Hannah & Alex Part 3 of 3: The Balancing Act of Parenting

It’s no secret that parenting is a challenge. We want our children to be happy, and it can be difficult to see them upset or hurting. Leslie has been working through this with Hannah and Alex, parents of three year old Paxton, who’ve returned for their third and final session. Together they reinforce the changes they’ve already implemented with Paxton, like correcting habits and communicating clearly. Leslie also shows them how they’re setting Paxton up for success now when it comes to very adult things like handling disappointment and pain. Hannah and Alex have also begun communicating their emotions more clearly, adopting the “emotion mind” language with each other, which in turn helps model it for Paxton. 

Time Stamps

• 5:30 Using Logic with someone in Emotion Mind usually doesn’t work (at any age)
• 6:20 Address issues, validate feelings, and move on (without bringing it up over and over)
• 7:03 Extinction burst - why behaviors tend to get worse before they get better
• 8:33 Teach kids early that they can handle disappointment
• 10:54 How to reinforce manners without giving in every time a child asks for something “nicely”
• 15:30 Life can be hard when you are a rule follower
• 20:04 Short-term gratification can cause children to always want more, more, more
• 20:38 Practice delayed gratification 
• Even if you don’t get the short-term results you want keep exposing your child to new foods and new activities
• 24:25 Practice communicating with your partner about being in emotion-mind
• 31:01 To promote flexible thinking and Dialectic thinking use “and” instead of “but”
• 37:34 You can’t protect your child from the pains of life, and the greatest gift you can give them is the ability to know that they can handle that pain
• 39:03 Review an event in the past is for the purpose of learning, not for re-experiencing.  Ask something like  “what do you think would work for you next time?”

Show Note Links

Three States of Mind

Reacting vs Responding

Youtube channel videos on Behaviorism

• How to increase wanted behaviors 
• How to shape behaviors
• How to decrease unwanted behaviors

Leslie-ism: When your urge is to react, take a pause and then choose to respond. 

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook,  Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, AJ Moultrié, Camila Salazar, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.