June 1, 2025 • 16 mins
What are your family values? What is most important to your family? How would you describe your family culture? If you can't answer those questions, this episode of Motherhood: The Best Job in the World is for you. A family culture that you're proud of doesn't just happen. If you aren't defining your household values, news media, peer influences, or societal pressures will shape your culture for you. Learn why proactively defining your family culture can transform your home! Your host, Kelsey Redd, shares practical steps for collaborating as a family to decide what is important to your family, creating a family mission statement, and how to implement your values into your routines. Subscribe now, share this show with a mom friend, and join the conversation!
Subscribe now, share this show with a mom friend, and join the conversation!
Connect with Kelsey:
@creating.intentional.mothers
creating.intentional.mothers@gmail.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kelsey Redd (00:00):
If I were to ask you, what is most important to
your family? What are yourfamily values? Do you have an
answer for those? Could youidentify what your family
culture is? How would otherpeople describe your family? And
do your family dynamics alignwith what you really care about
(00:24):
and value?
Today, we are diving intosomething that can transform
your home, creating a familyculture that you are proud of.
Think of family culture as thatspecial sauce that makes your
family uniquely your family. Thevalues, traditions, and vibes
(00:47):
that shape your household andyour life together. We'll talk
about why it's so important tobe proactive about defining your
family culture, how to figureout what your family culture
should look like, and how tomake it real with some simple
routines.
Let's get started. Welcome tomotherhood, the best job in the
(01:08):
world. I'm your host, KelseyRedd, a stay at home mom just
like you, sharing practicalparenting tips so you can find
ultimate joy in mothering. Sowhat's a family culture? It's
the unique blend of values,habits, and traditions that
(01:30):
define who you are as ahousehold.
It's the way you talk to eachother, the family rituals that
you love, and even the insidejokes that make you guys giggle.
But here's the thing. A familyculture that you're proud of
doesn't just happen on its own.Either way, a culture will
(01:53):
develop. But if you're notproactive, your family culture
will be shaped by outsideforces, like the shows you
watch, peer influences, thechaos of a busy schedule, and
just societal pressures.
And that might not line up withwhat you really want for your
family. Think about businessesand corporations. They always
(02:18):
have a mission statement,something that serves as a
guiding compass for what'simportant to the company, what
they want their company cultureto be like. Why would it be any
different with our families?Being proactive with our family
culture is kind of like plantinga garden.
You wouldn't just toss seeds outinto the dirt and hope for the
(02:40):
best. No, you would choose whatyou want to grow. You would
carefully tend to itconsistently over time until you
see the fruits of your labors.When you're intentional, you
create a home where your valuesshine through. Values like
(03:00):
kindness, curiosity, adventure,love, compassion.
Whatever you choose, these areconsistently reinforced,
creating a cohesive identity andexpectation for behavior. This
approach also helps childreninternalize these positive
traits because they learn themfrom repeated behaviors over and
(03:23):
over again through traditionsand through the things you say.
And this family culture acts asa moral compass, guiding your
kids through their struggles andchallenges and strengthening
your relationships over time. Itbecomes the legacy of the
family, something that your kidswill actually carry into
(03:46):
adulthood and into theirfamilies. So let me tell you a
quick story.
After my fourth baby was born,and I was occupied a lot of the
time with recovering from havingthis baby, and nursing and
napping a lot, I started torealize that my kids had gotten
(04:08):
into a need for entertainmentkind of culture. They were so
used to waking up and beingentertained with this activity
or that activity, being takenfrom place to place, doing
things constantly. And when thischanged because I now had a
newborn at home, I realized thatthis culture wasn't gonna work
(04:30):
for us. At least not in thisphase of our life anymore, we
couldn't be that busy. And Iknew I wanted something to shift
in our family culture.
So we started focusing on hardwork, helpfulness, and
responsibility. So that summer,we would start every day with
(04:51):
hard work. And I used that termvery lightly, but I would just
come up with whatever job Icould find to start the day off
in a different way. To start theday off where the family had to
work together to do somethinghelpful as a team. We loved
gardening.
We loved yard work. I would letmy kids harvest lavender
(05:14):
flowers, and they thought thatwas the best. But it really did
start to shift our familyculture. I noticed my kids
starting to get more engaged,more proactive about wanting to
help or do some work, which theyfelt really responsible doing,
and overall being more of acontributing part of the family
(05:36):
rather than just waiting for meto entertain them. So how do you
decide what your family culturelooks like?
Chances are there's already awell established culture in your
family. You just have to decideif it's what you wanted or not.
There are some clues you can useto help you determine what is
(05:58):
your current family culture. Youcan do a little bit of a self
audit. You might wanna look atwhat do we spend our time doing?
What do we spend our money on?What do we repeat often? What
phrases or disciplinary words dowe use? Maybe even asking a
(06:20):
friend, how would you describeour family? All of those will
help you figure out where youare currently at.
Then it might be time to back upand decide what you really want
your family to look like.Hopefully, you're not far off.
But you might wanna start withsome big picture questions. What
(06:42):
kind of family do you want tobe? What's really important to
us?
What are some values that Iwanna teach my children? This is
so fun to do with your family.Maybe you make a treat, you grab
all your kids, and you have alittle family meeting. Let
everyone describe what theythink is most important to the
(07:04):
family. Maybe it'll betraveling.
Maybe it'll be kindness,compassion, adventure, laughter,
studies in academics, athletics.Let everyone contribute. After
brainstorming as many values asyou can think of, see if you can
narrow it down to a top three tofive values and think about what
(07:26):
those would look like in action.If kindness is your thing, maybe
your family culture includeshelping neighbors or saying
please and thank you. If faithor spirituality is central to
you, maybe you incorporatefamily prayer or service.
(07:48):
Think about the kind of vibe youwant in your home. Do you want a
home full of laughter? Do youwant quiet reflection? Do you
want adventure? Another place tolook for clues is in your own
childhood.
What did you love about yourfamily, and what did you wish
was different? For example, Iremember playing so many games
(08:10):
with my family, my extendedfamily. We would laugh, we would
stay up, we would be playingcard games and telling stories,
and those were positive memoriesfor me and helped me to decide
that I want a family that playsand laughs together. It might
look different than the way itdid in my childhood, but I know
(08:33):
that laughter and fun andplayfulness is important to me.
At the end of all yourbrainstorming and collaborating,
maybe you can write up a littlefamily mission statement.
It only has to be one or twosentences just saying our family
is about love, adventure, andhelping each other. That becomes
(08:58):
your North Star. That becomeswhat guides how you spend your
time, how you discipline, whatkinds of questions you ask. So
now here's the fun part. This iswhere we make the family culture
become real through routines andhabits.
This is where the rubber meetsthe road, and you get to put it
(09:21):
into action. Of course, youdon't need to overhaul your
life. Just start with smallintentional practices that
reflect your values. When I usedto pick up my kids from school,
I would always ask them, oh, didyou have a good time at school
today? Oh, did you have fun atschool today?
And I started realizing thatwhat I was emphasizing is, did
(09:46):
you have a good time? Did youhave fun? And I wondered, is
that really what's important tome? And I realized it really
wasn't. In our family, we havethe family value of kindness.
That's what matters most to me.That's what I'm worried about my
kids learning as they're goingto school. I mean, they're only
in preschool and kindergarten.Let's be honest. The academics
(10:07):
is the least of my concerns.
So I started asking theminstead. Did you do anything
kind for anyone at school today?What was something kind that
someone did for you today? Howdid you help someone at school
today? Did you help any of yourfriends with anything?
(10:30):
This little shift changed theemphasis of their day and of
what I was showing them wasimportant. I would love to hear
what family values you have andhow you're incorporating them.
I'll share one more example fromour family. And I, of course,
(10:52):
want to emphasize that we are inno way perfect. These are the
things I strive to do.
These are how I want our familyto be. And so as often as I can
remember to emphasize what'simportant to us, it builds that
consistency, and it builds thatfoundation, those internal
(11:14):
positive traits that my familyknows is important. But of
course, we're not gonna beperfect. In our family, we try
to emphasize helpfulness andteamwork. And I try to tie this
into a lot of different things.
So when we're all setting thetable together, I say, hey. Our
family works together so that wecan get dinner on the table.
(11:37):
Hey. We're a team, so let's allwork together so that we can
have a nice dinner. I say thiswhen we're getting ready for a
trip even.
Hey. You know what, guys? It's alot of work for a big family to
go camping. There's a lot to getready, so we need everyone to
help. In our family, we worktogether.
(12:00):
That's one of those importantphrases that you'll hear
yourself say a lot. In ourfamily, we value kindness. In
our family, the most importantthing is love. In our family, we
help each other. Your childrenwill hear these things over and
over again, and they will startto understand that they're part
(12:21):
of a tribe, they're part of aculture where certain traits are
valued, and they willinternalize those, and that will
become what guides theirbehaviors even when they're
outside of the home.
But as parents, we have got tomodel the culture. If respect is
one of your values, you have toshow it by listening to your
(12:43):
kids and owning your mistakes.This is so hard for parents. At
least it's hard for me. I shouldspeak for myself.
But I've snapped at my childrenfor spilling or for doing
something I didn't want them todo. And in those moments, we
have to catch ourselves and say,I'm I'm sorry. I didn't mean to
(13:07):
raise my voice. Let's worktogether. Or that wasn't very
kind of me.
In our family, kindness is themost important thing, and what I
did wasn't very kind. I'm sorry.Can you forgive me? When we
model even owning our mistakes,it teaches our kids that we're
not gonna be perfect. We'regonna mess up, but we still know
(13:30):
what's important, and we comeback to that.
We always come back to that truenorth. Finally, let's celebrate
when our family culture shinesthrough. If I see my kids doing
something helpful without beingasked, oh, I say, thank you.
That was so thoughtful of you.You knew I needed help, and you
(13:53):
came and helped.
That was so responsible. I lovewhen our family works as a team
together. This reinforces theculture and makes the kids proud
to be part of something bigger.So why does all this matter? It
matters because your familyculture is the heartbeat of your
home.
(14:14):
It's what your kids willremember when they're grown.
It's the feelings they'll havearound their childhood. It's the
feeling of belonging. It's thevalues that they will most
likely carry into adulthood.When we're proactive about this,
it means we're not justconstantly reacting to life's
(14:36):
chaos, but we're actuallybuilding something beautiful and
lasting.
It's like writing your ownfamily story where you get to
decide the ending. You get todecide how the family develops.
So here's your challenge forthis week. Talk to your family
(15:00):
about what values are your topthree values. And choose just
one tiny routine to bring moreemphasis to that value.
Maybe it's a gratitude moment.Maybe it's a fun tradition.
Maybe it's a different type ofquestion that you ask. You don't
have to be perfect, but juststart small and watch your
(15:24):
family culture grow. I'd love tohear how you're implementing
your family values and how yourfamily culture is progressing.
Connect with me to share yourstories, ask any questions, or
just tell me what amazing thingsyou're doing in your family. I'd
love to hear about it. If thisepisode has added any value to
(15:48):
your life, please reach out tome. I would love to connect with
you. Find me on social media orclick on the podcast website.
I'll see you next time onMotherhood, the best job in the
world.
If I were to ask you, what is most important to
your family? What are yourfamily values? Do you have an
answer for those? Could youidentify what your family
culture is? How would otherpeople describe your family? And
do your family dynamics alignwith what you really care about
(00:24):
and value?
Today, we are diving intosomething that can transform
your home, creating a familyculture that you are proud of.
Think of family culture as thatspecial sauce that makes your
family uniquely your family. Thevalues, traditions, and vibes
(00:47):
that shape your household andyour life together. We'll talk
about why it's so important tobe proactive about defining your
family culture, how to figureout what your family culture
should look like, and how tomake it real with some simple
routines.
Let's get started. Welcome tomotherhood, the best job in the
(01:08):
world. I'm your host, KelseyRedd, a stay at home mom just
like you, sharing practicalparenting tips so you can find
ultimate joy in mothering. Sowhat's a family culture? It's
the unique blend of values,habits, and traditions that
(01:30):
define who you are as ahousehold.
It's the way you talk to eachother, the family rituals that
you love, and even the insidejokes that make you guys giggle.
But here's the thing. A familyculture that you're proud of
doesn't just happen on its own.Either way, a culture will
(01:53):
develop. But if you're notproactive, your family culture
will be shaped by outsideforces, like the shows you
watch, peer influences, thechaos of a busy schedule, and
just societal pressures.
And that might not line up withwhat you really want for your
family. Think about businessesand corporations. They always
(02:18):
have a mission statement,something that serves as a
guiding compass for what'simportant to the company, what
they want their company cultureto be like. Why would it be any
different with our families?Being proactive with our family
culture is kind of like plantinga garden.
You wouldn't just toss seeds outinto the dirt and hope for the
(02:40):
best. No, you would choose whatyou want to grow. You would
carefully tend to itconsistently over time until you
see the fruits of your labors.When you're intentional, you
create a home where your valuesshine through. Values like
(03:00):
kindness, curiosity, adventure,love, compassion.
Whatever you choose, these areconsistently reinforced,
creating a cohesive identity andexpectation for behavior. This
approach also helps childreninternalize these positive
traits because they learn themfrom repeated behaviors over and
(03:23):
over again through traditionsand through the things you say.
And this family culture acts asa moral compass, guiding your
kids through their struggles andchallenges and strengthening
your relationships over time. Itbecomes the legacy of the
family, something that your kidswill actually carry into
(03:46):
adulthood and into theirfamilies. So let me tell you a
quick story.
After my fourth baby was born,and I was occupied a lot of the
time with recovering from havingthis baby, and nursing and
napping a lot, I started torealize that my kids had gotten
(04:08):
into a need for entertainmentkind of culture. They were so
used to waking up and beingentertained with this activity
or that activity, being takenfrom place to place, doing
things constantly. And when thischanged because I now had a
newborn at home, I realized thatthis culture wasn't gonna work
(04:30):
for us. At least not in thisphase of our life anymore, we
couldn't be that busy. And Iknew I wanted something to shift
in our family culture.
So we started focusing on hardwork, helpfulness, and
responsibility. So that summer,we would start every day with
(04:51):
hard work. And I used that termvery lightly, but I would just
come up with whatever job Icould find to start the day off
in a different way. To start theday off where the family had to
work together to do somethinghelpful as a team. We loved
gardening.
We loved yard work. I would letmy kids harvest lavender
(05:14):
flowers, and they thought thatwas the best. But it really did
start to shift our familyculture. I noticed my kids
starting to get more engaged,more proactive about wanting to
help or do some work, which theyfelt really responsible doing,
and overall being more of acontributing part of the family
(05:36):
rather than just waiting for meto entertain them. So how do you
decide what your family culturelooks like?
Chances are there's already awell established culture in your
family. You just have to decideif it's what you wanted or not.
There are some clues you can useto help you determine what is
(05:58):
your current family culture. Youcan do a little bit of a self
audit. You might wanna look atwhat do we spend our time doing?
What do we spend our money on?What do we repeat often? What
phrases or disciplinary words dowe use? Maybe even asking a
(06:20):
friend, how would you describeour family? All of those will
help you figure out where youare currently at.
Then it might be time to back upand decide what you really want
your family to look like.Hopefully, you're not far off.
But you might wanna start withsome big picture questions. What
(06:42):
kind of family do you want tobe? What's really important to
us?
What are some values that Iwanna teach my children? This is
so fun to do with your family.Maybe you make a treat, you grab
all your kids, and you have alittle family meeting. Let
everyone describe what theythink is most important to the
(07:04):
family. Maybe it'll betraveling.
Maybe it'll be kindness,compassion, adventure, laughter,
studies in academics, athletics.Let everyone contribute. After
brainstorming as many values asyou can think of, see if you can
narrow it down to a top three tofive values and think about what
(07:26):
those would look like in action.If kindness is your thing, maybe
your family culture includeshelping neighbors or saying
please and thank you. If faithor spirituality is central to
you, maybe you incorporatefamily prayer or service.
(07:48):
Think about the kind of vibe youwant in your home. Do you want a
home full of laughter? Do youwant quiet reflection? Do you
want adventure? Another place tolook for clues is in your own
childhood.
What did you love about yourfamily, and what did you wish
was different? For example, Iremember playing so many games
(08:10):
with my family, my extendedfamily. We would laugh, we would
stay up, we would be playingcard games and telling stories,
and those were positive memoriesfor me and helped me to decide
that I want a family that playsand laughs together. It might
look different than the way itdid in my childhood, but I know
(08:33):
that laughter and fun andplayfulness is important to me.
At the end of all yourbrainstorming and collaborating,
maybe you can write up a littlefamily mission statement.
It only has to be one or twosentences just saying our family
is about love, adventure, andhelping each other. That becomes
(08:58):
your North Star. That becomeswhat guides how you spend your
time, how you discipline, whatkinds of questions you ask. So
now here's the fun part. This iswhere we make the family culture
become real through routines andhabits.
This is where the rubber meetsthe road, and you get to put it
(09:21):
into action. Of course, youdon't need to overhaul your
life. Just start with smallintentional practices that
reflect your values. When I usedto pick up my kids from school,
I would always ask them, oh, didyou have a good time at school
today? Oh, did you have fun atschool today?
And I started realizing thatwhat I was emphasizing is, did
(09:46):
you have a good time? Did youhave fun? And I wondered, is
that really what's important tome? And I realized it really
wasn't. In our family, we havethe family value of kindness.
That's what matters most to me.That's what I'm worried about my
kids learning as they're goingto school. I mean, they're only
in preschool and kindergarten.Let's be honest. The academics
(10:07):
is the least of my concerns.
So I started asking theminstead. Did you do anything
kind for anyone at school today?What was something kind that
someone did for you today? Howdid you help someone at school
today? Did you help any of yourfriends with anything?
(10:30):
This little shift changed theemphasis of their day and of
what I was showing them wasimportant. I would love to hear
what family values you have andhow you're incorporating them.
I'll share one more example fromour family. And I, of course,
(10:52):
want to emphasize that we are inno way perfect. These are the
things I strive to do.
These are how I want our familyto be. And so as often as I can
remember to emphasize what'simportant to us, it builds that
consistency, and it builds thatfoundation, those internal
(11:14):
positive traits that my familyknows is important. But of
course, we're not gonna beperfect. In our family, we try
to emphasize helpfulness andteamwork. And I try to tie this
into a lot of different things.
So when we're all setting thetable together, I say, hey. Our
family works together so that wecan get dinner on the table.
(11:37):
Hey. We're a team, so let's allwork together so that we can
have a nice dinner. I say thiswhen we're getting ready for a
trip even.
Hey. You know what, guys? It's alot of work for a big family to
go camping. There's a lot to getready, so we need everyone to
help. In our family, we worktogether.
(12:00):
That's one of those importantphrases that you'll hear
yourself say a lot. In ourfamily, we value kindness. In
our family, the most importantthing is love. In our family, we
help each other. Your childrenwill hear these things over and
over again, and they will startto understand that they're part
(12:21):
of a tribe, they're part of aculture where certain traits are
valued, and they willinternalize those, and that will
become what guides theirbehaviors even when they're
outside of the home.
But as parents, we have got tomodel the culture. If respect is
one of your values, you have toshow it by listening to your
(12:43):
kids and owning your mistakes.This is so hard for parents. At
least it's hard for me. I shouldspeak for myself.
But I've snapped at my childrenfor spilling or for doing
something I didn't want them todo. And in those moments, we
have to catch ourselves and say,I'm I'm sorry. I didn't mean to
(13:07):
raise my voice. Let's worktogether. Or that wasn't very
kind of me.
In our family, kindness is themost important thing, and what I
did wasn't very kind. I'm sorry.Can you forgive me? When we
model even owning our mistakes,it teaches our kids that we're
not gonna be perfect. We'regonna mess up, but we still know
(13:30):
what's important, and we comeback to that.
We always come back to that truenorth. Finally, let's celebrate
when our family culture shinesthrough. If I see my kids doing
something helpful without beingasked, oh, I say, thank you.
That was so thoughtful of you.You knew I needed help, and you
(13:53):
came and helped.
That was so responsible. I lovewhen our family works as a team
together. This reinforces theculture and makes the kids proud
to be part of something bigger.So why does all this matter? It
matters because your familyculture is the heartbeat of your
home.
(14:14):
It's what your kids willremember when they're grown.
It's the feelings they'll havearound their childhood. It's the
feeling of belonging. It's thevalues that they will most
likely carry into adulthood.When we're proactive about this,
it means we're not justconstantly reacting to life's
(14:36):
chaos, but we're actuallybuilding something beautiful and
lasting.
It's like writing your ownfamily story where you get to
decide the ending. You get todecide how the family develops.
So here's your challenge forthis week. Talk to your family
(15:00):
about what values are your topthree values. And choose just
one tiny routine to bring moreemphasis to that value.
Maybe it's a gratitude moment.Maybe it's a fun tradition.
Maybe it's a different type ofquestion that you ask. You don't
have to be perfect, but juststart small and watch your
(15:24):
family culture grow. I'd love tohear how you're implementing
your family values and how yourfamily culture is progressing.
Connect with me to share yourstories, ask any questions, or
just tell me what amazing thingsyou're doing in your family. I'd
love to hear about it. If thisepisode has added any value to
(15:48):
your life, please reach out tome. I would love to connect with
you. Find me on social media orclick on the podcast website.
I'll see you next time onMotherhood, the best job in the
world.
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