November 28, 2023 • 13 mins
Picture this, you're stranded in the middle of nowhere in West Virginia, cut-off from the world. This was my exact predicament during Thanksgiving, an experience that truly put me in my thoughts about empathy and understanding. I found myself questioning, how can we genuinely empathize with people who live vastly different lives from ours? In this journey of self-discovery, we grapple with the distinctions between sympathy and empathy, and why the latter matters in our interactions.
As we journey on, let's take a moment to acknowledge our global podcast family. Each one of you, from every corner of the world, has made a mark on this podcast, turning it into a multicultural tapestry of perspectives. Your support propels us to create content that enlightens your day, giving us the drive to dive deeper and push boundaries. As we celebrate our global connection, we also look forward to next week, where we'll explore more exciting topics together.
Say hi on YouTube
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So I started to think about hmm, how can we empathize
with people who are livingcompletely different lives?
Hey there, fellow introvert onstage, this show is a safe space
for the soft souls to learn,connect and master communication
.
I'm Olivia Lee and you'relistening to Introvert on Stage.
Welcome back to Introvert onStage and happy Thanksgiving.
(00:28):
I hope you had a wonderful timewith your loved one and spend
some time really thinking aboutwhat you're thankful for For
Thanksgiving.
Me and my boyfriend went on acamping trip to West Virginia,
so a couple of hours away, inthe middle of nowhere, and there
was no internet, no, nothingfor four full days.
(00:49):
At first I thought, oh, this isgreat, I get to be away from
notifications, social media,emails, everything,
responsibilities.
I can be free from them.
But oh my goodness, after justa few hours I started to feel
anxious.
After just a few hours I keptthinking what if my clients need
me?
What if all the scheduledsocial media content didn't
(01:11):
publish?
What if this, what if that?
And then not gettingnotification was very
uncomfortable.
I started to think about hmm,what is that?
A couple of years ago, if wethink about it, think of the
time before you had thesmartphone and how it was normal
not to get notifications.
But when I thought about it Icame to a realization that we're
(01:33):
all used to it.
We're all used to all the blingand the text and the rings and
the ring rings and whatever ringtone that you have.
We're just so used to gettingbombarded with notifications all
day like 24 seven, unless weput the phone on silence or
unless we put it under busy modeor whatever away mode that you
(01:54):
have.
And that's what I noticed whenI was on that Thanksgiving trip
that, oh my goodness, my brainis getting anxious because I'm
not getting any notifications.
My phone is too quiet andtherefore it's not doing its job
.
It's supposed to keep me busy.
It's supposed to have my eyeslocked on it like every few
seconds and, as you can tell,like I was getting really
(02:16):
anxious, so I had to put myphone away.
I turned it off, went outside,soaked in all the nature, fresh
air, the boz and the moos of thesheep's and the cows nearby,
because, oh my goodness, theAirbnb that we were staying in,
it literally was in the middleof nowhere and the only things
that I could see were theselittle white dots far away,
(02:39):
which I think were sheeps and afew black dots I think were cows
, because in the morning I couldhear the moos.
But that was a little bit of asummary of my Thanksgiving and
how I spent Thanksgiving reallybeing thankful for the little
things in life.
Because we went to a tiny home.
So of course there waselectricity, there was hot water
(03:00):
, but there was no internet.
There was no kitchen.
We only had a microwave and asink from the bathroom.
So it was a really, really tinyhome.
It was smaller than a studioapartment and it didn't have
that many things.
That made me realize that I'mthankful for all these little
things that we take for grantedevery single day, whether it's
(03:22):
having the hot shower for morethan an hour I'm guilty of
sometimes taking really longshowers under the hot water just
thinking and what am I evendoing in there?
And just little things likeWi-Fi.
It's so normal to our everydaylife that sometimes we forget
how thankful we are to have themDriving by in the neighborhood
(03:43):
and seeing all these giganticsatellite dishes that I haven't
seen for years, because it's sonormal for us to just magically
have Wi-Fi connected to ourphones.
I was really thankful.
There were so many things to bethankful for, and other than
saying all the cliche thingslike thankful for my family,
thankful for my health.
(04:03):
Of course I'm thankful for allof those, but I got a chance to
really be thankful for thelittle things that I didn't even
think of to be thankful for.
So that was my little spiel,and today I wanted to talk about
.
Do you like my transition there?
I'm just smoothly, justsneaking it in, but today I
wanted to talk about empathy andhow to relate to someone that
(04:30):
is my Alexa.
Sorry about that.
That is my Alexa reminding meto go to sleep.
Anyways, empathy is the abilityto emotionally understand what
other people feel and see thingsfrom their point of view, and I
started to think about thistopic as I was on the
Thanksgiving trip, because someof the people living in West
Virginia were living completelydifferent lives, whether it's
(04:53):
farming hundreds of cows andsheeps.
When I have just a tiny littlepuppy, having a huge satellite
dish, being away from internet,having to drive 10 minutes just
to get to a little store,despite the fact that I was only
two, three hours away from home.
To see these completelydifferent lifestyles was kind of
(05:16):
shocking to me.
It was beautiful.
It was a beautiful difference,but it was also a difference
that I wasn't used to seeing,because where in Northern
Virginia can I see a farmer withhundreds of cows?
Where in Virginia can I seegigantic satellite dishes?
In the suburbs where I live, Ican walk a few minutes to get to
the town center where I canhave free Wi-Fi.
(05:39):
So I started to think about hmm,how can we empathize with
people who are living completelydifferent lives?
Because to be able to seethings from other people's point
of view, we need to reallyunderstand them emotionally,
whatever they're going through,whatever colored lenses they're
wearing.
But if we really think about it, how can we do that with people
(06:00):
whose lives are so completelydifferent than ours that we
don't really know what it's like?
And this is when I go into thedifference of sympathizing and
empathizing.
So, simply put, sympathizing isfeeling pity, feeling bad for
someone.
It's like realizing that theother person has a shoe like, oh
(06:20):
, I'm so sorry I see that yourshoe has a hole in it.
Oh, I'm sorry you're goingthrough that.
So being able to sympathizeisn't a bad thing, right?
Taking pity on someone in acondescending way is rude and
simply sympathizing can lead toa negative impact on a
relationship because you're notreally relating to the person.
You're more so detached, butit's not a bad trait to have,
(06:43):
because you're still offering asolution to someone who needs it
.
You're still listening.
You're simply accepting andobserving what the other person
is going through.
But if you're more emotionallyintelligent, you should be able
to empathize with someone.
Empathizing is not onlyrealizing that the other person
has a shoe, but putting yourselfin that shoe, but also walking
(07:06):
in that other people's shoe.
I really like metaphors and Ilearned things by hearing
stories, so hopefully you'relike that too.
So instead of going, oh no,your shoe has a hole, it's like
oh no, I see that your shoe hasa hole, let me try to wear it
and walk in it to try to betterunderstand what it's like in
your perspective.
(07:26):
I like that.
Anyways, being able toempathize is realizing that,
even though the situation mightbe different, you're able to
find a commonality.
Because, let's be honest, nomatter how different the
situation or the lifestyle is,we most likely felt the same
emotion, whether it's joy, anger, sadness, disgust, whatever it
(07:48):
is.
Let's say, person A is reallydisgusted by the feeling that
you get when you're wearing asock and then you step into a
puddle Like.
I think everyone hates thatfeeling and if you like that
feeling, I can safely assumethat you're a psychopath.
But anyways, if you can'trelate to what I said about the
discomfort of feeling this ickydisgust of stepping into a wet
(08:11):
puddle while wearing a sock, youcan at least imagine what that
would feel like, because youknow the emotion disgust.
If you already know the feelingof disgust, you have your own
definition of it.
Maybe yours is seeing a bugsitting on the window or
munching and chewing very loudlywith someone's mouth open.
Maybe that's your feeling ofdisgust.
(08:32):
But the thing is, no matter howdifferent the situation is for
each person, you can stillrelate to that emotion.
And another way to empathizewith someone in an emotionally
intelligent way is toacknowledge your own biases.
We all have our own biases anddefinitions, judgments, whatever
it is that we put on otherpeople, situation, etc.
(08:52):
When you hear someone's story,take it as an opportunity for
you to recognize and acknowledgeyour biases.
I recently went on a fallpremiere at a college that I'll
be attending next year and therewas a fear inside of me that I
wasn't aware of.
That came up when I wasapproaching professors and staff
members at the college.
(09:13):
So these are very highlyeducated people with PhDs and
years of experiences working atthe school just very educated,
right.
Looking deep inside that fear, Iwas able to recognize that my
bias was highly educated peopleare condescending towards people
who aren't, which is not true,right?
I know so many educated peoplewho are helpful, who want other
(09:35):
people to get the bestexperience at the college.
So everyone is different.
But maybe because of my pastexperiences, maybe because of my
own fears and insecurities, Iwas able to recognize that the
bias was getting in the way andwas causing fear inside of my
heart.
And once I was aware of thatbias, I was able to challenge my
(09:55):
biases by reaching out to thoseindividuals.
So I actually faced my fear bygetting their contact
information, reaching out,emailing them, even though I'm
not the type of person whousually does that.
I want to be better atnetworking, but it's really
scary because of my fear of whatif they don't think I'm cool
enough, or what if they don'tsee any benefits of connecting
(10:16):
with me because I'm like nobody,like whatever.
It is right.
After I became aware of thosebiases, I challenged them and
tried my best to see thosepeople as individuals, different
individuals with differentstories not as the stereotype
that I created by myself insideof my mind, and that really
opened up a new door for mebecause I was able to connect
(10:38):
with those professors in adeeper level.
Everyone has been so welcomingand supportive and encouraging,
and this one person that Ididn't even meet in person.
I connected with her over ourZoom interest meeting and she
has sent me all these resourcesand steps that I need to take to
have a better experience at thecollege and while reading her
(10:59):
email I could feel thatstereotype and fear just melting
away.
And if I hadn't faced that fearand challenged it and took an
action that was scary to me, Iwouldn't have connected with
these professors.
I will eventually meet and workwithout the school, facing my
biases and being able toempathize better with people who
are living completely differentlives than me.
(11:21):
It really broadened up myhorizon and helped me to see
people as individuals.
So today, for this episode, Iactually didn't write a script
or even a bullet points.
I want it to be as raw and realwith you as possible.
So I'm actually in front of mymicrophone and talking with you.
No show notes, no scripts, nobullet points.
I wonder how different it isand I also wonder which style
(11:45):
you prefer.
So please do email me at Oliviaat introvert on stage to let me
know which style you prefer,and I would love to make
adjustments and make theepisodes better for you, and I'm
really looking forward tohaving on different guests on
the show as well.
So please be on a lookout forthat.
I'm really excited for where theshow is going.
I'm slowly learning.
(12:05):
I feel like I still don't havea system, but I'm also working
on that as well, because thisproject is so special to my
heart and hopefully you guys areable to feel that and hear that
in my voice, and hopefully whatI'm trying to do through this
show is able to be sent to yourheart as well, wherever you're
listening from.
So thank you so much for comingback and listening to the
episode.
(12:26):
Please know that I see youwherever you're listening from.
I'm able to see that you'reactually tuning in every week,
and please know that that meansso much to me.
That means the world to me.
You guys are from all differentplaces.
I see people from India,germany, even Seoul, and it's so
cool that people in differentcountries are listening.
So I'm hoping that that meansyou're getting at least some
(12:48):
kind of value from the show, sothat really motivates me to keep
going and create more episodesthat are hopefully educational
and entertaining.
So thank you again for trustingme and putting me in your ear,
and I will see you again nextweek.
Bye, bye.
So I started to think about hmm, how can we empathize
with people who are livingcompletely different lives?
Hey there, fellow introvert onstage, this show is a safe space
for the soft souls to learn,connect and master communication
.
I'm Olivia Lee and you'relistening to Introvert on Stage.
Welcome back to Introvert onStage and happy Thanksgiving.
(00:28):
I hope you had a wonderful timewith your loved one and spend
some time really thinking aboutwhat you're thankful for For
Thanksgiving.
Me and my boyfriend went on acamping trip to West Virginia,
so a couple of hours away, inthe middle of nowhere, and there
was no internet, no, nothingfor four full days.
(00:49):
At first I thought, oh, this isgreat, I get to be away from
notifications, social media,emails, everything,
responsibilities.
I can be free from them.
But oh my goodness, after justa few hours I started to feel
anxious.
After just a few hours I keptthinking what if my clients need
me?
What if all the scheduledsocial media content didn't
(01:11):
publish?
What if this, what if that?
And then not gettingnotification was very
uncomfortable.
I started to think about hmm,what is that?
A couple of years ago, if wethink about it, think of the
time before you had thesmartphone and how it was normal
not to get notifications.
But when I thought about it Icame to a realization that we're
(01:33):
all used to it.
We're all used to all the blingand the text and the rings and
the ring rings and whatever ringtone that you have.
We're just so used to gettingbombarded with notifications all
day like 24 seven, unless weput the phone on silence or
unless we put it under busy modeor whatever away mode that you
(01:54):
have.
And that's what I noticed whenI was on that Thanksgiving trip
that, oh my goodness, my brainis getting anxious because I'm
not getting any notifications.
My phone is too quiet andtherefore it's not doing its job
.
It's supposed to keep me busy.
It's supposed to have my eyeslocked on it like every few
seconds and, as you can tell,like I was getting really
(02:16):
anxious, so I had to put myphone away.
I turned it off, went outside,soaked in all the nature, fresh
air, the boz and the moos of thesheep's and the cows nearby,
because, oh my goodness, theAirbnb that we were staying in,
it literally was in the middleof nowhere and the only things
that I could see were theselittle white dots far away,
(02:39):
which I think were sheeps and afew black dots I think were cows
, because in the morning I couldhear the moos.
But that was a little bit of asummary of my Thanksgiving and
how I spent Thanksgiving reallybeing thankful for the little
things in life.
Because we went to a tiny home.
So of course there waselectricity, there was hot water
(03:00):
, but there was no internet.
There was no kitchen.
We only had a microwave and asink from the bathroom.
So it was a really, really tinyhome.
It was smaller than a studioapartment and it didn't have
that many things.
That made me realize that I'mthankful for all these little
things that we take for grantedevery single day, whether it's
(03:22):
having the hot shower for morethan an hour I'm guilty of
sometimes taking really longshowers under the hot water just
thinking and what am I evendoing in there?
And just little things likeWi-Fi.
It's so normal to our everydaylife that sometimes we forget
how thankful we are to have themDriving by in the neighborhood
(03:43):
and seeing all these giganticsatellite dishes that I haven't
seen for years, because it's sonormal for us to just magically
have Wi-Fi connected to ourphones.
I was really thankful.
There were so many things to bethankful for, and other than
saying all the cliche thingslike thankful for my family,
thankful for my health.
(04:03):
Of course I'm thankful for allof those, but I got a chance to
really be thankful for thelittle things that I didn't even
think of to be thankful for.
So that was my little spiel,and today I wanted to talk about
.
Do you like my transition there?
I'm just smoothly, justsneaking it in, but today I
wanted to talk about empathy andhow to relate to someone that
(04:30):
is my Alexa.
Sorry about that.
That is my Alexa reminding meto go to sleep.
Anyways, empathy is the abilityto emotionally understand what
other people feel and see thingsfrom their point of view, and I
started to think about thistopic as I was on the
Thanksgiving trip, because someof the people living in West
Virginia were living completelydifferent lives, whether it's
(04:53):
farming hundreds of cows andsheeps.
When I have just a tiny littlepuppy, having a huge satellite
dish, being away from internet,having to drive 10 minutes just
to get to a little store,despite the fact that I was only
two, three hours away from home.
To see these completelydifferent lifestyles was kind of
(05:16):
shocking to me.
It was beautiful.
It was a beautiful difference,but it was also a difference
that I wasn't used to seeing,because where in Northern
Virginia can I see a farmer withhundreds of cows?
Where in Virginia can I seegigantic satellite dishes?
In the suburbs where I live, Ican walk a few minutes to get to
the town center where I canhave free Wi-Fi.
(05:39):
So I started to think about hmm,how can we empathize with
people who are living completelydifferent lives?
Because to be able to seethings from other people's point
of view, we need to reallyunderstand them emotionally,
whatever they're going through,whatever colored lenses they're
wearing.
But if we really think about it, how can we do that with people
(06:00):
whose lives are so completelydifferent than ours that we
don't really know what it's like?
And this is when I go into thedifference of sympathizing and
empathizing.
So, simply put, sympathizing isfeeling pity, feeling bad for
someone.
It's like realizing that theother person has a shoe like, oh
(06:20):
, I'm so sorry I see that yourshoe has a hole in it.
Oh, I'm sorry you're goingthrough that.
So being able to sympathizeisn't a bad thing, right?
Taking pity on someone in acondescending way is rude and
simply sympathizing can lead toa negative impact on a
relationship because you're notreally relating to the person.
You're more so detached, butit's not a bad trait to have,
(06:43):
because you're still offering asolution to someone who needs it
.
You're still listening.
You're simply accepting andobserving what the other person
is going through.
But if you're more emotionallyintelligent, you should be able
to empathize with someone.
Empathizing is not onlyrealizing that the other person
has a shoe, but putting yourselfin that shoe, but also walking
(07:06):
in that other people's shoe.
I really like metaphors and Ilearned things by hearing
stories, so hopefully you'relike that too.
So instead of going, oh no,your shoe has a hole, it's like
oh no, I see that your shoe hasa hole, let me try to wear it
and walk in it to try to betterunderstand what it's like in
your perspective.
(07:26):
I like that.
Anyways, being able toempathize is realizing that,
even though the situation mightbe different, you're able to
find a commonality.
Because, let's be honest, nomatter how different the
situation or the lifestyle is,we most likely felt the same
emotion, whether it's joy, anger, sadness, disgust, whatever it
(07:48):
is.
Let's say, person A is reallydisgusted by the feeling that
you get when you're wearing asock and then you step into a
puddle Like.
I think everyone hates thatfeeling and if you like that
feeling, I can safely assumethat you're a psychopath.
But anyways, if you can'trelate to what I said about the
discomfort of feeling this ickydisgust of stepping into a wet
(08:11):
puddle while wearing a sock, youcan at least imagine what that
would feel like, because youknow the emotion disgust.
If you already know the feelingof disgust, you have your own
definition of it.
Maybe yours is seeing a bugsitting on the window or
munching and chewing very loudlywith someone's mouth open.
Maybe that's your feeling ofdisgust.
(08:32):
But the thing is, no matter howdifferent the situation is for
each person, you can stillrelate to that emotion.
And another way to empathizewith someone in an emotionally
intelligent way is toacknowledge your own biases.
We all have our own biases anddefinitions, judgments, whatever
it is that we put on otherpeople, situation, etc.
(08:52):
When you hear someone's story,take it as an opportunity for
you to recognize and acknowledgeyour biases.
I recently went on a fallpremiere at a college that I'll
be attending next year and therewas a fear inside of me that I
wasn't aware of.
That came up when I wasapproaching professors and staff
members at the college.
(09:13):
So these are very highlyeducated people with PhDs and
years of experiences working atthe school just very educated,
right.
Looking deep inside that fear, Iwas able to recognize that my
bias was highly educated peopleare condescending towards people
who aren't, which is not true,right?
I know so many educated peoplewho are helpful, who want other
(09:35):
people to get the bestexperience at the college.
So everyone is different.
But maybe because of my pastexperiences, maybe because of my
own fears and insecurities, Iwas able to recognize that the
bias was getting in the way andwas causing fear inside of my
heart.
And once I was aware of thatbias, I was able to challenge my
(09:55):
biases by reaching out to thoseindividuals.
So I actually faced my fear bygetting their contact
information, reaching out,emailing them, even though I'm
not the type of person whousually does that.
I want to be better atnetworking, but it's really
scary because of my fear of whatif they don't think I'm cool
enough, or what if they don'tsee any benefits of connecting
(10:16):
with me because I'm like nobody,like whatever.
It is right.
After I became aware of thosebiases, I challenged them and
tried my best to see thosepeople as individuals, different
individuals with differentstories not as the stereotype
that I created by myself insideof my mind, and that really
opened up a new door for mebecause I was able to connect
(10:38):
with those professors in adeeper level.
Everyone has been so welcomingand supportive and encouraging,
and this one person that Ididn't even meet in person.
I connected with her over ourZoom interest meeting and she
has sent me all these resourcesand steps that I need to take to
have a better experience at thecollege and while reading her
(10:59):
email I could feel thatstereotype and fear just melting
away.
And if I hadn't faced that fearand challenged it and took an
action that was scary to me, Iwouldn't have connected with
these professors.
I will eventually meet and workwithout the school, facing my
biases and being able toempathize better with people who
are living completely differentlives than me.
(11:21):
It really broadened up myhorizon and helped me to see
people as individuals.
So today, for this episode, Iactually didn't write a script
or even a bullet points.
I want it to be as raw and realwith you as possible.
So I'm actually in front of mymicrophone and talking with you.
No show notes, no scripts, nobullet points.
I wonder how different it isand I also wonder which style
(11:45):
you prefer.
So please do email me at Oliviaat introvert on stage to let me
know which style you prefer,and I would love to make
adjustments and make theepisodes better for you, and I'm
really looking forward tohaving on different guests on
the show as well.
So please be on a lookout forthat.
I'm really excited for where theshow is going.
I'm slowly learning.
(12:05):
I feel like I still don't havea system, but I'm also working
on that as well, because thisproject is so special to my
heart and hopefully you guys areable to feel that and hear that
in my voice, and hopefully whatI'm trying to do through this
show is able to be sent to yourheart as well, wherever you're
listening from.
So thank you so much for comingback and listening to the
episode.
(12:26):
Please know that I see youwherever you're listening from.
I'm able to see that you'reactually tuning in every week,
and please know that that meansso much to me.
That means the world to me.
You guys are from all differentplaces.
I see people from India,germany, even Seoul, and it's so
cool that people in differentcountries are listening.
So I'm hoping that that meansyou're getting at least some
(12:48):
kind of value from the show, sothat really motivates me to keep
going and create more episodesthat are hopefully educational
and entertaining.
So thank you again for trustingme and putting me in your ear,
and I will see you again nextweek.
Bye, bye.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Cold Case Files: Miami
Joyce Sapp, 76; Bryan Herrera, 16; and Laurance Webb, 32—three Miami residents whose lives were stolen in brutal, unsolved homicides.  Cold Case Files: Miami follows award‑winning radio host and City of Miami Police reserve officer  Enrique Santos as he partners with the department’s Cold Case Homicide Unit, determined family members, and the advocates who spend their lives fighting for justice for the victims who can no longer fight for themselves.