Hannah & Alex Part 2 of 3: When Saying No to your Kid feels Impossible

There are many reasons why children feel uncomfortable. And when your child is uncomfortable you as the parent often feel uncomfortable. This week we’re back with Hannah and Alex for their second session, who have come to Leslie about their three year old son Paxton. These parents are vulnerable with Leslie when they speak about how hard it is for them to say no to Paxton when he wants something. They also admit that they regret some of the parenting choices they’ve made with Paxton, and fear that they are responsible for some of their son’s habits. Hindsight is hindsight. The focus of the session is about figuring out what to do now in the present time. But these parents are committed to growing and changing and Leslie is there for them every step of the way.

Time Stamps

• 3:24 Parents feel amazing when they do the hard work of taking technology out of the bedtime routine
• 7:40 Remember to reintroduce skills or foods or ideas at a later time
• 8:10 Commitment is necessary to  make change - and it provides the motivation
• 9:17 Creativity is great when it comes to food issues : how you serve it, when you serve it, what you serve, where you serve it
• 11:58 Dialectic perspective - honor and respect your partner’s perspective 
• 13:55 Giving in to the short term relief at the expense of long term gains. Especially when our children are struggling 
• 18:40 Parents can always look back and say, “I should have done it differently,” but parents shouldn’t shame themselves when they are doing the best they can with the skills they had at the time.
• 25:13 How should we as parents engage with our child’s big emotions; be careful to acknowledge without reinforcing it
• 26:43 When do we transition kids from distracting from big emotions to acknowledging big emotions
  • Teach your child that feelings are valid 
  • Distraction is one option (you can revisit the emotion later)
  • Validate the feelings, do nothing to fix it, and move on
• 29:40 Separate your feelings from you child’s emotions
• 33:57 When children have “comfort” habits like picking their parents’ fingernails
• 39:10 You can be emotionally connected with your child without being physically connected

Show Note Link

Leslie's Blog writing on The Dilemma of the Chinese Finger Trap


Leslie-ism: Take a moment to look at the ways you both physically and emotionally connect with your child.

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Mia Warren, AJ Moultrié, Camila Salazar, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.