February 11, 2025 • 19 mins
Your brain is like a browser with 37 tabs open—some are useful, but most are just noise. Yet, no one ever taught you how to filter them. Instead, you’ve been conditioned to believe every thought that pops into your head, even the ones that make you doubt yourself, overanalyze everything, and stay stuck in survival mode. But here’s the truth: you don’t have to accept every thought as fact. The real power isn’t in thinking more—it’s in learning how to manage your thoughts so they actually serve you.
In this episode, we’re breaking down why most of your automatic thoughts are uninvited spam, not divine revelation. You’ll learn how to stop reacting to every intrusive idea, filter out the mental clutter, and train your brain to work for you, not against you. Because confidence and clarity don’t come from eliminating doubt—they come from knowing which thoughts deserve your attention and which ones need to be ignored. When you understand this, you stop living at the mercy of your mind and start using it as the powerful tool it was meant to be.
If you're tired of letting overthinking, fear, or old mental habits dictate your life, this episode will change everything. It’s time to stop playing defense against your own thoughts and start thinking on purpose. 🎧 Listen now if you’re done letting your brain run the show.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Welcome to Islamic Life Coach School Podcast.
Apply tools that you learn inthis podcast and your life will
be unrecognizably successful.
Now your host, dr Kamal Aftar.
Hello, hello, hello everyone.
Peace and blessings be upon allof you.
If you've been listening to thispodcast for a while, you
probably noticed that every nowand then I keep circling back to
the basics.
And it's not because I havenothing new to say, trust me.
(00:31):
I could talk for days on all ofthe new topics that come in my
mind, but I want to circle backto the basics, because the
foundation is everything.
Every advanced skill if it'splaying a sport, mastering a
language, every advanced skillis built on fundamentals.
So that's why I keep runningthe basic concepts back into
focus, and especially now, mypodcast being about 200 episodes
(00:54):
in.
Women are constantly joining inat different stages of their
journey, and sometimes a simplereminder of the basics creates a
difference between somebodyfeeling stuck and somebody
having a light bulb moment.
And, if I'm completely honest,these reminders aren't just for
you, they're for me as well,because, no matter how much I
(01:15):
grow, no matter how much we growtogether, we all need to return
to the basics, because it'svery easy to get caught up in
the ideas, complex strategies,big picture thinking, losing the
trees in the forest.
But at the end of the day, thesimple, most foundational truths
are the most powerful.
And today we're going to diginto one of those underrated yet
(01:36):
life-changing concepts, andthat's how to think, how to
direct your mind from automaticto intentional.
How to direct your mind fromautomatic to intentional.
Most of us have been taught whatto think.
Very few have been taught whatactually matters and how to
manage our mind, how to directour minds towards what to pay
attention to.
From the moment you enter aclassroom as a kid, the script
(02:02):
has been clear Sit down, listen,memorize, repeat.
The entire educational systemis built on this model.
Well, except maybe Montessorischools.
But even then, adults from anyof these schools don't grow up
knowing how to be aware ofthemselves, how to be aware of
their thoughts and what to dowith them.
Once you are aware, the systemconditions you to absorb
(02:23):
pre-approved information,doesn't teach you to question,
analyze or challenge it at all.
You learn facts, but you don'tlearn the skill of thinking on
purpose, and because of this,most people in the world go
through life unaware of how tothink.
They don't even know thatcontrolling their thoughts is
even an option.
It's like being handed a TVremote but never realizing you
(02:47):
can change the channel.
If your mind runs on autopilot,serves up thoughts that aren't
necessary, thoughts that aren'ttrue or helpful, but you're not
aware how to face that force, itwill be very challenging for
you to live your life.
So this podcast is about how tonegotiate with yourself, within
your mind, with your ownthoughts, how to communicate
(03:10):
with yourself, with yourautomatic thoughts.
Do you adopt your initialthoughts at face value without
seeing the inherent benefit orharm in them, or are you slowing
down to determine which one ofthese thoughts are you going to
give more room to grow in yourmind?
So let's say you're taught thatsuccess requires struggle.
(03:32):
That's a message you've gottensince your childhood.
Then, every time somethingfeels easy, your brain will
scream.
It'll say this isn't success,this isn't real, you must be
missing something.
It'll say this isn't success,this isn't real, you must be
missing something.
So recently I coached a womanwho faced incredible challenges
as a teenager.
Now, as a grown woman, thatinstinct of survival in this
(03:58):
hard work has completely burnedher out.
But her brain can't computethat.
She can be successful withoutburnout.
She's learned to rely on herinitial automatic thoughts that
combine burnout with hard workand hard work with success, so
much that she never stopped toquestion it and, with a little
bit of coaching, she realizedthat success can come with fun
(04:18):
as well.
So now she has a business thatshe loves to run and she has fun
doing it and she's successful.
And this is exactly whathappens.
When you've only been trainedon what to think, you live life
reacting to thoughts you neverchose, without questioning if
they serve you or not.
So in this case, I coached heron how to think about life
(04:42):
outside of survival mode,outside of burnout, and again
now she loves running herbusiness.
The real skill here that changeseverything is how to think, how
to observe your thoughts, howto decide which ones you're
going to engage with and whichones you're going to let go, how
to consciously direct your mindtowards thoughts that create
(05:05):
confidence, success, instead ofinheriting beliefs that don't
serve you and thinking they'rejust coming automatic.
And this is not a genetic skill, it's not something you're born
with or without.
It's something that you learn,something that you refine,
something that you master, andthen, once you do learn that
you're no longer at the mercy ofwhatever thought pops up into
(05:26):
your head, because then you gaincontrol of it and this is where
things start to get really,really good.
So there are two types ofthoughts.
Your brain has an open doorpolicy.
Thoughts come and go as theyplease Sometimes useful,
sometimes completely ridiculous.
Thoughts come and go as theyplease sometimes useful,
(05:47):
sometimes completely ridiculous.
Some pop in and say, hey, let'splan for the future, while
others completely neglect thefuture.
Some remind you of theembarrassing that you did in
third grade and it replays thaton the loop at 2 am.
What you need to know is notall thoughts are created equal.
One out of the two types ofthoughts are the initial
thoughts, the ones that seem toappear out of nowhere.
(06:08):
These thoughts are like a spamemail.
You didn't ask for them, theyjust show up.
Some might be helpful, but manyare not.
These thoughts are intrusive,random, self-critical and even
completely irrational.
Are intrusive, random,self-critical and even
completely irrational.
But the confusing part is thatthey can also be helpful, but
most of the time 80 to 90% ofthe time the default initial
(06:31):
automatic thoughts are unhelpful.
These are your first unrefinedthoughts.
Well, calling them unhelpfulmight be an understatement.
Some of them are downrightharmful.
And then the mistake most womenmake is believing that just
because these thoughts appear inyour mind, they must mean
something.
But then enters the secondlayer of thoughts, and these are
(06:56):
your thoughts about the initialthought, how you choose to
engage with the first thought,and this is where your actual
control lies.
So think of it like scrollingon your phone you don't control
what posts appear maybe youralgorithm does but you do
control which ones you stop onand engage with.
The problem is that, as a woman, you don't realize that you
(07:18):
have this choice.
You assume that if it shows upon your feed, it requires for
you to entertain it.
It does not.
That's a false promise.
You can always determine athought that popped up is
irrelevant, just like you candisregard a post on your feed as
irrelevant.
So, alhamdulillah, I recentlyhad a chance to be on a speaker
(07:40):
panel for a South Florida Muslimconference.
Alhamdulillah, I recently had achance to be on a speaker panel
for a South Florida Muslimconference and it was an amazing
experience.
So many of you came and askedquestions and we interacted.
And Alhamdulillah, I had achance to be on the panel with
Dr Suzy Ismail, which was justtotally out of this world
experience.
So it was a sisters onlysession and the title was about
(08:01):
wellness, about inner peace andouter success.
But when I woke up the morningof that conference, do you know
what the first thing my brainoffered me was who do you think
you are talking about?
Work-life balance, what makesyou in charge of inner peace?
Now, if I didn't do anyself-management work, I would
not realize that this was anintrusive thought.
(08:22):
I would totally fall intoimposter syndrome.
This is a classic definition ofan initial thought Uninvited,
intrusive.
It is my responsibility to giveit legitimacy or to disempower
it.
And that's the work of mindmanagement.
That's the battle within yourmind.
The work of taking control ofyour mind.
(08:44):
Does not mean that you willnever have intrusive thoughts,
in this case, that you willnever have thoughts about
imposter syndrome.
It does not mean that you willnever feel like a bad parent.
It does not mean that you willnever question your success, not
question your skill.
It means that you will notengage with these questions to a
self-destructive extent.
(09:05):
When a thought appears, I'm notgood enough, and instead of
questioning it, you run with it,you analyze it, you overthink
it, you gather evidence aroundit.
Before you know it, it willstart to take so much space in
your mind that it would haveturned into an entire courtroom
trial where you're both theprosecutor and the accused.
(09:27):
But the game changer is thatjust because a thought pops up
does not mean that it's true,does not mean that it's useful
or even worth your time.
Your brain is a meaning-makingmachine, constantly churning out
ideas, fears, predictions.
Your job is not to accept themall at face value without filter
(09:49):
.
Your job is to filter out thenoise and decide which one
deserves your energy.
And, as women, your experts areengaging in mental action.
You analyze, you strategize,you replay conversations like
you're training for some sort ofthought olympics.
Imagine if that mental energywas directed towards something
(10:11):
intentional, towards thoughtsthat actually fuel your
confidence, creativity, yoursuccess.
That's the real work.
Work is not getting rid ofthoughts, because that is
impossible.
Real work is learning to managethem, learning to decide which
ones to nurture and which onesto discard.
(10:32):
And once you master that, youstop living at the mercy of your
mind and you start using it asthe powerful tool it is meant to
be.
When I talk about take controlof your mind, to some women it
sounds like a robot, somewhat ofa zen-like existence where no
intrusive thought ever dares toappear.
(10:53):
But I'm really sorry to breakit to you.
That is not how it works andthat's not at all what I mean.
Mind control and I mean realmind control is not about
eliminating difficult thoughts.
It's about choosing what toentertain.
With time, the less and less ofthe difficult thoughts you
entertain, the more distant andless believable they become.
(11:18):
Think of your mind as a browserwith 37 tabs open.
Some of them are useful Grocerylist, work projects,
inspirational podcasts.
Other ones are pure chaos, likean old YouTube video from 2009.
A Wikipedia option with theflamingos, how they're pink, or
Google search for something thatyou didn't find helpful.
(11:40):
Your job is not to turn downthe entire system.
Your job is to close the tabsthat aren't serving you and to
focus on the ones that matter.
Your job is not to pretend thatunwanted thoughts don't exist.
Your job is not to suppressthem.
Your job is to entertain thethoughts that fit the curriculum
(12:01):
of your life.
Your job is to entertain thethoughts that fit the curriculum
of your life.
The biggest misconception thatwomen have is if they still
experience self-doubt, fear orany kind of imposter syndrome.
It means that they've failed atmanaging their mind.
That's not the case.
It just means that you have ahuman brain.
There's no amount of skill thatwill get you to a point where
(12:22):
you don't have intrusivethoughts.
That's the nature of a humanbeing.
But there is a real skillbehind knowing what to do when
you see them arrive.
The battle of your mind doesnot mean that thoughts don't
show up.
It means you get to decidewhich ones of them get the seat
at the decision-making table.
This is what awareness is.
(12:43):
This is how you learn how tothink.
Living a life of awareness meansknowing the difference when you
are facing an intrusive thoughtand when you are willingly
rejecting it and when you arewillfully accepting it based on
its value.
A lot of times you will hear tobe more aware of your thoughts,
to live in clarity, and thenyou might picture yourself
(13:06):
living a life of hypervigilance,constant scanning,
overanalyzing, second guessingand dissecting every passing
idea, like you're anover-caffeinated detective.
One thing I want you to beclear on is awareness is not
anxiety.
Awareness is not about being onhigh alert 24-7, just waiting
(13:28):
for your mind to betray you.
Awareness is you stepping intoa role of calm observer rather
than the reactor.
So, with all of that, what doesthat actually look like in real
life?
Let's say you're starting abusiness.
You wake up excited, ready totake action, but then your brain
being an ever helpful survivalmachine that it is it says the
(13:51):
economy is bad, nobody'sspending money, this is probably
going to fail.
Now, if you're unaware, youwill take this thought at face
value.
You'll accept it as if it isthe ultimate truth.
You'll start feelingdiscouraged at a consequence,
you'll maybe procrastinate and,before you know it, you'll talk
yourself out of even trying.
But if you are aware, you'llpause, you'll recognize the
(14:16):
thought for what it is Just onepossible interpretation of your
brain, the first interpretationthat the brain makes on default
mode, and it is not anundeniable fact.
And during that pause, you'llhave the option to ask yourself
does this thought help me getwhere I want to go, especially
in this business in my life?
(14:37):
If the answer is no, then youchoose a different one business
in my life.
If the answer is no, then youchoose a different one, and
maybe it'll sound something likeyes, the economy is tough, but
some businesses are doing good,some businesses are thriving,
some entrepreneurs are making alot more money than ever, and my
business can be one of them.
It will be one of them,inshallah.
(14:58):
So notice the difference.
Same exact external world,completely different internal
response based on what you choseto entertain, and that
difference will determine if youhave a successful business or
not.
Knowing that difference isawareness.
Awareness is not micromanagingevery thought.
(15:19):
It's about filtering forusefulness.
So, if you have thoughts aboutyour relationships, you have
thoughts about the weather.
You have thoughts about yourcareer, about any and every
circumstance that exists in theworld outside of you, but then
you also have thoughts aboutyour thoughts about how you're
feeling, and this is the mostunder-recognized, under-utilized
(15:44):
part of your brain.
You have control over thethoughts you're having, about
your thoughts, and that controlis what defines living a
conscious and aware life.
And this is exactly wherecoaching comes in.
A coach does not hand you apre-packaged answer or tell you
what to believe.
You've already been doing thatall of your life.
(16:06):
That will just be anotherversion of the current
educational system that you'retrying to outgrow.
Instead, a coach helps youwatch your brain in action, like
a personal trainer for yourmind, and as a coach, I will
start to help you notice theautomatic thoughts that you're
having.
What thoughts are running theshow?
The mental habits that havebeen quietly dictating your life
(16:26):
, these unconscious patternsthat have been keeping you stuck
, and once you see them, yougain power to change them.
Your brain being the primarypoint of contact with the world,
it makes meanings of most ofthe situations around you and it
translates the world around you, and your primary
(16:47):
responsibility as an owner ofyour brain is to decide which
thought that popped up will beaccepted, if you're going to
take it at face value or ifyou're going to reject it.
I do have to warn you that,despite of all of the
groundbreaking information I'vegiven you in this podcast,
trying to do this work aloneinitially is like assembling
(17:10):
furniture without anyinstructions.
It is technically possible, butrather unnecessarily
frustrating and long.
With coaching, you getreal-time guidance on how to
engage with your mind in a waythat actually serves you, and
you do it quickly.
You learn how to direct yourthoughts towards success and
confidence instead of constantlyspiraling into self-doubt and
(17:35):
overthinking and then having tocatch yourself over and over
again just to start all over.
With coaching, you become thekind of person who doesn't react
to life, but designs it.
So this is my invite for you tojoin my program, which is the
Fast Track to Confidence.
Insha'allah, we do the majorityof the work within the first
three months at Empowered MuslimWoman Program and it is for you
(17:58):
if you're feeling stuck in yourhead, you're over analyzing
every decision and you don'tknow how to become more aware of
your thoughts.
This is where we master theskill of intentional thinking
and this is where we turn thebattle of your mind into a fun
activity.
With that I pray to Allah,subhanahu wa ta'ala.
O Allah, knower of the unseenand the seen, purifier of the
(18:21):
hearts and minds, grant me andall of us clarity in our
thoughts, strength in our faithand peace in our hearts.
Ya Allah, protect us from thewhispers that create doubt, fear
and hesitation.
Replace them with thoughts thatbring confidence and purpose
and trust in you, o Allah, withthoughts that bring confidence
(18:43):
and purpose and trust in you.
O Allah, guide my mind to focuson the beliefs that matter to
me.
That will bring me closer toyou.
That will bring me closer to alife of the purpose you intend
for me.
O Allah, make us among thosewho think with wisdom, act with
sincerity and trust in yourperfect plan alone.
Ameen, ya Rabbul, ameen, pleasekeep me in your du'as.
I will talk to you guys nexttime.
Welcome to Islamic Life Coach School Podcast.
Apply tools that you learn inthis podcast and your life will
be unrecognizably successful.
Now your host, dr Kamal Aftar.
Hello, hello, hello everyone.
Peace and blessings be upon allof you.
If you've been listening to thispodcast for a while, you
probably noticed that every nowand then I keep circling back to
the basics.
And it's not because I havenothing new to say, trust me.
(00:31):
I could talk for days on all ofthe new topics that come in my
mind, but I want to circle backto the basics, because the
foundation is everything.
Every advanced skill if it'splaying a sport, mastering a
language, every advanced skillis built on fundamentals.
So that's why I keep runningthe basic concepts back into
focus, and especially now, mypodcast being about 200 episodes
(00:54):
in.
Women are constantly joining inat different stages of their
journey, and sometimes a simplereminder of the basics creates a
difference between somebodyfeeling stuck and somebody
having a light bulb moment.
And, if I'm completely honest,these reminders aren't just for
you, they're for me as well,because, no matter how much I
(01:15):
grow, no matter how much we growtogether, we all need to return
to the basics, because it'svery easy to get caught up in
the ideas, complex strategies,big picture thinking, losing the
trees in the forest.
But at the end of the day, thesimple, most foundational truths
are the most powerful.
And today we're going to diginto one of those underrated yet
(01:36):
life-changing concepts, andthat's how to think, how to
direct your mind from automaticto intentional.
How to direct your mind fromautomatic to intentional.
Most of us have been taught whatto think.
Very few have been taught whatactually matters and how to
manage our mind, how to directour minds towards what to pay
attention to.
From the moment you enter aclassroom as a kid, the script
(02:02):
has been clear Sit down, listen,memorize, repeat.
The entire educational systemis built on this model.
Well, except maybe Montessorischools.
But even then, adults from anyof these schools don't grow up
knowing how to be aware ofthemselves, how to be aware of
their thoughts and what to dowith them.
Once you are aware, the systemconditions you to absorb
(02:23):
pre-approved information,doesn't teach you to question,
analyze or challenge it at all.
You learn facts, but you don'tlearn the skill of thinking on
purpose, and because of this,most people in the world go
through life unaware of how tothink.
They don't even know thatcontrolling their thoughts is
even an option.
It's like being handed a TVremote but never realizing you
(02:47):
can change the channel.
If your mind runs on autopilot,serves up thoughts that aren't
necessary, thoughts that aren'ttrue or helpful, but you're not
aware how to face that force, itwill be very challenging for
you to live your life.
So this podcast is about how tonegotiate with yourself, within
your mind, with your ownthoughts, how to communicate
(03:10):
with yourself, with yourautomatic thoughts.
Do you adopt your initialthoughts at face value without
seeing the inherent benefit orharm in them, or are you slowing
down to determine which one ofthese thoughts are you going to
give more room to grow in yourmind?
So let's say you're taught thatsuccess requires struggle.
(03:32):
That's a message you've gottensince your childhood.
Then, every time somethingfeels easy, your brain will
scream.
It'll say this isn't success,this isn't real, you must be
missing something.
It'll say this isn't success,this isn't real, you must be
missing something.
So recently I coached a womanwho faced incredible challenges
as a teenager.
Now, as a grown woman, thatinstinct of survival in this
(03:58):
hard work has completely burnedher out.
But her brain can't computethat.
She can be successful withoutburnout.
She's learned to rely on herinitial automatic thoughts that
combine burnout with hard workand hard work with success, so
much that she never stopped toquestion it and, with a little
bit of coaching, she realizedthat success can come with fun
(04:18):
as well.
So now she has a business thatshe loves to run and she has fun
doing it and she's successful.
And this is exactly whathappens.
When you've only been trainedon what to think, you live life
reacting to thoughts you neverchose, without questioning if
they serve you or not.
So in this case, I coached heron how to think about life
(04:42):
outside of survival mode,outside of burnout, and again
now she loves running herbusiness.
The real skill here that changeseverything is how to think, how
to observe your thoughts, howto decide which ones you're
going to engage with and whichones you're going to let go, how
to consciously direct your mindtowards thoughts that create
(05:05):
confidence, success, instead ofinheriting beliefs that don't
serve you and thinking they'rejust coming automatic.
And this is not a genetic skill, it's not something you're born
with or without.
It's something that you learn,something that you refine,
something that you master, andthen, once you do learn that
you're no longer at the mercy ofwhatever thought pops up into
(05:26):
your head, because then you gaincontrol of it and this is where
things start to get really,really good.
So there are two types ofthoughts.
Your brain has an open doorpolicy.
Thoughts come and go as theyplease Sometimes useful,
sometimes completely ridiculous.
Thoughts come and go as theyplease sometimes useful,
(05:47):
sometimes completely ridiculous.
Some pop in and say, hey, let'splan for the future, while
others completely neglect thefuture.
Some remind you of theembarrassing that you did in
third grade and it replays thaton the loop at 2 am.
What you need to know is notall thoughts are created equal.
One out of the two types ofthoughts are the initial
thoughts, the ones that seem toappear out of nowhere.
(06:08):
These thoughts are like a spamemail.
You didn't ask for them, theyjust show up.
Some might be helpful, but manyare not.
These thoughts are intrusive,random, self-critical and even
completely irrational.
Are intrusive, random,self-critical and even
completely irrational.
But the confusing part is thatthey can also be helpful, but
most of the time 80 to 90% ofthe time the default initial
(06:31):
automatic thoughts are unhelpful.
These are your first unrefinedthoughts.
Well, calling them unhelpfulmight be an understatement.
Some of them are downrightharmful.
And then the mistake most womenmake is believing that just
because these thoughts appear inyour mind, they must mean
something.
But then enters the secondlayer of thoughts, and these are
(06:56):
your thoughts about the initialthought, how you choose to
engage with the first thought,and this is where your actual
control lies.
So think of it like scrollingon your phone you don't control
what posts appear maybe youralgorithm does but you do
control which ones you stop onand engage with.
The problem is that, as a woman, you don't realize that you
(07:18):
have this choice.
You assume that if it shows upon your feed, it requires for
you to entertain it.
It does not.
That's a false promise.
You can always determine athought that popped up is
irrelevant, just like you candisregard a post on your feed as
irrelevant.
So, alhamdulillah, I recentlyhad a chance to be on a speaker
(07:40):
panel for a South Florida Muslimconference.
Alhamdulillah, I recently had achance to be on a speaker panel
for a South Florida Muslimconference and it was an amazing
experience.
So many of you came and askedquestions and we interacted.
And Alhamdulillah, I had achance to be on the panel with
Dr Suzy Ismail, which was justtotally out of this world
experience.
So it was a sisters onlysession and the title was about
(08:01):
wellness, about inner peace andouter success.
But when I woke up the morningof that conference, do you know
what the first thing my brainoffered me was who do you think
you are talking about?
Work-life balance, what makesyou in charge of inner peace?
Now, if I didn't do anyself-management work, I would
not realize that this was anintrusive thought.
(08:22):
I would totally fall intoimposter syndrome.
This is a classic definition ofan initial thought Uninvited,
intrusive.
It is my responsibility to giveit legitimacy or to disempower
it.
And that's the work of mindmanagement.
That's the battle within yourmind.
The work of taking control ofyour mind.
(08:44):
Does not mean that you willnever have intrusive thoughts,
in this case, that you willnever have thoughts about
imposter syndrome.
It does not mean that you willnever feel like a bad parent.
It does not mean that you willnever question your success, not
question your skill.
It means that you will notengage with these questions to a
self-destructive extent.
(09:05):
When a thought appears, I'm notgood enough, and instead of
questioning it, you run with it,you analyze it, you overthink
it, you gather evidence aroundit.
Before you know it, it willstart to take so much space in
your mind that it would haveturned into an entire courtroom
trial where you're both theprosecutor and the accused.
(09:27):
But the game changer is thatjust because a thought pops up
does not mean that it's true,does not mean that it's useful
or even worth your time.
Your brain is a meaning-makingmachine, constantly churning out
ideas, fears, predictions.
Your job is not to accept themall at face value without filter
(09:49):
.
Your job is to filter out thenoise and decide which one
deserves your energy.
And, as women, your experts areengaging in mental action.
You analyze, you strategize,you replay conversations like
you're training for some sort ofthought olympics.
Imagine if that mental energywas directed towards something
(10:11):
intentional, towards thoughtsthat actually fuel your
confidence, creativity, yoursuccess.
That's the real work.
Work is not getting rid ofthoughts, because that is
impossible.
Real work is learning to managethem, learning to decide which
ones to nurture and which onesto discard.
(10:32):
And once you master that, youstop living at the mercy of your
mind and you start using it asthe powerful tool it is meant to
be.
When I talk about take controlof your mind, to some women it
sounds like a robot, somewhat ofa zen-like existence where no
intrusive thought ever dares toappear.
(10:53):
But I'm really sorry to breakit to you.
That is not how it works andthat's not at all what I mean.
Mind control and I mean realmind control is not about
eliminating difficult thoughts.
It's about choosing what toentertain.
With time, the less and less ofthe difficult thoughts you
entertain, the more distant andless believable they become.
(11:18):
Think of your mind as a browserwith 37 tabs open.
Some of them are useful Grocerylist, work projects,
inspirational podcasts.
Other ones are pure chaos, likean old YouTube video from 2009.
A Wikipedia option with theflamingos, how they're pink, or
Google search for something thatyou didn't find helpful.
(11:40):
Your job is not to turn downthe entire system.
Your job is to close the tabsthat aren't serving you and to
focus on the ones that matter.
Your job is not to pretend thatunwanted thoughts don't exist.
Your job is not to suppressthem.
Your job is to entertain thethoughts that fit the curriculum
(12:01):
of your life.
Your job is to entertain thethoughts that fit the curriculum
of your life.
The biggest misconception thatwomen have is if they still
experience self-doubt, fear orany kind of imposter syndrome.
It means that they've failed atmanaging their mind.
That's not the case.
It just means that you have ahuman brain.
There's no amount of skill thatwill get you to a point where
(12:22):
you don't have intrusivethoughts.
That's the nature of a humanbeing.
But there is a real skillbehind knowing what to do when
you see them arrive.
The battle of your mind doesnot mean that thoughts don't
show up.
It means you get to decidewhich ones of them get the seat
at the decision-making table.
This is what awareness is.
(12:43):
This is how you learn how tothink.
Living a life of awareness meansknowing the difference when you
are facing an intrusive thoughtand when you are willingly
rejecting it and when you arewillfully accepting it based on
its value.
A lot of times you will hear tobe more aware of your thoughts,
to live in clarity, and thenyou might picture yourself
(13:06):
living a life of hypervigilance,constant scanning,
overanalyzing, second guessingand dissecting every passing
idea, like you're anover-caffeinated detective.
One thing I want you to beclear on is awareness is not
anxiety.
Awareness is not about being onhigh alert 24-7, just waiting
(13:28):
for your mind to betray you.
Awareness is you stepping intoa role of calm observer rather
than the reactor.
So, with all of that, what doesthat actually look like in real
life?
Let's say you're starting abusiness.
You wake up excited, ready totake action, but then your brain
being an ever helpful survivalmachine that it is it says the
(13:51):
economy is bad, nobody'sspending money, this is probably
going to fail.
Now, if you're unaware, youwill take this thought at face
value.
You'll accept it as if it isthe ultimate truth.
You'll start feelingdiscouraged at a consequence,
you'll maybe procrastinate and,before you know it, you'll talk
yourself out of even trying.
But if you are aware, you'llpause, you'll recognize the
(14:16):
thought for what it is Just onepossible interpretation of your
brain, the first interpretationthat the brain makes on default
mode, and it is not anundeniable fact.
And during that pause, you'llhave the option to ask yourself
does this thought help me getwhere I want to go, especially
in this business in my life?
(14:37):
If the answer is no, then youchoose a different one business
in my life.
If the answer is no, then youchoose a different one, and
maybe it'll sound something likeyes, the economy is tough, but
some businesses are doing good,some businesses are thriving,
some entrepreneurs are making alot more money than ever, and my
business can be one of them.
It will be one of them,inshallah.
(14:58):
So notice the difference.
Same exact external world,completely different internal
response based on what you choseto entertain, and that
difference will determine if youhave a successful business or
not.
Knowing that difference isawareness.
Awareness is not micromanagingevery thought.
(15:19):
It's about filtering forusefulness.
So, if you have thoughts aboutyour relationships, you have
thoughts about the weather.
You have thoughts about yourcareer, about any and every
circumstance that exists in theworld outside of you, but then
you also have thoughts aboutyour thoughts about how you're
feeling, and this is the mostunder-recognized, under-utilized
(15:44):
part of your brain.
You have control over thethoughts you're having, about
your thoughts, and that controlis what defines living a
conscious and aware life.
And this is exactly wherecoaching comes in.
A coach does not hand you apre-packaged answer or tell you
what to believe.
You've already been doing thatall of your life.
(16:06):
That will just be anotherversion of the current
educational system that you'retrying to outgrow.
Instead, a coach helps youwatch your brain in action, like
a personal trainer for yourmind, and as a coach, I will
start to help you notice theautomatic thoughts that you're
having.
What thoughts are running theshow?
The mental habits that havebeen quietly dictating your life
(16:26):
, these unconscious patternsthat have been keeping you stuck
, and once you see them, yougain power to change them.
Your brain being the primarypoint of contact with the world,
it makes meanings of most ofthe situations around you and it
translates the world around you, and your primary
(16:47):
responsibility as an owner ofyour brain is to decide which
thought that popped up will beaccepted, if you're going to
take it at face value or ifyou're going to reject it.
I do have to warn you that,despite of all of the
groundbreaking information I'vegiven you in this podcast,
trying to do this work aloneinitially is like assembling
(17:10):
furniture without anyinstructions.
It is technically possible, butrather unnecessarily
frustrating and long.
With coaching, you getreal-time guidance on how to
engage with your mind in a waythat actually serves you, and
you do it quickly.
You learn how to direct yourthoughts towards success and
confidence instead of constantlyspiraling into self-doubt and
(17:35):
overthinking and then having tocatch yourself over and over
again just to start all over.
With coaching, you become thekind of person who doesn't react
to life, but designs it.
So this is my invite for you tojoin my program, which is the
Fast Track to Confidence.
Insha'allah, we do the majorityof the work within the first
three months at Empowered MuslimWoman Program and it is for you
(17:58):
if you're feeling stuck in yourhead, you're over analyzing
every decision and you don'tknow how to become more aware of
your thoughts.
This is where we master theskill of intentional thinking
and this is where we turn thebattle of your mind into a fun
activity.
With that I pray to Allah,subhanahu wa ta'ala.
O Allah, knower of the unseenand the seen, purifier of the
(18:21):
hearts and minds, grant me andall of us clarity in our
thoughts, strength in our faithand peace in our hearts.
Ya Allah, protect us from thewhispers that create doubt, fear
and hesitation.
Replace them with thoughts thatbring confidence and purpose
and trust in you, o Allah, withthoughts that bring confidence
(18:43):
and purpose and trust in you.
O Allah, guide my mind to focuson the beliefs that matter to
me.
That will bring me closer toyou.
That will bring me closer to alife of the purpose you intend
for me.
O Allah, make us among thosewho think with wisdom, act with
sincerity and trust in yourperfect plan alone.
Ameen, ya Rabbul, ameen, pleasekeep me in your du'as.
I will talk to you guys nexttime.
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