24 | 3 Power Struggles I Don't Fight as an Exhausted Mom

Join Kelsey Redd, stay-at-home mom of four, on Intentional Motherhood for a candid #realmomlife episode about letting go of parenting battles to preserve your energy and connection with your kids. If you’re tired of saying “no” or “because I said so” before breakfast, this one’s for you. Kelsey shares three battles she’s stopped fighting—hair, clothes, and shoes—and why prioritizing peace over perfection matters more than winning every power struggle. Learn how letting kids express themselves through messy hair or mismatched outfits can foster independence and teach natural consequences, backed by Kelsey’s real-life insights as a mom. Perfect for ambitious stay-at-home moms who value intentional family culture and want to focus on teaching kindness and responsibility without the drama. 

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Episode Transcript

Kelsey Redd (00:10):
Hi, friends. Welcome back to Intentional
Motherhood. I'm your host,Kelsey Redd, a stay at home mom
with four little ones and awhole lot of parenting opinions.
Disclaimer, this is one of thoseepisodes that is just my opinion
that I'm sharing with you. Takeit for what it's worth.
But today's episode is for themom who feels like she's

(00:32):
constantly saying no, or wouldyou please just do it because I
said so 47 times beforebreakfast. If you feel like your
day is just an entire series ofmini power struggles, then this
is for you. Because here's thetruth, I only have so much
energy and I have learned thehard way that I just can't

(00:54):
fight, much less win everybattle. So I've just stopped
trying. And in today's episode,I'm sharing three battles that I
just don't fight anymore.
Not because I don't care, butbecause I care about other
things more. So let's jump in.Battle number one that I don't

(01:15):
fight is hair. How my kid's hairlooks and is styled. Do we leave
the house with bed headsometimes?
Maybe all the time? Yes, we do.Unfortunately, there are times
when I try to brush mydaughter's hairs and they are

(01:35):
just not interested. That'sfine. Why?
Because I'm handling a millionother things in the morning,
like packing snacks, dealingwith sibling drama, and just
trying to get out the door ontime. And I don't always have
the energy to fight my daughterwho's not allowing me to brush
her hair. So we love havingnice, cute, done up hair. I love

(02:00):
it when my girls let me do that.But it's also not as important
to me as starting the day outwith connection instead of
conflict.
So of course, I gladly do theirhair if they let me, and
honestly, I ask almost every dayif I can please do their hair.
But when it's gonna turn into afight, I'd rather just say,

(02:20):
Don't worry babe, you lookperfect just like you are. So
that's one battle I don't fight.The second battle is clothes. I
don't fight over what my kidswear, As long as it's mostly
weather appropriate and safe andreasonable, that's pretty much

(02:40):
as far as I go.
I don't really waste time tryingto get them into a cute outfit
now that they are old enough tohave their own opinions and
their own preferences? BecauseI've realized it's just not
worth the standoff. Andhonestly, I love seeing my kids
express their personalitythrough what they choose to

(03:03):
wear. So typically, I let mykids choose. I'd rather save my
energy for other things thatactually matter, like teaching
my kids kindness andresponsibility than to argue
over outfits.
So letting go of control overclothes has freed up a lot of
mental bandwidth. The lastbattle I don't fight is the

(03:26):
battle over shoes. Are the shoeson the right feet? Are they
matching? Are they wearing shoesat all?
Who knows? I pick my momentswhen it really matters, and if
it's dangerous, then maybe I'llintervene. But honestly, you'll
see my kids barefoot 99% of thetime. Or I have one daughter who

(03:47):
sometimes is wearing one bootand one sandal. That's fine with
me.
In fact, these are also amazingopportunities where natural
consequences can teach my kidsbetter than I could contrive of
consequences. Maybe their feetare cold or hot or
uncomfortable, and guess what?Next time, choose different

(04:10):
shoes. Getting out the doorwithout fights and tears is a
win in my book. So whether ornot they're wearing shoes is a
low priority for me.
So at the end of the day, thisreally just comes down to my
mental energy and my priorities.I only have so much mental and
emotional bandwidth, and I wantto use it on what really

(04:33):
matters. I want to teach my kidsto be kind. I want to teach them
to show respect to me and toothers. I want them to learn to
take responsibility for theirown choices, including what
they're wearing.
So fighting about their clothes,their hairs, their shoes, it
just drains me. It puts me intothat nagging mom mode and sets a

(04:56):
tone that I don't even want tohave for our day. So if you're
in a season where it feels likeeverything is a power struggle,
I want to offer you thispermission. You don't have to
fight every battle to be a goodmom. You're allowed to
strategically surrender somethings in protection of your own

(05:18):
energy, and your connection withyour kids, and your peace of
mind.
Because honestly, the less Ifight about the little things,
the more space I have to teachthem about the big things that
matter. And again, this is justone mom's opinion. I love when I
see adorable, put together girlswith a cute outfit and amazing

(05:41):
hair. And every once in a while,I have one of those days. And I
don't judge anyone who parentsone way or the other.
When I see a kid in PJs with bedhead, I can relate. When I see a
kid with cute outfits and cutehair, I'm like, good for you,
mama. But if my kid wants towear rain boots with a swimsuit,

(06:04):
I let them. I'm just gonna savemy battles for those that build
character and that are moreimportant to me. So here's your
permission slip.
You're allowed to choose whereyou spend your energy and see it
as being wise in the way you useyour mental energy, because
that's what your kids reallyneed. So thanks for being here

(06:26):
with me today. I hope thisepisode made you breathe a
little easier and hopefullyrealize that you're not alone if
you can't get all your kids puttogether nicely before you leave
the house because I'm rightthere with you. So if this
episode encouraged you, pleaseleave a review or even share it

(06:47):
on your social media so thatother moms can find a little bit
of encouragement as well. And asalways, keep showing up, keep
choosing peace over perfection,and trust your instincts because
you are doing better than youthink.
Until next time, I'm cheeringyou on. I'll see you next time
on Intentional Motherhood.