Episode 17 - The Gift of Self-Care

Give Yourself the Gift of Self-Care

How to keep yourself healthy, centered, balanced & connected when you struggle with an addicted loved one

This will be my second Christmas without my daughter Laura who struggled for 15 years with addiction but lost her life to overdose on December 21, 2017, right before the holidays. In the two years since her death, I’ve taken care of myself in some ways, but not in others.   Battling addiction with a loved one or battling it as an addict takes a toll on you personally.

There is the stress of not knowing what is going to happen next, the lack of sleep when you stay up through the night hoping to hear the door open and your loved one walk in, the constant anxiety.  If you don’t care for yourself, then your health and well-being will suffer. Self-care is complex, but it’s a gift that you should try and give yourself.  Don’t think of it as something selfish, but rather something necessary to stay strong.  Here are some thoughts for all of us who need to do more to care for ourselves with the gift of self-care.

Set healthy boundaries.  When you are surrounding by addiction, you have to set physical, emotional and mental limits so that you avoid being manipulated, used or violated by the addicts in your life. Boundaries are simply guidelines that you express to others so that they know how you want to be treated and what happens when they cross those boundaries.  In my relationship with my daughter, some of the boundaries I set included what I needed her to contribute to the house while she was living there, how I needed to be communicated with respectfully, and the rules around any type of substance use around me or in my home. 

Take care of your body.  For me, taking care of my body was not on my “to do” list after my daughter died.  As a result, I gained weight, ate poorly, got very little sleep and just overall felt physically weak.  When you are fighting addiction yourself or on behalf of a loved one, you have to take care of your body.  Start by adding a healthy dose of exercise to your routine.  You don’t have to do cross-fit or run a marathon, but you can start by simply walking 30 minutes a day. Exercise releases those endorphins that make you feel better, relieves stress, and helps you connect with others if you engage in sports activities.

Because sleep affects our mood, helps us keep a healthy weight and reduces stress, trying to keep a regular sleep pattern is important.  Start by recognizing what your sleep patterns are and where they are off balance.  Then change your routine to eat earlier, not watch TV as your go to sleep routine, and keep your room cool and quiet.  

And finally, eating healthy has some very strong benefits.  If you are in recovery, then don’t replace drug use with a new bad habit of eating poorly like adding processed foods or sugars.  A good diet improves your mood and is a cornerstone of selfcare.

Use mindfulness to reduce stress and increase a feeling of well-being.  Mindfulness is the practice of purposely focusing your attention on the present moment and accepting it without judgment. Being mindful makes it easier to appreciate the pleasures in life as they occur, helps you become fully engaged in activities, and creates a capacity to deal with the adverse events that has been coming your way.  And if you are struggling with addiction, there are quite a few zingers that you struggle with.   People who practice mindfulness find that they are less likely to obsess about what may happen to them in the future or have regrets over the past.  Mindfulness helps people become less preoccupied with success or concern themselves on how others might judge them.  

There are many ways to practice mindfulness, but most often this is done with meditation,