12 | How to Avoid Toddler Fights & Decision Fatigue in Kids

In this episode of Motherhood: The Best Job in the World, now known as Intentional Motherhood: Peaceful Parenting Skills for Deeper Connection & Living with Purpose, Kelsey Redd shares a relatable story about color-coded plates, toddler meltdowns, and the surprising parenting lesson behind it all: decision fatigue in young children.

Discover how giving toddlers and preschoolers too many choices can overwhelm their developing brains and trigger tantrums, power struggles, and emotional meltdowns. Kelsey explains how simplifying decisions and offering limited choices can help kids feel more confident, regulated, and empowered — while also saving moms from daily battles over everything from breakfast options to favorite cups.

✨ In this episode, you’ll learn:

• What decision fatigue looks like in toddlers and preschoolers
• How too many choices can overwhelm young children
• The power of offering two choices to build autonomy and prevent meltdowns
• Simple parenting hacks for reducing overwhelm and creating calmer routines
• How to support your child’s emotional regulation through mindful decision-making

This episode is perfect for moms of toddlers and preschoolers who want to reduce power struggles, create smoother daily routines, and parent with confidence, mindfulness, and peace.

🎙 Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast and follow Kelsey on Instagram @creating.intentional.mothers for more mindful parenting tips, relatable stories, and practical scripts you can use with your kids right away.

Episode Transcript

Kelsey Redd (00:00):
Hi, friends. Thanks for joining me on another
episode in our Stories series ofMotherhood, the Best Job in the
World. The story I'm going totell you today is all about
choices and decision fatigue andthe absolute inability to reason
with three year olds. Let's getstarted.

(00:31):
So we used to have all theplastic plates and cups and
spoons and forks for kids in allthe fun colors, and you know
what happened? It was never theright color. No matter what I
handed to any given child, Iinevitably gave them the wrong
color, or I gave their brothertheir color, or their sister got

(00:56):
the color that they had to havetoday. And I was constantly
refereeing the battle over thecorrect color cup and the
perfect color of plate and thefork that had to be this color
and the spoon that had to bethat color.
This drove me bonkers. I got sofrustrated that eventually I

(01:19):
told my kids, We are done withall these colored plates and
spoons and forks and cups. I'mthrowing them all away and we're
buying a new set of one color.One color entire kitchen set so
that we never have to have thisargument again. And I did.

(01:41):
And it was very traumatic for mychildren as they watched me
throw away all of the beautifulplates and cups and spoons and
forks. And I hoped honestly thatit taught them a lesson, but
then again they were three yearsold so I highly doubt it.
But we got rid of them all. Andit gave me an opportunity to buy

(02:04):
a whole new set, this time madeout of more natural materials.
It was actually a great excuseto get rid of the plastic
anyways. And they were all onecolor, and there were no
options. And you know what?
There is slightly less arguing.They have found other things to

(02:24):
argue over, but there isslightly less arguing over the
plates and spoons and forks andcups. But it brings up a bigger
point, which is that decisionfatigue is real. It's a real
thing. We all experience it.
And if we're not aware, we cansend our children into decision

(02:46):
fatigue by offering too manyoptions. I'm not saying that the
solution is always to only givethem one option, but I do want
to bring up the point that it isreally easy for kids to be
overwhelmed by the amount ofchoices they have in their
lives. Kids have so many toysthese days, and oftentimes it's

(03:09):
actually overstimulating to themto have to sort through all the
things they have and decide whenand how to play with each thing.
Not to mention when we give themoptions for the outfits they put
together and what they'reeating. We want to give our
children autonomy to makechoices, but we also don't want

(03:32):
to give them so many choicesthat they are actually
overwhelmed and feel unequippedto make a choice.
So when I sense that my kids aregetting overwhelmed by the
amount of options they have, Itry to narrow it back down. This
comes up a lot with food.Sometimes I wake up and I'm

(03:54):
like, what do you want forbreakfast? Well, that's a very
confusing question for a fouryear old, because it's like, of
all, I don't even know. of all,are we talking like I could have
toast, I could have cereal, Icould have oatmeal, could have
eggs, I could have yogurt, Icould have, maybe I want
something that's totallyinappropriate, like ice cream or

(04:16):
candy or bubble gum, all ofwhich have been requested in my
home for breakfast many times.
Instead, I try to give twooptions. I say, Do you want
toast or yogurt for breakfastthis morning? Usually that's met
with, No. At which point I mightsay, We have toast or yogurt.

(04:38):
Which one would you like tostart with?
And of course there are timeswhen they say, I want oatmeal,
in which case I say, Great, I'mso glad you want oatmeal for
breakfast. I'll make it for you.Here you go. But other times it
really actually allows them tocalm down, use their prefrontal
cortex to understand these aremy two options, which one do I

(05:00):
want, and make a consciouschoice and be able to move
forward stress free. This is avery similar principle to the
parenting principle that I'msure you all have heard of, of
giving our children two choicesthat we are okay with.
It allows them to have autonomyand make a decision, but it also

(05:20):
narrows in the possibilities sothat they don't have to be
overwhelmed by the sheer numberof options they have, resulting
in decision fatigue, whichusually causes a meltdown. Let's
give our children the autonomyto make choices within the
bounds of a few options thattheir little brains can process.

(05:47):
Thanks for tuning in, I'll seeyou next time on Motherhood, the
best job in the world.