Why People Misunderstand You and How to Avoid It

Ever found yourself caught in the crossfires of a miscommunication? You're not alone. This episode of Introvert on Stage delves into the labyrinth of communication and how we often find ourselves lost in translation. From dissecting how tone, gestures, and context play pivotal roles in conveying messages to the inherent pitfalls of digital communication, we uncover the nuances of this intricate process.

As we progress, we explore how our personal backgrounds and experiences shape our perception and interpretation of messages. Coupled with the often overlooked role of assumptions and listening skills in communication, we find ourselves in a quagmire of misunderstanding.

This episode not only explores these complexities but also offers advice on how to bridge these communication gaps. We wrap up by sharing personal experiences and insights on how to navigate the blow of misunderstandings.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Have you ever wondered why you're
misunderstood so much?
Simply put, it's because of thecomplexities of communication.
Hey there, fellow introvert onstage, this show is a safe space
for the soft souls to learn,connect and master communication
.
I'm Olivia Lee and you'relistening to Introvert on Stage.
First, communication is morethan just words.

(00:25):
It's tone, gestures and context.
Let's talk about communicationmodes.
Ever sent a text and then waitedanxiously thinking did they get
my joke or did that sound tooharsh?
Was that mean Because we've allbeen there, right?
Maybe you experienced somethingon the other side too.

(00:46):
This one time, my friendinvited me to an event that
would take place in a restaurantand I politely rejected, saying
I'd be out of town on a familyvacation.
Later I got a one word responsetext from my friend saying okay
.
Since I didn't have the benefitof hearing her tone, I was
unsure if my friend was actuallyokay or if she was hurt because

(01:07):
I couldn't attend, and I evenwondered if I had responded too
quickly.
I spent the next houroverthinking her one word reply
only to find out that that'sjust how she texts.
She was completely fine, shewas completely understanding and
was simply letting me know thatshe got the text, text and chat
.
Strip away our facialexpressions, verbal cues and

(01:30):
tone of our voice.
When we rely only on words,it's easy for things to get lost
in translation.
Well, here's a little bit of atip One.
In doubt, call or video chatHello, let them see that
beautiful smile of yours or hearyour genuine laughter.
Emojis are fun and all, butthey can't replace the genuine

(01:50):
warmth in our voices.
Secondly, our backgrounds andexperiences shape how we
perceive and interpret messages.
Now onto our individualdifferences and perspectives,
and here's a quick question foryou when are you from?
A busy city with more buildingsthan trees, or a peaceful
countryside with chirping birdsand green fields?

(02:13):
I'm personally a countrysidegirl, stuck in a city girl's
body.
I was born and sold the busiestcity in South Korea, but I
always daydream about living inSwitzerland, surrounded by
nothing but nature and animals.
Each of us comes from a uniqueworld and our personal
backgrounds shape ourunderstanding, bringing
different stories and viewpoints, whether it's differences in

(02:35):
upbringing, education,socioeconomic status, cultural
exposure or anything else youcan think of.
That difference drasticallyaffects how two people interpret
the same situation or message.
Sometimes, when two peopleconverse, it's like meshing two
different worlds together.
It can be harmonious or a bitclashing.

(02:57):
The magic is in recognizingthese differences, embracing
them and finding a common ground.
Lastly, assumptions andlistening skills can make or
break a conversation.
Let's address the elephant inthe room.
We don't want to talk aboutMaking assumptions.
We've all had people makeassumptions about us that are

(03:18):
just absolutely ridiculous, butI'm sure we've also all made
them too.
Sometimes they're innocent,something like oh, that person
has a cute dog, so she must benice, which I like to think it's
true, because I have a cute dog.
But other times they can leadus to categorize and judge
people with no clear evidence.

(03:39):
And do you know why people makeassumptions?
Because they're mentalshortcuts.
Assuming things can either helpus navigate complex social
situations or entirely skip onuncomfortable and scary steps of
clarification and conflictresolution.
It's totally understandable whywe do this, but relying too

(04:00):
much on making assumptions canlead to misjudgments and
misunderstandings.
Okay, here's a bonus point.
Combine making assumptions withnot truly listening and well,
misunderstandings are bound tohappen.
Have you ever caught yourselfbrainstorming what you're gonna
say next before someone evenfinishes speaking?
It's okay, no judgment here,because you're not alone.

(04:22):
One time in a groupice-breaking session, I was so
nervous and anxious about what Iwas gonna say in my turn, that
I missed the entire chance ofgetting to know other people in
the group, and I even mistakenlytold the leader that one person
didn't get to go.
It turns out he already wentYikes.

(04:42):
Truly connecting means activelylistening, absorbing and then
responding.
You don't have to respond rightaway.
It's okay to take time.
In fact, to the other person,you, taking time to respond
seems like you're truly puttingin genuine thoughts and
consideration before responding.

(05:02):
So try it next time in aconversation, unless, of course,
it's a simple yes or noquestion, like was it you who
ate my last cookie?
A late response to thisquestion will surely make you
the suspect.
So how can we bridge thesecommunication gaps?
Communication requires a lot ofeffort, awareness and
understanding thatmisunderstanding is bound to

(05:25):
happen.
It happens all the time inface-to-face situations.
So imagine how many moremisunderstandings happen in
digitally heavy times like this,whether it's text, social media
, post, phone call, whatever itis.
No matter how many times you'vebeen misunderstood, I guarantee
you that you also misunderstoodothers countless times.

(05:49):
So, instead of skipping to aneasy route of making assumptions
about others' intentions, askCommunication needs to take
place in order for there to becommunication in the first place
, ask clarifying questions suchas what did you mean by that?
Or restating how you thoughtyou understood it, and ask this

(06:09):
is how I understood it.
Was that your true intention,to clearly understand what the
other person was really tryingto say?
Being misunderstood truly hurts.
As someone who's beenmisunderstood so severely to a
point where I lost friendshipsand been cyberbullied to a point
where I developed socialanxiety, I empathize with you.

(06:30):
I don't know exactly whatyou're going through in your
life, but the fact that youclicked on this episode shows
that you feel misunderstood, andfeeling misunderstood hurts so
deeply because sometimes itfeels out of our control and it
feels like there's nothing youcan do to fix it.
But what helped me was what mycounselor shared with me it's

(06:54):
your choice whether to stay avictim or choose to improve on
your skills to avoid any futuremisunderstandings or resolved
current ones.
I want to wrap up with thisquote by Elias Canetti, who was
awarded a Nobel Prize inLiterature Understanding, as we

(07:15):
understand it, ismisunderstanding.
Thank you for listening and seeyou all next Tuesday.
Bye, bye.