Sisterhood In Midlife: The Power of Female Connections & Frienship!

Episode Transcript
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Yeti Nano (Yeti Nano) (00:01):
Hey friend.
Welcome back to the Enter Sparkpodcast.
I'm your host, Casey Taton.
This podcast is a very specialbonus episode.
My podcaster Cana brought us alltogether, all of my pod group
together.
It is a pod group that.

(00:21):
we all have podcasts and we allwere in Kathy Heller's world and
that's how we all became podsisters, and we meet weekly and
this episode is so special andso powerful.
I encourage you to listen.
I thank Canna for sharing itwith all of us so I can share it

(00:42):
with all of you.
It is a deep conversation of.
How sisterhood is so importantand so needed in our lives.
We are truly a group of womenthat were brought together by
the podcasting world, and wemeet weekly, I'm gonna tell you,

(01:05):
there's nothing like the powerof sisterhood.
We are all uniquely different.
We all have podcasts and I willshare all about them.
And I will connect them all inthe links, in the show notes.
We meet weekly and I'm gonnatell you, there is something so
special about this group ofwomen.

(01:27):
Everybody needs a group of womenlike this.
A group of no judgment.
Let's encourage, let's get itdone.
We're in this together.
We're doing this.
The odds of of everybody gettinga podcast out and it's keeping

(01:48):
it going is not very high.
But our pod, every single one ofus have a podcast out.
Every single one of us arecontinuing down this journey of
new, fun things, and it's thebest feeling in the world.

(02:10):
If you do not have someone tosurround yourself with, I
encourage you to just sit back,listen to this special episode
as a group of women cometogether.
Continually support each otherthroughout the week and then

(02:30):
meet up every Thursday on a callto not just only talk about our
podcast and how we can supporteach other in there, but how are
our businesses doing?
How is your, whatever you'reworking on doing, how is your
life doing?
We have shed tears together.
We have laughed together.
It is just the most incrediblefeeling to be uplifted.

(02:54):
There's no judgment.
It's a, Hey sister, I got you.
Hey sister, what can I help youwith?
We're in this together.
There is something so specialabout this group of ladies that
I am so blessed to call my podsisters that it's a honest, open

(03:17):
discussion about the power offriendship and the power of
friendship.
In females and especially inmidlife, there is so much
judgment and so much competitionand so much things that you know
that society has pushed on us.

(03:37):
But we're here to break thoserules.
We're the rule breakers.
You guys we're the ones that arelike, no, it doesn't have to be
like that.
We can live states away.
Uplift each other and supporteach other and just listen to
each other.

(04:00):
That is one of the most powerfulthings, and everybody needs this
in their life, and we're here toencourage you to start opening
your eyes and find a friendshiplike that.
We all need friendship.
We all need people who aren'tgiving up on us to cheer us on.
This group does just that.

(04:22):
So sit back, relax, grab yourfavorite drink or go on your go
on a walk.
Do whatever you do to listen topodcast, and you do not wanna
miss this episode.
I.

(04:43):
Midlife isn't a crisis, it's acalling.
I wake up, cold day, shakes thisout, strips away the old, and
invites you to something bigger.
You feel it, don't you?
That deep knowing that whisperthat says, there's more for me.
I see you beautiful.
You spent years showing up foreveryone else, being the good

(05:05):
wife, the devoted mother, theresponsible woman, and now it's
your turn.
It's time to reclaim your power,pleasure, and purpose on your
terms.
I am cannot you.
As self-love and empowermentguide, and I know this journey
intimately for weddings, threecountries to divorces and one
funeral that changed everythingand through it all, I've learned

(05:29):
that midlife isn't about fadingaway.
It's about coming home toyourself, embodying your truth,
and expanding into your most.
Ingredient self.
Welcome to Midlife Butterfly,where we have real soul shifting
conversations about the messy,magical transformation of
midlife.

(05:50):
If you are navigating divorcereinvention, a deep identity
shift or a longing for more,this space is for you.
We explore mindset shift,self-care, rituals, and
embodiment practices that helpyou cultivate more joy, freedom,
and connection to create a lifethat feels damn good.

(06:10):
Inside and out.
You'll hear from inspiringguests, my own real and real
experiences, and the lessonsthat come when you finally
choose you.
So if you're ready to stopsurviving and start driving in
full alignment, welcome.
Your next chapter starts.
Now, this is midlife Butterfly.

(06:37):
Welcome, beautiful souls.
I am so excited for this episodebecause I have a powerhouse of
women at Midlife Butterflytoday, a group of five amazing
and authentic women, which Ihave the pleasure to become part
of their lives and them are partof mine thanks to podcasting.

(07:00):
They are my pod sisters in thepodcast program we're taking
with Kathy Heller and I can waitfor you to hear their stories,
their wisdom, their joy, andfeel their energy'cause this is
gonna be amazing.
And we're going to dive into thetopic of sisterhood in midlife
and the power of femalefriendship.

(07:23):
I will let each of you tointroduce a little bit of you in
a few sentences so people canstart noticing your voices.
So every time you do a, a share,they can recognize who you are.
Uh, I am just gonna take yournames in advance.
So we have Tracy Hill, JenniferChambers, Casey Taton, Dana,

(07:46):
hunter Ella, and Jama Patel.
So thank you all for being here.
Such a pleasure to have youhere, sisters.
And I can't wait to start thisconversation.
Yay.
Okay.
Tracy, you wanna go first?

(08:08):
Sure.
Hello everyone.
Uh, good morning.
My name is Tracy Hill.
Um, and my company is abeautiful fix.
I help women, um, redefine andreconnect with what truly makes
them feel alive, to stop relyingon external, um, answers, and
really to start to trust theanswers with them.
And I do that through my podcastretreats, um, and tools like

(08:32):
human design.
Beautiful.
Thank you, Jen.
Thank you so much for having me,um, and having all of us.
Sure.
My name's Jennifer Chambers and,uh, my podcast is called
Resilient with Jen Chambers.
I talk to people about theirstories and as a writer, I feel

(08:56):
like people's stories are so, soimportant and it's my pleasure
to be able to, to share otherpeople's journeys.
I often talk about people withchronic illness and that's my
specialty.
Thank you, Casey.
Hi.
Thanks for having me.
I'm Casey Peyton.

(09:17):
Um, I'm the host of the InnerSpark Podcast, and I also run an
organization doing parties forkids in the hospital.
So I, my mission is to bringsmiles to any kid going through
a battle in my hometown.
Thank you Dana.
Thank you Tina.

(09:39):
I'm Dana Hunter Ella, I'm comingto you from New Orleans,
Louisiana, the most magicalplace on earth, and I am a
transformational life and careercoach for women and my company's
called Girls Who Recover and I'mthe host of the podcast Girls
Who Recover with Dana HunterFela.
And my mission in life is tohelp women transform their

(10:01):
biggest setbacks into their mostgorgeous comebacks so that we
can live lives we absolutelylove.
Thank you so much for having me.
A pleasure, jama.
Hi y'all.
Thank you so much for having meon here, kina.
I really appreciate it.
My name is Jama Pantel.
I am in Austin, Texas, and I ama portrait photographer, turned

(10:25):
author, educator, run,influencer, and now chasing my
dreams and starting my podcast,brand building, living the whole
picture.
Um, what I learned being in thestudio and behind the camera all
these years as the, theconfidence that we lack or don't
have in ourselves really comesout on screen, on film, on

(10:46):
camera.
And so my goal now is to helpwomen find that confidence so it
shows so they shine in life oncamera, in business, and in
everything they do.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Oh my gosh.
This is fantastic.
Okay, so let's start even withsome of the questions in here.

(11:08):
Uh, well.
Again, we have the pleasure tomeet through the podcasting
program that we are taking atthis moment, but we know that
there are many women, especiallywith midlife, who feel like
friendships are harder tomaintain.
Uh, so why do you think thathappens and how can we shift

(11:29):
this narrative or Tracy?
Yeah, so this, you know, whenyou reached out to me about
this, I thought, this is sotimely because I am married, I
have four sons.

(11:51):
My dog is male, one of my catsis male.
My whole life is become verytestosterone filled.
Oh.
And um, I realized.
Recently that I truly misssisterhood.
Like I've been very neglectful,I think, in being a friend and

(12:11):
recognizing how important thatpart of my life is.
My life became very much aboutmy family.
Um, and so I think that's one ofthe reasons is you get to
midlife and your life is aboutall the things.
It's about work and keeping thehousehold going and
appointments, and sometimesfriends, at least for me, it

(12:31):
started to almost feel like, um,not optional, but it was just
with my long laundry list, itwas harder for me to reach out
and check in on people.
Like, I'm a great texter.
I will do it.
I will check in by text, butphysically making time to go see
them was something that I just,it, it failed to kind of the,
the bottom of my list.
So I think that's a big part of,of why it becomes a little bit

(12:54):
harder.
We're more isolated.
Everyone's working from home,but I made it a priority
recently.
To re to really start to, um,work on, on, on making this a
priority, recognizing howimportant sisterhood is in my
life.
And it's, it's made a bigdifference in the last, um, year
or so.

(13:16):
Yeah.
It's about taking the step alsonot waiting for everything too
happen to us.
Right.
So thank you for your share.
Absolutely.
Uh, I relate so much.
So I could have basically said,except for the boys, I have
three girls.
Um, same story, right?
So we, I, I just think about myjourney through sisterhood and

(13:37):
friendships.
I had close friendships when Iwas in, I.
High school and then I was in asorority when I was in college.
And so that sort ofautomatically gives you a, a
great group of friends.
But something happened to me.
And there are two things I thinkthat contributed to that is, um,
I.
I got really serious aboutchasing my career, like trying

(14:00):
to do really well in my career,and I just got super focused on
that and prioritize that overother things.
And the other thing that ismaybe unique about me, at least
on this call, is that I hadreally terrible alcoholism.
And so I, and I don't think thatthe ISM part is unique, right?
Like every body is recoveringfrom something.

(14:20):
But in that recovery or beforethe recovery process, it was a
lot of isolating and a lot ofseparating and a lot of, I'm
different, or at the end it wasvery much like hiding.
And so even when I got sober andgot in recovery, there's this
narrative in my head that like,I'm different.
I'm, I don't even know how tomake friends.

(14:40):
Like by the time I got sober, Icouldn't even like talk to
women.
Um, it's advised in 12 stepprograms for you to get a
mentor.
Women need to work with women.
And even for the first year, Iwas like, no, I can't.
I don't even want to.
And so that's been a wholedifferent story and journey.
But I think that there'ssomething that happens where we

(15:01):
feel separated or isolated, andthen we prioritize other things
because it's a little easierthan having intimate friendships
and relationships, which I foundare so important.
And I love this group because weget to practice that, right?
We get to practice that righthere, holding space for each
other and definitely, andlearning what it means to be in,

(15:23):
in sisterhood.
So yeah.
Thank you.
Thank you for sharing part ofyour story as well.
Uh, jama.
So much.
Like Tracy said, I am surroundedby boys in my personal life.
I am the oldest daughter, twoolder brothers, and we are all

(15:45):
back to back in age.
Um, and if you know anythingabout oldest daughter syndrome,
they are the strongest manyou'll ever meet.
True, that's true.
Yeah.
And so there's a gap between meand my little sisters.
So I grew up around my brothers.
My parents will tell a story.
When I was a little girl, mybrothers were running around
with their shirts off and I wasconstantly taking my shirt off.
Like I was convinced.

(16:06):
Why, why am I not a boy likethat?
And then I am the proud aunt tofive boys.
So my grandparents have nothingbut, or my parents had nothing
but five grandsons.
So I am surrounded by boys in myeveryday life.
Um, and so, uh, I always relatedto them where I was in sports.
I played little league baseball.
I was the only girl on the team.

(16:26):
I did karate back in the day.
It was the Boys Club, not theBoys and Girls Club.
I was the only girl in karate.
Um, so I always.
It was always easier for me torelate to boys on the sports
front.
Um, as I got older and in myprofessional life, I worked, had
a career in politics and, andTexas politics is also all
around all about men.

(16:47):
And so that's when I startedbeing drawn more to the female
leaders and started creatingfriendships with strong female
personalities.
And that's where I finallystarted being at home with the
female friendships.
Um, but I recognize how busy somany women are, and I think
that's a huge part of whymaintaining those friendships.
And I found that the bestfriendships with my female

(17:10):
friends these days are the oneswho aren't needy.
And we can go months withoutseeing each other.
And the second we're together,we're like, you know,
kindergarten girls squealingbest friends again.
Oh yeah.
Well, for me also, that's thebest kind of friendships.
You know, you're notcodependent, but whatever
you're, yeah, whatever you'reavailable, then you are there
and then it looks like you justsee yesterday, even though

(17:33):
sometimes passes like months oreven years, right?
Yep.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Casey, I, sorry, that kind ofcaught me off guard.
Um, so I think that I faced theme a medical battle, um, before
I worked in the OR, and I had agreat group of women, um, that I

(17:55):
was surrounded by.
And then when I got sick, Ithink I, I felt like I lost all
my friends and all myconnections.
And as I started to grow, um, itwas like, where do you meet
friends?
And I'm also, I don't have kidsof my own, and so I think a lot
of my friends had also had kids.
And so it was just such achallenge to where do you go?

(18:15):
To meet friends, where do you goto meet people and to actually
truly connect.
And, um, I am so grateful thatnow we have, I'm in communities
that have women in them and justthe powerful, the power of the
sisterhood in here.
And it's just, it's just magicalsomething.

(18:36):
Yeah.
It's, it's so good.
Uh, Jen, let's go with yourchair, Steve, because I feel
like a combination of everyonebecause, um, I'll have three
kids.
I have two boys and one girl,and we never thought we would
have a girl.

(18:57):
So it, it's interesting.
Um, so I grew up as, um, one oftwo, and then as a parent, I,
my, my kids are a little bitolder, so I had a very male
atmosphere also.
And also I'm chronically ill.
I, so I, I feel very much likeCasey's saying there's, there's

(19:18):
a different kind of relationshipyou have with people when you're
chronically ill.
So, um, so I have the, theparent part, and then also you
just feel very isolated.
Um, I'm also physically isolatedbecause I live in a small town.
So as you grow out of theparenting role and your kids get

(19:39):
older, you have a differentrelationship with the people in
your community anyway.
And then as you grow into thedifferent stages of being
chronically ill, you know, youhave to relate to people in a
different way, in that way.
So, um, it's interesting andespecially as a, as a woman,
there's a lot of competitivenessthat, um, I feel like, you know,

(20:04):
when you're an early parent,you're like, who's the best mom
and who makes the best cupcakes,and all that kind of stuff.
I dunno if anybody else feelthat, but Oh my gosh.
Mm-hmm.
But I always felt like I was notmeasuring up.
Um, I think all parents feellike that.
Um, but so then trying to relateto those, those females that

(20:28):
were very competitive.
Um, then it, it's interesting asyou, as you grow older and grow
more into yourself, you kind ofleave all that behind.
Um, so at this point, I feellike the best way for me to make
parents as, as a older or makeparents, make friends as an

(20:50):
older midwife woman is kind offinding people who have the same
activities.
So not only this wonderfulpodcasting group, but I found a
lot of community within thewriting community.
Um, which is interesting becausethat's also starts out
competitive, but then yourealize there's room for
everyone.
It's much the same with withother women.

(21:11):
You know, it's so nice whenwomen make space for other
people and we all can bring ourown things to the table.
I, um, I've learned so much fromall of these women, but
certainly by trying to findspaces outside of my area that I
can, that I can learn from.
I feel like I've gained a lot offriendships that way, if that

(21:32):
makes sense.
Yeah.
Thank you all.
Yeah.
For me, I was thinking I've beenalways kind of like a long wolf
to tell you the truth.
So of course it comes like thatkind of isolation and, but at
the same time, since I've beenliving in different countries

(21:55):
and in different cities all mylife, like in the last 20 years,
like I have very goodfriendships, but they're all
over the world.
We, sometimes, sometimes, Imean, it's difficult.
I mean.
I mean difficult in a waybecause it's different to have a
friendship that you can seeevery day compared with someone
that, um, uh, yeah, that you canthen connect online once in a

(22:24):
while.
And I mean, it's not the samekind of flow, if I can put it
that way.
'cause sometimes what we preferjust to be more in contact in
like in presence of the personthat long distance.
So that's why sometimes like Idon't keep connected to some of
my friendships, uh, because ofcourse they have their own life

(22:44):
and then we sometimes don't getto talk or to see for years.
But the fun part that JAMA wassaying before is that then we
get to see each other and it'slike, we just catching up from
yesterday.
It doesn't matter.
You know, what else likehappened before?
It's just like, you know, comingback that.
Um, but yeah, I mean.

(23:07):
It was interesting because likeduring the pandemic is when I
separated as well, so I waslike, how am I gonna do like new
friendships too?
Because we're not able to seemany people.
And my expo, he actuallyrecommended me to get into
Bumble.
So like they have a friendshiparea.
And I was like, okay, I'll dothat.
And I did meet some women inthere and so that was a, you

(23:28):
know, a good point of, you know,if somebody else would like to
try it out, why not?
Uh, that there's also women whowe want to have friendships and
more at this age if, if we arestill single, if we don't have
kids.
And even if you ladies aremarried, you have kids, of
course you want to keep growing.
Uh, you know, your, yeah, yourconnections, your network.

(23:50):
So yeah, thank you all for yourshares.
It's, uh, beautiful to see howthe different perspectives, how
it comes according to our lifeexperiences, which is she's
awesome.
I would like to know, uh.
Let's go with these questions.
What role do female friendshipsplay in a woman's personal

(24:13):
growth feeling and empowerment,especially when we have a, you
know, a big shake up of life orlife transition.
Let's go jama.
Yeah, I found that my femalefriends are my rocks.

(24:34):
I can go to them abouteverything without judgment.
Um, and I know that's not thecase with all women, right?
So the ones that stick and theones that stay and the ones that
are your tribe, you can go tothem about anything and they
will, they, they'll go to warwith you.
Um, and all those memes and allthose things about besties and

(24:54):
all the things, they are sorelatable to the people that you
keep in your corner.
Um, you can bounce ideas off ofthem for business, for life, for
anything.
And they will have your back ahundred percent.
Even if they know you're wrong,they will still support you and
lovingly talk you back to theright.
Um, but they are your right ordie 100%.

(25:16):
And that is, that is the bestpart of the female friendship,
in my opinion, is supporting youno matter what and all of your
journeys and endeavors.
And they will do that.
Yeah.
Beautiful.
Casey.
I agree with what JAMA said.
Um, as we grow and change inlife, um, our friends change and

(25:40):
the people we connect withchange.
And I think, um, this group ofladies right here is someone I
turn to often, and we've laughedtogether, we've cried together,
we've held space for each other.
And I think when you have acircle in, um, I know we all
have more than one circle offriends that they're gonna hold
you accountable and they're not,I mean, ire gonna pick you up

(26:03):
when you're down and they'regonna encourage you and inspire
you to keep going.
And those are just, it's just sopowerful when you can connect
with a strong group of womenlike that.
And I, I believe they're outthere and you just have to find
'em.
And as you keep growing andchanging, um, they're gonna
change.
Some of'em may change and othersmay just grow with you and just
make your life that much better.

(26:26):
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's amazing, and I'm sograteful for this group.
Like we have so differentpersonalities and backgrounds
and stories and, and lifeexperiences that it makes it so
rich, like this is a superwealthy group.
I mean, with all differentstories and the support that we

(26:46):
get to receive and give at thesame time when we gather in, in
different ways that, and how weare growing together.
It's something so beautiful andso fulfilling to, to experience
with all of you and yeah.
I'm so grateful that you arehere.

(27:10):
Uh, Jen, let's go with yourshare.
One of the things that I.
To kind of piggyback on what GMAand Casey said, one of the
things that is so special aboutthis group in particular, that
it makes a space for people tobe vulnerable.
And I think that as we grow, um,like GMA was saying, women have

(27:34):
each other's backs in adifferent way because we allow
the women in our lives to bevulnerable and to, um, and to
share those kinds of hard thingsand, you know, talk about
solutions and then talk aboutand, and just exist in a way
that a lot of other spaces don'tallow for.

(27:54):
And, um, that's why I think bothit's harder to grow those
friendships sometimes becauseyou have to feel free to be
vulnerable, but also that onceyou have them, they're so
incredibly powerful.

(28:15):
Yes, definitely.
Thank you.
Um, Tracy.
Okay, so Jen just mentionedbeing vulnerable.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna go there.
Yes.
Listening to the ladies share.
It's just us, right?
There's two of us listening.
Nobody, I'm having all theseepiphanies just listening to
this conversation.
I, I am realizing I am, I thinkI'm intimidated by women and,

(28:42):
uh, I have a fear version.
I always have.
I grew up super sensitive.
You could hurt my feelings likethat.
Look at me the wrong way.
And I'm like, oh gosh, thisperson doesn't.
And I think women, um, I wasblessed.
The women that I have in mylife, they kind of fell into my
lap.
I didn't have to do anything.

(29:03):
I, they literally, I felt likethe universe dropped them in my
lap and they're the mostimportant things to me.
But if they didn't just drop inmy lap, I don't even know how to
like, go up to a woman and belike, hi, you wanna be friends?
I'm so afraid of that.
No.
Or, oh my God, like what?
So I don't do it.
And I've never exercised thatmuscle again.
I've always had them kind ofnaturally come into my life and

(29:26):
I think I'm afraid of justrejection.
And so with men, for somereason, I feel very comfortable.
Um, my stuffed animals were allmale.
Um, I feel very accepted.
It's, I can't explain it.
Um, and so I think that's why,another reason why my life
became very male dominated and.

(29:49):
But a female friendship.
There's nothing like it.
When I talk to my husband, Ilove him, he's great, but I
drive him crazy'cause I want allthe detail I want.
He tells me a story and I'mlike, well, well did he say, I
don't know.
I didn't ask that.
Well, did they?
He gets none of the detail.
But when I call my girlfriends,oh my gosh.
They're like three hour calls.

(30:09):
I haven't called you in forever.
And when I do call, we're on thephone all day because I need the
details.
And then they said, what andwhat?
And then we cry together andthen we laugh and you know,
there's nothing like femalecompanionship.
But listening to you ladies, forthe first time in my life, I'm
realizing I've got this fear ofrejection.
I'm, I'm a little Tim.
It's the sister wound.
You hear people talk about thesister wound?

(30:30):
I, I have it, yes.
Oh wow.
Yes.
It does exist.
The thing is, I think becauseprobably I don't if it's the
patriarchy or or what, but we aswomen, I mean it has changed
through the years, but before itwas competition and I know still

(30:50):
exists is just that women to becompetitive against each other.
And that's why a lot ofresistance and that's why also I
believe sometimes it's hard tomake friendships when you are in
that kind of energy.
But we have shifted and it'sshifting and now it's about
collaboration and it's adifferent com complete different

(31:12):
approach on how to Yeah, tocreate that kind of connections.
And, and probably that's whythat fear of rejection comes
from you, Tracy, because you arebeing, you are used to be by
males and being accepted bythem, that by approaching women,
that's probably kind of like thefear you have because of that

(31:33):
idea of.
Competition that that's the waywe grow as midlife woman with
midlife women.
We, we grow like this, butthankfully we are in a space now
with, in a completely differentenergy of collaboration and love
and giving and receiving.
Uh, that is just shifteverything else.

(31:56):
Yes.
And I'll I'll say one morething.
There's nothing more beautifulthan watching women support each
other.
Oh, hands down.
It is just to see womencelebrate each other, hold each
other up.
It's, there's something magicalabout it.
So I love that we're moving intothis, this era.
Sisterhood.
Yes, definitely.
Dana, I also am having someepiphanies, but I wanted to pull

(32:21):
up this research on the power offemale friendships on our kids.
I.
And so, because there's so muchbenefit for us, but I was blown
away by what the research saysabout the impact on our kids.
So just a couple things.
When women, when kids observetheir moms having strong,

(32:42):
positive friendships and a and asocial circle, their cognitive
development is above their peerswho don't have that.
They have higher self-esteem,they have better social skills,
and they feel safer, and theyfeel connected, and they feel a
sense of belonging in the world.
Wow.
Like if that's not good enoughreason to go out and recruit

(33:03):
some new friends and you know,like I don't wanna live my life
for my kids, but I do have threesmall kids.
And I feel like how we're alwaysasking like, how can we create
safety and.
Love and connection for ourkids.
And it's the craziest thing.
It's like if we take care ofourselves, how do we do that?
We link up with other women.

(33:24):
And the epiphany that I had toois I wa I am co.
I was competitive and still likehave to check myself.
'cause I'm like, no, what?
We can't be friends'cause we'refighting for the same GPA, we're
fighting for the same seat ingrad school.
We're fighting for the same.
You know, it's like that is thepatriarchy cana, this sense of

(33:45):
scarcity.
Like there isn't plenty foreveryone.
There's more than enough.
That's a lie of the patriarchythat there's not enough.
Yes.
And so it's helped me to reallybreak out of this, where did I
get that from?
Like where do we all get ourthings from, from our moms?
So that's the epiphany is likemy mom is a strong, bad a woman.

(34:08):
Woman.
And she was a trailblazer in hercareer.
And that did not leave time forintimate friendships.
And so we do what we see.
Yeah.
Unless we are ready to, in call,do a generational interruption.
And that's what I think we'rehere to do.
Right?
Interrupt the generationalpatterns of women competing

(34:29):
against women.
Mm-hmm.
For what?
Right.
What for, for men, for careers,for the things that, like, by
the way, when we get them, we'relike, what?
Why am I alone?
Why is this not making me happy?
And so the power of femalefriendships, it goes way beyond
us.
Although, but like, let's bringit back to the actual table.

(34:52):
That's one thing I feel reallyproud of is once I was able to
release this narrative that I'mseparate and I'm different.
And if I, and there's acompetition there.
Here's a secret, there's nocompetition.
But it still comes up for metoo, even in the podcasting
program.
I'm like, well, why does shehave the billion downloads?
And I only have, you know, it'slike, oh, hush patriarchy.

(35:16):
Step aside.
Yes.
And then, then working againstthat, where I reach out to that
person, I'm like, that'samazing.
I'm celebrating you.
And meaning it really deeply.
And the other thing I just wannasay, I messaged this group about
30 minutes before we signed onand I was like, Hey, I am having
a meltdown.
I will be there.

(35:37):
Right?
Like, and just being open aboutwhat is actually real.
I've cried on the calls, I'vetold, like tried to do my best
to tell the truth.
And I think that, not thatyou've gotten to the question
about like, how do you makefriends?
Well, you go first and you showup all of you as an invitation
for the woman who's ready to dothat, to do the same thing.

(35:59):
So I have lots of good friendsand I probably have like five or
six really intimate friendshipsthat I do keep up with
systemically.
They're on the calendar.
We have friend dates eitherevery week or every month.
Mm-hmm.
Beautiful.
Thank you Dana.
Uh, Jane, you want to sharesomething else?

(36:20):
Go ahead.
Yeah, I wanna go back and touchon what Tracy said in that fear
of rejection.
I have actually been broken upwith by females.
Um, and I know a lot offriendships change and grow and,
you know, die off.
But actually having somebodytell you, I don't wanna be your
friend anymore for X, Y, Z, I'vehad that happen twice in my life
and it was the hardest thingever.

(36:43):
And I still think about both ofthem.
Um, and one was way more recentin midlife, in the over 45
space, and it's ridiculouslyinteresting and hard.
But again, you do the inner workand you recognize that it.
Isn't you, um, the, the issuesand stuff like that.
And it's, you still think aboutit, but you recognize that it

(37:04):
isn't you.
And so the fear, I mean, Ihaven't stopped making female
friends because of it, but I, Iget the rejection part because
it's hard.
And you wanna, as women, I thinkit's like, what did I do?
What did I do?
What did I do?
But you have to recognize it'snot what you did.
And so I can't think of anywoman you walking up to would,

(37:27):
would ever be like, no, I don'twanna be your friend.
I'd be like, yeah, let's go getsome coffee or ma chair.
Yeah.
And, you know, it happened to methat that door exists.
Yeah.
I, uh, yeah, one of my bestfriends, she broke up with me
like in the middle of, I wasdivorcing and still grieving my
father.
And, uh, yeah.

(37:47):
And she didn't even have, youknow.
Always to tell me on the face.
Like she literally wrote afreaking long email and she, and
she was kind of like, no, no,like, uh uh, I don't know.
Anyway, so it was like, in a fewwords, she, I mean, she said
like, uh, yeah, that I was beingvery condescending.

(38:09):
I can't remember.
Uh, but my point is, yeah, it'sheartbreaking because we were
very close that we were, see, Imean, we were working together
and we will see each other.
Like, even though I was marriedat the time, like two, three
times a week, we will have, youknow, activities and it's still
and things like that.
And then suddenly it's like, youknow, and the thing is, I, what

(38:31):
I understood is like, she brokeup with me because like I was
going through a green process.
I was shifting my life so muchthat it is just like, I guess,
um, she couldn't handle it.
If I can put it that way,because that's the thing when we
grow and evolve and change sofast, and I don't know, I don't
think it was envy or anything,it was just that we didn't align

(38:54):
anymore with what I washappening.
And yeah, it hurt like shit.
Like it was very bad.
And I remember once in, in acall with, with a, I was doing
a, a group, um, another taking aprogram at that time and this
lady at 70, she was like, noworries.
I just woke up with a friendlike no time ago.
I was like, okay, so this isgonna keep happening.

(39:16):
Right?
And that's the cool part is thatsome people go, or we had grow
them or whatever.
Some of the people's gonna comethat are aligned with us.
So just, just, uh, let's grievebecause yeah, we have to grieve
those relationship, but at thesame time just keep going and be
open to, to receive more, so.

(39:36):
Mm-hmm.
They, now what else do you wantto share?
It is almost essentially whatyou just said.
Okay.
Like the beau, the beautifulpart about midlife is that I
give many less Fs about mostthings.
Yes.
And so it's given me what's leftis like crystal clarity around

(39:59):
the things that are important tome.
And now that I have that, I havelooked at some of the
friendships and just said like,this is not a match.
It's just not, you know, like myfriend for, we were friends for
20 years, but like she has aproblem that she's not
addressing.
And so it's hard for us to betogether because it's just like,
I can't, like I can't be aroundthat.

(40:21):
So James clear and atomichabits, he, he was asked what
the most important habit was andhe said it's the people you
surround yourself with.
And I, I mentioned that becauseI.
In midlife.
We are all expanding.
We are evolving, and we aredropping the things that do not

(40:42):
matter.
And that's not to say that ourfriendships don't matter, but
what it said, what it's I'msaying is we get so clear on
what does matter, that we'rewilling to let go of the things
that aren't a match.
And I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
That's how like if you've everbeen broken up with either by a
friend or by, you know, it'slike friendships are a little
different than dating, but notreally.

(41:06):
Like being broken up with sucks.
And it's a gift to be able toevolve and expand out of a
relationship that's not alignedwith who you are becoming.
I love this idea of midlifebutterfly because you know, a
monarch is not playing with theworms.
True.
Definitely.

(41:26):
She's out there with other,other butterflies.
Yeah.
She's not playing withcaterpillars anymore.
She's playing with butterflies.
And so the, my point is, is thatI'm always, I'm not looking
like, who do I need to break upwith today?
But it's like, who am I becomingand is this relationship still a
match?
Because the last thing I'll sayis, you girl only has so much
time.

(41:46):
Like we have big, beautifullives.
And so there are only so manyseats at the table.
And so women I coach and women Imentor, I'm like, why are you
giving this person a seat atyour table?
There are only so many seats.
You need to excuse them and makeroom for who you want to attract
in your life.
Who's gonna mirror the energythat you have?

(42:08):
And so again, a call to elevateyourself, work on yourself, pour
into yourself, and then we startto attract the women who like we
have together.
We attracted each other.
Yes, we did gifts because you'reall amazing.
Okay, that's me.
That's, that's it.
Really, really quickly, Katie,if I can just, it makes me think

(42:29):
of this analogy.
It makes me think of theanalogy, I dunno if you guys
have heard of this, of a train.
Life is like a train and peopleare going to get on and hop off
as they need to.
And to me, I love that becausethere's not a lot of efforting,
there's not a lot of figuring itout.
You just, your train of life isgoing and then people are gonna
hop on.
And when they hop off, you knowthat their time, you know, was,

(42:52):
was, was, was met and nowthey're moving on and you can
too.
So it's, it's a different way ofthinking about what we just
said.
All the breakups we talkedabout, you know, their purpose
in your life was, you know,finished and complete and now
you're on to the next thing.
Yeah.
Thank you for mentioning that.
And that's true because that'sthe thing sometimes.
Yeah, there are.

(43:13):
Long term friendships, butthat's sometimes it could be a
person that we just meet for afew minutes and it can change
our lives.
It doesn't have to be that longrelationship because I mean,
therefore they say sometimesit's for seasons for something
that we need to learn at thatvery moment.
So just cherish that moment andthe, the, you know, the learning

(43:36):
lessons and whatever you getfrom there.
And also, they also gotsomething from us that's
definitely right.
But I guess it's also about thatletting go of that codependency
with our relationships because,uh, as Dana was saying, like, we
grow and it's okay, the flow andall that.
And, um, oh, I got lost inthread.

(43:59):
So my, my point is like goingback to.
Choosing the kind ofrelationship that we want at
this moment and letting go ofthose ones that don't serve us
anymore.
Because sometimes we are fearfulof saying, but how am I gonna
make new friendships?
Right.
And more, again, if we come intomidlife, it's like, I'm not
gonna find more friendships.

(44:20):
So, and it's like, no, I meanthis friendship, even though
it's me, I'm the one chasingthem.
And so, so stop that.
We're not from that anymore.
It has to be a reciprocal, itneeds to be nourishing both
sides.
It has to, you know, it's arelationship.
It's not a, you know, a once alla person, like just streaming

(44:43):
from there.
So, yeah.
Jen, what do you have to share?
Well, another analogy, uh, myhusband said this to me when
I've had friends wake up with meand.
Sometimes he told me that peopleare in your lives, they're a
chapter, they're not the wholebook.
Exactly.

(45:05):
And that really helped me kindof get perspective on it.
Like you're saying, you know,you have something to learn from
people even when there's abreakup and um, and they have
something to learn from you.
And it helped me just kind of bemore at peace with it that, you
know, it isn't necessarily me.
Maybe they were done with mychapter and I need to be done

(45:27):
with theirs.
That was, that's the hardestthing to accept.
But, but like Dana was saying,you get to, you get to choose
that.
And interestingly, so the otherthing I was thinking about, um,
this kind of goes back tosomething Tracy was saying.
I've had people come up to mewho wanted to meet me and say,

(45:48):
Hey, you know, I really, it wasreally funny.
The, the woman was, it was awoman.
She was like, Hey, I reallylike, um, I love the way that
you dress.
So I just thought that we shouldbe friends.
And I admired her guts so muchto come up to someone that you
don't know, that you've, youknow, you've seen'em across the
soccer field.
And just to walk up to you, and,and first of all, it was very

(46:09):
nice to be flattered, but youknow, that that's one of the
hardest things is, is finding away to break the ice with new
people and Yes.
And, you know, become friends.
Like it's okay to just call uppeople and talk to them.
That was revolutionary to me.
Beautiful.

(46:29):
Uh, yeah.
So about breaking the ice,because I know there's a lot of
women who, who feel alone rightnow.
So what would be some of your ttactics to breaking the ice?
Like this is like, this iswonderful approach.
I, do you have any ideas how youapproach.

(46:50):
Oh, Dana, it is.
So, okay, so this is, goes backto I'm in my midlife, so I don't
care.
I really don't care.
I just don't, so I'll go up to,I, I'll just tell you what I did
a couple weeks ago.
There was a woman who spoke atmy meeting and I went up to her

(47:11):
and I was like, why have wenever met and why aren't we
already best friends?
Can I please have your numberand invite you to coffee?
And she was like, absolutely.
And so, and then here's the,here's the kicker.
I called, I texted her and Isaid, what you got for coffee?
And so we put, we got it on thebooks.
And so, and I will do i'll outmyself too.
It's like I am very.

(47:32):
Selective about who I continueto pursue relationship.
I think I explained that.
And so I have a, I've had abunch of coffee dates and after
the first one I'm like, yeah,I'm good.
You're amazing.
Like, enjoy your life.
And then they can get a secondcoffee date if it feels like
it's, you know, there'smomentum.
It, the key is keep going, keepinviting, keep, keep being

(47:55):
awkward.
Like, I love that Jen.
The girl's like, you have greatclothes, let's be friends.
And then the next step is, yes,here's my number.
What do you, when are youavailable in the next two weeks
to get coffee?
And if you're virtual, when areyou available in the next two
weeks to drink coffee on theZoom and make avatars and funny
faces?
I love that.

(48:16):
Yes.
Yes, yes.
Uh.
Yeah, and I do the same thing.
I walk up to women often, um,and admire the, what they're
wearing.
But I am also in a specialsituation where I get to hear a
lot of women speak and, um, Iwill absolutely, uh, go up to
them and be like, Hey, I lovewhat you said about X, Y, Z, or

(48:38):
whatever.
And, um, one of my best runningfriends actually, uh, she had
just got done doing something,this is over 10 years ago now.
And we've traveled together,we've run together, we've done a
lot together.
But I walked right up to her andsaid, Hey, I heard that you just
finished this race.
I was like, that's amazing.
Tell me about your experience.
And we've been, you know, best,best of running friends for the
past 12 years now.

(48:59):
Um, so just, yeah, findsomething you like, walk up to
him and tell him.
I mean, that, that's, that'swhat it is.
Yeah, I think it's also thisapproach of being open to it.
Like the other day I went to theATM, which didn't work, but at
the, uh, it was good becausethen I met this lady and, uh,
this young woman, and then wejust keep walking to the other

(49:19):
ATM and then at the end we endup watching the sun sunset and
then had dinner and a drink, andwe spend like three hours
together.
And it was just fantastic.
I don't know if we're gonna keepin contact or not, but just that
connection for a few hours, itwas so nourishing and so great.
So again, it's also a bit, butnot attaching to it and, and,

(49:40):
uh, yeah, grow the relationship.
If it feels like, you know,there's more in there.
I mean, not just let it go andenjoy that present moment in
that.
Casey, what do you wanna share?
I'm gonna say this, I don't knowwhy it's easier for me.
I, I mean, I talk to a lot ofpeople every day in community

(50:01):
and what I do, um.
It feels like it's lesspressure.
I went outta town and I went ona ski trip and I met this lady
on the slopes, and I think wewere both, so when you're trying
something new, there's like,you're in this state of like,
you don't know what you'redoing, you don't care.
Like, I'm just here to try anddo it.
And so you're not worried aboutlike what everybody else is

(50:22):
doing.
You're just like, I'm here to dothis and have fun.
And so I met this lady on theski slopes and um, she was there
by herself and we were taking alesson together and we got to
bond all morning.
And then she was like, well,it's time for me to go, you
know?
And she's like, oh, you're gonnago with your boyfriend and go
ski?
And I'm like, no, come with us.
And this lady, she came and hadlunch with us and we skied in

(50:43):
the afternoon together.
And the one, the one thing Ididn't do is I didn't say when
we left, my boyfriend goes, youtook a picture with her, but you
didn't get her phone number.
And I said, I know.
What was I thinking?
I said, it was just so, we hadso much fun and I, so maybe it's
just putting yourself out therein a community that you like.
And those then you'resurrounding yourself with it.

(51:03):
But just, just letting ithappen.
I didn't go out that day saying,I'm gonna meet a new friend
today, but I also wasn't againstit.
I was like, I'm gonna go skidown this mountain.
So I think just being open to itis such a big thing.
Yes, definitely.
Tracy.
Yeah.
So, um, a couple of things.

(51:23):
I say go on a retreat.
I think it's one of the bestways to connect with Oh yes,
like-minded, beautiful souls.
I went on a retreat last, um,year and these are like people
that I feel like are family atthis point.
When you go through a, a sharedexperience like that, it's just
so easy to bond and get throughall the superficial, you know,

(51:46):
crap and just get straight tothat, that bond.
Um, I actually hosted my firstretreat in January, and honestly
I needed it, you know, it was asisterhood retreat and I felt,
again, so separate and realizinghow much I need female
companionship, so I.
Hosted a retreat and you know,brought them in.

(52:06):
But I was thinking of twoexamples, just listening to you
guys talk about how you sawsomeone and you went up to them
like, man, I need to grow apair.
Because I'm thinking of two, twoinstances where I think a lot of
times it's being kind, justsimply being kind.
I think as women, we don'talways.
I don't, I don't know if we,again, the whole competitive

(52:27):
thing.
Um, I remember an instance a fewyears ago at my son's school.
There was, we thought it was aschool shooting.
Literally every parent's worstnightmare.
I'm at home, my husband comesdown, I was working out in our
gym, and my husband comes downand says, Tracy, there's a
lockdown at the high school.
And they think that there's, youknow, been a school shooting.
I just, I started running and myhusband's like, what are you

(52:49):
doing?
You can't go to the school.
I'm like, oh, watch me grab mykeys.
I don't know what I was going todo, but I was going to be there.
I'm crying the whole way.
There are helicopters flyingover us, police SWAT teams.
I am just, and I get there andall these parents, um, have the
same idea and we're all justgoing to this.
It, it was the worst nightmare.

(53:10):
You can, you can imagine it, itturned out to be, um, it, it
wasn't a school shooting.
A, a, someone thought they heardsomething and so.
Luckily it wasn't what wethought it was.
But the point is, all of theseparents were going through the
same thing.
And I'm sitting down on the lawnoutside and this woman, we just
kind of started talking and, ohno, she came up to me and she

(53:31):
simply handed me a water bottle.
And I was like, what, what's,what's happening?
And I realized she was justhanding me a water bottle.
Like I don't know why.
It was the kindest gesture at amoment where I was at my lowest
and felt just terrified to haveanother human being go out of
their way who did not know me,knowing what she's going through

(53:51):
and to also offer me, uh, it hasstayed with me.
I didn't ask her to go tocoffee.
I should have.
I let that go, but I will neverforget that moment.
Um, and then one other story wasI was at an Esther Hicks um,
seminar.
I dunno if you guys are knowEsther Hicks, but I love her.
Yes.
And there was this woman sittingnext to me.
And I just fell in love withthis woman.
She was gorgeous.

(54:12):
She was beautiful.
Her energy was amazing.
The whole three hours we satnext to each other and at the
end I wanted so badly to do whatyou guys did, just exchange
numbers.
And I was like, eh.
That fear of rejection of hersaying, no, I didn't.
And again, she, she stayed on mymind.
But, so anyway, I just wanted toshare those stories.

(54:33):
Thank you.
Yeah, just the kindness ofpeople.
Thank you.
Kindness, JAMA.
I'm gonna say for the, if thephone number feels too
intimidating, social media, um,I've been thinking about that
too, them on social media, whichis kind of what I, how I started
and stuff like that.

(54:54):
So follow'em on social media andget to know'em.
And that builds like the, thatlike, then you feel like you
know'em a little bit more.
If so, if that phone number is alittle too much, like, Hey, are
you on social media?
I'd love to follow you.
It's, it's a little safer,right?
Yeah, so, so when you said that,I was like, you know what?
Start, start small.
Like, you know, and I was thebiggest introvert ever, and

(55:14):
it's, to me, I do things inlike, baby steps.
And so it start, start small andstart by following'em on social
media and then move up fromthere.
So that's just a tip and idea ofsomething.
I thought when you said that.
Thank you.
That's a great idea.
You have more ideas.
Jen, what do you wanna, so youguys are really inspiring me.
It's funny, it's so funny.
I mean, things aren'tcoincidental, right?

(55:36):
Um, they're not, I, no, I was ina class yesterday with a woman
who I've admired for a really,really long time.
She's this, uh, very smart,funny, um, very popular writer.
She's written for, um, the NewYork Times and Writer's Digest.
And, and I have, we've been,it's funny because we've been

(55:58):
Facebook friends, because weknow people in common for
probably three years.
And I've never met her inperson, but yesterday she had a
class in my area and I went toit.
I took it and afterward she, shewas like, well, first of all,
when I got there, she's like,wait, you're Jennifer Chambers.

(56:18):
I think we're Facebook friends.
And so now I am really inspiredbecause of you guys to actually
follow up.
I'm gonna text her because shewanted me to text her
afterwards.
And I was like, well, shedoesn't really want that, but
she does and I'm gonna do it.
So thank you.
You guys inspired me.

(56:39):
Go for it, Dana.
They know something that, justthe theme that I'm picking up on
here is that.
In order to at least, like howdo we make friends?
Yes.
Bumble, um, uh, some friends ofmine have had success on that
and we gotta get out and putourselves around women.

(57:02):
And I was just thinking aboutlike, I go to two women's groups
a week and I went to a women'sleadership conference on Friday
and I'm in a podcast Mi MistressMind and I am in Kathy Heller's
community.
And so we put ourselves aroundwomen and I think that both with
Covid but also the patriarchy,let's be real, that's not a

(57:26):
thing that is valued orcelebrated.
And we're really steppingprobably in a, into an area that
feels uncomfortable, but is soworth it.
And it's been helpful too, tohave my own business.
'cause like part of the way thatI.
Um, create space for gorgeousmagnetic, powerful women as

(57:46):
clients is I go put myselfaround gorgeous, magnetic,
powerful women.
And I'm like, really?
Are you either looking for acoach?
I got you.
But, so we can sense the energyand, you know, the more we can
put ourselves around powerful,empowered, beautiful, also
imperfect and not lying aboutit, women, the more likely we

(58:07):
are to find the women who getseats at the table and feel
really good about that.
Hmm.
Yeah.
And that's the cool part that,as you said, you are in all
these circles and programs andstuff, and we are here now that
that's how we can also make thiskind of.
Friendships and you know, thatwe, that are aligned with us,

(58:29):
what we are doing at, at thesame time, because of this kind
of, this specific group withlike, we keep growing, we keep
evolving.
So it's far also for self growthbecause we, with our stories,
just by sharing at this verymoment, like, we still like
learning and getting new ideasand feeling inspired.
So that's really the power of,of sisterhood.

(58:52):
So thank you.
Thank you so much.
Uh, let's go for, uh, the lastquestion of today.
Well, one before the last.
Um, what are some of the mostpowerful lessons you've learned
from women in your life?

(59:14):
Wow.
Uh, I'm, I'm not gonna raise myhand, I'm just gonna go.
This has been so recently, andit is the most powerful thing.
It's when women show up asexactly who they are.
We become lighthouses for everywoman within our orbit.

(59:35):
Yes.
So I recorded a podcast thisweek and I'm pretty sure I cried
a couple times on the podcastand I was like, whoa, whatever
it was.
And I have gotten more positivefeedback from that episode than
any of the ones that I plannedin advance and put lipstick on
for.
And it's like the most powerfulthing that I have learned from

(59:57):
another woman is, it's okay toshow up as exactly who you are.
You don't need to be perfect.
You can give all that up.
That's a narrative of thepatriarchy and it's a lie.
So let's set it aside and showup messy and show up crying and
show up powerful and show up isexactly the way we are.

(01:00:17):
Because that creates space forthe next woman to do the same.
Right?
Like my favorite thing aboutthis work is we're doing all
doing podcasts and none of, ornobody's trying to be perfect.
No.
It's just a message that's soempowering for me.
Yes.
And if we, if, and that's thething that I'm taking, is like,
I don't have to do my lifeperfect.

(01:00:37):
I don't have to be the cupcakemom.
I don't have to be the fastestrunner.
I don't have to have the mostpopular podcast.
Like I just have to show up asexactly who I am, even if I
don't know most of the time.
And let that be okay.
Yeah, because it's okay.
It is okay.
As what were just saying before,like we came a bit late today,

(01:00:59):
everyone, you know, hadsetbacks, whatever, and then
here we are.
It's just taking our space andthen having the vulnerability to
share that also to say, you knowwhat, just allow me, because I
need a little bit more space,our time.
It's just so valuable.
And then at the end, we're justhere.
And this sharing from the heart,and that was matter.
It's perfection.

(01:01:20):
It just goes to the trash.
Um, Casey Dan kind of saidexactly what I was gonna say is
when we throw show up as ourauthentic self, that's when
that's when everything aligns.
That's when we find those truefriendships, those true

(01:01:40):
meaningful things.
And I was just taught you haveto do it perfect.
And when I let go of thosethings that the people that I
have met and am closest to is,it's not really when I'm
normally dressed the best.
It's when I'm out doingsomething fun and something
silly and just letting go andjust being myself.
Um, that I connect with somebodyon a deeper level.

(01:02:04):
And I, I think that every singleone of us in here is a reminder
of, um, just showing up as them.
And who they are that day.
And it may not be whether we'recrying, whether we're laughing.
Just show up as you are thatday.
And that's one of the mostpowerful things, I think.
Yes, it is.
Hmm.
Tracy?

(01:02:25):
Yeah.
Can we just all agree that beingperfect is the most boring,
uninteresting thing ever?
Yes.
I honestly reminded, I'm justwhat Dana and Casey, what you
guys both said, I'm justrealizing the women that I
follow online, that I reallyresonate.
I mean, Kathy Heller is aperfect example.
When they show up exactly asthey are, it is the most

(01:02:47):
beautiful empowering thing ever.
It's so much more interestingthan someone trying to to be
perfect.
So anyway, that was just asidebar, but I was gonna say, I
think I've learned from womenhow strong we are.
And how resilient and howlayered, and it's how, how
beautiful the layers are.

(01:03:08):
You can have a woman who isincredibly powerful and then
she's in tears the next moment.
Um, and then she gets right backup and just listening to your
stories, I've had the abilityto, you know, um, to listen to
all of your podcast.
Blown away.
I mean, I've been spendingmonths with you guys and had no
idea about your stories, yourbackstories.

(01:03:30):
Many of them would've broken me.
Over and over again.
And I would, I would've had noidea because of the beautiful
souls that you are, of whatyou've been through.
But that's what makes us, it'sthose battles that, that turn us
into the beautiful souls that weare.
Um, but the last thing I wouldsay, I think what I've learned
the most is from the youngergeneration.

(01:03:50):
So, so many times we're harderon the younger generation, like,
oh my God, this youngergeneration, I've always marveled
and maybe because I have so manychildren, my four sons that I've
learned to embrace it.
But when I was in corporateAmerica, I.
Everyone got upset with theyounger generation.
'cause they came in and theyasked for the promotion right
away and they weren't gonna worktheir lives away.

(01:04:12):
And they wanted to go onvacation all the time.
And who do they think?
And I thought, good for them.
Good for them.
They're sh we're upset with thembecause they're doing what we
weren't brave enough to do.
Yeah.
They're all telling each othertheir salaries as a hiring
manager, there was a time wherewe, there was a whole discussion
about you guys should not besharing what you make.

(01:04:32):
And I was like, absolutely, youshould not.
Of course.
And so I went to my team and waslike, guys, don't do it.
Do not share blah, blah, blah.
And someone in my group waslike, that doesn't feel good.
And I was like, wait, what?
And they're like, that doesn'tfeel good.
Why can't we share what we ma?
And I just had to stop and thinkabout it like.
Yeah, that you guys have apoint.

(01:04:52):
Instead of me staying on my, no,you're not supposed to.
I had to ask why.
Yeah, why can't, why can't you?
And the so I agree with that andnot wanting to slave their lives
away and they wanna get in andbe the CEO right away.
Good for them.
It doesn't say that.
It doesn't mean that they'regoing to be, but why not want
that?
But the thing is, watching theyounger generation of women

(01:05:14):
celebrate themselves, Lizzo.
Saying, I am beautiful, exactlyhow I am.
And with all the haters sayingshe needs to go sit down, she's
not shaped like your traditionalmodel.
And she's like, it drives hereven further, watching women
say, I'm beautiful, I'm good atthis.
I'm like, I could have never, Ialways had to downplay and dim

(01:05:37):
that light to be liked or so Ithought.
But to see these women, I justthink it's powerful and it's
beautiful.
And I've never looked at anyonecelebrating themselves and
thought less of them, and itmakes it endears me to them even
more.
So that I think is the biggestlesson I've learned from the
younger generation.
Beautiful.
And thank you for bringing thatout.

(01:05:59):
Yeah, that's true.
We didn't dare at that pointbecause it was different.
I mean, things keep shifting, soHell yeah.
Oh, beautiful.
Uh, jama.
Yeah, Tracy, I totally stole mythunder on that one.
I was gonna say the howresilient women are.
Um, you know, everybody has astory.

(01:06:19):
I've, you know, I learned thislesson at a really young age and
I'm glad I did.
Um, but how resilient andpowerful they are and how they
continue to show up with grace.
And so that's the thing.
I have seen people who have hadbad things happen to it and it
eats them up and they turn into,you know, awful individuals
because they aren't able toprocess it.

(01:06:39):
But the majority of the people,of the women continue to show up
with grace.
And that to me is one of themost inspiring things.
Like, you can be bitter, you canbe angry, or you can continue to
show up with grace.
And the resilience in showing upwith Grace is one of the, the
biggest lessons that I'velearned, um, and how to do it.

(01:07:02):
Thank you.
Thank you, JAMA.
Yes, Jen.
Similar to what Tracy said.
Also, I think that the biggestlesson I've learned from the
women in my life and the womenthat I admire is that they own
it.
You know, women that own theirpower, women that believe their

(01:07:27):
own press.
You know, I think that's themost incredibly inspiring thing,
and I aspire to that very muchso.
But, but seeing women bethemselves and not apologetic,
just this is who I'm, and thisis what we're doing, and I just,

(01:07:47):
I've learned so much from that.
Um, I feel like I absorbed alittle bit more of that when I
see another woman do that, ifthat makes sense.
I, I, I just want, I want thatso much for everyone that, so I,
I find so much strength inseeing other people.
Own their own power and bethemselves.

(01:08:09):
And the women who do that arejust so incredibly inspiring.
Yes, they are.
And you are all inspiring andyeah, showing.
I say like, ah, I run out ofwords.
I'm just so, so grateful thatyou ladies are here with me at

(01:08:32):
this very moment and sharingthis, uh, beautiful episode with
me and your experiences and theway you see life and the way you
experience life.
And, uh, as somebody alreadysaid, like our podcast, our
stories are so freaking powerfuland so beautiful.

(01:08:53):
And despite whatever pain orthings we have been going
through, we have that resilienceand that conviction and devotion
to keep going, to build our.
Dreams to have better lives, tofeel good.
And um, and yeah, I'm just supergrateful for you to be part of

(01:09:16):
my life.
And I want to close with a,another question that I ask all
of my guests, which is, what's apleasure that you enjoy the
most?

(01:09:38):
Whoever wants to go first, justgo and, okay.
My greatest pleasure in life andsomething I've been doing for
uh, a long time is running likeI am a better, happier person
after a run, after I'm able toget in my run.
I actually structured mybusiness around being able to
run and all the things like thatwas a huge goal when I started

(01:10:00):
years ago.
I didn't wanna be the busiestphotographer out there.
Okay.
I wanted to be able to do what Iloved first, and, and I love
photography.
I'm not saying that I don't lovephotography.
I wanted it on my terms, and Iwanted to be able to run and get
my workouts in.
That is what, like, drives me,is to be able to get that in
movement.
I, I feel like, is a blessing inmy life.

(01:10:21):
Mm-hmm.
Thank you, jama.
Yeah.
Massage.
Hands down a massage.
Massage.
Okay.
It is so enjoyable.
I just do not even see it as a,um, a splurge.
I see it as a gift to my souland my body and my mind, and a
90 minute massage will changethe next two weeks, so I try to

(01:10:42):
get them biweekly.
Nice.
Yes.
Yeah, for me, it's kind of adaily thing.
I like to play music, so I, Iplay ele.
Um, I was actually trained tosing.
Professional opera, but I don'tdo that anymore.
Um, but so I play music and if Ican play music every day, I feel

(01:11:06):
whole.
So that's a kind of a, I just doit for myself.
But that's the one thing that Itried to make a list one time of
all the things I need to feelwhole, and it was exercise and
playing music were the top ofthe list.
So for me, those are my, mypleasures.
Mm-hmm.

(01:11:27):
Okay.
This is gonna sound like ashameful plug, and I apologize.
But the reason why my businessis called a beautiful fix is
because I asked myself thatexact question, what is it that
lights me up?
And it's everything that youguys answered.
It's beautiful things andmoments and experiences like
this panel right here.
But it's the massages, it'smusic.

(01:11:50):
I mean, music can take me to awhole nother plane instantly.
It's nature.
It's going on walks.
So I know it's a little bit ofcheating saying all the things,
but it's laughter.
It's just beautiful moments,beautiful things, things that
just elevate you, your stateinstantly.
Yeah, I, I agree with you,Tracy.

(01:12:11):
Um, I don't know that I can justsay one thing.
I think it's just, I, I mean, Ilove the lake.
It lights me up.
I love working out.
Um, but I, I also love deepconnection and just being
present and living, findingthose what lights other people
up, lights me up when I seethem.
It just lights my soul on fireand I get so excited.

(01:12:33):
Yeah.
Casey, can I just say reallyquickly, I'm sorry, I didn't
mean to interrupt Casey.
That is so true about you.
You are like a professionalcheerleader.
You get so excited and celebratepeople when we are in meetings.
You are in the chat.
Just, you are great.
You're off.
I mean, you're just naturallyone of the most beautiful.

(01:12:55):
I, we keep saying this word,beautiful souls, but really, I
just wanted to say that when yousaid that.
That is so true.
That is so true.
Thank you.
Yeah.
And I don't second that.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
And I think the more present weget to be, the more we actually
get to enjoy whatever we'redoing.

(01:13:17):
And it can be a pleasure everytime, right?
As you say, Elia, just thisconnection, this, this panel of,
you know, great conversation.
Such a fucking pleasure.
Yeah, I mean, we can, we canhave pleasure of almost
everything.
If we share, we choose to see itthat way.

(01:13:38):
So, yes.
And closing with that pleasureof this conversation of this
panel, uh, pot Sisters, thankyou so much for your presence.
Thank you so much for being inmy life.
Thank you so much for yourenergy, your love, your
radiance.

(01:13:58):
And yes, thank you for being inmidlife Butterfly.
Thank you for tuning intoMidlife Butterfly.
If this episode lead to Sparkingyou, hit the subscribe or follow
button on Apple Podcast, Spotifyor wherever you love to listen
so you'll never miss the magic.
If you're feeling generous, dropa review on Apple Podcast.

(01:14:21):
It helps this empowering contentreach more souls ready to
transform their lives.
And don't forget to take a photoof you while listening and share
it on your socials.
You can tag me at Ken as you, soI can celebrate you and your
expansion.
Until next time, keep spreadingthose wings and living.
Enjoy growth and pleasure.

(01:14:46):
Thank you so much for listeningto this powerful episode.
I thank Hena for sharing this.
I thank all my pod sisters forjust being real honest and
honestly, you guys, this is whowe are.
This is my beautiful group ofpod sisters, and I hope you
found value and learned so muchfrom each one of us about the

(01:15:09):
value of friendship and midlife.
And how it is so important forall of us to have.
I wanna thank you all forlistening to this episode, and
until next time, go dosomething.
Go say hi to someone.
Go give someone a compliment.
That's what it's about.

(01:15:29):
Go cheer someone on.
Go make a new friend.
Until next time, keep lettingthose sparks fly my friends.
Thank you for tuning intoanother episode.
I hope today's story inspiredyou to embrace your own journey
of growth and change.
Remember, transformation isn'talways easy, but it's always

(01:15:50):
worth it.
If you enjoyed this episode, besure to subscribe.
Share it with a friend, andleave a review.
If you found something thatsparked you in this episode and
may spark a friend, I encourageyou to go share with them.
If you have your own story youwould like to share, I would
love to hear it.
So please reach out to me.
Until next time, friends, gohave some fun and let those

(01:16:11):
sparks lie.

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