May 8, 2024 • 51 mins
In this week's episode, Nicole Harp and I share our experiences with grief in the context of Nicole taking care of her mother who passed away from dementia last year and receiving my son's diagnosis of autism. We discuss what helped us process our grief, such as working with resistance, using mindful presence, and relying on our intuition to know that there is magic and beauty available in the darkest of times. Enjoy and much love, Kristen
Show Notes:
Nicole mentions her mentor, psychic and medium Sherrie Dillard. Learn more about her work and services at sherriedillard.com
David Kessler is a notable expert in grief. You can access his offerings at www.grief.com
Sandra Ingerman and Renee Baribeau host The Shamans Cave podcast
Learn more about spirit art from Anne-Marie Bond at The Portrait of Spirit
We are now on YouTube!
Connect with us: Instagram and Facebook
Learn more about Kristen O'Meara here
The intro song “To Meet the Light” and outro song “Where the Light Is” by lemonmusicstudio
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kristen O'Meara (00:00):
Hello everyone.
(00:01):
And welcome to intuition talks.
I am Kristen O'Mara and I amhere with my lovely, lovely,
lovely friend, Nicole Harp.
Nicole, how are you?
How are you?
I am lovely today on this lovelyThursday.
And it's you're going throughheat wave.
Is it like, yeah, well, I don'tknow you're in California.
(00:23):
I'm in Norfolk, Virginia.
It's 94 here.
So that is, that's hot.
My plants are looking a littledroopy.
Oh my gosh, it's warm.
It's early for that kind ofheat.
It really is, poor planet.
Oh, well, you know, Nicole,we've talked several times on
Intuition Talks, and I want tomake sure everyone knows who you
are and all of the amazingthings you do.
(00:46):
So, why don't you just share alittle bit with us.
Well, thank you.
Um, thanks for having me on.
Um, always a pleasure.
Uh, I, um, I read energy.
So that's really simple.
I'm an animal communicator,professional animal
communicator.
Um, and I paint souls.
So I read energy, a person orbeing essence energy and paint,
(01:10):
um, An abstract form thatessence, um, so they're being,
um, there's this one examplebehind you.
Yes.
I'm awesome.
Actually, I'll just move thecamera a little bit.
So this is Austin's.
over here, and this is mine.
And everyone is so uniquelydifferent as your eye color,
(01:34):
your personality, your voice,your paw print.
They're all so different.
Yeah.
As we are.
And, um, then, then, uh, spirit,uh, sends me some words to kind
of, because it is an abstractpainting to help you understand,
uh, what, um, soul's trying toexpress with the colors that I,
(01:54):
and images and lines that I.
Uh, channel.
And so spirit sends, uh, uh, uh,writing, uh, words in a poetic
form.
Uh, that's how it comes out.
And, um, that goes with thepainting.
So, And they're so beautiful tothe one that you, that came
through to you for Austin andmyself was so validating.
It was so spot on and itdescribed Austin perfectly.
(02:17):
It was just, it was very, it's avery validating, beautiful
experience to have.
This piece of our pieces ofartwork because it, it resonates
on a soul and a heart level.
And You also get to see aglimpse of something that I
(02:42):
believe is something that youobviously are seeing inside of
us or outside of us, whateverthat energy is, but that we
don't see, you know, we're,we're in front of the mirror,
we're getting dressed, but tohave these pieces of soul art.
Around you really, it helpschange your perspective.
It helps change your, you know,your perceptions of yourself and
(03:05):
it opens your heart.
It really does.
And it, it energetically, itshifts the energy in the room,
which I was really surprisedwhen I hung them up, it felt
like a different room.
It wasn't that it was morebeautiful or it was brighter
because of the color.
It felt different.
And art can change the energy ina room for sure.
(03:25):
But, um, but Well, what you'resaying, first of all, thank you,
because they should be healing,and, um, it's interesting to
hear, um, uh, Sherry Dillard,she was telling us in the class,
uh, she has a soul painting, alarge one, and it's, it's a lot
larger than that, so it's, it'sfour foot by six foot, so it's,
it's, you know, it is like inyour face, so she said it was
(03:46):
almost like, um, A revealingalmost like she felt on display.
Oh, interesting.
Yeah, I can see that.
Yeah, she kind of felt like shehad to get used to it.
She was almost like shy about itor, or not, but, uh, Well, like
vulnerable maybe.
Exposed.
I'm sorry.
Exposed.
That's the one.
Yes.
(04:07):
Yeah.
And so she had to kind of acceptthat.
Oh, that is me.
And really what spirit wants usto know really is all remember
is those gifts that we come inwith right that creativity
because the book I'm working onnow is on creativity and how we
all, um, you know, throughintuition can access that.
(04:27):
Uh, the elements of ourselvesthat are so creative, but, but
art does it in a way that's, youknow, with these, with the
colors that resonate, theyresonate with our chakras, you
know, our auras, um, you know,color is so signifying and it's
such a, you know, it's likeplaying a piano key, right?
It all means something, it all,it all has its own stroke and
beat.
And so, and to see it every dayand experience it, because art
(04:49):
changes according to the stateof mind of the viewer, To
experience it every day, you'regoing to get something different
from it every day because you'rein a different state every day.
So, you know, and I get to bringour abstract art into, into
homes and help people understandit.
Who really couldn't before,because they're actually looking
at their almost a self portrait,right?
Right.
(05:09):
And I've shared with you thatwhen I've looked at mine in
particular, I see somethingdifferent, you know, a week or
two, you know, passes and I'llgo, Oh, and I'll relate it back
to myself.
Um, and I'll go, Oh, thatreally, that mountain range,
that earth, that earth tone, um,it, it means different things to
me.
(05:29):
So it opens me up to thinkingabout something, um, different
about myself.
More self awareness comes fromit for sure.
Well, thank you because that'sbeautiful that you said that.
I mean, that's, you know, butthere's the other thing to have
one and never look at it.
Right.
Or never take the time.
And to say, Oh, that's me.
Or that's my, you know, andactually I feel I'm just in the
(05:50):
process of painting my own and,um, you don't just have one soul
painting because really, youknow, you're, you evolve and you
change.
Hopefully you evolve.
Hopefully people, hopefully weevolve and we evolve and change.
So, um, I did the one and I'mgoing to, you know, do, do
others and have them kind of upthere, but it's not what I ever
thought it was would be.
And, um, You know, I'm just asperplexed.
(06:11):
I'm like, Hmm, what do I need tolearn from that?
I'm not finished with it yet,but it is interesting.
I bet.
And I really, I mean, I commendyou for doing your own because
for me, just reading energy, um,in different ways, it's harder,
uh, for me to do it for myself.
I think when I channel my higherself, it's not, but, but tuning
(06:34):
in, um, say in a clairvoyant orpsychic way.
Um, and I think maybe.
With the caveat of, if I'm upsetor in fear, it's more
challenging.
So I can see how this would be alittle different where that's
not the case when you'repainting your soul.
But I, I imagine that I'm justcurious about your process.
Maybe just, I should just ask,do you go into your mind a
(06:58):
little bit more when it's yoursoul painting?
Do you, is there more of like,did your ego get in the way or
is it as, um, is it similar todoing someone else's?
Well, you know, I, I had to, um,You know, I think our ego always
tries to sneak in, but I had tokind of work something out when
I started, you know, you, youknow my story when I started
(07:18):
painting those and I waspainting like 50, I did that 70
over the summer, 50, or startedwith 20, and then another 50.
They were coming so fast, Ireally didn't have time to get
in my ego.
Yeah.
I just needed to get them out ofme, they were coming so fast.
Um, but, um.
You know, I try not to be in myhead about it because then I'm
you're not then you're obviouslyyou're blocking your intuition
(07:39):
um, I just have a um I have a apact a pack if you will with
spirit and my studio that when Igo in there Um, just like when
you say, you know, mother fathergoddess, you know, we're gonna
start your channel or your yoursession Um, I have a pack that
when i'm working that I will notquestion that I will just let it
come and trust what comes so, umWhen I go in there, I trust, I
(08:02):
don't overthink it.
Oh, I love that.
And so you've created a sacredspace where you have an
agreement.
I do.
But you know, my innate knowingof, you know, I went to
excellent school for design.
So, you know, VC, so my innateknowing and painting being at
being an artist for 30 years,Just, you don't, you know, it's
just like something you do.
You don't talk, Oh, I'm going touse the contrasting colors.
(08:24):
That already is working in theback.
So then if I can get thatworking, which I have, you know,
mastered with the, with thepainting and the trust.
So then whatever comes out is Ihave to accept that may, like, I
never thought that I put thosecolors together and I'm like,
Oh, blue for me.
Okay.
And the minute I start toquestion is when things don't
work out.
So, but, um, I love it.
(08:47):
An artist in their studio, youknow, oh, oh, I love that.
That sounds like a great book ora film artist in their studio.
But thank you for saying thatbecause um, uh, you know, you're
not gonna everybody's not gonnaOh, I love that.
Everybody gets somethingdifferent, but I just love that.
Um that you look at it, you knowthat you oh, yeah Not yeah,
(09:08):
there's something on your wallthat you actually experience
experience On a frequent Youknow, frequently.
Oh, absolutely.
Thank you.
Oh, you're welcome.
Well, today I feel like we'rejust going to touch on a topic
that I feel is, is very deep andvery, um, important for both of
us.
(09:28):
And I have a feeling we're goingto have some more conversations,
uh, in the future about thistopic and it's caregiving.
It's, um, something that's verynear and dear to my heart,
taking care of my son, um, for17 years.
And for any parent or caregiver,whoever you're taking care of is
(09:48):
an important aspect of yourlife.
But we're going to be talkingabout what we've recognized and
witnessed through the processthat has opened up our minds and
our hearts and our intuition.
And Nicole, I know, um, that youtook care of your mother for,
(10:10):
for quite a while.
And we both have.
You know, stories andinteresting, um, an interesting
journey, uh, with that.
So we won't be able to touch oneverything today, but I think
it's, it would be nice just to,to introduce this topic and we
can continue as we, you know, aswe, I think, I think we want to
(10:33):
share like how, and everybody'sgot a way that.
Um, you know, we all go throughthe we all we all go through the
rain.
Um, it's just how we get there,you know, from one, you know,
we're all going to walk throughthe rain.
But how are we going to getthere?
I mean, we're all going to doit.
So I think we're just kind oftalking about what, um, um,
(10:55):
Allowed us to move through that,um, grace as much grace as we
possibly can, um, and presenceand love.
Uh, I think it's just for us,but, um, I think everybody
who's.
grief.
Um, even, you know, I wasthinking you were saying that
(11:16):
and I was thinking about ouranimals, right?
Because like, um, you know, I'vegot Bogart here and he's 50, 15
years, 50, he's 50 now he's 15years old.
He's the world's oldest dog, 50.
So he's 15 years old, but Imean, I know it's coming.
And so it's just, you know,caregiving for an older animal
versus a parent or child.
It's the same, right?
It's grief.
(11:36):
It's, It's acknowledgement.
It's loss.
It's acceptance.
You know, I think there's grief.
I feel like if we recognize thecycle of life and and really,
um, in our own personal work,come to terms with it as much as
we can.
And that will probably belifelong.
It helps.
It helps to have that and not wewere talking earlier before we
(12:02):
recorded that.
What I've done.
in my work, um, my own personalhealing work with Austin being
diagnosed with autism.
And I know you can speak for,for your experience, but I
recognize when I was stuck in mygrief, I knew I was in a lot of
(12:23):
pain, but what really helps meis I was in a meditation class.
It was a three year program Iwas in to learn how to read
energy clairvoyantly.
And the meditation teacher had atopic for the night, which was
about resistance.
And I had, I knew aboutresistance in other ways, but I,
when he was talking aboutresistance, I was like, Oh, I
(12:44):
really am resisting accepting.
Austin's diagnosis, acceptingmy, um, experienced caregiving.
Um, it's such a high, highlevel, um, being a single mom,
there were, there's so manythings, but I was really in
resistance to accepting thesituation.
(13:07):
And it's just like what yousaid, it's like, we're all going
to be in the rain.
Like C.
S.
Lewis said something like we allhave a burden, but it really,
really, really Something aboutlike, it really, it, it depends
on how you carry it.
There's, there's something abouthow, when we bring self
awareness to our situations thatthroughout our life are going to
have so many highs and lows, butwhen we're at a low point, it's
(13:30):
so important to bring thatmindfulness, that awareness,
that present awareness and learnhow to recognize where we're in
resistance.
Right.
Um, and I think what you justsaid, being present, um, opposed
to in your head about where, youknow, for me, it was, I was just
(13:52):
thinking about it today, comingback from work and coming to
meet you for the, for thepodcast.
I was thinking, God, every timeI get off that exit, I used to
think, sorry, people, I mightget like, start to, my voice
might get high, but I used tothink that would be the time I'm
going to go see my mom.
And it was always, you always,always dreaded it because.
Because it isn't fun, right?
Because you are face, you know,facing death.
(14:13):
This, my mom had dementia fortwo years.
And you said a long time, buthonestly, she was so courageous.
She, she left, um, out of thephysical form sooner than, like
she, it was only like a, well,uh, less than a year in a
nursing home and then a yearbefore that.
Um, you know, and I, I knew, infact, the 15th will be a year
(14:33):
and I knew a week.
We knew, I looked at her, shelooked at me a week before she
passed, and I knew she was goingto do it, but I'm going to
backtrack just a minute, but yousaid, um, we were both, you, you
had mentioned to me and I hadmentioned to you that I would,
we were both on our journey ofintuition and opening up, um,
trusting our intuition,mediumship, psychic ability,
(14:54):
whatever, you know, energy,reading energy, and Um, we were
already there, which I think isreally huge and important, and I
was already thinking about andtrying to talk to my mom about
it, like, what happens when weleave the physical world?
And I think wrapping your headaround that, which I, you know,
Sherry Dillard's books, um, I'mStill With You was amazing to,
(15:15):
it's, it's, it's just, uh, Ican't even say enough, um, I
can't say enough about SherryDillard and, um, I just, she's
just the authentic and the realdeal.
Anyway, and just such an, andthe books are so easy to read,
but anyway, I was reading thatwhile my mom, already I was
thinking about when you pass,you know, us in this physical
(15:37):
presence.
And then of course,communicating psychically and
in, in mediumship with theanimals who had passed, it was
already there.
Right.
And I think that was crucial forme being able to get through
this is understanding what yousaid earlier about.
what happens and being okay, youknow, that, that, that this
isn't it, that it's, you know,when we leave the physical form,
there's so much more.
(15:58):
And I have a relationship withmy mother and my family
generations.
And every morning I meditate, Ispoused us too.
And we will have sessions wherewe sit down and we talked to,
you know, My spouse lost herparents a year before I lost
mine, and we talked to our lovedones, and we get messages we
could have never, never known,um, that things that had
(16:19):
happened to, I mean, just, it's,um, infinite, the messages
you'll get because you're,you're speaking to, um, you
know, so, you know, energythat's, that's, um, that's
transition.
Um, And it's just phenomenal.
So I know I'm never, I knowshe's still with me, and the
book I'm Still With You, it'sfreaking true, they are.
(16:40):
And so I think that, even thoughyou don't know until it happens
to you, I think just knowing,having a grasp of that, like,
you know what?
I know Sherry, and I wasn'tthere yet, but I noticed Sherry
saying that, you know, I'mreading this and then it, you
know, but I hadn't experiencedit yet till like after my mom
passed and I'm communicatingwith her, but just knowing or
(17:00):
just having that hopefulness,you know, anyway, I'm no, no, I
studying mediumship has.
Um, and I mean, really justdeveloping my intuition,
learning how to read energy.
It kind of just went in stages,learning how to do hands on
healing.
I was slowly from like 2009onward.
(17:23):
I was slowly waking up to, Oh,I'm more, I had this
intellectual knowing, um, I'vealways believed in God.
Um, I've had a difficultrelationship with the God that I
grew up with in Catholic schooland growing up in that way.
But, um, But I can't say enoughabout how important it is to
(17:46):
develop our intuition and tolearn to be still because that
is, I feel like the groundworkto, to anything that we're
talking about, um, to know thatwe're in resistance to know that
we're.
We're not seeing the wholepicture because we've, um, we've
(18:10):
been stuck in, and in a,, say apain picture or a grieving, uh,
perhaps too long, which reallyjust means that we've passed
like the six month, perhaps ayear mark.
And we're, we're out of balance.
So grief can take years, butthere are layers that I think if
(18:30):
we have that intuition developedjust enough in that stillness,
just enough, we can go throughthese layers.
They're not in a, we don't haveto be fast about it, but I think
we could just, there still hasto be some movement, right?
We miss, we miss thoseopportunities.
(18:51):
Um, like what you're talkingabout, like sitting with your
spouse and being open to, tocommunicating.
Um, I didn't even know thatthough, but you talked about
being present, like, yeah,you're experiencing every day
with Austin, but if you getwrapped up in the diagnosis or
the condition or the.
(19:13):
Um, what is, then you miss thosebeautiful.
Oh, but I did though for yearsbefore.
Exactly, right.
Yeah.
You're exactly where you'resupposed to be.
You get it when you get it.
But yeah, I think, um, thepresence is what made me just,
um, not miss the whole thing.
I feel like we, you know, ifyou, if you're not present, you
miss everything.
And then the negativity comeswhen you're not present.
(19:35):
Right.
Because it's all the, it's allthe, you know, but being
present, we can, um, you can bean acceptance.
And not even acknowledge, youknow, knowing that you're there,
but the, the presence allows youto feel allows you to take that
time to open your heart and, um,you know, just not miss that
moment, those moments, thosemoments, and the meditation
(19:57):
helps with that and stepping,you know, to, to step back and
not be reactive.
But, uh, that, that's just whatgot me through it is the
presence.
And, you know, which, you know.
I don't know.
You go ahead because now I'mgoing to, I'm going to get up to
here.
Yeah.
I, I just love, um, when, when Irealized I was in resistance,
(20:20):
that's when everything changedfor me.
Um, I saw everythingdifferently.
That's when I was able to getinto the part of me that is, or
acts as a part of me that isreally creative and see Austin
(20:40):
differently.
And I know we're talking abouttwo very different situations,
but we're actually not able tosee him in a way that I hadn't
seen him before.
And I, I understood that I was,um, that there was more in, in
different creative ways toconnect with him that didn't
(21:02):
have to do with words because hecouldn't have a conversation
with me.
Absolutely.
And with, I would imagine withyou, with your mother with
dementia, um, yeah, she, sheshowed me parts of herself that
I've always said it before.
I mean, she showed me parts ofherself that I, that, um, uh,
(21:26):
all the pretense came down.
Yeah, you went, you know,there's stages of dimension.
She went, you know, when shewent in fully in, you know, they
spent half this time, half thetime on the other side and half
the time in this world, one footin each world.
And, uh, what, um, she ended upkind of evolving into is just,
um, the, the most purest.
(21:46):
Um, Being and light that shelike, like she came into this
world, just this, like, I can,it's like she came full circle.
It's like we're all comingaround, right?
We're all coming around back to12, we're all coming around to
12 o'clock.
It's like she had just, youknow, circled the dial and was
coming back around to where she,how she came in, which is this
beautiful love and light.
She was courageous enough to doit.
(22:07):
I was lucky enough to be presentto not miss it.
Yeah.
That we, we healed ourrelationship because she was
someone, um, that I had neverseen and she made me someone I
had never seen and was able toaccess my true calling.
Um, the soul painting.
because of this.
I mean, and it was just, andwhat a beautiful way for me to
(22:29):
handle my grief.
And she was the catalyst for it.
And it had been my whole lifewith my art.
Right.
Um, she was my, one of mygreatest supporters and, and
fans.
And, um, so she, um, she helpedlike this, this, the art came
through me and all that, thathealing came through me through
art because of her andwitnessing it because we both
(22:50):
chose to accept together and,and experience that.
And, uh, It's, uh, I've never inmy life ever gone through
something like that.
And, you know, I don't know, itwas both our souls agreeing that
we're going to do this.
Right.
That's right.
I just see it as like thiswonderful, like this, um,
incredible gift.
(23:11):
Like you both were giving eachother these gifts and you had
mentioned before and what youmay, you know, I want you to be
the one to tell the story thatyou wanted your mother to see a
special painting that you made,which really was the beginning
of.
The soul paintings, right?
Uh, uh, her heaven where Ipainted her heaven?
(23:32):
Yes.
Uh, yeah, so, well that, so, wewere, I was trying, yeah, I was
trying to talk to my mom about,um, uh, what happens when you
leave the physical, but yeah, soI painted her heaven so that
across from her bed she would,um, she would stare off and
just, um, you know, I, I don'tknow where she was, but whether
(23:53):
she was, you know, visiting theother side in her family, but I
would, I, I saw myself that, butI created, um, just a space of
color where she could kind ofget lost in that and hung it
across from her bed and that,um, Uh, that prompted a soul
painting of mother and me andmom are both our souls.
To you, I think back, it'salmost like a tribute, right?
(24:15):
It was almost like kind of goingthrough, you know, our, our
lives together and, you know,like looking through pictures.
Yes.
Yeah, so that was, um, and thenthat came out so, so easily and
fluid and, uh, you know, and Irealized that like everything I
had been doing up to this momentwas, you know, got me to, to
where I was, I was exactly whereI was supposed to be.
(24:38):
And then I painted my, um, myspouse and her mother, and then
they just started coming and Ipainted my dad and me and my dad
had passed a couple yearsbefore, but they started coming
and, um, my way of grieving andwhile and after.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And what a beautiful way to doit.
I mean, I'm, I can't, I can'ttell you how lucky I am.
So amazing.
(24:58):
So courageous to, to do that.
And, um, we both, and you know,um, anyway, I don't, well, I, I
just, I'm so struck by lucky.
I'm sorry.
I feel just so it feels solucky.
Oh, and that, I mean, that'sincredible.
The gratitude and, um, And likeyou said, the grace, there's so
much grace that, that I imagineyou experience both of you.
(25:24):
And it's, it's really helpful.
I think.
Um, looking back, um, during myown grieving, which felt like,
um, an eternity really years andyears and years, um, having that
creativity, having that thing,um, to channel, right?
(25:48):
Some people will have a journal.
Some people will, but there'ssomething about that that I feel
like maybe it's, it's movement.
Maybe it's exercise.
I don't, I don't know.
But I feel like heavy emotions.
Like grief.
I feel like we need that.
What, what do you, I mean,you're obviously an artist and a
(26:09):
painter and that's what you did,but I feel like there's movement
that needs to happen with right.
Cause it helps move theemotions.
It helps us.
There's something so important.
Like I know whenever I ride mybike, I'm always going to cry.
I'm just going to be like, oh,you know, yeah.
(26:30):
Well, you do need to move itthrough your body, right?
That Peter Levine or Vessel vander Kolk, your body keeps a
score, but you do have tophysically move it through your
body, right?
So if you could make, um, youknow, a beautiful dance or, you
know, write or pound on thepiano or play some drums, uh,
make some art, right?
Uh, however you need to do it.
I know writing doesn't seemappropriate, does it?
(26:50):
Seems almost too calm to, uh, toget it.
Right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I really feel that, um,creativity is, is, uh, I think
when, when people think of thatand I'm assuming, you know, I
don't know, but I, I imagine thefirst instinct for people who
don't think they're creative aswell.
I don't know how to do thatthing.
(27:11):
And we really do need to beexposed to different.
Forms of creativity to knowthat's the other thing too.
So, and then when we'regrieving, the last thing we
probably want to do is do onemore thing, especially if we're
caretaking other people, or wejust don't even want to get out
of bed.
So one thing that I have alwaysloved to do, one of the, the
(27:37):
first like art therapy.
things that was given to me as ateenager is the pastels.
I just loved working withpastels because I could get
messy.
I could use my fingers.
Um, yeah, very tactile.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I just, in clay, I just feelthat That's such a great thing.
And I imagine for you, and youcould share obviously for
(28:01):
yourself, how, how did that helpyou move through the feelings
and the emotions of, your motherpassing and, um, I'll share
that, but then I wanted you toshare, tell me how you, um, you
know, how, what your outlet was.
Um, but, you know, just thinkingabout that would be so great
because you can just, You know,I, I, I, I, I don't like clay,
(28:24):
but, um, yeah, I'm just notenough.
It's so funny.
So I, I teach and it's just sofunny.
Ms.
Harp doesn't like clay.
Um, I don't, I can't stand it,but, um, just dries out my
hands, but, um, but I'm a beautyperson.
So, but, um, Working on thatfirst soul painting or souls of
you and your mom, did that, Wasthat a, what was that like for
(28:46):
you?
Well, um, you know, I think, um,most people you don't even know
until you experience it.
So, um, uh, it was, uh,cathartic.
It was, um, it was an emergenceof another aspect of me.
Yeah, just waiting to kind ofemerge.
(29:09):
Um, and it's still coming.
And I think I thought, well, oh,you know, now that this is it's
because like I said, it'll be ayear and next Wednesday, a year
from this week, a week fromtoday, it'll be a year.
And I thought, Whoa, is that it?
Is that all I'm and I was like,and I like say to myself, this
is no, this is where what I'llbe doing for a while until I'm
not hurt anymore.
(29:30):
I mean, I just, I've just begun.
And we've just begun.
I'm just kidding.
Um, but anyway, um, so, uh, but,um, uh, it's the best part of,
um, making art and painting.
It's the best part of me as anartist, um, to, uh, use my
(29:54):
intuition and the channeling andthe intuition and to, and to
partner that, um, With color.
So I'm the translation in thevehicle from soul to canvas.
Um, so what is it like?
It's like, uh, you know, akidney candy store.
It's, um, you know, you'recalling it's a hundred percent
(30:15):
in your body.
I mean, what is it like?
It's like, okay, this is where,this is what I was kind of, Oh,
not quite there.
But now I'm a hundred percentthere.
It feels like that.
Like, you know, when you're inyour flow.
Yes.
The flow.
And, uh, you know, the rightside of the brain, unaware
sounds around you, um, that,that, uh, our mode of conscious
it's like that, right?
(30:35):
It's a conscious below, belowconscious about, you know, yeah,
for me, their time, it doesn'teven like, I wouldn't even know
it's three hours could pass andI, I don't have a clue.
Right.
What did you use?
What did you use for your, um,the bicycle?
Okay.
Cool.
You said.
Wonderful.
Well, that's now because I, Iknow that whenever I'm moving on
(30:58):
my bike motions are coming up.
Even stuff that I was like, wow,I thought I dealt with this, you
know, just the emotions becauseI'm not a crier.
I wish I was, it would be somuch easier.
My spouse taught me how to cry.
Now it's hard to close it off.
Yeah.
So I have to, you know, I needto get on my bike.
And I imagine I always have thislike fantasy of people like, Oh,
(31:20):
there she is on her bike crying,but, um, for me when I was going
through those years of grieving,uh, what, what helped me was
gardening, that was my outletbeing outside back to nature.
I was outside, constantlygardening and probably crying in
the dirt, I imagine.
(31:41):
Um, and I was.
In that clairvoyant trainingprogram, learning how to read
energy and doing these exercisesthat were like movement.
I was running my, what they callrunning your energy.
So for people who want to knowmore about this clairvoyant
training program, um, MichaelTamora was one of the, teachers
(32:07):
that taught The teachers that Iwas studied under, and he's
written several books.
One is called you are theanswer.
He and his wife, Raphael live inMount Shasta.
You can take classes from them.
And he has all of theseexercises in his book.
So running earth energy throughmy body, through my chakras,
(32:29):
Bringing down what they callcosmic energy, running those.
So just running this energy waslike the movement for me.
So doing that for a very longperiod of time helped.
Uh, now I'm really getting intothe creativity part, like in a
different way.
So gardening was that, and nowit's, I want to learn more
(32:49):
about, about art.
So.
You showed me some things you'vedone before that.
Um, Yeah.
The spirit arc.
Yeah.
Is it like watercolor or, orsome kind of liquid or, yeah, so
it's the brush out paint.
Um, that's it, yes.
Asking, asking spirit, asking,um, for my spirit guides to show
images in this paint while I'mtapping it on a wet piece of,
(33:14):
uh, watercolor paper.
So I just love spirit art.
So I think just for folks whoare listening.
This is such a, a, such acomplex topic and there's no
real easy way to talk aboutgrief.
Everyone experiences itdifferently.
Um, I was certainly flattened byit for years.
(33:34):
It took me a long time to figureout what was happening and it
didn't matter how much educationI had.
Cause I had account masters incounseling, but it's just, it's
something that we all go throughdifferently.
But one thing that I think youand I, Nicole.
We're talking about before thatwe think is so important to
shares is to find a way, findsimple simple ways to be
(34:00):
present, find simple ways to bean observer of ourselves,
however we can.
Yeah, how can I grasp everysingle bit of.
Emotion or feeling from thismoment.
Yes.
And finding outlets, whetherit's a journal, a therapist, um,
our, our, our culture is kind ofsaturated with self help and how
(34:24):
to do stuff.
Like, I think there's, there areenough resources out there.
I haven't read David Kessler'sbooks, but he is a really great
guy on grief.
Yeah.
He worked with Kubler Ross.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Free classes.
In fact, Amy did a free onlineclass in a group and there's
things you can do follow along,um, group, um, exercise, um, I
(34:46):
mean, online exercises you cando.
Yes.
He's got a podcast.
He's such a neat guy.
I've only listened to, yeah, Ilistened to one interview that I
was like, Oh, I love him.
And then I read, uh, KublerRoss's books just through
graduate school.
And then I.
I was like, Oh my gosh, theresources are just insane.
He's such an amazing person.
(35:08):
I haven't read his books, but Ido love the fact that he, with
his work with Elizabeth KublerRoss with her five stages of
grief, he added another one,which is meaning.
And I just, I love that becausethere is It's not wishful
thinking.
There is, there are lessons thatwe can learn, not lessons that
(35:29):
have to be hard, but just likewe wake up and go, wow, like you
said, your relationship withyour mom, there was healing that
happened.
It gave meaning to this reallydifficult experience.
,I think the getting out of yourhead, not conceptualizing.
I think the book, everything isamazing and we're going to,
whatever, like works for people,but I think getting out of our
(35:50):
head.
Yeah.
And that's where the creativitycomes under the physical action
you were talking about and notconceptualizing, but actually
putting an action to it.
Yeah.
Is, is, is the key.
Well that creates that creates,I think a space.
Yes, a space that we can hold.
That's the, what comes to mymind, like when I'm, I'm really
(36:14):
in the thick of grief, like I'vebeen in an IEP meeting, and I'm
just going back to all thisstuff.
Um, how can I create a spacethat can hold something
different?
And I don't know if that'slooking at a beautiful picture
or going into the garden or, youknow, laughter, humor, something
(36:40):
to shift.
And that's not emotional orspiritual bypassing.
It's just creating an opening.
For sure, um, an extension,right?
An extension that's, that's not,um, um, where it was before.
Right.
It's kind of, like you said, ifyou're moving, allowing it to
move through.
And I, I just pictured when yousaid that you drawing.
(37:01):
So if you're an IEP meeting, uh,IEP meeting, um, and you just
start to draw and I just let,you know, let the lines open up,
right.
Yeah.
It's like visualization, butyou're actually physically
drawing and you, you can see it.
So it's going through you andout your hands.
I mean, because that's, what'shappening when you're drawing,
right.
You're, you're taking it in, um,you know, like the white lights
going in and it's going on.
(37:21):
That's a great, that is a greatidea for parents for IEP
meetings, right.
Bring with them like a beautifulpicture, something that really
opens their heart.
And have that in the meeting andthey don't need to share it with
whoever they're meeting with,they can just have it right in
front of them.
They can, or just like a pad ofpaper and then like, or they can
(37:42):
just draw like a window or asun.
Yeah.
Or draw anything.
Anything.
It doesn't have to be somethingyou recognize, you know?
Yeah, it could be scribbles.
Like, I don't know.
Mark making.
Right.
Yeah.
Mark making.
Um, yeah.
I just saw that when you weretalking about that, that would
be.
But I mean, it's in.
Yeah.
And, and then it's like gettingout of your head about what it
has to be.
(38:03):
Right.
What does it have to be?
It has to, you know, um.
I think that's what we're,we're, this, I think that's
where we're going is changingour, this idea of self care and
changing the way.
We have to interpret or processand it's whatever.
I think that's where thecreativity comes in, right?
(38:25):
How, what, what is, what feels,and that's trusting yourself and
your intuition.
And what feels right for you anddoing that, right?
Yeah.
And not worrying about if welook silly or different.
And not even being attached toan outcome.
Like we, we can just go, Oh,this is going to feel good
today.
Doing this coloring thing.
Like I've got my full coloringbooks all around.
(38:45):
Cause I'm just like, I just wantto color.
And we don't even need to havelike a plan of like, this is
going to help me move through mygrief.
You know?
No, I mean, you can'tconceptualize.
Yeah.
You can't get it right.
Conceptualize something.
That's not, yeah.
That doesn't, that doesn'torigami into your box.
Yeah, for sure.
(39:06):
Just getting into, like yousaid, that I think it's
connecting.
What feels, what feels right toyou, right?
If you need to scream, youscream.
If you need to make, you know,start singing at top of your
lungs, you sing.
If you need to run down thestreet, you run down the street.
You know what I mean?
What do you need to do?
Whatever it is that you need todo, what feels right for you.
I think that's what we're goingto figure out in the next
(39:28):
century.
is doing what feels right to us.
Um, you know, that's authenticto us.
Yeah.
Oh, I hate to interrupt.
I got super.
You're not interrupting me.
I'm just, you know, wouldn't itbe amazing if it was accepted in
our culture to just act like athree year old, like if we
needed to, like, Just screamingand just like running down the
(39:50):
street.
Talking about like, whateverthat is, who's, who, I mean,
what is someone going to do?
Take away your birthday?
I mean, you're not, what are yougoing to, there's no, you know,
trouble.
You can do whatever you want todo when I see kids, you know,
like that, I'd be like, Oh, whata great way to get rid of some
energy.
Let me do that too.
Hold on.
I want to have a temper tantrum.
(40:10):
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
You know, I just like, I, I'lltalk to you about off camera,
uh, but what I was justthinking, but, um, What I just
got.
But anyway, I saw, I saw a kidbreak down at the library and I
was like, that looks, you know,I felt, I felt so bad for the
child, but I was like, that'sgotta be just so nice you know
(40:30):
how many able to do that?
Yeah.
You're like, you should saylike, little look, little man.
Yeah.
Or child.
Um, you know how many adultsdon't have the coping mechanisms
that you do, I mean, there's somany You're way ahead of them.
Yeah.
Um, oh gosh.
Oh, I love talking with you.
I know you're going to take careof your babies because it's so
hot.
I just felt like, um, I shouldadd that in my book or that's
(40:54):
kind of where we're going islike this idea of, um, uh, that
what intuition on what we need,like this idea of self care,
what is, Accessible to us liketo, you know, to like what we
just said, like, that's where Ifeel like it's going, whatever
it takes for you, you know,within reason, you know, no
one's going to go on, but, youknow, because it will get
(41:17):
someone, but you know what Imean, but I mean, this idea of,
um, That kind of being so intune with yourself, like, what
do I need?
Right, right.
You know, I feel like theenergies are just, I don't even
know what I'm saying becauseit's coming right now, but like,
that's where the energies aregonna be so intense and things
are so emotional and it's like,um, you know, what, what do I
this moment right now to, orwhat do I need?
(41:39):
Well, that's, that's the thing,right?
We, and I think what you'resaying is that, and it goes back
to just my absolute, the mostimportant thing I've ever
learned in my life is developingmy intuition.
Yeah, it is.
I mean that it is.
It is getting your freedom backis being free.
(42:00):
You don't need outsidevalidation or confirmation,
yeah.
I tell you that's different fromcollaboration and you know.
Oh yeah.
But um, so I think that's maybewhat you're talking about is
that just knowing ourselves.
And it's, it's lifelong becausewe're always changing and
(42:21):
growing.
There's always something more tolearn.
So yeah, that what we thoughtwould make us feel good that at
some point, well, we've we're adifferent person than when we
thought.
Yeah.
And that's why I think it's notjust, it's not just a three
month class of, I need to learnhow to develop my intuition.
For me, it's, it's like I said,a lifelong thing, um, because
then we can always take care ofourselves.
(42:42):
We can self care just by knowingourselves.
I think what's made me feel theleast, um, more connected to
anything and not so ever, likeI'll never be lonely again is
communicating with spirit.
Yeah.
With, um, with, with the otherside, mediumship work, which you
could have never, I would havenever said I'm a medium and I
hate, you know, I hate labels,but.
(43:03):
One of my gifts is talking to,speaking with animals that have
crossed over.
That is where my sweet spot is.
I just, that's the emotionbehind it.
And that's kind of what I'mwriting, you know, when school
stops, I'm going to finishwriting about, or not finish,
but continue with the book oncreativity.
Cause it's all about theemotional, a person's emotional
needs, like, and that's what Ifeel like.
You know, we're drivenemotionally, and that's what,
(43:25):
you know, that's what resonateswith people.
That's what tends tocommunicate.
It's not the conceptual, it'sthe emotional.
And, um, you know, that's wherethe intuition plays in.
And, um, I'll never be lonelyagain, and I want to spend more
time communicating with theother side than I do almost in
this world.
You know, and it's like, Amy andI are always going, and we're
like, you want to go in for asession?
Yeah, we go in.
(43:46):
And then, you know, I'm luckyenough to have someone to share
it with, so we talk about whatwe experienced, and it's just
phenomenal.
I mean, I can't put words to it.
I want everybody to do this, andI just feel like that's where
it's going to go.
Um, we're, I don't know whereI'm going, but I know that's
going to be a part of it, isthis, Yes, helping people heal,
get to this point where they canheal themselves.
(44:07):
I mean, I can heal myself everyday if I want, you know, pick a
pick something I want to workon, put that out there as a
message, ask my guide, ask myhigher self, whoever.
I mean, it's notebook afternotebook, after notebook.
That's right.
Messages from the collection.
And to go back to that, we needto know, we need to develop our
intuition and know how to bestill to even to do that work.
(44:31):
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, it can transcend or, or itcan extend to is a better word
to the outside world.
We can communicate with any lifeform trees plants.
I know.
And I know I'm sidetracking alittle bit, but I'm, I'm, I've
(44:52):
always been drawn to plants.
I've gardened for years.
It's a big part of my life andanimals too, but plants for
sure.
And when I pick flowers thatRuby Rose, Ruru can eat, I ask,
can I pick you?
And I get nos.
I'm Oh yeah.
(45:12):
And then I pick, and if I get ayes, I'll pick a few and then
I'll get, that's enough.
Yeah.
So, you know, and then I, then Igo into this thing of like, Oh
my gosh, I've been waiting foryears.
I've been pulling these poorplants out of the, you know, so
I I'm very sensitive.
So then I start like, Oh my God.
So I have to have a balance of,you know, uh, but I think it's
(45:35):
all, all life has a form ofconsciousness and so energy, so
we can apply this to, to otherforms of life.
So if folks are listening,aren't called to communicate
with the folks that have passedor spirit guides, we can also
look to nature.
(45:56):
Oh, that's in, um, I'm, I'm, youwere saying flowers and me too,
because of the color, but like,I just love trees.
I'm just like, uh, yes.
I love any, any, any, any,anything with the nervous system
and animal wise in any, I loveall nature.
I mean, it is.
And so then, and then you think,now I get into this again, but
then you think, you know, well,how can I help the bigger
picture because the, the planetsand so much, you know, need and
(46:19):
anyway, so I don't know ifsomething really helps me about
that.
And then we'll close.
Yeah.
I'm listening to just in thelast few months, I've been
listening to recording anymore.
I'm going to blow my nose.
Okay.
Good.
We are recording.
Oh, okay.
But you're not going to put thaton there.
(46:39):
I've been listening to, um, theshaman's cave podcast, which I
highly recommend.
And I had Renee bear about on,um, a few months ago and her co
host is Sandra Ingerman.
And I.
I have just, I've studied withpeople that she knows, um, Hank
Wesselman and Anne Riley tolearn how to do shamanic
(47:01):
journeying, but I haven'tstudied with her and I just, I'm
so in love with the podcast andI just adore these women.
So she speaks on, on one of theepisodes about how she is so
concerned about the environment,like you said, and worried about
the trees.
And.
These earth beings told her thatour presence on earth is like a
(47:28):
blip to them and not to be soheavy hearted about what's
happening.
And it's not to say don't care,but we know how we know how much
pain and this is her.
revelation.
This is her experience.
This is what she needed to hear.
But for me, I, Nicole, I can'teven watch documentaries about
(47:52):
animals.
I know, because I'm soheartbroken.
I can't watch documentariesabout the environment because
I'm so heartbroken.
It's too visceral.
It's so much for me.
Gut wrenching.
Um, so when I heard that, itreally gave me some peace.
That's good.
Yeah.
Um, so just something for us to,to explore that podcast is
(48:15):
really great.
What is it?
Shamans, the shamans cave.
Okay.
I'll check it out.
Yeah.
They're very, they're wise, wisewomen.
And I just love, I lovelistening to them.
All right.
Well, thank you so much.
Thank you so much for being hereand thank you everyone for
listening.
Uh, again, this is a very bigtopic.
(48:36):
I mean, grief is a process thatsome of us will go through for a
very long time, but from ourexperience and I'm sure from
those of you who've, who canresonate with what we're saying,
there are ways for us to createthose openings and, um, it
really helps move, move theenergy, move the emotions
(48:59):
through.
There's something beautiful tocome from it and there's
something so beautiful.
Yes.
I never ever thought I would getto the point where I could say
that my life is, is justperfect.
And with Austin and it doesn'tmatter the challenges anymore.
(49:19):
It doesn't matter anymore.
Cause of that spiritual, um,presence that's, that, that
spiritual trust.
Right.
I keep talking and we'll bedefinitely always, always had
your back.
It will, you know, always takingcare of you and it will continue
to do so.
Yeah.
Thank you so much.
thank you, everyone.
(49:40):
Have a wonderful week.
Much love.
Thank you.
Hello everyone.
(00:01):
And welcome to intuition talks.
I am Kristen O'Mara and I amhere with my lovely, lovely,
lovely friend, Nicole Harp.
Nicole, how are you?
How are you?
I am lovely today on this lovelyThursday.
And it's you're going throughheat wave.
Is it like, yeah, well, I don'tknow you're in California.
(00:23):
I'm in Norfolk, Virginia.
It's 94 here.
So that is, that's hot.
My plants are looking a littledroopy.
Oh my gosh, it's warm.
It's early for that kind ofheat.
It really is, poor planet.
Oh, well, you know, Nicole,we've talked several times on
Intuition Talks, and I want tomake sure everyone knows who you
are and all of the amazingthings you do.
(00:46):
So, why don't you just share alittle bit with us.
Well, thank you.
Um, thanks for having me on.
Um, always a pleasure.
Uh, I, um, I read energy.
So that's really simple.
I'm an animal communicator,professional animal
communicator.
Um, and I paint souls.
So I read energy, a person orbeing essence energy and paint,
(01:10):
um, An abstract form thatessence, um, so they're being,
um, there's this one examplebehind you.
Yes.
I'm awesome.
Actually, I'll just move thecamera a little bit.
So this is Austin's.
over here, and this is mine.
And everyone is so uniquelydifferent as your eye color,
(01:34):
your personality, your voice,your paw print.
They're all so different.
Yeah.
As we are.
And, um, then, then, uh, spirit,uh, sends me some words to kind
of, because it is an abstractpainting to help you understand,
uh, what, um, soul's trying toexpress with the colors that I,
(01:54):
and images and lines that I.
Uh, channel.
And so spirit sends, uh, uh, uh,writing, uh, words in a poetic
form.
Uh, that's how it comes out.
And, um, that goes with thepainting.
So, And they're so beautiful tothe one that you, that came
through to you for Austin andmyself was so validating.
It was so spot on and itdescribed Austin perfectly.
(02:17):
It was just, it was very, it's avery validating, beautiful
experience to have.
This piece of our pieces ofartwork because it, it resonates
on a soul and a heart level.
And You also get to see aglimpse of something that I
(02:42):
believe is something that youobviously are seeing inside of
us or outside of us, whateverthat energy is, but that we
don't see, you know, we're,we're in front of the mirror,
we're getting dressed, but tohave these pieces of soul art.
Around you really, it helpschange your perspective.
It helps change your, you know,your perceptions of yourself and
(03:05):
it opens your heart.
It really does.
And it, it energetically, itshifts the energy in the room,
which I was really surprisedwhen I hung them up, it felt
like a different room.
It wasn't that it was morebeautiful or it was brighter
because of the color.
It felt different.
And art can change the energy ina room for sure.
(03:25):
But, um, but Well, what you'resaying, first of all, thank you,
because they should be healing,and, um, it's interesting to
hear, um, uh, Sherry Dillard,she was telling us in the class,
uh, she has a soul painting, alarge one, and it's, it's a lot
larger than that, so it's, it'sfour foot by six foot, so it's,
it's, you know, it is like inyour face, so she said it was
(03:46):
almost like, um, A revealingalmost like she felt on display.
Oh, interesting.
Yeah, I can see that.
Yeah, she kind of felt like shehad to get used to it.
She was almost like shy about itor, or not, but, uh, Well, like
vulnerable maybe.
Exposed.
I'm sorry.
Exposed.
That's the one.
Yes.
(04:07):
Yeah.
And so she had to kind of acceptthat.
Oh, that is me.
And really what spirit wants usto know really is all remember
is those gifts that we come inwith right that creativity
because the book I'm working onnow is on creativity and how we
all, um, you know, throughintuition can access that.
(04:27):
Uh, the elements of ourselvesthat are so creative, but, but
art does it in a way that's, youknow, with these, with the
colors that resonate, theyresonate with our chakras, you
know, our auras, um, you know,color is so signifying and it's
such a, you know, it's likeplaying a piano key, right?
It all means something, it all,it all has its own stroke and
beat.
And so, and to see it every dayand experience it, because art
(04:49):
changes according to the stateof mind of the viewer, To
experience it every day, you'regoing to get something different
from it every day because you'rein a different state every day.
So, you know, and I get to bringour abstract art into, into
homes and help people understandit.
Who really couldn't before,because they're actually looking
at their almost a self portrait,right?
Right.
(05:09):
And I've shared with you thatwhen I've looked at mine in
particular, I see somethingdifferent, you know, a week or
two, you know, passes and I'llgo, Oh, and I'll relate it back
to myself.
Um, and I'll go, Oh, thatreally, that mountain range,
that earth, that earth tone, um,it, it means different things to
me.
(05:29):
So it opens me up to thinkingabout something, um, different
about myself.
More self awareness comes fromit for sure.
Well, thank you because that'sbeautiful that you said that.
I mean, that's, you know, butthere's the other thing to have
one and never look at it.
Right.
Or never take the time.
And to say, Oh, that's me.
Or that's my, you know, andactually I feel I'm just in the
(05:50):
process of painting my own and,um, you don't just have one soul
painting because really, youknow, you're, you evolve and you
change.
Hopefully you evolve.
Hopefully people, hopefully weevolve and we evolve and change.
So, um, I did the one and I'mgoing to, you know, do, do
others and have them kind of upthere, but it's not what I ever
thought it was would be.
And, um, You know, I'm just asperplexed.
(06:11):
I'm like, Hmm, what do I need tolearn from that?
I'm not finished with it yet,but it is interesting.
I bet.
And I really, I mean, I commendyou for doing your own because
for me, just reading energy, um,in different ways, it's harder,
uh, for me to do it for myself.
I think when I channel my higherself, it's not, but, but tuning
(06:34):
in, um, say in a clairvoyant orpsychic way.
Um, and I think maybe.
With the caveat of, if I'm upsetor in fear, it's more
challenging.
So I can see how this would be alittle different where that's
not the case when you'repainting your soul.
But I, I imagine that I'm justcurious about your process.
Maybe just, I should just ask,do you go into your mind a
(06:58):
little bit more when it's yoursoul painting?
Do you, is there more of like,did your ego get in the way or
is it as, um, is it similar todoing someone else's?
Well, you know, I, I had to, um,You know, I think our ego always
tries to sneak in, but I had tokind of work something out when
I started, you know, you, youknow my story when I started
(07:18):
painting those and I waspainting like 50, I did that 70
over the summer, 50, or startedwith 20, and then another 50.
They were coming so fast, Ireally didn't have time to get
in my ego.
Yeah.
I just needed to get them out ofme, they were coming so fast.
Um, but, um.
You know, I try not to be in myhead about it because then I'm
you're not then you're obviouslyyou're blocking your intuition
(07:39):
um, I just have a um I have a apact a pack if you will with
spirit and my studio that when Igo in there Um, just like when
you say, you know, mother fathergoddess, you know, we're gonna
start your channel or your yoursession Um, I have a pack that
when i'm working that I will notquestion that I will just let it
come and trust what comes so, umWhen I go in there, I trust, I
(08:02):
don't overthink it.
Oh, I love that.
And so you've created a sacredspace where you have an
agreement.
I do.
But you know, my innate knowingof, you know, I went to
excellent school for design.
So, you know, VC, so my innateknowing and painting being at
being an artist for 30 years,Just, you don't, you know, it's
just like something you do.
You don't talk, Oh, I'm going touse the contrasting colors.
(08:24):
That already is working in theback.
So then if I can get thatworking, which I have, you know,
mastered with the, with thepainting and the trust.
So then whatever comes out is Ihave to accept that may, like, I
never thought that I put thosecolors together and I'm like,
Oh, blue for me.
Okay.
And the minute I start toquestion is when things don't
work out.
So, but, um, I love it.
(08:47):
An artist in their studio, youknow, oh, oh, I love that.
That sounds like a great book ora film artist in their studio.
But thank you for saying thatbecause um, uh, you know, you're
not gonna everybody's not gonnaOh, I love that.
Everybody gets somethingdifferent, but I just love that.
Um that you look at it, you knowthat you oh, yeah Not yeah,
(09:08):
there's something on your wallthat you actually experience
experience On a frequent Youknow, frequently.
Oh, absolutely.
Thank you.
Oh, you're welcome.
Well, today I feel like we'rejust going to touch on a topic
that I feel is, is very deep andvery, um, important for both of
us.
(09:28):
And I have a feeling we're goingto have some more conversations,
uh, in the future about thistopic and it's caregiving.
It's, um, something that's verynear and dear to my heart,
taking care of my son, um, for17 years.
And for any parent or caregiver,whoever you're taking care of is
(09:48):
an important aspect of yourlife.
But we're going to be talkingabout what we've recognized and
witnessed through the processthat has opened up our minds and
our hearts and our intuition.
And Nicole, I know, um, that youtook care of your mother for,
(10:10):
for quite a while.
And we both have.
You know, stories andinteresting, um, an interesting
journey, uh, with that.
So we won't be able to touch oneverything today, but I think
it's, it would be nice just to,to introduce this topic and we
can continue as we, you know, aswe, I think, I think we want to
(10:33):
share like how, and everybody'sgot a way that.
Um, you know, we all go throughthe we all we all go through the
rain.
Um, it's just how we get there,you know, from one, you know,
we're all going to walk throughthe rain.
But how are we going to getthere?
I mean, we're all going to doit.
So I think we're just kind oftalking about what, um, um,
(10:55):
Allowed us to move through that,um, grace as much grace as we
possibly can, um, and presenceand love.
Uh, I think it's just for us,but, um, I think everybody
who's.
grief.
Um, even, you know, I wasthinking you were saying that
(11:16):
and I was thinking about ouranimals, right?
Because like, um, you know, I'vegot Bogart here and he's 50, 15
years, 50, he's 50 now he's 15years old.
He's the world's oldest dog, 50.
So he's 15 years old, but Imean, I know it's coming.
And so it's just, you know,caregiving for an older animal
versus a parent or child.
It's the same, right?
It's grief.
(11:36):
It's, It's acknowledgement.
It's loss.
It's acceptance.
You know, I think there's grief.
I feel like if we recognize thecycle of life and and really,
um, in our own personal work,come to terms with it as much as
we can.
And that will probably belifelong.
It helps.
It helps to have that and not wewere talking earlier before we
(12:02):
recorded that.
What I've done.
in my work, um, my own personalhealing work with Austin being
diagnosed with autism.
And I know you can speak for,for your experience, but I
recognize when I was stuck in mygrief, I knew I was in a lot of
(12:23):
pain, but what really helps meis I was in a meditation class.
It was a three year program Iwas in to learn how to read
energy clairvoyantly.
And the meditation teacher had atopic for the night, which was
about resistance.
And I had, I knew aboutresistance in other ways, but I,
when he was talking aboutresistance, I was like, Oh, I
(12:44):
really am resisting accepting.
Austin's diagnosis, acceptingmy, um, experienced caregiving.
Um, it's such a high, highlevel, um, being a single mom,
there were, there's so manythings, but I was really in
resistance to accepting thesituation.
(13:07):
And it's just like what yousaid, it's like, we're all going
to be in the rain.
Like C.
S.
Lewis said something like we allhave a burden, but it really,
really, really Something aboutlike, it really, it, it depends
on how you carry it.
There's, there's something abouthow, when we bring self
awareness to our situations thatthroughout our life are going to
have so many highs and lows, butwhen we're at a low point, it's
(13:30):
so important to bring thatmindfulness, that awareness,
that present awareness and learnhow to recognize where we're in
resistance.
Right.
Um, and I think what you justsaid, being present, um, opposed
to in your head about where, youknow, for me, it was, I was just
(13:52):
thinking about it today, comingback from work and coming to
meet you for the, for thepodcast.
I was thinking, God, every timeI get off that exit, I used to
think, sorry, people, I mightget like, start to, my voice
might get high, but I used tothink that would be the time I'm
going to go see my mom.
And it was always, you always,always dreaded it because.
Because it isn't fun, right?
Because you are face, you know,facing death.
(14:13):
This, my mom had dementia fortwo years.
And you said a long time, buthonestly, she was so courageous.
She, she left, um, out of thephysical form sooner than, like
she, it was only like a, well,uh, less than a year in a
nursing home and then a yearbefore that.
Um, you know, and I, I knew, infact, the 15th will be a year
(14:33):
and I knew a week.
We knew, I looked at her, shelooked at me a week before she
passed, and I knew she was goingto do it, but I'm going to
backtrack just a minute, but yousaid, um, we were both, you, you
had mentioned to me and I hadmentioned to you that I would,
we were both on our journey ofintuition and opening up, um,
trusting our intuition,mediumship, psychic ability,
(14:54):
whatever, you know, energy,reading energy, and Um, we were
already there, which I think isreally huge and important, and I
was already thinking about andtrying to talk to my mom about
it, like, what happens when weleave the physical world?
And I think wrapping your headaround that, which I, you know,
Sherry Dillard's books, um, I'mStill With You was amazing to,
(15:15):
it's, it's, it's just, uh, Ican't even say enough, um, I
can't say enough about SherryDillard and, um, I just, she's
just the authentic and the realdeal.
Anyway, and just such an, andthe books are so easy to read,
but anyway, I was reading thatwhile my mom, already I was
thinking about when you pass,you know, us in this physical
(15:37):
presence.
And then of course,communicating psychically and
in, in mediumship with theanimals who had passed, it was
already there.
Right.
And I think that was crucial forme being able to get through
this is understanding what yousaid earlier about.
what happens and being okay, youknow, that, that, that this
isn't it, that it's, you know,when we leave the physical form,
there's so much more.
(15:58):
And I have a relationship withmy mother and my family
generations.
And every morning I meditate, Ispoused us too.
And we will have sessions wherewe sit down and we talked to,
you know, My spouse lost herparents a year before I lost
mine, and we talked to our lovedones, and we get messages we
could have never, never known,um, that things that had
(16:19):
happened to, I mean, just, it's,um, infinite, the messages
you'll get because you're,you're speaking to, um, you
know, so, you know, energythat's, that's, um, that's
transition.
Um, And it's just phenomenal.
So I know I'm never, I knowshe's still with me, and the
book I'm Still With You, it'sfreaking true, they are.
(16:40):
And so I think that, even thoughyou don't know until it happens
to you, I think just knowing,having a grasp of that, like,
you know what?
I know Sherry, and I wasn'tthere yet, but I noticed Sherry
saying that, you know, I'mreading this and then it, you
know, but I hadn't experiencedit yet till like after my mom
passed and I'm communicatingwith her, but just knowing or
(17:00):
just having that hopefulness,you know, anyway, I'm no, no, I
studying mediumship has.
Um, and I mean, really justdeveloping my intuition,
learning how to read energy.
It kind of just went in stages,learning how to do hands on
healing.
I was slowly from like 2009onward.
(17:23):
I was slowly waking up to, Oh,I'm more, I had this
intellectual knowing, um, I'vealways believed in God.
Um, I've had a difficultrelationship with the God that I
grew up with in Catholic schooland growing up in that way.
But, um, But I can't say enoughabout how important it is to
(17:46):
develop our intuition and tolearn to be still because that
is, I feel like the groundworkto, to anything that we're
talking about, um, to know thatwe're in resistance to know that
we're.
We're not seeing the wholepicture because we've, um, we've
(18:10):
been stuck in, and in a,, say apain picture or a grieving, uh,
perhaps too long, which reallyjust means that we've passed
like the six month, perhaps ayear mark.
And we're, we're out of balance.
So grief can take years, butthere are layers that I think if
(18:30):
we have that intuition developedjust enough in that stillness,
just enough, we can go throughthese layers.
They're not in a, we don't haveto be fast about it, but I think
we could just, there still hasto be some movement, right?
We miss, we miss thoseopportunities.
(18:51):
Um, like what you're talkingabout, like sitting with your
spouse and being open to, tocommunicating.
Um, I didn't even know thatthough, but you talked about
being present, like, yeah,you're experiencing every day
with Austin, but if you getwrapped up in the diagnosis or
the condition or the.
(19:13):
Um, what is, then you miss thosebeautiful.
Oh, but I did though for yearsbefore.
Exactly, right.
Yeah.
You're exactly where you'resupposed to be.
You get it when you get it.
But yeah, I think, um, thepresence is what made me just,
um, not miss the whole thing.
I feel like we, you know, ifyou, if you're not present, you
miss everything.
And then the negativity comeswhen you're not present.
(19:35):
Right.
Because it's all the, it's allthe, you know, but being
present, we can, um, you can bean acceptance.
And not even acknowledge, youknow, knowing that you're there,
but the, the presence allows youto feel allows you to take that
time to open your heart and, um,you know, just not miss that
moment, those moments, thosemoments, and the meditation
(19:57):
helps with that and stepping,you know, to, to step back and
not be reactive.
But, uh, that, that's just whatgot me through it is the
presence.
And, you know, which, you know.
I don't know.
You go ahead because now I'mgoing to, I'm going to get up to
here.
Yeah.
I, I just love, um, when, when Irealized I was in resistance,
(20:20):
that's when everything changedfor me.
Um, I saw everythingdifferently.
That's when I was able to getinto the part of me that is, or
acts as a part of me that isreally creative and see Austin
(20:40):
differently.
And I know we're talking abouttwo very different situations,
but we're actually not able tosee him in a way that I hadn't
seen him before.
And I, I understood that I was,um, that there was more in, in
different creative ways toconnect with him that didn't
(21:02):
have to do with words because hecouldn't have a conversation
with me.
Absolutely.
And with, I would imagine withyou, with your mother with
dementia, um, yeah, she, sheshowed me parts of herself that
I've always said it before.
I mean, she showed me parts ofherself that I, that, um, uh,
(21:26):
all the pretense came down.
Yeah, you went, you know,there's stages of dimension.
She went, you know, when shewent in fully in, you know, they
spent half this time, half thetime on the other side and half
the time in this world, one footin each world.
And, uh, what, um, she ended upkind of evolving into is just,
um, the, the most purest.
(21:46):
Um, Being and light that shelike, like she came into this
world, just this, like, I can,it's like she came full circle.
It's like we're all comingaround, right?
We're all coming around back to12, we're all coming around to
12 o'clock.
It's like she had just, youknow, circled the dial and was
coming back around to where she,how she came in, which is this
beautiful love and light.
She was courageous enough to doit.
(22:07):
I was lucky enough to be presentto not miss it.
Yeah.
That we, we healed ourrelationship because she was
someone, um, that I had neverseen and she made me someone I
had never seen and was able toaccess my true calling.
Um, the soul painting.
because of this.
I mean, and it was just, andwhat a beautiful way for me to
(22:29):
handle my grief.
And she was the catalyst for it.
And it had been my whole lifewith my art.
Right.
Um, she was my, one of mygreatest supporters and, and
fans.
And, um, so she, um, she helpedlike this, this, the art came
through me and all that, thathealing came through me through
art because of her andwitnessing it because we both
(22:50):
chose to accept together and,and experience that.
And, uh, It's, uh, I've never inmy life ever gone through
something like that.
And, you know, I don't know, itwas both our souls agreeing that
we're going to do this.
Right.
That's right.
I just see it as like thiswonderful, like this, um,
incredible gift.
(23:11):
Like you both were giving eachother these gifts and you had
mentioned before and what youmay, you know, I want you to be
the one to tell the story thatyou wanted your mother to see a
special painting that you made,which really was the beginning
of.
The soul paintings, right?
Uh, uh, her heaven where Ipainted her heaven?
(23:32):
Yes.
Uh, yeah, so, well that, so, wewere, I was trying, yeah, I was
trying to talk to my mom about,um, uh, what happens when you
leave the physical, but yeah, soI painted her heaven so that
across from her bed she would,um, she would stare off and
just, um, you know, I, I don'tknow where she was, but whether
(23:53):
she was, you know, visiting theother side in her family, but I
would, I, I saw myself that, butI created, um, just a space of
color where she could kind ofget lost in that and hung it
across from her bed and that,um, Uh, that prompted a soul
painting of mother and me andmom are both our souls.
To you, I think back, it'salmost like a tribute, right?
(24:15):
It was almost like kind of goingthrough, you know, our, our
lives together and, you know,like looking through pictures.
Yes.
Yeah, so that was, um, and thenthat came out so, so easily and
fluid and, uh, you know, and Irealized that like everything I
had been doing up to this momentwas, you know, got me to, to
where I was, I was exactly whereI was supposed to be.
(24:38):
And then I painted my, um, myspouse and her mother, and then
they just started coming and Ipainted my dad and me and my dad
had passed a couple yearsbefore, but they started coming
and, um, my way of grieving andwhile and after.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And what a beautiful way to doit.
I mean, I'm, I can't, I can'ttell you how lucky I am.
So amazing.
(24:58):
So courageous to, to do that.
And, um, we both, and you know,um, anyway, I don't, well, I, I
just, I'm so struck by lucky.
I'm sorry.
I feel just so it feels solucky.
Oh, and that, I mean, that'sincredible.
The gratitude and, um, And likeyou said, the grace, there's so
much grace that, that I imagineyou experience both of you.
(25:24):
And it's, it's really helpful.
I think.
Um, looking back, um, during myown grieving, which felt like,
um, an eternity really years andyears and years, um, having that
creativity, having that thing,um, to channel, right?
(25:48):
Some people will have a journal.
Some people will, but there'ssomething about that that I feel
like maybe it's, it's movement.
Maybe it's exercise.
I don't, I don't know.
But I feel like heavy emotions.
Like grief.
I feel like we need that.
What, what do you, I mean,you're obviously an artist and a
(26:09):
painter and that's what you did,but I feel like there's movement
that needs to happen with right.
Cause it helps move theemotions.
It helps us.
There's something so important.
Like I know whenever I ride mybike, I'm always going to cry.
I'm just going to be like, oh,you know, yeah.
(26:30):
Well, you do need to move itthrough your body, right?
That Peter Levine or Vessel vander Kolk, your body keeps a
score, but you do have tophysically move it through your
body, right?
So if you could make, um, youknow, a beautiful dance or, you
know, write or pound on thepiano or play some drums, uh,
make some art, right?
Uh, however you need to do it.
I know writing doesn't seemappropriate, does it?
(26:50):
Seems almost too calm to, uh, toget it.
Right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I really feel that, um,creativity is, is, uh, I think
when, when people think of thatand I'm assuming, you know, I
don't know, but I, I imagine thefirst instinct for people who
don't think they're creative aswell.
I don't know how to do thatthing.
(27:11):
And we really do need to beexposed to different.
Forms of creativity to knowthat's the other thing too.
So, and then when we'regrieving, the last thing we
probably want to do is do onemore thing, especially if we're
caretaking other people, or wejust don't even want to get out
of bed.
So one thing that I have alwaysloved to do, one of the, the
(27:37):
first like art therapy.
things that was given to me as ateenager is the pastels.
I just loved working withpastels because I could get
messy.
I could use my fingers.
Um, yeah, very tactile.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I just, in clay, I just feelthat That's such a great thing.
And I imagine for you, and youcould share obviously for
(28:01):
yourself, how, how did that helpyou move through the feelings
and the emotions of, your motherpassing and, um, I'll share
that, but then I wanted you toshare, tell me how you, um, you
know, how, what your outlet was.
Um, but, you know, just thinkingabout that would be so great
because you can just, You know,I, I, I, I, I don't like clay,
(28:24):
but, um, yeah, I'm just notenough.
It's so funny.
So I, I teach and it's just sofunny.
Ms.
Harp doesn't like clay.
Um, I don't, I can't stand it,but, um, just dries out my
hands, but, um, but I'm a beautyperson.
So, but, um, Working on thatfirst soul painting or souls of
you and your mom, did that, Wasthat a, what was that like for
(28:46):
you?
Well, um, you know, I think, um,most people you don't even know
until you experience it.
So, um, uh, it was, uh,cathartic.
It was, um, it was an emergenceof another aspect of me.
Yeah, just waiting to kind ofemerge.
(29:09):
Um, and it's still coming.
And I think I thought, well, oh,you know, now that this is it's
because like I said, it'll be ayear and next Wednesday, a year
from this week, a week fromtoday, it'll be a year.
And I thought, Whoa, is that it?
Is that all I'm and I was like,and I like say to myself, this
is no, this is where what I'llbe doing for a while until I'm
not hurt anymore.
(29:30):
I mean, I just, I've just begun.
And we've just begun.
I'm just kidding.
Um, but anyway, um, so, uh, but,um, uh, it's the best part of,
um, making art and painting.
It's the best part of me as anartist, um, to, uh, use my
(29:54):
intuition and the channeling andthe intuition and to, and to
partner that, um, With color.
So I'm the translation in thevehicle from soul to canvas.
Um, so what is it like?
It's like, uh, you know, akidney candy store.
It's, um, you know, you'recalling it's a hundred percent
(30:15):
in your body.
I mean, what is it like?
It's like, okay, this is where,this is what I was kind of, Oh,
not quite there.
But now I'm a hundred percentthere.
It feels like that.
Like, you know, when you're inyour flow.
Yes.
The flow.
And, uh, you know, the rightside of the brain, unaware
sounds around you, um, that,that, uh, our mode of conscious
it's like that, right?
(30:35):
It's a conscious below, belowconscious about, you know, yeah,
for me, their time, it doesn'teven like, I wouldn't even know
it's three hours could pass andI, I don't have a clue.
Right.
What did you use?
What did you use for your, um,the bicycle?
Okay.
Cool.
You said.
Wonderful.
Well, that's now because I, Iknow that whenever I'm moving on
(30:58):
my bike motions are coming up.
Even stuff that I was like, wow,I thought I dealt with this, you
know, just the emotions becauseI'm not a crier.
I wish I was, it would be somuch easier.
My spouse taught me how to cry.
Now it's hard to close it off.
Yeah.
So I have to, you know, I needto get on my bike.
And I imagine I always have thislike fantasy of people like, Oh,
(31:20):
there she is on her bike crying,but, um, for me when I was going
through those years of grieving,uh, what, what helped me was
gardening, that was my outletbeing outside back to nature.
I was outside, constantlygardening and probably crying in
the dirt, I imagine.
(31:41):
Um, and I was.
In that clairvoyant trainingprogram, learning how to read
energy and doing these exercisesthat were like movement.
I was running my, what they callrunning your energy.
So for people who want to knowmore about this clairvoyant
training program, um, MichaelTamora was one of the, teachers
(32:07):
that taught The teachers that Iwas studied under, and he's
written several books.
One is called you are theanswer.
He and his wife, Raphael live inMount Shasta.
You can take classes from them.
And he has all of theseexercises in his book.
So running earth energy throughmy body, through my chakras,
(32:29):
Bringing down what they callcosmic energy, running those.
So just running this energy waslike the movement for me.
So doing that for a very longperiod of time helped.
Uh, now I'm really getting intothe creativity part, like in a
different way.
So gardening was that, and nowit's, I want to learn more
(32:49):
about, about art.
So.
You showed me some things you'vedone before that.
Um, Yeah.
The spirit arc.
Yeah.
Is it like watercolor or, orsome kind of liquid or, yeah, so
it's the brush out paint.
Um, that's it, yes.
Asking, asking spirit, asking,um, for my spirit guides to show
images in this paint while I'mtapping it on a wet piece of,
(33:14):
uh, watercolor paper.
So I just love spirit art.
So I think just for folks whoare listening.
This is such a, a, such acomplex topic and there's no
real easy way to talk aboutgrief.
Everyone experiences itdifferently.
Um, I was certainly flattened byit for years.
(33:34):
It took me a long time to figureout what was happening and it
didn't matter how much educationI had.
Cause I had account masters incounseling, but it's just, it's
something that we all go throughdifferently.
But one thing that I think youand I, Nicole.
We're talking about before thatwe think is so important to
shares is to find a way, findsimple simple ways to be
(34:00):
present, find simple ways to bean observer of ourselves,
however we can.
Yeah, how can I grasp everysingle bit of.
Emotion or feeling from thismoment.
Yes.
And finding outlets, whetherit's a journal, a therapist, um,
our, our, our culture is kind ofsaturated with self help and how
(34:24):
to do stuff.
Like, I think there's, there areenough resources out there.
I haven't read David Kessler'sbooks, but he is a really great
guy on grief.
Yeah.
He worked with Kubler Ross.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Free classes.
In fact, Amy did a free onlineclass in a group and there's
things you can do follow along,um, group, um, exercise, um, I
(34:46):
mean, online exercises you cando.
Yes.
He's got a podcast.
He's such a neat guy.
I've only listened to, yeah, Ilistened to one interview that I
was like, Oh, I love him.
And then I read, uh, KublerRoss's books just through
graduate school.
And then I.
I was like, Oh my gosh, theresources are just insane.
He's such an amazing person.
(35:08):
I haven't read his books, but Ido love the fact that he, with
his work with Elizabeth KublerRoss with her five stages of
grief, he added another one,which is meaning.
And I just, I love that becausethere is It's not wishful
thinking.
There is, there are lessons thatwe can learn, not lessons that
(35:29):
have to be hard, but just likewe wake up and go, wow, like you
said, your relationship withyour mom, there was healing that
happened.
It gave meaning to this reallydifficult experience.
,I think the getting out of yourhead, not conceptualizing.
I think the book, everything isamazing and we're going to,
whatever, like works for people,but I think getting out of our
(35:50):
head.
Yeah.
And that's where the creativitycomes under the physical action
you were talking about and notconceptualizing, but actually
putting an action to it.
Yeah.
Is, is, is the key.
Well that creates that creates,I think a space.
Yes, a space that we can hold.
That's the, what comes to mymind, like when I'm, I'm really
(36:14):
in the thick of grief, like I'vebeen in an IEP meeting, and I'm
just going back to all thisstuff.
Um, how can I create a spacethat can hold something
different?
And I don't know if that'slooking at a beautiful picture
or going into the garden or, youknow, laughter, humor, something
(36:40):
to shift.
And that's not emotional orspiritual bypassing.
It's just creating an opening.
For sure, um, an extension,right?
An extension that's, that's not,um, um, where it was before.
Right.
It's kind of, like you said, ifyou're moving, allowing it to
move through.
And I, I just pictured when yousaid that you drawing.
(37:01):
So if you're an IEP meeting, uh,IEP meeting, um, and you just
start to draw and I just let,you know, let the lines open up,
right.
Yeah.
It's like visualization, butyou're actually physically
drawing and you, you can see it.
So it's going through you andout your hands.
I mean, because that's, what'shappening when you're drawing,
right.
You're, you're taking it in, um,you know, like the white lights
going in and it's going on.
(37:21):
That's a great, that is a greatidea for parents for IEP
meetings, right.
Bring with them like a beautifulpicture, something that really
opens their heart.
And have that in the meeting andthey don't need to share it with
whoever they're meeting with,they can just have it right in
front of them.
They can, or just like a pad ofpaper and then like, or they can
(37:42):
just draw like a window or asun.
Yeah.
Or draw anything.
Anything.
It doesn't have to be somethingyou recognize, you know?
Yeah, it could be scribbles.
Like, I don't know.
Mark making.
Right.
Yeah.
Mark making.
Um, yeah.
I just saw that when you weretalking about that, that would
be.
But I mean, it's in.
Yeah.
And, and then it's like gettingout of your head about what it
has to be.
(38:03):
Right.
What does it have to be?
It has to, you know, um.
I think that's what we're,we're, this, I think that's
where we're going is changingour, this idea of self care and
changing the way.
We have to interpret or processand it's whatever.
I think that's where thecreativity comes in, right?
(38:25):
How, what, what is, what feels,and that's trusting yourself and
your intuition.
And what feels right for you anddoing that, right?
Yeah.
And not worrying about if welook silly or different.
And not even being attached toan outcome.
Like we, we can just go, Oh,this is going to feel good
today.
Doing this coloring thing.
Like I've got my full coloringbooks all around.
(38:45):
Cause I'm just like, I just wantto color.
And we don't even need to havelike a plan of like, this is
going to help me move through mygrief.
You know?
No, I mean, you can'tconceptualize.
Yeah.
You can't get it right.
Conceptualize something.
That's not, yeah.
That doesn't, that doesn'torigami into your box.
Yeah, for sure.
(39:06):
Just getting into, like yousaid, that I think it's
connecting.
What feels, what feels right toyou, right?
If you need to scream, youscream.
If you need to make, you know,start singing at top of your
lungs, you sing.
If you need to run down thestreet, you run down the street.
You know what I mean?
What do you need to do?
Whatever it is that you need todo, what feels right for you.
I think that's what we're goingto figure out in the next
(39:28):
century.
is doing what feels right to us.
Um, you know, that's authenticto us.
Yeah.
Oh, I hate to interrupt.
I got super.
You're not interrupting me.
I'm just, you know, wouldn't itbe amazing if it was accepted in
our culture to just act like athree year old, like if we
needed to, like, Just screamingand just like running down the
(39:50):
street.
Talking about like, whateverthat is, who's, who, I mean,
what is someone going to do?
Take away your birthday?
I mean, you're not, what are yougoing to, there's no, you know,
trouble.
You can do whatever you want todo when I see kids, you know,
like that, I'd be like, Oh, whata great way to get rid of some
energy.
Let me do that too.
Hold on.
I want to have a temper tantrum.
(40:10):
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
You know, I just like, I, I'lltalk to you about off camera,
uh, but what I was justthinking, but, um, What I just
got.
But anyway, I saw, I saw a kidbreak down at the library and I
was like, that looks, you know,I felt, I felt so bad for the
child, but I was like, that'sgotta be just so nice you know
(40:30):
how many able to do that?
Yeah.
You're like, you should saylike, little look, little man.
Yeah.
Or child.
Um, you know how many adultsdon't have the coping mechanisms
that you do, I mean, there's somany You're way ahead of them.
Yeah.
Um, oh gosh.
Oh, I love talking with you.
I know you're going to take careof your babies because it's so
hot.
I just felt like, um, I shouldadd that in my book or that's
(40:54):
kind of where we're going islike this idea of, um, uh, that
what intuition on what we need,like this idea of self care,
what is, Accessible to us liketo, you know, to like what we
just said, like, that's where Ifeel like it's going, whatever
it takes for you, you know,within reason, you know, no
one's going to go on, but, youknow, because it will get
(41:17):
someone, but you know what Imean, but I mean, this idea of,
um, That kind of being so intune with yourself, like, what
do I need?
Right, right.
You know, I feel like theenergies are just, I don't even
know what I'm saying becauseit's coming right now, but like,
that's where the energies aregonna be so intense and things
are so emotional and it's like,um, you know, what, what do I
this moment right now to, orwhat do I need?
(41:39):
Well, that's, that's the thing,right?
We, and I think what you'resaying is that, and it goes back
to just my absolute, the mostimportant thing I've ever
learned in my life is developingmy intuition.
Yeah, it is.
I mean that it is.
It is getting your freedom backis being free.
(42:00):
You don't need outsidevalidation or confirmation,
yeah.
I tell you that's different fromcollaboration and you know.
Oh yeah.
But um, so I think that's maybewhat you're talking about is
that just knowing ourselves.
And it's, it's lifelong becausewe're always changing and
(42:21):
growing.
There's always something more tolearn.
So yeah, that what we thoughtwould make us feel good that at
some point, well, we've we're adifferent person than when we
thought.
Yeah.
And that's why I think it's notjust, it's not just a three
month class of, I need to learnhow to develop my intuition.
For me, it's, it's like I said,a lifelong thing, um, because
then we can always take care ofourselves.
(42:42):
We can self care just by knowingourselves.
I think what's made me feel theleast, um, more connected to
anything and not so ever, likeI'll never be lonely again is
communicating with spirit.
Yeah.
With, um, with, with the otherside, mediumship work, which you
could have never, I would havenever said I'm a medium and I
hate, you know, I hate labels,but.
(43:03):
One of my gifts is talking to,speaking with animals that have
crossed over.
That is where my sweet spot is.
I just, that's the emotionbehind it.
And that's kind of what I'mwriting, you know, when school
stops, I'm going to finishwriting about, or not finish,
but continue with the book oncreativity.
Cause it's all about theemotional, a person's emotional
needs, like, and that's what Ifeel like.
You know, we're drivenemotionally, and that's what,
(43:25):
you know, that's what resonateswith people.
That's what tends tocommunicate.
It's not the conceptual, it'sthe emotional.
And, um, you know, that's wherethe intuition plays in.
And, um, I'll never be lonelyagain, and I want to spend more
time communicating with theother side than I do almost in
this world.
You know, and it's like, Amy andI are always going, and we're
like, you want to go in for asession?
Yeah, we go in.
(43:46):
And then, you know, I'm luckyenough to have someone to share
it with, so we talk about whatwe experienced, and it's just
phenomenal.
I mean, I can't put words to it.
I want everybody to do this, andI just feel like that's where
it's going to go.
Um, we're, I don't know whereI'm going, but I know that's
going to be a part of it, isthis, Yes, helping people heal,
get to this point where they canheal themselves.
(44:07):
I mean, I can heal myself everyday if I want, you know, pick a
pick something I want to workon, put that out there as a
message, ask my guide, ask myhigher self, whoever.
I mean, it's notebook afternotebook, after notebook.
That's right.
Messages from the collection.
And to go back to that, we needto know, we need to develop our
intuition and know how to bestill to even to do that work.
(44:31):
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, it can transcend or, or itcan extend to is a better word
to the outside world.
We can communicate with any lifeform trees plants.
I know.
And I know I'm sidetracking alittle bit, but I'm, I'm, I've
(44:52):
always been drawn to plants.
I've gardened for years.
It's a big part of my life andanimals too, but plants for
sure.
And when I pick flowers thatRuby Rose, Ruru can eat, I ask,
can I pick you?
And I get nos.
I'm Oh yeah.
(45:12):
And then I pick, and if I get ayes, I'll pick a few and then
I'll get, that's enough.
Yeah.
So, you know, and then I, then Igo into this thing of like, Oh
my gosh, I've been waiting foryears.
I've been pulling these poorplants out of the, you know, so
I I'm very sensitive.
So then I start like, Oh my God.
So I have to have a balance of,you know, uh, but I think it's
(45:35):
all, all life has a form ofconsciousness and so energy, so
we can apply this to, to otherforms of life.
So if folks are listening,aren't called to communicate
with the folks that have passedor spirit guides, we can also
look to nature.
(45:56):
Oh, that's in, um, I'm, I'm, youwere saying flowers and me too,
because of the color, but like,I just love trees.
I'm just like, uh, yes.
I love any, any, any, any,anything with the nervous system
and animal wise in any, I loveall nature.
I mean, it is.
And so then, and then you think,now I get into this again, but
then you think, you know, well,how can I help the bigger
picture because the, the planetsand so much, you know, need and
(46:19):
anyway, so I don't know ifsomething really helps me about
that.
And then we'll close.
Yeah.
I'm listening to just in thelast few months, I've been
listening to recording anymore.
I'm going to blow my nose.
Okay.
Good.
We are recording.
Oh, okay.
But you're not going to put thaton there.
(46:39):
I've been listening to, um, theshaman's cave podcast, which I
highly recommend.
And I had Renee bear about on,um, a few months ago and her co
host is Sandra Ingerman.
And I.
I have just, I've studied withpeople that she knows, um, Hank
Wesselman and Anne Riley tolearn how to do shamanic
(47:01):
journeying, but I haven'tstudied with her and I just, I'm
so in love with the podcast andI just adore these women.
So she speaks on, on one of theepisodes about how she is so
concerned about the environment,like you said, and worried about
the trees.
And.
These earth beings told her thatour presence on earth is like a
(47:28):
blip to them and not to be soheavy hearted about what's
happening.
And it's not to say don't care,but we know how we know how much
pain and this is her.
revelation.
This is her experience.
This is what she needed to hear.
But for me, I, Nicole, I can'teven watch documentaries about
(47:52):
animals.
I know, because I'm soheartbroken.
I can't watch documentariesabout the environment because
I'm so heartbroken.
It's too visceral.
It's so much for me.
Gut wrenching.
Um, so when I heard that, itreally gave me some peace.
That's good.
Yeah.
Um, so just something for us to,to explore that podcast is
(48:15):
really great.
What is it?
Shamans, the shamans cave.
Okay.
I'll check it out.
Yeah.
They're very, they're wise, wisewomen.
And I just love, I lovelistening to them.
All right.
Well, thank you so much.
Thank you so much for being hereand thank you everyone for
listening.
Uh, again, this is a very bigtopic.
(48:36):
I mean, grief is a process thatsome of us will go through for a
very long time, but from ourexperience and I'm sure from
those of you who've, who canresonate with what we're saying,
there are ways for us to createthose openings and, um, it
really helps move, move theenergy, move the emotions
(48:59):
through.
There's something beautiful tocome from it and there's
something so beautiful.
Yes.
I never ever thought I would getto the point where I could say
that my life is, is justperfect.
And with Austin and it doesn'tmatter the challenges anymore.
(49:19):
It doesn't matter anymore.
Cause of that spiritual, um,presence that's, that, that
spiritual trust.
Right.
I keep talking and we'll bedefinitely always, always had
your back.
It will, you know, always takingcare of you and it will continue
to do so.
Yeah.
Thank you so much.
thank you, everyone.
(49:40):
Have a wonderful week.
Much love.
Thank you.
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