Warning: the energy in this episode is super contagious. We take no responsibility for the boundless audacity and unapologetic joy you'll be experiencing from here on out.
We bring you the embodiment of limitless spirit - Shavon Woolfolk. Forget what you thought you knew about boxes --they don't exist here. As a self-styled "black unicorn", Shavon lives a multifaceted life as a marketing manager, life coach, fashion stylist, model, CEO, salsa dance instructor, comedy writer, boxer, surfer, and teacher -- all with a delicious side of "seasonal boyfriends." She laughs in the face of societal norms and dances with her fears, encouraging us all to embrace our individuality, learn, unlearn, and seize the frickin' day. From her beginnings as a shy girl from a conservative Christian household to her liberating journey of self and sexual discovery, her story is a rollercoaster ride of fun, courage, and unfiltered authenticity.
Shavon also brings it with an abundance of truth and wisdom, taking us through lessons on freedom, the power of expressing our intentions out loud, the transformative potential of play, and so much more. As the founder of the Match Education program, Shavon aims to unlock children's potential by fostering an environment that promotes freedom of expression -- but turns out she does this everywhere she goes. This one-of-a-kind conversation will have you questioning your own limits, crack open your mind to new possibilities -- and hopefully get you to dance wild, even when everyone's watching.
This conversation is uninhibited in EVERY respect. Please be aware that it includes open discussions about adult topics, including sexuality.
Topics in this episode:
- Shavon's journey: From a shy girl to a multifaceted 'black unicorn'
- Conquering societal expectations and stereotypes
- On 'seasonal boyfriends' and a new philosophy on relationships
- Overcoming past traumas and trust issues
- The joy of living unapologetically and embracing change
- Shavon's Match Education program: Helping children express freely
- The role of art, music, technology, culture, and home economics in child development
- Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real
- Personal growth through continuous self-expression and authenticity
- Why it's a gift to be yourself
If you loved today’s episode, please leave a review and share your favorite takeaways by screenshotting this episode and tagging us on Instagram! We also have a free monthly community call on the first Wednesday of every month, join here!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
If you enjoy this episode, we would love it if you
would leave us a review, giveus a follow or a like and share
it with your friends.
Thanks, rebels.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
To even question what you've been told is true is
incredibly courageous.
It doesn't always feel likecourage.
What looks like courage toother people, for me it feels
like survival.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
This is our personal medicine.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
If I'm surrounded by thinkers, by lovers, by passion,
by integrity, then I really dothink that I know who I am.
There is a piece that isindescribable when you're being
who you are and you're livingyour purpose Not going to come
to the end of my life and belike I didn't live the life I
was meant to live.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Can I be so comfortable in the unknown and
so comfortable in thatuncertainty that every version
of it is going to be okay?
Speaker 2 (00:47):
This is the Inner Rebel podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Hey rebels, Just a heads up that our conversation
today deals with very adultthemes like sexuality and adult
language.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
All right, Welcome, rebels, to a very special
episode.
Today we are joined by SiobhanWolfolk.
Welcome, Siobhan.
Hi Siobhan, Hello.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
Hi ladies.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Currently, Siobhan is a marketing lead that serves
the Latino community, and herday job In the evenings and on
the weekends she is a life coachand fashion stylist, which is
amazing.
I love that you say you're astylist from the inside and out,
which is so critical, and Iknow we'll unpack that more
today.
She just started her owncompany called Style and Folk,
(01:38):
so she can start serving morewomen.
She is a Black Zikana who leadswith love, joy and a bit of
humor, and I love that you saidmy energy is absolutely
contagious, so come get some.
Which we will begin some today.
Siobhan was born and raised inSouthern California, graduated
from the University of Denverand then quickly moved back to
(02:00):
California to work inadvertising, and after three and
a half years in advertising,she packed her bags and moved to
Madrid, spain, which I feellike you're going to inspire me
to book a plane ticket after weget off of this podcast.
She lived in Madrid, spain, for10 years, with four summers in
Italy so dreamy and afterwards,one year in Ecuador, with some
(02:24):
time in Uruguay, and two yearsin Brazil oh my goodness.
She moved back to the US in2016 to be caregiver for her
grandmother and father, and Ilove your adventurous hobbies.
She's a salsa dance instructor,a boxer, a writer, a songwriter
, a comedic writer, a model, aswimmer, a lover of all board
sports.
We share that skating,snowboarding, surfing, a
(02:46):
nonprofit collaborator, a legitkid whisperer Great.
You can meet my son, jack, andan awesome friend.
Welcome to yeah hi.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
It's been our time.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
Is that all our time?
Yeah, signing off, that's allanyone needs to know.
Speaker 3 (03:04):
That was a great introduction.
Thank you, ladies, so nice tobe here.
There's no boxes holding you inno, no, and that is very
intentional.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
Well, we love to start our podcast by asking a
question, because this is allabout breaking out of boxes, all
about standing in ourauthenticity.
So we want to know who youthought you were supposed to be.
So who did society, or whatdoes society, say that you're
supposed to be, and who are you?
Speaker 3 (03:31):
actually, wow, I love that question.
Okay, so who did society saythat I'm supposed to be?
I grew up very much like alittle bit shy and still a
little bit of a ham, like likingto perform and stuff more like
with the family and people Iknow, and then people I didn't.
I'd be kind of shy and probablyfriends that are listening to
this are like what you were shyonce.
(03:55):
I just made you.
It's like what?
Yes, this is a lot ofpersonality here.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
I don't think it's a lot, but I'm surprised to hear
that you're shy.
I'd like to hear more aboutthat.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
So yeah, I was supposed to be this shy girl
that was a perfect kind ofstraight A student and didn't
ruffle any feathers or anythinglike that.
That was going under the radarbut also drawing in clubs and
all of that kind of stuff.
But I still had my boundariesand now I am what my friends
call a black unicorn.
I am all over the place.
(04:28):
My favorite thing to do is tomeet people and to learn about
them and their background andtheir stories and their culture.
I'm very outspoken.
I'm very much an extrovert.
I still have that time everynow and then I'll go to a party
and I'll be a little bit shy.
Those that know me, it freaksthem out.
It happens every now and then,but no, for the most part I am
just like, like you said, whichis, I just want to spread this
(04:50):
love and this joy and this humorto everyone and I don't let
anything get in my way.
And when someone says that thisdoesn't fit, I don't fit the
mold of doing something, oh, Iwant to do it.
So bad, then I want it.
This is like the whole reasonwhy I did a triathlon, like the
swimming portion of a triathlonbecause quote unquote black
(05:10):
people can't swim.
And then another one.
This is exactly why I startedsurfing, because, quote unquote
black people don't surf.
Black people are scared ofwater.
That's the whole thing.
It's the whole thing.
It's the whole thing.
I didn't know that, yeah,neither did I, to be honest.
And then I learned about itlater and I'm like, ooh, I want
(05:31):
to do all the things.
And then boxing too.
Oh, that's a men's sport.
Well, guess what?
No, it's not.
So, yeah, pushing boundaries.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
Can I ask a little bit about that shyness, because
it doesn't sound like that'sreally a part of your nature.
So what is your relationship tothat now?
You say it comes out now andthen, but was that something
that you felt you grew out of orhad to overcome, or do you
understand in retrospect whatthat shyness was about when you
were younger?
Speaker 3 (05:59):
Yeah, I'm a firm believer of your surroundings
and your environment playing abig part of who you are and
helping to mold you rightSometimes helping, sometimes not
.
And so there were a lot ofsituations, I would say, where
it's just like, hey, keep itdown, be quiet.
You know things like that.
And I think it just kind ofsticks to you and you're just
like, okay, I need to be quietor I need to do this, I need to
(06:21):
do that.
And for a while you just kindof figured out that it doesn't
work for you and that's notsomething that you should have
tried on because that wasn't foryou.
And that's what happened to me.
I realized that that wasn't forme and also I was kind of
doomed anyways, because if youhave ever met my mom or dad,
it's like they are full on, theylight up a room, like whenever
(06:42):
they step into it.
They would light up a room.
They will pass now, but likewhen they stepped into the room,
it was just like whoa, you knowa lot of energy, a lot of
positive energy.
So it's like I knew I wasdestined to be a big mouth.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Was there a specific moment or a time in your life
where you're like this no longerworks for me, where you started
to push those boundaries andembrace your bigness and your
boldness?
Is there a specific time ofyour life where you're like it's
time?
Speaker 3 (07:11):
Oh yeah, I can tell you exactly when that was.
So I took a program Some peopleknow about it.
It's called Landmark Educationand they have like various
levels and stuff like that tokind of just get you right where
you know you should be andwhere you want to be, you know
and helps you take theboundaries and the blocks that
you've put there yourself.
You've put them there yourself,but it helps you take those
blocks away so that you can bewho you're meant to be in this
(07:34):
world.
So I took that and it wasreally funny because I thought I
was taking it because I gotlaid off and I was having
trouble looking for a job.
It was like 20 years ago and Irealized that was not why I was
supposed to take that course.
I was supposed to take thatcourse because I was supposed to
dig deep in my past and how mypast dictated very much who I
was today and how I was bringinga lot of things that weren't
(07:57):
fit for me into my currentstatus, and so I cleaned up a
lot of relationships.
I had had a lot ofconversations with people and
also the biggest thing I gotfrom it was how to be community
and how when your life is aboutyou and only you, it gets very
dramatic.
It is very telenovela, verytelenovela, very soap opera.
(08:20):
It gets dramatic when it'sabout you.
When you start pushing that outand being of service to other
people in your community, thenit's like that's where the party
time begins, right.
So that's what that programtaught me and actually from that
program I got a job right awayand saved up money and went to
Spain.
I didn't have a home there, Ididn't have any friends there, I
wasn't like 100%, even thoughI'm Latina, I wasn't super
(08:43):
fluent in Spanish, I didn't havea job.
I just kind of arrived therelike Mary Tyler Moore and threw
out my hat at the airport andthat was it, let's go.
And I stayed there for 10 years.
I have arrived and I stayedthere for 10 years.
So, yeah, that was what helpedme, that self-helps and
self-development, and I'm stilldoing it.
I'm in a course now Like I am100% about that life now,
(09:04):
because I believe that growthstarts with you.
You can't expect differences inyour life if you're doing the
same thing over and over again.
You've got to produce somechange and that's when my life
gets good with that change.
That was a long answer.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
That was a perfect answer.
Also, you and Melissa have thatin common right, melissa?
It was landmark for you.
That also really sparked achange.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
It's kind of how we met too, through our landmarks.
So it was my introduction topersonal growth work and it was
my introduction to doing itoutside of reading a book,
because I think a lot of peoplethink you can just read a book
about this stuff and then bemagically transformed, which is
total bullshit.
You need to get in communityabout it and you need to get
witnessed and you need towitness other people and you
need to have that mirror andwithout it I mean you can read
(09:47):
books.
I think they're great supportstructures to reinforce things
and it's the actual getting intoaction around it in your life
that makes all the difference.
Speaker 3 (09:56):
Yeah, and you know what Do?
Sharing your life.
That is the big key for me now.
Like whenever I'm aboutsomething and I want to start
something new, I share it.
You know why?
Because I put it in place ofbeing my word, and then what I
say is what happens.
So I know that when I say itnow I got to make it happen.
So if I want something toreally happen in my life, even
(10:16):
if I'm not ready, I got to starttelling people about it.
Because once I do that, ithappens.
Yeah, say it out loud, beingyour word, yeah.
So it's a real thing and itcomes in clutch.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Are you willing to share a few more of the belief
systems that you were unpackingduring that time, like what you
felt you had to heal or resolvein yourself, to kind of come
into your own now?
Speaker 3 (10:38):
Yes, so in this meeting I'm about to break it
down as long as you want it tobe, yeah, okay, cool, cool, all
right.
So here's where I got so muchout of it.
Good, but basically I came froma home where my parents
divorced when I was like threeor four and then my mom
remarried when I was like fouror five and then I think it was
like nine years old, we got alittle brother.
(11:00):
So I had my older brother fromthe previous marriage we share
the same mother and father andthen my little brother was born
through the second marriage,right, and they got a divorce
when I was like 14.
And stuff went down to like, Imean, it was awful and check
this out, I'm like 13, 14, butwhat I got was people leave,
people don't stick around, don'tfall too in love or close with
(11:24):
someone, because it could go anysecond and men can't be trusted
because they leave all the timeand they don't care.
And that was like my whole story.
So like the way I wasinteracting with relationships
and men and people andeverything was like, oh my God,
even when my friends wouldbecome friends with my friends,
I'm like, oh, I'm cut out, it'sit, it's over.
(11:45):
This is it Like, instead ofcoming from a space of like oh
my God, all my friends arefriends now, which is what I'm
like.
Now, when my friends meet myfriends, I am doing the little
happy dance Like, but it was notlike that before.
It was full on jealousy, likewhere'd you guys go, what'd you
guys do, like so.
So, yeah, that's what happened.
(12:06):
You know, I had trust issuesand so I looked at that in the
program and I had to have aconversation with my dad, and I
had to have a conversation withmy ex-stepdad too, and I hadn't
talked to him like 15 years.
So when he got my call, he waslike wait, what?
So yeah, and I cleared it allup.
I cleaned it all up with bothof them and got apologies.
(12:26):
I was even able to apologizetoo, because I had to accept
some responsibility on my own aswell, and I look at men
differently.
I look at relationshipsdifferently.
I look at people differently.
You know, it's been a long timecoming Like, like forgive.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
What you're saying is so beautiful and so important
and when we identify a belief ofsome kind that we've been
playing out, we've been playingout a pattern in our lives, and
we start to understand orconnect to the root of it.
I think it's one thing to startmaking that connection, like
understand it intellectually,and another thing to actually
break the pattern.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
Right.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Clearing out a belief so that you no longer operate
from that belief is actuallymuch more challenging.
So I'm curious what is thatprocess of integration Like?
How do you then go into thenext relationship and
consciously make those shifts sothat you're not playing those
trust issues out anymore?
Or did you feel that it wasresolved and you were able to go
in and just see it more clearly?
(13:24):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (13:25):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know exactly what you
mean.
It's a very good question.
I would say that communicationthat's the first word that
popped up into my mind when youwere starting to ask the
question.
My communication is sodifferent now, like, okay, so I
have this thing called seasonalboyfriends now it's amazing.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
Explain.
Speaker 3 (13:45):
Dude, if you're not about that seasonal boyfriend
life and you're single, I don'tknow what you're doing.
You're like you're married, Iget it, but like if you're not
married, okay, jess, please.
Oh, it's so great.
It's so great.
So seasonal boyfriends are.
And the best thing aboutseasonal boyfriends is they know
they're seasonal and you putthat out there on day one like,
(14:07):
hey, this is what's going on,okay, and you're entering now in
what we call the summer season.
You're summer boyfriend of 2023.
Your stay will be until likearound August, september We'll
see what happens and let's justmake this the best time of our
(14:28):
lives together and be just verytruthful about what we do and
what we experience and all thatkind of stuff.
So it's dope.
Now I'm leaning more towards.
I want that one person and Igot my eye on someone, but for a
while, up until like spring, itwas like seasonal boyfriends,
that's what I'm doing.
And part of it can be like okay, I'm protecting my heart, but
also another part of it is likeI'm having a great time.
(14:50):
And one thing that's always beconsistent in my life is change.
I'm never just living in oneplace and doing one thing.
I mean, you saw from my hobbiesright, I'm always doing
something and changing, and so Ithink that's part of it too.
But now that I'm older I'mstarting to feel like having
that one person would be nice,and I know it's around the
corner, but I'm still phasingout the seasonal boyfriend thing
(15:13):
.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
You might need to explain this a little more, at
least to me.
Speaker 3 (15:17):
It's communication.
Like right now there's 10 menand just 10 men.
There's seven who I'm sleepingwith.
That is safe, though it's acondom situation.
So everybody knows abouteverybody.
Everybody knows the game.
I am not lying to anybody aboutanything, it's a whole thing,
(15:37):
but the way that I'm able to dothis is the communication right
and what works for me and worksfor everyone.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
What is the value you get out of the seasonal
boyfriend thing?
What are you learning from it?
Speaker 3 (15:48):
You know what the common denominator is with all
these men no, fucking me, me,let's go here.
So the coolest thing about thatis it's the best way to know
who you are, because when thingsstart showing up repeatedly,
you're like, oh, that showed upwith like four people already.
(16:10):
So that's probably somethingthat I should work on.
So that's cool.
Another thing that's cool is Iget to experience like these
great human beings.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Like everyone.
Speaker 3 (16:21):
It's this thing of like we get to go out, we do
stuff, or we stay home and kickback and watch TV.
I have these amazingconversations and for, I think,
for the first time in my life, Idon't feel controlled, which is
like how you're not supposed tofill a relationship.
You know how people say, likeI'm his and you know this
person's mine, and all that kindof stuff, like yeah, I
understand that, but then alsothere's this control aspect that
(16:43):
people confuse it with us beingpartners.
You know, like I need tocontrol the situation and there
is no control.
It's not about that.
It's like like my friend, he'scoming over tomorrow and he
sends me the stacks.
He's like I am so excited Causewe like plan this whole day.
You know we're going to go tothe jazz festival and then he's
going to come hang out and thenhe's going to like spend the
(17:03):
night for the first time.
It's going to be like thiswhole day of adventure.
And how exciting is that?
And he's super excited about,you know, and that's the thing
too, when I see them and theyknock on my door and it's like
and we hug each other and it'slike so great and a couple of
met each other and they getalong.
I think that when you come froma place of love and joy, then
(17:25):
that's what the fuck is going onlove and joy.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Yeah, that's exactly what I'm hearing is you're in
your joy, and this is somethingI just wrapped up, a mastermind
that I'm a part of, and a womanin there who's become a dear
friend of mine.
We talk about this a lot, as itretains the sexuality and the
boxes that we have around.
This is the right way to bewithin partnership.
This is the wrong way to be.
These are shameful ways ofbehaving, and so she's like I
(17:49):
want to be the kind of womanthat gets her nipples sucked by
six people at the same time.
Like that's who I want to be,and I want to be in that level
of joy.
And it says so much about whoshe is, cause she's just like I
want to have like unhingedpleasure in my life and have no
more friends.
She doesn't live here, but yes.
Speaker 3 (18:08):
This sounds like a future best friend.
This is what this sounds like.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
Yeah, yeah, but just the ability to live your whole
life, completely unapologeticabout how you find pleasure, how
you find joy, and letting it beeven the seasonality of the
boyfriend.
It's like, also, this works forme in this season of life, so
it's non attachment to thisbeing how it is Ever.
Yeah, it's like this is how mypassion and joy feel the most
(18:34):
expressed right now.
I have permission to change mymind If I want to settle on one
percent then great, and I alsofeel like it's a really
beautiful social experiment ofseeing who you get to be in
these really intimate spacesLike when we talk about being in
landmark or we talk about beingin community and with the
mirror of other people's, beingin partnership with somebody in
(18:57):
that way is a really intimateexperience.
To let them be with you as awhole woman, with your body, and
getting to know yourselfthrough the mirror of being in
deep, intimate relationships isalso a really powerful tool to
get to know who you are and whatyou enjoy.
Speaker 3 (19:14):
I'm constantly reminded of who I am, and it's a
positive reminder now, tooright, because it used to be so
negative, and you know, I wantto share this too.
Okay, because this is like,this is the big part, this is
the part that I left out before.
So this is where everyone kindof like gets closer to the
speaker.
Okay, so everybody get closerto speaker and I'm about to tell
it oh, this is like the juice.
(19:35):
All right, so when You're about?
Speaker 2 (19:37):
to.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
So when the second father, the stepfather, when he
left, there was this momentwhere and I'm just gonna say you
know, he cheated on my mom.
So that was the whole thing mymom was like this perfect little
angel hilarious, sweet, joyful,all happy, all that kind of
stuff.
And so giving like she was.
So, the way she handled thiswas like so, boss, move, sweet,
(20:00):
like she was just a sweetheart,the whole thing.
And there was.
I remember it being the timewhere we had missed him, because
it was like this was like ourdad.
Right, we missed him.
And finally they had beentalking and he was allowed to
come and take us out for the dayand we were like so excited and
to this day I don't rememberhow long it was, but it felt
like a few months and we're likedaddy, daddy, daddy, cause we
(20:21):
called him daddy too.
So he came and we asked thedoor, we gave all these big hugs
.
We missed him so much, me andmy two brothers, and we were
like, oh my gosh, and we got alldressed up.
We leave for like an hourgetting dressed up, like, okay,
where are you going to take us?
Where are we going?
Where are we going?
Okay, I'm just taking Corey,because that was his blood Shit.
And that day is when I decidedtwo things One, I got to be
(20:46):
perfect, so I don't let anybodydown.
Yeah, that means grades,everything.
I became the queen of Monerovia.
I became the queen of my city.
I was the captain of theSchilling team, straight A's.
I'm like I'm going to beperfect and also I'm going to
find a way to bring back control, because I do not like when the
rug is taken from under me andI'm not prepared and the pain
(21:08):
that comes with it.
So I will never allow myself tofeel that pain again and the
only way that I can is if I getclose enough and I'm going to
find a way to use males.
So I was sneaking boys into myroom at night while I was
straight A student and doing allthe perfect things and no one
ever knew it was my dirty littlesecret and kept being.
(21:29):
This thing of this is how I'mgoing to dominate men is through
my sex, right, because I also Idon't feel ashamed exposing
this now.
I'm a horny little bitch and soit had.
I mean it's dick o'clock allthe time, like you know what I
mean.
It's clock o'clock right now.
So like it's a thing.
So I was using it for pleasure,for me and then also to be able
(21:50):
to be like OK, you're done, youcan leave now.
No, you can't spend the nightby.
I was controlling it and I waslike I'm going to get really
good at it too, right?
So they'd be like, oh, I wantsome more.
I can control the wholesituation.
And now the sex is not likethat, like it is very much a
thing of a connection withsomeone and not a control.
It's a I am here with you inthis moment and this is all that
(22:11):
is, and there's nothing elseattached to it of me trying to
get one over on you.
And how much more pleasurableof an experience is that I get
to share that moment with otherpeople and feel like so good
about it and it doesn't feeldirty because I talk about it,
it's not a secret, and then Ialso tell people about it, and
so it's become this really coolthing.
(22:32):
Also, I'm just responsibleabout sex.
I'm very responsible aboutpeople's feelings and
interaction with me too, andthat's been a big change for the
better.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
I think a lot of people think that intimacy can
only be found with one person,and I think what you're showing
is that that's actually not true.
You can have deep intimacy on adeep level with many different
people.
And it's all about what yousaid the honest communication.
How are you showing up in thatspace?
And there's probably a lot tobe gained from that.
(23:02):
I mean, even when you'retalking about maybe the next
phase of life is to find oneperson to spend your life with.
You're probably getting so muchinformation about who you are
and what you want and what youneed.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
Oh, you're saying all the yes, all the right things,
yes.
And the other thing I want toadd to that is and I'm really
glad that this is the directionthe conversation is taking,
because we haven't talked a lotabout sexuality on here- man I
need to come back.
I know we have a little bit notlike this, and I think that it
often carries a lot of shame.
Yes, yes, a lot of shame.
(23:39):
I used to be the girl that,whenever anything around sex
came up, my head to toe wouldturn bright red.
Speaker 3 (23:46):
Oh, bless your heart.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
And I would honestly be like probably the color of my
dress that I might do and Iwould want to just like crawl
inside of a turtle shell and Iwas so ashamed and I grew up in
a very conservative Christianhousehold and there was a lot of
like this is wrong, like youdon't do this, you do it with
one partner, you do it whenyou're married and if you're
doing anything outside of it,this is very, very wrong.
(24:10):
And I have spent the last decadeand part of my personal growth
journey is actually embracinghuman sexuality, our need for
pleasure, our ability to decidewho and how we want to give our
bodies and really be a sovereignwoman in my own desire.
But this is like a big,important topic that every woman
(24:31):
deals with, because you're toldnot to be this way and to be
this way and that if you havemultiple partners, then you're a
slut and you can't do that, andso I think that you are
claiming well, first of all,telling your backstory of what
you've had to work through toget to this place, but also you
claiming your desires.
You claiming how you want to bein partnership is really
(24:51):
liberating, and I think womenneed to hear this, because you
get to be whoever the fuck youwant in partnership, and I love
that you tie it into a biggerintention of like this is how I
want to be in partnership.
I want to be in vulnerablecommunication.
I want to be super open withthese people and you're really
intentional about the way inwhich you're interacting, and
that is very powerful.
(25:12):
So I just want to thank you forbringing this to the table.
Speaker 3 (25:15):
Yeah, I thank you for saying that.
It's very important to mebecause I have lived a long life
of I don't want to say beingquiet about it because I wasn't
being quiet about it.
I was being quiet with certainpeople, like relatives, which is
so weird because, even thoughmy mommy and my daddy were
really religious, I told themeverything, they knew everything
about me.
So, like my aunts and my uncles, those are the ones where I was
(25:37):
like which is so stupid, andnow my mother and my father have
passed, and it's so weirdbecause I didn't have to hide
anything from them anyways, butI'm more of myself and it's hard
to explain, actually, you knowwhat it's not hard to explain.
So I've just lost my mother andfather, right, and I've also
lost my two grandparents, my twograndmothers, at the same time.
(25:59):
It's just a lot of deaths thathappen all at once and then also
, like my brothers, suffer fromaddictions both of them and they
have a hard time dealing withthe deaths and it's got them
further in their addictions,right.
I'm so sorry my mother andfather.
They died pretty young.
Life is short and this is theonly one I've got and I would
like to live it the way I wouldlike to live.
(26:19):
Now.
I have a higher power.
I do believe in God.
I do, and that is my higherpower.
That's it.
Like there's no body, there'sno mama, daddy, no more.
Like there's nobody else, likethat's the only one I need to
worry about, so I don't need toworry about anyone else.
I was at a work function andnobody was dancing.
I was the only one dancing forlike the third time and they're
(26:42):
like oh my God, I wish I had.
And I'm like, because this ismy one life, what I'm not going
to have a great time and enjoythis, and this is the only
opportunity I got on this oneday where I can do that.
I'm going to pass it up becauseof what others are thinking
about me.
Yeah, everyone's like.
I wish I could do it.
I'm like you can't give me yourhand.
Give me your hand, just chooseit and let's go out there.
(27:03):
And so, yeah, I ended upbringing a couple people out,
and then I've also taught salsalessons at that job.
I'm very much like come join me.
This is our life, this is ourone shot and I don't want to
waste it anymore.
So, yeah, I love sex and I lovespending my time with sex, and
I love that I've set my life upin a way that anytime I get
(27:24):
horny, I grab my little phoneand I go who do I feel like
today?
Speaker 1 (27:30):
Everyone listening is taking notes.
Speaker 2 (27:33):
Get your menu out.
Yeah, yeah, what.
Who am I ordering for dinnertonight?
Yes, who wants to be my dessert?
Speaker 3 (27:40):
Yeah, it's so exciting that they're so excited
to see me.
That's what's so great.
A lot of people are excited tosee me, and I'm excited to see
them too, and so that's why itworks, because they know what's
up and I would never hurt themand I never do it.
I don't play any games, youknow.
I will tell them honestly, andthen when I feel like
something's changing, I'll sayhey, I think it's time for a
(28:01):
conversation.
I just like to check in.
Like is everything okay?
Are you still okay with thisarrangement?
I'm not trying to hurt anyone'sfeelings over here.
You know what I mean.
It works.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
Yeah, I love your example about dancing and I kind
of want to pivot theconversation about really
seizing the moments for joy andliving your life of.
I've got this one day to feelthis joy and this one moment I'm
going to take this.
This is a big part of theinvitation that you are of let's
go live life all out right Inevery area of life.
(28:33):
I know we're we focused a lot onsexuality and intimacy, but
this is everywhere in your life,yes.
So why are you so passionateabout that?
Why do you want to help peoplebe more expressed?
Speaker 3 (28:44):
Because I feel like I've taken so long to be who I
am and people don't have to takethat long.
They really don't.
And you know, the kid whisperthing is a real thing, like
people drop their kids off at myhouse.
I don't know why.
It doesn't look fun at all, Idon't like colors or anything
and it's so much fun becauseit's just getting back to that
innocence and that fun that,like you know who my best friend
(29:06):
is and this is why I waslaughing, melissa because his
name is Jack.
I call him JJ, because theycall him Jack, jack.
His little cousins call himJack, jack, that's what everyone
called Jack.
Jack.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
He was Jack Jack from the incredible his first
birthday.
Yeah, so yeah, they call him.
Speaker 3 (29:21):
They used to call him Jack Jack, so his name is Jack
and everybody calls him Jack,jack, and I remember telling him
like cause, this is my bestfriend.
He lives next door.
He's six years old.
He's over here all the time.
As far as he's concerned, thisis his room.
So when he gets mad at me, hecomes up to his room.
We do arts and crafts.
We have so much fun and hecalls me.
I got a walkie talkie so he cancause.
(29:42):
He know I'm phone, yet he's six.
So he's like she bought me.
Come up play.
Like that is my little rider,die buddy, and he's amazing and
people see us together andhanging out and that's my
investment.
Right Is like I talked to himabout how great he is.
I talked to him about the greatthings he does.
I talked to him about like youcan do anything.
(30:03):
Also, another thing is, too,he's a white male.
He's a little future CEO, andso I need to make sure I'm
instilling that DEI and thisfuture CEO.
I love that.
Oh yeah, it's just like we havethe best time, and the reason
why we do is because it's fun.
We have fun.
Everybody knows when they comeover to Siobhan's house it's
(30:24):
going to be fun.
My parties are even fun.
It's not like everyone'ssitting around drinking alcohol.
They're like Siobhan no onelooks at their phones.
I realized I just haven'tlooked at my phone this entire
part.
I'm like, yeah, that's why Iplanned it this way.
We have arts and crafts area,we've got a karaoke area, we've
got an 80s salon where you cando your hair like the 80s.
I have like little things and Ithink that that's my whole life
.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
I think this is why I have always struggled with
adulthood.
I am the same as you.
I have like a whole bunch ofkitties that feel like my best
friends, where I feel the mostalive and I just want to play.
And I feel like ever since myearly 20s, when I graduated
school and I went to theaterschool, so I was sort of in the
world of creativity right For areally long time.
I went to an art school.
(31:04):
I wanted to talk to you aboutthat because I went to an art
school at the age of nine, sothat was my world.
And then I went into grown-upland and I found the adjustment.
I still think I'm strugglingwith it.
It's something about gettinginto the land of grown-ups,
getting into the land ofsurvival.
It's like I can show up withchildren, but it's very
(31:27):
difficult, I find, to bring thatsame freedom and joy and play
that I once had into thegrown-up universe.
I don't feel like there's asmany people willing to play.
Speaker 3 (31:37):
Yes, jessica, yes, oh my gosh.
That is that's number one right.
People aren't willing to play.
It's like they kind of forgothow to.
I taught for many years too,but usually, like as a
substitute teacher or a shortterm kind of thing after second
grade is when they take awaycrayons and drawing.
That isn't that interesting.
(31:57):
That's when we stop dreamingand it's so important.
And so for me to have fun andfor me to make things fun I love
doing that.
I mean even my workouts.
When I go into like littleworkout groups, they're always
like Shobon, why are you alwaysdancing when you're working out?
And I'm like because I hate it.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
And so this is how I make it for us.
This is my question.
This is what I find soinspiring about you, because I
think all of these grown-ups arearound you being like why are
you dancing, why are you doingthis, why are you doing that?
And you're still doing it and Ithink a lot of people would let
that shut them down, and I thinkwhat I'm expressing is I think
it has shut me down.
I think I show up in a lot ofspaces and I don't actually know
(32:38):
how to let my silly out withthose people, and you seem to do
it anyway.
Speaker 3 (32:42):
First of all, Jessica , hang around me.
That's going to come out likein no time.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
No, but she doesn't live here, she's an LA.
Speaker 3 (32:49):
I'm in LA all the time.
I'm from there.
Speaker 1 (32:53):
I was just there two, three weeks ago.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:55):
This is a short-lived situation that you're dealing
with now.
That's going to turn around,don't worry about it.
Speaker 1 (33:00):
My friends listening, they're going to be pissed at
me.
A lot of my friends are stillvery joyful and silly and we
play a lot, but I do find thatmy self-expression in that realm
has definitely diminished in myolder years.
Speaker 3 (33:12):
Yeah, well, let me tell you this.
First of all, the worst andmost dangerous hood you could
ever be in is adulthood.
That's bad.
Get out of that hood.
It is the worst hood ever.
This is like I love all theother hoods, this one is the
worst.
Yes, one of the things I do.
Here's a very good example.
What I try to do is I try, whenI life coach, I try to get
people to think like this.
One of the things I do is whenJJ and I go to, he loves the
(33:35):
blue store and the red store,walmart and Target, so he calls
them blue store my story.
He loves it, right, the bluestore has like a thing of balls,
right, and the toy section.
So Whenever we come acrossthose balls, we're playing with
them right there and foreverybody in the store it's
happening like this is justwhat's happening.
So I invite other people toplay with us.
Sometimes We'll see whathappens.
(33:55):
I would, yeah.
And so the thing is and my momused to say this too so funny.
Oh, they don't pay my bills.
These are the people.
They don't pay my bills.
I pay my bills.
Why am I worried about allthese other people?
And I think that's it right isthat I am so concentrating on
making sure that little JJ has agreat life and a great time
today with me that no one elseis in my radar.
(34:18):
And when I'm like that and I'mfixated on having fun like that,
Often times I don't have anyonecoming over to tell me to tone
it down.
I have people coming over tojoin me and that's what I want
to introduce people to.
You is like how can everyonefeel this self-expressed?
And this is why I started thisbusiness, right, it's because
I'm able to life coach people Onthe inside and then able to
(34:40):
help them bring that out ontheir outside so that they can
dress and feel like theiroutside matches their inside.
And then how lovely would it beif it's spread into their house
and I could help them interiordecorate so that their home even
looks like who they are.
Right, we need to get to.
First of all, how can we makeeverything around us reflect who
we are?
You know you're cheating peopleby not giving them.
(35:01):
All of you right, the amazingyou that you are.
You really are cheating people.
And this was actually helpfulto me when it came to giving,
because I was always giving,giving, giving, but I didn't
like to receive or to ask.
And someone told me once Shavan,how do you feel when you give
to people?
And I said, I feel amazing whenI give to people and in the
thank-you's and the smile I'dlike, oh Well, you know that
(35:24):
feeling.
You feel right there, you'rerobbing other people of that.
Every single time I'm like, ohgosh, I don't want to do that, I
don't want to be that person,and so I feel like that.
I feel like I'm robbing peopleby not showing them who I am and
Inviting them to play along andto get a piece of this.
I think that's true and so Ilove doing it, you know.
And then guess what, jessica,here's the cool thing when
(35:44):
someone tells me I'm being toomuch, or someone tells me not
here, or this is not appropriate, whatever, guess what.
That's just that one time andthat one place and that one
person who feels that way.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
Yeah, yeah, and they're probably not very
self-expressed in there.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
Oh, yeah, anyway.
Speaker 2 (36:00):
Yeah, yeah, I'm so sorry.
You feel like you have to toneyourself down and you're yeah
about me, but that's not aboutme.
Speaker 3 (36:06):
That's one time you know what I mean, and out of all
of the other times.
So I don't concentrate on thatone time, I concentrate on all
the other times that me beingwho I am is a gift to others.
That's right.
Yeah, I'm still trying to getto the point where I believe it
myself, but like I get that part, you know what I mean.
I get that.
Yeah, so that's what it is.
It's like we have got to dothat because you don't even know
(36:28):
.
Someone came up to me in theoffice once and said shavon, I
was.
I came into work today and Iwas like I don't want to do this
.
I'm mad at everybody, I hate ithere.
And I said to myself Let me seewhat Shavon's wearing today.
And I looked at you and youhave these bright colors on.
I was like, oh no, that wasgonna make me feel so much
better.
This like my whole day isbetter now because of this.
People underestimate how muchjoy your presence can give to
(36:51):
someone.
Yeah, and sharing your story, Ilove all this goes back to love
over fear.
Speaker 2 (36:57):
Yeah, yeah, mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (36:59):
How do you work through the fear moments?
Speaker 3 (37:02):
My favorite thing is to tell people this pretend like
it's not happening.
Like that's my favorite thing.
I go yeah, just pretend likeit's not happening.
But they just told me off.
Yeah, just pretend like it'snot happening.
Hey, what are you doingtomorrow?
Like that's one thing, okay,yeah, the other thing is oh,
this is a great time for me toshow you this.
Oh, here, f e a r, falseevidence appearing real.
(37:26):
Oh, yeah, I love that.
Oh, so do I.
So that's what I do.
I just think, hey, when I'mstarting to feel that thing in
my stomach or a start, yeah, I'mlike it is just a second, it is
all in my mind and just let itgo, unless it's actually
Endangering my life.
Like, will you die where you be?
(37:46):
Seriously harm you won't, okay.
Well then go out there anddance in the middle of that
crowd.
For absolutely no reason.
Speaker 2 (37:51):
Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 3 (37:53):
Yeah, you know what JJ does and I love it because
I'm starting to rub off on them.
We'll be at the story.
He'll come over to me.
Last time we happen, we werewith his parents.
She won't come over here withmusic.
Okay, I go over there rightnext time.
Here's the song is dance time?
Oh, dance time.
So, like I just joined in,we're full on dancing in the
blue store, in the aisle.
Everyone's like what ishappening.
(38:14):
But, like he said, it's time todance and I'm like, I'm 100%
about it.
Speaker 2 (38:18):
Let's do it the thing I think about.
So dance is something that isso accessible, such an
opportunity for self-expression,and we create a lot of rules
around it.
Oh, I love expectations aroundit, a lot of what looks good,
how you're supposed to move, andI was scared to dance until I
was 25 Because I thought I'm badat this.
(38:40):
It doesn't look the way it'ssupposed to look like.
I don't look like aprofessional dancer and so I'm
never gonna do it.
And I moved in with a roommatewho danced all the time and I
swear, for years we had like oneto five dance parties a week
like legit dance parties.
We would just like blast musicin our house and we would dance
all the time and we would go outto clubs and we would dance and
(39:01):
something switched in me oflike this is a way that I get to
express myself and to be in mybody of joy, and I've done a lot
of somatic movement therapyover the last year and a half
where I've Really dropped into.
It's safe to be in my body,it's safe to move her in ways
that feel good for her and Iknow what that looks like and
(39:22):
I've witnessed a lot of otherfemale bodies Moving.
we do this in a very intimatesetting and I'm like she's so
beautiful, she's so beautiful,she's so beautiful and we look
nothing like each other.
And and witnessing people intheir raw movement, just for the
sake of moving their body, isOne of the biggest gifts we can
(39:44):
give to people.
It's a huge gift to getsomebody else in their joy body
and being like, yeah, how freeshe is.
What a freaking gift.
Yes, okay.
Speaker 3 (39:53):
I'm gonna tell you these two stories.
We're like super quick, okay.
So the one thing that I do, Ilove watching people dance and I
have to tell you like I knowI'm a good dancer and I'm not
trying to be like brag here oranything like that, but like I
cheerleafed for like 12, 14years and I've been a salsa
dancing instructor for like 20years Like is it my blood?
I get it.
And my favorite thing iswatching someone dance that
(40:14):
quote-unquote Isn't dancing theright moves and probably not on
the right rhythm either, andthey don't give a fuck.
I will stand there and I willwatch that person and I will
dance with them and I'm like Ihaven't the best time of my life
.
I'm not making fun of thisperson or anything like someone
that is so expressed and justout there dancing like that,
(40:34):
like Elaine on Seinfeld.
I love it.
I love it.
I want to join it because it'sbold, right and you're feeling
yourself and you're giving meall of the true you.
I love that about teachingpeople to.
They're there.
I'm so scared I don't havesauce dance.
I'm like a yes, you do be.
You're about to learn how andsee, whatever you do to move
that body it's gonna be work,because that's you're like I
(40:56):
didn't you know, I'll help youget things kind of toned in and,
like you know, not going allcrazy, but it's like I don't
want you to have your own way.
That you dance also, yeah, orthat you dance.
I really love watching peopleTruly be lost in the music yeah,
mm-hmm.
And especially when no drugsare involved, like, yeah, this
(41:16):
is 100% me, oh, I eat it up.
I eat it up.
I love it.
Speaker 1 (41:22):
Yeah, self expression and authenticity really seemed
to be at the heart of yourpurpose and what you're
passionate about, and I know youcreated this program.
Yeah, it's called match matchMatch education for children.
I'd love you to to share alittle bit about that because
you know, I mentioned earlier Iwas nine and I went to an art
school that half the day was thearts and the other half was
(41:44):
academics, and I think if Iwasn't in that scenario, I don't
know how I would have survivedmy childhood.
Genuinely.
I do not know how I would havegone through a seven-hour day of
just sitting at a desk.
Speaker 2 (41:59):
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (42:00):
I was just not wired for that, so I had wait.
Speaker 3 (42:03):
Hold on, jessica, but you get that.
That's why that was yourjourney, right?
What do you mean?
That's why you took thatjourney is because you wouldn't
have survived without that.
Yeah, I'm a big believer.
There are no coincidences.
Speaker 1 (42:14):
Oh, absolutely no, I mean I specifically yeah, I
wanted to be an actor as a kidand I asked to go to the school,
and it was a school you had toaudition for.
I think they took 60 kids a year, but absolutely so.
From grade four up untilgraduating high school I was
always in an arts program, somost of my school day was doing
that, and so I just feel sofundamentally, indimentally, how
(42:36):
important that is for kids andhow confusing it is to me that
it isn't more integrated intothe system for children.
Yeah have more tools and accessto self-expression in different
ways.
So can you tell us a little bitabout what inspired you to
create that?
Speaker 3 (42:51):
Yeah, first of all, it's called match, and match
stands for music, art,technology, culture and home act
, and I don't say match for kidsbecause it sounds like a dating
website for kids and I don'twant to go so and I really want
this to work out, you know whatI mean.
Speaker 2 (43:07):
So I met my husband on match for adults, yeah so you
can get why this sounds weird.
Speaker 3 (43:12):
So, match, match education I'm educating kids,
not hooking them up with eachother.
So one of the stories that Iwas gonna tell about the dancing
actually kind of ties into this.
So I met this girl like twoyears ago, in Juneteenth.
This is like little Latina girl, she's like 12 years old and
she was like giving it up atthis Juneteenth.
It's like this big event thateverybody knows of in Denver
where they do it outside there'slike stages for different
(43:32):
little mini concerts all aroundyou can spice up from vendors,
stuff like that.
Anyways, in front of one of thebig stages there's this little
12 year old Latino girl that wasjust like dancing her ass off,
I mean on beat, and she's justlike getting it and I'm like, oh
my god.
So actually she saw me dancingand she came to me first and she
comes over to me and then I gooh my god, like I love the way
you dance, and we just startdancing and we're just sitting
(43:54):
there dancing for like 20minutes.
Her mom comes over to me andsays to me she really likes the
way you dance and she reallylikes you and your whole vibe
and everything like that I'mtelling you because she's deaf
and I'm like what she's like?
Yeah, she's listening to themusic by, she's feeling the
vibration on her on the ground,and so that's how she's so on
beat, and she loves dancing.
Oh, it's like I gotta love hereven more.
(44:16):
So I go there the next day andyou know, they told me, you know
, this is like she's dancing byherself and she's so expressed
right now and we love it thatshe's with you and she's doing
all this and all that kind ofstuff.
Like, oh my god, that's so cool.
Next day I go to the same place,the same Juneteenth celebration
, and I walk out real quick toput something in my car and as
I'm walking out, there's thisgroup of like 10 people and
(44:38):
they're coming for me and it isher with like grandma, grandpa,
mom, dad, and they go.
We heard so much about you.
She wanted us to come today.
We couldn't wait to meet you.
That's why we came back and Iwas like, oh my god.
And so you see what happenswhen you're self-expressed, and
she went out there and shedanced with me and she was all
about that life and we're incontact now.
(44:58):
We're Instagram friends, it's awhole thing, and so that is my
goal.
I want all kids to feel that way.
I want all kids to beself-expressed, because right
now, today, schools.
Well, first of all, we have thesame setup since like I don't
know how many hundreds of years.
Why haven't we changed that?
We don't even work in factorieslike we used to, which is why
we had it set up that way.
(45:18):
It's very slow the progressionof how Education is changing,
and also, I think it's bullshitthat we learn a whole bunch of
stuff that we know for a fact wedon't want to do when we're
younger, right?
So what if there was a placethat existed that was like I
could learn something that Ican't learn in school, like if
I'm 8-year-old boy and I knowfor a fact I want to be a
(45:40):
fashion designer.
That is my calling.
Do you think there's a highschool or a middle school or
elementary school?
I can go to learn that.
No, but you can't it match.
So what I provide kids with areclasses and courses that are
taught by people in theprofession.
The teach kids, didn't showthem different options, you know
, and I love doing it for theless privileged schools, because
(46:01):
they look at mom and dad orjust one single parent, and they
see what they do and thinkthat's what they have to do or
what they're gonna do to.
Yeah, and also there's thispressure.
If I have to go to college too,I went to college, I graduated
from college.
It worked for me.
It's not for everybody.
So what if there was a systemto wear?
You know that thing, starvingartists?
You know why we have starvingartists?
(46:21):
Because we don't invest in themearly.
So this is what I'm doing.
I've done music production class, where you learn about, like,
how to Produce your own musicand make your own music and do
your own beats.
Oh my god, that was the coolestto watch kids do.
I've done a wellness class.
I've done a 3d printing classWow, I've done a film class as
well.
I've done an actingimprovisation class and Denver
(46:43):
team that does improvisation indowntown Denver.
They came to top that classlike so I do?
What I do is I raise money andI just take them to these
schools and I just Talk to theprincipals that I have good
relationships with.
They're like alright, you gotmy kids for one day or for two
days.
I'm like sweet, I love doing itwith fifth grade.
This is fucking amazing.
Fifth grade is a good age.
Yeah, I love it.
You know what I'm gonna do, andif anybody steals this idea,
(47:05):
well, no, working for him, right.
Speaker 2 (47:06):
Yeah, I'm gonna collaborate with you on this.
This is, this is a chapter of Ifeel her wheels turning.
Speaker 3 (47:12):
So you guys have seen X-Men right, you don't have.
You don't know that much aboutX-Men to know this, but this is
the best way to match it up.
You know that X-Men house.
That's what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna build some badasskids with superpowers.
I want a big-ass mansion.
I want every single bedroom inthat mansion to be turned into a
classroom that is designed bykids.
Now, everyone's gonna belearning the same.
(47:33):
You.
You learn drawing.
That's what you're doing.
Like, however, you learn that'swhat we're gonna figure out a
curriculum to make it for that.
And in the kitchen, kids willbe learning how to like be a
chef and how to cook for theyounger brother and sister,
because mommy and daddy get Offwork too late at night.
So I am 10 years old cookingfor my five-year-old little
brother.
You know, learn how to cook atthis thing.
In the yard, back in the garden, you're gonna be providing food
(47:55):
for the chef and the garage.
Learn how to change a tire orhow to soup up your own car.
In the basement, there's amusic studio.
Learn about contracts, all thatkind of stuff.
Speaker 1 (48:03):
Fashion designing, classroom all that kind of stuff
.
It's like a full.
I'm not in grade five, butthat's where I belong.
Speaker 3 (48:10):
Yeah, we have political conversations in the
living room and you can be onopposite sides, but we all get
along together.
Riches of the rich, kids, poor.
So the poor.
Everyone's learning from eachother and this is their home.
You have a problem with yourmom and dad.
You want to run away from home?
You call the center.
I'll have a counselor meet youthere.
You stay there, you stay safe.
This is what's happening.
That's my man, she, and it'shappening.
(48:30):
It's my five eight-year plan.
Speaker 1 (48:33):
Can you imagine a world in which children from a
very young age are taught thatit's okay to be who they are and
To love what they love and toexplore their own passions, and
that they don't need to be whatother people tell them they have
to be?
What kind of world, yes, wouldwe then have?
Yeah, yes, I can't imagine it,and it looks amazing.
Speaker 3 (48:54):
You know, I tell people to you hear these stories
about people coming home and,you know, beating their spouse
because they're unhappy at workor something happened.
It's like we are so unhappy alot of people are so unhappy
because we're forcing theselives that we feel Like we
didn't choose, because we didn'thave the support of the
knowledge of someone to help us,to guide us.
You know what if, like littleTommy knew he wanted to be a
(49:16):
comedian at five and everybodywas on that game plan to make
Little Tommy a comedian?
Everybody the parents were, theteachers were everybody you
better believe that when littleTommy was out of high school,
he'd be hilarious, he'd be thebest comedian movies.
You know what I mean.
Like what if everyone Investedin this person's dream?
What if this little persondidn't know their dream and
everyone invested in themfiguring that out?
(49:38):
That's what this is gonna do.
Speaker 2 (49:40):
Well, and that's who you're being, that's how I'm
being as a mom, that's theopportunity that we have of
anybody that chooses to be moreself-express, because then you
understand that you don't haveto try to make Somebody be
somebody that they're not.
they're not working on that, andyourself.
So I think that we're startingto do that in our generation.
We're starting to teach thekids that I love what you're
(50:03):
building and I'm 150% on boardwith this and and then who their
kids get to be, and the rippleeffect of One person getting
this from themselves yeah, justone is, yeah, amazing.
The more that we can encourageand invite and teach people how
and give them permission andshow them, the more that we do
that for the younger generations, the more that they do that and
(50:24):
every generation moving forwardgets to be more liberated in
who they are.
But, like it's not, yeah, butwe're gonna make it the norm.
Speaker 3 (50:31):
You know what I mean.
I don't like talking aboutpolitics at all and I won't talk
about politics, but I will saythis that one thing that this
whole entire world is confusedabout is that we think that all
these shootings are about theguns.
Right, and it doesn't matter ifyour foregons or against guns,
it doesn't matter, none of thatmatters.
But the point that I'm tryingto make is that it's about who
we're raising To be little, tobe people in this world.
(50:52):
How are we raising them?
You know, how are we raisingthem that they are filled with
so much hate, because you got tohate yourself so much, to kill
so Many people and to be aboutkilling other people.
You really do so.
How do we get people, how do weget these kids to start loving
themselves and being able to bewho they actually are and feel
that they actually are, like allthese kids hiding from their
(51:14):
sexuality and their identitiesand their gender and all of that
?
Oh my god, you want to get myday crying on the morning.
You show me something aboutkids and them not being able to
express themselves.
Oh, it is heartbreaking.
Speaker 1 (51:25):
This speaks to everybody.
Though, this speaks toeverybody.
Yes we have to focus on thenext generation, but everybody
listening is going to feel thatfor themselves.
I think the thing that breaksmy heart the most is when people
say well, that's just how theworld is, that's just how the
world works.
And I hope that what we'll takefrom this conversation is that
(51:47):
we choose.
We choose how the world is andwe choose it for our own lives,
and I think 100% what you'redoing for kids and what you're,
what you're representing in theway that you live, is that we
get to make it any way we want,and I hope whoever is listening
is able to take that away Withthem.
Speaker 2 (52:08):
Yeah, thank you so much for being here Like this
has been amazing and I love thepermission that you are.
Speaker 3 (52:16):
Mm-hmm.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you so much for having me.
I think these conversations areso important and for anybody
listening to that struggling inthat area, give me a call, we
get you right.
Speaker 1 (52:27):
I think everybody needs to call Shafaa.
Speaker 2 (52:31):
I know Well, I live near you so we get to hang out
and play.
Speaker 3 (52:35):
Yeah yeah, Stalin folk calm.
Speaker 2 (52:37):
That's where I'm at.
I love it.
Well, thank you so much.
Thank you for spreading yourlight and your joy and for being
brave enough to do it all overyour life, all the time, and for
Doing the work that you've hadto do to be able to be that,
because this wasn't who you wereand you've been very
intentional about becoming yeah,I would say it's always who she
was.
Speaker 3 (52:56):
Well, there was a true, yeah, I had to get those
boundaries out the way.
Speaker 1 (53:00):
But thank you again, to reiterate, thank you for
doing the work to allow yourselfto come forward.
Yeah, I think you saidsomething so important and so
true around it's.
I think we've mentioned this onthe podcast before, but like
who am I to?
You know be all the things thatI envision for myself.
And I think the question is whoam I not to?
(53:22):
Because look at all of thepeople who are going to be
gifted by the gift.
Yeah, you are yeah, and so thankyou and it goes for you guys,
for being brave enough to be youoh.
Speaker 3 (53:32):
Oh, thank you.
Thank you, thanks so much forhaving me.
Ladies, this has been so greatand really has and thanks you.
You gave me the platform to beable to share who I am, and so
I'm very appreciative for thattoo.
Hmm, you're welcome, sweet.
I'll come back here anytime yougive me a call.
And Jessica, yeah, you willtalk also chiffon.
Speaker 1 (53:52):
When's your birthday?
Speaker 2 (53:53):
I knew you were wanting to know this, oh.
If you enjoy this episode, we would love it if you
would leave us a review, giveus a follow or a like and share
it with your friends.
Thanks, rebels.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
To even question what you've been told is true is
incredibly courageous.
It doesn't always feel likecourage.
What looks like courage toother people, for me it feels
like survival.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
This is our personal medicine.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
If I'm surrounded by thinkers, by lovers, by passion,
by integrity, then I really dothink that I know who I am.
There is a piece that isindescribable when you're being
who you are and you're livingyour purpose Not going to come
to the end of my life and belike I didn't live the life I
was meant to live.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Can I be so comfortable in the unknown and
so comfortable in thatuncertainty that every version
of it is going to be okay?
Speaker 2 (00:47):
This is the Inner Rebel podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Hey rebels, Just a heads up that our conversation
today deals with very adultthemes like sexuality and adult
language.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
All right, Welcome, rebels, to a very special
episode.
Today we are joined by SiobhanWolfolk.
Welcome, Siobhan.
Hi Siobhan, Hello.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
Hi ladies.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Currently, Siobhan is a marketing lead that serves
the Latino community, and herday job In the evenings and on
the weekends she is a life coachand fashion stylist, which is
amazing.
I love that you say you're astylist from the inside and out,
which is so critical, and Iknow we'll unpack that more
today.
She just started her owncompany called Style and Folk,
(01:38):
so she can start serving morewomen.
She is a Black Zikana who leadswith love, joy and a bit of
humor, and I love that you saidmy energy is absolutely
contagious, so come get some.
Which we will begin some today.
Siobhan was born and raised inSouthern California, graduated
from the University of Denverand then quickly moved back to
(02:00):
California to work inadvertising, and after three and
a half years in advertising,she packed her bags and moved to
Madrid, spain, which I feellike you're going to inspire me
to book a plane ticket after weget off of this podcast.
She lived in Madrid, spain, for10 years, with four summers in
Italy so dreamy and afterwards,one year in Ecuador, with some
(02:24):
time in Uruguay, and two yearsin Brazil oh my goodness.
She moved back to the US in2016 to be caregiver for her
grandmother and father, and Ilove your adventurous hobbies.
She's a salsa dance instructor,a boxer, a writer, a songwriter
, a comedic writer, a model, aswimmer, a lover of all board
sports.
We share that skating,snowboarding, surfing, a
(02:46):
nonprofit collaborator, a legitkid whisperer Great.
You can meet my son, jack, andan awesome friend.
Welcome to yeah hi.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
It's been our time.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
Is that all our time?
Yeah, signing off, that's allanyone needs to know.
Speaker 3 (03:04):
That was a great introduction.
Thank you, ladies, so nice tobe here.
There's no boxes holding you inno, no, and that is very
intentional.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
Well, we love to start our podcast by asking a
question, because this is allabout breaking out of boxes, all
about standing in ourauthenticity.
So we want to know who youthought you were supposed to be.
So who did society, or whatdoes society, say that you're
supposed to be, and who are you?
Speaker 3 (03:31):
actually, wow, I love that question.
Okay, so who did society saythat I'm supposed to be?
I grew up very much like alittle bit shy and still a
little bit of a ham, like likingto perform and stuff more like
with the family and people Iknow, and then people I didn't.
I'd be kind of shy and probablyfriends that are listening to
this are like what you were shyonce.
(03:55):
I just made you.
It's like what?
Yes, this is a lot ofpersonality here.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
I don't think it's a lot, but I'm surprised to hear
that you're shy.
I'd like to hear more aboutthat.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
So yeah, I was supposed to be this shy girl
that was a perfect kind ofstraight A student and didn't
ruffle any feathers or anythinglike that.
That was going under the radarbut also drawing in clubs and
all of that kind of stuff.
But I still had my boundariesand now I am what my friends
call a black unicorn.
I am all over the place.
(04:28):
My favorite thing to do is tomeet people and to learn about
them and their background andtheir stories and their culture.
I'm very outspoken.
I'm very much an extrovert.
I still have that time everynow and then I'll go to a party
and I'll be a little bit shy.
Those that know me, it freaksthem out.
It happens every now and then,but no, for the most part I am
just like, like you said, whichis, I just want to spread this
(04:50):
love and this joy and this humorto everyone and I don't let
anything get in my way.
And when someone says that thisdoesn't fit, I don't fit the
mold of doing something, oh, Iwant to do it.
So bad, then I want it.
This is like the whole reasonwhy I did a triathlon, like the
swimming portion of a triathlonbecause quote unquote black
(05:10):
people can't swim.
And then another one.
This is exactly why I startedsurfing, because, quote unquote
black people don't surf.
Black people are scared ofwater.
That's the whole thing.
It's the whole thing.
It's the whole thing.
I didn't know that, yeah,neither did I, to be honest.
And then I learned about itlater and I'm like, ooh, I want
(05:31):
to do all the things.
And then boxing too.
Oh, that's a men's sport.
Well, guess what?
No, it's not.
So, yeah, pushing boundaries.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
Can I ask a little bit about that shyness, because
it doesn't sound like that'sreally a part of your nature.
So what is your relationship tothat now?
You say it comes out now andthen, but was that something
that you felt you grew out of orhad to overcome, or do you
understand in retrospect whatthat shyness was about when you
were younger?
Speaker 3 (05:59):
Yeah, I'm a firm believer of your surroundings
and your environment playing abig part of who you are and
helping to mold you rightSometimes helping, sometimes not
.
And so there were a lot ofsituations, I would say, where
it's just like, hey, keep itdown, be quiet.
You know things like that.
And I think it just kind ofsticks to you and you're just
like, okay, I need to be quietor I need to do this, I need to
(06:21):
do that.
And for a while you just kindof figured out that it doesn't
work for you and that's notsomething that you should have
tried on because that wasn't foryou.
And that's what happened to me.
I realized that that wasn't forme and also I was kind of
doomed anyways, because if youhave ever met my mom or dad,
it's like they are full on, theylight up a room, like whenever
(06:42):
they step into it.
They would light up a room.
They will pass now, but likewhen they stepped into the room,
it was just like whoa, you knowa lot of energy, a lot of
positive energy.
So it's like I knew I wasdestined to be a big mouth.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Was there a specific moment or a time in your life
where you're like this no longerworks for me, where you started
to push those boundaries andembrace your bigness and your
boldness?
Is there a specific time ofyour life where you're like it's
time?
Speaker 3 (07:11):
Oh yeah, I can tell you exactly when that was.
So I took a program Some peopleknow about it.
It's called Landmark Educationand they have like various
levels and stuff like that tokind of just get you right where
you know you should be andwhere you want to be, you know
and helps you take theboundaries and the blocks that
you've put there yourself.
You've put them there yourself,but it helps you take those
blocks away so that you can bewho you're meant to be in this
(07:34):
world.
So I took that and it wasreally funny because I thought I
was taking it because I gotlaid off and I was having
trouble looking for a job.
It was like 20 years ago and Irealized that was not why I was
supposed to take that course.
I was supposed to take thatcourse because I was supposed to
dig deep in my past and how mypast dictated very much who I
was today and how I was bringinga lot of things that weren't
(07:57):
fit for me into my currentstatus, and so I cleaned up a
lot of relationships.
I had had a lot ofconversations with people and
also the biggest thing I gotfrom it was how to be community
and how when your life is aboutyou and only you, it gets very
dramatic.
It is very telenovela, verytelenovela, very soap opera.
(08:20):
It gets dramatic when it'sabout you.
When you start pushing that outand being of service to other
people in your community, thenit's like that's where the party
time begins, right.
So that's what that programtaught me and actually from that
program I got a job right awayand saved up money and went to
Spain.
I didn't have a home there, Ididn't have any friends there, I
wasn't like 100%, even thoughI'm Latina, I wasn't super
(08:43):
fluent in Spanish, I didn't havea job.
I just kind of arrived therelike Mary Tyler Moore and threw
out my hat at the airport andthat was it, let's go.
And I stayed there for 10 years.
I have arrived and I stayedthere for 10 years.
So, yeah, that was what helpedme, that self-helps and
self-development, and I'm stilldoing it.
I'm in a course now Like I am100% about that life now,
(09:04):
because I believe that growthstarts with you.
You can't expect differences inyour life if you're doing the
same thing over and over again.
You've got to produce somechange and that's when my life
gets good with that change.
That was a long answer.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
That was a perfect answer.
Also, you and Melissa have thatin common right, melissa?
It was landmark for you.
That also really sparked achange.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
It's kind of how we met too, through our landmarks.
So it was my introduction topersonal growth work and it was
my introduction to doing itoutside of reading a book,
because I think a lot of peoplethink you can just read a book
about this stuff and then bemagically transformed, which is
total bullshit.
You need to get in communityabout it and you need to get
witnessed and you need towitness other people and you
need to have that mirror andwithout it I mean you can read
(09:47):
books.
I think they're great supportstructures to reinforce things
and it's the actual getting intoaction around it in your life
that makes all the difference.
Speaker 3 (09:56):
Yeah, and you know what Do?
Sharing your life.
That is the big key for me now.
Like whenever I'm aboutsomething and I want to start
something new, I share it.
You know why?
Because I put it in place ofbeing my word, and then what I
say is what happens.
So I know that when I say itnow I got to make it happen.
So if I want something toreally happen in my life, even
(10:16):
if I'm not ready, I got to starttelling people about it.
Because once I do that, ithappens.
Yeah, say it out loud, beingyour word, yeah.
So it's a real thing and itcomes in clutch.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Are you willing to share a few more of the belief
systems that you were unpackingduring that time, like what you
felt you had to heal or resolvein yourself, to kind of come
into your own now?
Speaker 3 (10:38):
Yes, so in this meeting I'm about to break it
down as long as you want it tobe, yeah, okay, cool, cool, all
right.
So here's where I got so muchout of it.
Good, but basically I came froma home where my parents
divorced when I was like threeor four and then my mom
remarried when I was like fouror five and then I think it was
like nine years old, we got alittle brother.
(11:00):
So I had my older brother fromthe previous marriage we share
the same mother and father andthen my little brother was born
through the second marriage,right, and they got a divorce
when I was like 14.
And stuff went down to like, Imean, it was awful and check
this out, I'm like 13, 14, butwhat I got was people leave,
people don't stick around, don'tfall too in love or close with
(11:24):
someone, because it could go anysecond and men can't be trusted
because they leave all the timeand they don't care.
And that was like my whole story.
So like the way I wasinteracting with relationships
and men and people andeverything was like, oh my God,
even when my friends wouldbecome friends with my friends,
I'm like, oh, I'm cut out, it'sit, it's over.
(11:45):
This is it Like, instead ofcoming from a space of like oh
my God, all my friends arefriends now, which is what I'm
like.
Now, when my friends meet myfriends, I am doing the little
happy dance Like, but it was notlike that before.
It was full on jealousy, likewhere'd you guys go, what'd you
guys do, like so.
So, yeah, that's what happened.
(12:06):
You know, I had trust issuesand so I looked at that in the
program and I had to have aconversation with my dad, and I
had to have a conversation withmy ex-stepdad too, and I hadn't
talked to him like 15 years.
So when he got my call, he waslike wait, what?
So yeah, and I cleared it allup.
I cleaned it all up with bothof them and got apologies.
(12:26):
I was even able to apologizetoo, because I had to accept
some responsibility on my own aswell, and I look at men
differently.
I look at relationshipsdifferently.
I look at people differently.
You know, it's been a long timecoming Like, like forgive.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
What you're saying is so beautiful and so important
and when we identify a belief ofsome kind that we've been
playing out, we've been playingout a pattern in our lives, and
we start to understand orconnect to the root of it.
I think it's one thing to startmaking that connection, like
understand it intellectually,and another thing to actually
break the pattern.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
Right.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Clearing out a belief so that you no longer operate
from that belief is actuallymuch more challenging.
So I'm curious what is thatprocess of integration Like?
How do you then go into thenext relationship and
consciously make those shifts sothat you're not playing those
trust issues out anymore?
Or did you feel that it wasresolved and you were able to go
in and just see it more clearly?
(13:24):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (13:25):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know exactly what you
mean.
It's a very good question.
I would say that communicationthat's the first word that
popped up into my mind when youwere starting to ask the
question.
My communication is sodifferent now, like, okay, so I
have this thing called seasonalboyfriends now it's amazing.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
Explain.
Speaker 3 (13:45):
Dude, if you're not about that seasonal boyfriend
life and you're single, I don'tknow what you're doing.
You're like you're married, Iget it, but like if you're not
married, okay, jess, please.
Oh, it's so great.
It's so great.
So seasonal boyfriends are.
And the best thing aboutseasonal boyfriends is they know
they're seasonal and you putthat out there on day one like,
(14:07):
hey, this is what's going on,okay, and you're entering now in
what we call the summer season.
You're summer boyfriend of 2023.
Your stay will be until likearound August, september We'll
see what happens and let's justmake this the best time of our
(14:28):
lives together and be just verytruthful about what we do and
what we experience and all thatkind of stuff.
So it's dope.
Now I'm leaning more towards.
I want that one person and Igot my eye on someone, but for a
while, up until like spring, itwas like seasonal boyfriends,
that's what I'm doing.
And part of it can be like okay, I'm protecting my heart, but
also another part of it is likeI'm having a great time.
(14:50):
And one thing that's always beconsistent in my life is change.
I'm never just living in oneplace and doing one thing.
I mean, you saw from my hobbiesright, I'm always doing
something and changing, and so Ithink that's part of it too.
But now that I'm older I'mstarting to feel like having
that one person would be nice,and I know it's around the
corner, but I'm still phasingout the seasonal boyfriend thing
(15:13):
.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
You might need to explain this a little more, at
least to me.
Speaker 3 (15:17):
It's communication.
Like right now there's 10 menand just 10 men.
There's seven who I'm sleepingwith.
That is safe, though it's acondom situation.
So everybody knows abouteverybody.
Everybody knows the game.
I am not lying to anybody aboutanything, it's a whole thing,
(15:37):
but the way that I'm able to dothis is the communication right
and what works for me and worksfor everyone.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
What is the value you get out of the seasonal
boyfriend thing?
What are you learning from it?
Speaker 3 (15:48):
You know what the common denominator is with all
these men no, fucking me, me,let's go here.
So the coolest thing about thatis it's the best way to know
who you are, because when thingsstart showing up repeatedly,
you're like, oh, that showed upwith like four people already.
(16:10):
So that's probably somethingthat I should work on.
So that's cool.
Another thing that's cool is Iget to experience like these
great human beings.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Like everyone.
Speaker 3 (16:21):
It's this thing of like we get to go out, we do
stuff, or we stay home and kickback and watch TV.
I have these amazingconversations and for, I think,
for the first time in my life, Idon't feel controlled, which is
like how you're not supposed tofill a relationship.
You know how people say, likeI'm his and you know this
person's mine, and all that kindof stuff, like yeah, I
understand that, but then alsothere's this control aspect that
(16:43):
people confuse it with us beingpartners.
You know, like I need tocontrol the situation and there
is no control.
It's not about that.
It's like like my friend, he'scoming over tomorrow and he
sends me the stacks.
He's like I am so excited Causewe like plan this whole day.
You know we're going to go tothe jazz festival and then he's
going to come hang out and thenhe's going to like spend the
(17:03):
night for the first time.
It's going to be like thiswhole day of adventure.
And how exciting is that?
And he's super excited about,you know, and that's the thing
too, when I see them and theyknock on my door and it's like
and we hug each other and it'slike so great and a couple of
met each other and they getalong.
I think that when you come froma place of love and joy, then
(17:25):
that's what the fuck is going onlove and joy.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Yeah, that's exactly what I'm hearing is you're in
your joy, and this is somethingI just wrapped up, a mastermind
that I'm a part of, and a womanin there who's become a dear
friend of mine.
We talk about this a lot, as itretains the sexuality and the
boxes that we have around.
This is the right way to bewithin partnership.
This is the wrong way to be.
These are shameful ways ofbehaving, and so she's like I
(17:49):
want to be the kind of womanthat gets her nipples sucked by
six people at the same time.
Like that's who I want to be,and I want to be in that level
of joy.
And it says so much about whoshe is, cause she's just like I
want to have like unhingedpleasure in my life and have no
more friends.
She doesn't live here, but yes.
Speaker 3 (18:08):
This sounds like a future best friend.
This is what this sounds like.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
Yeah, yeah, but just the ability to live your whole
life, completely unapologeticabout how you find pleasure, how
you find joy, and letting it beeven the seasonality of the
boyfriend.
It's like, also, this works forme in this season of life, so
it's non attachment to thisbeing how it is Ever.
Yeah, it's like this is how mypassion and joy feel the most
(18:34):
expressed right now.
I have permission to change mymind If I want to settle on one
percent then great, and I alsofeel like it's a really
beautiful social experiment ofseeing who you get to be in
these really intimate spacesLike when we talk about being in
landmark or we talk about beingin community and with the
mirror of other people's, beingin partnership with somebody in
(18:57):
that way is a really intimateexperience.
To let them be with you as awhole woman, with your body, and
getting to know yourselfthrough the mirror of being in
deep, intimate relationships isalso a really powerful tool to
get to know who you are and whatyou enjoy.
Speaker 3 (19:14):
I'm constantly reminded of who I am, and it's a
positive reminder now, tooright, because it used to be so
negative, and you know, I wantto share this too.
Okay, because this is like,this is the big part, this is
the part that I left out before.
So this is where everyone kindof like gets closer to the
speaker.
Okay, so everybody get closerto speaker and I'm about to tell
it oh, this is like the juice.
(19:35):
All right, so when You're about?
Speaker 2 (19:37):
to.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
So when the second father, the stepfather, when he
left, there was this momentwhere and I'm just gonna say you
know, he cheated on my mom.
So that was the whole thing mymom was like this perfect little
angel hilarious, sweet, joyful,all happy, all that kind of
stuff.
And so giving like she was.
So, the way she handled thiswas like so, boss, move, sweet,
(20:00):
like she was just a sweetheart,the whole thing.
And there was.
I remember it being the timewhere we had missed him, because
it was like this was like ourdad.
Right, we missed him.
And finally they had beentalking and he was allowed to
come and take us out for the dayand we were like so excited and
to this day I don't rememberhow long it was, but it felt
like a few months and we're likedaddy, daddy, daddy, cause we
(20:21):
called him daddy too.
So he came and we asked thedoor, we gave all these big hugs
.
We missed him so much, me andmy two brothers, and we were
like, oh my gosh, and we got alldressed up.
We leave for like an hourgetting dressed up, like, okay,
where are you going to take us?
Where are we going?
Where are we going?
Okay, I'm just taking Corey,because that was his blood Shit.
And that day is when I decidedtwo things One, I got to be
(20:46):
perfect, so I don't let anybodydown.
Yeah, that means grades,everything.
I became the queen of Monerovia.
I became the queen of my city.
I was the captain of theSchilling team, straight A's.
I'm like I'm going to beperfect and also I'm going to
find a way to bring back control, because I do not like when the
rug is taken from under me andI'm not prepared and the pain
(21:08):
that comes with it.
So I will never allow myself tofeel that pain again and the
only way that I can is if I getclose enough and I'm going to
find a way to use males.
So I was sneaking boys into myroom at night while I was
straight A student and doing allthe perfect things and no one
ever knew it was my dirty littlesecret and kept being.
(21:29):
This thing of this is how I'mgoing to dominate men is through
my sex, right, because I also Idon't feel ashamed exposing
this now.
I'm a horny little bitch and soit had.
I mean it's dick o'clock allthe time, like you know what I
mean.
It's clock o'clock right now.
So like it's a thing.
So I was using it for pleasure,for me and then also to be able
(21:50):
to be like OK, you're done, youcan leave now.
No, you can't spend the nightby.
I was controlling it and I waslike I'm going to get really
good at it too, right?
So they'd be like, oh, I wantsome more.
I can control the wholesituation.
And now the sex is not likethat, like it is very much a
thing of a connection withsomeone and not a control.
It's a I am here with you inthis moment and this is all that
(22:11):
is, and there's nothing elseattached to it of me trying to
get one over on you.
And how much more pleasurableof an experience is that I get
to share that moment with otherpeople and feel like so good
about it and it doesn't feeldirty because I talk about it,
it's not a secret, and then Ialso tell people about it, and
so it's become this really coolthing.
(22:32):
Also, I'm just responsibleabout sex.
I'm very responsible aboutpeople's feelings and
interaction with me too, andthat's been a big change for the
better.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
I think a lot of people think that intimacy can
only be found with one person,and I think what you're showing
is that that's actually not true.
You can have deep intimacy on adeep level with many different
people.
And it's all about what yousaid the honest communication.
How are you showing up in thatspace?
And there's probably a lot tobe gained from that.
(23:02):
I mean, even when you'retalking about maybe the next
phase of life is to find oneperson to spend your life with.
You're probably getting so muchinformation about who you are
and what you want and what youneed.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
Oh, you're saying all the yes, all the right things,
yes.
And the other thing I want toadd to that is and I'm really
glad that this is the directionthe conversation is taking,
because we haven't talked a lotabout sexuality on here- man I
need to come back.
I know we have a little bit notlike this, and I think that it
often carries a lot of shame.
Yes, yes, a lot of shame.
(23:39):
I used to be the girl that,whenever anything around sex
came up, my head to toe wouldturn bright red.
Speaker 3 (23:46):
Oh, bless your heart.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
And I would honestly be like probably the color of my
dress that I might do and Iwould want to just like crawl
inside of a turtle shell and Iwas so ashamed and I grew up in
a very conservative Christianhousehold and there was a lot of
like this is wrong, like youdon't do this, you do it with
one partner, you do it whenyou're married and if you're
doing anything outside of it,this is very, very wrong.
(24:10):
And I have spent the last decadeand part of my personal growth
journey is actually embracinghuman sexuality, our need for
pleasure, our ability to decidewho and how we want to give our
bodies and really be a sovereignwoman in my own desire.
But this is like a big,important topic that every woman
(24:31):
deals with, because you're toldnot to be this way and to be
this way and that if you havemultiple partners, then you're a
slut and you can't do that, andso I think that you are
claiming well, first of all,telling your backstory of what
you've had to work through toget to this place, but also you
claiming your desires.
You claiming how you want to bein partnership is really
(24:51):
liberating, and I think womenneed to hear this, because you
get to be whoever the fuck youwant in partnership, and I love
that you tie it into a biggerintention of like this is how I
want to be in partnership.
I want to be in vulnerablecommunication.
I want to be super open withthese people and you're really
intentional about the way inwhich you're interacting, and
that is very powerful.
(25:12):
So I just want to thank you forbringing this to the table.
Speaker 3 (25:15):
Yeah, I thank you for saying that.
It's very important to mebecause I have lived a long life
of I don't want to say beingquiet about it because I wasn't
being quiet about it.
I was being quiet with certainpeople, like relatives, which is
so weird because, even thoughmy mommy and my daddy were
really religious, I told themeverything, they knew everything
about me.
So, like my aunts and my uncles, those are the ones where I was
(25:37):
like which is so stupid, andnow my mother and my father have
passed, and it's so weirdbecause I didn't have to hide
anything from them anyways, butI'm more of myself and it's hard
to explain, actually, you knowwhat it's not hard to explain.
So I've just lost my mother andfather, right, and I've also
lost my two grandparents, my twograndmothers, at the same time.
(25:59):
It's just a lot of deaths thathappen all at once and then also
, like my brothers, suffer fromaddictions both of them and they
have a hard time dealing withthe deaths and it's got them
further in their addictions,right.
I'm so sorry my mother andfather.
They died pretty young.
Life is short and this is theonly one I've got and I would
like to live it the way I wouldlike to live.
(26:19):
Now.
I have a higher power.
I do believe in God.
I do, and that is my higherpower.
That's it.
Like there's no body, there'sno mama, daddy, no more.
Like there's nobody else, likethat's the only one I need to
worry about, so I don't need toworry about anyone else.
I was at a work function andnobody was dancing.
I was the only one dancing forlike the third time and they're
(26:42):
like oh my God, I wish I had.
And I'm like, because this ismy one life, what I'm not going
to have a great time and enjoythis, and this is the only
opportunity I got on this oneday where I can do that.
I'm going to pass it up becauseof what others are thinking
about me.
Yeah, everyone's like.
I wish I could do it.
I'm like you can't give me yourhand.
Give me your hand, just chooseit and let's go out there.
(27:03):
And so, yeah, I ended upbringing a couple people out,
and then I've also taught salsalessons at that job.
I'm very much like come join me.
This is our life, this is ourone shot and I don't want to
waste it anymore.
So, yeah, I love sex and I lovespending my time with sex, and
I love that I've set my life upin a way that anytime I get
(27:24):
horny, I grab my little phoneand I go who do I feel like
today?
Speaker 1 (27:30):
Everyone listening is taking notes.
Speaker 2 (27:33):
Get your menu out.
Yeah, yeah, what.
Who am I ordering for dinnertonight?
Yes, who wants to be my dessert?
Speaker 3 (27:40):
Yeah, it's so exciting that they're so excited
to see me.
That's what's so great.
A lot of people are excited tosee me, and I'm excited to see
them too, and so that's why itworks, because they know what's
up and I would never hurt themand I never do it.
I don't play any games, youknow.
I will tell them honestly, andthen when I feel like
something's changing, I'll sayhey, I think it's time for a
(28:01):
conversation.
I just like to check in.
Like is everything okay?
Are you still okay with thisarrangement?
I'm not trying to hurt anyone'sfeelings over here.
You know what I mean.
It works.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
Yeah, I love your example about dancing and I kind
of want to pivot theconversation about really
seizing the moments for joy andliving your life of.
I've got this one day to feelthis joy and this one moment I'm
going to take this.
This is a big part of theinvitation that you are of let's
go live life all out right Inevery area of life.
(28:33):
I know we're we focused a lot onsexuality and intimacy, but
this is everywhere in your life,yes.
So why are you so passionateabout that?
Why do you want to help peoplebe more expressed?
Speaker 3 (28:44):
Because I feel like I've taken so long to be who I
am and people don't have to takethat long.
They really don't.
And you know, the kid whisperthing is a real thing, like
people drop their kids off at myhouse.
I don't know why.
It doesn't look fun at all, Idon't like colors or anything
and it's so much fun becauseit's just getting back to that
innocence and that fun that,like you know who my best friend
(29:06):
is and this is why I waslaughing, melissa because his
name is Jack.
I call him JJ, because theycall him Jack, jack.
His little cousins call himJack, jack, that's what everyone
called Jack.
Jack.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
He was Jack Jack from the incredible his first
birthday.
Yeah, so yeah, they call him.
Speaker 3 (29:21):
They used to call him Jack Jack, so his name is Jack
and everybody calls him Jack,jack, and I remember telling him
like cause, this is my bestfriend.
He lives next door.
He's six years old.
He's over here all the time.
As far as he's concerned, thisis his room.
So when he gets mad at me, hecomes up to his room.
We do arts and crafts.
We have so much fun and hecalls me.
I got a walkie talkie so he cancause.
(29:42):
He know I'm phone, yet he's six.
So he's like she bought me.
Come up play.
Like that is my little rider,die buddy, and he's amazing and
people see us together andhanging out and that's my
investment.
Right Is like I talked to himabout how great he is.
I talked to him about the greatthings he does.
I talked to him about like youcan do anything.
(30:03):
Also, another thing is, too,he's a white male.
He's a little future CEO, andso I need to make sure I'm
instilling that DEI and thisfuture CEO.
I love that.
Oh yeah, it's just like we havethe best time, and the reason
why we do is because it's fun.
We have fun.
Everybody knows when they comeover to Siobhan's house it's
(30:24):
going to be fun.
My parties are even fun.
It's not like everyone'ssitting around drinking alcohol.
They're like Siobhan no onelooks at their phones.
I realized I just haven'tlooked at my phone this entire
part.
I'm like, yeah, that's why Iplanned it this way.
We have arts and crafts area,we've got a karaoke area, we've
got an 80s salon where you cando your hair like the 80s.
I have like little things and Ithink that that's my whole life
.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
I think this is why I have always struggled with
adulthood.
I am the same as you.
I have like a whole bunch ofkitties that feel like my best
friends, where I feel the mostalive and I just want to play.
And I feel like ever since myearly 20s, when I graduated
school and I went to theaterschool, so I was sort of in the
world of creativity right For areally long time.
I went to an art school.
(31:04):
I wanted to talk to you aboutthat because I went to an art
school at the age of nine, sothat was my world.
And then I went into grown-upland and I found the adjustment.
I still think I'm strugglingwith it.
It's something about gettinginto the land of grown-ups,
getting into the land ofsurvival.
It's like I can show up withchildren, but it's very
(31:27):
difficult, I find, to bring thatsame freedom and joy and play
that I once had into thegrown-up universe.
I don't feel like there's asmany people willing to play.
Speaker 3 (31:37):
Yes, jessica, yes, oh my gosh.
That is that's number one right.
People aren't willing to play.
It's like they kind of forgothow to.
I taught for many years too,but usually, like as a
substitute teacher or a shortterm kind of thing after second
grade is when they take awaycrayons and drawing.
That isn't that interesting.
(31:57):
That's when we stop dreamingand it's so important.
And so for me to have fun andfor me to make things fun I love
doing that.
I mean even my workouts.
When I go into like littleworkout groups, they're always
like Shobon, why are you alwaysdancing when you're working out?
And I'm like because I hate it.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
And so this is how I make it for us.
This is my question.
This is what I find soinspiring about you, because I
think all of these grown-ups arearound you being like why are
you dancing, why are you doingthis, why are you doing that?
And you're still doing it and Ithink a lot of people would let
that shut them down, and I thinkwhat I'm expressing is I think
it has shut me down.
I think I show up in a lot ofspaces and I don't actually know
(32:38):
how to let my silly out withthose people, and you seem to do
it anyway.
Speaker 3 (32:42):
First of all, Jessica , hang around me.
That's going to come out likein no time.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
No, but she doesn't live here, she's an LA.
Speaker 3 (32:49):
I'm in LA all the time.
I'm from there.
Speaker 1 (32:53):
I was just there two, three weeks ago.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:55):
This is a short-lived situation that you're dealing
with now.
That's going to turn around,don't worry about it.
Speaker 1 (33:00):
My friends listening, they're going to be pissed at
me.
A lot of my friends are stillvery joyful and silly and we
play a lot, but I do find thatmy self-expression in that realm
has definitely diminished in myolder years.
Speaker 3 (33:12):
Yeah, well, let me tell you this.
First of all, the worst andmost dangerous hood you could
ever be in is adulthood.
That's bad.
Get out of that hood.
It is the worst hood ever.
This is like I love all theother hoods, this one is the
worst.
Yes, one of the things I do.
Here's a very good example.
What I try to do is I try, whenI life coach, I try to get
people to think like this.
One of the things I do is whenJJ and I go to, he loves the
(33:35):
blue store and the red store,walmart and Target, so he calls
them blue store my story.
He loves it, right, the bluestore has like a thing of balls,
right, and the toy section.
So Whenever we come acrossthose balls, we're playing with
them right there and foreverybody in the store it's
happening like this is justwhat's happening.
So I invite other people toplay with us.
Sometimes We'll see whathappens.
(33:55):
I would, yeah.
And so the thing is and my momused to say this too so funny.
Oh, they don't pay my bills.
These are the people.
They don't pay my bills.
I pay my bills.
Why am I worried about allthese other people?
And I think that's it right isthat I am so concentrating on
making sure that little JJ has agreat life and a great time
today with me that no one elseis in my radar.
(34:18):
And when I'm like that and I'mfixated on having fun like that,
Often times I don't have anyonecoming over to tell me to tone
it down.
I have people coming over tojoin me and that's what I want
to introduce people to.
You is like how can everyonefeel this self-expressed?
And this is why I started thisbusiness, right, it's because
I'm able to life coach people Onthe inside and then able to
(34:40):
help them bring that out ontheir outside so that they can
dress and feel like theiroutside matches their inside.
And then how lovely would it beif it's spread into their house
and I could help them interiordecorate so that their home even
looks like who they are.
Right, we need to get to.
First of all, how can we makeeverything around us reflect who
we are?
You know you're cheating peopleby not giving them.
(35:01):
All of you right, the amazingyou that you are.
You really are cheating people.
And this was actually helpfulto me when it came to giving,
because I was always giving,giving, giving, but I didn't
like to receive or to ask.
And someone told me once Shavan,how do you feel when you give
to people?
And I said, I feel amazing whenI give to people and in the
thank-you's and the smile I'dlike, oh Well, you know that
(35:24):
feeling.
You feel right there, you'rerobbing other people of that.
Every single time I'm like, ohgosh, I don't want to do that, I
don't want to be that person,and so I feel like that.
I feel like I'm robbing peopleby not showing them who I am and
Inviting them to play along andto get a piece of this.
I think that's true and so Ilove doing it, you know.
And then guess what, jessica,here's the cool thing when
(35:44):
someone tells me I'm being toomuch, or someone tells me not
here, or this is not appropriate, whatever, guess what.
That's just that one time andthat one place and that one
person who feels that way.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
Yeah, yeah, and they're probably not very
self-expressed in there.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
Oh, yeah, anyway.
Speaker 2 (36:00):
Yeah, yeah, I'm so sorry.
You feel like you have to toneyourself down and you're yeah
about me, but that's not aboutme.
Speaker 3 (36:06):
That's one time you know what I mean, and out of all
of the other times.
So I don't concentrate on thatone time, I concentrate on all
the other times that me beingwho I am is a gift to others.
That's right.
Yeah, I'm still trying to getto the point where I believe it
myself, but like I get that part, you know what I mean.
I get that.
Yeah, so that's what it is.
It's like we have got to dothat because you don't even know
(36:28):
.
Someone came up to me in theoffice once and said shavon, I
was.
I came into work today and Iwas like I don't want to do this
.
I'm mad at everybody, I hate ithere.
And I said to myself Let me seewhat Shavon's wearing today.
And I looked at you and youhave these bright colors on.
I was like, oh no, that wasgonna make me feel so much
better.
This like my whole day isbetter now because of this.
People underestimate how muchjoy your presence can give to
(36:51):
someone.
Yeah, and sharing your story, Ilove all this goes back to love
over fear.
Speaker 2 (36:57):
Yeah, yeah, mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (36:59):
How do you work through the fear moments?
Speaker 3 (37:02):
My favorite thing is to tell people this pretend like
it's not happening.
Like that's my favorite thing.
I go yeah, just pretend likeit's not happening.
But they just told me off.
Yeah, just pretend like it'snot happening.
Hey, what are you doingtomorrow?
Like that's one thing, okay,yeah, the other thing is oh,
this is a great time for me toshow you this.
Oh, here, f e a r, falseevidence appearing real.
(37:26):
Oh, yeah, I love that.
Oh, so do I.
So that's what I do.
I just think, hey, when I'mstarting to feel that thing in
my stomach or a start, yeah, I'mlike it is just a second, it is
all in my mind and just let itgo, unless it's actually
Endangering my life.
Like, will you die where you be?
(37:46):
Seriously harm you won't, okay.
Well then go out there anddance in the middle of that
crowd.
For absolutely no reason.
Speaker 2 (37:51):
Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 3 (37:53):
Yeah, you know what JJ does and I love it because
I'm starting to rub off on them.
We'll be at the story.
He'll come over to me.
Last time we happen, we werewith his parents.
She won't come over here withmusic.
Okay, I go over there rightnext time.
Here's the song is dance time?
Oh, dance time.
So, like I just joined in,we're full on dancing in the
blue store, in the aisle.
Everyone's like what ishappening.
(38:14):
But, like he said, it's time todance and I'm like, I'm 100%
about it.
Speaker 2 (38:18):
Let's do it the thing I think about.
So dance is something that isso accessible, such an
opportunity for self-expression,and we create a lot of rules
around it.
Oh, I love expectations aroundit, a lot of what looks good,
how you're supposed to move, andI was scared to dance until I
was 25 Because I thought I'm badat this.
(38:40):
It doesn't look the way it'ssupposed to look like.
I don't look like aprofessional dancer and so I'm
never gonna do it.
And I moved in with a roommatewho danced all the time and I
swear, for years we had like oneto five dance parties a week
like legit dance parties.
We would just like blast musicin our house and we would dance
all the time and we would go outto clubs and we would dance and
(39:01):
something switched in me oflike this is a way that I get to
express myself and to be in mybody of joy, and I've done a lot
of somatic movement therapyover the last year and a half
where I've Really dropped into.
It's safe to be in my body,it's safe to move her in ways
that feel good for her and Iknow what that looks like and
(39:22):
I've witnessed a lot of otherfemale bodies Moving.
we do this in a very intimatesetting and I'm like she's so
beautiful, she's so beautiful,she's so beautiful and we look
nothing like each other.
And and witnessing people intheir raw movement, just for the
sake of moving their body, isOne of the biggest gifts we can
(39:44):
give to people.
It's a huge gift to getsomebody else in their joy body
and being like, yeah, how freeshe is.
What a freaking gift.
Yes, okay.
Speaker 3 (39:53):
I'm gonna tell you these two stories.
We're like super quick, okay.
So the one thing that I do, Ilove watching people dance and I
have to tell you like I knowI'm a good dancer and I'm not
trying to be like brag here oranything like that, but like I
cheerleafed for like 12, 14years and I've been a salsa
dancing instructor for like 20years Like is it my blood?
I get it.
And my favorite thing iswatching someone dance that
(40:14):
quote-unquote Isn't dancing theright moves and probably not on
the right rhythm either, andthey don't give a fuck.
I will stand there and I willwatch that person and I will
dance with them and I'm like Ihaven't the best time of my life
.
I'm not making fun of thisperson or anything like someone
that is so expressed and justout there dancing like that,
(40:34):
like Elaine on Seinfeld.
I love it.
I love it.
I want to join it because it'sbold, right and you're feeling
yourself and you're giving meall of the true you.
I love that about teachingpeople to.
They're there.
I'm so scared I don't havesauce dance.
I'm like a yes, you do be.
You're about to learn how andsee, whatever you do to move
that body it's gonna be work,because that's you're like I
(40:56):
didn't you know, I'll help youget things kind of toned in and,
like you know, not going allcrazy, but it's like I don't
want you to have your own way.
That you dance also, yeah, orthat you dance.
I really love watching peopleTruly be lost in the music yeah,
mm-hmm.
And especially when no drugsare involved, like, yeah, this
(41:16):
is 100% me, oh, I eat it up.
I eat it up.
I love it.
Speaker 1 (41:22):
Yeah, self expression and authenticity really seemed
to be at the heart of yourpurpose and what you're
passionate about, and I know youcreated this program.
Yeah, it's called match matchMatch education for children.
I'd love you to to share alittle bit about that because
you know, I mentioned earlier Iwas nine and I went to an art
school that half the day was thearts and the other half was
(41:44):
academics, and I think if Iwasn't in that scenario, I don't
know how I would have survivedmy childhood.
Genuinely.
I do not know how I would havegone through a seven-hour day of
just sitting at a desk.
Speaker 2 (41:59):
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (42:00):
I was just not wired for that, so I had wait.
Speaker 3 (42:03):
Hold on, jessica, but you get that.
That's why that was yourjourney, right?
What do you mean?
That's why you took thatjourney is because you wouldn't
have survived without that.
Yeah, I'm a big believer.
There are no coincidences.
Speaker 1 (42:14):
Oh, absolutely no, I mean I specifically yeah, I
wanted to be an actor as a kidand I asked to go to the school,
and it was a school you had toaudition for.
I think they took 60 kids a year, but absolutely so.
From grade four up untilgraduating high school I was
always in an arts program, somost of my school day was doing
that, and so I just feel sofundamentally, indimentally, how
(42:36):
important that is for kids andhow confusing it is to me that
it isn't more integrated intothe system for children.
Yeah have more tools and accessto self-expression in different
ways.
So can you tell us a little bitabout what inspired you to
create that?
Speaker 3 (42:51):
Yeah, first of all, it's called match, and match
stands for music, art,technology, culture and home act
, and I don't say match for kidsbecause it sounds like a dating
website for kids and I don'twant to go so and I really want
this to work out, you know whatI mean.
Speaker 2 (43:07):
So I met my husband on match for adults, yeah so you
can get why this sounds weird.
Speaker 3 (43:12):
So, match, match education I'm educating kids,
not hooking them up with eachother.
So one of the stories that Iwas gonna tell about the dancing
actually kind of ties into this.
So I met this girl like twoyears ago, in Juneteenth.
This is like little Latina girl, she's like 12 years old and
she was like giving it up atthis Juneteenth.
It's like this big event thateverybody knows of in Denver
where they do it outside there'slike stages for different
(43:32):
little mini concerts all aroundyou can spice up from vendors,
stuff like that.
Anyways, in front of one of thebig stages there's this little
12 year old Latino girl that wasjust like dancing her ass off,
I mean on beat, and she's justlike getting it and I'm like, oh
my god.
So actually she saw me dancingand she came to me first and she
comes over to me and then I gooh my god, like I love the way
you dance, and we just startdancing and we're just sitting
(43:54):
there dancing for like 20minutes.
Her mom comes over to me andsays to me she really likes the
way you dance and she reallylikes you and your whole vibe
and everything like that I'mtelling you because she's deaf
and I'm like what she's like?
Yeah, she's listening to themusic by, she's feeling the
vibration on her on the ground,and so that's how she's so on
beat, and she loves dancing.
Oh, it's like I gotta love hereven more.
(44:16):
So I go there the next day andyou know, they told me, you know
, this is like she's dancing byherself and she's so expressed
right now and we love it thatshe's with you and she's doing
all this and all that kind ofstuff.
Like, oh my god, that's so cool.
Next day I go to the same place,the same Juneteenth celebration
, and I walk out real quick toput something in my car and as
I'm walking out, there's thisgroup of like 10 people and
(44:38):
they're coming for me and it isher with like grandma, grandpa,
mom, dad, and they go.
We heard so much about you.
She wanted us to come today.
We couldn't wait to meet you.
That's why we came back and Iwas like, oh my god.
And so you see what happenswhen you're self-expressed, and
she went out there and shedanced with me and she was all
about that life and we're incontact now.
(44:58):
We're Instagram friends, it's awhole thing, and so that is my
goal.
I want all kids to feel that way.
I want all kids to beself-expressed, because right
now, today, schools.
Well, first of all, we have thesame setup since like I don't
know how many hundreds of years.
Why haven't we changed that?
We don't even work in factorieslike we used to, which is why
we had it set up that way.
(45:18):
It's very slow the progressionof how Education is changing,
and also, I think it's bullshitthat we learn a whole bunch of
stuff that we know for a fact wedon't want to do when we're
younger, right?
So what if there was a placethat existed that was like I
could learn something that Ican't learn in school, like if
I'm 8-year-old boy and I knowfor a fact I want to be a
(45:40):
fashion designer.
That is my calling.
Do you think there's a highschool or a middle school or
elementary school?
I can go to learn that.
No, but you can't it match.
So what I provide kids with areclasses and courses that are
taught by people in theprofession.
The teach kids, didn't showthem different options, you know
, and I love doing it for theless privileged schools, because
(46:01):
they look at mom and dad orjust one single parent, and they
see what they do and thinkthat's what they have to do or
what they're gonna do to.
Yeah, and also there's thispressure.
If I have to go to college too,I went to college, I graduated
from college.
It worked for me.
It's not for everybody.
So what if there was a systemto wear?
You know that thing, starvingartists?
You know why we have starvingartists?
(46:21):
Because we don't invest in themearly.
So this is what I'm doing.
I've done music production class, where you learn about, like,
how to Produce your own musicand make your own music and do
your own beats.
Oh my god, that was the coolestto watch kids do.
I've done a wellness class.
I've done a 3d printing classWow, I've done a film class as
well.
I've done an actingimprovisation class and Denver
(46:43):
team that does improvisation indowntown Denver.
They came to top that classlike so I do?
What I do is I raise money andI just take them to these
schools and I just Talk to theprincipals that I have good
relationships with.
They're like alright, you gotmy kids for one day or for two
days.
I'm like sweet, I love doing itwith fifth grade.
This is fucking amazing.
Fifth grade is a good age.
Yeah, I love it.
You know what I'm gonna do, andif anybody steals this idea,
(47:05):
well, no, working for him, right.
Speaker 2 (47:06):
Yeah, I'm gonna collaborate with you on this.
This is, this is a chapter of Ifeel her wheels turning.
Speaker 3 (47:12):
So you guys have seen X-Men right, you don't have.
You don't know that much aboutX-Men to know this, but this is
the best way to match it up.
You know that X-Men house.
That's what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna build some badasskids with superpowers.
I want a big-ass mansion.
I want every single bedroom inthat mansion to be turned into a
classroom that is designed bykids.
Now, everyone's gonna belearning the same.
(47:33):
You.
You learn drawing.
That's what you're doing.
Like, however, you learn that'swhat we're gonna figure out a
curriculum to make it for that.
And in the kitchen, kids willbe learning how to like be a
chef and how to cook for theyounger brother and sister,
because mommy and daddy get Offwork too late at night.
So I am 10 years old cookingfor my five-year-old little
brother.
You know, learn how to cook atthis thing.
In the yard, back in the garden, you're gonna be providing food
(47:55):
for the chef and the garage.
Learn how to change a tire orhow to soup up your own car.
In the basement, there's amusic studio.
Learn about contracts, all thatkind of stuff.
Speaker 1 (48:03):
Fashion designing, classroom all that kind of stuff
.
It's like a full.
I'm not in grade five, butthat's where I belong.
Speaker 3 (48:10):
Yeah, we have political conversations in the
living room and you can be onopposite sides, but we all get
along together.
Riches of the rich, kids, poor.
So the poor.
Everyone's learning from eachother and this is their home.
You have a problem with yourmom and dad.
You want to run away from home?
You call the center.
I'll have a counselor meet youthere.
You stay there, you stay safe.
This is what's happening.
That's my man, she, and it'shappening.
(48:30):
It's my five eight-year plan.
Speaker 1 (48:33):
Can you imagine a world in which children from a
very young age are taught thatit's okay to be who they are and
To love what they love and toexplore their own passions, and
that they don't need to be whatother people tell them they have
to be?
What kind of world, yes, wouldwe then have?
Yeah, yes, I can't imagine it,and it looks amazing.
Speaker 3 (48:54):
You know, I tell people to you hear these stories
about people coming home and,you know, beating their spouse
because they're unhappy at workor something happened.
It's like we are so unhappy alot of people are so unhappy
because we're forcing theselives that we feel Like we
didn't choose, because we didn'thave the support of the
knowledge of someone to help us,to guide us.
You know what if, like littleTommy knew he wanted to be a
(49:16):
comedian at five and everybodywas on that game plan to make
Little Tommy a comedian?
Everybody the parents were, theteachers were everybody you
better believe that when littleTommy was out of high school,
he'd be hilarious, he'd be thebest comedian movies.
You know what I mean.
Like what if everyone Investedin this person's dream?
What if this little persondidn't know their dream and
everyone invested in themfiguring that out?
(49:38):
That's what this is gonna do.
Speaker 2 (49:40):
Well, and that's who you're being, that's how I'm
being as a mom, that's theopportunity that we have of
anybody that chooses to be moreself-express, because then you
understand that you don't haveto try to make Somebody be
somebody that they're not.
they're not working on that, andyourself.
So I think that we're startingto do that in our generation.
We're starting to teach thekids that I love what you're
(50:03):
building and I'm 150% on boardwith this and and then who their
kids get to be, and the rippleeffect of One person getting
this from themselves yeah, justone is, yeah, amazing.
The more that we can encourageand invite and teach people how
and give them permission andshow them, the more that we do
that for the younger generations, the more that they do that and
(50:24):
every generation moving forwardgets to be more liberated in
who they are.
But, like it's not, yeah, butwe're gonna make it the norm.
Speaker 3 (50:31):
You know what I mean.
I don't like talking aboutpolitics at all and I won't talk
about politics, but I will saythis that one thing that this
whole entire world is confusedabout is that we think that all
these shootings are about theguns.
Right, and it doesn't matter ifyour foregons or against guns,
it doesn't matter, none of thatmatters.
But the point that I'm tryingto make is that it's about who
we're raising To be little, tobe people in this world.
(50:52):
How are we raising them?
You know, how are we raisingthem that they are filled with
so much hate, because you got tohate yourself so much, to kill
so Many people and to be aboutkilling other people.
You really do so.
How do we get people, how do weget these kids to start loving
themselves and being able to bewho they actually are and feel
that they actually are, like allthese kids hiding from their
(51:14):
sexuality and their identitiesand their gender and all of that
?
Oh my god, you want to get myday crying on the morning.
You show me something aboutkids and them not being able to
express themselves.
Oh, it is heartbreaking.
Speaker 1 (51:25):
This speaks to everybody.
Though, this speaks toeverybody.
Yes we have to focus on thenext generation, but everybody
listening is going to feel thatfor themselves.
I think the thing that breaksmy heart the most is when people
say well, that's just how theworld is, that's just how the
world works.
And I hope that what we'll takefrom this conversation is that
(51:47):
we choose.
We choose how the world is andwe choose it for our own lives,
and I think 100% what you'redoing for kids and what you're,
what you're representing in theway that you live, is that we
get to make it any way we want,and I hope whoever is listening
is able to take that away Withthem.
Speaker 2 (52:08):
Yeah, thank you so much for being here Like this
has been amazing and I love thepermission that you are.
Speaker 3 (52:16):
Mm-hmm.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you so much for having me.
I think these conversations areso important and for anybody
listening to that struggling inthat area, give me a call, we
get you right.
Speaker 1 (52:27):
I think everybody needs to call Shafaa.
Speaker 2 (52:31):
I know Well, I live near you so we get to hang out
and play.
Speaker 3 (52:35):
Yeah yeah, Stalin folk calm.
Speaker 2 (52:37):
That's where I'm at.
I love it.
Well, thank you so much.
Thank you for spreading yourlight and your joy and for being
brave enough to do it all overyour life, all the time, and for
Doing the work that you've hadto do to be able to be that,
because this wasn't who you wereand you've been very
intentional about becoming yeah,I would say it's always who she
was.
Speaker 3 (52:56):
Well, there was a true, yeah, I had to get those
boundaries out the way.
Speaker 1 (53:00):
But thank you again, to reiterate, thank you for
doing the work to allow yourselfto come forward.
Yeah, I think you saidsomething so important and so
true around it's.
I think we've mentioned this onthe podcast before, but like
who am I to?
You know be all the things thatI envision for myself.
And I think the question is whoam I not to?
(53:22):
Because look at all of thepeople who are going to be
gifted by the gift.
Yeah, you are yeah, and so thankyou and it goes for you guys,
for being brave enough to be youoh.
Speaker 3 (53:32):
Oh, thank you.
Thank you, thanks so much forhaving me.
Ladies, this has been so greatand really has and thanks you.
You gave me the platform to beable to share who I am, and so
I'm very appreciative for thattoo.
Hmm, you're welcome, sweet.
I'll come back here anytime yougive me a call.
And Jessica, yeah, you willtalk also chiffon.
Speaker 1 (53:52):
When's your birthday?
Speaker 2 (53:53):
I knew you were wanting to know this, oh.
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