Krystal & Burt Part 3 of 3: When One Parent Worries and The Other Parent Doesn’t

Here’s the scenario:  Your 8 year old child just got a formal diagnosis of ADHD in addition to the dyslexia diagnosis.  Your 12 year old son is also neurodivergent whose behaviors include humming, interrupting and fidgeting. How does a family learn to get along with all of these differences which create tension in both the children and the parents. In this third and final session with Krystal and Burt, Leslie works directly with the parenting differences…Krystal expresses her concerns about Margot's future, while Burt remains optimistic. The skills focus on mindfulness, validation and communication in order to “get along”, and learn to live together.

Time Stamps

3:35 The benefits of giving a child with ADHD the “job” of time management

5:00 Medication Trial for ADHD - pros and cons

8:59 The worrisome questions of someone with ADHD

15:10 When avoiding problems, you might be making your problem worse

15:45 Asking for what you need when you know you want to be heard.

17:25 Learning to speak each other’s language 

18:55 Making sure your child understands their diagnosis

19:45 When someone is not understood and seen for who they are, they may misbehave- example of being left handed and being singled out.

20:22 If you figure out your different and different equals bad, then you call yourself “bad”

21:30 Explaining brains when you're trying to explain a diagnosis to a child

• Discussing neurodivergence with affirmative language

25:48 When parents have opposite perspectives.

• Be who you are and take a giant step towards the other person
• You can still be positive and validate your child’s concerns

27:39 When you validate someone’s worries - the worries may actually decrease 

30:41 Role Play example of validation when someone uses BUT instead of AND

32:50 When the environment (school, home) may or may not support the neurodivergent person

34:36 Description of neurodivergent differences in the family including ADHD and Autism

38:00 Description of Stimming Behaviors

40:10 Family meetings can create a positive circular loop in which understanding leads to connection, and connection leads to greater understanding.

• Family meeting can name the tension between neurodivergent types 
• Family meeting can engage the kids in the process of problem solving
• Understanding leads to empathy, consideration and tolerance

43:25 Description of misophonia and mindfulness skills to treat it

Leslie-ism: To reduce conflict start with communication and end up with connection

Resources: 

• Resources on Neurodivergence Neurodivergentinsights.com
• Dr, Liz Angoff”s website Explaining Brains - full of resources
• Dr. Liz Angoff’s website

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook,  Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Camila Salazar, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music<