventalk about the rebel until we
talk about the good girl,because I feel like they are
different sides of the samejourney.
SPEAKER_05 (05:02):
And
SPEAKER_04 (05:03):
I think my discovery of my inner rebel came through a
very powerful and deep internalroad that I traversed with all
the iterations of my good girland how she lives inside of me.
So I feel like my sacred rebelwas sort of an emerging that
happened over time, but it wasalso a remembering at the same
(05:25):
time.
And it came out of actually adeep love and appreciation for
my good girl rather than arejection of her as she lives in
my body, as she lives in myexperience.
So that's how I relate to myrebel is this medicinal early.
It's like the becoming and theunbecoming at the same time.
Yeah,
SPEAKER_06 (05:44):
it's so good.
Yeah, it's so good.
I was even saying to Jess, justlike, you know, Beth has come so
far since I've known you.
And I said something to the factof who she is today is so
different.
And then corrected myself.
I don't remember my exact words,but it's more who she is today
is who she always was.
(06:05):
And now we get to see you.
We get to experience you.
Yeah.
And so I love that.
It's the remembering of who weare.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (06:14):
Well, I feel like so many of us think we know who we
are.
We think we figured it out.
I was already 36, 37 years old.
We met, I'm 42 now.
I can't do math in real time.
Do the math yourself.
Even
SPEAKER_06 (06:25):
if it's elementary math, it doesn't matter.
Give or take a year.
Give or take a year.
Ish, I'm 42-ish.
SPEAKER_04 (06:31):
I'm not going to do that in real time.
I still have anxiety.
I still have math anxiety for mygood girl, because then, okay,
people.
Okay, so I think what's so wildabout it is that who I was at
37, or however old I was at thattime.
That's who I thought I was.
And I think obviously inner workis so incredible for lots of
reasons.
But I think a lot of us thinkabout getting better so much of
(06:53):
the point of doing work is toget better, to become a better
version of ourselves.
And we hear this all the timethat actually it's not about
becoming better.
I find it's much more aboutbecoming more honest with
ourselves first, about where wehave been masking, about where
we have been hiding, about wherewe have been keeping our Our
authenticity.
Once you realize that's a thing,that authenticity is a thing,
(07:14):
that took like a hot moment tofigure out that was a thing.
But the masking, we're doing itto ourselves at a certain point.
Nobody even has to ask us tomask.
We believe the mask is us.
And Brené Brown talks about itso much, I think, in Daring
Greatly, where she says, whenyou see kids in middle school,
the mask is so obvious becauseit's so clunkily fixed.
(07:35):
So when they're in middle schooland they're trying so hard to
fit in, It's like such anill-fitting mask that it's kind
of laughable and adorable and soobvious.
But by the time we're like inour 30s, it's a second skin.
It's hard to even discern who isus and who is not us.
What is our coping strategy?
What is our personality?
And when I think back to BeautyUnleashed or that time when we
(07:55):
met, Melissa, I think there wereso many parts of myself.
I just had no idea even existed.
I was like, oh, this is who Iam.
And then it was like, oh, buthave you seen there's like a
hundred rooms around you thatyou've never even explored that
are a part of who you are?
And I'm like, I didn't know wewere even in a room.
So yeah, cool.
We're in a room.
It just opens up universesreally in realms when you start
(08:18):
understanding there's so muchmore to explore within myself.
There's so much more availableto me.
in my human experience and whatI thought.
When I talk to women aboutwanting more, it's not more
things, although things areawesome and experiences are
awesome, but like more access tothese rooms and ourselves as
this person in this body.
SPEAKER_02 (08:39):
I'm curious about your why, because there's many
people who will live their wholelives without taking off that
mask.
And it takes a lot of courage toactually walk into those
different rooms.
And I'm curious what washappening in your life that made
you even decide to venturethere?
SPEAKER_04 (08:56):
Ooh, such a good question.
Because I was about to be like,well, I've always kind of been a
truth seeker, which I think islike, I think most women are, to
be honest, if they're justhonest with themselves for even
two seconds, there's a truthseeker in there of like, what is
real?
What is reality?
Show me more.
But at the time, I was alreadyon a growth path for a long
time.
I've been a coach for the betterpart of 15 years.
(09:17):
By the time I had found BeautyUnleashed, I had already done a
TEDx.
I already had big group programshappening in New York.
I'd already worked with hundredsof people.
But when I found that program,something seismically shifted.
And it's because it wasintroducing me to the sacred
feminine, which is somethingthat I never knew was a thing or
seemed like such an out therepremise to me from my Catholic
(09:40):
upbringing that it had nevereven occurred to me.
And then when you start toreally understand, whoa, what's
been hidden, what's been lost,what's been covered up, it's so
mind blowing that it's hard toeven start to pull the threads
on because like a whole portalgets opened into your human
experience.
So I feel like somethingseismically shifted that day.
But when...
I said yes to that program.
(10:01):
I remember why.
I had young children.
I was drowning.
I felt like there were aspectsof me that were deeply broken
and wrong because I was seeingthe monster in me for the first
time, which I feel like somewomen can really only relate to
when they have small childrenand are feeling highly, highly
overwhelmed, like the extent ofthe monster that can emerge when
(10:24):
I'm What about it?
They're like, oh, it's a thing.
There's a monster.
There were parts of myself thatwere coming out in that
experience that wereunrecognizable and did not match
who I thought I was.
And I was experiencing suchintense shame.
One of my children has higherneeds, and I was feeling so
overwhelmed by having an infantand a child who had high needs
(10:46):
that I was literally screamingin the closet.
I mean, honestly, I neededtherapy.
I got therapy.
I had a therapist.
I didn't just jump into a sacredfeminine program when what I
needed was a therapist.
There were multiple thingshappening there.
But I remember when I spoke tothe woman who was running the
program, she asked, why do youfeel like you need to do this
program?
And I was sharing everything Iwanted with my business.
And she was saying, well, what'sblocking it?
And I said, motherhood.
(11:07):
And she was like, well, whatabout motherhood?
And we uncovered that I was in arelationship with my shame that
was suffocating and I was notable to get out of my shame
hole.
And when I was sharing with hermy experience and why I felt so
ashamed of myself and why it wasso hard for me, she was like,
well, yes, it is a hardsituation, but why is it so hard
(11:29):
for you?
And I thought that was a reallyinteresting question because it
was a universally difficultsituation, the one that I was
in.
Everybody objectively would belike, yeah, that sucks.
I would never pick that really.
If I had to opt in, no thanks.
But there was something aboutthe recognition that yes, there
are hard circumstances, but yes,there's also typically something
about the circumstance thatwe're in that's reawakening an
(11:51):
old wound that has never beenresolved.
And that's why it's becomingunbearable.
UNKNOWN (11:57):
Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_04 (11:57):
in that circumstance is because it's reawakening some
body memory or some experiencewithin us where we were so
profoundly alone or unattuned tothat even the slight
re-experiencing of that canstart to send us wildly out of
our zone of tolerance in ourlives.
And so I had no idea what thateven was.
(12:19):
And I was like, I don't knowwhat this is reawakening in me,
but I clearly...
I had a therapist and I waslike, I think I'm ready to
explore this on a spirituallevel.
And through entering into thatprogram, yes, there was
spiritual work, but I was alsointroduced to embodiment work,
which was the first time I hadever been introduced to even the
idea of what it was to embodydifferent aspects of ourselves
(12:43):
or to allow our authentic selfto start to emerge versus the
constructed self.
SPEAKER_06 (12:50):
It's wild to think the number of things that are so
instrumental in your work todaythat were introduced to you back
then.
Embodiment, sacredness.
And I'm really curious to diveinto the embodiment side of your
work and your life in embodyingyour sacred rebel, because you
(13:11):
talk about and you teachrewriting the narrative is done
through Yeah.
Wow.
(13:45):
when we were all doing somethingblindfolded with two of the
women supporting me, holding myhips as I sobbed uncontrollably
and moved my hips.
And I literally have not hadpelvic floor issues since that
moment.
Wow.
Wow.
Since that moment.
So I would love for you to shareabout that.
I mean, we could take the next12 hours to talk about that.
(14:06):
It's so big, but recognizingthat we have to change things at
a body level.
SPEAKER_04 (14:12):
Yeah.
Okay.
So I will make this long storyshort, hopefully.
First of all, when we were inthat retreat with Anahita back
in 2020, two months before theworld completely shut down with
COVID, like we had no idea.
I think about us in that roomsometimes and I remember reading
the astrology of that year and Iwas like, this does not sound
promising.
Do you know what I mean?
(14:33):
Something's going to happen.
You know, and then like twomonths later, we were just like
totally dromics, total realitychaos.
Turn sideways.
We all know.
We all know.
We all lived through it.
Full point once, we wereintroduced at that retreat to an
S-factor teacher.
And we started doing some kindof Shakti activating practices.
And at that time, something wokeup in me.
(14:54):
And I will say something woke upin me Like my body would not
stop riding and needing to moveall the time.
And so I kind of began my ownmovement practice during that
time that was really justlistening to music and moving.
I mean, every day it was myrespite.
It was my thing that I went to.
It was my thing I did in themorning to connect to my body,
to myself.
And somehow it just made thingsbetter.
I didn't even have a specificpractice.
(15:16):
I didn't have a specificmethodology.
I'm not sure I was doing anS-factor or anything.
I was just like showing up andmoving and dancing.
And then there was this voicethat just kept being like, start
sharing it.
And I was like, No.
Oh, God.
But I did.
I started sharing it.
People thought I was out of myeffing mind.
My family was like, what are youdoing?
(15:37):
My poor husband was just like,she's completely lost her mind.
COVID's gotten to her.
She's completely lost her mind.
But my body was ahead of mybrain.
At that time, my body knewthings that my brain and my
self-concept and my ego and myidentity was having a lot of
trouble catching up to.
And because maybe I was aperformer for so long, I'd had
so many experiences as aperformer that if I just trusted
my body, amazing things startedto happen.
(15:59):
And so many times I leapt inperformances, just trusted the
impulse, and then it would bethe most amazing thing that
happened.
And so I was like, trust thebody, go.
Then I started discoveringIshtar Abadi.
which brought it into acompletely different, it's like
it dropped 10 floors deeper.
And that's when I met Tracy inaround 2021 and I was introduced
to the Ashtara Body Method.
(16:20):
And this was a method that was amoving meditation method in
small groups where you weretaught how to move in ways that
released stored emotion in thebody and then start to work with
nervous system patterns in orderto shift these nervous system
patterns to create new results.
SPEAKER_05 (16:38):
in
SPEAKER_04 (16:39):
your life.
Because what we started torealize, because I know you did
a shower body as well, is thatwhen it changes in the body, it
changes in your life because 90%of our motivation is actually
coming from the self-protectionof our nervous system, whether
or not we are aware of it.
We're very much at the mercy ofour nervous system and how it
was sculpted and conditioned.
And our thoughts actually followour nervous system.
A lot of people believe, oh,thoughts create our experience
(17:00):
in our body.
They're a part of that for sure.
What we are believing is deeplyaffecting our experience in our
body, but a large part of what'seven occurring to us has to do
with how activated our nervoussystem is.
And we are not in charge ofthat.
We're not in charge of how ournervous system is responding to
the world until we learn how toself-regulate, which many of us
were never taught how to do.
(17:21):
So moving meditation actuallyhelped me start to learn how to
consciously regulate myself.
And that really meant movingthrough difficult emotion,
through meditative movement, Andwhat that means is with voice,
breath, pleasure, sound,self-expression, and then being
witnessed actually rewires thepattern in our system because
(17:41):
it's oftentimes the thing we didnot have when the body memory is
restored.
Then really amazing thingsstarted happening in my life.
So I started believing that.
New expression was comingthrough.
New authentic self was comingthrough.
So it was never like one thing.
It was like multiple things thatwould come together and then
something that would root itmuch more deeply.
(18:01):
To me, the most powerfulcombination comes from body up
to the brain and brain down tothe body.
And I find that unless we giveour brain a certain amount of
food for our brain tocontextualize why we're doing
what we're doing and tounderstand the reality that
we're talking about and whythings work the way they do, the
brain actually won't allow us togo deeper
SPEAKER_05 (18:21):
into
SPEAKER_04 (18:22):
the body unless there is some basic
contextualized understanding andframework that makes sense to
the brain.
Yeah.
I think we need both.
SPEAKER_02 (18:30):
If this was a completely new concept for
someone listening, how would yousuggest they even begin?
Are
SPEAKER_06 (18:37):
you asking for a friend or yourself?
I'm just kidding.
Hypothetically
SPEAKER_02 (18:42):
speaking.
I'm just kidding.
Asking for all of our listenerfriends, because you're speaking
at a very high level and noteveryone listening to this is
going to know what that means inapplication.
SPEAKER_04 (18:54):
So good.
And this is something mybusiness coach is always like,
Beth, stop talking to the peoplewho know exactly what you're
talking about and start talkingto the people who are, you know,
so thank you for that because Iget on a jag, right?
And I'm like, so I'm going tolike take a moment, take a
breath and I'm going to returnto my body right now, which is
(19:15):
the whole point really.
And I think I'll start withthis.
That's the journey up until thispoint that I have been on.
And I am an embodiment teacherand it's, created huge changes
in my behavior and in my lifeand how I create.
It has created huge change inhow related I'm able to stay
with other human beings, howmuch surrender I have in trying
(19:37):
to control or manipulate otherpeople, and how I work with what
life is handing me instead oftrying to always control the
outcome so that I don't have tofeel difficult things.
And that way I have a lot morefreedom and a lot more trust and
a lot more ease because I knowI'm going to be okay.
SPEAKER_05 (19:55):
that
SPEAKER_04 (19:56):
being said if somebody is coming into the work
I actually bring them in nowthrough a little bit of a
different lens I don't starttalking about the body and
nervous system and all of thosethings the way I actually start
to explain my body of work andhow it can help people is
through the lens of good girlconditioning and there's two
layers to good girl conditioningthat's my phrase for patriarchal
(20:18):
conditioning and the reason Iuse the word good girl is
because I believe that the goodgirl shows up in like a thousand
different ways.
I don't believe it's onearchetype.
I believe the good girlconditioning shows up in the
mean girl, in the bitch, youknow what I mean?
In the helpless victim and theone who's fawning and kind and
(20:41):
nice.
It's like every aspect of shadowfeminine that we can imagine is
within my umbrella of the goodgirl.
Yeah.
But when we talk about good girlconditioning, it is obviously
the conditioning of our brainbecause we've been raised in a
patriarchal society and there'sbeen patriarchal influence for
many thousands of years at thispoint and lots of generational
(21:02):
trauma as a result of that.
But also because through that,our nervous system has also been
sculpted.
Because our mother's nervoussystems were sculpted and our
father's nervous systems weresculpted and those before them
and those before them and thosebefore them.
So we're kind of screwed on twolevels.
It's not just how we think, butit's how our body even moves
(21:23):
through the world to keep ussafe.
And until we are aware, we can'tactually change any of it.
I find a lot of the dysfunctionand reasons that women actually
have trouble creating in waysthat are effective for the
results they most actuallydesire in their lives.
Most of the self-sabotagingpatterns can be isolated down to
(21:47):
threads of good girlconditioning, both in the psyche
and in the nervous system.
So what I do is I invite theminto...
understanding more of how thesegood girl patterns and thinking
are showing up in their lives sothat we can understand how to
actually start to heal it in thebody and know what needs to be
(22:09):
dismantled and rebuilt in theirthinking to start to create new
results that they actually want.
So that's the lens through whichI introduce women to the work.
Because if I just startedtalking about nervous systems
all day long, I'm not sure I'dbe getting the right women for
me either, you know?
Although it's fun to talk
SPEAKER_06 (22:27):
about the nervous system all day long.
SPEAKER_04 (22:29):
Oh, sure.
SPEAKER_06 (22:30):
Well, I'll do it.
SPEAKER_01 (22:31):
I'll do it.
SPEAKER_06 (22:32):
Pull my arm.
Pull my arm.
Twist my arm.
Pull my finger.
Pull my finger.
Pull something.
Twist something.
Maybe my hair.
I don't know.
But don't.
But that's my body.
That's my body.
Thank you, Dom.
Well, Jess wrote this today.
She was like, I'm curious if wecan share what our good girl
rules are and the ones we'reafraid to break.
(22:53):
And I kind of want to do that.
Ooh, talk to me.
I want to know.
And I kind of want to call onyou, Jess, to see if you want to
go first.
I don't know why I'm stroking amythical beard right now, but
it's a goatee.
It's a goatee.
Tell us, Jessica.
SPEAKER_02 (23:06):
Well, I'd love to, but maybe we can introduce what
the good girl rules are, andthen we can each share our own.
I love it.
Okay, so this will be reallyquick.
SPEAKER_04 (23:15):
The good girl rules became very clear to me, and I'm
going to really note this is thework of Elise Lohnan.
She doesn't call them the goodgirl rules, but she wrote the
book, On Our Best Behavior, ThePrice Women Pay to Be Good.
I
SPEAKER_06 (23:29):
really need to read that.
I downloaded that.
This is probably like the fifthtime I've heard of this book, On
Our Best Behavior.
SPEAKER_04 (23:35):
It's so good.
Yes.
So when I read this, I've been acoach for a long time.
My body of work was kind of allover the place.
There's self-sabotage over here,there's purpose work over here,
and there's visibility, there'sauthenticity, there's
relationships, like it's allover the place, right?
She was like, I'm giving you aframework from my heart to
yours, from which everythingyou've ever done will make
perfect sense.
(23:56):
Are you ready?
Thank you.
Giordamina, that was like, sure.
Thank you, Elise Lohnan.
It gave some smattering aboutthe history of patriarchy, but
then it started connectingpatriarchal religion and
specifically the seven deadlysins, how they're connected to
how we live as women now.
And the seven deadly sins were Idon't know, 1,500 years ago, but
(24:16):
they're so deeply affecting invery real palpable ways how we
operate as women today.
And the dawn of patriarchalreligion was one of the ways
women were dominated throughpatriarchy when it was no longer
we're just killing and torturingyou.
And I'm laughing, but like whenit's no longer just about
(24:38):
literally keeping you terrifiedfor your life or your children's
lives or...
taking all resources away fromyou.
The control was done legally,and it was also done through
patriarchal religion.
So that's why every single goodgirl rule, we can trace back to
the seven deadly sins in someway, shape, or form, because
(24:59):
it's a powerful symbol of thattime as to how patriarchy was
calcifying these unwritten rulesthat were already present for
women into religious doctrines.
SPEAKER_05 (25:11):
of
SPEAKER_04 (25:12):
some kind in ways that would have permeating
effects over generations andgenerations.
So every single good roll rollwe can trace back to one of the
seven deadly sins.
And this is Elise Lohnan's work.
So good.
But then I was like, yeah,literally every thought that's
blocking anybody all the time,like it can be traced back to
this in some way, shape, orform.
(25:33):
And when we think about whatpatriarchy did and how it
oppressed women, it was throughvery specific ways.
It was through disembodimentbeing the primary tactic.
If we can keep women terrifiedand unresourced, then they're
much more controllable.
If we can disconnect them fromthe earth, if we can disconnect
them from their pleasure, whichlives in the body and is the way
(25:54):
that we actually titratedifficult emotion, if we can
connect them from theirspiritual centers, then we can
control them.
That's it, which is veryeffective and served as a
template for how to oppress manyother populations.
SPEAKER_05 (26:09):
After
SPEAKER_04 (26:10):
women.
Okay.
And by the way, non-binary folksand what we can now call trans
folks were around since thebeginning of time.
And I'm putting them in thatgroup because they're not cis
males who were at the top of thepatriarchy pyramid.
So I like to think of each goodgirl rule, like the basic ones,
like the pillars are one of theseven deadly sins.
They're like basically a sevendeadly sin.
(26:32):
For instance, pleasure andsexuality are dirty.
That's a very clear, obviousone.
Right?
And we might be like, I don'tbelieve that.
But yet there are thoughts everyday that we might be
unconsciously thinking that maydirectly have to do with that.
And we don't even realize that'swhere it's sourced.
Thoughts like, oh my God, whydoes she need to be such an
attention whore?
She's always dressing like sheneeds to be looked at and seen
(26:54):
and like she's the sexiest thingalive.
So I like to think that eachpillar, each seven deadly sin
rule, right?
Like sexuality is dirty orwomen's sexuality is dirty, have
like thousands of and thousandsof rules and thoughts underneath
them.
So that's one example of a goodgirl rule.
Another good girl rule would bethat women are always
(27:14):
productive, helpful, and centerothers.
This is why most women are likethe glue of their families and
taking care of literallyeveryone around them.
SPEAKER_05 (27:22):
This
SPEAKER_04 (27:23):
is why there's a huge difference in the default
of labor in households andchildcare and all of those
things.
That's another example of one.
SPEAKER_01 (27:30):
I
SPEAKER_04 (27:31):
could go on, but we might be able to just kind of
guess what the rest of them are,or I can name them expressly,
whatever you desire.
SPEAKER_02 (27:36):
Yeah, well, you already kind of did just now.
Certainly not wanting to hurtother people's feelings is huge
for me.
Not wanting to make peopleuncomfortable.
Not quite the nice girl becauseI do tell the truth, but I have
to tell the truth so consciouslyand so sensitively to make sure
that everyone is okay.
(27:57):
That's a big one of mine.
SPEAKER_04 (27:58):
Well, I can tell even just from the way you're
talking that you have a hugeheart and that's a part of it.
SPEAKER_02 (28:03):
Thanks.
SPEAKER_04 (28:04):
So there's probably a really big heart and a
sensitive person in thereregardless of any of that.
And I think it's good torecognize that it's not all one
thing.
So there's like our authenticselves and how that authentic
self has come into the world.
Yeah.
how this all specificallyaffected that sensitive,
beautiful self coming in.
SPEAKER_02 (28:24):
Thank you.
So
SPEAKER_04 (28:24):
there can be that big hearted, empathetic, I want
people to feel me and know thatthis comes from love.
And that can be so true andreal.
And then there can be sort ofthe overextension of that or
twisting yourself or sacrificingyour truth and your honesty and
your authenticity to overtakeresponsibility for other
(28:45):
people's Yeah.
And
SPEAKER_02 (28:49):
that's one that I've been doing a lot of work on over
many years.
I'm a lot better than I used tobe, but I do wonder how much it
still interferes with me beingreally unapologetic in a public
way.
(29:14):
But I do feel held back in termsof being unabashedly expressed
in the spotlight.
I think it might be connected.
SPEAKER_04 (29:23):
Well, I think that's a really common one.
So there's multiple ones there,which of course all of them
affect our lives.
It's not just one.
But one of the big ones that Ireally, really hear a lot from
women is it's not safe toactually fully shine because in
doing so, I'm actually going tohurt other women.
SPEAKER_05 (29:42):
Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_04 (29:43):
I will make them feel badly about themselves.
I will trigger them.
I'll make them feel like they'renot where they should be.
If I shine, it's diminishingsomebody else's choices.
I hear this a lot and it'salways so heartbreaking when I
hear it because usually I hearit from the women who literally
have something incredible goingon.
to share.
Their light is actually really,really big.
SPEAKER_05 (30:06):
And
SPEAKER_04 (30:07):
their willingness to shine, it could absolutely be
life-changing for so manypeople.
And yet it's like, but if it'sgoing to hurt someone else, I
always have to remind them, wethink it's about hurting
somebody else, but really it's afear of losing people.
It always comes back to us.
It's a fear of losing people orbeing criticized or having to be
(30:29):
with the feelings that ofknowing that our truth, without
doing any harm, just us being inour truth, made somebody feel
something
SPEAKER_05 (30:38):
that
SPEAKER_04 (30:39):
they didn't want to feel.
And that's hard.
And I also try to remind them,And that's theirs to feel and
could actually be the portalopener.
SPEAKER_06 (30:48):
Yes.
UNKNOWN (30:48):
So good.
SPEAKER_06 (30:49):
Or it came up in couples therapy this week.
Yes.
My therapist called, well, Idon't need to air dirty laundry,
but it was like, is it thatshe's doing that?
Or is it that you don't like thefeelings that you have to feel
when she does that?
Yeah.
And I was like, yes, nailed it.
So good.
So good.
(31:09):
So as you were naming the sevendeadly sins and some of the,
examples.
It's so interesting.
I was having a flashback to highschool me and college me and
actually probably up until myearly 30s.
So I started to do this workwhen you said pleasure and
sexuality are dirty because Igrew up in a patriarchal
religion.
(31:29):
Yeah.
When my parents found my birthcontrol, which I wouldn't be
stoked that my high schooldaughter had birth control.
But the response was in my mindnow, this is what it was.
It was like an hour longlecture.
It was a very long lecture.
awkward, shameful lecture onpremarital sex.
And they like took it.
And my dad drove to the dumpsterat his work, which was like 45
(31:50):
minutes away.
And it was just like, no, thisis wrong.
And that was just like one majorexample of how I embodied
pleasure and sexuality aredirty.
And now I've come so far.
I was the friend that like myface would get so...
red.
If you talked about anythingsexual, if I had a turtle shell,
(32:12):
I would be like inside of it.
So embarrassed for so manyyears.
And we would joke about it.
You know, I was like, Mo's goingto get like real embarrassed
about this.
I couldn't talk about anything.
And I'm so proud that I can now.
I was really flashing back to myred faced turtle shell self that
was taught pleasure andsexuality are dirty.
(32:33):
And to pair with that, like thisperfect pairing of if you do
something wrong, so just likeliterally the good girl, right?
If you disappoint somebody andyou go against the rules, you
are wrong.
You are bad.
You cannot let people down.
So to this day, I mean, I'veworked on this for 10 years and
(32:55):
I'm still like, well, I didn'twant to disappoint my husband.
It's so much actually men, notwomen.
I'm really epically afraid ofletting men down.
Thanks, dad.
SPEAKER_04 (33:07):
So many layers we uncover in this journey, right?
So many.
Oh my gosh.
I love that you're naming thatbecause I'm still very much on
my journey with this too, butI've come a really long way.
And I remember when I did joinYeah, absolutely.
Yeah.
(33:41):
I can't believe I even had toask that.
That was just like a veryapologetic weird thing to do
SPEAKER_06 (33:46):
for somebody who's embodying the sacred rebel.
Your good girl wanted to know ifshe could say pussy.
It's fine.
My good girl is always liketalking into
SPEAKER_04 (33:54):
this work.
Even my business coach the otherday, she was looking over my
emails.
You know what I mean?
And she was like, oh my God,you're good girling.
Like get the good girl.
Like you're literally embodyingthis and get the good girl out.
Get the good girl.
Stop asking permission.
Like, and I was like, I know, Iknow, I know.
And it's like, but that's alsowhat makes everybody so lovable.
And we're all doing the worktogether and it's okay.
But like sometimes the good girlis still like, hi, she is here
(34:16):
and
SPEAKER_06 (34:17):
she still shows up and I still mask.
It's all good.
And it's okay.
And so back to the pussy.
So
SPEAKER_04 (34:24):
this is wild.
You know, I remember at thattime.
you know, her asking questionsabout my relationship with my
sexuality.
And I just remember kind offreezing because my whole
perception at that time was Iknew I was disconnected from an
authentic relationship with it.
I was connected to aperformative relationship with
sexuality, but there was a bigdisconnection in my body from my
(34:46):
primal self and like my heart.
So there was a part of me thatfelt very animalistic and needed
to have her needs met, but it'salmost like it had to be
completely in the dark and shutaway and something I couldn't
talk about.
And then there was like thebest, the real So it was almost
like there was this critter thatlived in my body.
I know critters are a weirdword, but it felt very primal
and animalistic and notconnected to the rest of me.
(35:07):
It felt like some part of methat I kind of had to be like,
and then when we kind ofunpacked that, I remember she
was like, do you have trauma?
She asked me that and I waslike, no, but of course all
humans have trauma.
And sometimes it's not asobvious as we might make it.
Like there was nothing thathappened to me that I can name
or remember or any of thosethings.
I think it was really a patternof conditioning over time living
(35:27):
in the society.
that we're in that accessingthat part of myself meant
something bad was dirty.
And it's so simple, but it's sotrue that I just disconnected or
separated.
And that's the whole point withthe patriarchal religion is it's
separating the sacral and theheart.
If we can separate the sacraland the heart, you've separated
the area of gnosis in a woman.
(35:49):
You have separated her abilityto have her inner gnosis intact,
her ability to know herself.
SPEAKER_05 (35:55):
Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_04 (35:56):
and her authenticity.
I mean, this is really how itworks.
It wasn't until I was in aprogram this summer that's a
deep embodiment program that Idon't know if you know Deanne,
but she's an Ashtara teacher aswell.
And she's also an S-Factorteacher.
And she was teaching me in aretreat and she taught me how to
do some of the deeper pleasurework in my body.
I've been doing embodiment workfor a long time and definitely
(36:16):
have learned how to work withpleasure in my hips and my
movements and stretching andlike the textures I put on my
body.
So much has deepened in myunderstanding of that.
But this was like a whole newlevel where I don't know what
she taught me that day, but Iwas moving my body in ways that
were very new to me as I wasdancing.
And we had done that for alittle while.
(36:36):
We were witnessed in it by otherwomen, which was hugely
powerful.
This is a big part of it too,and celebrated while we were
doing it.
But then she had me dance aheart song using the same, like
a song that's, because I have abig romantic heart and I was
doing the same movements ofpleasure with my heart open.
It felt like, A body awakening.
It felt like I couldn't stopcrying for hours.
(36:59):
It felt like my heart and mypussy were the same.
SPEAKER_05 (37:04):
And
SPEAKER_04 (37:05):
it felt like I had a heartgasm is the only way I can
say it.
I didn't actually have an orgasmwhile I was doing it, but it
felt like a heartgasm, likegoing into the eons.
I couldn't stop crying.
I was like, this was...
available as like a regularexperience for humans, like how
powerful we feel, how connectedto everyone and everything we
(37:26):
feel.
I just couldn't stop cryingbecause I was like, oh my God,
this was taken.
Like this experience was takenand it was taken intentionally.
And it was just so wild to havethat experience of a full body
remembering sinking.
(37:46):
Really?
And then I'm like, oh, this isthe whole point.
Oh my God.
It was wild.
SPEAKER_02 (37:51):
After an experience like that, how does that shift
how you find yourself showing upin the world?
SPEAKER_04 (37:59):
I've always been committed.
I've always been committed.
I think anyone who knows meknows I'm ambitious.
I'm consistent.
It's not like, where did Bethgo?
I'm like, I'm in your face allthe time with what I'm up to in
the world.
And my devotion...
to what I am up to and whatneeds to be reclaimed for women
(38:19):
is so deep and true.
And it so comes from my livedexperience.
It's not an idea.
It's coming from my journey andthe tenderest, most important,
most potent navigation I've donethrough my own journey and my
own body.
Like I'm on a mission.
Like this is what's going tosave the world.
Like I am clear that we need torewire ourselves the entire way
(38:42):
things have been done and thatit starts with women and the
time is now.
And that it has to happen inwomen first.
SPEAKER_06 (38:49):
I'm
SPEAKER_04 (38:49):
so excited
SPEAKER_06 (38:50):
about it.
I'm so excited.
It's so fucking true because youcan't like, ugh, I'm the same
way.
I know we are living ourmissions out in a different way,
but we have the same core, likewe've got to fucking solve this.
Yeah, yeah, totally.
And when you have those primal,where you're like, wait a
minute.
UNKNOWN (39:10):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_06 (39:10):
What was that?
What just happened to my body?
What did I just witness?
What did I just feel?
What was the energy of thissituation?
In community with other peopleexperiencing the same thing,
being witnessed, being held,being safely able to just
fucking go there in the mostexposed, raw, real ways.
(39:31):
And you cannot...
unremember that.
I don't know if that's actuallya word, but you cannot go back
when your body has thatexperience.
It's like, oh my God, I'malways...
And you're the same way.
It's like, what can we do aboutthat now?
It's like body experience, gointo the world.
Let's go find the people.
(39:51):
Let's bring the people together.
Let's wake the women up.
Let's help them remember.
And the thing I love aboutwhat's happening with women is
there's so many...
incredible ways to do it.
There's so many modalities.
There's so many breadcrumbs thatwe can follow.
How does somebody get into this?
It's like, what's the thingthat's in front of you that's
(40:12):
calling you?
Because we went through the sameprograms and we're on different
paths, right?
It's like, I didn't feel calledto teach as Tara, but damn, did
that shit change my life?
And so it's like trustingyourself to follow those
breadcrumbs because they'regoing to lead you to what you
need to break through and yourspecific medicine in your life.
So I get very excited aboutthis, obviously.
(40:35):
And I'm fucking pumped.
I love women waking up.
I love the layers of it whereyou're like, I've been doing
this for 15 years and then mypussy and my heart became one
one day.
And now this is available forme.
Nothing was
SPEAKER_04 (40:49):
ever the same.
Nothing was ever the same.
Oh, and I'm like, I always kindof was jealous of people who had
intuitive gifts.
I was like, oh.
We all do, girl.
We all do.
No, I know now.
I know now.
Because once I started doingembodiment work, and especially
now, I'm like, oh, I'm fuckingpsychic.
Oh, I've always been fuckingpsychic.
Like, I'm psychic in lots ofways, not even just one.
(41:09):
Like- And I'm honing this andlearning to trust myself.
I'm not claiming to be like amedium.
No one come to me yet.
Once I get there, I'll let youknow.
Here's my booking link.
Okay, three years from now, Ihave a booking link.
But I'm training in it and I'mlearning how to trust myself and
I'm learning how to onward andoffboard those experiences.
I understand it now and whyembodiment is such a powerful
(41:31):
path to being able to tune intoall of our different clairs and
gifts that live in the body andthrough the body and everybody
is.
It's just a matter of having afree enough channel and trusting
it.
And when we've been taught froma very young age that that's bad
and scary and wrong or can't betrusted or there's fear around
it, we also shut down to thatmagic.
(41:51):
And so it's all connected.
The earth, the pleasure, thebody, the psychic, the knowing,
the inner gnosis, the spiritualcenters of the community, it's
like all, you start to see thethreads, man.
And once you see them, you can'tunsee them.
You cannot unsee them, I know.
SPEAKER_02 (42:06):
And you also work a lot with self-sabotage and you
call it the good girlprotectors.
Yeah.
I'm curious if you might be ableto guide us on how we can spot
some of those self-sabotagingmechanisms, maybe the obvious
ones or the less obvious onesthat you see pop up in women
(42:26):
over and over again.
And what would be a way throughthat?
SPEAKER_04 (42:29):
There's so many different self-sabotaging
patterns that I see.
And what I'll share is what Inow deeply get And listen, I did
a TEDx about self-sabotage in2016.
And now my understanding of itis so much deeper.
At the time, what I would havetold you and what the whole TEDx
is about is like, oh yeah, allself-sabotage boils down to a
wounded inner child and anadapted child, right?
(42:50):
We all know this.
Maybe you know the wounded innerchild and the adapted child.
And they're really just tryingto block us from reliving an
experience that we've alreadyhad.
Now what I understand throughembodiment work and having done
this for so long is and havingserved so many different women
and seeing all the differentpatterns is that there's so many
different ways it shows up.
I mean, it shows up inself-doubt.
It shows up in numbing.
(43:10):
It shows up in dimming ourlight.
It shows up in projecting onother women.
And it shows up in basicallyanything we haven't learned how
to feel safely in our body windsup getting projected outward
SPEAKER_05 (43:24):
onto the
SPEAKER_04 (43:25):
world as to why we don't have what we want and why
we can't have what we want.
That is so good.
I want you to repeat it.
That is so good.
I don't even know what I said.
Anything we haven't been able tofeel in our own body winds up
getting projected onto theoutside world or reasons why we
can't have what we want or whyit's other people who are the
problem, why we're the problemor other people or
(43:47):
circumstances.
As the absolutes, I'm not sayingthere isn't nuance in any
situation.
Of course there is.
But what is within our abilityto start to shift and change has
everything to do with ourwillingness to start to
consciously bring theunconscious conscious.
And the way that we do that inmy work is through embodiment
(44:08):
work and starting to go into thebody and recognize how to start
to work with differentactivation energies like freeze,
bomb, fight, flight as theyarise.
And then as we work with them,what we start to descend into is
the body memories that are notyet resolved in us.
And because they are notresolved in us, our body is
(44:30):
convinced that we can't feelthem safely.
SPEAKER_05 (44:32):
And
SPEAKER_04 (44:34):
so our body is projecting them.
It's projecting them outward.
But the body is doing that for aspecific reason.
It's so we can see it.
SPEAKER_05 (44:41):
If
SPEAKER_04 (44:42):
we start to see our self-sabotage as our body's way
of communicating what thepatterns are that want
resolution and rewiring in us,not as the self-sabotage being a
problem.
The self-sabotage is theteacher.
I love this.
The good girl protectors are theteacher.
SPEAKER_05 (45:02):
Yes.
SPEAKER_04 (45:04):
I love
SPEAKER_06 (45:07):
this.
Say more about that.
Oh my God, your voice.
I want to be able to dive intothis for like another hour with
you and I have to go.
So I know that's the thing wherewe interview such amazing people
and we never want to stoptalking to each other.
So- I know everyone's going tobe left wanting more and I would
love for you to share how theycan.
(45:27):
That's how we're always supposedto leave things.
I never leave things like that,but we're always supposed to
leave things like that.
I think that's the whole point.
Keep coming back for more.
So how can they identify theirgood girl protector and what is
a current way that they can workwith you or that you're willing
SPEAKER_04 (45:46):
to?
I'm so glad you asked this.
Okay.
I'm so glad you asked.
So what I am really excitedabout, I'm like really
profoundly excited about thisand really proud of myself.
And I'm just going to brag onmyself because this took a shit
ton of work to do.
And it's a lot.
And it feels like a reallygenerous offering from my heart
that I feel like really is goingto help women start to
understand themselves more.
(46:06):
I created something called theGood Girl Protector Architect
Quiz.
You can find it on my site.
You can find it on my website oron my IG, anywhere where you
find Beth Clayton, it'll besomewhere.
The reason this is so importantto me is I have spent a long
time coaching.
I've seen patterns for a longtime.
Like I said, once I understoodthe framework, everything became
(46:27):
more clear.
SPEAKER_05 (46:27):
But
SPEAKER_04 (46:28):
also, I have a ton of experience working with
hundreds of women over the pastat least five or six years,
specifically women.
And I have seen all of thesedifferent patterns in women and
how they operate in theirself-sabotaging patterns, for
example.
And once I became an Ishtarcertified teacher and I was
taught by Tracy how the nervoussystem functions and the
(46:51):
different nervous systempatterns, I was able to connect
the dots on the behavior I wasseeing around things like time,
energy, money, purpose,relationships to how the nervous
system protectors that Tracytaught me about and trained me
with, with Ishtar Abadi, howthey connect to those.
And so I can help women pull thethread on not only how these
(47:14):
patterns are showing up, becauseonce they become aware of them,
they can start to shift them,but also how they live in the
nervous system themselves andhow to start to create the
medicine and the nervous systemthrough the Ashtara body method,
which I teach in all of myprogramming.
So if they take this quiz, whatthey're going to get is their
top predominant archetype.
And it is like a full-onbreakdown.
When I say it's like probablygoing to take them 20 minutes to
(47:36):
read, every single area of theirlives and how this protector
likely shows up.
I'm not kidding.
I went that in depth.
But they're also going to gettheir other two, because three
is where the real picture startsto come into play, not just one.
They're only going to get theinformation, the full breakdown
on the first one.
But if they wind up booking asession with me for a reading,
(47:56):
they'll get their other two.
And they'll also get a lot ofindividualized coaching and
uncovering of where the specificpatterns originate from in them.
And the steps they need to takespecifically to start to heal
into what I call their sacredrebel, which really is like we
talked about, that authenticself from the beginning, but
(48:16):
that is now fully grown up andready to liberate them in their
lives.
And guess what?
This is also your future self.
So it's all connected.
They're going to be able to seethat self too.
And the correlated sacred rebelwith each archetype.
So yes,
SPEAKER_06 (48:32):
I'm very excited about it.
And having built shit in theback end on a business, I also
am like, that is a lot of work.
And that is so generous becausethe amount of time that it takes
to not only download theinformation, just like...
Lots of VAs.
SPEAKER_04 (48:51):
It's a big
SPEAKER_06 (48:51):
VA, but I'm not one.
We do so much work behind thescenes to bring these generous
gifts to life.
Well, thank you, Beth, for beinghere.
It's a Joy is always to be withyou.
SPEAKER_02 (49:02):
Thank you.
It's so much fun.
It's such a pleasure to meetyou.
And thank you for sharing yourwisdom and your gifts with us.
Thank you so much.
This was so fun.
I had so much fun.
And take
SPEAKER_04 (49:11):
the quiz and let me know which ones you get.
Because I did this with you,I'll send you your top three.
I started it and then I waslike...
SPEAKER_06 (49:17):
this is really in depth.
I need more space for this.
You need like a
SPEAKER_04 (49:22):
glass of wine or some tea and a candle, maybe
some cleansing agents and ajournal.
Like it is a whole thing to justtake it.
But my whole goal with it isthat you feel super seen and
known even just in the taking ofit.
That like, oh, these patternsmake sense.
I'm not alone.
Other women do this too.
This is a thing, right?
So I just hope that helps womenfeel more seen.
SPEAKER_02 (49:44):
So beautiful.
Thank you.
um
SPEAKER_01 (00:02):
To even question what you've been told is true is
incredibly courageous.
It doesn't always feel likecourage, what looks like courage
to other people.
For me, it feels like survival.
This is our personal medicine.
SPEAKER_00 (00:15):
If I'm surrounded by thinkers, by lovers, by passion,
by integrity, then I really dothink that I know who I am.
SPEAKER_03 (00:21):
There is a peace that is indescribable when
you're being who you are andyou're living your purpose.
I'm not going to come to the endof my life and be like, I didn't
live the life I was meant tolive.
SPEAKER_02 (00:30):
Can I be so comfortable in the idea This is
the Inner
SPEAKER_06 (00:40):
Rebel Podcast.
Every time I talk to you, Beth,I want to paint my wall green.
You look really good in thatroom.
It is really good.
It just looks like a hug, like ahug from nature.
I love it.
(01:01):
Thank you so much.
We call the color that my wallsare because we painted the whole
house this color.
I call it postpartum gray.
It was really representative oflike what my mental state was
when we moved in and painted.
Can you see my whole
SPEAKER_04 (01:15):
head?
I don't know if you're puttingthis anywhere
SPEAKER_02 (01:16):
in terms of video.
You see your whole head.
It's a beautiful head in abeautiful green room.
SPEAKER_06 (01:20):
A beautiful whole head.
Thank you.
Well, let's just dive in becauseI know what's going to
organically unfold.
So we have a dear friend with ustoday, Beth Clayton.
Welcome, Beth.
I'm so happy to have you here.
Hi.
I'm so glad to meet you.
Nice to meet you too.
And Beth is a transformationalcoach, mentor, and embodiment
guide, certified teacher ofIshtara Body, dedicated to
(01:41):
helping women break free fromthe confines of good girl
conditioning, which both Jessand I are very excited to dive
into today, and to awaken theirsacred rebel.
With over 15 years of personalexploration and professional
experience, Beth empowers womento shed patterns of
people-pleasing, perfectionism,self-silencies, and
over-functioning, unlocking alife filled with authenticity,
(02:03):
aliveness, creativity, purpose,and deep connection.
Welcome, Beth.
SPEAKER_04 (02:09):
Thank you.
Thank you so much, Beth.
So good to be with you again.
It's been a hot minute.
SPEAKER_06 (02:14):
I know.
It's like a fun friend catch up.
SPEAKER_04 (02:17):
I know.
It feels good in my body and itfeels good in my soul.
SPEAKER_02 (02:20):
And you two go back a few years.
Can you tell me how you knoweach other?
SPEAKER_04 (02:24):
Yes.
We met in the June's program,Beauty Unleashed.
And that was what?
Four or five years ago.
Four or five
SPEAKER_06 (02:30):
years ago.
2020.
Yeah.
Early 2020.
Yeah,
SPEAKER_04 (02:32):
that's right.
So almost five years.
So we've been through it.
Our own personal journeys, Ithink kind of started, not
started, but there was like asort of a gate opening that
happened for both of us duringthat time.
And it's been really cool Thankyou so much
SPEAKER_06 (02:56):
for having me.
Like, look at how...
She's had a whole journey.
A whole fucking journey.
And it's beautiful.
And so we'll dive into thattoday.
(03:18):
But it's really...
It's so special to get to be...
in such a metamorphosis with youand witnessing what has happened
in five years.
And I can't believe it's beenfive years, which is also wild
in and of itself.
Yeah.
We went through a whole pandemictogether.
That's how we got to know eachother.
(03:38):
Pandemic,
SPEAKER_04 (03:39):
young children, career shifts and changes and
leadership.
So many things happened for bothof us during that time that I
think we were on parallel pathswith.
So I'm excited to kind of pullthe threads today
SPEAKER_02 (03:52):
on
SPEAKER_04 (03:53):
all of it.
SPEAKER_02 (03:54):
We start with a question that I'm really excited
to ask you because I know thatthis is something that is very
deep in your heart.
We want to know what is yourrelationship with your inner
rebel?
SPEAKER_04 (04:06):
Okay.
SPEAKER_02 (04:08):
So
SPEAKER_04 (04:09):
number one, I feel like I've always had an inner
rebel and I think most women, Ilike to relate to the inner
rebel and the part of us who'salways existed, the part of us
who is very much a part of ourauthenticity from the beginning
and has always fought for us.
And it's always been a littlewild and it's always colored
(04:29):
outside the lines as it were.
To me, they represent theuntamed part of us before the
good girl conditioning reallystarted to set in for all of us
in different ways.
And I relate to it as good girlconditioning only because I
speak to teach mostly women orhumans who were assigned female
(04:50):
at birth in their earlyformative experience, since that
affects so much.
But I feel like we can't eventalk about the rebel until we
talk about the good girl,because I feel like they are
different sides of the samejourney.
SPEAKER_05 (05:02):
And
SPEAKER_04 (05:03):
I think my discovery of my inner rebel came through a
very powerful and deep internalroad that I traversed with all
the iterations of my good girland how she lives inside of me.
So I feel like my sacred rebelwas sort of an emerging that
happened over time, but it wasalso a remembering at the same
(05:25):
time.
And it came out of actually adeep love and appreciation for
my good girl rather than arejection of her as she lives in
my body, as she lives in myexperience.
So that's how I relate to myrebel is this medicinal early.
It's like the becoming and theunbecoming at the same time.
Yeah,
SPEAKER_06 (05:44):
it's so good.
Yeah, it's so good.
I was even saying to Jess, justlike, you know, Beth has come so
far since I've known you.
And I said something to the factof who she is today is so
different.
And then corrected myself.
I don't remember my exact words,but it's more who she is today
is who she always was.
(06:05):
And now we get to see you.
We get to experience you.
Yeah.
And so I love that.
It's the remembering of who weare.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (06:14):
Well, I feel like so many of us think we know who we
are.
We think we figured it out.
I was already 36, 37 years old.
We met, I'm 42 now.
I can't do math in real time.
Do the math yourself.
Even
SPEAKER_06 (06:25):
if it's elementary math, it doesn't matter.
Give or take a year.
Give or take a year.
Ish, I'm 42-ish.
SPEAKER_04 (06:31):
I'm not going to do that in real time.
I still have anxiety.
I still have math anxiety for mygood girl, because then, okay,
people.
Okay, so I think what's so wildabout it is that who I was at
37, or however old I was at thattime.
That's who I thought I was.
And I think obviously inner workis so incredible for lots of
reasons.
But I think a lot of us thinkabout getting better so much of
(06:53):
the point of doing work is toget better, to become a better
version of ourselves.
And we hear this all the timethat actually it's not about
becoming better.
I find it's much more aboutbecoming more honest with
ourselves first, about where wehave been masking, about where
we have been hiding, about wherewe have been keeping our Our
authenticity.
Once you realize that's a thing,that authenticity is a thing,
(07:14):
that took like a hot moment tofigure out that was a thing.
But the masking, we're doing itto ourselves at a certain point.
Nobody even has to ask us tomask.
We believe the mask is us.
And Brené Brown talks about itso much, I think, in Daring
Greatly, where she says, whenyou see kids in middle school,
the mask is so obvious becauseit's so clunkily fixed.
(07:35):
So when they're in middle schooland they're trying so hard to
fit in, It's like such anill-fitting mask that it's kind
of laughable and adorable and soobvious.
But by the time we're like inour 30s, it's a second skin.
It's hard to even discern who isus and who is not us.
What is our coping strategy?
What is our personality?
And when I think back to BeautyUnleashed or that time when we
(07:55):
met, Melissa, I think there wereso many parts of myself.
I just had no idea even existed.
I was like, oh, this is who Iam.
And then it was like, oh, buthave you seen there's like a
hundred rooms around you thatyou've never even explored that
are a part of who you are?
And I'm like, I didn't know wewere even in a room.
So yeah, cool.
We're in a room.
It just opens up universesreally in realms when you start
(08:18):
understanding there's so muchmore to explore within myself.
There's so much more availableto me.
in my human experience and whatI thought.
When I talk to women aboutwanting more, it's not more
things, although things areawesome and experiences are
awesome, but like more access tothese rooms and ourselves as
this person in this body.
SPEAKER_02 (08:39):
I'm curious about your why, because there's many
people who will live their wholelives without taking off that
mask.
And it takes a lot of courage toactually walk into those
different rooms.
And I'm curious what washappening in your life that made
you even decide to venturethere?
SPEAKER_04 (08:56):
Ooh, such a good question.
Because I was about to be like,well, I've always kind of been a
truth seeker, which I think islike, I think most women are, to
be honest, if they're justhonest with themselves for even
two seconds, there's a truthseeker in there of like, what is
real?
What is reality?
Show me more.
But at the time, I was alreadyon a growth path for a long
time.
I've been a coach for the betterpart of 15 years.
(09:17):
By the time I had found BeautyUnleashed, I had already done a
TEDx.
I already had big group programshappening in New York.
I'd already worked with hundredsof people.
But when I found that program,something seismically shifted.
And it's because it wasintroducing me to the sacred
feminine, which is somethingthat I never knew was a thing or
seemed like such an out therepremise to me from my Catholic
(09:40):
upbringing that it had nevereven occurred to me.
And then when you start toreally understand, whoa, what's
been hidden, what's been lost,what's been covered up, it's so
mind blowing that it's hard toeven start to pull the threads
on because like a whole portalgets opened into your human
experience.
So I feel like somethingseismically shifted that day.
But when...
I said yes to that program.
(10:01):
I remember why.
I had young children.
I was drowning.
I felt like there were aspectsof me that were deeply broken
and wrong because I was seeingthe monster in me for the first
time, which I feel like somewomen can really only relate to
when they have small childrenand are feeling highly, highly
overwhelmed, like the extent ofthe monster that can emerge when
(10:24):
I'm What about it?
They're like, oh, it's a thing.
There's a monster.
There were parts of myself thatwere coming out in that
experience that wereunrecognizable and did not match
who I thought I was.
And I was experiencing suchintense shame.
One of my children has higherneeds, and I was feeling so
overwhelmed by having an infantand a child who had high needs
(10:46):
that I was literally screamingin the closet.
I mean, honestly, I neededtherapy.
I got therapy.
I had a therapist.
I didn't just jump into a sacredfeminine program when what I
needed was a therapist.
There were multiple thingshappening there.
But I remember when I spoke tothe woman who was running the
program, she asked, why do youfeel like you need to do this
program?
And I was sharing everything Iwanted with my business.
And she was saying, well, what'sblocking it?
And I said, motherhood.
(11:07):
And she was like, well, whatabout motherhood?
And we uncovered that I was in arelationship with my shame that
was suffocating and I was notable to get out of my shame
hole.
And when I was sharing with hermy experience and why I felt so
ashamed of myself and why it wasso hard for me, she was like,
well, yes, it is a hardsituation, but why is it so hard
(11:29):
for you?
And I thought that was a reallyinteresting question because it
was a universally difficultsituation, the one that I was
in.
Everybody objectively would belike, yeah, that sucks.
I would never pick that really.
If I had to opt in, no thanks.
But there was something aboutthe recognition that yes, there
are hard circumstances, but yes,there's also typically something
about the circumstance thatwe're in that's reawakening an
(11:51):
old wound that has never beenresolved.
And that's why it's becomingunbearable.
UNKNOWN (11:57):
Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_04 (11:57):
in that circumstance is because it's reawakening some
body memory or some experiencewithin us where we were so
profoundly alone or unattuned tothat even the slight
re-experiencing of that canstart to send us wildly out of
our zone of tolerance in ourlives.
And so I had no idea what thateven was.
(12:19):
And I was like, I don't knowwhat this is reawakening in me,
but I clearly...
I had a therapist and I waslike, I think I'm ready to
explore this on a spirituallevel.
And through entering into thatprogram, yes, there was
spiritual work, but I was alsointroduced to embodiment work,
which was the first time I hadever been introduced to even the
idea of what it was to embodydifferent aspects of ourselves
(12:43):
or to allow our authentic selfto start to emerge versus the
constructed self.
SPEAKER_06 (12:50):
It's wild to think the number of things that are so
instrumental in your work todaythat were introduced to you back
then.
Embodiment, sacredness.
And I'm really curious to diveinto the embodiment side of your
work and your life in embodyingyour sacred rebel, because you
(13:11):
talk about and you teachrewriting the narrative is done
through Yeah.
Wow.
(13:45):
when we were all doing somethingblindfolded with two of the
women supporting me, holding myhips as I sobbed uncontrollably
and moved my hips.
And I literally have not hadpelvic floor issues since that
moment.
Wow.
Wow.
Since that moment.
So I would love for you to shareabout that.
I mean, we could take the next12 hours to talk about that.
(14:06):
It's so big, but recognizingthat we have to change things at
a body level.
SPEAKER_04 (14:12):
Yeah.
Okay.
So I will make this long storyshort, hopefully.
First of all, when we were inthat retreat with Anahita back
in 2020, two months before theworld completely shut down with
COVID, like we had no idea.
I think about us in that roomsometimes and I remember reading
the astrology of that year and Iwas like, this does not sound
promising.
Do you know what I mean?
(14:33):
Something's going to happen.
You know, and then like twomonths later, we were just like
totally dromics, total realitychaos.
Turn sideways.
We all know.
We all know.
We all lived through it.
Full point once, we wereintroduced at that retreat to an
S-factor teacher.
And we started doing some kindof Shakti activating practices.
And at that time, something wokeup in me.
(14:54):
And I will say something woke upin me Like my body would not
stop riding and needing to moveall the time.
And so I kind of began my ownmovement practice during that
time that was really justlistening to music and moving.
I mean, every day it was myrespite.
It was my thing that I went to.
It was my thing I did in themorning to connect to my body,
to myself.
And somehow it just made thingsbetter.
I didn't even have a specificpractice.
(15:16):
I didn't have a specificmethodology.
I'm not sure I was doing anS-factor or anything.
I was just like showing up andmoving and dancing.
And then there was this voicethat just kept being like, start
sharing it.
And I was like, No.
Oh, God.
But I did.
I started sharing it.
People thought I was out of myeffing mind.
My family was like, what are youdoing?
(15:37):
My poor husband was just like,she's completely lost her mind.
COVID's gotten to her.
She's completely lost her mind.
But my body was ahead of mybrain.
At that time, my body knewthings that my brain and my
self-concept and my ego and myidentity was having a lot of
trouble catching up to.
And because maybe I was aperformer for so long, I'd had
so many experiences as aperformer that if I just trusted
my body, amazing things startedto happen.
(15:59):
And so many times I leapt inperformances, just trusted the
impulse, and then it would bethe most amazing thing that
happened.
And so I was like, trust thebody, go.
Then I started discoveringIshtar Abadi.
which brought it into acompletely different, it's like
it dropped 10 floors deeper.
And that's when I met Tracy inaround 2021 and I was introduced
to the Ashtara Body Method.
(16:20):
And this was a method that was amoving meditation method in
small groups where you weretaught how to move in ways that
released stored emotion in thebody and then start to work with
nervous system patterns in orderto shift these nervous system
patterns to create new results.
SPEAKER_05 (16:38):
in
SPEAKER_04 (16:39):
your life.
Because what we started torealize, because I know you did
a shower body as well, is thatwhen it changes in the body, it
changes in your life because 90%of our motivation is actually
coming from the self-protectionof our nervous system, whether
or not we are aware of it.
We're very much at the mercy ofour nervous system and how it
was sculpted and conditioned.
And our thoughts actually followour nervous system.
A lot of people believe, oh,thoughts create our experience
(17:00):
in our body.
They're a part of that for sure.
What we are believing is deeplyaffecting our experience in our
body, but a large part of what'seven occurring to us has to do
with how activated our nervoussystem is.
And we are not in charge ofthat.
We're not in charge of how ournervous system is responding to
the world until we learn how toself-regulate, which many of us
were never taught how to do.
(17:21):
So moving meditation actuallyhelped me start to learn how to
consciously regulate myself.
And that really meant movingthrough difficult emotion,
through meditative movement, Andwhat that means is with voice,
breath, pleasure, sound,self-expression, and then being
witnessed actually rewires thepattern in our system because
(17:41):
it's oftentimes the thing we didnot have when the body memory is
restored.
Then really amazing thingsstarted happening in my life.
So I started believing that.
New expression was comingthrough.
New authentic self was comingthrough.
So it was never like one thing.
It was like multiple things thatwould come together and then
something that would root itmuch more deeply.
(18:01):
To me, the most powerfulcombination comes from body up
to the brain and brain down tothe body.
And I find that unless we giveour brain a certain amount of
food for our brain tocontextualize why we're doing
what we're doing and tounderstand the reality that
we're talking about and whythings work the way they do, the
brain actually won't allow us togo deeper
SPEAKER_05 (18:21):
into
SPEAKER_04 (18:22):
the body unless there is some basic
contextualized understanding andframework that makes sense to
the brain.
Yeah.
I think we need both.
SPEAKER_02 (18:30):
If this was a completely new concept for
someone listening, how would yousuggest they even begin?
Are
SPEAKER_06 (18:37):
you asking for a friend or yourself?
I'm just kidding.
Hypothetically
SPEAKER_02 (18:42):
speaking.
I'm just kidding.
Asking for all of our listenerfriends, because you're speaking
at a very high level and noteveryone listening to this is
going to know what that means inapplication.
SPEAKER_04 (18:54):
So good.
And this is something mybusiness coach is always like,
Beth, stop talking to the peoplewho know exactly what you're
talking about and start talkingto the people who are, you know,
so thank you for that because Iget on a jag, right?
And I'm like, so I'm going tolike take a moment, take a
breath and I'm going to returnto my body right now, which is
(19:15):
the whole point really.
And I think I'll start withthis.
That's the journey up until thispoint that I have been on.
And I am an embodiment teacherand it's, created huge changes
in my behavior and in my lifeand how I create.
It has created huge change inhow related I'm able to stay
with other human beings, howmuch surrender I have in trying
(19:37):
to control or manipulate otherpeople, and how I work with what
life is handing me instead oftrying to always control the
outcome so that I don't have tofeel difficult things.
And that way I have a lot morefreedom and a lot more trust and
a lot more ease because I knowI'm going to be okay.
SPEAKER_05 (19:55):
that
SPEAKER_04 (19:56):
being said if somebody is coming into the work
I actually bring them in nowthrough a little bit of a
different lens I don't starttalking about the body and
nervous system and all of thosethings the way I actually start
to explain my body of work andhow it can help people is
through the lens of good girlconditioning and there's two
layers to good girl conditioningthat's my phrase for patriarchal
(20:18):
conditioning and the reason Iuse the word good girl is
because I believe that the goodgirl shows up in like a thousand
different ways.
I don't believe it's onearchetype.
I believe the good girlconditioning shows up in the
mean girl, in the bitch, youknow what I mean?
In the helpless victim and theone who's fawning and kind and
(20:41):
nice.
It's like every aspect of shadowfeminine that we can imagine is
within my umbrella of the goodgirl.
Yeah.
But when we talk about good girlconditioning, it is obviously
the conditioning of our brainbecause we've been raised in a
patriarchal society and there'sbeen patriarchal influence for
many thousands of years at thispoint and lots of generational
(21:02):
trauma as a result of that.
But also because through that,our nervous system has also been
sculpted.
Because our mother's nervoussystems were sculpted and our
father's nervous systems weresculpted and those before them
and those before them and thosebefore them.
So we're kind of screwed on twolevels.
It's not just how we think, butit's how our body even moves
(21:23):
through the world to keep ussafe.
And until we are aware, we can'tactually change any of it.
I find a lot of the dysfunctionand reasons that women actually
have trouble creating in waysthat are effective for the
results they most actuallydesire in their lives.
Most of the self-sabotagingpatterns can be isolated down to
(21:47):
threads of good girlconditioning, both in the psyche
and in the nervous system.
So what I do is I invite theminto...
understanding more of how thesegood girl patterns and thinking
are showing up in their lives sothat we can understand how to
actually start to heal it in thebody and know what needs to be
(22:09):
dismantled and rebuilt in theirthinking to start to create new
results that they actually want.
So that's the lens through whichI introduce women to the work.
Because if I just startedtalking about nervous systems
all day long, I'm not sure I'dbe getting the right women for
me either, you know?
Although it's fun to talk
SPEAKER_06 (22:27):
about the nervous system all day long.
SPEAKER_04 (22:29):
Oh, sure.
SPEAKER_06 (22:30):
Well, I'll do it.
SPEAKER_01 (22:31):
I'll do it.
SPEAKER_06 (22:32):
Pull my arm.
Pull my arm.
Twist my arm.
Pull my finger.
Pull my finger.
Pull something.
Twist something.
Maybe my hair.
I don't know.
But don't.
But that's my body.
That's my body.
Thank you, Dom.
Well, Jess wrote this today.
She was like, I'm curious if wecan share what our good girl
rules are and the ones we'reafraid to break.
(22:53):
And I kind of want to do that.
Ooh, talk to me.
I want to know.
And I kind of want to call onyou, Jess, to see if you want to
go first.
I don't know why I'm stroking amythical beard right now, but
it's a goatee.
It's a goatee.
Tell us, Jessica.
SPEAKER_02 (23:06):
Well, I'd love to, but maybe we can introduce what
the good girl rules are, andthen we can each share our own.
I love it.
Okay, so this will be reallyquick.
SPEAKER_04 (23:15):
The good girl rules became very clear to me, and I'm
going to really note this is thework of Elise Lohnan.
She doesn't call them the goodgirl rules, but she wrote the
book, On Our Best Behavior, ThePrice Women Pay to Be Good.
I
SPEAKER_06 (23:29):
really need to read that.
I downloaded that.
This is probably like the fifthtime I've heard of this book, On
Our Best Behavior.
SPEAKER_04 (23:35):
It's so good.
Yes.
So when I read this, I've been acoach for a long time.
My body of work was kind of allover the place.
There's self-sabotage over here,there's purpose work over here,
and there's visibility, there'sauthenticity, there's
relationships, like it's allover the place, right?
She was like, I'm giving you aframework from my heart to
yours, from which everythingyou've ever done will make
perfect sense.
(23:56):
Are you ready?
Thank you.
Giordamina, that was like, sure.
Thank you, Elise Lohnan.
It gave some smattering aboutthe history of patriarchy, but
then it started connectingpatriarchal religion and
specifically the seven deadlysins, how they're connected to
how we live as women now.
And the seven deadly sins were Idon't know, 1,500 years ago, but
(24:16):
they're so deeply affecting invery real palpable ways how we
operate as women today.
And the dawn of patriarchalreligion was one of the ways
women were dominated throughpatriarchy when it was no longer
we're just killing and torturingyou.
And I'm laughing, but like whenit's no longer just about
(24:38):
literally keeping you terrifiedfor your life or your children's
lives or...
taking all resources away fromyou.
The control was done legally,and it was also done through
patriarchal religion.
So that's why every single goodgirl rule, we can trace back to
the seven deadly sins in someway, shape, or form, because
(24:59):
it's a powerful symbol of thattime as to how patriarchy was
calcifying these unwritten rulesthat were already present for
women into religious doctrines.
SPEAKER_05 (25:11):
of
SPEAKER_04 (25:12):
some kind in ways that would have permeating
effects over generations andgenerations.
So every single good roll rollwe can trace back to one of the
seven deadly sins.
And this is Elise Lohnan's work.
So good.
But then I was like, yeah,literally every thought that's
blocking anybody all the time,like it can be traced back to
this in some way, shape, orform.
(25:33):
And when we think about whatpatriarchy did and how it
oppressed women, it was throughvery specific ways.
It was through disembodimentbeing the primary tactic.
If we can keep women terrifiedand unresourced, then they're
much more controllable.
If we can disconnect them fromthe earth, if we can disconnect
them from their pleasure, whichlives in the body and is the way
(25:54):
that we actually titratedifficult emotion, if we can
connect them from theirspiritual centers, then we can
control them.
That's it, which is veryeffective and served as a
template for how to oppress manyother populations.
SPEAKER_05 (26:09):
After
SPEAKER_04 (26:10):
women.
Okay.
And by the way, non-binary folksand what we can now call trans
folks were around since thebeginning of time.
And I'm putting them in thatgroup because they're not cis
males who were at the top of thepatriarchy pyramid.
So I like to think of each goodgirl rule, like the basic ones,
like the pillars are one of theseven deadly sins.
They're like basically a sevendeadly sin.
(26:32):
For instance, pleasure andsexuality are dirty.
That's a very clear, obviousone.
Right?
And we might be like, I don'tbelieve that.
But yet there are thoughts everyday that we might be
unconsciously thinking that maydirectly have to do with that.
And we don't even realize that'swhere it's sourced.
Thoughts like, oh my God, whydoes she need to be such an
attention whore?
She's always dressing like sheneeds to be looked at and seen
(26:54):
and like she's the sexiest thingalive.
So I like to think that eachpillar, each seven deadly sin
rule, right?
Like sexuality is dirty orwomen's sexuality is dirty, have
like thousands of and thousandsof rules and thoughts underneath
them.
So that's one example of a goodgirl rule.
Another good girl rule would bethat women are always
(27:14):
productive, helpful, and centerothers.
This is why most women are likethe glue of their families and
taking care of literallyeveryone around them.
SPEAKER_05 (27:22):
This
SPEAKER_04 (27:23):
is why there's a huge difference in the default
of labor in households andchildcare and all of those
things.
That's another example of one.
SPEAKER_01 (27:30):
I
SPEAKER_04 (27:31):
could go on, but we might be able to just kind of
guess what the rest of them are,or I can name them expressly,
whatever you desire.
SPEAKER_02 (27:36):
Yeah, well, you already kind of did just now.
Certainly not wanting to hurtother people's feelings is huge
for me.
Not wanting to make peopleuncomfortable.
Not quite the nice girl becauseI do tell the truth, but I have
to tell the truth so consciouslyand so sensitively to make sure
that everyone is okay.
(27:57):
That's a big one of mine.
SPEAKER_04 (27:58):
Well, I can tell even just from the way you're
talking that you have a hugeheart and that's a part of it.
SPEAKER_02 (28:03):
Thanks.
SPEAKER_04 (28:04):
So there's probably a really big heart and a
sensitive person in thereregardless of any of that.
And I think it's good torecognize that it's not all one
thing.
So there's like our authenticselves and how that authentic
self has come into the world.
Yeah.
how this all specificallyaffected that sensitive,
beautiful self coming in.
SPEAKER_02 (28:24):
Thank you.
So
SPEAKER_04 (28:24):
there can be that big hearted, empathetic, I want
people to feel me and know thatthis comes from love.
And that can be so true andreal.
And then there can be sort ofthe overextension of that or
twisting yourself or sacrificingyour truth and your honesty and
your authenticity to overtakeresponsibility for other
(28:45):
people's Yeah.
And
SPEAKER_02 (28:49):
that's one that I've been doing a lot of work on over
many years.
I'm a lot better than I used tobe, but I do wonder how much it
still interferes with me beingreally unapologetic in a public
way.
(29:14):
But I do feel held back in termsof being unabashedly expressed
in the spotlight.
I think it might be connected.
SPEAKER_04 (29:23):
Well, I think that's a really common one.
So there's multiple ones there,which of course all of them
affect our lives.
It's not just one.
But one of the big ones that Ireally, really hear a lot from
women is it's not safe toactually fully shine because in
doing so, I'm actually going tohurt other women.
SPEAKER_05 (29:42):
Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_04 (29:43):
I will make them feel badly about themselves.
I will trigger them.
I'll make them feel like they'renot where they should be.
If I shine, it's diminishingsomebody else's choices.
I hear this a lot and it'salways so heartbreaking when I
hear it because usually I hearit from the women who literally
have something incredible goingon.
to share.
Their light is actually really,really big.
SPEAKER_05 (30:06):
And
SPEAKER_04 (30:07):
their willingness to shine, it could absolutely be
life-changing for so manypeople.
And yet it's like, but if it'sgoing to hurt someone else, I
always have to remind them, wethink it's about hurting
somebody else, but really it's afear of losing people.
It always comes back to us.
It's a fear of losing people orbeing criticized or having to be
(30:29):
with the feelings that ofknowing that our truth, without
doing any harm, just us being inour truth, made somebody feel
something
SPEAKER_05 (30:38):
that
SPEAKER_04 (30:39):
they didn't want to feel.
And that's hard.
And I also try to remind them,And that's theirs to feel and
could actually be the portalopener.
SPEAKER_06 (30:48):
Yes.
UNKNOWN (30:48):
So good.
SPEAKER_06 (30:49):
Or it came up in couples therapy this week.
Yes.
My therapist called, well, Idon't need to air dirty laundry,
but it was like, is it thatshe's doing that?
Or is it that you don't like thefeelings that you have to feel
when she does that?
Yeah.
And I was like, yes, nailed it.
So good.
So good.
(31:09):
So as you were naming the sevendeadly sins and some of the,
examples.
It's so interesting.
I was having a flashback to highschool me and college me and
actually probably up until myearly 30s.
So I started to do this workwhen you said pleasure and
sexuality are dirty because Igrew up in a patriarchal
religion.
(31:29):
Yeah.
When my parents found my birthcontrol, which I wouldn't be
stoked that my high schooldaughter had birth control.
But the response was in my mindnow, this is what it was.
It was like an hour longlecture.
It was a very long lecture.
awkward, shameful lecture onpremarital sex.
And they like took it.
And my dad drove to the dumpsterat his work, which was like 45
(31:50):
minutes away.
And it was just like, no, thisis wrong.
And that was just like one majorexample of how I embodied
pleasure and sexuality aredirty.
And now I've come so far.
I was the friend that like myface would get so...
red.
If you talked about anythingsexual, if I had a turtle shell,
(32:12):
I would be like inside of it.
So embarrassed for so manyyears.
And we would joke about it.
You know, I was like, Mo's goingto get like real embarrassed
about this.
I couldn't talk about anything.
And I'm so proud that I can now.
I was really flashing back to myred faced turtle shell self that
was taught pleasure andsexuality are dirty.
(32:33):
And to pair with that, like thisperfect pairing of if you do
something wrong, so just likeliterally the good girl, right?
If you disappoint somebody andyou go against the rules, you
are wrong.
You are bad.
You cannot let people down.
So to this day, I mean, I'veworked on this for 10 years and
(32:55):
I'm still like, well, I didn'twant to disappoint my husband.
It's so much actually men, notwomen.
I'm really epically afraid ofletting men down.
Thanks, dad.
SPEAKER_04 (33:07):
So many layers we uncover in this journey, right?
So many.
Oh my gosh.
I love that you're naming thatbecause I'm still very much on
my journey with this too, butI've come a really long way.
And I remember when I did joinYeah, absolutely.
Yeah.
(33:41):
I can't believe I even had toask that.
That was just like a veryapologetic weird thing to do
SPEAKER_06 (33:46):
for somebody who's embodying the sacred rebel.
Your good girl wanted to know ifshe could say pussy.
It's fine.
My good girl is always liketalking into
SPEAKER_04 (33:54):
this work.
Even my business coach the otherday, she was looking over my
emails.
You know what I mean?
And she was like, oh my God,you're good girling.
Like get the good girl.
Like you're literally embodyingthis and get the good girl out.
Get the good girl.
Stop asking permission.
Like, and I was like, I know, Iknow, I know.
And it's like, but that's alsowhat makes everybody so lovable.
And we're all doing the worktogether and it's okay.
But like sometimes the good girlis still like, hi, she is here
(34:16):
and
SPEAKER_06 (34:17):
she still shows up and I still mask.
It's all good.
And it's okay.
And so back to the pussy.
So
SPEAKER_04 (34:24):
this is wild.
You know, I remember at thattime.
you know, her asking questionsabout my relationship with my
sexuality.
And I just remember kind offreezing because my whole
perception at that time was Iknew I was disconnected from an
authentic relationship with it.
I was connected to aperformative relationship with
sexuality, but there was a bigdisconnection in my body from my
(34:46):
primal self and like my heart.
So there was a part of me thatfelt very animalistic and needed
to have her needs met, but it'salmost like it had to be
completely in the dark and shutaway and something I couldn't
talk about.
And then there was like thebest, the real So it was almost
like there was this critter thatlived in my body.
I know critters are a weirdword, but it felt very primal
and animalistic and notconnected to the rest of me.
(35:07):
It felt like some part of methat I kind of had to be like,
and then when we kind ofunpacked that, I remember she
was like, do you have trauma?
She asked me that and I waslike, no, but of course all
humans have trauma.
And sometimes it's not asobvious as we might make it.
Like there was nothing thathappened to me that I can name
or remember or any of thosethings.
I think it was really a patternof conditioning over time living
(35:27):
in the society.
that we're in that accessingthat part of myself meant
something bad was dirty.
And it's so simple, but it's sotrue that I just disconnected or
separated.
And that's the whole point withthe patriarchal religion is it's
separating the sacral and theheart.
If we can separate the sacraland the heart, you've separated
the area of gnosis in a woman.
(35:49):
You have separated her abilityto have her inner gnosis intact,
her ability to know herself.
SPEAKER_05 (35:55):
Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_04 (35:56):
and her authenticity.
I mean, this is really how itworks.
It wasn't until I was in aprogram this summer that's a
deep embodiment program that Idon't know if you know Deanne,
but she's an Ashtara teacher aswell.
And she's also an S-Factorteacher.
And she was teaching me in aretreat and she taught me how to
do some of the deeper pleasurework in my body.
I've been doing embodiment workfor a long time and definitely
(36:16):
have learned how to work withpleasure in my hips and my
movements and stretching andlike the textures I put on my
body.
So much has deepened in myunderstanding of that.
But this was like a whole newlevel where I don't know what
she taught me that day, but Iwas moving my body in ways that
were very new to me as I wasdancing.
And we had done that for alittle while.
(36:36):
We were witnessed in it by otherwomen, which was hugely
powerful.
This is a big part of it too,and celebrated while we were
doing it.
But then she had me dance aheart song using the same, like
a song that's, because I have abig romantic heart and I was
doing the same movements ofpleasure with my heart open.
It felt like, A body awakening.
It felt like I couldn't stopcrying for hours.
(36:59):
It felt like my heart and mypussy were the same.
SPEAKER_05 (37:04):
And
SPEAKER_04 (37:05):
it felt like I had a heartgasm is the only way I can
say it.
I didn't actually have an orgasmwhile I was doing it, but it
felt like a heartgasm, likegoing into the eons.
I couldn't stop crying.
I was like, this was...
available as like a regularexperience for humans, like how
powerful we feel, how connectedto everyone and everything we
(37:26):
feel.
I just couldn't stop cryingbecause I was like, oh my God,
this was taken.
Like this experience was takenand it was taken intentionally.
And it was just so wild to havethat experience of a full body
remembering sinking.
(37:46):
Really?
And then I'm like, oh, this isthe whole point.
Oh my God.
It was wild.
SPEAKER_02 (37:51):
After an experience like that, how does that shift
how you find yourself showing upin the world?
SPEAKER_04 (37:59):
I've always been committed.
I've always been committed.
I think anyone who knows meknows I'm ambitious.
I'm consistent.
It's not like, where did Bethgo?
I'm like, I'm in your face allthe time with what I'm up to in
the world.
And my devotion...
to what I am up to and whatneeds to be reclaimed for women
(38:19):
is so deep and true.
And it so comes from my livedexperience.
It's not an idea.
It's coming from my journey andthe tenderest, most important,
most potent navigation I've donethrough my own journey and my
own body.
Like I'm on a mission.
Like this is what's going tosave the world.
Like I am clear that we need torewire ourselves the entire way
(38:42):
things have been done and thatit starts with women and the
time is now.
And that it has to happen inwomen first.
SPEAKER_06 (38:49):
I'm
SPEAKER_04 (38:49):
so excited
SPEAKER_06 (38:50):
about it.
I'm so excited.
It's so fucking true because youcan't like, ugh, I'm the same
way.
I know we are living ourmissions out in a different way,
but we have the same core, likewe've got to fucking solve this.
Yeah, yeah, totally.
And when you have those primal,where you're like, wait a
minute.
UNKNOWN (39:10):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_06 (39:10):
What was that?
What just happened to my body?
What did I just witness?
What did I just feel?
What was the energy of thissituation?
In community with other peopleexperiencing the same thing,
being witnessed, being held,being safely able to just
fucking go there in the mostexposed, raw, real ways.
(39:31):
And you cannot...
unremember that.
I don't know if that's actuallya word, but you cannot go back
when your body has thatexperience.
It's like, oh my God, I'malways...
And you're the same way.
It's like, what can we do aboutthat now?
It's like body experience, gointo the world.
Let's go find the people.
(39:51):
Let's bring the people together.
Let's wake the women up.
Let's help them remember.
And the thing I love aboutwhat's happening with women is
there's so many...
incredible ways to do it.
There's so many modalities.
There's so many breadcrumbs thatwe can follow.
How does somebody get into this?
It's like, what's the thingthat's in front of you that's
(40:12):
calling you?
Because we went through the sameprograms and we're on different
paths, right?
It's like, I didn't feel calledto teach as Tara, but damn, did
that shit change my life?
And so it's like trustingyourself to follow those
breadcrumbs because they'regoing to lead you to what you
need to break through and yourspecific medicine in your life.
So I get very excited aboutthis, obviously.
(40:35):
And I'm fucking pumped.
I love women waking up.
I love the layers of it whereyou're like, I've been doing
this for 15 years and then mypussy and my heart became one
one day.
And now this is available forme.
Nothing was
SPEAKER_04 (40:49):
ever the same.
Nothing was ever the same.
Oh, and I'm like, I always kindof was jealous of people who had
intuitive gifts.
I was like, oh.
We all do, girl.
We all do.
No, I know now.
I know now.
Because once I started doingembodiment work, and especially
now, I'm like, oh, I'm fuckingpsychic.
Oh, I've always been fuckingpsychic.
Like, I'm psychic in lots ofways, not even just one.
(41:09):
Like- And I'm honing this andlearning to trust myself.
I'm not claiming to be like amedium.
No one come to me yet.
Once I get there, I'll let youknow.
Here's my booking link.
Okay, three years from now, Ihave a booking link.
But I'm training in it and I'mlearning how to trust myself and
I'm learning how to onward andoffboard those experiences.
I understand it now and whyembodiment is such a powerful
(41:31):
path to being able to tune intoall of our different clairs and
gifts that live in the body andthrough the body and everybody
is.
It's just a matter of having afree enough channel and trusting
it.
And when we've been taught froma very young age that that's bad
and scary and wrong or can't betrusted or there's fear around
it, we also shut down to thatmagic.
(41:51):
And so it's all connected.
The earth, the pleasure, thebody, the psychic, the knowing,
the inner gnosis, the spiritualcenters of the community, it's
like all, you start to see thethreads, man.
And once you see them, you can'tunsee them.
You cannot unsee them, I know.
SPEAKER_02 (42:06):
And you also work a lot with self-sabotage and you
call it the good girlprotectors.
Yeah.
I'm curious if you might be ableto guide us on how we can spot
some of those self-sabotagingmechanisms, maybe the obvious
ones or the less obvious onesthat you see pop up in women
(42:26):
over and over again.
And what would be a way throughthat?
SPEAKER_04 (42:29):
There's so many different self-sabotaging
patterns that I see.
And what I'll share is what Inow deeply get And listen, I did
a TEDx about self-sabotage in2016.
And now my understanding of itis so much deeper.
At the time, what I would havetold you and what the whole TEDx
is about is like, oh yeah, allself-sabotage boils down to a
wounded inner child and anadapted child, right?
(42:50):
We all know this.
Maybe you know the wounded innerchild and the adapted child.
And they're really just tryingto block us from reliving an
experience that we've alreadyhad.
Now what I understand throughembodiment work and having done
this for so long is and havingserved so many different women
and seeing all the differentpatterns is that there's so many
different ways it shows up.
I mean, it shows up inself-doubt.
It shows up in numbing.
(43:10):
It shows up in dimming ourlight.
It shows up in projecting onother women.
And it shows up in basicallyanything we haven't learned how
to feel safely in our body windsup getting projected outward
SPEAKER_05 (43:24):
onto the
SPEAKER_04 (43:25):
world as to why we don't have what we want and why
we can't have what we want.
That is so good.
I want you to repeat it.
That is so good.
I don't even know what I said.
Anything we haven't been able tofeel in our own body winds up
getting projected onto theoutside world or reasons why we
can't have what we want or whyit's other people who are the
problem, why we're the problemor other people or
(43:47):
circumstances.
As the absolutes, I'm not sayingthere isn't nuance in any
situation.
Of course there is.
But what is within our abilityto start to shift and change has
everything to do with ourwillingness to start to
consciously bring theunconscious conscious.
And the way that we do that inmy work is through embodiment
(44:08):
work and starting to go into thebody and recognize how to start
to work with differentactivation energies like freeze,
bomb, fight, flight as theyarise.
And then as we work with them,what we start to descend into is
the body memories that are notyet resolved in us.
And because they are notresolved in us, our body is
(44:30):
convinced that we can't feelthem safely.
SPEAKER_05 (44:32):
And
SPEAKER_04 (44:34):
so our body is projecting them.
It's projecting them outward.
But the body is doing that for aspecific reason.
It's so we can see it.
SPEAKER_05 (44:41):
If
SPEAKER_04 (44:42):
we start to see our self-sabotage as our body's way
of communicating what thepatterns are that want
resolution and rewiring in us,not as the self-sabotage being a
problem.
The self-sabotage is theteacher.
I love this.
The good girl protectors are theteacher.
SPEAKER_05 (45:02):
Yes.
SPEAKER_04 (45:04):
I love
SPEAKER_06 (45:07):
this.
Say more about that.
Oh my God, your voice.
I want to be able to dive intothis for like another hour with
you and I have to go.
So I know that's the thing wherewe interview such amazing people
and we never want to stoptalking to each other.
So- I know everyone's going tobe left wanting more and I would
love for you to share how theycan.
(45:27):
That's how we're always supposedto leave things.
I never leave things like that,but we're always supposed to
leave things like that.
I think that's the whole point.
Keep coming back for more.
So how can they identify theirgood girl protector and what is
a current way that they can workwith you or that you're willing
SPEAKER_04 (45:46):
to?
I'm so glad you asked this.
Okay.
I'm so glad you asked.
So what I am really excitedabout, I'm like really
profoundly excited about thisand really proud of myself.
And I'm just going to brag onmyself because this took a shit
ton of work to do.
And it's a lot.
And it feels like a reallygenerous offering from my heart
that I feel like really is goingto help women start to
understand themselves more.
(46:06):
I created something called theGood Girl Protector Architect
Quiz.
You can find it on my site.
You can find it on my website oron my IG, anywhere where you
find Beth Clayton, it'll besomewhere.
The reason this is so importantto me is I have spent a long
time coaching.
I've seen patterns for a longtime.
Like I said, once I understoodthe framework, everything became
(46:27):
more clear.
SPEAKER_05 (46:27):
But
SPEAKER_04 (46:28):
also, I have a ton of experience working with
hundreds of women over the pastat least five or six years,
specifically women.
And I have seen all of thesedifferent patterns in women and
how they operate in theirself-sabotaging patterns, for
example.
And once I became an Ishtarcertified teacher and I was
taught by Tracy how the nervoussystem functions and the
(46:51):
different nervous systempatterns, I was able to connect
the dots on the behavior I wasseeing around things like time,
energy, money, purpose,relationships to how the nervous
system protectors that Tracytaught me about and trained me
with, with Ishtar Abadi, howthey connect to those.
And so I can help women pull thethread on not only how these
(47:14):
patterns are showing up, becauseonce they become aware of them,
they can start to shift them,but also how they live in the
nervous system themselves andhow to start to create the
medicine and the nervous systemthrough the Ashtara body method,
which I teach in all of myprogramming.
So if they take this quiz, whatthey're going to get is their
top predominant archetype.
And it is like a full-onbreakdown.
When I say it's like probablygoing to take them 20 minutes to
(47:36):
read, every single area of theirlives and how this protector
likely shows up.
I'm not kidding.
I went that in depth.
But they're also going to gettheir other two, because three
is where the real picture startsto come into play, not just one.
They're only going to get theinformation, the full breakdown
on the first one.
But if they wind up booking asession with me for a reading,
(47:56):
they'll get their other two.
And they'll also get a lot ofindividualized coaching and
uncovering of where the specificpatterns originate from in them.
And the steps they need to takespecifically to start to heal
into what I call their sacredrebel, which really is like we
talked about, that authenticself from the beginning, but
(48:16):
that is now fully grown up andready to liberate them in their
lives.
And guess what?
This is also your future self.
So it's all connected.
They're going to be able to seethat self too.
And the correlated sacred rebelwith each archetype.
So yes,
SPEAKER_06 (48:32):
I'm very excited about it.
And having built shit in theback end on a business, I also
am like, that is a lot of work.
And that is so generous becausethe amount of time that it takes
to not only download theinformation, just like...
Lots of VAs.
SPEAKER_04 (48:51):
It's a big
SPEAKER_06 (48:51):
VA, but I'm not one.
We do so much work behind thescenes to bring these generous
gifts to life.
Well, thank you, Beth, for beinghere.
It's a Joy is always to be withyou.
SPEAKER_02 (49:02):
Thank you.
It's so much fun.
It's such a pleasure to meetyou.
And thank you for sharing yourwisdom and your gifts with us.
Thank you so much.
This was so fun.
I had so much fun.
And take
SPEAKER_04 (49:11):
the quiz and let me know which ones you get.
Because I did this with you,I'll send you your top three.
I started it and then I waslike...
SPEAKER_06 (49:17):
this is really in depth.
I need more space for this.
You need like a
SPEAKER_04 (49:22):
glass of wine or some tea and a candle, maybe
some cleansing agents and ajournal.
Like it is a whole thing to justtake it.
But my whole goal with it isthat you feel super seen and
known even just in the taking ofit.
That like, oh, these patternsmake sense.
I'm not alone.
Other women do this too.
This is a thing, right?
So I just hope that helps womenfeel more seen.
SPEAKER_02 (49:44):
So beautiful.
Thank you.
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Fudd Around And Find Out
UConn basketball star Azzi Fudd brings her championship swag to iHeart Women’s Sports with Fudd Around and Find Out, a weekly podcast that takes fans along for the ride as Azzi spends her final year of college trying to reclaim the National Championship and prepare to be a first round WNBA draft pick. Ever wonder what it’s like to be a world-class athlete in the public spotlight while still managing schoolwork, friendships and family time? It’s time to Fudd Around and Find Out!
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!