June 30, 2025 • 38 mins
Matt and Jenn use a cooking analogy to explore how great married sex requires more than just "spices" – it needs solid foundational ingredients of spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical connection.
• Adding more spice to bad ingredients doesn't make a dish better; it likely makes it worse.
• In struggling marriages, focusing solely on sexual excitement without addressing overall closeness leaves couples unsatisfied
• All aspects of intimacy (spiritual, emotional, mental, physical) are interconnected and strengthen each other
• The upcoming annual retreat will explore the theme "One" and these interconnected aspects of intimacy.
Join us for our annual marriage retreat, September 18-20, featuring special musical guest Trey Keller! Register at intimatecovenantcom/retreat. If you'd like to help couples attend through our scholarship fund, donate here:
https://intimatecovenant.com/donate/
Or, contact us at podcast@intimatecovenantcom
*** Check out Matt's interview by Nate Whitson of the Get in the Fight Podcast
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We’re a Christian-friendly, marriage-centered sex toy and marital aid store for couples that’s nudity-free. - Coconu — http://www.coconu.com
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Strengthening marriages one date at a time.
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Get 10% off your order and support Intimate Covenant with code: “INTIMATECOVENANT"
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Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing,
Matt & Jenn
www.intimatecovenant.com
Intimate Covenant | Matt & Jenn Schmidt
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, jen want to talk about adding spice to your
married sex life.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
No pepper please.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Great.
Today on the podcast, we'regoing to preview the annual
marriage retreat with a cookinganalogy.
Sounds tasty, right, let's doit.
Welcome friends.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Welcome.
We're Matt and Jen, and this isthe Intimate Covenant Podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Where we believe the Bible and great marriage, sex,
both belong on the kitchen table.
That's right.
We're talking about godlymarriage.
We're talking about a hot sexlife and emotionally fulfilling
oneness.
We are grateful that you'vejoined us.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Yeah, if you'd like to learn more about us, you can
visit our website atintimatecovenantcom, and we
would always love to hear fromyou.
You can email us at podcast atintimatecovenantcom.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
With this episode, we want to set the stage for our
annual marriage retreat, whichis going to occur in September.
Of course, the details for theitinerary, for the content, all
of this is beginning tomaterialize, and so we're
getting excited.
We hope you're getting excitedand with this episode, we want
to invite everyone to join usfor this very special weekend.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Yeah, but even if you can't join us this year today,
we hope to preview some of thecontent in a way that will be an
encouragement for your marriage, whether or not you're able to
come hear the fullness of it atthe retreat this year or not.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
And we're going to do it all with a cooking analogy.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
That's where we're going today.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
All right, that's the hook.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
That's the hook Now before we get there, we've got
some exciting things to justtell y'all about.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
We do have some cool announcements that we wanted to
make.
First of all, I was privilegedto be asked to be a guest on the
Get in the Fight podcast.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Great name.
I love the name of that it is.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
It's a great name, great podcast, great guy.
If you're not familiar withNate Whitson, he is doing a
great job with his podcast, withhis ministry.
Really, what Nate is all aboutis helping men become dangerous
men of God.
I love this whole concept, thisidea.
(02:17):
Nate and I had an incredibleconversation.
It was very encouraging to meand I think it would be very
encouraging for you to go checkthat out.
On the Get In the Fight podcast,I'm going to add a link in the
show notes so that you can findthat easily but not hard to find
if you're searching throughyour podcast.
(02:37):
Go to Get In the Fight.
Nate wants men again to becomedangerous men of God by fighting
against porn, fighting againstpassivity and fighting against
mediocrity all things that Ialso hate.
So again, we just connected ona number of levels.
I think you'll hear that in thepodcast.
(02:57):
I love his mission.
I love his energy.
I think you're going to findgood stuff not only in his
podcast.
Go to his website,getinthefightclub.
You'll find links to otherresources.
He's got some free resources.
He's got some books, lots ofgreat resources there at
getinthefightclub.
Again, I can't recommend Nateand his work enough.
(03:20):
He's doing a great job.
I think his podcast deserves alisten, especially the one with
me in it.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
That one, of course, that episode of course.
And coming off of that podcast,we received an email from one
of Nate's listeners that heardabout you and discovered us.
So why don't you read thatemail?
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Yeah, so yeah, this was such a cool email that was
sent to us.
He says.
This listener says I recentlydiscovered your podcast as a
result of hearing Matt beinginterviewed by Nate Whitson on
the Get in the Fight podcast.
Normally for podcasts likethese, where back catalog
contains evergreen material, Igo through the old episodes and
select a handful to listen to.
(04:02):
Well, sir, that is a verythat's an enormous task you're
committing to, but I amimpressed.
He goes on to say there's lotsof excellent content.
There are several other reasonsI've come to love your podcast.
(04:24):
Number one the fact that youare so solidly based on
scripture.
There are many podcasts outthere focused on helping people
improve their marriage, both inand out of the bedroom, but the
emphasis you guys have on thescripture as your foundation is
extremely rare.
Number two the involvement ofboth of you.
Many podcasts in this genre arehosted by either a man or a
(04:45):
woman and their spouse isn'tinvolved.
While some of these podcastsprobably have some good content,
I think they are significantlyhandicapped by not having half
the relationship represented.
Further, whenever theyinterview someone of the
opposite sex on the topic of themarital relationship, it is
necessarily extremely awkward.
After all, they're havingconversations about intercourse
and other related things withouttheir spouse present.
Kudos to you relationship.
It is necessarily extremelyawkward.
After all, they're havingconversations about intercourse
and other related things withouttheir spouse present.
(05:08):
Kudos to you, jen, for steppingin and being a part of this.
Here I am Number three.
He says the rapport you twohave is awesome.
Every other podcast I'velistened to in this genre where
both the husband and wife arehosts ends up at some point
devolving into arguments, evenif somewhat friendly, between
the husband and wife are hosts,ends up at some point devolving
into arguments, even if somewhatfriendly, between the husband
and wife as they discuss thetopic.
This frequently comes from theidea that the podcast should be
(05:31):
quote real, unscripted andauthentic.
By contrast, I'm not naiveenough to think you two don't
have arguments.
You, wisely, have workedthrough them off-air and have
outlined the structure of theepisode in advance, so the
conversation in the episode canfollow nicely without devolving
into an argument.
You are correct, sir, we dohave arguments off air, off air.
(05:54):
Number four he says the joy youguys demonstrate in the podcast
.
Your intro always makes mechuckle Matt's exuberance, jen's
feigned opposition and Matt'scontinued exuberance, as if Jen
were fully on board, and yourcomment that the Bible and great
married sex both belong on thekitchen table always cracks me
up, to say the least.
(06:14):
Please keep up the good work.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
We loved the email we chuckled.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
We're still laughing, still chuckling.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
But just thank you.
Thank you for seeing our vision, seeing our mission and taking
the time to share that with us.
It was so uplifting for us toreceive this email.
As God often does, we can'tnecessarily say exactly how God
works, but isn't it amazing thatsometimes, when you most need
to hear something, God putssomebody in your life to speak
(06:44):
it to you?
And so, sir, we needed to hearall of that at the exact time
that you sent it.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
For sure.
So thank you, yes, for sure.
Thank you very much.
That's so encouraging, and wejust really appreciate that he's
not the only one that has sentus some very encouraging things
lately, and we're just sograteful to have so many good
people who are supporting us.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
So those that might be new to our podcast, because I
did an interview earlier thisyear that brought us some new
listeners and then you did thatinterview and we just have kind
of seen our numbers tick uplately.
So, thanks, thanks for beinghere.
I think that this guy, like wesaid, that listener really gets
what we're trying to do.
So if you're new to our podcast, here's kind of a little
(07:30):
framework of what we're doinghere.
On this podcast, we do have afew primary goals.
First, we're trying to focusconversations about married sex
on biblical principles.
That's where you're going tohear us always start.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
Absolutely.
That's always where theconversation needs to start, and
so that is our fundamental goalis to focus that conversation
on biblical principles.
We also want to give marriedcouples a framework to have
conversations about their ownsexual relationships and the
inevitable conflicts orchallenges that may arise in
(08:07):
that sexual relationship.
So we're just trying to helpcouples have their own
conversations.
This is not us telling you whatto do or telling you what you
need to get your spouse to do.
We're just trying to have aconversation about how can you
have better conversations andwhat are the things that you
maybe should be considering andor discussing.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Yeah, and we want to discuss topics about married sex
as a conduit to examine theentire relationship and
encourage growth in all areas ofmarital intimacy spiritual,
mental, emotional and physical.
So this is not just a sexpodcast.
That's right.
This is really.
(08:48):
If you're listening, this isabout your entire relationship.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
For sure.
The other thing that maybe newlisteners ought to be aware of
is that our intended audience ismarried people.
We love singles, we adoresingles, and we've prepared lots
of material for those who arenot married, but this podcast is
not for that purpose.
This podcast is for marriedpeople who want to work on their
(09:13):
married relationship andspecifically to work on the
blessing of their sexualrelationship.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
Right.
And, of course, the reason forthe limited audience is that we
are dealing with sexual topicsat a level of detail that's just
not appropriate or evenedifying for those who are not
married.
And so, again, singles, we loveyou, but save this podcast for
one day when you're in acovenant relationship.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
For sure.
Otherwise, new listeners,thanks for joining us.
Yeah, welcome If you're new.
If you're a longtime listener,even we, as Jen has already said
, we would love to have yourfeedback.
One way that we can getfeedback that also helps to
spread the message of thispodcast is if you do a review,
(09:59):
if you can give us a review onApple Podcasts, that is by far
the most influential place thatyou can leave us a review, even
if it's just give us five starsand walk away.
But if you can give us fivestars and also say something
positive about the episode,maybe point to a specific
episode, that kind of feedbackis literally invaluable.
Yeah, now, that said, you canalso review podcasts now on
(10:22):
Spotify.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Oh, is that a new feature?
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Relatively new and you don't have the option to
leave a message or a full-onreview, but you can leave a
rating.
Yes, thank you.
You can leave a rating onSpotify, Some of the other
podcast apps I won't name themall, but some of the other ones
also have that feature.
So, depending on where you'relistening, go on and leave a
(10:45):
review.
That's super helpful to us.
The other way you can help usand give us feedback, as already
mentioned, is send us an email.
Podcast at intimatecovenantcom.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
And you can share an episode via your social media
page.
So we would always encourageyou to just spread the word
using your own network of people.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Absolutely yeah, share an episode, say something
positive about the podcast.
We would certainly appreciatethat.
Speaking of sharing the podcast, so we were contacted recently
by a group called MillionPodcasts.
One word, million Podcasts.
They are, I guess,self-described as the ultimate
(11:29):
database for finding the perfectpodcasts, and we were recently
informed by Million Podcaststhat we made the top 10 on a few
of their category rankings.
I'll just say that at first Iwas like spam, and maybe it
still is, but we're still goingto boast about it.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
We'll brag about it.
Well, sure, we'll go there.
Yes, so a few of their categoryrankings.
They did rank us, so weappeared in spot number 10 on
their Christian marriage podcastcategory.
So that's pretty cool, spotnumber 10.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
Very cool, we ranked number six in marriage
counseling podcasts.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
Woohoo, look at us.
Not even counselors.
And, even more exciting, weranked number two in their
intimacy podcast.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
Number two in the whole world.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
In the whole world.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
Allegedly In the rankings the whole world In the
whole world.
Allegedly in the rankings ofintimacy podcasts.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
So thank you, that's such an honor.
We're going to believe that itis not spam and that it is real.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
Blown away.
And, of course, this is allthanks to you, those of you who
listen, thanks to all of you whosupport us, who rank and review
the podcast.
It's just incredible, hard tobelieve, when we started this
podcast.
What was it like five years ago?
Speaker 2 (12:49):
2020.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Five years ago.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
All of 2020, because we had nothing better to do.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
I don't know.
Was that the reason we had noexpectations?
Maybe, Jen, you had someexpectations.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Oh, I had some expectations that we would get a
couple episodes in and youwould get it out of your system
and we'd be done.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
Well, not quite there yet.
I certainly did not expect tohave 175 episodes.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
You did not expect me to stick around for 175
episodes.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
I never expected you to agree to this at all, ever in
the first place.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
And here we are, episode number 175, the first
place.
And here we are, episode number175.
And, even more mind-blowing tome, we have now, at this point,
had hundreds of thousands ofdownloads.
I can't even comprehend that,across the world, the only
continent that our podcast hasnot been downloaded on is
(13:42):
Antarctica.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
That we know of.
Well, there's no stat, there'sno stats, stats.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
Who knows If you go to Antarctica and listen to us.
Just let us know.
We would love to add theseventh continent to our list.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
There you go.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
So thank you guys, thanks for sticking around,
thanks for listening.
So, as promised, let's finallyget to what's our retreat going
to be about this year, matt?
Speaker 1 (14:05):
let's talk about the retreat first of all.
The retreat happens this yearon september 18th through the
20th that's a thursday nightthrough a saturday afternoon yes
, uh, we personally think thatthe annual, our annual retreat
is the best weekend of the yearit is it's so much fun for us,
it is so much fun for everyonethat joins us.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
We have such a great.
I think we somehow are ableevery year to put together some
content, that is, we get to seeall of the faces of those
couples that are there and watchthem throughout the weekend as
they're striving to not settleright and to keep working on
their marriage and no matterwhere they started out when they
(14:57):
came into the weekend.
To just see that hope andexcitement on their faces.
It's amazing.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
Oh, absolutely.
And besides the, even if youcome and don't listen to any of
the content, which would be fine, I mean that's your prerogative
Even if we said nothing thatwas helpful, we have tried to
build an environment and host itin a location that is just
going to be suitable for justrelaxation, for couple focus,
(15:24):
for having those conversationsthat you just don't always have
the time to have when you'rethrown into the midst of the
busyness of life and your ownhousehold.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
So we provide two and a half days of challenging and
encouraging content meant tostrengthen your marriage, but
alongside that there's plenty offree time built into the
itinerary just for relaxationand couple-focused bonding.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
We think it's a great weekend and we hope that you
would consider joining us.
So our theme this year is one,and it's coming from the idea of
two becoming one obviously abiblical concept.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
Obviously from scripture right and really this
is a fun theme for me to reallythink about and it's been fun to
kind of start drawing up theoutlines of what we want to
present, because it's really Ourgoal when we chose this theme
at the beginning of this yearwas to really kind of go back to
our roots.
Intimate Covenant started as aneight-week Bible study where we
(16:33):
just really dove into themarriage relationship and the
biblical principles and how themarriage relationship really
hinges on these four aspects ofintimacy that we kind of focus
on.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
Yeah, those Bible classes.
We kind of did a couple ofhandful of Bible classes there
in early 2016.
And it was right.
It just was this fun Biblestudy with a whole handful of
couples and we never dreamedwhere it would go right.
But it was great material andthat's the reason that it took
(17:09):
off like it did, because thosefirst couples that came to that
there were like 19 couples thatare very first class and those
couples went and told theirfriends, who told their friends,
who told their friends, and soit was powerful.
It was powerful to feel that inthe very beginning that we were
maybe tapping into somethingthat you know hadn't been
(17:30):
explored fully in a way that wasso powerful and encouraging.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Yes, and so you know.
Obviously we can't squeezeeight weeks of material into a
weekend seminar.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
We did promise that the retreat is relaxing, so
don't worry.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
That's right.
But we are using sort of thegeneral theme from that Bible
study and the outline to reallyshape the topics for the
sessions that we're going tohave during the retreat Sessions
.
Again, not only us lecturing alittle bit or talking a little
bit or maybe presenting some ofthis material in a new and fresh
way, but also giving you, ascouples, opportunity to really
(18:08):
specifically have conversations,like directed conversations,
about some of the things that wewant to challenge you with.
If you've been to our retreatsbefore, or even if you've been
through the Bible class before,you should know this is going to
be fresh.
This is not the same stuff thatyou've already heard those that
have been around.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
don't be like oh, I've already heard that.
No, we're coming at this from afresh approach, just getting
back to our roots, but packagingit up in a fresh way.
I will say and I think it'salso worth pointing out that,
while we generally focus on thesexual relationship on this
podcast, the topics at theretreat and, for that matter,
(18:49):
most of our other live eventscover a much broader range of
topics to help build theentirety of the marriage
relationship.
So it's not just a sex weekend.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
It could be, if you want it to be.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
I suppose we do have people that chose to label it
that way, but that's not reallyour goal.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
It's really not the point, although, as we're going
to talk about coming up, I mean,if your sex life is great, the
other aspects of yourrelationship are going to
benefit, and vice versa.
But specifically this weekendof this retreat, we're going to
be encouraging conversations tostrengthen not just your sexual
(19:26):
relationship but the spiritual,mental and emotional aspects of
your relationship as well.
So let's dig into that in justa moment.
But we do want to make anextraordinarily exciting
announcement about the retreat.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
That's right.
Announcement about the retreatthat's right.
Every year at the retreat wetry to do a kickoff event on
Thursday night, something that'sfun or relaxing, just a great
way to start our time together.
Yeah, it's social.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
It's just a fun time.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
And this year.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
This year we have invited Mr Trey Keller.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
Special musical performance by none other than
the.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Trey Keller, the Trey Keller, so Trey, if you don't
know, trey.
He lives in Franklin, tennessee, with his wife, jamie, and
their four children.
Trey works primarily as asession singer and an audio
engineer, and his voice can beheard on records by artists
including Luke Bryan, codyJohnson, carrie Underwood,
(20:29):
jordan Davis, dierks Bentley,clay Walker, john Party and the
Black Keys.
Ever heard of those folks?
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Just to name a few.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
Just to name a few.
He has worked on recordingsthat total over 12 billion, with
a B 12 billion streams andviews.
He has contributed torecordings that have won Grammy
Awards.
Yeah, that's the Grammy Awards.
That's not a million podcastslist, that's Grammy Awards, ACM
(20:59):
Awards, CMA Awards.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Okay, but I think, better than all of that, as
amazing as all of that is, y'alllisten up, because in 2024,
trey recorded as a voice for oneof the bears in the new Country
Bear Musical Jamboree at DisneyWorld.
(21:22):
I mean, okay, disney people,you got to be at Disney World.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
I mean Okay, Disney people, you got to be here.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
I mean, does it get any better than that?
You?
Speaker 1 (21:27):
could have the opportunity to meet one of the
country, bears.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
That's just amazing.
Trey right now is listening tothis, going wow, Matt and Jen,
thanks.
Trey also performs regularly aspart of the Opry Band.
Can't talk.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
Opry Band.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
I'm so excited to meet Trey that my words are all
tumbled together At the GrandOle Opry in Nashville, where he
continues to perform withartists like Lainey Wilson,
darius Rucker, zach Topp, loriMorgan, the Gatlin Brothers,
steve Warner, rhonda Vincent,steve Earl and Vince Gill.
(22:08):
I mean y'all.
This dude knows all thosepeople.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
This guy's legit.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
And he's coming to our marriage retreat.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
He's not only coming, he's going to perform for us.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
So it's going to be great.
It's going to be fantastic.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
We are so excited.
We're looking forward to it.
Trey and his wife are justgreat people and maybe some of
our listeners already know Treyfrom personal relationships with
him.
But he's just a great guy andwe're so excited to have him and
Jamie joining us at the retreatand we cannot wait for Thursday
(22:42):
night to hear him perform.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
It's going to be awesome.
Even if that's the only reasonyou come, it would be worth your
trip Sure.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
just come to hear him .
Speaker 1 (22:49):
We also want to make an announcement also maybe An
appeal.
An appeal Good, I like that.
So one of our favorite thingsabout the retreat is being able
to offer scholarships to somecouples who just eagerly want to
be there but they just don'thave the financial resources to
make it happen on their own.
In the past we have been ableto provide full or partial
(23:13):
scholarships for up to 12couples each year.
That's in some cases, over 20%of our attendance at some events
.
Those folks are there becauseof partial or full scholarships.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
And generally these scholarships are funded by the
generosity of people who areattending the retreat.
So when you fill out theregistration form for the
retreat, there's always anoption to add a donation to our
scholarship fund.
But more recently, our Patreonsubscribers have helped lift
this load.
So we have just loved thepeople willing to donate to
(23:51):
these couples to bring themalong and help them out, and so
we typically don't make thisappeal to our broad podcast
audience, but this year wewanted to, because, even if you
are not coming to the retreat,the couples who are relying on
and hoping for some help to joinus would certainly be grateful
(24:14):
for even your donation.
So you can't come this year forwhatever reason, but you might
want to help another coupleY'all.
I wish that you could read allthe scholarship requests that we
get.
We do have a form on ourwebsite where you can apply for
a scholarship, but we askcouples to kind of share with us
like why?
Why are you in need of thisscholarship?
(24:36):
Why do you want to come to theretreat?
Speaker 1 (24:38):
And we hear from so many couples who desperately
want to make their marriagesbetter.
We hear from couples who justhave such immense hope and
eagerness to create oneness intheir marriage and it is so
uplifting, so encouraging tohear these couples who want to
make their marriages better andeven more so.
It's so encouraging to meetthese couples when they are able
(25:00):
to come because of the helpthat they get to be there.
So it's just if you want tohelp us provide a very special
and transformative experiencefor them.
They and we would just be sovery grateful to have your help
in doing so.
We know there's so many of youin the audience, in the podcast
(25:21):
audience, who value marriage.
You have the resourcessometimes to help others and we
would just love to have yourhelp in this.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
And if you are going to come to the retreat and you
want a chance to upgrade yourexperience, for every $200 in
scholarship that you donate, youwill be entered into a drawing
to upgrade your room to a fancyjunior executive suite during
(25:52):
the retreat.
Thank you, marriott.
Our local City Place Marriottthat hosts our retreat.
They are who are comingalongside us to provide this
incentive and we're verythankful to Marriott, but we
want to pass along to one of ourcouples that opportunity.
You do have to be attending theretreat to be eligible to win
(26:15):
that, obviously.
Just to make that clear,obviously.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
But let me tell you, it's a fancy room.
It's fancy the Marriott roomsby themselves, the standard
rooms, are fancy enough.
They're beautiful you upgradeto a junior suite.
You're getting an extra roomwith like a full couch, an extra
TV.
It has a second bathroom.
I mean that's worth it for somepeople.
By itself it is.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Separate out.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
It's fancy.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
It is fancy.
So if you can help thesecouples our special, precious
scholarship couples check outour show notes for a link to
donate, or just send us an emailpodcasts at intimatecovenantcom
and we'll help you figure outhow we can get your money from
you.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
And get it to the couples who really need it and
deserve it and certainly wouldbe grateful for it.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
And thanks also to our Patreon subscribers for
helping support this effort.
I mean, not only do theirdonations help pay the cost of
operation here at IntimateCovenant, but the bulk of the
donations that we get monthly dohelp fund scholarships to the
retreats and in some of ourother live events.
So if you want to help out in areal monthly way, you can also
(27:25):
join us.
On Patreon you can join for aslittle as $5 a month.
I mean, that's less than a cupof coffee and you can find out
more about that at Patreon.
That's P-A-T-R-E-O-N dot comslash Intimate Covenant.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
We would love to have you there.
All right, so, as we mentioned,our theme this year at the
retreat is one.
Now, we won't be spilling allof our planned content here on
this episode, but I do want toconsider a principle that helps
maybe preview this upcomingretreat and also maybe some food
(28:02):
for thought for all of us.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
Oh, I see what you did there.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
Food for thought.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
Good, you're so clever.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
We're working all the angles of this analogy.
So I don't remember when orwhere I heard this, but I did
hear someone say one time youcan't add spice until you have
the main ingredients.
Okay.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
Okay, now, obviously it's a vivid cooking analogy,
right.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
Add spice until you have the main ingredients, okay,
okay, now, obviously it's avivid cooking analogy, right.
If you serve someone a platefull of spices, they're not
going to be very pleased.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
That would not be very satisfying.
I mean number one.
You're still going to be hungry, right?
Because spices do not fill youup.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
Yeah, Where's the beef right?
Anybody old enough to rememberthose commercials you just dated
yourself.
I sure did.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
But also like think about how overpowering and even
distasteful that would be right.
A spoonful of chili powder,black pepper, seasoned salt.
Like nobody wants this.
This is not a meal to be servedjust spices.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
And if the main ingredients of that dish are
missing or if the mainingredients are poor quality
whatever, like, say, the proteinis poor quality or it's just
missing.
Adding more spice to badingredients doesn't make the
dish better.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
No, in fact, it probably makes it worse right.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
Because the spices are there to accentuate the dish
.
They're not going to make thedish and if you're accentuating
bad ingredients, you're onlymaking it worse, right.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
But, in contrast, adding the right spice to good
ingredients can take a blandordinary dish to something.
That's an extraordinaryexperience and level.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
Right, absolutely, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
So similarly Now that we've made, you all hungry for
a great meal.
Tie it together, matt.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
Okay.
So where I want to go with thisis that, similarly, in the
sexual relationship, spicing upyour sexual relationship is not
necessarily the answer if you'retrying to improve the quality
of your marriage.
It's not even necessarily theanswer to trying to improve the
quality of your sex life.
Speaker 2 (30:12):
Exactly, and I think you know, tying all the way back
to the email that we received.
I mean, what that listener gotfrom us is that we're not just
trying to spice up a bedroom,right, but we're digging into
the, on this podcast, the depthof a relationship, because
that's where it has to startright.
(30:32):
You have to build your sex.
Life isn't separate from yourwhole relationship.
And so if in a strugglingmarriage without overall
closeness, just a focus on thesexual relationship will not
improve that relationship, Imean you perhaps will make the
(30:53):
physical aspects of the sex moreexciting, but ultimately that
leaves the couple unsatisfiedand even resentful.
Because guess what?
Sex is not just an act, it's arelationship.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
Yeah, absolutely.
And again getting back todigging into that, there may be
one person of that couple who isgoing to resent the fact that
the other is solely focused onspicing up the sexual part of
the relationship, especially ifthat spouse is not putting in
the adequate amount of effort toimprove all the rest of the
(31:28):
relationship.
That should be bringingfulfillment and closeness in a
more general way.
So again, just adding sex toysor just adding new positions or
whatever it might be to yoursexual sex life is not going to
improve, necessarily not goingto improve the sex and it's
(31:49):
definitely not going to improvethe whole relationship unless
you have solid main ingredients.
Speaker 2 (31:56):
Right.
A good sex life is one that hasgood communication and good
knowledge of each other'spreferences and contains
emotional and spiritualcloseness.
So to have great sex, you haveto start with and appreciate the
components of good sex.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
Right, right.
Good sex doesn't come fromnowhere.
Good sex, or sorry, great sexdoesn't come out of nowhere and
it doesn't come because of newtechniques that you learn.
Good sex must be the foundation, must be the main ingredient,
and then you can add things tomake it great.
Speaker 2 (32:35):
And good sex is about the relationship, not just what
two bodies are or aren't doingtogether.
So often the problem with oursex is that we aren't starting
with the main ingredients thatsolid emotional, spiritual and
mental connection that we'remeant to have.
Speaker 1 (32:54):
And we say this frequently, and it's worth
saying again that it's becausethe goal of sex is not orgasm,
it's not doing something wildand crazy, it's not even about
the spice.
The goal of sex is aboutconnection.
Speaker 2 (33:09):
Right and in biblical language connection, that's,
the two shall become one.
There you go, and that's wherewe're going with the retreat,
absolutely.
Speaker 1 (33:20):
So often, the problem with our sex is that again,
we're not starting with thosemain ingredients.
And likewise in manyrelationships, the emotional or
spiritual connections also aresomewhat weakened because this
couple has neglected, perhaps,their sexual relationship.
So it goes the other way aswell.
That is overlooked, that youcannot be as close as you could
(33:49):
be spiritually, or evenemotionally, if you're not also
trying to build the sexualrelationship as well.
All of these things areinterconnected.
Speaker 2 (33:55):
And that's why all of our episodes hinge on
encouraging a conversation withyour spouse, about building
closeness in all ways.
Maybe those that have listenedfor a while tune out our very
end.
This could be, but every timeat the end I say it's time to
grab your spouse and your Bibleand head to your kitchen table
(34:16):
to have a conversation, becauseit has to be about encouraging
that conversation with yourspouse, meant to build closeness
in all ways.
Speaker 1 (34:28):
Yep.
So one of the importantconcepts that we intend to focus
on during this weekend of theretreat is how each aspect of
intimacy is interconnected tothe rest of the relationship.
Yeah, we want to challenge youwith questions like how does our
spiritual connection impact ouremotional and sexual
connections?
Speaker 2 (34:48):
And how does a strong sexual connection help
strengthen our spiritualrelationship?
Speaker 1 (34:55):
Or how does a deeply connected emotional relationship
help improve our sexualcloseness or our spiritual
closeness?
How are all of these thingsinterconnected and how can we
leverage the things that we'regood at?
If we're good at having a deepspiritual connection, how can we
leverage that to improve ourconnection in other ways?
(35:17):
Or where are some places wherewe need to focus and build more
so that we can have a betterspiritual connection, a better
sexual connection, a betteremotional connection?
How can we continue to buildour relationship in all of these
areas, not getting overlyfocused in one particular place,
and how do these relationshipsall connect to each other?
(35:41):
So that's where we're going.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
That's where we're going, and if you want the
answer to all those questions,come to the retreat.
We hope this episode piquedyour appetite.
Oh, look what she did.
It took me all episode to comeup with that, but I did it.
Y'all I did it.
We hope you will join us thisyear.
Intimatecovenantcom slashretreat.
That's where you go to find outsome more information and to
(36:03):
register and you can save yourspot with just a $200 deposit.
And if you can't come, or ifyou can come either way, if you
could help a deserving couple bycontributing to our scholarship
fund, we and they would be soincredibly grateful.
Speaker 1 (36:21):
Hey, and if not, if you can't be there, if you can't
donate, we still love you, butwe would encourage you to
consider whether the sex in yourmarriage needs more spice, or
perhaps needs more focus on themain ingredients.
Maybe both, but remember thatbuilding better intimacy in all
realms of your relationship willimprove your sexual
(36:42):
relationship in a much moreprofound way than just adding
the spice.
Speaker 2 (36:47):
Y'all listen up.
Now it's time to grab yourspice.
I said your spice.
Speaker 1 (36:52):
Well, you could grab that too.
Speaker 2 (36:54):
Now it's time to grab your spouse and your Bible and
head to your kitchen table tohave the conversation about
spicing up your sex life.
What are you going to do toimprove the emotional, spiritual
and sexual closeness in yourmarriage?
What would it take for you tojoin us at the retreat this year
?
Speaker 1 (37:15):
We'd love to hear your feedback about this episode
or anything else.
Contact us by emailing podcastat intimatecovenantcom.
Or to submit anonymous feedbackand questions, go to our
website, intimatecovenantcom.
Or to submit anonymous feedbackand questions, go to our
website IntimateCovenantcom.
Slash podcast.
Speaker 2 (37:29):
Thanks to all of you for listening, subscribing,
rating and sharing the podcast.
We're truly humbled by all yourencouragement and your support.
Thanks especially to ourPatreon subscribers for coming
alongside us in a very real way.
If Intimate Covenant hasblessed your marriage, we'd love
to have you join us too.
Subscribe at patreoncom.
(37:50):
Slash intimate covenant.
Speaker 1 (37:52):
And please support our affiliate businesses who
help support Intimate CovenantLinks, and exclusive discount
codes to these marriage-centeredbusinesses are in the show
notes.
Until next time, keep strivingand don't settle.
Hey, jen want to talk about adding spice to your
married sex life.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
No pepper please.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Great.
Today on the podcast, we'regoing to preview the annual
marriage retreat with a cookinganalogy.
Sounds tasty, right, let's doit.
Welcome friends.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Welcome.
We're Matt and Jen, and this isthe Intimate Covenant Podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Where we believe the Bible and great marriage, sex,
both belong on the kitchen table.
That's right.
We're talking about godlymarriage.
We're talking about a hot sexlife and emotionally fulfilling
oneness.
We are grateful that you'vejoined us.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Yeah, if you'd like to learn more about us, you can
visit our website atintimatecovenantcom, and we
would always love to hear fromyou.
You can email us at podcast atintimatecovenantcom.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
With this episode, we want to set the stage for our
annual marriage retreat, whichis going to occur in September.
Of course, the details for theitinerary, for the content, all
of this is beginning tomaterialize, and so we're
getting excited.
We hope you're getting excitedand with this episode, we want
to invite everyone to join usfor this very special weekend.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Yeah, but even if you can't join us this year today,
we hope to preview some of thecontent in a way that will be an
encouragement for your marriage, whether or not you're able to
come hear the fullness of it atthe retreat this year or not.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
And we're going to do it all with a cooking analogy.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
That's where we're going today.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
All right, that's the hook.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
That's the hook Now before we get there, we've got
some exciting things to justtell y'all about.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
We do have some cool announcements that we wanted to
make.
First of all, I was privilegedto be asked to be a guest on the
Get in the Fight podcast.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Great name.
I love the name of that it is.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
It's a great name, great podcast, great guy.
If you're not familiar withNate Whitson, he is doing a
great job with his podcast, withhis ministry.
Really, what Nate is all aboutis helping men become dangerous
men of God.
I love this whole concept, thisidea.
(02:17):
Nate and I had an incredibleconversation.
It was very encouraging to meand I think it would be very
encouraging for you to go checkthat out.
On the Get In the Fight podcast,I'm going to add a link in the
show notes so that you can findthat easily but not hard to find
if you're searching throughyour podcast.
(02:37):
Go to Get In the Fight.
Nate wants men again to becomedangerous men of God by fighting
against porn, fighting againstpassivity and fighting against
mediocrity all things that Ialso hate.
So again, we just connected ona number of levels.
I think you'll hear that in thepodcast.
(02:57):
I love his mission.
I love his energy.
I think you're going to findgood stuff not only in his
podcast.
Go to his website,getinthefightclub.
You'll find links to otherresources.
He's got some free resources.
He's got some books, lots ofgreat resources there at
getinthefightclub.
Again, I can't recommend Nateand his work enough.
(03:20):
He's doing a great job.
I think his podcast deserves alisten, especially the one with
me in it.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
That one, of course, that episode of course.
And coming off of that podcast,we received an email from one
of Nate's listeners that heardabout you and discovered us.
So why don't you read thatemail?
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Yeah, so yeah, this was such a cool email that was
sent to us.
He says.
This listener says I recentlydiscovered your podcast as a
result of hearing Matt beinginterviewed by Nate Whitson on
the Get in the Fight podcast.
Normally for podcasts likethese, where back catalog
contains evergreen material, Igo through the old episodes and
select a handful to listen to.
(04:02):
Well, sir, that is a verythat's an enormous task you're
committing to, but I amimpressed.
He goes on to say there's lotsof excellent content.
There are several other reasonsI've come to love your podcast.
(04:24):
Number one the fact that youare so solidly based on
scripture.
There are many podcasts outthere focused on helping people
improve their marriage, both inand out of the bedroom, but the
emphasis you guys have on thescripture as your foundation is
extremely rare.
Number two the involvement ofboth of you.
Many podcasts in this genre arehosted by either a man or a
(04:45):
woman and their spouse isn'tinvolved.
While some of these podcastsprobably have some good content,
I think they are significantlyhandicapped by not having half
the relationship represented.
Further, whenever theyinterview someone of the
opposite sex on the topic of themarital relationship, it is
necessarily extremely awkward.
After all, they're havingconversations about intercourse
and other related things withouttheir spouse present.
Kudos to you relationship.
It is necessarily extremelyawkward.
After all, they're havingconversations about intercourse
and other related things withouttheir spouse present.
(05:08):
Kudos to you, jen, for steppingin and being a part of this.
Here I am Number three.
He says the rapport you twohave is awesome.
Every other podcast I'velistened to in this genre where
both the husband and wife arehosts ends up at some point
devolving into arguments, evenif somewhat friendly, between
the husband and wife are hosts,ends up at some point devolving
into arguments, even if somewhatfriendly, between the husband
and wife as they discuss thetopic.
This frequently comes from theidea that the podcast should be
(05:31):
quote real, unscripted andauthentic.
By contrast, I'm not naiveenough to think you two don't
have arguments.
You, wisely, have workedthrough them off-air and have
outlined the structure of theepisode in advance, so the
conversation in the episode canfollow nicely without devolving
into an argument.
You are correct, sir, we dohave arguments off air, off air.
(05:54):
Number four he says the joy youguys demonstrate in the podcast
.
Your intro always makes mechuckle Matt's exuberance, jen's
feigned opposition and Matt'scontinued exuberance, as if Jen
were fully on board, and yourcomment that the Bible and great
married sex both belong on thekitchen table always cracks me
up, to say the least.
(06:14):
Please keep up the good work.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
We loved the email we chuckled.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
We're still laughing, still chuckling.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
But just thank you.
Thank you for seeing our vision, seeing our mission and taking
the time to share that with us.
It was so uplifting for us toreceive this email.
As God often does, we can'tnecessarily say exactly how God
works, but isn't it amazing thatsometimes, when you most need
to hear something, God putssomebody in your life to speak
(06:44):
it to you?
And so, sir, we needed to hearall of that at the exact time
that you sent it.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
For sure.
So thank you, yes, for sure.
Thank you very much.
That's so encouraging, and wejust really appreciate that he's
not the only one that has sentus some very encouraging things
lately, and we're just sograteful to have so many good
people who are supporting us.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
So those that might be new to our podcast, because I
did an interview earlier thisyear that brought us some new
listeners and then you did thatinterview and we just have kind
of seen our numbers tick uplately.
So, thanks, thanks for beinghere.
I think that this guy, like wesaid, that listener really gets
what we're trying to do.
So if you're new to our podcast, here's kind of a little
(07:30):
framework of what we're doinghere.
On this podcast, we do have afew primary goals.
First, we're trying to focusconversations about married sex
on biblical principles.
That's where you're going tohear us always start.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
Absolutely.
That's always where theconversation needs to start, and
so that is our fundamental goalis to focus that conversation
on biblical principles.
We also want to give marriedcouples a framework to have
conversations about their ownsexual relationships and the
inevitable conflicts orchallenges that may arise in
(08:07):
that sexual relationship.
So we're just trying to helpcouples have their own
conversations.
This is not us telling you whatto do or telling you what you
need to get your spouse to do.
We're just trying to have aconversation about how can you
have better conversations andwhat are the things that you
maybe should be considering andor discussing.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Yeah, and we want to discuss topics about married sex
as a conduit to examine theentire relationship and
encourage growth in all areas ofmarital intimacy spiritual,
mental, emotional and physical.
So this is not just a sexpodcast.
That's right.
This is really.
(08:48):
If you're listening, this isabout your entire relationship.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
For sure.
The other thing that maybe newlisteners ought to be aware of
is that our intended audience ismarried people.
We love singles, we adoresingles, and we've prepared lots
of material for those who arenot married, but this podcast is
not for that purpose.
This podcast is for marriedpeople who want to work on their
(09:13):
married relationship andspecifically to work on the
blessing of their sexualrelationship.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
Right.
And, of course, the reason forthe limited audience is that we
are dealing with sexual topicsat a level of detail that's just
not appropriate or evenedifying for those who are not
married.
And so, again, singles, we loveyou, but save this podcast for
one day when you're in acovenant relationship.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
For sure.
Otherwise, new listeners,thanks for joining us.
Yeah, welcome If you're new.
If you're a longtime listener,even we, as Jen has already said
, we would love to have yourfeedback.
One way that we can getfeedback that also helps to
spread the message of thispodcast is if you do a review,
(09:59):
if you can give us a review onApple Podcasts, that is by far
the most influential place thatyou can leave us a review, even
if it's just give us five starsand walk away.
But if you can give us fivestars and also say something
positive about the episode,maybe point to a specific
episode, that kind of feedbackis literally invaluable.
Yeah, now, that said, you canalso review podcasts now on
(10:22):
Spotify.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Oh, is that a new feature?
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Relatively new and you don't have the option to
leave a message or a full-onreview, but you can leave a
rating.
Yes, thank you.
You can leave a rating onSpotify, Some of the other
podcast apps I won't name themall, but some of the other ones
also have that feature.
So, depending on where you'relistening, go on and leave a
(10:45):
review.
That's super helpful to us.
The other way you can help usand give us feedback, as already
mentioned, is send us an email.
Podcast at intimatecovenantcom.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
And you can share an episode via your social media
page.
So we would always encourageyou to just spread the word
using your own network of people.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Absolutely yeah, share an episode, say something
positive about the podcast.
We would certainly appreciatethat.
Speaking of sharing the podcast, so we were contacted recently
by a group called MillionPodcasts.
One word, million Podcasts.
They are, I guess,self-described as the ultimate
(11:29):
database for finding the perfectpodcasts, and we were recently
informed by Million Podcaststhat we made the top 10 on a few
of their category rankings.
I'll just say that at first Iwas like spam, and maybe it
still is, but we're still goingto boast about it.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
We'll brag about it.
Well, sure, we'll go there.
Yes, so a few of their categoryrankings.
They did rank us, so weappeared in spot number 10 on
their Christian marriage podcastcategory.
So that's pretty cool, spotnumber 10.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
Very cool, we ranked number six in marriage
counseling podcasts.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
Woohoo, look at us.
Not even counselors.
And, even more exciting, weranked number two in their
intimacy podcast.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
Number two in the whole world.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
In the whole world.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
Allegedly In the rankings the whole world In the
whole world.
Allegedly in the rankings ofintimacy podcasts.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
So thank you, that's such an honor.
We're going to believe that itis not spam and that it is real.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
Blown away.
And, of course, this is allthanks to you, those of you who
listen, thanks to all of you whosupport us, who rank and review
the podcast.
It's just incredible, hard tobelieve, when we started this
podcast.
What was it like five years ago?
Speaker 2 (12:49):
2020.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Five years ago.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
All of 2020, because we had nothing better to do.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
I don't know.
Was that the reason we had noexpectations?
Maybe, Jen, you had someexpectations.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Oh, I had some expectations that we would get a
couple episodes in and youwould get it out of your system
and we'd be done.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
Well, not quite there yet.
I certainly did not expect tohave 175 episodes.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
You did not expect me to stick around for 175
episodes.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
I never expected you to agree to this at all, ever in
the first place.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
And here we are, episode number 175, the first
place.
And here we are, episode number175.
And, even more mind-blowing tome, we have now, at this point,
had hundreds of thousands ofdownloads.
I can't even comprehend that,across the world, the only
continent that our podcast hasnot been downloaded on is
(13:42):
Antarctica.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
That we know of.
Well, there's no stat, there'sno stats, stats.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
Who knows If you go to Antarctica and listen to us.
Just let us know.
We would love to add theseventh continent to our list.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
There you go.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
So thank you guys, thanks for sticking around,
thanks for listening.
So, as promised, let's finallyget to what's our retreat going
to be about this year, matt?
Speaker 1 (14:05):
let's talk about the retreat first of all.
The retreat happens this yearon september 18th through the
20th that's a thursday nightthrough a saturday afternoon yes
, uh, we personally think thatthe annual, our annual retreat
is the best weekend of the yearit is it's so much fun for us,
it is so much fun for everyonethat joins us.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
We have such a great.
I think we somehow are ableevery year to put together some
content, that is, we get to seeall of the faces of those
couples that are there and watchthem throughout the weekend as
they're striving to not settleright and to keep working on
their marriage and no matterwhere they started out when they
(14:57):
came into the weekend.
To just see that hope andexcitement on their faces.
It's amazing.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
Oh, absolutely.
And besides the, even if youcome and don't listen to any of
the content, which would be fine, I mean that's your prerogative
Even if we said nothing thatwas helpful, we have tried to
build an environment and host itin a location that is just
going to be suitable for justrelaxation, for couple focus,
(15:24):
for having those conversationsthat you just don't always have
the time to have when you'rethrown into the midst of the
busyness of life and your ownhousehold.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
So we provide two and a half days of challenging and
encouraging content meant tostrengthen your marriage, but
alongside that there's plenty offree time built into the
itinerary just for relaxationand couple-focused bonding.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
We think it's a great weekend and we hope that you
would consider joining us.
So our theme this year is one,and it's coming from the idea of
two becoming one obviously abiblical concept.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
Obviously from scripture right and really this
is a fun theme for me to reallythink about and it's been fun to
kind of start drawing up theoutlines of what we want to
present, because it's really Ourgoal when we chose this theme
at the beginning of this yearwas to really kind of go back to
our roots.
Intimate Covenant started as aneight-week Bible study where we
(16:33):
just really dove into themarriage relationship and the
biblical principles and how themarriage relationship really
hinges on these four aspects ofintimacy that we kind of focus
on.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
Yeah, those Bible classes.
We kind of did a couple ofhandful of Bible classes there
in early 2016.
And it was right.
It just was this fun Biblestudy with a whole handful of
couples and we never dreamedwhere it would go right.
But it was great material andthat's the reason that it took
(17:09):
off like it did, because thosefirst couples that came to that
there were like 19 couples thatare very first class and those
couples went and told theirfriends, who told their friends,
who told their friends, and soit was powerful.
It was powerful to feel that inthe very beginning that we were
maybe tapping into somethingthat you know hadn't been
(17:30):
explored fully in a way that wasso powerful and encouraging.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Yes, and so you know.
Obviously we can't squeezeeight weeks of material into a
weekend seminar.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
We did promise that the retreat is relaxing, so
don't worry.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
That's right.
But we are using sort of thegeneral theme from that Bible
study and the outline to reallyshape the topics for the
sessions that we're going tohave during the retreat Sessions
.
Again, not only us lecturing alittle bit or talking a little
bit or maybe presenting some ofthis material in a new and fresh
way, but also giving you, ascouples, opportunity to really
(18:08):
specifically have conversations,like directed conversations,
about some of the things that wewant to challenge you with.
If you've been to our retreatsbefore, or even if you've been
through the Bible class before,you should know this is going to
be fresh.
This is not the same stuff thatyou've already heard those that
have been around.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
don't be like oh, I've already heard that.
No, we're coming at this from afresh approach, just getting
back to our roots, but packagingit up in a fresh way.
I will say and I think it'salso worth pointing out that,
while we generally focus on thesexual relationship on this
podcast, the topics at theretreat and, for that matter,
(18:49):
most of our other live eventscover a much broader range of
topics to help build theentirety of the marriage
relationship.
So it's not just a sex weekend.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
It could be, if you want it to be.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
I suppose we do have people that chose to label it
that way, but that's not reallyour goal.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
It's really not the point, although, as we're going
to talk about coming up, I mean,if your sex life is great, the
other aspects of yourrelationship are going to
benefit, and vice versa.
But specifically this weekendof this retreat, we're going to
be encouraging conversations tostrengthen not just your sexual
(19:26):
relationship but the spiritual,mental and emotional aspects of
your relationship as well.
So let's dig into that in justa moment.
But we do want to make anextraordinarily exciting
announcement about the retreat.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
That's right.
Announcement about the retreatthat's right.
Every year at the retreat wetry to do a kickoff event on
Thursday night, something that'sfun or relaxing, just a great
way to start our time together.
Yeah, it's social.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
It's just a fun time.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
And this year.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
This year we have invited Mr Trey Keller.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
Special musical performance by none other than
the.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Trey Keller, the Trey Keller, so Trey, if you don't
know, trey.
He lives in Franklin, tennessee, with his wife, jamie, and
their four children.
Trey works primarily as asession singer and an audio
engineer, and his voice can beheard on records by artists
including Luke Bryan, codyJohnson, carrie Underwood,
(20:29):
jordan Davis, dierks Bentley,clay Walker, john Party and the
Black Keys.
Ever heard of those folks?
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Just to name a few.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
Just to name a few.
He has worked on recordingsthat total over 12 billion, with
a B 12 billion streams andviews.
He has contributed torecordings that have won Grammy
Awards.
Yeah, that's the Grammy Awards.
That's not a million podcastslist, that's Grammy Awards, ACM
(20:59):
Awards, CMA Awards.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Okay, but I think, better than all of that, as
amazing as all of that is, y'alllisten up, because in 2024,
trey recorded as a voice for oneof the bears in the new Country
Bear Musical Jamboree at DisneyWorld.
(21:22):
I mean, okay, disney people,you got to be at Disney World.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
I mean Okay, Disney people, you got to be here.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
I mean, does it get any better than that?
You?
Speaker 1 (21:27):
could have the opportunity to meet one of the
country, bears.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
That's just amazing.
Trey right now is listening tothis, going wow, Matt and Jen,
thanks.
Trey also performs regularly aspart of the Opry Band.
Can't talk.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
Opry Band.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
I'm so excited to meet Trey that my words are all
tumbled together At the GrandOle Opry in Nashville, where he
continues to perform withartists like Lainey Wilson,
darius Rucker, zach Topp, loriMorgan, the Gatlin Brothers,
steve Warner, rhonda Vincent,steve Earl and Vince Gill.
(22:08):
I mean y'all.
This dude knows all thosepeople.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
This guy's legit.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
And he's coming to our marriage retreat.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
He's not only coming, he's going to perform for us.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
So it's going to be great.
It's going to be fantastic.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
We are so excited.
We're looking forward to it.
Trey and his wife are justgreat people and maybe some of
our listeners already know Treyfrom personal relationships with
him.
But he's just a great guy andwe're so excited to have him and
Jamie joining us at the retreatand we cannot wait for Thursday
(22:42):
night to hear him perform.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
It's going to be awesome.
Even if that's the only reasonyou come, it would be worth your
trip Sure.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
just come to hear him .
Speaker 1 (22:49):
We also want to make an announcement also maybe An
appeal.
An appeal Good, I like that.
So one of our favorite thingsabout the retreat is being able
to offer scholarships to somecouples who just eagerly want to
be there but they just don'thave the financial resources to
make it happen on their own.
In the past we have been ableto provide full or partial
(23:13):
scholarships for up to 12couples each year.
That's in some cases, over 20%of our attendance at some events
.
Those folks are there becauseof partial or full scholarships.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
And generally these scholarships are funded by the
generosity of people who areattending the retreat.
So when you fill out theregistration form for the
retreat, there's always anoption to add a donation to our
scholarship fund.
But more recently, our Patreonsubscribers have helped lift
this load.
So we have just loved thepeople willing to donate to
(23:51):
these couples to bring themalong and help them out, and so
we typically don't make thisappeal to our broad podcast
audience, but this year wewanted to, because, even if you
are not coming to the retreat,the couples who are relying on
and hoping for some help to joinus would certainly be grateful
(24:14):
for even your donation.
So you can't come this year forwhatever reason, but you might
want to help another coupleY'all.
I wish that you could read allthe scholarship requests that we
get.
We do have a form on ourwebsite where you can apply for
a scholarship, but we askcouples to kind of share with us
like why?
Why are you in need of thisscholarship?
(24:36):
Why do you want to come to theretreat?
Speaker 1 (24:38):
And we hear from so many couples who desperately
want to make their marriagesbetter.
We hear from couples who justhave such immense hope and
eagerness to create oneness intheir marriage and it is so
uplifting, so encouraging tohear these couples who want to
make their marriages better andeven more so.
It's so encouraging to meetthese couples when they are able
(25:00):
to come because of the helpthat they get to be there.
So it's just if you want tohelp us provide a very special
and transformative experiencefor them.
They and we would just be sovery grateful to have your help
in doing so.
We know there's so many of youin the audience, in the podcast
(25:21):
audience, who value marriage.
You have the resourcessometimes to help others and we
would just love to have yourhelp in this.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
And if you are going to come to the retreat and you
want a chance to upgrade yourexperience, for every $200 in
scholarship that you donate, youwill be entered into a drawing
to upgrade your room to a fancyjunior executive suite during
(25:52):
the retreat.
Thank you, marriott.
Our local City Place Marriottthat hosts our retreat.
They are who are comingalongside us to provide this
incentive and we're verythankful to Marriott, but we
want to pass along to one of ourcouples that opportunity.
You do have to be attending theretreat to be eligible to win
(26:15):
that, obviously.
Just to make that clear,obviously.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
But let me tell you, it's a fancy room.
It's fancy the Marriott roomsby themselves, the standard
rooms, are fancy enough.
They're beautiful you upgradeto a junior suite.
You're getting an extra roomwith like a full couch, an extra
TV.
It has a second bathroom.
I mean that's worth it for somepeople.
By itself it is.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Separate out.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
It's fancy.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
It is fancy.
So if you can help thesecouples our special, precious
scholarship couples check outour show notes for a link to
donate, or just send us an emailpodcasts at intimatecovenantcom
and we'll help you figure outhow we can get your money from
you.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
And get it to the couples who really need it and
deserve it and certainly wouldbe grateful for it.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
And thanks also to our Patreon subscribers for
helping support this effort.
I mean, not only do theirdonations help pay the cost of
operation here at IntimateCovenant, but the bulk of the
donations that we get monthly dohelp fund scholarships to the
retreats and in some of ourother live events.
So if you want to help out in areal monthly way, you can also
(27:25):
join us.
On Patreon you can join for aslittle as $5 a month.
I mean, that's less than a cupof coffee and you can find out
more about that at Patreon.
That's P-A-T-R-E-O-N dot comslash Intimate Covenant.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
We would love to have you there.
All right, so, as we mentioned,our theme this year at the
retreat is one.
Now, we won't be spilling allof our planned content here on
this episode, but I do want toconsider a principle that helps
maybe preview this upcomingretreat and also maybe some food
(28:02):
for thought for all of us.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
Oh, I see what you did there.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
Food for thought.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
Good, you're so clever.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
We're working all the angles of this analogy.
So I don't remember when orwhere I heard this, but I did
hear someone say one time youcan't add spice until you have
the main ingredients.
Okay.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
Okay, now, obviously it's a vivid cooking analogy,
right.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
Add spice until you have the main ingredients, okay,
okay, now, obviously it's avivid cooking analogy, right.
If you serve someone a platefull of spices, they're not
going to be very pleased.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
That would not be very satisfying.
I mean number one.
You're still going to be hungry, right?
Because spices do not fill youup.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
Yeah, Where's the beef right?
Anybody old enough to rememberthose commercials you just dated
yourself.
I sure did.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
But also like think about how overpowering and even
distasteful that would be right.
A spoonful of chili powder,black pepper, seasoned salt.
Like nobody wants this.
This is not a meal to be servedjust spices.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
And if the main ingredients of that dish are
missing or if the mainingredients are poor quality
whatever, like, say, the proteinis poor quality or it's just
missing.
Adding more spice to badingredients doesn't make the
dish better.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
No, in fact, it probably makes it worse right.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
Because the spices are there to accentuate the dish
.
They're not going to make thedish and if you're accentuating
bad ingredients, you're onlymaking it worse, right.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
But, in contrast, adding the right spice to good
ingredients can take a blandordinary dish to something.
That's an extraordinaryexperience and level.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
Right, absolutely, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
So similarly Now that we've made, you all hungry for
a great meal.
Tie it together, matt.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
Okay.
So where I want to go with thisis that, similarly, in the
sexual relationship, spicing upyour sexual relationship is not
necessarily the answer if you'retrying to improve the quality
of your marriage.
It's not even necessarily theanswer to trying to improve the
quality of your sex life.
Speaker 2 (30:12):
Exactly, and I think you know, tying all the way back
to the email that we received.
I mean, what that listener gotfrom us is that we're not just
trying to spice up a bedroom,right, but we're digging into
the, on this podcast, the depthof a relationship, because
that's where it has to startright.
(30:32):
You have to build your sex.
Life isn't separate from yourwhole relationship.
And so if in a strugglingmarriage without overall
closeness, just a focus on thesexual relationship will not
improve that relationship, Imean you perhaps will make the
(30:53):
physical aspects of the sex moreexciting, but ultimately that
leaves the couple unsatisfiedand even resentful.
Because guess what?
Sex is not just an act, it's arelationship.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
Yeah, absolutely.
And again getting back todigging into that, there may be
one person of that couple who isgoing to resent the fact that
the other is solely focused onspicing up the sexual part of
the relationship, especially ifthat spouse is not putting in
the adequate amount of effort toimprove all the rest of the
(31:28):
relationship.
That should be bringingfulfillment and closeness in a
more general way.
So again, just adding sex toysor just adding new positions or
whatever it might be to yoursexual sex life is not going to
improve, necessarily not goingto improve the sex and it's
(31:49):
definitely not going to improvethe whole relationship unless
you have solid main ingredients.
Speaker 2 (31:56):
Right.
A good sex life is one that hasgood communication and good
knowledge of each other'spreferences and contains
emotional and spiritualcloseness.
So to have great sex, you haveto start with and appreciate the
components of good sex.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
Right, right.
Good sex doesn't come fromnowhere.
Good sex, or sorry, great sexdoesn't come out of nowhere and
it doesn't come because of newtechniques that you learn.
Good sex must be the foundation, must be the main ingredient,
and then you can add things tomake it great.
Speaker 2 (32:35):
And good sex is about the relationship, not just what
two bodies are or aren't doingtogether.
So often the problem with oursex is that we aren't starting
with the main ingredients thatsolid emotional, spiritual and
mental connection that we'remeant to have.
Speaker 1 (32:54):
And we say this frequently, and it's worth
saying again that it's becausethe goal of sex is not orgasm,
it's not doing something wildand crazy, it's not even about
the spice.
The goal of sex is aboutconnection.
Speaker 2 (33:09):
Right and in biblical language connection, that's,
the two shall become one.
There you go, and that's wherewe're going with the retreat,
absolutely.
Speaker 1 (33:20):
So often, the problem with our sex is that again,
we're not starting with thosemain ingredients.
And likewise in manyrelationships, the emotional or
spiritual connections also aresomewhat weakened because this
couple has neglected, perhaps,their sexual relationship.
So it goes the other way aswell.
That is overlooked, that youcannot be as close as you could
(33:49):
be spiritually, or evenemotionally, if you're not also
trying to build the sexualrelationship as well.
All of these things areinterconnected.
Speaker 2 (33:55):
And that's why all of our episodes hinge on
encouraging a conversation withyour spouse, about building
closeness in all ways.
Maybe those that have listenedfor a while tune out our very
end.
This could be, but every timeat the end I say it's time to
grab your spouse and your Bibleand head to your kitchen table
(34:16):
to have a conversation, becauseit has to be about encouraging
that conversation with yourspouse, meant to build closeness
in all ways.
Speaker 1 (34:28):
Yep.
So one of the importantconcepts that we intend to focus
on during this weekend of theretreat is how each aspect of
intimacy is interconnected tothe rest of the relationship.
Yeah, we want to challenge youwith questions like how does our
spiritual connection impact ouremotional and sexual
connections?
Speaker 2 (34:48):
And how does a strong sexual connection help
strengthen our spiritualrelationship?
Speaker 1 (34:55):
Or how does a deeply connected emotional relationship
help improve our sexualcloseness or our spiritual
closeness?
How are all of these thingsinterconnected and how can we
leverage the things that we'regood at?
If we're good at having a deepspiritual connection, how can we
leverage that to improve ourconnection in other ways?
(35:17):
Or where are some places wherewe need to focus and build more
so that we can have a betterspiritual connection, a better
sexual connection, a betteremotional connection?
How can we continue to buildour relationship in all of these
areas, not getting overlyfocused in one particular place,
and how do these relationshipsall connect to each other?
(35:41):
So that's where we're going.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
That's where we're going, and if you want the
answer to all those questions,come to the retreat.
We hope this episode piquedyour appetite.
Oh, look what she did.
It took me all episode to comeup with that, but I did it.
Y'all I did it.
We hope you will join us thisyear.
Intimatecovenantcom slashretreat.
That's where you go to find outsome more information and to
(36:03):
register and you can save yourspot with just a $200 deposit.
And if you can't come, or ifyou can come either way, if you
could help a deserving couple bycontributing to our scholarship
fund, we and they would be soincredibly grateful.
Speaker 1 (36:21):
Hey, and if not, if you can't be there, if you can't
donate, we still love you, butwe would encourage you to
consider whether the sex in yourmarriage needs more spice, or
perhaps needs more focus on themain ingredients.
Maybe both, but remember thatbuilding better intimacy in all
realms of your relationship willimprove your sexual
(36:42):
relationship in a much moreprofound way than just adding
the spice.
Speaker 2 (36:47):
Y'all listen up.
Now it's time to grab yourspice.
I said your spice.
Speaker 1 (36:52):
Well, you could grab that too.
Speaker 2 (36:54):
Now it's time to grab your spouse and your Bible and
head to your kitchen table tohave the conversation about
spicing up your sex life.
What are you going to do toimprove the emotional, spiritual
and sexual closeness in yourmarriage?
What would it take for you tojoin us at the retreat this year
?
Speaker 1 (37:15):
We'd love to hear your feedback about this episode
or anything else.
Contact us by emailing podcastat intimatecovenantcom.
Or to submit anonymous feedbackand questions, go to our
website, intimatecovenantcom.
Or to submit anonymous feedbackand questions, go to our
website IntimateCovenantcom.
Slash podcast.
Speaker 2 (37:29):
Thanks to all of you for listening, subscribing,
rating and sharing the podcast.
We're truly humbled by all yourencouragement and your support.
Thanks especially to ourPatreon subscribers for coming
alongside us in a very real way.
If Intimate Covenant hasblessed your marriage, we'd love
to have you join us too.
Subscribe at patreoncom.
(37:50):
Slash intimate covenant.
Speaker 1 (37:52):
And please support our affiliate businesses who
help support Intimate CovenantLinks, and exclusive discount
codes to these marriage-centeredbusinesses are in the show
notes.
Until next time, keep strivingand don't settle.
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