2 Tips for Dealing with Failed Plans

Real and raw stories from a stay-at-home mom just like you.  Have you ever had a great idea of something to do with your kids, just for everything to go wrong.  Here's two tips for salvaging parenting plans gone wrong. 
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Episode Transcript

Kelsey (00:00):
Have you ever woken up with a really great idea of
something fun you can do withyour kids that you feel like is
gonna just be such a memorablebonding family activity just to
have everything go wrong everystep of the way and be
frustrated and end up creatingequally memorable experiences,

(00:21):
but not so positive.
Welcome to motherhood, the bestjob in the world. I'm your host,
Kelsey Redd, a stay at home momjust like you, sharing practical
parenting tips so you can findultimate joy in mothering.
Today we're gonna talk about howto cope when plan A doesn't work

(00:44):
out and how to, shall we say,salvage an experience with your
kids. So let me tell you astory.
I had a brilliant idea today. Ithought I've got some whipping
cream in the fridge. How about Ido a little activity with my
kids? I think this is going toelevate me to ultimate

(01:09):
homeschooler, homesteader, supermom status, because here's my
idea. Let's make our own butterand have a cozy reading
afternoon cuddled up on thecouch while we spread homemade
butter on some freshly bakedstraight out of the oven
sourdough.
Sounds great, right? What couldgo wrong? Now I could have put

(01:33):
it in my stand mixer, turned iton and walked away for ten
minutes and come back tohomemade butter like a regular
woman living in the twenty firstcentury. But instead, thought
no, I really want my kids to getinto this. I want them to just
surround the bowl and watch inawe as this cream turns

(01:56):
miraculously into butter, it'llbe really engaging.
So let's get the hand mixer outand then we'll take turns and
we'll talk about farms and we'lltalk about cows and dairy and
it's gonna be a whole thing. So,can I ask, when was the last
time you made homemade butter?Anyone know about how long it
takes to turn cream into butter?I'll give you a hint. About four

(02:22):
times longer than you think it'sgoing to.
That's how long it takes. Sowe're gathered around the bowl,
we're all taking turns with thehand mixer, starts off great.
Each person in the family hasabout a thirty five second
attention span to their mixingjob before they're ready to move
on to the next activity. We eachget, I don't know, maybe three

(02:48):
turns each. And I'm feelingpretty good about this activity.
I'm feeling like, hey,everyone's sticking around. And
that's when things start fallingoff the edge. My three year olds
out of there, she's done. She'slike, alright, where's the toys?
My six year olds stay a littlelonger and we last maybe one
more round before they've lostinterest.

(03:09):
And now guess what, I'm standingnext to this bowl of cream,
beating it for the next, I don'tknow forty five minutes, trying
to get this cream to turn intobutter. And I'm remembering why
I always end up eating myhomemade butter as more of a
salty whipped cream than anactual butter, because I don't
have the patience to turn itinto real butter, but this time

(03:30):
I was committed. So my kids aregone, they're fighting, they're
fighting over toys, they'replaying, they've lost complete
interest, they have no idea whatI'm doing anymore. I'm stuck by
this hand mixer because I can'twalk away. Because I want this
to turn into butter.
I hear my baby crying, the kidsare picking up the baby,
fighting over toys, asking me ifthey can come play with friends

(03:52):
and I'm saying, no. We are goingto make this butter. We are
going to sit down and we'regonna eat toast and we're gonna
read on the couch with homemadebutter. That was the whole point
of what we were doing today.Needless to say, by the time the
cream has fully transformed intobutter, The kids are gone.

(04:17):
They've left the house, they'relooking for friends. I've given
up, the baby's ready for a napbecause the whole time he was
awake, I was turning cream intobutter. And I'm thinking, well,
that was a bad idea. So how dowe salvage these kinds of
activities? I have two tips foryou.

(04:39):
First of all, we have to manageour expectations. I probably
could have assumed that thiswould not go according to plan
and I might have accepted thatmy kids would be involved for
about five minutes, which theywere, and then it become a
different activity that I willfinish on my own and I'll let

(05:02):
you guys know when the butter isready and we can all try it
together. That might havechanged my thought process
around the butter churningexperience. So first is manage
expectations. Second, we canchoose if we want the outcome or
the process, because we probablywon't be able to get both, at

(05:26):
least not in the timeline we hadimagined.
In this case, I really wantedthem to be engaged in the
process. Yeah, I hoped that theoutcome was going to be really
fun, but I wanted them engagedin the process. And so I did
call them back over right at thevery edge after everything had

(05:47):
turned and we were just gettingto that really juicy buttery
transformation. I called themover and I said, hey, look,
remember a while ago we hadwhipped cream. Now it's getting
all juicy and yellow.
That means it's turning intobutter. That means we did it. We
finished the job. And this wasmy way of salvaging because I

(06:08):
knew that if I yelled at themfor getting distracted or said,
Hey, you guys all have to waitfor me, we're gonna eat toast
after this, that I would havebeen forcing something that just
would have made everyone morecontentious. So instead, I
called them back over for thelast second and said, Hey, watch

(06:30):
when we drain out all thisbuttermilk, we're going to get
the butter leftover.
We saw the butter and I said,Isn't that so cool? We made
butter. Good job everyone. Wedid it. All right, see you.
And that was it. I turned overthe outcome because I knew there
was gonna be no cozy toasteating, reading cuddles that

(06:52):
afternoon. And we still haven'tdone it. You know what, maybe
tomorrow we'll eat some toastwith butter. My tip for you to
implement starting today, manageyour expectations.
Most likely that means you'regoing to have to lower them and
recognize what attention spansyour kids have. And second,
choose whether you are moreinvested in the outcome or the

(07:16):
process because you probablycan't have both and choose one
of them to make the best out ofinstead of hoping for both to
work out perfectly. I hope thishelps you find a little bit more
joy in mothering. If thisepisode added any value to your
life, please click subscribe andfind me on Instagram to share

(07:37):
your stories. I'll see you nexttime on motherhood, the best job
in the world.