The Courage to Speak: Breaking the Silence Around Domestic Violence with Kinsey Weatherby

Episode Transcript
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(00:04):
Hey friends.
Welcome to the Enter Sparkpodcast.
I'm your host, Casey Caton.
If you're looking to hearstories of transformation and
personal growth, this podcast isfor you.
My guest and I will be sharingthose sparking moments that has
changed the mental living a morefulfilling authentic life.
I'm so excited for you to heareach unique story.

(00:24):
So sit back, relax, and let'sget started.
hey friend.
Welcome back to the Enter Sparkpodcast.
I'm your host, Casey Taton.
Today I have with me a very,very dear friend of mine, Kenzie
Weatherby.
I met her in 2020 when she owneda nutrition shake shop, and we

(00:50):
became very close friends, fromreally, oh, sorry.
I'm already getting emotionalfrom my, I know.
You're, you're making me cryalready.
I'm like, whoa.
From working out together andreally just seeing each other's
lives change and growingtogether, we've been through so
much together and just beingable to support each other on

(01:11):
each other's journeys.
And I am just forever gratefulfor you, for being in my life
and walking into your Shea club.
Kenzie did sell her nutritionshake shop about, I think it's
been about almost a year.
A little over a year.
Yep.
Yeah, so it's been about a yearago.
She is a mom of two very, verybeautiful girls who are both

(01:32):
getting married next summer,which is super exciting.
And what we are here to talkabout today is, something so
deeply touching and it's gonnamake me choke up talking about
it.
So this is a warning to alllisteners.
My dear friend Kenzie is asurvivor of domestic violence

(01:54):
and she is the author of EvenBroken Crowns, still Color, and
it's a Christian.
Scripture based coloring bookfor women healing from trauma.
And she is very passionate aboutfaith-based healing, natural

(02:17):
things and creative expressionthrough art and prayer.
Kenzie believes that even in ourmost broken seasons, God can
still create somethingbeautiful.
I want you guys just to pauseand think about that for a
second, and how powerful thatis.
I am going to warn everybodythat today's episode is going to

(02:41):
be, if this is somethingtriggering to you, if this is
something, I may be a little bituncomfortable.
I just encourage you to listento it with caution and remember
to always signal safety to yourbody and take a deep breath if
something feels overwhelming.
We are going to dig deep intoKenzie's story.
And I wanna say just fromknowing Kenzie, I did know that

(03:02):
she's been through this, but Idon't know all of the details
and so I am very proud of her.
This month is domestic, oh,sorry.
It took me to even say thismonth is domestic violence
awareness month.
And, she is bringing so muchawareness to this with her
coloring book and just all thethings she's doing through
spreading the word and helpingother women heal through this

(03:23):
process.
And it is very, very powerful aswe know it's happening every
single day, everywhere.
And so just, stay tuned andlisten to this incredible story
with Kenzie.
Kenzie, I'm so thankful forhaving you here today.
Thank you so much for having me.

(03:44):
This is awesome.
I, uh, I've never told my storyin this capacity.
You know, I've told friends, youknow, little bits and pieces
here along the way, but I'vejust never, I, I've never dove
into, you know, into it all atonce.
So, uh, this'll be fun andscary.
Yeah.
We're gonna let it be, a part ofgetting awareness out and
definitely how much of an impactand how much you've grown since

(04:08):
then, and just the work you'vedone to bring so much awareness
to something that, we can allstart helping seeing the signs
and getting help for each otherand for our friends out there.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Well, thank you so much for,that was a great introduction.
You, you already literally gotme choked up.

(04:28):
I guess I could have suspectedthat would happen, but I didn't
know for sure.
So, uh, I, I'm glad we're heretogether.
So as I told the listeners, I'veheard bits and pieces of your
story, but let's just reallyjust jump right in, if that's
okay with you.
And, so do you wanna take meback to, I know you were married

(04:50):
and divorced, but I want you totell your story of kind of just
when it happened in your lifeand what was going on back then.
Sure.
So I, um, I've been marriedtwice.
So my kid's dad was first, wewere very young.
Uh, we're, we are incrediblefriends, uh, to this day.
And then, I got married again.
And, um, I made some pretty badchoices in that marriage that

(05:16):
led to a divorce and, somethings I deeply have regret for.
So once we had been divorced, Ireally took a look at myself and
really thought about some thingsI needed to change and that
started my CrossFit journey.
I was in the gym five days aweek at 5:00 AM and I really

(05:38):
made a decision that I wasn'tgoing to continue to live the
way I had been living, andmaking decisions that I had made
that had hurt people.
Not intentionally, I don't thinkI've ever really necessarily
intentionally tried to hurtpeople, but it, it's, it's been
a byproduct and it has happened.
So, um, I ruined a lot of.
A lot of lives and hearts in theprocess.
And it's just something that, Iknow that God has forgiven me

(05:59):
for.
But it was something I wasreally having trouble letting
go.
So when I met this person, um,it was, I was literally at the
height of my, you know, I wasstarting over my life.
I had a successful, makeupbusiness.
I was leading girls across thecountry.
Like it was, I, I was in a goodplace.

(06:20):
I was fit, I was, you know, Itook care of myself.
I wasn't going out partying atthat time, so I just was in a
really good spot.
And I feel like sometimes that'sreally when the devil really
sneaks into your life, if you'renot careful, and you're not
aware.
So I, real fast.
Kenzie, how old were you, I wasmarried in 2012, divorced in
2013.

(06:41):
Met him in 2014.
So in 2014, I met him.
I had just had a car accidentrecently and like there was just
some things happening that werekind of traumatic.
And, um, one night my friend, mybest friend was like, Hey, let's
go out.
And I'm like, no, I really don'twant to, you know, I, I need to
go to bed.
I need to go to the gymtomorrow.
And she's like, no, no, no.

(07:01):
Well, let's go, let's go.
So at this point in time, itwas, you know, the old country
bar way out East Kellogg, Ithink you know, which one that
is.
But we went out and we didn'treally talk to anybody, any
guys.
She wasn't married at that time.
And so we just kinda have had agood time.
I wasn't really interested intrying to find love because I
had fumbled the last one and itjust wasn't on my radar.

(07:25):
There was, however, one guy thatwas, that him and I were staring
at each other all night long andfact, my friend just tried to
get me to go over and talk tohim and I'm like, that's not, I
don't do that.
Like, I'm sorry, you know, Ijust don't do that.
So at the end of the night, itwas like literally like the last
couple songs of the night.
She grabs my arm and she pullsme over to this guy and she's
like, you two have been lookingat each other all night long.

(07:48):
You need to get to know eachother.
And so then he started talkingand he is from the south.
And for some reason, I dunnowhat that accent does to me and
a lot of women, but it, I wasjust like in, immediately in,
you know, just.
Yeah, that southern draw, likeit was like, yeah, like the
stars in your eyes?

(08:09):
Yes.
Like the cartoon stars.
Yeah.
So it was interesting.
We just started talking, and Iknew he was from Alabama is
where he said he was.
He was working near Wichita atthe time, and he was getting
ready to go back home.
So he ended up, we talked allnight long and, uh, it just, we
just really hit it off.
He did tell me that he wasfreshly divorced and that he had

(08:32):
a brand new baby.
And so I suspected that camewith some kind of weird stuff,
but he said it was an amicablething and they were friends and,
you know, and how would I knowhe was from far away.
I can't double check hisinformation.
So I did know that I wasn't ininterested in ruining another
marriage, you know?
Mm-hmm.

(08:52):
I wasn't interested in that.
I was something that was, thatwas my decision and I really
felt like, you know, along theway he.
Took that opportunity away fromme.
And in fact, at the time our,him and I's relationship ended
three years later, he was stilltechnically married to her.
Wow.
Wow.
So he had just, he just lied tome from the get go and was
having a whole, had a whole assfamily back home.

(09:15):
So, so this was like your latetwenties, early thirties when
this happened?
Yeah.
Okay.
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
Okay.
So I, you know, of course I justdidn't know any of that stuff.
Had I known it, I would've beenable to, you know, make the
decision to, to not carry thatany, any further.
Um, but man, we just went hotand heavy real quick.
Like we just fell in love.

(09:35):
Like it was just, he ex he keptextending his stay instead of
going home.
By the time he went ho was goingback to Alabama, it was right
around Thanksgiving at thispoint.
Um, so, uh,'cause it was maybeearly November that I met him.
And so, you know, he stayed forseveral weeks and, so then he

(09:55):
ended up going home for theholidays.
And of course we had just met,so we, I wasn't going to go with
him and, um, yeah, but he wasgoing home to play house to his
wife and his baby, and I had noidea.
So, so, uh, yeah.
You know, just, and at thatpoint too, I was, I'm just, I've
always been such a trustingindividual.
Yeah.
I don't, when people tell mestuff, I really take what they

(10:16):
say and I don't look into it anyfurther.
Now, that has changed a littlebit over the years.
I probably do that a lot morenow just because of what I've
went through.
But at that point, I was justlike, he, I was buying
everything he said, hook, line,and sinker.
Right?
I'd never really had someonepursue me like that.
So it was, it was, uh, love atfirst sight.

(10:39):
So I wanna ask you a question.
Mm-hmm.
First of all, if you guys don'tknow Kenzie, obviously if you do
know our listener, then yeah.
You know, what amazing personshe is.
But she is very, a very, verytrusting, open-hearted person
that just, you know, giveseverybody a, the chance of love
and acceptance.
And so I can definitely see howyou just fully, loved him for

(10:59):
who he was and not knowing anyof this.
I do wanna ask you what, um, forthe people listening, what were
the first signs of you thatthings were going?
I mean, maybe here's a differentquestion.
It kind of more than onequestion, because did you really
realize what was happening asyou were going through any of

(11:21):
this?
Because there's so muchunknown,, this is something I
haven't experienced.
And so people have so manyquestions like, why didn't they
just run?
And it's like, those thingsaren't real.
People can't just run.
If it was that easy, thesethings, this wouldn't be a
problem.
This wouldn't be something wewere sitting here talking about
today.
So, as these things werehappening, were you, do you

(11:41):
think you felt like aware ofthat?
Or how would you explain thatsituation?
I had never been throughdomestic violence in my life.
So when it started happening,and I would say it probably
started happening six months in.
Okay.
And it was slow.
It was a progressive thing.
So each time it just got harderand harder and, and just more
violence.
So, um, when it, so what they dotypically is he was a complete

(12:07):
narcissist.
I had these are, and, and thisis all in hindsight, you know,
at first they're charming andwonderful and just amazing.
And, hey, let me help you payyour bills.
You're a single mom and I knowyou're struggling and you have
credit card debt.
So he, what does he do?
And against my better judgmentnow remember, these are all
decisions I made in my twentiesand just really didn't think
things through then.

(12:27):
But he wanted to put himself onmy bank account because he was
making a ridiculous amount ofmoney and wanted to help me.
So he, it was all in let me getintertwined into your finances.
I wanna be on your credit cardsto help rebuild my, like, I'm
gonna help you pay him down.
And it was just like a, um, hejust wanted to support me and I
really, I mean, probably neededthat or wanted that at that

(12:50):
time, you know, along withfeeling, feeling loved.
But when all of that.
There were red flags, there weresigns.
There definitely were, inhindsight, there were signs.
But man, when I was goingthrough it, it was almost
surreal.
Like it wasn't Yeah.
Like I was questioning if I was,this was really happening to me.

(13:12):
And then once they get you awayfrom your family and your
friends and alienate you and getyou dependent on them
financially, then that makes, itmakes it easier for them to beat
the crap out of you and you notsay anything.
'cause I was so embarrassed.
Yeah.
I had so much shame andembarrassment for even getting
myself into a situation likethat.

(13:34):
Yeah.
So, because he, he loved bombedme.
He loved bummed my kids.
Yeah.
Like, they, they loved him atfirst.
Absolutely loved him.
They were so happy to see mehappy.
So it, in hindsight, it just,uh, it just happened so quick.
Yeah.
That's what I was gonna say.
I don't think anybody walksright into this knowing.

(13:55):
I think there's, it's a processof like, it sounds like he just
fully gave you, you know, likesometimes when we're in
different phases of our life,we're looking for different
things and we're not aware ofit.
And when someone brings us andhelps us support and gives us so
much love, what we think is loveat the time and feels like love,
especially to your children aswell, to your beautiful girls,
like, um, and then is slowly ishelping you pay off things.

(14:19):
You're like, oh my gosh, this islike a dream come true.
I've met this perfect man that'streating me well.
And then it sounds like he kindof, and as he was doing this, he
was also taking control overthings.
Right.
Um, one of the greatest things Iloved about him was that he
worked on the road.
So I only had to like, be aroundhim for a few weeks at a time,
and then he would go for a monthor so.

(14:40):
And I, and I'm a firm believerthat distance could make the
heart grow fonder.
So I was like, great, I canstill have my own personal space
mm-hmm.
And take care of my girls, andthen I can see him every once in
a while when he's home.
And so it was just, you know,perfect.
So I thought, yeah.
So I would say again, about sixmonths in is really when, um, I

(15:01):
was just like, take, just totake him back and I didn't know
what to say to anyone.
There's one friend of mine thatreally had been through
something similar that I felt Icould open up to at the time,
and she also, the one thathelped, that introduced me to
him that night.
So she, she, I gave her crap.
Now we talk, we kind of jokeback and forth.
She feels a little responsiblefor that, but you know, it's not

(15:23):
her fault.
So, yeah, I just tease her alittle bit.
I do wanna ask you this.
So when you're in thissituation, life looks good to
you, right?
Was it, emotionally, was itlike, how did it start by like
the pain, like the physicalpain?
Was it emotional?

(15:43):
Was it physical?
Like, how, what were the thingsthat kind of led into everything
when he was on the road?
He was, and I didn't know thisat the beginning.
He was doing a lot of drugs.
Okay.
He was, at the time, I didn'tknow he had a terrible sexual
addiction.
He was a very deviant, devisexual sexualized person.

(16:07):
Um.
I didn't know what to whatdegree.
Now these are the days back inthe, the Craigslist Backpage
days, if anybody knows what thatis.
This man was meeting women Wow.
In every city he was in andmeeting them to have sex with
them.
I am beyond lucky and blessedthat I never contracted anything

(16:32):
from him, but I was almost forcertain when it went, when it
ended, like I'm sure he gave mea parting gift.
I just had no idea how bad itwas.
For him.
Now, I, I tend to believe, and Ilook a lot into like people's
past.
Not that this is an excuse, butI think something happened to
him in his childhood.
Not that is a reason to do whathe is doing, but there, there

(16:54):
are reasons and things that makeus who we are or make us behave
the way we do.
And so I, that's what I think.
I, he never really confirmedthat to me.
But I do believe there was somestuff in his childhood.
I do know that he grew upwatching his dad, uh, do this to
his, to his mom.
So, um, which his father'scompletely changed now and grew

(17:16):
out of that.
But, you know, one of the beststories I ever heard was about
the son, the two sons of thealcoholic father.
And they both grew up and onebecame an alcoholic and one
didn't.
And they both a, everybody askedthe sons, how, what did you do?
And they both said, well, Iwatched my dad.
So it literally is our choiceto, to break that cycle.

(17:40):
And not carry it forward.
And he, he did not do that.
So, yeah, I think, that's verypowerful what you said, because
at some extent we have allexperienced some sort of trauma
that has impacted us as a kid,and it means we could come from
the best parents in the world.
Doesn't even mean it has to doanything with our parents.

(18:02):
It could, you know, just besomething that happened at
school, something that happenedsomewhere in our lives.
And then we carry it on with us.
And, I'm gonna be honest, youknow, we're not taught to deal
with our feelings, our, youknow, how to deal with, just
like you said, I wasn't aware ofhow to, like, how to speak it
out.
I was embarrassed.

(18:22):
Yeah.
You felt shame about tellingpeople.
Mm-hmm.
Um.
If you, do you wanna take usthrough what's one of those days
looks like or felt like for you?
I know it's gonna get reallydeep and emotional, but just so
listeners have awareness that,you know, when you start seeing
these signs, like what were thesigns if you look back now, that

(18:45):
you would tell people besides,you know, like what you saw?
I would say, uh, uh, pornaddiction is a, is a very big
telltale sign.
Yeah.
Um, that there's an issue.
Um, I, I knew better than to lethim into my bank account.
Yeah.
But I did it anyway.

(19:07):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I know for certain, because Iwas, uh, growing up I was such a
daddy's girl.
My dad was my best friend.
He, he passed away in 2010 fromprostate cancer and he was the
most amazing human being I everknew in my life.
And I.
I knew at one point prettyquickly in that if my dad had
been alive, I would not havebeen with him because I never

(19:27):
would've introduced him to myfather.
Yeah, I would say about a yearin is when I just really
thought, man, I don't think I'deven be with him if, if my dad
was still around, my dad wouldnot have liked him and he
would've told me that.
Um, I firmly believe the reasonI allowed a lot of that stuff to

(19:48):
go on for so long is from momtrauma.
My parents were divorced since Iwas two, and my mother is, I
love her'cause she's my mom, butshe is a severe alcoholic and
she's just not, she's not well.
She never was.
Well and we just never had agood relationship and she didn't
have a good relationship withher mom.
So, surprise, surprise that shedidn't break the cycle.

(20:10):
Yeah.
Um, and I do believe that mytrauma from childhood stems from
my mother.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I would say I was really kind oftrying to think of, ahead of
time, just some of thesituations.
It's funny what my brain hastricked me into forgetting.

(20:31):
Um, yeah,, I wanna acknowledgethat.
'cause we've talked about thisbefore about how, you're like, I
can't remember things.
And, um, there becomes a pointin our life when we've been
through so much trauma that,well, first of all, you were
physically, and we can talk alittle bit about that if you
want to.
Besides the physical trauma thatyou went through, you also try

(20:55):
to push everything down.
You had two girls, you were amom, you know, you were running
a business and.
Once you're free from that andyou move past that into a
different life, it's almost likeyour brain doesn't want to
remember, your body doesn'twanna remember the bad things
that happened.
I think it's protecting you.
Yes.

(21:15):
Or trying to protect you.
Yeah.
So your body tries to keep yousafe.
And that's why I always say, ifanybody's listening and this
starts to become triggering,please tap your collarbone.
You know, tell your body I'msafe, I'm loved, I'm here with
you.
Because we don't wanna triggeranybody, but we do wanna really
talk about, so if you were tocome home, if he was to come
home on a weekend, what would atypical weekend look like for
you?
Yeah, this is a good question.
Because it never really wasabout him and I, he somehow, he

(21:39):
intertwined himself in a grouphere in Wichita.
It was a local, like swingersgroup.
It was a bunch of old peoplethat trade partners and he
wanted to be a part of thatgroup so bad.
And, I did not.
Like, at that point, I reallyjust wanted one man for the rest
of my life, and I didn'tunderstand why he was willing or
wanting to share me with otherpeople.

(21:59):
I think that's disgusting.
Yeah.
And so he would, you know, hewould drag me to these parties
and I knew I wasn't supposed tobe there.
I felt so much guilt and shamebeing there.
Um, I cried often, uh, there andI didn't wanna be there.
Um, and so I just partook in,in, in the drugs and debauchery

(22:24):
and, um, until I just couldn'tdo it anymore.
And it just became something tome that was so evil and so
demonic that.
It just, it still grosses me outto this day just to even think
about that.
But I think a lot of times, youknow, again, sex and the drugs

(22:44):
is, was a huge catalyst to thewhole reason that we were in the
situation that we were in.
Yeah.
Hmm.
And then when I didn't, when Ididn't do what he wanted me to
do, that's when, you know, the,the, the hair pulling and the
strangling and that stuff wouldall start.
It was a manipulation tactic toget me to participate or I was

(23:09):
going to be in trouble.
Yeah.
So you basically lived in fearwhen he came in the door of I'm
going to have to go to thesethings and, I'm gonna have to do
whatever against my free willbecause if not, I'm gonna
physically get hurt.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was every time he would, hecould be gone for a month and

(23:30):
would come home.
And that night he had, we had togo to someone's house for a
party.
Wow.
It was never, it was like, whycan't you just be with me?
Like, why can't you just behappy to see me after being
gone?
It just didn't make any sense tome.
And then anytime I would'vecomplained was when I would, get

(23:51):
hurt.
I'll never forget, one night, mydaughters and I were gonna go to
Kansas City to stay with mybrother and I don't remember I
had something going on.
But we get there and we're gonnastay in their spare room.
So we were all sitting on thecouch and all of a sudden he
walks in the front door and hewas supposed to be 14 hours away
working.

(24:11):
Oh, wow.
So he would just show up.
So he shows up and is like,everybody knew but me that he
was coming'cause he was tryingto come surprise me.
Hmm.
So, of course at that time I wassurprised.
I was like, I was happy.
And so then we're getting, uh,whatever we were doing, hanging

(24:32):
out with my family.
And then he's like, I wanna gosomewhere.
And I was like, where?
And he wouldn't tell me.
He's like, I got a plan for us.
I wanna go somewhere.
So I didn't wanna go anywhere.
So I was pitching a fit andyeah.
I didn't wanna go.
So we ended up getting dressedand going, and of course it's
going to a bar to get drunk tothen go.

(24:53):
And, he always had these plansthat he just wouldn't tell me
about.
He would just take me.
So then we would show up atthese people's house and um,
there was some disagreement.
At this house.
Um, I won't go into specificdetails because they're pretty
raunchy.
But I got punched in the face.
And so I grabbed my shoes and Iran out the front door.

(25:14):
It was dark outside and thistime it was probably two or
three or four in the morning.
And I tried to hide, um, becauseI just, I couldn't, I couldn't
face him.
So I'm hiding.
And he gets in the car, I seehim get in the car and drive
around the block, and he'slooking for me.
And I'm like, you are in themiddle of Kansas City.
You have no idea where you are.

(25:36):
You're drunk and you've beenassaulted.
And so I ended up showing himwhere I was.
I got in the car and he was somad at me that the first thing I
said that about not wanting tobe there and him making me do

(25:58):
these things I didn't wanna do.
He, as he is driving, he reachesover, punches me in the face, my
head hits the window and I'm outof it.
Right.
It knocked me out.
Yeah.
And when I wake up, I'm like,chewing on something and I
realize it's my teeth.
Oh my goodness.

(26:19):
So, um, now remind you, we getback to my brothers.
It's probably four or five inthe morning.
Like, talk about a walk ofshame.
My kids are there asleep on thefloor, in the room.
We have to go lay in.
So we have, we go in there.
They're pretending like they, Ifind this out later.
They remember this very vividly.

(26:41):
They were pretending like theywere asleep and they were
listening to him just.
Just berate me, just saying theworst things in the world to me.
Um, so then when we wake up inthe morning, in a couple hours,
they notice just I am justcovered with bruises.
My hair is a disheveled mess.
My my mascara is running alldown my face.
There's blood on my shoes.
And they were really, reallyscared.

(27:04):
Yeah, really scared.
Uh, at that, at that point.
I did ask them recently, like,you know, when you think about
that time, what do you thinkabout?
Like, what, how do you rememberit?
Because I obviously was beingselfish and not really thinking
of my kids at the time.
Otherwise I probably would'vemade different choices.
But my youngest daughter, shesaid, I'll never forget one

(27:29):
night we were eating pizza.
And he looked at you and hesaid, how does that wrap poison
taste?
And I said, what?
He said, I can't wait tillyou're bleeding out of both ends
and you die in the basement.
Oh my goodness.
It was right in front of myyoungest daughter and it was

(27:50):
something, it says somethingthat she apparently has never
forgotten.
And it's one of those thingsthat we were just talking about
that I, my brain haddisassociated from because there
was so much stuff worse thanthat.
Yeah.
And I just didn't really holdonto that piece there, even as
gross and as that is.

(28:11):
Yeah.
I wanna thank you for just evengoing into this with us.
I do wanna ask you this.
I can't imagine that, I knowthat we all go through hard
relationships, but to the degreeof, you know, just being
degraded and I just wanna thankyou for being so brave and
sharing this with us and gettingthis out in the world because, I
know that you've said, I shouldhave been a better mother.

(28:32):
Whatever things that you couldhave done.
It's, but I think that's thething that we're learning is
that, that's what we're here todo, is bring awareness to,
right.
There's no should haves.
Like you were doing what youthought at the time was the
safest for you and your family,right.
And for your girls.
And I would see this come up asa question is, okay, well if you

(28:55):
were hiding, why would you jumpout and stop him?
But I am gonna say, I imagineonly the fear on both ends of
like what he would do to someoneelse, and the longer he would
go, how much more it would beworse for you.
But, he had my car.
Yeah.
Remember because he flew there,he got on a plane and flew

(29:17):
there, and they picked him upfrom the airport.
So he was in my car.
He knew where my brother's housewas, he knew where my kids were.
And it was just like this.
I just didn't wanna bring allthis trauma to my brother and
his house.
And it was just one of thosesplit decisions.
I just, I was just scared.
Yeah, that's what I was asking.
That's what I wanted to ask.

(29:37):
Yeah.
Is, so basically when people goback, they're going back out of
fear.
Yes.
Because there's so much control.
And the fear of your children,you know, your family.
I mean, at this point he hasyour bank account.
Yes.
He has your whole life.
Even though he has going otherplaces, doing whatever he's
doing, he has full control ofyour whole life.

(29:57):
The whole thing.
The whole thing.
He was literally the mostmanipulative person I have ever
met my entire life.
I mean, we, I could see him, Icould visually look at him doing
something wrong, and he wouldhave me convinced at the end of
that conversation that was me.
And I did that.
And I just, I don't understandthat, man, that level of psyche

(30:20):
manipulation and how our brains,when you can hear something over
and over and over and overagain, you start to believe it.
Yeah.
It's, it's scary.
That's why our thoughts we havegot to start holding them
captive because what we believeabout ourselves can come true.
And that's, that can be scary ifwe're thinking really, really
bad stuff about ourselves.

(30:42):
Yeah.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Thank you for sharing this.
There's so much, because I knowthis went on for years, right?
Three, three years.
Three years.
Yeah.
And so, um.
I, sorry, I,, it's kind, itcatches me off guard because I

(31:04):
can just see you hiding andbeing scared for your life to
share.
And I also wanna bring this toawareness of, it's not just men.
So like, when we say men aredoing this, it's not just men.
Absolutely not.
It's women are doing this to menas well.
Oh yes.
Like it goes both ways.
And so, the power of the mindand the power of you survived
all of this is really what wewanna bring attention to, is

(31:25):
that, it started when he wasyoung.
Obviously people, you don't justcome out as a baby and you're
not just this horrible person.
Right.
And I don't believe that youbelieve that either.
That he went through a lot oftrauma himself and, um, you
know, then that's how he reactedto life and Right.
And so, um, and, and that'sanother thing.

(31:46):
He wasn't evil all the time.
It was he was, when he wasn'tdrinking and it wasn't on drugs,
he was a, a really good humanbeing and you saw these little
glimpses of who he could be.
So that's what I was holdingonto, is like, yeah, well,'cause
in one breath he's telling me heloves me.
And then the next he's punchingme in the face or choking me or
putting a pillow over my face.

(32:07):
So like those two things were,are completely opposite to me.
Like, that sounds like I hateyou, not I love you.
But he was saying, I love you.
So I was listening to his wordsand not paying attention to his
actions and I was, it was justleaving me confused.
Yeah, I wanna thank you forsharing that because I think
that is very powerful of, whenpeople say one thing, their

(32:29):
words versus their actions and,how that affects your own brain.
Yes.
And so you're hearing, I so loveyou, and you're thinking, okay,
what do I do?
And what were you thinking inthis situation?
I was thinking I didn't wantanother failed relationship,
and, I really mm-hmm.
Really wanted things to getbetter.
And, you know, but that's justthe thing.
You can't be the only one thatwants the things to get better.

(32:52):
It takes two people to try tofix stuff.
And he wasn't even in the moodor in the wheelhouse of
admitting he had done anythingwrong.
He was the one trying toconvince me that he didn't, he
just love tapped me or I didn'tdo that.
You don't remember thingscorrectly.
And it was just like, what?
And that night in Kansas Citywas just one of probably 25

(33:15):
different scenarios, just likethat, if not worse.
That was probably one of the,one of the, uh, tamer ones.
Yeah.
Uh, I.
I can't imagine, and I knowyou've been through a lot
because we've talked aboutstories where I know that
someone, if someone's likejumps, slam something down next
to you that you today still jumpand that just speaks to the

(33:39):
level of that you've beenthrough.
Yeah.
Loud noises.
And honestly, you don't reallyknow what your triggers are till
they happen.
Yeah.
And it's been eight years andthey still happen.
So like loud noises like yousay.
And then, one that really getsme is when people barrel
downstairs, like, just like thatis probably my worst trigger

(33:59):
because my bedroom, our bedroomwas downstairs.
So when he would just show up,because my kids also remember
times, um, that scared them likewe would be fighting.
So he would call me and FaceTimeme when he was out of town
working and accuse me of allkinds of things.
And then he would be like, showme around the house.
I wanna see who's there, who'sthere.
And so I'm like, whatcha talkingabout?

(34:20):
No one is here?
And he would be like, show methe shower, show me the
bathroom, show me the closets.
I had to go multiple times aday.
I had to do this.
His, his paranoia was insane.
So, and I'm not even thinkingabout cheating.
I'm thinking about how tosurvive what I'm in.
Yeah.
I was probably lucky that heworked on the road and I had
some physical breaks because Idon't think my body could have

(34:42):
handled the, that consistently,you know, every day.
But he would just accuse me ofall this stuff.
Well, in hindsight now I knowthat's projection.
And he was doing those thingsand then blaming me for them.
So we would fight, my kids wouldcome sleep in bed with me'cause
I would be crying.
And then the next morning wewould wake up and he would be

(35:02):
there.
He would do enough drugs anddrive all night long from 14,
15, 16 hours away wherever hewas working and just show up.
Wow.
It was insane.
When you talk about like, safetyin your own home, did you ever
feel safe No.

(35:23):
With someone questioning likeevery single step you're taking?
No.
Yeah.
I would say it took me aboutfive to six years before I
stopped looking over myshoulder.
The last I heard he was married.
And so, um, not that necessarilymeans anything to some people,
but yeah, I, again, and let mejust to be very clear about
this, I do not hate him.

(35:44):
I hate what he did to me.
Yeah.
I don't hate him because if Ihate, if I hold onto that, that
was just going to destroy meinside.
You know?
And we all make terriblechoices.
Um, I think, you know, you'realways holding out for that
apology.
You're never gonna get like, I'msorry, I ruined your life.
Mm-hmm.
And I always really held on towhy am I the girl that you're in

(36:08):
the in-between girl, why did Ideserve.
That, but now you're married andyou're settled down and you're
not doing drugs.
And this is all things I'massuming, I don't know this
right, but why did I deservewhat I got when I was nothing
but honest and faithful to you.
Yeah.
And put up with everything thatyou put me through.

(36:30):
Mm-hmm.
So, anyways, I don't hate him.
Like I said, I don't care forhim, but I don't hate him.
Right.
Um, I hope he's changed.
I do because I don't wish thaton anyone.
I don't even care if it's myworst enemy.
I don't, no, no one deservesthat.
No.
Yeah.
I, um, yeah.

(36:51):
No, and I am so grateful thatyou made it clear that just
where it stands in your life nowis you are a believer in God
and, you have to let go of thehatred for your own self to heal
and to grow and, At the sametime, very clearly, no one in
this world deserves that.
Right?
It doesn't matter what you'vebeen through.
I do wanna ask you anotherquestion if you're okay with

(37:13):
that?
Sure.
Was there a point when youstarted, telling friends or
making people a little bit awareof this?
How did that ever work?
Yes.
I had kind of, um, in the, my,my best friend, the one that
really knew what was going on.
I didn't tell her everything,but I told her a lot.
He really wouldn't let me bealone with my friends very

(37:35):
often.
So again, when he would go outof town for work, that was
really my, like, my reprieve.
So I would try to, try to fillher in at those time periods.
There was one night, her andher, I think they were engaged
at the time.
They're married now, but theycame over to the house and
really got to see it firsthand.
This man that I was with, Iwon't say his name, but he.

(37:55):
He was very destructive.
When he got mad, he would breakthings, all of my things.
Okay.
I went through probably fourcell phones.
And those aren't cheap,obviously.
Like he would take it, if he gotmad and throw it down on the
ground, it would bust into amillion pieces.
And he did this very often.
I remember one time I told him,you know, this is my house.

(38:18):
And he's like, oh yeah, this isyour house.
So he took my TV and he punchedit and then took it, ripped it
outta the wall and threw itacross the room and it busted
and shattered everywhere.
He also did that with a laptop.
I had a laptop, that it wasgiven to me as a gift, and he
punched it, ripped it in half,and threw it across the room.
That's just a few things likeit.

(38:39):
We were constantly repairing andYeah.
And repaying for the damage ofthe things that he would
destroy.
Now.
Would I rather him break thosethings in my face?
Yes.
But yeah, he did both.
And so, you know, that was just,you just never knew what you
were going to get.
He was doing this when yourfriends were over.
So it became a thing of justdoing it and then when in front

(39:01):
of people as well, and not justunder closed doors.
Like he was still controlling.
And then when someone finallygot over, he actually.
Yeah, he showed, he showed his,he showed his ass per se, a few
times.
Not that my friend's boyfriendfiance didn't believe what I was
going through, but he had neverseen it because this person was

(39:22):
so good, he could sell youanything, right?
Mm-hmm.
Like he had so many people in mylife fooled.
That really was hard for peopleto believe that I was telling
the truth.
Yeah.
So when he got mad at me thatnight for something, he broke
the phone.
We were all standing in mykitchen and he just starts going

(39:43):
off on me and just, they werejust standing there like this.
It was, it was a shock momentfor them.
And I begged them not to leaveme that night because I just
knew he was going to kill me assoon as they left.
Mm.
Yeah.
I can't, it was, yeah.
I can't even imagine.
It was very scary.

(40:03):
Yeah.
Sorry, I'm sending you so muchlove.
Are you feeling okay?
Yeah, I'm good.
Okay, good.
Yeah, I can't imagine just doingthat and then it was terrifying.
And then asking your friend, soa person that does this, um,
it's behind closed doors a lotof times, and then it went out

(40:25):
into where actually, and thepeople that are doing this,
maybe a little aggressive inpublic, but most of it's, it is
behind closed doors.
Right.
And, he was fully controllingyou.
And then, everybody's not seeingit because what they're seeing
him is.
The person that you met that youwere like, oh, he's this great
guy.

(40:45):
Yeah, he's doing great things.
Charming for his kids.
He was so charming.
Yeah.
And so he had this switch thatwould flip, that would lead
everybody to believe, she'soutta her mind, she's crazy when
she said this until they saw itthemselves.
And were in the position wherethey were there with you.
Yeah.
When you started asking forhelp, what did that look like
for you?

(41:06):
Well, you know, I don'tspecifically necessarily
remember, asking for help.
There was a time where, um, whenI was really trying to get away
from him, so I'll tell you,really the last, site of
violence, the scariest time, asI told you, each time got worse

(41:29):
and worse.
Um, I did not, I say this a lot,didn't expect to make it out of
this one alive.
But I suppose I felt like thatevery time to a degree.
Mm-hmm.
Um, we, I had tried to break upwith him and he would not leave
me alone, so he quickly tookcontrol, came back into my life,

(41:51):
and my family was pissed.
We had broken up and he had comeback into my life and he's like,
I promise I'm gonna bedifferent.
Things are gonna change.
You know, all of that stuff.
So he knew that I loved NewOrleans.
Um, that was, that was a, my dadloved New Orleans.
He's, he always told me he islike,'cause he traveled a lot

(42:14):
for work.
He said New Orleans has the bestfood in the entire world.
So, you know, every place I'veever eaten in the world, it's
the best food ever.
So I always just wanted to gothere and experience it, you
know?
Mm-hmm.
Just because of my dad.
Yeah.
So he said, let's go to NewOrleans.
We'll spend a couple days thereand then we will go to, my

(42:34):
family, which Alabama and NewOrleans are pretty close, a
couple hours apart.
His family lived a few hoursaway.
So he got a hotel room and wedrove with my dog.
We had bought a dog in themiddle of all this because I
really wanted to breed Frenchbulldogs.
That was what I wanted to do.
And so we bought, this beautifulFrench bull, the bulldog, her
name was Ava, may, she was thelight of my life and honestly

(42:59):
kept me alive a lot of thesetimes, especially when I didn't
have my kids because I couldn'tleave her, you know what I mean?
Like, I couldn't leave them, butI definitely just couldn't leave
this dog to him, you know?
Yeah.
So, uh, it was me and him andthe dog.
So we packed up, drove to NewOrleans, we went to sleep the
next, because we got there kindalate.
So the next morning we were kindof getting around, we're gonna

(43:22):
go do some stuff, and he flippedsome kind of switch.
I don't, I don't even know whathappened.
Something I said, you just neverknew.
It was like walking oneggshells.
And he started beating the crapout of me with his belt, and I

(43:43):
was just so confused.
And this, I mean, he wrapped itaround my neck.
He pulled it tight.
I tried to grab the phone.
He grabbed the cord, wrapped thecord around my neck.
I did not think I was going tolive.
In the middle of all of this,someone knocks on the door and
like beats on the door.

(44:03):
And so he, he grabs me, throwsme into the bathroom and he
says, if you say a word, I willkill you.
And I knew as soon as he openedthat door that I needed to yell,
please help me.
But I couldn't get any words outof my mouth.
Yeah.

(44:23):
I was afraid.
What happens if this guydoesn't, he?
He doesn't hear me.
Mm-hmm.
So I can hear the guy talkingand he says, what is going on in
there?
And it's clearly just somebodywho's in the next room.
Like it's not somebody who worksthere.
And he's like, well, I don'tknow what you're talking about.
We have the TV on and we have adog in here.
And he goes, no, there'ssomething else going on in

(44:45):
there.
And he's like, no, there's notmind.
Your business shuts the door andlocks it.
And I just knew it was going toresume.
So finally I get him settleddown enough to, I told him, I
said, we haven't taken the dogoutside to potty.
She needs to potty.
I don't want her to potty in thehotel room.
Yeah.

(45:05):
He's like, fine, but I'm goingwith you and you're leaving your
purse up here.
And I said, okay.
'cause anytime I would try tograb my purse and leave him, he
would grab my purse, throw itacross the room.
It would spill everywhere.
Then he would take my phone, soI couldn't call anyone for help.
Yeah.
So he has all that stuff.
He is following me downstairs inthis lobby, and I take the dog

(45:30):
potty.
I'm clearly been crying.
I've got makeup, like it was, Idid not look well.
So when I come back in, fromtaking the dog out to potty, I
ran to the hotel desk and Isaid, I need your help.
Please help me.
He's been beating the crap outtame in that hotel room for two
hours.
I need help.

(45:51):
And they just looked at me likeI was crazy and I said, I, I
don't know what else you want meto do.
I need, I need help.
Please call 9 1 1.
And it was like, it was justlike some people who are like, I
don't wanna get involved.
No.
That, no thanks.
That's not for me.
And it's like, you know what?
If that was your daughter?

(46:12):
Yeah.
What would you want somebody todo?
And I think about that everytime.
Anytime I have ever seenanything, a man mistreating a
woman or just anything likethat, where I'm very sensitive
to that stuff.
And I have seen that stuff outand about, like at, you know,
restaurants or whatever.
Yeah.
I'll say something, don't thinkI will.

(46:33):
I'll open my big fat mouth.
Mm-hmm.
I just, I just can't, I can'tsit by and, watch somebody do
that.
So they ended up, having someonego back up to the room with me.
They called the police and Iremember he kept telling the
other guy that was walking withus like, it's okay man.

(46:55):
It's under control.
You can go.
You can go.
And I said, please do not leavemy side.
He's going to kill me.
And so the guy just was likebeing quiet and they called the
police.
They arrested him.
Um, the police there wereincredible.
I had to go to the policestation to fill out some
paperwork.

(47:16):
He had charged the room on mycard and left me about$600 in
the hole.
I had no money to get home.
I had a dog.
All the blood vessels in my eyeswere broken.
I had my head was, have you evercried so much?
Your head is just pounding andyou just feel like you'd rather
just saw it off.

(47:36):
Um, that's what I felt like, andI just did not know how I was
gonna get back home to Wichita.
I ended up calling or gettingahold of his dad and his
stepmom, and they lived inLouisiana, not in Alabama.
His mom lived in Alabama andthey said, please come here.
It's a two hour drive.

(47:57):
We'll give you some money sothat you can get home and you
need a good night's sleep.
And we'll, we will take care ofyou.
So that's what I did.
I didn't know where I wasreally, I wasn't familiar.
I was crying, it was just adisaster.
Yeah.
Absolute disaster.
I had no money.
So I went to their house.
They had a beautiful house, thatI stayed in.
I actually stayed almost a week,because I was just, I felt so

(48:21):
defeated.
I thought my kids were gonnahate me because here it had
happened again, and I just feltso defeated.
Like, how could I be so stupidto believe this time was going
to be different?
And I just told myself, youcannot come back from this

(48:43):
pretty soon.
You're never going to be able tocome back from it.
Yeah.
Okay.
I ended up staying with them fora few days, almost a week.
He was still in jail.
He, I think he was in jail in,new Orleans for two weeks.
Was this his family?
Yeah.
His dad and stepmom.
And they fully, they were okay.
They were supportive of me.
They were mad at him.

(49:03):
Of course, his dad feelsresponsible because he fully was
aware that he was the same wayand he just felt really bad for
me.
Of course, this guy kept callingfrom jail and just, I can't
believe you're taking care ofher.
Get her, you know, it was justchaotic and I'm sure he was
pissed, But I didn't haveanybody, and he'd got me out in
the middle of his hometown ish,you know, his area mm-hmm.

(49:26):
Of the country.
And I am alone with no money.
He left me with no money.
When I decided to leave, I droveto Dallas and stayed with a
friend of my mom's, one night,just to break up the trip.
'cause it was, you know, it wasmany hours.
Yeah.
So, and Dallas was abouthalfway, so I stayed the night.
Then I drove all the way home,um, the next day and I got home

(49:49):
and really just laid in bed fora long time.
I was so depressed and so sadand so defeated.
I didn't know what I was goingto do.
Um, and what I should have donethough, immediately when I got
home was change the walks at thehouse because one night I was

(50:09):
laying in bed.
My kids were upstairs, myyoungest was asleep and my
oldest, I think she was gettingready for bed for school the
next day.
I think it was a school night.
Um, she.
I'm kind of halfway asleep.
Remember my room's downstairsand the next thing I know I hear
and I am, I'm like, turn over.

(50:31):
And I'm like, that better beMadison.
And this is about a week after Igot home.
It's him.
He has clearly been on drugssince he got out of jail.
He has a gun and he's telling mehe's going to kill me and then
kill himself.

(50:53):
And I just, I don't know.
It was like an out of bodyexperience.
I had to then start reassuringhim.
We're gonna work it out.
It's going to be okay.
You don't have to do that.
My kids are upstairs, like, I'mgonna lose my kids if you don't

(51:15):
leave.
You know?
Because we did have a protectionorder at that point.
After jail.
He was not supposed to be aroundme.
Yeah.
At all.
So, um, I have to try to talkhim off this ledge, right?
I end up getting him to go sleepin his truck and I guarantee he
didn't sleep.
But I got him to go back outthere and I said, I, we will

(51:35):
talk about this once I take thekids to school tomorrow.
So I take the kids to school andthey can tell something's off
with me and his truck is kind ofparked down the street from my
house.
I take them to school.
I drive around and cry for anhour.
I am so torn.
I don't know what to do.
He's now telling me, please comehome.

(51:57):
I just found out I have cancer.
Please come home.
This has to change, blah, blah,blah.
I promise I've learned my lessonand I knew.
The risk I was taking walkingback in the house.
Yeah.
So I go back to the house andhe, I don't really remember

(52:23):
everything that transpired, whatwe talked about, but he ends up
taking a shower and then,'causehe smelt terrible and then he,
I, he ended up laying down and Ijust was laying there.
He had taken my phone kind ofaway from me and had it in his
hand.
So I couldn't call nine one onewhile he was asleep.
And the next thing I know, I'mhearing some commotion kind of

(52:44):
upstairs outside.
And I said, I started to get upand he was like, where are you
going?
You, did you call the police?
And I said, no, I didn't callthe police.
You have my phone.
So I go upstairs and I look outthe front window and there's
like six cops with their gunspointing at my house.
Oh my goodness.
I have never felt so relieved inmy life.

(53:11):
I opened the door, I grabbed thedog.
They said, get out here rightnow.
So I come out there and theysaid, where's he at?
And they arrested him.
And before they arrested him, hehad apparently stashed his drugs
under my bed, under my mattress.
Like he was willing to put thedrugs under my mattress for me

(53:33):
to get in trouble for them.
Yeah.
And lose my kids than to takeresponsibility.
Thank God these police officerswere not stupid.
And they knew.
They knew whose those were.
'cause I told'em they could lookanywhere in the house they
wanted to.
Yeah.
So they arrest him.
I think he spent a couple weeks,in, in jail here.

(53:56):
Um, ended up leaving.
Um.
And that really was, was theend.
There was obviously some thingsthat had happened, you know,
after that.
Um, he ended up, at some pointthey ended up calling me.
The police did, and theyextradited him from where his

(54:17):
job was, I think it was inLouisiana.
He was working in Louisiana orTexas, I can't remember.
And they extradited him back tojail here for, he spent a couple
months in jail over Thanksgivingand Christmas.
And that was really the mostamount of time that he did for,
for everything.
Yeah.
He was never, he was neverforced to financially.

(54:40):
Um, I had to file bankruptcy.
I lost my house.
Yeah.
I lost my car.
They came and got my car.
I lost my career, my job that Ihad at the time.
I literally lost everything andI almost lost my life.
And it just, it really almostdoesn't even seem real

(55:00):
sometimes.
Yeah.
As I'm sitting here, I'm inshock because I've heard you
tell stories about I've almostdied before and I've been so
scared.
But, you know, just, just to gothrough these moments with you
and to think that it, it bringstears to my eyes, um, just to

(55:25):
think in three years, like, youwent through all of this and
like, um, you know, peoplealways, I think the one thing is
they're like, well, well, yousaid okay, you asked for help,
and they stood there and that,and to me that would've been
like, I think people were inshock when someone comes in

(55:46):
screaming and you know what,you, exactly what you said
happened is.
No one wants to get involved inanything, especially nowadays.
So now we're how many yearslater?
And people just don't wanna getinvolved in other people's
business.
Yeah.
And it's, it's worse now.
Right.
You know?
Right.
'cause you don't know what'sgonna happen to you, the
retaliation of what's gonnahappen to you.
So you're thinking, do I protectthat person or do I protect

(56:08):
myself?
What is the right thing to do?
And if someone came to me andsaid, call 9 1 1, well, I would
be like, wait, what?
What is happening?
And it takes a second, to fullyprocess, to register and yeah.
Like, what is happening?
And, I am so grateful that theydid that do you have any idea
why the police showed up at yourhouse?
Oh, yes I do.
So what had happened was, is hedid not show up for court in

(56:32):
Louisiana.
Right after he got out of jail.
He went on a bender.
He got straight on drugs.
He had someone come pick him upwith a big bag of drugs, and he
started just doing drugs eversince he got outta jail in New
Orleans.
And then he took this girl'sgun, and that's what he drove to
Wichita for.
So he didn't show up for court.
So the cops in New Orleanscalled the cops and Goddard and

(56:54):
they said, you need to go checkon her right now.
We think he drove to Goddard tokill her.
That was the only reason thatthey were at my house.
Yeah.
I can't even imagine.
After you got home the firsttime, were you ever able to feel
safe in between that littletimeframe that happened?
No, I, I'm telling you, it wasyears.

(57:15):
Mm-hmm.
Years that I just was lookingover my shoulder.
I was checking the door locks.
I was, my, my kids really didn'teven feel safe to stay with me.
Yeah.
It was a really tough, toughtime.
Nobody felt safe.
He, uh, he was, he was verysmart when it came to like

(57:37):
electronics and stuff.
And he would like hack thingsand like, hack my emails, hack
this hack.
I just can't even wrap my brainaround that kind of stuff.
'cause I'm electronicallychallenged.
Yeah.
But I'm, I just, he would justshow up inside of things he
would make new accounts with hisdead brother's name to show up

(57:59):
at on social me.
Like, it was just wildeverywhere I looked, it was
wild.
I had to probably call 9 1 1 onhim, when I had a protection
order against him.
Okay.
Uh, probably 16, 15, 16 times,to file a report from him
violating that he didn't careabout violating anything.
He was showing up where I was.
He knew where I was.

(58:20):
It was very terrifying.
Wow.
I wanna thank you.
First of all, thank God for thecops showing up that day.
And, uh, the Goddard Police holda huge piece of my heart.
In fact, I've run into them acouple times after and they
remember me and I don't know howthey couldn't, but they remember

(58:42):
me and they have asked me manytimes like, how are you?
And, I remember one of themsitting down with me one day and
he said, Kinzie, if you do notget away from him, he's going to
kill you.
And we're going to show up here.
You're going to be dead.
Wow.
And it was just like a knife tothe heart, you know?
Yeah.
I am so grateful.
So, so grateful that you werealive today to share this story

(59:06):
with us and, go through some ofthese stories because we can
hear little bits of it.
I mean, you see it all over thenews, but until you've talked to
somebody who's gone through itand people are like, why didn't
they run?
Well, you just said, I didn'trun out of fear.
I didn't have the money,everything was controlled.
There was so much that, I mean,I, well, statistically, most

(59:30):
women die when they're leavingor have just left a domestic
violence relationship.
Yeah.
Leaving is the scariest part.
Yeah.
I, ooh, thank you for Yes.
Thank you for pointing that out,because that's what I was gonna
ask.
As you've gone through this, weall go through different pain,
but this is a totally differentlevel of pain on all levels of

(59:51):
trust.
You know, like your body,emotionally, spiritually,
physically, of like justchanging everything.
Well, lemme tell, tell you too,lemme tell you too.
He drew, he grew up in thechurch and he could spout
scripture like no one'sbusiness.
I don't remember who I wastalking to, but I'll never
forget what they said.
I said he, I just don'tunderstand this, it doesn't make

(01:00:14):
any sense to me.
I was always trying torationalize this abuse, like
trying to make it make sense,but it doesn't make sense to me
'cause I'm just not that kind ofperson.
But I said he knows scriptureand she goes, so does the devil.
And I was like, of course.
Yeah, you're right.
Of course the devil knowsscripture inside and out.

(01:00:35):
Mm.
That is like a mic drop momentof you don't think about that
just because someone's, whattheir words are saying.
Again, it all comes back tothere were so many words said,
and, but then the oppositethings were all happening.
So I know it's been years and wecould talk about this all day

(01:00:57):
and everything you've beenthrough.
I know that you've turned to Godfor a lot.
If someone's listening andthey're experiencing this, do
you have some advice that youwould give them?
Yeah.
Scream your story out loudbecause I feel like violence,
domestic violence, thrives insilence.

(01:01:17):
And that is one of the reasons,after I finally had got rid of
him, I needed to come public andI just felt God calling me.
One day I was leaving Walmartand I sat in my car and I cried
and I made it.
It was like a 10 minute video,and that's what I posted on my,
on Facebook.
I just wanted people to be awareof what I just got done dealing
with, because I had lost somefriends.

(01:01:38):
I had not paid attention topeople.
I didn't want anybody to takeanything personal because I was
just going through the mosttraumatic time of my life.
And so I just felt like I neededto share what I was going
through, and I had everyintention in that moment of
trying to just be there forother women and help them.
What ended up happening was Itold my story or just the
generalization that I was justin a domestic violence

(01:02:01):
relationship.
Yeah.
But I then opened for women toreach out to me if they needed
to talk.
What ended up happening was.
Two women that he ended uphooking up with right after me.
And that's what they do.
They, the narcissist, they havesomeone else already waiting.
Because they're never reallyjust with one person at a time.

(01:02:22):
They're with a bunch of people.
And so he had moved on to thenext person.
Next person.
Those two women had gonethrough, one in particular the
next one had gone through what Ijust went through, but 10 times
worse than me, she called me,she got my name because he told
her in a fight that he wouldnever love her.
Like he loved me and she got myname and my information.

(01:02:43):
She calls me and I was, I, Ijust started bawling.
It was like me talking tomyself.
She was telling me everything hehad done to her and I was just
like, my jaw was on the floor.
I'm talking drug her by her hairoutside of his truck door on a
gravel road.
I'm talking.

(01:03:06):
Trauma.
Trauma 10 times worse.
Yeah.
Than me.
And her and I are still friendsto this day.
And he really just has beenabusive to every person that
he's ever been with.
When I met him, I forgot to tellyou this, but when I met him, he
told me he was a product ofdomestic violence.
And I was like, oh, okay.

(01:03:28):
Like, I guess, yeah.
Like men can go through it too.
Right.
And he told me that the lady whohe was with for years, way
before years before had stabbedhim with a pair of scissors
right here.
So by the time I got done withhim myself, I had thought I
probably would've stabbed youwith scissors also, if I had

(01:03:50):
some near me to get away fromyou.
So then after experiencing itfirsthand for me.
I understood that she probablydid that to survive.
Yeah.
But he told me she was theabusive one.
I'm telling you, it's just somanipulative.
Well, and it's something I thinkthat, you don't, you can't wrap

(01:04:12):
your, he head around it untilyou're actually in the position.
Right.
So if you have a friend that isgoing through this, I know that
you have to be very cautious.
I know that, we've talked aboutit, when you ran your shake
shop, it was a safe space for alot of women.
Sure.
And, that is where, I got toknow you and you talked a little
bit about things and, womenwould come in and, you just have

(01:04:33):
this open heart where peoplefully trust you and they would
start to, to tell you things.
And so if you have a friendthat's going through this, how
does a friend help someonewithout getting them more
harmed?
Right.
Um, do you have any suggestionsor thoughts?
Well, the first thing I wouldsay to any woman, woman that,
that might be going through it,they could even just open up to

(01:04:54):
me, especially since I've beenthere, done that.
I would, first of all, I'd tellyou, you are not broken.
Yeah.
I believe you.
Yeah.
I believe all of these thingsthat happened to you.
And next would be that God, ifyou'll let him and you turn to
him, he can make something sobeautiful out of something so

(01:05:17):
broken.
And to be honest, several monthsago I was working out
downstairs, and my oldestdaughter had, she's moved out
now.
Mm-hmm.
Um, with her fiance and, she hadan, like an adult scriptural
coloring book on her desk, and Iwas looking through it and she
colored so beautiful in it, andI just thought it was awesome.

(01:05:39):
You know, like when you, whenyour kids grow up and they have
their own relationship withChrist, it is just absolutely
beautiful.
I was just so proud of her inthat moment.
And it was like a light bulbwent off in my head and God told
me be, because I remember therewas a couple times where I just
grabbed, a pin or some colorsand started coloring in some of

(01:06:00):
my kids' books.
And it was like a really, uh, aserene moment to get out of my
head and get my creativity ontopaper and just to really get
myself out of myself because Iwas in such a destitute time,
with drugs and just, uh, theabuse that I just really didn't
wanna be alive.
And that's a really scary placefor people.

(01:06:21):
Who have ever experienced thatfeeling.
Yeah.
And I just remember justcoloring, just being just a,
just the solitude.
With yourself and your, and youknow, I don't know.
I can't even explain it.
It was just such a magicalmoment coloring back then.
So I see this coloring book andI'm like, and I hear God tell
me.
I want you to make that, but Iwant you to make it for women

(01:06:42):
who are going through domesticviolence or have been through it
or recovering from it, or in themiddle of it.
All of them.
Yeah.
Just even trauma.
This is, it is just good, foranyone.
And I was like, me make acoloring book.
Like, yeah.
I've never, I don't know what, Idon't know how to do that, you
know?
Yeah.
But now there's just so manytools that can help do this
stuff.
And you can self-publish now.
Yeah.
Through Amazon, which isamazing.

(01:07:03):
Everybody can tell their storyand somebody needs to hear your
story.
Yeah.
One person, 10 people, 150people.
Somebody needs your story.
Somebody needs to know that theyare not alone.
And by God, if I can just createa space for other women to not
feel alone like I did, yeah.

(01:07:27):
That would just be incredible tome.
So, that's what I did, that'swhat I did.
I created a coloring book, andit's got my sweet doggie on the
front.
She did end up passing away, waybefore her time, and that was a
whole next level of trauma.
But this is the coloring bookthat I created, and it's called,
even Broken Crays, still Colorfor the woman who refuses to

(01:07:48):
stay broken and is ready to healand color.
It's a scriptural based coloringbook, and there's pages to
color.
There's thought provoking,questions in here.
This is just really a, just toremind you, and on every page.
You are not alone and that Godis with you every step of the

(01:08:08):
way.
And I am so certain I am notdead because God was holding my
hand and holding me through thatsituation.
There's no other explanation.
Yeah.
I was not supposed to survivethat.
And I'll tell you what, and I'vesaid this to a few people, I
firmly believe I was supposed togo through that.

(01:08:29):
I think everything happens for areason.
And it's not just a clichestatement.
I think we grow into the peoplewe're supposed to be through the
experiences that we go through.
And I have such a heart for, forwomen in particular, and just
people in general.

(01:08:50):
I just, I'm an empath and I knowyou are too.
We talk about this all the time.
Like I physically feel whatother people feel.
Yeah.
It's like I'm going through it,right?
Mm-hmm.
Beside them.
So that's what I did.
I created, um, really a, a wholebrand called Healing and Color
and this coloring book, and Ijust wrote it in Spanish.

(01:09:10):
I'm getting ready to yay, um, toput that out myself.
It's just, it's really needed inthat community, as well.
And I just really hope to touchpeople.
Everyone who orders a book, likeI have it on the TikTok shop, so
everybody orders one, I'll writethem hand, write them a special
note, to, let them know that Iam thankful and that God is with
them every page that they openand every color that they pick

(01:09:33):
up.
It's really just been ablessing.
And to top everything off, Ijust really felt God tell me you
need to do some healing.
Yeah.
If you're gonna help otherpeople do some healing mm-hmm.
You can't tuck away your traumafor eight years and think it's
going to go away because thebody keeps score.

(01:09:54):
A hundred percent.
And that is an incredible bookfor anybody who's never, read
it, but our body holds onto totrauma.
Casey and I have done a lot ofYeah, work, just listening to
our bodies and changing, we justhold onto all that trauma and
our gut and it just can reallywreak havoc on the rest of your
life if you don't learn to letthat stuff out.

(01:10:15):
Yeah.
I wanna thank you for beinghere, and just thank you for
sharing all of that, and thankyou for being so vulnerable and
just sharing your experience.
There's really no words to saywhen someone's been through
something this deep, but I am sograteful that you're alive and
I'm so grateful that you are nowturning this into a situation
that, can spread awareness, toothers going through this, but

(01:10:38):
really to the community of.
This is happening so much morethan we think and all around us.
And you couldn't be the one tosave somebody else's life by
just being aware and Right.
Honestly.
Um, you know, having these openconversations with your kids,
not to scare them, but we needto know that we are enough as we

(01:10:59):
are and we are loved.
And you said all of those wordslike you are not alone and
everybody needs to know that.
It's so, so powerful and, Ican't wait.
I know that it's already in somany people's hands for just as
the ripple effect of it just isspread on to so many more.
Can you tell the listeners wherethey can find you at?

(01:11:21):
Yeah, so I, will give you mylink tree and it has a link, to
buy the book on Amazon.
It also has a link if you wannapurchase several copies for
maybe a local, shelter, you canreach out.
There's all my information inthe Link tree to get ahold of
me.
You can donate on Venmo Cashapp, PayPal, like however you
want.
And then again, if you knowsomeone, I'd be happy if you

(01:11:43):
just reach out to me, I'd behappy to just mail that person a
copy of in, in your name.
Or you can, again, like I said,you can get it on Amazon.
It's on there too.
But the link tree really has allof my information.
So that's just the best place todo it.
So yeah.
If they wanted to have a quickconversation with you, what is
the best way to do that onsocial media or TikTok?
How do Yeah.
Yes.

(01:12:03):
Yeah, anywhere.
Anywhere.
On TikTok, my handle is healingin color.
On the link tree, there's also abutton you can, they'll take you
directly to my TikTok.
Okay.
So that's handy.
And I think there's like abutton even in my link to where
you can just email me.
My email's attached.
So if you can't get ahold of metoo, you can always reach out to
Casey and she knows how to getahold of me.
I'm an open book, and again, ifanybody needs anything, I don't

(01:12:26):
even care if you just need acoffee date or a virtual coffee
date just to talk about whatyou're going through.
Like I, with somebody who, whoknows or understands, I'm
absolutely available for thattoo.
Thank you so much, and I'll dropall that in the show notes.
So, it's easy for them just toclick on and find.
Yeah.
And I just wanna thank you, fromthe bottom of my heart for

(01:12:49):
sharing your story and justbeing so brave to take action
and not just sit in what you'vebeen through, but really to
create this space for people tobe able to connect and have
someone to connect with and notfeel alone.
You took the brave courage andyou did the action.

(01:13:10):
And, it's gonna be huge.
And I just love you so much.
Well, thank you for creatingthis safe space for people to,
to come together and, really,and just community.
You know, God doesn't want us todo life alone.
Yeah.
And when you feel so alone.
When you feel like you don'thave anyone, that is the time
you've got to yell and you'vegot to find someone because that

(01:13:32):
is, we are not meant to do lifelike that.
Thank you.
That's probably like one of thebest closing statements you
could say right there.
I wanna thank you all forlistening.
Kenzie's story is so, soinspiring and I will leave all
of the links.
If anybody was triggered bythis, I do encourage you to, go
to some breath work, tap on yourcollarbone, just signal safety

(01:13:55):
to your body.
We talked about a lot of deepconversation.
She went through a lot thatshe's been through, and I just
thank her for the bottom of myheart for sharing this
experience.
And.
The awareness that it's gonnabring to this.
And she's gonna be able to helpso many others.
And not only is she going to beable to, she's now giving others
permission to hear, go share herbook and you can help others.

(01:14:19):
Yes.
Get through something so big.
So, as always, listeners, thankyou for listening and go click
on Kenzie's link and check herout.
Thank you for tuning intoanother episode.
I hope today's story inspiredyou to embrace your own journey
of growth and change.
Remember, transformation isn'talways easy, but it's always
worth it.
If you enjoyed this episode, besure to subscribe.

(01:14:42):
Share it with a friend, andleave a review.
If you found something thatsparked you in this episode and
may spark a friend, I encourageyou to go share with them.
If you have your own story youwould like to share, I would
love to hear it.
So please reach out to me.
Until next time, friends, gohave some fun and let those
sparks lie.

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