Episode Transcript
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Kelsey Redd (00:05):
Hi friends, welcome
back to Intentional Motherhood.
I'm your host, Kelsey Redd.Sharing parenting tips to deepen
your family connections whilestill preserving your self
identity. Because yes, you are amom and it's the best job in the
world. And you're also apassionate woman with dreams,
(00:31):
ambitions, and hobbies.
You want to play on the floorwith your kids, and you want to
be a spiritual guru with a deepconnection to God and the
universe. You see yourselfbaking up a storm in the kitchen
(00:51):
and creating somethingmeaningful, or participating in
a hobby just for you. You're ashoulder to cry on when your
kids need cuddles, and you're apassionate wife who has an
intimate connection with herpartner. Today, we are embracing
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the and. Today, I'm giving youpermission to be it all.
Not that you have to be it allperfectly, but that you can and
should prioritize your identityoutside of motherhood. So today
I want to give you somepractical ideas for how to use
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your downtime. Because you guys,I talked to so many moms and you
know what they tell me? Theytell me, I wouldn't even know
what to do with myself if I hadan hour of free time. Or they
tell me, my to do list is a milelong and I can't even get to all
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the things I need to do to justmanage the house and take care
of the family.
So today I'm gonna break it downfor you a little bit so that
when you get that holy grail offree time, you don't freeze and
end up wasting it because youcan't even come up with a plan
for what to do during this time.So I'm gonna give you three
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categories of ways to use yourtime so that you can use them
appropriately as you choose. Sothe first category is
productivity. And this isactually my lowest priority way
to use your time. The secondcategory is what I'm gonna call
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leisure.
These are the fun things you cando for yourself to just enjoy a
moment. And the third categoryI'll call soul work or
spirituality. And these are theactual like must do. You
probably need to make time everyday to do these things because
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they just have to be done inorder to keep your soul and your
spirit vibrant. So let's talkabout number one, productivity.
These are things likehousecleaning, laundry, dishes,
meal planning, grocery shopping,organizing and registering for
activities and sports. Becausedoes anyone else feel like that
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can become a full time jobsometimes? Or is that just me?
Anyways, all the logistics thatgo into running your household.
What I'm not including in theproductivity category is your
work.
If you are a work from home momor a working mom, because that I
would say is not free time.That's time away from your kids
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and time away from your family.But that's not free time. And
that's not what I'm talkingabout here because that has to
be its own separate space thathas boundaries around how that's
organized. So the reason thatproductivity is my lowest
priority way to use your freetime is first of all, it never
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goes away.
It never ends. It'll always bethere for you. And so if we make
that the priority for how we useour free time, you will use all
of your free time, all the time,forevermore managing these kinds
of things. Doing the disheswhile your kids nap or folding
laundry while your kids watch aTV show. And I just don't think
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that's the best use of yourtime.
And also, because these are thetypes of things that I actually
encourage you to do with yourkids alongside your kids. So
it's kind of on the line ofwhether this is free time or
time with your kids. I actuallyencourage you to include your
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kids in the chores and in thecooking and even maybe in the
meal planning as much as theycan, depending on their ages, so
that they see all the work thatgoes into running the household
and so that they're involved init and maybe even can take a
little bit of that off of yourplate. I once had someone give
me the best piece of advice,which is teach your kids to do
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the chores that you hate themost, because then you're not
the one doing them. They are.
So you know what? The firstthing I have taught my kiddos to
do, and they're really good atit now, is unloading the
dishwasher. I hate unloading thedishwasher. I don't mind washing
the dishes and filling thedishwasher, but I almost never
unload the dishwasher, and it'sthe best thing. So there's a
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little pro tip for you.
But I also recognize that thereare times when for your mental
health, for your emotionalregulation, you need to do a
little tidy or a little projectaround the house that has to get
done when there's less kidinvolvement. And so every once
in a while, that's what you useyour free time doing. Otherwise,
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let's make that a part of how weinteract with our kids. Let's
make that a part of our familyculture where kids are doing it
with us. I remember when my kidswere young, when my twins were
babies actually, that someonetold me, don't clean while your
babies are napping.
And I thought, well, when elseam I gonna clean? That's the
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time I have to clean. But I tookit to heart and I really
actually am glad that Iimplemented that all those years
ago, because it allowed me tosee nap time, not as a time to
just, Oh, thank goodness, now Ican get all the things done that
I've been needing to do anyways.But actually to see it as, Okay,
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this is my time. This is my freetime to take care of myself, to
do something that's going toreplenish me so that once the
babies are awake, I'm ready tojump back into it.
Of course, are times when ourmental health and our emotional
regulation depends on having aclearer space where I can see
the floor or I can see thebottom of the sink. And so we
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have to do something to createthe environment that allows us
to be at peace. But as often aspossible, I make that a family
project, a family activity. Andother times it just requires a
slight lowering of the standardsof cleanliness in my house. I
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keep my bedroom clean and clearof clutter so that I have a
sanctuary that I can retreat towhen I need some space and the
house is a mess so that I canstill get into a good state of
mind.
But I also know that with fourlittle kids at home, the house
is gonna be messy 99% of thetime. It gets messy within
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minutes of getting cleaned up.And I could spend all my time
running around like a chickenwith its head cut off, trying to
clean up after my kids, andsometimes I do. And I have to
remind myself that this is notworth the stress that I'm
putting on any of us. So we dothe best we can, but I encourage
you to let these kinds oflogistical things be low on your
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priority list when you have freetime to yourself.
Category number two for how touse your free time is next
highest in the order ofpriority. And this is leisure,
fun, hobbies, whatever you wannacall it. The things that you do
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that just bring joy to you.Things that feel both restful
and energizing depending on whatyour personality is. Maybe it's
reading, relaxing andintentionally watching a show or
a movie, listening to yourpodcast and your Audible, or
maybe it's exercising or doingsome sports or going for a run
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or a walk or a hike.
These are things that you can doin the home around your kids
while they're doing theirindependent play or napping. Or
even better, these are thingsthat you can get out of the
house to do while you have somesupport and childcare or a date
night with your spouse. I'vebeen known to bring my kids
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along to the park so that I cando some pickleball with friends
while they play at theplayground next to me. But it's
critical that we do some ofthese things that are just for
fun for us. Why don't we let ourkids see us play?
See us just having fun. So oftenwe're so worried about
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entertaining our kids andletting them do all the fun
things and all the play datesand all the activities that we
take them out to do. And yet dothey see us prioritizing our own
play and fun? I think it'sappropriate for them to see it
that every once in a while too.Now there starts to be a little
bit of crossover between thiscategory of fun and leisure and
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category number three, which Icall soul work when I talk about
creativity.
Because I would say that doingsomething creative is hopefully
fun for you, but also actuallyreally critical to our spirit
and for our soul. So when I talkabout something creative, I mean
like journaling, writing, ifyou're into writing, maybe
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playing music or singing, thosethings where we get to embrace
that inner creator that isinnate in women that needs
expression. Maybe you'rewatercoloring or sketching. Even
cooking or baking can fill thiscategory of creativity. However
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you express your creativity, Iencourage you to make this a
really high priority either inyour leisure or even as part of
category number three, which issoul work or spirituality.
So let's talk about this one.These are the things that I am,
as I said before, I think youactually need to intentionally
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make time for every day becausethey're that critical that you
fit into your day every day. Soit might be that these are the
things you wake up early in themorning to do before kids wake
up, or you do after bedtime isover, or that are your number
one go to thing to get done whenyour kids are giving you a
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little moment of free time. Andthese are the things that
connect us to God and to thedivine, such as prayer,
meditation, scripture study. AsI mentioned before, there's some
crossover here if we're talkingabout journaling or even just
doing something restful andrejuvenating, such as going for
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a walk in nature, going forsunrise walks is one of the best
things I can do for my selfcare, for both my spirituality
and my physical health and mymental health.
That's one of my go toactivities that I try to do as
often as possible. The reasonthis soul work is so critical is
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because this really is the thingthat fills your cup and allows
you to get through the day withyour kids. It also creates an
entire shift in energy so thatyou are giving from a place of
divine love, rather than from aplace of depletion or even
resentment or dread. I feel likewhen I do the soul work to get
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in touch with God, and toreconnect to His love, and to my
purpose on earth, which is tolove like God loves, I am a
totally different mom. I am somuch more patient.
I am so much more present. And Ican see my kids the way God sees
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them as His children, aschildren who are learning and
trying their best and havinghard times, but who need my love
and connection rather than myyelling and my punishment. I've
noticed such a difference when Imake time and priority for this
spiritual work to start off myday especially. And when the
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mornings inevitably happen whereI don't have time to get this
kind of thing done before thechaos of the four kids begins, I
try to show my kids what I needto do. I'll tell them, I need to
go do my morning yoga.
I'm going to pray now or I'mpulling out my scriptures. I'm
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gonna read. You can sit or laynext to me because I want them
to know that this has to getdone every day so that I can be
the best mom I can be. So thesoul work is non negotiable.
Hopefully as some quiet alonekid free time.
If not, it's getting done eitherway. So my amazing mamas out
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there, you deserve to be a wholeperson, a whole woman who's
enjoying life, who has a deepspiritual connection, who has
hobbies and interests that youcan think of off the top of your
head when someone asks you, whatdo you do on your free time? You
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won't be stuck saying, I don'tknow, I'm a mom and I don't have
anything else in my life. You'llbe able to say, Oh, I'm an
artist. I'm a writer.
I'm an athlete. And your kidswill look to you as a role model
for being a well rounded humanwho knows how to take care of
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themself. And when eventuallyyour kids are grown and move out
of the house, you'll even beable to navigate that transition
a little easier because you willhave spent years developing an
identity outside of motherhood.Ladies, I am so blessed to
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define myself as a mother. Ilove that definition.
I embrace that identity. It'sprobably one of the most
important and fulfillingidentities I have. And I see
myself as an ambitious woman. Isee myself as a daughter of God.
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I see myself as a friend, awife, an athlete.
And I'm here to give youpermission that you can be at
all as well. Let me know whatyou think. Let me know what your
struggles are with this. Let meknow how this is landing for
you. I would love to hear yourthoughts on this.
Connect with me on Instagramcreating. Intentional. Mothers
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And let me know if this helpsyou have a little more clarity
on how to use the precious freemoments that you get in your
day. I'll see you next time onIntentional Motherhood.