June 4, 2025 • 49 mins
We’re back!
In this intimate season opener, Jess and Melissa reunite to reflect on what the past twelve months demanded of them—personally, professionally, and spiritually. What began as a short break after Season 1 turned into a deep reckoning: with ambition, burnout, the myth of “readiness,” and the humbling reality of what it takes to live your dream.
Melissa shares the unfiltered journey of launching The Nova, a soul-centered community for women, and the hard-earned lessons of leadership that no business book prepares you for. Jess opens up about surrender, stillness, and the surprising love story that arrived on the other side of letting go.
Together, they reflect on the growth that comes through challenge, the illusion of being “ready,” and how being a “bummer dreamer” (yes, that’s a thing) can still lead to magic—and how everything aligned with your truth eventually finds its way to you.
This episode is a raw and hopeful reminder that even when it looks like things are falling apart, life may be quietly rearranging itself in your favor.
Topics:
- Burnout and rebuilding
- Starting (and restarting) a soul business
- The myth of “readiness”
- Surrender and the creative void
- Falling in love later in life
- Trusting uncertain timing
- Nervous system capacity and growth
- Life not going as planned—and still unfolding beautifully
If you loved today’s episode, please leave a review and share your favorite takeaways by screenshotting this episode and tagging us on Instagram! We also have a free monthly community call on the first Wednesday of every month, join here!
CONNECT WITH INNER REBEL
Follow Inner Rebel Podcast: @innerrebelpodcast
Follow Melissa: @melissa-bauknight
Follow Jessica: @bydesignwithjess
Visit the Inner Rebel website
Check out The Nova Community and become a member https://thenovaglobal.com/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jessica (00:00):
Okay, here we are All right.
Here we are Season two of InnerRebel.
Melissa, I'm so happy.
Melissa (00:07):
Feels like a really exciting reunion.
Jessica (00:10):
It was just the fastest year of your life, because for
me it feels like we blinked andnow we're here.
But you were going through avery different process than me.
Melissa (00:18):
Yeah well, and it's so fascinating because we decided
to take a break a little.
Jessica (00:24):
It was like a pause, a short pause.
Melissa (00:27):
Yeah, I was going to say we decided to take a pause
after season one and I wouldhave never predicted that a
whole year was going to go by.
I thought it'd be like threemonths maybe.
So it's just interesting andI'm proud of us for giving it
the space that it needed,because I helped us force things
(00:48):
a little bit too much last timeand that caused some distress,
and I'm really working on notforcing things, but it is a hard
thing for me.
Jessica (01:02):
Oh that's beautiful, but also it felt like it was
actually in your court for awhile because of the nature of
your life and what was unfoldingin your world.
So we did have every intentionof meeting sooner, and then
every time we set a date, thedate would have to shift and I
felt very trusting of it.
I was like, okay, the timing isas it's meant to be.
(01:23):
Of it, I was like, okay, thetiming is as it's meant to be,
but I would love to learn moreabout where you're at now,
because this past year youessentially gave birth to a soul
vision, right To a businessbaby, and you have been on a
ride.
It's been a journey and I'dlove to hear and share with our
(01:43):
listeners where you're at rightnow with that and maybe some of
the big learnings that you'vetaken along the way.
Melissa (01:50):
We could do a whole season on that.
Just to be clear.
Yeah, just like any big visionthat we have in our hearts, if
you're somebody listening oreven you, just that like that,
knowing that, calling thatyou're being pulled towards
something, I don't believe we'reever meant to know where it's
going to take us.
No, because we would never doit.
(02:11):
We would never do it.
And so the last episode werecorded, I had just launched or
was about to launch.
Jessica (02:18):
Do you remember?
I think you had just launched.
Yeah, okay, happy anniversary.
Melissa (02:23):
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I was such a sweet, naive,optimistic, young entrepreneur
and I love that version of mebecause she just thought
everything was going to be great.
Jessica (02:43):
I feel like there's no other way.
That's where you have to start.
No one would start if they knewwhat it would be.
Melissa (02:50):
They would never know.
But trust and belief is whatdrives you so much.
So trust and belief, and then Iwould say community support.
And so me a year ago was likeokay, this thing is so needed in
the world which I still believeeven more that everyone's gonna
get it right away.
And as soon as this thing hitsearth it's gonna take off like a
(03:13):
rocket ship and we're nevergonna look back and it's just
gonna be on such high demand andour membership's just gonna
skyrocket.
And it didn't happen that way.
The things that I have learnedare so critical to me as a
leader, as a CEO and as a woman.
I've never been a CEO of acompany before.
I thought that, having thecorporate experience that I have
(03:35):
and having nine years ofnetwork marketing and having
managed a very large team, Ithought I knew more than I did.
And, just like anything, youdon't know what you don't know.
And so I've learned a lotaround team, around hiring, team
and overhiring, and not knowingwhat we actually needed, and
(03:56):
thinking that I knew and hiringfor what I thought we needed,
but then realizing I wasactually pretty wrong about that
and I'm not making any of itLike, I think, whoever has come
into this business, has comeinto this business and they have
been a beautiful contributionto what we have built.
And if I knew then what I knewnow, I would have started
totally different.
Jessica (04:16):
Can I ask two questions ?
Melissa (04:18):
Yeah.
Jessica (04:19):
One.
I would love you to maybe pullback, and I think in our last
episode you shared what yourbusiness is, but I think it
would be great to recap that andremind people what it is that
you created.
But then I would also love toask what would you have done
differently, knowing what younow know?
Melissa (04:38):
So the business is called the Nova Global.
We call it the Nova and it is acommunity for soul-led,
professional women and we gathervirtually.
We have a chapter.
We have one chapter in Coloradoand we're launching a second
one in Boulder I'm actuallytalking to the chapter leader
tomorrow and we have LA and theBay Area on the horizon for beta
(05:03):
launching this year and the BayArea on the horizon for beta
launching this year, and what wedo is we provide a safe place
for women to land and benurtured in their whole selves.
Traditional networking,traditional communities of women
, tend to focus on one aspect orthe other.
They can be very friendshipheavy, they can be very business
(05:23):
heavy, but I find that we aresomething that doesn't serve.
Women is segmenting us and alsoputting us in environments
where we feel like we have tohide ourselves.
So we focus on safety, we focuson belonging and we focus on
really looking at you as a wholeperson, and that's personally,
professionally and spirituallyperson, and that's personally,
(05:45):
professionally and spiritually,and so the way in which we
gather feels very different.
I like people to feel likethey're coming home, that they
can exhale when they walk in theroom, whether it's virtual or
in person, that they can settheir mask at the door and that
they can just feel free to bethemselves, which is a rare
experience for anyone in thisworld, particularly women, and
so we can find this in.
I think we find this incoaching containers and
(06:07):
mastermind groups and thesesiloed experiences, but there
isn't a community that is doingthis at scale.
My vision is that we have Novasall over the country and all
over the world, and so if you'rea soul-led woman who likes to
exist in the world in this kindof a way, you know you can walk
into a Nova room, no matterwhere you are, wherever you're
(06:28):
traveling, and know that yourpeople are there.
Jessica (06:32):
It's so beautiful and I've been to some of your events
and it's such a celebration,it's joyous, the people are so
incredible and you do feel thatsense of home and belonging and
connection community.
And you do feel that sense ofhome and belonging and
connection community.
I've also spoken to so manyentrepreneurs, because a lot of
them come to me as clients andthey are lonely and they do need
(06:53):
that kind of support andnetwork to learn from and to
share with.
So I love what you're building,I love what you're creating.
Melissa (06:59):
Thank you.
And even those people who havecommunities still feel lonely
because we're not allowed toshow up as our whole selves.
In fact, we don't often evenknow what the fuck that means,
and it's a lifelong journey.
I'm not claiming that I'vediscovered everything that I
need to know vulnerably, withoutfear of judgment, where people
(07:27):
can listen to you and witnessyou in a specific way and
reflect back to you who you are,especially when you forget
which is somewhat regularly alot more than I care to admit,
even as a confident person who'sdone a lot of work.
That holding of you is criticalto you having satisfaction in
your life, your romanticpartnerships thriving to you
thriving if you're a parent.
To you being satisfaction inyour life, your romantic
partnerships thriving to youthriving if you're a parent, to
(07:47):
you being able to access thatnext level of achievement in
work or impact, whatever it isthat you desire from your career
.
You have to have people thatfucking know you and see you.
It is like a non-negotiable andit is the most life-changing
thing that we can ever giveourselves.
Jessica (08:08):
It's a community that nurtures authenticity.
Yeah, it sounds like yeah.
Melissa (08:12):
Yeah.
Jessica (08:13):
And in that journey of creating it, I have a sense that
it has brought you deeper anddeeper into your authenticity,
which has also been probablyvery challenging.
So let's go back to my otherquestion about what you wish you
did, now that you've learnedwhat you've learned.
Melissa (08:30):
It's an interesting question because you can't redo
it, and I almost wish I wouldhave started in some sort of
incubator that had businessadvisors in it that had walked
this path before, because I wasmaking it up.
I was making it up, I built alot of it with AI, which was
(08:52):
awesome.
I think it helped me shortcut alot of things.
But also I think I would havehad different startup guidance
had this been in a startupincubator, given the size that I
wanted it to be.
You know, there are things thatI'm doing now that are like I
brought in an operations personwho has worked with franchises
(09:13):
and she's helping me a lot withthe financials, which has been
something that I've been afraidto look at because I don't know
how to run a business, becauseI've never done it before, and
so the financials felt reallyintimidating.
And she's like, okay, let'stake the next week.
Like I'm going to dig into thisand I'm going to clean it all
up.
We're going to bring abookkeeper in, and I just wish I
would have started with thatLike.
(09:34):
So I wasn't afraid to look atthese things and I wish that I I
don't know.
I think there are things like Iwish I would have thought
through it more, not that Ididn't think through it, but,
like I really love building theplane as I fly it, which is part
of my human design, I was goingto bring up your human design.
Yeah, it's who I am.
(09:58):
So there's like a part thatwishes that I wasn't the way
that I was, in that I wish Ididn't have to build the plane
as I fly it, and also very awarethat you have to, but I wish
that I would have been like oh,I already know the programming
and I already know that I reallyneed to be like a master at
launching.
There's just so many things thatI had to learn through the hard
process.
But, gosh, it would have beenso much easier if I had known,
(10:20):
like, how to launch supereffectively and had a franchise
operations person from thebeginning.
And I loved our operationsperson.
She's fucking awesome.
I love her to death.
She's still a dear friend ofmine and she's still involved
and she did an incredible job.
And we also needed someone tosupplement that which she knew.
We needed someone to supplementthat that had this next level
(10:41):
of knowledge.
And now I feel like, oh gosh, Idon't have to carry the weight
of all these things that weren'tactually getting handled by
anybody, and now I have themhandled at this stage of the
business, but don't you thinkthat the lessons that you have
learned in your business arealso lessons that you just
needed to learn as a human foryourself?
Jessica (11:03):
A million percent.
Melissa (11:04):
Yeah, that's why it's like I get the question and I
think it's always an importantone to reflect on.
But also I had to go throughwhat I went through, and I went
through a lot.
I mean, you know that I had areally dark summer.
It was one of the hardest timesthat I've gone through as an
adult woman and I believe thatthis was an initiation for me to
(11:28):
clean up any area that was alittle bit out of integrity or
out of integrity from what it'sgoing to take for me to hold
this container, Because everypart of my life felt like it was
asking everything of me at thesame exact time of me at the
(11:50):
same exact time, and I didn'thave that capacity.
I was a mess.
I was crying all the time, Iwas not sleeping.
I was so stressed, my bodystopped working, my foot got
injured, my hormones were allout of whack and it was like my
body was not going to let mekeep going like this.
She stopped me and so I waslooking at like my marriage, my
role as a mother, my role as aleader, rebuilding the entire
(12:13):
team, trying to heal my foot,trying to fix my hormones,
trying to train a puppy, likeall of this at the exact same
time, and what I have compassionaround is when life just throws
a lot of shit at you.
I used to think burnout wassort of something we caused
ourselves, which I think it issometimes, but also sometimes
life just fucking explodes,which I know you get on a deep
(12:36):
cellular level.
Jessica (12:40):
I do so.
Melissa (12:42):
going back to as you build this community that
nurtures and supportsauthenticity, I feel like I
didn't build the structure backwith like brick maybe I used
(13:12):
like beanbag chairs orsquishmallows, um and so I feel
much more comfortable in nothaving it all together.
I I feel more comfortable infalling apart and I feel more
confident, like the good side ofthis, if we were to label not
(13:35):
that we need to label it goodand bad but the good side of
this, or the really expansiveoutcome is I feel so much more
confident in my ability tocreate this and my ability to
withstand some shit and myability to relate to the people
that I'm supporting.
I think I needed to go throughthis to really have so much more
(13:58):
compassion and empathy andunderstanding and an embodied
lived experience for what somany of the women are going
through or will go through, thatare going to be in our
community or already are in ourcommunity, and from a leader,
from the founder, the chiefvisionary I have to have that to
have integrity in theorganization, and I'm sure I'll
(14:19):
go through another season ofthis later, but it helps me
really relate on a level that Idid not have the capacity for
before.
Jessica (14:28):
Yeah, if we could have like a human design moment for
just a second.
Melissa (14:32):
Like a commercial break is like our human design, but
we'd like to speak our sponsorhuman design.
Jessica (14:38):
We touched on it, I think, in season one, but you
are a one3 profile, so you're amartyr profile in human design
and the martyr is veryexperiential and works through
trial and error and learns bydoing, and that's not actually
something that can be bypassed.
The reason I think that we callthe martyr the martyr is you are
(14:59):
built with a special kind ofresiliency and capacity to take
on more life.
You're kind of like on thebattlefield and we are all
witnessing you, so we learnthrough you, right.
But you also have 48, which isone of your gates in your
incarnation cross, which is thegate of depth, the gate of the
well, which is all about reallylearning the depth of your own
(15:21):
inner resources to handle life.
What your capacity really isand I feel like I mean this is
so obvious, but that's whatchallenge does for us is it
teaches us what we're reallymade of and we want to be able
to bypass it and have all theanswers right from the beginning
.
But then you would neveractually know what you're
(15:43):
capable of and you're showing upso differently, Like I can feel
in your energy you lookdifferent.
Melissa (15:49):
Is it the lipstick?
The way that you're thelipstick's beautiful.
Jessica (15:54):
But your energy, like your vulnerability, the way
you're sitting here with metoday feels like a different
version of you.
Melissa (16:01):
Yeah, like a landed version of you.
Well, thank you, you're welcome.
Fucking earned it.
Jessica (16:12):
Damn straight.
Melissa (16:13):
Yeah, and one of the things that's been really
interesting is and this has beensomething I've actually been
working on and what we stand foris how to show up as yourself
everywhere you go and not tryingto put on like this hat over
here and this hat over here andshape shift, and I think that's
been one of the big thing that'sbeen happening this year.
I even just had a birthday andfor my birthday I was like I
(16:36):
want to bring in the work that Ido in the world to my friends
and some of them alreadyexperienced they've gone to some
of my things but it was co-edand I don't lead men, and it was
co-ed and I don't lead men, andit was risky, I felt, and I had
everyone do an opening circle.
We had everyone turn inward tochannel a celebration.
We did a silent disco.
That was a facilitated silentdisco that had some stuff in it
(16:59):
that might not be normal formost people and it felt like a
really big coming out party forme and it was a surprise gift to
them and I looked at it as away to really integrate
vulnerability and intentionalityinto an area of life that might
not normally get that and to doit in a way that felt
(17:20):
accessible and maybe that feltover the top for some people,
but it's all relative, right,like I wasn't like get naked and
tell me your darkest secrets inthe middle of the circle I
would have done that, I know.
Again, you got to know youraudience.
So there's that bridge and Ithink I'm bringing myself to my
husband now, instead of beinglike, oh, is he going to be okay
with who I am, like I feelintegrated is what I feel, and
(17:43):
that's probably what you'refeeling is I feel more
integrated.
I feel, and that's probablywhat you're feeling, is I feel
more integrated, and there'sless of this like pendulum
swinging around of like, oh, nowI'm way over here and I'm like
super spiritual.
I just feel like like I'vereally landed in myself in every
area of my life, instead offeeling a little bit different
(18:03):
in other areas.
Jessica (18:05):
Mm.
Hmm, I know there's somethingthat we talked about when we had
some of our calls.
Both of us were in the thick ofit, going through things this
last year, and it's somethingthat I will often say in my
human design readings, becauseso much of human design or at
least how I like to share it isreally about following your joy
and really trusting in yourdreams and trusting in the
(18:28):
things that are calling to you,like I really believe that our
desires are meant for us, and soI really encourage people to
lean into what is bringing themjoy and where they're being
pulled towards, and then I getfeedback sometimes where it's
like, well, I listened to my gutor I listened to my joy and
then it got hard and weinterpret that to be I must have
(18:50):
done something wrong or it mustbe bad.
And I really encourage people tostop looking at life through
this lens of right or wrong orgood or bad.
And the more that I live, themore that I see in retrospect
it's all of those challengesthat were actually initiations
into the highest version ofmyself, so I could actually I
(19:12):
think we've talked about thisbefore have the capacity to have
the dream, to live that dreamout.
We think we know what we want,but we don't actually understand
what it feels like to beembodied in that vision.
And we have to go on thejourney to expand our resilience
and expand our sense ofpossibility and what we can hold
(19:35):
and what we can handle in orderto actually live inside of that
dream.
And in reality, challenge justmeans life is like cool we got
you, you have to learn somestuff.
Melissa (19:47):
Yeah, it is.
It's all capacity.
It really is.
You know, if we look at it fromfeeling safe in your experience
, like if you look at it from anervous system perspective, it's
like you're actually.
You have to rewire yourself.
You couldn't handle the dream Icouldn't handle like being in a
stadium of a thousand peopleand leading a community of tens
(20:08):
of thousands of people.
Today I don't have thatcapacity.
But the journey is you have tobuild it and you're so right,
but it fucking sucks when you'rein the hard.
You know you're like I don'twant to go through this, like I
don't want to have to learn thislesson, and so I get that.
For those people listening whoare in it, I feel like you and I
(20:30):
are both.
Just, I was saying recently Iwas like I'm like a little
prairie dog that just likepopped its head out of the hole
and was like okay, what's outhere now?
And I feel like we're both.
I don't think we should sayprairie dog and I think that
means a totally different thing.
You can look that up on UrbanDictionary.
But I feel like we're both inthat season, like you're coming
(20:50):
out of some darkness too.
And I just think the timing isvery interesting Just in the
last month for both of us, likehad we talked in September we'd
be having a very differentconversation than today,
completely differentconversation.
Well, I want to get caught upon what you've been navigating.
Oh, jess, I'm so excited foryou to share your story.
Jessica (21:13):
Thank you.
Melissa (21:14):
So why don't you?
We're going to flip the tables.
Is that what you say?
Flip the table?
Probably not.
Jessica (21:21):
Turn the tables.
Melissa (21:22):
Turn the tables.
We're going to turn them, flipthem.
I would love for you to sharewhere you're at today and what's
happened for you since wewrapped up a year ago.
Jessica (21:31):
It's really interesting .
I mean, it's completely tiedinto what we were just talking
about and there's so much thatyou said that I want to touch on
.
There's also something you saidearlier the piece about how it
never quite looks like how youthink it will, that even when
your vision starts to come tolife because yours is coming to
(21:53):
life you did give birth it'sjust like, oh, I did give birth.
Melissa (21:56):
I do have a one-year-old baby.
Jessica (21:58):
Yeah and it's like, oh, but it has a life of its own.
One thing I've been reallythinking a lot about is how,
when the dream comes, it's stilla part of real life.
I think I spent a lot of mylife in fantasy and thinking my
dreams would save me or be thisperfect version of life, and
that wasn't intentional, itwasn't conscious, but I wasn't
(22:21):
factoring in all of the reallife stuff that is always going
to be there alongside themanifestation of those beautiful
things.
Melissa (22:30):
Because it almost feels like it's separate from like it
lives over in like a shelf,like a trophy.
Jessica (22:35):
Yeah, Like I would go into these meditations and
envision all these things Iwanted to manifest and it was
always just joy, joy, joy, joy,joy joy, joy and over the summer
I started to go, go, forexample, like imagining my
beautiful home that I one daywant to live in.
What would it be like to do thetaxes, the property taxes, on
that home, oh my god, what abummer dreamer you are.
Melissa (22:59):
How would I fix the flooding that might happen in
the basement?
Jessica (23:03):
because I think one of my life lessons has been
learning to merge dream andreality, and it has always felt
like my dreams escaped me, likeI was always striving for
something out there, and I thinkthe reason they were always out
there was because I couldn'tquite factor in or make it
tangible by rooting it inreality, or make it tangible by
(23:25):
rooting it in reality, which isthat, yes, I will have, let's
say, this beautiful house andthis beautiful partner and this
beautiful career, and I'm alsogoing to get sick and my kids
are going to maybe be littleassholes.
Melissa (23:42):
Oh my God.
Your new tagline is bummerdreamer.
We should make a song, Bummerdreamer song.
Jessica (23:48):
It'll be the new intro to Inner Rebel.
Melissa (23:50):
Yeah.
Jessica (23:51):
Yeah, life things that are always happening, that are
always unfolding, that are notin our control, like you just
said, like all of the ways inwhich you went into overwhelm
because of what life wasbringing you in the midst of
creating this vision that was soclose to your heart.
I think I had to make peace withthat, and maybe this sounds so
(24:13):
obvious to everyone else, but itwasn't to me.
It really wasn't.
That was only kind of a recentrevelation, but it's already
proven to have some prettyamazing results, which I'll get
to.
But prior to that, I reallywent into this year very
intentionally to give iteverything I had to create what
I wanted.
I learned once again that Idon't have control over anything
(24:38):
and much of the year was spentin confusion and it was really
hard.
It was like my dreams werebeing dangled and then taken
away.
I think I kept saying to youit's like I think I'm coming out
of the womb and then I go rightback in.
So it was really confusing.
(24:59):
Yeah, yeah, it was funny, purydog.
Like I kept thinking oh, Ifinally broke through, it's
finally happening, and then itwould go away or I'd lose it or
something else would come in andmake it impossible.
So I felt like I was in aholding pattern that I couldn't
control and it took a long timeto surrender to it.
(25:20):
But I eventually did.
And it was in the surrenderingthat everything began to change.
Melissa (25:26):
Surrendering that everything began to change.
Gosh, isn't that how it alwaysgoes?
Fuck, it's true, it's real.
It's what you have to do.
You have to get unattached.
Well, cheers to you, girl.
Thank you.
Now.
What was it like?
Just too many beat downs?
Like a give up?
Like what was the surrender?
What did it look like?
Jessica (25:46):
There was what felt like a giant manifestation came
through I mean, I don't reallylove the word manifestation, but
a huge opportunity that I wasexcited about and then it
disappeared and it was nothingto do with me.
The opportunity itself fellapart.
It wasn't about me, but thatfelt like a final straw and it
(26:06):
threw me into a weird kind ofportal.
Like I thought I was going tohave a very busy, very active
summer, living a dream, andinstead everything got extremely
still and quiet and veryuncomfortable, and I spent the
first part of that grieving andin a lot of confusion.
My birthday's in June and Ithought I was going to go into
(26:28):
my birthday like this is goingto be my new life.
I'm entering a new chapter.
I finally made it, and then itwas days before my birthday that
I got the news, and so insteadI really had to grieve it for a
little while, like there was ahuge empty space that was
created because my plans hadjust been taken away.
(26:49):
So I was in this empty space andI was feeling really sad.
I think I shared this onanother podcast that I just did,
but I'll share it again becauseI think it's really important.
I was doing a lot of meditatingand I was meditating one day
and a voice kind of came throughthat was like we're obviously
trying to give you everythingyou want.
Why are you pushing against it?
Like there was something aboutme resisting.
(27:12):
What is me resisting and notsurrendering to the
circumstances I was in, that hitme differently, like I was
pushing, I was trying to makestuff happen, I was angry about
it.
And if I zoomed out and went,this is all for me and I've been
very clear about what I want,and maybe life is orchestrating
(27:35):
that for me in the background.
It just doesn't look like how Ithink it should.
What would I do differently?
I would just surrender.
I would just be still.
I would make the most of thestillness.
Melissa (27:48):
I would just be still, I would make the most of the
stillness.
Jessica (27:49):
What if this is the last little bit of stillness I
get in my life?
How would I enjoy it?
Melissa (27:54):
And that's what I did?
Jessica (27:55):
I started to embrace the stillness and allow myself
to be in the void.
And then everything changed andthen everything flipped, and
now my life is being turned onits head because so many things
are now coming true inunexpected ways and going to
alter.
I'm supposed to accept my lifeas is Life is happening for me
(28:32):
these things.
Melissa (28:32):
It's like we've heard it, we've read the memes.
They're in the self-help books,we know, and there's a very big
difference.
And this is like the differenceof reading something in a book
and living it or having anexperiential learning is that it
takes what it takes for you toget that Like in your life.
(28:53):
It's not just that simple.
You know, I read the book theSurrender Experiment recently
again, like a second time, andit's that idea right, like what,
if we stop saying it's notsupposed to be this way, that's
right.
I was supposed to get adifferent phone call, that
funding was supposed to havegone through, that person was
supposed to have said this, thatmarriage was supposed to have
(29:15):
gone another way.
And I think a majority ofpeople live their lives like
that and I think we included.
You know it's not like we'relike, oh, I'm done thinking that
, but I think that is how welive our lives so often is it
wasn't supposed to be that way.
Jessica (29:32):
Yeah, and what I was doing was trying to give it all
so much meaning.
This job came for me and thengot taken away.
What did I do to lose that?
And like I'm at fault, like thethings that go wrong, like I did
something wrong to deserve thisExactly, and it was really
helpful for me to depersonalizeit as well and go maybe I did
(29:59):
nothing, maybe this is just lifesometimes, or maybe the timing
isn't the right timing.
What if I just trust it andthat's a new place for me,
making meaning out of it.
Melissa (30:09):
I do think in the realm of personal growth, in the
realm of spirituality, it'salmost like you got to make it
mean something.
What are the planets doing?
And like, oh gosh, does Freya,this goddess, does she have
something to do with it?
What does she want from me?
(30:30):
And it can be this hole you godown trying to figure out
exactly what it means.
And the truth is, we can decideexactly what it means.
That's the curse and the giftof being human is you get to
choose.
I think it feels safer to tryto really wrap your arms around
(30:51):
like a specific meaning of it,but it can also be to the
detriment of us, where we'realways seeking this deeper
meaning out of everything.
I don't know.
Maybe an owl just fucking flewby me.
Maybe the owl isn't like comingfrom the heavens and trying to
teach me something.
Maybe the fucking owl just flewin front of me.
I don't know, you know.
Jessica (31:10):
Totally and I think I can look back and see value and
see meaning and see the lessonsI took and how it's playing out
now in beautiful ways.
But I don't think we can alwaysknow the meaning in the moment
that we're in it.
We have to kind of see itthrough before we understand it
in it.
We have to kind of see itthrough before we understand it.
I think there was meaning in me, learning to give up my
(31:31):
attachments and expectations andstop personalizing everything
and stop making meaning.
So that was my summer.
I don't even know how to segueinto, just take a hard left into
bliss.
What happened since is adifferent opportunity showed up
that brought me to Torontoanother acting job.
(31:54):
The previous thing that didn'twork out was a film, because I'm
an actor too.
So I had a film opportunity andthen the film lost its funding.
But I got a new job.
I came to Toronto and veryunexpectedly have fallen in love
.
Melissa (32:12):
We're saying it out loud now.
We're saying it out loud I waslike did you tell the world
before you told him, or does healready know this?
No, we're in love.
All right good.
Jessica (32:19):
And I'm going to not reveal too much because it's new
and I want to protect it and Idon't need to reveal all of
those details.
But I can speak to my ownprocess around this and what led
me here and what brought it in.
And there's something reallyprofound for me in this
(32:40):
experience because I find it soaffirming.
I find it so affirming,validating that when it's time
and when something is meant foryou, you cannot miss it.
Nothing has felt easier.
After being single for a brutalamount of time, I was
(33:03):
chronically single and I hadbeen told over and over that I
was doing it wrong, that therewas by who?
I don't need to name names, but.
Melissa (33:15):
But like a lot of people in your friends, there
were friends.
Jessica (33:18):
There were family members who were genuinely
concerned about me, thinkingthat there must be some really
deep blocks or unhealed trauma,that I was sabotaging myself,
that I wasn't actually openbecause my way of navigating the
dating scene was not typicaland really uncomfortable for me.
(33:42):
We even did it on this podcastand I was pushing myself to do
things that did not feel good,did not feel right for me, and
it was awful.
And eventually I just gave it upand I knew in my heart and this
is why I say it's so affirmingI knew in my heart that if the
right person showed up, Iwouldn't sabotage it.
If the right person camethrough, I knew I would receive
(34:07):
it and lean in.
But no one seemed to believe mewhen I kept saying that he
wasn't showing up.
You know, like you get on anapp and everyone I liked didn't
like me, and everyone who likedme I didn't like it, just felt
like we were just missing eachother and I was like, why is the
kind of person that I so wantto be with not showing up in my
(34:27):
reality?
And now I'm looking dark andwhen nothing seems to be coming
through and nothing came throughfor me for so long, and here I
(34:53):
am, as a coach and a teacher ofhuman design, trying to teach
this stuff and it feeling hardon the inside, when I don't
necessarily have verification,complete verification that it's
true, like certain things wereplaying out for sure.
(35:13):
that validated its truth to me.
But some of my bigger dreamsfelt out of reach and now I have
the most validating real lifeexperience that I can honor
myself and I can do it my wayand it's going to be okay and
(35:34):
life will deliver.
Melissa (35:37):
Also known as your inner rebel.
Jessica (35:38):
Yeah, she knew.
She knew.
And I can't even put into wordshow beautiful my reality has
just become.
Put into words, how beautifulmy reality has just become, I
can't.
It's better than anything Icould have dreamed of.
And I say that I say that toclients all the time that our
minds are so limited and life isso much more creative than our
(35:59):
minds could ever be.
And I'm having that experiencenow and it's also overwhelming
because it is, like I said,challenging ideas I have about
my life and how it's supposed tolook.
But the felt experience is,yeah, this, and so I have to
trust that.
I wish we could hug.
(36:19):
I know Me too.
Melissa (36:21):
And our listeners we still haven't met in person.
Jessica (36:24):
It's going to change really soon.
I have a feeling.
Melissa (36:26):
Really soon.
I know that's all I want to dois hug you.
Jessica (36:30):
It's just like but it's challenging me in the best way
to be present and be with theunfolding.
Life knows more than me, so bepresent for it and allow it to
unfold and show me what I'm hereto do and who I'm here to love.
And so far it's been profound.
So that is my news.
Melissa (36:51):
You're just a ball of love.
Jessica (36:52):
Which I think brings us back to authenticity.
Just like you went through yourchallenge, the challenges that
I went through brought me deeperand deeper into myself.
Challenge, the challenges thatI went through brought me deeper
and deeper into myself.
And my therapist and I had aconversation about resonance
that when you are true toyourself and living at your most
authentic frequency, it's likelife attracts like then
(37:13):
everything at that frequencywill find you and magnetize
towards you, and I've never feltthat more clearly than I now do
.
Melissa (37:25):
Yeah, the frequency is being matched.
Jessica (37:27):
The challenge is bringing you deeper home into
yourself, and that everythingthat is a match to your
resonance, to your frequency, toyour authenticity cannot miss
you.
Melissa (37:39):
You're not a bummer dreamer.
Look at you.
You really turned that around.
Jessica (37:43):
You totally redeemed yourself on that I've never
believed in magic more.
Yeah, it's true.
Melissa (37:49):
I fucking love magic.
It's real, it's so real and Ihave Jack, who's seven and he'll
be like magic's not real andI'm like you don't know what
you're saying.
It's like magic as it'sportrayed in magic tricks.
But if we think about life andmagic and being able to
recognize and call out thosemoments where you're like
there's proof, I do think weneed proof that magic is real,
(38:14):
and so I'm so glad that it's onthe big screen for you right now
that there is an undeniable,felt sense that it's real and
you'll never unknow that.
You'll never unknow what you'regetting to experience right now
and you have this proof.
Jessica (38:29):
But it was six years of having to surrender and live in
the dark and have no certainty,no guarantee of any kind of
outcome, and doing it anyway,trusting anyway and not settling
, believing anyway, believinganyway.
Melissa (38:44):
So that's my takeaway I mean, there's no such thing as
certainty, really no, it doesn'texist.
Life is uncertain period,constant.
It's constant uncertainty, butwe just grasp onto things to be
like it's guaranteed.
Here's the set of rules I canabide by that make me feel feel
safe.
If you think you have some sortof guarantee, it feels safe.
There's no certainty in any ofthe things we're experiencing
(39:05):
now, but I think what actualcertainty feels like for me is
that the more you go intoyourself, the more you learn who
you are, the more you trustyourself, the more you withstand
some shit, the certaintybecomes you Exactly.
I can count on myself.
I've got my own back.
(39:26):
I know I can handle this.
Jessica (39:28):
You've learned what you're made of.
You've learned what yourcapacity is and that you have
the resources to be okay, nomatter what, to meet life where
it's at, no matter what.
I think that's all we can do.
Melissa (39:39):
Yeah.
Jessica (39:40):
So bravo to us.
Melissa (39:42):
We're doing great.
We should call this one life onthe other side.
But it is so nice to be in agood space.
It's so nice, it's like beingmade into a diamond, right when
you think you can't take thatpressure anymore, then you
become a beautiful tiny.
Jessica (39:56):
Yeah, but let me reiterate that it comes with its
own set of challenges.
So this is what I mean bydreaming, and in those dreams
that reality is also reality.
So, yes, I'm in this incredibleunfolding of a new chapter that
I'm very excited about and it'sreally throwing me off my game
(40:16):
at the same time at the sametime, and challenging deep core
fears that I have, and I'mhaving to be with those and to
be present for the beauty of itsimultaneously.
And that is its own practice,right.
So there's a lot to say that Iknow we're not going to cover
right now.
But yeah, it's messy and it'suncertain, and then if you can
(40:38):
be in a place of presence withinthat, if you can be trusting of
that, then I think you're kindof unstoppable.
I think that is power.
Melissa (40:50):
It is.
We actually did a beautiful.
It was one of my favorite.
We've done a lot of epicworkshops at the Nova, yours
included, and we had oneyesterday on redefining our
relationships with power, andit's actually part of the theme
of our month at the nova, andher model that she's created is
like 36 different kinds of power.
Maybe it's even more than that,and one of the things that was
(41:11):
so beautiful about that call andthat call, combined with an
experience that I just had onretreat with sarah janks, who's
going to be one of our gueststhis season is that our own
personal power looks and feelsso much different than each
other and that we have this ideaof this power over like.
So much of our view of power islike shadow powers, which you
(41:32):
talked about.
Larissa Conte is her name, andwhat we got through this
embodied experience on the callwas everyone could actually feel
in their bodies what their ownpower felt like and you could
identify like.
One of my powers is communitypower, and so she had all of
these things that you don'tnormally think of as like your
(41:54):
gifts of power, and it was sucha beautiful way to reframe it,
and in Sarah Jenks' retreat, shehad us actually embody like
broadcast is the term what ourpower was, and it was this whole
I mean, it was a whole longexperience.
But you watched 150 womenstanding all around the room
projecting what their powerlooked like, and some were like
(42:15):
so soft, some was erotic, minewas like oh, like Some was
erotic, mine was like, oh, like,oh, you know, and, but it was
so beautiful to really feel likeyou're in your version of your
power and it is so differentthan mine and it is perfect.
Jessica (42:33):
I love that.
Melissa (42:33):
Yeah.
Jessica (42:41):
I'm curious before we go, because we're in season two
of Inner Rebel how has yourrelationship with your rebel
changed?
Melissa (42:47):
She doesn't feel as rebellious.
It feels like there's lessproving behind my rebel and less
of there was something wrongwith her, kind of like what
(43:09):
you're saying about all thesepeople had a different belief on
how you should approach datingand what you found was actually
your way was the perfect way foryou.
I think it's just an acceptanceof the fact that I am me and
that doesn't actually have tohave like a charge behind it.
Like sometimes that rebelfeeling can be like it can be
(43:30):
resentful, it can have angerfueling it, it can have proving
fueling it, and I feel likewhat's flipped for me and I feel
like what's flipped for me isthe energy underneath her is
more of like what I got actuallyat this retreat was like one of
my gifts is my light, is beinga light weaver is actually what
(43:52):
I got very, very, very loud andclear, and so what's driving me
has shifted and so it's moreabout shining than it is about
the other things and that feelsdifferent for everyone involved
in my life.
Jessica (44:08):
Remember we talked about ambition versus aspiration
.
It feels like shifting fromproving to love.
Like I think when we move awayfrom proving we actually fall
into service, it takes on adifferent quality.
Melissa (44:24):
And that shift really has just happened over the last
month.
My foot I had plantar fasciitisfor five months and I couldn't
move in my normal way, Icouldn't be out in nature like I
like to be, I couldn't do highintensity activity like I like
to be.
I had a lot of pain and I wasdoing this breathwork session a
few weeks ago and my body,spirit, intuition, whatever was
(44:48):
talking to me, was like you'rehealed now You're able to run
again, now that you're runningtowards something different.
Oh, my gosh chills.
And I, literally my foot waslike, it wasn't like, but it was
within like a week, like I cando everything.
Jessica (45:07):
I am full body buzzing.
Melissa (45:09):
It was wild that resonates so deeply.
Yeah, I was like I'm going tolet you run again, like
literally and metaphorically,because the place from which you
are running is different, whatyou're running towards is
different, and I literally havelike actually run four times
since then, without pain, andthe energy to which I feel like
I'm leading this company andthis movement and the meaning
(45:31):
that I'm making or not makingout of things feels so much
different and I feel like I justkeep dropping head to heart,
like head to heart, like get outof the head, drop into the
heart, now decide, and so Ithink the place from which I'm
coming from now just I havegoosebumps.
It just feels so much.
It feels like love, it feelslike love versus fear and yeah,
(45:55):
and fear was really fuckingrunning the show.
Yeah, really running the show.
Jessica (45:57):
I think it was for most of us, for most of our lives.
Melissa (46:00):
Yeah.
Jessica (46:00):
And I think that is exactly what happened to me in
the summer when I told you Ichose to surrender.
I think that is just movingfrom fear to love.
Yeah, not letting it run theshow anymore.
Well, look at that.
Look at that.
Melissa (46:13):
So how has your rebel shifted?
Jessica (46:15):
I think it's similar.
I think that's why, like yousaid, us having this
conversation now is verydifferent than it would have
been a couple months ago, but Ithink I have a lot more trust in
her and I feel like I can movemore gently now.
Melissa (46:34):
Yeah, yeah, may we forever remain in this feeling.
Jessica (46:39):
I know, by the end of this season?
I'm so curious.
We'll be like tearing at ourhair.
Melissa (46:45):
But day one is going great.
Here in your Rebel season two,we are really nailing it.
Jessica (46:52):
There is a lot of beauty to me about witnessing
our growth, to be here now aftera year, having given it the
space to think of where we werewhen we were doing the last
season and how so much I thinkof what we learned through the
podcast, but also in our lives,has been integrated, and how not
(47:14):
that we're done, obviously, butthat we're seeing the shifts,
the changes in our lives as aresult, and that's so exciting.
Melissa (47:22):
I'm so happy that we're back together.
Jessica (47:25):
Me too.
Is there anything you wouldlike to share publicly in terms
of your intention for the season?
Melissa (47:39):
Oh gosh, actually the two words that have really been
guiding our company and thedecisions that we're making have
been elevate and deepen.
And it's almost like if youthink about roots going deeper
to expand out.
I have this beautiful tree onmy vision board that sits in
front of me and it's like that.
It's like I want to deepen intothe conversations and amplify
our impact bigger in the senseof both of our capacities have
(47:59):
expanded and so I think thecapacity of this podcast is
going to expand as a result ofthat and I think the lives that
we're going to touch are goingto expand as a result of that
and the conversations I thinkwere amazing and deep before,
but I think the access thatwe're going to have now it's
going to feel different thanbefore.
So I'm really looking forward tothe unknown around all of that
(48:25):
and being in the magic of whatgets to unfold over the next
season together.
Jessica (48:31):
Amen, I'm going to leave it at that.
That was perfect.
Melissa (48:35):
All right, we'll see you on the next episode.
Jessica (48:37):
I'm so excited, thank you, thank you, love you For
calling us back.
Melissa (48:43):
I love you so much, love you All right, goodbye,
goodbye.
I love you.
Jessica (48:48):
I love you.
Okay, here we are All right.
Here we are Season two of InnerRebel.
Melissa, I'm so happy.
Melissa (00:07):
Feels like a really exciting reunion.
Jessica (00:10):
It was just the fastest year of your life, because for
me it feels like we blinked andnow we're here.
But you were going through avery different process than me.
Melissa (00:18):
Yeah well, and it's so fascinating because we decided
to take a break a little.
Jessica (00:24):
It was like a pause, a short pause.
Melissa (00:27):
Yeah, I was going to say we decided to take a pause
after season one and I wouldhave never predicted that a
whole year was going to go by.
I thought it'd be like threemonths maybe.
So it's just interesting andI'm proud of us for giving it
the space that it needed,because I helped us force things
(00:48):
a little bit too much last timeand that caused some distress,
and I'm really working on notforcing things, but it is a hard
thing for me.
Jessica (01:02):
Oh that's beautiful, but also it felt like it was
actually in your court for awhile because of the nature of
your life and what was unfoldingin your world.
So we did have every intentionof meeting sooner, and then
every time we set a date, thedate would have to shift and I
felt very trusting of it.
I was like, okay, the timing isas it's meant to be.
(01:23):
Of it, I was like, okay, thetiming is as it's meant to be,
but I would love to learn moreabout where you're at now,
because this past year youessentially gave birth to a soul
vision, right To a businessbaby, and you have been on a
ride.
It's been a journey and I'dlove to hear and share with our
(01:43):
listeners where you're at rightnow with that and maybe some of
the big learnings that you'vetaken along the way.
Melissa (01:50):
We could do a whole season on that.
Just to be clear.
Yeah, just like any big visionthat we have in our hearts, if
you're somebody listening oreven you, just that like that,
knowing that, calling thatyou're being pulled towards
something, I don't believe we'reever meant to know where it's
going to take us.
No, because we would never doit.
(02:11):
We would never do it.
And so the last episode werecorded, I had just launched or
was about to launch.
Jessica (02:18):
Do you remember?
I think you had just launched.
Yeah, okay, happy anniversary.
Melissa (02:23):
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I was such a sweet, naive,optimistic, young entrepreneur
and I love that version of mebecause she just thought
everything was going to be great.
Jessica (02:43):
I feel like there's no other way.
That's where you have to start.
No one would start if they knewwhat it would be.
Melissa (02:50):
They would never know.
But trust and belief is whatdrives you so much.
So trust and belief, and then Iwould say community support.
And so me a year ago was likeokay, this thing is so needed in
the world which I still believeeven more that everyone's gonna
get it right away.
And as soon as this thing hitsearth it's gonna take off like a
(03:13):
rocket ship and we're nevergonna look back and it's just
gonna be on such high demand andour membership's just gonna
skyrocket.
And it didn't happen that way.
The things that I have learnedare so critical to me as a
leader, as a CEO and as a woman.
I've never been a CEO of acompany before.
I thought that, having thecorporate experience that I have
(03:35):
and having nine years ofnetwork marketing and having
managed a very large team, Ithought I knew more than I did.
And, just like anything, youdon't know what you don't know.
And so I've learned a lotaround team, around hiring, team
and overhiring, and not knowingwhat we actually needed, and
(03:56):
thinking that I knew and hiringfor what I thought we needed,
but then realizing I wasactually pretty wrong about that
and I'm not making any of itLike, I think, whoever has come
into this business, has comeinto this business and they have
been a beautiful contributionto what we have built.
And if I knew then what I knewnow, I would have started
totally different.
Jessica (04:16):
Can I ask two questions ?
Melissa (04:18):
Yeah.
Jessica (04:19):
One.
I would love you to maybe pullback, and I think in our last
episode you shared what yourbusiness is, but I think it
would be great to recap that andremind people what it is that
you created.
But then I would also love toask what would you have done
differently, knowing what younow know?
Melissa (04:38):
So the business is called the Nova Global.
We call it the Nova and it is acommunity for soul-led,
professional women and we gathervirtually.
We have a chapter.
We have one chapter in Coloradoand we're launching a second
one in Boulder I'm actuallytalking to the chapter leader
tomorrow and we have LA and theBay Area on the horizon for beta
(05:03):
launching this year and the BayArea on the horizon for beta
launching this year, and what wedo is we provide a safe place
for women to land and benurtured in their whole selves.
Traditional networking,traditional communities of women
, tend to focus on one aspect orthe other.
They can be very friendshipheavy, they can be very business
(05:23):
heavy, but I find that we aresomething that doesn't serve.
Women is segmenting us and alsoputting us in environments
where we feel like we have tohide ourselves.
So we focus on safety, we focuson belonging and we focus on
really looking at you as a wholeperson, and that's personally,
professionally and spirituallyperson, and that's personally,
(05:45):
professionally and spiritually,and so the way in which we
gather feels very different.
I like people to feel likethey're coming home, that they
can exhale when they walk in theroom, whether it's virtual or
in person, that they can settheir mask at the door and that
they can just feel free to bethemselves, which is a rare
experience for anyone in thisworld, particularly women, and
so we can find this in.
I think we find this incoaching containers and
(06:07):
mastermind groups and thesesiloed experiences, but there
isn't a community that is doingthis at scale.
My vision is that we have Novasall over the country and all
over the world, and so if you'rea soul-led woman who likes to
exist in the world in this kindof a way, you know you can walk
into a Nova room, no matterwhere you are, wherever you're
(06:28):
traveling, and know that yourpeople are there.
Jessica (06:32):
It's so beautiful and I've been to some of your events
and it's such a celebration,it's joyous, the people are so
incredible and you do feel thatsense of home and belonging and
connection community.
And you do feel that sense ofhome and belonging and
connection community.
I've also spoken to so manyentrepreneurs, because a lot of
them come to me as clients andthey are lonely and they do need
(06:53):
that kind of support andnetwork to learn from and to
share with.
So I love what you're building,I love what you're creating.
Melissa (06:59):
Thank you.
And even those people who havecommunities still feel lonely
because we're not allowed toshow up as our whole selves.
In fact, we don't often evenknow what the fuck that means,
and it's a lifelong journey.
I'm not claiming that I'vediscovered everything that I
need to know vulnerably, withoutfear of judgment, where people
(07:27):
can listen to you and witnessyou in a specific way and
reflect back to you who you are,especially when you forget
which is somewhat regularly alot more than I care to admit,
even as a confident person who'sdone a lot of work.
That holding of you is criticalto you having satisfaction in
your life, your romanticpartnerships thriving to you
thriving if you're a parent.
To you being satisfaction inyour life, your romantic
partnerships thriving to youthriving if you're a parent, to
(07:47):
you being able to access thatnext level of achievement in
work or impact, whatever it isthat you desire from your career
.
You have to have people thatfucking know you and see you.
It is like a non-negotiable andit is the most life-changing
thing that we can ever giveourselves.
Jessica (08:08):
It's a community that nurtures authenticity.
Yeah, it sounds like yeah.
Melissa (08:12):
Yeah.
Jessica (08:13):
And in that journey of creating it, I have a sense that
it has brought you deeper anddeeper into your authenticity,
which has also been probablyvery challenging.
So let's go back to my otherquestion about what you wish you
did, now that you've learnedwhat you've learned.
Melissa (08:30):
It's an interesting question because you can't redo
it, and I almost wish I wouldhave started in some sort of
incubator that had businessadvisors in it that had walked
this path before, because I wasmaking it up.
I was making it up, I built alot of it with AI, which was
(08:52):
awesome.
I think it helped me shortcut alot of things.
But also I think I would havehad different startup guidance
had this been in a startupincubator, given the size that I
wanted it to be.
You know, there are things thatI'm doing now that are like I
brought in an operations personwho has worked with franchises
(09:13):
and she's helping me a lot withthe financials, which has been
something that I've been afraidto look at because I don't know
how to run a business, becauseI've never done it before, and
so the financials felt reallyintimidating.
And she's like, okay, let'stake the next week.
Like I'm going to dig into thisand I'm going to clean it all
up.
We're going to bring abookkeeper in, and I just wish I
would have started with thatLike.
(09:34):
So I wasn't afraid to look atthese things and I wish that I I
don't know.
I think there are things like Iwish I would have thought
through it more, not that Ididn't think through it, but,
like I really love building theplane as I fly it, which is part
of my human design, I was goingto bring up your human design.
Yeah, it's who I am.
(09:58):
So there's like a part thatwishes that I wasn't the way
that I was, in that I wish Ididn't have to build the plane
as I fly it, and also very awarethat you have to, but I wish
that I would have been like oh,I already know the programming
and I already know that I reallyneed to be like a master at
launching.
There's just so many things thatI had to learn through the hard
process.
But, gosh, it would have beenso much easier if I had known,
(10:20):
like, how to launch supereffectively and had a franchise
operations person from thebeginning.
And I loved our operationsperson.
She's fucking awesome.
I love her to death.
She's still a dear friend ofmine and she's still involved
and she did an incredible job.
And we also needed someone tosupplement that which she knew.
We needed someone to supplementthat that had this next level
(10:41):
of knowledge.
And now I feel like, oh gosh, Idon't have to carry the weight
of all these things that weren'tactually getting handled by
anybody, and now I have themhandled at this stage of the
business, but don't you thinkthat the lessons that you have
learned in your business arealso lessons that you just
needed to learn as a human foryourself?
Jessica (11:03):
A million percent.
Melissa (11:04):
Yeah, that's why it's like I get the question and I
think it's always an importantone to reflect on.
But also I had to go throughwhat I went through, and I went
through a lot.
I mean, you know that I had areally dark summer.
It was one of the hardest timesthat I've gone through as an
adult woman and I believe thatthis was an initiation for me to
(11:28):
clean up any area that was alittle bit out of integrity or
out of integrity from what it'sgoing to take for me to hold
this container, Because everypart of my life felt like it was
asking everything of me at thesame exact time of me at the
(11:50):
same exact time, and I didn'thave that capacity.
I was a mess.
I was crying all the time, Iwas not sleeping.
I was so stressed, my bodystopped working, my foot got
injured, my hormones were allout of whack and it was like my
body was not going to let mekeep going like this.
She stopped me and so I waslooking at like my marriage, my
role as a mother, my role as aleader, rebuilding the entire
(12:13):
team, trying to heal my foot,trying to fix my hormones,
trying to train a puppy, likeall of this at the exact same
time, and what I have compassionaround is when life just throws
a lot of shit at you.
I used to think burnout wassort of something we caused
ourselves, which I think it issometimes, but also sometimes
life just fucking explodes,which I know you get on a deep
(12:36):
cellular level.
Jessica (12:40):
I do so.
Melissa (12:42):
going back to as you build this community that
nurtures and supportsauthenticity, I feel like I
didn't build the structure backwith like brick maybe I used
(13:12):
like beanbag chairs orsquishmallows, um and so I feel
much more comfortable in nothaving it all together.
I I feel more comfortable infalling apart and I feel more
confident, like the good side ofthis, if we were to label not
(13:35):
that we need to label it goodand bad but the good side of
this, or the really expansiveoutcome is I feel so much more
confident in my ability tocreate this and my ability to
withstand some shit and myability to relate to the people
that I'm supporting.
I think I needed to go throughthis to really have so much more
(13:58):
compassion and empathy andunderstanding and an embodied
lived experience for what somany of the women are going
through or will go through, thatare going to be in our
community or already are in ourcommunity, and from a leader,
from the founder, the chiefvisionary I have to have that to
have integrity in theorganization, and I'm sure I'll
(14:19):
go through another season ofthis later, but it helps me
really relate on a level that Idid not have the capacity for
before.
Jessica (14:28):
Yeah, if we could have like a human design moment for
just a second.
Melissa (14:32):
Like a commercial break is like our human design, but
we'd like to speak our sponsorhuman design.
Jessica (14:38):
We touched on it, I think, in season one, but you
are a one3 profile, so you're amartyr profile in human design
and the martyr is veryexperiential and works through
trial and error and learns bydoing, and that's not actually
something that can be bypassed.
The reason I think that we callthe martyr the martyr is you are
(14:59):
built with a special kind ofresiliency and capacity to take
on more life.
You're kind of like on thebattlefield and we are all
witnessing you, so we learnthrough you, right.
But you also have 48, which isone of your gates in your
incarnation cross, which is thegate of depth, the gate of the
well, which is all about reallylearning the depth of your own
(15:21):
inner resources to handle life.
What your capacity really isand I feel like I mean this is
so obvious, but that's whatchallenge does for us is it
teaches us what we're reallymade of and we want to be able
to bypass it and have all theanswers right from the beginning
.
But then you would neveractually know what you're
(15:43):
capable of and you're showing upso differently, Like I can feel
in your energy you lookdifferent.
Melissa (15:49):
Is it the lipstick?
The way that you're thelipstick's beautiful.
Jessica (15:54):
But your energy, like your vulnerability, the way
you're sitting here with metoday feels like a different
version of you.
Melissa (16:01):
Yeah, like a landed version of you.
Well, thank you, you're welcome.
Fucking earned it.
Jessica (16:12):
Damn straight.
Melissa (16:13):
Yeah, and one of the things that's been really
interesting is and this has beensomething I've actually been
working on and what we stand foris how to show up as yourself
everywhere you go and not tryingto put on like this hat over
here and this hat over here andshape shift, and I think that's
been one of the big thing that'sbeen happening this year.
I even just had a birthday andfor my birthday I was like I
(16:36):
want to bring in the work that Ido in the world to my friends
and some of them alreadyexperienced they've gone to some
of my things but it was co-edand I don't lead men, and it was
co-ed and I don't lead men, andit was risky, I felt, and I had
everyone do an opening circle.
We had everyone turn inward tochannel a celebration.
We did a silent disco.
That was a facilitated silentdisco that had some stuff in it
(16:59):
that might not be normal formost people and it felt like a
really big coming out party forme and it was a surprise gift to
them and I looked at it as away to really integrate
vulnerability and intentionalityinto an area of life that might
not normally get that and to doit in a way that felt
(17:20):
accessible and maybe that feltover the top for some people,
but it's all relative, right,like I wasn't like get naked and
tell me your darkest secrets inthe middle of the circle I
would have done that, I know.
Again, you got to know youraudience.
So there's that bridge and Ithink I'm bringing myself to my
husband now, instead of beinglike, oh, is he going to be okay
with who I am, like I feelintegrated is what I feel, and
(17:43):
that's probably what you'refeeling is I feel more
integrated.
I feel, and that's probablywhat you're feeling, is I feel
more integrated, and there'sless of this like pendulum
swinging around of like, oh, nowI'm way over here and I'm like
super spiritual.
I just feel like like I'vereally landed in myself in every
area of my life, instead offeeling a little bit different
(18:03):
in other areas.
Jessica (18:05):
Mm.
Hmm, I know there's somethingthat we talked about when we had
some of our calls.
Both of us were in the thick ofit, going through things this
last year, and it's somethingthat I will often say in my
human design readings, becauseso much of human design or at
least how I like to share it isreally about following your joy
and really trusting in yourdreams and trusting in the
(18:28):
things that are calling to you,like I really believe that our
desires are meant for us, and soI really encourage people to
lean into what is bringing themjoy and where they're being
pulled towards, and then I getfeedback sometimes where it's
like, well, I listened to my gutor I listened to my joy and
then it got hard and weinterpret that to be I must have
(18:50):
done something wrong or it mustbe bad.
And I really encourage people tostop looking at life through
this lens of right or wrong orgood or bad.
And the more that I live, themore that I see in retrospect
it's all of those challengesthat were actually initiations
into the highest version ofmyself, so I could actually I
(19:12):
think we've talked about thisbefore have the capacity to have
the dream, to live that dreamout.
We think we know what we want,but we don't actually understand
what it feels like to beembodied in that vision.
And we have to go on thejourney to expand our resilience
and expand our sense ofpossibility and what we can hold
(19:35):
and what we can handle in orderto actually live inside of that
dream.
And in reality, challenge justmeans life is like cool we got
you, you have to learn somestuff.
Melissa (19:47):
Yeah, it is.
It's all capacity.
It really is.
You know, if we look at it fromfeeling safe in your experience
, like if you look at it from anervous system perspective, it's
like you're actually.
You have to rewire yourself.
You couldn't handle the dream Icouldn't handle like being in a
stadium of a thousand peopleand leading a community of tens
(20:08):
of thousands of people.
Today I don't have thatcapacity.
But the journey is you have tobuild it and you're so right,
but it fucking sucks when you'rein the hard.
You know you're like I don'twant to go through this, like I
don't want to have to learn thislesson, and so I get that.
For those people listening whoare in it, I feel like you and I
(20:30):
are both.
Just, I was saying recently Iwas like I'm like a little
prairie dog that just likepopped its head out of the hole
and was like okay, what's outhere now?
And I feel like we're both.
I don't think we should sayprairie dog and I think that
means a totally different thing.
You can look that up on UrbanDictionary.
But I feel like we're both inthat season, like you're coming
(20:50):
out of some darkness too.
And I just think the timing isvery interesting Just in the
last month for both of us, likehad we talked in September we'd
be having a very differentconversation than today,
completely differentconversation.
Well, I want to get caught upon what you've been navigating.
Oh, jess, I'm so excited foryou to share your story.
Jessica (21:13):
Thank you.
Melissa (21:14):
So why don't you?
We're going to flip the tables.
Is that what you say?
Flip the table?
Probably not.
Jessica (21:21):
Turn the tables.
Melissa (21:22):
Turn the tables.
We're going to turn them, flipthem.
I would love for you to sharewhere you're at today and what's
happened for you since wewrapped up a year ago.
Jessica (21:31):
It's really interesting .
I mean, it's completely tiedinto what we were just talking
about and there's so much thatyou said that I want to touch on
.
There's also something you saidearlier the piece about how it
never quite looks like how youthink it will, that even when
your vision starts to come tolife because yours is coming to
(21:53):
life you did give birth it'sjust like, oh, I did give birth.
Melissa (21:56):
I do have a one-year-old baby.
Jessica (21:58):
Yeah and it's like, oh, but it has a life of its own.
One thing I've been reallythinking a lot about is how,
when the dream comes, it's stilla part of real life.
I think I spent a lot of mylife in fantasy and thinking my
dreams would save me or be thisperfect version of life, and
that wasn't intentional, itwasn't conscious, but I wasn't
(22:21):
factoring in all of the reallife stuff that is always going
to be there alongside themanifestation of those beautiful
things.
Melissa (22:30):
Because it almost feels like it's separate from like it
lives over in like a shelf,like a trophy.
Jessica (22:35):
Yeah, Like I would go into these meditations and
envision all these things Iwanted to manifest and it was
always just joy, joy, joy, joy,joy joy, joy and over the summer
I started to go, go, forexample, like imagining my
beautiful home that I one daywant to live in.
What would it be like to do thetaxes, the property taxes, on
that home, oh my god, what abummer dreamer you are.
Melissa (22:59):
How would I fix the flooding that might happen in
the basement?
Jessica (23:03):
because I think one of my life lessons has been
learning to merge dream andreality, and it has always felt
like my dreams escaped me, likeI was always striving for
something out there, and I thinkthe reason they were always out
there was because I couldn'tquite factor in or make it
tangible by rooting it inreality, or make it tangible by
(23:25):
rooting it in reality, which isthat, yes, I will have, let's
say, this beautiful house andthis beautiful partner and this
beautiful career, and I'm alsogoing to get sick and my kids
are going to maybe be littleassholes.
Melissa (23:42):
Oh my God.
Your new tagline is bummerdreamer.
We should make a song, Bummerdreamer song.
Jessica (23:48):
It'll be the new intro to Inner Rebel.
Melissa (23:50):
Yeah.
Jessica (23:51):
Yeah, life things that are always happening, that are
always unfolding, that are notin our control, like you just
said, like all of the ways inwhich you went into overwhelm
because of what life wasbringing you in the midst of
creating this vision that was soclose to your heart.
I think I had to make peace withthat, and maybe this sounds so
(24:13):
obvious to everyone else, but itwasn't to me.
It really wasn't.
That was only kind of a recentrevelation, but it's already
proven to have some prettyamazing results, which I'll get
to.
But prior to that, I reallywent into this year very
intentionally to give iteverything I had to create what
I wanted.
I learned once again that Idon't have control over anything
(24:38):
and much of the year was spentin confusion and it was really
hard.
It was like my dreams werebeing dangled and then taken
away.
I think I kept saying to youit's like I think I'm coming out
of the womb and then I go rightback in.
So it was really confusing.
(24:59):
Yeah, yeah, it was funny, purydog.
Like I kept thinking oh, Ifinally broke through, it's
finally happening, and then itwould go away or I'd lose it or
something else would come in andmake it impossible.
So I felt like I was in aholding pattern that I couldn't
control and it took a long timeto surrender to it.
(25:20):
But I eventually did.
And it was in the surrenderingthat everything began to change.
Melissa (25:26):
Surrendering that everything began to change.
Gosh, isn't that how it alwaysgoes?
Fuck, it's true, it's real.
It's what you have to do.
You have to get unattached.
Well, cheers to you, girl.
Thank you.
Now.
What was it like?
Just too many beat downs?
Like a give up?
Like what was the surrender?
What did it look like?
Jessica (25:46):
There was what felt like a giant manifestation came
through I mean, I don't reallylove the word manifestation, but
a huge opportunity that I wasexcited about and then it
disappeared and it was nothingto do with me.
The opportunity itself fellapart.
It wasn't about me, but thatfelt like a final straw and it
(26:06):
threw me into a weird kind ofportal.
Like I thought I was going tohave a very busy, very active
summer, living a dream, andinstead everything got extremely
still and quiet and veryuncomfortable, and I spent the
first part of that grieving andin a lot of confusion.
My birthday's in June and Ithought I was going to go into
(26:28):
my birthday like this is goingto be my new life.
I'm entering a new chapter.
I finally made it, and then itwas days before my birthday that
I got the news, and so insteadI really had to grieve it for a
little while, like there was ahuge empty space that was
created because my plans hadjust been taken away.
(26:49):
So I was in this empty space andI was feeling really sad.
I think I shared this onanother podcast that I just did,
but I'll share it again becauseI think it's really important.
I was doing a lot of meditatingand I was meditating one day
and a voice kind of came throughthat was like we're obviously
trying to give you everythingyou want.
Why are you pushing against it?
Like there was something aboutme resisting.
(27:12):
What is me resisting and notsurrendering to the
circumstances I was in, that hitme differently, like I was
pushing, I was trying to makestuff happen, I was angry about
it.
And if I zoomed out and went,this is all for me and I've been
very clear about what I want,and maybe life is orchestrating
(27:35):
that for me in the background.
It just doesn't look like how Ithink it should.
What would I do differently?
I would just surrender.
I would just be still.
I would make the most of thestillness.
Melissa (27:48):
I would just be still, I would make the most of the
stillness.
Jessica (27:49):
What if this is the last little bit of stillness I
get in my life?
How would I enjoy it?
Melissa (27:54):
And that's what I did?
Jessica (27:55):
I started to embrace the stillness and allow myself
to be in the void.
And then everything changed andthen everything flipped, and
now my life is being turned onits head because so many things
are now coming true inunexpected ways and going to
alter.
I'm supposed to accept my lifeas is Life is happening for me
(28:32):
these things.
Melissa (28:32):
It's like we've heard it, we've read the memes.
They're in the self-help books,we know, and there's a very big
difference.
And this is like the differenceof reading something in a book
and living it or having anexperiential learning is that it
takes what it takes for you toget that Like in your life.
(28:53):
It's not just that simple.
You know, I read the book theSurrender Experiment recently
again, like a second time, andit's that idea right, like what,
if we stop saying it's notsupposed to be this way, that's
right.
I was supposed to get adifferent phone call, that
funding was supposed to havegone through, that person was
supposed to have said this, thatmarriage was supposed to have
(29:15):
gone another way.
And I think a majority ofpeople live their lives like
that and I think we included.
You know it's not like we'relike, oh, I'm done thinking that
, but I think that is how welive our lives so often is it
wasn't supposed to be that way.
Jessica (29:32):
Yeah, and what I was doing was trying to give it all
so much meaning.
This job came for me and thengot taken away.
What did I do to lose that?
And like I'm at fault, like thethings that go wrong, like I did
something wrong to deserve thisExactly, and it was really
helpful for me to depersonalizeit as well and go maybe I did
(29:59):
nothing, maybe this is just lifesometimes, or maybe the timing
isn't the right timing.
What if I just trust it andthat's a new place for me,
making meaning out of it.
Melissa (30:09):
I do think in the realm of personal growth, in the
realm of spirituality, it'salmost like you got to make it
mean something.
What are the planets doing?
And like, oh gosh, does Freya,this goddess, does she have
something to do with it?
What does she want from me?
(30:30):
And it can be this hole you godown trying to figure out
exactly what it means.
And the truth is, we can decideexactly what it means.
That's the curse and the giftof being human is you get to
choose.
I think it feels safer to tryto really wrap your arms around
(30:51):
like a specific meaning of it,but it can also be to the
detriment of us, where we'realways seeking this deeper
meaning out of everything.
I don't know.
Maybe an owl just fucking flewby me.
Maybe the owl isn't like comingfrom the heavens and trying to
teach me something.
Maybe the fucking owl just flewin front of me.
I don't know, you know.
Jessica (31:10):
Totally and I think I can look back and see value and
see meaning and see the lessonsI took and how it's playing out
now in beautiful ways.
But I don't think we can alwaysknow the meaning in the moment
that we're in it.
We have to kind of see itthrough before we understand it
in it.
We have to kind of see itthrough before we understand it.
I think there was meaning in me, learning to give up my
(31:31):
attachments and expectations andstop personalizing everything
and stop making meaning.
So that was my summer.
I don't even know how to segueinto, just take a hard left into
bliss.
What happened since is adifferent opportunity showed up
that brought me to Torontoanother acting job.
(31:54):
The previous thing that didn'twork out was a film, because I'm
an actor too.
So I had a film opportunity andthen the film lost its funding.
But I got a new job.
I came to Toronto and veryunexpectedly have fallen in love
.
Melissa (32:12):
We're saying it out loud now.
We're saying it out loud I waslike did you tell the world
before you told him, or does healready know this?
No, we're in love.
All right good.
Jessica (32:19):
And I'm going to not reveal too much because it's new
and I want to protect it and Idon't need to reveal all of
those details.
But I can speak to my ownprocess around this and what led
me here and what brought it in.
And there's something reallyprofound for me in this
(32:40):
experience because I find it soaffirming.
I find it so affirming,validating that when it's time
and when something is meant foryou, you cannot miss it.
Nothing has felt easier.
After being single for a brutalamount of time, I was
(33:03):
chronically single and I hadbeen told over and over that I
was doing it wrong, that therewas by who?
I don't need to name names, but.
Melissa (33:15):
But like a lot of people in your friends, there
were friends.
Jessica (33:18):
There were family members who were genuinely
concerned about me, thinkingthat there must be some really
deep blocks or unhealed trauma,that I was sabotaging myself,
that I wasn't actually openbecause my way of navigating the
dating scene was not typicaland really uncomfortable for me.
(33:42):
We even did it on this podcastand I was pushing myself to do
things that did not feel good,did not feel right for me, and
it was awful.
And eventually I just gave it upand I knew in my heart and this
is why I say it's so affirmingI knew in my heart that if the
right person showed up, Iwouldn't sabotage it.
If the right person camethrough, I knew I would receive
(34:07):
it and lean in.
But no one seemed to believe mewhen I kept saying that he
wasn't showing up.
You know, like you get on anapp and everyone I liked didn't
like me, and everyone who likedme I didn't like it, just felt
like we were just missing eachother and I was like, why is the
kind of person that I so wantto be with not showing up in my
(34:27):
reality?
And now I'm looking dark andwhen nothing seems to be coming
through and nothing came throughfor me for so long, and here I
(34:53):
am, as a coach and a teacher ofhuman design, trying to teach
this stuff and it feeling hardon the inside, when I don't
necessarily have verification,complete verification that it's
true, like certain things wereplaying out for sure.
(35:13):
that validated its truth to me.
But some of my bigger dreamsfelt out of reach and now I have
the most validating real lifeexperience that I can honor
myself and I can do it my wayand it's going to be okay and
(35:34):
life will deliver.
Melissa (35:37):
Also known as your inner rebel.
Jessica (35:38):
Yeah, she knew.
She knew.
And I can't even put into wordshow beautiful my reality has
just become.
Put into words, how beautifulmy reality has just become, I
can't.
It's better than anything Icould have dreamed of.
And I say that I say that toclients all the time that our
minds are so limited and life isso much more creative than our
(35:59):
minds could ever be.
And I'm having that experiencenow and it's also overwhelming
because it is, like I said,challenging ideas I have about
my life and how it's supposed tolook.
But the felt experience is,yeah, this, and so I have to
trust that.
I wish we could hug.
(36:19):
I know Me too.
Melissa (36:21):
And our listeners we still haven't met in person.
Jessica (36:24):
It's going to change really soon.
I have a feeling.
Melissa (36:26):
Really soon.
I know that's all I want to dois hug you.
Jessica (36:30):
It's just like but it's challenging me in the best way
to be present and be with theunfolding.
Life knows more than me, so bepresent for it and allow it to
unfold and show me what I'm hereto do and who I'm here to love.
And so far it's been profound.
So that is my news.
Melissa (36:51):
You're just a ball of love.
Jessica (36:52):
Which I think brings us back to authenticity.
Just like you went through yourchallenge, the challenges that
I went through brought me deeperand deeper into myself.
Challenge, the challenges thatI went through brought me deeper
and deeper into myself.
And my therapist and I had aconversation about resonance
that when you are true toyourself and living at your most
authentic frequency, it's likelife attracts like then
(37:13):
everything at that frequencywill find you and magnetize
towards you, and I've never feltthat more clearly than I now do
.
Melissa (37:25):
Yeah, the frequency is being matched.
Jessica (37:27):
The challenge is bringing you deeper home into
yourself, and that everythingthat is a match to your
resonance, to your frequency, toyour authenticity cannot miss
you.
Melissa (37:39):
You're not a bummer dreamer.
Look at you.
You really turned that around.
Jessica (37:43):
You totally redeemed yourself on that I've never
believed in magic more.
Yeah, it's true.
Melissa (37:49):
I fucking love magic.
It's real, it's so real and Ihave Jack, who's seven and he'll
be like magic's not real andI'm like you don't know what
you're saying.
It's like magic as it'sportrayed in magic tricks.
But if we think about life andmagic and being able to
recognize and call out thosemoments where you're like
there's proof, I do think weneed proof that magic is real,
(38:14):
and so I'm so glad that it's onthe big screen for you right now
that there is an undeniable,felt sense that it's real and
you'll never unknow that.
You'll never unknow what you'regetting to experience right now
and you have this proof.
Jessica (38:29):
But it was six years of having to surrender and live in
the dark and have no certainty,no guarantee of any kind of
outcome, and doing it anyway,trusting anyway and not settling
, believing anyway, believinganyway.
Melissa (38:44):
So that's my takeaway I mean, there's no such thing as
certainty, really no, it doesn'texist.
Life is uncertain period,constant.
It's constant uncertainty, butwe just grasp onto things to be
like it's guaranteed.
Here's the set of rules I canabide by that make me feel feel
safe.
If you think you have some sortof guarantee, it feels safe.
There's no certainty in any ofthe things we're experiencing
(39:05):
now, but I think what actualcertainty feels like for me is
that the more you go intoyourself, the more you learn who
you are, the more you trustyourself, the more you withstand
some shit, the certaintybecomes you Exactly.
I can count on myself.
I've got my own back.
(39:26):
I know I can handle this.
Jessica (39:28):
You've learned what you're made of.
You've learned what yourcapacity is and that you have
the resources to be okay, nomatter what, to meet life where
it's at, no matter what.
I think that's all we can do.
Melissa (39:39):
Yeah.
Jessica (39:40):
So bravo to us.
Melissa (39:42):
We're doing great.
We should call this one life onthe other side.
But it is so nice to be in agood space.
It's so nice, it's like beingmade into a diamond, right when
you think you can't take thatpressure anymore, then you
become a beautiful tiny.
Jessica (39:56):
Yeah, but let me reiterate that it comes with its
own set of challenges.
So this is what I mean bydreaming, and in those dreams
that reality is also reality.
So, yes, I'm in this incredibleunfolding of a new chapter that
I'm very excited about and it'sreally throwing me off my game
(40:16):
at the same time at the sametime, and challenging deep core
fears that I have, and I'mhaving to be with those and to
be present for the beauty of itsimultaneously.
And that is its own practice,right.
So there's a lot to say that Iknow we're not going to cover
right now.
But yeah, it's messy and it'suncertain, and then if you can
(40:38):
be in a place of presence withinthat, if you can be trusting of
that, then I think you're kindof unstoppable.
I think that is power.
Melissa (40:50):
It is.
We actually did a beautiful.
It was one of my favorite.
We've done a lot of epicworkshops at the Nova, yours
included, and we had oneyesterday on redefining our
relationships with power, andit's actually part of the theme
of our month at the nova, andher model that she's created is
like 36 different kinds of power.
Maybe it's even more than that,and one of the things that was
(41:11):
so beautiful about that call andthat call, combined with an
experience that I just had onretreat with sarah janks, who's
going to be one of our gueststhis season is that our own
personal power looks and feelsso much different than each
other and that we have this ideaof this power over like.
So much of our view of power islike shadow powers, which you
(41:32):
talked about.
Larissa Conte is her name, andwhat we got through this
embodied experience on the callwas everyone could actually feel
in their bodies what their ownpower felt like and you could
identify like.
One of my powers is communitypower, and so she had all of
these things that you don'tnormally think of as like your
(41:54):
gifts of power, and it was sucha beautiful way to reframe it,
and in Sarah Jenks' retreat, shehad us actually embody like
broadcast is the term what ourpower was, and it was this whole
I mean, it was a whole longexperience.
But you watched 150 womenstanding all around the room
projecting what their powerlooked like, and some were like
(42:15):
so soft, some was erotic, minewas like oh, like Some was
erotic, mine was like, oh, like,oh, you know, and, but it was
so beautiful to really feel likeyou're in your version of your
power and it is so differentthan mine and it is perfect.
Jessica (42:33):
I love that.
Melissa (42:33):
Yeah.
Jessica (42:41):
I'm curious before we go, because we're in season two
of Inner Rebel how has yourrelationship with your rebel
changed?
Melissa (42:47):
She doesn't feel as rebellious.
It feels like there's lessproving behind my rebel and less
of there was something wrongwith her, kind of like what
(43:09):
you're saying about all thesepeople had a different belief on
how you should approach datingand what you found was actually
your way was the perfect way foryou.
I think it's just an acceptanceof the fact that I am me and
that doesn't actually have tohave like a charge behind it.
Like sometimes that rebelfeeling can be like it can be
(43:30):
resentful, it can have angerfueling it, it can have proving
fueling it, and I feel likewhat's flipped for me and I feel
like what's flipped for me isthe energy underneath her is
more of like what I got actuallyat this retreat was like one of
my gifts is my light, is beinga light weaver is actually what
(43:52):
I got very, very, very loud andclear, and so what's driving me
has shifted and so it's moreabout shining than it is about
the other things and that feelsdifferent for everyone involved
in my life.
Jessica (44:08):
Remember we talked about ambition versus aspiration
.
It feels like shifting fromproving to love.
Like I think when we move awayfrom proving we actually fall
into service, it takes on adifferent quality.
Melissa (44:24):
And that shift really has just happened over the last
month.
My foot I had plantar fasciitisfor five months and I couldn't
move in my normal way, Icouldn't be out in nature like I
like to be, I couldn't do highintensity activity like I like
to be.
I had a lot of pain and I wasdoing this breathwork session a
few weeks ago and my body,spirit, intuition, whatever was
(44:48):
talking to me, was like you'rehealed now You're able to run
again, now that you're runningtowards something different.
Oh, my gosh chills.
And I, literally my foot waslike, it wasn't like, but it was
within like a week, like I cando everything.
Jessica (45:07):
I am full body buzzing.
Melissa (45:09):
It was wild that resonates so deeply.
Yeah, I was like I'm going tolet you run again, like
literally and metaphorically,because the place from which you
are running is different, whatyou're running towards is
different, and I literally havelike actually run four times
since then, without pain, andthe energy to which I feel like
I'm leading this company andthis movement and the meaning
(45:31):
that I'm making or not makingout of things feels so much
different and I feel like I justkeep dropping head to heart,
like head to heart, like get outof the head, drop into the
heart, now decide, and so Ithink the place from which I'm
coming from now just I havegoosebumps.
It just feels so much.
It feels like love, it feelslike love versus fear and yeah,
(45:55):
and fear was really fuckingrunning the show.
Yeah, really running the show.
Jessica (45:57):
I think it was for most of us, for most of our lives.
Melissa (46:00):
Yeah.
Jessica (46:00):
And I think that is exactly what happened to me in
the summer when I told you Ichose to surrender.
I think that is just movingfrom fear to love.
Yeah, not letting it run theshow anymore.
Well, look at that.
Look at that.
Melissa (46:13):
So how has your rebel shifted?
Jessica (46:15):
I think it's similar.
I think that's why, like yousaid, us having this
conversation now is verydifferent than it would have
been a couple months ago, but Ithink I have a lot more trust in
her and I feel like I can movemore gently now.
Melissa (46:34):
Yeah, yeah, may we forever remain in this feeling.
Jessica (46:39):
I know, by the end of this season?
I'm so curious.
We'll be like tearing at ourhair.
Melissa (46:45):
But day one is going great.
Here in your Rebel season two,we are really nailing it.
Jessica (46:52):
There is a lot of beauty to me about witnessing
our growth, to be here now aftera year, having given it the
space to think of where we werewhen we were doing the last
season and how so much I thinkof what we learned through the
podcast, but also in our lives,has been integrated, and how not
(47:14):
that we're done, obviously, butthat we're seeing the shifts,
the changes in our lives as aresult, and that's so exciting.
Melissa (47:22):
I'm so happy that we're back together.
Jessica (47:25):
Me too.
Is there anything you wouldlike to share publicly in terms
of your intention for the season?
Melissa (47:39):
Oh gosh, actually the two words that have really been
guiding our company and thedecisions that we're making have
been elevate and deepen.
And it's almost like if youthink about roots going deeper
to expand out.
I have this beautiful tree onmy vision board that sits in
front of me and it's like that.
It's like I want to deepen intothe conversations and amplify
our impact bigger in the senseof both of our capacities have
(47:59):
expanded and so I think thecapacity of this podcast is
going to expand as a result ofthat and I think the lives that
we're going to touch are goingto expand as a result of that
and the conversations I thinkwere amazing and deep before,
but I think the access thatwe're going to have now it's
going to feel different thanbefore.
So I'm really looking forward tothe unknown around all of that
(48:25):
and being in the magic of whatgets to unfold over the next
season together.
Jessica (48:31):
Amen, I'm going to leave it at that.
That was perfect.
Melissa (48:35):
All right, we'll see you on the next episode.
Jessica (48:37):
I'm so excited, thank you, thank you, love you For
calling us back.
Melissa (48:43):
I love you so much, love you All right, goodbye,
goodbye.
I love you.
Jessica (48:48):
I love you.
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