March 11, 2024 • 34 mins
In this episode, Matt & Jenn share segments from the live Q&A session at the Tampa Marriage Day on March 2nd, including:
- How to connect sexually, even during periods of conflict
- How to learn contentment when I desire a certain sex act, but my spouse doesn’t
- How to avoid complacency when things seem “good”
- How to navigate different preferences for sexual frequency
- How to encourage spiritual growth and accountability
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https://www.intimatecovenant.com/retreat
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Cherishing,
Matt & Jenn
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Intimate Covenant | Matt & Jenn Schmidt
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, jen wanna talk about sex during times of
conflict.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Uh, I'm not fighting about this right now.
Great.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
Today on the podcast, we're sharing segments from a
recent live Q&A session,including how do we maintain
sexual connection while we'refighting?
Let's do it.
Welcome to the IntimateCovenant podcast, where we
(00:34):
believe the Bible and GreatMarried Sex both belong on your
kitchen table.
That's right.
We're talking about holycovenant-bound intimate
relationships with hot sex.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
We are Matt and Jen, founders of Intimate Covenant.
We offer biblical teaching andresources to help married
couples achieve a fullerrelationship and an
extraordinary sex life.
For more information, visit ourwebsite, IntimateCovenantcom.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Welcome, friends.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Welcome.
Thanks for joining us again onthe Intimate Covenant podcast.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
So glad to have you along with us.
The show would not be the samewithout you.
Thanks for listening.
We sure love you for listening.
Before we get into today'sepisode, we just wanted to
remind everyone thatregistration for the annual
marriage retreat is ongoing.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Mm-hmm, it is live.
It has been since February 14thand we are already halfway
filled, which is super exciting.
Most importantly for all of youlistening that are not
registered, you need to knowthat our early bird pricing ends
on Friday, march 15th, which isjust a few days after we
(01:46):
release this podcast.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Yeah, that's true.
You just have a couple of daysleft if you want to take
advantage of special savings.
Save your spot and save alittle bit of money by
registering early.
Just to remind everybody, youdon't have to pay the full
registration fee upfront.
You can save your spot withjust a $200 deposit.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
So lock your spot and lock you into the early bird
pricing.
Yes correct.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
So register early, get a little bit of savings and
save your spot.
Like Jen said, space is limitedand we are filling up faster
than maybe ever before, fasterthan ever.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
So it's already shaping up to be the best one
yet.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Absolutely.
And just to remind everybodythat the annual retreat happens
in the Woodlands, texas, whichis just north of Houston,
beautiful area, beautiful venue.
Go to the websiteintimatecovenantcom slash
retreat to get a lot moredetails, including find that
registration form and get signedup.
But that retreat, this retreat,the retreat happens September
(02:52):
19th and through the 21st thisyear.
That's right, we certainlywould hate for you to miss it.
We sure love seeing everybodythere every year.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
That's right.
So, Matt we just got back fromour Tampa Marriage Day Love this
event because this is arepetitive event for us now
Speaking of an annual retreat.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
This is also becoming an annual event for us.
It is Springtime in Tampa justseems to equal intimate covenant
marriage day.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
We are liking that.
So this was our thirdconsecutive year.
So you know, if you dosomething three times in a row,
I mean it's a thing right, it'sa custom I think it's a thing we
love it.
We love spending time with youcouples in Tampa.
We had a great, great number ofcouples that were able to join
us, and so it was a great day.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
Absolutely, and we need to give a shout out to our
lovely hosts, matt and LauraRichmond.
If you're listening, I'm sureyou're listening.
Thank you for making this daysuch a special day for us and
the entire weekend.
Thank you also to Andy andVicki Koontz for opening up
their tiny home for us.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
I love it.
If you know anything about me,you have to know that I am.
I am a lover of tiny homes.
I just think they're thecoolest thing ever, and so it's
so much fun to get to stay inthe tiny home when we're in
Tampa.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
Truly so.
Gracious hosts in in lots ofways and lots of other folks.
We had a great opportunity tospend some time with some other
really great folks there.
Just enjoyed our time immensely, came back refreshed and
exhausted after our flights gotdelayed and we ended up in a
hotel overnight and we weren'texpecting it.
(04:34):
It was a little bit of a funreturn home, but missed a day of
work because of flight issues,but nevertheless well worth the
trip.
We had a great time and so wewant to share with this episode.
We want to share some questions, some segments from the Q and A
session.
A great Q and A session, reallythoughtful questions, as always
(04:56):
from our audiences, and so wewant to share some segments from
those questions, including, asyou heard in the intro, how to
connect sexually even whenyou're experiencing periods of
conflict.
Had another question about howto learn contentment when I
(05:18):
desire a certain sex act but myspouse doesn't.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Right.
And then we had a questionabout how do we encourage
spiritual growth andaccountability in one another,
how to avoid complacency whenthings seem good.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
That was a neat take on on that question the whole
keep striving attitude, which Iappreciate that attitude and
then finally, how to navigatedifferent preferences for sexual
frequency Maybe one of the mostcommon questions that we get,
but hopefully you'll appreciateour take on this answer in this
(05:51):
episode, so we're lookingforward to sharing this with you
.
Hope you enjoy this episode.
As always, if you have aquestion, you can reach us at
podcast at intimate covenantcom.
You can email us there or go tothe website intimate
covenantcom slash podcast andclick on the button to submit an
anonymous question to us aswell.
Enjoy the show.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
How to connect sexually with your spouse when
you are in conflict andemotionally don't feel like it.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
That's tough For some folks.
Makeup sex is pretty hot andpassionate, but I'm not
suggesting that you start fightsin order to have great sex,
because that doesn't work formost of us.
Clearly, it is challenging toeven feel like you want to
(06:49):
emotionally connect with someonewho is the source of your
emotional turmoil.
That is a no brainer, becausesex requires emotional
vulnerability and physicalvulnerability and every sense.
(07:10):
To engage fully in a sexualrelationship, you are going to
have to put yourself in aposition where you are even more
vulnerable.
That happens best when you feelsafe, and obviously, if someone
(07:30):
is responsible for hurting you,you're not going to feel very
safe with them, even justemotionally.
So I get it.
That is clearly a challenge.
I think part of the answer hereis that it is going to require.
Sometimes, the best thing youcan do is just be upfront and
(07:55):
face the fact that there istension and conflict between you
.
Sometimes you have to say honey, look, I understand things are
not where we want them to be.
I do want to assure you, though, that I love you, that I want
what is best for us, that we aregoing to get through this, but
(08:22):
we can't resolve all of thistonight or even in one night, or
even in three weeks ofdiscussions, but I acknowledge
that this is between us, butright now would be a good
opportunity for us to connect,and I promise that we are going
(08:46):
to address.
I am acknowledging to you thatwe are going to address this and
I am fully committed toaddressing this Is it possible
for us to move closer in someother way so that we can feel
like connecting in every way?
So that means that I'm going to.
(09:06):
You can't just say, okay, timeout on the fight, let's go have
sex and then we'll resumefighting later.
That's clearly not going tohappen.
What that means, though, is ifI'm wanting, if I'm going to be
the pursuer in this case and I'mgoing to initiate sexual
connection even in the midst ofconflict and tension, I'm going
to have to be willing to createa space that is safe for my
(09:31):
spouse to do so.
I'm going to have to create aspace where there is some other
connection that is occurringmaybe lots of other connection
that is occurring in lots ofother ways for my spouse to feel
comfortable enough to be ableto come to a place where she or
he can also find connection inthat experience.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
I think it's all about learning the art of pause.
When we talk about embracingconflict, this is kind of
counterintuitive.
It's against this idea ofresolving conflict.
You're not going to resolveconflict.
The majority of what you haveconflict about are not moral
(10:14):
issues.
There is not a right and awrong.
It is two people who viewsomething differently.
You have placed differentexpectations.
You have different expectations.
There's different values thatyou place on whatever the
conflict is about.
You may never resolve that,meaning.
You may never have the sameopinion about that source of
(10:35):
conflict.
So embracing conflict meansthat you approach that conflict
not again, not from the desireof I want to win, but what can I
learn about my spouse withinthis conflict?
There may not be time at 6 PM onTuesday evening to learn
everything there is to learnabout your spouse within that
(10:57):
conflict.
Right, sometimes it's.
You know what.
We're surrounded by littlepeople right now.
We're surrounded by the chaosof our schedules in our everyday
life.
We need to pause so that we cancreate a time where we can dive
into this in a safer place withone another, meaning by that we
(11:17):
both feel like we can moreaccurately emotionally express
how we're feeling about this.
So it's called.
You know, it's this idea oflearning how to press pause on
that.
But you're not pressing pauseon everything, right?
Stop the idea of because wedon't see eye to eye on one
(11:39):
thing now.
We pass each other in thehallway without you know, like
we're strangers passing in thehallway.
Oh, excuse me, you know.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Some of us are waiting for everything in our
relationship to be right beforewe can have sex again.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
And that's never going to happen.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
Sorry to tell you.
You're never going to be in aplace where everything is
exactly right.
It's never going to be perfect.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
So learn to pause sometimes the conversations.
But if you're the one to callthe pause, you better be the one
to call the unpause.
In other words, assure yourspouse that you will talk about
this with them, you arecommitted to discussing this and
hearing from them and withinthat, see the beauty of the
(12:24):
connection that comes throughour sexual union.
That can give you the strengthfrom which then you can better
deal with that place whereyou're having conflict.
Again, sex isn't the icing,it's the eggs in the cake batter
right, it's holding it alltogether as an integral part of
(12:45):
your marriage.
So sometimes the healing how dowe face that conflict comes
from the connection that weshare through that sexual union.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
And if you're both coming to sex for the purpose of
connection, then sometimes thatin itself can become a building
block to reach a betterunderstanding of each other.
It can build enough closenessthat now you're willing and able
to get on the same team ratherthan fighting against each other
.
Now you can actually both fightagainst the problem.
(13:17):
It becomes a we problem insteadof a you versus me problem, and
that is I think part of thepower of the sexual relationship
.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
It is a place and it can actually be an escape If
everything in your life isterrible.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
Find something that's worth looking forward to and
co-create something that isworth doing that is mutually
beneficial to each of you.
That would be my challenge toyou.
["the.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
What if I won a specific sex act but my spouse
doesn't?
And no matter how hard I try, Ican't be happy without it.
How can I learn to sacrificeand be content".
Speaker 1 (14:05):
The specific wording of this question is interesting,
I think, specifically thispiece about I can't be happy
without it.
That kind of language suggeststo me that I'm still seeking the
wrong thing, that my attachmentto whatever this outcome is is
(14:33):
perhaps unhealthy and unfoundedand certainly not beneficial for
my relationship.
Again this comes back to.
I think perhaps it's a bigparadigm shift for some of us,
and it certainly was for me inthe beginning, that the
enjoyment that I'm going to getfrom the sexual relationship is
(14:56):
not about any specific thing,but the enjoyment, the pleasure
from sex is ultimately going tocome from the connection that is
created.
And I think a big part of thisis coming back to this idea of
gratitude and praise.
(15:16):
Contentment is found ingratitude.
Contentment is found in givingacknowledgement for what I have
and for what has been providedto me.
And if I stop focusing on whatI don't have and I learn to
focus on what I do have, that isan entire shift in my
(15:40):
well-being, that's an entireshift in where I'm headed.
That's a complete shift in,then, what my goals are.
If I'm constantly looking atwhat is, if I'm constantly
looking at what I have insteadof what I don't have, then I can
finally learn to be content.
So I would take issue with thefact that it's that you have
(16:09):
done all you can do to be happywithout this If I'm being.
I don't know who asked thisquestion, so I'm not trying to
be critical.
I understand where you'recoming from.
I've been there.
I've definitely been thepursuer who can't be satisfied
because my spouse if they wouldmy thought was, if they would
only do this, then everythingwould be so much better.
(16:32):
And you know what.
Sometimes we actually did thisand you know what.
It didn't really changeanything, because my contentment
will never come from what I get.
My contentment comes fromacknowledging and recognizing
what I already have.
(16:52):
And if I stop looking at what Iwant and start focusing on what
my spouse is already giving me,not just sexually but in every
way, then I mean that is alife-changing moment that really
changes everything.
So it has to start withgratitude and praise.
(17:17):
I think that's gratitude inparticular.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Well, and I think we have to both.
You have to have theunderstanding that we all have
preferences Within this big boxof what God has allowed.
Again, no third party's in yourbetter, in your head.
Pleasure, and it's for thepurpose of pleasure and
connection.
It does not involve pain.
(17:41):
Okay, we've got check mark, allof those.
There's our box.
Well, that's a big box, butguess what?
Your spouse has a circle ofpreference and you have a circle
of preference, and thosecircles aren't exactly the same.
They're never going to line upthe same.
Your goal is to you know theVenn diagram like move the
(18:02):
circles close to one another andhave some good areas of overlap
.
When Matt talks about gratitude, be grateful for the beautiful
areas of overlap, because ifyour focus is mutual pleasure
and connection, those areas ofoverlap is where you're best
going to find it.
(18:23):
Now, does that mean thatcircles can't grow and expand?
Yes, they can and they should.
I mean I guess I would also theflip side of this question if
this was perhaps your spousethat could ask this question.
I think it's OK for me to pressinto you and say why?
(18:43):
Why is that one act?
A definite hard no?
You might have a very validreason, and I'm not challenging
you that you don't have a validreason, but you better be able
to define your reason and makesure that why you are holding
fast to that reason is a validreason.
(19:06):
You know, oftentimes especiallysexual responders we like to
claim our preferences as God'slaws.
That's not necessarily the case, and so learn to lean into.
Why is it a no?
And could it perhaps be thatthat's a no right now?
That asked me again in threemonths.
Is it something I could growinto?
Speaker 1 (19:30):
At the very least be willing to engage the
conversation, even if it comesup every three months.
Speaker 2 (19:34):
And be willing to hear why that might mean
something to your pursuer.
So it's never about the act,it's about what does it mean.
What does it mean to me?
Therefore, I'm saying no, whatdoes it mean to you?
And therefore the reason whyyou're asking?
Because if we can have aconversation about what it means
(19:55):
, it may be that we could cometogether in another place where
that meaning is able to beaddressed in another way.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
How do you intentionally invest and avoid
complacency in our marriageduring times of peace Again, and
I'm sure that I sound like I'mbeing critical when I answer
these questions sometimes and Idon't really mean it that way.
So I hope it's not taken thatway.
But again, I'm not going to saythat I'm going to be in a
(20:30):
position where it's not takenthat way.
But again, my thought process,and maybe it's just because I
enjoy living a very chaotic andout of control life at least I
seem to because I keep makingthe same choices that lead to
chaos and out of control in mylife.
(20:51):
But peace is not the goal, andwhen there are times of peace,
sometimes that should be asignal to me about any growing
happening.
Now is it nice to have a weekendoff once in a while and take a
break, of course, and shouldthere perhaps be phases and
times in our life that are morepeaceful than others?
(21:11):
Yes, and if you have found somepeace in your life I'm not
trying to spoil that.
I frankly don't really knowwhat that looks like exactly.
Maybe that's my own fault, butI would suggest that when there
are times of peace, that isperhaps a signal to me that I
need to find somewhere new, togrow.
(21:31):
So interrupt that peace withsome growth, and sometimes that
means read a book, invest insomeone else, start a project,
do something to find a placewhere I can serve.
Use, perhaps, the gift.
If you have peace in your life,use that gift to be a place of
service for other people and ifyou can leverage your marriage
(21:56):
to help others.
Even more power to you.
That is an opportunity that youshould not let pass by.
But I don't know how you avoidcomplacency other than, as I
constantly remind myself at theend of every podcast episode
keep striving and don't settle.
(22:16):
Don't settle for the happylittle life that we have created
.
That's not the goal, that's notthe purpose, that is not, in
many cases, not the best use ofthe gifts that I have been given
.
So don't settle for whereveryou are.
Good enough is not good enough.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
Well and I think this goes back to what we were
saying in, some of the sessionsfind places to be curious.
So how do we avoid complacency?
Well, we keep being curiousabout one another.
If you have been blessed to bemarried for a number of years,
do not make the mistake ofthinking you already know your
(23:01):
beloved.
You know we were.
We have been married almost 27years now.
On our 25th anniversary, wetook this incredible trip
together, and part of our tripwe were at this beautiful resort
in the Caribbean and we tookthe sunset cruise.
I mean you picture like thebest romantic movie and we were
(23:24):
living it.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
It was amazing.
We were sailing on Academaranat sunset, at sunset with beauty
, and there was a rainbow thatsuddenly appeared over the
mountains Along the shoreline,right literally over the resort
where we were staying.
It was.
You could not make this.
It was amazing.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
But we shared that sail.
It wasn't a private sail, sothere you go, you can verse the
bubble there.
We had to share it with othercouples but ironically, on that
cruise was three other couplesthat were all newlywed.
They were all celebrating theirhoneymoon.
They were there on theirhoneymoon and it blew their
minds that we were celebratingour 25th anniversary.
(24:03):
And you know we had someconversation with them, but we
also tried to enjoy the moment.
Just the two of us and onecouple actually took our picture
undenounced to us and then gaveit to us.
It wasn't creepy, don't worry.
And then said I want you to havethis picture because I captured
this moment between the two ofyou and they were expressing awe
(24:24):
at the way that we wererelating to one another.
What we noticed was thecomfortableness between us
versus what they wereexperiencing.
There was all sorts of tensionbetween them because they didn't
know one another.
But our comfortableness comesnot just because we know one
(24:46):
another, but because we keepknowing one another.
We keep asking the questionsand I will tell you that even on
that trip we had conversationswe had never had before and we
learned things about one anotherthat were different than what
we thought we knew, because itwas a different answer at 25
(25:06):
years than it was at year one,at year two, at year 10.
So you avoid complacency whenyou keep being curious about one
another, when you keep seekingone another.
Speaker 1 (25:21):
I can't answer that any better.
Did I get it Beautiful?
What if my spouse wants dailysex and I'm happy with weekly or
monthly sex?
How do we find a path thatdoesn't upset one or both of us?
Well, you can't.
(25:44):
I mean this is the root of,frankly, 95% of the questions
that we get how can I get what Iwant without making my spouse
upset?
Or how can I get my spouse todo this without making them
upset?
And the truth is you can't.
Now does that mean we justthrow up our hands and give up?
Of course not.
But if you're trying to come toan agreement without conflict,
(26:08):
then you're asking for somethingthat is impossible.
So the first step is you'regoing to have to lean into the
uncomfortability of thisconversation and probably
because you're asking thequestion, you already are.
So, again, I don't meancriticism when I suggest this,
but what if and this is not anunusual question I mean no, this
(26:34):
is probably the heart of mostsexual conflict is about
frequency.
One of you wants sex morefrequently than the other and,
frankly, it's not even about whoyou married, because no matter
who you married, there would bea difference in the desire for
frequency.
If you married someone else,they might want more than you.
If you married someone else,they might want less than you,
(26:55):
but it will never be exactly thesame.
So how do we deal with that?
Speaker 2 (27:01):
And that's not your goal.
We think that's our goal towant sex exactly the same, in
the exact same ways at the exactsame time.
That's actually not your goal.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
And if you want some studies, I could cite several
studies that tell you exactlywhat the number is for happily
married couples, the frequencywith which they have sex.
I'm intentionally not going toshare that with you.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
That is the question everybody wants us to answer.
Just tell me how many times weshould be having sex.
Speaker 1 (27:29):
Because, frankly, the studies don't answer that
question.
How frequently should I behaving sex with my spouse?
The study does not answer thatquestion.
It only looks at a great bigpopulation.
It doesn't say anything aboutyou and your spouse.
But here, I think, is theanswer, which is not an answer,
it's a challenge more.
(27:51):
The answer is you need to behaving as much sex not more and
not less as much sex as isrequired to maintain the maximum
level of connection in yourmarriage.
For some of you, that's goingto be more than you would
ideally choose on your own.
For other of you, that's goingto be a lot less than what you
(28:12):
would ideally choose on your own.
But you have to co-createsomething that is maximizing the
connection in your marriage andI don't know what that is for
you and I'm not, frankly,interested in having that
conversation with you and yourspouse, unless you really need
some help, maybe guiding theconversation.
But I really don't want to knowand I don't know what the answer
(28:34):
is.
I don't know what it means toyou, I don't know what the level
of frequency, more or less.
I don't know what that means toyou, and only you can share
that with your spouse, only youcan tell them why it would be
better to have more or less.
Only you can determine where isthe maximum amount of
(28:54):
connection occurring, because,look, there is in fact.
I know it's hard for pursuersto believe there is in fact a
level of frequency that is toomuch to build connection.
If you were asked to have sexevery hour for the rest of your
lives, would it be meaningful?
After the first day or two itwould be a chore.
(29:16):
So have some sympathy for yourspouse who maybe, if I'm asking
them over and over and all thetime I'm asking to engage in sex
with them, that ultimatelybecomes meaningless to them.
Do you want to have sex withsomeone who doesn't care?
Do you really?
If you do, you don't understandthe sexual relationship.
(29:40):
I hope all of you want to havesex with someone who is actually
engaged.
Nobody wants mercy sex, just abody.
Nobody wants to have sex withjust a body.
If you do, you need some helpand you need to better
(30:03):
understand what the point is.
So find a frequency between thetwo of you.
Work out a frequency thatmaximizes that.
That's going to change,sometimes weekly, depending on
what is happening in your life.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
Right.
Unfortunately, there is nomagic number that, for the rest
of your marriage, will be thenumber, because it's all about
the season of life that you'rein.
It may be all about what weekin the month you are in, so it's
a continual conversation thatneeds to be happening.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
And yeah, so if you have a desire for sex, then
express that to your spouse inan explicit and meaningful way
and offer some connection, findways to connect and then make
that happen in your relationship.
Did I avoid the questionaltogether?
Good enough.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
How do you discuss spiritual growth with your
spouse without being offensive?
Ie quote have you prayed aboutit, without sounding like I'm
questioning their faith?
To how do we hold each otherspiritually accountable?
If we're committed to beingspiritually intimate with one
(31:19):
another, then that necessitatesa knowledge of where we need to
grow, where we're failing andwhere we need to grow
spiritually.
How do you do that in a waythat respects one another?
Sometimes it looks a lot morelike not.
Have you prayed about it, butwill you join me in prayer?
(31:40):
I'd like, together, for us topray about this struggle.
And do you be vulnerable withyour struggle and with what you
know your spouse is strugglingwith?
Speaker 1 (31:53):
To be clear, it's actually okay for you to
question their faith husbands orwives.
I don't know why you wouldavoid that.
Sometimes my faith needs to bequestioned and I'm grateful to
have a spouse who's willing tohold me accountable in that way.
I hope you would be too.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
Ultimately, that's what we're meant to be.
We are intimate allies with oneanother.
You better be fighting for yourspouse's soul, so that may mean
a very uncomfortableconversation.
Speaker 1 (32:32):
I would not be the kind of man that I am without
that kind of accountability inour relationship and I still
fall very short.
But just imagine how worthlessI would be without that level of
accountability.
So yes, I am grateful that shehas questioned my faith and my
devotion and my spirituality attimes and again, but is there a
(32:59):
way to say that?
Maybe that's a little moreseasoned with salt?
Of course and that's what Ishould be looking for there's a
way to say that that makes it awe problem and not a you problem
.
Like Janet gave the example,what can I be praying for?
Where are you strugglingspiritually?
Those are kinds of questionsthat are a lot less accusatory
(33:21):
and a lot less likely notimpossible, but less likely to
evoke a defensive response.
Thanks, as always, forlistening.
That's all the time we have forquestions in this episode, but
we would love to hear yourfeedback.
What did we get right?
What did we get wrong?
What do you have to add to theconversation?
(33:42):
We'd love to hear your feedback.
You can contact us by emailingthe podcast at podcast at
intimate covenantcom, or you cansubmit anonymous feedback or
questions by going to ourwebsite intimate covenantcom
slash podcast and click thebutton contact the podcast for
an anonymous submission form.
Speaker 2 (34:01):
Thanks to all of you for listening, subscribing,
rating and sharing the podcast.
We are truly humbled by allyour encouragement and your
support.
Thanks especially to ourPatreon subscribers for coming
alongside us in a very real way.
If intimate covenant hasblessed your marriage, we'd love
to have you join us too.
Subscribe at patreoncom.
(34:23):
Slash intimate covenant.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
Until next time, keep striving and don't settle.
Hey, jen wanna talk about sex during times of
conflict.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Uh, I'm not fighting about this right now.
Great.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
Today on the podcast, we're sharing segments from a
recent live Q&A session,including how do we maintain
sexual connection while we'refighting?
Let's do it.
Welcome to the IntimateCovenant podcast, where we
(00:34):
believe the Bible and GreatMarried Sex both belong on your
kitchen table.
That's right.
We're talking about holycovenant-bound intimate
relationships with hot sex.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
We are Matt and Jen, founders of Intimate Covenant.
We offer biblical teaching andresources to help married
couples achieve a fullerrelationship and an
extraordinary sex life.
For more information, visit ourwebsite, IntimateCovenantcom.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Welcome, friends.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Welcome.
Thanks for joining us again onthe Intimate Covenant podcast.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
So glad to have you along with us.
The show would not be the samewithout you.
Thanks for listening.
We sure love you for listening.
Before we get into today'sepisode, we just wanted to
remind everyone thatregistration for the annual
marriage retreat is ongoing.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Mm-hmm, it is live.
It has been since February 14thand we are already halfway
filled, which is super exciting.
Most importantly for all of youlistening that are not
registered, you need to knowthat our early bird pricing ends
on Friday, march 15th, which isjust a few days after we
(01:46):
release this podcast.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Yeah, that's true.
You just have a couple of daysleft if you want to take
advantage of special savings.
Save your spot and save alittle bit of money by
registering early.
Just to remind everybody, youdon't have to pay the full
registration fee upfront.
You can save your spot withjust a $200 deposit.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
So lock your spot and lock you into the early bird
pricing.
Yes correct.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
So register early, get a little bit of savings and
save your spot.
Like Jen said, space is limitedand we are filling up faster
than maybe ever before, fasterthan ever.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
So it's already shaping up to be the best one
yet.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Absolutely.
And just to remind everybodythat the annual retreat happens
in the Woodlands, texas, whichis just north of Houston,
beautiful area, beautiful venue.
Go to the websiteintimatecovenantcom slash
retreat to get a lot moredetails, including find that
registration form and get signedup.
But that retreat, this retreat,the retreat happens September
(02:52):
19th and through the 21st thisyear.
That's right, we certainlywould hate for you to miss it.
We sure love seeing everybodythere every year.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
That's right.
So, Matt we just got back fromour Tampa Marriage Day Love this
event because this is arepetitive event for us now
Speaking of an annual retreat.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
This is also becoming an annual event for us.
It is Springtime in Tampa justseems to equal intimate covenant
marriage day.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
We are liking that.
So this was our thirdconsecutive year.
So you know, if you dosomething three times in a row,
I mean it's a thing right, it'sa custom I think it's a thing we
love it.
We love spending time with youcouples in Tampa.
We had a great, great number ofcouples that were able to join
us, and so it was a great day.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
Absolutely, and we need to give a shout out to our
lovely hosts, matt and LauraRichmond.
If you're listening, I'm sureyou're listening.
Thank you for making this daysuch a special day for us and
the entire weekend.
Thank you also to Andy andVicki Koontz for opening up
their tiny home for us.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
I love it.
If you know anything about me,you have to know that I am.
I am a lover of tiny homes.
I just think they're thecoolest thing ever, and so it's
so much fun to get to stay inthe tiny home when we're in
Tampa.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
Truly so.
Gracious hosts in in lots ofways and lots of other folks.
We had a great opportunity tospend some time with some other
really great folks there.
Just enjoyed our time immensely, came back refreshed and
exhausted after our flights gotdelayed and we ended up in a
hotel overnight and we weren'texpecting it.
(04:34):
It was a little bit of a funreturn home, but missed a day of
work because of flight issues,but nevertheless well worth the
trip.
We had a great time and so wewant to share with this episode.
We want to share some questions, some segments from the Q and A
session.
A great Q and A session, reallythoughtful questions, as always
(04:56):
from our audiences, and so wewant to share some segments from
those questions, including, asyou heard in the intro, how to
connect sexually even whenyou're experiencing periods of
conflict.
Had another question about howto learn contentment when I
(05:18):
desire a certain sex act but myspouse doesn't.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Right.
And then we had a questionabout how do we encourage
spiritual growth andaccountability in one another,
how to avoid complacency whenthings seem good.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
That was a neat take on on that question the whole
keep striving attitude, which Iappreciate that attitude and
then finally, how to navigatedifferent preferences for sexual
frequency Maybe one of the mostcommon questions that we get,
but hopefully you'll appreciateour take on this answer in this
(05:51):
episode, so we're lookingforward to sharing this with you
.
Hope you enjoy this episode.
As always, if you have aquestion, you can reach us at
podcast at intimate covenantcom.
You can email us there or go tothe website intimate
covenantcom slash podcast andclick on the button to submit an
anonymous question to us aswell.
Enjoy the show.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
How to connect sexually with your spouse when
you are in conflict andemotionally don't feel like it.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
That's tough For some folks.
Makeup sex is pretty hot andpassionate, but I'm not
suggesting that you start fightsin order to have great sex,
because that doesn't work formost of us.
Clearly, it is challenging toeven feel like you want to
(06:49):
emotionally connect with someonewho is the source of your
emotional turmoil.
That is a no brainer, becausesex requires emotional
vulnerability and physicalvulnerability and every sense.
(07:10):
To engage fully in a sexualrelationship, you are going to
have to put yourself in aposition where you are even more
vulnerable.
That happens best when you feelsafe, and obviously, if someone
(07:30):
is responsible for hurting you,you're not going to feel very
safe with them, even justemotionally.
So I get it.
That is clearly a challenge.
I think part of the answer hereis that it is going to require.
Sometimes, the best thing youcan do is just be upfront and
(07:55):
face the fact that there istension and conflict between you
.
Sometimes you have to say honey, look, I understand things are
not where we want them to be.
I do want to assure you, though, that I love you, that I want
what is best for us, that we aregoing to get through this, but
(08:22):
we can't resolve all of thistonight or even in one night, or
even in three weeks ofdiscussions, but I acknowledge
that this is between us, butright now would be a good
opportunity for us to connect,and I promise that we are going
(08:46):
to address.
I am acknowledging to you thatwe are going to address this and
I am fully committed toaddressing this Is it possible
for us to move closer in someother way so that we can feel
like connecting in every way?
So that means that I'm going to.
(09:06):
You can't just say, okay, timeout on the fight, let's go have
sex and then we'll resumefighting later.
That's clearly not going tohappen.
What that means, though, is ifI'm wanting, if I'm going to be
the pursuer in this case and I'mgoing to initiate sexual
connection even in the midst ofconflict and tension, I'm going
to have to be willing to createa space that is safe for my
(09:31):
spouse to do so.
I'm going to have to create aspace where there is some other
connection that is occurringmaybe lots of other connection
that is occurring in lots ofother ways for my spouse to feel
comfortable enough to be ableto come to a place where she or
he can also find connection inthat experience.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
I think it's all about learning the art of pause.
When we talk about embracingconflict, this is kind of
counterintuitive.
It's against this idea ofresolving conflict.
You're not going to resolveconflict.
The majority of what you haveconflict about are not moral
(10:14):
issues.
There is not a right and awrong.
It is two people who viewsomething differently.
You have placed differentexpectations.
You have different expectations.
There's different values thatyou place on whatever the
conflict is about.
You may never resolve that,meaning.
You may never have the sameopinion about that source of
(10:35):
conflict.
So embracing conflict meansthat you approach that conflict
not again, not from the desireof I want to win, but what can I
learn about my spouse withinthis conflict?
There may not be time at 6 PM onTuesday evening to learn
everything there is to learnabout your spouse within that
(10:57):
conflict.
Right, sometimes it's.
You know what.
We're surrounded by littlepeople right now.
We're surrounded by the chaosof our schedules in our everyday
life.
We need to pause so that we cancreate a time where we can dive
into this in a safer place withone another, meaning by that we
(11:17):
both feel like we can moreaccurately emotionally express
how we're feeling about this.
So it's called.
You know, it's this idea oflearning how to press pause on
that.
But you're not pressing pauseon everything, right?
Stop the idea of because wedon't see eye to eye on one
(11:39):
thing now.
We pass each other in thehallway without you know, like
we're strangers passing in thehallway.
Oh, excuse me, you know.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Some of us are waiting for everything in our
relationship to be right beforewe can have sex again.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
And that's never going to happen.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
Sorry to tell you.
You're never going to be in aplace where everything is
exactly right.
It's never going to be perfect.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
So learn to pause sometimes the conversations.
But if you're the one to callthe pause, you better be the one
to call the unpause.
In other words, assure yourspouse that you will talk about
this with them, you arecommitted to discussing this and
hearing from them and withinthat, see the beauty of the
(12:24):
connection that comes throughour sexual union.
That can give you the strengthfrom which then you can better
deal with that place whereyou're having conflict.
Again, sex isn't the icing,it's the eggs in the cake batter
right, it's holding it alltogether as an integral part of
(12:45):
your marriage.
So sometimes the healing how dowe face that conflict comes
from the connection that weshare through that sexual union.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
And if you're both coming to sex for the purpose of
connection, then sometimes thatin itself can become a building
block to reach a betterunderstanding of each other.
It can build enough closenessthat now you're willing and able
to get on the same team ratherthan fighting against each other
.
Now you can actually both fightagainst the problem.
(13:17):
It becomes a we problem insteadof a you versus me problem, and
that is I think part of thepower of the sexual relationship
.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
It is a place and it can actually be an escape If
everything in your life isterrible.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
Find something that's worth looking forward to and
co-create something that isworth doing that is mutually
beneficial to each of you.
That would be my challenge toyou.
["the.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
What if I won a specific sex act but my spouse
doesn't?
And no matter how hard I try, Ican't be happy without it.
How can I learn to sacrificeand be content".
Speaker 1 (14:05):
The specific wording of this question is interesting,
I think, specifically thispiece about I can't be happy
without it.
That kind of language suggeststo me that I'm still seeking the
wrong thing, that my attachmentto whatever this outcome is is
(14:33):
perhaps unhealthy and unfoundedand certainly not beneficial for
my relationship.
Again this comes back to.
I think perhaps it's a bigparadigm shift for some of us,
and it certainly was for me inthe beginning, that the
enjoyment that I'm going to getfrom the sexual relationship is
(14:56):
not about any specific thing,but the enjoyment, the pleasure
from sex is ultimately going tocome from the connection that is
created.
And I think a big part of thisis coming back to this idea of
gratitude and praise.
(15:16):
Contentment is found ingratitude.
Contentment is found in givingacknowledgement for what I have
and for what has been providedto me.
And if I stop focusing on whatI don't have and I learn to
focus on what I do have, that isan entire shift in my
(15:40):
well-being, that's an entireshift in where I'm headed.
That's a complete shift in,then, what my goals are.
If I'm constantly looking atwhat is, if I'm constantly
looking at what I have insteadof what I don't have, then I can
finally learn to be content.
So I would take issue with thefact that it's that you have
(16:09):
done all you can do to be happywithout this If I'm being.
I don't know who asked thisquestion, so I'm not trying to
be critical.
I understand where you'recoming from.
I've been there.
I've definitely been thepursuer who can't be satisfied
because my spouse if they wouldmy thought was, if they would
only do this, then everythingwould be so much better.
(16:32):
And you know what.
Sometimes we actually did thisand you know what.
It didn't really changeanything, because my contentment
will never come from what I get.
My contentment comes fromacknowledging and recognizing
what I already have.
(16:52):
And if I stop looking at what Iwant and start focusing on what
my spouse is already giving me,not just sexually but in every
way, then I mean that is alife-changing moment that really
changes everything.
So it has to start withgratitude and praise.
(17:17):
I think that's gratitude inparticular.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Well, and I think we have to both.
You have to have theunderstanding that we all have
preferences Within this big boxof what God has allowed.
Again, no third party's in yourbetter, in your head.
Pleasure, and it's for thepurpose of pleasure and
connection.
It does not involve pain.
(17:41):
Okay, we've got check mark, allof those.
There's our box.
Well, that's a big box, butguess what?
Your spouse has a circle ofpreference and you have a circle
of preference, and thosecircles aren't exactly the same.
They're never going to line upthe same.
Your goal is to you know theVenn diagram like move the
(18:02):
circles close to one another andhave some good areas of overlap
.
When Matt talks about gratitude, be grateful for the beautiful
areas of overlap, because ifyour focus is mutual pleasure
and connection, those areas ofoverlap is where you're best
going to find it.
(18:23):
Now, does that mean thatcircles can't grow and expand?
Yes, they can and they should.
I mean I guess I would also theflip side of this question if
this was perhaps your spousethat could ask this question.
I think it's OK for me to pressinto you and say why?
(18:43):
Why is that one act?
A definite hard no?
You might have a very validreason, and I'm not challenging
you that you don't have a validreason, but you better be able
to define your reason and makesure that why you are holding
fast to that reason is a validreason.
(19:06):
You know, oftentimes especiallysexual responders we like to
claim our preferences as God'slaws.
That's not necessarily the case, and so learn to lean into.
Why is it a no?
And could it perhaps be thatthat's a no right now?
That asked me again in threemonths.
Is it something I could growinto?
Speaker 1 (19:30):
At the very least be willing to engage the
conversation, even if it comesup every three months.
Speaker 2 (19:34):
And be willing to hear why that might mean
something to your pursuer.
So it's never about the act,it's about what does it mean.
What does it mean to me?
Therefore, I'm saying no, whatdoes it mean to you?
And therefore the reason whyyou're asking?
Because if we can have aconversation about what it means
(19:55):
, it may be that we could cometogether in another place where
that meaning is able to beaddressed in another way.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
How do you intentionally invest and avoid
complacency in our marriageduring times of peace Again, and
I'm sure that I sound like I'mbeing critical when I answer
these questions sometimes and Idon't really mean it that way.
So I hope it's not taken thatway.
But again, I'm not going to saythat I'm going to be in a
(20:30):
position where it's not takenthat way.
But again, my thought process,and maybe it's just because I
enjoy living a very chaotic andout of control life at least I
seem to because I keep makingthe same choices that lead to
chaos and out of control in mylife.
(20:51):
But peace is not the goal, andwhen there are times of peace,
sometimes that should be asignal to me about any growing
happening.
Now is it nice to have a weekendoff once in a while and take a
break, of course, and shouldthere perhaps be phases and
times in our life that are morepeaceful than others?
(21:11):
Yes, and if you have found somepeace in your life I'm not
trying to spoil that.
I frankly don't really knowwhat that looks like exactly.
Maybe that's my own fault, butI would suggest that when there
are times of peace, that isperhaps a signal to me that I
need to find somewhere new, togrow.
(21:31):
So interrupt that peace withsome growth, and sometimes that
means read a book, invest insomeone else, start a project,
do something to find a placewhere I can serve.
Use, perhaps, the gift.
If you have peace in your life,use that gift to be a place of
service for other people and ifyou can leverage your marriage
(21:56):
to help others.
Even more power to you.
That is an opportunity that youshould not let pass by.
But I don't know how you avoidcomplacency other than, as I
constantly remind myself at theend of every podcast episode
keep striving and don't settle.
(22:16):
Don't settle for the happylittle life that we have created
.
That's not the goal, that's notthe purpose, that is not, in
many cases, not the best use ofthe gifts that I have been given
.
So don't settle for whereveryou are.
Good enough is not good enough.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
Well and I think this goes back to what we were
saying in, some of the sessionsfind places to be curious.
So how do we avoid complacency?
Well, we keep being curiousabout one another.
If you have been blessed to bemarried for a number of years,
do not make the mistake ofthinking you already know your
(23:01):
beloved.
You know we were.
We have been married almost 27years now.
On our 25th anniversary, wetook this incredible trip
together, and part of our tripwe were at this beautiful resort
in the Caribbean and we tookthe sunset cruise.
I mean you picture like thebest romantic movie and we were
(23:24):
living it.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
It was amazing.
We were sailing on Academaranat sunset, at sunset with beauty
, and there was a rainbow thatsuddenly appeared over the
mountains Along the shoreline,right literally over the resort
where we were staying.
It was.
You could not make this.
It was amazing.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
But we shared that sail.
It wasn't a private sail, sothere you go, you can verse the
bubble there.
We had to share it with othercouples but ironically, on that
cruise was three other couplesthat were all newlywed.
They were all celebrating theirhoneymoon.
They were there on theirhoneymoon and it blew their
minds that we were celebratingour 25th anniversary.
(24:03):
And you know we had someconversation with them, but we
also tried to enjoy the moment.
Just the two of us and onecouple actually took our picture
undenounced to us and then gaveit to us.
It wasn't creepy, don't worry.
And then said I want you to havethis picture because I captured
this moment between the two ofyou and they were expressing awe
(24:24):
at the way that we wererelating to one another.
What we noticed was thecomfortableness between us
versus what they wereexperiencing.
There was all sorts of tensionbetween them because they didn't
know one another.
But our comfortableness comesnot just because we know one
(24:46):
another, but because we keepknowing one another.
We keep asking the questionsand I will tell you that even on
that trip we had conversationswe had never had before and we
learned things about one anotherthat were different than what
we thought we knew, because itwas a different answer at 25
(25:06):
years than it was at year one,at year two, at year 10.
So you avoid complacency whenyou keep being curious about one
another, when you keep seekingone another.
Speaker 1 (25:21):
I can't answer that any better.
Did I get it Beautiful?
What if my spouse wants dailysex and I'm happy with weekly or
monthly sex?
How do we find a path thatdoesn't upset one or both of us?
Well, you can't.
(25:44):
I mean this is the root of,frankly, 95% of the questions
that we get how can I get what Iwant without making my spouse
upset?
Or how can I get my spouse todo this without making them
upset?
And the truth is you can't.
Now does that mean we justthrow up our hands and give up?
Of course not.
But if you're trying to come toan agreement without conflict,
(26:08):
then you're asking for somethingthat is impossible.
So the first step is you'regoing to have to lean into the
uncomfortability of thisconversation and probably
because you're asking thequestion, you already are.
So, again, I don't meancriticism when I suggest this,
but what if and this is not anunusual question I mean no, this
(26:34):
is probably the heart of mostsexual conflict is about
frequency.
One of you wants sex morefrequently than the other and,
frankly, it's not even about whoyou married, because no matter
who you married, there would bea difference in the desire for
frequency.
If you married someone else,they might want more than you.
If you married someone else,they might want less than you,
(26:55):
but it will never be exactly thesame.
So how do we deal with that?
Speaker 2 (27:01):
And that's not your goal.
We think that's our goal towant sex exactly the same, in
the exact same ways at the exactsame time.
That's actually not your goal.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
And if you want some studies, I could cite several
studies that tell you exactlywhat the number is for happily
married couples, the frequencywith which they have sex.
I'm intentionally not going toshare that with you.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
That is the question everybody wants us to answer.
Just tell me how many times weshould be having sex.
Speaker 1 (27:29):
Because, frankly, the studies don't answer that
question.
How frequently should I behaving sex with my spouse?
The study does not answer thatquestion.
It only looks at a great bigpopulation.
It doesn't say anything aboutyou and your spouse.
But here, I think, is theanswer, which is not an answer,
it's a challenge more.
(27:51):
The answer is you need to behaving as much sex not more and
not less as much sex as isrequired to maintain the maximum
level of connection in yourmarriage.
For some of you, that's goingto be more than you would
ideally choose on your own.
For other of you, that's goingto be a lot less than what you
(28:12):
would ideally choose on your own.
But you have to co-createsomething that is maximizing the
connection in your marriage andI don't know what that is for
you and I'm not, frankly,interested in having that
conversation with you and yourspouse, unless you really need
some help, maybe guiding theconversation.
But I really don't want to knowand I don't know what the answer
(28:34):
is.
I don't know what it means toyou, I don't know what the level
of frequency, more or less.
I don't know what that means toyou, and only you can share
that with your spouse, only youcan tell them why it would be
better to have more or less.
Only you can determine where isthe maximum amount of
(28:54):
connection occurring, because,look, there is in fact.
I know it's hard for pursuersto believe there is in fact a
level of frequency that is toomuch to build connection.
If you were asked to have sexevery hour for the rest of your
lives, would it be meaningful?
After the first day or two itwould be a chore.
(29:16):
So have some sympathy for yourspouse who maybe, if I'm asking
them over and over and all thetime I'm asking to engage in sex
with them, that ultimatelybecomes meaningless to them.
Do you want to have sex withsomeone who doesn't care?
Do you really?
If you do, you don't understandthe sexual relationship.
(29:40):
I hope all of you want to havesex with someone who is actually
engaged.
Nobody wants mercy sex, just abody.
Nobody wants to have sex withjust a body.
If you do, you need some helpand you need to better
(30:03):
understand what the point is.
So find a frequency between thetwo of you.
Work out a frequency thatmaximizes that.
That's going to change,sometimes weekly, depending on
what is happening in your life.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
Right.
Unfortunately, there is nomagic number that, for the rest
of your marriage, will be thenumber, because it's all about
the season of life that you'rein.
It may be all about what weekin the month you are in, so it's
a continual conversation thatneeds to be happening.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
And yeah, so if you have a desire for sex, then
express that to your spouse inan explicit and meaningful way
and offer some connection, findways to connect and then make
that happen in your relationship.
Did I avoid the questionaltogether?
Good enough.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
How do you discuss spiritual growth with your
spouse without being offensive?
Ie quote have you prayed aboutit, without sounding like I'm
questioning their faith?
To how do we hold each otherspiritually accountable?
If we're committed to beingspiritually intimate with one
(31:19):
another, then that necessitatesa knowledge of where we need to
grow, where we're failing andwhere we need to grow
spiritually.
How do you do that in a waythat respects one another?
Sometimes it looks a lot morelike not.
Have you prayed about it, butwill you join me in prayer?
(31:40):
I'd like, together, for us topray about this struggle.
And do you be vulnerable withyour struggle and with what you
know your spouse is strugglingwith?
Speaker 1 (31:53):
To be clear, it's actually okay for you to
question their faith husbands orwives.
I don't know why you wouldavoid that.
Sometimes my faith needs to bequestioned and I'm grateful to
have a spouse who's willing tohold me accountable in that way.
I hope you would be too.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
Ultimately, that's what we're meant to be.
We are intimate allies with oneanother.
You better be fighting for yourspouse's soul, so that may mean
a very uncomfortableconversation.
Speaker 1 (32:32):
I would not be the kind of man that I am without
that kind of accountability inour relationship and I still
fall very short.
But just imagine how worthlessI would be without that level of
accountability.
So yes, I am grateful that shehas questioned my faith and my
devotion and my spirituality attimes and again, but is there a
(32:59):
way to say that?
Maybe that's a little moreseasoned with salt?
Of course and that's what Ishould be looking for there's a
way to say that that makes it awe problem and not a you problem
.
Like Janet gave the example,what can I be praying for?
Where are you strugglingspiritually?
Those are kinds of questionsthat are a lot less accusatory
(33:21):
and a lot less likely notimpossible, but less likely to
evoke a defensive response.
Thanks, as always, forlistening.
That's all the time we have forquestions in this episode, but
we would love to hear yourfeedback.
What did we get right?
What did we get wrong?
What do you have to add to theconversation?
(33:42):
We'd love to hear your feedback.
You can contact us by emailingthe podcast at podcast at
intimate covenantcom, or you cansubmit anonymous feedback or
questions by going to ourwebsite intimate covenantcom
slash podcast and click thebutton contact the podcast for
an anonymous submission form.
Speaker 2 (34:01):
Thanks to all of you for listening, subscribing,
rating and sharing the podcast.
We are truly humbled by allyour encouragement and your
support.
Thanks especially to ourPatreon subscribers for coming
alongside us in a very real way.
If intimate covenant hasblessed your marriage, we'd love
to have you join us too.
Subscribe at patreoncom.
(34:23):
Slash intimate covenant.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
Until next time, keep striving and don't settle.
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