Mary and Antoine Part 3 of 3: When Parents Fight

An unspoken agreement with parents raising children is that they will be on the same page and they will be a united front. But that is often easier said than done. In part 3 of our 3 part series with Mary, her husband Antoine joins us to discuss what happens when they disagree, how it affects their 6 year old Oliver, and what they’re doing to make sure they come back together in healthy ways.

Time Stamps

• 7:34 What does “being on the same page” mean to you?
• 9:51 What does it mean when your child picks up that you are two different people, with two different personalities
• 12:42 For some people, harmony is necessary for the nervous system
• 15:56 Parents might be comfortable with conflict, and your child might need extra reassurance that you’re okay
• 18:43 It’s okay to give children a sense of control in the situation
• 22:03 Start having your child become aware of their level of discomfort - check in with them, and have them name it
• 22:40 An incredible lesson for a child: I’m uncomfortable, and I can handle it
• 25:50 In uncomfortable moments, prepare the family to brave the storm, and that it will pass
• Sometimes we need to table arguments to have them away from children, but it is beneficial for children to see their parents arguing; it can be damaging to only see harmony/”perfection”
• 30:46 Learning to “fight fair”
• 34:28 Repair is incredibly important for children to witness
• 34:40 Ideas of mutual respect and benefit of the doubt
• 40:40 Definition of radical acceptance
• 44:29 Idea that we can be different and still respect each other’s ways; you’re respecting your individual differences
• 45:49 What do tolerating differences look like?

Resources:  

• Sign up here to be a parent guest on Is My Child a Monster? Podcast
• Time Out: Resolving Family Conflicts available in both English and Spanish
• Rules on Fighting Fair provided by Therapist Aid

Leslie-ism: Mutual respect is key for repairing relationship ruptures

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook,  Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, AJ Moultrié, Camila Salazar, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.