2 Lessons My Baby Taught Me

In today's relatable mom story, Kelsey shares how she learned to be a more present and attuned mother from her baby.  This episode discussed attachment theory in children 0-3 years old, and why parental attunement is so critical as babies form their belief system about the world around them.  In order to learn trust, safety, and healthy attachment, babies' bids for attention need to me met with soothing touch and a calm voice.  Kelsey describes one of the big "joy-killers" in mothering, and how to create space and balance between work and family. Subscribe now, share this show with a mom friend, and join the conversation! 

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Episode Transcript

Kelsey Redd (00:00):
Today, we're gonna talk about two lessons I learned
from my baby forcing me to be abetter mom. Let's talk about it.
Welcome to motherhood, the bestjob in the world. I'm your host,
Kelsey Redd, a mental healthcounselor turned stay at home
mom, here to give you selfregulation skills and practical

(00:24):
parenting tips so you can findultimate presence and joy in
mothering. So today I'm justtrying to finish up a couple
things for work.
I have my baby on my hip and ofcourse he's a little fussy, you
know that stage they get to whenthey're just like a little whiny

(00:45):
and you know they needsomething, but you're just about
finished with what it is you'retrying to do, or you just have
one last thing to get done whilemy brain is still in this zone.
So you're just kinda, you know,rocking and bouncing. And you're
like, I know, I know, I'm aboutto help you. Just let me finish
this last thing. That's what I'mdoing to my baby.

(01:07):
And he's fussing and whining andhe's not even a year old at this
point. And I'm just, you know,saying those things like, it's
okay, it's okay. I know just asecond, just a second. Let me
just finish. I've got him in onearm.
I've got one hand on my laptoptrying to just do one last
little thing. All of a sudden mybaby, not even one years old, I

(01:29):
didn't even know he could dothis, but he communicated so
clearly to me. He took hisadorable little chubby, dimpled
knuckled hands, put both of themon both sides of my cheeks and
turned my head to look at him.Talk about a knife in the heart.

(01:52):
I was like, okay, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry, baby. I closed mylaptop. I looked at him, I gave
him my full attention. And Isaid, I'm here, baby. What do
you need?
You're hungry, aren't you? Let'sget you some food. And it was
one of those moments when I justrealized how often am I going

(02:14):
about my day doing all thethings that I just want to get
done. And I'm just trying tofinish up one more thing. And I
know you need me but hold on.
And my eyes, I literally was noteven looking at him. He was on
my hip, but my eyes were on mycomputer. My other hand was on

(02:36):
my computer. I wasn't eventurning to look in his eyes and
acknowledge that he was needingme in that moment until those
adorable little chunky handsforced me to look into his eyes.
And then I realized, oh, I'm sosorry.
Whatever I was doing, it was noteven important. This is

(02:58):
important. You need your mom.You need me. You are forming
your beliefs about the worldaround you.
The first three years are themost critical years for a baby's
brain to develop anunderstanding and belief system
of the world around them,specifically around trust and

(03:20):
attachment, which is why it'scritical that as parents, as
mothers, we attune to ourbabies, we give them attention,
we look into their eyes, werespond to them when they make a
bid for connection, or cry outfor a need. They need to know

(03:42):
that their needs are understoodand will be met. And that is how
they learn to trust the worldaround them. We are their first
experience with that. From themoment they cry and we respond
to them by soothing and feedingthem as a newborn, to this stage
that I'm describing with a oneyear old, almost one year old,

(04:06):
whining and communicating in theway they know how, and rather
than being ignored, ignored,ignored, put off to turn, make
eye contact, say, Here I am,it's okay.
I'm gonna meet your need. Allthe way through to three years
old when you have a toddlerthrowing a tantrum, And maybe at

(04:26):
this point it's a little harderto do because you want them to
just actually communicate withwords at that point. But instead
scooping them up and saying, Iknow I'm here. It's okay. We're
gonna be okay.
You might not get what you want,but I know I'm here for you.
I've got you, you're safe. Iknow you're upset, but it's

(04:47):
okay. This is the way childrendevelop a whole system of
beliefs about the world aroundthem. It's through our
attunement.
So please learn from my example,my bad example, And respond to

(05:08):
your babies when they're makingthat bid. Use eye contact, use
your soothing voice, use yourtouch. I learned in that moment
two things. One, I need to bequicker about responding to my
baby's needs. And two, I'll getmore into this in a different

(05:29):
episode, but this multitasking,this trying to get one other
thing done, this momming whileworking is one of the things
that I call a joy killer.
I need to have separation inspace and time for what I'm
trying to do. Now, of course,that doesn't mean we're never

(05:50):
going to be multitasking. We'reobviously going to have to get
stuff done around the house orwork, but as often as I can, I
try to delineate between I'mworking now, or I'm here present
with my kids now, so that Idon't have to try to juggle
both? Because that little, thoselittle hands on my cheeks, that

(06:12):
really affected me. And Ithought, Oh, I am out of
balance.
Something's wrong here. I gottado better than this. So there
you go. I hope you can learnfrom my experience, from my
lesson, and that we can all tryto be a little more present and
to attune to our babies. If youenjoyed this episode, don't

(06:35):
forget to follow the show, leavea review, and share it with a
mom friend.
I'll see you next time onMotherhood, the best job in the
world.