June 15, 2023 • 38 mins
In the next season of the Inspired Focus podcast, host Jaime O'Connor interviews guests who delve into taboo and provocative topics, including plant medicine, social deconstruction, and porn addiction. But before tackling these topics, Jaime had to learn how to expand her capacity and learn my own lines of nervous system shutdown. Listen as she shares her journey and the tools she used to slow down and process her emotions to live a truly fulfilled life. The only question left unanswered is: what happens when we feel free to show all of ourselves?
In this episode, you will be able to:
- Realize the crucial role of emotional capacity in living a life full of joy and abundance.
- Investigate various techniques for capacity expansion, like breathwork, hypnosis, and somatic release.
- Comprehend the value of managing emotions and pain through body-focused approaches.
- Examine O'Connor's personal growth in terms of her emotional capacity.
- Appreciate the significance of mindfulness and awareness in steering clear of overwhelming situations.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Welcome to the Inspired Focuspodcast.
This is your host, JamieO'Connor, and I am excited to be
kicking off the next season.
I don't really have seasons onmy podcast at the moment, but
the next season of The InspiredFocus podcast, and in a way, it
truly is the next seasonbecause.
(00:25):
The people I'm interviewing inthe upcoming episodes are next
level, and it's a new season forme in my life, which is what I
wanna talk about today on thisfirst podcast back.
I wanna talk about this newseason in regards to capacity,
and I think capacity is a reallyimportant subject matter that we
(00:49):
don't really talk about thatmuch out in the world.
And.
The first time I heard capacitytalked about in this way was
from one of my teachers andmentors, Reverend Brianna Lynn,
who is also going to be a gueston an upcoming episode, and she
(01:10):
talked about the capacitywaterfall.
and I know you can imagine whatthis is when I describe it.
Imagine you're talking tosomebody about something.
You are so, so excited about itand it is just like way in your
zone of genius.
It is something that lights youup and you know all of the
things.
(01:31):
Probably you know too manythings about it in order to
explain it in a way thatsomebody else is gonna
understand, who doesn't knowanything, and you are talking
about it, and you're tellingthem about all of these things
and their eyes start to glazeover.
and they check out andessentially they have been
(01:55):
pushed over their capacitywaterfall.
They can no longer absorb theinformation that is coming out
of your mouth, going into theirear, not going into their brain,
going right out the other ear.
I know you've had thisexperience.
Capacity goes even deeper thanthis, though.
(02:16):
Capacity is such.
An important conversation andtopic for you to be thinking
about when it comes totransformational change, a
desire to live a very fulfilledlife.
When we talk aboutmanifestation, if you wanna call
it that, or bringing in callingin things into your life that
(02:40):
you want, capacity is a veryimportant subject when we're
talking about money.
and money mindset.
You might be wondering why.
What does capacity have to dowith all of these things?
When I talk about capacity andtalk about the ability for you
(03:03):
to hold something, to carry theenergy of it in your life.
To experience it completely andw holy.
So when we're talking aboutcapacity, we're talking about
your nervous system.
We're talking about the abilityto experience something without
(03:27):
total shutdown.
When I'm talking about capacity,I am talking about the ability
to keep your nervous system fromgoing into a flight, freeze
fight, or fawn response.
because when we do that, we'reno longer taking in.
We no longer have the ability tohandle the situation.
(03:50):
And when we talk about trauma,which can be anything that is
too much, too fast, too soon,your body goes into these
nervous system responses.
But the reality is we go intothese nervous system responses.
all the time, right?
We go into these nervous systemresponses when we can't handle
(04:15):
any more information.
When we can't handle any moretime in a situation, when we
need more sleep, when we need toeat, when we need to take a
break, when we need to calm downcuz we're angry.
(04:35):
These are all times that ourcapacity has been pushed to the
limit.
And if you think about it,capacity has a lot to do with
how much you can hold in ajoyful sense.
How many times in your life haveyou had one of the best days You
can imagine you are.
(04:59):
Loving the time with yourhusband, your kids are just
being the best that they couldpossibly be.
You've had amazing conversationswith friends, whatever it is,
and then at some point duringthe day, you get wildly upset
about something that normallywouldn't really bother you, or
(05:23):
you pick a fight with yourhusband.
Why do we do this?
It's because it doesn't feelsafe to experience that much
joy.
We haven't trained our nervoussystem to actually take in that
much and feel like we can handleit, because in reality, that
(05:43):
amount of joy is the equivalentinside of our bodies as that
amount of fear.
It's showing up inside your bodysomatically the same way, and so
yes our ability to handle trulyhandle difficult situations is
equal to our ability to handlejoyful situations.
(06:08):
Now, you may be one of thosepeople who says, well, I handle
so many hard situations.
I have been through the ringer.
I was the same way.
But what I've come to realize inmy life is that I could get
through those situations.
(06:29):
The really hard stuff, thereally traumatic stuff I've had
my fair share of it.
I've experienced multipleexperiences of traumatic abuse,
and so I wore those things as abadge of honor, right?
I wore these things as a badgeof honor that I had dealt with
(06:51):
this really hard shit and howmuch grit I have and how much
resilience I have.
But the reality is, I hadn'tactually expanded my capacity to
grieve anything I hadexperienced to truly process all
of the feelings and the emotionsand the pain I had in every one
(07:17):
of those because I went intoserious nervous system, shut
down, and man, that was anamazing survival tool.
I became a high performer,largely because of my ability to
shut shit down and keep going.
I got to where I am largelybecause of that ability and how
(07:41):
I had responded my entire lifeto very difficult situations.
What I didn't know all of thattime is that.
I was also keeping myself frombeing able to handle a ton of
joy in a deeply fulfilledpresent way, because when I
(08:07):
would go over to the joy sideand have really beautiful,
amazing, loving, deepexperiences.
I'd also go into shut down.
And so while shutdown was abrilliant survival tool to be
able to push through really,really hard things, it was
(08:28):
equally the thing that kept mefrom my greatest fulfillment and
joy.
That is a painful thing to lookat.
I can feel the tears welling upin my own eyes just saying this.
And it was also keeping me frombeing able to hold more money.
(08:49):
They're all related, right?
So when we get to a point in ourlife, Where the tools that got
us to where we are, theshutdown, the not dealing with
the hard stuff, has now startedto veer its ugly head and hold
us back.
(09:12):
That's the point that we startto look at what do we do to
increase our capacity?
And here's the hard part.
The only way out is through.
The only way out is through.
We have to be willing to go inand actually process through all
(09:37):
of these things that we've putinto boxes and put inside
shelves inside our heart.
We have to be willing to.
Unlock parts of ourself.
We've hidden away in closets andbasements inside our mind, our
psyche, our body, and actuallystart to feel the feelings,
(09:59):
actually start to feel all ofthe things we weren't allowing
ourselves to feel.
Be able to go through theprocess, the moments the
experience.
and have faith as we go throughthe dark parts that out the
other side, we're able to holdit all because the more that we
(10:21):
can go back to all of thesethings and hold the feelings,
the emotions, the process, beable to process through those,
allow them, grieve them, havethem.
the more we're expanding ourcapacity inside our nervous
system to have the really goodthings too.
(10:44):
But it's a slow process.
You can re-traumatize Sure.
By going back through theexperience.
That's one way.
But what we don't talk about isthat we can actually
re-traumatize by going too fast.
Too soon, having too much, toofast, too soon, trying to do the
(11:05):
change work too fast and notaccepting that we can take time,
we can slow down, and that'sactually the way to get the
things we want faster.
It doesn't make logical sense.
Your logical brain, especiallyas a high performer who's been
(11:27):
able to shut down, ignore hardthings and get things really
fast because of it, does notwant to accept that you might
have to take this slow in orderto get where you really wanna
be.
It doesn't wanna accept that inorder to have the level of
fulfillment, the level of joy.
(11:49):
It's actually a slowdownprocess.
It's a process of allowing,taking the time, recognizing
inside our somatic bodies whenwe are getting to a place of
feeling the feelings that is toofar over the edge, cuz here's
(12:12):
how we need to do it.
you need to look at the thingand say, okay, I can only
experience this much, and how doyou know, okay, this is a
difficult situation from thepast.
I've put down all of thesedifferent feelings.
I've never experienced them.
(12:33):
I'm gonna allow myself.
To write and talk through andlook at what is happening here,
and you get to an edge, okay,I'm at the edge.
How much further can I push it?
That's where we expand thecapacity, right?
We expand the capacity by goingto our edge and stepping the toe
(12:57):
over the line.
Okay.
I'm good.
I'm good here.
I feel safe.
I don't feel like I'm about toshut down or wanna fight
somebody or want to getvalidation.
I'm good here.
Okay.
I'm gonna push it a littlefurther.
Still feel good?
Okay.
(13:17):
Going a little further.
Nope, that's it.
Can't do it.
I'm gonna hurt somebody.
I'm gonna hurt myself.
Does not feel good.
I feel unsafe.
Alright, that's my line.
That's good enough for today.
There's so many ways we can dothis.
I personally love, love, lovewhen you're first exploring
(13:39):
these modalities to deepen inhere.
I love.
Versions of hypnosis and breathwork, these two types of change
work give you the ability to ownevery single part of it, to have
totally sovereign decisionmaking on how far you're gonna
(14:02):
go.
Okay?
Because in both, you can stop.
You can say Too far, too much,too soon.
Don't wanna go there.
and you can stop.
When you start to explore thingslike psychedelics, you have the
opportunity to havelife-changing work.
(14:23):
However you kind of take theability away from yourself to
have the break.
So I'm a really big believer inpsychedelics.
and I'm a really big believerthat they should be added in
after you have expanded yourcapacity and you really know
(14:43):
where your lines are in yourbody, and you have the tools to
bring your mind back.
So, I lean towards hypnosis andbreath work at the beginning of
change work.
Okay?
Because you really can have theability to hit the brake, hit
the stop, and hit the gas pedal,and you should know and be given
(15:06):
the opportunity with anyoneyou're working with.
To do this right, to understandhow you have the gas pedal, the
brake, and the ability to stop.
If you haven't been given thatinformation, I encourage you to
take a step back and askquestions.
Ask questions just becausesomebody is a coach.
(15:27):
So just because somebody is apsychedelic facilitator, just
because somebody has indigenouslineage does not mean that
they're actually holding up thebest interest for you.
So little bit side rant could besomething to go deep into on
another podcast, but I want tostick with the line of capacity
(15:47):
here.
Things like hypnosis and.
Breathwork give you theopportunity to explore the
deeper feelings, go into thedeeper layers, and give you the
ability to push just slightlyover the edge, open up your
(16:09):
capacity to feel deeply, feel.
Process through all of that andjust push out slightly your
nervous system's capacity tohold something before it goes
further into flight.
Freeze fawn or fight response.
These little moments expanding,working on it weekly, daily, if
(16:35):
you can.
If you can do 10 minutes ofbreath work every day, allow
what comes through to comethrough.
To five minutes of journaling,10 minutes of journaling.
Be able to process through.
When the tears come to flow, letthem flow.
When the desire to scream andrage comes fricking scream into
a pillow.
(16:55):
When the desire, as you're doingthis work, have a tantrum, like
a toddler and beat the shit outof your bed, happens, do it.
Process these feelings.
Allow yourself to go to a placeyou were never allowed to go to
as a kid.
Utilize tools in a private andsafe place, and these can start
(17:19):
to expand your capacity in themost amazing ways.
So why am I talking aboutcapacity on this episode?
On this first episode back?
I am talking about it becausethe people I'm interviewing and
that you are gonna get to listento over the next five to six
(17:41):
weeks and beyond are talkingabout things I was afraid to put
out there.
I've had to take the time,almost a year now, of deciding
to record and put out episodesof this podcast.
To expand my nervous system'scapacity to accept that not
(18:04):
everyone will like what I haveto say to accept that not
everyone will like what myguests have to say to accept
that some of the topics andinterests that I have are very
provocative and very taboo.
My nervous system was not ready.
(18:24):
it wasn't ready to put outthere.
The things that were over myline for people outside of my
core group to know, I was truly,deeply interested in that.
I have truly deeply explored, soI took it slow.
I interviewed people that werecloser to my previous world and
(18:45):
marketing.
but about what was life changingin their life?
What got them closer to theirpurpose?
I started having smallconversations with those people
about things like plant medicineand psychedelics.
I started exploring further inmy smaller groups.
Expanding out into people thatdidn't actually know me very
(19:08):
closely, but were accepting ofsome of the conversations I
wanna have.
The taboo and the provocative.
I started to allow people tohave their opinions without it
affecting my worthiness.
I took it slow.
I've processed the feelings offear that would come up when I'd
(19:33):
make a post in a privatecommunity and just like, Ugh,
God, what if they don't like me?
And I allowed those smallcontainers to be my fertile
ground, to expand my capacity sothat I can come on and I can
interview people that aretalking about things that.
We've been told we're notsupposed to talk about.
(19:55):
We're talking about plantmedicine and social
deconstruction, decolonization.
We're talking about pornaddiction.
We're talking about the deeplayers of things that keep you
from your greatest life, how toget past them, and how to
(20:15):
actually live a truly fulfillinglife.
So part of this episode is alsoto share my story so that if
you're on your healing journey,you can learn from me.
and start to explore what itmeans to slow down.
I pushed myself beyond mycapacity and set myself into
(20:39):
nervous system.
Shut down when I started on thishealing journey, and not when I
started on the full healingjourney, because that was 20
years ago.
Ironically, also after I hadgone into nervous system shut
down because of sexual assault.
and I went into a fulldepressive state and then was
(21:04):
fortunate enough to have a momthat recognized it, got me into
therapy, which led me to 12Step, which led me into my first
experience of essentially shadowwork.
And I did that for a long time,which expanded into many other
things over the years.
But it was two and a half yearsago that I had my first,
(21:29):
therapeutic psychedelicexperience, and my first night
was truly life changing.
in the positive sense, thetherapeutic sense.
I was able to process a lot ofvery difficult emotions in a
safe, really held place, and Iwas able to let go of so much
(21:55):
anger with my father and hisdecisions as an addict and an
alcoholic while I was growing upthat.
I held onto my whole life and Iwas able to see in him the pain
that he must have beenexperiencing in order to make
(22:16):
the choices that he did in thoseyears.
Because he's got one of thebiggest hearts that I've ever
seen in my life.
I am sure that he feels in thesame kind of way that I feel and
doesn't actually know it.
And I saw all that.
And I felt so much empathy.
(22:38):
Empathy for his pain.
Empathy for his shame because Iknow the choices he was making.
He knew the pain he was causingand yet didn't seem to have the
ability to not make them becauseof his diseases, his addiction,
and his and his pain.
(23:01):
And I was able to shed all ofthat.
All of that anger, all theworthiness that was associated
with not feeling like I wasgetting the love I wanted or
deserved, and that causing me tofeel worthy.
(23:22):
I was able to shed all of thatbecause I knew now how much he
did love me.
I was able to hold and expand mycapacity to process my own
emotions and also hold the painthat I imagine he felt in those
years, and it was a gorgeous,amazing experience.
(23:45):
Now, I do believe.
I had that experience in orderto have the next night happen
for my capacity to be big enoughto be able to come back from
what happened the next night,but I wasn't actually ready for
the next night.
I had not done the work prior tofully hold.
(24:11):
All of the information that Ireceived on the next night, and
I shut down my nervous system toa place where I went into
depression for six monthsafterwards.
I believe that what I ended upexperiencing on the next nights
is a part of my purpose.
(24:34):
I was somehow meant toexperience, and I have many
times in this life pushingmyself so far over the edge that
I couldn't come back for a longtime.
This is a pattern in my life andI believe it's a pattern in my
life so that I can learn andunderstand how to hold other
(24:59):
people in a way that they don'thave to experience that in order
to change and heal.
I do not think it is required.
I believe with every ounce of mybeing, you can have massive
transformational change withouthaving to break yourself I know
(25:20):
because I've seen it.
I've seen it in my clients, I'veseen it in people around me who
haven't taken that path.
So part of my mission on thisearth is to share with you the
ways that can keep you fromgoing over that edge.
The edges that I've gone over.
The waterfalls I've gone overwithout a life raft.
On the next night I was given apsychedelic.
(25:43):
That opened up a lot of memoriesfor me.
I'll be honest, I still to thisday don't actually know if
they're my memories or they'reepigenetic held in me.
From my bloodlines and lineages,or if you really wanna go there
past lives, and I don't reallyneed to know.
(26:03):
What I know is that I had spentmany, many years in my late teen
and adult life having thisfeeling that something really
bad happened at a young age.
It had come up many times for mewhere I just had this like
(26:24):
feeling, feeling, and it hadn'tcome up in about four years.
I hadn't really had thatfeeling.
And on the second night, on mysecond drop in, it landed like a
ton of bricks, little bits ofwhat felt like memory, but more
(26:46):
than anything, it was like theknowing this happened, I felt
this deep understanding.
that some form of sexual traumahappened at two and a half years
old, and I just completelybroke.
I was taken into a room by thefacilitators and given somatic
(27:09):
exercises.
One of the amazing things thatthey did was, um, Explained to
me that I did not need tomentally process this.
This needed to be released frommy body in that particular time.
Mental processing might besomething we do after or after
the psychedelics are gone, butlike right now, this is about
(27:30):
somatic release and my bodytremor for 20 minutes releasing
all of this held pain.
and I still truly own.
I really don't know if this wasmy trauma.
It may have been.
(27:50):
I don't have that informationand I honestly don't need to
know.
I have come to that place now.
I've come to the place of beingable to somatically process
these feelings and theseemotions that come through when
they still come throughsometimes of.
Deep desire to not be seen.
(28:11):
That's, that's the biggestconnection point that I, I had
from it is from that moment on,I hid myself and I was also a
target for predators many timesover the next few years that I
was able to not.
End up in a similar situation,but I had no less than three
(28:36):
instances of predatorsapproaching me until I was 18
years old, and it madeeverything make sense.
So whether I had held that in mybody from my previous
generations and somebody in myline having had something happen
(28:57):
to them, or something happenedto me at two and a half that I
don't recall, that all came outthat night and it was too much
for my mental processing.
It was too much for my nervoussystem.
I was okay.
After the somatic release andthe tremors, I actually came out
(29:17):
and had this beautifulexperience of being able to
truly feel other people'sfeelings.
It was like, it was like thispart of me was released that had
been totally cut off my entirelife, starting at.
What I assume is two and a half,but it was afterwards.
(29:40):
It was, it was the next day andthe next six months where
essentially my body, my psyche,my mind said, what the hell did
you do to us?
We can't take anything else andjust shut down.
Went into full depression and.
I learned a lot from thatexperience as a coach.
(30:03):
Now today, that experience hasshaped the way I coach.
It's shaped how I believe weshould be teaching people how to
be connected deeply to theircapacity.
Teaching people before you enterinto any kind of psychedelic
container, how to deal withthese kinds of things.
(30:25):
Because traumas come up, theycome up in psychedelics.
Absolutely.
I can tell you firsthand ithappened in my first psychedelic
container as I just explained,and we don't have to do it that
way.
you don't have to be forced overyour capacity waterfall in order
to have a beautiful, lifechanging, transformational
(30:48):
experience that gets you to theplace of a totally fulfilled
life.
I am so proud of myself forusing this podcast as an
example.
To take the time I needed to, toexpand my capacity before I
started really delving into thethings that are hard to talk
(31:11):
about and be totally preparedfor the fact that this may make
you uncomfortable.
This may make you not wannalisten anymore.
It also may make the people whohave.
Had the hard shit or wanna talkabout their porn addiction or
(31:32):
feel like they have absolutelybeen affected by systems of
oppression may make them listen.
And either way, I'm not attachedto it cuz I've done the work
leading into this moment.
So, I'm gonna end this episodewith a few thoughts for you to
contemplate.
(31:53):
Where is one area that you mightbe able to push yourself just
slightly to feel a little bitmore?
How actually connected to yourbody are you when anger,
sadness.
Any major emotion starts toarise.
Do you know where that existsinside your body?
(32:14):
Do you know how your bodyreacts?
If not, that's okay.
That's the place to start.
When you start to feel anybigger emotion, this is your
reminder to take a moment andsay, what's happening in my
body?
or go back to that moment.
(32:36):
Go back to that moment where youyelled at your kids and regarded
it afterwards.
Go back to the moment where youwere a little bit passive
aggressive with your husband, oryou tore apart an employee
because they did something alittle bit wrong.
Go back to those moments.
Imagine them and then drop intoyour heart center.
(32:59):
Imagine the moment and justnotice where the things come up
in your body.
What does it feel like if you dothis after the situations have
happened?
Just a few times.
You might notice that in thesituations going forward, you
start to be aware of just thelittle changes that are going
(33:22):
on, and the more aware you get,just a little bit of awareness,
the more you get.
To push slightly beyond andactually feel the feeling, the
feeling inside your body.
That's what feeling feelings is,by the way.
It's not in your head.
It's not thinking about it.
It's feeling it in your bodybecause when you feel it in your
(33:45):
body, a lot of times the actualunderlying thing starts to come
up.
Sadness, grief, worthiness, andthen, you get to take a pause
and not react the way you arereacting.
Presence, presence and capacitybuilding.
(34:06):
I'll be talking about presencein another episode soon.
Thank you so, so much forlistening to me, this story and
this expansion.
If you haven't already, I wouldlove it if you subscribe to your
favorite platform and if youliked this, drop a review.
(34:28):
I appreciate it.
Thank you so much for being hereand come back next time.
Welcome to the Inspired Focuspodcast.
This is your host, JamieO'Connor, and I am excited to be
kicking off the next season.
I don't really have seasons onmy podcast at the moment, but
the next season of The InspiredFocus podcast, and in a way, it
truly is the next seasonbecause.
(00:25):
The people I'm interviewing inthe upcoming episodes are next
level, and it's a new season forme in my life, which is what I
wanna talk about today on thisfirst podcast back.
I wanna talk about this newseason in regards to capacity,
and I think capacity is a reallyimportant subject matter that we
(00:49):
don't really talk about thatmuch out in the world.
And.
The first time I heard capacitytalked about in this way was
from one of my teachers andmentors, Reverend Brianna Lynn,
who is also going to be a gueston an upcoming episode, and she
(01:10):
talked about the capacitywaterfall.
and I know you can imagine whatthis is when I describe it.
Imagine you're talking tosomebody about something.
You are so, so excited about itand it is just like way in your
zone of genius.
It is something that lights youup and you know all of the
things.
(01:31):
Probably you know too manythings about it in order to
explain it in a way thatsomebody else is gonna
understand, who doesn't knowanything, and you are talking
about it, and you're tellingthem about all of these things
and their eyes start to glazeover.
and they check out andessentially they have been
(01:55):
pushed over their capacitywaterfall.
They can no longer absorb theinformation that is coming out
of your mouth, going into theirear, not going into their brain,
going right out the other ear.
I know you've had thisexperience.
Capacity goes even deeper thanthis, though.
(02:16):
Capacity is such.
An important conversation andtopic for you to be thinking
about when it comes totransformational change, a
desire to live a very fulfilledlife.
When we talk aboutmanifestation, if you wanna call
it that, or bringing in callingin things into your life that
(02:40):
you want, capacity is a veryimportant subject when we're
talking about money.
and money mindset.
You might be wondering why.
What does capacity have to dowith all of these things?
When I talk about capacity andtalk about the ability for you
(03:03):
to hold something, to carry theenergy of it in your life.
To experience it completely andw holy.
So when we're talking aboutcapacity, we're talking about
your nervous system.
We're talking about the abilityto experience something without
(03:27):
total shutdown.
When I'm talking about capacity,I am talking about the ability
to keep your nervous system fromgoing into a flight, freeze
fight, or fawn response.
because when we do that, we'reno longer taking in.
We no longer have the ability tohandle the situation.
(03:50):
And when we talk about trauma,which can be anything that is
too much, too fast, too soon,your body goes into these
nervous system responses.
But the reality is we go intothese nervous system responses.
all the time, right?
We go into these nervous systemresponses when we can't handle
(04:15):
any more information.
When we can't handle any moretime in a situation, when we
need more sleep, when we need toeat, when we need to take a
break, when we need to calm downcuz we're angry.
(04:35):
These are all times that ourcapacity has been pushed to the
limit.
And if you think about it,capacity has a lot to do with
how much you can hold in ajoyful sense.
How many times in your life haveyou had one of the best days You
can imagine you are.
(04:59):
Loving the time with yourhusband, your kids are just
being the best that they couldpossibly be.
You've had amazing conversationswith friends, whatever it is,
and then at some point duringthe day, you get wildly upset
about something that normallywouldn't really bother you, or
(05:23):
you pick a fight with yourhusband.
Why do we do this?
It's because it doesn't feelsafe to experience that much
joy.
We haven't trained our nervoussystem to actually take in that
much and feel like we can handleit, because in reality, that
(05:43):
amount of joy is the equivalentinside of our bodies as that
amount of fear.
It's showing up inside your bodysomatically the same way, and so
yes our ability to handle trulyhandle difficult situations is
equal to our ability to handlejoyful situations.
(06:08):
Now, you may be one of thosepeople who says, well, I handle
so many hard situations.
I have been through the ringer.
I was the same way.
But what I've come to realize inmy life is that I could get
through those situations.
(06:29):
The really hard stuff, thereally traumatic stuff I've had
my fair share of it.
I've experienced multipleexperiences of traumatic abuse,
and so I wore those things as abadge of honor, right?
I wore these things as a badgeof honor that I had dealt with
(06:51):
this really hard shit and howmuch grit I have and how much
resilience I have.
But the reality is, I hadn'tactually expanded my capacity to
grieve anything I hadexperienced to truly process all
of the feelings and the emotionsand the pain I had in every one
(07:17):
of those because I went intoserious nervous system, shut
down, and man, that was anamazing survival tool.
I became a high performer,largely because of my ability to
shut shit down and keep going.
I got to where I am largelybecause of that ability and how
(07:41):
I had responded my entire lifeto very difficult situations.
What I didn't know all of thattime is that.
I was also keeping myself frombeing able to handle a ton of
joy in a deeply fulfilledpresent way, because when I
(08:07):
would go over to the joy sideand have really beautiful,
amazing, loving, deepexperiences.
I'd also go into shut down.
And so while shutdown was abrilliant survival tool to be
able to push through really,really hard things, it was
(08:28):
equally the thing that kept mefrom my greatest fulfillment and
joy.
That is a painful thing to lookat.
I can feel the tears welling upin my own eyes just saying this.
And it was also keeping me frombeing able to hold more money.
(08:49):
They're all related, right?
So when we get to a point in ourlife, Where the tools that got
us to where we are, theshutdown, the not dealing with
the hard stuff, has now startedto veer its ugly head and hold
us back.
(09:12):
That's the point that we startto look at what do we do to
increase our capacity?
And here's the hard part.
The only way out is through.
The only way out is through.
We have to be willing to go inand actually process through all
(09:37):
of these things that we've putinto boxes and put inside
shelves inside our heart.
We have to be willing to.
Unlock parts of ourself.
We've hidden away in closets andbasements inside our mind, our
psyche, our body, and actuallystart to feel the feelings,
(09:59):
actually start to feel all ofthe things we weren't allowing
ourselves to feel.
Be able to go through theprocess, the moments the
experience.
and have faith as we go throughthe dark parts that out the
other side, we're able to holdit all because the more that we
(10:21):
can go back to all of thesethings and hold the feelings,
the emotions, the process, beable to process through those,
allow them, grieve them, havethem.
the more we're expanding ourcapacity inside our nervous
system to have the really goodthings too.
(10:44):
But it's a slow process.
You can re-traumatize Sure.
By going back through theexperience.
That's one way.
But what we don't talk about isthat we can actually
re-traumatize by going too fast.
Too soon, having too much, toofast, too soon, trying to do the
(11:05):
change work too fast and notaccepting that we can take time,
we can slow down, and that'sactually the way to get the
things we want faster.
It doesn't make logical sense.
Your logical brain, especiallyas a high performer who's been
(11:27):
able to shut down, ignore hardthings and get things really
fast because of it, does notwant to accept that you might
have to take this slow in orderto get where you really wanna
be.
It doesn't wanna accept that inorder to have the level of
fulfillment, the level of joy.
(11:49):
It's actually a slowdownprocess.
It's a process of allowing,taking the time, recognizing
inside our somatic bodies whenwe are getting to a place of
feeling the feelings that is toofar over the edge, cuz here's
(12:12):
how we need to do it.
you need to look at the thingand say, okay, I can only
experience this much, and how doyou know, okay, this is a
difficult situation from thepast.
I've put down all of thesedifferent feelings.
I've never experienced them.
(12:33):
I'm gonna allow myself.
To write and talk through andlook at what is happening here,
and you get to an edge, okay,I'm at the edge.
How much further can I push it?
That's where we expand thecapacity, right?
We expand the capacity by goingto our edge and stepping the toe
(12:57):
over the line.
Okay.
I'm good.
I'm good here.
I feel safe.
I don't feel like I'm about toshut down or wanna fight
somebody or want to getvalidation.
I'm good here.
Okay.
I'm gonna push it a littlefurther.
Still feel good?
Okay.
(13:17):
Going a little further.
Nope, that's it.
Can't do it.
I'm gonna hurt somebody.
I'm gonna hurt myself.
Does not feel good.
I feel unsafe.
Alright, that's my line.
That's good enough for today.
There's so many ways we can dothis.
I personally love, love, lovewhen you're first exploring
(13:39):
these modalities to deepen inhere.
I love.
Versions of hypnosis and breathwork, these two types of change
work give you the ability to ownevery single part of it, to have
totally sovereign decisionmaking on how far you're gonna
(14:02):
go.
Okay?
Because in both, you can stop.
You can say Too far, too much,too soon.
Don't wanna go there.
and you can stop.
When you start to explore thingslike psychedelics, you have the
opportunity to havelife-changing work.
(14:23):
However you kind of take theability away from yourself to
have the break.
So I'm a really big believer inpsychedelics.
and I'm a really big believerthat they should be added in
after you have expanded yourcapacity and you really know
(14:43):
where your lines are in yourbody, and you have the tools to
bring your mind back.
So, I lean towards hypnosis andbreath work at the beginning of
change work.
Okay?
Because you really can have theability to hit the brake, hit
the stop, and hit the gas pedal,and you should know and be given
(15:06):
the opportunity with anyoneyou're working with.
To do this right, to understandhow you have the gas pedal, the
brake, and the ability to stop.
If you haven't been given thatinformation, I encourage you to
take a step back and askquestions.
Ask questions just becausesomebody is a coach.
(15:27):
So just because somebody is apsychedelic facilitator, just
because somebody has indigenouslineage does not mean that
they're actually holding up thebest interest for you.
So little bit side rant could besomething to go deep into on
another podcast, but I want tostick with the line of capacity
(15:47):
here.
Things like hypnosis and.
Breathwork give you theopportunity to explore the
deeper feelings, go into thedeeper layers, and give you the
ability to push just slightlyover the edge, open up your
(16:09):
capacity to feel deeply, feel.
Process through all of that andjust push out slightly your
nervous system's capacity tohold something before it goes
further into flight.
Freeze fawn or fight response.
These little moments expanding,working on it weekly, daily, if
(16:35):
you can.
If you can do 10 minutes ofbreath work every day, allow
what comes through to comethrough.
To five minutes of journaling,10 minutes of journaling.
Be able to process through.
When the tears come to flow, letthem flow.
When the desire to scream andrage comes fricking scream into
a pillow.
(16:55):
When the desire, as you're doingthis work, have a tantrum, like
a toddler and beat the shit outof your bed, happens, do it.
Process these feelings.
Allow yourself to go to a placeyou were never allowed to go to
as a kid.
Utilize tools in a private andsafe place, and these can start
(17:19):
to expand your capacity in themost amazing ways.
So why am I talking aboutcapacity on this episode?
On this first episode back?
I am talking about it becausethe people I'm interviewing and
that you are gonna get to listento over the next five to six
(17:41):
weeks and beyond are talkingabout things I was afraid to put
out there.
I've had to take the time,almost a year now, of deciding
to record and put out episodesof this podcast.
To expand my nervous system'scapacity to accept that not
(18:04):
everyone will like what I haveto say to accept that not
everyone will like what myguests have to say to accept
that some of the topics andinterests that I have are very
provocative and very taboo.
My nervous system was not ready.
(18:24):
it wasn't ready to put outthere.
The things that were over myline for people outside of my
core group to know, I was truly,deeply interested in that.
I have truly deeply explored, soI took it slow.
I interviewed people that werecloser to my previous world and
(18:45):
marketing.
but about what was life changingin their life?
What got them closer to theirpurpose?
I started having smallconversations with those people
about things like plant medicineand psychedelics.
I started exploring further inmy smaller groups.
Expanding out into people thatdidn't actually know me very
(19:08):
closely, but were accepting ofsome of the conversations I
wanna have.
The taboo and the provocative.
I started to allow people tohave their opinions without it
affecting my worthiness.
I took it slow.
I've processed the feelings offear that would come up when I'd
(19:33):
make a post in a privatecommunity and just like, Ugh,
God, what if they don't like me?
And I allowed those smallcontainers to be my fertile
ground, to expand my capacity sothat I can come on and I can
interview people that aretalking about things that.
We've been told we're notsupposed to talk about.
(19:55):
We're talking about plantmedicine and social
deconstruction, decolonization.
We're talking about pornaddiction.
We're talking about the deeplayers of things that keep you
from your greatest life, how toget past them, and how to
(20:15):
actually live a truly fulfillinglife.
So part of this episode is alsoto share my story so that if
you're on your healing journey,you can learn from me.
and start to explore what itmeans to slow down.
I pushed myself beyond mycapacity and set myself into
(20:39):
nervous system.
Shut down when I started on thishealing journey, and not when I
started on the full healingjourney, because that was 20
years ago.
Ironically, also after I hadgone into nervous system shut
down because of sexual assault.
and I went into a fulldepressive state and then was
(21:04):
fortunate enough to have a momthat recognized it, got me into
therapy, which led me to 12Step, which led me into my first
experience of essentially shadowwork.
And I did that for a long time,which expanded into many other
things over the years.
But it was two and a half yearsago that I had my first,
(21:29):
therapeutic psychedelicexperience, and my first night
was truly life changing.
in the positive sense, thetherapeutic sense.
I was able to process a lot ofvery difficult emotions in a
safe, really held place, and Iwas able to let go of so much
(21:55):
anger with my father and hisdecisions as an addict and an
alcoholic while I was growing upthat.
I held onto my whole life and Iwas able to see in him the pain
that he must have beenexperiencing in order to make
(22:16):
the choices that he did in thoseyears.
Because he's got one of thebiggest hearts that I've ever
seen in my life.
I am sure that he feels in thesame kind of way that I feel and
doesn't actually know it.
And I saw all that.
And I felt so much empathy.
(22:38):
Empathy for his pain.
Empathy for his shame because Iknow the choices he was making.
He knew the pain he was causingand yet didn't seem to have the
ability to not make them becauseof his diseases, his addiction,
and his and his pain.
(23:01):
And I was able to shed all ofthat.
All of that anger, all theworthiness that was associated
with not feeling like I wasgetting the love I wanted or
deserved, and that causing me tofeel worthy.
(23:22):
I was able to shed all of thatbecause I knew now how much he
did love me.
I was able to hold and expand mycapacity to process my own
emotions and also hold the painthat I imagine he felt in those
years, and it was a gorgeous,amazing experience.
(23:45):
Now, I do believe.
I had that experience in orderto have the next night happen
for my capacity to be big enoughto be able to come back from
what happened the next night,but I wasn't actually ready for
the next night.
I had not done the work prior tofully hold.
(24:11):
All of the information that Ireceived on the next night, and
I shut down my nervous system toa place where I went into
depression for six monthsafterwards.
I believe that what I ended upexperiencing on the next nights
is a part of my purpose.
(24:34):
I was somehow meant toexperience, and I have many
times in this life pushingmyself so far over the edge that
I couldn't come back for a longtime.
This is a pattern in my life andI believe it's a pattern in my
life so that I can learn andunderstand how to hold other
(24:59):
people in a way that they don'thave to experience that in order
to change and heal.
I do not think it is required.
I believe with every ounce of mybeing, you can have massive
transformational change withouthaving to break yourself I know
(25:20):
because I've seen it.
I've seen it in my clients, I'veseen it in people around me who
haven't taken that path.
So part of my mission on thisearth is to share with you the
ways that can keep you fromgoing over that edge.
The edges that I've gone over.
The waterfalls I've gone overwithout a life raft.
On the next night I was given apsychedelic.
(25:43):
That opened up a lot of memoriesfor me.
I'll be honest, I still to thisday don't actually know if
they're my memories or they'reepigenetic held in me.
From my bloodlines and lineages,or if you really wanna go there
past lives, and I don't reallyneed to know.
(26:03):
What I know is that I had spentmany, many years in my late teen
and adult life having thisfeeling that something really
bad happened at a young age.
It had come up many times for mewhere I just had this like
(26:24):
feeling, feeling, and it hadn'tcome up in about four years.
I hadn't really had thatfeeling.
And on the second night, on mysecond drop in, it landed like a
ton of bricks, little bits ofwhat felt like memory, but more
(26:46):
than anything, it was like theknowing this happened, I felt
this deep understanding.
that some form of sexual traumahappened at two and a half years
old, and I just completelybroke.
I was taken into a room by thefacilitators and given somatic
(27:09):
exercises.
One of the amazing things thatthey did was, um, Explained to
me that I did not need tomentally process this.
This needed to be released frommy body in that particular time.
Mental processing might besomething we do after or after
the psychedelics are gone, butlike right now, this is about
(27:30):
somatic release and my bodytremor for 20 minutes releasing
all of this held pain.
and I still truly own.
I really don't know if this wasmy trauma.
It may have been.
(27:50):
I don't have that informationand I honestly don't need to
know.
I have come to that place now.
I've come to the place of beingable to somatically process
these feelings and theseemotions that come through when
they still come throughsometimes of.
Deep desire to not be seen.
(28:11):
That's, that's the biggestconnection point that I, I had
from it is from that moment on,I hid myself and I was also a
target for predators many timesover the next few years that I
was able to not.
End up in a similar situation,but I had no less than three
(28:36):
instances of predatorsapproaching me until I was 18
years old, and it madeeverything make sense.
So whether I had held that in mybody from my previous
generations and somebody in myline having had something happen
(28:57):
to them, or something happenedto me at two and a half that I
don't recall, that all came outthat night and it was too much
for my mental processing.
It was too much for my nervoussystem.
I was okay.
After the somatic release andthe tremors, I actually came out
(29:17):
and had this beautifulexperience of being able to
truly feel other people'sfeelings.
It was like, it was like thispart of me was released that had
been totally cut off my entirelife, starting at.
What I assume is two and a half,but it was afterwards.
(29:40):
It was, it was the next day andthe next six months where
essentially my body, my psyche,my mind said, what the hell did
you do to us?
We can't take anything else andjust shut down.
Went into full depression and.
I learned a lot from thatexperience as a coach.
(30:03):
Now today, that experience hasshaped the way I coach.
It's shaped how I believe weshould be teaching people how to
be connected deeply to theircapacity.
Teaching people before you enterinto any kind of psychedelic
container, how to deal withthese kinds of things.
(30:25):
Because traumas come up, theycome up in psychedelics.
Absolutely.
I can tell you firsthand ithappened in my first psychedelic
container as I just explained,and we don't have to do it that
way.
you don't have to be forced overyour capacity waterfall in order
to have a beautiful, lifechanging, transformational
(30:48):
experience that gets you to theplace of a totally fulfilled
life.
I am so proud of myself forusing this podcast as an
example.
To take the time I needed to, toexpand my capacity before I
started really delving into thethings that are hard to talk
(31:11):
about and be totally preparedfor the fact that this may make
you uncomfortable.
This may make you not wannalisten anymore.
It also may make the people whohave.
Had the hard shit or wanna talkabout their porn addiction or
(31:32):
feel like they have absolutelybeen affected by systems of
oppression may make them listen.
And either way, I'm not attachedto it cuz I've done the work
leading into this moment.
So, I'm gonna end this episodewith a few thoughts for you to
contemplate.
(31:53):
Where is one area that you mightbe able to push yourself just
slightly to feel a little bitmore?
How actually connected to yourbody are you when anger,
sadness.
Any major emotion starts toarise.
Do you know where that existsinside your body?
(32:14):
Do you know how your bodyreacts?
If not, that's okay.
That's the place to start.
When you start to feel anybigger emotion, this is your
reminder to take a moment andsay, what's happening in my
body?
or go back to that moment.
(32:36):
Go back to that moment where youyelled at your kids and regarded
it afterwards.
Go back to the moment where youwere a little bit passive
aggressive with your husband, oryou tore apart an employee
because they did something alittle bit wrong.
Go back to those moments.
Imagine them and then drop intoyour heart center.
(32:59):
Imagine the moment and justnotice where the things come up
in your body.
What does it feel like if you dothis after the situations have
happened?
Just a few times.
You might notice that in thesituations going forward, you
start to be aware of just thelittle changes that are going
(33:22):
on, and the more aware you get,just a little bit of awareness,
the more you get.
To push slightly beyond andactually feel the feeling, the
feeling inside your body.
That's what feeling feelings is,by the way.
It's not in your head.
It's not thinking about it.
It's feeling it in your bodybecause when you feel it in your
(33:45):
body, a lot of times the actualunderlying thing starts to come
up.
Sadness, grief, worthiness, andthen, you get to take a pause
and not react the way you arereacting.
Presence, presence and capacitybuilding.
(34:06):
I'll be talking about presencein another episode soon.
Thank you so, so much forlistening to me, this story and
this expansion.
If you haven't already, I wouldlove it if you subscribe to your
favorite platform and if youliked this, drop a review.
(34:28):
I appreciate it.
Thank you so much for being hereand come back next time.
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