April 1, 2025 • 17 mins
Female friendships provide irreplaceable support as our cheerleaders, therapists, and comedy specials rolled into one, but they can subtly transform from empowering sisterhoods into dependency cycles that erode self-trust. The danger lies in constantly seeking validation from others instead of trusting our own judgment, slowly outsourcing our decision-making and disconnecting from our inner guidance.
• The difference between seeking advice versus seeking permission
• How dependency on external validation chips away at self-respect
• Why constantly polling friends for decisions teaches us our judgment isn't enough
• Common subconscious lies we tell ourselves about friendship and decision-making
• Reframing discomfort as an invitation to reconnect with yourself
• The paradox that less approval-seeking creates deeper connections
• Practical steps to rebuild self-trust while maintaining meaningful friendships
• Why true friendships reflect your power back to you instead of replacing it
May our relationships be sources of love, growth, and peace, with our confidence always rooted in Allah alone.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Welcome to Islamic Life Coach School Podcast.
Apply tools that you learn inthis podcast and your life will
be unrecognizably successful.
Now your host, dr Kamal Asr.
Hello, hello, hello everyone.
Peace and blessings be upon allof you, inshallah.
This podcast is being publishedaround the time of Eid and you
guys must have enjoyed or areenjoying with your family, with
(00:26):
ongoing celebrations.
Today I want to talk about howyour best friends being your
girlfriend, is the bestexperience about being a woman
and I'm talking beyond self-helpbooks.
Nothing beats a deep,soul-nourishing conversation
with a woman that just gets you.
They're the one who hype you upwhen life is feeling down, or
(00:46):
they lovingly drag you out ofmaking a questionable life
choice.
They're the only people who candecode your vague texts, send
you unhinged memes, and they areyour real-life emergency
contacts, maybe not on officialforms, but like real emergencies
, like bad hair days that nobodygets.
Whatever is important to you isimportant to them, while it
(01:09):
might appear vain to the rest ofthe world, but beyond the
laughs and the inside jokes,having solid girlfriends is a
superpower.
They remind you of your worthwhen you forget it.
They're the ones who sit in themess with you without rushing
to clean it up or fix you.
They're either your ride or dieforever.
And even when the relationshipis over, there's no breakup.
(01:32):
Talk like we need to figurethings out.
We need to know where thingsare going, or having the
uncomfortable silences when youhaven't talked for a while.
There's a certain ongoingcommunication in an empty space,
even if you're not directlycommunicating with them.
There's a certain ongoingcommunication in an empty space,
even if you're not directlycommunicating with them.
There's a certain understandingabout yourself and the
relationship.
(01:52):
As a Muslim woman, having otherwomen as friends is incredible.
They're your cheerleaders, yourtherapists, your comedy
specials all rolled in one.
But the plot twist, which iswhat this podcast is about, is
they can also become a crutch.
It becomes easy to blur theline between support and
dependency, between genuinesisterhood and constantly
(02:15):
outsourcing your decision-makingbecause you don't trust
yourself enough to make themalone own.
This podcast is your invite tonotice when a tough choice about
career, marriage or even whatto wear is being brought to the
group chat for approval.
If you're slowly starting tolose connection with your own
(02:36):
intuition and what it looks likewhen an empowering sisterhood
morphs into an accidental safetynet, don't use that safety net
above yours.
Don't let this sisterhood getin the way at a chance to truly
stand on your own and always beon the lookout for the friends
that you love the most.
How are they unknowinglyreinforcing a dependency cycle
(02:59):
If, out of their care, they'realways having an opinion as well
?
How it might look to you is atfirst it will feel reassuring.
You have people to turn to,people who get it.
But then, when you startnoticing you're going to be
second-guessing yourself morethan ever, you're going to be
second-guessing yourself morethan you're trusting yourself.
You'll start to notice thatbefore making any choice, you
(03:24):
will want to see if someone elsecan validate them, and you will
need at least one or two otherpeople to agree with you before
you feel like your decision islegitimate.
And slowly, without realizingit, you will start handing over
your autonomy in small, tiny,seemingly harmless ways.
The difference is that seekingadvice is different from seeking
(03:47):
permission.
True sisterhood reflects yourstrength back to you.
It does not make you dependenton borrowed confidence.
If your friendships leave youfeeling like you can't trust
anyone, it's not a sisterhood,it's a crutch.
It's just another way thatwomen are taught to play small,
(04:08):
stay uncertain and doubt theirown brilliance.
Your girlfriends should be theones reminding you what you
already know to do or not to do.
This is you abusing yourfriendships as a mirror,
reflecting the power back to youthat you forgot that you had
all along.
The unspoken cost of alwaysseeking validation and advice
(04:29):
from others is the slow erosionof your own voice from someone
else.
Every time you hesitate totrust yourself and instead you
look outward for permission, youchip away at your own
self-respect, and this is notjust about needing reassurance.
(04:52):
This becomes about outsourcingyour autonomy.
This is when you're allowingother people's opinions to shape
your reality more than your ownintuition ever can, and the
more you depend on other peoplefor answers, the more unfamiliar
you become with the sound ofyour own brilliance.
Decision making becomes moreand more of an external process,
(05:15):
and, before you know it, yourlife will become about unfounded
fears, doubts and limitationsof those that are around you,
and the worst part is the peoplethat you're looking to for
guidance aren't even the oneswho will live with the
consequences of your choices.
You will be living with them.
This is a quiet betrayal thatmost women don't realize they're
(05:36):
committing against themselves,and it does not always have to
be just girlfriends, it could beyour spouse, it could be your
family member, it could besiblings, it could be colleagues
.
When it comes to professionalopinions, every time you poll
the room for their opinioninstead of making a choice based
on what you already know.
Deep down, you teach yourselfthat your judgment is not enough
(05:59):
, and if you never let yourselfbe the authority of your life,
you will never gain that skill.
You will always feel like aguest in it.
The cost of seeking constantvalidation is not just
insecurity.
Cost is forfeiting the lifeyou're meant to live.
Some of the subconscious liesthat we're constantly telling
(06:20):
ourselves about our friendshipsand decision making subconscious
lies that we're constantlytelling ourselves about our
friendships and decision making.
It goes something like if myfriends don't agree, it's
probably a bad idea.
Sometimes your friends are justas scared as you are of big
changes.
Their disagreement with yourdecision does not necessarily
mean a red flag.
What if it's a reflection oftheir own limitations?
(06:42):
What if it's a reflection oftheir own limitations?
These friends, no matter howloving, are still human.
They project, they worry.
They see your risks through thelens of their own experiences.
If they have never taken a leap, you're considering whether
it's about moving cities,changing careers or choosing to
get yourself out of a toxicrelationship.
They might caution you againstit, not because it's wrong, but
(07:06):
because it makes themuncomfortable.
Sometimes the scariest, themost life-changing decisions
aren't group decisions.
Sometimes the scariest, mostlife-changing decisions aren't
group decisions.
You don't need a committee voteto validate what you already
know in your gut your destiny isnot a democracy.
(07:27):
If your heart is pulled in onedirection and the only thing
stopping you is but I don't knowif my friends will think this
is a good idea then maybe you'relistening to the wrong people
in this scenario.
The next unconscious belief thatI want to point towards is a
strong community means everyonethinks the same way.
That's actually not the case.
(07:48):
A strong community meanseveryone respects that you think
differently.
This is an unspoken pressure onfemale friendships the idea
that if we're close, we shouldagree on everything.
But sisterhood, along with anyother relationship, is not about
sameness.
It's about respectingeveryone's individuality.
(08:08):
If your friendship space cannothold different perspectives,
then it's not a friendship.
It's an echo chamber.
If you're trying to agree withyour friends 100% of the time,
or the other way around, are youthinking for yourself or you're
just reinforcing what'scomfortable for the group.
The strongest community is notbuilt on uniformity, but it's
(08:32):
built on an unshakable respectfor each other's autonomy.
Real friends do not guilt youfor thinking differently.
They make you feel like theyhold space for your
individuality, even if, andespecially if, it challenges
their own beliefs.
The next unspoken belief couldbe that good friends always tell
(08:55):
you what to do, when actuallygood friends help you see for
yourself clearly what you candecide for yourself.
Good friends help you see foryourself clearly what you can
decide for yourself.
While friendships can be ahelpline and I want you to use
them as such when you need it,you can call someone and they
tell you the correct answer, orthey guide you through life
(09:22):
problems when your own brainmight not be functioning as well
.
But I invite you to not makeyour decisions just based on
this helpline.
A great friend doesn't justhand you the answer.
She helps you see the answer,she asks the hard questions, she
reminds you of your ownstrengths.
If you're feeling lonely, thatis not a sign that you need more
people.
It might be a sign that youneed more of yourself.
(09:45):
You might assume that the emptysocial calendar or a quiet
night means something's wrong,but real loneliness is not a
lack of company.
It's being disconnected fromyourself.
You can be surrounded by peoplewho love you and still feel
alone if you don't actually knowwho you are beyond their
(10:06):
reflections.
And you could be alone and insilence and feel completely held
and nourished just because youhave a very powerful self-image
created after you've beenlistening to your own inner
guidance.
What if discomfort is notisolation but an invitation for
you to reconnect with yourself?
Because what happens is theless you need approval, the more
(10:30):
deeply you connect with theright people.
When your choices depend onvalidation, you will mold
yourself to fit expectations ofothers and this will subtly
silence your own opinion,instinct and desires.
It feels safe, but this is aslow erasure of who you are and,
(10:50):
paradoxically,counterintuitively, the moment
you stop chasing approval, youbecome magnetic to people who
align with you.
With you, you no longer attractpeople who need you to stay
small.
Self-trust is the foundation ofreal intimacy in any
relationship.
(11:11):
If you don't trust yourself,you cannot trust your
connections.
Real connections requirevulnerability, but vulnerability
without self-trust is justinsecurity, looking for
reassurance.
Over and over again, women fromvery early age are conditioned
(11:31):
to play it safe, choosing what'sacceptable over what's
authentic to them, to them.
And the most dangerous cost ofall of this is that every time
you overwrite your gut feelingto avoid conflict or to maintain
harmony, or just because otherpeople aren't approving, you
send yourself a message thattheir comfort matters more than
(11:52):
your own truth.
But this discomfort of notmeeting your values does not
disappear, it festers, it turnsinto resentment, it turns into
exhaustion and burnout.
If you're looking for what ismissing and you don't quite see
it, something is missing, andthat is your voice, the voice
(12:13):
that is meant to lead you, not avoice that's meant to be lost
in other people's opinions.
Don't infantilize yourself byalways being hungry for somebody
else to give you answers.
Yes, it is very appealing toalways want others to give you
what the answer is, because thatfeels safe, that feels after
(12:33):
the outcome of that decisionyou'll have somebody else to
blame but yourself.
But what if, after an outcomeof a decision, you never blamed
anybody, yourself or others?
You made decisions based onwhatever information was best
available to you and you staycontent with that?
What if you take every outcomeof a decision as a stage in life
(12:54):
to navigate and learn lessonsfrom?
What if there was no such thingas a wrong decision.
That is the principle that Iact from.
If I've made a decision, evenif I take other people's opinion
into account, the decision isalways from me and I absolutely
(13:17):
refuse to consider it a wrongdecision, because I do do
believe that Allah SWT does notput anybody in a position that
they cannot handle, and thateverything from Allah is for a
cause and that everything fromAllah is for a reason.
So how are you going to startthis path?
You're going to start embracingthe mess.
(13:39):
Normalize being wrong.
If you're afraid of making baddecisions, you'll never make
great ones.
Reframe discomfort as a sign ofgrowth, because alternative is
stagnation.
Take small risks daily so yourbrain learns that uncertainty
(14:00):
won't break you.
Uncertainty can also build youif you let it.
Ask yourself what would I do ifno one else had an opinion on
this?
Then listen and if you do feeluncertain, don't run from it.
Maybe set a timer for 10minutes and come back to it.
(14:23):
Do not run away from thedecision, don't distract
yourself.
There are no quick fixes.
Maybe you have to come back toit after istikhara.
Maybe you pray on it, make duaabout it.
The right knowledge revealsitself in time.
Your only job is to stay openlong enough to hear it.
Your best girlfriends aren'there to lead the life for you.
(14:47):
They're here to reflect backthe best parts of you.
They do offer an emotionalsafety net, but it's not
supposed to be an emotionalprison where you're trapped in
dependency.
Supposed to be an emotionalprison where you're trapped in
dependency.
A great friendship is acreative catalyst, making you
dream bigger, see beyond whatyou thought was possible, and it
(15:09):
challenges your own limitations.
A great friendship also bringsout pure, unfiltered joy.
The kind that has no agenda, noexpectation, just deep belly
laughs over things that mightnot make any sense.
True friendships don't smotheryou under the weight of
expectations.
They honor your autonomy.
(15:31):
They remind you of your valueswithout enforcing them on you.
They are a soft place to land,but never a place to stay stuck.
And if for all of that tohappen, you have to let people
know that you love advice, butyou make the final call, do that
.
Do it verbally, explicitly, orjust think about it and decide
(15:55):
on it implicitly around yourfriendships.
Stop explaining your everydecision.
People will adjust.
Step into the arena andencourage mutual growth, because
if you're the only one evolving, that's not a friendship.
Choose friends that trust yourjudgment and you trust theirs,
and practice saying I trustmyself on this one and continue
(16:20):
to love yourself through all ofthe outcomes.
Best friendships are a catalystto autonomy, not a replacement
for it.
If you don't trust yourself, nofriendship can save you.
If you do trust yourself, nofriendship can break you.
And among a sea of very goodfriends and a handful of great
(16:42):
friends and even fewer bestfriends, there is a fine line
between support andself-betrayal, and that line is
your awareness.
With that, I pray to Allah SWT.
Ya Allah, I am grateful for thefriendships that uplift,
challenge and reflect the bestin me.
Bless me and all of us with thewisdom to trust myself, the
(17:09):
strength to stand firm in mychoices and the clarity to seek
guidance without losing my voice.
Ya Allah, let my relationshipsbe a source of love, growth,
serenity and peace, and may myconfidence always be rooted in
you alone.
Ameen, ya Rabbul Alameen,please keep me in your du'as.
(17:31):
I will talk to you guys nexttime.
Welcome to Islamic Life Coach School Podcast.
Apply tools that you learn inthis podcast and your life will
be unrecognizably successful.
Now your host, dr Kamal Asr.
Hello, hello, hello everyone.
Peace and blessings be upon allof you, inshallah.
This podcast is being publishedaround the time of Eid and you
guys must have enjoyed or areenjoying with your family, with
(00:26):
ongoing celebrations.
Today I want to talk about howyour best friends being your
girlfriend, is the bestexperience about being a woman
and I'm talking beyond self-helpbooks.
Nothing beats a deep,soul-nourishing conversation
with a woman that just gets you.
They're the one who hype you upwhen life is feeling down, or
(00:46):
they lovingly drag you out ofmaking a questionable life
choice.
They're the only people who candecode your vague texts, send
you unhinged memes, and they areyour real-life emergency
contacts, maybe not on officialforms, but like real emergencies
, like bad hair days that nobodygets.
Whatever is important to you isimportant to them, while it
(01:09):
might appear vain to the rest ofthe world, but beyond the
laughs and the inside jokes,having solid girlfriends is a
superpower.
They remind you of your worthwhen you forget it.
They're the ones who sit in themess with you without rushing
to clean it up or fix you.
They're either your ride or dieforever.
And even when the relationshipis over, there's no breakup.
(01:32):
Talk like we need to figurethings out.
We need to know where thingsare going, or having the
uncomfortable silences when youhaven't talked for a while.
There's a certain ongoingcommunication in an empty space,
even if you're not directlycommunicating with them.
There's a certain ongoingcommunication in an empty space,
even if you're not directlycommunicating with them.
There's a certain understandingabout yourself and the
relationship.
(01:52):
As a Muslim woman, having otherwomen as friends is incredible.
They're your cheerleaders, yourtherapists, your comedy
specials all rolled in one.
But the plot twist, which iswhat this podcast is about, is
they can also become a crutch.
It becomes easy to blur theline between support and
dependency, between genuinesisterhood and constantly
(02:15):
outsourcing your decision-makingbecause you don't trust
yourself enough to make themalone own.
This podcast is your invite tonotice when a tough choice about
career, marriage or even whatto wear is being brought to the
group chat for approval.
If you're slowly starting tolose connection with your own
(02:36):
intuition and what it looks likewhen an empowering sisterhood
morphs into an accidental safetynet, don't use that safety net
above yours.
Don't let this sisterhood getin the way at a chance to truly
stand on your own and always beon the lookout for the friends
that you love the most.
How are they unknowinglyreinforcing a dependency cycle
(02:59):
If, out of their care, they'realways having an opinion as well
?
How it might look to you is atfirst it will feel reassuring.
You have people to turn to,people who get it.
But then, when you startnoticing you're going to be
second-guessing yourself morethan ever, you're going to be
second-guessing yourself morethan you're trusting yourself.
You'll start to notice thatbefore making any choice, you
(03:24):
will want to see if someone elsecan validate them, and you will
need at least one or two otherpeople to agree with you before
you feel like your decision islegitimate.
And slowly, without realizingit, you will start handing over
your autonomy in small, tiny,seemingly harmless ways.
The difference is that seekingadvice is different from seeking
(03:47):
permission.
True sisterhood reflects yourstrength back to you.
It does not make you dependenton borrowed confidence.
If your friendships leave youfeeling like you can't trust
anyone, it's not a sisterhood,it's a crutch.
It's just another way thatwomen are taught to play small,
(04:08):
stay uncertain and doubt theirown brilliance.
Your girlfriends should be theones reminding you what you
already know to do or not to do.
This is you abusing yourfriendships as a mirror,
reflecting the power back to youthat you forgot that you had
all along.
The unspoken cost of alwaysseeking validation and advice
(04:29):
from others is the slow erosionof your own voice from someone
else.
Every time you hesitate totrust yourself and instead you
look outward for permission, youchip away at your own
self-respect, and this is notjust about needing reassurance.
(04:52):
This becomes about outsourcingyour autonomy.
This is when you're allowingother people's opinions to shape
your reality more than your ownintuition ever can, and the
more you depend on other peoplefor answers, the more unfamiliar
you become with the sound ofyour own brilliance.
Decision making becomes moreand more of an external process,
(05:15):
and, before you know it, yourlife will become about unfounded
fears, doubts and limitationsof those that are around you,
and the worst part is the peoplethat you're looking to for
guidance aren't even the oneswho will live with the
consequences of your choices.
You will be living with them.
This is a quiet betrayal thatmost women don't realize they're
(05:36):
committing against themselves,and it does not always have to
be just girlfriends, it could beyour spouse, it could be your
family member, it could besiblings, it could be colleagues
.
When it comes to professionalopinions, every time you poll
the room for their opinioninstead of making a choice based
on what you already know.
Deep down, you teach yourselfthat your judgment is not enough
(05:59):
, and if you never let yourselfbe the authority of your life,
you will never gain that skill.
You will always feel like aguest in it.
The cost of seeking constantvalidation is not just
insecurity.
Cost is forfeiting the lifeyou're meant to live.
Some of the subconscious liesthat we're constantly telling
(06:20):
ourselves about our friendshipsand decision making subconscious
lies that we're constantlytelling ourselves about our
friendships and decision making.
It goes something like if myfriends don't agree, it's
probably a bad idea.
Sometimes your friends are justas scared as you are of big
changes.
Their disagreement with yourdecision does not necessarily
mean a red flag.
What if it's a reflection oftheir own limitations?
(06:42):
What if it's a reflection oftheir own limitations?
These friends, no matter howloving, are still human.
They project, they worry.
They see your risks through thelens of their own experiences.
If they have never taken a leap, you're considering whether
it's about moving cities,changing careers or choosing to
get yourself out of a toxicrelationship.
They might caution you againstit, not because it's wrong, but
(07:06):
because it makes themuncomfortable.
Sometimes the scariest, themost life-changing decisions
aren't group decisions.
Sometimes the scariest, mostlife-changing decisions aren't
group decisions.
You don't need a committee voteto validate what you already
know in your gut your destiny isnot a democracy.
(07:27):
If your heart is pulled in onedirection and the only thing
stopping you is but I don't knowif my friends will think this
is a good idea then maybe you'relistening to the wrong people
in this scenario.
The next unconscious belief thatI want to point towards is a
strong community means everyonethinks the same way.
That's actually not the case.
(07:48):
A strong community meanseveryone respects that you think
differently.
This is an unspoken pressure onfemale friendships the idea
that if we're close, we shouldagree on everything.
But sisterhood, along with anyother relationship, is not about
sameness.
It's about respectingeveryone's individuality.
(08:08):
If your friendship space cannothold different perspectives,
then it's not a friendship.
It's an echo chamber.
If you're trying to agree withyour friends 100% of the time,
or the other way around, are youthinking for yourself or you're
just reinforcing what'scomfortable for the group.
The strongest community is notbuilt on uniformity, but it's
(08:32):
built on an unshakable respectfor each other's autonomy.
Real friends do not guilt youfor thinking differently.
They make you feel like theyhold space for your
individuality, even if, andespecially if, it challenges
their own beliefs.
The next unspoken belief couldbe that good friends always tell
(08:55):
you what to do, when actuallygood friends help you see for
yourself clearly what you candecide for yourself.
Good friends help you see foryourself clearly what you can
decide for yourself.
While friendships can be ahelpline and I want you to use
them as such when you need it,you can call someone and they
tell you the correct answer, orthey guide you through life
(09:22):
problems when your own brainmight not be functioning as well
.
But I invite you to not makeyour decisions just based on
this helpline.
A great friend doesn't justhand you the answer.
She helps you see the answer,she asks the hard questions, she
reminds you of your ownstrengths.
If you're feeling lonely, thatis not a sign that you need more
people.
It might be a sign that youneed more of yourself.
(09:45):
You might assume that the emptysocial calendar or a quiet
night means something's wrong,but real loneliness is not a
lack of company.
It's being disconnected fromyourself.
You can be surrounded by peoplewho love you and still feel
alone if you don't actually knowwho you are beyond their
(10:06):
reflections.
And you could be alone and insilence and feel completely held
and nourished just because youhave a very powerful self-image
created after you've beenlistening to your own inner
guidance.
What if discomfort is notisolation but an invitation for
you to reconnect with yourself?
Because what happens is theless you need approval, the more
(10:30):
deeply you connect with theright people.
When your choices depend onvalidation, you will mold
yourself to fit expectations ofothers and this will subtly
silence your own opinion,instinct and desires.
It feels safe, but this is aslow erasure of who you are and,
(10:50):
paradoxically,counterintuitively, the moment
you stop chasing approval, youbecome magnetic to people who
align with you.
With you, you no longer attractpeople who need you to stay
small.
Self-trust is the foundation ofreal intimacy in any
relationship.
(11:11):
If you don't trust yourself,you cannot trust your
connections.
Real connections requirevulnerability, but vulnerability
without self-trust is justinsecurity, looking for
reassurance.
Over and over again, women fromvery early age are conditioned
(11:31):
to play it safe, choosing what'sacceptable over what's
authentic to them, to them.
And the most dangerous cost ofall of this is that every time
you overwrite your gut feelingto avoid conflict or to maintain
harmony, or just because otherpeople aren't approving, you
send yourself a message thattheir comfort matters more than
(11:52):
your own truth.
But this discomfort of notmeeting your values does not
disappear, it festers, it turnsinto resentment, it turns into
exhaustion and burnout.
If you're looking for what ismissing and you don't quite see
it, something is missing, andthat is your voice, the voice
(12:13):
that is meant to lead you, not avoice that's meant to be lost
in other people's opinions.
Don't infantilize yourself byalways being hungry for somebody
else to give you answers.
Yes, it is very appealing toalways want others to give you
what the answer is, because thatfeels safe, that feels after
(12:33):
the outcome of that decisionyou'll have somebody else to
blame but yourself.
But what if, after an outcomeof a decision, you never blamed
anybody, yourself or others?
You made decisions based onwhatever information was best
available to you and you staycontent with that?
What if you take every outcomeof a decision as a stage in life
(12:54):
to navigate and learn lessonsfrom?
What if there was no such thingas a wrong decision.
That is the principle that Iact from.
If I've made a decision, evenif I take other people's opinion
into account, the decision isalways from me and I absolutely
(13:17):
refuse to consider it a wrongdecision, because I do do
believe that Allah SWT does notput anybody in a position that
they cannot handle, and thateverything from Allah is for a
cause and that everything fromAllah is for a reason.
So how are you going to startthis path?
You're going to start embracingthe mess.
(13:39):
Normalize being wrong.
If you're afraid of making baddecisions, you'll never make
great ones.
Reframe discomfort as a sign ofgrowth, because alternative is
stagnation.
Take small risks daily so yourbrain learns that uncertainty
(14:00):
won't break you.
Uncertainty can also build youif you let it.
Ask yourself what would I do ifno one else had an opinion on
this?
Then listen and if you do feeluncertain, don't run from it.
Maybe set a timer for 10minutes and come back to it.
(14:23):
Do not run away from thedecision, don't distract
yourself.
There are no quick fixes.
Maybe you have to come back toit after istikhara.
Maybe you pray on it, make duaabout it.
The right knowledge revealsitself in time.
Your only job is to stay openlong enough to hear it.
Your best girlfriends aren'there to lead the life for you.
(14:47):
They're here to reflect backthe best parts of you.
They do offer an emotionalsafety net, but it's not
supposed to be an emotionalprison where you're trapped in
dependency.
Supposed to be an emotionalprison where you're trapped in
dependency.
A great friendship is acreative catalyst, making you
dream bigger, see beyond whatyou thought was possible, and it
(15:09):
challenges your own limitations.
A great friendship also bringsout pure, unfiltered joy.
The kind that has no agenda, noexpectation, just deep belly
laughs over things that mightnot make any sense.
True friendships don't smotheryou under the weight of
expectations.
They honor your autonomy.
(15:31):
They remind you of your valueswithout enforcing them on you.
They are a soft place to land,but never a place to stay stuck.
And if for all of that tohappen, you have to let people
know that you love advice, butyou make the final call, do that
.
Do it verbally, explicitly, orjust think about it and decide
(15:55):
on it implicitly around yourfriendships.
Stop explaining your everydecision.
People will adjust.
Step into the arena andencourage mutual growth, because
if you're the only one evolving, that's not a friendship.
Choose friends that trust yourjudgment and you trust theirs,
and practice saying I trustmyself on this one and continue
(16:20):
to love yourself through all ofthe outcomes.
Best friendships are a catalystto autonomy, not a replacement
for it.
If you don't trust yourself, nofriendship can save you.
If you do trust yourself, nofriendship can break you.
And among a sea of very goodfriends and a handful of great
(16:42):
friends and even fewer bestfriends, there is a fine line
between support andself-betrayal, and that line is
your awareness.
With that, I pray to Allah SWT.
Ya Allah, I am grateful for thefriendships that uplift,
challenge and reflect the bestin me.
Bless me and all of us with thewisdom to trust myself, the
(17:09):
strength to stand firm in mychoices and the clarity to seek
guidance without losing my voice.
Ya Allah, let my relationshipsbe a source of love, growth,
serenity and peace, and may myconfidence always be rooted in
you alone.
Ameen, ya Rabbul Alameen,please keep me in your du'as.
(17:31):
I will talk to you guys nexttime.
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