Bonus Episode: Understanding Why a Good Parent-Child Fit Matters

Welcome to the first mini-bonus episode where I focus on one or two key concepts or skills in a conversation with my producer Alletta Cooper. Every once in a while we will add one of these bonus episodes to further explain a concept/skill that came up in the previous session.   In this episode I explore and explain what the parent-child fit is and why it is so important.  In parenting, there are often conflicting needs and wants. Navigating these dilemmas and finding solutions is critical for creating a validating environment which fosters a "good" parent-child fit.

Time Stamps

1:48 Defining the parent-child fit 

3:21 The “goodness” of fit vs the “poor” fit

4:03 Creating a safe environment for the child to feel safe, feel capable, feel seen

4:45 Balancing between accepting your child vs changing your child

6:34 Figuring out what works to validate everyone’s needs

6:44 Respect = creating a validating environment

6:58 An example of unintentionally creating an invalidating environment

8:30 A dialectic dilemma is the tension between expectations or needs

8:40 The synthesis is the solution to the dilemma

9:10 Name it for the child that they may be different but not bad!

10:38 Asking parents to open their eyes to ALL of their children, not just the child with the disruptive behaviors

11:57 - 16:08  Steps to create a good parent-child fit

1. This is called the bio-social fit - a transactional model
   1. Look at biological make up your child
   2. Look at the environment (the parent, the teacher, the classroom)
2. Acknowledge the differences without judgement
   1. Validate, validate, validate
3. Use flexible thinking  and problem-solving including Brainstorming
4. Balance between acceptance and change 
   1. Be creative in your solutions
5. Respect, connect and collaborate with your child

Resources:  

Leslie’s Handout: Understanding the Parent Child Fit

Leslie-ism: Remember to respect, connect and collaborate with your child

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook,  Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Camila Salazar, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury.  A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.