October 6, 2023 • 43 mins
Season 1 is a wrap! And we are so excited to celebrate with the launch of Melissa’s soul baby, The Nova — an innovative membership community designed for conscious corporate women, visionary entrepreneurs, and budding change-makers. As we reflect on this season and key takeaways from our guests, we also dive deep into the nitty-gritty, behind-the-scenes of Melissa’s journey of finally bringing her vision to life. We talk through navigating fear, surrendering control, the courage it takes to speak our dreams out loud, and navigating the tricky terrain of personal growth with (or without) our partners. Jessica also shares her newest realizations about what she’s been hiding from the world, why she no longer has a five-year plan, and why life takes us through seismic initiations en route to our dreams…
Life is unpredictable, and sometimes our dreams don't seamlessly unfold like we imagined. But with unwavering belief in ourselves, support from this community, and the courage to stretch beyond our comfort zones, we believe anything is possible. Our gratitude extends to you, our loyal listeners, for joining us on this incredible ride. We couldn't have done it without your support and enthusiasm.
And if you're looking to be a founding member of The Nova Community and continue your journey of self-discovery, you can learn more and join The Nova Community membership at www.thenovalution.com.
If you loved today’s episode, please leave a review and share your favorite takeaways by screenshotting this episode and tagging us on Instagram! We also have a free monthly community call on the first Wednesday of every month, join here!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Melissa (00:05):
This is the Inner Rebel podcast.
Jessica (00:16):
You made it happen.
You made your dream happen.
Melissa (00:20):
It's real, I know, and the craziest part about it.
There's so many crazy things,but it's just the beginning,
yeah.
Jessica (00:26):
I know I'm so proud of you and maybe for some context.
Yeah, melissa is launching hersoul baby, her soul vision,
tonight and maybe you can sharea little bit.
Melissa (00:40):
Yeah, so wild.
When I hear it, my heart feelsreally big.
Yeah, I have.
So what's happening tonight iswe're doing a virtual launch,
and the best part is I'm justemceeing this thing.
For the first time in my life,I feel like I'm not the one
responsible for the doing.
It's like a real collectiveeffort.
(01:01):
And so the Nova is a membershipcommunity that supports
conscious women and specificallycorporate women who have more
of a drive to be in theirpurpose inside of their
corporate positions, visionary,entrepreneurial women as well as
, if you don't feel like you fitinto either one of those boxes,
third category would be more oflike a change maker and
(01:22):
emerging change maker and justknow that they're made for more.
And so we're going to havelocal communities, and we're
actually launching with a betafounding local communities.
I haven't even told you this.
Instead of trying to figure itall out first and then do it,
we're like why don't we justfigure it out together?
And so our vision is that wehave like multiple chapters and
we're going to call them maybeconstellations, not chapters in
(01:43):
every single state, so thatwomen have a local tribe and
that you are supportedpersonally and professionally
and spiritually, not onlythrough our virtual global
community, but also at a locallevel, and so you have women who
just deeply have your back, andreally, the thing that I think
sets us apart is how we're goingto be in relationship to one
another, and that really justset in with me this week.
(02:05):
As silly as that sounds, it'sour being that is the
differentiator, because it'slike, well, what makes you
different than all these othercommunities?
Where do you get to go?
Where you feel deeply held inbeing your messy, vulnerable,
real self and where people arecheering you on and not cutting
you down, and where you're heldto a higher vision and everyone
wants to support you in everyway that they can and you're
(02:27):
well resourced and you haveaccess to the coolest, most
amazing dreamers in the worldand they're all just like at
your fingertips or next door toyou.
We really want to cultivatethis sense of safety.
You're safe here and you get tobe yourself and it doesn't have
to look any other way than isthe way that you are.
So I can't believe it'shappening.
(02:47):
But I can't believe it'shappening.
It's so special.
How does it feel?
Jessica (02:52):
What's it feeling like today?
Melissa (02:53):
I feel really calm and excited and like I'm in like a
giant love blanket, because I'mjust getting these messages and
emails from people that I don'teven necessarily know that are
like this is awesome, I'mcheering you on or I can't be
there, but I'm celebrating.
What I really got this pastweekend was an increased
(03:15):
capacity to receive.
The first thing Sarah said inthe retreat was it's not that we
are over giving, it's that weare under receiving, yeah, yeah.
And so what is that shift foryou?
Jessica (03:26):
Like, how do you actually integrate or embody
receiving.
Melissa (03:30):
I mean I feel like I know my lane and I'm not
deviating.
I feel like my team, like Ijust always even though they're
wonderful and they've never letme down like I just kept feeling
like they're going to let medown.
They're going to let me down,they're not going to fault,
they're not going to do it,they're going to like decide any
moments, notice that they'rejust done here and then I'm
going to have to do it all.
(03:50):
And I felt really graspy andcontrolling and I could feel how
much I didn't like how thatfelt like the last two weeks
leading up to before I went toBoston, and how much I block
John from being able to give tome, how much I block everyone,
and I'm like also thought I wasgreat at this.
So it's not like something Ithought I struggled with, but
(04:12):
what I've gotten is such abigger capacity and an awareness
of how I was blocking it, andhow much love can I hold in my
body and how much support can Iget from not only the divine but
everyone in my life, and hownot alone I am in any of this.
Jessica (04:31):
But I love about what you shared is you just actively
changed a story.
You could feel the old story ofI have to do everything by
myself and I can't trust anybody, and how terrible that actually
felt in your body.
This doesn't feel good and how,with that consciousness could
transform it into surrender.
You just broke the pattern.
Melissa (04:51):
Well, it wasn't like that easy.
It was just three days insacred ceremony with 130 women,
after doing eight years of workon it, to set my vessel up for
this, and then what finallybroke it through was
callotrophic breathing, where myhands were locked into claws
and my whole body was shivering,and I had this crazy experience
(05:13):
of release and really happenedin that breathing exercise.
So it's not like I just choseto shift my mind.
Jessica (05:22):
No, no, you set yourself up for it.
But also I would challengemaybe it doesn't have to take
eight years, always no it doesnot.
Melissa (05:32):
There's been a lot of things happening in those eight
years.
Jessica (05:35):
Now what situations come up that show us where we
are in relationship withourselves and we can feel our
bodies tightening and these oldpatterns and fears and
insecurities bubbling up.
And if we do create a littlebit of that space to recognize
this isn't the way that I wantto be.
I mean, not every situation canbe transformed that quickly,
but you can.
(05:55):
That's actually how, in evenmicro moments, you can shift the
pattern.
In this moment, I'm going tochoose to trust the people I'm
working with, surrender a littlebit more and see what happens,
and you never know.
Melissa (06:05):
I noticed it was happening as we were getting
closer.
So two weeks ago I was fine,you know, and then I started to
lose sleep and I started to getmore stressed and I could see
myself getting more controllingand the amount that we had to
get done, like the amount thatwe have done in a magical,
spacious, supportive way, is amiracle.
And so really, it was like twoweeks of feeling like I wanted
(06:28):
to just crawl out of my skin andthen it was fixed.
So I do think to your point.
It's that it's not that we'regoing to stop feeling this way.
I'm certain I will feel thisway again.
I'm blocking it again, but thenyou can move through it faster.
You stay in it longer, like Imight have stayed in that for
like two years before and nowit's, oh, two weeks.
Cool, I didn't like that.
Let's figure out how to movethrough it so we just really get
(06:50):
better at shifting our state.
Jessica (06:54):
It's situations like this that reveal it to us,
because we care so much.
This is your baby and I knowthat when this actually is
released, this event will be inthe past.
So if someone is listening andis like I want to be part of
that, what might they do toconnect with Nova?
Melissa (07:10):
Yeah, so right now we may change this.
Our website is called theNovaLution, so it's a revolution
and evolution, and Nova is thestar that becomes so bright that
it basically has a release ofenergy in it.
So every one of us is a Nova,and so I am a Nova, you are a
Nova, she is a Nova, and thentogether we are the Nova, and so
(07:33):
it's thenovolutioncom, and wehave free events the first week
of every month.
So I'm going to keep doing whatI was doing, but now it's part
of the Nova.
So October 4th is our freeevent, and then you can check
out the membership.
It's available to apply to be afounding member and you can
connect with us on Instagram atthe.
Jessica (07:53):
NovaLution, novalution, novalution.
Melissa (07:55):
It's the NovaLution on Instagram.
Jessica (07:58):
Oh, melissa, you know to our listeners, this has been
going on in the background aswe've been developing this
podcast, and so I'm curiousbecause you've been tuning into
all these conversations whileyou have been in the process of
bringing this dream to life,you're hearing from people on
how do we make our dreamsreality.
While you're deep in thatprocess, was there anything that
(08:19):
you were hearing from thoseconversations that actually
served you or that you were alsonoticing in yourself as you
were creating this?
Melissa (08:27):
One term that stands out, which was H's delusional
confidence.
I feel like I have that also,where I just really believe in
myself and I really believe inwhat I'm doing, and I think
that's a theme not that everyonestarted there, but a lot of
(08:48):
people really had this beliefand a lot of times it didn't
make any sense.
You know, you're like I'm justgoing to keep believing even
though it doesn't necessarilymake sense, and I feel a little
bit crazy and I'm really scaredbut I'm going to keep going.
So I think that was definitelya theme that I saw, and also the
thing and I know this was kindof the point of us doing this
was just how normal everyone is,that, like anybody can go down
(09:12):
a path of excellence.
That's a very big statement,but I really think it's
available for us and I thinkthat's why I really loved these
conversations, because you'relike this person didn't have any
resources, they didn't have anyfamily support, they just
thought that they could, or theydecided that they could, and
then they got resourced aroundit and look at them now, and so
it really made me see thatthere's not this perfect person,
(09:34):
that this gets to happen, forit's like a series of decisions
and what about the biggest fearthat you found yourself bumping
up against?
I mean I've been afraid ofrunning my family into
bankruptcy.
I've been afraid of losing mymarriage and having to go it
alone.
I've been afraid of all myfriends leaving me, deciding
(09:56):
that I'm not who they think I amor what I mean.
Like I mean total destruction,really.
Jessica (10:04):
You've got so much of that to yourself.
Melissa (10:09):
I mean, I would say a lot of it's money and a lot of
it's my marriage.
Jessica (10:14):
Okay, and if we were to talk about the money piece for
a second, because I encounterthat a lot with clients that
come to me and are maybe unhappyin the situation that they're
in and have a dream, and theyknow that to have the dream they
have to invest money in thatdirection, but feel really
insecure about either doing thator leaving the situation that
they're in.
How are you able to navigatethrough that?
Melissa (10:37):
Well, I will start by saying that I have a partner who
has a great job, so I'm verylucky, and I know that that is
not everyone's situation.
So I have been fortunate that Icould leave a multiple
six-figure career and I wasdoing well at Beauty Counter but
I took a pay cut.
You know, I left four years agoand I was making like half and
(10:58):
then it's been a roller coasterbecause I've really been in the
evolution of what are myofferings.
And when you're starting acoaching practice from somewhat
scratched, you know, people arelike become a millionaire in
five minutes and it's like epicbullshit.
And I'm a connected person whohad a big network, who's great
at what I do, but like it takesa long time to build something,
and so it's been a process.
(11:19):
So I've really leaned on myhusband and it's caused some
issues because I was making morethan him when we met and then I
was like I'm going to decide tofollow my dreams instead,
without your permission, I'mjust going to do it, and so it's
been a big source of growth forus and really navigating those
(11:39):
conversations.
But I will tell you that Idecided that my top priority was
myself and that I would have apersonal growth budget, no
matter what, and that I wouldcontinuously invest back in me.
And every single time I did it,I wanted to barf.
I was like, oh my God, I can'tbelieve I'm doing this.
This is so scary.
(12:00):
Why am I doing this again?
I kept doing it because I waslike this is one of my highest
core values and I really don'tbelieve we can do any of this
without investing back intoourselves.
And there's a lot of resources,right.
So I started to learn aboutdifferent resources.
There's different loans you canget.
There's all kinds of things.
There's even trades you can do.
Like, I do a lot of trades formy services now and it's really
(12:21):
probably saved me in the lastyear $50,000 to do trades, yeah.
So there's a lot of creativeways that you can do if it's a
priority for you.
You have to just decide I don'tsay the sentence lightly that
you are worth it.
Jessica (12:35):
Yeah, I know for sure there are so many men and women
in partnerships strugglingthrough the same thing and I
know it's imperfect.
I don't expect you to have allthe answers, but I'm wondering
if, in navigating this in yourpartnership, if you have key
takeaways or anything that youmight be able to impart for
someone in that situation andhow they can move through that
(12:58):
with their partners.
Melissa (12:58):
I think it's one of the biggest struggles women have in
partnership.
Honestly, I think it's a bigreason a lot of people get
divorced.
I have yet to coach a womanthat is interested in her growth
, that is not struggling withthis, so I first want to
normalize it Like this is what'shappening.
Jessica (13:21):
I would also add in that I see men too in my
practice and they struggle withthe same thing.
Maybe it's anybody who is on apersonal growth journey and
wanting to evolve and expand intheir career and potentially
there's some misalignment or,like their partner, may not be
on that same journey in the sameway.
(13:42):
So I think it comes up for bothsexes, or all sexes.
Melissa (13:45):
Absolutely, yeah, absolutely All sexes.
You start off with oneagreement as a couple and then
you change a lot, and it's notactually bad or wrong of them
either if they're like I don'treally want to do that, you're
trying to make me be differentand I don't actually want that
and you're like well, grow withme, do it.
(14:05):
You have to, or else, and whatI find is that the timing is
mismatched, you know, because alot of times I think it can go
either way.
I think that the partner cancome along eventually.
Like John's definitely beengrowing.
We have grown a lot together anda lot has happened since we got
married and I'm like the sameperson, but I'm also not at all
in some respects, and I thinkthat it takes getting epically
(14:28):
honest with yourself and witheach other, which is so fucking
scary, yes, to say the thingsthat you are afraid of to the
person you love, and the costcould be the marriage, but it's
also costing you your happinessand you having a partner that
(14:50):
actually meets you where youneed to be met and where you're
not sacrificing your standardsand your values to remain in
this partnership.
So it's so complicated, but Iwill say we cannot rise without
our partner at some pointgetting on board in some
capacity Can't.
Jessica (15:10):
Yeah, one thing that I've noticed is even how many
people avoid having theconversation at all.
It's like to even sit down withtheir partners and say this is
what I need from you, or I needyou to believe in me, or this is
my vision.
And why don't you communicateyour vision?
And how do we figure out howboth of these visions can work
together?
For sure, right To even havethat conversation seems to be so
(15:33):
scary for people.
Melissa (15:35):
Why do you think that is?
Yeah, I didn't say anything forso long, I just felt it, and I
think you try to convinceyourself.
No, I'm fine, I don't actuallyfeel that way.
No, it can be okay, it's goodenough.
Like it's good enough.
I might actually have like likeour marriage has never been
horrible, but there havedefinitely been seasons where
it's like it's fine, it's goodenough.
(15:56):
You know, but that's not who Iam.
I'm like let's have an epic,amazing marriage.
Like poor guy, poor sweet man,he listens to this.
Jessica (16:06):
Maybe it's because if we actually say it out loud,
then we actually have to facereality.
You have to do something aboutit.
We actually have to, like, facethe truth of how you feel and
how they feel, and if there's amismatch, what do you do about
that?
And I think a lot of peoplefind it easier to just ignore it
as long as they can.
Melissa (16:25):
For sure, I think we all do.
You know it's been veryinteresting being in these
sacred circles with women andspecifically studying with Sarah
Janks, because her and herhusband are very open about
their marriage issues andJonathan now he was on our show,
jonathan's on our show.
Jessica (16:41):
Oh yeah, jonathan's the episode.
Melissa (16:42):
Yep, listen to Jonathan's episode.
He even came to the retreatthis weekend and like, sat in on
the final day and I met by herand it was so powerful to hear
his side.
This is what it's like for yourpartner when you choose to
change and they're like no, Idon't want to.
Which is how he was, and so itfelt really expansive to hear
(17:05):
his perspective.
And you come home from theseretreats and you're like this is
who I am now and they're like Idon't want you to be that way
now, you know.
And so I felt a lot moreempathy for my sweet husband and
the ride that I've taken him onfor the last seven years six
years but it's so scary.
It's so scary and I think, evenif we take this out of the
(17:29):
context of your marriage whenyou're in a circumstance that's
very misaligned for you, albeityour partner, your romantic
partner, a job where you livethe way in which you've been
relating to your family oforigin, friendships that you've
had, that actually don't fitanymore.
This applies to everything.
(17:49):
It's like when you are gettingclearer on who you are and what
you want and you're like fuck,my life doesn't actually fit who
I am.
Yeah, it's a big deal.
I mean, you know this.
Jessica (18:02):
It actually ties into something that I've been
reflecting on a lot, as I'vebeen reflecting about this
season and the conversations,because I was really surprised
how many people went through thesame experience that I had of
this sort of dismantling, thisbig disassembling of their lives
.
We aren't always sure what weare really asking for.
(18:23):
We say we have these dreams, wewant these things, we want our
dreams to come true.
But if we're actually seriousabout those dreams, if they're
the dreams of your heart andyour soul and there's this
incongruence between your dreamand your current reality, even
if you're not fully conscious ofit, then it's like life comes
in and tries to help you.
(18:44):
You want the thing, but are youthe person yet that can
actually hold the thing thatyou're calling in?
If your life has been builtupon this foundation that isn't
actually authentic to you, andif you've been living in this
status quo and you haven't yetintegrated the lessons or the
gifts that you need for the lifethat you're asking for, you are
(19:08):
taken through an initiation.
Melissa (19:12):
Or a hundred of them, or a hundred of them, yeah, or a
hundred of them.
Jessica (19:17):
I was just thinking about that.
In regards to what you said,that, yeah, it's.
If we look at what we'reactually asking for, at some
point you have to surrender thethings that aren't working.
So I think that that is thefear of owning your dream, what
might not belong in that dreamthat I'm really comfy in right
now.
Melissa (19:36):
Yeah, yeah, I think that's the fear of.
It's a when and you don't stopgetting initiations.
It's not like you, I know youdon't.
You're like I would like to bedone for a while.
I feel pretty good with whatI've been given and I'd like to
stop with my initiations, butyou don't.
It doesn't stop, as fucked upas that seems.
(19:57):
You just innovations, expandyour capacity to navigate.
Well, some aren't always soseismic.
Jessica (20:04):
I mean, not everybody has to have that level of
seismic transformation.
In a few of the people who cameinto the podcast, including
myself, we did have to undergothat because of where we were,
to what our vision is or whatwas calling us forth.
But I think we go throughinitiations all the time that,
(20:24):
yeah, we're building ourcapacity and probably feels a
little bit more digestible.
You get little, you get dosesand some people get, like you
know.
Melissa (20:35):
Waterboarded, waterboarded, waterboarded,
waterboarded.
Sometimes life waterboards, youand you don't know how you're
going to breathe again Feelslike the right analogy.
Jessica (20:48):
Yeah Well, good on you.
I'm so proud of you.
You've been so brave and you'redoing it, and I know that this
has been in your heart for sucha long time, so it's really
exciting to see you bring itinto the world, and in the way
that you wanted to.
Melissa (21:01):
That is everything, because we can do a lot of
things, but it's to your pointof who are you being and how are
you doing it.
You can force a lot of thingsto happen, you can burn yourself
out in the process, you canpower through and feel like shit
, and then you can have youroutcome or you can decide.
(21:26):
I mean, there's the becomingright, like all these things
we're talking about.
Help you become the person whocan hold this.
I knew about this eight yearsago.
I was not the person who coulddo this eight years ago, but now
I am.
It's like I'm drinking througha fire hose every single day of
my life.
Thank goodness for chat GPT, orelse I would be like on a ball
in the corner of my room, but Iam For real chat.
(21:48):
We call him Chad.
Chad has become a veryimportant part of our team.
Chad and Steve is our eventsdirectors, ai note taker, and so
Steve and Chad are allowed intoour feminine circles.
So it's really about how do youwant it to happen?
Because we get so fixated onthe destination that we forget
about the importance of thejourney, which is everything,
and I know that's a cliche thingto say, but I talk to my
(22:09):
leadership team all the time andI'm like we are laying the
energetic foundation for thisentire thing.
Yeah, so if we do not haveintegrity with the values of
this organization, then we needto slow down, we need to stop,
we need to make some changes,because we need to have
integrity with how we are doingthis and the way in which we are
treating each other.
(22:29):
Like, for example, we have 900tech things that need to be done
this week.
Our tech director was out lastweek for her regular job and now
she has COVID and rather thanbeing like you got to power
through, stephanie, you got tofucking do this.
It's like OK, we need to getyou some help.
How can we get to some help soyou can rest?
And so we're like really tryingto let her rest, even though
(22:50):
there's nine million things todo.
But I can't make her do this.
Her body is like no way, youknow.
So it's hard to practice this,but we really want to model what
it's like to build a companyand relate to one another, which
I know you and I have reallyworked through too of how do we
want this to happen and where isthe struggle and how do we get
support and how can we do itdifferently so that you can
(23:11):
thrive, because I don't want youto suffer.
That's not OK, you know.
Jessica (23:17):
How do we change the paradigm?
You're changing the wholeparadigm.
I think it goes back to what Imeant when I said that when the
initiation comes, it's coming toteach us how to have capacity
or hold the dream that we'rehaving in the way that we want
to have it.
Because, like you said, if thatcame to you eight years ago and
you just did it then, or if allthe things that I've been
(23:40):
dreaming about showed up at thetime that I was like I want it
now, give it to me now, it wouldhave come with a whole lot of
lessons.
You know what I mean.
It wouldn't have actually beenthe dream and its integrity at
the level of quality that I wasenvisioning, because I actually
didn't understand what thatmeant.
I wasn't embodying that in mybeing at the time.
(24:00):
And so to trust the process,because in the journey you are
actually getting all of thepieces of information that you
need in order to, when youactually have the manifestation,
be able to live it in a waythat actually matches the vision
right, that's actually healthyand beautiful and doesn't bite
(24:22):
you in the ass yeah.
Melissa (24:24):
Does the waterboard do?
Yeah, yeah.
Well, I'm feeling this questionfor you because you've been on
a real journey of becoming, andI don't even know if you've
shared with me the answer tothis, but I'm curious.
Where are you headed?
What has this opened up for you, and what do you now realize
that you desire in your life?
Jessica (24:44):
Hmm, there's two parts, because I think I'm still
integrating, so I still don'tknow if I yet have the
spaciousness for everything thathas been going on to be able to
come back with a clear answerin its entirety.
But one thing that has becomeclear to me in the last few
(25:05):
months was that I wascompartmentalizing different
pieces of me and still keepingcertain parts of me in the
shadows.
I was still hiding and stillwrapped up in what I thought my
identity was supposed to be.
And I came to the realization.
Why would I hold back any pieceof me?
(25:26):
Why would I not allow everypart of me, even if they seem
contradictory, even if theydon't seem to make sense
together, come forward in itsfullest expression?
Why would I shut down my poweranywhere in my life?
Melissa (25:41):
Well, why, why would you, why were you?
Jessica (25:44):
I think I was still in the story of Piccolane I think
that was part of it.
Still in the story of if I'mknown for this, it diminishes me
over there, and that I reallylove acting.
That has been the dream since Iwas a child, and allowing my
(26:04):
identity to transition intosomething beyond that it felt
like a betrayal, almost.
It felt like am I leaving mydream behind, rather than me
seeing it as an expansion of thedream?
Mmm, yeah, because I think, intruth, the dream always was to
(26:24):
be of service, even when I wasyounger, and I imagined being an
actor and I imagined, you know,winning the Oscars and all of
the things that you do whenyou're eight.
But I always envisioned it insuch a way that when I'm in that
position, I'll be able to giveback to the world in a much
bigger way.
Yep, I always felt that soclearly and now I'm like well,
(26:46):
here are all the opportunitiesto give back to the world.
It's just not in the way or inthe order that I thought it
might happen.
Yeah, and I also think thatthere is something about being
an actor that felt like I shouldnot come forward so publicly
and be so personal, and I thinkthat that's also shifting.
(27:06):
I think more and more, allthese public figures are having
podcasts and being moretransparent in who they are, but
I think the messaging that Igot when I was younger was that,
in order to do your craft, youhad to be really hidden about
who you are.
And yeah, that's done so.
(27:27):
So that's not a possibilityanymore, and it was also
ignoring this whole other partof me and a whole other
expression of my gifts and whatI would call my genius.
I think we all have a geniusand I was hiding it.
I wasn't taking up space withit because it didn't feel like
it made sense in that otherrealm, yeah, so it's been kind
(27:51):
of coming out of hiding andtaking more ownership and being
proud of all of these differentpieces of me and that I get to
be all of it.
I get to be all of it.
It's like busting through theboxes we were talking about in
the beginning, like just notaccepting a box anymore, and
that means that my life is goingto look different than what I
thought, but probably so muchricher.
(28:12):
And I get to also, I hope,inspire other people to leave
the boxes and know that theredoesn't need to be one thing
that defines us ever.
Melissa (28:22):
Yeah, yeah.
So what are you no longerhiding?
Jessica (28:25):
I think this, I mean I think it's hard to talk about
yourself.
Melissa (28:32):
Well, too bad.
You chose to be on a podcastwith me.
Episode 26 of the podcast.
Can I ask you the question in adifferent way?
Yeah, yeah, please.
What do you now want people toknow about you?
That you were hiding beforeBarf.
But, thank you, I'm going tomake you claim it.
Jessica (28:54):
I actually don't think I've been asked this ever by
anyone before and I reallyappreciate you asking it, and
it's not formulated inside of meyet, so I'm just I know it's
going to come.
I think my gift is the abilityto call forth people's highest
selves.
I think that's what it is.
(29:14):
I think I can see it and I canhold people to it, and I don't
think everybody can do that.
Melissa (29:20):
I will say that we have very different ways of doing
that.
That's one of my gifts, but Ithink, because I bring you in I
don't think we've ever talkedabout this I bring just into all
of my clients and I didn't usedto do it for my one-on-one
clients but I'm starting to doit and I know that you are such
a critical piece of that.
I don't actually want to coachanybody if I can't have just do
(29:42):
her magic as a part of it.
And I think that's like thereally fun part about working
together because I mean, I thinkhuman design is the best way to
get to it and I think you're amasterful at it, and one of the
most fun parts of collaboratingis there's a lot of different
angles that we can come out likebringing people forward, and I
really do think that you make mebetter at what I do because I
(30:05):
get to lean on you and yourgifts and you're so freaking
good at it and literally everyperson that gets a reading from
you, their minds are blown andit's the first time they've ever
been able to see themselves intheir whole lives.
You know it's like no big deal,even in 30 minutes.
That's what you can help themsee.
So I'm so glad you're nothiding this anymore.
Welcome to the party, all ofJess.
Jessica (30:27):
All of Jess.
Well, I think the thing abouthuman design readings and I do
think I'm really good at it Ithink I'm an excellent
translator for that system so Ido get that feedback a lot from
people who have maybe had otherreadings and they come to me and
have a whole different kind ofexperience.
I really understand story.
Maybe that's my background as awriter and as an actress and I
(30:48):
think I'm good at helpingsomeone see the story of who
they are.
But to me it is a translation,like it's an expression of me,
but it's not all of me, becauseI'm still giving them the
information off of the chart.
Right, I've always known humandesign was a vessel in a way or
a container for me to show up incertain gifts that I have.
(31:11):
But I actually think it's alsoa transitional space for me.
I think where I get when I'mstarting to get really excited
about is holding people to it.
It's like people feel so seenand they're like that was
amazing and it's like oh, yeah,okay, so they're going to go do
it.
How do we do it Right?
So the conditioning part iswhat thrills me.
(31:33):
Someone can feel so recognizedfrom a reading and start to
recognize themselves.
And then it's the dismantlingpiece right.
Then they have to look at theirlives and go oh shit, this is
who I am, this is who I want tobe, and it doesn't align with
what I've created so far.
And I'm really good, probablybecause I've had this life
(31:54):
experience.
I'm really good holding peoplethrough that process.
It's such a magical experiencefor me to be working with people
over time and see their livesradically change.
I don't know if I have thewords to actually say what it is
that's happening, but it doesfeel like an extension of me in
(32:14):
some way, and I'm just finallygiving it permission.
Melissa (32:17):
Well, I'm hearing that you're really really really good
at your job.
Jessica (32:22):
Yeah, but it wasn't a job that I ever thought I would
do or really claimed ever untilnow.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and seeingbeautiful things happen.
Melissa (32:31):
I'm also interested in beyond that.
So I know you're taking somesteps to enhance your gifts.
I am curious if you know theanswer to this, but if you could
have this manifest in any wayfive years from now, what would
you be doing?
(32:51):
How would this be I?
Jessica (32:53):
don't know.
I'm actually okay not knowing.
I love that we're doing apodcast.
I feel like this is thebeginning of something and I'm
really proud of us and whatwe've created.
And it's been really exciting,especially to have people reach
out and share what this hasmeant to them, people that I
don't know and you don't know,who have found us.
(33:15):
I mean it's really excitingthat this is starting to become
a movement in a way, and I loveit.
So I could see myself doing this.
I could still see myself actingthat is still part of the
vision and directing and writingstories.
I think everything that I loveto do, the thread that connects
(33:36):
all of it is I'm obsessed withthe human condition.
I'm just obsessed withunderstanding what makes us who
we are, and so I just have allof these different outlets that
let me explore that for myselfin various ways.
But the direction that thisactually takes, this work, I
know it's going to go somewhere,but just like I didn't know
(33:57):
what human design even was likesix years ago, and here I am, I
feel like I don't want to fuckwith it.
Just you tell me, universe, I'mhere.
I'm here, you show me, becauseit's probably so much greater
than I could imagine.
So I'm just going to keeptrusting and following the dots
Would former.
Melissa (34:18):
Jess have said that.
Hell.
No, I just would like toacknowledge the transformation
that has you just be so easy,breezy and surrendered to the
universe Got you.
Now.
Jessica (34:30):
Yeah.
Melissa (34:31):
It's like one thing to say that and it's like I know
you've talked about who you were, but like to get to that point
where you're just like, justtake me where you want me to go,
no, you know.
Jessica (34:43):
Previous, jessica was choking her dream to death Like
was just not releasing her grip,and you know what's really
really front and center for meright now, and so I'm just going
to speak it out loud.
This is just the prayer of myheart I want a family.
I want a family.
I want to find my person.
(35:03):
I want children in whatever waythat comes, you know.
So, as much as I want all ofthe other things to be my
fullest self, I want apassionate career, and that's
always gonna be an importantpart of me.
What's really front and centerright now for me is putting my
energy into attracting that.
(35:24):
Feel ready.
Melissa (35:25):
If you're out there and you're listening to this.
Can you call Jessica Rose?
I should have a hotline.
Jessica (35:31):
Find her on Instagram.
Yeah, we need a hotline.
Melissa (35:34):
We have people standing by.
There's a call center ready foryour calls right now, so just
don't be afraid to reach out toher.
Thank you for saying that.
I know that takes a lot to saythat out loud, thank you.
Thanks for asking thesequestions.
You're welcome.
I'm feeling particularlycurious today.
Jessica (35:56):
I know that we need to wrap up relatively soon, so I
would love just if you have anyreflections on the season and
what your takeaways are.
I know that you mentioned thedelusional confidence, but if
there's anything else that youloved or have been thinking
about, I'd love to hear it.
Melissa (36:16):
I have loved getting to know you.
Same thing.
I think it's been so specialand I feel just so deeply
grateful.
I know I've told you thisbefore, but it's wild.
We've never met.
I can't even imagine what a hugis going to feel like when we
finally get to do that, but Ifeel so grateful for you in my
(36:37):
life and all of the ways thatyou are in my life and that I
really hit the jackpot in apartner.
It's been so magical to get todo this with you and watch you.
I think you're one of the mosttalented podcast interviewers I
know and I'm like how do I getto be on this with Jess?
She's so good at this andsometimes I'm like I feel like
(37:01):
I'm just like, especially in oneparticular episode that you
shall not name, I mean you justgave me a platform to do my
obsession, which is get nosy.
That's great for me.
So I will say that, first andforemost, and that even more
than I realized before how muchyou build the plane as you fly
(37:24):
it, I think that we would neverhave done this had we known what
it was going to do to your life, because you just, I mean, I
feel like you're not supposed tosee the struggle or else you
would never try, and so I amjust so present to we're not
supposed to have it figured out,we don't need to have it
(37:46):
figured out that you continue tofollow your joy, and this felt
really good to get to combineour voices, and we had a similar
desire as far as the kinds ofconversations and the difference
that we wanted to make throughthe conversations and the rest
was like happening as we go.
It's not like we knew all theanswers.
We spent some time laying avery thoughtful foundation, but
(38:07):
like there's so much, you can'tplan for yeah, there's so much
you can't plan for, and I feellike that stops people from
trying.
And I think about that with theNova.
I'm like, had I even known whatwe would have done in this four
months, since I really was likelet's go, I would have been
like no, well, it's anotherinitiation there.
You go.
Jessica (38:23):
There's one of those more digestible initiations.
Yeah, it wasn't a completeoverhaul of my life, but I
learned some big stuff for surein this process.
Melissa (38:35):
I'm grateful, yeah, and I think that I'm actually
really grateful for thegenerosity of people sharing
their stories.
I think that we got I don't knowif it's who we are or the space
we hold, but I feel like peopleopened up in a way that was
actually more vulnerable thanthey were accustomed to with us,
and I feel really grateful thatwe got to receive their stories
(38:59):
and share them in the way inwhich we did, because I feel
like all of our conversationswere so cool and I would get off
most of them and be like, wow,that's amazing that we get to do
this, and I just feel like itwas so fun to get to ask these
questions and learn so muchabout ourselves in the process.
But I just really want to honorall of our guests and the depth
(39:20):
in which they were willing togo, because we start off with
throwing them in the deep endwithout swimmies and we're like
good luck, I hope you can swim.
And they all swam.
They were all great.
So I think those are my firstthree things that I think of.
That's so good, that's so good.
How about?
Jessica (39:36):
you.
Melissa (39:37):
And what are yours?
You probably thought throughthis more than I did.
Jessica (39:40):
More than I did.
What I so appreciate is youjust brought in the things I
didn't think about.
So I just want to dittoeverything that you just
expressed and express mygratitude for you as a partner.
I know for sure I would not bedoing this if you hadn't been
the catalyst.
So I'm really grateful for thetornado that hit my life, but
(40:02):
it's such a good way.
Melissa (40:05):
Family used to call me the Taz.
I've chilled out my Tazzyenergy Tornado.
No, I'm really grateful.
Jessica (40:11):
But I'm going to pull a Melissa and actually read off
my list, because what I want toshare is I was just reflecting
on what I saw as the commonthreats or the common themes
showing up in all of theseconversations, and we're talking
about what does it take to livean authentic life and pursue
(40:32):
your dreams and be a rebel, andI think that we're probably
going to get so much more juicystuff as we continue these
conversations in season two.
Should we do season two?
I didn't even ask.
Melissa (40:45):
Yeah, we're doing season two.
I was like are you questioningthis?
Are we going to have a publicbreakup?
Oh my God, this is taking aturn.
Jessica (40:53):
But I think it's also good to just reflect back on
what were the takeaways.
What did we get from this?
So the number one thing thateverybody spoke about was
listening to your body.
Oh yeah, listening to your body.
The second one was gettingconnected to the deeper why.
Because it's hard to be braveif you actually aren't clear on
(41:15):
why the change is so importantto you.
We spoke about the dismantling.
That was definitely a commonthread the doing things before
you're ready, which you justspoke to Aligning with your
values.
I took a lot from how manypeople talked about the
transformation that they foundthrough grief and in darkness
(41:36):
and all the feelings that wetend to want to avoid Taking
your weird, unique gifts andfinding the value in them and
making a career being yourself.
So many of the people that wespoke to just did it their way.
They didn't look at well, noone has ever demonstrated that
this is possible.
They said this is what I'mreally good at, I'm going to
(41:57):
find a way to offer this and soanything is possible.
Not taking the status quo tomean this is the way it always
has to be.
Is there anything else?
Those were the big onesSurrender, and I think we've
been speaking to this allthrough this episode, but we
learned through challenge and wegrow at the edge of our comfort
zones, and I think challengemeans that we're facing
(42:21):
something that we have not yetbeen taught to handle or maybe
somebody said that, but that'sall that means, and so when
you're in the middle of achallenge, nothing is wrong.
It's just an area for you toexpand because, like we were
saying before, that is how webuild the capacity for our
dreams to come through.
So those are a lot of thethings that I took away.
Melissa (42:43):
Well, I think that's a beautiful way to wrap up season
one, and thanking our listeners.
Jessica (42:49):
I'm just so grateful for everybody who has been
tuning in consistently week toweek, so grateful for all of you
, and I want to hear yourthoughts on the episodes and
also if you have ideas or thingsyou'd like us to be talking
about or exploring in season two, please send them our way.
We'd love to hear from you?
Yes, Thank you.
Melissa (43:11):
Melissa, I don't think I want to say anything else.
Okay, thank you 為什麼.
This is the Inner Rebel podcast.
Jessica (00:16):
You made it happen.
You made your dream happen.
Melissa (00:20):
It's real, I know, and the craziest part about it.
There's so many crazy things,but it's just the beginning,
yeah.
Jessica (00:26):
I know I'm so proud of you and maybe for some context.
Yeah, melissa is launching hersoul baby, her soul vision,
tonight and maybe you can sharea little bit.
Melissa (00:40):
Yeah, so wild.
When I hear it, my heart feelsreally big.
Yeah, I have.
So what's happening tonight iswe're doing a virtual launch,
and the best part is I'm justemceeing this thing.
For the first time in my life,I feel like I'm not the one
responsible for the doing.
It's like a real collectiveeffort.
(01:01):
And so the Nova is a membershipcommunity that supports
conscious women and specificallycorporate women who have more
of a drive to be in theirpurpose inside of their
corporate positions, visionary,entrepreneurial women as well as
, if you don't feel like you fitinto either one of those boxes,
third category would be more oflike a change maker and
(01:22):
emerging change maker and justknow that they're made for more.
And so we're going to havelocal communities, and we're
actually launching with a betafounding local communities.
I haven't even told you this.
Instead of trying to figure itall out first and then do it,
we're like why don't we justfigure it out together?
And so our vision is that wehave like multiple chapters and
we're going to call them maybeconstellations, not chapters in
(01:43):
every single state, so thatwomen have a local tribe and
that you are supportedpersonally and professionally
and spiritually, not onlythrough our virtual global
community, but also at a locallevel, and so you have women who
just deeply have your back, andreally, the thing that I think
sets us apart is how we're goingto be in relationship to one
another, and that really justset in with me this week.
(02:05):
As silly as that sounds, it'sour being that is the
differentiator, because it'slike, well, what makes you
different than all these othercommunities?
Where do you get to go?
Where you feel deeply held inbeing your messy, vulnerable,
real self and where people arecheering you on and not cutting
you down, and where you're heldto a higher vision and everyone
wants to support you in everyway that they can and you're
(02:27):
well resourced and you haveaccess to the coolest, most
amazing dreamers in the worldand they're all just like at
your fingertips or next door toyou.
We really want to cultivatethis sense of safety.
You're safe here and you get tobe yourself and it doesn't have
to look any other way than isthe way that you are.
So I can't believe it'shappening.
(02:47):
But I can't believe it'shappening.
It's so special.
How does it feel?
Jessica (02:52):
What's it feeling like today?
Melissa (02:53):
I feel really calm and excited and like I'm in like a
giant love blanket, because I'mjust getting these messages and
emails from people that I don'teven necessarily know that are
like this is awesome, I'mcheering you on or I can't be
there, but I'm celebrating.
What I really got this pastweekend was an increased
(03:15):
capacity to receive.
The first thing Sarah said inthe retreat was it's not that we
are over giving, it's that weare under receiving, yeah, yeah.
And so what is that shift foryou?
Jessica (03:26):
Like, how do you actually integrate or embody
receiving.
Melissa (03:30):
I mean I feel like I know my lane and I'm not
deviating.
I feel like my team, like Ijust always even though they're
wonderful and they've never letme down like I just kept feeling
like they're going to let medown.
They're going to let me down,they're not going to fault,
they're not going to do it,they're going to like decide any
moments, notice that they'rejust done here and then I'm
going to have to do it all.
(03:50):
And I felt really graspy andcontrolling and I could feel how
much I didn't like how thatfelt like the last two weeks
leading up to before I went toBoston, and how much I block
John from being able to give tome, how much I block everyone,
and I'm like also thought I wasgreat at this.
So it's not like something Ithought I struggled with, but
(04:12):
what I've gotten is such abigger capacity and an awareness
of how I was blocking it, andhow much love can I hold in my
body and how much support can Iget from not only the divine but
everyone in my life, and hownot alone I am in any of this.
Jessica (04:31):
But I love about what you shared is you just actively
changed a story.
You could feel the old story ofI have to do everything by
myself and I can't trust anybody, and how terrible that actually
felt in your body.
This doesn't feel good and how,with that consciousness could
transform it into surrender.
You just broke the pattern.
Melissa (04:51):
Well, it wasn't like that easy.
It was just three days insacred ceremony with 130 women,
after doing eight years of workon it, to set my vessel up for
this, and then what finallybroke it through was
callotrophic breathing, where myhands were locked into claws
and my whole body was shivering,and I had this crazy experience
(05:13):
of release and really happenedin that breathing exercise.
So it's not like I just choseto shift my mind.
Jessica (05:22):
No, no, you set yourself up for it.
But also I would challengemaybe it doesn't have to take
eight years, always no it doesnot.
Melissa (05:32):
There's been a lot of things happening in those eight
years.
Jessica (05:35):
Now what situations come up that show us where we
are in relationship withourselves and we can feel our
bodies tightening and these oldpatterns and fears and
insecurities bubbling up.
And if we do create a littlebit of that space to recognize
this isn't the way that I wantto be.
I mean, not every situation canbe transformed that quickly,
but you can.
(05:55):
That's actually how, in evenmicro moments, you can shift the
pattern.
In this moment, I'm going tochoose to trust the people I'm
working with, surrender a littlebit more and see what happens,
and you never know.
Melissa (06:05):
I noticed it was happening as we were getting
closer.
So two weeks ago I was fine,you know, and then I started to
lose sleep and I started to getmore stressed and I could see
myself getting more controllingand the amount that we had to
get done, like the amount thatwe have done in a magical,
spacious, supportive way, is amiracle.
And so really, it was like twoweeks of feeling like I wanted
(06:28):
to just crawl out of my skin andthen it was fixed.
So I do think to your point.
It's that it's not that we'regoing to stop feeling this way.
I'm certain I will feel thisway again.
I'm blocking it again, but thenyou can move through it faster.
You stay in it longer, like Imight have stayed in that for
like two years before and nowit's, oh, two weeks.
Cool, I didn't like that.
Let's figure out how to movethrough it so we just really get
(06:50):
better at shifting our state.
Jessica (06:54):
It's situations like this that reveal it to us,
because we care so much.
This is your baby and I knowthat when this actually is
released, this event will be inthe past.
So if someone is listening andis like I want to be part of
that, what might they do toconnect with Nova?
Melissa (07:10):
Yeah, so right now we may change this.
Our website is called theNovaLution, so it's a revolution
and evolution, and Nova is thestar that becomes so bright that
it basically has a release ofenergy in it.
So every one of us is a Nova,and so I am a Nova, you are a
Nova, she is a Nova, and thentogether we are the Nova, and so
(07:33):
it's thenovolutioncom, and wehave free events the first week
of every month.
So I'm going to keep doing whatI was doing, but now it's part
of the Nova.
So October 4th is our freeevent, and then you can check
out the membership.
It's available to apply to be afounding member and you can
connect with us on Instagram atthe.
Jessica (07:53):
NovaLution, novalution, novalution.
Melissa (07:55):
It's the NovaLution on Instagram.
Jessica (07:58):
Oh, melissa, you know to our listeners, this has been
going on in the background aswe've been developing this
podcast, and so I'm curiousbecause you've been tuning into
all these conversations whileyou have been in the process of
bringing this dream to life,you're hearing from people on
how do we make our dreamsreality.
While you're deep in thatprocess, was there anything that
(08:19):
you were hearing from thoseconversations that actually
served you or that you were alsonoticing in yourself as you
were creating this?
Melissa (08:27):
One term that stands out, which was H's delusional
confidence.
I feel like I have that also,where I just really believe in
myself and I really believe inwhat I'm doing, and I think
that's a theme not that everyonestarted there, but a lot of
(08:48):
people really had this beliefand a lot of times it didn't
make any sense.
You know, you're like I'm justgoing to keep believing even
though it doesn't necessarilymake sense, and I feel a little
bit crazy and I'm really scaredbut I'm going to keep going.
So I think that was definitelya theme that I saw, and also the
thing and I know this was kindof the point of us doing this
was just how normal everyone is,that, like anybody can go down
(09:12):
a path of excellence.
That's a very big statement,but I really think it's
available for us and I thinkthat's why I really loved these
conversations, because you'relike this person didn't have any
resources, they didn't have anyfamily support, they just
thought that they could, or theydecided that they could, and
then they got resourced aroundit and look at them now, and so
it really made me see thatthere's not this perfect person,
(09:34):
that this gets to happen, forit's like a series of decisions
and what about the biggest fearthat you found yourself bumping
up against?
I mean I've been afraid ofrunning my family into
bankruptcy.
I've been afraid of losing mymarriage and having to go it
alone.
I've been afraid of all myfriends leaving me, deciding
(09:56):
that I'm not who they think I amor what I mean.
Like I mean total destruction,really.
Jessica (10:04):
You've got so much of that to yourself.
Melissa (10:09):
I mean, I would say a lot of it's money and a lot of
it's my marriage.
Jessica (10:14):
Okay, and if we were to talk about the money piece for
a second, because I encounterthat a lot with clients that
come to me and are maybe unhappyin the situation that they're
in and have a dream, and theyknow that to have the dream they
have to invest money in thatdirection, but feel really
insecure about either doing thator leaving the situation that
they're in.
How are you able to navigatethrough that?
Melissa (10:37):
Well, I will start by saying that I have a partner who
has a great job, so I'm verylucky, and I know that that is
not everyone's situation.
So I have been fortunate that Icould leave a multiple
six-figure career and I wasdoing well at Beauty Counter but
I took a pay cut.
You know, I left four years agoand I was making like half and
(10:58):
then it's been a roller coasterbecause I've really been in the
evolution of what are myofferings.
And when you're starting acoaching practice from somewhat
scratched, you know, people arelike become a millionaire in
five minutes and it's like epicbullshit.
And I'm a connected person whohad a big network, who's great
at what I do, but like it takesa long time to build something,
and so it's been a process.
(11:19):
So I've really leaned on myhusband and it's caused some
issues because I was making morethan him when we met and then I
was like I'm going to decide tofollow my dreams instead,
without your permission, I'mjust going to do it, and so it's
been a big source of growth forus and really navigating those
(11:39):
conversations.
But I will tell you that Idecided that my top priority was
myself and that I would have apersonal growth budget, no
matter what, and that I wouldcontinuously invest back in me.
And every single time I did it,I wanted to barf.
I was like, oh my God, I can'tbelieve I'm doing this.
This is so scary.
(12:00):
Why am I doing this again?
I kept doing it because I waslike this is one of my highest
core values and I really don'tbelieve we can do any of this
without investing back intoourselves.
And there's a lot of resources,right.
So I started to learn aboutdifferent resources.
There's different loans you canget.
There's all kinds of things.
There's even trades you can do.
Like, I do a lot of trades formy services now and it's really
(12:21):
probably saved me in the lastyear $50,000 to do trades, yeah.
So there's a lot of creativeways that you can do if it's a
priority for you.
You have to just decide I don'tsay the sentence lightly that
you are worth it.
Jessica (12:35):
Yeah, I know for sure there are so many men and women
in partnerships strugglingthrough the same thing and I
know it's imperfect.
I don't expect you to have allthe answers, but I'm wondering
if, in navigating this in yourpartnership, if you have key
takeaways or anything that youmight be able to impart for
someone in that situation andhow they can move through that
(12:58):
with their partners.
Melissa (12:58):
I think it's one of the biggest struggles women have in
partnership.
Honestly, I think it's a bigreason a lot of people get
divorced.
I have yet to coach a womanthat is interested in her growth
, that is not struggling withthis, so I first want to
normalize it Like this is what'shappening.
Jessica (13:21):
I would also add in that I see men too in my
practice and they struggle withthe same thing.
Maybe it's anybody who is on apersonal growth journey and
wanting to evolve and expand intheir career and potentially
there's some misalignment or,like their partner, may not be
on that same journey in the sameway.
(13:42):
So I think it comes up for bothsexes, or all sexes.
Melissa (13:45):
Absolutely, yeah, absolutely All sexes.
You start off with oneagreement as a couple and then
you change a lot, and it's notactually bad or wrong of them
either if they're like I don'treally want to do that, you're
trying to make me be differentand I don't actually want that
and you're like well, grow withme, do it.
(14:05):
You have to, or else, and whatI find is that the timing is
mismatched, you know, because alot of times I think it can go
either way.
I think that the partner cancome along eventually.
Like John's definitely beengrowing.
We have grown a lot together anda lot has happened since we got
married and I'm like the sameperson, but I'm also not at all
in some respects, and I thinkthat it takes getting epically
(14:28):
honest with yourself and witheach other, which is so fucking
scary, yes, to say the thingsthat you are afraid of to the
person you love, and the costcould be the marriage, but it's
also costing you your happinessand you having a partner that
(14:50):
actually meets you where youneed to be met and where you're
not sacrificing your standardsand your values to remain in
this partnership.
So it's so complicated, but Iwill say we cannot rise without
our partner at some pointgetting on board in some
capacity Can't.
Jessica (15:10):
Yeah, one thing that I've noticed is even how many
people avoid having theconversation at all.
It's like to even sit down withtheir partners and say this is
what I need from you, or I needyou to believe in me, or this is
my vision.
And why don't you communicateyour vision?
And how do we figure out howboth of these visions can work
together?
For sure, right To even havethat conversation seems to be so
(15:33):
scary for people.
Melissa (15:35):
Why do you think that is?
Yeah, I didn't say anything forso long, I just felt it, and I
think you try to convinceyourself.
No, I'm fine, I don't actuallyfeel that way.
No, it can be okay, it's goodenough.
Like it's good enough.
I might actually have like likeour marriage has never been
horrible, but there havedefinitely been seasons where
it's like it's fine, it's goodenough.
(15:56):
You know, but that's not who Iam.
I'm like let's have an epic,amazing marriage.
Like poor guy, poor sweet man,he listens to this.
Jessica (16:06):
Maybe it's because if we actually say it out loud,
then we actually have to facereality.
You have to do something aboutit.
We actually have to, like, facethe truth of how you feel and
how they feel, and if there's amismatch, what do you do about
that?
And I think a lot of peoplefind it easier to just ignore it
as long as they can.
Melissa (16:25):
For sure, I think we all do.
You know it's been veryinteresting being in these
sacred circles with women andspecifically studying with Sarah
Janks, because her and herhusband are very open about
their marriage issues andJonathan now he was on our show,
jonathan's on our show.
Jessica (16:41):
Oh yeah, jonathan's the episode.
Melissa (16:42):
Yep, listen to Jonathan's episode.
He even came to the retreatthis weekend and like, sat in on
the final day and I met by herand it was so powerful to hear
his side.
This is what it's like for yourpartner when you choose to
change and they're like no, Idon't want to.
Which is how he was, and so itfelt really expansive to hear
(17:05):
his perspective.
And you come home from theseretreats and you're like this is
who I am now and they're like Idon't want you to be that way
now, you know.
And so I felt a lot moreempathy for my sweet husband and
the ride that I've taken him onfor the last seven years six
years but it's so scary.
It's so scary and I think, evenif we take this out of the
(17:29):
context of your marriage whenyou're in a circumstance that's
very misaligned for you, albeityour partner, your romantic
partner, a job where you livethe way in which you've been
relating to your family oforigin, friendships that you've
had, that actually don't fitanymore.
This applies to everything.
(17:49):
It's like when you are gettingclearer on who you are and what
you want and you're like fuck,my life doesn't actually fit who
I am.
Yeah, it's a big deal.
I mean, you know this.
Jessica (18:02):
It actually ties into something that I've been
reflecting on a lot, as I'vebeen reflecting about this
season and the conversations,because I was really surprised
how many people went through thesame experience that I had of
this sort of dismantling, thisbig disassembling of their lives
.
We aren't always sure what weare really asking for.
(18:23):
We say we have these dreams, wewant these things, we want our
dreams to come true.
But if we're actually seriousabout those dreams, if they're
the dreams of your heart andyour soul and there's this
incongruence between your dreamand your current reality, even
if you're not fully conscious ofit, then it's like life comes
in and tries to help you.
(18:44):
You want the thing, but are youthe person yet that can
actually hold the thing thatyou're calling in?
If your life has been builtupon this foundation that isn't
actually authentic to you, andif you've been living in this
status quo and you haven't yetintegrated the lessons or the
gifts that you need for the lifethat you're asking for, you are
(19:08):
taken through an initiation.
Melissa (19:12):
Or a hundred of them, or a hundred of them, yeah, or a
hundred of them.
Jessica (19:17):
I was just thinking about that.
In regards to what you said,that, yeah, it's.
If we look at what we'reactually asking for, at some
point you have to surrender thethings that aren't working.
So I think that that is thefear of owning your dream, what
might not belong in that dreamthat I'm really comfy in right
now.
Melissa (19:36):
Yeah, yeah, I think that's the fear of.
It's a when and you don't stopgetting initiations.
It's not like you, I know youdon't.
You're like I would like to bedone for a while.
I feel pretty good with whatI've been given and I'd like to
stop with my initiations, butyou don't.
It doesn't stop, as fucked upas that seems.
(19:57):
You just innovations, expandyour capacity to navigate.
Well, some aren't always soseismic.
Jessica (20:04):
I mean, not everybody has to have that level of
seismic transformation.
In a few of the people who cameinto the podcast, including
myself, we did have to undergothat because of where we were,
to what our vision is or whatwas calling us forth.
But I think we go throughinitiations all the time that,
(20:24):
yeah, we're building ourcapacity and probably feels a
little bit more digestible.
You get little, you get dosesand some people get, like you
know.
Melissa (20:35):
Waterboarded, waterboarded, waterboarded,
waterboarded.
Sometimes life waterboards, youand you don't know how you're
going to breathe again Feelslike the right analogy.
Jessica (20:48):
Yeah Well, good on you.
I'm so proud of you.
You've been so brave and you'redoing it, and I know that this
has been in your heart for sucha long time, so it's really
exciting to see you bring itinto the world, and in the way
that you wanted to.
Melissa (21:01):
That is everything, because we can do a lot of
things, but it's to your pointof who are you being and how are
you doing it.
You can force a lot of thingsto happen, you can burn yourself
out in the process, you canpower through and feel like shit
, and then you can have youroutcome or you can decide.
(21:26):
I mean, there's the becomingright, like all these things
we're talking about.
Help you become the person whocan hold this.
I knew about this eight yearsago.
I was not the person who coulddo this eight years ago, but now
I am.
It's like I'm drinking througha fire hose every single day of
my life.
Thank goodness for chat GPT, orelse I would be like on a ball
in the corner of my room, but Iam For real chat.
(21:48):
We call him Chad.
Chad has become a veryimportant part of our team.
Chad and Steve is our eventsdirectors, ai note taker, and so
Steve and Chad are allowed intoour feminine circles.
So it's really about how do youwant it to happen?
Because we get so fixated onthe destination that we forget
about the importance of thejourney, which is everything,
and I know that's a cliche thingto say, but I talk to my
(22:09):
leadership team all the time andI'm like we are laying the
energetic foundation for thisentire thing.
Yeah, so if we do not haveintegrity with the values of
this organization, then we needto slow down, we need to stop,
we need to make some changes,because we need to have
integrity with how we are doingthis and the way in which we are
treating each other.
(22:29):
Like, for example, we have 900tech things that need to be done
this week.
Our tech director was out lastweek for her regular job and now
she has COVID and rather thanbeing like you got to power
through, stephanie, you got tofucking do this.
It's like OK, we need to getyou some help.
How can we get to some help soyou can rest?
And so we're like really tryingto let her rest, even though
(22:50):
there's nine million things todo.
But I can't make her do this.
Her body is like no way, youknow.
So it's hard to practice this,but we really want to model what
it's like to build a companyand relate to one another, which
I know you and I have reallyworked through too of how do we
want this to happen and where isthe struggle and how do we get
support and how can we do itdifferently so that you can
(23:11):
thrive, because I don't want youto suffer.
That's not OK, you know.
Jessica (23:17):
How do we change the paradigm?
You're changing the wholeparadigm.
I think it goes back to what Imeant when I said that when the
initiation comes, it's coming toteach us how to have capacity
or hold the dream that we'rehaving in the way that we want
to have it.
Because, like you said, if thatcame to you eight years ago and
you just did it then, or if allthe things that I've been
(23:40):
dreaming about showed up at thetime that I was like I want it
now, give it to me now, it wouldhave come with a whole lot of
lessons.
You know what I mean.
It wouldn't have actually beenthe dream and its integrity at
the level of quality that I wasenvisioning, because I actually
didn't understand what thatmeant.
I wasn't embodying that in mybeing at the time.
(24:00):
And so to trust the process,because in the journey you are
actually getting all of thepieces of information that you
need in order to, when youactually have the manifestation,
be able to live it in a waythat actually matches the vision
right, that's actually healthyand beautiful and doesn't bite
(24:22):
you in the ass yeah.
Melissa (24:24):
Does the waterboard do?
Yeah, yeah.
Well, I'm feeling this questionfor you because you've been on
a real journey of becoming, andI don't even know if you've
shared with me the answer tothis, but I'm curious.
Where are you headed?
What has this opened up for you, and what do you now realize
that you desire in your life?
Jessica (24:44):
Hmm, there's two parts, because I think I'm still
integrating, so I still don'tknow if I yet have the
spaciousness for everything thathas been going on to be able to
come back with a clear answerin its entirety.
But one thing that has becomeclear to me in the last few
(25:05):
months was that I wascompartmentalizing different
pieces of me and still keepingcertain parts of me in the
shadows.
I was still hiding and stillwrapped up in what I thought my
identity was supposed to be.
And I came to the realization.
Why would I hold back any pieceof me?
(25:26):
Why would I not allow everypart of me, even if they seem
contradictory, even if theydon't seem to make sense
together, come forward in itsfullest expression?
Why would I shut down my poweranywhere in my life?
Melissa (25:41):
Well, why, why would you, why were you?
Jessica (25:44):
I think I was still in the story of Piccolane I think
that was part of it.
Still in the story of if I'mknown for this, it diminishes me
over there, and that I reallylove acting.
That has been the dream since Iwas a child, and allowing my
(26:04):
identity to transition intosomething beyond that it felt
like a betrayal, almost.
It felt like am I leaving mydream behind, rather than me
seeing it as an expansion of thedream?
Mmm, yeah, because I think, intruth, the dream always was to
(26:24):
be of service, even when I wasyounger, and I imagined being an
actor and I imagined, you know,winning the Oscars and all of
the things that you do whenyou're eight.
But I always envisioned it insuch a way that when I'm in that
position, I'll be able to giveback to the world in a much
bigger way.
Yep, I always felt that soclearly and now I'm like well,
(26:46):
here are all the opportunitiesto give back to the world.
It's just not in the way or inthe order that I thought it
might happen.
Yeah, and I also think thatthere is something about being
an actor that felt like I shouldnot come forward so publicly
and be so personal, and I thinkthat that's also shifting.
(27:06):
I think more and more, allthese public figures are having
podcasts and being moretransparent in who they are, but
I think the messaging that Igot when I was younger was that,
in order to do your craft, youhad to be really hidden about
who you are.
And yeah, that's done so.
(27:27):
So that's not a possibilityanymore, and it was also
ignoring this whole other partof me and a whole other
expression of my gifts and whatI would call my genius.
I think we all have a geniusand I was hiding it.
I wasn't taking up space withit because it didn't feel like
it made sense in that otherrealm, yeah, so it's been kind
(27:51):
of coming out of hiding andtaking more ownership and being
proud of all of these differentpieces of me and that I get to
be all of it.
I get to be all of it.
It's like busting through theboxes we were talking about in
the beginning, like just notaccepting a box anymore, and
that means that my life is goingto look different than what I
thought, but probably so muchricher.
(28:12):
And I get to also, I hope,inspire other people to leave
the boxes and know that theredoesn't need to be one thing
that defines us ever.
Melissa (28:22):
Yeah, yeah.
So what are you no longerhiding?
Jessica (28:25):
I think this, I mean I think it's hard to talk about
yourself.
Melissa (28:32):
Well, too bad.
You chose to be on a podcastwith me.
Episode 26 of the podcast.
Can I ask you the question in adifferent way?
Yeah, yeah, please.
What do you now want people toknow about you?
That you were hiding beforeBarf.
But, thank you, I'm going tomake you claim it.
Jessica (28:54):
I actually don't think I've been asked this ever by
anyone before and I reallyappreciate you asking it, and
it's not formulated inside of meyet, so I'm just I know it's
going to come.
I think my gift is the abilityto call forth people's highest
selves.
I think that's what it is.
(29:14):
I think I can see it and I canhold people to it, and I don't
think everybody can do that.
Melissa (29:20):
I will say that we have very different ways of doing
that.
That's one of my gifts, but Ithink, because I bring you in I
don't think we've ever talkedabout this I bring just into all
of my clients and I didn't usedto do it for my one-on-one
clients but I'm starting to doit and I know that you are such
a critical piece of that.
I don't actually want to coachanybody if I can't have just do
(29:42):
her magic as a part of it.
And I think that's like thereally fun part about working
together because I mean, I thinkhuman design is the best way to
get to it and I think you're amasterful at it, and one of the
most fun parts of collaboratingis there's a lot of different
angles that we can come out likebringing people forward, and I
really do think that you make mebetter at what I do because I
(30:05):
get to lean on you and yourgifts and you're so freaking
good at it and literally everyperson that gets a reading from
you, their minds are blown andit's the first time they've ever
been able to see themselves intheir whole lives.
You know it's like no big deal,even in 30 minutes.
That's what you can help themsee.
So I'm so glad you're nothiding this anymore.
Welcome to the party, all ofJess.
Jessica (30:27):
All of Jess.
Well, I think the thing abouthuman design readings and I do
think I'm really good at it Ithink I'm an excellent
translator for that system so Ido get that feedback a lot from
people who have maybe had otherreadings and they come to me and
have a whole different kind ofexperience.
I really understand story.
Maybe that's my background as awriter and as an actress and I
(30:48):
think I'm good at helpingsomeone see the story of who
they are.
But to me it is a translation,like it's an expression of me,
but it's not all of me, becauseI'm still giving them the
information off of the chart.
Right, I've always known humandesign was a vessel in a way or
a container for me to show up incertain gifts that I have.
(31:11):
But I actually think it's alsoa transitional space for me.
I think where I get when I'mstarting to get really excited
about is holding people to it.
It's like people feel so seenand they're like that was
amazing and it's like oh, yeah,okay, so they're going to go do
it.
How do we do it Right?
So the conditioning part iswhat thrills me.
(31:33):
Someone can feel so recognizedfrom a reading and start to
recognize themselves.
And then it's the dismantlingpiece right.
Then they have to look at theirlives and go oh shit, this is
who I am, this is who I want tobe, and it doesn't align with
what I've created so far.
And I'm really good, probablybecause I've had this life
(31:54):
experience.
I'm really good holding peoplethrough that process.
It's such a magical experiencefor me to be working with people
over time and see their livesradically change.
I don't know if I have thewords to actually say what it is
that's happening, but it doesfeel like an extension of me in
(32:14):
some way, and I'm just finallygiving it permission.
Melissa (32:17):
Well, I'm hearing that you're really really really good
at your job.
Jessica (32:22):
Yeah, but it wasn't a job that I ever thought I would
do or really claimed ever untilnow.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and seeingbeautiful things happen.
Melissa (32:31):
I'm also interested in beyond that.
So I know you're taking somesteps to enhance your gifts.
I am curious if you know theanswer to this, but if you could
have this manifest in any wayfive years from now, what would
you be doing?
(32:51):
How would this be I?
Jessica (32:53):
don't know.
I'm actually okay not knowing.
I love that we're doing apodcast.
I feel like this is thebeginning of something and I'm
really proud of us and whatwe've created.
And it's been really exciting,especially to have people reach
out and share what this hasmeant to them, people that I
don't know and you don't know,who have found us.
(33:15):
I mean it's really excitingthat this is starting to become
a movement in a way, and I loveit.
So I could see myself doing this.
I could still see myself actingthat is still part of the
vision and directing and writingstories.
I think everything that I loveto do, the thread that connects
(33:36):
all of it is I'm obsessed withthe human condition.
I'm just obsessed withunderstanding what makes us who
we are, and so I just have allof these different outlets that
let me explore that for myselfin various ways.
But the direction that thisactually takes, this work, I
know it's going to go somewhere,but just like I didn't know
(33:57):
what human design even was likesix years ago, and here I am, I
feel like I don't want to fuckwith it.
Just you tell me, universe, I'mhere.
I'm here, you show me, becauseit's probably so much greater
than I could imagine.
So I'm just going to keeptrusting and following the dots
Would former.
Melissa (34:18):
Jess have said that.
Hell.
No, I just would like toacknowledge the transformation
that has you just be so easy,breezy and surrendered to the
universe Got you.
Now.
Jessica (34:30):
Yeah.
Melissa (34:31):
It's like one thing to say that and it's like I know
you've talked about who you were, but like to get to that point
where you're just like, justtake me where you want me to go,
no, you know.
Jessica (34:43):
Previous, jessica was choking her dream to death Like
was just not releasing her grip,and you know what's really
really front and center for meright now, and so I'm just going
to speak it out loud.
This is just the prayer of myheart I want a family.
I want a family.
I want to find my person.
(35:03):
I want children in whatever waythat comes, you know.
So, as much as I want all ofthe other things to be my
fullest self, I want apassionate career, and that's
always gonna be an importantpart of me.
What's really front and centerright now for me is putting my
energy into attracting that.
(35:24):
Feel ready.
Melissa (35:25):
If you're out there and you're listening to this.
Can you call Jessica Rose?
I should have a hotline.
Jessica (35:31):
Find her on Instagram.
Yeah, we need a hotline.
Melissa (35:34):
We have people standing by.
There's a call center ready foryour calls right now, so just
don't be afraid to reach out toher.
Thank you for saying that.
I know that takes a lot to saythat out loud, thank you.
Thanks for asking thesequestions.
You're welcome.
I'm feeling particularlycurious today.
Jessica (35:56):
I know that we need to wrap up relatively soon, so I
would love just if you have anyreflections on the season and
what your takeaways are.
I know that you mentioned thedelusional confidence, but if
there's anything else that youloved or have been thinking
about, I'd love to hear it.
Melissa (36:16):
I have loved getting to know you.
Same thing.
I think it's been so specialand I feel just so deeply
grateful.
I know I've told you thisbefore, but it's wild.
We've never met.
I can't even imagine what a hugis going to feel like when we
finally get to do that, but Ifeel so grateful for you in my
(36:37):
life and all of the ways thatyou are in my life and that I
really hit the jackpot in apartner.
It's been so magical to get todo this with you and watch you.
I think you're one of the mosttalented podcast interviewers I
know and I'm like how do I getto be on this with Jess?
She's so good at this andsometimes I'm like I feel like
(37:01):
I'm just like, especially in oneparticular episode that you
shall not name, I mean you justgave me a platform to do my
obsession, which is get nosy.
That's great for me.
So I will say that, first andforemost, and that even more
than I realized before how muchyou build the plane as you fly
(37:24):
it, I think that we would neverhave done this had we known what
it was going to do to your life, because you just, I mean, I
feel like you're not supposed tosee the struggle or else you
would never try, and so I amjust so present to we're not
supposed to have it figured out,we don't need to have it
(37:46):
figured out that you continue tofollow your joy, and this felt
really good to get to combineour voices, and we had a similar
desire as far as the kinds ofconversations and the difference
that we wanted to make throughthe conversations and the rest
was like happening as we go.
It's not like we knew all theanswers.
We spent some time laying avery thoughtful foundation, but
(38:07):
like there's so much, you can'tplan for yeah, there's so much
you can't plan for, and I feellike that stops people from
trying.
And I think about that with theNova.
I'm like, had I even known whatwe would have done in this four
months, since I really was likelet's go, I would have been
like no, well, it's anotherinitiation there.
You go.
Jessica (38:23):
There's one of those more digestible initiations.
Yeah, it wasn't a completeoverhaul of my life, but I
learned some big stuff for surein this process.
Melissa (38:35):
I'm grateful, yeah, and I think that I'm actually
really grateful for thegenerosity of people sharing
their stories.
I think that we got I don't knowif it's who we are or the space
we hold, but I feel like peopleopened up in a way that was
actually more vulnerable thanthey were accustomed to with us,
and I feel really grateful thatwe got to receive their stories
(38:59):
and share them in the way inwhich we did, because I feel
like all of our conversationswere so cool and I would get off
most of them and be like, wow,that's amazing that we get to do
this, and I just feel like itwas so fun to get to ask these
questions and learn so muchabout ourselves in the process.
But I just really want to honorall of our guests and the depth
(39:20):
in which they were willing togo, because we start off with
throwing them in the deep endwithout swimmies and we're like
good luck, I hope you can swim.
And they all swam.
They were all great.
So I think those are my firstthree things that I think of.
That's so good, that's so good.
How about?
Jessica (39:36):
you.
Melissa (39:37):
And what are yours?
You probably thought throughthis more than I did.
Jessica (39:40):
More than I did.
What I so appreciate is youjust brought in the things I
didn't think about.
So I just want to dittoeverything that you just
expressed and express mygratitude for you as a partner.
I know for sure I would not bedoing this if you hadn't been
the catalyst.
So I'm really grateful for thetornado that hit my life, but
(40:02):
it's such a good way.
Melissa (40:05):
Family used to call me the Taz.
I've chilled out my Tazzyenergy Tornado.
No, I'm really grateful.
Jessica (40:11):
But I'm going to pull a Melissa and actually read off
my list, because what I want toshare is I was just reflecting
on what I saw as the commonthreats or the common themes
showing up in all of theseconversations, and we're talking
about what does it take to livean authentic life and pursue
(40:32):
your dreams and be a rebel, andI think that we're probably
going to get so much more juicystuff as we continue these
conversations in season two.
Should we do season two?
I didn't even ask.
Melissa (40:45):
Yeah, we're doing season two.
I was like are you questioningthis?
Are we going to have a publicbreakup?
Oh my God, this is taking aturn.
Jessica (40:53):
But I think it's also good to just reflect back on
what were the takeaways.
What did we get from this?
So the number one thing thateverybody spoke about was
listening to your body.
Oh yeah, listening to your body.
The second one was gettingconnected to the deeper why.
Because it's hard to be braveif you actually aren't clear on
(41:15):
why the change is so importantto you.
We spoke about the dismantling.
That was definitely a commonthread the doing things before
you're ready, which you justspoke to Aligning with your
values.
I took a lot from how manypeople talked about the
transformation that they foundthrough grief and in darkness
(41:36):
and all the feelings that wetend to want to avoid Taking
your weird, unique gifts andfinding the value in them and
making a career being yourself.
So many of the people that wespoke to just did it their way.
They didn't look at well, noone has ever demonstrated that
this is possible.
They said this is what I'mreally good at, I'm going to
(41:57):
find a way to offer this and soanything is possible.
Not taking the status quo tomean this is the way it always
has to be.
Is there anything else?
Those were the big onesSurrender, and I think we've
been speaking to this allthrough this episode, but we
learned through challenge and wegrow at the edge of our comfort
zones, and I think challengemeans that we're facing
(42:21):
something that we have not yetbeen taught to handle or maybe
somebody said that, but that'sall that means, and so when
you're in the middle of achallenge, nothing is wrong.
It's just an area for you toexpand because, like we were
saying before, that is how webuild the capacity for our
dreams to come through.
So those are a lot of thethings that I took away.
Melissa (42:43):
Well, I think that's a beautiful way to wrap up season
one, and thanking our listeners.
Jessica (42:49):
I'm just so grateful for everybody who has been
tuning in consistently week toweek, so grateful for all of you
, and I want to hear yourthoughts on the episodes and
also if you have ideas or thingsyou'd like us to be talking
about or exploring in season two, please send them our way.
We'd love to hear from you?
Yes, Thank you.
Melissa (43:11):
Melissa, I don't think I want to say anything else.
Okay, thank you 為什麼.
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