Kaeley Pruitt-Hamm: Believe Your Dreams - Intuition, Inconvenient Truths, and the Rebellion of Our Bodies - Inner Rebel

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
This is the Inner Rebel podcast.

Speaker 2 (00:34):
I'm excited.

Speaker 4 (00:55):
I'm excited because I get to see you and I don't get
to see you enough.
I'm so lucky to be able to seeyou.
I'm so grateful that you'rejoining us.
It's very difficult tosummarize Kaylee in a bio, but

(01:17):
I'm going to try.
I'm so excited.

(01:45):
She founded the indie folk musicproject and movement KPH in the
Canary Collective, which seeksto use music as a storytelling
and community organizing tool asa call to action for climate
and healthcare justice.
She also dreamt andco-organized the virtual music
and arts festival, BedFest 2017,which featured art and
performances from hundreds ofother bedridden artists from

(02:05):
around the world, and co-foundeda series called Sick Women and
Queer Shows that used music,poetry and performance to raise
awareness about the need foraffordable and accessible
healthcare, housing, clean airand water for everyone.
I know this keeps going, butthere is no limit to Kaylee's
accomplishments.
I just also want to mention hermusic.
Her latest album, the Five inThree, was recorded while

(02:27):
quarantining in a hundred daysof solitude in a trailer in the
Joshua Tree desert at the startof the pandemic, and she hopes
to continue to use her music andher unique performance style as
a tool of encouraging dialoguearound healing our bodies and
healing the ecosystems on thisplanet.

Speaker 1 (02:44):
Whoa Kaylee, and she did our music for the podcast.
She did our music for thepodcast, so our intro and outro
is done by Kaylee, so also aspecial thing that we get to
have, we're so lucky.

Speaker 4 (02:57):
Thank you for being here.
I love you so, so much.
I know I've already talked somuch, but I would like to share
with our listeners how we met.
How did we meet?
So Kaylee just walked into mylife.
She literally just walkedthrough the front door of my
house.
One day I had a friend.
Call me Random.

Speaker 1 (03:18):
Sounds creepy in a way.
I know Just off the street.
She was looking through mywindows at night and then she
entered.
Not like that.
That was the best thing thatever happened to me.

Speaker 4 (03:28):
We have a mutual friend and that friend called me
and asked if I wanted to do.
I think it was an eclipsecircle, because this is Los
Angeles, you do eclipse circlesand of course I said yes,
because that is what one does inLos Angeles, and the place that
I was staying at at the timejust happened to be this really
big, nice house that I had allto myself.
So it made sense for me to hostand Kaylee was brought over and

(03:50):
she was invited in and we hadthis really incredible night.
It was four of us and it feltlike there was this instant
connection.
My memory is almost as thoughit was like sitting around a
fire, even though it was myliving room, and it just felt
very intimate.
We were sharing really, reallydeep parts of our souls.
We did this ceremony for arelationship that was ending for

(04:13):
me at the time, so it wasreally beautiful and I didn't
know Kaylee really at all exceptfor that night and days later
reached out and she needed aplace to stay for the night.
And what you're going to learnabout as we talk with Kaylee is
that she has some health issuesand that means that she can't
stay in certain environmentsthat might be moldy or dusty or
make her sick, and so the placethat I was in just happened to

(04:34):
be the right kind of place.
So she reached out and asked ifshe could stay with me and I've
mentioned this to you beforebecause I don't think that would
be an easy thing to do.
I think reaching out to someonethat you don't know and saying,
do you mind if I stay with youfor an evening might be really
uncomfortable for some peopleand it may have been really
uncomfortable for you to do, butthe reason that I bring it up

(04:56):
is that was one of the greatestgifts of my life and I just want
to share that.
For anyone who's like maybe I'mtoo much or maybe it's too much
to ask somebody, I'm tellingyou that her asking for that
favor opened up my life to oneof the greatest friendships I've
ever experienced, and Kayleecame that night.

(05:18):
We had such a good time and mylife has been different ever
since.
So thank you, I love you andthank you for being here with us
today.

Speaker 3 (05:28):
Yeah, I love you too, and that's the kind of person
Jessica Rose is, who thankssomeone else for letting her
host and give a safe place tostay.

Speaker 4 (05:41):
If that someone else is.

Speaker 1 (05:42):
Kaylee Pruitt-Hamm, for sure yeah you just knew and
I want to echo the last piecethat you said about for our
guests that if you feel scaredto make a request or ask or put
yourself out there, I will echothat a majority of my most
precious relationships arebecause of that, because of like

(06:03):
a weird fangirl moment where Imight have reached out and been
like, hey, I really want toconnect with you, or even asking
you to do a podcast wasprobably really weird given the
nature of our relationship, andthat is where so much magic
happens when you decide to getout of your comfort zone and say
the thing that's in your heartand make the request and put
yourself at the risk of a no.

(06:24):
But what do you miss?
Like a lifelong friendship likethis Right, the pros often way
outweigh the con.
So I just wanted to echo thatthat it's like such a beautiful
way to be in the world.

Speaker 3 (06:35):
Thank you.
It has been one of the mostimportant, significant, life
changing friendships of my lifeas well.
I am so glad that my past selfpushed past her fear of being
too much or a burden to walk offthe street.
I actually shouldn't joke,because I was quite literally

(06:56):
living in my van at the time dueto disability and environmental
illness and housing insecurity.
A lot of people are actuallyreally in a housing crisis right
now, but I am so, so lucky andprivileged that I've had a
community safety net, includingyou, and also, I mean that was

(07:17):
the best eclipse ever because itjust brought the wrong women
into my life.
And then, you know, of course,the pandemic happened and I had
to be way more isolated than theaverage person.
I know there was a time wherewe all were isolating, but I'm
still isolating.
It's been three years andsmiling and laughing, three

(07:40):
years doing great yeah,everything's fine, yeah, and
we've still stayed so well intouch.
I mean just getting throughthese tough times together and
the paradigms that you alsoteach from the perspective of
human design.
I mean you have so much morewisdom beyond the framework of
human design that you offer.

(08:01):
I mean your gifts are so vastand you're using them all on
this podcast, but that was alsovery, very game changing for me
to just hear you drop all thesewisdom bums on me.

Speaker 4 (08:13):
We did that that night that she came to stay with
me, I gave you, you got us Thaifood and I gave you a human
design rating.

Speaker 3 (08:19):
Yes, yes, and you told me all about being a
projector type and makingdecisions from your splenic
authority, like being someonewho tends to have a relationship
with fear and intuitivedecision making, and that has
been so important for me tolearn about.

(08:40):
And then also you said thingslike you should never have to
convince somebody to love you.
I did say that.
What a powerful statement.
So, yeah, I want to thank youboth because your podcast has
totally been getting me throughthis particularly hard chapter.
I just went throughendometriosis surgery last month

(09:03):
and I have been like grippingon like a lifeline to your
podcast.
So, you both are the absolutedream team for asking meaningful
questions and just making itfun.
And I'm so glad that you askedme to make the song because I
was trying to figure out whatwould inner rebels sound like

(09:25):
and at first I was thinkingmaybe a rebel had to sound like
really loud and powerful.
But it was a very interestingexercise, kind of letting the
song come forth intuitively.
That's what I've been trying todo more of a songwriting from
an intuitive place and lettingit just flow through me rather

(09:45):
than thinking about what I thinkthe song should be through my
mind.
And yeah, what came forth was alittle bit more of like a quiet.
I have a secret and I'm gentlypowerful and I'm going to hum
along to these badass women whoare talking.
It's perfect, I really perfect,yeah, that you asked me to make

(10:08):
that song.

Speaker 1 (10:09):
You both are a dream team, thank you so much and I
love that you've chosen tolisten.
That means a lot.
There's a lot that I guess isat risk when you choose to
expose yourself in the way thatwe have.
And honestly, I do feel likeeven though I'd really have to
work around, this being totallytrue for my whole body, but even
if no one ever listened I feellike this would be a worthy use

(10:31):
of our time and our energy andour friendship to be able to
have these conversations andmake the revelations that we've
made within ourselves withouteven having it have the ripple
effect.
But it's 100% really wonderfulto know, like even just you
saying that I'm like okay, allthat's worth it, like we made a
difference in one, you know yes,yes, I am your one listener,
one fan.

(10:53):
We have one fan.
Welcome to our one fan.
But I also want to talk.
There's a couple of things thatcame up when you were talking.
The one is the traditional rebelthat initially you thought it
had to be more like overpoweringloud, like more of a what I
would in the language ofmasculine feminine, of a really
overpowering, toxic masculinerebel versus a soft rebel which

(11:16):
is more, I would say, thefeminine, and even in the
creation of the song of youusing your intuition is a
feminine quality and finding thesofter rebel of I'm actually
going to turn inward for theanswers, and that is my inner
rebel, that's my act ofrebellion and it doesn't have to
be loud or overpowering.
It's me actually listening tome and that's the rebel.
So I love that, even in thecreation of the song, that that

(11:37):
was felt, because it's reallyit's what this is all about.

Speaker 3 (11:41):
Yeah, it's really, really good to be challenging
our old ideas of what is power.

Speaker 4 (11:48):
I think.
So, on that note, kaylee,because you tune into this
podcast, you know that there isa question that we like to start
with that we ask our guests, soI would like to offer that to
you.
Who are you, and how is thatdifferent from who you thought
you were supposed to be?

Speaker 3 (12:09):
I'm just a random girl who walks into people's
houses and changes their lives.
Yeah, I.
Obviously this is always adifficult question to answer
succinctly, but I do want tostart.

(12:31):
I was thinking a lot about whata definition of a canary is,
because a lot of people hear myband name, kph and the Canary
Collective, and I assume thatthey know what I'm talking about
when I talk about a canary.
But I'm realizing that maybe Ishould be more clear.
So I feel like I'm a canary.
I feel like society taught meto believe that I needed to be a

(12:54):
coal miner and I actually havenever said that sentence before
but yeah, I feel like societytaught me that I needed to be
the one who's like holding myvulnerability in a cage and like
plunging into toxic systems andjust being like this is fine,
we're fine, let's keep going.
Capitalism and white supremacyand misogyny and ableism all

(13:19):
teach us to normalize injusticesevery day.
And being in this toxic minewhich, up until the 1980s,
literally a mining practice wasto bring little yellow canary
birds in cages right, and theminers would do that because

(13:39):
scientists were like, oh, wehave this idea, we can do this
as a way of keeping the minersfrom passing out and dying from
toxic air, because humanswouldn't be able to sense, when
it's toxic enough air that theyshould go, like you won't be
able to really feel it untilit's too late and you pass out.

(13:59):
And the canaries they not onlyhave a smaller body, but their
superpower is their sensitivity.
They take in air in secretchambers in their lungs, like
the same thing that gives themthe ability to fly and sing that
we appreciate about canaries.
That's the same thing thatmakes them extra vulnerable.

(14:20):
So they're very extra sensitive.
They have extra clean air, butif it's toxic air they take in
extra toxins.
And so when the canaries stopsinging and when the canaries
keel over with chronic illnesswhich one out of two Americans
has a chronic illness that is asignal to try to get ourselves

(14:42):
out of this mine before it's toolate for everyone, for the
other 55%.
And so I feel like I want to bevery deliberate about how
important that shift was in mylife, because I really it's very
strong the tides are verystrong to have a hard time
accepting and loving yourselffor your sensitivities and your

(15:05):
vulnerabilities and your quieterpower.
We're taught that it's betterto be that louder power and
overpowering, as Melissa said,like being in the toxic
masculine sense of power, islike coercion and just pushing
forward through, ignoring ourbody's signals and everything.

(15:27):
And that being said, I alsowant to acknowledge right now
I'm on Koumier land.
We are in colonized territoryand my ancestors I come from
mostly European, like Irish,scottish, welsh, french descent.
And my ancestors were Quakerand came to the United States in

(15:50):
the 18th and 19th centuries,like wanting to make a different
kind of society where it wasn'tas patriarchal, like a lot of
the Quakers who I came fromwanted to have a more
egalitarian society where youdidn't have a pastor, you didn't
like everyone gets to just sitin silence and marvel at like

(16:10):
nature and singing and being inharmony together.
So it's like a part of myhistory that I'm actually like.
Okay, I'm glad that I have thatpart of my family history.
At the same time, there's a lotof accountability to be had
from people with Europeandescent for all of the harms
that that system has caused ofcolonization and erasure of

(16:33):
indigenous people here and I amcurrently in California, but
it's Quoumier land and sometimesI live in the Seattle area,
which is Duwamish land.
I go by she her for now and Ifeel like I'm forgetting
something else.
It's also good I have learnedto try to give a visual

(16:53):
description for people who havedifferently geared bodies in
terms of eyesight and hearing.
So I'm wearing overalls blackoveralls with a white t-shirt.
I'm a white woman with shortbrown hair and I'm currently in
a place that I'm renting week byweek with my parents who are
caring for me after surgery.

(17:15):
So that's who I am right now,in this moment, and I'm trying
my best to come to terms withall of the parts of me that I'm
excited to grow and the parts ofme that I've been, like,
ashamed of.
We all have that within us butwith the kind of work that I'm
trying to move more into as asongwriter and I got certified

(17:38):
in sound healing two years agothat's informed in internal
family systems.
So I'm trying to recognize thatwe all have parts of ourselves.
Like, when you ask you know whoare you and who do you think
you should be, it's not aboutcanceling certain parts of
myself and being like you'reover, now I'm this new person I

(18:00):
kind of thought that that waswhat it was supposed to be, to
be like, oh, I have fixed myselfthrough therapy and now like,
yeah, the parts of myself that Ireally don't like, that other
people tend to not like, likethe part of me that talks too
much.
I want to figure out why I havethat part of my personality and
then extinguish her and muffleher.

(18:21):
But no, it's like understandingand having compassion and
honoring yourself.
Like you have casts in a musicaltheater production.
Within you, you have a cast ofcharacters and all of them are
playing a very important role.
All of them, even the villainor whatever.
She gets her moment to shine,she gets the spotlight on her,

(18:43):
she gets to be seen as a heroinefor a good five minutes, where
she just belts it out and she'slike this is my rage, this is
why I'm the yurrigus.

Speaker 2 (18:53):
And you get to clap and be like wow.

Speaker 1 (18:56):
And so that's kind of the work that I'm trying to do.

Speaker 3 (18:59):
It's like rooting for all parts of myself, knowing
that I contain multitudes.

Speaker 1 (19:03):
It's like the archetypes, like we talk about
in the somatic movement practice.
It's knowing that, even thoughthere's some that are
predominantly more forward inyour way of being, they're all
kind of in there.
You know, the drama queen isanother one.
I was thinking when you werelike the, you know the one that
gets really big and blows thingsup and like oh, there's my
drama queen, welcome to theparty, thank you for being here.
I have a question.

(19:26):
I know Jess probably is like700.
I saw you writing Well done,true note pad.
So one of the things thatearlier in your share you were
talking about the differenttypes of power and you talked
about quiet power and it soundslike that is your superpower is
having a quiet power, eventhough you take big, bold action

(19:47):
in the world and you're anactivist and there's a lot of
power in that and that's reallybold and maybe loud in a
non-conventional sense.
But I'm curious when you havefelt in your power, when you
have felt that quiet power, andI would love to know what that
feels like for you and when youhave felt that.

Speaker 3 (20:06):
That's such a great question.
That's a yummy, yummy question.
Yeah, I.
The first moment that actuallycame to my mind was maybe not
the type of quiet power thatI've been introduced to by the
fabulous teacher of my body andmy illness.
I am chronically ill andthere's been a lot of shame in

(20:31):
that.
I was taken away from my jobeight years ago I believe it's
been eight years when I was 25.
I was working in the nonprofitfield and I was a go-getter and
I was playing that coal minergame of working myself dry and
really wanted to help change theworld so that we could, you

(20:52):
know, not have as many climatecrises and social injustices.
So I really threw myself intowork.
So the first incident that cameto mind was from the before
times before I completelycrashed and had to have really
quiet power, of learning how youcan be very powerful and a
disabled person.
But before I identified asbeing disabled, I was working

(21:18):
with these organizations inSeattle that were trying to
raise awareness and advocate forairport workers who were
subcontracted by Alaska Airlines, and these activist groups were
the ones who built the $15 anhour minimum wage law.

(21:39):
They're really amazing, mostlyof women of color led
organization, for example,called Puget Sound Sage.
That combines research anddirect action, where they would
go around the city of Seattleand they would do research on
the air quality, realizing thatthese schools in lower income

(21:59):
communities had all thesetruckers and factories that were
spewing out toxic chemicals andso their air quality was way
lower and the life expectancywas actually like, I think, 18
years lower in South Seattlethan it was in more affluent
North Seattle.

(22:20):
And so, with this particularairport workers action, we went
into a shareholders meeting andbrought rabbis and priests and
indigenous faith leaders and wehad like a prey in and all these
airport workers who are beingforced to work without gloves
with toxic cleaning chemicals.
They were not paid enough, sothey had to have like three jobs

(22:42):
and would only be able to gethome in time to kiss their kids,
to sleep and, you know, nothave any time for anything
except work.
Yeah, yeah, and that's whatcapitalism does.
But it was actually all legal,like we were technically
shareholders, but we stood up.
I stood up and I interruptedthe CEO and said I really love

(23:06):
your company, like thanks fortrying to do a good job.
I'm sure you're very proud ofyour company If you want us to
be even more proud and make evenmore money.
I would like to invite you totreat your workers well and
you're going to have so muchmore profit in the long run.
I know you're focused on thisquarter saving money, but if

(23:28):
you're actually going to investin what feels inconvenient now
health care for your workers,etc.
You're actually going to makemore money.
And we interrupted them bysinging and it was very awkward
for them because they didn'twant to interrupt these like
priests and rabbis who were likeholding hands in a circle and

(23:48):
like singing a song.
You know they're going to looklike jerks and that is a form of
quiet power where we weren'tlike, hey, you're jerks.
We were interrupting with love,with very assertive love, and I
miss those days.
I miss the days of being ableto go into a crowd or go and
marches and rallies and we wouldhave sing-ins in the halls of

(24:10):
Congress in DC where we wouldsit in senators' offices and I
would make a parody song from ayou know queen or prince song
and we would sing aboutcorporate finance.
Yeah, that was my life.
I love that when I was 25, thenmy body was like hey, kaylee,
let's now teach you aboutapplying those lessons inside

(24:35):
your own ecosystems andeconomies and resources within
your own body.
And it was like you have beenwaking up at 6 am and going to
sleep at midnight and in betweenthere you have worked your nine
to five job, which is really aneight to seven pm job.
You've ridden the metro, you'vebeen finding a $400 a month

(24:58):
house that was the cheapest youcould find so that you could pay
your $300 a month healthinsurance and medical bills to
just keep on ignoring yourbody's signals of stomach upset
and missing your period.
And now your tongue's orange.
And now you can't open youreyes or swallow because your
throat is so incredibly sore andyou don't know what's going on.

(25:20):
And I've been wearing all thosesigns until I.
You know it was kind of toolate.
I didn't listen to the canarieswithin my own body and I kind
of keeled over and I becamemostly bedridden, like I needed
people to carry me to thebathroom.
I couldn't walk more than halfa block and needed a wheelchair
sometimes for about six years,and I'm doing a lot better now.

(25:40):
But it has been quite thejourney and I think there is
power in me accepting.
I had a woman two days ago onthe phone who I was meeting, say
oh, so you're a sound healer.
Now it's really interesting.
I was telling her about myjourney with endometriosis and
how I'm here for surgery andshe's like it's interesting that

(26:01):
you haven't been able to healyourself yet with the sound.
What I was like um, you knowwhat?
Normally, yes, I do feel likean imposter.
I feel really scared toadvertise or say like here, let
me help you heal.
But that's an old definitionwhere you have to have arrived

(26:22):
and be 100% able-bodied and 100%healed.
What does it mean to be fullyhealed?
I think it's a compliment.
Actually, if your body isrejecting this world, if your
body is rejecting the waysociety is treating the earth,
that's a compliment.
I don't want to be okay withthat.

(26:42):
It's a compliment to be acanary.
It's a compliment to besensitive.
It's a compliment to be sick ina toxic world and I think it's
going to be a never endingjourney to be healing.
And so that's my newfound, evenquieter power is realizing.
I don't have to quell the partof me that's afraid.
I don't have to be ashamed ofthe part of me that actually my

(27:03):
throat closes when the wildfiresmoke, or even I eat gluten.
You know, like I feel like Ishould be someone who's like I
can eat gluten, I'm fine, likeI'm tough, but actually it's
okay, like that's a specificgift, that's a specific role in
society, to be the canary who'ssaying, hey, you know who's the
smoke alarm.
Don't muffle the smoke alarm.

(27:25):
I'm going to work with my bodyto hopefully be able to take
those signs and signals and notbe as in pain.
We're healing together, we'rehealing alongside one another,
and that's quiet power.

Speaker 4 (27:42):
There's so much about your journey, and both your
social activism, your politicalactivism that speaks to the
interconnectedness of all things, how all of these different
ecosystems are actuallyintertwined, that the health of
our bodies is a reflection ofthe health of our environment,

(28:04):
for example, and that thecanaries are that signal.
When you were talking about thecanaries and the coal mine,
what was coming up for me was,wow, we actually recognize their
power and how important theyare, and then we also treat them
like shit.
Yeah Right, we recognize thatwe need them, we're very

(28:28):
grateful to have them, or elsesomething is going to come for
us.
They're the signal, and yet wedo not value them and we do not
respect their bodies and takecare of them.
Because that's what I think.
When I think canary, I thinkabout that interconnectedness
and I was wondering if you couldspeak to what you think the
message of the canaries are andwhat you would want the world to

(28:49):
understand or listen to.

Speaker 3 (28:52):
Oh, it's hard for me to choose.
Oh no, this is my time.

Speaker 1 (28:59):
This is my one chance For one fan and her one chance.
This is a big moment for thisone fan of ours.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (29:11):
You both are so good at asking questions, I feel like
what I would want people toknow I do want to say about the
ecosystems being in our bodiesand us being sick as a
reflection of what's going onwith Earth's ecosystems.
It's a very impossible paradigmfor the Western medical system

(29:32):
to accept.
Apparently, it's reallydifficult to them.
The pharmaceutical andinsurance company industries
have influenced the healthcaresystem to be very siloed, to be
very stressed and rushed.
So the average time that adoctor has and in a plane, oh,
the patient is seven minutes.
So when I first had all mysymptoms really, really mount

(29:55):
and all of the ecosystems, kindof like in a garden or a farm,
you're like oh no, all thechickens are being eaten by
coyotes, all of the lettuce isbeing eaten by snails.
What's going on?
And you have to figure out.
Oh, there's an overgrowth ofthese snails, so let's spray
poison all over the lettuce andthen your lattice is poisoned.
Or like in the fantasticdocumentary Biggest Little Farm,

(30:21):
have you seen it?
Oh, it's so good.
Well, spoiler alert.
Spoiler alert, this is an Mnight Shyamalan twist.
Instead of spraying pesticideson the lettuce to deal with
their snail population problem,they got more ducks and the
ducks ate the snails.
That's like how healing shouldbe.

(30:41):
You're thinking strategicallyand creatively about how to
balance ecosystems.
You're not as so much beinglike, ah, let's extinguish it.
Sometimes you do have to set itfirm boundary and say I'm so
sorry, but we've got to smashsome snails.
But yeah, I think with my body.
I went into my first doctor'sappointment after I moved and
started this new job in DC whereI was an environmental lobbyist

(31:04):
and I was loving my job, but Iwas having all these really
strange symptoms.

Speaker 4 (31:08):
Can I just say how interesting it is that you were
an environmental lobbyist beforethis ever happened to you,
isn't that?

Speaker 3 (31:15):
wild.
Well, I mean, it's way too longof a story to say it's not that
much of a coincidence, becauseI've always been a sensitive
person.
As a child I had a lot ofhealth issues, but I was just
taught to not think of myself assick.
This is not an uncommon story.
This is why I call it thecanary collective, because once
I started sharing more and beingmore public through my music

(31:38):
about my illness experience andhow much gaslighting from
doctors I faced, I had all thesepeople come out from the
woodwork like oh, my sister'scousins, dogs, sitter also has
late stage Lyme disease or theyhave environmental illness and
they've had to live in their vanand move to the desert too.
What do I do?

(31:59):
I've had so many people whoalso are just going in with
these weird symptoms to thedoctor and the doctor has no
answers of the problems or thesolutions.
There is, unfortunately, apattern of especially blaming
women and people who are not ciswhite men, cis white,
evil-bodied men.
Not only is fat phobia a hugeproblem and a white supremacy of

(32:21):
racism, but there's just somuch blaming of the patient and
saying well, we looked, we can'tfind any evidence of an invader
.
There's no bug that we can seethat's causing this in your body
, so it must be that yeah,you're stressed, you need to

(32:42):
take a deep breath and calm down, be that's very reflective and
parallel to what happens andthat just trigger warning
content, warning for anyone.
Just a brief mention of sexualassault.
But with our criminal justicesystem in terms of sexual
assault, less than 1% of sexualassault cases actually get

(33:06):
justice, because the system isdesigned to blame the survivor.
It's designed to say what didyou do to invite this?
I'm looking and he's not thatbad.
I'm looking at this guy and helooks really nice.
How could he have done this badthing?
And I'm a survivor of thatexperience as well, which is a
whole other story that maybesomeday I'll share because it's

(33:28):
actually quite intense.
But I was really similar to howI felt in the justice quote
unquote system, where I did notreceive justice.
I felt similarly in thehealthcare system with just
saying hey, like I've stoppedgetting my period, I'm waking up
six times a night to go pee, Iam starving, my tongue is coated

(33:50):
orange, I'm nauseated, I'mhaving pain and swelling and all
my joints.
And the first doctor walked inand she said I don't have time
for all these symptoms.
You have to choose one.
You have to choose one.
So that made me think.
Do we ask Mother Earth tochoose a symptom to focus on or
like?
Well, climate change can't beall of these things.

(34:11):
Climate change has to just beextra blizzards or extra
wildfires or ocean acidification, so all the whales and coral
are dying.
You have to choose, motherEarth.

Speaker 1 (34:21):
Geez, you're such a drama queen, mother Earth, like
you are just complaining, butyou know what it makes me think
of, as you're talking about theCEO of the company that you're
like hey, let me assertivelylove into this conversation.
You're thinking about the nextquarter's profits.
What if you looked furtherahead?
It's like the same exactconversation.

(34:42):
Right, we have to look at thebigger picture.
We have to look ahead.
We can't just deal with what'sright in front of us and pick
one symptom and try to deal withthat.
But it's like when you look atthe entire ecosystems of how we
navigate everything.
It's like this is one exampleof how everyone is just dealing
with the thing right in front ofus reactively, instead of

(35:02):
looking at a bigger pictureimpact as a way of making
choices.

Speaker 4 (35:07):
So, if I'm interpreting it correctly, when
we speak to canaries, canariesare saying something is wrong.
Look at our bodies.
Our bodies are failing us.
We're very, very sick andbecause doctors can't
necessarily get in there andunderstand it in the way that
they understand things, they goit's all in your head that

(35:31):
doesn't actually exist, and thenwe're not actually collectively
tuning into what your bodiesare signaling about the world
that we live in and about howwe're treating the world that we
live in.
Am I right?
Is that what you're?

Speaker 3 (35:43):
saying yeah, and I know what you're saying.
I understand, but I'm tryingnot to say that my body's
failing me anymore and I'velearned so much from looking at
animals and what's happening tothe bees.
These are getting chronicviruses.
They monocrop agriculture andall of the pesticides that we're
spraying is lowering theirimmune systems, and orca whales

(36:07):
are not able to give birth tovery many babies that are
surviving past a day or twobecause the whale mothers livers
are becoming so toxic withpetroleum chemicals Then the
mother passes that on throughthe fetus to the baby.
All of those toxins youwouldn't say their bodies are
failing to do what they want todo to survive.

Speaker 4 (36:29):
Responding appropriately to the
circumstances, to the situation,to the harm that is in the
environment.

Speaker 1 (36:37):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (36:38):
Yeah, exactly, and we wouldn't just look at what's
happening to orca whales, theorca whale mamas, and say here's
a self-help book where it'sactually telling you to breathe
deeply and there is so muchpower that we can alchemy as a
situation, and I do believe inthe power of intention and sound

(36:58):
healing and everything is aboutdoing what you can from your
internal environment tostrengthen you.
But it also doesn't cancel outthe other side of the coin,
which is that we do have thesetoxins and environmental
challenges that our bodies arefacing, no matter how strong our
bodies are, and we have apandemic still going on.

(37:18):
That's what I want people toknow from Canaries, especially
in this time in human history,is that we're still dealing with
a lot of bugs, that a lot ofpeople who are telling me, like
you, are so silly for stillwearing a mask I have had a lot
of people tell me that, believeit or not.
A lot of people who are rollingtheir eyes when I ask,

(37:42):
especially white, able-bodiedmen, would you mind just putting
your mask above your nose?
And I'm so scared to ask that.
I am literally trembling when Iask that because within me I
have this battle for the first30 minutes when I'm in the room
with a man who's got his maskthere and I'm like Kaylee,
you're going to look like you'reone of those divas and he's

(38:02):
going to roll his eyes andyou're going to be like I'm a
super germaphobe.
We have these archetype,negative stereotypes of a
sensitive person that I'vestrived to not be.
I want to be the chillgirlfriend who's like I play
video games and I stay up tillthree and I'm like I don't care

(38:22):
and like that's cool too.
That's another archetype tocelebrate, and let's celebrate
the person who's wise enough tosay it's going to be hard for an
immunocompromised body to dealwith a respiratory vascular
virus right now, so I'm justgoing to ask you to scoop this
baby up.
And they, so many times,actually do what I'm afraid of

(38:45):
they roll their eyes, they havea heavy sigh.
That's like okay, I'll put on amask for you, a walkie girl
who's like so paranoid, but allright, as long as it makes you
feel comfortable, whatever, justlike you would do for a child.
Who's like mommy, I'm scared,I'm having nightmares, there's a

(39:08):
monster in my closet.
And to be like okay, sweetie,I'm looking in the closet, there
are no monsters.
Like dad is so freaking,condescending, and so many of
you are doing it toimmunocompromise people.

Speaker 4 (39:22):
I'm sorry and some of these are doctors, right?
Yeah, so many of them aredoctors who are doing that,
because that's really all thepeople that you see.

Speaker 3 (39:34):
Those are the people I'm in a room with.
Yeah, but like that they tookout the mask mandate in
hospitals Like I understand ifyou all who are able-bodied and
think that you're fine want togo to concerts and like keep on
not wearing masks in restaurants, like okay.
But hospitals Like I had to getsurgery because I had
endometriosis on my appendix andin my colon.

(39:55):
I had no choice but to go inthere.
Like I can't be the chillgirlfriend who's like do your
thing, you do you, which I wasreally trained in the hetero
relationships that I was in.
I must say I was really trainedand like being queer and now
like coming out as queer andpansexual.
That's also helped me explodethose old ideas of who I was

(40:18):
supposed to be, of being thechill girlfriend who's like
pushing past her pain, notvoicing, basically being like
uh-huh, uh-huh, everything'sfine.
So what I want people to knowfrom Canaries is that
everything's not fine.
We're doing our best, like wewill try our best to breathe in
a certain way where we can lasta little bit longer in this

(40:38):
toxic mind.
But let's listen tounderrepresented, vulnerable
voices and let's actuallytogether, all of us, get out of
this toxic mind and get tohealthier air.

Speaker 4 (40:48):
I feel like my brain wants to link this to the bigger
picture, because what I'mfeeling is that a lot of the
attitude and what I saw throughthe pandemic is, if it's not
affecting me directly, itdoesn't matter.
And what we're notunderstanding, or what I don't
think they understand, is thatit is affecting you directly.

(41:09):
You just don't know it yet.
Yes, and I think on the largerscale, that's actually what's
happening.
Just because you aren't havingthe direct experience of what
the toxins in your environmentare doing to your body does not
mean your body is not affectedby it, and that there are people
out there who are showing you,because of their superpower,

(41:30):
because of their heightenedsensitivity, like we should be
grateful and witness it and seeit so that we can make those
changes, because it actuallybenefits the whole planet.
But this attitude of like whyshould I wear a mask?
I'm not going to get sick?
I was always so confused bythat because there are so many
people who are vulnerable, who,like you just said, don't always

(41:52):
have the option not to leavetheir house.
And why are we trying to hideeverybody?
Why are we trying to take allof these members of society who
are not exactly how you think aperson should be by your own
definition and hide them away,so we don't have to look at
ourselves and deal with what'swrong with the world.

Speaker 1 (42:10):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (42:11):
Thank you, Jessica.
I'm going to put that on a loop, just like hearing you flex
your ally muscles.

Speaker 4 (42:17):
Yeah, so well, thank you.

Speaker 1 (42:19):
We need to wake up and you're like, yeah, we do so
in my coaching world.
What I deal with so much inpeople is overwhelm.
I'm so overwhelmed in myexisting world of like me and
the things I'm responsible forand like I actually can barely
even handle my own problems thatare like smacking me in the

(42:39):
face every day that I can'tignore.
And I'm not saying this is likea justification, but this is
like what I see all the time.
Life is so chaotic because ofthe bigger systems and because
of the way we think we have toshow up, like to full circle
back to your first job.
Of all the doing, I have tolook a certain way and my life
has to be a certain way.
All the expectations that wetake on as individuals.

(43:01):
People are crumbling in theirown bubble without considering
the greater impact.
So there's that piece of it.
And then I've been with BeautyCounter for eight years.
I'm involved still, but I'm notactively like building my
business.
But the whole messaging ofBeauty Counter is there are
these toxic ingredients that areperfectly legal and they're in
all of our products and there'sa lot we can't control in our

(43:22):
lives.
There's a lot in theenvironment we can't control and
you can certainly.
I wish I had something to likegrab.
But let's pretend this is acream, it's a candle well, also
toxic candles, not this one.
But like there's things thatyou're choosing to put on your
body, there's things you'rechoosing to burn and put in your
air and your household.
There's cleaning supplies thatyou're choosing, and so even to

(43:44):
get people to like put adifferent cream on your face,
put a different sunscreen onyour body, try not to use a
chemical sunscreen, just try touse a zinc sunscreen, just that
like teeny, tiny, small tweakfor a lot of people.
I mean, there's a lot of peoplewho do give lots of shits about
this, but there's a lot ofpeople who are like I don't want

(44:05):
to do that, you know.
And just seeing this dynamic atplay here of like I just need
to do the easiest thing that'shumanly possible right in front
of me and I'm reacting to myentire life.
So how could I possibly give ashit about other people and the
entire planet?
That's like way too much for mybrain to handle.

Speaker 3 (44:20):
Yeah, and, like you're saying, listening to the
Canaries is about, like Jessicasaid, honoring that.
It's not just out of pity forpeople who are less fortunate.
If we listen to the Canaries,we're helping ourselves.
Yeah, but it's so hard to getout of the grind.
It's very not affordable tohave non-toxic products.
It's very not affordable tohave non-toxic, safe housing.

(44:43):
So we need systemic change Forsure.

Speaker 1 (44:46):
Yeah, and one of the things I'm really present to
about who you are is that apattern that you have had in at
least the parts of your lifethat I'm aware of, is you've
given a voice to those who don'thave one.
That's been your pattern,whether you were doing your
first job out of college, to theway in which you're showing up
today, to the way in which youuse your music, to the way in
which you've advocated.

(45:06):
It's like always giving a voiceto the one that's not the
loudest in the room the quietpower, if you will.
Well.

Speaker 3 (45:13):
I mean thanks, but yeah, everyone pretty much is a
Canary, everyone who's underthis oppressive system.
Unless you are Mitch McConnellat a golf club or a billionaire,
the system's not working foryou.
So you're all welcome to theclub, and the only reason why
some of us might have lessvoices than others Well, no,

(45:33):
this is not the only reason, butone reason why we might not
feel empowered to believe inourselves and our own
sensitivities of superpowers isthat we are isolated.
Like Jessica said, we are beinghidden away from each other and
the world.
So that was my goal in making mymusic and recording my albums
and all my music is pay what youcan, so like.
I wanted to make it accessiblebecause my goal every time I

(45:56):
record is for people to listenwho are in hospitals Wondering
is anyone else wearing a mask?
Like people who are bedriddenfor years and in their 20s and
30s in their parents' home, likeI was living in a van.
I want them to listen to thesongs and feel less alone and
feel connected to the community.

Speaker 4 (46:16):
I remember from that human design reading, because I
had only met you the one timebefore, I didn't know anything
about your story and I know thatyour human design and what I
would have said is aroundmarrying leadership with
artistic expression.
And, yeah, and that is what youdo with your music.
And even when you were at yoursickest, you were writing in bed

(46:39):
and spreading your message andyou found other canaries and you
did Bed Fest, yeah, bed Fest,yeah.

Speaker 1 (46:46):
I love that.

Speaker 4 (46:47):
I really have never met a person that consistently,
while you are moving throughchallenges that some of us could
not even fathom having to dealwith in our lives, have always
found a way like I said earlierabout this interconnectedness to
make it about everybody, andthat is such a profound gift.

(47:07):
I do want to come back tointuition, though, because I
think that is such an importantthing for us to touch on before
we wrap up, because, having gonethrough this system and being
told over and over again and youhave a song believe her right.
Being told over and over again,I don't believe you.
It's in your head.
Go to therapy, whatever it is.
What does that do to yourconnection to your intuition, to

(47:33):
your relationship withself-trust, and how have you
been navigating that in order tocontinue your advocacy,
continue standing up foryourself and speaking your truth
anyway, which I have so muchadmiration for?
Oh, thank you.

Speaker 3 (47:46):
Well, it's pretty incredible that we talked
earlier this year and just somuch has happened.
That is making thisconversation even more rich for
me.
But since we talked, I've gonethrough an even more intense
chapter of my health journey and, for example, I get intuitive
hits and I have since I wasyoung where I would predict

(48:07):
people's deaths.
Unfortunately, as a small,creepy haunting six-year-old
child, I would be like there's ahurricane coming.
There's a hurricane coming, andeveryone would be like sweetie,
there hasn't been a hurricanehere for 25 years.
Just calm down.
You're annoying everyone withyour tears, and so I built in so

(48:29):
much shame about that.
And then we get to the specificisland and we turn on the TV
and it's like the largesthurricane in 25 years is headed
for the exact location where welanded and we had to evacuate.
Oh my gosh, kaylee, you're likesee, it's hard.
It's a hard life being canary,because, also, I'm not always

(48:50):
right, so I have to decipher thecodes and the messages that I
get.
But, for example, I had a dreama few months ago as I was
getting ready for thisendometriosis surgery.
I felt in my body so clearly Ihad this dream that I was coming
out of the surgery and theywere like great, we helped you
with your appendix, theendometriosis, down in your womb

(49:11):
, but we missed your gallbladder.
We didn't do anything aboutyour gallbladder.
And so I chose to listen tothat, even though it didn't make
as much sense, even thougheveryone, all the doctors, were
telling me no.
And so I brought to thecolorectal surgeon and I said I
really feel like I should get mygallbladder checked.
And he was like yourgallbladder is fine.

(49:33):
I am actually not exaggerating,this is how he was talking.
He's like you're fine, yourgallbladder is not a thing.
That's not a thing.
Endometriosis doesn't impactthe function of the gallbladder.
And I was like OK, all right.
And I left the office and I waslike, yeah, I'm probably
overreacting.
Like yeah, Kaylee, and I havethat within me.
Still, that makes fun of myself.

(49:53):
Then I came back the nextappointment.
I was like I just have tomention this again like
gallbladder.
And he was like you must beseeing witch doctors.
And I was like actually, thisother doctor who told me about
my gallbladder, like here's Iwant to jump through the screen
at that time, I know.
And so then the third time,third appointment, I was like I

(50:13):
know you're really annoyed withme, these are some peer reviewed
articles and everything.
And I got called by his officea few weeks later and they're
like the doctor would like youto get a gallbladder test.
And I got it and I have biliarydyskinesia.
I have, I have gallbladderdisease and I'm having the
symptoms.
He did not acknowledge me inthe slightest.

(50:34):
We had a telehealth visit.
He did not even look me in theeye.
This was him, you know,shuffling his papers.
Yeah, so, yeah, you havebiliary dyskinesia and yeah,
you've got to.
We've got to just like, getyour laparoscopic surgery and
then, like, next month, comeback and we'll take out your
gallbladder.

Speaker 1 (50:50):
Then you want to be like look at me and say you're
right.

Speaker 3 (50:53):
Yeah, I want to hear that I'm right and so, yeah, I'm
going to have to deal with thatnow.
I have been to hundreds ofdoctors.
None of them have believed me.
I have had to be so persistent.
I have had symptoms ofgallbladder disease for eight
years, where I cannot digestfats.
I'm not going to mention theother unmentionable symptoms.
But, yeah, believe yourself,and I think I'm practicing with

(51:17):
my intuition.
I have a whole story aboutreuniting with Orca whales.
That I'll say for a differenttime, but I followed my
intuition there too.

Speaker 4 (51:24):
If you can stay on once.
Melissa actually has to go.
I think you should tell yourstory because I do think it's
really important and I know youreally want to.

Speaker 1 (51:31):
I'm like.
I want to actually hear thewhole thing, but I do need to
honor babysitter hours and allthe things.

Speaker 4 (51:36):
Yeah, so I think we should stay on and make sure
that happens.
But with all of that said, thenhow do you navigate that inside
of yourself?
How do you anchor more deeplyin your intuition when the world
is constant?
I know this is a journey foryou because we're friends and we
talk a lot, and I know it'sreally hard, but I see you
embracing that journey.
I see that you know on somelevel you have access to your

(51:59):
truth, and then you'reconstantly bumping up against a
world that wants to deny it.
What keeps you on that journey?
What keeps you?

Speaker 1 (52:07):
from abandoning yourself.
This is everyone.
Like another moment whereyou're speaking for every single
person, because every singleperson is like no pressure, get
it right.
Everyone is being taught intheir own way to ignore their
truth, to disregard their bodies, to keep on moving forward that
they're wrong, but it's like.

(52:27):
This is the reality and themore we can come back into
honoring what we know andcontinuing to push forward, the
better our world will be.
So I just want to say thank youfor sharing your story and
thank you for coming forwardwith this and being so
vulnerable and honest about it,because you are speaking for
everybody, because everybody hashad their voice taken away and

(52:47):
some people just have moreprofound experiences with that
or experiences that you're like.
I actually cannot continue toignore this.
My life is on the line here,yeah thank you.

Speaker 3 (52:58):
Just returning to songwriting, because the songs
are my intuition, speaking andsinging through me.
My goal is to basically be afull-time life transitions sound
facilitator.
I want to help people throughdeath and birth and illness
experience in the hospital, andI want CEOs to listen to my

(53:18):
music and have them return totheir hearts and their intuition
and be like what am I doing?
Yeah, my friend just texted mewho's been a patron on Patreon
for many years, that shedownloaded all my music from my
Patreon because she is gettingready to go into labor and she
said did you know your songs arereally good for going into
labor too?
It's like that is the bestcompliment ever.

(53:40):
That's what I want because,yeah, just following my
intuition and returning back,being like oh really, that lyric
wants to come out, oh, thatsong wants to come out and no
one can take that from you.

Speaker 4 (53:50):
I'm your friend too.
Yeah, I hope everybodylistening looks up KPH in the
Canary Collective right now.
Kaylee's music is so good.

Speaker 1 (54:24):
It's so good.

Speaker 4 (54:25):
Thank you, I mean this.
You are my favorite musician.
I can't believe that I know you.
Kaylee sent me a song for mybirthday that I listen to every
single day, because your abilityto see not just the world but
the people in your life is soprofound.

(54:46):
I have never felt more seen andI just am in just such
gratitude for you, yourexistence on this earth and the
gift that you are and the giftthat you're being for the world,
the generosity of your spirit,because a lot of people could
turn your experience and justwant to hide and shut down and I
know that that's probablysomething that you want to do

(55:09):
sometimes but you keep choosingto show up and use your voice in
a really powerful way, and sothank you for being you.

Speaker 3 (55:18):
Thank you both.
And listening to this podcastalso helped me return to my
intuition, so that's my otheranswer.

Speaker 1 (55:25):
Thanks for that plug, thank you.
All right, I'm going to hop.
I love you.
Thank you for being here.
This was beautiful.
I can't wait to hear the fullorchestra story.
I'm sorry I can't stay, but Ihave to go put on my other hats,
that's okay 100%.

Speaker 3 (55:38):
Yeah, it's a lot to be a parent.
You are amazing at all thethings you do.
Thank you All right, okay.

Speaker 4 (55:46):
So you told me that you would want to do a TED Talk
on Orca Whales, and so I wouldlove you to share why that is,
and what have Orca Whales taughtyou.
Oh, thank you.

Speaker 3 (56:02):
Thank you.
Well, I definitely do not havea polished TED Talk ready, but I
have always related to OrcaWhales a lot and just felt very
connected to them and that'sevolved for my life.
But I feel that Orca Whales arekind of canaries of the sea.

(56:23):
Orcas have a bigger proportionof their brains that's dedicated
to feeling connected, likeempathy, and connected to their
community and their environmentof any other mammal on earth.
That's their superpowers.
They're very sensitive tofeeling like ooh, what's going
on with my grandmother right now?
Ooh, over 50 kilometers awaythere's a bit of an oil spill

(56:47):
and I'm going to go with myintuition and swim this other
direction to avoid the oil, eventhough everyone's saying those
waters are fine.
I think that's some of what Ilove about them.
Obviously, they use beautifulsounds to communicate and using
sound to navigate within yourenvironment to safety and
prosperity and joy.

(57:08):
So I love Orcas.
They're also just like supercool and so funny that this time
in my life, with my particularhealth journey, with
endometriosis and finally beingvalidated after so many years of
knowing something was going on,you literally coming into women

(57:28):
, run emergency rooms with me inJanuary 2020.
And having this incrediblepelvic pain and they said we
can't see anything.
They say we don't know what'sgoing on and like try stopping
eating chocolate and citrus.
Those were some of the things.
So finally, it's like I'velistened to my womb speak.

(57:50):
I'm hearing my uterus cry outInstead of being like there's no
oil spill, you silly uterus.
Finally, the doctors and I canbe like oh you, poor uterus.
This whole time you've been ina toxic sludge, you've had cysts
and adhesions and things thatare strangulating you and it was

(58:11):
severe.

Speaker 4 (58:11):
That's validating.
I mean you don't have to shareit all here, but what you shared
with me by the time you caughtit.
It's remarkable that it hadn'tbeen caught earlier.

Speaker 3 (58:19):
Yeah, well, actually it's kind of a long story now
and complicated, but it wasn'tas severe as they thought.
In the endometriosis it doesn'treally matter the size of the
growth.
You can have a very, very smallspot and have nine out of 10
pain where you like throw upfrom the pain.
So I'm learning a lot aboutendometriosis that I didn't know

(58:41):
.
But I was told for a long timethat endometriosis is just
benign and so come back to me ina couple of years if you want
to get pregnant is like what alot of doctors tell people, a
lot of gynecologists they're ina crisis of healthcare for
people with uteruses, et cetera.
And so it wasn't as severe asthey thought.
It was on my appendix, whichcan explain.

(59:03):
It wasn't like burning holesinto my colon like they thought,
but it was on the appendix,which is like that's not benign.
That can be increasing yourrisk of infection.
Sometimes it can kind of impactthe function of your gut
microbiome If you're havinghormone imbalances and

(59:24):
everything that are causing youto have a recurrence of
infections, like just yourimmune system is chronically
suppressed.
So that's not actually benign.
But we kind of viewreproductive organs as just like
unnecessary, like oh,unfortunately you have pain but
we don't need to take action onthis is kind of how they talk
about it.
So, anyway, I was notprioritizing listening as much

(59:48):
as I could have because I waslike it's fine, you know, it's
painful, but that's just aboutmy comfort, that's not about my
safety, it's not like causingdamage.
But then to learn that, yes, itcan cause damage, it can mean
if you want to have kidsbiologically you're not going to
be able to do that, like allkinds of things where it was
really impacting my safety, myimmune system, everything.
So, yes, it was severe and thatif they had caught it, if they

(01:00:12):
had known from the momentsymptoms started when I was 12,
like that's what a lot of thesedoctors that I traveled to
California to see are writingabout and being activists about.
And Hillary Clinton actuallyjust made a documentary called
Below the Bell aboutendometriosis and about this
issue with our healthcare systemnot researching, not

(01:00:33):
prioritizing this disease that'sfound in one out of 10 people
with a uterus.
So, anyway, you can't talkabout workers without talking
about a uterus.
But I think I was listening tomy body for a long time in my
life with this annoyance of likecome on body.
Why can't you just buck up andlet me work a full-time job?

(01:00:55):
Why can't you just let me go tothis concert and perform?
I was so frustrated with mybody and the orco whales are
struggling so much, and I feellike a lot of people kind of
meet our earth with thisfrustration of like why can't
you just do what I want you toLike?

(01:01:16):
I want it to be sunny weatherright now.
I don't want it to be a storm.
I wanted to be able to havethis like football game, but the
wildfire smoke is getting inthe way and, with the whales,
they're being affected by noise,pollution from boats and all of
the toxins in the water and somany different aspects that are

(01:01:38):
complicated, sciencey, and nowthey are rising up.
It's so apropos that, as I'mrising up and I'm like, wait a
second, I deserve to get help.
I deserve to have you stopdumping chemicals into my body
please, and I have asked nicelyfor help for years.

(01:02:02):
I've asked so nicely, and now Iam accepting the part of myself
that feels rage about this.
I deserve to feel rage and Ideserve to not ask as nicely
right now, and the orcas aredoing the same thing.
I feel like in sinking theyachts.
What are they doing?

(01:02:22):
There's a whole orca uprisinggoing on.
Oh my gosh, I assumed everybodyknew because, like the
algorithm just feeds me orcanews every day, there's an orca
uprising.
There's a weird phenomenonhappening where orcas around the
world, but specifically likeoff the coast of Portugal and
Spain, are sinking yachts.

(01:02:43):
There haven't been anyfatalities, but this grandmother
whale, gladys, in particular,whales are matriarch goal.
They followed the grandmothersand Gladys was injured by a boat
and she is teaching the nextgeneration of whales to bump
their noses against the boat ina specific way to cause the

(01:03:06):
boats to sink.
They're rebelling.
There's an orca rebellionhappening and scientists and
newscasters are trying to figureout, and I made a kind of
parody video on TikTok andInstagram about how funny it is
to see news reporters reportingon this phenomenon, where
they're like it sounds sobizarre, but it's almost as if

(01:03:28):
the orca whales are conspiringand collaborating and teaching
their young and it's like is itreally so hard to believe that
they're intelligent and thatthey have their own version of
intelligence, like we're sohuman centric?
Yeah, but they're.
They're very smart and I thinka lot of humans who have been
oppressed, who are rising up intheir own ways, maybe throwing

(01:03:51):
rocks and bank windows orscreaming at cops, like there's
been a lot of pushback not thatthis is the same thing at all,
but there has been a lot ofpushback of a lot of people
saying they should ask nicelyfor justice.
Why didn't you ask in a nicer,calmer tone it's like you have
not been in my shoes for these35 years or whatever that I was

(01:04:13):
asking nicely and you caught mein the 20 seconds where a little
bit of my rage came through.
So I think there's a lot oflessons right now to be learned
from the uprising of the orcasin terms of human, social and
environmental justice andhonoring marginalized
communities who are saying I'vehad it, these systems that
aren't working for us.

Speaker 4 (01:04:33):
I know that you've shared with me before, that
there's something that we canlearn from rebels.

Speaker 3 (01:04:40):
Well, I mean just what I said.
I guess that we are when we'rerebels, when we're really
getting in touch with our innerrebel.
I was really thinking aboutthis, prompted by your brilliant
name of your podcast.
We have to be ready to acceptthe inconvenient truths about

(01:05:00):
ourselves and society.
We have to be ready to take adetour and go the seemingly
inconvenient route.
It might end up actuallygetting us to our dreams and to
our goals faster and in a morebeautiful way than we had
imagined.
It might actually be theoutcome we want, but we think no

(01:05:22):
, we've got to save money.
We don't have time to circlethe boat around and rescue those
seals or orcas from the oilspill.

Speaker 4 (01:05:29):
Because it challenges all our systems.
It means that we actually haveto pause and examine ourselves
and examine the world and makechanges that are less
comfortable for us.

Speaker 3 (01:05:44):
Yeah, and I'm very uncomfortable with those
inconveniences too and I've hadto really work on that because,
you know, I had a friend who wasin a wheelchair and we were
traveling and it's like therewere parts of me that had
internalized ableism, justableism in general.
This is before I had learnedabout disability justice from

(01:06:04):
amazing authors and activistssuch as Leah Lakshmi Piups and
Esama Rasena, who writes a bookcalled Care Work, dreaming
Disability Justice have tomention them.
But this is before and I wouldthink, oh, this is pretty
inconvenient to not be able totake this fast route back to our
hostel.
You know we would have to gothis route in the wheelchair

(01:06:26):
because it's paved, but oh mygosh, it's obviously so worth it
and so important, and that'ssuch a terrible thing to think.
And it's so inconvenient towear a mask and figure out, okay
, well, we can't sit inside thisrestaurant here.
Let's move tables to thisoutdoor restaurant, or let's
inconvenience the waiter and belike could we sit outside or

(01:06:48):
could you turn that air filteron, like these are all
inconveniences, but it's what ittakes in order to let the
rebels be a part of society.

Speaker 4 (01:06:57):
Well, I think it goes back to what we were talking
about a little bit earlier,which is that it's actually
flipped.
There is actually a muchgreater inconvenience.
There's a much biggerinconvenience that we're not
looking at.
The problem is so much biggerthan we want to see, and if we
continue to do these littlemicro, convenient things that

(01:07:21):
make us comfortable on a dailybasis without looking at the
bigger picture, one day it isgoing to be so inconvenient for
everyone, exactly.
Yeah, what you do so well is, Ithink, big picture thinking
right.
It's the way that you're ableto connect your story to the
collective.
It's connecting this moment tothe future and to our children

(01:07:45):
and to the world at large, andunderstanding that all of these
systems are one in the same, orall interconnected.
You can't remove yourself fromthe whole.
You're affected by it, whetheryou want to believe you are or
not, and so what role do youwant to play in that story?
While you can, yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:08:04):
You are such a writer , actor, director, you're so
good at summarizing, you're sogood at wrangling my vast
musings.
I do want to say my passion inthis chapter is I've gotten a
few grants to do more concertsand activist fundraising efforts
and things for supporting theindigenous uprising against the

(01:08:28):
dams that are strangling ourwater systems and strangling our
rivers.
Those looking at the bigpicture, like in the long run
it's not good for any of us.
It's actually also costing somuch more money to maintain
these dams that aren't reallygiving us that much electricity,
but it's so inconvenient, liketo get the bureaucracy moving,

(01:08:52):
for these companies that aremaking money are damming
progress.
But if we can remove these damsand if we can convince a
national of the decision makersto connect the dots through
music and song, to be able tozoom out and say, oh, it's
inconvenient now but it actuallywould help us restore our

(01:09:14):
ecosystems so that we all canhave prosperity in the long run
and we can have a good futurefor our children and we can have
a good future for ourgrandchildren.

Speaker 4 (01:09:29):
We're talking earlier about intuition, so trusting
your intuition, learning totrust yourself and I know that
you have this story around orcasconnected to this, so I would
love it if you could share itbefore we go.
Okay, if you insist?

Speaker 3 (01:09:44):
Yeah, I learned about listening to my intuition in a
really fun way Ever since I wasfive.
I have always had recurringdreams about orca whales, and
each dream I would be at LymeKiln State Park on San Juan
Island in Washington State whichis Salish and Duwamish
territory and I would be lookingout in the horizon and then

(01:10:08):
these orca whales would startbreaching from shore and I would
look around me at the crowdforming and I would explain to
them oh, I dream about this, butnow it's happening in real life
.
And then I would wake up andI'd be like, oh darn, that
didn't actually happen.
And so the dreams kind ofevolved over my life, but they
happened about once a month atleast since I was five.

(01:10:29):
Since I was five, I mean freewill you might have like
influenced it.
I grew up.
Yeah, I mean, I watched that.

Speaker 1 (01:10:37):
Me too, and over and over.

Speaker 3 (01:10:39):
Yeah, but I grew up in the Pacific Northwest so it
definitely I felt connected tothose waters.
So then, when I was in mytwenties, I kept on trying to
make this dream a reality.
I went to that same beach and Ihoped and I prayed and I was
just waiting.
And I kind of developed thisgame with the orcas, where I was

(01:11:01):
like, just for fun, if let'spretend that I can communicate
with you telepathically, what doI need to do in order to be
ready for this dream to happen?
You know what?
And so I like brought myboyfriend, who I thought was my
true love, and I was likethey're going to approve of this
man and then they're going toshow up and that's going to be
my sign that he's my true love.

(01:11:23):
And so I like, wow, the beach.
And he was like it's going tohappen.
And we were just like waitingat shore, like nothing.
So now we broke up, not becauseof the orcas fault, no, I
listened to them.
If they don't approve, we can'tdate.
But then I went with my sister.
Didn't happen.
I was like, oh, it's about mybest friend.
We used to watch Free Willytogether when we were in

(01:11:44):
preschool, brought her.
It didn't happen.
And then I finally moved to DCto lobby for these orca whales
because the dreams startedchanging.
The dream changed and I waslooking out and they weren't
coming.
I found myself in a canoe.
That had never happened in thedream before.
I had to go to this specialpart of the waters and they

(01:12:07):
finally showed up and they saidthis is what it's going to be
like.
If you don't do something,we're not going to be able to be
on earth anymore, especiallythe southern resident killer
whales.
They're endangered.
They're not able to give birthto very many babies because
they're so sick and starvingbecause the dams are choking the
rivers of salmon.
And so that next day my friendwho was in town to lobby

(01:12:32):
senators on Arctic oil drillingwas staying with me in my
apartment and she was like ohyeah, people have that dream all
the time when I come to visitthem because my ancestors are of
the killer whale clan.
She's indigenous First Nations.
She taught me so much.
I was formerly kind of like, oh, this is so fun, I'm just using

(01:12:52):
my intuition for a fun tool.
But it's not really science.
It's not scientific.
So I kind of pushed it down andwas embarrassed about using my
intuition for decision making.
But then it made me realizethat's part of colonization's
conditioning to de-legitimizealternative you know like be
feeling connected to animals andnature and not the Western

(01:13:13):
science way of measuring quoteunquote truth.
So it was very important tolearn from her and four years
later I had fallen very ill, hadto leave that job and I had
been too sick to drive for threeyears, couldn't drive.
But I felt in my bones I waslike it's time I need to go on
my own.
I'm going to go on my own.

(01:13:34):
I was sleeping in my parents'minivan and I drove myself and I
listened to Sufian Stevens onthe way there yeah, share a
favorite song.
And I asked my heart.
I was like heart, okay, I'mgoing to let go of the outcome.
If you want to show yourselves,fine.
If you don't, that's fine.
I'm truly okay with eitheroutcome.

(01:13:54):
But just in case, I'm going tofollow my heart rather than what
I think is the right timing orthe right place, circumstance
with the right people and allthe different conditions.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
So I got to you know Anacordis,which is where the ferry takes
off for San Juan Islands, andsomeone called me who lives

(01:14:15):
there, and they're like, kaylee,the Orca whales are here,
they're swimming in front of ourhouse, and I was like, okay,
where should I go?
What beach?
And they're like, in 15 years,like we've only seen them pass
through this specific part ofthe water twice.
And so they told me, go to thisspecific park.
And I was like, okay, I'll goto this park.
And in order to go to the park,you turn left.

(01:14:37):
And so I was about to turn leftand my arms turned right.
Wow, I was like what ishappening?
It just turned the wheel right.
I was like, okay, and I parkedand immediately went.
Wow, I'm crying.
I'm like, immediately as I openmy door, I heard that and I saw

(01:14:59):
this black fin coming out ofthe lock and it was like you
know, I had that dream so manytimes.
This time, after so many years,it was just like years of
buildup, years of anticipatingthis moment.
Yeah, and it had to happen withme myself and I.
It had to happen with me notlistening to everyone else's

(01:15:20):
idea of where I was supposed tobe or who I was supposed to
listen to or what scientificallyrationally made sense.
But that wasn't the beach.
That wasn't the beach that wasin my dream.
So the next day I went to thatbeach.
I opened my door, I saw allthese children running to shore
because they had just arrived asI pulled up.

(01:15:42):
Oh my gosh, hundreds of milesaway.
But they swam to that beach thenext day.
Wow, and I said if you can hearme when I start singing, will
you breach?
I started singing and theystarted reaching.
And it was my dream.
And then the next day I had aCeltic energy healing soul piece

(01:16:04):
retrieval session that my Lymedisease doctors had recommended
that I schedule.
And I arrived at her house andshe came out and greeted me and
said Kaylee, you must have goodwhale energy because the whales
are circling outside.
They're like following you.
At this point I'm followingthem.
I mean, who knows?
I don't mean to be like me,centric, but I was following the

(01:16:26):
messages and so I said I wantto go reunite with them after
this session.
Where do you think I should go?
And she's like oh yeah, justturn left towards this place.

Speaker 1 (01:16:34):
Once again.

Speaker 3 (01:16:35):
My wheel turned right and I went back to that beach
and on the fourth day I wasalone, no one else on that beach
.
The sun was setting and I satand I sang and I had my moment
alone with the work of whales.
Wow, four days in a row.
That was probably the most lifechanging, blissful memory that

(01:16:56):
has ever happened to me in mylife.
That taught me the power ofworking with your intuition and
then also working with science,also working with lots of
perspectives, taking it all intoaccount, like it's dangerous to
solely listen to what you thinkyou should.

Speaker 4 (01:17:11):
Well, I think our minds can often do a lot of
interpreting and come up with alot of stories around our gut
feelings, but it must have feltso affirming.
It sounds like so many messagescome to you through dreams.
It's like you're here tobelieve in your dreams.
Kaylie Brutale.

Speaker 3 (01:17:33):
That's what I see.
However, I have horrific dreamstoo.
Not those ones.

Speaker 4 (01:17:38):
I know where those ones.

Speaker 3 (01:17:39):
But I think I need that that has been an important
part of my journey is that Ialso will have to be ready to
accept that bad things alsomight happen.
And that's what's so scary isthat I was getting these
messages from my bodySomething's very wrong.
It was more convenient to belike listening to the doctors
who were like no, yourgallbladder's fine.
So I had this worst fear thatthere were going to be

(01:18:03):
complications in surgery andthat something was going wrong
and I wasn't going to bebelieved.
And it did happen.
I did have a terrible experiencewith surgery, but I still went
through it and I believed mynightmares and I believed my
blissful dreams and I workedwith my fear to not say go away,
fear, I'm going to becourageous.
Courage is not the absence offear.
It's encouraging people to moveforward, acknowledging that

(01:18:28):
there are challenges, there arereal things that are difficult
to get through, but having thecourage to use tools to move
through them and feel our waythrough and let our hearts guide
us through that, yeah, yeah,because I do human design and so
much of human design is aroundfollowing your intuition and
trusting.

Speaker 4 (01:18:46):
Well, in a lot of cases, trusting your joy it's
not always joy necessarily butfollowing your instincts, and I
have to remind people thatsometimes your intuition takes
you right into the fire, likethis is not actually about
spiritual bypass.
It's our mind that wants tobypass those things, that wants
to dodge challenge, but oursouls sometimes know that

(01:19:07):
actually this is the experienceyou need.
It's like an initiationsometimes into your full power,
into your highest self.
And so, to try, I try not tointerpret experience as good or
bad, right or wrong, it's allfor me in some way, and
sometimes, when we're listeningto our intuition, it can fast
track you in a way right, it cantake you right through it,

(01:19:32):
because on the other side ofthat fear is your most empowered
self.

Speaker 3 (01:19:37):
Yeah, and it's a balance of many things, because
everything in moderation,including moderation, everything
in balance, including.
Sometimes you're going to beout of balance for a while and
you can't force yourself to belike I'm looking forward to this
excretion surgery.
No, that's not what I'm saying.

(01:19:58):
But I feel like I've had toalso love myself through, like
it's okay to have fear aboutthis.

Speaker 4 (01:20:05):
And speaking to that situation more specifically and
again, we don't have to puteverything into the episode, but
, just as your friend, I don'tknow if there's actually a right
way or a wrong way Like if wedo listen to our intuition, if
we don't, there's just learningand it's just experience and
that's what life is right.
So you were sort of up against asituation that was really hard

(01:20:28):
to act on your intuition in anyother way, which makes it really
challenging, sort of like okay,well, what happens when we have
this really strong download andthe circumstances of our life
makes it really challenging toalter the course of events or
exercise that intuition.
There's something about workingwith the real world that is

(01:20:50):
really confusing and challengingat times.
I don't actually have all theanswers of like what do you do
in a situation where you're likeI feel danger and I don't
actually feel like I am able toexercise my power in order to
listen to this, All the systemsthat you're talking about being
up against?
We're up against these systemsthat disempower us, and so how

(01:21:12):
do we continue to hone and trustour intuition and continue to
do our best within those systemsto show up for ourselves, you
know, and as we keep learning.
Maybe next time we can choose alittle differently, maybe not,
I don't know.
Like you, didn't fail yourintuition.

Speaker 3 (01:21:29):
Your intuition spoke really clearly, and there's also
so much we can do sometimes,yeah and my intuition was
telling me it would be better togo with this surgeon who's
listening to you and has moreexperience, but he's $40,000.
So I'd chosen, went withsurgeons who were covered by
Medicare.
And you're right.
That's what you have to doWorking with your intuition,

(01:21:51):
zooming out and being able tosee messages about how to avoid
certain circumstances or try tolisten to your dreams and meet
those dreams.
But also you're in the realworld, unfortunately.

Speaker 4 (01:22:01):
Yeah, so don't make any of it wrong.
I think is the point, it's justlearning.
You're right.
It's very, very well said.
I love you.
You are such a profound humanand I am so grateful to call you
my friend.

Speaker 3 (01:22:13):
I've learned so much from you.
I've learned so much.
So grateful for you.

Speaker 4 (01:22:19):
I'm so grateful.
Ladies and gentlemen.
Kayleigh Pruitt-Ham.

Speaker 2 (01:22:51):
Should I have expected this to happen somehow?
I guess the question is, whatdo we do now?
What if the lovers who held upto struggle so long before are

(01:23:17):
stunned?
What if the others, our sistersand brothers, don't do?
Make sure, I love one.
They had a mission, they had avision.
They kept their eyes on theprice.

(01:23:39):
If that is lost and the meansbecome ends, then the people's
permission dies.
If they could speak now,whispering our ear as we face
today, I can't imagine.

(01:24:04):
But if I imagined, I stillbelieve they'd say Go forth in
love, show them what you got,offer a new way.

(01:24:27):
Go, shake things up.
Make it look fun.
If he orders hate, disobey.
The chair is only so sturdy asone of four legs that hold

(01:25:05):
Office and cabinet, only sostrong till all of the walls
they fold.
You've got the power.
Don't play by their games.
Use your own better rules.
They may have money tanks andtall towers, but we still got

(01:25:29):
stronger tools.
Go, now's the time.
Convict the crime, expose greedin the light of day.
Go, shake things up.

(01:25:51):
We've had enough.
When he orders shoot, disobey.
When he orders hate, disobey.
When he orders shoot, disobey.

(01:26:13):
Love is the only way.
Love, love, love, love is theonly way.

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Kaeley Pruitt-Hamm: Believe Your Dreams - Intuition, Inconvenient Truths, and the Rebellion of Our Bodies

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Kaeley Pruitt-Hamm: Believe Your Dreams - Intuition, Inconvenient Truths, and the Rebellion of Our Bodies