June 18, 2025 • 47 mins
What if you didn’t have to choose between ambition and softness? Between motherhood and creative identity? In this rich and honest conversation, mindset coach and former Rockette Sam Harvey shares what it took to walk away from a picture-perfect marriage, grieve the life she thought she wanted, and begin again—on her own terms. We talk about the hidden layers of reinvention, the courage it takes to follow your truth before it makes sense, and the chosen grief that often precedes expansion.
Now pregnant, newly relocated, and building a completely new chapter from the ground up, Sam reflects on community, motherhood, and what it means to hold vision in the face of uncertainty. This episode is a powerful reminder that honoring your desire might just be the most radical thing you ever do.
Topics:
- Redefining motherhood and creative identity
- Pregnancy, visibility, and reinvention
- Community and emotional scaffolding
- Leaving old timelines behind
- Building a life from vision, not fear
- Being seen while still in process
- The courage to choose something different
- Joy, softness, and aligned ambition
If you loved today’s episode, please leave a review and share your favorite takeaways by screenshotting this episode and tagging us on Instagram! We also have a free monthly community call on the first Wednesday of every month, join here!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
UNKNOWN (00:00):
Hmm.
SPEAKER_01 (00:02):
To even question what you've been told is true is
incredibly courageous.
It doesn't always feel likecourage what looks like courage
to other people.
For me, it feels like survival.
This is our personal medicine.
SPEAKER_00 (00:15):
If I'm surrounded by thinkers, by lovers, by passion,
by integrity, then I really dothink that I know who I am.
SPEAKER_02 (00:21):
There is a peace that is indescribable when
you're being who you are andyou're living your purpose.
I'm not going to come to the endof my life and be like, I didn't
live the life I was meant tolive.
SPEAKER_03 (00:30):
Can I be so comfortable in the idea and so
comfortable in that uncertaintythat every version of it is
going to be okay.
SPEAKER_04 (00:38):
This is the Inner Rebel Podcast.
It's been so long, so we talkedabout this.
Welcome to Inner Rebel, SamanthaJo Harvey.
(01:06):
We are so happy to have youhere.
And what about Sam before wedive in?
She's a former professionaldancer and fitness expert turned
soul activator, intuitivebusiness mentor, and high
performance coach helping womenunleash their power to create
epic results and a life thatfeels fucking great.
We are all about that.
(01:26):
I love you guys already.
She's obsessed with helpingwomen own their truth, trust
themselves, activate their innerwild woman, and have it all.
The man, the money, the magic,and all the miracles in between.
No more self-sacrificing,self-abandoning.
Oh, we've got some shimmyinggoing on over here for those who
can't see.
No more self-abandoning,burnout, overwhelm, or denying
(01:47):
your desires.
Your full-out life is waiting.
Well, I'm all in for that.
Jess gave you a woo, so I feellike she's on board.
SPEAKER_03 (01:56):
I'm also a little feverish today, so.
Oh, dear.
If anyone's watching the videoand I just start to sweat
profusely as this goes, Iapologize.
Oh, my God.
I'm fully here.
I'm so present, so excited.
I'm really happy to meet you.
Thanks for joining us today,Sam.
I'm
SPEAKER_05 (02:11):
so pumped to be here.
Thank you, guys.
I can't wait to see where we go.
I'm like, inner rebel.
Yes, this is my jam.
You are my people.
So I can't wait.
Thanks for having me.
It's going to get weird.
I just feel it already.
SPEAKER_03 (02:23):
Well, that is actually our first question for
you.
What is your relationship withyour inner
SPEAKER_05 (02:30):
rebel?
(02:53):
I remember this, but I rememberreally wanting to be able to
wear clothes from Hot Topic, butI was like a triple zero because
I was very young and my mom waslike, we're shopping at the
Limited 2.
And the Limited 2, for anyonethat doesn't know that, has like
little t-shirts with patches ofsmiley faces and sunshine.
And I was like, I just want tobe in black and leather and like
(03:15):
I am this artist.
And I think I was probably inlike sixth grade.
Like I was young for that.
So I think I always had thisconnection to my inner rebel.
I always felt that.
But I also felt the confines ofneeding to be the good girl,
needing to get it right, beingreally concerned about judgment,
wanting to do everything rightfor my mom and to, you know,
(03:36):
show up as my best self, but notreally knowing what that was.
So I feel like it's been areally interesting journey.
journey.
Of identifying with her,connecting with her, but not
giving her full permission as ayoung person.
And my journey into adulthoodand particularly in my 30s was
this full permission granting ofme being able to fully express
myself in all the ways.
SPEAKER_03 (03:57):
I feel like Melissa and I are both relating so
deeply to what was just said.
SPEAKER_04 (04:02):
Well, I was not a valedictorian, though, were you?
SPEAKER_03 (04:04):
No, it was just the perfectionist, the mindset, the
good girl.
And it has been a journey forall of us to discover what it
even meant to connect.
to this inner rebel and expressthat in our lives.
SPEAKER_04 (04:16):
This is funny.
When you raised your hand forvaledictorian, then I was like,
shit, I wish I was valedictorianso I could fit into this room.
I mean, I only got a 3.9 incollege.
SPEAKER_03 (04:24):
How dare you?
I wasn't even a straight Astudent.
I'm terrible at math, but Idefinitely was a perfectionist
and a lot of my worth was comingfrom these external achievements
and making sure that I wasplaying life out by these
markers and these rules.
So over the course of your life,this has been a moment clicked
for you or was there a happeningor an event in your life that
(04:47):
invited you into relationshipwith your rebel?
SPEAKER_05 (04:50):
Oh, that's really good and juicy.
The first thing that comes up ismy former marriage.
So I was also dancing, which Ithink played into that
perfectionist, that likeconstant picking apart of myself
in the mirror, constantlystriving for better, for more.
And when I moved to New dancedon Broadway was a Broadway
(05:14):
choreographer and I was theprofessional dancer and on paper
it just made sense like it wasthis perfect you know they're
literally like Broadway showsabout the director and the
dancer and their relationshipsand I'd like we kind of lived
that and we were really amazingat working together but we were
not amazing in relationshiptogether and we were married for
(05:35):
a little bit of time and I feltmyself getting smaller and
dimmer and smaller and dimmerand And there came a turning
point where I was like, this isnot it.
I know that I meant for more.
I know that I meant toexperience more.
I meant to have more love.
I meant to have more money.
And that reckoning with myselfof I know I meant for more, but
(05:58):
I have everything on paperthat's supposed to make me
happy, that everyone outside ofthis is celebrating and really
needing to decide, do I continueto self-abandon and continue
this fake smiling on the outsidewhen I'm dying and suffocating
on the inside?
the inside?
Or do I choose and lean into mytruth, which is there is
actually more for me.
And ultimately, after some yearsof personal development and
(06:21):
therapy and all of that work, itreally is the thing that brought
me into this world.
I made the choice to leave.
And at the time, I mean, I stillthink to this day, divorce is
not necessarily sociallyacceptable.
It's not something that wecelebrate.
It's not something that wenecessarily honor when someone
decides that this is no longer afit for them.
But it was probably the biggestturning point for me in really
(06:45):
honoring myself.
SPEAKER_03 (06:46):
Hmm.
I'm divorced too, by the way.
And it was also a huge, hugecatalyst in my life as well.
So I really do honor that andhonor that journey.
SPEAKER_05 (06:55):
Congratulations.
Thank you.
Congratulations to you too.
Thank you.
I always ask people, you know,when people are like, I'm going
through a breakup, I'm like, isthis an I'm sorry or is this a
congratulations?
Because I don't know who am I tosay from the outside.
And so...
SPEAKER_04 (07:08):
I want to honor you and say congrats, girl.
Thank you.
It's so interesting.
Anyone that I've known that'sgotten divorced has been such a
celebration.
And maybe that's because I livein a more liberal place and
we're like, yeah, live yourlife, girl.
It
SPEAKER_03 (07:21):
did not feel like a celebration for me in the
beginning at all.
I mean, I went kicking andscreaming.
I really resisted it as long asI possibly could.
I don't know what that was likefor you.
But something that you said,what sparked in me was you went
through years of therapy andstarting this personal
development journey.
It's not something we doovernight because it takes so
(07:43):
much courage.
It is so scary.
And you have to take this leapof faith, hoping that on the
other side is all the thingsthat you hope and dream for and
that they might come through.
But there's also a chance in theback of our mind that they
won't.
It's a risk.
And you're giving up the onesecure, stable, societally
approved thing that you havethat you're supposed to At least
for me, like so much of myself-identity was wrapped in
(08:05):
that achievement.
One thousand percent.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_05 (08:07):
It was wild.
And I think that it was reallychoosing, like, do I continue
with something that I know isn'thealthy, that I know is not
good, that I know is not goodfor me?
And I think it really helped melean into trusting myself and
finding my voice and releasing,you know, I had this weird story
when I was a kid.
I was like, I don't want to turnout like my mom.
My mom was divorced.
(08:28):
I came from a divorced householdand my sister and I had this
pact of like, we're going to doit.
And then I found myselfrepeating these patterns and I'm
like, holy fuck, like.
Oh, I want it to be right, too.
I want to be like, no, I'm doingit differently.
So there were so many layers.
And I also feel like a lot of myclients actually are moved
through a lot of relationshipthings with me.
And I find that when womeninitiate a divorce, that it has
(08:52):
been a very long time coming.
We don't just make rashdecisions.
We really try in general tofigure it out and to be in that
role and to really be in thatcare.
And I think that there's a levelof chosen grief that we have to
step into and we have to agreeto in order to follow our truth
and follow what we know is meantfor us and really stepping into
(09:15):
that chosen grief and what couldhave been and what we wished
would have happened and whereyou saw your life.
It is a really big undertaking.
It takes a lot of strength, Ithink.
SPEAKER_03 (09:25):
A lot of strength, a lot of courage.
And I don't know if you'd callit faith.
Or trust or just surrender.
I'm not sure what that momentwas for you.
But do you remember the momentthat you made that decision?
What that felt like?
SPEAKER_05 (09:37):
I remember a conversation where my best
friend was like, what's it goingto take for you to leave?
And I was walking in New YorkCity.
I was outside of an equinox.
I remember the conversationbecause it just hit me so
deeply.
And I couldn't at that point.
I did not have it.
I was not ready.
And then when I actually did saylike i can't do this anymore it
(09:58):
was the straw that broke thecamel's back like it was the
smallest tiniest random thingthat i never would have thought
would have been the separationbut i really attribute it you
know back to that conversationwith my friend where she was
willing to be honest and saywhat's it going to take and i'm
like how often do we get to askourselves that question what's
it going to take to make a shiftin our health or what's it going
to take to make a shift in ourbusiness or our finances or how
(10:20):
we relate to our partner or youany really big thing that's
maybe not sitting well with us,what's it going to take?
How bad does it have to get?
It's
SPEAKER_03 (10:27):
amazing how low the bottom has to go.
You think you've hit rock bottomand then that's not actually it.
Totally.
You've hit it again and you keepsinking deeper, deeper and
deeper and deeper.
I think most of us are willingto experience an immense amount
of pain before we actually wantto make the change.
And I'm not exactly sure whatthat is, the pain of what we
know versus what we don't know,maybe.
SPEAKER_05 (10:48):
Well, and also for me, it was like, who am I to
have everything that I want?
What do Mm-hmm.
(11:10):
I think that's why I come backto this idea of granting myself
permission, granting anyone thatI come into contact with full
permission to go do, have,create everything that you want
because I didn't see that.
That's the rebel.
So how can we do anythingdifferent if we don't see it?
We don't know it.
SPEAKER_04 (11:24):
That's the rebel, guys.
Jess is having a moment.
It is the rebel.
Well, I'm so curious now becausethere's change that we invoke
from rock bottom and there'schange...
We invoke because we arecreating it from pleasure, from
desire.
And so I'm curious, what does ittake for you now?
Because you're in a massiveseason of transformation.
You just uprooted your life torural Maryland from being a big
(11:46):
city girl.
You're pregnant.
Oh, yeah.
You have a husband now.
I mean, you're like goingthrough it all right now.
And so what does it take now foryou to choose your path
consciously and proactivelyversus how it used to be for
you?
SPEAKER_05 (12:00):
That is juicy.
That is really a great question.
I think that just over the yearsI've practiced asking myself,
what do I want?
What do I desire?
What would feel good?
If I could have anything Iwanted, what would my life look
like?
And I will say it was verydifferent five years ago, seven
years ago, that idea of whathaving it all looked like and
(12:22):
meant completely different thanright now where I'm like, I'm
having a baby.
I have a partnership.
We're building businessestogether.
It's completely different thanthe younger version of me that's
like, I want to travel and Iwant to fly first class and I
want to like have all theseworldly things.
But I think that practicing isnumber one, giving myself
permission to dream.
Can I literally sit with myjournal or my visualizations or
(12:44):
my meditations or my body and belike, what do you actually want?
What do you actually want?
Not what does your mom want foryou or what does society think
that you want?
But what do I actually want?
What does my soul want?
What will make me feel mostalive?
So practice.
And then I think being incommunities with other women
that are dreamers, that arewilling to go after the things
(13:04):
that they want, that don't thinkit's crazy, that don't think I'm
too much, that don't think mydreams are too much.
And I think that supportivecommunity is huge.
And then I think also choosing apartner that is totally
supportive.
focused on the future and thevision and what is possible
versus what's always been iskey.
I'm so glad you said my favorite
SPEAKER_04 (13:24):
C word, community.
I know my audience.
No, just kidding.
It's a thread, right?
It's a thread in your life.
I know we don't know each otherlike deeply, but I feel like
that's a thread, right?
Even if you just look at it fromthe surface of being in
community as a Rockette, right?
Being in community as in yourcoaching business, being in
community.
I know you were in Sarah JenksCouncil and that's how we met.
(13:44):
Yeah.
And I mean, I'll say this tillthe day I die, that I think it's
the number one thing that weneed to really live our lives.
And I'll use your word, fullout, because it's the
permission.
It's the example.
It's the holding you.
It's the mirror.
It's the asking you thosequestions that you're like, why
did you have to ask me that?
Like, what's it going to take?
You know, why are you holding melike to my values?
And so I would love to just Haveyou shared a little bit about
(14:08):
like, what is your perception ofthe role of community in your
life?
It's
SPEAKER_05 (14:13):
everything.
I cannot stress it enough,especially, you know, it's been
interesting because I thinkgrowing up, community was
challenging for me because thatperfectionist and overachiever
in me, it also created a lot ofchallenge with me and my
relationships with women.
So getting the ballet solo at 12years old ostracized me from my
(14:33):
group of friends there.
Getting into Rockettes wasamazing, but it also really
separated me from a lot of mycollege dance friends.
And so having some uniqueexperiences with women and
growing up in many differentways where women were judging
and comparing and projecting andme not knowing really how to
handle that, also I'm a 3.5 inhuman design, so I feel like
there's a lot of projection thathappens.
(14:55):
So there was a turning pointwhere I was lone wolf.
I was trying to do everythingalone.
And really, when I started doingnetwork marketing, I was like,
oh, well, this is kind of fun towork with people.
Well, this is kind of fun to becelebrated by people.
This is kind of cool.
But then as I stepped more intothe spiritual work and the
energetic work and the mindsetwork, I just saw how different I
(15:16):
felt when I was around peoplethat believed in me or that had
dreams of their own that weren'ttriggered by my big idea about
doing whatever I wanted to do.
And so these days I find thatmost of my community is online
and I have girlfriends aroundthe world and they are
everything, whether it's aWhatsApp message, whether it is
a group Instagram message, agroup text, or a really specific
(15:38):
I don't think I would be able todo anything that I'm doing
without them.
It's one thing to have yourpartner, but I also believe your
partner can't be everything foryou.
I don't think it's fair.
And so I owe it to him.
I owe it to myself.
I owe it to my dreams to besupported by other women.
SPEAKER_06 (15:54):
And
SPEAKER_05 (15:56):
as I step into motherhood, I am looking to
create really beautifulvisualizations and images for
what's possible for me as I stepinto this.
It's my first baby.
I love working.
And I also really want to be apresent mom.
And a lot of the stuff that I'mseeing online is just talking
about how hard it is and howchallenging this is.
And while I really want to honorthat experience as someone who's
(16:18):
not there yet and who wants tocreate something beautiful for
myself, it's really challengingto see that.
And Melissa, I feel like youwere someone who just like
dropped in the most amazingthing.
So I tried on this hat.
I'm in this rural town.
I'm at this crazy little shopand I see this sparkle hat and
I'm like putting it on like, doI need this?
Do I not need this?
And I I put this funny story upon Instagram, like, should this
(16:40):
be my birth hat?
My dog walk hat?
Do I need this?
And you messaged and you werelike, oh, definitely.
You get to birth in that.
Here's what I did at my birthand here's what's possible.
And that meant so much becausewe're inundated with what's not
working.
SPEAKER_06 (16:54):
And
SPEAKER_05 (16:55):
so just even having that message opened my eyes to
more possibility.
And I'm like, we as women needto see possibility.
Yes, we need to honor when lifelives.
Yes, we need to honor thechallenges.
Yes.
And I think those sacred spacesare really powerful for that.
And what about showing what'spossible?
SPEAKER_04 (17:13):
Yeah.
Well, I don't know if I've toldyou this, Jess, that I birthed a
Snoop Dogg Pandora.
Not the final push, but the 40plus hours into this bitch.
And I was like, I need to changethe scenery, everybody.
And the midwife had been doingthis.
She was a New Yorker and she hadbeen delivering babies forever.
She goes, this is a new one forme.
This is a new one for me.
But the thing that I think isjust so fun, I mean, yeah,
(17:36):
motherhood, crazy.
Like it's the hardest andcoolest thing in the whole
world.
But I think just like everythingto tie this back into community,
being around people who show youwhat's possible, give you
glimmers into the kind of lifethat you would want.
So glimmers into the kind ofmotherhood that you want.
Like I needed people that werelike raveling all the time with
(17:56):
their kids.
And I'm like, Cool.
I don't have to stop that.
I can just like lug this babyall over the world, which we've
done.
And he thankfully is just aneasy, awesome kid.
So we got lucky in that respect.
But I was like, I need examplesof people living life in the way
in which I want to live it.
Obviously, you're going to do itwith your own flavor and flair,
but it's like, yeah, fuck yeah.
Wear that weird hat when youbirth your baby.
SPEAKER_03 (18:17):
But I like to add like a dimension about community
because I think
SPEAKER_04 (18:21):
the
SPEAKER_03 (18:21):
community is aspect that we're speaking to, there's
like an intimacy to it, right?
There's one thing to hear or towitness on social media that
people are living the lives thatyou want to live, but it's very
curated and we don't know what'sgoing on behind the scenes.
It's very presentational.
And so we can be inspired, butit doesn't actually feel
realistic.
And when you're actually incommunity with people who are
bearing their souls and sharingthe good and the bad and the
(18:44):
ugly and all the different partsof how they made that possible,
then we see it, but it alsofeels believable.
It also feels achievable.
And we also understand that it'salso part of real life and it
comes with mess and hardship anddifficulty.
But then you share and overcomethat together and hold each
other through that together.
It's
SPEAKER_05 (19:00):
like an authenticity and vulnerability that happens
in those containers where that'snurtured versus the social media
like, hey, go do this thing.
Yeah, that feels unattainable.
It's like you could do that.
But like, can I actually dothat?
Or it's used as a sales tactic.
And that feels like really ickyfor me versus that genuine
connection, that genuine.
I see you.
I got you.
(19:20):
I may not have been through thator I have been through that.
I'm here for you
SPEAKER_03 (19:24):
because I'm so much more inspired Thank you so much.
(19:56):
What is the heart along with thereally beautiful things that
you're choosing that you're inthe middle of processing in this
new chapter of motherhood?
SPEAKER_05 (20:04):
Right now, it has been really interesting to watch
my body shift, but not from likea, this is what my body looked
like before and here's where Iam.
It's more of a, I love takingballet class.
And it's what brings me to mysoul, my connection to source.
And I don't have access to thathere.
(20:25):
And I have tried a milliondifferent ways and things.
And that's like a whole sidestory.
But the short of the long is Ihave not found a place that
feels conducive to what I knowbrings me alive.
And so in the midst of thistransition and change, something
that's always been an anchor forme looks really different.
From the outside, it's nothaving the studio.
(20:45):
It's what's happening in mybody, which I'm actually finding
fascinating.
But it's not having access tothe things that I am used to
living in a bigger city from thegym, from the dance studio, from
local community, like actualwomen that have similar views
that I do or have lived a littlebit.
So you just moved?
(21:05):
I moved about seven weeks ago.
Yeah, I'm like just landinghere.
So I think that there's some ofthat that I'm navigating now.
And really, I'm just letting goof everything that I thought was
going to happen.
I mean, everything has literallyflipped upside down and around.
In this moment, I'm not fully inlike the grief.
I'm actually in like a lot ofthe excitement and the like,
(21:26):
wow, this is fascinating andholy crap.
But I just started feeling I'mseven and a half months pregnant
right now.
Like I'm not going to have thisbelly much longer.
And I can feel there's likelayers of grief that will come
afterwards of like missing thisexperience with this little soul
and baby that I'm growing.
It's really it's just aninteresting time.
It feels very in flux, very inthis liminal space and very
(21:49):
unknown.
I've always been someone that'sbeen like, this is my one year
plan, my five year plan, my thisplan.
And I'm like, there are no planslike we're here, which is
actually quite a blessing.
It's a little scary, but it'squite a blessing.
SPEAKER_04 (22:00):
How are you getting supported around that?
And I'm curious because you'dpurposely join a highly
intensive spiritual communitynot too long ago.
Yeah.
How is that?
I mean, so much of trust andliving in the unknown, I
believe, ties back to ourspirituality.
And I'm curious, what are
SPEAKER_05 (22:19):
you leaning on to be okay in this great unknown?
(22:42):
At this point, I have practiced,quote unquote, so much.
I have done the tools so muchthat it's almost like there's
this message of like, Sam, youdon't actually need anything
external.
You really just need to resourceand insource it from you, from
the earth, from source.
And can that be enough?
So if I'm on a dog walk, I'mlike talking to the trees.
(23:03):
I'm like, son, give me the lightcodes, like trees, give me the
support.
Let me feel my feet on theearth.
And That being said, I'm also ina mastermind with a really
incredible, magical woman.
I'm like, she's not a coach.
She's so much more than that.
So just having that support isalso really powerful.
But it's next level.
And I think I'm also last thingI'll say is I'm also really
(23:23):
focused on the birth and thatspiritual journey and what that
will be like for my spirit towalk into that bridge to bring
this soul down into my body andthrough my body.
And being in the awe of that iskind of like my guiding light
right now.
I
SPEAKER_03 (23:41):
love that you brought up this moment of the
unknown and uncertainty andyou're also a mindset coach who
works with people on bringingtheir visions to life and
dreaming big and achieving theirgoals and I'm so curious about
that dance because it's a dancethat I am experiencing in my own
life between the vision and thedream and how tightly we hold on
(24:04):
to that vision and how much lifehas another plan for us I'm kind
of dancing between those tworealms.
My life also just flipped on itshead and I'm like, but this
wasn't what I thought it wasgoing to be.
It's so wonderful.
There's so much more magic thanI ever knew was possible.
And also the grieving of lettinggo of the idea of what it should
be.
So I'm just curious on your takeand sort of navigating between
(24:25):
those two life principles.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_05 (24:28):
I think the biggest thing that's real for me right
now is that it's less about whatit looks like and it's more
about creating from a space ofwhat it feels
SPEAKER_06 (24:37):
like.
SPEAKER_05 (24:38):
So while my clients might have goals for their
business or goals for theirrelationship or their health or
whatever that is, that's great.
However, it's what is thefeeling that we're going to
experience?
Are we focused on the freedom,the fulfillment, the peace, the
ease, the calm nervous system?
What is it that we actuallydesire underneath the goal?
It's not about the money.
I mean, sure, the money isgreat, but what is the money
(25:00):
actually providing for you?
And I think that being able tobe excited and committed to the
vision, but then releasing andbeing told Totally unattached to
what it actually looks like ispart of that ability to dance
between the two.
It's not being so set on thegoal that if this doesn't
happen, I'm a failure or I'm notdoing it right or it's not
(25:20):
working, but it's saying like,is this actually fulfilling
SPEAKER_03 (25:22):
me?
It's not actually being likeidentified with the goal.
It's not attached to your worth.
It's trying to figure out how toarticulate this, but it's like.
The vision, because our mindswork in a story and in pictures
and stuff, is it just sort oflike a representation of the
feeling, but then how itactually plays out in life?
SPEAKER_05 (25:39):
Versus like living and experiencing from our
bodies, the sensations, emotionsand all of that.
And so when we are looking atthat vision...
Mm-hmm.
(26:19):
I think that dance between souland ego or like mind and body,
masculine, feminine, thisdichotomy is a dance.
And so some seasons I might be alittle bit more goal oriented
and action focused and in thatmasculine.
And other seasons, it's a timefor rest or contraction or being
in that liminal space and beingokay with things changing.
(26:40):
I think, again, permissiongranted, you're allowed to
change your mind.
You're allowed to want differentthings.
And when we give ourselvespermission to really be in that
flow and to be in the dance, itreleases the control, it
releases the rigidity, and itallows so much more space for
that breath, for thepossibility, for that magic.
SPEAKER_04 (27:00):
What's interesting, because I'm 100% on the same
page with you, teach similarthings, I've practiced them all,
and then there's reality.
And I'm finding, not to say youcan't have this in reality,
that's not what I'm saying, isthat What I'm finding is having,
we'll call it a BFV, a bigfucking vision.
Holy shit.
(27:21):
The level to which this needs tobe practiced and reoriented and
realigned again and again andagain and again and again.
It's been a really...
Wild experience because there'sso much.
And I think about this often oflike people like, oh, my God,
look at what you look at it.
And I'm like, well, yeah, itlooks cool.
(27:42):
But there have been seasons ofthe creation that have felt so
fucking terrible.
Yeah.
I felt so void of joy, have feltso harmful to my body, have felt
so horrible.
Lacking of ease and the souljourney that you're on in
creating vision really invitessuch deeper levels of awareness
(28:04):
around like what does it takewhen my capacity is really
expanding to be able to feelthese things?
Because for me, it was easierwhen I was trying to hold less.
The more I try to hold, the moreI'm like,
SPEAKER_05 (28:16):
oh my God, can I actually practice what I preach?
But you're the perfect personfor that.
Your life has led you to thispoint to be able to walk through
these fires, to be able tonavigate when it feels like
you're dropping all the ballsand dropping all the plates.
Aren't you the perfect personfor that?
I think that's part of like whatwe teach.
(29:01):
I think what makes it sobeautiful is the challenge.
It is the days that you'refucking banging your head
against the wall being like, whythe fuck did I choose this?
I didn't actively choose this.
My brain didn't actively chooseit.
Your soul chose it for you.
And that warring piece is wild.
SPEAKER_04 (29:17):
I know this can happen outside of work, but in
the context of soul babies beingbirthed through us, which I know
we all have on this call, itjust takes something so
different.
It's one thing to achieve as therocket to achieve.
Like I was a collegiate softballpitcher.
It's one thing to achieve inyour grades.
It's another thing to achieve ina soul aligned way when a soul
(29:39):
baby is being birthed throughyou.
It's like a whole, it's becauseit's not the masculine.
It's the feminine side of thebusiness or the energetics of it
that are being called forwardand are asking for mastery it's
like we've mastered themasculine we can show up we can
power through we can do practicewe can stay up late and study
but like it's the how does itfeel is the important question
(30:02):
and that integrating thosefeminine principles like you
mentioned of ease and peace andfulfillment and freedom that's
not innate I mean it's innate tous but it's not something we've
been practicing for lifetimes I
SPEAKER_05 (30:12):
think it takes so much vulnerability to allow your
soul's calling or that soul babyWhether it's the business or the
baby or the thing to actuallycome through and take action on
it.
Like the amount ofvulnerability, the amount of
courage, the amount of I prettymuch know I'm going to fall down
on my face in this journeybecause I've never done this
(30:34):
before.
I'm being guided by a force thatis beyond me.
It takes so much more than.
following a recipe for like workthis many hours and achieve this
on paper.
It's a completely differentachievement.
It's that soul.
It's it's like the soulitinerary almost like, hey, what
did I sign up for?
Great.
Let's write this contract andforget about it.
(30:54):
And then, fuck, I've got tofollow through with this.
I believe that my ex-husband andI, that was a soul contract.
We chose that.
And that was my giant catalystfor growth.
And if I had to choose again,what I like, I don't know, my
ego's like, hell no, we're notdoing that again.
But my soul's like, yeah, no,girl, like you would because it
got you to this point.
And I think that Being in themiddle of that journey when
(31:15):
you're in the rocky space, it'sfucking tough versus being on
the other side of it where youcan look back and see how far
you come.
SPEAKER_04 (31:22):
What's your soul creating these days?
I mean, has that been evolvingsince you've been pregnant and
moving?
Is what you're feeling called tobring forward
SPEAKER_05 (31:29):
different?
Okay, I'm going to tell you aquick story.
So when I did the council, whichis the community that we met at,
we started with a weekend ofceremony.
And I went in being like, wheream I going with my business?
what am I doing?
What am I meant to do?
Because I had always beenmultifaceted.
I had network marketing.
I was in health and wellness.
(31:50):
I was a trainer, professionaldancer.
I was doing all the mindsetstuff.
I was doing a lot of divinefeminine sensuality body stuff.
And I'm like, who the fuck am I?
What am I doing?
Where is my business going?
I just felt lost.
And in these ceremonies, theonly information that came
through in very clear downloadswas have the baby.
(32:10):
And I'm like, Have the fuckingbaby.
What are you like?
What?
Like, I am not ready.
Like, just no.
Have the baby.
I imagine it like a deepbooming.
(32:46):
Not from Sarah, who was leading.
It was not from me.
It was clearly downloaded from ahigher power.
And I had that choice.
Do I step in and surrender tothis?
Or do I keep muscling my waythrough, banging my head against
a wall and not really gettingthe results that I wanted to?
Like, I felt like it plateaued.
I was getting stuck.
And it made no sense.
It made no sense on paper, nosense financially, no sense in
(33:09):
any way, shape or form.
And It led me to kind of areckoning of like, this doesn't
feel like the right time, theright finances, the right setup.
We're in California.
Like all of these things said,no, don't do this.
And I also couldn't stopthinking about it.
I couldn't stop feeling thetruth in the knowing.
And so.
That in and of itself has been amassive journey over the last
(33:32):
year.
I mean, it hasn't even been ayear since that.
I got an explant.
I had breast implants.
I took them out and got themremoved because that was also
information that came through.
We moved across the country.
I shifted things in my business.
So many things happened fromthat weekend.
And I really feel like.
These are the stepping stonesfor whatever is next for me on
(33:53):
this path.
And as much as my ego wants toknow this is where it's going,
I've seen little glimmers oflike, ooh, this could go in this
direction or this could be apossibility.
But I know that I'm still verymuch in it.
So I can't say one way or theother.
But new things have resurfaced.
Certain things have fallen away.
And so I'm just really in thisunfolding of I know I'm meant to
(34:13):
support women.
I know that I'm meant to havereally big impact in some way.
shape or form.
And I'm fully surrenderingbecause I also know I'm meant to
be a really present mom.
And I have found that I haven'tseen a lot of spaces that I know
of yet.
I'm sure they're out there thatreally can hold from the
energetic and spiritual space aswell as the entrepreneur space.
(34:36):
And that is curious to me.
We'll see what happens as Inavigate that next chapter.
But yeah, there's little thingssprinkling in that I'm really
curious about.
I
SPEAKER_03 (34:45):
love this so much.
Mm-hmm.
but sort of what you were sayingearlier about kind of letting go
of the control or the path tothat vision.
(35:06):
We have no idea what kind ofdetours that we need along the
way that are actually notdetours, but taking us there on
a path that we can't conceive inour mind connects, but it does
somehow and will one day when wecan see the big picture and look
back on it maybe, or maybe not,who knows, maybe it's taking us
somewhere better.
But I really love when you allowlife to unfold in And to trust
(35:27):
the moment that you're in, thatit doesn't mean losing the dream
or losing track of the dream.
It's actually surrendering thatthere might be an aspect of
learning or experience along theway to that dream that you need
to have right now and be presentfor that.
And I think that's so beautiful.
SPEAKER_05 (35:43):
Yeah.
Even being in this small townwhere I'm like, why the fuck are
we here?
Like truly the first couple ofweeks, I was like this.
It wasn't a mistake because Iknew always that I needed to be
close to my mom for thischapter, but I'm like, this
particular area, what the fuck?
This part might have been themistake.
And something happened recentlywhere my partner and I went to a
(36:05):
certain business that sparkedsome really interesting ideas in
us.
And I have never, everconsidered a brick and mortar or
anything in that way.
And going to this one spacesparked something huge in both
of us where we're like, couldthis be the thing?
Like, could this actually bethat five year, seven year
thing?
Yeah, I'm super pumped about it.
(36:25):
We're keeping it close to ourchest right now.
But I was like, tell me everydetail.
I'll tell you offline.
But it was one of those thingswhere I was like, oh, is soul
baby?
Like, did he decide this was thespace that we needed to be to
get this inspiration to set thisin motion?
I don't know.
It could turn into something orbe nothing.
But Again, it's like trustingand following the signs and
(36:47):
being open, open to that.
If I was still in my likehandcuffed, rigid control, this
is what I'm trying to do orforcing myself to do.
I wouldn't have been open tothat magic or that miracle.
You know, we wouldn't be inMaryland if we didn't listen to
this guidance.
I don't know if I'd be pregnantif we didn't listen to the
guidance.
So it's changing everything.
SPEAKER_04 (37:07):
I love that it doesn't have to make sense or it
doesn't even make sense, but Ican't ignore the truth in the
knowing.
And that is so critical for usas human beings, but definitely
as women.
And I always say I've never meta confused woman because it's
true.
We're not confused ever.
But we just like the truth inthe knowing.
(37:30):
We're taught to override it.
We're taught to ignore it.
We're taught to power throughit.
And some of my favoritedecisions...
Most of my favorite decisions inmy life was like, that doesn't
make sense, but I can't ignorethe truth of the knowing.
It's like those two things areoften present.
And then it's like, well, let'sjust go.
And then the magic unfolds.
(37:50):
And I think if we can publiclymodel those two things, the
freedom that grants so manypeople who are like, I don't
know, it doesn't make sense, butI know.
Yes.
Because women always fuckingknow every time.
They're like, I don't know.
I don't know.
I'm confused.
I don't know.
And I'm like, Okay, let'spretend that's not true.
And then they're like, it's likethe granular detail down to the
(38:11):
color of the wallpaper and thename Betty, who is my assistant,
you know, it's so granular.
And so I just love that.
Like, let's just take the leapand trust.
SPEAKER_03 (38:19):
I'm curious, Mindset Coach.
I'm curious then because so muchof the conversation has not been
about the mind.
It's been about our intuition.
It's been about the body.
When you speak about mindset, isit getting the mind on board
with the body?
I think it's
SPEAKER_05 (38:42):
knowing how to work with your mind.
It's being in that dance withthe brain and noticing, am I
choosing out of fear or am Ichoosing out of trust?
What part of me needs to get onboard in order for me to take
that leap?
What part of me is activated andscared right now?
What part of me wants to createsafety?
(39:02):
And so I think if we can createthis awareness of where are
these thoughts coming from, thenI can give myself what I need.
I think that when we get in thespiral of like, shit's not
happening and ah, ah, ah.
It's like, can I have enoughemotional intelligence to pause
that spiral and just pauseeverything that's happening in
(39:23):
the brain, the run-on sentences,the I fucked this shit up or
someone's going to judge me orwhat's happening with all of
that inner talk?
Can we learn how to navigate theinner talk in order to stay in
alignment with where we're goingand what we're doing?
SPEAKER_06 (39:36):
I'll
SPEAKER_05 (39:37):
give you a quick example.
In the first week that we gothere, It was just a lot.
I had my mom and her husband andtheir two dogs and our two dogs.
And I'm pregnant and I love mymom.
But we have this like crazypaint that's like from the 90s,
like Boca Raton, Florida threwup on the walls.
And it's not my energy.
It's not my vibe.
So I'm having this spiral.
I'm suffocating here.
(39:57):
I can't breathe.
Nothing feels like mine.
I'm used to like spaciousnessand San Diego and like whatever.
And so I'm spiraling.
And I had to catch myself.
Here we go again, talking aboutthis is why I teach the things.
And I just needed to pause inthat moment and go, what is the
next best thought I can think?
What is going to be the mostpowerful thought that I can
(40:19):
think right now?
What's going to be the mostpowerful thing that I can say to
start shifting my brain fromthis spiral?
And stepping back intopossibility.
And at the time, it was justlike, we're going to figure this
out.
We've got this.
Like, how good can it get?
And so it started just likeasking new questions was one way
for me to stop my mind and shiftinto possibility and feeling
(40:40):
better.
I
SPEAKER_03 (40:41):
love that so much.
That's so helpful and sopractical.
We all need to be able tointerrupt that spiral.
I just did it the other day,too, where I was going down this
loop and I was like, wait asecond, pause.
There's so many possibilities Ican't even conceive of that
should be on the table rightnow.
Like, why is my brain justspinning in this one terrible
option?
Why am I not opening up to thefact that there's probably
(41:05):
answers I can't even conceiveof?
And can I start dancing in thecreativity of that?
rather than looping in thenegativity and the fear.
But it really took like a, whoa,just catching my brain spinning
out.
And even a mindset coach, evensomeone who's very practiced in
this, all of us really need tohave that sort of moment of
awareness where we interrupt thepattern in our brains.
(41:28):
Totally.
Constantly.
Constantly.
And
SPEAKER_04 (41:30):
I think it's one of the best things we can do is
call bullshit on ourselves, youknow, and visualizing black and
white versus a rainbow.
My husband and I have theseconversations all the time where
I'm like, well, what if it's notonly two choices?
Like, what are the other thingsthat might be true that we just
can't see through the lens thatwe're stuck in at this very
moment?
I
SPEAKER_05 (41:48):
love the question, if I was, and then insert
whatever I'm striving for, whatwould I think or what would I
do?
So it's like, if I believed inmyself, what action would I
take?
If I loved myself, how would Ispeak to myself?
If I felt safe and solid here,what would I be doing
differently?
(42:08):
Creating a new inquiry of like,if I was adopting this thing
that I deeply desire, how wouldthat impact how I'm showing up
or feeling or thinking ortalking to myself?
And I feel like, again, it'slike, let's ask a different
question.
If I don't like the answer thatI'm getting, what other
possibilities are there?
SPEAKER_04 (42:26):
Sounds like a true saleswoman.
I
SPEAKER_05 (42:28):
like that answer.
Let's ask a different way.
Oh my God, I never thought aboutthat.
That's amazing.
Isn't that sales, right?
It's
SPEAKER_04 (42:33):
like,
SPEAKER_05 (42:34):
oh, you told me no.
I don't think so.
That is hilarious.
I used to teach self-love likethat kind of where I started.
I was in fitness and then itreally morphed into like
self-love.
And when you ask someone to lovethemselves, we don't know how we
haven't been taught.
What does that even fuckingmean?
And so then it was like, OK, ifI love myself, how would I
nourish myself today?
And sometimes that means havinga salad and protein.
(42:56):
And sometimes that means havinga fucking ice cream sundae.
And there's no right answer.
It gets us out of the like Rightor wrong, good or bad, black or
white.
And also it invites in just morepossibility.
How would I show up if I lovemyself?
SPEAKER_04 (43:10):
That reminds me of a very specific question and a
moment that I had when my sonwas three, two to three.
And it was, if I loved myself asmuch as I loved this boy, how
would I start showing up in mylife?
And it was like, like I smackedmyself with a two by four.
Of like, if I really was showingup in love with me in that way,
(43:34):
what would be different?
And it was like my whole lifeended up changing because of
that question.
That's huge.
Yeah.
Because we know how to give loveto others, right?
It's an easy marker to be like,oh, if I love myself as much as
I love my dog, like, what wouldI do?
You know, because we're soinnately able to give that to
external things, but to likeflip that back on ourselves is,
SPEAKER_03 (43:54):
yeah, we're not taught that.
Can I ask one more question towrap us out?
Yeah.
Oh, that's
SPEAKER_05 (44:05):
so funny.
What's the biggest thing Ilearned about life?
Wow.
You know, back then when I firststarted, it was all brand new.
And it was like, holy shit,there's this and I'm getting
blisters and my feet are swollenand I'm doing these shows and I
need to fit my weight range andI need to blah, blah, blah.
And it was like reallyperpetuating the perfection.
And then as I was in like yearsthree to five, it became like
(44:28):
work.
It was like, oh, I got to go tothe theater today.
Oh.
We did 16 shows this week and Ihaven't had a day off in three
weeks and I'm exhausted and I'mda-da-da-da-da.
And then when I was gettingdivorced, I actually took two
years off right before I gotdivorced to like do the dance
thing in LA.
And I was like, what else can Ido?
And let me just see.
And then I initiated my divorceand then I was like, I need to
(44:50):
go back to Rockettes.
It is something I know.
It is something I am reallygreat at.
It is a place that feels likehome.
It feels like support.
And that year I went backMm-hmm.
open-hearted.
I am so grateful to be here.
Every single person that I gotto see, every single show that I
(45:13):
got to do, it would give mechills to realize just how
incredible it was.
And so if I look back at thatjourney, I think of how many
things we take for granted or wesee as like something we have to
do.
Like mindset world, we talkabout what you have to do versus
what you get to do versus whatyou're blessed to do.
It's just a little languagingshift there of like, I get I get
(45:35):
to go to the dentist.
I get to do my taxes.
I'm blessed to do my taxes.
How amazing.
How can I make this feel good?
But in looking back at that 10year journey, it really shifted
my understanding of just howlucky we are
SPEAKER_06 (45:50):
and
SPEAKER_05 (45:50):
just how lucky I am to be able to experience
something so special.
And I think that when we get onthe rat race and when the
autopilot and we're just going,going, going, going, we lose
sight of that.
But being able to have somethingso huge in my life rock me.
And be able to really feel whatthat was for me.
Like, of course, it's like coolon the outside and events and
things.
I'm like very achievement based.
(46:12):
But on the inside, it was such ablessing and so supportive for
me.
SPEAKER_03 (46:17):
Love it.
Thank you.
This was such a beautifulconversation.
So grateful.
You're so generous with yourwisdom and your beautiful
energy.
It was so nice to learn aboutyou.
So thank you for being with ustoday.
SPEAKER_05 (46:29):
This was so fun.
You guys are amazing.
And it really is a privilege andan honor to be able to share my
story.
And my intention is always, whodo I get to impact?
Who do I get to give permissionto?
Who do I get to inspire to takeaction, to trust themselves, to
take the big risk, to take themessy action?
And so being able to talk withyou guys and to be able to share
(46:51):
with your listeners is such agift to me.
So thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
This was so fun.
I'm so soul nourished right now.
Thanks for having me.
Well, love you so
SPEAKER_04 (46:59):
much.
Thanks, love.
Thank you for being here.
Thank you.
Hmm.
SPEAKER_01 (00:02):
To even question what you've been told is true is
incredibly courageous.
It doesn't always feel likecourage what looks like courage
to other people.
For me, it feels like survival.
This is our personal medicine.
SPEAKER_00 (00:15):
If I'm surrounded by thinkers, by lovers, by passion,
by integrity, then I really dothink that I know who I am.
SPEAKER_02 (00:21):
There is a peace that is indescribable when
you're being who you are andyou're living your purpose.
I'm not going to come to the endof my life and be like, I didn't
live the life I was meant tolive.
SPEAKER_03 (00:30):
Can I be so comfortable in the idea and so
comfortable in that uncertaintythat every version of it is
going to be okay.
SPEAKER_04 (00:38):
This is the Inner Rebel Podcast.
It's been so long, so we talkedabout this.
Welcome to Inner Rebel, SamanthaJo Harvey.
(01:06):
We are so happy to have youhere.
And what about Sam before wedive in?
She's a former professionaldancer and fitness expert turned
soul activator, intuitivebusiness mentor, and high
performance coach helping womenunleash their power to create
epic results and a life thatfeels fucking great.
We are all about that.
(01:26):
I love you guys already.
She's obsessed with helpingwomen own their truth, trust
themselves, activate their innerwild woman, and have it all.
The man, the money, the magic,and all the miracles in between.
No more self-sacrificing,self-abandoning.
Oh, we've got some shimmyinggoing on over here for those who
can't see.
No more self-abandoning,burnout, overwhelm, or denying
(01:47):
your desires.
Your full-out life is waiting.
Well, I'm all in for that.
Jess gave you a woo, so I feellike she's on board.
SPEAKER_03 (01:56):
I'm also a little feverish today, so.
Oh, dear.
If anyone's watching the videoand I just start to sweat
profusely as this goes, Iapologize.
Oh, my God.
I'm fully here.
I'm so present, so excited.
I'm really happy to meet you.
Thanks for joining us today,Sam.
I'm
SPEAKER_05 (02:11):
so pumped to be here.
Thank you, guys.
I can't wait to see where we go.
I'm like, inner rebel.
Yes, this is my jam.
You are my people.
So I can't wait.
Thanks for having me.
It's going to get weird.
I just feel it already.
SPEAKER_03 (02:23):
Well, that is actually our first question for
you.
What is your relationship withyour inner
SPEAKER_05 (02:30):
rebel?
(02:53):
I remember this, but I rememberreally wanting to be able to
wear clothes from Hot Topic, butI was like a triple zero because
I was very young and my mom waslike, we're shopping at the
Limited 2.
And the Limited 2, for anyonethat doesn't know that, has like
little t-shirts with patches ofsmiley faces and sunshine.
And I was like, I just want tobe in black and leather and like
(03:15):
I am this artist.
And I think I was probably inlike sixth grade.
Like I was young for that.
So I think I always had thisconnection to my inner rebel.
I always felt that.
But I also felt the confines ofneeding to be the good girl,
needing to get it right, beingreally concerned about judgment,
wanting to do everything rightfor my mom and to, you know,
(03:36):
show up as my best self, but notreally knowing what that was.
So I feel like it's been areally interesting journey.
journey.
Of identifying with her,connecting with her, but not
giving her full permission as ayoung person.
And my journey into adulthoodand particularly in my 30s was
this full permission granting ofme being able to fully express
myself in all the ways.
SPEAKER_03 (03:57):
I feel like Melissa and I are both relating so
deeply to what was just said.
SPEAKER_04 (04:02):
Well, I was not a valedictorian, though, were you?
SPEAKER_03 (04:04):
No, it was just the perfectionist, the mindset, the
good girl.
And it has been a journey forall of us to discover what it
even meant to connect.
to this inner rebel and expressthat in our lives.
SPEAKER_04 (04:16):
This is funny.
When you raised your hand forvaledictorian, then I was like,
shit, I wish I was valedictorianso I could fit into this room.
I mean, I only got a 3.9 incollege.
SPEAKER_03 (04:24):
How dare you?
I wasn't even a straight Astudent.
I'm terrible at math, but Idefinitely was a perfectionist
and a lot of my worth was comingfrom these external achievements
and making sure that I wasplaying life out by these
markers and these rules.
So over the course of your life,this has been a moment clicked
for you or was there a happeningor an event in your life that
(04:47):
invited you into relationshipwith your rebel?
SPEAKER_05 (04:50):
Oh, that's really good and juicy.
The first thing that comes up ismy former marriage.
So I was also dancing, which Ithink played into that
perfectionist, that likeconstant picking apart of myself
in the mirror, constantlystriving for better, for more.
And when I moved to New dancedon Broadway was a Broadway
(05:14):
choreographer and I was theprofessional dancer and on paper
it just made sense like it wasthis perfect you know they're
literally like Broadway showsabout the director and the
dancer and their relationshipsand I'd like we kind of lived
that and we were really amazingat working together but we were
not amazing in relationshiptogether and we were married for
(05:35):
a little bit of time and I feltmyself getting smaller and
dimmer and smaller and dimmerand And there came a turning
point where I was like, this isnot it.
I know that I meant for more.
I know that I meant toexperience more.
I meant to have more love.
I meant to have more money.
And that reckoning with myselfof I know I meant for more, but
(05:58):
I have everything on paperthat's supposed to make me
happy, that everyone outside ofthis is celebrating and really
needing to decide, do I continueto self-abandon and continue
this fake smiling on the outsidewhen I'm dying and suffocating
on the inside?
the inside?
Or do I choose and lean into mytruth, which is there is
actually more for me.
And ultimately, after some yearsof personal development and
(06:21):
therapy and all of that work, itreally is the thing that brought
me into this world.
I made the choice to leave.
And at the time, I mean, I stillthink to this day, divorce is
not necessarily sociallyacceptable.
It's not something that wecelebrate.
It's not something that wenecessarily honor when someone
decides that this is no longer afit for them.
But it was probably the biggestturning point for me in really
(06:45):
honoring myself.
SPEAKER_03 (06:46):
Hmm.
I'm divorced too, by the way.
And it was also a huge, hugecatalyst in my life as well.
So I really do honor that andhonor that journey.
SPEAKER_05 (06:55):
Congratulations.
Thank you.
Congratulations to you too.
Thank you.
I always ask people, you know,when people are like, I'm going
through a breakup, I'm like, isthis an I'm sorry or is this a
congratulations?
Because I don't know who am I tosay from the outside.
And so...
SPEAKER_04 (07:08):
I want to honor you and say congrats, girl.
Thank you.
It's so interesting.
Anyone that I've known that'sgotten divorced has been such a
celebration.
And maybe that's because I livein a more liberal place and
we're like, yeah, live yourlife, girl.
It
SPEAKER_03 (07:21):
did not feel like a celebration for me in the
beginning at all.
I mean, I went kicking andscreaming.
I really resisted it as long asI possibly could.
I don't know what that was likefor you.
But something that you said,what sparked in me was you went
through years of therapy andstarting this personal
development journey.
It's not something we doovernight because it takes so
(07:43):
much courage.
It is so scary.
And you have to take this leapof faith, hoping that on the
other side is all the thingsthat you hope and dream for and
that they might come through.
But there's also a chance in theback of our mind that they
won't.
It's a risk.
And you're giving up the onesecure, stable, societally
approved thing that you havethat you're supposed to At least
for me, like so much of myself-identity was wrapped in
(08:05):
that achievement.
One thousand percent.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_05 (08:07):
It was wild.
And I think that it was reallychoosing, like, do I continue
with something that I know isn'thealthy, that I know is not
good, that I know is not goodfor me?
And I think it really helped melean into trusting myself and
finding my voice and releasing,you know, I had this weird story
when I was a kid.
I was like, I don't want to turnout like my mom.
My mom was divorced.
(08:28):
I came from a divorced householdand my sister and I had this
pact of like, we're going to doit.
And then I found myselfrepeating these patterns and I'm
like, holy fuck, like.
Oh, I want it to be right, too.
I want to be like, no, I'm doingit differently.
So there were so many layers.
And I also feel like a lot of myclients actually are moved
through a lot of relationshipthings with me.
And I find that when womeninitiate a divorce, that it has
(08:52):
been a very long time coming.
We don't just make rashdecisions.
We really try in general tofigure it out and to be in that
role and to really be in thatcare.
And I think that there's a levelof chosen grief that we have to
step into and we have to agreeto in order to follow our truth
and follow what we know is meantfor us and really stepping into
(09:15):
that chosen grief and what couldhave been and what we wished
would have happened and whereyou saw your life.
It is a really big undertaking.
It takes a lot of strength, Ithink.
SPEAKER_03 (09:25):
A lot of strength, a lot of courage.
And I don't know if you'd callit faith.
Or trust or just surrender.
I'm not sure what that momentwas for you.
But do you remember the momentthat you made that decision?
What that felt like?
SPEAKER_05 (09:37):
I remember a conversation where my best
friend was like, what's it goingto take for you to leave?
And I was walking in New YorkCity.
I was outside of an equinox.
I remember the conversationbecause it just hit me so
deeply.
And I couldn't at that point.
I did not have it.
I was not ready.
And then when I actually did saylike i can't do this anymore it
(09:58):
was the straw that broke thecamel's back like it was the
smallest tiniest random thingthat i never would have thought
would have been the separationbut i really attribute it you
know back to that conversationwith my friend where she was
willing to be honest and saywhat's it going to take and i'm
like how often do we get to askourselves that question what's
it going to take to make a shiftin our health or what's it going
to take to make a shift in ourbusiness or our finances or how
(10:20):
we relate to our partner or youany really big thing that's
maybe not sitting well with us,what's it going to take?
How bad does it have to get?
It's
SPEAKER_03 (10:27):
amazing how low the bottom has to go.
You think you've hit rock bottomand then that's not actually it.
Totally.
You've hit it again and you keepsinking deeper, deeper and
deeper and deeper.
I think most of us are willingto experience an immense amount
of pain before we actually wantto make the change.
And I'm not exactly sure whatthat is, the pain of what we
know versus what we don't know,maybe.
SPEAKER_05 (10:48):
Well, and also for me, it was like, who am I to
have everything that I want?
What do Mm-hmm.
(11:10):
I think that's why I come backto this idea of granting myself
permission, granting anyone thatI come into contact with full
permission to go do, have,create everything that you want
because I didn't see that.
That's the rebel.
So how can we do anythingdifferent if we don't see it?
We don't know it.
SPEAKER_04 (11:24):
That's the rebel, guys.
Jess is having a moment.
It is the rebel.
Well, I'm so curious now becausethere's change that we invoke
from rock bottom and there'schange...
We invoke because we arecreating it from pleasure, from
desire.
And so I'm curious, what does ittake for you now?
Because you're in a massiveseason of transformation.
You just uprooted your life torural Maryland from being a big
(11:46):
city girl.
You're pregnant.
Oh, yeah.
You have a husband now.
I mean, you're like goingthrough it all right now.
And so what does it take now foryou to choose your path
consciously and proactivelyversus how it used to be for
you?
SPEAKER_05 (12:00):
That is juicy.
That is really a great question.
I think that just over the yearsI've practiced asking myself,
what do I want?
What do I desire?
What would feel good?
If I could have anything Iwanted, what would my life look
like?
And I will say it was verydifferent five years ago, seven
years ago, that idea of whathaving it all looked like and
(12:22):
meant completely different thanright now where I'm like, I'm
having a baby.
I have a partnership.
We're building businessestogether.
It's completely different thanthe younger version of me that's
like, I want to travel and Iwant to fly first class and I
want to like have all theseworldly things.
But I think that practicing isnumber one, giving myself
permission to dream.
Can I literally sit with myjournal or my visualizations or
(12:44):
my meditations or my body and belike, what do you actually want?
What do you actually want?
Not what does your mom want foryou or what does society think
that you want?
But what do I actually want?
What does my soul want?
What will make me feel mostalive?
So practice.
And then I think being incommunities with other women
that are dreamers, that arewilling to go after the things
(13:04):
that they want, that don't thinkit's crazy, that don't think I'm
too much, that don't think mydreams are too much.
And I think that supportivecommunity is huge.
And then I think also choosing apartner that is totally
supportive.
focused on the future and thevision and what is possible
versus what's always been iskey.
I'm so glad you said my favorite
SPEAKER_04 (13:24):
C word, community.
I know my audience.
No, just kidding.
It's a thread, right?
It's a thread in your life.
I know we don't know each otherlike deeply, but I feel like
that's a thread, right?
Even if you just look at it fromthe surface of being in
community as a Rockette, right?
Being in community as in yourcoaching business, being in
community.
I know you were in Sarah JenksCouncil and that's how we met.
(13:44):
Yeah.
And I mean, I'll say this tillthe day I die, that I think it's
the number one thing that weneed to really live our lives.
And I'll use your word, fullout, because it's the
permission.
It's the example.
It's the holding you.
It's the mirror.
It's the asking you thosequestions that you're like, why
did you have to ask me that?
Like, what's it going to take?
You know, why are you holding melike to my values?
And so I would love to just Haveyou shared a little bit about
(14:08):
like, what is your perception ofthe role of community in your
life?
It's
SPEAKER_05 (14:13):
everything.
I cannot stress it enough,especially, you know, it's been
interesting because I thinkgrowing up, community was
challenging for me because thatperfectionist and overachiever
in me, it also created a lot ofchallenge with me and my
relationships with women.
So getting the ballet solo at 12years old ostracized me from my
(14:33):
group of friends there.
Getting into Rockettes wasamazing, but it also really
separated me from a lot of mycollege dance friends.
And so having some uniqueexperiences with women and
growing up in many differentways where women were judging
and comparing and projecting andme not knowing really how to
handle that, also I'm a 3.5 inhuman design, so I feel like
there's a lot of projection thathappens.
(14:55):
So there was a turning pointwhere I was lone wolf.
I was trying to do everythingalone.
And really, when I started doingnetwork marketing, I was like,
oh, well, this is kind of fun towork with people.
Well, this is kind of fun to becelebrated by people.
This is kind of cool.
But then as I stepped more intothe spiritual work and the
energetic work and the mindsetwork, I just saw how different I
(15:16):
felt when I was around peoplethat believed in me or that had
dreams of their own that weren'ttriggered by my big idea about
doing whatever I wanted to do.
And so these days I find thatmost of my community is online
and I have girlfriends aroundthe world and they are
everything, whether it's aWhatsApp message, whether it is
a group Instagram message, agroup text, or a really specific
(15:38):
I don't think I would be able todo anything that I'm doing
without them.
It's one thing to have yourpartner, but I also believe your
partner can't be everything foryou.
I don't think it's fair.
And so I owe it to him.
I owe it to myself.
I owe it to my dreams to besupported by other women.
SPEAKER_06 (15:54):
And
SPEAKER_05 (15:56):
as I step into motherhood, I am looking to
create really beautifulvisualizations and images for
what's possible for me as I stepinto this.
It's my first baby.
I love working.
And I also really want to be apresent mom.
And a lot of the stuff that I'mseeing online is just talking
about how hard it is and howchallenging this is.
And while I really want to honorthat experience as someone who's
(16:18):
not there yet and who wants tocreate something beautiful for
myself, it's really challengingto see that.
And Melissa, I feel like youwere someone who just like
dropped in the most amazingthing.
So I tried on this hat.
I'm in this rural town.
I'm at this crazy little shopand I see this sparkle hat and
I'm like putting it on like, doI need this?
Do I not need this?
And I I put this funny story upon Instagram, like, should this
(16:40):
be my birth hat?
My dog walk hat?
Do I need this?
And you messaged and you werelike, oh, definitely.
You get to birth in that.
Here's what I did at my birthand here's what's possible.
And that meant so much becausewe're inundated with what's not
working.
SPEAKER_06 (16:54):
And
SPEAKER_05 (16:55):
so just even having that message opened my eyes to
more possibility.
And I'm like, we as women needto see possibility.
Yes, we need to honor when lifelives.
Yes, we need to honor thechallenges.
Yes.
And I think those sacred spacesare really powerful for that.
And what about showing what'spossible?
SPEAKER_04 (17:13):
Yeah.
Well, I don't know if I've toldyou this, Jess, that I birthed a
Snoop Dogg Pandora.
Not the final push, but the 40plus hours into this bitch.
And I was like, I need to changethe scenery, everybody.
And the midwife had been doingthis.
She was a New Yorker and she hadbeen delivering babies forever.
She goes, this is a new one forme.
This is a new one for me.
But the thing that I think isjust so fun, I mean, yeah,
(17:36):
motherhood, crazy.
Like it's the hardest andcoolest thing in the whole
world.
But I think just like everythingto tie this back into community,
being around people who show youwhat's possible, give you
glimmers into the kind of lifethat you would want.
So glimmers into the kind ofmotherhood that you want.
Like I needed people that werelike raveling all the time with
(17:56):
their kids.
And I'm like, Cool.
I don't have to stop that.
I can just like lug this babyall over the world, which we've
done.
And he thankfully is just aneasy, awesome kid.
So we got lucky in that respect.
But I was like, I need examplesof people living life in the way
in which I want to live it.
Obviously, you're going to do itwith your own flavor and flair,
but it's like, yeah, fuck yeah.
Wear that weird hat when youbirth your baby.
SPEAKER_03 (18:17):
But I like to add like a dimension about community
because I think
SPEAKER_04 (18:21):
the
SPEAKER_03 (18:21):
community is aspect that we're speaking to, there's
like an intimacy to it, right?
There's one thing to hear or towitness on social media that
people are living the lives thatyou want to live, but it's very
curated and we don't know what'sgoing on behind the scenes.
It's very presentational.
And so we can be inspired, butit doesn't actually feel
realistic.
And when you're actually incommunity with people who are
bearing their souls and sharingthe good and the bad and the
(18:44):
ugly and all the different partsof how they made that possible,
then we see it, but it alsofeels believable.
It also feels achievable.
And we also understand that it'salso part of real life and it
comes with mess and hardship anddifficulty.
But then you share and overcomethat together and hold each
other through that together.
It's
SPEAKER_05 (19:00):
like an authenticity and vulnerability that happens
in those containers where that'snurtured versus the social media
like, hey, go do this thing.
Yeah, that feels unattainable.
It's like you could do that.
But like, can I actually dothat?
Or it's used as a sales tactic.
And that feels like really ickyfor me versus that genuine
connection, that genuine.
I see you.
I got you.
(19:20):
I may not have been through thator I have been through that.
I'm here for you
SPEAKER_03 (19:24):
because I'm so much more inspired Thank you so much.
(19:56):
What is the heart along with thereally beautiful things that
you're choosing that you're inthe middle of processing in this
new chapter of motherhood?
SPEAKER_05 (20:04):
Right now, it has been really interesting to watch
my body shift, but not from likea, this is what my body looked
like before and here's where Iam.
It's more of a, I love takingballet class.
And it's what brings me to mysoul, my connection to source.
And I don't have access to thathere.
(20:25):
And I have tried a milliondifferent ways and things.
And that's like a whole sidestory.
But the short of the long is Ihave not found a place that
feels conducive to what I knowbrings me alive.
And so in the midst of thistransition and change, something
that's always been an anchor forme looks really different.
From the outside, it's nothaving the studio.
(20:45):
It's what's happening in mybody, which I'm actually finding
fascinating.
But it's not having access tothe things that I am used to
living in a bigger city from thegym, from the dance studio, from
local community, like actualwomen that have similar views
that I do or have lived a littlebit.
So you just moved?
(21:05):
I moved about seven weeks ago.
Yeah, I'm like just landinghere.
So I think that there's some ofthat that I'm navigating now.
And really, I'm just letting goof everything that I thought was
going to happen.
I mean, everything has literallyflipped upside down and around.
In this moment, I'm not fully inlike the grief.
I'm actually in like a lot ofthe excitement and the like,
(21:26):
wow, this is fascinating andholy crap.
But I just started feeling I'mseven and a half months pregnant
right now.
Like I'm not going to have thisbelly much longer.
And I can feel there's likelayers of grief that will come
afterwards of like missing thisexperience with this little soul
and baby that I'm growing.
It's really it's just aninteresting time.
It feels very in flux, very inthis liminal space and very
(21:49):
unknown.
I've always been someone that'sbeen like, this is my one year
plan, my five year plan, my thisplan.
And I'm like, there are no planslike we're here, which is
actually quite a blessing.
It's a little scary, but it'squite a blessing.
SPEAKER_04 (22:00):
How are you getting supported around that?
And I'm curious because you'dpurposely join a highly
intensive spiritual communitynot too long ago.
Yeah.
How is that?
I mean, so much of trust andliving in the unknown, I
believe, ties back to ourspirituality.
And I'm curious, what are
SPEAKER_05 (22:19):
you leaning on to be okay in this great unknown?
(22:42):
At this point, I have practiced,quote unquote, so much.
I have done the tools so muchthat it's almost like there's
this message of like, Sam, youdon't actually need anything
external.
You really just need to resourceand insource it from you, from
the earth, from source.
And can that be enough?
So if I'm on a dog walk, I'mlike talking to the trees.
(23:03):
I'm like, son, give me the lightcodes, like trees, give me the
support.
Let me feel my feet on theearth.
And That being said, I'm also ina mastermind with a really
incredible, magical woman.
I'm like, she's not a coach.
She's so much more than that.
So just having that support isalso really powerful.
But it's next level.
And I think I'm also last thingI'll say is I'm also really
(23:23):
focused on the birth and thatspiritual journey and what that
will be like for my spirit towalk into that bridge to bring
this soul down into my body andthrough my body.
And being in the awe of that iskind of like my guiding light
right now.
I
SPEAKER_03 (23:41):
love that you brought up this moment of the
unknown and uncertainty andyou're also a mindset coach who
works with people on bringingtheir visions to life and
dreaming big and achieving theirgoals and I'm so curious about
that dance because it's a dancethat I am experiencing in my own
life between the vision and thedream and how tightly we hold on
(24:04):
to that vision and how much lifehas another plan for us I'm kind
of dancing between those tworealms.
My life also just flipped on itshead and I'm like, but this
wasn't what I thought it wasgoing to be.
It's so wonderful.
There's so much more magic thanI ever knew was possible.
And also the grieving of lettinggo of the idea of what it should
be.
So I'm just curious on your takeand sort of navigating between
(24:25):
those two life principles.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_05 (24:28):
I think the biggest thing that's real for me right
now is that it's less about whatit looks like and it's more
about creating from a space ofwhat it feels
SPEAKER_06 (24:37):
like.
SPEAKER_05 (24:38):
So while my clients might have goals for their
business or goals for theirrelationship or their health or
whatever that is, that's great.
However, it's what is thefeeling that we're going to
experience?
Are we focused on the freedom,the fulfillment, the peace, the
ease, the calm nervous system?
What is it that we actuallydesire underneath the goal?
It's not about the money.
I mean, sure, the money isgreat, but what is the money
(25:00):
actually providing for you?
And I think that being able tobe excited and committed to the
vision, but then releasing andbeing told Totally unattached to
what it actually looks like ispart of that ability to dance
between the two.
It's not being so set on thegoal that if this doesn't
happen, I'm a failure or I'm notdoing it right or it's not
(25:20):
working, but it's saying like,is this actually fulfilling
SPEAKER_03 (25:22):
me?
It's not actually being likeidentified with the goal.
It's not attached to your worth.
It's trying to figure out how toarticulate this, but it's like.
The vision, because our mindswork in a story and in pictures
and stuff, is it just sort oflike a representation of the
feeling, but then how itactually plays out in life?
SPEAKER_05 (25:39):
Versus like living and experiencing from our
bodies, the sensations, emotionsand all of that.
And so when we are looking atthat vision...
Mm-hmm.
(26:19):
I think that dance between souland ego or like mind and body,
masculine, feminine, thisdichotomy is a dance.
And so some seasons I might be alittle bit more goal oriented
and action focused and in thatmasculine.
And other seasons, it's a timefor rest or contraction or being
in that liminal space and beingokay with things changing.
(26:40):
I think, again, permissiongranted, you're allowed to
change your mind.
You're allowed to want differentthings.
And when we give ourselvespermission to really be in that
flow and to be in the dance, itreleases the control, it
releases the rigidity, and itallows so much more space for
that breath, for thepossibility, for that magic.
SPEAKER_04 (27:00):
What's interesting, because I'm 100% on the same
page with you, teach similarthings, I've practiced them all,
and then there's reality.
And I'm finding, not to say youcan't have this in reality,
that's not what I'm saying, isthat What I'm finding is having,
we'll call it a BFV, a bigfucking vision.
Holy shit.
(27:21):
The level to which this needs tobe practiced and reoriented and
realigned again and again andagain and again and again.
It's been a really...
Wild experience because there'sso much.
And I think about this often oflike people like, oh, my God,
look at what you look at it.
And I'm like, well, yeah, itlooks cool.
(27:42):
But there have been seasons ofthe creation that have felt so
fucking terrible.
Yeah.
I felt so void of joy, have feltso harmful to my body, have felt
so horrible.
Lacking of ease and the souljourney that you're on in
creating vision really invitessuch deeper levels of awareness
(28:04):
around like what does it takewhen my capacity is really
expanding to be able to feelthese things?
Because for me, it was easierwhen I was trying to hold less.
The more I try to hold, the moreI'm like,
SPEAKER_05 (28:16):
oh my God, can I actually practice what I preach?
But you're the perfect personfor that.
Your life has led you to thispoint to be able to walk through
these fires, to be able tonavigate when it feels like
you're dropping all the ballsand dropping all the plates.
Aren't you the perfect personfor that?
I think that's part of like whatwe teach.
(29:01):
I think what makes it sobeautiful is the challenge.
It is the days that you'refucking banging your head
against the wall being like, whythe fuck did I choose this?
I didn't actively choose this.
My brain didn't actively chooseit.
Your soul chose it for you.
And that warring piece is wild.
SPEAKER_04 (29:17):
I know this can happen outside of work, but in
the context of soul babies beingbirthed through us, which I know
we all have on this call, itjust takes something so
different.
It's one thing to achieve as therocket to achieve.
Like I was a collegiate softballpitcher.
It's one thing to achieve inyour grades.
It's another thing to achieve ina soul aligned way when a soul
(29:39):
baby is being birthed throughyou.
It's like a whole, it's becauseit's not the masculine.
It's the feminine side of thebusiness or the energetics of it
that are being called forwardand are asking for mastery it's
like we've mastered themasculine we can show up we can
power through we can do practicewe can stay up late and study
but like it's the how does itfeel is the important question
(30:02):
and that integrating thosefeminine principles like you
mentioned of ease and peace andfulfillment and freedom that's
not innate I mean it's innate tous but it's not something we've
been practicing for lifetimes I
SPEAKER_05 (30:12):
think it takes so much vulnerability to allow your
soul's calling or that soul babyWhether it's the business or the
baby or the thing to actuallycome through and take action on
it.
Like the amount ofvulnerability, the amount of
courage, the amount of I prettymuch know I'm going to fall down
on my face in this journeybecause I've never done this
(30:34):
before.
I'm being guided by a force thatis beyond me.
It takes so much more than.
following a recipe for like workthis many hours and achieve this
on paper.
It's a completely differentachievement.
It's that soul.
It's it's like the soulitinerary almost like, hey, what
did I sign up for?
Great.
Let's write this contract andforget about it.
(30:54):
And then, fuck, I've got tofollow through with this.
I believe that my ex-husband andI, that was a soul contract.
We chose that.
And that was my giant catalystfor growth.
And if I had to choose again,what I like, I don't know, my
ego's like, hell no, we're notdoing that again.
But my soul's like, yeah, no,girl, like you would because it
got you to this point.
And I think that Being in themiddle of that journey when
(31:15):
you're in the rocky space, it'sfucking tough versus being on
the other side of it where youcan look back and see how far
you come.
SPEAKER_04 (31:22):
What's your soul creating these days?
I mean, has that been evolvingsince you've been pregnant and
moving?
Is what you're feeling called tobring forward
SPEAKER_05 (31:29):
different?
Okay, I'm going to tell you aquick story.
So when I did the council, whichis the community that we met at,
we started with a weekend ofceremony.
And I went in being like, wheream I going with my business?
what am I doing?
What am I meant to do?
Because I had always beenmultifaceted.
I had network marketing.
I was in health and wellness.
(31:50):
I was a trainer, professionaldancer.
I was doing all the mindsetstuff.
I was doing a lot of divinefeminine sensuality body stuff.
And I'm like, who the fuck am I?
What am I doing?
Where is my business going?
I just felt lost.
And in these ceremonies, theonly information that came
through in very clear downloadswas have the baby.
(32:10):
And I'm like, Have the fuckingbaby.
What are you like?
What?
Like, I am not ready.
Like, just no.
Have the baby.
I imagine it like a deepbooming.
(32:46):
Not from Sarah, who was leading.
It was not from me.
It was clearly downloaded from ahigher power.
And I had that choice.
Do I step in and surrender tothis?
Or do I keep muscling my waythrough, banging my head against
a wall and not really gettingthe results that I wanted to?
Like, I felt like it plateaued.
I was getting stuck.
And it made no sense.
It made no sense on paper, nosense financially, no sense in
(33:09):
any way, shape or form.
And It led me to kind of areckoning of like, this doesn't
feel like the right time, theright finances, the right setup.
We're in California.
Like all of these things said,no, don't do this.
And I also couldn't stopthinking about it.
I couldn't stop feeling thetruth in the knowing.
And so.
That in and of itself has been amassive journey over the last
(33:32):
year.
I mean, it hasn't even been ayear since that.
I got an explant.
I had breast implants.
I took them out and got themremoved because that was also
information that came through.
We moved across the country.
I shifted things in my business.
So many things happened fromthat weekend.
And I really feel like.
These are the stepping stonesfor whatever is next for me on
(33:53):
this path.
And as much as my ego wants toknow this is where it's going,
I've seen little glimmers oflike, ooh, this could go in this
direction or this could be apossibility.
But I know that I'm still verymuch in it.
So I can't say one way or theother.
But new things have resurfaced.
Certain things have fallen away.
And so I'm just really in thisunfolding of I know I'm meant to
(34:13):
support women.
I know that I'm meant to havereally big impact in some way.
shape or form.
And I'm fully surrenderingbecause I also know I'm meant to
be a really present mom.
And I have found that I haven'tseen a lot of spaces that I know
of yet.
I'm sure they're out there thatreally can hold from the
energetic and spiritual space aswell as the entrepreneur space.
(34:36):
And that is curious to me.
We'll see what happens as Inavigate that next chapter.
But yeah, there's little thingssprinkling in that I'm really
curious about.
I
SPEAKER_03 (34:45):
love this so much.
Mm-hmm.
but sort of what you were sayingearlier about kind of letting go
of the control or the path tothat vision.
(35:06):
We have no idea what kind ofdetours that we need along the
way that are actually notdetours, but taking us there on
a path that we can't conceive inour mind connects, but it does
somehow and will one day when wecan see the big picture and look
back on it maybe, or maybe not,who knows, maybe it's taking us
somewhere better.
But I really love when you allowlife to unfold in And to trust
(35:27):
the moment that you're in, thatit doesn't mean losing the dream
or losing track of the dream.
It's actually surrendering thatthere might be an aspect of
learning or experience along theway to that dream that you need
to have right now and be presentfor that.
And I think that's so beautiful.
SPEAKER_05 (35:43):
Yeah.
Even being in this small townwhere I'm like, why the fuck are
we here?
Like truly the first couple ofweeks, I was like this.
It wasn't a mistake because Iknew always that I needed to be
close to my mom for thischapter, but I'm like, this
particular area, what the fuck?
This part might have been themistake.
And something happened recentlywhere my partner and I went to a
(36:05):
certain business that sparkedsome really interesting ideas in
us.
And I have never, everconsidered a brick and mortar or
anything in that way.
And going to this one spacesparked something huge in both
of us where we're like, couldthis be the thing?
Like, could this actually bethat five year, seven year
thing?
Yeah, I'm super pumped about it.
(36:25):
We're keeping it close to ourchest right now.
But I was like, tell me everydetail.
I'll tell you offline.
But it was one of those thingswhere I was like, oh, is soul
baby?
Like, did he decide this was thespace that we needed to be to
get this inspiration to set thisin motion?
I don't know.
It could turn into something orbe nothing.
But Again, it's like trustingand following the signs and
(36:47):
being open, open to that.
If I was still in my likehandcuffed, rigid control, this
is what I'm trying to do orforcing myself to do.
I wouldn't have been open tothat magic or that miracle.
You know, we wouldn't be inMaryland if we didn't listen to
this guidance.
I don't know if I'd be pregnantif we didn't listen to the
guidance.
So it's changing everything.
SPEAKER_04 (37:07):
I love that it doesn't have to make sense or it
doesn't even make sense, but Ican't ignore the truth in the
knowing.
And that is so critical for usas human beings, but definitely
as women.
And I always say I've never meta confused woman because it's
true.
We're not confused ever.
But we just like the truth inthe knowing.
(37:30):
We're taught to override it.
We're taught to ignore it.
We're taught to power throughit.
And some of my favoritedecisions...
Most of my favorite decisions inmy life was like, that doesn't
make sense, but I can't ignorethe truth of the knowing.
It's like those two things areoften present.
And then it's like, well, let'sjust go.
And then the magic unfolds.
(37:50):
And I think if we can publiclymodel those two things, the
freedom that grants so manypeople who are like, I don't
know, it doesn't make sense, butI know.
Yes.
Because women always fuckingknow every time.
They're like, I don't know.
I don't know.
I'm confused.
I don't know.
And I'm like, Okay, let'spretend that's not true.
And then they're like, it's likethe granular detail down to the
(38:11):
color of the wallpaper and thename Betty, who is my assistant,
you know, it's so granular.
And so I just love that.
Like, let's just take the leapand trust.
SPEAKER_03 (38:19):
I'm curious, Mindset Coach.
I'm curious then because so muchof the conversation has not been
about the mind.
It's been about our intuition.
It's been about the body.
When you speak about mindset, isit getting the mind on board
with the body?
I think it's
SPEAKER_05 (38:42):
knowing how to work with your mind.
It's being in that dance withthe brain and noticing, am I
choosing out of fear or am Ichoosing out of trust?
What part of me needs to get onboard in order for me to take
that leap?
What part of me is activated andscared right now?
What part of me wants to createsafety?
(39:02):
And so I think if we can createthis awareness of where are
these thoughts coming from, thenI can give myself what I need.
I think that when we get in thespiral of like, shit's not
happening and ah, ah, ah.
It's like, can I have enoughemotional intelligence to pause
that spiral and just pauseeverything that's happening in
(39:23):
the brain, the run-on sentences,the I fucked this shit up or
someone's going to judge me orwhat's happening with all of
that inner talk?
Can we learn how to navigate theinner talk in order to stay in
alignment with where we're goingand what we're doing?
SPEAKER_06 (39:36):
I'll
SPEAKER_05 (39:37):
give you a quick example.
In the first week that we gothere, It was just a lot.
I had my mom and her husband andtheir two dogs and our two dogs.
And I'm pregnant and I love mymom.
But we have this like crazypaint that's like from the 90s,
like Boca Raton, Florida threwup on the walls.
And it's not my energy.
It's not my vibe.
So I'm having this spiral.
I'm suffocating here.
(39:57):
I can't breathe.
Nothing feels like mine.
I'm used to like spaciousnessand San Diego and like whatever.
And so I'm spiraling.
And I had to catch myself.
Here we go again, talking aboutthis is why I teach the things.
And I just needed to pause inthat moment and go, what is the
next best thought I can think?
What is going to be the mostpowerful thought that I can
(40:19):
think right now?
What's going to be the mostpowerful thing that I can say to
start shifting my brain fromthis spiral?
And stepping back intopossibility.
And at the time, it was justlike, we're going to figure this
out.
We've got this.
Like, how good can it get?
And so it started just likeasking new questions was one way
for me to stop my mind and shiftinto possibility and feeling
(40:40):
better.
I
SPEAKER_03 (40:41):
love that so much.
That's so helpful and sopractical.
We all need to be able tointerrupt that spiral.
I just did it the other day,too, where I was going down this
loop and I was like, wait asecond, pause.
There's so many possibilities Ican't even conceive of that
should be on the table rightnow.
Like, why is my brain justspinning in this one terrible
option?
Why am I not opening up to thefact that there's probably
(41:05):
answers I can't even conceiveof?
And can I start dancing in thecreativity of that?
rather than looping in thenegativity and the fear.
But it really took like a, whoa,just catching my brain spinning
out.
And even a mindset coach, evensomeone who's very practiced in
this, all of us really need tohave that sort of moment of
awareness where we interrupt thepattern in our brains.
(41:28):
Totally.
Constantly.
Constantly.
And
SPEAKER_04 (41:30):
I think it's one of the best things we can do is
call bullshit on ourselves, youknow, and visualizing black and
white versus a rainbow.
My husband and I have theseconversations all the time where
I'm like, well, what if it's notonly two choices?
Like, what are the other thingsthat might be true that we just
can't see through the lens thatwe're stuck in at this very
moment?
I
SPEAKER_05 (41:48):
love the question, if I was, and then insert
whatever I'm striving for, whatwould I think or what would I
do?
So it's like, if I believed inmyself, what action would I
take?
If I loved myself, how would Ispeak to myself?
If I felt safe and solid here,what would I be doing
differently?
(42:08):
Creating a new inquiry of like,if I was adopting this thing
that I deeply desire, how wouldthat impact how I'm showing up
or feeling or thinking ortalking to myself?
And I feel like, again, it'slike, let's ask a different
question.
If I don't like the answer thatI'm getting, what other
possibilities are there?
SPEAKER_04 (42:26):
Sounds like a true saleswoman.
I
SPEAKER_05 (42:28):
like that answer.
Let's ask a different way.
Oh my God, I never thought aboutthat.
That's amazing.
Isn't that sales, right?
It's
SPEAKER_04 (42:33):
like,
SPEAKER_05 (42:34):
oh, you told me no.
I don't think so.
That is hilarious.
I used to teach self-love likethat kind of where I started.
I was in fitness and then itreally morphed into like
self-love.
And when you ask someone to lovethemselves, we don't know how we
haven't been taught.
What does that even fuckingmean?
And so then it was like, OK, ifI love myself, how would I
nourish myself today?
And sometimes that means havinga salad and protein.
(42:56):
And sometimes that means havinga fucking ice cream sundae.
And there's no right answer.
It gets us out of the like Rightor wrong, good or bad, black or
white.
And also it invites in just morepossibility.
How would I show up if I lovemyself?
SPEAKER_04 (43:10):
That reminds me of a very specific question and a
moment that I had when my sonwas three, two to three.
And it was, if I loved myself asmuch as I loved this boy, how
would I start showing up in mylife?
And it was like, like I smackedmyself with a two by four.
Of like, if I really was showingup in love with me in that way,
(43:34):
what would be different?
And it was like my whole lifeended up changing because of
that question.
That's huge.
Yeah.
Because we know how to give loveto others, right?
It's an easy marker to be like,oh, if I love myself as much as
I love my dog, like, what wouldI do?
You know, because we're soinnately able to give that to
external things, but to likeflip that back on ourselves is,
SPEAKER_03 (43:54):
yeah, we're not taught that.
Can I ask one more question towrap us out?
Yeah.
Oh, that's
SPEAKER_05 (44:05):
so funny.
What's the biggest thing Ilearned about life?
Wow.
You know, back then when I firststarted, it was all brand new.
And it was like, holy shit,there's this and I'm getting
blisters and my feet are swollenand I'm doing these shows and I
need to fit my weight range andI need to blah, blah, blah.
And it was like reallyperpetuating the perfection.
And then as I was in like yearsthree to five, it became like
(44:28):
work.
It was like, oh, I got to go tothe theater today.
Oh.
We did 16 shows this week and Ihaven't had a day off in three
weeks and I'm exhausted and I'mda-da-da-da-da.
And then when I was gettingdivorced, I actually took two
years off right before I gotdivorced to like do the dance
thing in LA.
And I was like, what else can Ido?
And let me just see.
And then I initiated my divorceand then I was like, I need to
(44:50):
go back to Rockettes.
It is something I know.
It is something I am reallygreat at.
It is a place that feels likehome.
It feels like support.
And that year I went backMm-hmm.
open-hearted.
I am so grateful to be here.
Every single person that I gotto see, every single show that I
(45:13):
got to do, it would give mechills to realize just how
incredible it was.
And so if I look back at thatjourney, I think of how many
things we take for granted or wesee as like something we have to
do.
Like mindset world, we talkabout what you have to do versus
what you get to do versus whatyou're blessed to do.
It's just a little languagingshift there of like, I get I get
(45:35):
to go to the dentist.
I get to do my taxes.
I'm blessed to do my taxes.
How amazing.
How can I make this feel good?
But in looking back at that 10year journey, it really shifted
my understanding of just howlucky we are
SPEAKER_06 (45:50):
and
SPEAKER_05 (45:50):
just how lucky I am to be able to experience
something so special.
And I think that when we get onthe rat race and when the
autopilot and we're just going,going, going, going, we lose
sight of that.
But being able to have somethingso huge in my life rock me.
And be able to really feel whatthat was for me.
Like, of course, it's like coolon the outside and events and
things.
I'm like very achievement based.
(46:12):
But on the inside, it was such ablessing and so supportive for
me.
SPEAKER_03 (46:17):
Love it.
Thank you.
This was such a beautifulconversation.
So grateful.
You're so generous with yourwisdom and your beautiful
energy.
It was so nice to learn aboutyou.
So thank you for being with ustoday.
SPEAKER_05 (46:29):
This was so fun.
You guys are amazing.
And it really is a privilege andan honor to be able to share my
story.
And my intention is always, whodo I get to impact?
Who do I get to give permissionto?
Who do I get to inspire to takeaction, to trust themselves, to
take the big risk, to take themessy action?
And so being able to talk withyou guys and to be able to share
(46:51):
with your listeners is such agift to me.
So thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
This was so fun.
I'm so soul nourished right now.
Thanks for having me.
Well, love you so
SPEAKER_04 (46:59):
much.
Thanks, love.
Thank you for being here.
Thank you.
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