Why Spiritual Growth Isn’t Self-Improvement

In this episode, Tatiana gently challenges a common misunderstanding: the belief that spiritual growth works the same way as self-improvement.

Drawing on psychological insight, lived experience, and a grounded spiritual lens, this conversation explores why treating spirituality as something to optimise or perfect often creates suffering, rather than relieve it.

You’ll hear why genuine spiritual growth isn’t about fixing yourself, transcending your humanity, or becoming a better version of who you are, but about remembering what’s already true beneath the striving.

This episode is especially resonant if:

• You feel disappointed in yourself despite years of inner work
• Spiritual practices have started to feel effortful or draining
• You’re a therapist or helping professional navigating the line between growth and self-judgment
• You sense that spirituality should feel more relational and humane than it sometimes does

Tatiana offers a calm, reflective framework for understanding suffering without pathologising it, and for approaching the end of the year not as an evaluation, but as an invitation to remain in relationship with yourself exactly where you are.

This episode speaks to both spiritual seekers and clinically minded listeners, bridging science and spirituality in a way that is ethical, grounded, and deeply human.

In this episode, you’ll explore:

• Why self-improvement frameworks sneak into spirituality
• How effort-based spirituality can quietly increase suffering
• The difference between fixing yourself and remembering yourself
• A grounded, real-life example of spiritual remembering in action
• A gentler way to reflect on the year without self-judgment

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Intro and Outro music: Inspiring Morning by Playsound

Disclaimer: This podcast is intended for educational purposes only. It is not intended to be treated as psychological treatment or to replace the need for psychological treatment.

Episode Transcript

Tatiana (00:00):
Welcome to the Integrated Wisdom Podcast.

(00:03):
I am your host, Tatiana DaSilva, psychologist, spiritual
educator, and founder of a bodyof work.
Devote to lead others toremembering what we never truly
forgot, that science and spiritwere never separate.
They are each in their own way,expressions of the same sacred

(00:23):
architecture.
This podcast is for the quietrevolutionaries, the therapists,
the seekers, the spirituallydiscerning and scientifically
curious who know that we arebeing called into a new paradigm
for personal and collectivetransformation.

(00:45):
Together we explore what itmeans to live a coherent.
Soul led life drawing frompsychology, neuroscience,
epigenetics, energy medicine,and spiritual remembrance.
These aren't just conversations.
They are transmissions for thoseready to return to what's true,

(01:07):
to what's quietly waitingbeneath it.
Hello and welcome to theIntegrated Wisdom Podcast.
Thank you so much for joining meagain this week, and I can't
believe it, but it's December.
And whether we consciouslyintend to or not, this time of

(01:28):
year tends to invite reflectionin all of us.
We start to take stock, lookback over the year that we've
just had, notice where we'vechanged, where we haven't, where
we think that we should be bynow.
And for many people, that innerreview comes with a quiet sense

(01:48):
of evaluation and sometimesdisappointment.
Have I grown enough, healedenough, become wiser, calmer,
more myself?
And if you're someone who'sdrawn to spirituality, that
reflection can slightly turninward as pressure as though

(02:10):
spiritual growth should looklike progress.
And as though by now some partsof life should feel easier.
Lighter or more resolved.
And so today I want to pausewith you in this moment of
taking stock and gently reframesomething that often goes
unnoticed.

(02:31):
Self-improvement has become thelanguage of growth and it's
quietly shaped the way manypeople approach their
spirituality too.
We start to relate to spiritualgrowth as another project,
another place where we'resupposed to be more regulated,
more conscious, more awakened,more healed than we are, and

(02:53):
underneath that, often withoutus even realizing there's this
subtle message niggling at us.
Who you are right now isn'tquite enough yet.
And so I want to discuss that aswe start this last final month
of the year, not to criticizeself-development.

(03:15):
Um, and certainly not to dismissgenuine healing work.
All of that is important, but togently clear up a
misunderstanding that for manypeople create unnecessary set
tension and suffering becausespiritual growth isn't
self-improvement, and when wetreat it as though it is,
something essential getsdistorted.

(03:36):
For example, self-improvement iseffort based.
It assumes there's a problem tosolve a deficit of some sort,
that we need to correct a futureversion of you that needs to be
reached.
And again, that framework has aplace, it's helped many people
develop valuable skills andinsights and emotional

(03:58):
awareness.
And in some ways, it's at theheart of what therapy is.
But spirituality is pointingsomewhere different.
At its core, spirituality isn'tabout becoming someone better,
it's about remembering somethingdeeper.
When we forget that we arespiritual beings having a human

(04:21):
experience, we naturally startrelating to ourselves as
projects, and you can see theproblem with that, right?
All of a sudden we evaluate ouremotions more harshly.
We judge how long we should begrieving.
For example, we measure ourreactions against how

(04:41):
spiritually mature we believewe're meant to be, and that's
often where suffering quietlymultiplies Not because something
is wrong, but because we'restanding in the wrong
relationship to ourselves.
Spiritual growth doesn't ask,how do I improve this part of
me?

(05:01):
What it does ask is, can I staypresent with this part of me?
And that distinction reallymatters psychologically.
We know that change happens morereliably through safety and
attunement.
Not through pressure orself-criticism and spiritually
remembering happens in a verysimilar way.

(05:23):
You don't remember who you areby fixing yourself.
You remember by softening yourstance towards your own
experience by learning how tomeet what's here without
immediately trying to change ortranscend it.
This doesn't make you passive,it makes you available to what
life is trying to show you.

(05:46):
You know, some spiritualperspectives speak about how
everything is a mirror, right?
Like how we're creating our ownreality.
And if that's true and ourexperiences are trying to
reflect things to us that weneed to become more aware of, we
need to be sitting present init, right?
Instead of trying to find waysto change it.

(06:08):
And when spirituality becomesanother improvement project,
people often end up exhausted.
They judge their emotionsinstead of listening to them.
They try to outgrow humanreactions that are perfectly
normal.
Instead of understanding them,they feel ashamed when old
patterns return.

(06:30):
And they may start thinking tothemselves, I've done so much
work.
Why am I still like this?
You know, all this frustrationthat keeps them stuck and tense.
But this tension and thisfrustration isn't a sign that
you're failing spiritually.
It's often a sign that yourhumanity's asking to be included
rather than managed.

(06:53):
And spirituality at itshealthiest doesn't lead to
bypassing our humanness.
It dignifies it.
When we stop using spiritualityto escape ourselves, something
begins to settle.
Let me give you an example.
Someone might tell me that theyfeel disappointed in themselves

(07:14):
this summer of year.
They've done therapy, theymeditate all the time.
They're quite reflective, andyet here they are again, feeling
reactive in a relationship intheir life, or feeling tired and
uncertain.
And that self-improvement lensthat they carry might be saying
to them, I should be past thisby now.

(07:38):
But a spiritual lens, aremembering lens will say
something different.
It might notice, for example,that this year asked a lot from
them.
It might point out, for example,that grief or pressure or
responsibility were met with thebest nervous system capacity

(07:59):
available at the time.
And so from that place, thequestion shifts from Why am I
still like this?, to, can I staypresent with myself here without
withdrawing or self attacking?
That shift doesn't instantlychange circumstances, of course,
but what it does change is therelationship to the experience,

(08:22):
and that's where genuinetransformation actually begins.
So instead of asking, how do Ibecome more spiritual, a more
truthful question is often,where am I not letting myself be
human yet?
Because remembering ourspiritual nature doesn't pull us

(08:43):
away from life.
It roots us more deeply into it,into our relationships, into
grief and joy and longing andbelonging and other
uncomfortable emotions that wemight try to bypass, but that
are gently teaching us.

(09:06):
So spiritual growth then isn't aladder, it's an expander.
It's an expansion of how much ofyourself you're willing to stay
present with without abandoningyourself in the process.
So as you move through the restof your day to day, you might
simply notice where effortsneaks in.
I invite you to just payattention to those moments where

(09:30):
you think you should be furtheralong those times where you
might tighten around an emotioninstead of staying present with
it, or where you might noticeplaces where growth feels heavy
instead of liberating andclarifying.

(09:52):
Now, you don't need to correctany of that.
I'm just inviting you to notice.
'Because just by noticing isalready an act of remembering.
And so as we move towards theend of the year, I invite you to
notice what growth has beenframed as effort and where it
might be asking for presenceinstead.
You don't need to decideanything.

(10:13):
You don't need to resolve theyear.
Just stay attentive to how youspeak to yourself in moments of
reflection.
Remain remembering who you aredoes not require you to become
someone new.
It asks only that you remain inrelationship with yourself as
you are authentically.

(10:34):
So that's all for today.
I wanna thank you so much forbeing here and for taking this
pause with me.
And as always, a gentlereminder, you were never
disconnected.
Only waiting until remember.
Talk to you soon.
Bye.
Thank you for tuning into thisepisode of Integrated Wisdom.

(10:57):
It is my sincere wish that thisepisode may have intrigued and
inspired you to reclaim yourpower and step into becoming
more fully integrated spiritualbeings.
New episodes are published everysecond Wednesday, and I hope
that you'll continue to join usas we dive deeper into what it
means to live an integratedlife.
If this space has stirredsomething in you, I invite you

(11:20):
to subscribe, share it withthose attuned to this path, and
explore the full body [e-mail] au.
You can also find me onInstagram at Wisdom with
Tatiana, where the conversationcontinues.
Until next time, staydiscerning, stay curious, and

(11:42):
let this be your reminder.
You were never disconnected.
Only waiting to remember.