September 2, 2023 • 70 mins
Have you ever wondered how art can transform your perspective, shape your life, and even the world around you? Meet John Bukaty, an artistic trailblazer, known for his dynamic live paintings of grand events like the NFL Super Bowl and the New Orleans Jazz and Heritage Festival. We dive deep into John's creative mindspace, exploring the transition from businessman to artist, the power of mistakes in sparking creativity and how the ability to stay present has influenced his artistic process.
This episode is not just about art, but also about personal transformation. John opens up about his struggles with ADHD and how art became his lifeline. He shares how he broke free from addiction, mastered his energy and tuned into the unseen and unknown, leading to a simpler, more fulfilling life. From understanding the power of intention to acknowledging our shadow aspects, John's insights are an inspiration for personal growth and self-exploration.
But, the journey doesn't stop there. We discuss the profound importance of receiving, learning to trust the universe, and appreciating life's blessings. This conversation is a rich tapestry of wisdom, creativity, and self-discovery, woven together by John's personal experiences and artistic journey. This is not just a podcast episode, it's a transformative journey that will leave you inspired and looking at art, and life, through a fresh lens. Tune in for a thought-provoking conversation that's sure to inspire your own creative and personal exploration.
Connect with John here:
https://johnbukaty.com/pages/about-john-bukaty
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Welcome to sing.
(01:05):
You can understand yourselfbetter in these crazy times, all
this craziness going on aroundus.
We have to come back intoourselves, which is home.
What I have coming up is theportal to your heart day retreat
I have here in Portland.
(01:26):
It's gonna be a one day retreat, in person, and we're gonna be
doing story work.
We're gonna be writing,journaling and channeling the
messages of our heart.
I'm gonna put you through somemovement and vocal toning that
will really bridge the gap foryou with this, because our
voices is the in-between betweenour mind and our heart.
(01:49):
It's that connection for us.
So I'm gonna teach you how todo that through simple practices
, how you can do this every dayand it can be really fun.
We're gonna experience it andjust help our bodies relax.
We're gonna have an organiclunch for everybody as well.
That's included and then myfriend, sarah Eegert, is going
to do a sound bath for everybodyin a breath work meditation as
(02:13):
well, and it's just gonna belovely.
It's gonna.
I'm so excited about this.
So if you wanna sign up forthat, I'll leave the link in the
show notes for that as well.
That'll be September 23rd, on aSaturday, and if you'd like to
join us.
I'll leave the registration inthe show notes.
Today's guest is my good friend,john Bukati.
(02:35):
John is an American pioneer ofthe live painting movement.
He began his career 20 yearsago on canvas, capturing weekly
band performances at a KansasCity brew pub, but has since
traveled to India, ireland,mexico and beyond, creating and
sharing his work through mediumsranging from painting and
(02:57):
sculpture to poetry and apparel.
One of Bukati's most uniquegifts is his ability to capture
the essence of live action oncanvas.
He has been selected tocommemorate such events as the
NFL Super Bowl, the New OrleansJazz and Heritage Festival and
the American Century CelebrityGolf Championship.
(03:18):
As a result, he has created avast national network of fans
and collaborators.
He works often with Grammyaward-winning musician Anders
Osborne and on the Send Me aFriend Project, which helps
support newly sober musicians onthe road.
Leveraging his work and artisticinfluence, bukati has raised
(03:41):
hundreds of thousands of dollarsfor organizations such as the
YMCA, the American CancerSociety and the Community
Service League, and the HaloFoundation and SPCA.
He has an annual feature atPaul Rudd's charity event, the
Big Slick, to help raise moneyfor children's Mercy Hospital of
(04:03):
Kansas City.
He also devotes a great deal oftime to teaching art to
students of all ages.
These charitable pursuits havenot only shaped his work over
time, but have cemented hisbelief in the powerfully
important impact art can have onour communities, with socially
conscious and visuallystimulating.
John's work has been featured innumerous solo shows, having
(04:27):
owned and operated three fineart galleries himself.
He has also been featured inshows at the Denver Art Museum,
the New Orleans Museum of Artand the Nelson Atkins Art Museum
in Kansas City.
Celebrity collectors of hiswork include Matthew McConaughey
, penelope Cruz, jj Kale andJohn Popper.
(04:48):
He has dedicated his life toserving art by living with
creative intention, giving backto his community and using his
talents to connect with theworld around him.
It is my honor and my pleasureto introduce my good friend,
john Bukaty.
Everybody enjoy ["Joy of theWorld"].
(05:22):
That today we're welcoming myfriend, john Bukaty, to this
show today.
He's an amazing artist and Igot the opportunity to meet him
through the Artist's Way groupthat I was a part of.
I got to teach one of theclasses and he was one of the
teachers too, and at the end ofthe class we got to do this
amazing retreat in Ojai,california together.
(05:45):
I got to know each other evenbetter and he is just such a
special person and near and dearto my heart as well.
We definitely resonated andshared some common experiences
and he's got such a uniquebackground that he's gonna share
with you all today.
He is an amazing artist and hehas a very unique way of
(06:10):
expressing his artistry, andwe're gonna talk about that
today.
So welcome, john, to the show.
Thank you so much for coming on.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
Thank you, drew, for having me.
I feel the same way about you.
You mean a lot to me and it wassuch a great experience for 12
weeks and to cap it off withthat retreat was so great, so
thank you for letting this kindof happen.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
Yeah, yeah, you're so welcome.
It's my pleasure because I lovehaving people on that I'm both
connected to but also are doingsome amazing things in the world
, and I feel like you'redefinitely one of those people.
You check every box there and Iwould love for you to start by
sharing with my audience whatyou do.
(06:56):
Just give everybody an idea ofalso how you came to be doing
what you're doing, which is avery unique thing.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
I will.
That's a loaded question.
I'll try to keep it simple anddeep.
Right, I started off in theMidwest Kansas City as kind of a
suburban white kid footballplayer right my dad played for
the Broncos.
I grew up loving football.
What I didn't really notice isthat I look at the world really
(07:30):
different and when I say look,I'm 30% deaf in my left ear and
I'm pretty much a visual personinside and out.
I've got an inner screen, Ihave had Cinecesia where I see
colors, and so I have a uniqueway of looking at things because
(07:50):
I'm always seeing things withmy imagination and I see the
world a little different thanmost people come to find out.
High school terrible studentGot kicked out right away.
Grade school and high schoolADHD, hyperactive, hyperactive
(08:11):
mind, hyperactive physically,and just the only two things
that I really did well wasfootball and art, and everything
else was Greek to me.
So that took me.
I would say I had some charismaand I was able to talk teachers
into passing me because, when Isay I was at the top of the
(08:33):
bottom, my scores were very lowand, like I said, if you got a
score for being the worst, I wasthe best at being the worst all
the time.
So I had that created a lot ofshame, actually, and a lot of
guilt, thinking I was stupid,which drove me further into my
strengths, which was footballand art.
(08:56):
So I get this football and artscholarship to college, which is
pretty rare, and when I was inthe art class in college I was
like chewing tobacco and had aflat top.
I was six, four, two, 50,wearing sweatpants and said
grizzly football and, likeeverybody else, was wearing
(09:19):
black fingernails and trenchcoats and look like the cure and
I felt like a turd in a punchbowl in the art class.
Now they probably finally feltat home when I say that that
time period I was pretty muchtwo archetypes, like I said,
(09:39):
artist, football player and onewas very voiceless and intense
and the other was very, you know, shy and bashful.
I don't think I gave any love tothat artist, I just think I was
really good at it and it calmedme and I didn't really give it
any love.
(10:00):
And I played at the Universityof Kansas, where football is
like everything at that time.
We were really good.
It was my dad played there, mygreat uncle played there, so
that archetype really took overmy life.
I then went to Chicago,followed in my dad's football
(10:21):
steps, or you know as a salesmanand you know he went from
football player to salesman.
I did the same thing put a tieon.
I totally burned out.
I hadn't done a painting inyears At 26, around like Y2K.
I moved back to Kansas Cityfrom Chicago, get rid of the big
(10:45):
city and then grow a ponytail,lose a bunch of weight, start
smoking weed, start listening tomusic, start doing this, acting
like an artist.
Right, I'm gonna be broke.
I'm gonna act like I'm, youknow, a whiny bitch.
I'm gonna bitch abouteverything.
I'm gonna be an artist.
(11:05):
And that didn't work very wellbecause I had already tasted
what music was like.
I mean, money was like and Ineeded money.
And so I started painting kids'rooms, curious George and
elephants and stuff, as all mykids' friends were having babies
.
But when it came to my art, Icouldn't find anything.
(11:27):
So I couldn't figure it out.
I had 50 unfinished paintings.
I was about to fail.
I was about to like quit.
Now.
I was bartending a couple timesa week and I started when I
would go to live music concerts.
Everything would light up,right, like all.
I would see colors, I wouldhave all these ideas and I'd be
(11:48):
like I wanna paint, like rightnow.
So that was kind of the.
You know, I had seen a guynamed Denny Depp who had done
this live performance art and Isaid that is me.
So this introvert that was anartist, I would say this
performer was like I'm gonnashow you how to do it.
I'm from Missouri, I'm from theshow me state.
(12:09):
You know, my dad was alwaysabout its the action, and so
that became I'm like I told thebar owner I'm gonna paint next
to the musician every Thursdaynight.
What do you think?
He didn't have any idea what Iwas talking about.
That was like November 29th2001,.
I believe George Harrison died.
That night it was my birthday.
(12:31):
Just so happened I cut mypainting, my thumb on my
painting hand, and everythingkind of started that night.
Truly, I had several chances toback out of that and I didn't,
and that there was no turningback.
A lot of things happened inthat night, I believe, and I
started painting live to livemusic and then for seven years I
(12:54):
was in the music business,painting all these famous people
.
I was on stage with some ofthese famous people.
I was doing festivals all overthe country and there was
specifically the jam band sceneand the hippie scene and this
free love world.
(13:14):
That was actually acounterculture of what was going
on.
It was 9-11, people werepulling back.
In Kansas City, nobody wassmoking weed.
I was getting kicked out ofpeople's houses for smoking it
on the back patio.
And then in Denver, this littlemicrocosm of what was going on
was music and hippies doing hulahooping and fire dancers and
(13:41):
all this stuff.
And I found peace in the middleof absolute chaos, and that is
also part of my old story.
That is where I would sit thereand find harmony and peace and
just do these flowing paintingsin a crowd of 900 people and
(14:02):
that was kind of beautifulSomewhere around like 2007,.
I went through a lot of loss.
I lost my dad, I lost my bestfriend to suicide.
I lost my girlfriend, my gallery, my minivan.
I just lost everything and forme, I had an awakening of sorts.
(14:23):
I had this idea that this isn'treally about me, but this is
just life happening and thingshappen and people die.
And I started to taste a littlebit of spirituality and also I
realized how selfish I was as anaddict and I was a really
self-absorbed narcissistic.
(14:45):
a addict who was coping with allsorts of trauma and stories
through more and more dopamineor feel goods or whatever you
wanna call it, you know, to justmore and more piling it on,
running to stand still, so tospeak, just really running from
all the pain.
(15:05):
And so I moved to Crested Butte, colorado, in 2008.
I get really sober throughnature in a recovery program
that we all know and that helped.
That really turned the Titanicaround before it sunk.
I ended up going to India in2009 and did a hundred paintings
(15:29):
in a hundred days to go findout outwardly like, oh, I'm
gonna go find myself in Indiabecause that's what you do when
I get over there.
It's a funny story.
I pay like a couple hundredbucks for a guru on the
Ghatsevera Nasi right and thisguy basically paints my head and
(15:49):
I give him the money and he'slike the guy translated and he's
like, yeah, you're a Christian,you came into this lifetime as
a Christian.
You're gonna leave as aChristian and I'll get the hell
out of here.
I thought that was pretty funnybecause that was like the one
thing I was running from and myChristian friends love that
(16:11):
story.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
I love that story.
That's funny.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
All the way to you know is that same thing.
You gotta go to all the way toIndia to find out that the
answers are inside right.
Yeah, since then I've beenmarried, I've been divorced, I
have two kids.
I have been a jack of all,master of none.
I do corporate events all overthe world and paint live.
So I've taken that live musicout there and they're giving
(16:36):
back because every time theyhire me they have to hire a
local band.
So I feel pretty good aboutthat and we show up and I do a
painting, a big painting, inabout two hours and then they
all get a print.
That's kind of my business.
I love it.
I'm going to Greece, maui,scotland and London all in the
(16:58):
next like four weeks, so I doget to see the world and get
paid to paint, which is kind ofwhat they all told me I wouldn't
be able to do.
They all told me you'll neverbe able to make it as an artist
and that's probably somethingyou don't want to tell a younger
John Vukati, because he'll giveyou, you know this, he'll give
(17:18):
you half the peace sign on thatone.
So that's kind of been my story.
The last 12 years since I've hadthese kids have been me kind of
working towards that.
I've written, you know, a bookabout my dad.
That was really short.
I've written hundreds of poems.
(17:39):
I've done thousands ofpaintings since then.
I paint every day, I writeevery day.
Art truly saved my life and oneof these days I'm kind of kind
of stop like making this aboutmy brand and just maybe I'll
just be a teacher for the worldone day soon.
(18:00):
So I'm kind of I'm at a verybig crossroads right now as a
creative, as you've kind of seen, and I've been very shy about
my poetry and my writings, somuch so that when I'm like
sharing them now I'm like shouldI share that?
And you know I, I I'm kind oflike you know 49 and I'm looking
(18:25):
really out at this horizon andit's, it's wide open and it's,
you know, lots of hills and lotsof flowers and lots of
beautiful landscapes, but Idon't know which, which, which
route I'm going to be chosen tobe taken on, even though I have
a clear view.
(18:45):
I feel like I've always been inthe, in the trenches, but
something has happened whereI've kind of got this like scope
and I don't, and it's likegetting over a mountain range
and seeing this huge, wide openspace and and I feel really good
(19:05):
, this is some of the best I'veever felt, not an extreme high,
not an extreme low, somethinglike we shared after that, after
that retreat, something closeto equanimity, and that's kind
of what I've been beingintentional about.
Maybe it's the Buddhist middleway or whatnot, you know, but
(19:28):
that's kind of where I'm at now.
I hope that answers yourquestion.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
Oh yeah, that was amazing.
Thanks for sharing that, john.
Yeah, and it's a.
The way I experience it too islike it's like creating an inner
calm and an inner knowing whereyou don't there's like less
anxiety around what the futureholds right, cause we're just
more even.
You know, you're able toexperience the present moment
(19:54):
even more in some ways, and so Ithink that's much of what we
experienced and so, yeah, sothat's thank you for sharing
your story, john, and it's a.
I can relate to a lot of that,especially with your, with what
you were sharing about being inschool with ADHD and not feeling
(20:16):
very smart.
I had a very similar story.
I was an athlete as well anddidn't do very well in school,
wasn't really interested inschool, it was kind of boring to
me, and but I love that youwere able to really bring art
and the athlete, the artists andthe athlete, together, and
that's something I've beentalking about for some time now
(20:38):
with my book as well.
It's like it's that those twoarchetypes we can actually we
see them as so separate, suchseparate and opposite ends of
the spectrum, but they're reallyone and the same, and so you
have the discipline of the.
They kind of compliment eachother.
I guess, in some ways, too, youhave the discipline of the
athlete and then you have the,you know, the creative expansion
(21:03):
of the, an expression of theartist, and that I feel like we
need both of those in our livesenabled so that we can find the
balance there with our lives andour personal expression.
So, yeah, yeah, you said a lotthere and I was gonna say some
more about the athlete as well,but I think, yeah, yeah, it's
(21:28):
like it teaches you how to focus, but then it comes to a point
where you need to not focus,right, so much and it's like you
kind of have to let go and openup, and I feel like that's what
you did with the work thatyou're doing now, which is such
a beautiful expression of energyand motion, as, like, what the
athlete expresses through theirbody.
(21:49):
Now you're expressing thatthrough art, because you're
actually painting the energythat's literally in motion.
When you're listening to music,right, what you're seeing which
is so cool, yeah, and so itmakes sense that you had those
two experiences.
They brought them together toexpress what you're doing now,
which is so beautiful.
(22:09):
I wanted to get into some ofthe things that you wanted to
share here.
You listed a few things and I'dreally love to kind of touch
upon how recovery has made adifference in your creative
(22:33):
process and because it hasplayed a big part.
And I feel like, from whatyou've shared with me, it wasn't
until you were able to likesomething I experienced in the
retreat was like okay, I'mactually loving how like really
(22:56):
honoring my feelings and feelingactually for maybe the first
time, not being afraid to feelin a way or being ashamed of it
and just let, and being so likegrateful for feeling, because I
think that's a part of life, andfor me personally, I'd put a
(23:17):
lot of shame on feeling orreally suppressed it or numbed
it out, also with substances too, in the past, and that sounds
like a similar journey for you,john is like sometimes we feel
so much, it's so overwhelming,that we feel the need to numb it
(23:40):
out, because we feel eitherashamed of it or it's just too
much for us to really handle inthat moment.
But I think that, like you saidat the end, like if we can find
some peace around that,acknowledge it, love it for what
it is and just let it movethrough, then we can actually
(24:00):
express ourselves in a healthyway.
So I feel like the recoveryprocess for you has a lot to do
with the numbing initially thefeelings out, but then making
peace with them andacknowledging that, oh my gosh,
it's so good to feel like thisis kind of amazing, right.
Speaker 1 (24:23):
Yeah, I really relate to what you're saying,
especially with the retreat.
For me, where I've beenfocusing on is not writing the
story to the feelings and man Ihave gotten a feeling wheel on
(24:43):
Amazon.
I've really tried to decipher,expand on the feelings and like
let's talk what the differencebetween compassion and empathy
is and really study what theDalai Lama says about that and
how empathy can rep you ifyou're not careful but
(25:04):
compassionate and really gettinginto these words, Cause I think
my body knows what these wordsare.
But to go back to my earlierthought, it's like, really be
careful of the story you write.
You do not have to have afreaking story to every feeling.
And that's where I think ithelped me for years to like, wow
(25:27):
, I'm feeling anxious, maybe Ihad six cups of coffee and that
was the story.
And yeah, that's probably Ineed to change that narrative
and it helped me.
And now it doesn't.
Now it's a thought's sausage oftoo much thinking and the
problem really is the thinkingand the addiction to thinking.
(25:50):
And I was with a friend overthe fall I spent some really
good time with and she amazed me, because I hang out with a lot
of people in recovery and wejust keep going on and on about
our thoughts and we're justreplacing food with alcohol and
we're replacing complaining withalcohol, and then it's this and
(26:17):
then it's thought.
And she had talked about howshe said she had never really
been addicted to anything exceptthinking.
And I went oh, that's great,you actually.
You know you have been able tocontrol your thinking and that
there is a lot to do with youknow meditation and stop
(26:41):
attaching all these things to it.
And that was my breakthrough andthe retreat was.
I set an intention to be deepand simple and not, or simple
and deep, not complicated andshallow, and, at the end of the
breath, work and all that.
I wasn't on this, you know,like I wasn't on this, like
(27:04):
overwhelming high.
I did come down a little bit onWednesday and Thursday after
the retreat, of course, becauseit was such a feel good thing.
But there's something that isthe first time in my life, at
the perfect time of my life,that I'm not trying to maximize
every minute of the day and I'mactually trying to achieve
(27:26):
nothingness.
These are the things that gotme to where I wanted to be as an
artist.
Jim Carrey talks about deep restand depressed.
I went through a hugedepression before I was an
artist, yet at the same time Iwas sitting there staring at the
ceiling, dreaming about a giantstudio in big walls and
(27:50):
visualizing what a life would belike if I had all these colors
in my life and I was able tohave the freedom to just paint
on big paintings, that thinkingor detaching from anything and
just wandering around and ridinga bike in my neighborhood
without any direction at all andthis Bob Dylan attitude and
(28:13):
just didn't give a fuck.
That was what got me to kind ofnot think my way into like
creativity, but just play, yeah,and how do you do that?
There's that's, play is soimportant and I lost that.
(28:37):
I lost that.
And when I say it's the firsttime in my life that I'm like
searching for nothing.
I think that I had so manyaddictions back then that I was
only tasting it and I wasn'treally having it.
I was really addicted to drugsand alcohol in those days but I
(28:59):
respect them now because it'swhat broke me out of that, that
archetype of like businessman.
I went from a suit and tiemaking six figures with a
company car and a laptop and acell phone when people didn't
have cell phones and, like inthe year later I was broke.
(29:20):
Six months later I was selling$12 pieces of art with a
ponytail on the lot of awidespread panic concert in
Colorado.
I made a huge transition at thatpoint to really like.
I remember crying one night forthree hours, so something.
(29:44):
So that transformation and Iknow I'm like a little bit all
over the place, but I feel likeI'm having that now in a slow
kind of a slow like shedding alittle bit over over over it's I
don't know how to say it,because putting words to it kind
of ruins it, but I think youknow what I mean.
(30:09):
It's just a midlife liketransformation.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
Like an unfolding.
Yeah, it's unfolding.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
And I'm more so finding myself where, instead of
like, I guess the what is it?
The crystal is, so whatever thebutterfly thing is, it's like.
Instead of like ripping out ofit and like being like, ah, I'm
just kind of like, oh no, no, no, let's just pause, you know,
and and and breathe, and thathas never been a, that has never
(30:41):
.
That's just.
That doesn't feel like anybodywho's listening, who knows me,
would be like pause what youknow, I thought it was kinetic
and movement.
But it's, it's, it's.
I've turned a walk, I've turneda run into a walk.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
Yeah, and that's because you're starting to
master your energy, and that'swhat I I started to look, how I
started to look at it too, is,you know, that is actually there
is a, an aspect of us that'snot tangible, it's unseen, it's
unknown, but it is moving like.
It is energy and motion too.
(31:19):
It's just a different kind ofenergy and motion.
Right, then, what we see in thephysical world, the physical,
you know, everything that yousee with your eyes, it's like
it's not, that's not everythingthat there is.
There's so much more thatexists, and so it just be open
with your mind to that is a huge, huge thing.
And I think, like you're saying, john, you had to break your
(31:41):
break yourself a little bit,like, and to open yourself up to
all of these things.
And it had to be extreme,because I know the feeling of
being of, like having ADHD andand like the mind, like I've
really acknowledged this lately,like I haven't done this before
, like this year, but my mindworks differently, and that's
(32:03):
okay, you know, and I get that.
I get a lot of information allat once and it becomes very
overwhelming, or it has in thepast.
I know how to I've done my muchbetter job of managing it, but
in a way that doesn't take a lotof energy.
So before I would have tomanage and focus on it, in on it
(32:24):
by like kind of what you'resaying, like like the, the idea
of putting on the suit, actinglike you have it all together,
being a certain way for certainpeople right, kind of like
presenting yourself a certainway and trying to really
intensely focus on something.
That's a way to do it, but itit gets really tiring after a
(32:45):
while, it gets very exhausting.
Right To do do things that wayand to always kind of present
yourself a certain way.
That's because you're justtrying to focus, you know, like
that's just really what it comesdown to from my perspective,
because you got all these thingscoming in at once and but it is
.
I appreciate where I'm at withit, because it is a sign of
(33:09):
higher creativity.
I'm finding out and because mymind just works differently, I
see things differently thanother people and, and you know
so, seeing it more as a gift, aunique gift for myself, is is
the way I look at it and thenlearning how to work with it and
learning you know what I needto support it and doing it,
(33:33):
using my mind in a certain waywhere I can honor that but also
not, you know, be able to like.
That's been my journey, tobeing able to let go of trying
to hold it all together orpresent myself a certain way.
I've my journey has beenallowing myself to make mistakes
(33:54):
, allowing myself to play withthat, even making mistakes
intentionally, like those wholisten to the show know that I
will keep mistakes in the showjust because I like to, you know
, provide examples and be a rolemodel for people to not feel
like they have to be so perfectall the time or have it all
(34:15):
together.
Like mistakes in play are apart of life and that's actually
what makes life so fun andinteresting.
Otherwise, like it would be soboring, right?
So this is how we we come tothese new ideas, these new, this
new openness in our mind, thisnew, these new levels of
imagination, through mistakes inplay and we say mistakes.
(34:36):
Is it really a mistake or youknow?
But you know what we view as amistake, like there's such a
broad range for that, right,like what I think of as a
mistake could be, like anaccident, you know, or something
, but like a mistake, like ifyou're, if you say the wrong
word, so what you know, sopeople, I tend to worry about
(35:00):
those kinds of things, but Ithink that you're kind of it's a
waste of energy.
You know you may have somethingthat comes out of that that's
really beautiful, but if you'retrying to edit yourself or
trying to really presentyourself a certain way, so hard,
you know, so focused, then youkind of miss out on that, that
(35:21):
creative aspect, I think.
And you may have missed out onwhat?
On the gift that you're givingpeople today if you were still
doing that, john.
So you know, in a way, thatthat was the journey, that that
was a path that you were to goon in order to bring you back to
here, right.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
Yeah, I definitely think that there was so much
pain and suffering and a lot ofit was self, you know, induced.
I'm going to, you know, I'm notgoing to blame everything on
being an addict.
I made some terrible choices.
I do think there is somethingthat is a real.
How do you say allergy of thebody?
(36:02):
when you do drink and drug.
That is a compulsion of themind and that is what I
described to a lot of people asaddiction.
To me it's a very real thing ona very big spectrum and I kind
of lost my thought in there, butI was going to say something
that this bandwidth of pain thatI had is also a very big.
(36:29):
It's also a very big book thatI can help people in the future.
Speaker 2 (36:38):
Maybe that's just what it is.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
Maybe that's all that it is is you have the bandwidth
to help people.
You have the bandwidth to, youknow, have the empathy for the
next guy you work with.
I'm working with a guy who'scontinually going to rehab.
Right now the focus is on methrough his counselor and rehab.
So I have that ability to holdthis face and try to help this
(37:08):
guy, because it's extremelyheavy stuff and I have been
gifted this past of extremelyheavy stuff, right, so maybe
that's just it.
And I told y'all at the retreatI have gone through an enormous
amount of pain, just a ton ofviolence, to be able to be in
(37:36):
this much peace right now.
And you know I have it on mywall right here.
It says responsibility pluskindness equals peace.
My dad's dying words were peace.
You know I have this peace signto try to remember that I have
done it through.
(37:58):
I have done this life.
You know I've been in probably50 fistfights.
I've been in, you know, carwrecks.
I've been in violent argumentsin my late teens and you know it
was something that I havereally evolved out of.
(38:18):
You know I don't know about 50fistfights, but it sure feels
like I've been out of a lot ofscuffles.
I've been arrested for publicintoxication.
I've been, you know, I'vescreamed in road rage before,
and all that's not who I amanymore.
Matter of fact, I'm like youknow.
I don't even know who that isanymore, you know, but it was
(38:40):
part of my story and it can helpme in the future.
And that's so your past.
You know your past doesn't ownyou, right.
Speaker 2 (38:51):
Yeah, I mean, you have to sometimes.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
If you don't own your past, your past will own you.
Speaker 2 (38:59):
Right, right, Like if , yes, exactly like you're not
acknowledging the shadow aspectsof yourself, right, it's like
if you keep bypassing that, it'sgoing to keep presenting itself
stronger and stronger.
Right and, to you like, reallyacknowledge it.
Speaker 1 (39:15):
And none of this is mine, Right, Everything I've
probably said.
I mean, I'm just imagine me andlike a human disco ball, like
900 pieces of me here in like abody suit.
That's like a disco ball.
I'm just a reflection of what Iread or what I, you know, heard
(39:40):
.
I heard a lot of stuff from myfriend Anders today on a long
walk.
We were talking about all sortsof stuff that will probably
bounce off and get it and thenit'll get in here and then it'll
bounce off somebody else andthey'll tell it to their mom and
their mom will say it's theiroriginal thought and yada, yada,
yada.
I mean none of this is none ofthis is, you know me.
Speaker 2 (40:03):
Yeah, yeah, that's a great way to see it.
Yeah, it's a reflection.
You're just reflecting back topeople and I don't think there
is any original thought.
Really, yeah, it's like all inthe collective consciousness
Like we have.
We have access, everybody hasaccess to it.
It's about being open to it,right?
Speaker 1 (40:20):
Yeah, I mean the light is bouncing off of all
sorts of beautiful things andit's changing shape.
I mean, what you see in thereflection of a lake is not
exactly what's above it becauseof maybe a stick sticking out of
the water or some ripples, butfor the most part it's the same
thing, right In a different form.
And you know, I want to claimthat my style is my signature
(40:44):
piece and my, my littlesignature is mine.
But the truth is is like it'sreally I wholeheartedly
accondoid to the universe andI'm like I'm more like an
extension cord that just letscurrent kind of come through me.
You know, yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:01):
Like a channel.
I love the same.
Speaker 1 (41:03):
Yeah, I'm maybe an antenna and I love the same
Francis prayer and you know, Ifeel like I mean I prayed up my
paintings and sage them and youknow I, I'm like God, please
work through me.
And you know, let me, let me,let me be an instrument of your
piece, and then I do thispainting and then I am just like
(41:24):
right at the end of it I'malready an ego, like you, katie.
Speaker 2 (41:29):
You know that was me Well you're just unveiling what
was already there.
You know, like it's like whatJamie was saying with what is it
the sculptor?
Speaker 1 (41:44):
right, he's just right, Michelangelo, he, he, he
just.
He already saw David.
He just went out and chipped itaway.
Speaker 2 (41:55):
What is funny?
Speaker 1 (41:56):
though I did have a thought this morning that I want
to share with you, so I justwrote.
I woke up at four and I wentand wrote like three or four
poems that I wrote my morningpages, and then I got tired and
it was like 5.30 and I went andlaid down again.
I had to take the kids toschool around 6.30 of seven.
(42:16):
you know I had to get up withthem before they get up, but
then I closed my eyes and I hadthis vision of like angel wings,
and all the feathers were hands, just like 60 hands on each
side and they were all, and Iwas like I'm going to sculpt
them, I'm going to make them alldifferent with my hands, I'm
(42:37):
going to do this whole thing.
And, man, I almost fell asleepbecause it was that right, that
area.
And I woke up and I typed it inmy phone.
Not well, I do it.
Speaker 2 (42:47):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (42:48):
But I wanted to share that.
That is kind of that's a gift,that's not, that's getting this
moment where I receive somethingand I'm able to do something
with it.
I don't know if I'm going to belike Nicolangelo and go find
rock and pull it out, or if I'mgoing to go mold you know 60
(43:09):
hands and then glue them to whatwould be a wing, but I think I
mean that just starts a creativeconversation.
I thought you would love thatbecause you know you did want me
to share some of my process onthat.
Yeah, absolutely, I never knowhow, like, that is going to go
to an idea, or you know, maybe10 years from now, and I do it.
(43:32):
But I did want to share thatwith you.
And then I wanted to share thisquote with you and that's about
all that I wanted to do.
So I'm going to use this timeto take that quote that I love I
heard, because you know I I'mpretty intuitive in like
somewhat impulsive, in acreative way.
(43:53):
And I like I remember when I didmy teaching.
I'm like I had to pull over andlisten to that song and then I
printed it out and read it toyou guys.
But this quote, I love thisquote.
You see things and say why, butI dream things that never were
and I say why not?
And I believe that's kind ofthat creativity and I'm gonna
(44:19):
read it again.
You see things and say why, butI dream things and that say
that were never were, and I say,why not?
And that's George Bernard Shaw.
I got that from Wayne Dyer andI thought I would share that
because that to me, I feel thatI see that and I call myself a
(44:43):
dreamer and I got that hope cardat the last moment when we left
the retreat.
I've written it down like sixtimes.
Those are the messages thatkeep me going and I feel that's
under the creative umbrella.
I really I don't wanna saybelieve, because we had that
(45:08):
talk.
Speaker 2 (45:09):
I wanna say something about that in a second.
Speaker 1 (45:11):
I have a lot of faith and the unknown has always
treated me right and I don'twanna say always, because that's
not true.
I've had a lot of stuff thatlet's just put it this way the
unknown has been really good tome.
I in 99, I quit my job and Isaid Allison.
(45:33):
I said I'm gonna go pay allover the world and get paid to
do it and everybody laughed atme.
I was dead serious.
I thought this is gonna be likevan life, this is gonna be like
me with dirty hands, and I letit go and I didn't think about
it.
I radiated that energy.
(45:54):
A couple of years later, I'mpainting live and I'm in that
kind of vibration and you knowcause I'm leaning.
I'm just basically tapping intomusic.
Not within, but eight years.
I'm at like the Ritz Carlton,and you know I'm getting paid to
do this all over the world.
The universe had a better ideaof how I could do it than I did.
(46:17):
I thought I could do it with aband and a low budget, but the
universe is doing a way betterjob of it.
So I thought I'd share thatwith you too.
You know, I believe or I havefaith in the dream.
Speaker 2 (46:31):
Yeah, yeah, that's so , it's so appropriate.
I tell people all the time youdo this.
Speaker 1 (46:36):
There are thousands of people millions making
millions of dollars in art andmusic and production and film
and dance, and this industryunder the umbrella of art is
huge.
So for you to go in and tellyourself there's no money in it,
that you're just gonna do itfor passion, what a crock of
(46:56):
shit.
There are people making a lotof money and some in something
and this isn't about money.
But this is my little soapboxto tell people that if you walk
into a situation already sayingyou can't do it, you're really
in trouble.
Speaker 2 (47:12):
You know you're blocked.
Yeah, I wanted to bring up thepower of intention because you
do it so well and hopefully youhave about 10 more minutes to
spare here.
But I would love to get intothat and I wanted to comment on
something you said as well,because the word belief came up
(47:38):
in our class and it's so funny.
I came across this book calledProject 369.
And it led me to this quote inthe book that gave me a little
bit more of a I guess clarityaround that Like because, yes,
(47:59):
all beliefs are untrue, but welimit ourself with our beliefs
too.
So like it's kind of like whatI was sharing in the class, like
beliefs can be stepping stoneson to get yourself into a deeper
sense of faith.
But what this quote said trueseparation is created by
believing we are only ourbeliefs rather than believing we
(48:20):
are the believer, which Ireally liked because it's like
okay then that you stay open.
Like you say you're the dreamer, you're the dreamer of your own
dream, right, and when you canlook at it like that, no beliefs
can limit you.
You know you are the belief,the beliefs come from you, like
it's all coming from you, rightIn a way.
(48:41):
So with that I wanna just talk.
If you have till 10, 10.
AM my time about the power ofintention and how you use it,
because you're one of the one ofthe few people that I know that
uses intention like you do, andjust the level of manifestation
(49:04):
that you experience is justmind blowing to me.
Like, so you know, becauseyou'll put the like you were
describing, you'll actually takeaction and put these words in
front of you, so you have yourintention right there in front
of you.
You will repeat them, you willremind yourself of them, and
just I would love for you justto share how you, first of all,
(49:27):
you know how the power ofintention has changed your life,
but also how you use it on apractical, daily basis.
Speaker 1 (49:37):
It's great question, that's your answer.
But the most part I try tolisten and I try to get real
(50:01):
quiet and I try to detach spaceoff and just let go and I hear
something that may not be mineand then I know that's good
stuff.
We talk about the whisper.
For me, I don't know if it's awhisper, I don't know if it's
(50:24):
clear audio, I don't know whatit is, but it isn't me and it's
a gift, and so when I get that Ihave been able to.
(50:45):
I have had several times whereI have held that gift and
dropped it and I have hadseveral times where I have taken
that like in the ashes of thatember and it's brought me to
(51:07):
tears and I've had a little bitof spark flowing on it, maybe
lighting a stick and then takingthat stick and lighting a fire
and some paper and igniting thatidea and choosing the right
people and then, writing thatidea on a Post-it note and then
(51:30):
writing that idea on a 5x7 indexcard and then writing
that idea on a big piece ofbutcher paper and then praying
about that idea and letting thatidea have its own life, and
that is intention to me, andletting that have its own life,
(51:50):
knowing that that was a gift forme and if it doesn't go to me,
it's like a toaster with wingsit's going to go to somebody
else and it's going to be givento them and they're going to be
the conduit and sometimesmissing out on.
It is the inspiration that Ineed.
I do Joppa.
If you don't know what Joppa is, you can Google it.
(52:13):
I think it works.
It's talking about thevibration of what is the sound
of God.
God, allah, buddha, krishna.
I mean, they're all the samething.
It goes back to the same thing,and it's the sound of ah, God
(52:34):
Right.
Speaker 2 (52:35):
Call whatever you want.
Speaker 1 (52:38):
Some people call it quantum physics, some people
call it manifestation, somepeople call it the placebo
effect, some people call itprayer.
It's all the same thing for me,and when I put it out it
multiplies.
When I put it out, it began tomultiply, unless I don't put it
with the right person.
(52:58):
I used to show my brother myabstract paintings and he would
go I don't get it and I wouldget down on myself.
I learned through a lot ofthings Don't show people, don't
sabotage.
So I mean I would say that wecould probably do something
(53:20):
creative right now with theintention and do take two
minutes and write a quote andmanifest it and let it be
something.
I mean that's how playful ithas to be.
I like to put strictures inplace that create healthy
(53:44):
boundaries around play, andsometimes that's intensity and
sometimes that's peace.
So I could say maybe we'regonna light the room with
candles lay down for an hour.
Our intention is to lay on acanvas and squirt blue paint all
over it and you squirm aroundand write it, and then that's
(54:05):
peaceful.
Or I could say hey, listen, inthe next 45 seconds we're gonna
draw a happy face.
So those strictures are givingpermission for play.
I love spoken word.
I love that spontaneous flow ofenergy of the stream of
(54:32):
consciousness.
I was actually really into thatin my writing a few years ago
and then I'm not.
I'm more into.
Well, I guess that's not true.
I'm more into the stream ofconsciousness part of painting
now.
So I just kinda like squirtyellow and squirt red and squirt
blue and then just kinda playwith it.
(54:52):
That's how I came up with those100,000 pages during COVID and
I just let them happen.
I never judged them, I nevershed anything, I never showed
them, and then I would justsquirt paint on the thing, play
with it and then write what thatsaid, if it looked like a clown
(55:15):
.
I might write a thing about methat's a clown.
And then you saw them.
Speaker 2 (55:20):
It was amazing.
Yeah, I loved every one of them.
Speaker 1 (55:23):
Now I'm carefully making them a book.
Speaker 2 (55:27):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (55:28):
They became a book, I thought you know.
So that was an interestingthing.
I also am manifesting right nowsomething I'm probably not
gonna share with you because Idon't think it's a safe place to
share to the universe.
(55:49):
Yeah, because it's such anembryo, I actually intuitively
think if I say that right now Imight risk.
It's not healthy enough toshare with you the root time.
Speaker 2 (56:01):
I respect that.
Yeah, that's important forpeople to discern between, yeah,
when to share and when not to.
Speaker 1 (56:08):
But when I went to India it was very intentional.
Yeah, I was like I'm gonna do100 paintings in 100 days
because I was so scared to getover there, fuck around and not
work.
And I was like I can do apainting a day.
I'm going to India for 100 days.
Speaker 2 (56:26):
Because it ended up we were going 100 days.
I was like we're going 100 days.
Speaker 1 (56:29):
I'll do one painting a day.
We'll do 100 paintings.
We'll call it 100 paintings ago.
What a great title.
And then, little did I know,doing 100 paintings in 100 days
was a lot harder than I thought,but I had a great team and that
was intentional.
I put a lot of goals in orderto get to be a be a.
(56:53):
I put a lot of goals in myprocess to get to a place where
I can paint every day or createnaturally.
I don't know if I'm a giftedpainter or if the gift was the
(57:15):
juice that I have to really wantto communicate through art,
music and poetry.
I don't know, because there issuch a drive behind it that that
isn't me.
I was born with that, yeah.
I think it can be both, but I'vegot that great of an artist,
like as far as like skill, likeI'm not like this portrait
(57:38):
artist that blends better thananyone.
I'm just creative.
I am creative, I, you know, I.
They say a jack of all isbetter than a master of one,
because the jack of all is theykind of mess that quote up you
know.
Speaker 2 (57:57):
You want to have a broader, broader way of seeing
things.
You know, like it's a holisticview and I don't know.
I don't think it really matters, john, that you're the artist,
that you, that you're sayingthat you aren't.
I think that you're an amazingartist from my perspective and
it's like you inspire me.
(58:18):
So I think that's what art ishere.
You know, this is why weexpress ourselves in this way is
to inspire each other, to findthat within ourselves.
Speaker 1 (58:28):
Yeah, I would tell you this and this is we're
getting to this final thoughtand I want to.
I just took a walk I mean theDow talks about when you
mentioned God.
If he no longer becomes God,really all talking is ego.
Yeah, we're really.
You know, I don't want to saythis in a self-deprecating way,
(58:51):
but we really don't know shitabout fuck and I laugh when I
say it.
Yeah, I go back to this isn't anirresponsibility, I'm just
sharing what.
I will probably listen to thisin two years and think, wow,
that was really good, but thatwasn't.
I'll probably listen to it infive years ago.
(59:13):
That kid is crazy, I might youknow.
Or 10 years later I might go oh, that little, look at that guy.
You know how sweet.
Because that's really how I'malways kind of changing my I
don't want to say belief systembecause you know, but there are
(59:34):
things that don't.
I'm shifting a lot, you know,and what works for me today it
won't work for me tomorrow, butoverall I have been the same
person my whole life in a lot ofways a seeker, you know, a
creative and somebody who's inmovement, you know, and loves,
(59:58):
loves the earth, you know.
Speaker 2 (01:00:01):
Yeah, I mean, it's that energy and motion.
You know that you're bringinginto it and we're all energy and
motion.
It's just whether we realize itor not.
And so there's always a deepercircle of truth that you don't
know.
That's the unknown.
But if you are willing tocontinue to step into the
unknown in a way that is curious, then I think that's where the
(01:00:23):
magic happens.
You know, of course we're gonnabe different, we're gonna
continue to change, but that'sjust part of life, you know,
because we are energy and motion.
Speaker 1 (01:00:34):
I love that.
I will tell you time T-I-M-Ethings I must endure.
I like that.
Another good one, Then thatdidn't come from me.
Another one that I love ispractice, not knowing.
Speaker 2 (01:00:54):
Yeah, yeah, it's to open this in expansion to
knowing what you do not know youknow, or learning about it and
getting curious about it.
So I think that's what ourchildlike curiosity is all about
.
You know, we can always comeback to that.
So, john, before we close uptoday, will you please leave
(01:01:16):
everybody with ways to find yourwork and to connect with you if
, like, they wanna go see a showor they wanna hire you to do a
show or a performance?
Speaker 1 (01:01:29):
Yes, Shameless self-promotion has been a big
part of my marketing plan.
So not that I really have one,but I would be.
Let's see.
I would tell you that you couldgo to johnbukadycom.
Johnbukatycom and message me.
(01:01:52):
You can go to johnbukadycom andInstagram.
Johnbukady, my personal page onFacebook and yeah that's it.
Those are the best ways to beand to see my stuff and yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:02:09):
And you have course, if people wanna buy your art as
well.
That's a great place to go,right, okay?
Speaker 1 (01:02:14):
Buy my art so I don't have to go back and be a
bartender.
Speaker 2 (01:02:20):
You don't have to go back to the ponytail, right?
Well, that's wonderful.
Thanks so much, John.
This has been a pleasure totalk to you today.
It's so great to connect withyou again and I'm looking
forward to seeing you again inthe future, sometime in Shirk or
past or across again.
But yeah, Get down in.
Portland.
Speaker 1 (01:02:40):
Yeah, I will.
You never know, I might be outthere.
Speaker 2 (01:02:43):
Yeah, I mean my family in Atlanta.
So I'm gonna go to the Shirkand I will be back in the future
.
Speaker 1 (01:02:51):
I have a family in.
Atlanta so it's not too farfrom there, yeah, so yeah, I
appreciate you so much.
Thanks so much.
Speaker 2 (01:03:32):
Don't you know?
Ride that wave in the flow ofyour life, don't you know?
(01:03:53):
Ride that wave in the flow ofyour life, don't you know?
Creating a calm dispositionsets the stage for you to
(01:04:15):
receive what the world has tooffer.
When you're able to receivewhat the world has to offer, you
automatically build trust thatyou will receive what you want
in your life.
Why is this important?
Ride that wave in the flow ofyour life, don't you know?
(01:04:45):
Ride that wave in the flow ofyour life, don't you know?
You could say, our ability toreceive depends on what we learn
(01:05:07):
from our parents, what we didor didn't get, and our level of
trust that we'll be taking careof and in the universe's
abundance.
Many of us grew up inhouseholds that weren't
perfectly nurturing, so ourability to receive was
compromised.
Receiving became something weneeded to learn how to do on our
(01:05:29):
own, and for some of us, we'restill learning.
We're still learning.
We're still learning.
If you're not allowing yourselfto take in the goodness life
has to offer by acknowledgingyour wins and receiving love
from others, you will always besearching and searching and
never feel like you're doingenough.
(01:05:51):
Ride that wave in the flow ofyour life, don't you know?
(01:06:27):
Ride that wave of your life,ride that wave, ride that wave.
Welcome to sing.
(01:05):
You can understand yourselfbetter in these crazy times, all
this craziness going on aroundus.
We have to come back intoourselves, which is home.
What I have coming up is theportal to your heart day retreat
I have here in Portland.
(01:26):
It's gonna be a one day retreat, in person, and we're gonna be
doing story work.
We're gonna be writing,journaling and channeling the
messages of our heart.
I'm gonna put you through somemovement and vocal toning that
will really bridge the gap foryou with this, because our
voices is the in-between betweenour mind and our heart.
(01:49):
It's that connection for us.
So I'm gonna teach you how todo that through simple practices
, how you can do this every dayand it can be really fun.
We're gonna experience it andjust help our bodies relax.
We're gonna have an organiclunch for everybody as well.
That's included and then myfriend, sarah Eegert, is going
to do a sound bath for everybodyin a breath work meditation as
(02:13):
well, and it's just gonna belovely.
It's gonna.
I'm so excited about this.
So if you wanna sign up forthat, I'll leave the link in the
show notes for that as well.
That'll be September 23rd, on aSaturday, and if you'd like to
join us.
I'll leave the registration inthe show notes.
Today's guest is my good friend,john Bukati.
(02:35):
John is an American pioneer ofthe live painting movement.
He began his career 20 yearsago on canvas, capturing weekly
band performances at a KansasCity brew pub, but has since
traveled to India, ireland,mexico and beyond, creating and
sharing his work through mediumsranging from painting and
(02:57):
sculpture to poetry and apparel.
One of Bukati's most uniquegifts is his ability to capture
the essence of live action oncanvas.
He has been selected tocommemorate such events as the
NFL Super Bowl, the New OrleansJazz and Heritage Festival and
the American Century CelebrityGolf Championship.
(03:18):
As a result, he has created avast national network of fans
and collaborators.
He works often with Grammyaward-winning musician Anders
Osborne and on the Send Me aFriend Project, which helps
support newly sober musicians onthe road.
Leveraging his work and artisticinfluence, bukati has raised
(03:41):
hundreds of thousands of dollarsfor organizations such as the
YMCA, the American CancerSociety and the Community
Service League, and the HaloFoundation and SPCA.
He has an annual feature atPaul Rudd's charity event, the
Big Slick, to help raise moneyfor children's Mercy Hospital of
(04:03):
Kansas City.
He also devotes a great deal oftime to teaching art to
students of all ages.
These charitable pursuits havenot only shaped his work over
time, but have cemented hisbelief in the powerfully
important impact art can have onour communities, with socially
conscious and visuallystimulating.
John's work has been featured innumerous solo shows, having
(04:27):
owned and operated three fineart galleries himself.
He has also been featured inshows at the Denver Art Museum,
the New Orleans Museum of Artand the Nelson Atkins Art Museum
in Kansas City.
Celebrity collectors of hiswork include Matthew McConaughey
, penelope Cruz, jj Kale andJohn Popper.
(04:48):
He has dedicated his life toserving art by living with
creative intention, giving backto his community and using his
talents to connect with theworld around him.
It is my honor and my pleasureto introduce my good friend,
john Bukaty.
Everybody enjoy ["Joy of theWorld"].
(05:22):
That today we're welcoming myfriend, john Bukaty, to this
show today.
He's an amazing artist and Igot the opportunity to meet him
through the Artist's Way groupthat I was a part of.
I got to teach one of theclasses and he was one of the
teachers too, and at the end ofthe class we got to do this
amazing retreat in Ojai,california together.
(05:45):
I got to know each other evenbetter and he is just such a
special person and near and dearto my heart as well.
We definitely resonated andshared some common experiences
and he's got such a uniquebackground that he's gonna share
with you all today.
He is an amazing artist and hehas a very unique way of
(06:10):
expressing his artistry, andwe're gonna talk about that
today.
So welcome, john, to the show.
Thank you so much for coming on.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
Thank you, drew, for having me.
I feel the same way about you.
You mean a lot to me and it wassuch a great experience for 12
weeks and to cap it off withthat retreat was so great, so
thank you for letting this kindof happen.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
Yeah, yeah, you're so welcome.
It's my pleasure because I lovehaving people on that I'm both
connected to but also are doingsome amazing things in the world
, and I feel like you'redefinitely one of those people.
You check every box there and Iwould love for you to start by
sharing with my audience whatyou do.
(06:56):
Just give everybody an idea ofalso how you came to be doing
what you're doing, which is avery unique thing.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
I will.
That's a loaded question.
I'll try to keep it simple anddeep.
Right, I started off in theMidwest Kansas City as kind of a
suburban white kid footballplayer right my dad played for
the Broncos.
I grew up loving football.
What I didn't really notice isthat I look at the world really
(07:30):
different and when I say look,I'm 30% deaf in my left ear and
I'm pretty much a visual personinside and out.
I've got an inner screen, Ihave had Cinecesia where I see
colors, and so I have a uniqueway of looking at things because
(07:50):
I'm always seeing things withmy imagination and I see the
world a little different thanmost people come to find out.
High school terrible studentGot kicked out right away.
Grade school and high schoolADHD, hyperactive, hyperactive
(08:11):
mind, hyperactive physically,and just the only two things
that I really did well wasfootball and art, and everything
else was Greek to me.
So that took me.
I would say I had some charismaand I was able to talk teachers
into passing me because, when Isay I was at the top of the
(08:33):
bottom, my scores were very lowand, like I said, if you got a
score for being the worst, I wasthe best at being the worst all
the time.
So I had that created a lot ofshame, actually, and a lot of
guilt, thinking I was stupid,which drove me further into my
strengths, which was footballand art.
(08:56):
So I get this football and artscholarship to college, which is
pretty rare, and when I was inthe art class in college I was
like chewing tobacco and had aflat top.
I was six, four, two, 50,wearing sweatpants and said
grizzly football and, likeeverybody else, was wearing
(09:19):
black fingernails and trenchcoats and look like the cure and
I felt like a turd in a punchbowl in the art class.
Now they probably finally feltat home when I say that that
time period I was pretty muchtwo archetypes, like I said,
(09:39):
artist, football player and onewas very voiceless and intense
and the other was very, you know, shy and bashful.
I don't think I gave any love tothat artist, I just think I was
really good at it and it calmedme and I didn't really give it
any love.
(10:00):
And I played at the Universityof Kansas, where football is
like everything at that time.
We were really good.
It was my dad played there, mygreat uncle played there, so
that archetype really took overmy life.
I then went to Chicago,followed in my dad's football
(10:21):
steps, or you know as a salesmanand you know he went from
football player to salesman.
I did the same thing put a tieon.
I totally burned out.
I hadn't done a painting inyears At 26, around like Y2K.
I moved back to Kansas Cityfrom Chicago, get rid of the big
(10:45):
city and then grow a ponytail,lose a bunch of weight, start
smoking weed, start listening tomusic, start doing this, acting
like an artist.
Right, I'm gonna be broke.
I'm gonna act like I'm, youknow, a whiny bitch.
I'm gonna bitch abouteverything.
I'm gonna be an artist.
(11:05):
And that didn't work very wellbecause I had already tasted
what music was like.
I mean, money was like and Ineeded money.
And so I started painting kids'rooms, curious George and
elephants and stuff, as all mykids' friends were having babies
.
But when it came to my art, Icouldn't find anything.
(11:27):
So I couldn't figure it out.
I had 50 unfinished paintings.
I was about to fail.
I was about to like quit.
Now.
I was bartending a couple timesa week and I started when I
would go to live music concerts.
Everything would light up,right, like all.
I would see colors, I wouldhave all these ideas and I'd be
(11:48):
like I wanna paint, like rightnow.
So that was kind of the.
You know, I had seen a guynamed Denny Depp who had done
this live performance art and Isaid that is me.
So this introvert that was anartist, I would say this
performer was like I'm gonnashow you how to do it.
I'm from Missouri, I'm from theshow me state.
(12:09):
You know, my dad was alwaysabout its the action, and so
that became I'm like I told thebar owner I'm gonna paint next
to the musician every Thursdaynight.
What do you think?
He didn't have any idea what Iwas talking about.
That was like November 29th2001,.
I believe George Harrison died.
That night it was my birthday.
(12:31):
Just so happened I cut mypainting, my thumb on my
painting hand, and everythingkind of started that night.
Truly, I had several chances toback out of that and I didn't,
and that there was no turningback.
A lot of things happened inthat night, I believe, and I
started painting live to livemusic and then for seven years I
(12:54):
was in the music business,painting all these famous people
.
I was on stage with some ofthese famous people.
I was doing festivals all overthe country and there was
specifically the jam band sceneand the hippie scene and this
free love world.
(13:14):
That was actually acounterculture of what was going
on.
It was 9-11, people werepulling back.
In Kansas City, nobody wassmoking weed.
I was getting kicked out ofpeople's houses for smoking it
on the back patio.
And then in Denver, this littlemicrocosm of what was going on
was music and hippies doing hulahooping and fire dancers and
(13:41):
all this stuff.
And I found peace in the middleof absolute chaos, and that is
also part of my old story.
That is where I would sit thereand find harmony and peace and
just do these flowing paintingsin a crowd of 900 people and
(14:02):
that was kind of beautifulSomewhere around like 2007,.
I went through a lot of loss.
I lost my dad, I lost my bestfriend to suicide.
I lost my girlfriend, my gallery, my minivan.
I just lost everything and forme, I had an awakening of sorts.
(14:23):
I had this idea that this isn'treally about me, but this is
just life happening and thingshappen and people die.
And I started to taste a littlebit of spirituality and also I
realized how selfish I was as anaddict and I was a really
self-absorbed narcissistic.
(14:45):
a addict who was coping with allsorts of trauma and stories
through more and more dopamineor feel goods or whatever you
wanna call it, you know, to justmore and more piling it on,
running to stand still, so tospeak, just really running from
all the pain.
(15:05):
And so I moved to Crested Butte, colorado, in 2008.
I get really sober throughnature in a recovery program
that we all know and that helped.
That really turned the Titanicaround before it sunk.
I ended up going to India in2009 and did a hundred paintings
(15:29):
in a hundred days to go findout outwardly like, oh, I'm
gonna go find myself in Indiabecause that's what you do when
I get over there.
It's a funny story.
I pay like a couple hundredbucks for a guru on the
Ghatsevera Nasi right and thisguy basically paints my head and
(15:49):
I give him the money and he'slike the guy translated and he's
like, yeah, you're a Christian,you came into this lifetime as
a Christian.
You're gonna leave as aChristian and I'll get the hell
out of here.
I thought that was pretty funnybecause that was like the one
thing I was running from and myChristian friends love that
(16:11):
story.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
I love that story.
That's funny.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
All the way to you know is that same thing.
You gotta go to all the way toIndia to find out that the
answers are inside right.
Yeah, since then I've beenmarried, I've been divorced, I
have two kids.
I have been a jack of all,master of none.
I do corporate events all overthe world and paint live.
So I've taken that live musicout there and they're giving
(16:36):
back because every time theyhire me they have to hire a
local band.
So I feel pretty good aboutthat and we show up and I do a
painting, a big painting, inabout two hours and then they
all get a print.
That's kind of my business.
I love it.
I'm going to Greece, maui,scotland and London all in the
(16:58):
next like four weeks, so I doget to see the world and get
paid to paint, which is kind ofwhat they all told me I wouldn't
be able to do.
They all told me you'll neverbe able to make it as an artist
and that's probably somethingyou don't want to tell a younger
John Vukati, because he'll giveyou, you know this, he'll give
(17:18):
you half the peace sign on thatone.
So that's kind of been my story.
The last 12 years since I've hadthese kids have been me kind of
working towards that.
I've written, you know, a bookabout my dad.
That was really short.
I've written hundreds of poems.
(17:39):
I've done thousands ofpaintings since then.
I paint every day, I writeevery day.
Art truly saved my life and oneof these days I'm kind of kind
of stop like making this aboutmy brand and just maybe I'll
just be a teacher for the worldone day soon.
(18:00):
So I'm kind of I'm at a verybig crossroads right now as a
creative, as you've kind of seen, and I've been very shy about
my poetry and my writings, somuch so that when I'm like
sharing them now I'm like shouldI share that?
And you know I, I I'm kind oflike you know 49 and I'm looking
(18:25):
really out at this horizon andit's, it's wide open and it's,
you know, lots of hills and lotsof flowers and lots of
beautiful landscapes, but Idon't know which, which, which
route I'm going to be chosen tobe taken on, even though I have
a clear view.
(18:45):
I feel like I've always been inthe, in the trenches, but
something has happened whereI've kind of got this like scope
and I don't, and it's likegetting over a mountain range
and seeing this huge, wide openspace and and I feel really good
(19:05):
, this is some of the best I'veever felt, not an extreme high,
not an extreme low, somethinglike we shared after that, after
that retreat, something closeto equanimity, and that's kind
of what I've been beingintentional about.
Maybe it's the Buddhist middleway or whatnot, you know, but
(19:28):
that's kind of where I'm at now.
I hope that answers yourquestion.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
Oh yeah, that was amazing.
Thanks for sharing that, john.
Yeah, and it's a.
The way I experience it too islike it's like creating an inner
calm and an inner knowing whereyou don't there's like less
anxiety around what the futureholds right, cause we're just
more even.
You know, you're able toexperience the present moment
(19:54):
even more in some ways, and so Ithink that's much of what we
experienced and so, yeah, sothat's thank you for sharing
your story, john, and it's a.
I can relate to a lot of that,especially with your, with what
you were sharing about being inschool with ADHD and not feeling
(20:16):
very smart.
I had a very similar story.
I was an athlete as well anddidn't do very well in school,
wasn't really interested inschool, it was kind of boring to
me, and but I love that youwere able to really bring art
and the athlete, the artists andthe athlete, together, and
that's something I've beentalking about for some time now
(20:38):
with my book as well.
It's like it's that those twoarchetypes we can actually we
see them as so separate, suchseparate and opposite ends of
the spectrum, but they're reallyone and the same, and so you
have the discipline of the.
They kind of compliment eachother.
I guess, in some ways, too, youhave the discipline of the
athlete and then you have the,you know, the creative expansion
(21:03):
of the, an expression of theartist, and that I feel like we
need both of those in our livesenabled so that we can find the
balance there with our lives andour personal expression.
So, yeah, yeah, you said a lotthere and I was gonna say some
more about the athlete as well,but I think, yeah, yeah, it's
(21:28):
like it teaches you how to focus, but then it comes to a point
where you need to not focus,right, so much and it's like you
kind of have to let go and openup, and I feel like that's what
you did with the work thatyou're doing now, which is such
a beautiful expression of energyand motion, as, like, what the
athlete expresses through theirbody.
(21:49):
Now you're expressing thatthrough art, because you're
actually painting the energythat's literally in motion.
When you're listening to music,right, what you're seeing which
is so cool, yeah, and so itmakes sense that you had those
two experiences.
They brought them together toexpress what you're doing now,
which is so beautiful.
(22:09):
I wanted to get into some ofthe things that you wanted to
share here.
You listed a few things and I'dreally love to kind of touch
upon how recovery has made adifference in your creative
(22:33):
process and because it hasplayed a big part.
And I feel like, from whatyou've shared with me, it wasn't
until you were able to likesomething I experienced in the
retreat was like okay, I'mactually loving how like really
(22:56):
honoring my feelings and feelingactually for maybe the first
time, not being afraid to feelin a way or being ashamed of it
and just let, and being so likegrateful for feeling, because I
think that's a part of life, andfor me personally, I'd put a
(23:17):
lot of shame on feeling orreally suppressed it or numbed
it out, also with substances too, in the past, and that sounds
like a similar journey for you,john is like sometimes we feel
so much, it's so overwhelming,that we feel the need to numb it
(23:40):
out, because we feel eitherashamed of it or it's just too
much for us to really handle inthat moment.
But I think that, like you saidat the end, like if we can find
some peace around that,acknowledge it, love it for what
it is and just let it movethrough, then we can actually
(24:00):
express ourselves in a healthyway.
So I feel like the recoveryprocess for you has a lot to do
with the numbing initially thefeelings out, but then making
peace with them andacknowledging that, oh my gosh,
it's so good to feel like thisis kind of amazing, right.
Speaker 1 (24:23):
Yeah, I really relate to what you're saying,
especially with the retreat.
For me, where I've beenfocusing on is not writing the
story to the feelings and man Ihave gotten a feeling wheel on
(24:43):
Amazon.
I've really tried to decipher,expand on the feelings and like
let's talk what the differencebetween compassion and empathy
is and really study what theDalai Lama says about that and
how empathy can rep you ifyou're not careful but
(25:04):
compassionate and really gettinginto these words, Cause I think
my body knows what these wordsare.
But to go back to my earlierthought, it's like, really be
careful of the story you write.
You do not have to have afreaking story to every feeling.
And that's where I think ithelped me for years to like, wow
(25:27):
, I'm feeling anxious, maybe Ihad six cups of coffee and that
was the story.
And yeah, that's probably Ineed to change that narrative
and it helped me.
And now it doesn't.
Now it's a thought's sausage oftoo much thinking and the
problem really is the thinkingand the addiction to thinking.
(25:50):
And I was with a friend overthe fall I spent some really
good time with and she amazed me, because I hang out with a lot
of people in recovery and wejust keep going on and on about
our thoughts and we're justreplacing food with alcohol and
we're replacing complaining withalcohol, and then it's this and
(26:17):
then it's thought.
And she had talked about howshe said she had never really
been addicted to anything exceptthinking.
And I went oh, that's great,you actually.
You know you have been able tocontrol your thinking and that
there is a lot to do with youknow meditation and stop
(26:41):
attaching all these things to it.
And that was my breakthrough andthe retreat was.
I set an intention to be deepand simple and not, or simple
and deep, not complicated andshallow, and, at the end of the
breath, work and all that.
I wasn't on this, you know,like I wasn't on this, like
(27:04):
overwhelming high.
I did come down a little bit onWednesday and Thursday after
the retreat, of course, becauseit was such a feel good thing.
But there's something that isthe first time in my life, at
the perfect time of my life,that I'm not trying to maximize
every minute of the day and I'mactually trying to achieve
(27:26):
nothingness.
These are the things that gotme to where I wanted to be as an
artist.
Jim Carrey talks about deep restand depressed.
I went through a hugedepression before I was an
artist, yet at the same time Iwas sitting there staring at the
ceiling, dreaming about a giantstudio in big walls and
(27:50):
visualizing what a life would belike if I had all these colors
in my life and I was able tohave the freedom to just paint
on big paintings, that thinkingor detaching from anything and
just wandering around and ridinga bike in my neighborhood
without any direction at all andthis Bob Dylan attitude and
(28:13):
just didn't give a fuck.
That was what got me to kind ofnot think my way into like
creativity, but just play, yeah,and how do you do that?
There's that's, play is soimportant and I lost that.
(28:37):
I lost that.
And when I say it's the firsttime in my life that I'm like
searching for nothing.
I think that I had so manyaddictions back then that I was
only tasting it and I wasn'treally having it.
I was really addicted to drugsand alcohol in those days but I
(28:59):
respect them now because it'swhat broke me out of that, that
archetype of like businessman.
I went from a suit and tiemaking six figures with a
company car and a laptop and acell phone when people didn't
have cell phones and, like inthe year later I was broke.
(29:20):
Six months later I was selling$12 pieces of art with a
ponytail on the lot of awidespread panic concert in
Colorado.
I made a huge transition at thatpoint to really like.
I remember crying one night forthree hours, so something.
(29:44):
So that transformation and Iknow I'm like a little bit all
over the place, but I feel likeI'm having that now in a slow
kind of a slow like shedding alittle bit over over over it's I
don't know how to say it,because putting words to it kind
of ruins it, but I think youknow what I mean.
(30:09):
It's just a midlife liketransformation.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
Like an unfolding.
Yeah, it's unfolding.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
And I'm more so finding myself where, instead of
like, I guess the what is it?
The crystal is, so whatever thebutterfly thing is, it's like.
Instead of like ripping out ofit and like being like, ah, I'm
just kind of like, oh no, no, no, let's just pause, you know,
and and and breathe, and thathas never been a, that has never
(30:41):
.
That's just.
That doesn't feel like anybodywho's listening, who knows me,
would be like pause what youknow, I thought it was kinetic
and movement.
But it's, it's, it's.
I've turned a walk, I've turneda run into a walk.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
Yeah, and that's because you're starting to
master your energy, and that'swhat I I started to look, how I
started to look at it too, is,you know, that is actually there
is a, an aspect of us that'snot tangible, it's unseen, it's
unknown, but it is moving like.
It is energy and motion too.
(31:19):
It's just a different kind ofenergy and motion.
Right, then, what we see in thephysical world, the physical,
you know, everything that yousee with your eyes, it's like
it's not, that's not everythingthat there is.
There's so much more thatexists, and so it just be open
with your mind to that is a huge, huge thing.
And I think, like you're saying, john, you had to break your
(31:41):
break yourself a little bit,like, and to open yourself up to
all of these things.
And it had to be extreme,because I know the feeling of
being of, like having ADHD andand like the mind, like I've
really acknowledged this lately,like I haven't done this before
, like this year, but my mindworks differently, and that's
(32:03):
okay, you know, and I get that.
I get a lot of information allat once and it becomes very
overwhelming, or it has in thepast.
I know how to I've done my muchbetter job of managing it, but
in a way that doesn't take a lotof energy.
So before I would have tomanage and focus on it, in on it
(32:24):
by like kind of what you'resaying, like like the, the idea
of putting on the suit, actinglike you have it all together,
being a certain way for certainpeople right, kind of like
presenting yourself a certainway and trying to really
intensely focus on something.
That's a way to do it, but itit gets really tiring after a
(32:45):
while, it gets very exhausting.
Right To do do things that wayand to always kind of present
yourself a certain way.
That's because you're justtrying to focus, you know, like
that's just really what it comesdown to from my perspective,
because you got all these thingscoming in at once and but it is
.
I appreciate where I'm at withit, because it is a sign of
(33:09):
higher creativity.
I'm finding out and because mymind just works differently, I
see things differently thanother people and, and you know
so, seeing it more as a gift, aunique gift for myself, is is
the way I look at it and thenlearning how to work with it and
learning you know what I needto support it and doing it,
(33:33):
using my mind in a certain waywhere I can honor that but also
not, you know, be able to like.
That's been my journey, tobeing able to let go of trying
to hold it all together orpresent myself a certain way.
I've my journey has beenallowing myself to make mistakes
(33:54):
, allowing myself to play withthat, even making mistakes
intentionally, like those wholisten to the show know that I
will keep mistakes in the showjust because I like to, you know
, provide examples and be a rolemodel for people to not feel
like they have to be so perfectall the time or have it all
(34:15):
together.
Like mistakes in play are apart of life and that's actually
what makes life so fun andinteresting.
Otherwise, like it would be soboring, right?
So this is how we we come tothese new ideas, these new, this
new openness in our mind, thisnew, these new levels of
imagination, through mistakes inplay and we say mistakes.
(34:36):
Is it really a mistake or youknow?
But you know what we view as amistake, like there's such a
broad range for that, right,like what I think of as a
mistake could be, like anaccident, you know, or something
, but like a mistake, like ifyou're, if you say the wrong
word, so what you know, sopeople, I tend to worry about
(35:00):
those kinds of things, but Ithink that you're kind of it's a
waste of energy.
You know you may have somethingthat comes out of that that's
really beautiful, but if you'retrying to edit yourself or
trying to really presentyourself a certain way, so hard,
you know, so focused, then youkind of miss out on that, that
(35:21):
creative aspect, I think.
And you may have missed out onwhat?
On the gift that you're givingpeople today if you were still
doing that, john.
So you know, in a way, thatthat was the journey, that that
was a path that you were to goon in order to bring you back to
here, right.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
Yeah, I definitely think that there was so much
pain and suffering and a lot ofit was self, you know, induced.
I'm going to, you know, I'm notgoing to blame everything on
being an addict.
I made some terrible choices.
I do think there is somethingthat is a real.
How do you say allergy of thebody?
(36:02):
when you do drink and drug.
That is a compulsion of themind and that is what I
described to a lot of people asaddiction.
To me it's a very real thing ona very big spectrum and I kind
of lost my thought in there, butI was going to say something
that this bandwidth of pain thatI had is also a very big.
(36:29):
It's also a very big book thatI can help people in the future.
Speaker 2 (36:38):
Maybe that's just what it is.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
Maybe that's all that it is is you have the bandwidth
to help people.
You have the bandwidth to, youknow, have the empathy for the
next guy you work with.
I'm working with a guy who'scontinually going to rehab.
Right now the focus is on methrough his counselor and rehab.
So I have that ability to holdthis face and try to help this
(37:08):
guy, because it's extremelyheavy stuff and I have been
gifted this past of extremelyheavy stuff, right, so maybe
that's just it.
And I told y'all at the retreatI have gone through an enormous
amount of pain, just a ton ofviolence, to be able to be in
(37:36):
this much peace right now.
And you know I have it on mywall right here.
It says responsibility pluskindness equals peace.
My dad's dying words were peace.
You know I have this peace signto try to remember that I have
done it through.
(37:58):
I have done this life.
You know I've been in probably50 fistfights.
I've been in, you know, carwrecks.
I've been in violent argumentsin my late teens and you know it
was something that I havereally evolved out of.
(38:18):
You know I don't know about 50fistfights, but it sure feels
like I've been out of a lot ofscuffles.
I've been arrested for publicintoxication.
I've been, you know, I'vescreamed in road rage before,
and all that's not who I amanymore.
Matter of fact, I'm like youknow.
I don't even know who that isanymore, you know, but it was
(38:40):
part of my story and it can helpme in the future.
And that's so your past.
You know your past doesn't ownyou, right.
Speaker 2 (38:51):
Yeah, I mean, you have to sometimes.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
If you don't own your past, your past will own you.
Speaker 2 (38:59):
Right, right, Like if , yes, exactly like you're not
acknowledging the shadow aspectsof yourself, right, it's like
if you keep bypassing that, it'sgoing to keep presenting itself
stronger and stronger.
Right and, to you like, reallyacknowledge it.
Speaker 1 (39:15):
And none of this is mine, Right, Everything I've
probably said.
I mean, I'm just imagine me andlike a human disco ball, like
900 pieces of me here in like abody suit.
That's like a disco ball.
I'm just a reflection of what Iread or what I, you know, heard
(39:40):
.
I heard a lot of stuff from myfriend Anders today on a long
walk.
We were talking about all sortsof stuff that will probably
bounce off and get it and thenit'll get in here and then it'll
bounce off somebody else andthey'll tell it to their mom and
their mom will say it's theiroriginal thought and yada, yada,
yada.
I mean none of this is none ofthis is, you know me.
Speaker 2 (40:03):
Yeah, yeah, that's a great way to see it.
Yeah, it's a reflection.
You're just reflecting back topeople and I don't think there
is any original thought.
Really, yeah, it's like all inthe collective consciousness
Like we have.
We have access, everybody hasaccess to it.
It's about being open to it,right?
Speaker 1 (40:20):
Yeah, I mean the light is bouncing off of all
sorts of beautiful things andit's changing shape.
I mean, what you see in thereflection of a lake is not
exactly what's above it becauseof maybe a stick sticking out of
the water or some ripples, butfor the most part it's the same
thing, right In a different form.
And you know, I want to claimthat my style is my signature
(40:44):
piece and my, my littlesignature is mine.
But the truth is is like it'sreally I wholeheartedly
accondoid to the universe andI'm like I'm more like an
extension cord that just letscurrent kind of come through me.
You know, yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:01):
Like a channel.
I love the same.
Speaker 1 (41:03):
Yeah, I'm maybe an antenna and I love the same
Francis prayer and you know, Ifeel like I mean I prayed up my
paintings and sage them and youknow I, I'm like God, please
work through me.
And you know, let me, let me,let me be an instrument of your
piece, and then I do thispainting and then I am just like
(41:24):
right at the end of it I'malready an ego, like you, katie.
Speaker 2 (41:29):
You know that was me Well you're just unveiling what
was already there.
You know, like it's like whatJamie was saying with what is it
the sculptor?
Speaker 1 (41:44):
right, he's just right, Michelangelo, he, he, he
just.
He already saw David.
He just went out and chipped itaway.
Speaker 2 (41:55):
What is funny?
Speaker 1 (41:56):
though I did have a thought this morning that I want
to share with you, so I justwrote.
I woke up at four and I wentand wrote like three or four
poems that I wrote my morningpages, and then I got tired and
it was like 5.30 and I went andlaid down again.
I had to take the kids toschool around 6.30 of seven.
(42:16):
you know I had to get up withthem before they get up, but
then I closed my eyes and I hadthis vision of like angel wings,
and all the feathers were hands, just like 60 hands on each
side and they were all, and Iwas like I'm going to sculpt
them, I'm going to make them alldifferent with my hands, I'm
(42:37):
going to do this whole thing.
And, man, I almost fell asleepbecause it was that right, that
area.
And I woke up and I typed it inmy phone.
Not well, I do it.
Speaker 2 (42:47):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (42:48):
But I wanted to share that.
That is kind of that's a gift,that's not, that's getting this
moment where I receive somethingand I'm able to do something
with it.
I don't know if I'm going to belike Nicolangelo and go find
rock and pull it out, or if I'mgoing to go mold you know 60
(43:09):
hands and then glue them to whatwould be a wing, but I think I
mean that just starts a creativeconversation.
I thought you would love thatbecause you know you did want me
to share some of my process onthat.
Yeah, absolutely, I never knowhow, like, that is going to go
to an idea, or you know, maybe10 years from now, and I do it.
(43:32):
But I did want to share thatwith you.
And then I wanted to share thisquote with you and that's about
all that I wanted to do.
So I'm going to use this timeto take that quote that I love I
heard, because you know I I'mpretty intuitive in like
somewhat impulsive, in acreative way.
(43:53):
And I like I remember when I didmy teaching.
I'm like I had to pull over andlisten to that song and then I
printed it out and read it toyou guys.
But this quote, I love thisquote.
You see things and say why, butI dream things that never were
and I say why not?
And I believe that's kind ofthat creativity and I'm gonna
(44:19):
read it again.
You see things and say why, butI dream things and that say
that were never were, and I say,why not?
And that's George Bernard Shaw.
I got that from Wayne Dyer andI thought I would share that
because that to me, I feel thatI see that and I call myself a
(44:43):
dreamer and I got that hope cardat the last moment when we left
the retreat.
I've written it down like sixtimes.
Those are the messages thatkeep me going and I feel that's
under the creative umbrella.
I really I don't wanna saybelieve, because we had that
(45:08):
talk.
Speaker 2 (45:09):
I wanna say something about that in a second.
Speaker 1 (45:11):
I have a lot of faith and the unknown has always
treated me right and I don'twanna say always, because that's
not true.
I've had a lot of stuff thatlet's just put it this way the
unknown has been really good tome.
I in 99, I quit my job and Isaid Allison.
(45:33):
I said I'm gonna go pay allover the world and get paid to
do it and everybody laughed atme.
I was dead serious.
I thought this is gonna be likevan life, this is gonna be like
me with dirty hands, and I letit go and I didn't think about
it.
I radiated that energy.
(45:54):
A couple of years later, I'mpainting live and I'm in that
kind of vibration and you knowcause I'm leaning.
I'm just basically tapping intomusic.
Not within, but eight years.
I'm at like the Ritz Carlton,and you know I'm getting paid to
do this all over the world.
The universe had a better ideaof how I could do it than I did.
(46:17):
I thought I could do it with aband and a low budget, but the
universe is doing a way betterjob of it.
So I thought I'd share thatwith you too.
You know, I believe or I havefaith in the dream.
Speaker 2 (46:31):
Yeah, yeah, that's so , it's so appropriate.
I tell people all the time youdo this.
Speaker 1 (46:36):
There are thousands of people millions making
millions of dollars in art andmusic and production and film
and dance, and this industryunder the umbrella of art is
huge.
So for you to go in and tellyourself there's no money in it,
that you're just gonna do itfor passion, what a crock of
(46:56):
shit.
There are people making a lotof money and some in something
and this isn't about money.
But this is my little soapboxto tell people that if you walk
into a situation already sayingyou can't do it, you're really
in trouble.
Speaker 2 (47:12):
You know you're blocked.
Yeah, I wanted to bring up thepower of intention because you
do it so well and hopefully youhave about 10 more minutes to
spare here.
But I would love to get intothat and I wanted to comment on
something you said as well,because the word belief came up
(47:38):
in our class and it's so funny.
I came across this book calledProject 369.
And it led me to this quote inthe book that gave me a little
bit more of a I guess clarityaround that Like because, yes,
(47:59):
all beliefs are untrue, but welimit ourself with our beliefs
too.
So like it's kind of like whatI was sharing in the class, like
beliefs can be stepping stoneson to get yourself into a deeper
sense of faith.
But what this quote said trueseparation is created by
believing we are only ourbeliefs rather than believing we
(48:20):
are the believer, which Ireally liked because it's like
okay then that you stay open.
Like you say you're the dreamer, you're the dreamer of your own
dream, right, and when you canlook at it like that, no beliefs
can limit you.
You know you are the belief,the beliefs come from you, like
it's all coming from you, rightIn a way.
(48:41):
So with that I wanna just talk.
If you have till 10, 10.
AM my time about the power ofintention and how you use it,
because you're one of the one ofthe few people that I know that
uses intention like you do, andjust the level of manifestation
(49:04):
that you experience is justmind blowing to me.
Like, so you know, becauseyou'll put the like you were
describing, you'll actually takeaction and put these words in
front of you, so you have yourintention right there in front
of you.
You will repeat them, you willremind yourself of them, and
just I would love for you justto share how you, first of all,
(49:27):
you know how the power ofintention has changed your life,
but also how you use it on apractical, daily basis.
Speaker 1 (49:37):
It's great question, that's your answer.
But the most part I try tolisten and I try to get real
(50:01):
quiet and I try to detach spaceoff and just let go and I hear
something that may not be mineand then I know that's good
stuff.
We talk about the whisper.
For me, I don't know if it's awhisper, I don't know if it's
(50:24):
clear audio, I don't know whatit is, but it isn't me and it's
a gift, and so when I get that Ihave been able to.
(50:45):
I have had several times whereI have held that gift and
dropped it and I have hadseveral times where I have taken
that like in the ashes of thatember and it's brought me to
(51:07):
tears and I've had a little bitof spark flowing on it, maybe
lighting a stick and then takingthat stick and lighting a fire
and some paper and igniting thatidea and choosing the right
people and then, writing thatidea on a Post-it note and then
(51:30):
writing that idea on a 5x7 indexcard and then writing
that idea on a big piece ofbutcher paper and then praying
about that idea and letting thatidea have its own life, and
that is intention to me, andletting that have its own life,
(51:50):
knowing that that was a gift forme and if it doesn't go to me,
it's like a toaster with wingsit's going to go to somebody
else and it's going to be givento them and they're going to be
the conduit and sometimesmissing out on.
It is the inspiration that Ineed.
I do Joppa.
If you don't know what Joppa is, you can Google it.
(52:13):
I think it works.
It's talking about thevibration of what is the sound
of God.
God, allah, buddha, krishna.
I mean, they're all the samething.
It goes back to the same thing,and it's the sound of ah, God
(52:34):
Right.
Speaker 2 (52:35):
Call whatever you want.
Speaker 1 (52:38):
Some people call it quantum physics, some people
call it manifestation, somepeople call it the placebo
effect, some people call itprayer.
It's all the same thing for me,and when I put it out it
multiplies.
When I put it out, it began tomultiply, unless I don't put it
with the right person.
(52:58):
I used to show my brother myabstract paintings and he would
go I don't get it and I wouldget down on myself.
I learned through a lot ofthings Don't show people, don't
sabotage.
So I mean I would say that wecould probably do something
(53:20):
creative right now with theintention and do take two
minutes and write a quote andmanifest it and let it be
something.
I mean that's how playful ithas to be.
I like to put strictures inplace that create healthy
(53:44):
boundaries around play, andsometimes that's intensity and
sometimes that's peace.
So I could say maybe we'regonna light the room with
candles lay down for an hour.
Our intention is to lay on acanvas and squirt blue paint all
over it and you squirm aroundand write it, and then that's
(54:05):
peaceful.
Or I could say hey, listen, inthe next 45 seconds we're gonna
draw a happy face.
So those strictures are givingpermission for play.
I love spoken word.
I love that spontaneous flow ofenergy of the stream of
(54:32):
consciousness.
I was actually really into thatin my writing a few years ago
and then I'm not.
I'm more into.
Well, I guess that's not true.
I'm more into the stream ofconsciousness part of painting
now.
So I just kinda like squirtyellow and squirt red and squirt
blue and then just kinda playwith it.
(54:52):
That's how I came up with those100,000 pages during COVID and
I just let them happen.
I never judged them, I nevershed anything, I never showed
them, and then I would justsquirt paint on the thing, play
with it and then write what thatsaid, if it looked like a clown
(55:15):
.
I might write a thing about methat's a clown.
And then you saw them.
Speaker 2 (55:20):
It was amazing.
Yeah, I loved every one of them.
Speaker 1 (55:23):
Now I'm carefully making them a book.
Speaker 2 (55:27):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (55:28):
They became a book, I thought you know.
So that was an interestingthing.
I also am manifesting right nowsomething I'm probably not
gonna share with you because Idon't think it's a safe place to
share to the universe.
(55:49):
Yeah, because it's such anembryo, I actually intuitively
think if I say that right now Imight risk.
It's not healthy enough toshare with you the root time.
Speaker 2 (56:01):
I respect that.
Yeah, that's important forpeople to discern between, yeah,
when to share and when not to.
Speaker 1 (56:08):
But when I went to India it was very intentional.
Yeah, I was like I'm gonna do100 paintings in 100 days
because I was so scared to getover there, fuck around and not
work.
And I was like I can do apainting a day.
I'm going to India for 100 days.
Speaker 2 (56:26):
Because it ended up we were going 100 days.
I was like we're going 100 days.
Speaker 1 (56:29):
I'll do one painting a day.
We'll do 100 paintings.
We'll call it 100 paintings ago.
What a great title.
And then, little did I know,doing 100 paintings in 100 days
was a lot harder than I thought,but I had a great team and that
was intentional.
I put a lot of goals in orderto get to be a be a.
(56:53):
I put a lot of goals in myprocess to get to a place where
I can paint every day or createnaturally.
I don't know if I'm a giftedpainter or if the gift was the
(57:15):
juice that I have to really wantto communicate through art,
music and poetry.
I don't know, because there issuch a drive behind it that that
isn't me.
I was born with that, yeah.
I think it can be both, but I'vegot that great of an artist,
like as far as like skill, likeI'm not like this portrait
(57:38):
artist that blends better thananyone.
I'm just creative.
I am creative, I, you know, I.
They say a jack of all isbetter than a master of one,
because the jack of all is theykind of mess that quote up you
know.
Speaker 2 (57:57):
You want to have a broader, broader way of seeing
things.
You know, like it's a holisticview and I don't know.
I don't think it really matters, john, that you're the artist,
that you, that you're sayingthat you aren't.
I think that you're an amazingartist from my perspective and
it's like you inspire me.
(58:18):
So I think that's what art ishere.
You know, this is why weexpress ourselves in this way is
to inspire each other, to findthat within ourselves.
Speaker 1 (58:28):
Yeah, I would tell you this and this is we're
getting to this final thoughtand I want to.
I just took a walk I mean theDow talks about when you
mentioned God.
If he no longer becomes God,really all talking is ego.
Yeah, we're really.
You know, I don't want to saythis in a self-deprecating way,
(58:51):
but we really don't know shitabout fuck and I laugh when I
say it.
Yeah, I go back to this isn't anirresponsibility, I'm just
sharing what.
I will probably listen to thisin two years and think, wow,
that was really good, but thatwasn't.
I'll probably listen to it infive years ago.
(59:13):
That kid is crazy, I might youknow.
Or 10 years later I might go oh, that little, look at that guy.
You know how sweet.
Because that's really how I'malways kind of changing my I
don't want to say belief systembecause you know, but there are
(59:34):
things that don't.
I'm shifting a lot, you know,and what works for me today it
won't work for me tomorrow, butoverall I have been the same
person my whole life in a lot ofways a seeker, you know, a
creative and somebody who's inmovement, you know, and loves,
(59:58):
loves the earth, you know.
Speaker 2 (01:00:01):
Yeah, I mean, it's that energy and motion.
You know that you're bringinginto it and we're all energy and
motion.
It's just whether we realize itor not.
And so there's always a deepercircle of truth that you don't
know.
That's the unknown.
But if you are willing tocontinue to step into the
unknown in a way that is curious, then I think that's where the
(01:00:23):
magic happens.
You know, of course we're gonnabe different, we're gonna
continue to change, but that'sjust part of life, you know,
because we are energy and motion.
Speaker 1 (01:00:34):
I love that.
I will tell you time T-I-M-Ethings I must endure.
I like that.
Another good one, Then thatdidn't come from me.
Another one that I love ispractice, not knowing.
Speaker 2 (01:00:54):
Yeah, yeah, it's to open this in expansion to
knowing what you do not know youknow, or learning about it and
getting curious about it.
So I think that's what ourchildlike curiosity is all about
.
You know, we can always comeback to that.
So, john, before we close uptoday, will you please leave
(01:01:16):
everybody with ways to find yourwork and to connect with you if
, like, they wanna go see a showor they wanna hire you to do a
show or a performance?
Speaker 1 (01:01:29):
Yes, Shameless self-promotion has been a big
part of my marketing plan.
So not that I really have one,but I would be.
Let's see.
I would tell you that you couldgo to johnbukadycom.
Johnbukatycom and message me.
(01:01:52):
You can go to johnbukadycom andInstagram.
Johnbukady, my personal page onFacebook and yeah that's it.
Those are the best ways to beand to see my stuff and yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:02:09):
And you have course, if people wanna buy your art as
well.
That's a great place to go,right, okay?
Speaker 1 (01:02:14):
Buy my art so I don't have to go back and be a
bartender.
Speaker 2 (01:02:20):
You don't have to go back to the ponytail, right?
Well, that's wonderful.
Thanks so much, John.
This has been a pleasure totalk to you today.
It's so great to connect withyou again and I'm looking
forward to seeing you again inthe future, sometime in Shirk or
past or across again.
But yeah, Get down in.
Portland.
Speaker 1 (01:02:40):
Yeah, I will.
You never know, I might be outthere.
Speaker 2 (01:02:43):
Yeah, I mean my family in Atlanta.
So I'm gonna go to the Shirkand I will be back in the future
.
Speaker 1 (01:02:51):
I have a family in.
Atlanta so it's not too farfrom there, yeah, so yeah, I
appreciate you so much.
Thanks so much.
Speaker 2 (01:03:32):
Don't you know?
Ride that wave in the flow ofyour life, don't you know?
(01:03:53):
Ride that wave in the flow ofyour life, don't you know?
Creating a calm dispositionsets the stage for you to
(01:04:15):
receive what the world has tooffer.
When you're able to receivewhat the world has to offer, you
automatically build trust thatyou will receive what you want
in your life.
Why is this important?
Ride that wave in the flow ofyour life, don't you know?
(01:04:45):
Ride that wave in the flow ofyour life, don't you know?
You could say, our ability toreceive depends on what we learn
(01:05:07):
from our parents, what we didor didn't get, and our level of
trust that we'll be taking careof and in the universe's
abundance.
Many of us grew up inhouseholds that weren't
perfectly nurturing, so ourability to receive was
compromised.
Receiving became something weneeded to learn how to do on our
(01:05:29):
own, and for some of us, we'restill learning.
We're still learning.
We're still learning.
If you're not allowing yourselfto take in the goodness life
has to offer by acknowledgingyour wins and receiving love
from others, you will always besearching and searching and
never feel like you're doingenough.
(01:05:51):
Ride that wave in the flow ofyour life, don't you know?
(01:06:27):
Ride that wave of your life,ride that wave, ride that wave.
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