October 22, 2024 • 43 mins
Born a lesbian and raised Mormon, Kyleigh Weathers was taught to pray the gay away. Being so closeted made accepting her sexuality difficult. Leaving the Mormon religion meant squaring up with the self abandonment she had done for so many years. She began healing her attachment wounds, started to date herself and discovered her worth. Now in a good co-parenting relationship with her son’s father and on disability, Kyleigh has started her business Queerly Attached to coach queer folks on attachment styles and connecting with themselves.
Kyleigh’s Recommended Books:
The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael Alan Singer
Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy by Jessica Fern
Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After by Katherine Woodward Thomas
Connect with Kyleigh:
https://www.instagram.com/queerlyattached/
Donate to the podcast: https://ko-fi.com/introducingmepodcast
Want to share your story and be a guest? Email: introducingmepodcast@gmail.com
Find all the podcast social media and more on the website: https://www.introducingmepodcast.com
Artwork: instagram.com/vashaundesigns
Music/Editing: youtube.com/colemanrowlett
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:15):
- Hello and welcome to Introducing Me.
I'm your host Sarah. Istarted this podcast to get
to know other people and lifestyles while
discovering more about myself.
Each episode, I willgive a new guest a chance
to discuss their background,culture, interests,
or whatever they want to talkabout to help increase all
of our own worldviews.
Today, I would like to introduceyou to Kyleigh Weathers.
Kyleigh was born a lesbianand raised a Mormon,
(00:37):
and she was caught at16 with a girlfriend.
She served a mission for her church
and was kicked out forbeing a lesbian. Kyleigh,
came out a year later andhad a wife within two years,
and then was married to a man.
She's the creator of QueerlyAttached, a business dedicated
to providing attachment,trauma, recovery resources
for LGBTQ+ folks.
So Kylie's here to talk alittle bit about her life
(00:58):
and what she's got going on.
So thank you so much. Kyleigh.
Why don't you tell theaudience more about your story?
- Hey, what's up? Thanks for having me on.
This is, uh, I'm excited about this one.
Uh, I've been doingseveral interviews just
because of my business, Queerly Attached.
Um, and what I like to share as far
as my story goes is when youlisten to this story, um, I say
(01:21):
that my story is a storyof self abandonment.
And I'm gonna define self abandonment.
Uh, for me, that meansto disconnect from myself
to make sure that I stay inconnection with others, right?
Whether that's relationship,friendship, parents, whatever
that is, it's a disconnectfrom my own needs.
It's crossing my own boundaries.It's people pleasing.
(01:43):
It's a lot of insecureattachment strategies
that we are using inorder to stay connected.
So self abandonment justkind of drove my life
because of how I wasborn and raised, right?
I was born, I say a lesbian
because that is somethingthat used to make me cry.
Like I couldn't say that without tears.
(02:03):
Uh, and it is because of theculture that I was raised in.
Um, I grew up Mormon
and my family was veryMormon, very faithful.
We did the things. There was lots of,
it's a high demand religion.
And, uh, realizing at 16that, hey, girls are actually
kind of great, was difficult
(02:24):
because in my mind,
that's when the selfabandoning really set in.
That was the moment of like,I don't fit in this box
and I have to, well,one, because I have to.
I'm 16, right? , like,
and there are so many stories of actual
families kicking people outfor these things, right?
I, that was a huge risk
(02:45):
and it wasn't one thatI was willing to take.
Um, and so I hid for a long time
and learned to just reallythrow into my religion.
Um, and I really enjoyedit, if I'm honest.
I think that there, I'mnot really out here like
hating on the church.
Um, the church is reallypart of your culture,
(03:06):
and it did make me who I am.
And there are things thatI've learned, um, through
that experience thatmade me a better person.
But the biggest thing that Ilearned was to self abandonment
or is was to self abandonafter getting caught.
It was like everything just flipped.
Um, my parents were lovingin their way, right?
(03:29):
They wanted me to be, um,
forever with them.
And in the Mormon church,
that means we can be togetherforever in heaven, right?
And if I'm gay, can't do that.
So it was a loving responsein that they wanted
to make sure I stayed on that path.
And so, you know, thebishop repenting therapy,
(03:50):
pray the Gay Away, all of that started
and I tried really hard .
Um, and I ended up serving a mission.
Uh, guess where I went?
- Oh gosh, I have no idea.
The first, uh, location that came to mind
for whatever reason wasNew York, which like,
don't know where that came from. .
- That would've been cool. Well, so that's
how when you receive yourmission call, it was like a young
(04:13):
LDS Mormon person, right?
You don't know where you're going.
Like you just, it's kindof a surprise, right?
So I was very surprised that I got called
to serve my mission in Argentina
and I was really stoked about it.
Um, and you know, not oncewas I ever like, huh, I wonder
how it's gonna be withthis secret on a mission
with another girl 24 7 as a companion.
(04:34):
Like, I, not one timeI just really thought
that it wasn't gonna be a problem.
uh, it turned out to be a problem.
And I only ended up serving forsix months. And I came home.
And, you know, this is one thingI haven't talked about yet.
So I'll, I'll go this.Since we're sticking
with self abandonment onthis story, I used to think
(04:56):
that the reason why I confessed,
'cause I didn't get caughton my mission, I confessed.
And I used to think at thetime, the reason why I did
that was because I knewthat I couldn't stay
and handle the guilt of like holding
that in for the next year.
Like, I could not fathom feelingthis way for the next year.
(05:16):
It was too scary to imagine.
I also had just been calledto be like a leader in
that area, and I was terrified to do it.
I had a real fear of failure.
And I know, now looking back on it,
the reason why Iconfessed was I was afraid
of what was gonna happen next.
I knew what would happen if I did that.
(05:38):
I took like, I'm gonna just confess
and get sent home early,which means being sent home
with like dishonorable and,
and I had to have a disciplinarycounsel right there in the
mission where we talked about
everything that went on, right?
I chose that over just hiding
because of what thatwas gonna make me feel.
So I did get back home, um,
and kind of hung on to thechurch for another six months.
(06:00):
And then I just decidedit was just too hard.
It was just too hard to just not be gay.
I mean, the truth is y'alllike, you just can't do it. .
Like, it just isn't a thing, you know?
And, uh, so I ended up coming out
and I was terrified
because I knew that Iwas gonna lose a lot.
And I did lose a lot. I did lose a lot.
(06:21):
Um, but I ended up meetingsomeone and, and we got married
and actually she was also an ex Mormon.
So we kind of had that thing in common.
And, you know, she ended up going back to
that church and it was heartbreaking.
And what's crazy aboutthis part of the story,
(06:42):
is that I was also back inthe church within a month.
Like wild, right? Wild.
Like within a month Iwas right back there.
I wasn't happy about it, but when she made
that decision, it wasagain, losing everything.
Losing everything. I hadalready lost community,
(07:04):
lost family, right?
To, to make this choice.
And then when she makes thischoice, now I'm losing again.
Making the choice to go back
to the church immediatelygot me community back.
It immediately connectedme back to my family.
I was allowed, not allowed,
but it's like we were ableto still be friends, right?
Like, everybody lesbian,wants to be friends
with their ex, like , weall out here trying it.
(07:26):
And so I got all of that back
by self abandoning, right?
I mean, I see it now and itmakes so much sense, right?
It makes so much sense now.
But it ended up completelydiverting my path, right?
I completely ended updoing the Mormon wife life.
Um, do you watch The SecretLives of Mormon Wives? - I do not.
(07:49):
- Are you into like reality shows at all?
- But I have heard a little bit about it.
- I'm telling you, somebody in your audience
watches that shit.
Uh, anyway, . So I didend up doing that life
and I met a fantasticguy and we were married
and we had a fantastic kid.
And, um, it, it was the Mormon life.
And, you know, it wasn't,
people ask me a lot like,how did you do that?
(08:09):
You know, it wasn't thatit was like hard per se.
I really did believe thesethings about this church,
but there was, I call justlike these inner parts inside
of me that were definitelyfeeling like abandoned,
not heard, not validated,um, dishonest shame, guilt.
(08:30):
Like it was a lot. And itcaused a lot of anxiety.
Um, and like, just unrest.
And so when I left the churchwith him, thank goodness,
having a mixed faith relationshipcan be really difficult.
Uh, we already had a mixedorientation marriage, so
(08:50):
that would've been twice as hard, right?
Uh, we were able to, weleft together.
Um, and once we leftthe church, the way that
my co-parent now, um, myco-parent describes it is
that it was like he says,
it was like this cloakjust got pulled off me.
Like, oh, there she is. Right?
And, and from go, he was always supportive
(09:13):
and has continued to be like,we are fantastic co-parents.
We decided that choosing
the like known safe life
was really like choosing a half life.
Like we both were willing tolike do the unknown, right?
Which was for me to literally
just be like, yo, I'm a lesbian.
And it took therapy forme to be able to say that.
(09:35):
'cause I had my own innerhomophobia, you know,
like I was this, I say like, it was weird.
I was like this dual thing.
I was like a homophobicyet gatekeeping lesbian.
Like I wasn't gay enough
or, you know, it wasdefinitely a sin or whatever.
Um, and so I ended up having a fantastic
co-parenting relationship.
I can see his apartment from here.
We are two buildings awayand my son runs between us.
(09:57):
And it's beautiful. And
that doesn't mean it doesn'tcome without conflict.
Um, but
because as you can hear, there was a
lot of conflict in my life.
Like communication andconflict are what I'm about.
I love like teachingpeople how to connect, how
to connect first back to self
so that you can connect to others.
Like without those two things,
this is not an emotionallysafe relationship, right?
(10:20):
If you don't have trust within you,
how are you out here trusting other folks?
Right? And that's the thing that led me
to Queerly Attached was on thisjourney of self abandonment.
I finally heard about attachment styles.
I was reading a book and I wasreading this explanation of
what an anxious preoccupiedattachment style can sound
and feel and look like.
(10:41):
And I saw myself immediatelyand I was like, oh, damn .
And it was like that whole story I just
told you clicked into view.
And I was like, oh, wow, wow, wow, wow.
And it changed everything.
Um, I ended up just
really becoming what I just said is like,
I was just an attachment geek.
Like I just couldn't get enough of it.
(11:03):
And I learned how
our beliefs actually drive us, right?
Like when you really breakit down, like your beliefs,
whatever they are,whether they're limiting
or not, those are gonna lead to a thought.
And typically the thoughtthen just leads to a feeling.
And when those three thingscome up, a belief, a thought,
(11:24):
a feeling, something engages,and it's usually a strategy.
It's gonna be a secure strategy
or it's gonna be an insecure strategy,
but you're gonna take actionbased off those three things.
So how freaking important are our beliefs?
Like really , like howimportant is that then?
So if I'm walking aroundbelieving, um, what I'm not enough,
(11:44):
I don't matter, these are all core wounds
that happen when we get hurt, right?
If I'm not enough or I don't matter,
or no one listens to me,I'm gonna believe that
and I'm gonna see that all around me.
All around me. I like have,
do you struggle with any of those?- Yeah.
- Feeling? - I mean, I similar,similar sort of things,
but I totally understand whereyou're coming from with that.
(12:05):
- Yeah. Like if, if you believethat and then you think it
and then you feel it,yeah, you're gonna have
to do something to then soothe
that whole exchange that just happened.
Um, that is what I learned to do.
And, and it has justshifted everything for me.
Like it, it has actually created this,
it has felt like alignment
where it was almost likeI had this disconnect,
(12:28):
like mind, body and spirit.
I believe whole. Likethat's what embodiment is.
And I for sure had a disconnect
between mind and spirituality.
After I left the church, Iwas definitely just like,
I don't want any of it.
Fuck it all, like, just nothing.
Um, and so my mind just kindof took over at that point.
(12:49):
Well then I had a spinal cord injury when
my son was six months old.
It left me paralyzed
and changed the next 10 years of my life.
That moment disconnected me from my body.
'cause now I believed my body betrayed me.
I can't trust my body. Iwill continue to get hurt.
I've had five back surgeries
and I, it's, this is my 10thyear since this injury, right?
(13:11):
For nine years of that, everytime around that time of year
as that thing was coming on,ooh, the feelings, the rage,
you know, reading the Facebookmemories as they came up.
Like it just March and April.
Every year is a bad time for me.
And so when the ninth yearcame up, I made the decision.
I asked you this before we recorded.
(13:32):
How do you wanna feel about it?
Well, I asked myself that,how do you wanna feel
on this 10 year anniversary?
And I decided not this way .
I don't wanna feel it like this
'cause I know what this feels like.
The anger was so intense.
And what do you do when you're angry?
You start snapping at people.
Like, it was literallyduring that time of year,
you could see it wasdriving me these beliefs,
(13:53):
these thoughts, theseemotions around this event.
And I read this book and I'mwanna tell you the title of it.
I'm gonna grab it 'causeI always keep it here.
The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer.
This guy basically challenges you
to start observing thevoice in your head instead
of listening and believing it.
You know what I mean aboutvoices in your head? - Mm-Hmm.
(14:15):
- That guy that just like,
or I always say guy, I don't know why.
And that voice that just like all
of a sudden you realize youare listening to a script
of something and you're like, what?
He encourages you to back up basically.
And just watch that guylike, who is that? Who is it?
And be curious about it.
Instead of just like,yeah, yeah, yeah, right.
You start agreeing with it oryou start fighting with it.
Like you can have whole exchanges in your
(14:37):
head with these voices.
And when you observe it
and get curious aboutit, that's when you start
to find this healing, right?
That's when you start tounderstand like, oh, I can decide
how I wanna feel about things.
That's crazy. Like that reallymeans you're the creator
of your own piece and thatmeans you're empowered
to create whatever future you want.
(14:57):
So I decided I don't wanna feel like this.
I wanna feel empowered,I wanna feel confident.
Um, I wanna not be angry.
The 10th year came this year
and I felt exactly that I achieved my goal
because of this work that I started doing.
I started doing thisattachment wound healing.
I started learning how to
(15:19):
not just like have grief, but hold grief.
I learned that the thing thatcaused this loss 10 years ago,
actually I had caused even more loss
because of the way Iwas thinking about it.
Like, that's wild. Like I causedmyself suffering even more.
That's crazy. Like that is crazy to me.
(15:39):
And so I was just like, I'mnot gonna do that anymore.
That's why would I harmmyself in this way?
And changing those thoughtsand how I feel about it.
I stopped calling my leg, my bad leg.
I stopped calling my back, my bad back.
I started calling my healingleg and my healing back.
I have a pain pump, I havea spinal cord stimulator.
Those are the things thathave me up on my feet.
But when I tell you thatmy pain also has changed,
(16:02):
I know it's because of this thought.
I think about my pain differently
and my pain feels different.
I am a chronic pain person.
I have pain daily,
but thinking about itdifferently has changed things.
And I would've knockedmyself out two years ago
if I'd said that to myself. ,
it sounds absurd, doesn't it?
- I mean a little bit.
(16:23):
But. Yeah. - The internalwork is just so important.
So I think, you know,kind of hearing that story
and how your mindset haschanged over the past 10 years
and hearing where you came from
before that, I wanna go back a little bit
because you talked about kind of
why you originally left thechurch, why you went back
(16:44):
to the church, you thengot married in the church,
the leaving process with your co-parent.
Now what kind of sparked that
because then your kind of cloak came off
and you could be thelesbian that you were kind
of denying.
What kind of made you get onto that path?
(17:04):
- Well, once we left thechurch, it became this question
of like, okay, what do we believe
about some of these things?
Right? Like Mormons,
some Mormons practice what'scalled the word of wisdom,
which is like, no coffee,no alcohol, no, right?
Uh, all these things, right?
Uh, we had to ask ourselves,
okay, how do we feel about that?
Right? And he was out
(17:25):
and he, I think by the second day he is
like, I'm gonna go grab a six pack.
Like we decided pretty quick,
we're cool with these things, right? .
And, uh, so that continued.
And so I had not been watchingany queer content for sure.
Was not watching anything
that was gonna be likebringing that thing up.
And so, sorry, the reasonI love your question is
because I I, I say to people
(17:47):
that we talk a lot about coming out
and we don't talk enough about being in
because that really is wherethe trauma occurred, right?
So being in was like thissuppression, repression,
like it just was dark.
And so having that cloakcome off was like, oh,
I can watch gay shit now like I can do
and interact with, youknow, any of that stuff.
And I did. And um, I'm gonnashout out Gentleman Jack,
(18:09):
which is a HBO show that came out
and it was about this likelegit like 19th century
lesbian, like straight up.
And it was super empoweringto watch this like historical,
there was fiction parts of it,
but this, this show about this woman
who just claimed who she was.
And I ended up in a, like apodcast actually like kind
of community that was about that show
(18:30):
and then a bunch of queer folks.
Um, um,
and just being in that community,it almost just was kind
of like, it just startedawakening that thing.
Fortunately my co-parent
and I have always had good communication.
Like that's something that hasalways been important to me.
And being able to connect through conflict
(18:51):
and instead of contendingthrough conflict,
like that's my jam .
And so we already had arelationship like that.
And so as this thing started, I mean, it,
it just became a question of, okay,
what do we feel about these things?
What do we feel about monogamy?
What do we feel about, you know?
And so opening the marriagealways a risk, right?
But what I love about the waywe opened our marriage is that
(19:14):
we both came at it with this idea,
we have no control of the outcome.
First of all, we know what we hope for
and we know what we desire,
but we are accepting that thismay have a different outcome.
I also love that at the pointthat we opened our marriage,
we were doing so well.
Like, you would always hear people
like, don't do it when you're doing bad.
And I believe that, likewhy would I wanna add more
(19:35):
relationships if I'malready struggling in one?
Right? And so we were doingfantastic. It was really great.
But opening the marriage meant, okay,
I can go date and connect with women.
And the thing I missedmost while in my marriage
was emotional connection.
It was what I needed most asan anxious, preoccupied person.
Emotional connection is so important.
(19:57):
And we will self abandonquickly when we think
that there is a loss of self connection
or of, uh, sorry, ofconnection with others.
And so as soon as I kissed a girl,
basically it was pretty clear.
Like, nope. Yep, okay.
This, yeah, this is more,this was never a phase.
Y'all, Mormonism was the phase.Like this was not a phase.
And it wasn't somethingthat was like surprising.
(20:20):
'cause he knew we'd had had conversations.
He knew about my past.
Like we had had all of those conversations
that wasn't sprung on him, right?
Um, he just, we just continued
to be, if that makes sense.
Like we just allowed eachother to be who we were.
And it hasn't been like without conflict.
(20:42):
Um, but I don't shy away from conflict.
'cause I know the connectionand self discovery
that comes from it, it like,
it just is more worth itthan avoiding it, right?
I'm not avoiding, like, I'm not avoiding,
I'm definitely more onthat anxious side now.
I say I'm securelyattached, I've earned it,
I've learned it, it's a practice.
But avoidance size willjust not even talk, right?
(21:02):
We're gonna stonewall, we're gonna ghost,
we're gonna just anything
to avoid discussing feelings and conflict.
Um, my co-parent, Ibelieve is a secure person
and that helped as well washe has always just been this
like, grounding force,if that makes sense.
Um, so there was never anylike, love loss between us.
We decided that thisfamily that we had built,
(21:23):
it was still gonna continue as family.
And that's what we'vedone. And he has a partner
and he is, he is his girlfriend.
They've been together for three years.
And, um, it's, it's just, it's been great.
It's very like, I guess modern family.
Um, but, but when we definitely
after the okay, opening the marriage,
it was pretty quick when we decided, okay,
(21:44):
like I really am a lesbian
and we're not going to be together.
Right? And I mean, I, I'll sayit this way, when I U-Haul,
uh, my co-parent drove my U-Haul.
That's what I say. Uh, Iended up moving to Kansas City
for a relationship and he was supportive
and drove the damn U-Haul.
So, um, I'm very fortunate.
(22:04):
Um, I'll say that it takesfrom both of us just being able
to show up vulnerably
and without vulnerability, you,
you really can't have authenticity.
And when you don't haveauthenticity, you have a lot of room
for confusion and chaos assumptions.
Um, I just see clarity.
I just see clarity in my life and, and,
and make sure that the actionsI take align with that.
(22:27):
- So would you say that the
good communication foundationthat you two had along
with kind of his supportfor you being who you are,
is kind of what led toco-parenting being even possible?
That it is a good situation.
You know, your kid can goback and forth very easily
(22:49):
because you hear somuch about co-parenting
just being so difficult.
- Mm-Hmm. It is. It is. And it is.
I I, when I say
that I have a fantasticco-parenting relationship
that is not me speaking on ease, right?
It's not always easy,
but I accept that as my reality, right?
Like, when we actually accept our reality,
(23:11):
then we don't have todeal with the friction
of our false realities thatwe're trying to jam into, right?
Like , when we don't justaccept this is what things are
and figure out how you're gonna
move through that with peace.
Like you're just, you'rejust spinning your wheels.
And so I don't know if itwas like, like I said, he
and I didn't have an emotional connection.
So it's not that we had this,like we didn't have a lot
(23:31):
of conflict when we were married.
The conflict began when, okay,
we're gonna separate now,what does that look like?
And we knew it's notgonna look like arguing.
We had never argued in that way.
It's not gonna look like screaming,
you know, in front of our son.
He is never been yelledat in that way, right?
We decided, like I said, howwe wanted to feel about it,
how we wanted it to look,
and then we took actionto meet those goals.
(23:53):
Like it really is just decidingwhat do I want to feel
like? You've got to look at your values
and see if the choicesyou're making align.
Otherwise it's just likefreaking like sandpaper
on your skin for no reason.
Like, let's just hurt ourselves.
Like just, it's silly,
but it's how we're taught todeal with things.
- And so then, you know, youhad to maybe say like, come
(24:14):
to terms with the factthat you are a lesbian
and figure out what you knowthat meant for your future
and accepting yourself
and not continuing to abandon yourself.
So what were like, howlong did that really kind
of process take you?
- Uh, we could probably do itmore in therapy session count.
(24:34):
It took therapy. it took therapy.
I really had such a high degree of
self-hate around it.
A lot of shame had been built into it.
Um, I, I am fortunate that I, I kind
of feel like I was alsoborn with this sense of like
the seeking of higher self.
I've just always hadthat. I've, like, even
(24:56):
before the injury, like I've,
I've always worked a mental health.
I've always done some form of therapy.
I was a recreation therapist
and I worked at the VA Iworked with at-risk youth.
Like I loved my job, right?
And then the injury happenedand changed everything.
Um, but this has alwayskind of been who I am.
It was the piece withthe attachment style.
It was the piece with this thinking.
Those were the thingsthat really made it click.
(25:18):
And fortunately all of thatlined up with this moment.
All of it lined up. I readabout attachment styles in my
very first polyamory book.
It's called Polysecure.Totally recommend.
Like it absolutely teachesyou about attachment style,
which you need to knowabout if you're going
to engage in relationship,especially if you're going
to engage in multiple relationships.
(25:39):
Understanding how you show upin connection is also gonna
help you understand how yourpartner shows up in connection.
Like, it just, it eases connections.
It doesn't make it easy. It'sjust like a way to ease it.
Because we can see, all right, some
of these strategies arelooking pretty insecure.
What was the trigger to that? Right?
Every time you get like, let's,like pretend, let's say you
(26:02):
and I we're, we've beenfriends for a long time, right?
And I do something
that disappoints you. Howdoes that make you feel?
- Disappointed and likefrustrated, disappointed that,
you know, you did whatever it was.
- Yeah. And you probably wouldtalk to me about it, right?
But first there's that feelinglike first you have to deal
(26:23):
with the fact you weredisappointed and that you're upset
or whatever the word was.
You have to first deal with that,
otherwise you're just skipinto the like, healing part.
But you can't, like, youhave to feel the heal, right?
Like, it really doeshave to go in that order.
And so learning thosethings enabled me one,
he is absolutely someone who,
(26:47):
how do you say he kind ofjokes that he's just, um,
it's like a laid back joke.
He says something about like,if I was anymore laid back,
I'd be upside down or something silly.
I don't know. He's fromGeorgia. They got all kinds
of sayings, , but um,he's just very chill.
And that helped as well, right?
Um, but we just kind of learned
and did it together as we figured out
what we wanted it to be.
(27:08):
And um, it's been reallybeautiful. And my son is 11 now.
Um, so it's been four years.
And he is obviously very grateful
and he's very aware that thisis a very conscious choice.
Um, I'm gonna rec one more book.
It's called, uh, Conscious Uncoupling.
Is that what it's called?Conscious Uncoupling.
(27:29):
It's a great book thatwill kind of teach you how
to do this if you are like breaking up
and there is a need for you tocontinuing connection if it's
children or if it'sfinances, whatever it is,
accept the reality that's happening.
This is happening. You're gonna have
to move forward in someway with this person.
So you gotta figure out what it means
(27:50):
because what you make it mean matters.
What you make it mean becomes the
belief and then the belief, right?
Moves us forward to action.So you decide what it means.
We always get the chance todecide what something means.
Make it mean somethingthat aligns with your goal.
You're gonna hear me sayit a hundred times on
this podcast when you re-listen.
But that is the trick. It's got
to align with your actual desire.
- And so in aligningwith your actual desires,
(28:11):
if you're willing to talk about it,
what has your dating lifebeen like since coming
to fruition about being a lesbian?
- Ooh, I love that question.
Well, okay, I mentioned the U-Haul.
Uh, so all of that was being learned right
as I moved into this relationship
that U-Haul here to Kansas, right?
(28:32):
And then continuedlearning about attachment
through that relationship.
So I have been singlenow for almost a year.
And when I talk about that, it's crazy
because I had not been single since 2006
and you just heard at leasttwo marriages in there, right?
And there's a lot ofother people in there.
(28:54):
I did everything subconsciouslyto stay in connection.
I kept myself in connection being single.
Like it wasn't like I understoodthat I was scared of it,
but I was scared of it, .
Um, and so arriving at single,
but arriving at it with thislike learned secure practice,
oh my gosh, I say I, I'm securely single.
(29:15):
I'm dating the hell outta myself.
My life is not determined onpartnership. It just isn't.
And here's why. Same thing.I'm gonna go back to it.
When I realized single is here
and it's now, I had to accept my reality.
I wasn't gonna make itmean what it used to mean.
'cause I knew that would just drive
me down a path that didn't align.
So what is it gonna mean?
Okay, , it means that we're here
and how are we gonna deal with it?
(29:36):
How do you wanna feel in the future?
I imagine myself legitimately,I was like, if I were
to be like on my deathbedand I'm still single
or I'm unpartnered
or whatever it is, I do notwanna lay there and be upset
and feel like just howinconclusive my life was
or inconclusive or just knowing
(29:58):
that if I continued feelingthis way about not being
partnered at the end of my life,
it would be determined based off that.
And I'm not willing togive that control away.
That's mine to control.
Anytime you're gonna likejoin connection with someone,
you understand there'sanother control now in there
and you don't havecontrol of their control.
So I was like, no way. No way.
I want peace no matter whatmy relationship status is.
(30:21):
So started the steps tomake that happen. I'm here.
I feel that way about it.
I absolutely, there are thingsthat I miss. Absolutely.
There are things that, um,make me feel lonely, right?
But who cares? What do I do? I feel it.
I let the loneliness feel.
I find the thought that it'sattached to find the belief,
(30:42):
you know, and we see the wound,
oh shit, this is actually that.
I, I don't feel good enough.
I don't think I'm ever gonna find anyone.
Like whatever those beliefsare, I'll go find it.
It's just ano another momentof self discovery. Really.
It's just like being curious about it.
So that's how I've continuedjust being securely single.
What I hope for is this.
The way I see my life is this path, right?
(31:03):
And anytime we make a choice,there's these other paths
that pop up.
And also every time you make a choice,
paths disappear, right?
So I know the path and Iknow what I want to do on it.
What I hope for is thatas I'm walking this path,
I'm obviously gonna be,I'm very collaborative.
I'm, I'm very like, let'sgather tribe. I love community.
I love like just being in groups.
(31:23):
So I'm gonna have other peoplethat I see along my path.
I hope that at some pointthere will be someone walking
their own path that I'm like, Hey, look,
it looks like we're walking the same way.
That would be dope. But I don'twant anybody like jumping on
my path or like me jumping offmy path to go on their path.
Like, no, let's just, hey,
if we're walking the same way, why not?
And there's no attachmentfor me on the longevity
(31:44):
of relationships now,
like it lasting forever is not my goal.
My goal is to not self abandon
and to not date people who do.
It's not fair. I don't wannado it. That's not right.
I'm gonna show up honest and vulnerable.
I'm not gonna accept manipulation.
'cause that's what it is, right?
When we people please, we'retrying to manipulate, let's be
(32:05):
for real about it, right?
We're trying to manipulatewhat they think about us.
I mean it, gosh, justhonestly the self-discovery,
I feel like I, I feellike meeting yourself is
also like meeting humanity.
Like it has made me understandperspectives other than my
own actually in such a better way.
Um, and so when you kindof have that frequency
(32:27):
and that energy people do, you do draw
that type of person in.
You're also very aware oflike what your standards are,
what your boundaries need to be.
Um, you don't just push
through things when yourboundary had been crossed
or when you're feeling upset,you don't just hide it, right?
Like you trust yourself
and you understand that noone else can disrupt your
(32:50):
peace unless you allow it.
That doesn't mean you're a doormat, right?
We're gonna speak up for ourself.
We are absolutely gonnasay what our needs are.
We're absolutely gonna knowwhat our boundaries are.
That's creating peace.
Um, and you get to seewhen you set a boundary,
what are these people reacting to?
Like how do they react to it?
And you notice those are thethings that you're looking for.
(33:13):
- And so then as you've, youknow, learned your boundaries,
you've become secure in being unattached
and you're not abandoning yourself,
what is it that kind of led you
to start this business supporting others?
- Well, what led to it?
I mean, I'm gonna justsay it real, real is
(33:34):
after my injury, um, Iwas put on disability.
I, my injury took my job from me, right?
My in here comes the script, right?
My injury took my job from me.
My injury put me ondisability, right? Okay.
I still have pain every day.
I'm actually docked for an MRI
because they think it'stime for the fusion.
(33:55):
That was true 10 years ago. It's true now.
Like the fusion is coming,it, I can be upset about it
or I can accept that as my reality.
Being on disability isexhausting. It just is.
And, uh, you, you just don't, it's just,
it's a scary feeling thatit's so dependent, right?
I can't go get a nine to five. I can't.
(34:16):
Um, and absolutely I wouldlove to go back to school
to get my MSW and be a therapist,
but that's not the path that my life took
because of this injury.
And so what does that mean?
That means I gotta create my own path.
And you know, I've always been a coach.
I was like, I feel likeI was born a coach.
Um, I'm also my son'sbaseball coach right now,
(34:36):
which is also a dream come true.
Like I never would've imagined that
that could have been possible.
Um, and so as I started tounderstand these principles,
I went to, um,
I got certified inintegrated Attachment theory,
which was a coaching program in 2022.
Um, I still wasn't ready to coach it yet.
(34:57):
And it was because I was stilldoing kind of my own inner,
I call it research to be honest.
I was still kind offiguring out me, anything
that I coach is somethingthat I've done, right?
That's all I coach is itis different than therapy.
, that's all the coaches islike, oh, you have a goal?
Sweet. I have a practice plan.
Let's show up and practice this together.
Um, so that's how QueerlyAttached kind of became born was.
(35:17):
As that last kind ofpiece fell into place,
which was the thoughts and the emotions
and how to observe thevoice, it was like, yeah,
let's just go for it, man.
Like this is a huge leap of faith.
But I know that my, honestly,I believe that I have
this inner purpose to teach how
(35:37):
to connect in healthy ways.
I just see it everywhere.
Obviously I'm in the queer community.
I feel like the queer community,I have not said this yet,
but the queer community iswhy Queerly Attached exists.
Everything I just spoke works on no matter
what your orientation is, okay?
But the queer community isdealing with another layer
of attachment wounds,society rejecting them,
(35:57):
parents abandoning them, religion,
telling 'em that they're wrong, right?
We have a whole other setof things about attachment
that is sending messaging all the time,
particularly when we're in the closet.
Okay? That shit gets movedinto relationship, chaos, back
and forth, push pulldynamics, all of that.
U-Hauling all of it, the back
and forth, the breakingup a hundred times,
(36:18):
and then the repair,that's not really repair.
It's so prevalent
and it's all coming fromthese attachment wounds.
And those can be reprogrammed,those can be healed.
And honestly, it's not that difficult
because the power is within you.
Like it's yours. I'm justgonna cue you into it.
Does that make sense? Like,it's actually super effective.
(36:38):
It doesn't take much
because the truth is,this is something you get
to practice every time.
You have a feeling every single time.
And if you're in connection with someone,
that's gonna happen often.
- And so what was it like foryou to decide to go out and,
and start this business?
Like we've, we've heard thewhy, you know, we've, we've kind
(37:01):
of learned about your path,
but then like actuallytaking the steps to be like,
I'm gonna start coaching.
- So scary. Because you know why so many?
One of my main limiting beliefswas that I would be like
fake if I was a coach.
Like, you're not as good as a therapist.
You know why that was a limiting belief?
Because coaches aren't fucking therapists.
(37:23):
Sorry that sound bad. Coachesare not therapists. We're not.
So yeah, it makes sensethat that belief isn't true.
So I had to work through that belief,
but again, I can reprogrammy subconscious mind.
I just can't out will it,right? We can reprogram it.
We can't out will it becausesubconscious is constantly
trying to keep us protected.
That's the whole job of it.
And so starting it was terrifying
because imposter syndromenumber one, right?
(37:46):
Oh my gosh, like everybodyhas imposter syndrome.
I don't feel like we talkabout it enough facing up with
that fear and then also theimposter just coming in.
That's so much voices.There's so many voices.
I would not be able
to have created QueerlyAttached if I was not doing
this practice in my own life.
What I've taken on isextremely overwhelming.
It can be stressful, right?
(38:07):
So I have to know how todeal with these things.
It, it wouldn't besustainable if I couldn't.
So I, one stayed in therapy.Two, I hired a coach.
I resourced the fuck outta myself.
I knew that starting my ownbusiness was gonna bring up
limiting beliefs and I knewthat they would be difficult
to breakthrough withoutsomeone else helping me do it.
And so I hired a coach, I hired a mentor.
(38:29):
Uh, these people have helpedsustain me through this.
I am a person, I neverwanted to be a solopreneur.
I also never wanted tobe on disability, right?
I, I was very good at my jobas a recreation therapist.
I had a good government job
and I had a baby that was six months old.
None of that was what I desired,
but that is my realityand that is my situation.
(38:50):
So doing something.
So just, this is the scariest
shit I've ever done in my life.
And I do not enjoy social media.
So basically trying to grow this
through social media isalso bringing up so much.
Like it brings up stuff thatyou just would not imagine.
And, uh, I'm so glad.
Like I honestly, I've alwaysbeen the person who's like,
(39:12):
Ooh, that's, that looks frightening
and that I may discover myself and I jump.
Like always. I just, I think that
the,
I feel like the joy that I get
from being curious about myself,
like all the interest Iever had in someone else,
(39:33):
I'm putting that interest into me
and seeing what comes from it.
And that grounds me.
Like I, if I, if Iunderstand what it feels like
to be emotionally safe, I know
that I can be safe in connectionbecause I trust myself
and it will have nothing todo with that other person.
I trust myself. If somethingstarts to feel unsafe,
I'm not going to stayin an unsafe situation.
(39:56):
I won't self abandon anymore, right?
If I'm not, if I'm not feeling this inner
peace, I've got to do something.
'cause that's what I wanna feel.
So something's gotta change.
And the trick is, it'syou that has to change.
You gotta stop waitingon anyone else to do it.
- Yes, you've done lotsof inner work figuring out
who you are, figuring out what your values
(40:16):
and mission truly is.
Um, so it sounds like youknow, a lot of good work
and putting yourself out there,
starting this business isdefinitely a different journey.
Now, before I start to wrapthings up here at the end,
is there anything else you would
like to share with the listeners?
- You know, I think what I would share is
(40:38):
that I think it cansometimes sound like a lot.
And if I can give one final takeaway,
it would be these two pieces, right?
It would be the nexttime you feel triggered,
pause and take a breath.
That alone is gonna change thenext moment if you can pause
instead of letting thatchain go through, right?
The belief, the thought,the feeling, the action.
Like if you can pause
(41:00):
and take a breath, takea good breath, inhale
through the nose, exhalelong through the mouth,
that's gonna send signals tothe body that, hey, we're safe.
We're got this right? Yougotta send that signal.
'cause otherwise this trigger brings up
that part who's like, I got it.
I'm here from the subconscious.
I know what strategy to use to move
through this moment as fast as possible.
We don't wanna do that. Like,
we don't wanna just be out here surviving.
(41:21):
Like that's, that's not it.
We want fulfilling, thriving,
like situations and relationships.
So pause, take a breath.
- That is so important inso many facets of life.
So many different situationsyou can find yourself in.
So I think that's a good,good piece of advice here
at the end. Now, at the end of all my episodes,
(41:42):
I do ask my guests a random question.
So my question for you todayis, do you prefer cities
or rural areas?
- Hmm. I like .
I like the, uh, I'm going into town, kind
of feel like I'm going into town.
I'm 10 minutes outta town.
Uh, I have had that situation in my life
(42:03):
and I absolutely loved it for a moment.
We lived in Idaho on sevenacres, had a view of the Tetons.
It was gorgeous. Um, yeah,
I think it would be rural areas for sure.
I even lived in an RV fora little time. We loved it.
So I like to travel.
I don't like to be really supertied down, rural, for sure.
Time to think, space to breathe.
(42:31):
- All right, that bringsthis episode to a close.
Of course, if you'd liketo connect with Kyleigh,
her website will be in the description.
And along with you know, her social,
she is Queerly Attached everywhere.
So that will all be in the description.
Her website also brings youto a free attachment quiz.
If you wanna learn more about yourself
and soon in the future,she is releasing a podcast,
(42:53):
which will also be on her website.
Of course, if you'd like toconnect with our podcast,
our website is in the description as well.
It brings you to all of our social media.
We are on Facebook,Instagram, and LinkedIn.
So if you wanna go like those pages,
it also brings you to all of our guests.
Past social media resources.
Also in the description aregonna be the three different
(43:13):
books that Kyleigh mentions.
Those titles and authors willbe there if you want more
research on those topics.
If you'd like to be aguest on the podcast,
my email is in the description.
That is always the best way
to reach out and connect with me.
And if you'd like to donateto the podcast monetarily,
there is a link to do that as well.
So thank you so muchKyleigh, for spending time
with me today and to mylisteners for taking the time out
of your day to hear a new story.
(43:34):
Until next time, bye.
- Bye.
- Hello and welcome to Introducing Me.
I'm your host Sarah. Istarted this podcast to get
to know other people and lifestyles while
discovering more about myself.
Each episode, I willgive a new guest a chance
to discuss their background,culture, interests,
or whatever they want to talkabout to help increase all
of our own worldviews.
Today, I would like to introduceyou to Kyleigh Weathers.
Kyleigh was born a lesbianand raised a Mormon,
(00:37):
and she was caught at16 with a girlfriend.
She served a mission for her church
and was kicked out forbeing a lesbian. Kyleigh,
came out a year later andhad a wife within two years,
and then was married to a man.
She's the creator of QueerlyAttached, a business dedicated
to providing attachment,trauma, recovery resources
for LGBTQ+ folks.
So Kylie's here to talk alittle bit about her life
(00:58):
and what she's got going on.
So thank you so much. Kyleigh.
Why don't you tell theaudience more about your story?
- Hey, what's up? Thanks for having me on.
This is, uh, I'm excited about this one.
Uh, I've been doingseveral interviews just
because of my business, Queerly Attached.
Um, and what I like to share as far
as my story goes is when youlisten to this story, um, I say
(01:21):
that my story is a storyof self abandonment.
And I'm gonna define self abandonment.
Uh, for me, that meansto disconnect from myself
to make sure that I stay inconnection with others, right?
Whether that's relationship,friendship, parents, whatever
that is, it's a disconnectfrom my own needs.
It's crossing my own boundaries.It's people pleasing.
(01:43):
It's a lot of insecureattachment strategies
that we are using inorder to stay connected.
So self abandonment justkind of drove my life
because of how I wasborn and raised, right?
I was born, I say a lesbian
because that is somethingthat used to make me cry.
Like I couldn't say that without tears.
(02:03):
Uh, and it is because of theculture that I was raised in.
Um, I grew up Mormon
and my family was veryMormon, very faithful.
We did the things. There was lots of,
it's a high demand religion.
And, uh, realizing at 16that, hey, girls are actually
kind of great, was difficult
(02:24):
because in my mind,
that's when the selfabandoning really set in.
That was the moment of like,I don't fit in this box
and I have to, well,one, because I have to.
I'm 16, right? , like,
and there are so many stories of actual
families kicking people outfor these things, right?
I, that was a huge risk
(02:45):
and it wasn't one thatI was willing to take.
Um, and so I hid for a long time
and learned to just reallythrow into my religion.
Um, and I really enjoyedit, if I'm honest.
I think that there, I'mnot really out here like
hating on the church.
Um, the church is reallypart of your culture,
(03:06):
and it did make me who I am.
And there are things thatI've learned, um, through
that experience thatmade me a better person.
But the biggest thing that Ilearned was to self abandonment
or is was to self abandonafter getting caught.
It was like everything just flipped.
Um, my parents were lovingin their way, right?
(03:29):
They wanted me to be, um,
forever with them.
And in the Mormon church,
that means we can be togetherforever in heaven, right?
And if I'm gay, can't do that.
So it was a loving responsein that they wanted
to make sure I stayed on that path.
And so, you know, thebishop repenting therapy,
(03:50):
pray the Gay Away, all of that started
and I tried really hard .
Um, and I ended up serving a mission.
Uh, guess where I went?
- Oh gosh, I have no idea.
The first, uh, location that came to mind
for whatever reason wasNew York, which like,
don't know where that came from. .
- That would've been cool. Well, so that's
how when you receive yourmission call, it was like a young
(04:13):
LDS Mormon person, right?
You don't know where you're going.
Like you just, it's kindof a surprise, right?
So I was very surprised that I got called
to serve my mission in Argentina
and I was really stoked about it.
Um, and you know, not oncewas I ever like, huh, I wonder
how it's gonna be withthis secret on a mission
with another girl 24 7 as a companion.
(04:34):
Like, I, not one timeI just really thought
that it wasn't gonna be a problem.
uh, it turned out to be a problem.
And I only ended up serving forsix months. And I came home.
And, you know, this is one thingI haven't talked about yet.
So I'll, I'll go this.Since we're sticking
with self abandonment onthis story, I used to think
(04:56):
that the reason why I confessed,
'cause I didn't get caughton my mission, I confessed.
And I used to think at thetime, the reason why I did
that was because I knewthat I couldn't stay
and handle the guilt of like holding
that in for the next year.
Like, I could not fathom feelingthis way for the next year.
(05:16):
It was too scary to imagine.
I also had just been calledto be like a leader in
that area, and I was terrified to do it.
I had a real fear of failure.
And I know, now looking back on it,
the reason why Iconfessed was I was afraid
of what was gonna happen next.
I knew what would happen if I did that.
(05:38):
I took like, I'm gonna just confess
and get sent home early,which means being sent home
with like dishonorable and,
and I had to have a disciplinarycounsel right there in the
mission where we talked about
everything that went on, right?
I chose that over just hiding
because of what thatwas gonna make me feel.
So I did get back home, um,
and kind of hung on to thechurch for another six months.
(06:00):
And then I just decidedit was just too hard.
It was just too hard to just not be gay.
I mean, the truth is y'alllike, you just can't do it. .
Like, it just isn't a thing, you know?
And, uh, so I ended up coming out
and I was terrified
because I knew that Iwas gonna lose a lot.
And I did lose a lot. I did lose a lot.
(06:21):
Um, but I ended up meetingsomeone and, and we got married
and actually she was also an ex Mormon.
So we kind of had that thing in common.
And, you know, she ended up going back to
that church and it was heartbreaking.
And what's crazy aboutthis part of the story,
(06:42):
is that I was also back inthe church within a month.
Like wild, right? Wild.
Like within a month Iwas right back there.
I wasn't happy about it, but when she made
that decision, it wasagain, losing everything.
Losing everything. I hadalready lost community,
(07:04):
lost family, right?
To, to make this choice.
And then when she makes thischoice, now I'm losing again.
Making the choice to go back
to the church immediatelygot me community back.
It immediately connectedme back to my family.
I was allowed, not allowed,
but it's like we were ableto still be friends, right?
Like, everybody lesbian,wants to be friends
with their ex, like , weall out here trying it.
(07:26):
And so I got all of that back
by self abandoning, right?
I mean, I see it now and itmakes so much sense, right?
It makes so much sense now.
But it ended up completelydiverting my path, right?
I completely ended updoing the Mormon wife life.
Um, do you watch The SecretLives of Mormon Wives? - I do not.
(07:49):
- Are you into like reality shows at all?
- But I have heard a little bit about it.
- I'm telling you, somebody in your audience
watches that shit.
Uh, anyway, . So I didend up doing that life
and I met a fantasticguy and we were married
and we had a fantastic kid.
And, um, it, it was the Mormon life.
And, you know, it wasn't,
people ask me a lot like,how did you do that?
(08:09):
You know, it wasn't thatit was like hard per se.
I really did believe thesethings about this church,
but there was, I call justlike these inner parts inside
of me that were definitelyfeeling like abandoned,
not heard, not validated,um, dishonest shame, guilt.
(08:30):
Like it was a lot. And itcaused a lot of anxiety.
Um, and like, just unrest.
And so when I left the churchwith him, thank goodness,
having a mixed faith relationshipcan be really difficult.
Uh, we already had a mixedorientation marriage, so
(08:50):
that would've been twice as hard, right?
Uh, we were able to, weleft together.
Um, and once we leftthe church, the way that
my co-parent now, um, myco-parent describes it is
that it was like he says,
it was like this cloakjust got pulled off me.
Like, oh, there she is. Right?
And, and from go, he was always supportive
(09:13):
and has continued to be like,we are fantastic co-parents.
We decided that choosing
the like known safe life
was really like choosing a half life.
Like we both were willing tolike do the unknown, right?
Which was for me to literally
just be like, yo, I'm a lesbian.
And it took therapy forme to be able to say that.
(09:35):
'cause I had my own innerhomophobia, you know,
like I was this, I say like, it was weird.
I was like this dual thing.
I was like a homophobicyet gatekeeping lesbian.
Like I wasn't gay enough
or, you know, it wasdefinitely a sin or whatever.
Um, and so I ended up having a fantastic
co-parenting relationship.
I can see his apartment from here.
We are two buildings awayand my son runs between us.
(09:57):
And it's beautiful. And
that doesn't mean it doesn'tcome without conflict.
Um, but
because as you can hear, there was a
lot of conflict in my life.
Like communication andconflict are what I'm about.
I love like teachingpeople how to connect, how
to connect first back to self
so that you can connect to others.
Like without those two things,
this is not an emotionallysafe relationship, right?
(10:20):
If you don't have trust within you,
how are you out here trusting other folks?
Right? And that's the thing that led me
to Queerly Attached was on thisjourney of self abandonment.
I finally heard about attachment styles.
I was reading a book and I wasreading this explanation of
what an anxious preoccupiedattachment style can sound
and feel and look like.
(10:41):
And I saw myself immediatelyand I was like, oh, damn .
And it was like that whole story I just
told you clicked into view.
And I was like, oh, wow, wow, wow, wow.
And it changed everything.
Um, I ended up just
really becoming what I just said is like,
I was just an attachment geek.
Like I just couldn't get enough of it.
(11:03):
And I learned how
our beliefs actually drive us, right?
Like when you really breakit down, like your beliefs,
whatever they are,whether they're limiting
or not, those are gonna lead to a thought.
And typically the thoughtthen just leads to a feeling.
And when those three thingscome up, a belief, a thought,
(11:24):
a feeling, something engages,and it's usually a strategy.
It's gonna be a secure strategy
or it's gonna be an insecure strategy,
but you're gonna take actionbased off those three things.
So how freaking important are our beliefs?
Like really , like howimportant is that then?
So if I'm walking aroundbelieving, um, what I'm not enough,
(11:44):
I don't matter, these are all core wounds
that happen when we get hurt, right?
If I'm not enough or I don't matter,
or no one listens to me,I'm gonna believe that
and I'm gonna see that all around me.
All around me. I like have,
do you struggle with any of those?- Yeah.
- Feeling? - I mean, I similar,similar sort of things,
but I totally understand whereyou're coming from with that.
(12:05):
- Yeah. Like if, if you believethat and then you think it
and then you feel it,yeah, you're gonna have
to do something to then soothe
that whole exchange that just happened.
Um, that is what I learned to do.
And, and it has justshifted everything for me.
Like it, it has actually created this,
it has felt like alignment
where it was almost likeI had this disconnect,
(12:28):
like mind, body and spirit.
I believe whole. Likethat's what embodiment is.
And I for sure had a disconnect
between mind and spirituality.
After I left the church, Iwas definitely just like,
I don't want any of it.
Fuck it all, like, just nothing.
Um, and so my mind just kindof took over at that point.
(12:49):
Well then I had a spinal cord injury when
my son was six months old.
It left me paralyzed
and changed the next 10 years of my life.
That moment disconnected me from my body.
'cause now I believed my body betrayed me.
I can't trust my body. Iwill continue to get hurt.
I've had five back surgeries
and I, it's, this is my 10thyear since this injury, right?
(13:11):
For nine years of that, everytime around that time of year
as that thing was coming on,ooh, the feelings, the rage,
you know, reading the Facebookmemories as they came up.
Like it just March and April.
Every year is a bad time for me.
And so when the ninth yearcame up, I made the decision.
I asked you this before we recorded.
(13:32):
How do you wanna feel about it?
Well, I asked myself that,how do you wanna feel
on this 10 year anniversary?
And I decided not this way .
I don't wanna feel it like this
'cause I know what this feels like.
The anger was so intense.
And what do you do when you're angry?
You start snapping at people.
Like, it was literallyduring that time of year,
you could see it wasdriving me these beliefs,
(13:53):
these thoughts, theseemotions around this event.
And I read this book and I'mwanna tell you the title of it.
I'm gonna grab it 'causeI always keep it here.
The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer.
This guy basically challenges you
to start observing thevoice in your head instead
of listening and believing it.
You know what I mean aboutvoices in your head? - Mm-Hmm.
(14:15):
- That guy that just like,
or I always say guy, I don't know why.
And that voice that just like all
of a sudden you realize youare listening to a script
of something and you're like, what?
He encourages you to back up basically.
And just watch that guylike, who is that? Who is it?
And be curious about it.
Instead of just like,yeah, yeah, yeah, right.
You start agreeing with it oryou start fighting with it.
Like you can have whole exchanges in your
(14:37):
head with these voices.
And when you observe it
and get curious aboutit, that's when you start
to find this healing, right?
That's when you start tounderstand like, oh, I can decide
how I wanna feel about things.
That's crazy. Like that reallymeans you're the creator
of your own piece and thatmeans you're empowered
to create whatever future you want.
(14:57):
So I decided I don't wanna feel like this.
I wanna feel empowered,I wanna feel confident.
Um, I wanna not be angry.
The 10th year came this year
and I felt exactly that I achieved my goal
because of this work that I started doing.
I started doing thisattachment wound healing.
I started learning how to
(15:19):
not just like have grief, but hold grief.
I learned that the thing thatcaused this loss 10 years ago,
actually I had caused even more loss
because of the way Iwas thinking about it.
Like, that's wild. Like I causedmyself suffering even more.
That's crazy. Like that is crazy to me.
(15:39):
And so I was just like, I'mnot gonna do that anymore.
That's why would I harmmyself in this way?
And changing those thoughtsand how I feel about it.
I stopped calling my leg, my bad leg.
I stopped calling my back, my bad back.
I started calling my healingleg and my healing back.
I have a pain pump, I havea spinal cord stimulator.
Those are the things thathave me up on my feet.
But when I tell you thatmy pain also has changed,
(16:02):
I know it's because of this thought.
I think about my pain differently
and my pain feels different.
I am a chronic pain person.
I have pain daily,
but thinking about itdifferently has changed things.
And I would've knockedmyself out two years ago
if I'd said that to myself. ,
it sounds absurd, doesn't it?
- I mean a little bit.
(16:23):
But. Yeah. - The internalwork is just so important.
So I think, you know,kind of hearing that story
and how your mindset haschanged over the past 10 years
and hearing where you came from
before that, I wanna go back a little bit
because you talked about kind of
why you originally left thechurch, why you went back
(16:44):
to the church, you thengot married in the church,
the leaving process with your co-parent.
Now what kind of sparked that
because then your kind of cloak came off
and you could be thelesbian that you were kind
of denying.
What kind of made you get onto that path?
(17:04):
- Well, once we left thechurch, it became this question
of like, okay, what do we believe
about some of these things?
Right? Like Mormons,
some Mormons practice what'scalled the word of wisdom,
which is like, no coffee,no alcohol, no, right?
Uh, all these things, right?
Uh, we had to ask ourselves,
okay, how do we feel about that?
Right? And he was out
(17:25):
and he, I think by the second day he is
like, I'm gonna go grab a six pack.
Like we decided pretty quick,
we're cool with these things, right? .
And, uh, so that continued.
And so I had not been watchingany queer content for sure.
Was not watching anything
that was gonna be likebringing that thing up.
And so, sorry, the reasonI love your question is
because I I, I say to people
(17:47):
that we talk a lot about coming out
and we don't talk enough about being in
because that really is wherethe trauma occurred, right?
So being in was like thissuppression, repression,
like it just was dark.
And so having that cloakcome off was like, oh,
I can watch gay shit now like I can do
and interact with, youknow, any of that stuff.
And I did. And um, I'm gonnashout out Gentleman Jack,
(18:09):
which is a HBO show that came out
and it was about this likelegit like 19th century
lesbian, like straight up.
And it was super empoweringto watch this like historical,
there was fiction parts of it,
but this, this show about this woman
who just claimed who she was.
And I ended up in a, like apodcast actually like kind
of community that was about that show
(18:30):
and then a bunch of queer folks.
Um, um,
and just being in that community,it almost just was kind
of like, it just startedawakening that thing.
Fortunately my co-parent
and I have always had good communication.
Like that's something that hasalways been important to me.
And being able to connect through conflict
(18:51):
and instead of contendingthrough conflict,
like that's my jam .
And so we already had arelationship like that.
And so as this thing started, I mean, it,
it just became a question of, okay,
what do we feel about these things?
What do we feel about monogamy?
What do we feel about, you know?
And so opening the marriagealways a risk, right?
But what I love about the waywe opened our marriage is that
(19:14):
we both came at it with this idea,
we have no control of the outcome.
First of all, we know what we hope for
and we know what we desire,
but we are accepting that thismay have a different outcome.
I also love that at the pointthat we opened our marriage,
we were doing so well.
Like, you would always hear people
like, don't do it when you're doing bad.
And I believe that, likewhy would I wanna add more
(19:35):
relationships if I'malready struggling in one?
Right? And so we were doingfantastic. It was really great.
But opening the marriage meant, okay,
I can go date and connect with women.
And the thing I missedmost while in my marriage
was emotional connection.
It was what I needed most asan anxious, preoccupied person.
Emotional connection is so important.
(19:57):
And we will self abandonquickly when we think
that there is a loss of self connection
or of, uh, sorry, ofconnection with others.
And so as soon as I kissed a girl,
basically it was pretty clear.
Like, nope. Yep, okay.
This, yeah, this is more,this was never a phase.
Y'all, Mormonism was the phase.Like this was not a phase.
And it wasn't somethingthat was like surprising.
(20:20):
'cause he knew we'd had had conversations.
He knew about my past.
Like we had had all of those conversations
that wasn't sprung on him, right?
Um, he just, we just continued
to be, if that makes sense.
Like we just allowed eachother to be who we were.
And it hasn't been like without conflict.
(20:42):
Um, but I don't shy away from conflict.
'cause I know the connectionand self discovery
that comes from it, it like,
it just is more worth itthan avoiding it, right?
I'm not avoiding, like, I'm not avoiding,
I'm definitely more onthat anxious side now.
I say I'm securelyattached, I've earned it,
I've learned it, it's a practice.
But avoidance size willjust not even talk, right?
(21:02):
We're gonna stonewall, we're gonna ghost,
we're gonna just anything
to avoid discussing feelings and conflict.
Um, my co-parent, Ibelieve is a secure person
and that helped as well washe has always just been this
like, grounding force,if that makes sense.
Um, so there was never anylike, love loss between us.
We decided that thisfamily that we had built,
(21:23):
it was still gonna continue as family.
And that's what we'vedone. And he has a partner
and he is, he is his girlfriend.
They've been together for three years.
And, um, it's, it's just, it's been great.
It's very like, I guess modern family.
Um, but, but when we definitely
after the okay, opening the marriage,
it was pretty quick when we decided, okay,
(21:44):
like I really am a lesbian
and we're not going to be together.
Right? And I mean, I, I'll sayit this way, when I U-Haul,
uh, my co-parent drove my U-Haul.
That's what I say. Uh, Iended up moving to Kansas City
for a relationship and he was supportive
and drove the damn U-Haul.
So, um, I'm very fortunate.
(22:04):
Um, I'll say that it takesfrom both of us just being able
to show up vulnerably
and without vulnerability, you,
you really can't have authenticity.
And when you don't haveauthenticity, you have a lot of room
for confusion and chaos assumptions.
Um, I just see clarity.
I just see clarity in my life and, and,
and make sure that the actionsI take align with that.
(22:27):
- So would you say that the
good communication foundationthat you two had along
with kind of his supportfor you being who you are,
is kind of what led toco-parenting being even possible?
That it is a good situation.
You know, your kid can goback and forth very easily
(22:49):
because you hear somuch about co-parenting
just being so difficult.
- Mm-Hmm. It is. It is. And it is.
I I, when I say
that I have a fantasticco-parenting relationship
that is not me speaking on ease, right?
It's not always easy,
but I accept that as my reality, right?
Like, when we actually accept our reality,
(23:11):
then we don't have todeal with the friction
of our false realities thatwe're trying to jam into, right?
Like , when we don't justaccept this is what things are
and figure out how you're gonna
move through that with peace.
Like you're just, you'rejust spinning your wheels.
And so I don't know if itwas like, like I said, he
and I didn't have an emotional connection.
So it's not that we had this,like we didn't have a lot
(23:31):
of conflict when we were married.
The conflict began when, okay,
we're gonna separate now,what does that look like?
And we knew it's notgonna look like arguing.
We had never argued in that way.
It's not gonna look like screaming,
you know, in front of our son.
He is never been yelledat in that way, right?
We decided, like I said, howwe wanted to feel about it,
how we wanted it to look,
and then we took actionto meet those goals.
(23:53):
Like it really is just decidingwhat do I want to feel
like? You've got to look at your values
and see if the choicesyou're making align.
Otherwise it's just likefreaking like sandpaper
on your skin for no reason.
Like, let's just hurt ourselves.
Like just, it's silly,
but it's how we're taught todeal with things.
- And so then, you know, youhad to maybe say like, come
(24:14):
to terms with the factthat you are a lesbian
and figure out what you knowthat meant for your future
and accepting yourself
and not continuing to abandon yourself.
So what were like, howlong did that really kind
of process take you?
- Uh, we could probably do itmore in therapy session count.
(24:34):
It took therapy. it took therapy.
I really had such a high degree of
self-hate around it.
A lot of shame had been built into it.
Um, I, I am fortunate that I, I kind
of feel like I was alsoborn with this sense of like
the seeking of higher self.
I've just always hadthat. I've, like, even
(24:56):
before the injury, like I've,
I've always worked a mental health.
I've always done some form of therapy.
I was a recreation therapist
and I worked at the VA Iworked with at-risk youth.
Like I loved my job, right?
And then the injury happenedand changed everything.
Um, but this has alwayskind of been who I am.
It was the piece withthe attachment style.
It was the piece with this thinking.
Those were the thingsthat really made it click.
(25:18):
And fortunately all of thatlined up with this moment.
All of it lined up. I readabout attachment styles in my
very first polyamory book.
It's called Polysecure.Totally recommend.
Like it absolutely teachesyou about attachment style,
which you need to knowabout if you're going
to engage in relationship,especially if you're going
to engage in multiple relationships.
(25:39):
Understanding how you show upin connection is also gonna
help you understand how yourpartner shows up in connection.
Like, it just, it eases connections.
It doesn't make it easy. It'sjust like a way to ease it.
Because we can see, all right, some
of these strategies arelooking pretty insecure.
What was the trigger to that? Right?
Every time you get like, let's,like pretend, let's say you
(26:02):
and I we're, we've beenfriends for a long time, right?
And I do something
that disappoints you. Howdoes that make you feel?
- Disappointed and likefrustrated, disappointed that,
you know, you did whatever it was.
- Yeah. And you probably wouldtalk to me about it, right?
But first there's that feelinglike first you have to deal
(26:23):
with the fact you weredisappointed and that you're upset
or whatever the word was.
You have to first deal with that,
otherwise you're just skipinto the like, healing part.
But you can't, like, youhave to feel the heal, right?
Like, it really doeshave to go in that order.
And so learning thosethings enabled me one,
he is absolutely someone who,
(26:47):
how do you say he kind ofjokes that he's just, um,
it's like a laid back joke.
He says something about like,if I was anymore laid back,
I'd be upside down or something silly.
I don't know. He's fromGeorgia. They got all kinds
of sayings, , but um,he's just very chill.
And that helped as well, right?
Um, but we just kind of learned
and did it together as we figured out
what we wanted it to be.
(27:08):
And um, it's been reallybeautiful. And my son is 11 now.
Um, so it's been four years.
And he is obviously very grateful
and he's very aware that thisis a very conscious choice.
Um, I'm gonna rec one more book.
It's called, uh, Conscious Uncoupling.
Is that what it's called?Conscious Uncoupling.
(27:29):
It's a great book thatwill kind of teach you how
to do this if you are like breaking up
and there is a need for you tocontinuing connection if it's
children or if it'sfinances, whatever it is,
accept the reality that's happening.
This is happening. You're gonna have
to move forward in someway with this person.
So you gotta figure out what it means
(27:50):
because what you make it mean matters.
What you make it mean becomes the
belief and then the belief, right?
Moves us forward to action.So you decide what it means.
We always get the chance todecide what something means.
Make it mean somethingthat aligns with your goal.
You're gonna hear me sayit a hundred times on
this podcast when you re-listen.
But that is the trick. It's got
to align with your actual desire.
- And so in aligningwith your actual desires,
(28:11):
if you're willing to talk about it,
what has your dating lifebeen like since coming
to fruition about being a lesbian?
- Ooh, I love that question.
Well, okay, I mentioned the U-Haul.
Uh, so all of that was being learned right
as I moved into this relationship
that U-Haul here to Kansas, right?
(28:32):
And then continuedlearning about attachment
through that relationship.
So I have been singlenow for almost a year.
And when I talk about that, it's crazy
because I had not been single since 2006
and you just heard at leasttwo marriages in there, right?
And there's a lot ofother people in there.
(28:54):
I did everything subconsciouslyto stay in connection.
I kept myself in connection being single.
Like it wasn't like I understoodthat I was scared of it,
but I was scared of it, .
Um, and so arriving at single,
but arriving at it with thislike learned secure practice,
oh my gosh, I say I, I'm securely single.
(29:15):
I'm dating the hell outta myself.
My life is not determined onpartnership. It just isn't.
And here's why. Same thing.I'm gonna go back to it.
When I realized single is here
and it's now, I had to accept my reality.
I wasn't gonna make itmean what it used to mean.
'cause I knew that would just drive
me down a path that didn't align.
So what is it gonna mean?
Okay, , it means that we're here
and how are we gonna deal with it?
(29:36):
How do you wanna feel in the future?
I imagine myself legitimately,I was like, if I were
to be like on my deathbedand I'm still single
or I'm unpartnered
or whatever it is, I do notwanna lay there and be upset
and feel like just howinconclusive my life was
or inconclusive or just knowing
(29:58):
that if I continued feelingthis way about not being
partnered at the end of my life,
it would be determined based off that.
And I'm not willing togive that control away.
That's mine to control.
Anytime you're gonna likejoin connection with someone,
you understand there'sanother control now in there
and you don't havecontrol of their control.
So I was like, no way. No way.
I want peace no matter whatmy relationship status is.
(30:21):
So started the steps tomake that happen. I'm here.
I feel that way about it.
I absolutely, there are thingsthat I miss. Absolutely.
There are things that, um,make me feel lonely, right?
But who cares? What do I do? I feel it.
I let the loneliness feel.
I find the thought that it'sattached to find the belief,
(30:42):
you know, and we see the wound,
oh shit, this is actually that.
I, I don't feel good enough.
I don't think I'm ever gonna find anyone.
Like whatever those beliefsare, I'll go find it.
It's just ano another momentof self discovery. Really.
It's just like being curious about it.
So that's how I've continuedjust being securely single.
What I hope for is this.
The way I see my life is this path, right?
(31:03):
And anytime we make a choice,there's these other paths
that pop up.
And also every time you make a choice,
paths disappear, right?
So I know the path and Iknow what I want to do on it.
What I hope for is thatas I'm walking this path,
I'm obviously gonna be,I'm very collaborative.
I'm, I'm very like, let'sgather tribe. I love community.
I love like just being in groups.
(31:23):
So I'm gonna have other peoplethat I see along my path.
I hope that at some pointthere will be someone walking
their own path that I'm like, Hey, look,
it looks like we're walking the same way.
That would be dope. But I don'twant anybody like jumping on
my path or like me jumping offmy path to go on their path.
Like, no, let's just, hey,
if we're walking the same way, why not?
And there's no attachmentfor me on the longevity
(31:44):
of relationships now,
like it lasting forever is not my goal.
My goal is to not self abandon
and to not date people who do.
It's not fair. I don't wannado it. That's not right.
I'm gonna show up honest and vulnerable.
I'm not gonna accept manipulation.
'cause that's what it is, right?
When we people please, we'retrying to manipulate, let's be
(32:05):
for real about it, right?
We're trying to manipulatewhat they think about us.
I mean it, gosh, justhonestly the self-discovery,
I feel like I, I feellike meeting yourself is
also like meeting humanity.
Like it has made me understandperspectives other than my
own actually in such a better way.
Um, and so when you kindof have that frequency
(32:27):
and that energy people do, you do draw
that type of person in.
You're also very aware oflike what your standards are,
what your boundaries need to be.
Um, you don't just push
through things when yourboundary had been crossed
or when you're feeling upset,you don't just hide it, right?
Like you trust yourself
and you understand that noone else can disrupt your
(32:50):
peace unless you allow it.
That doesn't mean you're a doormat, right?
We're gonna speak up for ourself.
We are absolutely gonnasay what our needs are.
We're absolutely gonna knowwhat our boundaries are.
That's creating peace.
Um, and you get to seewhen you set a boundary,
what are these people reacting to?
Like how do they react to it?
And you notice those are thethings that you're looking for.
(33:13):
- And so then as you've, youknow, learned your boundaries,
you've become secure in being unattached
and you're not abandoning yourself,
what is it that kind of led you
to start this business supporting others?
- Well, what led to it?
I mean, I'm gonna justsay it real, real is
(33:34):
after my injury, um, Iwas put on disability.
I, my injury took my job from me, right?
My in here comes the script, right?
My injury took my job from me.
My injury put me ondisability, right? Okay.
I still have pain every day.
I'm actually docked for an MRI
because they think it'stime for the fusion.
(33:55):
That was true 10 years ago. It's true now.
Like the fusion is coming,it, I can be upset about it
or I can accept that as my reality.
Being on disability isexhausting. It just is.
And, uh, you, you just don't, it's just,
it's a scary feeling thatit's so dependent, right?
I can't go get a nine to five. I can't.
(34:16):
Um, and absolutely I wouldlove to go back to school
to get my MSW and be a therapist,
but that's not the path that my life took
because of this injury.
And so what does that mean?
That means I gotta create my own path.
And you know, I've always been a coach.
I was like, I feel likeI was born a coach.
Um, I'm also my son'sbaseball coach right now,
(34:36):
which is also a dream come true.
Like I never would've imagined that
that could have been possible.
Um, and so as I started tounderstand these principles,
I went to, um,
I got certified inintegrated Attachment theory,
which was a coaching program in 2022.
Um, I still wasn't ready to coach it yet.
(34:57):
And it was because I was stilldoing kind of my own inner,
I call it research to be honest.
I was still kind offiguring out me, anything
that I coach is somethingthat I've done, right?
That's all I coach is itis different than therapy.
, that's all the coaches islike, oh, you have a goal?
Sweet. I have a practice plan.
Let's show up and practice this together.
Um, so that's how QueerlyAttached kind of became born was.
(35:17):
As that last kind ofpiece fell into place,
which was the thoughts and the emotions
and how to observe thevoice, it was like, yeah,
let's just go for it, man.
Like this is a huge leap of faith.
But I know that my, honestly,I believe that I have
this inner purpose to teach how
(35:37):
to connect in healthy ways.
I just see it everywhere.
Obviously I'm in the queer community.
I feel like the queer community,I have not said this yet,
but the queer community iswhy Queerly Attached exists.
Everything I just spoke works on no matter
what your orientation is, okay?
But the queer community isdealing with another layer
of attachment wounds,society rejecting them,
(35:57):
parents abandoning them, religion,
telling 'em that they're wrong, right?
We have a whole other setof things about attachment
that is sending messaging all the time,
particularly when we're in the closet.
Okay? That shit gets movedinto relationship, chaos, back
and forth, push pulldynamics, all of that.
U-Hauling all of it, the back
and forth, the breakingup a hundred times,
(36:18):
and then the repair,that's not really repair.
It's so prevalent
and it's all coming fromthese attachment wounds.
And those can be reprogrammed,those can be healed.
And honestly, it's not that difficult
because the power is within you.
Like it's yours. I'm justgonna cue you into it.
Does that make sense? Like,it's actually super effective.
(36:38):
It doesn't take much
because the truth is,this is something you get
to practice every time.
You have a feeling every single time.
And if you're in connection with someone,
that's gonna happen often.
- And so what was it like foryou to decide to go out and,
and start this business?
Like we've, we've heard thewhy, you know, we've, we've kind
(37:01):
of learned about your path,
but then like actuallytaking the steps to be like,
I'm gonna start coaching.
- So scary. Because you know why so many?
One of my main limiting beliefswas that I would be like
fake if I was a coach.
Like, you're not as good as a therapist.
You know why that was a limiting belief?
Because coaches aren't fucking therapists.
(37:23):
Sorry that sound bad. Coachesare not therapists. We're not.
So yeah, it makes sensethat that belief isn't true.
So I had to work through that belief,
but again, I can reprogrammy subconscious mind.
I just can't out will it,right? We can reprogram it.
We can't out will it becausesubconscious is constantly
trying to keep us protected.
That's the whole job of it.
And so starting it was terrifying
because imposter syndromenumber one, right?
(37:46):
Oh my gosh, like everybodyhas imposter syndrome.
I don't feel like we talkabout it enough facing up with
that fear and then also theimposter just coming in.
That's so much voices.There's so many voices.
I would not be able
to have created QueerlyAttached if I was not doing
this practice in my own life.
What I've taken on isextremely overwhelming.
It can be stressful, right?
(38:07):
So I have to know how todeal with these things.
It, it wouldn't besustainable if I couldn't.
So I, one stayed in therapy.Two, I hired a coach.
I resourced the fuck outta myself.
I knew that starting my ownbusiness was gonna bring up
limiting beliefs and I knewthat they would be difficult
to breakthrough withoutsomeone else helping me do it.
And so I hired a coach, I hired a mentor.
(38:29):
Uh, these people have helpedsustain me through this.
I am a person, I neverwanted to be a solopreneur.
I also never wanted tobe on disability, right?
I, I was very good at my jobas a recreation therapist.
I had a good government job
and I had a baby that was six months old.
None of that was what I desired,
but that is my realityand that is my situation.
(38:50):
So doing something.
So just, this is the scariest
shit I've ever done in my life.
And I do not enjoy social media.
So basically trying to grow this
through social media isalso bringing up so much.
Like it brings up stuff thatyou just would not imagine.
And, uh, I'm so glad.
Like I honestly, I've alwaysbeen the person who's like,
(39:12):
Ooh, that's, that looks frightening
and that I may discover myself and I jump.
Like always. I just, I think that
the,
I feel like the joy that I get
from being curious about myself,
like all the interest Iever had in someone else,
(39:33):
I'm putting that interest into me
and seeing what comes from it.
And that grounds me.
Like I, if I, if Iunderstand what it feels like
to be emotionally safe, I know
that I can be safe in connectionbecause I trust myself
and it will have nothing todo with that other person.
I trust myself. If somethingstarts to feel unsafe,
I'm not going to stayin an unsafe situation.
(39:56):
I won't self abandon anymore, right?
If I'm not, if I'm not feeling this inner
peace, I've got to do something.
'cause that's what I wanna feel.
So something's gotta change.
And the trick is, it'syou that has to change.
You gotta stop waitingon anyone else to do it.
- Yes, you've done lotsof inner work figuring out
who you are, figuring out what your values
(40:16):
and mission truly is.
Um, so it sounds like youknow, a lot of good work
and putting yourself out there,
starting this business isdefinitely a different journey.
Now, before I start to wrapthings up here at the end,
is there anything else you would
like to share with the listeners?
- You know, I think what I would share is
(40:38):
that I think it cansometimes sound like a lot.
And if I can give one final takeaway,
it would be these two pieces, right?
It would be the nexttime you feel triggered,
pause and take a breath.
That alone is gonna change thenext moment if you can pause
instead of letting thatchain go through, right?
The belief, the thought,the feeling, the action.
Like if you can pause
(41:00):
and take a breath, takea good breath, inhale
through the nose, exhalelong through the mouth,
that's gonna send signals tothe body that, hey, we're safe.
We're got this right? Yougotta send that signal.
'cause otherwise this trigger brings up
that part who's like, I got it.
I'm here from the subconscious.
I know what strategy to use to move
through this moment as fast as possible.
We don't wanna do that. Like,
we don't wanna just be out here surviving.
(41:21):
Like that's, that's not it.
We want fulfilling, thriving,
like situations and relationships.
So pause, take a breath.
- That is so important inso many facets of life.
So many different situationsyou can find yourself in.
So I think that's a good,good piece of advice here
at the end. Now, at the end of all my episodes,
(41:42):
I do ask my guests a random question.
So my question for you todayis, do you prefer cities
or rural areas?
- Hmm. I like .
I like the, uh, I'm going into town, kind
of feel like I'm going into town.
I'm 10 minutes outta town.
Uh, I have had that situation in my life
(42:03):
and I absolutely loved it for a moment.
We lived in Idaho on sevenacres, had a view of the Tetons.
It was gorgeous. Um, yeah,
I think it would be rural areas for sure.
I even lived in an RV fora little time. We loved it.
So I like to travel.
I don't like to be really supertied down, rural, for sure.
Time to think, space to breathe.
(42:31):
- All right, that bringsthis episode to a close.
Of course, if you'd liketo connect with Kyleigh,
her website will be in the description.
And along with you know, her social,
she is Queerly Attached everywhere.
So that will all be in the description.
Her website also brings youto a free attachment quiz.
If you wanna learn more about yourself
and soon in the future,she is releasing a podcast,
(42:53):
which will also be on her website.
Of course, if you'd like toconnect with our podcast,
our website is in the description as well.
It brings you to all of our social media.
We are on Facebook,Instagram, and LinkedIn.
So if you wanna go like those pages,
it also brings you to all of our guests.
Past social media resources.
Also in the description aregonna be the three different
(43:13):
books that Kyleigh mentions.
Those titles and authors willbe there if you want more
research on those topics.
If you'd like to be aguest on the podcast,
my email is in the description.
That is always the best way
to reach out and connect with me.
And if you'd like to donateto the podcast monetarily,
there is a link to do that as well.
So thank you so muchKyleigh, for spending time
with me today and to mylisteners for taking the time out
of your day to hear a new story.
(43:34):
Until next time, bye.
- Bye.
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