Jean & Alex Part 2 of 3: When Your Child Wants a Lot of Your Attention

Parents get exhausted because parenting is exhausting. Parents also can get exhausted because they are in essence tripping over their own feet.  Have you ever thought that your worry thoughts are the thing that is contributing to your exhaustion?  Whether it's your child or yourself, worry makes people uncomfortable. In this episode, we talk about teaching her child to handle discomfort through exposure work.  And when parents practice what they preach, their children are so much more likely to learn those lessons.That’s a parenting gem.  We also focus on how personal vulnerability plays into parenting, how to manage the frustration and how to find solutions through synthesis

Time Stamps

5:04 Learning to live with someone else is a spiritual practice - the frustration is a given and it teaches us to learn to tolerate differences

7:35 A Dialectic Dilemma - I want alone time vs I want to be with you all the time

• dialectic synthesis (makes a black and white design) vs a compromise (makes grey). See Handout below.
• Brainstorming your ideas for different syntheses promotes flexible thinking and multiple options

17:50 If we meet our child’s need when it's small, we may be able to keep it from escalating

20:30: Three strategies for dealing with Kids who want your attention

• I’m cooking (expect them to wait)
• Take a quick break and see what they want to show you
• Connect to your child before they ASK.  

22:04 Take responsibility for your own “frustration or irritation” - Own it, Name it

22:47 Be who you are, Accept who you are AND also work on Change!

25:08 Radical acceptance the normal frustration

25:30 Tolerating Differences is something children can learn when parents are different

26:25 Talking about the idea of our children “pushing our buttons” clinically called vulnerabilities and a prompting event for emotional reactions

28:23 Beware of blaming and shaming your child if you think your reaction is their fault. 

31:15 Children are trying to meet their needs:  Parents can interpret that as manipulation or believing that the child is “powering over you”

32:20 Children who ask questions over and over again may need reassurance

33:36 Lean into the child’s problematic behavior with curiosity and send it back to the child. Don’t make it about you. Make it about her

36:00 The homework assignment of making a list of “I CAN HANDLE IT”  - listing when she had a struggle and how she handled it

38:28  Advice for Parents: Try a little less hard.  Trying too hard: making everything a lesson, trying to get it so right.  General Surgeon said Parents are too stressed and its affedcting their mental health

Resources:  

US General Surgeon’s Advisory Article on “Parents Under Pressure”

Embark Behavioral Health Article on All or Nothing Thinking: The Impact of a Black and White Mentality

Leslie's Handout on Images of Dialectic Synthesis

Leslie-ism: Remember you don’t have buttons that your child pushes, but you do have vulnerabilities. Take a look and recognize those vulnerabilities so your kids don't do it first 

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook,  Instagram,