Is there an epidemic of overparenting? And if so, where does it come from? Is it parenting from a place of fear, from a place of information overload, from the anxiety that is all around us, the drive to make our children perfect or is it from the frustration of trying to raise a child who doesn’t do what you want them to do? In this third and final session with Pedro and Claudia, Leslie explores these questions. Pedro and Claudia want to be the best parents they can be to their 16 year old son LIam, but are overparenting and doing too much undermining their efforts? Leslie turns her attention to the “overparenting problem” that’s shaping the next generation, and leaving them with lasting consequences. Together Leslie, Pedro, and Claudia discuss how to pivot from being “nagging” parents, to “chill” ones, and how to do that while still instilling your child with your core values and healthy limits.
Time Stamps
3:10 The impact of “less is more” motto on the parent-child relationship (yes we are well aware of the reversal in the podcast where by Pedro and Leslie said “more is less”
5:15 Parenting is forgiving
8:43 Three ways to change your behavior as a parent
- 9:29 Shift from “I can’t do this” to “I will feel so much better if I do this”
- 9:46 Get some support from partner who give you reminders and help out with the change
- 10:35 Permission-giving. Getting the okay from someone else, someone you trust
14:25/16:39 The benefits of being a bit more “CHILL”
14:52 Finding the balance - the middle path of parenting (see the video in the show notes)
17:25 Overparenting as result of parenting from a place of fear
19:40 The myth of the parenting “deadline”
21:25 The metaphor of a plant growing and the space it needs (see video below)
24:04 Understanding who your child is to is in order to build a foundation for them
- Biological make up
- Social environment
29:43 Parents have the privilege of seeing every side of their child
30:29 We want to send the message that a child is a whole person, and that includes the good the bad and the ugly
35:16 What are you missing? What is your child’s perspective? Parents often skip this step
36:50 How would you validate your child (clue to finding their perspective)
39:07 Reframing from “my child is taking the easy way out” and “manipulating” to “he’s doing what works”
44:14 Have faith that your child will be able to solve their own problems as they grow as adults
44:39 We don’t want our children to be afraid of growing up - what can parents do about this?
Show Note Links:
- Leslie’s Video: Plants Need Space and So Do Kids
- Leslie’s Video: Stop Repeating Yourself
- Handout on Parenting Dilemmas from DBT
- Leslie’s Video: Walking the Middle Path to Balance the Dilemmas
Leslie-ism: Beware of Overparenting. Remember Less is More!
For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.
Credits:
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