How to Resolve Conflicts with Special Guest Dale Rubury

Sibling Rivalry is a great opportunity to practice conflict resolution. In this episode we talk about the steps to help you resolve conflicts with your kids.  But these same steps (easy to explain and difficult to practice) can be used with all relationships that experience conflicts. Leslie explains the steps to conflict resolution and highlights the one step that is often forgotten and without it can sabotage any attempts to resolve the conflicts. Leslie and her daughter Dale discuss these steps and apply it to real life experiences

Time Stamps

2:12 Definition of conflict

3:58  Four Steps of conflict resolution with the MISSING PIECE

1. Stop the action
2. State the problem
3. Generate solutions
4. Pick a solution and move forward

4:26 Five Steps of Conflict Resolution 

1. Stop the action
2. State the problem
3. Use Empathy and perspective taking to get to the underlying concerns
4. Generate solutions 
5. Pick a solution and move forward

Conflict resolution often fails when the empathy step is missing

5:18 Using a childhood example to demonstrate these steps

6:25 Step in to sibling rivalry only SOME of the time, not al of the time

7:26 Don’t attempt to figure out who started.  It is not effective

Start with “I notice there is a problem here” not “Who started this”

9:50 Getting Confirmation with a nod or saying yes is important to make sure someone feels heard and understood 

10:12 Validation, active listening, reflective listening is absolutely necessary

10:45 Use non-verbal, physical support when the other person is talking

12:20 Empathy and validation is not condoning the behavior or agreeing with the other person's perspective 

14:00 Have the child use “I Statement” so you avoid blaming language

14:45 Generating solutions - engage the children - 

18:10 Moving from Emotion mind to wise mind as you move through the steps. If emotions are too high, wait until another time to do the conflict resolution process

20:15 When generating ideas make sure each child is taking responsibility for their part and coming up with solutions that they can change

22:53 When is it most effective for parents to jump into conflict resolution?  When the PARENT feels most capable of handling the conflict. 

23:40 The infamous “Sink Story” 

26:20 The Fair Fighting Fouls (see show notes for link)

27:26 The parents' job is to teach it and model it - 

Leslie-ism: Conflict resolution begins with empathy

Resources:

Fair Fighting Rules in a Pamphlet called Time Out: Resolving Family Conflicts

Other conflict resolution resources for Kids at Peace Education Foundation

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook,  Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Camila Salazar, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Graphics and Website Design by